>>24690729
May as well introduce yourself, Scott.
She seems like the Lawful Good type, and might be up for teaming up.
And we could really use a magic caster.

>>24691105
"Scott Yellowman," Scott says, shaking her hand. "And this is Fat Fot Pot, and Charlie. I'll let you guess which one is named which."

"Hey hey hey, are you a spellcaster?" Charlie asks, stepping forward and grinning.

"Yes, actually, I-" Elyse begins to say.

"Because I'm already enchanted!" Charlie says, wagging his eyebrows. Elyse winces a little and says nothing. Yellowman heaves a tired sigh.

"And over here we have Sam," Yellowman says, gesturing to the decrepit old man.

"The worst pick up line I know is better than that," Sam grumbles. "But with this body, I might as well not use it."

"Pleasure to meet you?" Elyse says, a hint of uncertainty in her voice. "I already met Fat Fot Pot when you sent him to check on me in the tree. Thanks again for that."

>>24691255
Scott, ask her if she's the one that took out the Queen Mudlurk with that lightning.
Also, ask if she's willing to team up, at the very least until we get off of this world and are in one that's more hospitable to life.

>>24691333
"Huh? Queen Mudlurk?" Elyse blinks. "I don't even know what that is."

"Well, are you interested in an alliance? At least, a temporary one?" Yellowman asks. Elyse frowns and seems to stare intently at Yellowman, then at Sam, then Charlie, then Fat Fot Pot.

"What are you going to use your wish for?" she asks warily.

"I want to get home. Normal routes don't look like they're going to cut it," Yellowman says. "So I'm going to use the wish. Unless Charlie wins it."

"We agreed to play a game of poker for it if it came down to the two of us," Charlie explains. "Want in?"

"A poker game? For a wish?" Elyse frowns again. "I don't know..."

>>24691375
Let's make a roll for diplomacy?

Rolled 94

>>24691592
Rolling a die, if you want to boost your chances by suggesting arguments, now's a good time because I have to step away for a bit.

>>24691694
Well I'm pretty sure there are more things like that tapeworm, and this place is crazy dangerous. Also the dice gave us an awesome roll, so it'll be better to have more people helping us in combat because rolls will be shit there.

I expect more turtles, snakes and crocs. Also Yellowman, no offence, but Steve Irwin you ain't.

>>24691694
"Look. We have a statistically higher chance of success if we work together against racers that stay alone because they're villains that were brought into this race to make it 'interesting'.
"At the end, assuming that we're the finalists, we can be civilized about this and play a game of poker. None of us have to die or fight, and we can go our separate ways alive."

>>24691694
>>24691780
>>24691785
>"Look. We have a statistically higher chance of success if we work together against racers that stay alone because they're villains that were brought into this race to make it 'interesting'.
"At the end, assuming that we're the finalists, we can be civilized about this and play a game of poker. None of us have to die or fight, and we can go our separate ways alive."

"I guess that makes sense... and I guess I can trust... well, most of you at any rate. All right, we'll team up for a bit. Honestly, I prefer working in groups anyway," she says, waving a gauntleted hand. "So... uh, we compare notes now, or what?"

>>24692430
Sure, what do you want to know?

>>24692430
Sure, but let's do it while we walk.
There are others who might be already at the castle.

>>24692430
You're a Hunter, right? Know any Mag Blasts? You from Pioneer 2 or the Gurhal system? Have you fought Dark Falz or Olga Flow before?

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>>24692619
>Olga Flow

Rolled 58, 13, 87, 92 = 250

>>24690729
>A matter of honor
No. Your other honor.

Also I'm stealing some good dice rolls

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>>24692836
>Olga Flow

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>>24692551
"All right," Elyse says, falling into step with the others.

>>24692619
"Hunter? Ah, no. Eh, sort of?" Elyse frowns. "I'm an initiate in the Grand Crusade's paladin order, the Shining Light. My parents came from Pioneer 2, though, before they ended up joining." She winces a little. "Eh... no... I've never fought Olga Flow or Dark Falz personally, but I've heard all about them. Their predecessor too. Oh!"

Elyse gestures to the floating machine above her shoulder. "I can do a basic photon blast, yeah. Estilla!"

>>24692502
Elyse asks a series of questions about the group's abilities which Yellowman quickly answers, giving her an idea of the group's capabilities. She nods, satisfied.

"Explains how you got this far. A lot of other racers I saw either dropped out or... ah... were forced out between this world and the last one," Elyse nods.

>>24693313
>Grand Crusade

No shit? We're with the Transpace Guard. you know Kreuz? He helped us save the Meta abit back.
They ever get Melliarde revived? Nice enough lady, not too bright though what with picking a fight with Akuma. No offense.

>>24693313
"Grand Crusade? Ah, then you must know about Paladin-Procteur Kreuz. Were you part of the advance force sent into Transpace Guard territory?"

>>24693503
Elyse's eyes widen.

"You MET Paladin-Proctor Kreuz? He's the head of the Crusade! Well, at least currently. There have been one hundred and twelve Paladin-Proctors that preceded him, an- well, ah, history lesson for another time I guess," Elyse says. She pauses as Yellowman's other comment hits her brain. "Melliarde's one of our best paladins, it wasn't brightness, it was compassion that must've compelled her to fight this 'Akuma.' She wouldn't never run if her troops' lives were on the line."

Then the rest of your statement hits her.

"Transpace... Oh! I remember now," Elyse says, pounding one gauntlet into the other. "That whole mess with those... They're called Firemen, right?"

"Yeah, that's right," Yellowman nods. "You can thank them for my getting kicked to this region of time-space."

Elyse tilts her head, but Yellowman waves a hand.

"Long story."

>>24693687

Yes, she can get the full briefing once we get to the bottom of this disembodied voice inside-of-your-head business, eh Yellowman? And the race. That too.

>Elyse

What do you mean by "forced out between this world and the last one"?

Did you happen to get a glimpse of any other noteworthy contestants? Either on this current circuit or before?

>>24693646
"Ah, sort of?" Elyse winces. "I'm not very experienced yet, so I was supposed to be sent as support to a world along the periphery of our route, but my ship got an emergency signal and responded. We gated in just in time to see a blinding light shine from the planet. When I woke up I was in a hotel, of all places, uh, White Mountain I think it was called. Well, if you're in the race you should know the rest."

>>24693773
Aye. I was railroaded into this at the White Mountain Hotel too.
Guess I have to win now if I want to get back home.
What are you planning to use your wish for?
Charlie here - I think he wants riches. Money, Women, Luxury, the Easy life. Can't blame him.

>>24693847
[To DM: Wait, is it Metameta to use the word railroaded?]

>>24693760
Elyse frowns. "One of those stupid Sisters of Battle along with an Ultramarine nearly burned me alive in the last world. I had to forfeit my lead, fall back, and heal before I could move. There's a bounty hunter and his assassin droid pal too, but I couldn't recognize them. Uh... a pair of weird girls, a hacker who looked a little younger than me... I think I saw a Ghost at the pre-race dinner. Oh hey!" Elyse snaps her fingers and points at Charlie. "I remember you! You lost all that money to-"

"Ha ha ha!" Charlie laughs nervously. "LOST money... Such... such an ugly word, I prefer temporarily MISPLACED money. ...in someone else's pocket. Thanks to playing cards."

"I... see," Elyse winces. "Well... uh... Let me think who else. Oh, there was this real big guy with a lot of guns and cybernetics. He looked really... uh, mean I guess, for lack of a better word. I'm sort of glad I haven't seen him around, I wouldn't want to have to deal with HIM in the state I am!"

"I'm right here," Sam mutters, miserably. "That was me."

Elyse opens her mouth, raises a finger, then closes it and lets her hand drop to her side. "You know? Nevermind. I'm not sure I want to ask."

>>24693773
"Yes, yes. The Gamesters. Goddamned, but they've got enough power to be considered a major trans-meta terrorist organization, or a small Meta-State. I wouldn't be surprised if they've got the Q as part of their group."

>>24693898
"This Ghost, male or female? Blonde?
"Also, the pair of girls, one of them was Ed, what about the other one? Kaolla Su, or Lain, perhaps?"

>>24693867
Eh. Not really.

>>24693847
"I... don't know yet," Elyse admits. Then slams one gauntlet into the other. "...but it's my duty as a member of the Grand Crusade to make sure that wish gets used in a good manner! I've overheard some of the other racers... The things they want to use that artifact for! One wants to become a god! Another wants to resurrect a god, another wants the power to flay people alive with a thought, and for some reason, two just want to conquer a single city..." Elyse shakes her head. "I get the feeling a good half of the other racers shouldn't be anywhere near anything that grant their desires."

>>24693898
We've seen so far:
Zangief and Rufus, from SFIV
Excel and Hyatt from Excel Saga
We heard some inhuman beastly roaring - a Predator, perhaps?
We also saw a mech pilot from Super Robot Wars. Forgot her name though.
I'm pretty sure we saw a crashed Land Speeder. Probably the Ultramarine's.
We also saw some fatcat mafioso type and his wiry-thin henchman. He shot at me while I was running from a fire. I shot back. Took off his arm.
The Hacker? Sam here met her. Her name's Ed. from Cowboy Bebop.
And now we know there's a Smurf and a Gun Nun in here.

Bounty hunter and assassin droid? I hope that droid wasn't referring to everyone as Meatbags.

>>24693898
Thanks, we appreciate it. That Smurf and Bolter Bitch are gonna be a pain. The Bounty Hunter and Assassin Droid too.
I think the two weird girls might have been Excel and Hyatt. A Ghost, Rufus and Zangief too.
We also have to watch out for Ol One Arm and his bodyguard.

>>24693915
"Well apparently their company, ComTrader, is a major player in affairs around here," Elyse comments. "Though I couldn't find out that much about them in the short time I was at the hotel."

>>24693958
"Female, with a long ponytail that dropped down to her waist. Blue hair," Elyse says. "I should specify... It wasn't a Confederate or Dominion Ghost, the armor was too different. But that's the closest analog I can think of. Oh! I just remembered! There was a Spectre at the party too, but he kept himself cloaked until those three men forced him to decloak to sign something. After he did that, he sort of gave up trying to remain hidden and ate with everyone else. Didn't say anything, though."

>>24693958
Weird girls are most likely Excel and Hyatt.

Oh yeah. Sam here drank from a cursed fountain then got a cursed wish granted. We're trying to get him de-cursed in exchange for his protection.

Wait, you can use the wish to become a god?
Maybe I can become some sort of Lord of Teleportation. Then I can give a leg up to everyone who helped me - put them physically close to what they want, at least.

>>24693966
The one who wants to resurrect a god are probably the smurf and his bitch. Most likely wanna wake up the Emprah. The two who want to conquer a city are Excel and Hyatt. If they get the wish its not too bad. They'd muck it up and lose control of the city eventually anyways.

>>24693966
Elyse, can you describe the assassin droid?
Each model is very distinctive.
If it referred to others as 'organics', then we've got problems. If it referred to others as 'meatbags', that's even worse.

>>24694058
"The Spectre, was he black, somewhat milky eyes, Jamaican accent? Maybe Tosh, or one of the different Toshes.
"Can't get anything on the Ghost-analogue, though. Need a bit more to go on. Any obvious weapons?"

>>24694058
A specter? Tosh or one of his boys hopefully. He might be willing to help us out if we let on we're friends of Tosh.

>>24693987
Elyse winces. "My studies... didn't get that comprehensive yet, I don't know half of the people you just mentioned. Predator... Oh, you mean a yautja? Yeah, one of them was present. One of the three man talked to it in its language, it was about to fight everyone in the room. Then it ate the pig at the buffet. The entire pig. With its claws." Elyse shudders. "The mafioso is the one that thought he might wish for the flayed by thought power. Don't let him get the artifact at any cost!"

>>24694158
Don't worry, he's pretty 'armless. He'll need someone to give him a hand if he wants to win.

>>24694158

So, Elyse, you're a hunter by trade, right? What exactly do you specialize in?

(OP, could we have a statsheet for Elyse?)

>>24694144
>He might be willing to help us out if we let on we're friends of Tosh.
It might not, and probably isn't, the Tosh that was with Task Force 38. Remember what happened with BLU and RED Teams?

>>24694286
Never hurts to try. We know Tosh well enough we can probably get one of his boys to believe us based on that. Even if its not the same Tosh.

>>24694274
I'll go ahead and post the stat sheet for the others.

Charlie:
5 wounds max. I think he's on 2 or 3 now.
Shoots with Gertrude to do lots of damage. Better with Shotguns than any other weapon.

Offers a 1/day reroll power
Offers a 2/day "take result furthest from 50" power, which is probably useful on things like Find Loot rolls where a crit fail doesn't hurt, and a crit success owns hard.
Causes dubbity doob dog doubles to count as a bonus. 77 counts as 100.
And if Charlie gets a crit, his next actions are crits too

Fat-Fot-Pot:
I forget which does what, but:
We get a 2/day heal of 1 wound
We get a 1/day poison spore (used on rats)
We get a 2/day stun cloud
And it can Scout at +10.

Also Scott Yellowman is made of +20 to movement rolls, grapple hook, and "Sometimes you can spend a point to not die".

>>24694061
"I... might be able to uncurse him. IF you want me to," Elyse says, looking at Sam with a wince.

"Why wouldn't you?" Sam asks, narrowing his eyes.

"Because I watched you gut that poor lizardman like a fish when he begged for mercy and the memory is burnt into my brain," Elyse responds, her eyes going distant for a moment. "Also you reek of evil."

Sam shrugs. "I prefer the term 'pragmatism."

"Actually that might just be the lack of bathing," Charlie volunteers. "We're all a little sour what with the long hike."

"I don't know?" Elyse says in response to the god question. "I heard another one of the racers say he might try it. I think it was the bounty hunter, but my memory is a little fuzzy."

>>24694099
"If Excel and Hyatt are two very strange women, then yes, that'd be them," Elyse nods.

>>24694142
"The droid was sort of thin, I thought, for a combat model. Had a checkerboard paintjob that was partially painted over. Him and his friend both had this insignia on them, a circle in between two triangles," Elyse says. "It wasn't an IG series, I know that much. Pretty sure it wasn't HK series either... though with some heavy modification, maybe? I know those thin arms can turn into rail-cannons, I saw him blow up a sealed door back near the start of the race."

"No, the Spectre was very pale, short black hair. Talked a lot with a beefy man in a black suit," Elyse says. "The Ghost had a big rifle, not a Canister rifle, though."

>>24694286
Sometimes I wonder if Starcraft's story and its gameplay take place in the same canon.

In its gameplay you get all sorts of random asshats dropping a single command center / hatchery / nexus into an area and trying to kill the other guy by any means possible. Then they don't even hang around to grab the minerals or anything, they just piss off to the next area and only take the single gatherer building with them.
Crazy lunatics.

>>24694353
Well, I sort of agreed to help Sam.
So I gotta help Sam.
Please uncurse Sam.

If he wants to be an asshole and attack us then that's his loss. But agreeing to help someone is agreeing to help someone.

>>24694353

Well, he is a Shadowrunner. And a high-profile one, too. Even a relatively white-hat group of runners would probably have fairly flexible morals with such a prize waiting at the end.

>>24694353
Personally I'd rather have him be in a condition where he could help us more than not.

...shit, did we pick up the .38 revolver that Sam dropped?

>>24694353
Pragmatism has its uses, at times. And sometimes you have to kill things. If we have to fight the Yautja well probably have to kill it, then run. Damn honor device. The smurf and Bolter bitch probably won't stop until they're dead either.

But Sam, if you are incurred I don't want you jumping sides or shooting us in the back because "pragmatism." If that happens it won't end well.

Alright, found the assassin droid.
And we are fucked if we have to fight him head-on. His series is considered legendary in their lethality and kill count.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/FIII_Footman_droid

>>24694488
Some Shadowrunners are nice people.
Some are real pricks.
Most are just retards with too much augs and too little common sense.
Hey, Lemme tell you about a story...
A group of Shadowrunners were trying to infiltrate an Oil Refinery, and they decided to sneak in through a large pipe, and they brought a cutting torch with them to exit the pipe when they were inside the pipe.
They carefully moved aside a "CAUTION: INFLAMMABLE" sign to climb into the pipe, slipped a bit on the black liquid, and even dropped the cutting torch into the Oil at one point.
Before lighting it, and killing themselves. Only the Troll survived, barely.

>>24694429
>>24694488
Elyse frowns. "It's a moot point right now because my magic is spent. You would not believe how many times I had to break curses on my way here. When I can cast again... well, I'll bring it up again at that time."

>>24694517
"Yeah, yeah, poker game and all that," Sam says, waving a hand.

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>this insignia on them, a circle in between two triangles
Also found the insignia.
Scott, draw this in the sand and get confirmation that this is what they had on them.
Tac-Spec Corporation, a front for the GenoHaradan Assassins Guild.
Good enough to stay in the business for 600 years.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Tac-Spec_Corporation

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>>24694652
"Actually, it looked like this," Elyse says, drawing another insignia in the sand. "I think I saw that other logo on the droid though. It looked like someone tried to paint over it, but it was engraved into the armor."

>>24694517

Elyse is out of magic. Perhaps it'd be best to continue for as long as possible, and then rest up so that Charlie isn't running around with a hole in his chest, and so that Elyse can recharge. At that point, we'd be as prepared as we would ever be in terms of dealing with a purportedly legendary Street Sammy with high-quality cybernetics/augments.

>>24694596

Elyse, you're probably aware that our destination is the Sorceress-Queen's tower. We don't really know of any ways in aside from the front entrance and maybe a ruined backdoor entry. During your time in this world, you wouldn't have happened to have heard anything about a possible way to get in there without tipping off the owner, or where the portal would be located in the tower, would you?

>>24694785
This is Oglaf. There's always a back door.
A hue hue hue.

>>24694730
Corellian Arms? They're an arms manufacturer, sure, but not really into hiring bounty hunters.

Elyse, we need you to understand that this world, is as bad as any Death World from Warhammer 40k, even if it doesn't look like it.
Please trust Scott when it comes to determining if we need to stay away from something, not help someone, or simply shoot someone in the kneecaps.

>>24694785
"Er... I really wished I had," Elyse says, biting her lip. "As it was... uh... the best plan I had was simply to see if I could detect the portal room with a spell and then break for it."

>>24694867
"Elyse you need to understand that this world is as bad as any death world, even if it looks fine. Trust me when I tell you to stay away from something, not help someone, or kill something."

Elyse crosses her arms. "I can promise to listen to what you have to say, but I'm not going to blindly follow your every word. ESPECIALLY if someone needs my help!"

"I know stuff about this place you don't!" Scott counters. "This planet LOVES to spring hidden dangers and betrayals on you. We passed a pile of a hundred babies because we knew it was a shapeshifted monster on our way here!"

Elyse frowns. "I... like to think that if I saw a pile of a hundred babies just sitting there in the woods I'd know something was up."

"But you get my point," Scott says. Elyse sighs. "As I said, I'll listen. But I can't guarantee you I'll always follow. I AM a paladin, after all," Elyse taps her lip with a metal-shod finger. "It shouldn't come to that if I rely on my ability to sense evil, though. So long as I have faith in the Light, no harm will befall me."

"Oh brother," Scott sighs. "Well... just... just keep my words in mind."

>>24694869
Alright.
Scott, did you or Sam pick up the .38 revolver after the fight?

Hopefully we'll be out of the swamp before we have to make camp. Have FFP keep an eye out and fly overwatch.

>>24694996

>Detect Evil

Oh boy, we got a smiter here.


Anyhow, how close is it to sunset, Yellowman? Does it look like our group will need to start looking for shelter, or do you think we could hike a few more miles before stopping?

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>So long as I have faith in the Light, no harm will befall me.

>>24694996
>relying on Detect Evil
>not realizing that someone can carry an object with a powerful alignment on it to mask their alignment, or cast Hide Alignment
Oh man, Scott. We've got a real rookie here. And I thought cops straight out of the Academy, soldiers right out of Boot, or butterbars straight out of ROTC were bad back on the real Earth.

>>24695072
I wonder if the Ring of Bliss and the Flasks of Girl are evil?

>>24695072
Hopefully we'll have a positive effect on her and she'll turn out to be a bro-tier paladin like the avatar instead of someone who charges in to fight Akuma because he's "evil."

Rolled 93

>>24695072
>Real earth

>>24695167
When talking with other Meta-Factions it's called Meta-Earth, but I'm sure when we're talking between TG personnel we just call it the real Earth.

>>24695240
Well, even that isn't accurate due to what we know. "Real" Earth is a more accurate term for it.

Elyse. I know that sensing evil has worked in the past, but even if something pings, you need to be careful here. Many things are not what they seem and we don't need to rush after a tree that glows evil only to find out it's The Raping Tree from Evil Dead. And knowing Oglaf, it's out there.

>>24695022
"Yeah, I got it," Sam complains, crankily, showcasing the gun.

"The swamp only goes on for a bit longer," Fat Fot Pot says, hovering above Yellowman. "We could see the edge from the tree."

>>24695028
"We can probably make it out of the swamp before sunset then," Yellowman says, looking around at the fetid waters. "Thank everything for that."

>>24695072
"I know, I know," Scott mentally says. "We'll have to keep an eye on her."

>>24695127
"Let's hope. I've dealt with as many good paladins as smite on sighters. I give it a fifty fifty shot."

>>24695290
>We could see the edge from the tree
Oh yeah, if we can see the edge of the swamp, then let's push on till we're out of it.
I don't think camping here would be good for us.

>>24695283
Yellowman relays your words.

"The WHAT?" Elyse exclaims. "That's not really here, is it? Every time I think I see the worst this world has to offer..."

Elyse trails off with a shudder.

>>24695384
Elyse:
Strength: 4
Health: 5
Dexterity: 4
Intelligence: 4
Willpower: 5
Perception: 5
Charisma: 3

Wounds/HP: 3(6)
Spells: 0/9

Skills:
Investigation: 2
Hand to Hand: 2
Melee: 8
Lore: 9
First Aid/Medicine: 4
Spellcasting: 10

Traits:
Fast Learner: Newmans learn new skills extremely fast. When Elyse uses a skill and rolls a 100, she gains a new Trait.

A Light Shining in the Darkness: Elyse doubles damage against unholy foes such as undead and demons.

PallyDar: Elyse can Detect Evil as a 3.5 Paladin.

Newman: Elyse has exceptional hearing, gaining a +10 bonus to anything related to it.

Divine Magic: Elyse can cast a small number of spells each session. A Spellcasting check is required for each, with the result determining the degree of success. More difficult feats of magic require higher rolls. Elyse can currently produce moderate effects with her level of skill. Elyse's Intelligence + Willpower determines the number of castings that can be attempted each session.

Techniques: Elyse can use the specialized low power magics known as 'Techniques'. She can use Shift to grant the party an additional +10 to offensive combat rolls, Deban to grant the same to defensive rolls, Res to heal one Wound, or Foi to deal one Wound of Fire damage. She can use four Techniques per 24 hours.


Gear:

Belt of Giant Strength: Elyse gains a +10 to Strength rolls.

Crusade Photon Sword: A high quality sword with an energy blade. Blessed to break through magical defenses.

Crusader Novice Armor: From a combination of health magic and slow-working armor repair nanites, this high grade set of plate armor grants Elyse an additional 3 Wounds.

Cape of Comfort: Elyse's cape is enchanted to keep her temperature pleasant no matter the climate. As a side effect, it bestows a +3 to rolls resisting temperature based effects.

>>24695408
We'll probably need a lot of wound healing with the way we've been accumulating them damages.

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>>24695384
Well, there's the Lubeworm and the Polyp of Cleansing. From what I've heard, very effective at what it does, though it's the kind of thing found in hardcore Japanese tentacle doujins.
But hey, it'll cleanse you of any poison!

Rolled 75, 71, 36, 78 = 260

>>24695408
Mag: Though it has a few other minor bonuses, the primary ability of this Mag grants Elyse the capability to use a powerful Photon Blast when she takes enough damage. Every time Elyse takes a Wound, the Mag gains a point of Charge. When the Mag reaches 10 Charge, Elyse can use the Estilla Photon Blast, summoning a fish-like construct to blast all enemies in a line with four Wounds of damage.

And the group moved on...

Rolled 51, 23, 18 = 92

>>24695660
Someone's rolling high tonight. Did you drop these, Metaman?

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>>24695384
Oh, and regardless of how weak it may seem, do not kiss any frogs.

Also, dwarves are assholes here.

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>>24695689
>here

>>24695689
A frog that turns into five million frogs would have quite the tactical use as a grenade. That's 11.3 tons of frog. It'll fill a 2.25 meter cube completely with frog, at least until they start hopping everywhere.

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Ooh, found one of a tree race. Odds are, if there's tree people in this universe, there has to be tree rapists.

>>24695660
The group manages to traverse the rest of the swamp quickly, a deep desire to STOP BEING IN THE SWAMP lending extra speed to the feet of all the travelers, or hooves in the case of the donkey.

Vast plains now stretch out before them, fields of tall grass stretching out in all directions save the way they came.

"I can sort of... Yeah, I think it's a farm, off to the north," Fat reports from his aerial perch. Other than that, tall grass all around until you reach a few scattered clearings."

>>24695869
I think the BLU soldier said something about those last world before we cut him off. We should head over there and see what he was talking about.

>>24695869
Let's go towards the farm.
Hopefully it'll just be regular people there, and not something we'll have to kill.
Be on your guard, however.

>>24695867
"...so there must be tree rapists," Yellowman finishes telling Elyse as they reach the plains.

"PLEASE STOP SAYING WORDS!" Elyse shouts, her fingers in her ears.

>>24695869
Oh good, nothing bad happens on farms.

>>24695896
Okay, that didn't work.
Fat-Fot-Pot, YOUR turn to try a pickup line. Charlie and I have failed.

>>24695895
>>24695890
The group makes their way through the tall grass towards the farm FFP saw. After a few minutes, they emerge into a clearing, a farmhouse, barn, and several livestock pens and fields before them. An old man with a pitchfork stops moving hay near a few cows and leans against a wooden fence, eying the newcomers oddly.

>>24696010
Hi. Need a place to rest, have gold, can pay.

>>24696010
Scott, say that you're travelers, and just want a place to sleep for the night and a hot meal. If he seems like he's not going to let us stay, offer a gold coin or two.

>>24696021
>>24696058
"Hey," Scott says, approaching the old man. "Do you have a room we can rent?"

"Sure do," the old man says with a slight drawl to his words. "Iffin ya don't mind straw mattresses that is. Can't afford no fancy feathers out here on the farm, you know."

"There are like twelve henhouses over there," a confused Elyse points.

"Yep. Can't afford no feathers," the old man says. "Straw mattresses and wool blankets, that's the best I can do. Room's used for farmhands when I hire on extra help. I can let you stay in it for... oh, six silvers I'd say."

"Keep the change," Scott says, flipping a gold coin at him. The old man nimbly catches the money and bites into it, promptly chipping a tooth. He curses and puts the gold away. "Don't rightly know what I thought biting the gold would tell me. Oh well, I'm an idiot."

>>24696265
Well, actually, since gold is a soft metal, biting into it would presumably allow someone to guess at its purity through how hard the coin is.

But yeah. seems safe enough for now.

>>24696339
Gold/Lead alloys cannot be bitten into easily.
Fake Silver coins can be bitten into easily.
The more you know!
And yes, the reason you alloy gold in coins is exactly that. Gold's too soft to hold a shape.
Soft soft metal, that gold.
Good electrical conductor though.

Well whatever, guess we're sleeping.

Check that this isn't Rape Straw or some kind of Strawbear then use sleep.

>>24696405
Food would be nice before sleeping.
And having Fot spy around and make sure that the farmer isn't a shapeshifter in disguise.

>>24696450
Or some kind of Rape farmer.

>>24695846
Is there a standard measurement for frog volume, or did you just test that?

Rolled 4

>>24696405
"We probably shouldn't tell him that if the gold was hard enough to chip his tooth," Scott mentally says. "Still, good to know."

"You paid me more than asked, so I'll give you a meal too," the farmer says, walking off. "Vegetable soup and bread. Can't afford meat like you fancy cityfolk out here."

"There are thirty cows over in that field!" Elyse says, throwing up her arms.

"Nope. Can't afford meat," the farmer says, turning. "Oh, follow me to your room. Should've said that first, I guess."

>>24696450
Fot zips off to scout around.

>>24696530
Volume / Density = Weight

Rolled 1

>Rolled 4

>>24696265
Is this about the end of the day? If so, use up whatever heals FFP has left. First on us, and then on the farmer's tooth if he has any left/

Rolled 5

>>24696561
>>24696584
Ah that's where those dice MetaOp normally uses went.

>>24696571
And what is the density of a frog?

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>>24696561
>4
>on what's supposed to be a routine zip around the farm.
Goddammit!

I think we have another reroll left, if we need it.

>>24696561
Fot doesn't come back.

>>24696619
:|

Right, let's find Pot.

[Meta] We didn't get the Survivor point Reroll, so he's not in mortal danger. He's probably just lost somewhere.

>>24696616
Didn't Charlie already use his daily reroll on the farm? Plus, it seems dumb to use dumb luck on what is probably Fot getting stuck in a drainpipe or something.

>>24696619
Scott, get your plasma rifle.
Make sure that Charlie's got his shotgun loaded.
Elyse has her sword ready, and that Sam's reloaded that revolver.

Fat and Pot to do overwatch.

>>24696637
I don't think so. 4 rolls, 4 characters.

>>24696561

The Zoq-Fot-Pik have some sort of telepathy going on to communicate with each other (or just between the Zoq/Pik and the Fot), right? Maybe they could use that to try to find out where Fot wandered off to. There was a dialogue option with the Zoq-Fot-Pik that told of oracles who could tell the Captain in Star Control II some information about the Sa-Matra's vague location or the location of the Slylandro Homeworld, if I remember correctly.

>>24696664
The room the farmer directs you to is on the first floor of the farmhouse, near the door. It would be a fair sized room were it not meant to house about six people. As it is, the beds make it a little cramped. The farmer has gone off to make the soup when Scott finally sighs and looks up.

"Fot's still not back. We have to go find him," he declares.

"Good idea. There's no telling what might've happened to him without us!" Fat says. "He might've been eaten by a frog! Or maybe squished by the farmer! Or maybe a horse stepped on him!"

"Hey, maybe he found some fungal clingers! Come on, try to think positively!" Pot urges.

"OK. We splitting up then?" Charlie asks, hefting his shotgun.

"Stupid idea," Sam grouses. "But we might not have a choice to find him quickly."

"Should... should we ask the farmer?" Elyse asks. Scott gives her a look and she looks down. "OK, dumb idea."

"If the farmer IS up to no good, what's our excuse for being out and about?" Charlie asks.

>>24696686
"Line of sight only for us. Sorry, Commander."

>>24697020
Say our pet tarantula got free, that he's harmless, and that we don't mean any harm.

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>>24697020
Ask the farmer.
And sure, let's split up, what could possibly go wrong?

>>24697020
Pretty much the truth, that our spider buddy got lost. No need to dance around the issue; he saw Fot when we came to the farm.

>>24696686
How do Zoq-Fot-Pik reproduce?
Is Fot likely in any danger of being coerced into such acts?

>>24697171
The fot part is probably sexual, and isn't likely to get seduced since nothing would think he's sentient at first glance. I'm more afraid of him getting squished.

Rolled 26

>>24697055
>>24697138
"Hey, buddy, that spider of mine you saw when we came in? It wandered off, so we're going to go find it. Any idea where it might've went?" Yellowman asks.

>>24697171
"Please, commander... It's embarrassing to talk about those sorts of things..." Fat says, swishing his leaves around uncomfortably.

Rolled 28, 75, 19 = 122

>>24697319
I see the /tg/ dice have found their way back to us.

Rolled 33, 10, 41, 48 = 132

>>24697319
>>24697092

"Not a one. Sorry," the old man says, going back to stirring his soup.

"Well thanks anyway," Yellowman says with a sigh as he goes back to the others. "OK, we'll split up a LITTLE bit. Loose formation, everyone stay in sight of each other. Shout if you see something, or something goes wrong or slimy or whatever."

"Sounds good, doc," Charlie says.

"We got it!" Fat and Pot say in unison.

>>24697383
Gotta love them /tg/ dice.

>>24696561
>>24696584
>>24696591
>>24697319
>>24697371
>>24697383
At this fucking rate we'd get better rolls on a fucking d60 than on these.

Rolled 2, 35, 8, 31, 12, 56, 55, 16, 40, 28 = 283

>>24697405
Shall we test?

>>24697383
I was going to do a little more, but the massive headache I have means I'm calling it here for the night. Will pick up tomorrow.

>>24697509
4, 26, 33, 10, 41, 48 = 162

vs

2, 35, 8, 31, 12, 56 = 144
35, 8, 31, 12, 56, 55 = 197
8, 31, 12, 56, 55, 16 = 178
31, 12, 56, 55, 16, 40 = 210
12, 56, 55, 16, 40, 28 = 207

So yep, the d60's outrolling us. Mostly.

bump

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That's some tasty lookin' soup that the farmers cookin'

I'm suddenly remembering the rape spiders that used to attack Ivan during the night.

>>24701004
Tastes like Fot!

>>24702933
>the rape spiders
I had forgotten about those.
And now I'm not, but wishing I still did.

Maybe we should have Scott switch to the sword; we need to conserve ammo.

bump

>>24697383
Everyone ranges out a bit from the house to search. Scott searches the immediate grounds of the farmhouse, but finds nothing but laundry hung up to dry, a few doghouses with very irritable occupants, and an outhouse that makes him deeply regret his choice to search the farmhouse area.

Elyse walks over to the chicken coops and at about the same time she shouts that she found something, Charlie flat out screams from his position in the fields.

>>24710945
Let's run to Charlie. It's a scream versus a calm shout.

>>24710945

Double-time it to Charlie! Either he's in trouble or he's discovered something horrifying. Or maybe he just hates bugs and one just hopped down his shirt.

>>24710994
That's because Fot can't resist gamblers.

>>24710979
>>24710994
Scott quickens his pace and rushes through the tall fields of cornstalks until he arrives in a small clearing of crushed stalks. In the center of that clearing is Charlie, hanging in the air from one foot. That one foot in turn is caught firmly in the jaws of what looks like an overgrown venus flytrap on a writhing vine.

"Help me out, doc!" Charlie wails. "I don't wanna become fertilizer!!"

>>24711303
Get to hacking with the sword, Scott.
Instead of swing at where Charlie is stuck, try cutting where the flytrap mouth connects to the rest of the plant.
If you can reduce the plant's internal hydrostatic pressure, it should no longer be able to maintain a closed mouth.

>>24711303
Spore plant from New Vegas or something that I don't know. Swing the sword at the stalk, swing from the elbow.

Rolled 100, 28 = 128

>>24711378
>>24711394
"Hang on, Charlie, I'm going to rescue you with sword!" Scott calls, charging in with his saber held high.

>>24711303

Perhaps we should call out for Elyse and Sam as well? A melee specialist would be nice here.

>>24711544
I sincerely hope that the 100 was our roll.

>>24711544
>Rolled 100
And thus, Charlie was rescued with Yellowman's Sword and Yellowman discovered his true calling, that of a gardener.

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>>24711544
>100
The overgrown plant extends leafy tendrils to attempt to entangle Scott, but the erstwhile scout leaps over them and drives the blade of his saber through the stalk of the plant. The monster lets out a gurgling shriek as it lets Charlie loose, the bouncer collapsing to the floor. Scott doesn't let up though, hacking and hacking and hacking until the plant monster ceases all movement.

"DIE! YOU! OVER! GROWN! WEED! I! HATE! THIS! PLANET! SO! MUCH!" Scott shouts with each swing, dismembering the plant into tiny pieces and breathing heavily by the end.

"Wow... uh... I'm the one whose foot almost got eaten and even I think that was a little angrier than warranted," Charlie comments, leaning on his good foot.

"I had a lot of frustration to work off," Scott comments. "I assume this was it?"

"Yeah... yeah, didn't find much else except this spore plant's distant cousin," Charlie says, nudging the mutilated plant remains with a foot.

"Pity," Scott says, wiping his brow.

>>24711666
Better go and check on Elyse next.

>>24711731
Elyse is kneeling down to talk to a small boy in the midst of the chicken coops. Several chickens wander freely around the pair, pecking at the ground and clucking incessantly. The boy has a big glass jar in both hands, topped off with cloth and a rope. Inside is the frantically bouncing form of Fot.

>>24711977
Thank him for finding our spider and ask for it back.

>>24711977
Elyse! Thankfully you found him! I was afraid he had found a patch of rape-spiders. They're pretty common around here.

I suppose we can bribe the kid if we can't diplomize him to let Fot go.

>>24712023
"Hey kid let him go or you'll feel the back of my hand"

>>24712073
No threats until he says no.

>>24711977

Kid, you shouldn't keep Fot in a jar like that. He's my friend, and a valued part of my group. While he can't talk like you or I, he's just as smart as us, has feelings like us, and certainly doesn't appreciate being trapped in that jar. If you want to talk to him and get to know him better, that's fine, but please don't treat him like he's an animal.

>>24711999
"Thanks for finding my pet spider, kid," Yellowman says, advancing. The kid looks at Scott and shakes his head.

"Uh uh, I found it, so it's mine now," he says.

"I tried explaining Fot was sapient, but he doesn't care," Elyse sighs.

"I found the cool spider and put it in my cool jar. So now I'm gonna keep it and be cool," the kid says.

"Did people talk like that back then?" Charlie asks Scott. He gives a tired shrug.

"I somewhat doubt this place is hung up about semantics," Scott says.

>>24712023
>>24712172
"Thanks for finding him, Elyse. Look kid, that's not just a spider, he's a conscious being like you or me. You can't keep him trapped like that," Scott says. The kid shakes his head.

"Nu uh, it's my spider, I found it, I can do whatever I want with him," he replies.

>>24712073
"Kid, you're starting to piss me off," Scott growls. "Give me back Fot or I'm going to let my knuckles do the waltz on your face."

"What's a waltz?" the kid asks.

"It's... never you mind! Let Fot go or I'll punch you until I feel like stopping! And I don't know when that might be!" Scott yells.

"It's true! The man's a pro at beating the crap out of plants and kids," Charlie remarks.

"That's right, I- Hey, shut up," Scott says, scowling at Charlie. The kid holds up the jar in both hands over his head.

"If you touch me, Imma throw him as far as I can," he warns.

>>24712417
Touch him. We can get the jar when he trows it.

>>24712417
Yellowman, try offering him a whole gold piece for the spider. Hell, if you have to bump it up to five. Kids like pathetic denominations of coin.

>>24712417

Could try bribing him with gold. He's a kid, he must have something he's saving up for.

Rolled 18

>>24712473
>>24712485
"Hey now, kid, no need to be rude," Scott says, suddenly putting on his best forced smile. "Look what I have here! A bright shiny gold piece! It's the reward I was saving for the person that found my friend Fot! If you let him go, it's yours!"

>>24712546

/tg/ dice!!!!

>>24712473
>>24712485
I told you we should get him to throw the jar!

>>24712546
"No." the kid says.

"OK, how about five gold coins?" Yellowman says, producing the money.

"No."

"A really cool knife?"

"No."

"...a gun?"

"No."

"TWO guns?!"

"No."

"Why don't you just take the shirt off my back!"

"Yes."

"Wh- wait, really?"

"No."

>>24712739
Scott Yellowman. You are a man. The kid is a kid. You are stronger than him. Can't you just grab the damn jar from out of the kid's hands?

>>24712739
Do you know what time it is?

It's stun spore time!

Rolled 48

>>24712821
"You're right. Fuck this!" Scott says, making a grab for the jar.

>>24712847
Scott manages to grab the jar and wrest it from the child's hands before he can throw it. Laughing, Scott begins to undo the cloth top.

"Tried to play nice, kid, but you just kept pushing!" Scott remarks.

"You'd better give that jar back to me..." the kid says, his eyes narrowing.

>>24712900

You can have the jar, we just want Fot.

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>>24712900

Give him back the jar after we free Fot. Then have Fat-Fot-Pot hover out of the chickenhouse.

I think we may have encountered a demon or changeling of some sort. Have Elyse try to detect evil on this kid to see if he's being petulant or if he's a malicious entity posing as a child. Prep for combat!

>>24712930
>>24713001
"Yeah, sure, here, kid," Yellowman says, tossing the jar back to the kid as Fot pops out of the container and scrambles onto Scott's shoulder. The kid catches the jar, but keeps glaring at Yellowman. He notices.

"Uh, Elyse... Can you... do that special check you can do?" Yellowman asks, slowly backing up.

"What spec-"

"THAT. SPECIAL. CHECK," Yellowman hisses.

"Oh! Uh, sure. Hmmm. Uh... uh oh," Elyse winces.

"Uh oh? UH OH?" Scott says, as stormclouds begin to gather in the air above.

"Very, very, very BIG uh oh!" Elyse says as she begins to back away from the boy. Charlie takes the cue and begins to slowly retreat as well.

"I... want... my... spider!" the boy says, putting emphasis on each word.

>>24713232
Run away? Run away. RUN AWAY!

>>24713232

There comes a time when a man must take a stand for what he believes in despite the overwhelming odds. This is not one of those days. Let's run very very quickly away from this boy.

Should we try to find that farmer guy and ask him about what the boy is?

>>24713232
Kill kid, run from farm. If the parents haven't realized he wasn't their kid, they probably aren't bright enough to be parents anyway.

Rolled 71

>>24713313
>>24713347
"In the immortal words of the legendary King Arthur... RUN AWAY! RUN AWAAAAAY!" Scott cries, turning tail and hauling ass back to the farmhouse.

>>24713467
Eyes focused on the farmhouse, Yellowman can't look behind him as he races to make it to the shelter. He DOES however hear a distinct rumbling behind everyone, the way the earth is shaking doesn't do any favors for his state of mind. The farmhouse looms closer and closer as Yellowman hears Pot call from above.

"Wow, I can't even tell how deep that chasm is!"

"Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back..." Scott mutters, finally reaching the door and throwing it open, hurling himself inside, the others following suite until Fat closes the door being the last in.

"Huh..." the farmer says, emerging from the kitchen with a tray of soup bowls. "You boys must really like fresh vegetable soup."

>>24713737

Sir, there is a massive earthquake happening outside that may or may not be connected to an angry child. We think it might be a good idea to run away right now. Care to join us?

>>24713971
"Can't afford to run away here out on the farm," he says, putting the bowls of soup out on the table, completely oblivious to it shaking. "Too much to do, ya know. Not like you fancy cityfolk who can afford to run around here and there and anywhere you please."

>>24713737
>>24713971
And yes. Vegetable soup is nice. If you'd like, I can try to make some biscuits for a side dish when the curent crisis is over.

>>24714283

Oh. So this isn't out of the ordinary out here, then? Ah, how do you handle the various child-induced natural disasters here? Any way to calm one or both of them down without giving up a friend?

>>24714283

Before we eat, check for poison if possible, and detect evil.

>>24714288
>>24714358
"Well if this isn't out of the ordinary, maybe I'll make some biscuits later," Yellowman says, motioning to Elyse. "Uh... if it ISN'T, how do you handle child-induced natural disasters?"

"He's clean," Elyse says.

"Shows what you know, darn cityfolks," the farmer laughs. "Have quite the layer'a dirt on my from the day's gardening. Can't afford soap out here on the farm, ya know. Anyway, if you ran into Pete out there, he usually calms down after a few minutes. Unless you took one of his pets away from him, a'course."

>>24714691
And what if Pete took my pet from me?

>>24714691
"And...what do you do if you take one of his pets away from him?"

>>24714727
>>24714761
"I don't rightly know," the farmer says as the house creaks and the ceiling is torn away into the angry sky, letting a howling wind rampage through the room. The old man pauses.

"I guess pray?"

>>24714948
Does Elyse have enough magic left to make the illusion of a spider, and leave it with the kid?

>>24714995
Spells: 0/9

Nope.

>>24714948
Scott, you up to putting a bullet through an angry child-god's head?
One Statler gauss pistol round right between the eyes, with Elyse using her Shift Tech to grant a +10. We COULD try running, if there's a back door and we can get Bob the Donkey.

>>24714948

Is Pete your son? Or did he just show up one day unannounced?

This is a pretty huge gamble, but the Changeling might not really want to be here in the middle of nowhere with only one or two humans for company. If we offer to try take him home, or at least guide him to the Changeling tower, we might be able to calm him down.

>>24715079
Let's try Stun Sporing the kid before we start shooting him. Unless he's gone all giant demon form or something.

>>24715037
Damn. I was hoping it was like a 0th level spell.

Ok. Reason is out. Bribe is out. Lying is out. And tricking the kid into throwing the jar like I suggested is out. Only thing left to do is kill it and set a watch to make sure the family doesn't kill us.

>>24715097
Not a changeling. Just a really ugly elf/fairy.

>>24715107
I don't know. The wind is blowing pretty hard; the spore attack might be negated by the wind. The roof just got torn off, after all.

>>24715097
"Pete was a neighbor's boy, up until their house inexplicably turned into candy. Parents came to me asking to look after their boy, n' I said yes, so longs as he's looking after the animals. He always liked pets, y'see. Anyway, the parents looked like they were getting ready to take some sorta big trip, but the next morning, they were gone. Pete there, he'd found two pet squirrels the same day, named 'em after his folks. Innit that sweet?"

>>24715079
"Uh... Maybe?" Scott replies. "I hope so?"

>>24715107
Stun spore or shoot? I should note that despite the roaring wind ripping off the ceiling the walls are still intact and you can't see him from here.

Cool, it's going today again.

>>24715412
I have this feeling that this Pete kid actually doesn't come from around here. Ever familiar with that Twilight Zone story where a kid turns someone into a jack-in-the-box?

>>24715535

This does sound awfully like something that would come out of the Twilight Zone. Unfortunately, they resolved that conflict by placating the boy and not resolving anything.

We could try making a run for it and hoping that he won't give chase, or peek out of the window and see if we can't get a shot at him from there.

>>24715412

Yellowman, are there any windows that you can peek out of? Can you get a clear line-of-sight on the boy? We might not want to kill him, but we might have to incapacitate him. Got any stun ammunition or such?

>>24715412
Right, so the kid's a polymorpher.

It doesn't sound Oglaf to me, though. The kid turns a house into Candy, and not Dicks.
the kid turns his family into squirrels, and not Dicks.
The kid opens up the earth, and summons a storm. And rocks + rain come out, not Dicks.

Honestly I'm thinking running is a better option here, because anything that comes out of the twilight zone typically can't be killed with violence.

Though if we get a clear shot on him, go for it. That's not a boy, that's a monster - and a monster needs Plasma shots, Shotgun shells, Blaster pellets, and a Poison cloud all down his throat.

>>24715737
"I don't, but there's a window..." Scott murmurs, crawling over to a broken window and peeping out as the old man calmly eats some soup. The child is screaming and writhing out in the fields with anger, lightning and fire spewing off him to burn his surroundings.

"The guy that suggested running is sounding awfully convincing..."

>>24715802
Fuck it, just run. We're never going to find a good place to sleep and eat, are we?

>>24715802
Wait. He's just sort of screaming and shit in the same spot? He's throwing a god level tantrum. Who wants to go out there, throw his ass over a knee and give him a spanking.

Everyone else overwatch duty.

>>24715802
Yeah leg it. He's a distraction and not our real goal, the exit out of this loony land.

>>24715802
>>24715822

Yeah, running sounds like a good idea here.

>>24715847
If I could physically do it, I would in a heartbeat. But considering what he's done already, I say we go out there, pretend we're going to give him Fot, and shoot him in the head.

>>24715932
Avoiding a confrontation is just as good as winning one. Let the fucker have his tantrum. This is Oglaf, I'm sure someone will be along shortly to kick him in the cunt and tell him to get back to work.

Rolled 27, 28 = 55

Nope

>>24715961
Good point. It's not like we get XP, and we're low on ammo anyway.

>>24715802
Find a back way out, grab Bob and everyone, and hoof it out of here.

Little bastards like this need to be spanked by the Q or The Devourer of Souls.

>>24716031
Or have someone artillery a meta-transit drive on top of them that's already dialed into Witch Girls.

Rolled 87, 90, 67, 66 = 310

>>24716031
>>24715961
>>24715864
>>24715857
Though some desire a bloody end to this pint size menace, the voices concur that flight is the best option. Scott grabs a bowl of soup and drinks it down as fast as he can.

"Think we'll have to pass on the room, but thanks for the food," Scott says, inching towards the door on the other side of the room.

"Oh, let me get your money back for you then..."

"Keep it!" Yellowman says, herding everyone out the door.

Rolled 38, 29, 78, 6 = 151

>>24716157
Hey, those were mine! Give them back.

>>24716090
Nah, I'd prefer a Frost Giant. And not the Jotuns from Norse myth, but the galactic-scale info-vore capable of causing the heat-death of a universe. I want death to come for little monsters like this, and I wan them to feel fear.

>>24716186
Your alignment might be NON-GOOD!

>>24716212
I have a psychological profile that fits Line Manager positions at the United States Black Chamber, the British Special Operations Executive's Q Division I.T. Services, and the Russian 13th Directorate.

>>24716354
So generally evil corrupt son of a bitch?

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>>24716172
No.

>>24716529
That would only apply if I was in line for an upper management position in the Black Chamber or the 13th Directorate.
And though they are considered evil by their members, their contractors, and every single other Occult Intelligence Agency in the world, the Black Chamber is still there to protect the United States from occult threats. So they're evil, but not corrupt.

>>24716654
Good can be corrupt too you know.

>>24716654
They work for the US, automatically corrupt.

>>24716706
Well they work for the US and they're not automatically niggers and jews, so what makes you think they're automatically corrupt?

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>>24716536

>>24716753
I've been looking for a copy of that. Thanks.

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>>24716157
Yellowman and the others race out into the building storm from the side of the house opposite the rampaging god-kid. Elyse manages to untie and lead Bob the Donkey as Sam clutches to the animal tighter, complaining all the way. The farmhouse is getting smaller and smaller by the minute, the distance growing with no sign of the child.

"I think we might get out of this OK after all!" Yellowman says with a light laugh.

"HEY!" an indignant voice shouts from in front of the group as Pete materializes. He stamps the ground with a foot. "Did I say you could leave!? I'm the one in control! ME! You can't just run off when I'm angry! You have to do what I say! Me! You-HEY!"

Halfway finished with his rant, the kid looks up to see the group far in the distance, having never stopped their flight from danger. Lightning begins to flash from the storm above as the child shakes with fury. Yellowman barely sees something explode up in the sky.

"STOP IT!" he roars, appearing before Yellowman and company again. Bolts of energy fly from his now glowing form, and swift action from all assembled lets them hit the deck before said bolts burn their bodies. "You can't run from me! I'll find you no matter where you hide, anything that thinks, I hear their thoughts like loudwords in my brain! If you think, you can't do anything against me! I WANT MY SPIDER BACK, AND NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME!"

It is at that time, that a flaming and wrecked airship plummets from the storm-torn skies directly on top of the god-kid.

>>24716956
Hang on, isn't that from Arcanum?

>>24716956
Woo! loot!

>>24716956
I want to see pulped flesh, broken bone, and blood all over the place.
Immature little gods like this need to be put in their place.

>>24717036
>Arcanum
Why yes, yes it is.
From the intro movie.

>>24716956
Isn't it nice when things hit other people? Now, can we use the engine on the airship to recharge energy weapons? Oh, and see if anyone survived. If the kid survived, pop him.

Rolled 61, 43, 95 = 199

>>24716956

>>24717102
LootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootitLootit.

The Arcanum protagonist might have survived too. We're bound to be of more use to him/her than that stupid shabby cultist.

>>24717105
I don't know if the generators can produce enough electricity (we're talking about a steampunk zeppelin, and the shields on Scott's suit had a draw big enough to cause a blackout on Governor's Island), though there may be guns and bullets, and perhaps magical sources of power that Elyse can use.

>>24717170
I'll take whatever I can get.

>>24717240
Guns are good. Guns with the bullets that go with them, even better.

>>24716956

Poor kid. Blinded by his own hubris. And also smashed by a zepplin out of nowhere.

>>24717266
>Poor kid
I have no sympathy for little cretins like that. If the Q don't put with that kind of shit from one of their own, the first Q to be born since the Continuum came to be, then there's no reason for us to have to tolerate a little brat-deity's bullshit.

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>>24716956
Yellowman's card begins to pulse as a young woman pulls herself from the wreckage, seemingly unharmed despite the calamity around her. Springing up to a standing position and twirling in place to strike a pose, she begins rapidly speaking as music begins to play from nowhere.

"Explosions! Danger! Death! My life is surrounded by all of these, and many times all at the same time, but we press on for the sake of ACROSS! Even though so far that's meant being burnt, blasted, bulletted, bashed, crashed, and almost molested by those creepy trees back in that swamp, nothing can stand against our iron will and resolve for the sake of- GYAAAAAA, Ha-chan!"

The woman stomps mid-sentence to begin clawing at the wreckage, digging out another woman who is bleeding profusely from all orifices.

"Now's not the time to do your usual sleepy-sleep routine, wake up and come back to life!"

>>24717357
I do not know know the best course of action here.
Other players' opinions?

>>24717357
On the one hand, there's likely to be guns and ammo in that wreckage.
But that would mean dealing with Excel and Hyatte.
On the other hand, we could simply slink away and continue towards our goal, or even go back to the farm and get some sleep now that the little monster is dead.
But that means no Arcanum steampunk guns and ammo.

What should we do?

>>24717357
Well, uh. Shit. We might be able to get shit from the airship, but that means finding a way to distract Excel. If you want to dig through the wreckage we can try and distract her with food and gold. Otherwise let's just give her a quick thanks and avoid move away.

>>24717458
>distract Excel
We could point her towards the farm, saying that the guy there had a big pot of soup that he'd probably be willing to share.
Given her appetite, it might work.

>>24717357
I wonder if Excel can hear us. Let's try to talk inside Excel's head.

"Hey Excel! Thanks for the help! Il Palazzo-Sama would totally love it if you'd let these guys grab some gear out of the airship. You might get some munchies out of it too!"

Excel is a lot like Mihoshi.

Take that as you will.

>>24717409
>>24717458

We might be able to fool them, but I don't think our group is in any condition to handle people with comedic-grade reality immunity. We could try pointing them to the farm with promises of warm food.

>>24717357
"Hi! Thanks for the assist! Do you have any ammo to trade?"

>>24717533
No no no no no.
Distract her, or sneak away. Don't engage in conversation with people like her.
It's likely to get us killed in some comedic fashion.

>>24717567
But at least we'll die in a good old fashioned "non-rape" way.

So it seems that the plan is to tell Excel that there's food in the farm back there, and while she's distracted, we loot the wreckage for guns and ammo.

It's been a long time since I've watched Excel Saga; would she catch on that we're just trying to distract her? Or would the lure of food be too much?

>>24717516
You think as hard as you can, but it doesn't seem to do much.

Let's just get while the getting's good.

We got 3 for telling Excel about the farm and food, to distract her while we loot the airship.
We got 1 for sneaking away now.

Any other votes?

Rolled 45

>>24717767
Guess not.

"Hey did you hear?!" Yellowman shouts up. Excel turns with a startled grunt. "That farmer back there is handing out free food!"

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>>24718095
"I go through periods of eating and not eating, but I must keep up my strength for Lord Illpalazzo's sake and our mission! Without Menchi or a handy portable cooler or the like, my stomach has been tortured, and I, Excel, have been desperately searching for a solution!" Excel cries, finally pulling a comatose Hyatt from the wreckage in one last burst of strength. Throwing her over her shoulder, Excel's eyes gleam. "Or to put it in the terms of the ignorant masses, CHOW TIME!"

Moving far faster than any human being has a right to, Excel carries Hyatt off towards the farmhouse, leaving the ship undefended, though still on fire.

>>24718164
Quick! Scott, Charlie, Elyse, start searching the wreckage. If you find a fire extinguisher, put out fires as you go.
Look for survivors, guns, ammunition, medkits, and magical items.

FFP and Sam, do overwatch and keep an eye out for if Excel comes back.

>>24718164

Alright. Let's get to looting that dirigible, looking for survivors, and getting the hell out of there. Fat-Fot-Pot on overwatch duty.

Have Elyse see if she can detect any evil in the wreckage. If that boy is still kicking, we might want to skedaddle anyway.

>>24718199
>>24718164
But first, Scott, make sure that the little god-child is dead. If he isn't dead yet, then make him dead.

>>24718164
Is it bad that I consider shit like this our biggest victory?

Also have we filled the others in about Excel and Hyatt? Because we probably should if we ever get separated. Otherwise, LOOT TIME!

Rolled 4

>>24718199
>>24718210
>>24718213
>>24718244
Yellowman starts explaining about Excel and Hyatt as the other search for salvage and survivors.

The god-child is indeed dead.

>>24718296
>Rolled 4
Damn.

>>24718296
D=
We should've used the Games of Chance on our find loot roll.
Now we didn't find loot!

You know what? If Charlie's reroll's recharged, I want to use it on that find loot roll. AND games of chance it.

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>>24718296
>roll 4
Can we use Charlie's reroll on this?

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>>24718296
>4
As are all of the crew, the passengers, and one luckless chimpanzee whose purpose on the vessel will forever be a mystery.

The guns are scrap, the ammo is exploded, the gear is wrecked, and the sole turkey sandwich you found in the crushed remains of the galley is really, really dry. And burnt. Very burnt.

>>24718345
I blame the Dice Goblins.

>>24718325
>>24718315
Yes, you can, and you can Chance it.

Dare you roll the dice of this magical realm?

>>24718345
"YOU NOW PROSESS THE SIMON'S QUEST GAME."

>>24718364
Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it

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Rolled 51, 66, 21, 61, 60, 98, 24, 14, 2, 19 = 416

>>24718364
>Dare you roll the dice of this magical realm?
I want to chance it, but I feel like pic related is going to happen.
Let's see how the dice are loaded right now.

>>24718401
Well at least you're eating the bad rolls. Our rolls are guaranteed to be good now! Absolutely guaranteed.

Rolled 19

Nope

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Rolled 62, 97 = 159

>>24718364
THEN LET FATE BE CHALLENGED.

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>>24718568

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>>24718568

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yes

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>>24718568
Dosh

>>24718568
Come back up!

>>24718655
>tfw you find a giant pile of treasure and you pick up one thing, ONE FUCKING THING, and it turns out to be the one thing in the fucking pile that has a Greater Divine Curse on it.
>that moment when you look at the ceiling and say "fuck my life"

>>24719186
I'd have grabbed one of those shields, or shoved all the loose gems I could into a bag instead. If something is prominently displayed at the top of the pile, it's the trap.

Rolled 88, 13, 89, 21, 39 = 250

>>24718568

>>24718568
The survivors are all still dead, but the cargo, shielded and cradled deep in the holds of the vessel, is relatively intact. There is a small amount of muskets and flintlock pistols along with power and shot supplies in the ship's armory that miraculously escaped detonation, several crates of food, and four chests filled with various works of art and jewelry.

But all that pales to the true prize.

A crate of healing potions.

>Gained 24 healing potions, each capable of restoring 1 Wound.

>>24719274
You try equiping a shield when you've been transformed into a porcupine with an easter egg stuck in its ass and legs like an emu. The god that cursed the item was the source of wild magic.

>>24719411
Right. Everyone grab some shitty old gun and ammo, never know when you run out of ammo.
Everyone eat up. Load the food on the Donkey, at least as much as he can reliably carry.
Pick up whatever Jewelery looks light enough to have value.
And aww yes healing potions.

What are our wounds currently at? We should get a round of FFP healing and ... Elf girl ... healing spam.

Well, now that the Kid's dead, we can sleep at the farmhouse, yes?

>>24719411
>art and jewelry
Load up on it as much as we can, see if there's a cart of something we can tie Bob the Donkey to.
Prioritize jewels, since they're usually easily fungible.

As for the muskets and flintlocks, take as much powder and shot as we can, and one musket and flintlock each for everyone.
Even if we don't use them, if we're lucky to end up in a modern world next, we can sell them off as 'antique collectibles' and get money for them.

>>24719463
>we can sleep at the farmhouse, yes
No, we need to keep moving because we sent Excel to the farmhouse and we don't want to be there while she's there.

>>24719463
>>24719478
No then.

Well, at least we got Old ass guns, some ammo, enough Food for at least half a week, and tons of jewelery.
And healing pots. God bless them heal pots.

>>24719464
And don't forget the food.
Eat up here, and take the rest.

>>24719613
The group has a picturesque picnic next to the smoldering remains of a ship filled with corpses.

"I hate to say it, I've dined at worse places," Yellowman grunts, eating a turkey sandwich.

Afterwards, the group loads up what goods they can manage onto the donkey and each takes a flintlock pistol and some powder and shot for themselves. Elyse frowns as she inspects her gun.

"I guess it's better to have something and not need it, but I feel weird carrying around something that could explode at my belt," she comments.

"You know, MY belt's..." Charlie gets out before Yellowman lightly smacks the back of his head.

"Anyway, how much further do we want to travel? I don't think camping near a crash site is a wise idea, anyone for miles is going to know something happened here that might bear checking into," Sam pipes up from the donkey's back.

>>24720078
Point taken, but the Farmhouse is Excel'd.
Do we just camp innawoods?
Well, we've got jewels, we've got food, we've got antiques, we've got healing pots.

>>24720078
There were clearings in the tall grass that we saw when we exited the swamp. We can try for one of those before it gets too dark.

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>>24720242

>>24720276
Regrettably there are no woods to go into, you being in a vast plain now.

>>24720242
Going to use one of the clearings then?

>>24720317
Someone smarter than me can choose.
That guy said to go into a clearing, and I'll follow that.

>>24720317
I want FFP to scout them out first before we settle on one.
I'm considering having Scott start a prairie fire before entering the tall grass, in order to burn/smoke out any potential threats.

>>24720340
He may have a Bright Spark in his eye and a Burning desire to get some rest until it gets Lighter outside, but before he Drops, he should keep an eye on the area, make sure he hasn't Missed anything. We're in a Hot situation here, and it could get even Hotter, so take care that we don't go out of the frying pan and into the Fire.

I bet I'll get Flamed for this comment.

>>24720393
So you're saying, don't start a prairie fire.

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Rolled 18

>>24720340
Fot is a little reluctant to go, but accompanied by his other selves, the reluctance fades. The three aliens zip out over the vast fields.

>>24720532
>18
This is NOT FFP's day, is it?

>>24720532
Fot status: CANNOT SCOUT FOR SHIT

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Rolled 33, 7 = 40

>>24720532
Okaaaay... uh, let me make an additional 2 rolls here.

Rolled 53, 20, 80 = 153

>>24720601
Looking for these?

Rolled 29, 68, 40, 37, 7, 62, 76, 17, 3, 60 = 399

>>24720601
This dice seed, man.

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>>24720601
It's almost a half hour later when Fot returns, dragging the unconscious bodies of Fat and Pot with him, their hover-discs hitched to his own. Without a translator, he gestures frantically at Yellowman.