traps, traps everywhere

and tentacles

What is your player's character? This will help determine maximum fuckyouitude.

>>23433290
You do know that if a commoner marries a princess he gains no political power, right?

All it enables him to do is have his next of kin have potential rights to the throne, but only if there are no other options. Your player didn't think this out very much did he? His plan is flawed from the very start.

>>23433290

Off the top of my head:

* Undead princess (loli lich optional) who pretends to be innocent but has several centuries worth of experience in being a cold-harted, calculating bitch.

* Stone-age warrior princess who is the leader of a large tribe of hunter-gatherers. Maybe their ancestral land is right on some valuable resource or something.

>>23433327
>one bright spark, playing the King
>commoner

Read the post, retard

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Sporty Lesbian Princess
Disfigured in Alchemist Explosion Princess
Angry at the World Goth Princess
Too Dedicated to her Studies Princess
Wealthy Merchant's Daughter With Lots of Money But Actual Political Power

>>23433339
er, No Actual Political Power

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>>23433338
>>23433327

Welp, nevermind them I'm retarded.

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>>23433290

Right, time for a list:
>Half Orc Amazon, spends more time at war than at home
>Azula, from Avatar; as a Sorceress/Necromancer, totally loyal once you earn her respect. But that'll take a while, if it ever happens and utterly insane.
>NO SIR! MY DAUGHTER DIDN'T DIE OF WASTING DISEASE! AND OF COURSE I DIDN'T HAVE HER BROUGHT BACK AS A PERFECTLY PRESERVED LICH! THAT'D BE ETHICALLY WRONG AND VERY SILLY!
>That's not her daughter! It's her younger sister...who's about 20 years younger...keep it quiet and we'll throw her in as an extra!
>Princess is cursed so that any man who marries her will bright naught but ruin on his own household, ghosts follow her around fucking with stuff
>Paladin Princess, she doesn't want to raise a Kingdom, she wants JUSTICE! Possibly a monk as well.

He meets an eligible princess who is pretty and capable but it turns out she's actually a batty old male archmage who lives in the region and likes to play polymorph

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Here you go, OP.

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>>23433367

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>>23433370

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>>23433381

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Oglaf dump of useful scenarios

>>23433290

Just genderbend the main cast of Game of Thrones.

>Tsundere, naive princess who is currently campaigning to defend her realm from enemy forces and avenge her father

>Rich, intelligent and analytical woman that enjoys sex and refined conversation. Unfortunately, ugly and disfigured

>Frigid, aloof princes with a hardliner moral code, doesn't care for subtleties and being nice.

>>23433320
A minor noble son, who cut himself off from his family; became a sell-sword, then heard that there was land for grabs in the South.
So he automatically went 'gonna get me some of that!'
He's a huge, inspiring, pragmatic as hell, glory hound.

We've also got a second player who's looking for a love interest. He's a LG Necromancer; dude is pretty politically nonviable since he's only the High Magister and a Necromancer, but I'm sure /tg/ can come up with something for him.

The princess is both very average-looking and a psychic

She rejects any man who is more interested in her political power than her looks, and she can tell due to her telepathic powers.

Alternately, the royal line is tainted with corrupt blood of some kind, so she's a cute monster girl that all the other suitors see as hideous because they're morons.

It all depends on whether you want your player to succeed or not in his goal of marrying a princess

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>>23433390

>>23433386
Oh god.
Oh god wait.
Was that manga about the adventuring redhead who wanted to marry a guy named Dick Saucer?

That's the one right? I was looking for that for years

>>23433412
Yes. It's Dragon Half and it is excellent. It is very DnD based.

>>23433394
The answer is simple.

The princess must be a necromancer

>>23433425
Nah the Princess is just undead and rotten.

>>23433400
I cannot believe she missed the chance to say "A faggot in a dress".

*Barbarian princess who has just been challenged to defend her right to rule from a rival princess

*Incredibly inbred princess from way too much marriage between cousins.

*Princess cursed to become a monster whenever an adventurer is near.

*Turns out the minotaur of the myths was a girl. And a princess by birthright.

*

>>23433432
An undead princess is not a princess

Unless she's a vampire

This is because a royal who cannot breed is useless, she must be capable of continuing the royal bloodline

>>23433394

Go for a retarded princess. Literally. Like she's beautiful and well dressed, and seems to be "playful", but when she finally opens her mouth, she's full blown ABBABRNUUURRR TEA PARTY TIME HUSBAND.

And all of her aides treat her whims as 100% serious business. He is forced to placate her retarded whims for the marriage. Trying to trick her always fails, usually because she screams "THAT'S NOT NICE" and stuffs a handful of sugar cubes down his pants.

Since no one has said it yet, I would put in a barren princess don't disfigure her or make her a terrible person just unable to have kids. Thats pretty unmarriable.

>>23433290

The Princess wants a guy who can beat her in combat.

A problem: She cheats.

>>23433290

A few days ago there was a thread on /tg/ that devolved into roleplaying a mad king with schizophrenia, whose sociopath lesbian daughter had run off to become an adventurer and who built constructs to act as his daughters/bodyguards/god knows what else. Use THAT scenario.

>>23433394
>We've also got a second player who's looking for a love interest. He's a LG Necromancer; dude is pretty politically nonviable since he's only the High Magister and a Necromancer, but I'm sure /tg/ can come up with something for him.

Ever played Monster Girl Quest?
A high power merchant comes to the Magister with a grovelling request. His daughter recently died and the church refuses to resurrect her since he's a huge dick bag; he doesn't want his daughter to be punished for his huge dick baggery. So he's asking the Magister to bride of Frankenstein up in this shit; naturally the daughter then spends some time with him after he's done the quest and brought her back to make sure she's alright and that she's not going to go raging crazy on anyone. During this time she falls in love with him and eventually decides to become his romantic Igor.

>>23433444

Trips confirm beautiful yet retarded princess from incest with relentless tea party fantasies.

Here's a few:
Princess is a butch lesbian, royal family in denial, want some man to "cure" their daughter

Another princess is a complete racial mutt. 1/4 Human, 1/4 Gnome, 1/4 Dwarf, 1/8 Elf, 1/8 Kolbold.

Another Princess is nice, friendly, and fairly attractive, and is a quadriplegic who lost their limbs in a horrible wagon accident.

Futanari princess, she's got all the woman parts, but in front of her vagina is a huge penis. She also will fuck any children they have for the fun of it.

Normal princess, nothing special. Every time someone whistles she turns into a horse. She returns to normal slowly after 30 minutes.

Weeaboo parody princess

Princess who must be rapped to at all times or will leave him

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Marceline's not into guys like him.

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>>23433444
>>23433465

Reminds me of this.

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>>23433466
>Princess who must be rapped to at all times or will leave him
That would actually be HILARIOUS

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Amazon Princess. In order to qualify he must be able to best her in combat. Even if he turns her down she is honour bound to fight all his other suitors and only if they beat her can he marry them. If he decides to marry her then she takes over the Kingdom as Amazon society deems that women should be in charge.

Okay.

Make the really raspy sounding princess that only comunicates through a curtain.
She seems like a really sweet girl and all but she before anything, she requires a line of rather fucking shady ingredients.

The girl is actually a man and she needs all that shit for a sex change.
Her entire court knows that but no one's telling
Should everything go alright, he turns into a pretty lady with actual vagina and shit.
Year after the marriage, the rumors start to spread.
Those rumors.

Lesbian princess.

In order to qualify the PC must don a girdle of reverse gender and stay that way as long as they stay married.

Doctor Girlfriend from Venture bros. She is completely normal, except she has a raspy, manly voice.

Evil Fey blooded princess.
Everything is fine and lovely until he gets her in bed, from there its all screaming as her hair takes on a life of its oen, the bed starts to float as the room fills with the water from the mires of drowned men, dark nixies join in turning the thing into a three-to-fivesome and when she cums all the flames in the Castle go purple-black for a moment before she cuddles up to his clawed up chest and tells him how much she loves spending time with him.

Alright:
>Necromancer Princess. Kinda pretty.
>NecROMANCER Princess. Very pretty, but won't have any sexual attraction to you. Unless you die/become undead.
>Unicorn Princess/Alicorn Princess (bonus points if he's a brony/anti-brony)
>Princess was killed, and now inhabits the body of an iron golem. Due to MAGIC! and WHIZZARD!, the iron golem is capable of bearing children.
>Phyrexian Princess. Old school Phyrexian, with spikes through her flesh, and a mecha-vagina, that also has a liquefy setting.
>Cannibal Princess. Amazon type.
>Leprosy Princess (bonus points for realism)
>DORF PRINCESS who menaces with spikes of obsidian
>Split Personality Princess - one of which loves you, and the other one is a sadistic bitch who tortures peasants for her own amusement. Beautiful as fuck though.
>Pirate King Princess. You misread the note, and thought she was an actual princess, instead of just being the daughter of the most feared pirate in the seas. She's badass, hot, likes you; but if you mess things up with you, her daddy is gonna hurt you only like a pirate can.

Cursed Princess, like Fiona from Shrek or something classic like Snow white or something.

Or fuck, anyone who touches her dies.

In a weird turn of events, the queen had quintuplets. To avoid civil war you must marry the five princesses.

>>23433466
>Weeaboo parody princess
Wait, what.
I donąt get It

The princess is in the stars

Literally, she's a constellation, and the last surviving member of a famly line that should have died out centuries ago if she wasn't immortalised in such a way.

The reason why she hasn't found a husband in such a long time is because no man could deal with the fact that she can only return to earch one day every year and would spend every other day watching him... judging him... making sure he won't leave her

>>23433499
Agreed on Cannibal princess.

>>23433514
but the guy wants power/more land for his kingdom, what kind of land does a bunch of stars own?

The princess is trapped within the mirrors of the palace. From her perspective, it's like she's trapped in a empty palace, and there are people trough the mirrors.

>>23433499
Cannibal princess sounds quite hilarious

"You killed that elf, why won't you eat it? Do you not consider it a worthy foe?"

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Which ever one he chooses have another dashing Prince or two also after her. Warn them that they can fight but killing one or both will start a war.

Her vagina is filled with razor sharp teeth, and she spits fire

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>>23433497
>Evil Fey blooded princess.

ITYM "Half-Fey catboy princess".

A princess with a heavy gambling addiction. And she smokes and swears a lot. She is pretty much a femenine Al Pacino, personality-wise

>>23433537
But cannibalism means that she's eating her own species

A princess that is actually a boy and the only person to know is his/her mother. The reason for this is because the father of the "princess" had a prophecy foretold that his son would kill him so if he has a son he's going to kill him. The queen wants to keep her child so obviously she disguises it as a girl!!

>>23433537

Oh man. My weird fetishes aside, playing a cannibal character does sound interesting.
>Eat dicks and hearts of your male foes to gain their power
>Eat the delicious parts of female foes
>Promise your other PCs that when they fall, you will eat them, and bleach their skull, because it's a sign of respect
>Make totems out of your fallen foes bones
>BONUS POINT: Do this while being a paladin.

>>23433541
The princess is actually quite nice but her sense of direction is atrocious. She managed to get lost on her castle while being escorted by a palace guard.

>>23433529
An ancient land, old magic binds it to the family bloodline. Even the new kingdoms on the old land respect the ancient power

So basically, he gets a lot of land from surrounding kingdoms, old land given back to the rightful owners when they return

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>>23433499
Pirate King Princess could shiver my timbers any day.

>>23433529
She still is the officially recognized Royalty and can send meteors crashing down to defend the kingdoms.
Extra twist - she's actually just a Pixie flying high above at night and sneaking around her husband during the day time.

Problem is, half of these fuck the Kingdom over too. By the sound of it he wants to take one for the Kingdom, make it some real allies who'll help, rather than marry someone who causes problems.

So:
Princess is only 8, their Kingdom needs an alliance RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, to sell things to.
Princess of deposed Kingdom, by right of law, if they can take the lands? He owns them by blood. Galt maybe?
Princess who is secretly a Succubus, who wants to play at being LG for a lifetime; if he finds out, Kinky sex and possible redemption ensue.
Princess who is secretly a Paladin
Princess who has been kidnapped by slavers; find her, marry her and you get the whole deal.
Classical Necromancer Princess. Spends her time cackling and wearing skull bras unless told to cut that shit out.

A princess that is possessed by a demon The Exorcist style.

>>23433577
Scratch that. A princess who IS an exorcist.

Naturally good princess who thinks evil is REALLY COOL

She dresses in pointy black outfits and cackles about evil deeds, which puts all good suitors off, but when viewed by her actual actions she's quite nice and gentle, which puts off evil suitors. Leaving her all alone

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>>23433565
>Ara~

Now that's what I call a troublesome princess.
She's so bad with direction, she's a borderline teleporter

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>>23433400
>faggot in a dress

Princess Warlord; she ran off age 14 and now runs the meanest band of CE fucks to ever ravish a nation.
Defeat her men, take her by force and claim her as your own, just good luck keeping her under control unless you're twice as batshit crazy as her.
Fantastic general though.

>>23433565
Gets lost on the way to the wedding and accidentally ends up in another church marrying a blacksmith. He couldn't tell because of the veil.

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Octopussoir.

The princess is a greater doppleganger who ate the real princess decades ago and now masquerades as her, ever young and pretty. The doppleganger now feels terrible about the killings it has done.

She's a star, fallen to the earth. Her father has come to retrieve her, and promises half his lands.

The player character gets the empty realms between the void after she returns to the heavens.

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>>23433617
Not OP, but this sounds like the start of a most excellent adventure.

This entire thread reminds me of an idea for a wuest I had ages ago and never acted upon. Where some noble brat has been tasked by someof the most powerful organisations on a continent to unite the entire continent under one country... By marrying all of the princesses all at once.

She'd sold her soul to a demon by accident along with the lives of all her children.
Are you a bad enough dude to save your wife's soul from the darkness.
Naturally once you do, the soul takes form as a Tiefling version of her and you got to deal with having two wives, one of whom is LE-LN, but crazy for you.

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>>23433603

That one went right over my head.

>>23433394
She's a man-hating lesbian. Not in a "DIE, CIS SCUM" way, but in a subtle fashion.

>Men are pansies who can't deal with a little pain
>Men are war-mongering assholes
>Men don't have fashion sense
>Men are shit at politics

The being shit at politics potshot can be in reference to how women can be subtle and bitch-hydras when they need to be during conversations with people they hate. Just take a look at Mean Girls or any all-girl high school.

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>>23433654
Alternative idea: The princess is into polyamory

>>23433660
>Mean Girls
Mah nigga.

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>>23433497
>mfw reading that

The princess publishes slashfiction about EVERYONE in the court. It creeped any possible suitor.

>>23433597
>Ara~
My erection.

>>23433675
This. Mixed with Barbarian.
>WHY DON'T YOU HAVE MORE WIVES! ARE YOU TOO WEAK TO TAKE US ALL ON. I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU UNTIL YOU BRING AT LEAST 3 MORE WOMEN TO SHARE THE HAREM WITH ME!

The princess is the land.

No, wait. Listen.

A century ago the land in question was rich and fertile, and the center of a small, but prosperous kingdom. As border disputes increased, however, the king of the small kingdom began worrying about his country's future. As such he looked for a suitor with political power to marry his lovely daughter. Unfortunately, the kingdom had attracted the attention of a powerful and quite mad archmage from a neighboring land. Casually magicing his way through all defenses he appeared to the king and demanded the hand of the princess in marriage, so he could become the heir to the kingdom himself.

The king was outraged and refused, which resulted in a feud between him and the wizard. The kingdom was devastated into the broken land it is today, and most of its residents were slain. At last, the princess alone remained, crying over the bodies of her family. The archmage appeared to her again, and arrogantly demanded she come with him now, to become his slave. She spit on him and said she would rather die, and though he could have used his magic to force her, he chose a more enduring punishment.

The beautiful girl found herself dissolving into air, water, fire and earth. Her body fell apart and mixed with the land. And she was still conscious. She was now in the sluggish streams, in the scorched rocks, in the breeze rustling through the leaves. And she was still conscious and aware. As the mage laughed madly and teleported away, there was a thin wailing in the wind, as if someone was screaming...

>>23433497
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY WEDDING PROPOSAL!

Bard Princess.
She brings home girls she's seduces to share with him all the time.
Naturally the courts don't approve at all.

And old maid princess who was meant for a number of other princes who then croaked or had something else happen to them.

>>23433660
>>23433702
>Mean Girls
Amazing movie.

>>23433772

... GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD.

>>23433759
>Land princess is watching you masturbate

Neat.

>>23433777

No wait, that was me, I just misread a word as "murder" and thought it was a variation of what I posted.

Preserving these posts as a memorial to my own derp.

>>23433497
I don't see anything wrong or undesirable about that.

>>23433786
>>23433772
The princess thinks she has a rival who is as beautiful as she is, turns out it's a split personality of her.

No suitor has married her because she is constantly jealous of herself: The ultimate yandere.

>>23433549
Can mean eating sentient/sapient creatures in general, often does in fantasy.

if you consider elves sapient, of course
this is also why I always find the idea of using dragon leather or hearts really bloody weird

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This is the princess

>Princess whose father needed a son to the throne, and she has taken up this responsibility whole heartedly. She always acts like a man and refuses to accept that she is a girl.

>Princess who is literally a national figurehead. Afterbeing turned to stone by a wizard while defending her kingdom, her subjects placed her on a pillar infront of the royal palace to pay respect to those who have fallen for their country. No know spell can turn her back.

>Princess who was lost in the woods at an early age and raised by wolves. She has a deep distrust of civilized people, and find most of their mannerisms dreadful. When confronted with such things she would often run and hide in the woods.

>princess who is a complete misanthrope. She pretty much hates absolutely everything and everyone. If a person spends too much time around her, she will attempt to kill them.

>>23433360

I'd be okay with half of those.

>>23433819
That's a trap.

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>>23433707
>>23433546
>>23433497

Is it bad that I got a boner?

>>23433838
Nope! You are a true /d/enizen of /tg/.

>>23433830

Exactly.

Princess who's been turned into a Gorgon by a wicked witch.
Princess who IS a wicked witch.
Back water princess of a ass end of no where Kingdom that's next to theirs; complete hill billy with no graces; all the other Kingdoms take the piss.
Princess who's father is long dead and overprotective as fuck, the Queen marries her off and suddenly the PCs start hearing rumors of a powerful Cairn wright walking the night in their Lands, armed with a blade, a crown and riding a nightmare, a man so terrible that when he heard his daughter was getting married, hell itself moved out his way rather than deal with that shit.

>>23433399

Your alternate option will most likely be seen as a bonus by the PC, along with 90%+ pf /tg/.

>>23433541
Really, the cast of most any harem anime would work for this kinda shit

>Princess who turns into a cat when exposed to water.
>Princess who happens to be long lost childhood friend.
>Princess who is also an insanely brilliant alchemist who wants to experiment on you.
>Princess who is 10 years old.
>Princess who is extremely klutzy.

>>23433497

As the husband of an IRL woman like this, I can vouch for the awesomeness of this situation.

>>23433897
Princess is a reverse siren. She's got the lady parts but the upper half of her body is a giant fish

Princess has somehow offended the Drow.
Protect your waifu from angry dominatrix's! Seduce as many as you can to convert would be assassins! Deal with Ninja Drider!

>>23433896

I'm imagining a fantasy Meet the Parents, with Robert De Niro as a death knight.

>>23433896
>Princess who's father is long dead and overprotective as fuck, the Queen marries her off and suddenly the PCs start hearing rumors of a powerful Cairn wright walking the night in their Lands, armed with a blade, a crown and riding a nightmare, a man so terrible that when he heard his daughter was getting married, hell itself moved out his way rather than deal with that shit.

"And that's how my grandfather came to 'live' with us at the castle..."

>>23433905
As someone who was previous dating that, shit was so cash...too bad she was shit everywhere else and basically had no drive outside of the bedroom. Still, was fun for the 9 months

>>23433905
You lucky devil, you...

Does she have any sisters?

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>>23433915
>implying sirens are half fish

>>23433497

No, you don't understand, that's a BONUS.

"Goddamn, why didn't anyone TELL me she came with summoning and hairjobs? I'd have paid extra dowry for that shit!"

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>>23433915

>>23433932
I would actually pay to watch that

>>23433939
Oh lord.
>Grandpa! Tell us about the time you held the Gates of the Dead and fought off an army of 10,000 daemons to safeguard the Material realms.
>VERY WELL GRAND DAUGHTER! IT WAS FAR AWAY IN THE LANDS OF THE DEAD WHERE NO LIGHT SHINES AND ALL ARE LOST AND DAMNED. BEFORE MY FOOLISH GRAND DAUGHTER MARRIED YOUR USELESS FATHER!
>DAMNIT ROTEYE, DON'T MAKE ME TURN UNDEAD YOU AGAIN.
>You won't be doing that to my Granddaddy or you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight!

Elven Princess who's first love died 150 years ago.
Her parents think she should be over it and move on.
She really isn't.

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>>23433497

This doesn't seem too bad, actually...

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Princess who doesn't speak any of the languages the PC knows. Insists on having interpreter around at, literally, all times to translate.
An interpreter who, aside being a man, always uses inflections that are inappropriate for the context

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>>23433896

Princess is Baba Yaga's Hut

Princess is possessed by a Succubus.
The twist?
The Succubus /was/ her mother who died when she was young, she now looks after her daughter and makes she she doesn't marry a chuckle fuck like she was forced to for political gain. Since the King is a Bastard and screwed around.

>>23434023
That sounds hot. Does she masturbate her daughter all the time?

>princess

The manliest prince around seeks a to be wed, and he brings a mysterious artifact belt with him. He seeks marital combat with PC having found no other takers.

Whosoever loses the manly duel of manliness has to but the belt on.

>>23434040

IT'S A TRAP

>>23433927

Drowtales has filled me with an unquenchable desire to dig a trench from the ocean to a cave that leads into the underdark. Preferably waters that are heavily infested with terrifying sea-monsters and so many flavors of angry shark that it counts as shark Neapolitan.

>>23433381
>And

Hikkimori Princess who spends all her time up in a tower and refuses to let anyone except her husband see her.
Spends all her time doing research for some huge scheme.

Do a Dresden Files style vampire. Addictive narcotic saliva that zonks you the fuck out if they start kissing you.

Even better, have one trying to seduce the PC whilst he is engaged with a princess.

>>23433444

This is genius.

>>23434056
Oh! Oh! That gives me an idea!

Angry Shark Princess.

>>23434090

Shark mermaid princess. She's angry, hungry, and has to keep moving all the time.

The "princess" is a construct animated by the collective souls of a group of powerful heroes who sacrificed their lives to save the world years ago. They will all have epic-level demands of a suitor, and over half of them are dudes so "she" has major personality swings

>>23433347
Oh, but a wealthy merchant would be REALLY happy to become royalty though.
And he would know people, and he could make or break people.

Political power? No.
Soft power? Yes.

The drawback is that he holds that power over you too.

>>23434069
Adorable.

The King once spent 3 days and nights with She Who Walks in the Shade of the Trees as part of an ancient ritual to make the forest safe for his people.
9 months later, a little girl with tiny goat horns and a strange lyrical voice was brought right into the feasting hall of the King by a Nymph, with the warning that if she was not treated as an equal, then all would suffer.

Her time for marriage is now; and no man dare goes near her for fear that Momma will follow her to her new suitors home and take up the nearby forests. And of course for fear of her ability to command any man with her voice.

>>23433466
>Another Princess is nice, friendly, and fairly attractive, and is a quadriplegic who lost their limbs in a horrible wagon accident.
I don't see how this detrimentally affects her ability to be a good wife and produce offspring.

She's pleasant company and her reproductive system still works. Housework is for servants.

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A princess who is spending the year dead for tax reasons.

A princess who is only excited by danger, regularly gets herself kidnapped or in other dangerous situations so she can be rescued.

Princess is a younger version of the Dark Queen from Battletoads.

And naturally the invisible princess, had long ago had a spell cast on her rendering her undetectable by sight. See invisible doesn't work for some reason... I guess it's part of the curse. True Seeing will work.

>>23433537
So, she's a Bosmer?

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When the princess was a little girl, her parents were afraid someone might try to kidnap her to hold the kingdom at ransom, and they had a very powerful wizard create a nigh-indestructible golem who would act like her tireless protector.

Of course, this started to cause problems later in life, when the golem would see various suitors as threats and deal with them accordingly.

>>23434148
>And naturally the invisible princess, had long ago had a spell cast on her rendering her undetectable by sight. See invisible doesn't work for some reason... I guess it's part of the curse. True Seeing will work.

Under the table invisible hand jobs during major meetings?
You and I have very different ideas of whats a problem it seems.

>>23434148
>Princess is a younger version of the Dark Queen from Battletoads.
ALL MY WANT

Seriously. We'll form a a new empire of global domination with warmachines built to look like rats and snakes!

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You know OP, you could just use a member of one of the noble families in the region. You know, the ones that the PCs can pick to be members of in the Kingmaker player's guide? Seems like they would be the most logical choice.

>>23433487
> You are stronger than me, so I will now marry you.
> I will take charge now, woman power.
Uhm... She just married a murderhobo, she isn't a CR appropriate thread to him, and now she wants to take her shit?
Does she even realize how dead and un-raise-deadable she will be in about 18 seconds?

I like the idea of the lesbian princess though.
Perhaps you could work out a deal or something.
> It's fine that you're a lesbian, but you still have to bear children with me. If you want to fuck the housemaids, then that's okay. Fuck, we can share them.
> But let's at least be friends, okay?

And then, when he thought that he'll actually be okay, when she's gotten a male heir and everything, he'll slowly but surely fall in love with the woman he married, that he an never have, and everytime he fucks one of the maidens, he'll imagine her, and know that he can never truly be loved by her.

A step on from Necromancer Princess
>Necromancer Princess who wants to conquer the world, they're marrying her off because only True Love can distract her from her machinations.
>She's built a giant graveyard golem?
>Sneak up and kiss her, watch as she goes pink and it falls into rubble before she cuddles up, mutters something about not feeling like destroying everything anymore then asks if you can go out riding together.
>Then summons a skeletal horse for you to share.

>>23434219
Where's your sense of fun? He has been given the golden opportunity to fuck up a smug arrogant sell-sword King.

Psion princess

>>23433549
Human/Elf offspring can have viable offspring.
Hence, Humans and Elves are just different species of the same race.

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>>23434221
>lesbian princess
>never truly be loved

>>23434221
She has a stronger nation of Amazons to back her up. The Amazons would just be using the PC to expand their realms but they still wouldn't want the shame of marrying a weak man.

>>23434170

>can't marry someone without witnesses
>assassins try to stop the wedding by murdering all the people with True Seeing.

Amazon full-Ork princess. The kind of 'pelvis-crushing' amazon from Futurama. The 7' tall, arms like tree-trunks, the delicate curvacious figure of a brick wall, kind of amazon.

>"IS SNOO SNOO TIME!"
>"OH JEEZUS, NO!"
As the husband she drags her husband off by his foot.

>>23433927
>protect your waifu from angry dominatrices
Fixed.

>>23433675
you know some cultures believed that the more woman a man could take care of and satisfy the more powerful he was. just saying a "queen" who required her husband to be polyamorus wouldn't be completely out of the question.

>princess is an inanimate scroll of cure moderate wounds
>all efforts to bring someone's attention to this is ignored; if the PC presses the issue it's treated as treason

>no explanation is ever given

>>23434288
>As she drags her husband off by his foot.
fixt

>A prince who has be cursed with genderswap, and is now the princess.
If they pursue this princess, they could eventually find out that the prince's younger sibling betrayed him so that he may have the throne. The younger prince bargained with an evil witch.
If you lift the curse instead of simply marrying this princess, the kingdom will become fast allies with you.
>Werebear Princess.
She's a werebear, but her family is powerful enough (everyone's built like a lumberjack) and wealthy enough that her rampages are only a minor inconvenience.
>Slut Princess
She'll fuck the whole party if she wants. The party won't be able to tell until it's too late. Maybe
>Planetouched Princess
I like the Undine best for this one, but Tiefling, Aasimar, Oread, Sylph, and Ifrit work well too. No one wants to marry one of those hybrids, they act inhuman.

The princess is an insatiable slut. I'm actually surprised this didn't come up sooner.
The princess is physically repulsive.
Princess is a total bimbo.
The princess is his blood relative.
The princess prefers women.

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>>23433460

>>23434224
>One lovers spat away from the decimation of the entire Kingdom.
>One forgotten anniversary away from waking up with a Ghoul fondling your nuts
>On the other hand, one cuddle and kiss away from hot vampires triplets as a gift.

>>23434170

It would cause plenty of issues. A queen who the common people cannot see? An invisible voice that talks mostly to the king and wizards? People will think the king has either gone insane, or the queen is a monster.

Rumors spread, problems ensue, perfect princess problems.

>>23433456

> A problem: She cheats.

GOD DAMNIT

>>23434333
>If they pursue this princess, they could eventually find out that the prince's younger sibling betrayed him so that he may have the throne. The younger prince bargained with an evil witch.
I've seen this story before.

>>23434392
Tell me more.

The princess is bookish and studies magic. Her father loves her dearly, and so allows her to pursue her passions, even to the point that he allows her to turn suitors away simply because she wants to finish reading a book. She is attractive enough, but no prince in the land is willing to take such a wife when there are less troublesome options available. There are also rumours that what magic she practices is less than savoury.
In actual fact, she is studying necromancy. Her father would be extremely obliged if the sellsword married her, and his moderate wealth and powerful army would be useful assets in an ally.
But she has her heart set on the party necromancer.

>>23434233
Are you suggesting that a princess from a noble family that is a rival to those represented by the party couldn't be used to fuck over the PC/party? Because personally that sounds like a great opportunity for heating up the political drama and turmoil.

>>23434378
Invisible Princess is all well and good...but intangible princess is better.

A curse has made the princess Incorporeal, not on the ethereal plane, but stuck unable to interact with most things upon the material.

She has been this way for years, and it has driven her somewhat mad...and perhaps emaciated. Have to subsist on whatever else incorporeal she could find. Turns out Ghosts are not good eating.

>>23434387
So you get the smarmiest dick-ass thief in the party to challenge her.

>>23434378
Invisible Princess is all well and good...but intangible princess is better.

A curse has made the princess Incorporeal, not on the ethereal plane, but stuck unable to interact with most things upon the material.

She has been this way for years, and it has driven her somewhat mad...and perhaps emaciated. Have to subsist on whatever else incorporeal she could find.

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>>23434132

Tiny goat horns...You mean, like this?

>>23434387
>Implying there's such a thing as "cheating" in a legitimate fight
Deliberately restricting yourself is a weakness, and she don't want no weak husband.

Now get in there and kick her ass however you have to.

>>23434318
>princess is actually a bear with maxed out disguise and bluff

>>23434450
Why is she not wearing pants or a skirt or something?

>>23434282
Actually, the Amazonian polities aren't that strong last time I checked.

But still, if she falls down the stairs, break her jaws so you can't speak with dead, and then rolls into the magical incinerator that eat souls in a tragic accident... Well, stranger things have happened.

>>23434450

Holy shit. Look at that ass.

Suddenly, I know why Joker Quest picked Hecate as our girl.

>>23434472

Princess who is cursed unable to wear pants.

>>23434468
BRILLIANT!

>>23434472
She is wearing pants. This is a blue board after all.

Or did you mean trousers?

>>23434450

She has horns? I was distracted.

>>23434279
That's not real love.
And it's an AD&D item, not a 3.5/PF item.

People seem to have overlooked the most obvious choice.

A Princess who's just really, really ugly. Fat as well, with poor hygene, but she's grown up being spoiled by her parents and fawned over by sycophants at court and so doesn't want to change. She's convinced that she's beautiful and will brush off any criticism as jealous insults.

And yes, she'll be expecting children from the relationship.

>>23434415
http://www.fictionmania.tv/stories/readtextstory.html?storyID=2980622505882702

>>23434547
We've overlooked that because no PC would ever hit it.

>>23434534

It exists in every system because homebrew is a thing.

Vagina Dentata.

What a horrible phrase.

Vagina Dentata.

It means no sex for the rest of your days.

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>>23433904

How about a princess who acts all gentle and sweet but is actually mind-controlling you in secret

>>23434620
Time to use the ring of regeneration

OP I have a problem with this thread, It's more what is the motivation of the would be king besides marrying into royalty and setting up a kingdom? what does he plan to do with said kingdom? Why isn't he a king in the northlands? was he betrayed? Are the people in the south ok with a northern prince/king marrying one of their daughters? IF he was betrayed could there not have been some betrayal in the south (war or such) that might sway them to his cause?

See I'm fine with setting up the PC with a princess, but we need to know a backstory we're dealing with her for maximum fuckery, because you have the chance to turn this into a psudo-polictical game as he is trying to wed one of the many pitched princesses or ladies.

>>23434566
>"you think marriage is about love? marriage is a partnership, a little Tit for tat."

Princess is snake-people (yuan ti or whatever) heir of a powerful kinda chinese empire (really powerful nation), but the royal family is the only surviving snake people, king is ok with mixing blood with other races but every prince that tries to marry her gets killed.

Her younger brother is in love with her and tries to keep the bloodline "clean" he haves tons of followers.

The pcs would need to convert to their side or eliminate the diferent groups and noble families (also dragions) of the princess country before the wedding.

>>23434628
So... a typical woman.

>>23434602

>implying goblin princesses are bad

Have you SEEN that booty?

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>>23434671

Sounds like Big Trouble in Little China.

And a perfect excuse for the princess to wear a cheongsam, while the players have to fight SNAKE-NINJAS.

>>23434688

Now that's a princess.

>>23434568
> This problem can be solved with magic item
> It doesn't exist.
> Homebrew it!

Alternatively, you can check out Alter Self.
You would need to gather 2 * 3 * 2000 * 1.5 gold, so 18000 gold pieces.
You would also need one hundred different pieces of attractive woman.
Hair will do, but where's the fun in that?

And even if you did change shape into a woman, would she then love you? And if she did, why would she stop doing so if you got a penis?

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>>23434671
this but with a twist

>>23434688

You. I like you.

>>23434644
I feel like my questions were never properly answered.

>>23434729
>love
hahahahaha
ha
ha

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>>23433290
Zombie princess.

And not your regular brand of zombies either

>>23434688
>>23434450
>>23434148

These are the only princesses so far that would actually be attractive.

>>23434789
Well, if we're to fuck with his character, unrequited love is a pretty good one, IMO.

>>23434729
Lesbian, attracted to not dick.

You'd have not dick.
Thats as close as royal/arranged marriage gets.

>All right, I'll marry you. But if you want kids, you have to have them.

>>23434644
You're reading it wrong. The 'King' wasn't a King, or even a Prince.
Basically in game there's an area known as the Stolen Lands, which are pretty much lost to all, recently the PCs moved in, claiming this land as their own by sword and legal recognition by a nearby huge country that's building up to a civil war.

They're nobodies, that's why he wants to marry a Princess, to give them some allies where currently they are literally just one city state and held together by the blade and his ability to lead.
To the South lies the River Kingdoms, anarchy and Galt, even more anarchy.
To the North, Brevoy and the coming war.

>>23434805
Oh god.

No.

No no no no.

>>23434450
ASS/10 what was the question?

>>23434855
hrrm alright then I guess that explains it well enough. any of the more reasonable princesses would fit, but I think the first they come across should be cold and calculating only wanting the PC for his land and an heir she can manipulate.

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>>23434862
>>23434805

Well done jackasses, there's now female!chrysalid porn out there.

>I never asked for this

>>23434979
>You never had a choice

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>>23434548
there's no such thing as an original thought anymore.

The Princess, is a perfectly normal princess, that enjoys princess things and wants to have the PC's children. The twist? The princess is actually a trap, but thinks she's a girl. The King wants a grandchild. He placed a curse on the PC so that if there's no grandbaby at end the 2 year and one day mark something terrible happens.

Is your PC bad enough to accept this fetish into his character?

>>23433960
A day in the life of the young king:

>wake up at 4am before castle stirs
>walk halls and take down posters that read:
WANTED: A Strapping noble paladin to wed trapped princess and free her from hellish torment. REWARD: ancient and powerful undead demon lord willing to offer up self to JUSTICE! once said princess is wed
>SIGH
>off to throne chamber by 7am to deal with royal duties
>7am to noon: "No young sir, there are no undead here." SIGH "those posters are not true, we have a practical joker in the castle" "I assure you we mean no disrespect to your most holy order" SIGH "I'm afraid we cannot accommodate an overnight stay for your party" "No there is no princess here, she is my Queen and I assure you she is quite happy with the marriage she entered into WILLINGLY" . . . NEXT . . . "No young sir, I'm afraid you are mistaken, there is no trapped princess here. No we do not make light of the vows of your most holy order" . . . on and on and on
>12 noon, break for lunch: "GODDAMNIT ROTEYE STOP TOUCHING MY FOOD WITH YOUR ROTTING HANDS"
>3pm, retire for short afternoon break, visit queen: "No honey, I will not give him quarters outside of the basement. It's for his own good. Yes dear, I understand he is your father and a little senile in his old age. No, I cannot allow him out even at nights"
>go to bed at 9pm: "FOR FUCKS SAKE SOMEBODY RENEW THE WARDS IN THE BEDCHAMBER HE'S DOING THAT DEMONIC VOICE-PROJECTION SHIT AGAIN"

>>23433819
the female time line right......NOT THE TRAP NORMAL TIMELINE RIGHT??

>>23435043
Sure there is. You just have to think longer thoughts.

>>23435096
Break the curse myself, explain to the king that there's no way his "daughter" is going to have a child unless "she" either submits to some magical tampering, or figures out that "she" is a dude and decides to go knock up some nobleman's daughter.

Clerics: straightening out other people's shit since forever.

>>23435249

Or a lot weirder.

Princess is a halfdragon.

And not one of those pansy-ass good dragons. Half red or some shit. (But a definite princess, oh yes, are you going to argue with her?)

First of all, your princess is probably going to be more physically capable than you. (Dat +8 Str)

Second, and much, much worse, your mother in law is an unrepentantly evil dragon who's willing to follow mortal law only insofar as it is can be abused and manipulated at her convenience. And now has a vested hold and interest in your kingdom.

Of course, her family doesn't admit she's a half dragon, or that her mother is a full dragon, but there's only so much that you can explain away, when she looks like that.

did anyone say toothy vagina yet?

>>23435648

GDI, dude, all you have to do is Ctrl+F and type "dentata".
>>23434620

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>>23435575
>Half-Red Dragon Chaotic Evil Princess

A perfectly reasonable choice for a hero.

>>23435821
True. It'd take some effort, though. She's not going to stop being vain, greedy, or ambitious.


The mother in law, though...

If the PCs fail to address her in campaign, guaranteed BadEnd in the longterm.

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>>23435871

YOU STAY AWAY FROM TIER 15!

princess' parents attempt to eat the PC's best friend

>>23435982
Tier 5?

>>23434221
> It's fine that you're a lesbian, but you still have to bear children with me. If you want to fuck the housemaids, then that's okay. Fuck, we can share them.
But let's at least be friends, okay?

Even if love eventually blooms, this one has a chance of actually working out. It most likely won't end up as the happiest of marriages, but the balance of power can at least be a basis for respect and trust.

Hell, it's dammed near the bog standard in Exalted's Scarlet Dynasty.

>>23436055
>15

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>>23433290
A Magical Commando princess...
basically a younger The Boss wearing a dress
>>"Honey, Try to remember the basics of lovemaking"

>>23436165
10/10. I'd give her MY solid snake.

>>23433759
Finds a way to manifest as a nymph or something? Will only come to the aid -and maybe even come to love- those that love the land and wish to see it prosper and not those simply out for blood and glory?

I like it.

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>>23436217

>>23434744
You could probably fuck a python-sized snake lady... or just cast 'enlarge person'.

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OP, one of the princesses should be TOTALLY into the PC who wants to get married. Like, OMG so TOTALLY into him! (like my gf.) So, there's a little problem: she's CRAZY. (Like my gf.) Play this up. She's so crazy, in fact, that if this guy DOES marry her, have him go off on a quest or something, and as he rides back to his castle, he sees an ugly plume of smoke rising from where his castle should be....he gets there to find his CASTLE on fucking FIRE because his wife decided to burn it down for no good reason....because she's CRAZY (like my gf).

Never get involved with a crazy girl. All girls are crazy.

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OP, here's another idea for an unmarriable princess:
Princess Grace Jones -- pic related

So, how about an older woman/Cougar Princess?

The king's ancient, and the Queen Died Long ago. The Princess has essentially been running the kingdom by herself with the senile old king as a figure head for years. This has resulted in said "princess" never finding a proper suitor since she's been to busy getting shit done to bother with that.

Oh there have definitely been suitors, but the "princess" has long since grown disillusioned with little boys trying to come and woo her with romantic poetry and flowery language. She wants a logical and rational man, not a boyish princes- she's not going to be able to have children forever, and someone's got to carry along the legacy of her family and kingdom. She's not up for bullshit, and if married she wants to have both kingdoms as relative equals and won't just sit idly by (the PCs could go out adventuring while she manages the land).

The initial visit could involve a hilarious misunderstanding where your PCs mistake her for the queen and ask where the princess is.

A half demon princess, her father is very attached to her, so your player is pretty much fucked if he mess up

>>23436686
Father also offers some lands in hell as a dowry.

taxes in hell are paid in the torment of souls

>>23436726
>>23436686
That'd be a devil.

Cheliax nobility, though.

>>23436747
can someone enlighten me on the whole demon/devil thing? cause from where I'm standing they're both assholes from other planes

>>23436790
One is lawful and the other is chaotic

>>23436828
Which is which?

>>23436855
Devils/Baatezu are lawful, Demons/Tanar'Ri are chaotic

>>23433339

Don't forget Clumsy Bad Luck Princess

>>23435371
So "she" submits to magical tampering via magic, but it backfires turning the caster into the opposite sex. Now what? If you do marry "Her" you notice that everytime she menstruates, or she claims to, she has lady parts.

However it's custom not to have intercourse during menstration. She has been taught that, and will refuse any attempts other than marital rape. Any children conceived, will continue to grow for 9 months.

Is your PC evil enough to rape his wife, to save his own skin?

>>23437086
>a fifteenth level cleric has a "backfire"
I call DM shenanigans and leave the room.

>>23434148
>that douglas adams reference

I chuckled.

>>23433576
You can't redeem demons/devils/creatures of pure evil. It says as much in the Book of Exalted Deeds.

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The Princess arrives in her wedding dress, having dispelled the illusion that made her appear human.

>>23436790
According to the D&D/Planescape default; devils are Lawful and Evil, demons are Chaotic and Evil.

Demons are primal chaos, destruction, entropy. Devils want there to be order. (Hard to rule if there's no order.)

The fight each other infinitely. Across an infinite number of planes. Forever. Neither side will ever win.

Devils are obsessed with damning and tormenting souls, demons just want to destroy everything.

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>>23435575
>half-dragon princess
Aww yiss.

Warmongering Princess.

Like Genghis Khan, comes with an fuckoff huge army. The problem is that she's only interested in marrying, so she can finally maintain her force as a country rather than just a mass collection of warriors. You can bet your ass, once married, she will only strive to turn whatever your kingdom was, into a machine of war. And she's good at it.

By marrying her, inherently you are making yourself an enemy of the world by association. You get a strong force, but now everyone else hates you and will probably declare war defensively and ally up.

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>>23437623
He wants an unweddable princess, not a glorious waifu

>>23435575
Regularly 'kidnapped' by her mother to come home for tea?

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>>23433339

>not wanting Sporty Lesbian Princess

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>>23438256
>Not wanting Angry At The World Goth Princess

>>23438100
So... xenophiliac princess, maybe?
It's a wel kept family secret, so he's not going to know, but one day he's going to find out she's having an affair. Of course royal honor demands he face or capture the miscreant, fighting whom turns out to be way beyond the pay grade of the royal guard or the king's party.

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What about that girl from I'm Not Popular? She's an absolute trainwreck

>>23438209
Maybe. I'm sure they'd be in regular contact.

As I imagine it, her mother, being a dragon, is fucking terrifying and inscrutable, but does lover her daughter. Maybe less visibly so, but then again, any affront to her daughter is an affront to her by proxy.

As long as the entire royal line is descended from her, she's happy and got the kingdom wrapped around her fin- er, claw, regardless of what the players do. Even if they get to the point where they could fight her, all she has to do is back down, wait a century, and try again against their lower-level descendants.

Princess, for her part, is probably vain, temperamental, and proud like most dragons/halfdragons. She demands respect and suitable luxuries. She might even end up loving whoever she marries, who knows, but she's got enough of a sense of duty and family loyalty instilled in her that she'd do it because she knows her mother expects it of her, regardless. (Though I imagine that if she actually likes her spouse, her mother is a lot less likely to get impatient and arrange for him to be removed or something.)

Might be insufferable or not; depends on whether her father was around to be a good influence.

I bet evil dragon grandomothers are excellent, though.

>>23438330

He said unweddable, not unlovable.

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>>23438330
You talking shit about mai waifu? You'd get to teach her all the joys of a relationship

>>23438352
>Spaghetti-tan
>Unlovable
Choose one and go punch yourself in the dick.

>>23438395
I can't love someone that short.

>>23438395
But she's such a bad person.

Mindflayer princess.

Total butterface for obvious reasons, but she is quite nice and pleasant to be around, and you get an alliance for more lands, underneath your own lands or some one else's. Unfortunately, even if you and the princess are very much in love, invariable your kingdom has become the part of an illithid plot now.

Of course though, you have to find her brains to eat, or you might just wake up one day without a brain yourself.

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>>23438404
>Hating shorties

>>23438395

Sorry, I can't love a pig. She certainly sweats like one.

Also she's pretty mean, and she cheats.

Yandere Princess.

You know what I mean.

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Okay, okay, I got this
A princess who doesn't use coasters

>>23438426
Oddly enough thats like right up my alley. If I found a girl that beat me by sleight of hand in a deck building game... I would be intrigued.

Seriously of the last 4 or 5 girls I dated they all either fit akward, traditional gamer, crazy, socially inept, or the shut in profile. Really it was just different combinations of all of those things...

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>>23433819
Balls or not I'd still hit it.

>>23438474
THAT LADY IS NO PRINCESS!

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>>23438420
Why wouldn't I?

Giant princess, who can't even fit inside the castle.

Time travel princess, this is one of the time periods she's passing through.

Alien princess, she's the envoy to the race of another planet.

Space princess, she's actually just an astronaut who got shunted into this fantasy realm.

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>>23438515
Shortstacks make the world go round. Especially when you're 6'5 like I am

>>23438460
OP asked for princesses to pick from.
You don't pick yandere.
Yandere picks you.
And doesn't let go.

Besides - are we talking Mirai Nikki level of crazy, Higurashi level of crazy, or like in one of those wicked visual novels that never get marketed outside of Japan?

>>23438492

But she's not even good at cheating. Her cousin noticed right away and the other kids are just too immersed to notice.

>>23438544

Higurashi isn't yandere.

>>23433462
If I was your player, I would enjoy this.
Do it.

Half Crazed Princess. A human with filed teeth down to points, a nasty pube beard, no tits, all the muscles, and an alcoholic.

She is the adopted daughter to the king, and the king is Dwarven. The Dwarves love the living shit out of her. She's been kidnapped by a foul beast that's lurking in the depths. Though it would break his heart to do so, any man (or dwarf) who can save the apple of his eye is promised a large parcel of land, a portion of the treasury and his daughter's hand in marriage.

The PCs hear from the dwarves that she's gorgeous as hell, even if she is a little on the tall side.

>>23438546
I probably wouldn't notice either. Would either be staring at my cards or trying to figure out how long its been since she washed her hair.

I would still date it. Why can't I be attracted to decent women.

>>23438528
Fair enough.

>>23433290
>OP's pic
What is that creature?

>>23434855
Long time ago in a campaign far far away, Something like this happened to our party.

Now, my character had no intent on marrying some stranger he didn't know... But that wasn't going to be a problem. Doubly so once he found out the nearby king's youngest had taken a bad fall and now thought she was a dwarf.

All he had to do to secure the alliance was find her a marriage partner.

That's when he adopted the party dwarf and tricked him into "presiding over" a ceremony.

>>23438654
Sort of like a cross between a faerie and a mermaid. Beautiful above the water, monstrous below.

See FearNot in the series 'the storyteller'. It's on youtube.

>>23438654
Naiad?

>>23438654
Looks like the parts of her below the water are skeletal. I'd guess she's some sort of drowned ghost luring that dude to his death.

>>23438693
Could conceivably just be water distortion, but that does look to be more likely.

>>23433511
> Obsessed with another culture
> Will often speak in some abomination of her native language with obnoxious sprinklings of the other cultures language.
> Always obnoxious about everything she likes

As a former weeb, let me tell you this would actually be one of the worst choices,

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TL;DR: Shidou Mariya ripoff. Complete with personality, attitude and the whole so-nice-and-sweet-on-the-outside-while-actually-cruel-mastermind deal, just bump the status from heir of prestigeous school to some actual noble.
Throw the "has a nearly identical twin sister" in the mix too and let players opt for her if they don't like Mariya's real deal (if they ever figure it out).

>>23438654
Could be a female Neck?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neck_%28water_spirit%29

>>23438654
Rusalka?
Topielec?

>>23438555
>Shion
>Rena in final arc
It's not _about_ yandere the way Mirai Nikki is, but girls do have their moments.

>>23438807

There's a difference between yandere and yangire.

Educate yourself.

>>23438807
>>23438749
>>23438555
>>23438546
Cmon, guys, cut it out with thi hongpongyingyongwearrrooksame stuff.

All this fucking japspeak.
why