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>>23916206
>STATUS REPORT
T'was a long turn, but the end is in sight.

First, by the grace of Ruoumoko, the demigod of volcanoes at Geomancer Gubbins' beck and call, the ogres upgraded their oasis golem settlement with a shield made of pure lava.
Second, the ogres invented the short-ranged bow-and-arrow (the less said about that, the better).
And finally, they have unlocked the secrets of healing magic! And also illusion magic. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your point of view), the key to unlocking both schools' full potential appears to be butts. Make of that what you will.

The ogres have also added two new groups of allies into their ranks. The mysterious howling beasts of the night turned out to be a race of vulture-things called Patchwings, who seem to think that the ogres are the greatest things since sliced carrion. And then there are the glowing skeletons of that shimmering structure far to the east, a strange site containing bones and some sort of crazy ghost, now RE-deceased.

And now? War is on the horizon. The ogres' oldest allies, the beetle-like Scaratones, are threatened by strange invaders from the underground: the equally-insectoid (but not nearly as personable) Formichroma.

One last round of preparation is all that remains between the ogres and a good krumpin' bout. So what will it be, folks?

(Cont.)

>>23916225
-----------------------------------------------
Ogir Place (+Floating, +Limbs, +Sandstorm Drill, +Magma Shield, +Steering Wheel)
-----------------------------------------------
Population: 153/153 ogres (6 dead), 84/84 elves, ∞/∞ patchwings, 50/50 Glowing Skellies
- [Landmarks] Oasis, Daphnaia, Underground Cave/Quarry [50% mined]
- [Food] Cacti(-ow), Fungi, Wheat, Potatoes, Ravager Meat, Milk; Fair Growth (+32/turn)
- [Resources] Hellfire Energy [Captive Archdemon Lord], Sandstone, Iron+Chromite Ores, Featherstone, Aquifer Pebbles
- [Diplomacy] Scaratone [ALLIED; Featherstone Carts, Fungi, Paper]; Felpowder Elves [UNITED]; Achievement Hunter Dwarves [???]

- [Key Items] Tomes (Dragon Lore, Illusory Magic I, Necromancy I), Crazy Ghost's Books
- [Arms] Cactus Maces, Iron Scimitars, Short-Ranged Bow+Arrow, Crude Iron Armor, Demon Helm/Shoulderpads; Ur-Camouflage
- [Vocations] OGRES: Geo (∞), Berserks (4), BMasters (1), Rockkits (0), Riders (0), Heallusionist (0)
- [Beasts] Giant Bats (trained), Naked Mole Ravagers (trained)
- [Settlement] Reinforced Rock Shanties, Storehouse, Mushroom Farms, Pier, Anchor/Staircase, THE FLAMES OF HELL

- [NPCs] Boss Bawss Fistboss [+30 Diplomacy], Geomancer Gubbins [+30 Geomancy, +WE ALL GEOMANCERS NOW, +Ruoumoko], Beastkrumpa Squiggles Irwin [+Beast Whisperer, Big Vulture], Celicia Silverstone [???], Vultan [???]
- [Tech] Fire, Fish, Agriculture[+Protection], Cooking, Tea, Mine, Smelt/Forge, Write/Read, Hats, FStone Flight, FStone Airdrops, Airships!
- [Magic] Geomancy I, Healing I, Illusion I, Climate Control 0
- [Economy] System=Barter; Currency=Shit
- [Justice] Krumpin' Duels / Boss Knows Best
-----------------------------------------------
(Cont.)

Oh man, fuck this, I'm going to sleep.

Just stayed up for 6 more hours because of Nazis in Fantasyland quest to find that Ogre Quest started.

Man, when are we going to eliminate the need for sleep?

>>23916235
--------------------------------------
**CHOOSE THREE STRATEGY ACTIONS**
--------------------------------------
[A] [SETTLEMENT] Bigger. Badder. More ogre-like in nature.
[B] [ARMS] Well, we ARE going to war...
[C] [TECH] The sky's the limit!
[D] [MAGIC] Let's not stop at screaming spectral butts, shall we?
[E] [WRITE-IN] Wot do?
--------------------------------------
**- AND CHOOSE ANY FREE ACTIONS**
--------------------------------------
[A2] [MERCHANT] Lolth's Guild of Merchants: We got what you need!
[B2] [DEMON] Interrogate/Deal With/Etc. Archdemon Lord Cuddles!
[C2] [ALLIES] Elves, Patchwings, Skeletons- are they battle-ready?

Its back? what!?

YAY. OGRE TIME!
B
C
D
A2
C2

>>23916246
ABC

C2

a
b
d

c2

>>23916246
>[A] [SETTLEMENT] Bigger. Badder. More ogre-like in nature.
>[B] [ARMS] Well, we ARE going to war...
>[C] [TECH] The sky's the limit!

>[C2] [ALLIES] Elves, Patchwings, Skeletons- are they battle-ready?

>>23916246
B,C,D

C2

>>23916246
B
C
D
-----
C2

I never thought I'd see the day...

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>>23916246
Alright, looks like we have a consensus:

>[B] Improve Arms
>[C] Improve Tech
>[D] Improve Magic
>[C2] Talk up Allies

With that, I'm gonna need a roll for IMPROVE ARMS:

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)

Rolled 46

>>23916536
Oh boy

Rolled 5

>>23916536

Rolled 41

>>23916536
Rollan time!

Rolled 42

>>23916536
Maybe my 1's will find purpose again.

Rolled 42

>>23916536
luckily stupid?

>>23916559
>>23916602
DOUBLES

Rolled 29

>>23916552
If only it were one higher...

Rolled 24

>>23916536

Rolled 50

>>23916536

Just for the heck of it.

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>>23916545
>Improve Arms
>46 - Adequate...

"See? He's just sittin' there dis whole time, staring up at dat big hot shield all day."

Boss Bawss Fistboss squints over at where the other ogre's pointing. True enough, a certain mad genius stands perilously close to the giant magma shield strapped to Ogir Place's left arm, not moving an inch. Honestly, Boss Bawss can't even be sure that That Guy's even blinking. Or breathing, for that matter.

Still, That Guy's given the ogres enough scientific(?) breakthroughs that Boss Bawss is willing to give him a LITTLE bit of leeway. "Leave 'im be," Boss Bawss rumbles. "You know how dat guy is. He's thinkin' deep thoughts."

"About wot, boss?"

That gives him some pause. "... hot things?" Boss Bawss hazards. "Look, dat ain't important-"

"Boss! Boss Bawss!!"

Both ogres look up as That Guy runs toward them, waving his arms in pure unbridled excitement. "I understand! I understand EVERYTHIN' now!! Rocks are underground! Lava comes from even deeper underground! And lava is made of really hot rocks! Do you know wot dat means??"

Boss Bawss scratches his head, screwing up his face in thought. "No-"

"Dat means rocks are constantly digging themselves deeper so as to get to da lava! /Rocks are attracted toward hot things/!" That Guy finishes triumphantly. "And DAT means... Rockit Launcher, GO!!"

That Guy pulls out a crude pipe carved from rock, hefts it over his shoulder, points it into the sky, twists the laws of physics to his liking, and proceeds to fire a boulder into the sky. It immediately proceeds to make a midair 90-degree turn to smash harmlessly into Ogir Place's magma shield.

"Yes! It worked! I am a GENIUS!!"

Boss Bawss Fistboss watches as That Guy capers off, gibbering happily to himself. "... there's somethin' wrong with dat boy," the larger ogre mutters, shaking his head in bemused wonder.

>Rockit Launchers upgraded with heat-seeking capabilities!
>(Useless in the presence of magma.)

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>>23917052
Quick, gimme another roll for IMPROVE TECH!

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)

Rolled 11

>>23917070

Heat-seeking rocks? Awesome!

Let's get lucky!

Rolled 87

>>23917070

stupid lucky time?

Rolled 59

>>23917052

I find no fault with this logic.

>>23917070

Rolling for this.

Rolled 78

>>23917101
>DOPPLES

YESS'M

Rolled 88

>>23917070
STUPID LUCKY TIME

Rolled 66

>>23917070

Rolled 50

>>23917101
>>23917136
>>23917142
Doubles. Doubles everywhere.

Rolled 31

>>23917101
>>23917136
>>23917142
triple doubles!

Rolled 100

>>23917101
Oh shit.

Rolled 51

>>23917166
oh shit!

>>23917166
And 100!

>>23917166
OH SHIT

>>23917166
....Damn. The Dice missed this quest too.

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Oh, I forgot to post the dice roll table. Here it is:

>Any Doubles: STUPID LUCKY
>100: SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID
>90-98: Stupidly Successful
>60-90: Successful
>40-60: Adequate
>10-40: Not So Good
>2-10: SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT
>1: LUCKY STUPID

>>23917101
>11
... and for one blissful moment, I forgot about the doubles rule and thought it fell into the 10-40 Not So Good range-

>>23917101
>>23917136
>>23917142
>>23917166
>11
>88
>66

fuck

>>23917101
>>23917136
>>23917142
>>23917166

IT HAS RETURNED.

>>23917198
did you see the 100?

>>23917228
He has it linked.

>>23917228
Hush now. It ruins the fun if Blorp isn't surprised by the insanity.

The dice herald the return of our king Blorp

>>23917264
So, while we wait. Does anybody kinda feel sorry for the Formichroma?

>>23917381

Not for them, specifically... but I will wince in agony when Boss Bawss starts whomping them with the Ogretek Armor.

Speaking of, anyone have that picture?

>>23917381

Not as sorry as they will when they realize how silly they've been acting.

>>23917101
>Improve Tech
>11, 88, 66 - Doubles - STUPID LUCKY
>100 - SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID

Celicia Silverstone, commander of the Felpowder Elves, lets out a breath as she finally- finally!- spots Boss Bawss Fistboss sitting on the sand near the edge of Ogir Place.

"THERE you are." The blonde elf saunters over, her careworn rifle slung over one shoulder as usual. "Boss Bawss, the elves are ready to- the fuck are you doing," she deadpans, coming up short.

Boss Bawss Fistboss puts down his crayons and looks up from the oversized piece of parchment in front of him. Somehow, the ridiculously serious expression on his face balances out just how childish he looks. "Writin' stuff down," he rumbles gravely. "I'm puttin' wot I know of dis desert down on paper, so's I can remember it."

It takes a moment, but the gist of his intention quickly dawns on Celicia. "A map. You're making a map," she says, grudging admiration entering her voice as she stares at the crude yet time-intensive scribblings on the paper. "Alright, fine. But why's it taking you so long?"

"'Cause I gotta get it just right," Boss Bawss explains patiently. "I hafta be careful. If it's written on paper, then it's gotta be true."

"... right," Celicia mutters, not entirely convinced. "It's not a bad map. You guys always lived in the desert?"

"Wot? Us? Naaah." Boss Bawss shakes his head, picking up his crayons. "I thought I told you guys before. We used to live in da forest, with trees everywhere. See?" On the map, the larger ogre scrawls in a few trees next to Ogir Place. "Just like-"

(Cont.)

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>>23917815
He's temporarily cut off as an entire forest's worth of trees suddenly comes screaming down from the heavens. For a long, long minute, everyone on Ogir Place is forced to cover their ears as the desert echoes with a series of ear-splitting WHOMPHs as the trees all slam into the ground roots-first, the high-velocity, foliage-covered missiles kicking up a veritable sandstorm as they land.

Once the dust settles, Boss Bawss and Celicia stare out onto the instant forest at the foot of Ogir Place, the trees innocently sitting there like they've ALWAYS been around. Only the soft pattering of confused and slightly terrified woodland critters gently falling from the sky hints otherwise.

Eventually, Celicia speaks up, her voice shaky. "... you should probably keep that map somewhere really fucking safe. Away from fire, water, and... you know. Other ogres."

Boss Bawss nods. "'Fraid so."

>The ogres have discovered [Ur-Cartography]!
>Because, you know, if it's written down on paper, then it's GOTTA be true.
>You may completely fuck with the geography of the entire world once per turn.
>May the gods help us all.

>>23917824
Oh my. Fucking. God.

THIS IS WHY WE OGREQUEST.

>>23917824
Dear god, the possibilities, they're endless.

>>23917815
>>23917824
If this is the case then why dont we MAP AWAY the forochima problem then?

>>23917824

Oh god, I'm getting shivers down my spine now,

Ogres are truly horrifyingly lucky.

>>23917824
....You know it really goes to show how well Celicia has adapted. Her mind didn't shut down this time.

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>>23917824
>Improve Magic

Alright! Choose TWO of the following:

[A] Improve [Geomancy]
[B] Improve [Heallusions]
[C] Learn [Necromancy]
[D] Learn [Climate Control]
[E] Learn [Random New School]

>>23917893
>[B]
>[E]

>>23917893
D

E

>>23917893
A and C
A because Geomancy is awesome and C so we can get to know our new Skellies better.

>>23917882
Yeah we can send their caves to space and then they suffocate.

>Also is it worrying that i only laughed for 5 seconds at the ogres suddenly gaining the ability to shape the PLANET to their whims?

>>23917893
[C] Learn [Necromancy]
[E] Learn [Random New School]

>>23917893
b e

Rolled 30

>>23917893
>[A] Improve [Geomancy]
>[E] Learn [Random New School]

>>23917893
A and B

>>23917916
Seconding

It looks like everyone wants to learn a new school.

>>23917882
Well, for one, no one really knows exactly where the Formichroma are located! And the ogres don't really know the layout of the underground realm that well.

And remember, the Scaratones' empire kind of extends a LONG way underground, so there's also that to consider. It probably won't do to map away large chunks of their land by accident.

>>23917893
[D]
[D]

WE REALITY SHAPER NAOW! ALL OF THE DESERTS WILL BLOOM WITH OGRES!!!!!

>>23917917
It wasn't a suprise. Anyone who knew anything about ogres knew this is what happens when the boss gets a map.

>>23917893
c
we got skeletons might as well.

E
DISCOVERY

>>23917943
How much of his body would Boss Bawss have to chop off for fucking over the Scaratones like that?

>>23917943
Hmm it seems that SCOUTING is in order then. I still support the idea of mass teleporting as a WMD.

Just realised something.

Where the hell did Baws get crayons!?

>>23917969
Yeah, but... We're the ogres. Shit comes to US.

>>23917824

Oh my god. First the timestream. Now reconstructing space-time. What has been wrought?

>>23917893

[B]
[E]

>>23917984
Ogres

>>23917893
C, E

>>23917893
[C] Learn [Necromancy]
[D] Learn [Climate Control]

>>23918003
>[D] Learn [Climate Control]
We kind of already did. Just draw some clouds or a clear sky on that map, depending on what we want.

>>23917984
The answer as always is, of course, OGRES!

>>23917984
Orges secrete crayons wax from their nostrils the color varies between each orge so they have to share.

>>23917984
Ogres always had crayons, because crayons were on the paper

>>23918042
>biologically enforced sharing/community by way of coloring
Holy shit, thats kind of adorable.

>>23918017
Weather isnt geography it changes far too much for our map to effectively control. We may draw "Sunny" onto a spot but it will change soon enough.
Geology takes FAR longer to shift, which is why the map is SOOOOOOOO good at being a WMD.

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>>23917893
>[C] Necromancy
>[E] New School

Alright, looks like we have our choices. Taking the first two rolls, so:

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)

Rolled 78

>>23918059
!

Rolled 26

>>23918059
Ere we go!

Rolled 37

>>23918059

Rolled 66

>>23918059

Let's get Lucky! Again!

Rolled 13

>>23918059
HOLY SHIT

Rolled 19

>>23918085
Awww yeahhh

>>23918054
Thanks im the same guy who came up with the pirate ship steering wheel idea.

>>23917893
C and D. The glowing skeletons are our buddies and being able to control the climate will further boost our ability to SUDDENLY FOREST.

Also, those elves that abandoned Celicia are going to be sooo sore! We just managed to terraform a desert they were too weak to do themselves.

Rolled 14

>>23918059
welp

Rolled 66

>>23918085
nice, another doubles

(Would anyone mind archiving this thread early? Just want to make sure it happens and we don't forget about it due to the fact that we fucking miss Blorp so much)

>>23918128
alright thats just a tad scary

>>23918137
The Dice love Ogre Quest.

>>23918157
Well seeing as Lady Luck is their Patron God(even if they don't realize it)....

>>23918137
BAH! THE DICE GODS LOVE OGRES!

>>23918137
Ladies and gentlemen, I think Ogres have just learned how to control demons with that 66/66 combo. Blorp is going to explode.

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>>23918085
>>23918128
>doubles roll quoting doubles roll
>it's the exact same number

Rolled 80

>>23918238

Stay strong, Blorp.

One day, the ogres will roll relatively poorly.

So do not give up hope. Remember, the Dice gods are fickle beings.

>>23918238
It'll be okay, Blorp. The dice will stop doing this any moment now. Annnnnnnnny moment.

>>23918269
Seems that day is not today though.

Rolled 45

>>23918269
Yeah, sure. One day anon one day.......

>>23918269
>>23918276
>>23918283
That day will be the one where we unleash another goddess intervention.

>>23918283
Okay, stop. They reduced the roll by almost half that time.

>>23918059
>Learning Necromancy
>78 - Successful!

"... alright. So."

Once more, Celicia finds herself looking over the edge of Ogir Place (and doing her best to ignore that fucking forest from out of nowhere), staring down at the mass of glowing skeletons. Upon arrival, the undead THINGS they brought back from that strange ziggurat (now a fist-shaped monument to ogre ingenuity(?)) stopped listening to the ogres. Now, they do nothing but stand in place and stare at the sun, their empty sockets glowing gold as they track the sun's movement across the sky.

Celicia lets out a breath. At least the skeletons aren't swarming over the whole settlement and trying to murder them all. That's got to count for something.

"Don't worry," Boss Bawss rumbles calmly. "We got Gubbins working on learnin' how to speak wit' da skellingtons. Should be just in time for da big scrap with those Formichroma guys."

The knot in Celicia's stomach tightens. "... IS that supposed to help me not worry...?"

Gubbins' grand entrance cuts off any reply Boss Bawss might have had to that.

"HEY GUYS!" the smaller ogre yells, his voice cracking slightly. One hand clutches that tome on necromancy, while the other gestures wildly at the skeletons down below. "Good news! I discovered da secrets of necromancy!"

Boss Bawss beams down at the spellcrafter, clapping the smaller ogre's shoulder with enough force to shatter a non-ogre's bones. "Good job, Gubbins! I always knew you had it in you. Now go an' show dem skellingtons who's boss."

"Right!"

As Gubbins moves closer to the edge, Celicia shuffles behind Boss Bawss and braces herself. Given how magic-sensitive elves are, she isn't looking forward to being so close to someone hurling around necromantic energies for the first time.

(Cont.)

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>>23919060
"HEYO! SKELLINGTONS!" Gubbins yells down to the throng below. They ignore him, but that doesn't seem to dishearten him at all. "I see you are skeletons! Dat's cool! However..."

Gubbins jerks a thumb toward himself.

"I have a skeleton inside me as well! An' dat makes us bone buddies, so you should listen to wot I gotta say! Okay?"

There's a moment of tense silence. And then, one by one, the glowing skeletons down below turn to face Gubbins, awaiting his next order.

Celicia stares. "... that's it?" she deadpans. "That's the grand secret Step One underlying all necromantic theory? 'We all have a little skeleton inside us'?"

Boss Bawss scratches his head. "Seems like it."

The elf's mouth opens and closes wordlessly for a few seconds.

"... excuse me. I'm going to go home, dig up the pile of dwarven alcohol I squirreled away in my room, and proceed to get drunk for the rest of the day now."

And so she does.

>The ogres have learned [Necromancy I]!
>They can now command lesser undead beings, no matter who raised them in the first place!
>Directly animating inert skeletons may be attempted as well!

(Cont. in 15-20 minutes) ...

i forget, do we still have those dragon bones around?

>>23919107
>"... excuse me. I'm going to go home, dig up the pile of dwarven alcohol I squirreled away in my room, and proceed to get drunk for the rest of the day now."

>And so she does.

And she's not sharing with anyone? That's kinda saddening.

>>23919131
Sadly, no.

>>23918191
>one thread out of the blue Blorp makes us roll to resist demonic corruption
>we get two 100s and Cuddles succumbs to Ogrish corruption

A man can dream

>>23919191
Are you implying that hasn't already started?

>>23919191
you say it like it hasn't already happened.

>>23919166
Oh, let the elf drink until what just happened make sense.

Besides, I don't know what That Guy or Gubbins would do while hammered and I don't want to know.

>>23919277
But I do!

>>23919318
Somepeoplewanttowatchtheworldburn.jpg

>>23916235
Huh, this copy-pasta is out of date, for example it doesn't list our infinite bones resource.

>>23919318
It would probably be fatal to elves though.

Literally every elf that saw whatever great work the two had wrought would drop dead at the shear impossibility of it, the rational elven mind not being equipped to deal with such uncontrolled levels of Ogre.

Rolled 33

>>23919191
>>23919277
>>23919166
Do post dubs/trips count towards goddess luck? If so, its too bad these didn't occur while we were rolling.

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>>23919413

>>23919107
>Learn New School of Magic
>66 + 66 - STUPID LUCKY
>it's not demons

Once the skeletons are all marched onto Ogir Place and given orders to help out with the day-to-day chores, Boss Bawss really can't help but side-eye Gubbins. The smaller ogre is swaying on his feet, twitching every now and then, his bleary and bloodshot eyes staring out at the world without really seeing anything.

"... dude," Boss Bawss says carefully. "You really gotta lay off da magic-"

"NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND," Gubbins twitch-spaz-titter-speaks, more than a little maniacally. "I'M ON A ROLL! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS, BOSS??"

Boss Bawss blinks at the sudden subject change. "No, I don't-"

"IT'S TIME FOR /TIME/!!" Gubbins howls, raising his fists into the air and pulling at the fabric of space-time-

>>23916206
Oh you bastard. I just finished running Demi Quest and you do this. I wanted to sleep. I WANTED TO SLEEP.

>>23919413
...well.

>>23919107
>Learn New School of Magic
>66 + 66 - STUPID LUCKY
>it's not demons

Once the skeletons are all marched onto Ogir Place and given orders to help out with the day-to-day chores, Boss Bawss really can't help but side-eye Gubbins. The smaller ogre is swaying on his feet, twitching every now and then, his bleary and bloodshot eyes staring out at the world without really seeing anything.

"... dude," Boss Bawss says carefully.

And then he pauses, confused. Didn't he just say that? Didn't this- wait, didn't this conversation just happen? "Gubbins-"

"YES??" Gubbins gibbers back, raising his fists into the air and pulling at the fabric of space-time-

'Bone buddies'. Blorp, you are beautiful.

>>23919107
>Learn New School of Magic
>66 + 66 - STUPID LUCKY
>it's not demons

Once the skeletons are all marched onto Ogir Place and given orders to help out with the day-to-day chores, Boss Bawss really can't help but side-eye Gubbins because this is getting very, very silly.

"... seriously, Gubbins, you gotta take a break. I think you're drunk on magic or somethin'."

"NO TIME FOR REST! WE GOT A WAR TO PREP FOR!" Gubbins gibbers back. And then he seems to consider something. "WE NEED MORE TIME! I'LL JUST MAKE IT YESTERDAY, THEN I CAN SLEEP. YES, THAT IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA," he adds, raising his fists into the air and pulling at the fabric of space-time-

>>23919501
And Boss Bawss wakes up in his rock-shanty, blinking in confusion at the ceiling. Slowly, carefully, the larger ogre extracts himself from his home and looks around before spotting Gubbins collapsed on the sand, snoring away without a care in the world.

Before he can say anything, Celicia runs up to him, her hair frazzled and her own eyes mildly bloodshot. "Boss. Explanation. Now."

Boss Bawss Fistboss rubs his nose in thought. "... I think Gubbins just made it yesterday."

There's a moment of brittle, sanity-sapping silence from the elf.

"Oh, good!" Celicia replies brightly, her eyebrow twitching like mad. "That means I can go and get drunk all over again."

And so she does.

>The ogres have learned [Time Manipulation]!
>On an individual caster level, ogre spellcasters can cast [Haste], [Slow], and [Stop].
>On a Gubbins-What-The-Fuck-Are-You-Doing level... much more can be done, though a roll will be required depending on the desired outcome.
>May the gods help us, every one.

I think I'm going to cry.

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>>23919501
>>23919493
>>23919482
>>23919515

>>23919107
I like how that breaks her mind more that the reality bending map.

>>23919515
>"Oh, good!" Celicia replies brightly, her eyebrow twitching like mad. "That means I can go and get drunk all over again."

>And so she does.

And still not sharing any!

>>23919515
I wonder what would happen if we went back in time with the map and prevented ourselves from creating the map.

Chronomancy? Seriously?

>>23919543
I bet this is how we ended up in a desert in the first place. Gubbins went back with the map, and then changed the terrain because "it didn't look right."

>>23919552
whats wrong with chronomancy

>>23919489
>>23919501
>>23919515
I have a strange feeling Gubbins is going to cause a reality collapse a la Sourcery.

>>23919552
And now you know why Ogres never gather in large numbers usually.

>>23919543
That map is an Elder Scroll. Even though we just created, it now exists across all time and space and always has.

Time travel.

Time travel is in the hands of these big blue loveable idiots.

Did everyone feel it? How many people know time just jumped backwards?

>>23919579
Yeah, but what if we take the scroll and then uncreate it while still carrying the scroll.

>>23919625

Ogres.

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>>23919618
EVERYONE

>>23919515
Well...we lost the map, but we gained chrono-h4x. Fair deal, I guess.

>>23919658

>lost the map

Nope.

Ogres.

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>>23919515
>Talk up Allies

Once again, it's decision time! Of the allies stationed at Ogir Place, who should we check?

>CHOOSE TWO
[A] Elves
[B] Patchwings
[C] ??? Skeletons

>>23919658
We did? Where does it say that?

>>23919652
That picture is now how I imagine Lady Lucks face during this entire debacle. And I imagine the God of Time is walkin a little funny after that one.

>>23919658
see
>>23919668

You broke causality, Gubbinz! This is why we will never not have nice things!

>>23919658
No, we likely have the map.. and the skellies.. we just have an extra day now. I feel sorry for the bad bugs.

>>23919674
Woke up before we made it, unless I'm marking the time wrong.

>>23919671
A and C.

>>23919671
>[A] Elves
>[C] ??? Skeletons

>>23919652
Oh shit, they felt that one all the way back in the old world.

God, what I wouldn't give to be a fly on that wall.

>>23919671

Elves and...Skellingtons.

Or Elves and Patchwings.

It has to be elves.

Because I like watching a group of long-lived people go insane.

>>23919658
Eh, we're about to make it in three minutes. Then we can put it in the vault with the other map that we already haven't made anymore, but is still there.

>>23919671
A and C

>>23919671
We've spent so much time with the elves, lets spread the love. Patchwings and Skeletons.

B and C!

[X] Elves
[X] Skellingtons

We need a name for those guys

>>23919671
A and C

>>23919671
A and C

>>23919730
Bone Bros?

>>23919730
Bogres.

>>23919730
Glowheads

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>>23919671
Seems to be elves and skeletons! Next post in like... 15-20 minutes, as usual.

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>>23919813

>>23919730
>>23919802
Sunny Boys.

>>23919868
Sunny Jims.

>>23919868
>>23919893
Headlights.

Bone + Ogres = Boners?

GUYS.

GUYS.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

FIRST, WE DUMP HALF THE CONTINENT USING OUR SHINY NEW MAP ON THE FORMICHROMA.

THEN WE ASK GUBBINS TO MAKE IT YESTERDAY FOR THAT PART OF THE CONTINENT. BUT NOT THE FORMICHROMA.

Rolled 92

>>23920085
Ogres with sentient bone exoskeletons to augment strength and durability and take control when the ogres are knocked out/dead?

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>>23920179

>Stupidly successful

>>23920085
Boogers, more likely.

Rolled 75

>>23920219
YOU HEARD THE DICE, BLORP. ON IT!

Uh, please.

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>>23919813
>Talk up the Felpowder Elves

"Huh? 'Are we ready'? - hold on a sec." Celicia turns back to her troops, ordering them (at the top of her lungs, and with much cursing out of everyone in general) to continue as they were.

Boss Bawss takes this moment to study the elven soldiers. Looks like they're engaged in some sort of team exercise- the elves have split into two groups, one on offense and one on defense. The larger ogre's seen the elves working in a defensive formation before- two rows of rifle-wielding elves dropping to one knee and firing in tandem.

Those on offense, though...

Boss Bawss watches with interest as THOSE elves seem to ignore gravity in the most unnecessarily stylish ways possible. Here, an elf tosses her rifle into the sky and /jumps/, spinning to avoid being shot before catching her weapon in midair and firing in one smooth motion. There, one elf slides on his back to dodge incoming fire, kicking up a small cloud of sand, and shooting back while prone on the ground. A few of them close in and seem to use their rifles as combination quarterstaves and close-range shotguns, hitting and blocking and firing and dodging all in one smooth, continuous motion, almost as if the whole thing was choreographed.

Celicia catches him staring, though she misinterprets it. "Don't worry. They're not using live ammunition. Still hurts like a motherfucker if it hits, though, so they have enough damn incentive to dodge."

"... h'okay, then." Boss Bawss tears his gaze away from the mock battle. "So... ARE you ready?"

(Cont.)

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>>23920401
"Ready as we'll ever be," Celicia admits, starting to count off her fingers. "First, with all the new recruits coming in, I have everyone working overtime just to summon enough ammunition. Second, we don't have a whole lot of problems with elves working together with ogres. It's just..."

Celicia hesitates. "We'll most likely be fighting underground, right? If we need to hold a position... yeah, we can do that. If you want us to go on the attack, well, we're gonna need a lot of damn open space." She sighs. "All this new blood- some of these recruits have totally different styles from what I'm used to. I'm trying to drill them for both eventualities, but..."

[ ] Train 'em for offense. We don't know how much distance we'll have to cover.
[ ] Train 'em for defense. It'll probably be mostly underground fightin', anyway.
[ ] Train 'em in both, just to keep our bases covered. Don't know how it'll go down, anyhow.
[ ] Write-in!

>>23920410
Bone exoskeletons!

Also: Train them for offense. They need to be able to murderfy any formichroma five times over, and god only knows how many insects there are.

>>23920410
Part of me wants to get them to train with the ogres, but that will probably take to long, so train them for both.

>>23920410
>>23920401
>Train 'em in both, just to keep our bases covered. Don't know how it'll go down, anyhow.

But seriously, all that Dante shit and you're telling me you don't have an indoor style?

>>23920410
>>23920401
Holy shit, they're all Platinum characters.

>>23920410

>[ ] Train 'em in both, just to keep our bases covered. Don't know how it'll go down, anyhow.

We really don't have a clue how this war is going to be fought. Better safe than sorry. Though they'll most likely not be very good at either of them if we do this choose this one.

>>23920458
Raw recruits, remember. Such a style probably exists, but these guys and gals are learning the basics(am assuming that all that acrobatic shit is basic to them).

>>23920410
Train em for offense.

Ogres and Skellingtons can handle any defense more complicated than 'stand in rows and shoot bullets'.

>>23920577
This. Defensive positions will probably entail riding ogres and staying out of the thick of the fight, anyways.

>>23920410
>[X] Train 'em in both, just to keep our bases covered. Don't know how it'll go down, anyhow.

>>23920401
>>23920410
Wait, we've also been training in concert right? So that Ogres and Elves can work together effectively in the thick of it?

>>23920789
Going to say yes, since they've been living and fighting together for a while now.

>>23920410
>[ ] Train 'em in both.

Still trying to think of something, Boss Bawss Fistboss just comes out and says what's on his mind. "All dat jumpin' around looks a lot harder than dat defensive stuff, but dat defensive stuff looks like it's real important to remember, too."

After a moment, Celicia nods, looking like she's made up her mind. "That's fair. We still don't know how this battle's gonna be fought, so I'd rather have these guys be able to competently go both ways than only being good at one style, but horrible at the other. The way we do things, offense is a hell of a lot more complicated than defense, but coordination is important for defense, just so they aren't blowing each other's damn heads off..."

Still muttering to herself, Celicia goes back to the training field and continues barking out orders at the recruits, so engrossed in her work that she seems to forget about the large ogre.

Well, he definitely understands THAT feeling. Boss Bawss watches for a little while longer before meandering back up to Ogir Place. Later, he'll have to remember to ask WHY the elves have to jump around like circus fleas in order to go on the offense, but for now, it's time to check on the skeletons.

And then, it'll be time to fly over to the Scaratones, because what the Formichroma have been doing? It means war.

>To be continued...

Rolled 17

>>23920824
Blorp! Ya'z back!

And so's I!

>>23920801
I am now imaging an Ogre and Elf in the middle of a melee. The Ogre is tanking and krumping left and right. The Elf is jumping and dancing around and on top of the Ogre shoot anything that is too fast for the Ogre to hit.

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... alright, I'm really starting to wind down, so I'm going to call it there! The next thread will be NEXT week, April 3rd/Wednesday, at 8 pm EST.

I keep status updates at https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest , and will post there if anything changes- if you've got questions or comments, don't be afraid to drop a line while this thread's still up.

Thanks for participating (extended hiatuses and all), and I hope you enjoyed this thread!

Rolled 64

>>23920859
God dammit.

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>>23920843
... well, you came just in time to catch the end!!

>>23920859
Thanks for running Blorp!

>>23920859
Sounds good man. You get to any of that 'bonus' material yet? Or that stuff get pushed back during the hiatuses as well. Still thanks for running man and good to see you back.

>>23920859
Thanks for running this Blorp and it's good to have you back.

Good read as always, Blorp!

Saging politely since the thread is done.