"What, was I the leftovers in the test tube? WHY AM I NOT AWESOME."

YOUR NOT MY REAL DAD

>>23349650
That explains one of the two lost legions.

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>MFW

"Aw cool, I get to be a spehss mahreen? Can I have my own chapter and everything?."

>bow down i am obviously the lesser primarch.
>but i have cunning,intelligence,vision
>i have the eyes of the emperor
>the soul of all mankind
>the strength of 30 men
>Arise the emperor says
>i know my fate
>i know what must be done

>>23349650
wait wait wait. I've read how this ends.. DAD YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH HORUS NOW

>>23349799
You are Horus

>>23349791
>i was asleep when the emprah called
>son u are primarch
>dad horus is of chaos
>no

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>>23349834

Nobody will ever believe you.

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>>23349846
feels bad man
sadguinis.jpg

>>23349650
dad do you love me?
"son I'm going away now"
FFUUULLLL RETARDDD!!!!

Fuck you dad, I'm going to go play with the Mechanicus.

So bog standard human in charge of a Legion of space marines, this will end wonderfully, and by wonderfully I mean Erebus murdering you.

But Father, [/spoiler] WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[/spoiler]AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! ;_;

>>23349928
>>23349928
HE WAS AN ORK ALL ALONG

"Just give me a Warrant, and i'll be out of your hair"

"Dad, make Lion Warmaster. You'll thank me later."

But I'm a woman...

>>23350003
DAD GIVE PERTUBO MORE ATTENTION AND LET HIM DO WHAT HE WANTS

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>>23350006

Not for long.

wait until he turns around, then immediately become a daemon prince

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>>23350003
>31,325
>Not making Robot Girlyman Warmaster
>ISHIGGYDIGGY

>>23350044
>you suddenly hear the Mulan 'make a man out of you' song
>Shit just got serious

We astartes now

Being a recovering klepto, this would explain the start of the blood ravens officially

>>23350103
TRAYZN IS THE PRIMARCH OF THE BLOOD RAVENS

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Look him in the eye and say the following "Huh you dont look like an old alcoholic carney. So were the fuck have you been dad, you look disappointed. Well maybe i wouldn't be a fucking disappointment if your replacement hadn't made my life hell for years. For the record i put the fear of god in him and ill do it to you to if i have to. Now get me of this fucking rock, i apparently have a galaxy to conquer in your name."

Let's phrase it otherwise:

-> You can't prevent the Heresy from happening, whatever you do or say, fate will do its best to twist it and a primarch WILL go full chaos sooner or later.
-> BUT you get to create a Legion.
-> You get to have one mutation and thus give it to your Legion as their "gitf".
-> You get to be bro with some of the Primarchs and might maybe make some of them switch to a side...
-> You get to pick a side in the coming Heresy.

Go.

>>23350125
in the year 40,000 there is only edgy

>>23350087
Alright, let's do this. Let me get my pants on first.

Chaplain Erebus of the Word Bearers legion is an evil Chaos worshipping motherfucker and will corrupt Lorgar and nearly the entire legion, then set up a plot to mortally wound Horus, allowing the false gods to turn him to their side and start an all out war. Kill Erebus and purge the Word Bearers, or at least keep an eye on them.

Also be nicer to your sons, they love you. Don't abandon them all to work on the Webway gate please.

So can I have my legion and get to work on purging this false Terra of those that will not hear your truth?

>>23350218
Oh yeah, and Fulgrim is going to take a Chaos tainted sword from a temple after purging the Laer. Don't let him keep it.

>>23350145

Oh and apparently you still stay as beta as you are irl, but get to turn one of your "qualities" into something your Legion could use without going Word Bearers style.

I lock my door

>>23350145
If you're going to save someone, please let it be Magnus, an early psyker warforce would be useful against demonic incursion during the heresy.
That, and he's my favorite Primarch.

>that feel when you realize it isn't you who keeps hurting the emperor, its himself
>that feel when the fact he always fucks up, it deeply affects him
>that feel when his life's dream is ruined by his most favorite son, who he can't bring himself to kill until he's nearly dead himself

I'm....sorry dad

>>23350346
+ He was the most shat on primarch during the heresy.

>>23349650
I look upon him, then down upon myself, then back to him.

"I feel as though I should be the disappointed one, to know that I am the living embodiment of someone elses failure. Oh well, let us make of this what we will, perhaps you won't fail as badly a second time, hmm?"

But I don't wanna be fuckhuge

I wanna be a cute psyker

>>23350346

What about you end being the only Primarch psyker who can truly annihilate Chaos forces because your life of not being a bloodthirsty hulking demi-god made you in tune with the calmer forces of the Warp.

Thousand Sons become suddenly obsolete.

Oh, I just realize the OP actually meant real life us. Uh, I guess I'll ask him if he made more than one of me, because I have sisters. Then I ask him why he limit my growth so much.
After getting those answers, onward! To unification! and possibly try to lessen the damage of the heresy through lol4thwallknowledge.
>>23350414
Aye, even though he was trying to help most of the time. Poor Magnus, I want to help him have a better end than his entire legions turning into dust and him stuck inside the warp.

Yeah Guys you're RL you, not some hypothetical uber you

I can tell this is going to be a fascinating discussion....

Personally I would create the Wub Marines. Why? I like dubstep.

"Oh, hi, Um... Son? Oh, OH! Yeah, you should look for Bradley next door. He's fucking huge and uber smart. But, you know, if you really feel like giving me an army I'm not complaining..."

Half you sons are going to turn against you, you silly, decrepit man.

Stop that
Stop with those condescending eyes

Be a good father for god sake

Go, to one of your stupid primarch sons and tell you love them sometimes
Go have a peptalk or something

Who knows, maybe you will save humanity

You Senile Man

>>23350517
Are we going to undergo the transformation into spehss mahreens ?

On a different note, my chapter would be called the Reapers and would specialize in being really fucking strong with 2H melee and REALLY BIG GUNS.

>>23349650
"Wow you're really tall..wait a minute don't you mean daughter?"

I assume you could be turned into something like a Space Marine or a Custode, your genetics are the basis for a Legion after all.

I give him a deadpan stare, the middle finger, and go back to bed. Its too early for this shit.

Also the only faction I would ever willingly follow are the Orks, but only if I can be turned into one or into an Ork-hybrid.
Everyone else but Necrons and Orks can suck a dick. Especially humans.

>>23350346
>favourite primarch
mah nigga

>>23350145
>Despite being a primarch of the emperor you still have to hand in your assignments at uni
>Magnus, being best bro helps you with your homework
>Lion el Johnson constantly takes you out camping
>Russ introduces you and your liver to the finer arts of drinking
> Horus being surprisingly bro-tier helps you learn to swing a sword worth a damm
>Sanguinius helps you deal with the Emperor's crushing disappointment by being a trustworthy person to confide in
>Khan how to drive without following the road laws
>Dorn is the guy who keeps you from (ineffectively) slapping Gulliman's shit
>Ferruis Manus is the tech guy in your family so y'know
>Gulliman is still a control freak douche

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>my chapter would be called the Reapers and would specialize in being really fucking strong with 2H melee and REALLY...

I know you think that. You really do. Here is what would happen: they would give you a legion. You would get beat up by your own men during scrimmage, get butthurt about it, and order them all executed. You would then be given a super-secret assignment to a hive world somewhere, where you would be the High Ecclesiarch of the Sanctum Janitorium. It would be REALLY important that you never blow your cover by revealing that you were one of the Emperor's progeny.

You want to tell me that one of the most grandiose genetic accomplishment led by the Emperor himself would fail so hard as to produce.... a regular human?

There would be at least one thing you would be exceptional at...

Just write the damn story yourself you shitass wannabe writefag.

>>23350742
>High Ecclesiarch of the Sanctum Janitorium

I can only imagine how much trouble the Imperium Janitor must have.
40k universe just look so fucking dirty

>>23350742
holy shit look at its little baby dick

>>23350731
>Gulliman is still a control freak douche

Haters gonna Hate
Guilliman knew his shit

>>23350660

A Primarch going through the whole Space Marine process would be as effective as using more red paint on a red wall

>>23350478
Rather making them obsolete, they can still make up with physical combat skills and other more trained power which I would have no knowledge of.
I would gladly be working with them, if I can help them that is.
>>23350731
>Russ
>Finer arts of drinking
>Not just drinking like a wild viking and getting you ban from any alcholic place

>>23350742
If we're not getting turned into spehss mahreens whats the fucking point of the emprah showing up?

>>23350855
>specifically the fine art of drinking people under the table

>>23350891
To be a dick

>>23350900
Ya, that sounds about right.

>>23350391
>that feel when we always hang on the Emperor for being a bad dad
>that feel when I realise the Emperor never even had a dad
>that feel when being the Emperor and all alone

I would give him a hug.

>>23350731
thus giving all the primarchs something to keep them busy you prevent the heresy
>>23350731

>>23349650

"Well, shit, this is unexpected. Do you have a suit of power armor for me? I'd like to make up for lost time and fix this fucking world."

>>23350742

Implying they won't just "erase him from history"!

Primarchs? Brothers?


Those are filthy clone untermenschen, clearly me and my brethren born from the womb of woman are superior, being a biy more human and all.

"....."

loljking.

Did you know there are thousands if not millions moreblike me? Oh...just a few thousand when you blinked wrong or she really wanted that damn baby?

Mkay.


____________


We are Sensei guys. Our Astartes sons are gonna be odd. To say the least.

"So, what? Am I like, the retard of the family, or something? As you can pretty clearly see, the whole 'accelerated growth' thing seems to have skipped me entirely--not to mention all of the other stuff. Is it something I did? Warp shenanigans?"

There was hopefully some reason for leaving you fragile and rather pathetic.

Maybe so you would always keep humanity and humility close to heart? so that if necessary he could use you as a figurehead of humbleness and relate-ability?

Or maybe it was just an experiment to see what happens when the Primarch's shit is slappable by anyone....

My legion would be similarly shit like me, so it would be entirely made of fighter pilots.

100,000 Tom Cruises and Val Kilmers.

>>23350955

Yeah but being humble won't help you conquer the galaxy

The goddam E would totally waste his time creating a primarch that is as shitty as a random dude

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>Me
>A randomass college dropout
>A primarch

Get rekd, Big E

>>23351002
And being arrogant is how Emperor ended half-dead on a giant toilet and Humanity in the worst regime of all

>>23350911
What a wonderful father.
>>23350912
Imagine hugging him and him getting all embarresed about it and not knowing what to do in return. Just fidgeting there in his giant armor, with your arms barely able to hug him.

>>23351002
Well....yeah. He would. For exactly the reasons that anon stated. Emps was all about unification, and what better way to show that we are all His sons than by having a primarch that is nothing other than human?

One thing your legion could inherit might be a sense of Independence and autonomy.

After all they can't rely on you for much.

He's a quintuple-alpha +++ DX grade psyker. So the next thing I do (and very likely everything I ever do for the rest of my life) is whatever He wants me to do.

>>23351040

You must have missed the whole Crusade thing...

Obliterating planets and showing them the gun seemed to work pretty well until Mr. "I miss my dad" decided to fuck things up.

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I'd have a grudge against the other Primarchs for being better and when I meet Magnus the first time, pic related. Obviously he got that extra size and psykerness from somewhere.

>>23351035

If Angron was near, he would probably try to kill you.

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"Hey Emprah!"
"hey kiddo, I got this very cool job for you!"
"Oh boy,what is it big E?"
"You get to be the very FIRST Imperial Guardsmen!"

>>23351078
>Mr. "I miss my dad"

Which Primarch is that?

>>23351115
That's probably what's going to happen, an entire Legion would just be a more well equipped Imperial Guard.
>>23351093
Then hug him too. He'll still think you're trying to do some strange fighting move on him.
Oh, and why would Angron try to kill a person hugging his father, he doesn't care much about the Emperor thanks to Big E leaving his friends to die.

Is this pre-Heresy? If so, BRING ME THE HEADS OF EREBUS AND KOR PHAERON. I can fix this shit before it starts.

Also, NO BIG SISTE- BROTH- WHATEVER, DON'T PICK UP THAT RANDOM KNIFE MADE OF FORESHADOWING IN THE HIGH HOLY OF THE ALIEN CITADEL. WE DON'T TOUCH STRANGE THINGS, FUCK.

>>23351115

"That or you are gone, your choice"

Grim-dark here we go!

>>23350610
Haha... check inside your pants.

Anyway, as a regular human being it's oddly fitting that I lead a Legion. It's "normal" human beings" that Astartes fight for. It's normal humans that comprise the overwhelming bulk of Imperial military might. When a normal human is in a tough spot, he'll fight much more ferociously: because he has a family and friends who he's fighting to protect, and that will drive him to courageous actions that would make even the most hardened Astartes stand up and take notice.

It's "normal" people that will save the human race.

>>23350955
The middle part is great but....

>Or maybe it was just an experiment to see what happens when the Primarch's shit is slappable by anyone....

Is the more honest way of putting it.

I like it.

>>23351164

Decades later, Gulliman's obsession with order makes him a dictator going more Khornate everyday.

Until he cleanses some sector and start the Heresy.

>>23351078
Maybe, in a similar vein to the Space wolves being intended as marine killers, you were similarly made anti Primarch.

what can even practical demigods do against the brother they can never bring themselves to lift a finger against?

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You too.

>>23351236

have someone else do it?

>>23351093
Hug him too. Ambush of hugs. Anime style hugpile of some of the Primarchs and sexy bitches.


Vulkan is a must to [s]physically restrain[/s] bear hug him first so the rest of us can pile on. Might have to get Sanguinius to help too.

Have some hugs Angron!

>>23350145
I create the Truth's Heralds.
My mutation is a weaponized form of the Pariah trait.
I make friends with Angron and go in the Emperor's place to retrieve him, helping him to win his freedom and saving his comrades.

Boom, Heresy averted.

>>23351282

He would probably gets more angry.

>>23351282
>Primarchs and Emperor group hug
>Heresy prevented due to family bonding
Glory be.
>>23351350
Continue hugging him, his anger will overload and he'll just break. He'll just stand there, smoke coming out of his ears and his face all red.

>>23351319

would still happen. Vulcan would suddenly become obsessed with his lost contest against the Emperor, develop pride, turn to the Dark Gods to gain the power to get out of his Shit-tier status and get back at the Emperor!

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>>23351375
>face all red

That sounds familiar

>>23351280
I admit this gift sounds like it works just about as well as telling Magnus to stop using his infinite cosmic power

>>23351416

"NO don't do it, it's BAD"

"B-but I can..."

"I said NO!!! Now get back to your room, I have a gate to activate.."

>>23351393
>>23351393
Its not like it even changes the core problem of the heresy or angron.


So...nothing accomplished.
>>23351375

"Accept the Hugglebear Power, My Brother!"
honestly, all of the primarchs are getting hugs. In. Public.


And they will pick me mup. Ill see if the Emperor will let me ride on his shoulders.

Its just Angron will require special plans of epic huggifying ambushes.

Also, I will get into moderately good shape and show my midriff all the time, get piercings and bodyglitter, and generally be a giant glorious faggot minus the buttsex.


And aside from the ceremonial hug, I wont have much to do with Jonsen. As little as possible.


Aside from shaking my booty in front of him to be a giant cocktease.


While staying straight in actual intercourse matters...

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>>23351486
rejoice for we have found the lost Primarch!

>>23351540
Less built. Think Bieber with just a slight amount more muscle and 6'3. Different face though.

Think a healthy decently built macaulay culkin from home alone.

>>23350731
>try to bond with angron
>he likes fighting right?
>you obviously don't stand a chance against any primarch in an actual fight let alone Angron
> Compromise with a thumb war instead
>Lose thumb in ensuing battle
>Get super bionic thumb
>Persist
>Earn Angron's respect for persisting in the face of unbeatable odds
>Another bro into the fold

>>23349650
"So, Dad, I was thinking: would it be okay to pursue closer diplomatic ties with some of the craftworld Eldar? I mean, they're stable psykers, they've got a few thousand years on us technologically speaking, and most of them seem decent enough. Couldn't hurt in the long run to have allies like that, right?"

"Just let me know if you don't like where this is going."

>>23351652
You realize that sounds really bad coming from the runt right?


Leave that up to the Emperor. Ulthwe was an ally anyways.
>>23351649
Lolnope.


Hugglebear Primarch or Bust.

>>23351652

"You xeno-loving TRAITOR!! You are not my son..."

Nah but seriously, Eldar don't care about humans, I thought people would know.

>>23351416
So, by hugging him, I can activate his daemon form.
Noice.
>>23351649
The problem won't be your thumb, your entire hand would be crushed by his thumb. Replace it with mechanical hand. Gain Ferrus Manus's hatred for copying him.

>>23351727
There was that one time Eldrad tried to warn Fulgrim that Horus was going to fall to chaos. But you know, that would have only averted the single greatest catastrophe to happen to the human race in thousands of years.

>>23351375

The trick with Angron is to let him have his revenge on the nobles on his homeworld. Allow him to liberate the other gladiators. The Emperor fucked up his relationship with Angron royally by dragging him away from his honorable battle. If The Emperor had gone down to fight beside his son, then Angron may have been right there alongside the Emperor fighting Horus with the World Eaters, instead of slaughtering his way though the gate.

>>23351808
Aye, so many problem could've been avoided if the Emprah did things different. Angron might not have been so sadistic and bloodthirsty aswell.

>>23351796

They were merely trying to avoid Chaos becoming stronger.

Having to warn the mon'keigh was an acceptable annoyance.

>>23351831
>>23351808
He was raised in what was possibly a fucking Khornate Cult. And forced to take join in slaughter and suffer when nit doing so.


That planet should have been wiped out save for Angron. Even then...


No. Letting Angron's friends live is also supid same as letting Lorgar's was.


Angron was fucked. Lorgar was screwed. Curze possibly as well and unless Magnus had eaten some humble pie...
Peturabo is the one we should focus on, along with Lionel. Preserve them and their Legions Post Terra, and the Chapter system wont have to destroy the Legions completely, and the Chapters wont have to be so restrictive on numbers.


Cue 40k, and Chapters sustain 5k Astartes wuth Legions being both a reserve force and the active offensive force that draws upon local chapters in needed areas.

>>23351649
>Have to conquer a planet with Gulliman
>Because Dad said so.
>Gulliman tries to teach you advanced tactics
>This shit is even more boring than geography in high school
>Get him to play Rome 2 total war to shut him up.
>End of the campaign of the plant mytiticus IV
>Gulliman isn't around so I got to name it
>Where is he anyway?
> still on my computer 6 months later
>loves the game so much that he gives his ultramarines a Roman theme
>That's cool, good for him

>>23351756
>go to Ferrus Manus with a stump of a hand
>tell him that he's that smartest concerning these things
>Ask his opinion for what a good hand would be for you
>get cyborg hand
>Cyborg hand high-five with Manus
>Give him the corny saying that we're brothers in arms
>yet another bro into the fold

>>23351788
>and possibly a pedophile

Wait, what?

>>23351972
/tg/ canon.
Don't read too much into it.

>>23351939
>Rome 2
>Not Heart of Iron 3 with expansions
LOGISTICS AND SUPPLIES MANAGEMENTS.
>Give him the corny saying that we're brothers in arms
Oh god, my sides.

"WELLL SHIIIIIIT."

Gotta go with this:
>>23349688

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING MY SLUT MOM DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE MY DAD - IN FACT I'M GOING TO CALL HIM NOW AND ASK IF I CAN STAY WITH HIM THIS WEEKEND

>>23350297
Useless Marines: They sit around masturbating and getting high all day... my life is crap...

>>23351719
Any Primarch would be a better warrior than me. But none of them would be able to look at the 40K universe from a distance. They all have their own histories and petty grudges, where I could be the purely rational one.

Reducing the number of enemies you have to face is a rational measure that nobody else in their right mind would suggest.

"I think mom wants to say something."

*point to the woman holding the power-frying pan, with a look of rage that would make Khorne blush*

>>23351939
Sheeeeeeeit, THAT is a good story/setting in the making. Normal Human lost Primarch averts Heresy and has 18 helpful bro-tier superhuman siblings.

Imagine a TV series about this, with the protagonist going through the motions in his life and always finding a primarch or 3 to help him out with a specific event.

>SATs? Magnus
>Girl Trouble? Russ
>School bully? Angron and Curze

You could even have conflict! Say the protag has new car shenanigans or some driving competition! You'd have the Khan helping him with his technique while Perturabo and Ferrus Manus challenge each other to who can build the biggest most badass and most efficient set of wheels they can. The Emperor would periodically visit and look upon the protag's achievements and voice his concern as to why he's not purging heretics and bringing new worlds into the fold. It would culminate in a big End of Series manly tears moment with the Primarchs all showing up and chipping in while the Protag teaches the Emperor that his everyday life trials are the cornerstone of Humanity and the very reason while The Emperor loves us all.

>>23352171
Also, Girl Trouble -> Add Fulgrim. You could have those little conflict moments where Russ tries to teach you the way to pick up chicks is to be as gruff and manly as possible while Fulgrim teaches you shit about FEELINGS and taking care of your appearance.

After an hour long episode of 2 primarchs and a human doing their all to get just 1 girl, Sanguinius walks in with 6 bitches under his arms and comments how they "did, like, a cool job, man!"

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So I'm/we're just regular humans, but we know a lot of shit...

Time to get really fucking friendly with Malcador and his, uhm, "janitorial staff".

Hm, maybe we've heard a lot more about the two lost legions than we realize...

>>23351939
>on one of your many camping trips with Lion el'
>Konrad Curze and Vulkan tag along
> While Lion went out hunting Vulkan was preparing the fire
>Vulkan is using his flamer even though I told him it was cheating
>that left me with Konrad
>we decided to stargaze
>I ask him "Do you ever wonder why we're here?"
>he looks at me with a raised eyebrow
>"I mean when I look at all those stars I feel so insignificant, so pathetically small and I wonder why?"
>He speaks up
>"Look between the stars where there is nothing, we're here so that there is something instead of nothing, even if all there is is war and evil it's better than nothing there at all"
>Woah that's deep
>Lion comes back with a fresh kill
>Vulkan has finished the fire
>well it's more of a bonfire
>THE WHOLE FOREST IS ON FIRE OKAY
>Damm Lion knows how to cook a meal
>We had contests with vulcan to see who could hold their hand in the fire the longest
>I lost because I didn't want to damage Manus' work
>then Konrad started telling his horror stores around the fire(s)
>then we all looked up at the stars
>three brothers, against the nothingness

>>23352298
I like this idea. the two missing primarchs were somehow responsible for the Ordo Malleus and Ordo Xenos.

>>23350912
Yes he did.
He was born to mortal parents. Even had siblings.

>>23352406
>Wake up in the middle of the night
>Curze is missing
>Find him in the other stranger's camp eating the children
>Gettin' real tired of your shit, Konrad!

>>23352476
And they all died over 40k years ago.

>>23352481
WELL WHERE DID YOU THINK I GOT ALL THOSE CAMPFIRE STORIES FROM?

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>>23352508
>Lion turns around in bed in the tent, accidentally puts his arm on Curze.
>Curze: WHOA, DON'T TOUCH ME DUDE! WHAT IF IT'S CONTAGIOUS DUDE?! I LOVE WOMEN, DUDE!
>Lion's face when

"Well this was unexpected."
"Of course I will pledge my loyalty to you O great lord of mankind but there is one thing I want to know first."
"Why is everyone else on this planet also a Primarch?"

>>23352225
>Bringing Girls to meet Fulgrim
>All of them fall for him instead
"Sorry bro, I didn't mean to do it. Guess I'm just TOO PERFECT"

>>23352626
>Sanguinius plays wingman (dohoho)
>Nets you a literal truckload of bitches
>Fulgrim mad as fuck

>>23352486
Well, if this is pre-Heresy, then they died about 38000 years ago.
But hey, He's smart. I'm sure He remembers them. Probably.
Does He even remember His real name?

>>23352661
>take Russ and Angron out for drinks
>Russ drinks beer and is loud and roudy
>Angron drinks hard liqour broods and randomly lashes out at random people
Dammit Big E if you are gonna have children at least raise them well

>>23351115
Can my legion of fleshy meatsacks be get to be really flexible and fuse together into a giant IG titan a'la voltron?

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>>23352438
Here's BL's pic of Malcador the Sigilite, the First Lord of Terra and foudner of the Officio Assasinorum. His seal (green gloving ting over his hand) is, well, familiar, and the numerals on the skulls...

>>23352561
>No, we're saying you like Luther.

>>23352673
He probably remembers his entire life perfectly. And the lives of all his ancestors. And those of the shamans whom his soul is made up of. And their previous incarnations. And the ancestors of all those.

Kwisatz Haderach.

>>23352711
>Find Corax vomiting violently in the club bathroom
>Vomit becomes sentient
>Corax is still piss drunk and starts crying and rolling around in his own filth
>Smites down Vomit Elementals
>Runs out crying
>NEVER MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE

>>23352765
>Alpharius is sitting in a dark corner snickering

>>23352760
Malcador was a fucking bro and I'd honestly look forward to meeting him.

>>23352406
>currently on a campaign on the planet yomommasofaticus III
>ALRIGHT DAD FINE I'LL RENAME THEM AFTER WE CONQUER THE GALAXY OKAY? SHEESH
>My man Fulgrim is helping me out
>though not just by sending support
> Currently in HQ with Fulgrim
>about to make a speech for the troops
and he's...
>...Fixing my hair
>Obviously I'm giving him the mother of all raised eyebrows
>"oh be quiet, you have too look perfect, besides there's a few girls from the Officio Assassinorum and if you'll just let me work you'll get all the bitches"
>Well when you put it like that...
>By the way I did get laid that night. Thanks bro

>>23352760
>He probably remembers his entire life perfectly. And the lives of all his ancestors. And those of the shamans whom his soul is made up of. And their previous incarnations. And the ancestors of all those.
No wonder he's incapable of connecting with anyone. All those memories. All the millennia weighing on his mind.
But wait, isn't he unaware that the Sensei exist because they are invisible in the Warp? Did he never consider the fact that it;s possible he fathered children?
Man, I'd have a lot of those kinds of questions to ask.

>>23352481
>Birthday time
>Night Haunter is in charge of surprise party
>get home from work
>Turn on the lights
>Its like fucking Event Horizon

>>23352673
Gary Emperson

>>23352874
>Angron knocks you unconscious
>the other primarchs look at him
>dad isn't there being the shitty father he is
>"What it's a surprise party, we're the party with the element of surprise and we defeated him"
>he stuck by your hospital bed while you recovered and left just before you regained consciousness
>the other primarchs never told you
>and you CERTAINLY did not hear this from Horus

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I will now to the... ahem... Emperor...

For now...

>>23349726
>yfw your legion is full of the smallest and weakest space marines due to your inferior geneseed.

>>23353035
If they're going to be the smallest and weakest space marines anyways.... then might as well just make them female space marines. female space marine harem

>>23353035
The chapter is called the Imperial Guard.

The obvious answer is that I'm the null primarch. Where Magnus looked upon his brothers and saw with his warp sight that they were like living warp storms clad in mortal flesh, I am nothingness made mortal. He can not conceive me in the warp, and in my presence greater daemons become naught but mewling babes before my bolter and my sword. While I may never tower like my brothers, and can only wear the powered armor of mortals, I know I can bring to bear oblivion upon my foes.

>>23352904
I guffawed

>>23349650
>the Primarchs stared at the newcomer
>it was difficult to believe that the diminutive man standing before them was a son of the Emperor
>he looked nervous to be in their presence
>they collectively frown at him, the way they were expected to
>as soon as he left, Russ and Angron looked at each other
>"We're getting this guy laid."
>the other Primarchs simply nodded in agreement

>>23353035
But they still Spess Macaroons. And they still mine. I wouldn't give a shit if they were all fucking Ratlings; I have an in with The Emprah. That is all I need.
I can do it; I can stop the Heresy. I can be a Big Goddamn Hero. I can make sure humanity is who is on top in this galactic clusterfuck. Maybe even ally with the Eldar; our views aren't so different anyways. Farseers and Psykers would make a terrifyingly effective force. And when the Tau appear, we will be ready to crush them. Maybe destroy their species, maybe hand them over to the Mechanicus to use as auxiliary scientists.

YOU GET THREE PRIMARCHS TO MAKE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER WITH, AND THREE TO HATE YOU TO DEATH. WHO ARE THEY?

>>23353228
Can I choose Sanguinius three times for Bffs?

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I'm an engineer. I'm starting the Reasonable Marines.

>>23353188
Good god, half of this seems like heresy, the other half seems double heresy. So, you stop the Horus Heresy, but only because you accidentally started it too early.

>>23353244
I like to think of myself as more of the radical inquisitor type. I only do it so that we end up on top.

>>23353244
Just as planned.

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>>23353244
>y-you... double-heretic!

>>23353120
It was difficult work for if the Emperor's technoscoreries could not make a primarch out of this man then what could?
But they had to try.
While Fulgrim, Gulliman and Dorn worked together to make him presentable Angron, Logar, Curze and Mortarion perfected your form and physique; exercising and training you day and night.
Magnus taught you the art of telepathy so you would know the thoughts of your target as Manus and Perturabo combined their genius to create a data storage in your brain that held substantial knowledge on every topic there was. Russ taught you how to hold your drink to impress as Lion and Horus trained you how to fight off rivals.
Khan pimped your ride,
Vulkan gave you a packet of cigarettes,
and Sanguinius your confidence within yourself,
Corax ansd Alpharius ran you through simulation after simulation, revising, correcting, predicting and perfecting.
And before you knew it it was time.
Whether you were ready or not.

>>23353228
>BFFs
Perturabo, Fulgrim, Vulkan

>Hate Forever
Guilliman, Lorgrar, Dorn

>>23350554
BATTLE BROTHERS! DROP THE EMPRAH'S HAMM- WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBW

bump, also reasonable marines ho!

>>23353240
Battle Brother.
Personally, I'd get in bed with the Mechanicus even more than the Iron Hands.

>>23353366
And after many months, the man was ready for his first conquest. All it took was a confident smile and a few well-chosen words to bring an entire system under Imperial control. It was then that the Primarchs realized the gravity of what they had done: they had given rise to the suavest motherfucker to have ever drawn breath.

What worlds submitted to him and his superhumanly suave Marines willingly, they could safely pass over, focusing on the more recalcitrant holdouts against His will. Even the xenos found themselves strangely persuaded upon meeting with him, resulting in the first recorded union of human and eldar after a pickup line that should never have worked, and likely wouldn't for anyone else.

Thus was the rise of the Eleventh Legion, which was later erased from history: the Sexual Tyrannosaurs

>>23351393
Nope. Here's how it goes:
>Let the filthy Wordbearers go Chaos.
>Be there with my Culexus Marines when Fulgrim purges the Laer. Exorcise the Daemon Sword.
>Be there when Erebus tries to pull his voodoo on Horus, negate it, reveal his heresy and initiate purging.
>Become bros with Alpha legion by combining their OPERATORness with my anti-psyker skills.
>Alter the outcome of Nikea by proposing that Magnus be allowed to continue his research of the warp in conjunction with my...Null Masters? Thus eliminating the threat of contamination from daemons.
>Become bros with Angron by allowing him to save his fellow gladiators as above. Softly convince him to remove the butcher's nails as they are a symbol of his oppressors and leaving them in would be submission to the tyrants.
>Set Kurze and Khan against each other.
> Set Dorn and Perturabo against each other.
>Tell Lion that I don't hate him for being homosexual, and that he should head off the problems with the Terran DAs now before it comes back to bite him.
>Help the Sisters of Silence to create a Null Zone around the Emperor's webway project.
>Sure, there'll be a Heresy eventually, but duck if I care when I jump out the webway with 10000 Null Marines and murder the living fuck out of every traitor primarch before they can mobilize.

>>23353571
Erased from history...but not from the galaxy.
For as the eleventh legion set the sights on the denizens of the warp to tame them with their suaveness their legacy lives on in the material universe through their many, many descendants.

>>23353690
>>Become bros with Angron by allowing him to save his fellow gladiators as above. Softly convince him to remove the butcher's nails as they are a symbol of his oppressors and leaving them in would be submission to the tyrants.

Damn, bro. That's some serious mental jiujitsu. High five.

This thread should be archived.

>>23353710
>MY SON
>Yes, Father?
>YOURS IS THE GAME THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS, FOR YOUR SUAVENESS TELLS ME THAT YOU ARE INDEED OF MY OWN FLESH AND SOUL
>Thank you, Father. What is your command?
>YOU ARE TO SEDUCE AND THEN ABANDON SLAANESH
>Thy will be done, Father. For Holy Terra and Humanity.
>*single tear*
>THAT'S MY BOY

>>23353690
this just screams mary sue to me.

>>23353859
This thread should be expanded on.

Alternate primarchs isnt something i see /tg/ discuss often. Also, i don't see people discuss an all/mostly Pariah gene chapter/legion basically ever. I'm curious what /tg/ has to say on this, as it coincides nicely with an idea i have been kicking around for a chapter which derives its Marines from a planetary system heavily infested by necrons once upon a time as a laboratory/incubator for the Pariah gene, which the Inquisition came across shortly after the Heresy. Because they had just gotten done with fighting Chaos in full bloom, they didn't kill these human mutants, but instead used them to form a chapter dedicated to going where Chaos had been and using their anti-warp abilities to drain the taint so that resettlement could take place, as well as fighting minor demon incursions. Grey knights handle the big shit though, because Pariah makes demons unhappy, but faith actually *kills* them.

It's a rough idea at the moment, but I would appreciate some helpful feedback from wiser and beardier beards.

>>23353917
No shit, you think?
When you have the advantage of fairly accurate psychoanalysis of each primarch, your choice of any legion-wide mutation and omniscient knowledge of the next 10,000 years, It's pretty Fucking hard to not be a Mary Sue.

>>23353911
I can imagine slaanesh now
>"y-you're dumping me? No one dumps me, in fact I'm dumping you!"
>you:"wan't to have one last tumble in the bed?"
>"okay sure"

>>23352171
>>23353932
>tfw my greentext fagottry results in people asking for writefags

>>23353994
Should we start designing the Suave Marines using the chapter creation now, or later?

>>23353933
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Rachnus_Rageous

>>23353933
Could work. I wonder whether it would fall more under the purview of the Hereticus or the Malleus, as both would hold a chapter of nulls to be an invaluable asset.

>>23354018
Eh. Why not get a start on it? I've got nothing better to do.

>>23354018
just paint the armour to look like tuxedos and the emblem is a golden gun

>>23354053
Will their mouths also be abnormally stretched to their right?

>>23354078
don't know but they will have that classic shaun connery lisp

>>23354091
Why am I now believing that the Classy Marines are their descendents now?

>>23354031
I saw it as sending companies in support of both. Essentially, they would be the spot removal chapter, focusing their abilities to reclaim chaotic things/places/people. They'd still fight other enemies of the Imperium as normal, but Inquisitors would have a closer relationship with them than most chapters. Over time, things full of chaos essence could be forced back to 100% Materium characteristics. Whether or not they'd be useful afterwards is anyone's guess, but at least it would be guaranteed purged.

>>23354053
Memory of their armor inspired the Deathwatch pattern many centuries later.
>>23354078
Negative.
>>23354091
Affirmative: their gene-seed makes them all Scottish.

>>23354053
>>23354091
007 Marines?

>>23354195
Marines that are not used in open warfare, but in subtle ways and trained in seduction? Spy marines?

>>23354195
what's the first word you think of when you see that number that isn't a name?
Suave

>>23354091
>>23354184
>>23354195
Also, I was thinking a little more like Daniel Craig with Connery's seductive abilities.

>>23354195
and thats how the alpha legion came to be.

>>23349650
found the angry marines and literally rage at traitor primarchs so hard that they explode from fear.

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I canna paint tuxedo, cap'n.
>>23354228
>>23354312
Yeah, sound like a loyal Alpha Legion, now with more seduction.
>>23354246
They better have an old lady who give out the orders and stuff, and she operate from their Fortress Monastery.

>>23354407
I think that's perfect.

And yeah, they're like Alpha Legion, but add seduction and diplomacy to subterfuge and manipulation. That and they're not traitors.

>>23349650
Laugh. Point and laugh at his face.

>>23352760

...huh. The two missing legions. Is this 'official' artwork?

>>23350083
>implying the Lion wasn't the greatest tactician second only to Horus
>implying Girlyman was good at anything besides managing an empire

>>23349650
I think you have the wrong person, Mighty Emperor.

Can I still come with you?

Can my legion be made up of hot bitches with perky tits and white hair?

http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Sensei#.USnqKqVA1WI

>>23353911
>"And here's my Corruption of Champions character-wait where are you going? I thought we were going out for pizza.

>>23354614

Not enough of a tactician to see obvious betrayal.

I tell the Emperor to fuck off and continue masturbating to porn.

>>23354751
>Son you obviously have the mental willpower to resist any sort of corruption. You shall lead my purest sons into battle.

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Honestly, I think the Emperor would be somewhat accepting of me, at least. I'm very fit and muscly, have been into martial arts for 19 years or so, and am a good shot with a firearm. But how would he feel about a daughter, and how would I be a primarch in the first place?

I'd hope I could at least use my miraculous setting knowledge to make the universe less grimdark. Maybe try to influence less xenophobia. And murder Horus at some point.

I am going to need a shit-load of cybernetics to compete with the primarchs.

I will end up looking like an abomination.

>>23354867
or Fulgrim

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>>23354891

I can never be as perfect as he is.

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>find the nearest techpriest
>show him Upotte!!

Can I just use rejuvenation and prosthetics to become the shota primarch who represents mankinds purity and enthusiasm?

>>23354928
YOU FOOL, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE JUST DONE!

>>23350036
Give Erebus a copy of the God Delusion and introduce Guilliman to Sid Meier's Civilisation.

>>23354579
Laugh at his tiny little arms in that picture.
Also laugh when you realise that everyone in the Imperium is really short, The Emperor out of armour is the size of an average human.

>>23355063

I was as tall as the Emperor this entire time? Looks like I was primarch sized after all.

>>23355073
>>23355063
Turns out everyone in the 40k universe is the size of their miniatures. We're a species of giants resulting from the two lost primarchs sharing a planet and populating it, their offspring growing bigger and mightier with each succesive generation.

In all honesty, I think a /tg/ or neckbeard legion would embody desperation and futility.

>>23355063
>the imperium of full of manlets

no wonder they can't get anything done.

>>23354832
>less xenophobia
Typical Women.

>>23355114

>implying women post on /tg/.

Maybe /co/, but not here.

I pull out my catechism and wield the cross of Jesus. Send this pretender to hell!

>>23355045
Why do you want Erebus to think a man who died tens of thousands of years ago was an asshole?

>>23355114
M..muh equality

>>23355123

But the Emprah was Jesus. Lorgar will explain it all to you, and I'm sure the two of you will get along famously.

Who would be your primarch best friend?

I say Fulgrim for me, since he's such pleasant company and so refined.

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>>23355091
>implying we wouldn't channel our Ward-hate to something productive

>>23355174

>Ward hate

So bland, jump on the Cruddace hate-wagon now.

>>23355122
I sometimes forget that Traps pretend to be women on the Internet.

>I see you

>>23355133
Erebus doesn't have true faith in the Emperor or Chaos. he has generic faith that needs to be channeled into something. Maybe he'll accept science as his new god and commit to the crusade, perhaps even link up with the Mechanicus.

>>23355180
Ward, Cruddace, it matters not. We always hate something.

>>23355201

Any worship will invariably crushed by Papa, which will invariably make him seek out chaos.

>>23354928
PRAISE THE MACHINE GOD. I CAN HAVE MY LOLI LASPISTOL.
>>23355170
I hope it would be Magnus, he's a nice guy who's trying his best, just in a "wrong" way. Though him seeing into my mind would be quite embarresing and shocking for him.

>>23355231

Well, seeing as it's /tg/, any us will have geneseed just as warped as his.

>>23355105
The imperial guardsmen are 2 and a half feet tall

Space marines clock in at a whopping 5 feet

Your geneseed mutation causes a permanent erection.
What do you name yourselves?
also wat do?

>>23355273

The Priapists.


We effeminate ourselves and become traps to hide this blight.

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>>23352948
>"What it's a surprise party, we're the party with the element of surprise and we defeated him"

Lost my shit. Here's a sexy cheerleader Russ is trying to wingman you into.

>well, hello, father...
>wait, does that mean i am adopted?
>jeez, dad, its kinda a dickmove to tell me it like that
>but oh my god a flying space shuttle, who cares about being adopted when you are in SPESS
>there will be alien whores and giant mutant tits, right?

>>23355273
In true /tg/ fashion, we call ourselves the BONAR MUHREENZ. We then fall to Slaanesh. Hard. If you know what I mean.

>>23355291
Ah /d/ we meet again.

>>23355296
thank you kindly
>"Russ? She says she want's to be on top"
>Russ: "Do what I'd do: Ignore her and take from behind"

>>23355350

>Russ:"Do what I'd do: Ignore her and take her doggy style"

>next birthday party
>alpharius is in charge this time
>you enter your room
>you never noticed the party that happened around you
>you never noticed the candles you blown, or cake you ate
>also new warhammer minies appear on your shelve, one being crudely painted angron

How would the Emperor react if I ask him to squat down to my level and kiss him on the cheek?

>>23355370
> "take her from behind"
I was already alluding to that
I was subtlety saying
take her from behind = Doggy style

>>23355418

Leman Russ hates subtlety.

>>23355394
>squat
HUEHUEHUE

>>23355423
yeah but Russ is all about wolves not dogs so it wouldn't make sense and WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT THIS?

>>23355418
Really, that was too subtle for Russ.

>>23355378
>Miniature from Angron, so red t
hat it's still dripping red paint, or you hope that it's red paint.
>Miniature from Fulgrim, chiseled from Marble, coated with real gold, so well painted that it would look more at home in an art museum rather than a wargame table
>Miniature from Magnus, it got shit tons of cool effect that seem to show up out of nowhere, though sometime you can feel that there's some strange energy living inside the miniature
Still, I would love any of the gifts.

>>23349650
I see you're the Emprah.
Heard you got a temper.
Don't want to mess around and offend ya.

But I need to come clean.
This ain't my dream.
don't want to be a part of your brilliant scheme.

Here is a role revisal.
may need your appraisal.
But trust me when I say that it is a good arrival
put me in charge of the inquisition.
and then we'll see a galactic revision.
To stop the Chaos plan for a division
Between you and you sons ultimate mission

Horus, Lorgar and fulgrim three
Soon they plot to overthrow thee
Mortarion will be carrion
Magnus will be parrying,
Blows from Russ's Space Wolves marines

Konrad, Angron,
Alparius Omegon
and Pertuarbo will all be the hangers on.
In Horus's plan for total domination.
To push mankind to devastation.
And have Chaos gods worshipped for generations.

Now that I have said what I needed to say.
It looks like I bid you a good day.
Well until in you ship I fly away
To keep the Imperium safe in every way.


Peace my Empernigger

>>23355273
Spears of the Emperor.
Our forces are the hardest, frimest and unbreakable marines who pound again and again into enemy lines until they finally come into the emperors light

>/tg/- The one space empire super family you never had

>>23355461
>cant find the mini from alpharius
>cant see konrads mini in the dark, it is as if it vanishes
>russes mini got hair stuck to it
>mortarions mini has this strange smell coming from it
>lorgal gave you a mini of the emperor
>emperor gave you nothing for birthday
>ferrus manuss has converted his mini to have hands made from metal bits
>other primarchs gave you decent minies

>>23355461
>Khan got you a sweet motorcycle

>>23355536
>Russ's Mini
>I actually painted something very nice for you, but the Wolf thought it was a toy and ate it. Sorry, bro.
Also, dat Lorgar and Emperor made me laugh.
>>23355539
An actual motorcycle, not a miniature. Vroom vroom.

>>23355539
>magnus gave you a book that reads you when you read it
>russ gave you a puppy, that is already big like a grown dog
>lorgal gave you a framed photo of your father
>nothing from emps
>angron gave you an axe, that after close inspection, appears to be initially white and not red
>still cant find the gift from alpharius
>fulgrim gave you a picture of himself
>perturabo gave you a real vindicator
>vulcan forged you one cool sword
>dorn gave you the most generic gift ever
>robot girlyman gave you a hardback copy of new codex

>>23355594
>mortarion gave you his private collection of herbs from his homeplanet

>you dare not to take a sniff

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>Emprah arrives 3 days after the return of Chad Daddy

Is the God Emprah actually Big papi?

>>23355594
Fulgrim wouldn't stop at just a picture, he'll give you a marble statue of himself, carved by himself, for himself.
Lorgar wouldn't give a photo either, he'll give you the first edition of the Lectitio Divinitatus, signed by him personally.
Mortarion would give you this massive batch of poisonous gas from his homeworld, just because.
Oh, and Magnus gift sound wonderful.

>>23355628
painting plague marines while posting in this thread

>family vacation
>its mortarions turn to choose the spot for 1 month long vacation
>daddy, i dont want to die from suffocation
>neither do i, son

>>23355594
>Vulkan gave you a lighter that never runs out of fuel
>Manus gives you an upgrade on your cyborg hand
>Perturabo gives you a set of artificer armour that if needed can move on itself (like ironman)
>Lion el' Jonson gives you a pelt of a catachan devil
>Curze gives you a jump pack in the form of batwings that create an aura of darkness (Alpharius gifts get lost if they get too close)
>lopgar gives you a book written by himslef on how to give the perfect death stare
>Horus offers you a planet of your choosing (that's nice if a bit of a show off)

They all give you gifts that say something about themselves. But on their birthdays you honestly think about what they would like to get.

>>23355594
>fulgrim gave you a picture of himself
>And it is your favourite gift.
>all of the other Primachs also agree and feel ashamed at their gifts now

>>23355663
Well that made me laugh harder than I should.
Mortarion is a fun guy, if you ignore the constant poisonous gas.
Vacation with the Primarchs would be interesting aswell, I can just imagine Fulgrim in a swimwear, showing off his "perfect" body on the beach while Dorn and Perturabo just fight each other over sandcastle.
Curze is hiding in the hotel with the curtain close, leaving only at night.
Girlyman is angry that everyone isn't following the plan he made for a perfect vacation.
Magnus see things in the deep and refuse to go in.
Horus is constantly following the Emperor around.

>>23355688
>Sanguinius gives you a pat on the back
>It is the best feeling you've ever had

>other Primarchs come visit to see what your planet is like
>the Lion visits Australia
>calls it the most dangerous place in the galaxy that makes Catachan look like weeny hut jr

>>23355716
Go cry about the price of importing things.

>>23355687
>give angron some book about anger management, less words, more childish pictures
and maybe some strong calming drugs
>give vulkan a new blacksmith hammer
>give lion a chest and a key to it (he then uses it to hide secrets, even tho it wasnt our suggestion)
>eldar farseers soulstone to magnus
>give fulgrim his statue made from ember, the giant statue has a picture of fulgrim on it, fulgrim is killing an ork. the picture relates to taking an ork world in 045.M31, the statue menaces with ember spikes and is adorned with ember circles
>emperor gets 20 new worlds conquered in his name
>russ gets a a giant mug that wont brake no matter how many faces he bashes with it

>>23355716
>"so lion what do you think of the local wildlife?"
>"Delicious" as he bit the head off a red belly black snake

>>23355763
dat reference

>>23355763
Well I didn't know Fulgrim play Dwarf Fortress.

>>23355763
>Russ gets a pub crawl on a planet you recently conquered and devoted entirely to the production of booze and the building of taverns and mead halls
>Guilliman gets a chess set that's played not only on four different, inter-connected boards, but also incorporates strategies requiring you to think no less than twelve turns ahead (get /tg/ to help on this one)
>Dorn gets an entire transport ship filled with nothing but lego

>>23355699
>alpharius gets lost in the airport
>nobody notices it until arriving to the beach
>he defends our home from xeno forces with traps made from conventional domestic tools
>home alone: alpharius

The Angron stuff would probably be insulting.
instead:
>for Angron get Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdrome
also for Russ' next birthday get him Princess monanoke (Giant wolves FUCK YEAH)
also discuss afterwards the awesomeness of that scene when the wolf without a body still managed to bite a person's arm off

I get Horus a wig for his birthday.

>>23355808
I'd watch it, I'd watch it hard. The Palace is infiltrated by a group of enemy, only one Primarch can defend it. Alpharius then proceed to defend the Palace on his own until everyone return. Seeing the palace fill with bodies of dead enemies.
The twist is that there's more than one Alpharius all along, the entire Alpha Legion was there in the palace since the beginning.

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>>23355806
I saw what you did there
I fucking saw it

>>23355808
>Dat scene with the toolbox down the stairs, >replace toolbox with something would use
>submit
>profit

>>23355854
not sure what happened there...

>Dat scene with the toolbox down the stairs,
>replace toolbox with something Alphariuswould use
>submit
>profit

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>>23355594
>Fulgrim gives you a marble statue of himself, lovingly finished with crushed pearl, highlighted with gold leaf. The workmanship would make Michelangelo weep and smash every statue he ever made to pieces. In sunlight it gleams so brightly that you must avert your eyes or risk losing your soul to its perfection, and in moonlight a pattern of runes appear on its skin, each one perfectly shaped to accentuate the form of the muscle beneath it.
>Sanguinius gives you pic related and it's the best gift you ever received.

>>23355806
>Perturarbo gets a box of lego. He scatters it on the ground outside his fortress.

>>23355918
well he did join chaos...

>>23355891
>Perturabo gives you a castle for your aquarium
>It has fully functional defenses

>>23350554
Space bros. Why? I Like lifting.

>>23350955
I like this, a spess-muhreen that ordinary imperials can relate to. Kind of an inter-imperial diplomat

>>23356311
more like, perturabo gives you a castle, which he lays siege the next day

perturabo is good at sieges, dorn is the one who is good at defense

>>23355880
>dat scene with the hydras down the stairs

>>23355848
i like your plot

>alpharius decides to go to his older brothers room, taking their cool stuff, doing stuff with them
>finds strange inhalator in mortarions room
>pushes
>"man, like, i am not the only alpharius, we all are alphariuses, mang"
>"yes, sir, understood"
>"also, i am special alpharius, i am alpharius-omegon! because i am like the beggining and the end"
>"of course, sir"

>>23356835
perturabos gift, he lets you win during the siege this time

>>23355763
>Give Angron a big fucking bag of adderall,deep inside he's just a troubled kid

>>23355848
>palace filled with dead bodies
>alpharius is nowhere to be found, as usual
>nobody gives a fuck, everyone is fascinated how fulgrim got suntanned

I turn right around and go right back to bed cause fuck that shit, I know how the book ends I aint gonna be a part of the fuckup to end all fuckups. So..Daddy Emperor was it?

Get the fuck off my planet.

Oh and also..you look like a giant tool in that armor.

>>23356882
>whole vacation you were overshadowed by your brothers
>in airport, when leaving, sanguinius asked you to help with his bags
>that was the best thing you felt when hearing his request
>best vacation ever

>>23356898
nice email, it would be a shame if something happened to it