Hey there and welcome to /tg/, where the rules are made up and the points don't matter! That's right, the points are like that homebrew project I'm never going to finish.I'm your host Drew Carey, and this is a game called Scenes from a Hat.>Signs you're about to roll SAN
>>23494921Hi, I'm Drew Carey.
>>23494921"Go ahead and lift the wedding veil to kiss the woman you married"*characlter thought*"How oddly worded"
>>23494921This campaign is inspired by an anime I saw. It's really good, it's called Night Shift Nurses!
Welcome to Games Workshop.
>>23495015>"Welcome to Games Workshop, glad to have you on the crew.">Your new boss is Matt Ward.
>>23494921"So, which mirror did you say you looked at?"
"Ia Cthulhu! Ia Hydra!"
Things you don't want to hear during a game of Shadowrun.
>>23495142"I dunno guys, I think THIS dragon's on the level."
>>23495153I would should that runner in the goddamn face.
>>23494921"I lost all my gear" a Figther.
>>23495142"An EMP grenade hits the wall next to you"
>>23495142"Wait you are going to penalize me for smoking weed, drinking booze, dumping long haul and snorting novacoke? Why are you such an asshole?"
>>23495142The Mr. Johnson said that there would be no trolls guarding the vault.
>>23495142What the fuck do you mean, Blender Grenade?
Famous last words of the party Bard.
>>23495361I will deflect the bullets with the power of my rock like Ted Nugent in Damn Yankees.
>>23495361No, I'm pretty sure I can charm the dragon.
>>23495361"I'll freestyle it and see what happens."
>>23495361Hold my beer and watch this!
>>23495361Your daughters said they were 18! I swear!
>>23495361"I think I'll roll a bard this time."
>>23495361"My AC isn't THAT low."
>>23495361Vecna, I'm going to befriend the shit out of you.
>>23495361You can hide behind the bodies of dead bards!
>>23495361"Yes, I am the leader of this noble troupe."
>>23495361Fortitude save... you say?
>>23495478the mound of*
>>23495361Come on guys...I'm not THAT bad...
>>23495361They are TOO charm-able!
>>23495361You can't hate me. I'm a kender!
>>23495361Bah, I'm sure a medievail setting doesn't have laws for child support.
>>23495523oh god someone hit the buzzer now please.
The Lich's holiday.
>>23495505I have failed my Knowledge(Media) check.
>>23495544"Time to bleach my bones by the ocean!"
>>23495544"I love this spa. It makes me feel so alive."
>>23495544"Time to play Spin the Phylactery!"
>>23495544"Take this Phylactory. I am tapped out, but that roulette wheel HAS to start agreeing with my scrying soon!"
>>23495544"Time to play hide the Loli!"
>>23495544Why didn't you pack the phylactery! Now anyone can-*crumbles to dust*
The World's Worst Barbarian.
>>23495544"I still don't think Skeleton Awareness Day is a real thing, my Lord!"
>>23495677Conan, from accounting.
>>23495677"Thag dont want to Crush. Squishies get Thag's stick all icky"
>>23495677"Name Krog. Krog best Wedding Photographer in Aquilonia."
>>23495677"I'd like to rent this vegan cookbook from your library, my male elven friend."
>>23495677"Maybe we could reason with it?"
>>23495677*Grunt*"I NAMED GRUNK AND DIS IS JACKASS"
>>23495677"I say, old bean, you shan't make me angry. I am willing to debate your arguments that my mother was a prostitute (you are incorrect, by the by), but it really seems as though you intend to antagonize me into a brawl"
>>23495677To Hug your friends, see them frolic before you and to hear the laughter of the children
>>23495677WHAT YOU MEAN DRESS TO SHORT FOR THIGHS!
>>23495677"Me Kroar. Me have anger problem. Learn mantra, now no lose temper.
Inappropriate uses of Paladin class features.
>>23495832"Hey, babe, want me to Lay Hands on your sweet ass?"
>>23495832Turn undead on the Lich's vacation.
>>23495832I'm gonna SMITE...that ass.
>>23495832Have you seen my ability to Celestial Mount?
>>23495832Don't worry children, of course what we're doing is okay. A paladin would *never* lie to you.
>>23495862I'M GONNA SMITE IT!
>>23495832"I sense this beautifully crafted, antique warhammer is evil. I must confiscate it."
>>23495832Cleave and Smite, Cleave and Smite Your evil, YOU ARE HUGE, THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE EVIL, CLEAVE AND SMITE!
>>23495832"Hello Mrs. P. Rostitute i hear you've been doing naughty things, now get on you're knees before i have to Smite a bitch"
>>23495832"Hey, it's called Lay On Hands for a reason...."
>>23495853Dammit, you beat me to it.
>>23495832No baby, it's alright. I don't need a protection spell: I'm third level.
>>23495832*As the party Bard* "What do you mean you can only cast Remove Disease once per week? Hey, she came on to me, I wasn't going to say no!"
>>23495832FOUL SUCCUBUS BEHOLD (ZIP) my "Purifying Sword"
Unconventional tavern names.
>>23495832>give allies +4 vs the fear check they'll have to make against your suicidal plan
>>23495832Heh. Heh. Oh yeah trust me, I need to put them here for Lay on Hands to work right.
>>23495973The Obvious Deathtrap
>>23495973The Campaign Starter
>>23495973"So you all meet at a"
Things you can say about the Deck of Many Things, but not about your girlfriend.
>>23495973The Train Station.
>>23495973>Drew Carey's CareerHuh.
>>23495998"I might get lucky! ;_;"
>>23495998I can't wait to see what this one does!
>>23495998Oh hey! Never done that before.
The Salty Woman
>>23495998meaning becomes clear immediately
>>23495998"I've been fucked over too many times, I am never going to try that bullshit again.
>>23495998This thing is useless. How many gold pieces can I get for it?
>>23495998"Welp, I didn't see that coming."Oh wait, you said NOT about my girlfriend.
>>23495677Sha-Tar, the glass-folk barbarian.
>>23495973" The Dragon's Den"
>>23495998"The time and money I spent on this was a wise investment."
>>23495998"I wonder how much i can get for it at the Market"
>>23495998I can lay 'er out anywhere I want
>>23495998"WHY DO I KEEP FINDING THESE?"
>>23495998Anybody else want a go at this thing?
>>23495998"Huh, it didn't try to kill me this time."
>>23495998"Don't worry, you've got a 50-50 chance of succeeding."
>>23495885>mfw I read this in Wreck-It Ralph's voice
>>23495998A Deck of Many Things can cook.
>>23496137It's not my right hand
>>23495998I found it in a dungeon a few months ago and it's been with me ever since.
Inappropriate times to laugh during a game.
>>23496182having you're brain chewed by a mind flayer
>>23496163That's how I got my skeleton-wife.
>>23496182"Roll for initiative."
>>23496182party member's backstory comes into play and their long lost love is murdered in front of them
>>23496182The DM introduces his DMPC
>>23496182DM: "Misters, where's my mommy? I havn't seen her since the fire and-" Anon why are you snickering?Anon: I'm sorry your little girl voice makes you sound like Minnie Mouse
>>23496182After the corrupt head of the Knights Examplar kills the initiates of his order during a coup d'etat.
>>23496088You got me...
>>23496182when you just made the DM look like an idiot
>>23496182"Alright, everyone, throw in for pizza."
Cologne advertisements for illithids.
>>23496268eau de brainstem
>>23496259You scumbag I like that.
>>23496268Essence of Adventurers: Now in Bard!
>>23496268Underdrakkar Noir for Aberrations.
>>23496268"Brain musk. Psychic cologne that you can smell WITH YOUR BRAIN."
>>23496315Desire... Passion... Charisma... Bard.
>>23496210I dunno, man.It is pretty funny when there are 3 critical fails in a row.
"If you don't mind..."Eau de Brainstem
Embarrassing pet names for the party Wizard.
>>23496414Tentacle masteror Ol' Tentacles
>>23496414Hi, this is my pet parrot, Fighter.
>>23496367where do you think these come from?
>>23496414Delicious. But his friends just call him D-Lish
>>23496414Toadlicker(Because his familiar is the kind of toad that... you know never mind)
>>23496414Spell Failure Chart
Pick up lines of the Planeswalkers.
>>23496511Why haven't I ever thought of that before...Welp, next time I play a wizard that's happening.
>>23496526Come on baby, I'm cheap AND spontaneous!
>>23496526I want something between my legs that wasn't made in mechanus.
>>23496526Hey baby, are you a mana pool, cause I'd like to tap that
>>23496526Jace doesn't use pick-up lines, he's a scientific test subject. The project was to create the ultimate date-rapist.It's like it never even happened.
Rolled 1, 2 = 3testing rollang
>>23496526Baby, are you an Archon? I've died and gone to the Seven Mounting Heavens of Celestia
>>23496526Hi, I walk on planes.
What the BBEG is really thinking.
>>23496905He has a cute ass...
>>23496905"Are these clowns seriously the best the nations of the world could muster to defeat me? If I lose, they better kill me or I'm killing myself."
>>23496905OH GOD I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!
>>23496905Did I take out my trash on Tuesday? I can't remember if I took it out or if the trash pick up is on Thursday. I hope the dire 'coons don't get into it, I threw away some nasty decaying adventurers from last week. Or was that the week before? Did I take out the trash this week?
Kids these days, don't even let me finish my monologue before they swear at me and attack
>>23496905"I should've been a painter."
>>23496905Zip Zop Zoobity Bop de da de Bo
>>23496905Wait, does this lever trigger my super weapon or make me the eldritch abomination
>>23496905"I'll show that bitch. I'll prove her that I'm not a worthless piece of shit. I'm going to BLOW UP THE ENTIRETY OF CREATION, VANESSA. ARE YOU WATCHING, YOU BITCH? YOU DID THIS."
>>23496969>dwarf fort problems
>>23496941I read that in abridged Frieza's voice
>>23496905I haven't had time to jerk off in weeks. This is incredibly distracting.
>>23496905"I just need to kill one more adventuring party before I reach 28th level..."
>>23496905I didn't want to be a BBEG. I wanted to be... a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia...The giant redwood, the larch, the fir, the mighty scots pine. The smell of fresh-cut timber! The crash of mighty trees! With my best girlie by my side ...We'd sing ... sing ... sing. I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK,I sleep all night and I work all day He's a lumberjack, and he's OK,He sleeps all night and he works all day. I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,I go to the lavatory.On Wednesdays I go shopping,And have buttered scones for tea. He cuts down trees, He eats his lunch,He goes to the lavatory.On Wednesdays he goes shopping,And have buttered scones for tea.He's a lumberjack, and he's OK,He sleeps all night and he works all day. I cut down trees, I skip and jump,I like to press wild flowers.I put on women's clothing,And hang around in bars. He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,He likes to press wild flowers.He puts on women's clothingAnd hangs around.... In bars?He's a lumberjack, and he's OK,He sleeps all night and he works all day. I chop down trees, I wear high heels,Suspenders and a bra.I wish I'd been a girlieJust like my dear Mamaaaaa.
>>23496905"I am so high right now. Who are these assholes anyway? What are they talking about? Oh shit, are they talking to me? What should I say? Oh god I hope I don't look fucking crazy right now. I am standing so fucking weird. I think I'm going to just walk away. I can't do that, they'll think I'm fucking crazy. I am so fucking high right now."
>>23497051Oh that must have been when some Psycho got into my mentats
>>23496905Oh god they're already here, I didn't finish washing my robes. Why didn't I invest in acid sharks like mom said, oh I'm never going to hear the end of this one...
>>23497132>acid sharksAre they made of acid, or do they swim in acid?
>>23497155They're on acid.
>>23496905I swear that fucking halfling is gay. Or at least bi-curious. God, if I didn't have to kill him, I'd just eat him up.
>>23497049Goddammnit anon, you got me singing this aloud.>>23497112http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xToPCaNxaow#t=3m52s
>>23497167>>23497173>acidic sharks swimming in acid while hallucinating wildly
Talent night at the tavern.
>>23497209>their bite as opposed to suddenly killing you horribly, violently, and otherwise disgustingly, instead sends you on a drug trip unlike any other, where you experience wondrous things and adventures the likes of which your normally sane mine could never handle, and it's not until after you slay the dark witch and save the incredibly beautiful barbarian queen of the snoosnoo tribe that it finally ends your existence.
>>23497270Hey ladies, if you think I'm good with this flute, just wait till you see how I use my other one.
>>23497270>bard drunkenly plays his lute>barmaid attempts to strip on the center table>two barbarians fight, the winner eats the loser>the wizard shows off his useless party trick spells>the bartender breathes fire
>>23497270That wasn't what I was oping for when she said she's show off her Great Cleave..."
>>23497349All of the feels. Too much.
>>23497270Now for this skit I need a location.
>>23497492The Moist Towelette
>>23497506I think you missed the joke.
Weird welcome signs to see on your way into the kingdom.
>>23497617"Welcome to Goodtown. We are not evil."
>>23497617Gary was here. Ash is a loser.
>>23497617What? You mean with "It is not customary to give a visitor a pig to fuck"??? IT IS HERE, MISTER!
>>23497617"Stop stealing our signs."
>>23497617Help control the adventurer population, have your adventurer spayed or neutered today.
>>23497617It's been (7) days since last explosion!
>>23497617RavenholmU Souldn't be here
>>23497617There are no stars and/or princesses here, please leave our wildlife alone.
>>23497617"You are being watched."
>>23497689I need context, where is this sign IRL?
>>23497617"NO WALKING ON ROAD."
>>23497617"You must be this tall to enter."
>>23497617"Welcome to Wa---in--ton"
>>23497705I do not know but assume some sort of museum with life-sized dinosaur statues.
>>23497617Welcome to Aeriholm, population We take ghost town literally!
>>23497617Welcome to the Hub city.We can charge what we like, because every scenario starts here.
>>23497617"Welcome to Duloc, such a perfect town..."
If the party's tragic backstories included product placement.
>>23497978Man, if only Shinra injected me with NEW MAKO COLA! NOW IN LASER LIME FLAVOR!
>>23497978"...but that all changed when the Fire Nation attacked."
>>23497978>Icy Hot.Ice nomad's who igloos got burned down by BBEG.
>>23497978And my Father would have Survived if only he had used Pelor Brand CUREALL!
>>23497978My family was killed with SuperSmith brand swords, the best sword to used when killing families!
>>23497978New Five Gum choked his parents to death leaving him an orphan....
>>23498035"Everyone experiences it different."
>>23497978Ernor could only stand helpless as his parents were killed by barbarians...UNTIL HE WENT TO HAL's HAMMERS!
>>23497978"... and the Purple Wurm would have killed me, if my cleric freind hadn't been carrying a bottle of QUANDO'S PATENTED RESTORE HEALTH POTION! Nothing cures like a QUANDO'S!"
>>23497978"My brother was killed when a crate of Dos Equis beer fell on him at his work. Stay thirsty my friends."
>>23498103"For his sake."
>>23497978My entire family burned to death. If only we had had the cool, refreshing taste of Odd-cola that day!
>>23497978Only one thing can stop this evil lich. The power of Pine-Sol!
>>23497690It's "Ravenholdm / U sudnt come here" you philistine.
oh god what an excellent thread
>>23498164I read that as Piloswine.
>>23497978Sitting in the wreckage of what was once my village, amidst the ruins, fires, that were once homes, and the blood and guts that were once my people, I knew then and there, that I, and what other survivors there are could never afford to pay for the repairs, or the burials. Don't let the debts fall to your loved ones, invest in Lich Farm's Quality Home and Life Insurance.
>>23497978What can change the nature of a man? Choco tacos can.
>>23498405it changes you with constipation
Dumb things to waste a Wish spell on.
>>234985302 HAY PENNIES!
>>23498530I wish I had a sandwich.
>>23498530I could really kill for a choco taco right now.Or two. TWO choco tacos.
>>23498554>>23498550Dude, I'll just make you a sandwich.
>>23498530Cocaine, ALL OF THE COCAINE
>>23498530"I WISH FOR 5,000 XP."
Wishing to be loved without specifying by what.
>>23498530That Finn and Jake were safely back home- NO WAIT!
>>23498530To be a little girl!Andrew llpXbouCaptcha know's my name!
>>23498547First thing I thought of
>>23498530To be Monocle-level rich without explaning what that means.
>>23498530A ten foot long Hogi
>>23498530A mirror that lets you look at a fatter version of yourself, Drew.
>>23495677"Conan! What is best in life? Conan: To cuddle your enemies, see them at peace before you, and to hear the rejoicing of their women. "
>>23498530Shit, I'm at a a loss, I wish I knew what to wish fo-Oh!Oh.Aw.
>>23498530"I wish I were home on /v/."
Bad things to find in your Bag of Holding.
>>23499452A portable hole.
>>23499452A Bag of Holding.
>>23499452The Male elf wizards "anal wands"
>>23499452Teeth in the aperture.
>>23499452Sphere of Annihilation.
>>23499452An inscription bearing the words "guess what spell I prepared this morning."
>>23499452A bag of holding inside a bag of holding inside a bag of holding inside THE bag of holding. This goes on for several bags until you rip out a bag that contains the essence of the Universe.
The graffiti on the walls of the dungeon restroom.
>>23499616Drew Carey gave me Mummy Rot.
>>23499616DONT PEE ANYWHERE
>>23499616For a good time scry XLHRY'THIA-schi'RAWG
>>23499616"This stall has a Mimic"
>>23499616For some ork-hunk action, turn around.
>>23499616Meddy is, like, such a cold-blooded bitch!
>>23499616All of these skeletons are giving me a boner
>>23499616This wall is a mimic
>>23499616The BBEG's trap ideas while taking a dump. Including throwing "traps" at the party.
Whose Line on other planes.
>>23499792Hello and welcome to Whose Thri-Keen Is It Anyway, the show where the rules are made up and the points don't matter! That's right, the points are like my diet around an elf.
>>23499792"Hello and welcome to Whose Line is it Before Being Sent to the Eternal Maze! I'm your host Ash'ras Hagual standing in for the most magnificent Lady of Pain! You all know the rules and remember: there is no right answer!"
>>23499792"Hallow, and welkom to 'Whose WAAAAAGH! Ezz It Anyway', da show wher da choppaz ar WAAAAAGH'd up, an' da WAAAAAGH! duz mattur. I'm ur host, Warboss Dru, an' remember ya gits, der iz no rite ansur.
>>23499792"He'll Hammer your Horror, COUNT STRAHD! He'll Boris your Karloff, ADAM! He'll Black your Knight, Lord Soooth! And he'll Abbot your Costello, Ankhtepot!"
>>23499792"OH GOD IT BURNS! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE US HERE DREW! THE PLANE OF FIRE IS NOT ALL THAT HOT BRO!"
>>23499792Hi I'm Drew Carey and we're about to play...I AM SICK OF THESE MUTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON MAH MUTHERFUCKING PLANE!.
>>23494921One of your party is about to give birth, the father is a psyker.
>>23499792Hello, I'm Drew Cary and this is Whoes Line is it Anyway.
>>23500000>>23500111>inb4 modQuints and trips two post apart, might be a good omen.
>>23500000Quints signifying good thread has occurred.
>>23499792KRAW HISSSSSSSS SCREEEEAAAAACH!RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Colin KREEEEEEE Wayne!
>>23499792Surely you can't be serious!
>>23500317Don't call me Shirley.
>>23497049>buzz! buzz buzz buzz! Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
>>23504594That looks like the beginning of a seduction roll, not SAN.
>>23505309And THAT was the bard's last words
Things you don't want to hear right before you bust in to confront the BBEG.
>>23506028SHIT! I forgot the macguffin!
>>23506028"Hold my beer and watch this!"
>>23506028from the GMso everyone have ideas for your next character?
>>23506028Crikey! Now right here is what I plan to do, I am going to tackle them, and shove my thumb right up...