>>23494921

Hi, I'm Drew Carey.

>>23494921
"Go ahead and lift the wedding veil to kiss the woman you married"
*characlter thought*
"How oddly worded"

>>23494921
This campaign is inspired by an anime I saw. It's really good, it's called Night Shift Nurses!

Welcome to Games Workshop.

>>23495015
>"Welcome to Games Workshop, glad to have you on the crew."
>Your new boss is Matt Ward.

>>23494921
"So, which mirror did you say you looked at?"

"Ia Cthulhu! Ia Hydra!"

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Things you don't want to hear during a game of Shadowrun.

>>23495142
"I dunno guys, I think THIS dragon's on the level."

>>23495153

I would should that runner in the goddamn face.

>>23494921
"I lost all my gear" a Figther.

>>23495142
"An EMP grenade hits the wall next to you"

>>23495142
"Wait you are going to penalize me for smoking weed, drinking booze, dumping long haul and snorting novacoke? Why are you such an asshole?"

>>23495142
Cyberzombies.

>>23495142

The Mr. Johnson said that there would be no trolls guarding the vault.

>>23495142
What the fuck do you mean, Blender Grenade?

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Famous last words of the party Bard.

>>23495361

I will deflect the bullets with the power of my rock like Ted Nugent in Damn Yankees.

>>23495361
No, I'm pretty sure I can charm the dragon.

>>23495361
"I'll freestyle it and see what happens."

>>23495361
Hold my beer and watch this!

>>23495361

Your daughters said they were 18! I swear!

>>23495361
"I think I'll roll a bard this time."

>>23495361
"My AC isn't THAT low."

>>23495361

Vecna, I'm going to befriend the shit out of you.

>>23495361
You can hide behind the bodies of dead bards!

>>23495361
"Yes, I am the leader of this noble troupe."

>>23495361
Fortitude save... you say?

>>23495478
the mound of*

>>23495361
Come on guys...I'm not THAT bad...

>>23495361
They are TOO charm-able!

>>23495361

You can't hate me. I'm a kender!

>>23495361
Bah, I'm sure a medievail setting doesn't have laws for child support.

>>23495523
oh god someone hit the buzzer now please.

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The Lich's holiday.

>>23495505
I have failed my Knowledge(Media) check.

>>23495544
"Time to bleach my bones by the ocean!"

>>23495544
"I love this spa. It makes me feel so alive."

>>23495544
"Time to play Spin the Phylactery!"

>>23495544
"Take this Phylactory. I am tapped out, but that roulette wheel HAS to start agreeing with my scrying soon!"

>>23495544

"Time to play hide the Loli!"

>>23495544
Why didn't you pack the phylactery! Now anyone can-*crumbles to dust*

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>>23495544

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The World's Worst Barbarian.

>>23495544

"I still don't think Skeleton Awareness Day is a real thing, my Lord!"

>>23495677
Conan, from accounting.

>>23495677

"Thag dont want to Crush. Squishies get Thag's stick all icky"

>>23495677
"Name Krog. Krog best Wedding Photographer in Aquilonia."

>>23495677
"I'd like to rent this vegan cookbook from your library, my male elven friend."

>>23495677
"Maybe we could reason with it?"

>>23495677

*Grunt*"I NAMED GRUNK AND DIS IS JACKASS"

>>23495677
"I say, old bean, you shan't make me angry. I am willing to debate your arguments that my mother was a prostitute (you are incorrect, by the by), but it really seems as though you intend to antagonize me into a brawl"

>>23495677
To Hug your friends, see them frolic before you and to hear the laughter of the children

>>23495748

you win

>>23495677
WHAT YOU MEAN DRESS TO SHORT FOR THIGHS!

>>23495677
"Me Kroar. Me have anger problem. Learn mantra, now no lose temper.

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Inappropriate uses of Paladin class features.

>>23495832
"Hey, babe, want me to Lay Hands on your sweet ass?"

>>23495832
Turn undead on the Lich's vacation.

>>23495832

I'm gonna SMITE...

that ass.

>>23495832
Have you seen my ability to Celestial Mount?

>>23495832
Don't worry children, of course what we're doing is okay. A paladin would *never* lie to you.

>>23495862
I'M GONNA SMITE IT!

>>23495832
"I sense this beautifully crafted, antique warhammer is evil. I must confiscate it."

>>23495832
Cleave and Smite, Cleave and Smite Your evil, YOU ARE HUGE, THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE EVIL, CLEAVE AND SMITE!

>>23495832
"Hello Mrs. P. Rostitute i hear you've been doing naughty things, now get on you're knees before i have to Smite a bitch"

>>23495832

"Hey, it's called Lay On Hands for a reason...."

>>23495853

Dammit, you beat me to it.

>>23495832
No baby, it's alright. I don't need a protection spell: I'm third level.

>>23495832


*As the party Bard* "What do you mean you can only cast Remove Disease once per week? Hey, she came on to me, I wasn't going to say no!"

>>23495832
FOUL SUCCUBUS BEHOLD (ZIP) my "Purifying Sword"

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Unconventional tavern names.

>>23495832
>give allies +4 vs the fear check they'll have to make against your suicidal plan

>>23495832

Heh. Heh. Oh yeah trust me, I need to put them here for Lay on Hands to work right.

>>23495973
The Obvious Deathtrap

>>23495973
The Campaign Starter

>>23495973
"So you all meet at a"

>>23495973
Plot Hook

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Things you can say about the Deck of Many Things, but not about your girlfriend.

>>23495973

The Train Station.

>>23495973

>Drew Carey's Career

Huh.

>>23495998
"I might get lucky! ;_;"

>>23495998
NEVER AGAIN.

>>23495998
I can't wait to see what this one does!

>>23495998
It's stacked

>>23495998

Oh hey! Never done that before.

The Salty Woman

>>23495998
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

>>23496016
AHAHHAHAHA

>>23495998
meaning becomes clear immediately

>>23495998
"I've been fucked over too many times, I am never going to try that bullshit again.

>>23495998
This thing is useless. How many gold pieces can I get for it?

>>23495998

"Welp, I didn't see that coming."

Oh wait, you said NOT about my girlfriend.

>>23495677
Sha-Tar, the glass-folk barbarian.

>>23495973
The Bar

>>23495973
" The Dragon's Den"

>>23495998
"The time and money I spent on this was a wise investment."

>>23495998
"I wonder how much i can get for it at the Market"

>>23495998
I can lay 'er out anywhere I want

>>23495998
"WHY DO I KEEP FINDING THESE?"

>>23495998
Anybody else want a go at this thing?

>>23495998
"Huh, it didn't try to kill me this time."

>>23495998
"Don't worry, you've got a 50-50 chance of succeeding."

>>23495973
TAVERN #12

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>>23495885

>mfw I read this in Wreck-It Ralph's voice

>>23495998
A Deck of Many Things can cook.

>>23496137
It's not my right hand

>>23495998

I found it in a dungeon a few months ago and it's been with me ever since.

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Inappropriate times to laugh during a game.

>>23496182
having you're brain chewed by a mind flayer

>>23496182
TPK

>>23496163
That's how I got my skeleton-wife.

>>23496182
"Roll for initiative."

>>23496182
party member's backstory comes into play and their long lost love is murdered in front of them

>>23496182
"Critical fail"

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>>23496182
The DM introduces his DMPC

>>23496182

DM: "Misters, where's my mommy? I havn't seen her since the fire and-" Anon why are you snickering?

Anon: I'm sorry your little girl voice makes you sound like Minnie Mouse

>>23496182
After the corrupt head of the Knights Examplar kills the initiates of his order during a coup d'etat.

>>23496088

You got me...

>>23496182
when you just made the DM look like an idiot

>>23496182
"Alright, everyone, throw in for pizza."

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Cologne advertisements for illithids.

>>23496268

eau de brainstem

>>23496259
You scumbag
I like that.

>>23496268

Essence of Adventurers: Now in Bard!

>>23496268
Elder Brine

>>23496268
Underdrakkar Noir for Aberrations.

>>23496268
"Brain musk. Psychic cologne that you can smell WITH YOUR BRAIN."

>>23496268
Beholder Musk

>>23496315
Desire... Passion... Charisma... Bard.

>>23496210
I dunno, man.

It is pretty funny when there are 3 critical fails in a row.

"If you don't mind..."

Eau de Brainstem

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Embarrassing pet names for the party Wizard.

>>23496414

Tentacle master

or Ol' Tentacles

>>23496414
Twiklefingers

>>23496414
Jingles

>>23496414

Hi, this is my pet parrot, Fighter.

>>23496414
Firebawler

>>23496414
Sarah

>>23496414

Snake-Eyes.

>>23496414

Fumbles

>>23496414
Limpstaff

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>>23496367
where do you think these come from?

>>23496414

Delicious. But his friends just call him D-Lish

>>23496474

Hey D

>>23496414
Toadlicker
(Because his familiar is the kind of toad that... you know never mind)

>>23496414
Spell Failure Chart

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Pick up lines of the Planeswalkers.

>>23496414

Illithid bait.

>>23496511
Why haven't I ever thought of that before...

Welp, next time I play a wizard that's happening.

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>>23496526
Come on baby, I'm cheap AND spontaneous!

>>23496526
I want something between my legs that wasn't made in mechanus.

>>23496526
Hey baby, are you a mana pool, cause I'd like to tap that

>>23496526
Jace doesn't use pick-up lines, he's a scientific test subject. The project was to create the ultimate date-rapist.

It's like it never even happened.

>>23496567
Glorious.

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>>23496526

Fuck you.

Rolled 1, 2 = 3

testing rollang

>>23496526
Baby, are you an Archon? I've died and gone to the Seven Mounting Heavens of Celestia

>>23496526
Hi, I walk on planes.

>>23496414

lil' sparky

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What the BBEG is really thinking.

>>23496905
He has a cute ass...

>>23496905
"Are these clowns seriously the best the nations of the world could muster to defeat me? If I lose, they better kill me or I'm killing myself."

>>23496905
OH GOD I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!

>>23496905
Did I take out my trash on Tuesday? I can't remember if I took it out or if the trash pick up is on Thursday. I hope the dire 'coons don't get into it, I threw away some nasty decaying adventurers from last week. Or was that the week before? Did I take out the trash this week?

Kids these days, don't even let me finish my monologue before they swear at me and attack

>>23496905
"I should've been a painter."

>>23496905
Zip Zop Zoobity Bop de da de Bo

>>23496905
Wait, does this lever trigger my super weapon or make me the eldritch abomination

>>23496905
"I'll show that bitch. I'll prove her that I'm not a worthless piece of shit. I'm going to BLOW UP THE ENTIRETY OF CREATION, VANESSA. ARE YOU WATCHING, YOU BITCH? YOU DID THIS."

>>23496969
>dwarf fort problems

>>23496941
I read that in abridged Frieza's voice

>>23496905
I haven't had time to jerk off in weeks. This is incredibly distracting.

>>23496905
"I just need to kill one more adventuring party before I reach 28th level..."

>>23496905

I didn't want to be a BBEG. I wanted to be... a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia...The giant redwood, the larch, the fir, the mighty scots pine. The smell of fresh-cut timber! The crash of mighty trees! With my best girlie by my side ...We'd sing ... sing ... sing.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK,
I sleep all night and I work all day

He's a lumberjack, and he's OK,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shopping,
And have buttered scones for tea.

He cuts down trees, He eats his lunch,
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping,
And have buttered scones for tea.
He's a lumberjack, and he's OK,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.

He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around.... In bars?
He's a lumberjack, and he's OK,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear Mamaaaaa.

>>23496905
"I am so high right now. Who are these assholes anyway? What are they talking about? Oh shit, are they talking to me? What should I say? Oh god I hope I don't look fucking crazy right now. I am standing so fucking weird. I think I'm going to just walk away. I can't do that, they'll think I'm fucking crazy. I am so fucking high right now."

>>23497051
Oh that must have been when some Psycho got into my mentats

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>>23497049

>>23496905
Oh god they're already here, I didn't finish washing my robes. Why didn't I invest in acid sharks like mom said, oh I'm never going to hear the end of this one...

>>23497132
>acid sharks
Are they made of acid, or do they swim in acid?

>>23497155
They're on acid.

>>23497155
Yes.

>>23496905

I swear that fucking halfling is gay. Or at least bi-curious. God, if I didn't have to kill him, I'd just eat him up.

>>23497049
Goddammnit anon, you got me singing this aloud.
>>23497112
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xToPCaNxaow#t=3m52s

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>>23497167
>>23497173
>acidic sharks swimming in acid while hallucinating wildly

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Talent night at the tavern.

>>23497209
>their bite as opposed to suddenly killing you horribly, violently, and otherwise disgustingly, instead sends you on a drug trip unlike any other, where you experience wondrous things and adventures the likes of which your normally sane mine could never handle, and it's not until after you slay the dark witch and save the incredibly beautiful barbarian queen of the snoosnoo tribe that it finally ends your existence.

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>>23497270
Hey ladies, if you think I'm good with this flute, just wait till you see how I use my other one.

>>23497270
>bard drunkenly plays his lute
>barmaid attempts to strip on the center table
>two barbarians fight, the winner eats the loser
>the wizard shows off his useless party trick spells
>the bartender breathes fire

>>23497270
That wasn't what I was oping for when she said she's show off her Great Cleave..."

>>23497270
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOVdTg7vDA4

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>>23497270
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC6UtsPa13o

>>23497349
All of the feels. Too much.

>>23497270
Now for this skit I need a location.

>>23497492
The Moist Towelette

>>23497506
I think you missed the joke.

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Weird welcome signs to see on your way into the kingdom.

>>23497617
"Welcome to Goodtown. We are not evil."

>>23497617
Gary was here. Ash is a loser.

>>23497617

What? You mean with "It is not customary to give a visitor a pig to fuck"??? IT IS HERE, MISTER!

>>23497617
"Stop stealing our signs."

>>23497617
Help control the adventurer population, have your adventurer spayed or neutered today.

>>23497617
"GO AWAY"

>>23497617
It's been (7) days since last explosion!

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>>23497617

>>23497617
Ravenholm
U Souldn't be here

>>23497617
There are no stars and/or princesses here, please leave our wildlife alone.

>>23497617
"You are being watched."

>>23497689
I need context, where is this sign IRL?

>>23497617
"NO WALKING ON ROAD."

>>23497617

"You must be this tall to enter."

>>23497617
"Welcome to Wa---in--ton"

>>23497705
I do not know but assume some sort of museum with life-sized dinosaur statues.

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>>23497617

>>23497617
Welcome to Aeriholm, population [0]
We take ghost town literally!

>>23497617
Welcome to the Hub city.
We can charge what we like, because every scenario starts here.

>>23497617
"Welcome to Duloc, such a perfect town..."

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If the party's tragic backstories included product placement.

>>23497978
Man, if only Shinra injected me with NEW MAKO COLA! NOW IN LASER LIME FLAVOR!

>>23497978
"...but that all changed when the Fire Nation attacked."

>>23497978
>Icy Hot.

Ice nomad's who igloos got burned down by BBEG.

>>23497978
And my Father would have Survived if only he had used Pelor Brand CUREALL!

>>23497978
My family was killed with SuperSmith brand swords, the best sword to used when killing families!

>>23497978

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb9vOp7wCqQ

>>23497978
New Five Gum choked his parents to death leaving him an orphan....

>>23498035

"Everyone experiences it different."

>>23497978

Ernor could only stand helpless as his parents were killed by barbarians...

UNTIL HE WENT TO HAL's HAMMERS!

>>23497978

"... and the Purple Wurm would have killed me, if my cleric freind hadn't been carrying a bottle of QUANDO'S PATENTED RESTORE HEALTH POTION! Nothing cures like a QUANDO'S!"

>>23497978
"My brother was killed when a crate of Dos Equis beer fell on him at his work. Stay thirsty my friends."

>>23498103
"For his sake."

>>23497978
My entire family burned to death. If only we had had the cool, refreshing taste of Odd-cola that day!

>>23497978


Only one thing can stop this evil lich. The power of Pine-Sol!

>>23497690
It's "Ravenholdm / U sudnt come here" you philistine.

oh god what an excellent thread

>>23498164
I read that as Piloswine.

>>23497978
Sitting in the wreckage of what was once my village, amidst the ruins, fires, that were once homes, and the blood and guts that were once my people, I knew then and there, that I, and what other survivors there are could never afford to pay for the repairs, or the burials. Don't let the debts fall to your loved ones, invest in Lich Farm's Quality Home and Life Insurance.

>>23497978
What can change the nature of a man? Choco tacos can.

>>23498405
it changes you with constipation

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Dumb things to waste a Wish spell on.

>>23498530
2 HAY PENNIES!

>>23498530
A Sandwich

>>23498530
I wish I had a sandwich.

>>23498530
I could really kill for a choco taco right now.

Or two. TWO choco tacos.

>>23498554
>>23498550
Dude, I'll just make you a sandwich.

>>23498530
Cocaine, ALL OF THE COCAINE

>>23498530
"I WISH FOR 5,000 XP."

>>23498530
Sandwiches.

Wishing to be loved without specifying by what.

>>23498530
That Finn and Jake were safely back home- NO WAIT!

>>23498530
To be a little girl!

Andrew llpXbou
Captcha know's my name!

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>>23498547
First thing I thought of

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>>23498530

To be Monocle-level rich without explaning what that means.

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>>23498608

>>23498530
A ten foot long Hogi

>>23498530
A mirror that lets you look at a fatter version of yourself, Drew.

>>23495677
"Conan! What is best in life?
Conan: To cuddle your enemies, see them at peace before you, and to hear the rejoicing of their women. "

>>23498530
Shit, I'm at a a loss, I wish I knew what to wish fo-

Oh!

Oh.

Aw.

>>23498530

"I wish I were home on /v/."

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Bad things to find in your Bag of Holding.

>>23499452
A portable hole.

>>23499452
A Bag of Holding.

>>23499452
The Male elf wizards "anal wands"

>>23499452
A Bag of Holding.

>>23499452
Teeth in the aperture.

>>23499452

Sphere of Annihilation.

>>23499452
An inscription bearing the words "guess what spell I prepared this morning."

>>23499452
A bag of holding inside a bag of holding inside a bag of holding inside THE bag of holding. This goes on for several bags until you rip out a bag that contains the essence of the Universe.

>>23499452
A Kender

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The graffiti on the walls of the dungeon restroom.

>>23499616

Drew Carey gave me Mummy Rot.

>>23499616

DONT PEE ANYWHERE

>>23499616
For a good time scry XLHRY'THIA-schi'RAWG

>>23499616
"This stall has a Mimic"

>>23499616
For some ork-hunk action, turn around.

>>23499616
Meddy is, like, such a cold-blooded bitch!

>>23499616
All of these skeletons are giving me a boner

>>23499616
This wall is a mimic

>>23499616
The BBEG's trap ideas while taking a dump. Including throwing "traps" at the party.

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Whose Line on other planes.

>>23499792
Hello and welcome to Whose Thri-Keen Is It Anyway, the show where the rules are made up and the points don't matter! That's right, the points are like my diet around an elf.

>>23499792

"Hello and welcome to Whose Line is it Before Being Sent to the Eternal Maze! I'm your host Ash'ras Hagual standing in for the most magnificent Lady of Pain! You all know the rules and remember: there is no right answer!"

>>23499792
"Hallow, and welkom to 'Whose WAAAAAGH! Ezz It Anyway', da show wher da choppaz ar WAAAAAGH'd up, an' da WAAAAAGH! duz mattur.

I'm ur host, Warboss Dru, an' remember ya gits, der iz no rite ansur.

>>23499792
"He'll Hammer your Horror, COUNT STRAHD! He'll Boris your Karloff, ADAM! He'll Black your Knight, Lord Soooth! And he'll Abbot your Costello, Ankhtepot!"

>>23499792
"OH GOD IT BURNS! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE US HERE DREW! THE PLANE OF FIRE IS NOT ALL THAT HOT BRO!"

>>23499792
Hi I'm Drew Carey and we're about to play...

I AM SICK OF THESE MUTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON MAH MUTHERFUCKING PLANE!.

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>>23497349

>>23494921
One of your party is about to give birth, the father is a psyker.

>>23499792
Hello, I'm Drew Cary and this is Whoes Line is it Anyway.

>>23500000
>those digits

>>23500000
Nice get.

>>23500000
>>23500111
>inb4 mod

Quints and trips two post apart, might be a good omen.

>>23500000
Quints signifying good thread has occurred.

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>>23499792

KRAW HISSSSSSSS SCREEEEAAAAACH!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Colin KREEEEEEE Wayne!

>>23499792
Surely you can't be serious!

>>23500317
Don't call me Shirley.

bump

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>>23494921

>>23497049
>buzz! buzz buzz buzz! Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

>>23504594
That looks like the beginning of a seduction roll, not SAN.

>>23505309
And THAT was the bard's last words

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Things you don't want to hear right before you bust in to confront the BBEG.

>>23506028
SHIT! I forgot the macguffin!

>>23506028
"Hold my beer and watch this!"

>>23506028
from the GM
so everyone have ideas for your next character?

>>23506028
Crikey! Now right here is what I plan to do, I am going to tackle them, and shove my thumb right up...