Box tunnel massacre.

Pull my concealed pump action from my overcoat and have some fun in the train

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>>23770704
Box Tunnel Twenty

Kill myself and others.

Several bloody scenarios cross your mind. You smile slightly.

The fatso next to you has stopped jabbing you. You begin to nod off slightly.

>>23770686
But in all seriousness, I stand up and get off at the next stop, regardless of whether it is my own or not

>>23770748
Precisely.

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Tell the fucker to stop elbowing me, and stare in him in the eyes such as this picture.

>>23770772

You decide that enough is enough and get off at Heckt Station. If you'd gone one station further, you'd have been at the town where you work.

But to hell with that.

You're on the station platform. People mutter and grumble as they have to walk around you.

>>23770813
I leave the station and run as long as I can to the west.

>>23770813
Just skip to the part where we get captured by a sexy Chinese pirate.

>>23770813
Search for ADVEEEEENTURE
>Captcha: aysagoo STREET
Yes, search for Aysagoo Street.

>>23770860
No! I want the busty Amazons!

>>23770813
Ignoring the suffocating thrall of people about me I push, shove and otherwise force my way to the exit of the station as quickly as possible

(I'm assuming the station isn't adequately designed to house this many people in such a rush, so there's bound to be some crowding, especially around the exits and such. If that is not the case, ignore my mention of shoving and such)

>>23770862

You begin to wander around, looking for adventure. You're not sure how to find it, though. In your games, adventure tends to just find the protagonist.

You contemplate the nature of adventure for a while. When you snap out of it, you've been walking for the better part of half an hour.

There seem to be a lot of shops in this part of town. You see an antiques store, an electronics store, a toy store, a McDonalds, a Staples, and a pharmacist's.

>>23770813

I inform the other pedestrians of what Jesus Christ can do for them.

>>23770922

Pharmacist.

I have a problem.

>>23770922
>>23770940
Yes, we need to take approximately all the drugs. I have a good feeling about this quest OP.

>>23770922
Pharmacists

Buy medical marijuana

>>23770686
> Gas prices being what they are, you tend to take the train to work
Like hell I do.
Public trains are horrible abominations. Never again will I ride one.

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>>23770952
>>23770940

You contemplate what your life has become and head into the pharmacist's.

>>23770975
Buy 7 boxes of hemorrhoid cream

>>23770975

Collect all the items we need to start a meth lab.


We will now be Walter White.

Take headache pills, take a shower, buy some booze, give it to my neighbor, play fetch with his dog, get a stick, go into the Dark World, and defeat the Ancients

>>23771024

You wander through the store, pondering the ingredients needed to make some bomb-ass drugs. You have no idea.

White boy.

>>23770998

You dump seven boxes of 'roid cream in your basket. Store brand, you're not made of money.

>>23771043
Attempt to process hemorrhoid cream into a new type of halluconogenic drug.

>>23771043

LOTS OF COUGH SYRUP.

IM WHITE AS SHIT AND I KNOW WE CAN MAKE SOME PURPLE DRANK.

>>23771070

You think back to your high school chemistry classes, trying to think of a way to turn 'roid cream into a hallocinogenic. Nothing really comes to mind.

You decide to fill your basket up with cough syrup, and mosey on over to the register.

The girl at the cash register looks to be in her early twenties, and appears very, very bored. After seeing what's in your basket, she shoots you a weird look.

Anything you'd care to say?

>>23771119
Start sweating in the awkward silence and fiddle with the pasta in my pocket from yesterday

>>23771119
>You decide to fill your basket up with cough syrup
Prepare to get arrested.

>>23771119
"B-back that ass up"

>>23771119
"Y-you too."

>>23771119
Take a bottle out and chug it while maintaining eye-contact.

>>23771141
>>23771158

You feel your armpits get downright swampy. While trying to stop fidgeting and fucking around with your hands in your pockets, you manage to blurt out: "B... b-back that ass up."

The girl snorts derisively, and picks up the phone next to the register. Throughout the store, speakers crackle to life. Her voice echoes: "Mr. Daniels to the register please. Mr. Daniels to the register."

Your headache is starting to flare up again.

>>23771209

Open cough syrup bottle, and sling that shit around so we can make our escape.

>>23771226
Realise that they've caught onto your devious drug plan, open one bottle and toss it at her eyes before rushing for the exit.

>>23771209
Damn it spam! We needed to chug the bottle to establish dominance! Now we have to do this >>23771226 >>23771252

>>23771196
>>23771226
>>23771252

You take a bottle of cough syrup from the basket, and slide the rest onto the floor.

While staring the now slightly worried/looking cashier dead in the eye, you open the bottle and take a swig. Then, with a quick swing, you splash the ground around you with the medicine.

The girl quickly picks up the phone again. "Mr. Daniels! N-"

Her sentence is cut short when you splash cough syrup in her face. She coughs and sputters, and begins rubbing her eyes.

You chug what little cough syrup is left in the bottle, and hear a door open in the back of the store.

>>23771284

I need quantification on how fucked up that got us before we continue.

>>23771284
RUN LIKE THE NIGGER WE TRULY ARE

>>23771298

You feel pretty damn good about yourself, and everything you've done here today. Things couldn't possibly be better at this exact point in time.

>>23771284
Escape through the nearest window

>>23771341

You chuck the bottle of cough syrup over your shoulder, and pick the basket up from the floor.

Footsteps approach from the back of the store.

Turning around, you look at the store window and smile. You begin swinging the half-full basket around, bringing it up to speed.

The footsteps abruptly stop. Mr. Daniels is to your right, staring at you with his jaw dropped.

What do you say or do?

>>23771387
Swing the basket into his stupid face.

>>23771387

Basket. Face.

Destiny.

What system we using here? Remember kids, this is what happens when you listen to the voices.

>>23771420

Modern Murderhobo

>>23771387
"CATCHPHRASE!"

>>23771449

This plus Basket to face.

>>23771399
>>23771408

You turn to Daniels. He regains his composure and seems to get pissed, but he doesn't approach you. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get the fuck out of my store before I call the p-"

You grin and interrupt him.
"No living man can send me to the shades
Before my time; no man of woman born,
Coward or brave, can shun his destiny!"

You fling the basket at Daniels' face. It connects with a satisfying smash, and Daniels goes down like a sack of potatoes.

The cashier behind you begins to scream.

>>23771504
Pimpslap to put a bitch in her place, then retrieve the basket and get the fuck out.

Rolled 25

>>23771504

She's coming with us. Roll to place her in the basket.

>>23771504
Force enough cough syrup into her body that she won't remember our face, and then flee out the window.

>>23771504

Her ear-piercing scream coupled with the cough syrup pumping through our veins is the last step to unlocking our ascendance.

We explode a hole into the roof with our mind and fly out of it.

>>23771532
No. The codex murderhobo doesn't support this action. Roll to make her chug all the syrup

Rolled 100

>>23771589

>>23771528
>>23771561

You turn on your heel and saunter over to the register. The girl ducks behind the counter and screams.

You chuckle and say "Let us Pray the Pimp's Prayer. Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong, Lord, so that she might learn a hoe's place.

Amen"

You've reached the counter and lean over. Having heard your prayer, the girl has stopped screaming. All she can do is look at you in pure horror.

You grab her by the hair and drag her over to Daniels´ body. The screaming kicks off again, so you force a generous quantity of cough syrup down her gullet.

She keeps struggling for a while, but eventually relaxes. The girl´s pretty out of it.

Rolled 11

>>23771589

>>23771614


Since we seem to be having some kind of nervous breakdown, stroke her cheek and shush her. Then give Mr. Daniels a full bottle cough syrup as well, because it will make sick people better.

Rolled 58

>>23771614
You are officially best OP. Pick some more cough syrup, the good stuff mind, not store brand, and calmly leave.

"what the fuck am I reading, the thread"

hit up the antique store in your med-driven stupor

>>23771647
this + leave whatever you have in your wallet at the counter and proceed with your dramatic store window exit

>>23771670
Yes, you must coolaide man out the window.

>>23771685
continue with the original koolaid plan that these mongrels so unmannerly interrupted

>>23771663
This is what happens when you forget to take your meds

Rolled 22

>>23771638

This. And find a shopping cart to put them both in.

We're throwing a houseparty.

>>23771638
>>23771647

You stroke the girl's cheek and gently place her on the floor. You bring your face to hers, breathing heavily while you do so. When you're content that she's at least vaguely aware of you, you lick your lips salaciously and whisper: "Shhh... no more tears. Only dreams now."

Daniels gets a refreshing splash of cough syrup to the face.

You head back to the decongestant aisle and select a slamming bottle of high-class cough syrup. Content with your find, you sashay over to the register and dump some change out on the corner.

The bargain bins near the counter appear to have wheels. Nice. You aim one at the store window and accelerate it to ramming speed.

You expect there to be an alarm, but you hear nothing. Odd, but no matter. You stride out the window and look around the street.

Through sheer luck (or due to glorious destiny) your shenanigans have not drawn any attention.

Yet.

>>23771778

Its time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgvnZIxOX08

>>23771778
I am disappointed in the lack of rape in this thread....

>>23771808
hush now
>>23771778
run screaming down the street

>>23771824
negative go back into the store and get our rape on!

>>23771824
While naked. It's feeling warm outside, all our clothes are coming off

Rolled 2

>>23771800

TGI Fridays. Today has been a hungry day.

>>23771808
None of that, we're on our way to ascension, we've no time for carnal desires.

>>23771841
look, we're nothing if not professional, we're keeping a tie on

>>23771778
Defecate.

>>23771778
When is work starting? Guess we need to find a vehicle quickly since walking is for squares.

>>23771846

This, haha.

Rolled 73

>>23771778
Run up to a stopped car, naked, and yell COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE! THERE'S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN! roll to bluff

While he's (hopefully) blinking in a mindfucked stupour, steal his car.

You fling your jacket back into the store, loosen your tie, and begin to look for a suitable restaurant.

In the direct vicinity, you find a McD's, a bakery, an indie coffee place, and an italian bistro. The bistro appears to be closed.

>>23771931
NOBODY CLOSES THEIR DOORS ON YOU! KICK THE DOOR DOWN

>>23771931
Go to the bakery and pour cough syrup on all the cakes!

>>23771931
McD has a ball pit, we're going there. After we eat, of course.

>>23771931
McDs, demand a McGangbang.

>>23771931
Attempt mixing the 'roid cream and cough syrup for the drug in an alley

I think its time to get back to work. The rush hour is gone, we can get there nice and easy now.

>>23771944
>>23771969
>>23771982

You head on over to the bistro and look in through the window. Empty.

You snarl and jump at the door. "Tatsumaki Zankukyaku!" Seconds later, you're on your ass. Sturdy door.

You decide that this shit can thoroughly get fucked. You head on over to McD's, taking a few more sips of your cough syrup as you walk. When you pass the bakery, you lob the half-full bottle of cough syrup inside, spreading the joy.

McD's magically opens its doors to you, and you are greeted by a somewhat familiar scent of deep fryers and cleaning liquid.

It's pretty quiet in the restaurant. There's one other patron, a fat office drone snarfing down a breakfast big enough for two grown men.

The registers are sparsely manned. An ebony-skinned strumpet stands behind the counter.

>>23772046
Yes, in fact NOTHING HAPPENED. But everyone at work thinks something DID happen, so you need to make sure they understand NOTHING HAPPENED

>>23772067
Show him your grape drank, then ask if he wants to come with you on your quest to become an all powerful African warlord.

Rolled 5

>>23772067
Demand that the lady shines your shoes.

>>23772067

Engage the strumpet, invite her to the ballpit.

>>23772067
Oh shit we can get breakfast, oh fuck yes. Demand an Egg McMuffin from the wench, then head to work.

>>23772067
Trying to force down a door with a Tatsumaki Zankukyaku is a terrible idea, you'll never get enough force/speed to force the door down by spin kicking in the air.

>>23772067
Put on the plague doctor mask and jump onto the counter and start acting like a jackass before kicking the office drone's food off the table and calling him a "Fatty McFatpants" then empty the register in the ball room and leave the McD.
Enter the same store later without the mask and act like nothing happened.

>>23772067

Do the best cartwheel we can straight over to the fat man and eat some of his fries without using our hands- say something cryptic, too.

>>23772155
>>23772110
>>23772108
>>23772101

Out of sight of the registers, you walk on over to the fat man, do a hand stand on his table, and swipe some of his food. With your mouth full of his breakfast, you stare the dumbfounded mound of fat dead in the eyes and whisper "Deep within your folds of fat, the jimmies rustle softly".

You then head over to sweet, sweet Chocolate Brown.

"You and me in the ball pit, in ten minutes. But first get me some Egg McMuffins, wench."

Her eye twitches momentarily. "Aw HELL naw, you did NAWT just..."

Do you cut her off? How?

>>23772225
Whip out some leftover 'roid cream, put it to your ear for a second, say "yes, I quite agree Wilsen" and say "oh, dreadfully sorry for leading you on, Wilsen here has taken your place"

Her jealousy will override her better judgement and she will demand to fuck you

>>23772225
Pimpslap that hoe. "WAS THAT A FUCKING QUESTION?" Prepare for basket rampage (I assume we still have the death basket)

>>23772225
We kiss her.

>>23772225
By putting on the plague doctor mask and jump onto the counter and start acting like a jackass before kicking the office drone's food off the table and calling him a "Fatty McFatpants" then empty the register in the ball room. The ebony wench will follow the money and us into the ball pit where there will be made sweet sensual love.

Or put a finger on her lips and say "Sshhhhh, Darling only the good girls get a taste of my McMuffin."

>>23772277
>>23772274
>>23772268
Jesus christ we really are schizophrenic. Also do them all, in the order quoted.

>>23772277
>>23772274
>>23772268

You grab the serving wench by the hair, drag her over the counter, and kiss her passionately.

When her struggles threaten to break your hold, you slap her in the kisser. "WAS THAT A FUCKING QUESTION?!"

You throw the shocked girl back, turn around, take something out of your pocket, and bring it to your ear. "Yes, Wilsen. I quite agree."

Behind you, two young men have approached from the kitchen. One of them, a scrawny little white guy in his teens, is staring at the spectacle with his jaw dropped. The second one, a large male of the negro persuasion, is approaching you menacingly.

>>23772352
Go for the high five with the black guy.

>>23772352
MURDER BASKET TIME, SHOW THESE TALLYWACKERS WHAT FOR

>>23772352
Kill nigger and attempt to flee.

>>23772352

Look at the white man.


" MAH NIGGA!"

>>23772352
High five the Black guy

>>23772352
High five the black guy

>>23772404
>>23772378
>>23772380
>>23772383
>>23772387

You approach the black man with your hand raised for a high five. At the last moment, you slide out of the way and towards the counter. Having sadly lost your basket in the pharmacy, you settle for a serving tray instead. Breaking it over the edge of the counter produces a servicably pointy weapon.

You look over to the white guy and wink. "Mah nigga."

The serving wench appears to be gone. Odd.

>>23772438
shit nigga, run before the popo get there!
ask Wilsen for advice

>>23772438
Oh I thought we were carrying around a basket of cough syrup, sad. Consult Wilson.
>Captcha: CTADock son,
Or that.

>>23772438
The black man was clearly the woman in disguise. Kiss him passionately before running off into the sunset.

>>23772438
Get the Fuck out and head to nearest hardies

>>23772438
shank the black guy!
How dare he not be high-fived by us!

>>23772449

Not before we have our McMuffin

>>23772483
Yes sir, right away sir. Obtain the McMuffin.

>>23772483
excellent idea, Wilsen!
Maybe the Black girl is disguised as a Mcmuffin!

Once this McD business is done, go to the cafe and ask for their finest whiskey.

>>23772475
>>23772473
>>23772470
>>23772483
>>23772492
>>23772449

You feign a slash at the black man's face. When he flinches, you drag the tray's sharp edge across his stomach. His hands quickly clutch his bleeding gut, giving you a perfect opening for repeatedly stabbing his neck.

Having downed the negro, you turn to the white kid. He seems to be quivering, and has soiled himself.

"WILSEN DEMANDS MCMUFFINS." you holler. You bring your cupped hands to your ear. "...AND QUICK, BEFORE THE POPO GET HERE."

You just barely catch a glint of something metallic to your right...

>>23772576
Obviously it's the black girl with the keys to her apartment.

tackle her and take the keys, We need them more than she does

Nigga bitch has a knife!! Toss Wilsen in her face, he'll take care of her

Rolled 81

>>23772576
THE WENCH! THE HARLOT! DEFLECT WITH THE TRAY AND FINISH HER

>>23772615
Don't forget to shout "FATALITY"

>>23772615
And feed her cough syrup as she dies.

>>23772615

We must take what is hers, and then acquire Mcmuffin.

>>23772615
>>23772612

You bring up the tray to defend yourself. You can't see her, but the harlot, the snake-tongued wench, she hisses sharply, and a fire fills your airways.

The noxious strumpet spits venom!

You throw Wilsen at her. He smashes into her hand, causing her to drop the spray can she's holding.

With a feral roar, you pounce on the serving wench. Managing to pin her to the ground, you look around triumphantly. The front door slides shut, and you see the Fat Man wobbling away.

"Where is... MY MCMUFFIN?!" you yell.

"C-coming!" the kid screams from the kitchen.

You wait patiently while contemplating what to do with the pinned black mamba snake woman.

>>23772710

Skin her. Must have snake boots.

>>23772710
Gag her and tie her treacherous hands so that she may no longer harm us. We are merciful, but strong.

>>23772710
Shove the pepper spray up her nose and fire it till empty.
>>23772732
No time Wilsen! We need to eat then go!

>>23772732
ALL HAIL THE GLORIOUS WILSEN

>>23772710
gag and tie her also try to talk the fat office fucker and the white kid into joining your party
>capcha rehaire sect

>>23772710
I think it's time to get to work. It's getting pretty close to when I need to clock in, and I don't want to get written up by my boss again. That guy is enough of an asshole already, and my tardiness will just stoke the fire.

>>23772710
"Ghee, I'm getting really late for work."

>>23772710
Oh and retrieve Wilsen.

>>23772760
>>23772740
>>23772799

You grab hold of the spray can, and fire a few solid shots into the wench's nose. She begins to wail, but this quickly simmers down to a softer crying.

You use your belt to tie her arms together, and dump her upside-down into a trash can.

Then, you head into the kitchen to check up on your gad-daymn McMuffin. The scrawny kid's busy wrapping it. "No need, peasant!" you howl, and snatch the muffin away from the kid.

"I gotta get to work." You look at the kid expectantly. "I. Gotta. Get. To Work."

The kid begins to shiver and quake. "Thank you, please come AGAIN!" you instruct...

The kid mutters a weak response. It sounds vaguely like a thank you, so you leave, wholly satisfied.

Arriving back at the train station, you realise that you have at least a 15-minute wait.

There's a group of college kids on the platform. Probably waiting for a train going in the opposite direction.

>>23772710
TIE HER UP AND PRESENT HER TO A ZOO.

THE WORLD MUST KNOW ABOUT SNAKE WOMEN

>>23772907

Get on the tracks. We must catch the train.

With our arms. Catch the train.

>>23772907
Wait patiently like the good citizen we are. If they start shit, pimpslap them and throw them on the train

>>23772950
Wilsen, you're still Mcdonalds, hush.

>>23772907
Use your mind powers to Summon Wilsen (or remember that you picked him up and left him in your pocket, whichever works)

Then convince the college kids to join the church of Wilsen

>>23772907
Get back and pick Wilsen up (run fast and check if police or anyone else is there)
why the fuck would we leave our comrade in that vipernest
also rush back to the station and get in with the college kids

>>23772907
You go back to the McD and pay for your food because you're not an asshole, then you go back to the train station and yell at the college kids: "GIVE ME ALL YOUR WEED! SUCH IS THE DEMAND OF THE WEED LORD!!"

>>23773026
*OF WILSEN THE WEED LORD
ftfy

>>23772907
take out your penis and slap some college bitches in the face. then push a few onto the tracks, you dont have time to deal with more bitches pepper spraying you.

>>23773039
Requesting a drawing of Wilsen, our spiritual Liege

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>>23773088
When I first mentioned consulting WIlsen, I never imagined it would go this far...

You take Wilsen the Second from your pocket, and walk over to the college kids to recruit them for the Church of Wilsen.

When they ignore you, you become insistent, but they brush you off. You seethe with rage, but decide not to harm the future of our nation. Instead, you wait patiently for your train.

As it approaches in the distance, you scream at the college kids. "HEY."

Startled by your sudden outburst, they quickly look your way. Just in time to see you jump down on the tracks, your arms spread welcomingly wide.

"THIS IS IT, WILSEN. APOTHEOSIS!"

The train's screeching brakes are unable to slow it down in time, and the steel behemoth falls into your embrace.

A quick flash of sharp sensations releases your earthly bonds.

You are god.

Thus ends the story of Keith the Wise.

>>23773134
12/10 would search for adventure and Aysagoo Street again

>>23773134


He lives eternally within me. Few can claim such glorious incandescence.

>>23773134
Could've been longer, but still epic as is. Well done OP

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>>23773134
All Hail the Truth of Keith!

>>23773176

Keith's name will live in perpetuity.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/23770686/

>People Killed: 1 Negroe, 1 One Drugsto Ho, 1 Mr. Daniels
>People Terrifed: 1 fattie, 1 skinny white boy
>Property Damaged: 2 windows
>Propety Stolen: Some hemroid creme, fuckload of cough syrup
>God Venerated: Wilsen
>Crazy commited per minute: Fucking all of it

Not bad.

>>23773302
Forget this
>Noses Destroyed: 1 Serving Wench's

>>23773302

You forgot a horde of college kids scarred for life.

>>23773134
He died for our sins.

Never forget

Ah, the fun.

>>23773302
Moral of the story
Public transportation is terrible.

>>23773324
Don't forget the train driver

>>23773435
Also the people who had to clean the soup of gore and cough syrup

>Americans complaining about gas prices
According to 'gasbuddy.com': One gallon (3.78 liters) is 3.667 dollars today. That's 97 cents per liter, let's say one dollar.
I can only speak for myself and I'm too lazy to search for other countries, but I pay about 1.60€ per liter of gas here in Germany - on a good day. That's, at todays rates, $2.06
So, yeah, I pay more than twice what you folks pay for gas.
Stop crying about gas prices, americans.

>>23773507
However, most americans drive cars that are not fuel efficient.

>>23773507
America has the SHITTIEST public trans ever though. But we're sorry eurobro.

>>23773507
>>23773546
>>23773565
Guys, we've just archived the thread

Can we not shit it up at the last hurdle?

What the flying fuck did I just read...

>>23773699
One enlightened man's ascension to a god.

>>23773729

Much more than that, mortal.