>>25276415
Seriously starting to wonder here if we're acting out a play.

>>25276415

Gently remove the mask. "Go into the Darkness. May you find His Light, though your journey will be Long. I am sorry she did not love you."

>>25276449
You're forgetting something very important. All who die wearing the mask go to Citadel.

>>25276454
We need the mask in to preserve the head.
>>25276415
Finish off Comedy and collect both of the heads. Then take HER and bolt.

>>25276449
Its not going to end this easily.

Remember where we are. And remember that Peace was telling Citadel what to do. Without her...

AND FOR THAT REASON I ADVOCATE GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF DODGE BEFORE THE CITY STARTS ATTACKING US

GeeGee well play

>>25276454
This.

>>25276415
Given what Peace just screamed, I'm thinking that Citadel just lost what semblance of control it had, and we're about to get a city-sized army all marching directly for us.

I think we broke destiny, you guys.

Destiny is broken.

>>25276478
>Finish off Comedy and collect both of the heads. Then take HER and bolt.

Seconded.

>>25276498
>The Array is broken
I think you might be right.

>>25276476
>all who die wearing the mask go to citadel
>Peace is now in citadel

That can't be good.

>>25276415
Quoting someone from last thread:
>Peace probably stole Comedy's life force to respawn or something.

Yeah, actually, that seems likely.

>>25276476
>All who die wearing the mask go to Citadel.
We...didn't think this through properly.

>>25276476
But we broke the mask before we killed her.

File: 1370503515690.jpg-(291 KB, 1400x1050, Citadel8.jpg)

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CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE KILLED PEACE

NOW TRY TO GET OUT ALIVE

>>25276515
we always knew we'd have to fight an incarnation of Citadel itself.

>>25276476
>You're forgetting something very important. All who die wearing the mask go to Citadel.

Oh by the Light. Peace and Comedy as City Things.

Either way, let's finish off Peace first, not Comedy.

Grab both their masks if we are bolting. Myabe borrow the carriage that HIS was travelling in.

>>25276498
We broke that before. That's why the array stopped working.

>>25276529
We just stabbed her in the fucking face

Two posts from last thread didn't make it into the archive:

Anonymous 06/06/13(Thu)03:23 No.25276491
>>25276424 (You)
Peace probably stole Comedy's life force to respawn or something.

Taffer 06/06/13(Thu)03:23 No.25276495
>>25276389
>>25276419
Less talking more quickquick skullgrabbing and HIS rescuing.

(AWESOME JOB ECHO)

>>25276544
We want her head anyway, and that's a pretty reliable way to make sure.

GET THE FUCK OUT, CITADEL IS GOING DOWN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mj47pXTCKmU

>>25276454
"Go get Her Illuminated Self." You say. The others run past and out of the temple.

"Go into the Darkness. May you find His Light, though your journey will be Long. I am sorry she did not love you." You say to Comedy. You gently take off the mask. A face that looks ugly from age and years of immature hedonism glares up at you. Then her eyes close and her chest goes still.

With a yank, you pull out Beacon and take off Peace's mask. Peace is quite beautiful. Blonde hair, a perfectly proportioned face, with flawless skin...save for that hole in her forehead now.

"Ssen!" You hear Tricia yell. "You might want to come out here!"

Oh grab Father's Sword! Just so no one else can have it.

>>25276577
Quickquick outside. Now.

>>25276577
Nab the heads and masks quickly, then run out there.

>>25276577
Lop off Peace's head. THEN go outside. NO MISTAKES! NO SURVIVORS!!

>>25276587
>Oh grab Father's Sword! Just so no one else can have it.

Both swords, definitely.

If the messengers were made from all the monsters, Peace might have troll regeneration.

>>25276577
Masks. Then father's sword. Then heads.

Then get out there.

It shouldn't take more than 15 seconds.

>>25276577
>"Ssen!" You hear Tricia yell. "You might want to come out here!"

Hmmm, worst-case scenario. Thanks to an illusion, we just killed HIS ourselves.

>>25276577
Heads, masks and swords in the bag and go outside

>>25276577
If we can only do one thing before going outside, we remove Peace's head from his neck.

>>25276607
oh gooooooooood

>>25276626
Peace is female.

>>25276607
Really hope not.

This is really now how it is supposed to go down.

We're off the rails.

Not only are we off the rails, we BROKE the rails.

And everything is about to explode.

File: 1370504147962.png-(74 KB, 855x2585, 1369681012476.png)

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This whole encounter has me feeling rather pic related.

>>25276587
>>25276588
>>25276589

You grab Soma, and with two quick swipes, you throw two more heads into the bag.

You slide outside and you see a few things. The first is that Trevor and the Faithful are on the ground twitching and having a seizure.

The second is that you see a massive not-violet magic light coming from a large building in Citadel. It's not one of the more important ones, just another of the giant buildings that has people living within it. There's dozens of them around Citadel. So why is THAT unimportant building glowing?

"That's where the heart is!" Mage says, answering your question.

The ground starts to rumble.

"What's going on?" Her Illuminated Self shrieks. "Where am I? What's...Lady Patrick?"

"Oh no." Mari says. "Ssen...I think you might have done something Truly Stupid."

>>25276656
isn't it glorious?

>>25276664
"What else is new? Let me guess, Peace was a load-bearing Dramatae, and Citadel is now completely uncontrolled and even more insane?"

>>25276664
YUP! TIME TO FUCKING RUN!!!!!!!!!!! We are sooooo gonna die.

Well shit... might be time to move that evac of the city up to now.

>>25276634
Yeah sorry. Her monotone voice and androgynous nature made me think Peace is a he even though she ain't.

>>25276664
"it's the stupidest thing I have EVER DONE EVER!"

"You guys should probably start running! Your holyness, are you a fast runner?"

If she's not, pick her up and SLITHER!

>>25276664
I think we might take this year's prize for most stupid thing done.

>>25276664
"I must reluctantly concur dear Mari. Now..Shall we run?"

>>25276664
"Is Citadel about to break apart? Or rise up into a giant monster with a desire to crush the snake in the grass?"

>>25276664
Assuming Her Illuminated Self doesn't look as athletic as Ssen and friends, which seems likely, have her hop on the snake train and let's head for the heart at top speed.

Hey guys, you know how little daisy would have been fine if we didn't do something TRULY stupid?

This might have been the dumbest.

>>25276664
B-but we were meant to kill all the dramatae before freeing Citadel. That was the plan with the whole city not turning to shit.

>>25276664
We are NOT making it out of the front gates. We SHOULD ask HIS if shes a good swimmer. Srsly.

>>25276664
I just realized something.

Please tell me we're carrying the mirrors, and we didn't leave them back at the lighthouse in Stone Hall.

>>25276716
oh yes, thats exactly what we are doing. We're running straight at the heart.

No this isn't sarcasm. We really are that dumb. Yes we know.

>>25276725
you should KNOW by now that our plans are always bad. No exceptions.

>>25276729
Stone hall

"I must reluctantly concur dear Mari. Now..Shall we run?" You say.

Mari grabs your arm and shakes her head. "Your holiness. Can you swim?" She asks.

Her Illuminated Self shakes her head.

"Then hold onto Paladin Ssen." She says. "Lea, hang onto me. Mage, try to keep us from downing."

The rumbling begins and you hear the sounds of things breaking.

Mari points out at the quickest path to open water. "THAT WAY. NOW!"

>>25276729
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.

>>25276742
slither. slither like you mean it.

>>25276729
no we don't have them!

Yes they're at stone hall!

NOW you bring this up!

>>25276718
not to mention probably the rest of the city. and I even said we should just grab HIS and run.

>>25276729
I am pretty sure they are in the Lighthouse, seeing as they where useless without the Grand Seal.

>>25276742
Snake Popemobile!

>>25276726
Find a boat and use it to get the hck out of here.

>>25276716
We physically cannot kill Citadel right not. Even with Nat 20s, thousands of them. We have to Seal it first. Going into that building means DEATH! Oh gods does it ever mean death. Head for the ocean grab a boat. Sail for Stone hall hope for the best.

>>25276755
>I am pretty sure they are in the Lighthouse, seeing as they where useless without the Grand Seal.

We still should have been carrying them...

>>25276735
But that one wasn't our plan, it was Daddy's!

>>25276742
Go! Go fast!

Keep your arm, clang included, behind you covering the pope. Full HIS shielding.

>>25276762
Yeah, fair enough; let's get out of here while this thing goes through whatever initial collapse it's going to, and then we'll deal with the aftermath.

>>25276767
It runs in the family!

I gotta ask Echo, did you expect us to kill Peace and Comedy in two shots?

>be suicided paladin
>paladin serpent comes by
>promises to free me and those like me, and to bring down citadel
>Don't believe her
>15 minutes later EVERYTHING EXPLODES

Ssen's only talent is leaving massive collateral damage.

>>25276763
and smuggle them into the city with us? with no safe place to keep them? I thought they where quite large, and there where a whole bunch of them, both of which would hinder keeping them with us.

>>25276794
Destiny is broken! He has no more idea than we do!

Right is left, up is down, cats chasing dogs, it's a madhouse! A maaaaadhoooouse!

>>25276797
oh god...

>>25276797
Oh god, I would love an Odette interlude.

>>25276797
We do keep our promises...

>>25276809
THIS!!! ALL OF MY FUCKING THIS NAOW!!!!! DO ETTTT ECHO!!!!!!!!!!

>>25276797
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMsa_CBZ3Os

>>25276822
no shaddup stop raving like a dummy. Nobody likes that.

>>25276809
Yes. That would be the best... maybe... we don't really know what's going on...

What's happening might be a very good or very bad thing. Hell for all we know Peace just let this happen. Which makes all this worst.

>>25276809
Jesus, that would be amazing. Echo plz do this.

Sometime Later:
Tricia turns to Ssen. "Never, ever make another promise."

>>25276835
yes. Someone should REALLY tell us to stop making promises.

>>25276835
>>25276851
We still do need to help Princess Mumei literally fly.

>>25276833
Ummm i highly doubt Peace just let this happen considering her reaction to taking the arrow to the chest.
Unless this has literally been a colossal Xanatos Gambit, and why in the gods names would it be at this point, she has literally shown no talent for this kind of thinking EVER, then no we dont need this many Shadowruns of paranoia.

>>25276835
Okay Trish, I promise.

>>25276864
that shouldn't be too hard.

Also seriously, we shouldn't have promise-privileges any more. We abuse them.

>>25276864
>We end up getting Mumei to fly so hard she goes into space

>>25276877
No we dont. We just fulfill them, WITH STYLE!

I'm looking forward to seeing Old One's face when we throw three heads through his giant door.

"Special delivery!"

>>25276864
>She flies
>And doesn't come back down

>>25276884
>mumei loves it, and invents low orbit sattelites and weather balloons

>>25276884
"The view up here is really breathtaking."

>>25276868
It's just feels off... is all.

>>25276892

>And so beget the great Roc Empire whose cities flew above the clouds. They rule us to this day, disdaining surfacers, all except for the Snake who they revere above all others.

>>25276904
What's off here is we did something incredibly stupid I think.

Expect an atrocity count in the megahitlers. We're gonna be feeling this one in the morning.

>>25276904
After the fight with Tragedy? A bit, but that's what a crit and a coup de grace can buy you.

>>25276768
You sprint for the water and lunge for it, HIS holding onto your waist for dear life.

The shockwave hits just after you hit the water, but you can feel it slam past you and you and HIS are thrown around in the sea like a rag doll. After what feel like too long, you breach the surface again and both of you gasp for air.

"Ssen!" You hear Mage cry, and you see someone waving. Clinging to some debris. "We're over here! FUCK! LOOK AT THAT THING!"

Citadel, is building itself again. Only this time it's not subtle or controlled. There's no overseer, just the natural programming of the Things' Purpose. To grow. To make a place where Humans are happy and content and breed. To mass into a thing that can be sacrificed to the Dragon Who Was Of Shadow, so that it may return itself as the dominant land spirit, no...more than that, so that it can be the spirit of the Earth itself.

Thankfully, there's no one left to activate that last part, and Citadel can't grow outwards. Not anymore, what with Peace's magic gone...but you all stare, and you know that the Maw's gone into overdrive. You see the City Things spawn out of walls and build upon them. Walls and building rise up before your eyes. Smooth walls, and buildings that have no windows that face out into the world. Citadel is...sealing itself off.

"We need to get to shore!" Mari yells from the piece of debris that she's clinging onto. "And quickly! Or else we're going to be stuck out here in open water. ROUGH open water when Citadel's magic shuts off in this area!"

Wow. We didn't win the game, we smashed the damned board.

>>25276921
We are Citadel of Borg. Resistance is futile.

>>25276921
RIght back to the shore. Everyone grab on. I'm the fastest.

>>25276921
Time to gtfo

>>25276923

I think that is kind of what we have been doing from the start

>>25276941
Yup, all aboard.

Don't forget all those people left back to guard the Maw in the Grove, too.

Well. This is entertainment.

>>25276921
"Let's move with haste! Make sure nobody drowns! Headcount, everyone!"

We're easily the strongest swimmer, hold onto HIS and keep an eye out for the unconscious.

>>25276941
This.

This is fucking nuts and you guys are fucking nuts

I'm going to go get an icecream. When I get back, things better be less nuts.

>>25276941
All aboard the snake train!

Also call a headcount.

>>25276970
Little chance of that.

>>25276921
And then Citadel was Alpha Complex. All of those poor, poor non-humans inside of Citadel. How many do you guys think we just killed? 5,000,000? 10,000,000?

GUYS WE LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY:

We can never die. If we do, tricia will age again.

>>25276970
NOPE. We've jumped on the crazy train and this train has no brakes.

>>25276976
>Also call a headcount.

Seconded. We've seen Mari/Peri, Mage, and HIS; where are Tricia and Lea?

>>25276982
They might not be dead yet!

They could all very well be alive!

Don't bust out the megahitler reader just yet.

>>25276983
>We can never die. If we do, tricia will age again.

Good thing we weren't planning on dying then.

>>25276994
>They might not be dead yet!
>They could all very well be alive!

Oh, they're definitely not dead. They might wish they were, but they're not.

>>25276921
"Oh Light...Are are there still people in that thing?"

>>25276983
...CAN Tricia age, now that she's a Worm That Walks?

>>25276985
Its clearly full of multiple nuclear detonations everywhere. Its the most beautiful thing ever.

Maybe we shouldn't be a Paladin anymore guys.

>>25277020
unfortunately we promised to be one until we died.

oops

>>25277025
>>25277020
Are we allowed to turn in our paladinhood because we actually are full of terrible, terrible ideas?

>>25277044
We just saved Her Illuminated Self.

Personally.

We will never be allowed to retire. Ever.

>>25277055
...on the other hand, cushy bodyguard job.

File: 1370506050557.jpg-(909 KB, 1301x850, wuh-oh.jpg)

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It's okay you guys!

We can fix this!

People take like a month to starve. We can go, pick up the seals, come back, and seal this shit right up. Then we blast our way in and rescue everyone.

>>25277055
Her life is not more important than the others.

>>25276961
"Let's move with haste! Make sure nobody drowns! Headcount, everyone!" You yell, and you grab onto HIS as you head for the shore.

Twenty minutes of crazed swimming later. You all stagger onto the shore. You, HIS, Mage, Peri/Mari, and Lea who was kicking like crazy as she held onto a piece of driftwood.

You all stare at the wall that used to be Citadel city limits. It's tall and rough. Bits of everything stick out of it. Its made of wood, stone, plaster, glass, flesh, bone, organs, and it's not dead.

"This...was not...the idea." Tricia mutters.

"Was the army still in the city limits?" Lea asks.

Mari shrugs. "I have no idea."

"Don't touch it!" Mage snaps as he yanks Peri's hand back. "Watch..." He takes Lea's bit of drift wood and he tosses it at the wall. There's a sucking noise...and it gets drawn within.

"Shit!" Peri swears. "This isn't going to be like one of those stories of a thing that doubles in size until everyone's dead...is it?"

Mage shakes his head. "No...it doesn't have the power for that. Not anymore, thanks to us." He swallows. "Now it's just...this."

"What's happening to the people inside?" Lea asks.

Mage shrugs. "Citadel's...not playing with the rest of the world anymore. So it doesn't have to be unhappy about dealing with reality. It likes its inhabitants...so judging by Rage's notes...it's gone back to being paradise." He shudders. "It controls their light, their air, their food, their water. Everything."

"So...that's it?" Tricia says. "Citadel's no longer a threat to the world, and its not going to hurt anyone any more?" Tricia shakes her head. "No...that can't be how it ends."

>>25277074
Didn't say it was.

>Meanwhile in the presence of the Light

"Oi! You guys! Take a look at what my little Dragon just did! You're never gonna believe this shite!"

Hot damn, Kiddo I am so proud of you.

>>25277078
"No, this isn't how it ends. It's something new. I think Citadel just made itself an egg.

I would HATE to see what hatches."

>>25277078
Citadel: city of the lotus eater.

>>25277070
It takes people a week to die of thirst, less if your exerting. Also CITADEL HUNGRY!!!!! everywhere means that by the time we pick up the seals millions will have died.
Look we all knew that SOMETHING bad was gonna happen. I guess this is how things just turned out.
>I personally enjoy how well Echo is adapting to this.

>>25277078
>>25277078
Paradise. Until you are dead. Then you are doomed to be its captive forever. I still have a promise to Odette to keep. And Robin. And Ryan. And Jesse. They are still in there.

>>25277078
"Of course it can't. And while I still draw breath, it won't."

>>25277078
"Its not. I'm not going to let it. We're going to fall back to Stone Hall, and work out a plan."

"And then we're going to come back here and befriend Citadel like my father wanted. We're going to befriend the FUCK out of it, whether it wants to be befriended or not."

>>25277078
"Hey Mage. That Grand Seal, if you superimposed it on Citadel, are all but the central point outside the current city limits?"

>>25277078

Hurl a rock over the wall, see if it passes untouched. We want to be sure no invisible barrier/sheet of magical effect extends skyward in case we can send airborne harpy scouts over the city.

>>25277115
>"And then we're going to come back here and befriend Citadel like my father wanted. We're going to befriend the FUCK out of it, whether it wants to be befriended or not."

It's worth a try, with Peace gone, but I'm highly skeptical after the last time it talked to us.

File: 1370506403473.jpg-(213 KB, 612x900, obvious_solution.jpg)

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We need barney to rig us up some jump-capable boats and anti-citadel suits. We'll take an expeditionary team over the wall and assess the situation.

Also, someone should say something to HIS, we're sort of ignoring her.

>>25277115
>Befriend
Only if that means using the 13 seals to break this... thing in half.

>>25277115
It tried to enslave us the last time we had a chat with it. FUCK THAT KILL IT!

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>>25277133
>Implying that will stop us

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>>25277151
I see where this is going.

>>25277150
good thing we earned the respect of the Salt Queens. Mind protection potions for everybody!

>>25277168
oh yes. Mind protection potions!

Let's go make a bunch and run an expedition.

>>25277151
That's the problem, yeah. We know exactly how to befriend Citadel: give it what it wants.

>>25277183
You're not familiar with Nanoha are you?

>>25277168
Couldn't hurt to check with HIS and make sure her mind is her own.

>>25277078
"Job's not done until we've broken it of that soul habit. Are you okay, your Illuminated Self? Sorry about the rough and bizzare nature of the rescue."

>>25277188
>You're not familiar with Nanoha are you?

Not even a little bit.

>>25277196
>"Job's not done until we've broken it of that soul habit. Are you okay, your Illuminated Self? Sorry about the rough and bizzare nature of the rescue."

This.

>>25277205
>nanoha familiarity
This is how you befriend people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9H1r9FTo5o

Man we messed everything up

Isen's not going to like that he was left out of this one

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>>25277226
Yes.

Nanoha-style friendship is forged through peace, understanding, and overwhelming force.

>>25277194
Yeah do this now before we go any farther. After all Citadel possession is something we DO NOT take lightly.

Let's all never complain about bad rolls ever again how about

Things go even worse when we roll well.

>>25277315
Dude that was totally awesome and you know it.

>>25277114
"Of course it can't. And while I still draw breath, it won't." You say. "We still have a promise to Odette, Robin, Ryan, Jessi, to keep." You watch as the wall slowly curves, Citadel is making itself into a giant dome.

"Plus we have to properly induct the new Caligo Clarus." Mari says.

"And Janos still needs his divorce." Lea says.

"Right," You say. "Mage, the Grand Seal, if you superimposed it on Citadel, are all but the central point outside the current city limits?"

Mage shakes his head. "At this point that wouldn't make a dent out here." He points out. "Look."

You can see fields of crops that are withering away. Trees rotting to mulch before your eyes. "It doesn't need to make those any more. Technically...it's not a land spirit anymore. It's just...THIS." He shakes his head. "We did kind of win...sorta."

"I think Citadel just made itself an egg." You say, as you look at the dome of bricks and blood. "I would HATE to see what hatches."

"It will eventually have to grow." Mage nods. "Just not like a horrific doubling thing, just a little bit more as the people inside there breed...because there's not going to be any death inside Citadel." He shudders. "Inch by inch it'll eat up the world, just like Rage predicted. Ugh, what have we done." He groans.

"Are you okay, your Illuminated Self? Sorry about the rough and bizzare nature of the rescue."

HIS just sits down on a log, still staring at what Citadel has become. Then she looks at you. "I have a feeling that there is a long long story about this."

"Oh!" Mari smiles. "Looks like His Light has decided that we haven't fucked up TOO badly!" She points.

You all look up past the shoreline. You see a small copse of trees, and tied to one of those trees is Lightmare, casually munching on a squirrel.

"Is that where we tied him up before?" Lea asks.

"Who cares." Mage says. "Let's get in the wagon and go before this thing decides to send something to spite us for killing its Mommies."

(cont)

>>25277318
Wait until we figure out exactly how many millions of deaths we just caused before talking about how cool it was.

>>25277331
>Wait until we figure out exactly how many millions of deaths we just caused
None.

Citadel is going to make sure they're safe and happy.

>>25277322
Oh so now the seal wont work? FUCK!

Great job hero, you ruined everything.

>>25277339
While they're alive. Once you die, you become a horrible monster who attacks people on sight.

Those people? Are locked in with said monsters.

Yeah. We need to haul ass and get some backup. Get the hell in there and try to fix this clusterfuck.

>>25277341
nope, we're going have to go in there... and go to the Heart. Thats what we get for killing the Operator.

>>25277339
He means the people lucky enough to not be a part of the first instance of building vore.

>>25277322
Okay people, we need serious ideas on how to kill God NOW!!!

>>25277322
oh yes, tell HIS EVERYTHING

>>25277341
The seal was meant for land spirits, wasn't it? To cripple them and stuff them in the corner somewhere, like the Shadow Dragon.

Still, we've slowed it down, right?
Right?

>>25277364
Yes. We've slowed it down.

until it hatches into citadelzilla

>>25277341
It won't work out here. We'll need to go in. Somehow.

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>>25277374
>citadelzilla

GUYS.

this is all very scary and bad and many lives are on the line, yes.

but this is our first non-time-sensitive emergency we've ever had.

We can take a day off! A day off! hahahahaha!

>>25277387
... that fits what Citadel is very, very well.

>>25277374
And kills everything. But heyt we have centuries until that happens now. So we HAVE the time. Also we dont need to worry so much about it anymore. The monster will slowly regain sentience, the world will grow, the universe will move on. We DID our job.

The only thing is we have promises to keep.

>>25277364
No, we've turned it into something we can kill. There has been land spirit after land spirit in the past, but now...

Now destiny is derailed.
The puppet masters are dead.
And the land is uprooted.

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>>25277389
WOOOHOOOO DAY OFF!

>>25277389
>but this is our first non-time-sensitive emergency we've ever had.
Oh my god you're right.

Its not going to go away, ever.

Its not going to blow things up for years.

Its not going to threaten anything directly.

Oh god.

WE'RE FREE

WE HAVE TIME

OH MY GOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ITS BEEN SO LONG

GUYS

WE CAN DO -SIDE QUESTS-

>>25277354
Nobody is going to die in Citadel. Ever. They're all going to be safe and happy and young or else.

>>25277389
Can it, finally, FINALLY, be time to train and get a BAB for combat rolls plz?

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>>25277404
Maybe we could even deal with some nice, boring social issues!

>>25277322
"A very VERY long...long...story." HIS says.

"Oh, your holiness." Lea says shaking her head. "You really have no idea."

You all pile into the wagon, and in turn you start to explain the story of what the hell has happened to your life ever since Father died.

Eventually, as it'll still be a few days before you reach even White Tree, you let yourself drift off to sleep.

You're in the blank space. The Fifth is holding a pile of shattered junk. He turns to you. "You weren't supposed to have done that." He snarls. "Destiny broken meant that you were supposed to have been able to destroy Citadel first, THEN Peace! It did NOT mean that you could have ruined EVERYTHING with a single LUCKY SHOT!" He snarls. "HOW am I supposed to reclaim what is mine with...with THAT there? It's not DOING anything...and all of the magic and...it doesn't WANT anything but to live and be a happy little LUMP!" He tosses the broken array on the ground. "Now the land is...it's sealing itself off! It's not supposed to DO that! There's supposed to be a gaping MAW not just two worlds happily living, one within the other!" The Fifth shakes his head. "You've ruined EVERYTHING!"

>>25277420
I fail to see how you are surprised.

>>25277420
Bow, like an actor at the end of a play.

>>25277420
"Ah, but you see.

I finally have a day off."

Recline while doing this. If possible, summon up a dream-beverage.

>>25277420
Haha, fuck you faggot.

>>25277420
Gods i kind of want to end this now. Its too perfect of an ending, all of the lose ends are tied up so gods damned nice by this out come. Fifth can go fuck himself in the ass with a cactus btw.

>>25277420
"Is that not what you wanted me to do?"

>>25277420
"Waaah?"

>>25277435
Yes, a grand flourish. the final fuck you to Peace and Citadel's Lightbringer story.

>>25277436
>>25277435
>>25277434
Combine these

...I just realized.

Julian still has the Maw of the Citadel.

If it still works...Then I will give all the votes to hugging the shit out of our uncle for convincing us to not destroy it.

So... We just dropped a hospital on 41 babies and condemned the residents of this sealed-off super city to stew in the filth of it until someone figures out how to crack its shell. Great. Anyone have an idea where we can find a psychic mathematician-surgeon, a combat catgirl and an eldritch loli to fix this shit for us?

>>25277420
More seriously. "I am sorry. But it was never in MY plans to allow you back in control. Even if I had reached the Heart before Peace was dead this wouldn't have damaged the land."

Alright... killing Citadel is no longer an option. It'd give the Fifth a way back in.

So, remember way back when?

When Tricia said if we didn't get our vacation time, we'd go crazy and kill everybody?

Well, I hate to say it, but look what happened.

>>25277490
We can always banish his ass with the mirrors

>>25277493
my bet is his influence would be very subtle. Natural disasters are expected. We'd probably only notice when Monsters do not develop intelligence.

>>25277420
>"...it doesn't WANT anything but to live and be a happy little LUMP!"

Ladies, gentlemen, the solution is OBVIOUS.

We take the 5th, mush him into Citabortion, and launch them into outer space! This is so moronic, it HAS to work!

>>25277490
No we are NOT giving control of the land back to that fucking lunatic. Its like giving the Dragon who was of Shadows the power back. FUCK THAT SHIT. We have TIME, so much TIME to figure this shit out. Citadel is literally going nowhere, fast.

>>25277420
"Y'know there was a time when I was all about high minded ideals, but these days, I'd kill for a chance to go to sleep and not be harrassed by land spirits and their servants. Believe me Fifth, I'm not done. I said I'd release those souls, and by the Light I will. So either you harass me while giving me a tailrub or leave me alone."

>>25277490
Of course it's an option. We kill the fifth and then kill Citadel.

>>25277509
how do you kill a land spirit?

"Ah, but you see." You say. "I finally have a day off."

You bow.

You leave the Blank Space, with the Fifth's impotent scream of rage ringing in your ears. His intricate plan with you and Peace as pawns ruined completely.

Your dreams drift back to the normal jumble of images, sensations, and memories.

A tight hug, the smell of leather and good beef stew that no one's gotten quite right.

"You've done well. Amazingly well. Thirteen souls rest easy, and the kingdom is safer. But your work's not over." He says. "And...this is not the hard part."

You awake. Her Illuminated Self has taken off her tiara, and is combing out her grey hair. She looks good for a woman her age, she's also shooting Mage a smile more than the rest of you.

"Good morning, Paladin." She says. "I'm at a little loss for words." She smiles. "What kind of blessing do you grant to someone who just saved you from the grasp of a demonic city god and its servants?"

>>25277512
If it has a statblock, we can kill it.

>>25277504
Or put them into another dimension along with the Dragon Who Was of Shadows. Srsly just use a couple of 20th level spell and we have solved EVERYTHING but our personal promises to our friends.

>>25277512
Fuck if I know. And on that note, we are as close to success as we were when first we sought to kill the untouchable Dramatae.

>>25277516
>"And...this is not the hard part."
Of course. This was the easy part.

The hard part is getting Citadel to open up, on our terms.

>>25277521
>untouchable Dramatae
>taken out in literally one shot

So, we just stab Citadel in the face?

Where's the face?

"Some land for a school would be nice."

>>25277516
"Three weeks paid vacation."

>>25277516
"Some Paid-Time-Off?"

>>25277516
>she's also shooting Mage a smile more than the rest of you.
First the Elven Queen, and now Her Illuminated Self.

You go Mage.

>>25277516
"I don't know and frankly I was never in it for the rewards and titles in the first place. All I know is I have free time and I and going to enjoy it, come hell or high water."

>>25277516
"A warm rock and some time to enjoy it."

"Though, if we're talking about blessings, I did promise to get you to pray for Paladin Odette, and all the others like her. She was up and about last night. Like the things that built the walls."

>>25277516
> She looks good for a woman her age, she's also shooting Mage a smile more than the rest of you.

Remind him to turn off his swag.

>>25277516
"Iunno. A voucher for a steak dinner? A handshake? A muffin basket?"

>>25277516
"No idea. Say you wanna go meet a dragon? A real one? I have to start preparing for the inevitable madness to come after all."

Invite her along. Im sure she will love some adventure.

>>25277540
>I forgot to turn off my swag
>woke up covered in to-do lists

>>25277527
Behind the mask.

>>25277532
>>25277533
This.

>Her Illuminated Self has taken off her tiara, and is combing out her grey hair. She looks good for a woman her age, she's also shooting Mage a smile more than the rest of you.

Echo neglected to tell us that his legit harem scene wasn't for Ssen.

>>25277552
>Mage and his harem of politically powerful older women

>>25277552
Mab and HIS in a glaring contest.

>>25277516
Vacation time while the group and I fill a few promises and figure some magic stuff

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>>25277558

>>25277516
Mage sure is a hit with the older ladies.

>>25277552
>>25277558
>>25277559
>mage is BUSILY struggling to escape
>assassins everywhere

>>25277527
nat 20's are awesome

>>25277573
His friends sniggering in the background while they utterly destroy the assassins.

>>25277558
Mage Patrick. Scholar, sorceror, advisor to Lady Paladin Ssen patrick, and renowned tamer of cougars.

>>25277552
So, next plan of action: Get Mage to spend some alone time with Munmei and the Sea Queens each.

We shall build the United Nations or get mage laid trying.

Anyone have the "through dick, unity" image?

>>25277532
>>25277533
one of these.

And then, once you think about it, some of the more serious ones, like school land. Also blessings for odette.

>>25277586
hah

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>>25277587

>>25277516
"You can't just bless away a demonic city god egg world, can you?"

>>25277598
Thank you.

>>25277539
"A warm rock and some time to enjoy it." You say. "I'd love some time off."

"Though, if we're talking about blessings, I did promise to get you to pray for Paladin Odette, and all the others like her. She was up and about last night. Like the things that built the walls."

HIS nods. "Of course. I'll pray for all the souls within that thing." She sighs. "You are going to find a way to free them, yes?"

"Course." Mage says. "That's what we do. Haven't seen a big nasty thing yet that we haven't run towards. We even made a Dragon convert to His Light. Kinda. Ssen tells it better, you Illuminated Self."

"Please, call me Deborah." She says putting a hand on Mage's shoulder as the wagon bumps along. "I doubt that I'm much in control of the church now."

Mage blinks and he shoots you a deer in the headlights/why me oh by His Light why me!/ look. "Uhh, no...I think you'd still be in charge back in Stone Hall...Lea. I'm going to take over driving now!" He scrambles to get away.

Peri starts to laugh.

And the road moves along...

So, things we've learned today.

Mage and tricia's lifespan are both hinged to our own.

Mage forgets to turn on his swag.

Peace was not actually a good fighter at all.

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>>25277627
>"Please, call me Deborah." She says putting a hand on Mage's shoulder as the wagon bumps along.
I have but one piece of advice for you, Mage.

>>25277627
Where are we even going?

We just RAN. We got the fuck out.

Maybe we should decide on a destination. Stone hall first? We stopping at river's cross, or bronze peak?

>>25277627
"Mage. How woul you feel about going back to the dorky bowl-cut?"

>>25277627
"Tricia, come pinch me a few times, I still don't believe this isn't a dream"

>>25277627
Lean out of the wagon like only a lamia can and give your brother a fist bump

>>25277657
Stone Hall.

We need to talk to Isen.

...

You know.

If we could strategically insert Isen into the Heart of the Citadel, he might possibly be able to genuinely befriend it.

>>25277657
White Tree I think should be the first stop. Or whatever that city near the elves is. Need to talk to Julian and check on the Maw.

>>25277639
>>25277627
>>25277598
Does the Phoenix Empire have magi? Because I'm pretty sure the entire planet would have felt Citadel implode.
>Opportunist invaders from Not!Asia come for plunder
>Their leader is female
>Tie mage up and throw him at her

PEACE AT LAST

>>25277632
Agreed about Peace. After all centuries of MAGICing shit to death does that to the Wizard. Especially one whom never knew pain AT ALL.

>>25277668
yes, I'm going to second this, we need a fist bump or a high five up in this business.

>>25277670
agreed

We should also tell Mage and Mari about what the Fifth revealed. How the death of Citadel was going to leave a wound in the land that he could get into.

>>25277657
River's cross for a day. Casually bring her illuminated self into town.For our special visiting day sermon, gotta top our last show. Also present the heads of the last two Dramatae to Da's grave.

>>25277627
my sides at Mage and his newfound swag.

first Mab, now HIS aka Deborah

as for our destination, probably First Wood to update Julian and Mab on what is going on(and also see Mab and HIS fight over Mage), then hit every major town including Rivers Cross on our way back to Stone Hall/Bronze Peak.

>>25277688
>Mage and Mari about what the Fifth revealed. How the death of Citadel was going to leave a wound in the land that he could get into.

Yep, really need to do that also.

>>25277627

And we close for the evening, and I need to go rewrite a bunch of things...fucking 20...

But then I decided that right then and there, that was the general theme of this quest, wasn't it? Giving the big fuck you to traditional things like big climatic cliche battles, and things like that.

Fuck, Peace was hedging her bet on YOU being the next 'story sacrifice' and the same as the Fifth...but undone by a lucky shot the moment the rules allow it...that's what this quest is all about. So, I went with it...

And now I have to pick up the pieces and put them together again...and I'm looking forward to it.

That being said. Give me a few days to work, and I'm going out of town this weekend. So, next story thread will be Tuesday June 11th 4-6pm PST.

I will probably run a Q&A thread, or a short one-shot bit where you play as a sane City Thing, or a part of the new Caligo Clarus. Between then and now, if I find myself at a computer with a couple of hours to spare.

Well done, guys. Fuck convention right up the ass with a barbed arrow. That's the way of the Paladin Serpent.

May His Light watch over you all.

>>25277704
>where you play as a sane City Thing
Odette, starting from where we left her!

>>25277693
Three dramatae. We're still carrying Tragedy's as well.

>>25277704
good night echo. and nicely done recovering from a nat 20 derail.

>>25277704
Alright man, night.

Look forward to see what you come up with.

>>25277704
Hey man it was fucking awesome, you HAVE to give us that.

>>25277704
>no more until TUESDAY

AUGH ECHO YOU TORTURE ME. Though it's understandable, because we DID ruin all of your plot.

When you get back, though, the good times will roll. At least for a moment or two. We get to have one of our happy, not-emergency times.

>>25277707
>Paladin serpent leaves
>I wonder what she meant by "she would deal with this"
>everything that happened
YOU JUST KEEP MAKING THINGS WORSE, YOU SNAKE-FOULER

>>25277710
>"Sorry I didn't bring you a matching set, Dad, but these three chucklefucks-" *Dumps out heads* "-saved me the trouble long before I got there."

>>25277704
You know you are playing Table top right when the dm has to call it a night because you ruined his entire plot

>>25277737
don't dump out the heads on your father's grave.

Just sort of... show them to him. From the bag. Perhaps take them out, gesture, put them back.

>>25277704
Night Echo, and excellent recovery from us pretty much picking up the storyline, covering it in lighter fluid and burning it to ashes with a pair of rolls.

I actually really wanted to see how the "story sacrifice" of the paladin serpent was going to go down.

>>25277756
Answer: It doesn't.

>>25277743
Well not -onto- his grave, just the dirt beside it. And I'm pretty sure Dad was never one to be too much for excessive ceremony and solemnity, especially when he must be cheering his ass off in the sky at the sight.

>>25277729
>Odette is the final boss
>Because she's -convinced- that letting us do anything more will just make things worse
>The worst part is she's probably right

>>25277747
That isn't the extent to how we ruined his story. We found him in the halls of school, knocked his script out of his hand, broke his glasses and nose, shoved him in the locker, then used the script to wrap the bigger joint ever to exist and smoked it while fucking his mother.

>>25277771
Oddette is PROBABLY right, yeah.

She should probably just come at us with a retirement form. We'd take it.

>>25277771
That would make sense.

>>25277772
Now now, I'm sure echo isn't traumatized for life or anything.

though, I think we need to IMMORTALIZE our villain-slaying words of
"Think fast!"

Because they're obviously the ones that work best.

>>25277779
>Final showdown.
>Odette pulls from her scabbard a-
>...a scroll.
"Please. For the love of His Light an all that is holy, just fuck off already."

>>25277779
>Odette looking at a wall covered in weapons
>"What should I use to stop the Paladin Serpent..."
>Passes over the Ultima Weapon, Excalibur, Gungnir, Black Barrel, Mjollnir, Ea, and a Gravitational Beam Emitter
>"Ah, this will be perfect."
>Takes paperwork from her desk.

>>25277811
>>25277819
>Odette hands us a retirement form
Oh. I see. Yes, yes, that would make sense.

Honestly, I was wondering why someone didn't catch me with one of these earlier.

Also, it will be famously known that the paladin serpent's only weakpoint is paperwork.

>>25277835
>the paladin serpent's only weakpoint is paperwork.
I can see us trying for all of 40 seconds to fill out some boring, mandatory forms before writing lewd Leviathan jokes in the margins and doodling little fire-breathing snakes all over it then giving up.

>>25277819
>>25277811
Poor, poor Odette.

We're going to sucker her into cleaning up this entire mess, aren't we?

>>25277863
I wouldn't be surprised.

>>25277861
Yeah, that is a startlingly accurate description of how it would go.

Also, all the things we DID fill out were actually puns.

>>25277871
Odette, the scarecrow savior of citadel.

Meanwhile, Ssen reclines in a tropical locale getting drinks served to her by pretty servant boys. And girls. Both are good!

>>25277861
And then the sun shines through the window and we fall sleep on our warm desk

>>25277925
Paladin Balles, meanwhile, is in his office wondering why that routine t-15 form from lady Ssen has taken 3 hours so far

>>25277908
I think we need to take this opportunity to do something nice for our crew. Seriously, they go through a lot of shit for us and we ought to show our appreciation. This goes doubly for Mage. Being the ass of the joke now and again is something everyone experiences, but he gets stuck with way more than he deserves and gets very little thanks for it.

I suggest we bake them something.

>>25277957
>Bake them something
A wonderful idea! Let's finally try our hand at cooking!
We've never had time to teach ourselves, what with everyone complaining when we try to make things more suitable for the lamia pallate.

>>25277957
We could let them loot our paladin stipend and go buy gear.

>>25277976
I think that's a given at this point.

We owe them some MAJOR back pay.

Fuck!

We never found out what peace's deal was!

>>25277976
>Money as gift
We ought to do this for their own safety, but it doesn't constitute a gift. There's no thought, effort or affection to it.

>>25277965
We can make Pecan Pie for Tricia, Qhuiche for Mage, and whatever else would suit the others. and Pasty for us because delicious meaty meats.

>>25277996
The gift is us not buying them gifts.

So, whats on the agenda for now?

I've got
>River's Crossing for R&R and one-upping our last sermon with HIS
>Stone Hall to tell Isen the good news, see if Mumei reacts to Mage
>Bronze Peak to brag to the Dragon and show him the heads, also to check on Ava

>>25278023
>Your paladin boss has declared she is buying you all gifts for a job well done
>Heads out on the town
You have a scant few hours to prepare.

How do you get ready for your own doom?

>>25277996
Meri and peri get a chocolate/vanilla half-n-half cake.

Lea gets angelfood.

Alternatively, we could ask them what they like beforehand.

(we're going to kill them with our cooking)

After we retire, we're going to start writing. Our books' titles will go a little something like:

>God-slaying: a Cookbook
>Integration by Parts and Other Ribald Limericks
>Liquefaction for Fun and Profit
>Dragons will Shag Anything: an Evolutionary Treatise

>>25278060
We need to check up on the harpies and the general operation of bronze peak while we're there.

We need to HUG KEEDS when we get to stone hall, too. Hug them a lot.

And I look forward to river's cross R&R. I hope the place hasn't burned down.

Also, how is purple sands doing? we've not been there in near a year now.

We'll pass by first woods and white tree, too. Tell mab and julian all about what happened, and get a meal at our favorite traveller's.

>>25278087
let's not forget
>A cavalcade of bad ideas (Seriously, never try this)

>>25278088
>near a year now.
God, we've unravelled the (un)natural order of the world and destroyed several millenia-old plots in only a year.

Christ.

>>25278097
This is what happens when you don't give your Lamias appropriate vacation time.

>>25278097
Ssen's list of original objectives:

1. Take your mind off of daddy's death.

That's it.

We've succeeded in our mission with flying colors.

Shit we could get a saint-hood for all we've done...

Although we aren't gonna die any time soon, but we might just live long enough to get them to change the rules

Saint Ssen Patrick, Patron Saint of Stupid Ideas that work despite all expectations.

>>25278121
I don't know about a sainthood. Maybe when we're done, but not yet. There's still way too many lives on the line.

I just finished binging the entire archive of this quest, and I gotta say, you've done a great job Echo. The villains in particular are really well done.

And then the last few threads have just been fantastic. It's like, the culmination of the biggest game of Xanatos Speed Chess between Peace, Citadel and The Fifth, and then *somebody* comes along and just straight up flips the board, sets it on fire, gives destiny a two finger salute and leaves nothing but the burning wreckage of what were once the elaborate machinations of chessmasters in her wake.

Bravo. If the point of this story is to emphasise that free will trumps everything, then beyond a shadow of a doubt you have made that point.

>>25278141
Saint of Stupid Plans, People in Desperate Need of Some Time Off, and People Rising Above Expectations.

>>25278142
no, that was actually a happy accident.

The -point- of the entire thing was to get out of the house for a while. Things snowball, I guess!

>>25278154
How many times did we say "We'd kill somebody for some time off" throughout the story?

Did everyone think we were lying? We don't lie.

>>25278154
Patron Saint of 'Fuck Destiny'

Or freedom. But I think the first one has a better ring to it.

>>25278180
you know, we never actually gave much of a shit about destiny in retrospect. Pre-determination of events was never a big stickling point with us.

It was QUIT STICKING YOUR GOD-DICK IN MY FAMILY LIFE.

>>25278198
Exactly. That's the point.

Ssen never gave a single fuck about destiny. Destiny said that Ssen would be a monster, but fuck that. Destiny said that Citadel would eat the world, but fuck that. Destiny said that The Fifth would win, but fuck that.

Ssen gave so few fucks that the fabric of reality buckled beneath the anti-weight of all those fucks that weren't, aren't and would never be given, and Destiny died in the ensuing explosion of shit that will never come to pass.

>>25278231
Hmm. Oops.

>>25278094
Also
>1001 Jokes, Puns and Limericks, which may or may not be of a Leviathan Nature