There is no possible way this can end in tears.

>Make a hasty decision?

[AWAITING COMMAND...........]

Rolled 3

>>23189782
I'm still about 7 threads behind, so all I can offer is advice.

SET FIRE TO EVERYTHING.

have a d20 for good luck.

>>23190140
All offerings, commands, etc. are taken into account.

>Rolled 3

VERY good luck, thank you.

Rolled 11

Oh shit is HOBOQUEST

Loo where the wall seems thinner (or a coffin?) and bash with you HOBO STRENGHT using your head.

Luckly we will get delicious skelenton girls

Ehhhhh, two responses is enough to throw up a response. Should have it done soon.

I'm going to be such a goddamned fast poster all the tripfags will rage at having missed it.

>>23190803
I will be shocked and awed if that happens.

No suggestion because phone.

Deciding it is probably NOT going to help your ever-worsening withdrawal symptoms if you stick around to get devoured by pissed-off undead, you heft the torch up in the air and begin to make your way down the darkened passageway, Fritz and and Illiana close behind. The burning glow rolls over the stone and bone as you progress, casting eerie shadows across the walls.

"So, what's a more likely guess: that the guy buried in that coffin decided to install a death-themed bathroom into his coffin, or we're going somewhere important?" You grumpily remark to your companions, trying to ignore the throbbing in your head and the shakiness of your limbs.

"As long as there's no zombies, I couldn't care less." Fritz mutters, keeping his rifle trained on the pitched-black passageway behind you, vigilant of any sign of pursuers.

"There's no guarantee of that, I'm afraid. Explorers of both human and non-human species have tried to plunder crypts and ruins in the Corpselands before. Often you'll hear stories from survivors of skeletons leaping out of the walls or ceiling with no warning." Illiana mentions with a tone that seems to completely lack concern. You nervously flick your gaze upwards at the ceiling at her words, but see nothing but more stone. But that's probably just what they want you to think, don't they?

"Honestly, they could be lurking somewhere in this passage right now."

"Erm, Illiana?"

"Waiting in the darkness, lurking just out of sight...."

"Illiana? Illiana, hang on a second."

"Waiting until just the right moment for us to pass by, so they can leap out and---"

"ILLIANA!!" You yell, whirling around to forcibly stop this rather disturbing line of thought.....

.....only to come face to face with a badly shaking foxgirl. Her eyes dart around, looking rather frantically from dark corner to dark corner.


"Erm....." You dumbly remark, not really sure what to make of the clearly scared inari. She refuses to make eye contact with you, but after a few moments, opens her mouth to respond.

"I'm afraid I'm somewhat.....afraid. Of the dark, that is." Illiana says in that perfectly calm voice, though with the way she's shaking it's more creepy than disturbing. "It's just a little thing. Nothing to worry about. I'm sure there's no undead waiting to leap out of us from the dark corners, hungry for our flesh."

............You'd think this was strangely adorable if you didn't recognize how scared she was. She was well and truly pissed at you a moment ago; for her fear to be that overwhelming is not a pleasant prospect. The fact that she's shaking like a leaf is not helping that impression.

You'd begin considering your options normally, but the stabbing pain in your head is preventing you from thinking well.

But you have to do SOMETHING. Scared foxgirls are no fun unless their leaping into your arms. Or onto your dick.

>What do?

If she's scared of the dark. Then we need to kill the dark.
With fire, lots of fire. Foxfire illuminates/burns right? Plus if she's busy burning things she's too busy to be scared.

It's hard to post fast when everyone seems to be MIA......

Rolled 11

>>23190955
Make a big fire and follow the smoke to find any opening.
Hug her to calm her then fluffy tail tiem to start the fire.

Hoboquest: Where "FIRE" is always a correct course of action.

>>23191878
The fire is just the result of touching fluffu tails... Can you really blame us?

Coax out mini fireslime to help dispel the evil shadows.

>>23192576
Oh good, one more response while I traveled back from work!

That makes three! Totally excuse enough to call it a consensus.

You rally your Hobo Intelligence to make another one of your awesome spur-of-the-moment decisions.

You know how you will solve this problem?

FIRE.

"BEGONE, SCOURGE OF DARKNESS! FLEE BEFORE MY FIREY WRATH!" You screech at the top of your lungs, ignoring your own ever-worsening migraine and Illiana's panicked jump of surprise to begin smashing your torch into the walls, scattering embers everywhere as you attempt to physically beat the shadows into submission. Fucking shadows, what are they hiding, huh? Shifty motherfuckers.

"YOUR CENSORSHIP SHALL BE DENIED BY MY HOBO LIGHT, YOU FOUL BLACKNESS!" You roar, thrusting your torch at anything that even resembles dimness in an ongoing battle against darkness itself. All in a day's work; you're used to fighting abstract concepts, after all. Like that time you waged war on the color periwinkle.

"MINIBOOZE! COME FORTH AND AID ME IN MY STRUGGLE!" You flick your nose twice, and are rewarded when your translucent slime pseudo-daughter oozes out of your nostril to coalesce on your shoulder, giving out a small silent yawn. She blinks, noticing your torch attacks, and watches you curiously for a few dozen seconds. She then turns to the nearest shadow and with a slight inhale (which is still silent; these little slimegirls have god-like poker faces, you swear) and blows a stream of fire at it, breaking the shadows up as she joins in your crazy fire dance.

Illiana, having been watching you with confusion and fear warring on her face for dominance, twitches. Then, she starts laughing; a slightly unhinged laugh.

"Ha! HA! Yes! Fire! Fire will make the dark go away! I SPURN THEE, DARKNESS!" She laughs crazily as she joins in, whirling her tails around and spraying jets of blue ethereal flame at any hint of shadow. The three of you rage against the dark.

Fritz, to his credit, keeps his eyes on the portion of the passage behind you. He does, however, put a significant distance between himself and the three newly discovered pyromaniacs.

"FUCK YEAH, SCREW YOU, DARKNESS!"

"......."

"MY FLAME SHALL BURN YOU FROM THIS WORLD! FEEL THE POWER OF THE FOX TRIBES!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS SHIT!? THESE SKULLS! FUCK THESE SKULLS!" You holler at the grinning boney faces set into the walls at intervals. "THEY'VE GOT SHADOWS IN THEIR MOUTHS AND THEY'RE GRINNING ABOUT IT!"

You grip your torch firmly in your hand, and with one mighty thrust, plow it into the mouth of the nearest skull.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOU!" You scream triumphantly.

You then hear a very distinct fwooshing noise.

You watch dumbly as all of the skulls' mouths on one side of the hall light up, cascading in both directions from the one you skullfucked with your torch. A quizzical peering into the mouth of one of them reveals that there appears to be some kind of channel running behind the skulls; one filled with some sort of flammable oil or some shit.

".....Well. I guess that solves our problem?" You remark to the inari, who is staring at the skulls with you. She merely gives a small nod in response.

"How do you manage to figure things out while doing absolutely nothing that makes any sense?" Fritz asks you, chuckling.

"THE POWER OF HOBO SWAG!" You announce proudly, determined to uphold your glorious creed despite the horrible sense of numbness that you've been intermittently experiencing.

Lighting the other wall with a quick spray from minibooze (who decides to stay on your shoulder, having spent much less time in the open than her sister), you proceed down the hallway, Illiana much less nervous now that everything is brighter. Unfortunately, she seems to have remembered that she's supposed to be pissed at you, and has gone back to boring a hole in your back with her angry stare.

There's no time to ponder ways to fix that, though; room ahoy! You quicken your step as you approach the glow of what appears to be.....well, you have no idea, but it's more exciting than being in a fucking hallway.

You step out of the hallway into the......

"Woah." You simply say, staring at the chamber you now occupy.

Well.....you guess you should....examine the room....look around...or something? Fuck, it's been so much harder to think since you ran out of booze. You really wish you hadn't left that foxgirl liquor in the tank for safekeeping, no matter HOW much of a special commodity it is.

>What do?

Look around. Maybe... maybe there's booze there?

>>23193737
Surely our hobo powers include some sort of booze radar. Boozdar, if you will.

Search for booze is the only rational response.

Rolled 2

>>23193672
Ask our foxgirl if she happens to have some booze on hand. Bemoan the fact that she doesn't, unless she does in which case we totally whorship her. Proceed to look around the room.

Rolled 9

>>23193672
Break it down into small tasks, and report after every step:
1: Is there booze on the floor? If yes, then drink it, if no, then what did you find?
2. check the walls. Do they contain booze? Is that oil stuff remotely alcoholic?
3. Is there booze on the ceiling? It might be hard to get to if there is, so make sure you can see some from the ground first.
4. Finally, if there are objects in the room, they might contain booze. Examine them, both inside and out, and report back with what you find.

>>23194673
What he said, plus, ask Fritz to help you search. Tell him it's for rations or some shit, he'll humor you. Investigate own sweat. Is it possible there may be miniscule amounts of booze escaping from your pores? Failing that, can you interrogate the undead?

>>23193672

See if we can seal off the corridor we just came down. nothing spoils Treasure Hunting See: Grave Robbing quite like a horde of zombies bearing down on you. especially when they have Zero Alcohol Content...

after that, put >>23194673 into motion. adding Treasure to the search criteria.... and secrets passages/ante-chambers...

>>23195777
Seconding this, undead containment should be high priority.

NOW We're talking.

Consensus is firmly around Booze Location Plan, plus elimination of zombie threat.

For the record, at this point in time I have a reason for taking a bit longer.

Trust me, it's a reason I think you'll all enjoy.

Rolled 13

>>23195972
Just remember, Lincon, if you make each step small enough, you don't have to think for too long, and even a sober mind can handle it.

Lincoln motherfucking Bismuth

>>23196443
Ladies and Gentlemen. The Plague Lord himself has returned. Bow before the HUE god.

Good to have you back, Papa. And you picked a good time for it too. You'll see what I mean in a few minutes.

>>23196482
Its good to be back. Been away for too long.

Well, as any good adventurer, the first thing you must do is give the room a once-over, take in what it looks like. Dimensions, structures, notable features, that sort of thing.

It's a room.

Okay, with that done, TIME TO SEARCH FOR TREASURE! And by treasure, you mean BOOOOOOOOZE!

"Fritz? Illiana? Could you please help me search this room for liquor before I begin trying to drink whatever that flaming oil is?" You casually plead with your companions. Illiana hmmphs, looking away from you with disdainful pout. Fuck, you tail-molest her to an roflcopter orgasm ONE time.....

"Give me a second; I'm setting up these charges to blow the doorway." Fritz remarks with his back to you, setting what looks like C4 or some sort of similar explosive onto the edges of the aforementioned doorway. Patting the last charge into place, he backs away from the charges and motions for the two of you to get clear. Complying, you watch as Fritz casually squeezes the detonator. It is at this moment you recognize Fritz is probably much more well-prepared than you.

........You still have more Hobo SWAG, though.

With a audible boom, the charges detonate in the doorway, bring the ceiling of the hallway down in a rumbling crash, stone and bone fragments blasting out of the opening in a cloud of dust. When the cloud settles, you find yourself looking at a solidly-blocked hallway.

"Welp, that solves the zombie problem. Can we look for booze now?" You rush the words out of your mouth, more than a little testy at the ringing pain in your head and the weakness in your legs and the numbness in your fingers and.....you feel like shit and everything hurts, basically. Sobriety. NEVER AGAIN.

"Though I'm not sure about any alcohol being down here, we SHOULD try to figure out what's what." Fritz replies, giving you a look of slight concern. You force a fake no-shits-given grin to your face, forcibly willing your limbs to stop rattling. Goddamnit, if you collapse now, they'll say you have a problem, and when they say you have a problem, you get put in rooms with annoying people again. You REALLY don't want to have to blow up another detox center. Or as you call them, DENS OF SATAN. It's really hard to get together that much explosives.

You turn your attentions to the room, which, if you didn't notice earlier, is rather fucking huge. You didn't really take into account how deep that staircase went, considering you fell down the majority of it. But you could probably fit a house into how high the ceiling is. The room is set up sort of like a big church, tall pillars lining the central path leading from the end of the hallway to what looks like some sort of big-ass altar down at the end. With some pedestal thing on it. And the pedestal is made of bones. Charming.

Beyond the central path, the room is filled with what looks like stone chests, statues.....probably the life belongings of whatever rich asshole had this crypt built for him. Most of the chests have been ransacked long ago by the look of it. You're not sure how, considering the crypt upstairs had the skeleton still in it, but that's a question for when your head isn't throbbing. The few unopened chests are secured by huge chains of what looks like iron or steel or.....fuck, why do you care? Unless they're made of booze, they're not helping anything.

The whole room is lit by the spectral glow of dozens of skull torches, that oil trough apparently having been more complicated than you thought. Not that you were thinking much of anything when you decided to mouthfuck the skull with your torch, but hey, details.

Urgh, your head. Time to make another decision, you guess.

>What do you check first?

>>23196598
>[X] Imbibe Liquor

>>23196502

Knowing your enjoyment of firearms, I feel it only appropriate to make sure you are aware of the unknown amount of firearms that Lincoln "procured" and stuffed into his jury-rigged shopping cart train, which he hooked to the back of his "borrowed" Abrams.

I can provide a list of what we HAVE confirmed he has so far, if desired.

>>23196616
please do, gun porn is always welcome, even if it is the text variety

>>23196614

You shudder, and feel an intense feeling of loathing for some sort of unseen force. As if your very brain were telling you to do something you aren't capable of doing. Like drinking. As if you don't know you want to do that already.

Goddamnit, this is not making your decision any easier.

Rolled 7

>>23196627
>[X] Imbibe Liquor HARDER
FUCK YOU BRAIN I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO

>>23196614
Maybe they kept the good stuff in chests?

Bit of c4 can shear off chains. Though they might be rusted enough to heat up a bit and break.

Either way
[x] search fluffy chests

Rolled 5

>>23196598
[X] Imbibe Liquor
Gnaw on the chains to the chests. When that fails, check out the altar-pedistal thing.

High five any statues that the craftsmen left hanging. I hate when they leave them like that.

>>23196640
>Please, keep arguing this point
>No really, I want to see if you roll a one
>Then I can write brain vore, and that sounds fun

Rolled 15

>>23196646
I'm secretly hoping the statues come alive, and are monstergirls.

Rolled 11

>>23196651
alrightly then

>[X] Imbibe Liquor HARDERER

Rolled 19

>>23196655
lol double 1's, the dice troll you HK

Rolled 17

>>23196653
Actually, thinking even more on that, are monstergirls higher on Lincoln's list of priorities then booze?

>>23196616
A list would be good, brain functionality is somewhere between hammered and slimevore

>>23196665
Depends on if vodka slimegirls are a thing or not

>>23196685
I should clarify that "minibooze" is yet another of Lincoln's pseudo-slimedaughters. She was born out of the combination of inari foxfire and 192-proof liquor. And Lincoln, of course.

She breathes fire.

List incoming as soon as I pry it out of the archives.

>>23196685
They are, ours breathes fire.

Rolled 9

>>23196685
Well I think they could b-

MINIBOOZE.

WE CAN DRINK A LITTLE BIT OF MINIBOOZE.

She can probably generate more alcohol if we feed her water. Maybe.

>>23196698
Be right back. Going to hunt down a fox and light it on fire with everclear for science

As promised, the current Weapon arsenal:

>S&W Model 500
>M590A1 (already equipped with red dot)
>M14 EBR
>Kriss Super V XSMG
>CheyTac Intervention M-200
>RPG-7
>M1 Thompson
>AUG-A3 CQC
>AF2011-A1
>Neostead
>MTs-255
>SRM Arms Model 1216
>Obrez
>LeMat Revolver
>Enfield EM-2
>Korobov TKB-022
>Undetermined flintlock pistol
>Unconfirmed number of attachments

List subject to change based on efforts to figure out what the hell else Lincoln stole and shoved in his shopping carts.

Rolled 18

>>23196702
>feed her water.
YOU WOULD DARE DILUTE OUR PRECIOUS MINIBOOZE

HERESY

>>23196760
>that double 1911
Someday I will have one, purely to troll /k/.

Dats alotta dakka

>>23196809
Also first time I've seen the EM-2 in anything.

Rolled 9

>>23196832
>EM-2
Those light rifle trials of the 50's...

Lincoln totally stole a T25 to go with that EM-2

Totally...

>>23196832
I freely admit to throwing in firearms based on how interesting they were, rather than effectiveness. This is not a quest where we focus on being effective, this is where we be big and flashy and spray bullets and swag everywhere. That's why there's shit like the EM-2 and the Korobov (which by all rights should not exist).

And maaaaaaaybe a little bit of trolling by throwing in the AF2011 because HUEHUE DUBBLEBARRLEPISTOLE

Oh yeah, and the General hurled a modified XM214 at us for Zuli to use. Because you can always use more Dakka.

>>23196883
MAGIC SHOPPING CARTS OF HUE

Rolled 16

>>23196888
>MAGIC SHOPPING CARTS OF HUE
speaking of HUE

add a Silver Shadow Gilboa Snake to the shopping cart

>>23196888
The EM-2 was actually a great rifle that used a great cartridge that was ahead of its time. It would certainly be effective at medium range combat.

Rolled 4

>>23196919
so was everything else it competed against, but stupid fucking politicians and bureaucrats got it cancelled, and everything else alongside it until they were happy with a retarded version of what they already had

>>23196946
It isn't all bad, though. We did get the FAL out of it.

Well, standing here isn't going to get you any booze faster. You decide to leave the creepy bone altar alone for the moment, it's probably trapped anyway. Fancy-looking thing like that? Definitely trapped.

You trudge your way over to the chest, when an odd though strikes you, and you direct your gaze to minibooze, currently reclining on your shoulder. She stares blankly back at you, though you guess she's curious.

You could always.....

NO! No. bad idea. Bad idea. Drinking your own daughter!? What kind of sick freak are you!? Besides, there's not nearly enough of her to bring you back from how far towards sobriety you are now. There will be a glorious binge when you get back, that's for sure.

....but maybe a small lick wouldn't hurt....

You lean your head down and run your tongue across the small gelatinous body of minibooze, and she closes her eyes tightly as you do so. She gives a sort of shiver before reopening her eyes, and though her expression still doesn't change, you almost think you can see the hints of a smile on her face. Maybe.

You, on the other hand, shudder at the delicious taste of the 192-proof that makes up minibooze's body, and you feel your brain growl in agreement. Thinking becomes a bit easier, though you're still a long way from okay. Still, it should make life a bit easier while you ransack---YOU MEAN STUDIOUSLY INVESTIGATE this room.

You cross the rest of the distance to the chests, Illiana trailing behind you curiously and still very much pissed. You crouch down to examine one of the chained chests, of which there are three. The chains are old and rusted, and the stone of the chest is cracked and fractured, though somehow still holding together. Not exactly something you'd want to blow open, but maybe....

"Illiana, can you come help me with this?" You ask the foxgirl, who is still standing a healthy distance away from you.

"Why? So you can humiliate me again?" She snorts, giving you a scornful look. Urrrgh, she's going to hold a grudge about that, isn't she? Time to apologize, you guess....

"Look, I'm sorry about the whole tale thing. But it was really the best idea I could come up with at the time."

"How does one even COME up with an idea like that!?" The inari retorts indignantly, tails flicking around in obvious annoyance.

"By running out of booze in an already stressful environment. I am not having an easy time of it here, Illiana. Please, cut me a break. I'll make it up to you somehow when I can think straight again. Probably with booze and orgasms and sweet words that make you blush like you're on fire, but right now I just need booze." You give the foxgirl a pleading look in a rare show of frankness, not at all your usually bombastic manner. Illiana seems taken aback a bit by this.

"......Fine. but only because it's weird to see you not drunk." The inari reluctantly grumbles, visibly relaxing as she lets her grudge dissipate. With a sigh, she motions you slightly to the side and takes your place in front of the chest. With a flourish of her tails, she turns the intense streams of flame on the rusted chains.

In less than a minute, the chains crack and shatter under the fiery force. You eagerly sweep away the offending treasure cockblocks as Illiana moves to work on the next one.

Prying open the chest, you see.....

[Roll 3d20 for epic lootz]

Rolled 3, 18, 19 = 40

>>23197044
Rollin

Rolled 2, 7, 9 = 18

>>23197044
Lets see if my tablet can roll up some delicious 1's

Rolled 10

>>23197044
LOOT ME!

Betting it's a skelegirl. Trapped alone because she was different and shunned by the others.

Rolled 10, 1 = 11

>>23197089
And two more dice, since apparently we're all doing it that way.

Rolled 11, 1 = 12

>>23197095
Curses.

Rolled 16, 6 = 22

>>23197102
Double curses.

I guess we're going to get eaten by a mimic then?

Rolled 5

>>23197044
LOOT TIEM

Rolled 2, 7, 8 = 17

>>23197113
GODAMN IT BRAIN, THINK PROBERLY

Rolled 15, 5 = 20

Where is everyone, anyway? I thought Hoboquest attracted much more players then this.

Rolled 6, 7, 6 = 19

>>23197105
no need to curse.
Vore is the best loot of all.

>>23197169
Its 5:30am here. Pretty beat myself after working all day

>>23197169
Similarly late here. Also, nobody really that vigilant about it since HoboQuest lasts for around three days and usually move much slower to allow for more participation and easier checking.

Probably going to squeeze out another post and then sleep, I have work tomorrow at 9 and I can get back to it then.

.......a phantasmagoria of some sort. Teeth, tongue, the works.

.....wait, what?

You barely even have time to scream as the mimic wraps it's disturbingly flexible tongue around you and hauls you into its mouth. You thankfully avoid the teeth as they snap down, saving yourself the disembowelment. But your relief is only short-lived.

You feel a distinct burning sensation as the mimic's "saliva" begins to melt away at your flesh. Doesn't waste any time, does it? You convulse in abject agony as your skin gives way to meat. But you're almost horrified when the plain twists into some sort of sick pleasure. You realize too late that the secretions are rubbing aphrodisiacs directly into your raw flesh, and you are powerless to resists.

The tongue slurps at every exposed bit of flesh, treating you like a fine delicacy even as it breaks you down for sustenance. You moan at the oddly pleasurable touch of the muscle, arching yourself into it even as it melts away more and more of your body. As the structural integrity of your frame begins to fail, the corrosion reaches your delicate prostrate, and the pleasure pushes you over the edge. You blast spurts of cum all over the teeth of the mimic, whitewashing its innards even as you collapse into goo.

And that is why you always check for traps.

>Vore post does not count as next post

>>23197293
Why?

Then you never get eaten alive. What fun is that?

>>23197331
A fair point, and one I may have realized were I not sleep deprived.

>>23197351
Shame there isn't more mimic stuff out there. Doujins fucking where?

>>23197365
I can neither confirm nor deny that there will be an actual mimicgirl at somepoint, nor whether I have specific place that I'm planning to spring it. Deny, I say.

As for doujins, if you find some, let me know.

>>23197377
Ill be sure to

.....ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

.....what.

you stare at the bottom of the chest in confusion. "The fuck!? The chest was chained shut! How the fuck do you---"

You then notice the sizeable hole in the back of the chest.

"Oh. Well, shit." Clever bastards.

With a sigh, you move onto the next one, the chains still glowing from Illiana's heat treatment as you brush them aside with your boot. Walking around the chest with a judging glare, you are pleased to find absolutely NO holes in the sides of the chest. Feeling a little better about that, you proceed to kick off the lid....

......and find yourself staring at the floor, because apparently someone decided to just remove the whole bottom to get at the spoils.

You bite back the urge to scream in frustration, as someone is obviously trolling you at this point. Angrily kicking the bottomless chest away from yourself, you stomp over to the third chest, muttering obscenities under your breath the whole way. Illiana kindly removes the chains for you, though it doesn't stop you grumbling as you open the final chest.

"Now THAT'S what I'm TALKING about!" you cheerfully exclaim, your mood turning around in an instant. The lid of the chest has given way to some sort of cushion-y interior; one with a wicked looking sword lying in the midst of it. Instead of wasting time trying to figure out what it is, you grab it out of the chest and stuff it inside your coat. Grave rob first, identify loot later.

Satisfied that your examination of the chests did not leave you empty-handed, you trot away from the chests, high-fiving the outstretched hand of a statue as you do. Having gone through the obvious treasure-holders, there is now only one thing that you obviously must check out:

The creepy bone altar of doom.

Well, do you fuck with it, or not fuck with it?

>What do?

Alright, I'm getting some sleep before I have to head off to work again. I'll be back at it again in a few hours.

Again, good to have you back, Papa. I suggest keeping tabs on this thread, as with the next post, more monstergirl-flavored goodness will be rearing its head.

Rolled 17

>>23197735
look its either fuck with it or AT it perhaps you can offer something up to the doom altar in exchange for booze

Rolled 2, 11 = 13

>>23197735
Can we fuck on it?

Rolled 14

>>23197749
>>23197813
you guys are small time.

just fuck it

Rolled 6, 20 = 26

>>23197852
I'm not sure i'm sober enough for that, friend.

Rolled 1

>>23197863
>20

you are now

>>23197735

>FUCK! no gorram booze!
>Fuck, I'm almost sober!
>fuck it, im gonna screw with the altar. No obvious exits (or booze) yet.
>take out sword and hold firmly in hands
>Start wacking Altar of doom with sword in anger
>wait to see if desecration of a holy temple angers a booze god (hopefully)

Rolled 4

>Examine the alter for booze, monstergirls, secrets of necromancy etc...

File: 1361021187456.gif-(96 KB, 453x354, tome.gif)

96 KB GIF

AW SHIT HOBOQUEST.

Oh wait HK's asleep. Tough luck. I'll just go and try to draw those title cards.

>>23197735
There is only one thing to find there.
Pic related.

>>23197912
You doomed us all

> inb4 HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE

>>23198604
unfortunately the 20s cancel the 1s...I think, well we'll still have a vore scene

>>23199315
It depends on how inspired I'm feeling at the moment. In this case, as I am still very much sleep-deprived, I think I'll save it for when you least expect it.

Of COURSE all the regulars start reappearing after I do to sleep; my sleep breaks have mystical qualities at this point.

>>23198573
Huh. I completely forgot about that. Amusing.

Welp, back to writing the next part.

>>23199929

If you don't feel like writing vote, I could try taking a shot at it.

Also first title card about 50% done.

>>23200035

I still can't believe I'm getting title cards.

And you're welcome to take a shot at it; I'm just waiting on.....something. It's coming. And it will be HUE-tastic.

Goddamn. I have some friends over last night, there is much drinking of beer, much watching history of aviation technology while drunken, and what happens? HoboKing just happens to post THAT SPECIFIC NIGHT.

Oh well. Just means more to get caught up on.

So, we're totally getting it on with that pedestal, rught?

>>23200150

*right. I cannot into typing.

>>23200150
The best part about HoboQuest is that you have to REALLY not be paying attention to miss it.

Also, watching history of aviation technology drunk sounds like a brilliant idea.

>>23200276

We concluded that WW1 era planes were THE BEST EVER because you could fix them mid-flight with tape and by kicking the engine.

Also, Snoopy was a traitorous bastard who went over and joined the Germans. It's true, because we saw a German pilot petting a dog.

>>23200418
Until WW2 being a flying ace still meant something

>>23200150
masturbate onto the pedestal, brilliant, either it'll summon some sexy monster girl goddess of sex, or it'll piss off whatever kind of other god there may be (not that I've ever heard of any) which will destroy us a way out.

>>23200587
>it'll piss off whatever kind of other god there may be (not that I've ever heard of any) which will end up being another tsundere monstergirl who will destroy us a way out
FTFY

>>23200587
You are an Avatar of Lincoln brah

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This took way longer than it should. Probably because i thought 'screw it, let's go with the silhouettes' in the middle.

Either way - let me try to get that HUE on.

>>23200773
Oh. Oh my god.


It's.....It's beautiful. You have outdone yourself DeadBrain.

>>23200773

I should be asking whyboner but it's so obvious why.

Suddenly the lights go out and you're left in complete darkness again. Instead of panicking like a little girl, you panic even even more, because the blackness around you feels incredibly ominous. You call out to Fritz and Illiana but your voice comes off awfully quiet. Your ears catch them trying to shout back but they sound distant and soon you cannot hear anything.

All but a slow laughter coming from behind you.

Before you can turn around a hand grasps your ankle and pulls you back, knocking you face-first onto the cold floor. Screaming you rake the ground with your fingers, trying to grasp something, but you can feel yourself dragged closer and closer to the laughter.

"Hello, again Lincoln"

Your blood runs cold. It is a voice that you never wanted to hear again.

"You thought you could escape me, didn't you? Well I have no intention of repeating my...mistake"

Another hand forces it's fingers around your face and the floor escapes from under you as you rise up.

What comes in your view cannot be described by words. You try to shut your eyes but find yourself unable to do so. You can only stare.

"Yes, Lincoln. We are going to witness it all. Everything. Every. Little thing. All of the laws. All of the logic. And you SHALL dwell on it. I will make sure of that."

You cry out and trash around, but the grip is too firm.

"After all...now you cannot escape me...How could you escape..."

For a moment you can see a flash of grinning teeth, before the universe forces it's way into your mind.

"...SOBRIETY!"

>HUE enough for you HK?

>>23200917
well, now I'm scared of my sobriety

>>23200917

////ERROR////..........[CATASTROPHIC SYSTEM FAILURE]............[REBOOTING NOW]........

>>23200989
>>23200990

>HUE
>HUE HUE
>EHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE

I learned from the best

>>23200801

Glad you liked it. I'm probably gonna polish the picture up a bit. In the meanwhile - if you want a different background color, title, subtitle or stuff like that - let me know.

>>23201026

The one thing I was wondering about was the lack of liquid in Moira's bottle, because it made me sad for her.

>>23201032

Yeah, that actually was my mistake. I messed up the layers, so the liquid went 'under' her body. I'm going to fix that now.

Or you can just imagine she drank it even faster that the other two.

For the record, guys, I'm sorry this next part is taking so long. I'm actually typing something like five things at once, and since some of the others involve monetary concerns I have to make sure they get finished as soon as possible. I'll be able to resume before too long, I promise.

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>>23201141

Eh, we're used for these threads going on for days, so no harm done. And you need your booze money so take your time.

Posting the slightly polished version. Starting titlecard2 sketches.

>>23201194

has the background disappeared, or are you creating a more detailed one?

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>>23201194

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I forgot the background.

>>23201194
Oh god those liquids... GRAVITY!

good stuff as always, but GRAVITY.

>>23201230
Was wondering. But yeah, this is totally getting used as the next opening image.

>>23201236
We have already spit in the face of gravity many a time during this quest. It's tyrannical grip is not nearly so strong here.

>>23201228
Was wondering if you'd taken a look at the Twitter, Faceless.

>>23201256

yes, and i am honored my liege.

what do you think of a tiny lincoln ranting about ruling Riftia, with Illiana crouched down, looking at him, thinking about how 'cute' he looks when tiny...

i would post the sketch i drew, but i left it at work, and fear that all my days creations are doomed to the shredder...

>>23201305
I would find this most pleasing.

Rolled 7, 4 = 11

>>23201236
lincon's and zuli's are explainable by motion, Moira's not so muchly.

>>23201256
but if gravity doesn't affect booze properly there's a chance that some might not actually drain out of them bottle leaving it forever unfinished.

>>23201402
Agreed, though Zuli's is less so.

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>want to imbibe liquor and play hoboquest
>still like 7 threads behind
DAMN YOU WORK

>>23201402

I changed the angles of those bottles a lot (to fit with the lips), without always changing the

>>23201651

>I changed the angles of those bottles a lot (to fit with the lips), without always changing the liquid (which would mean re-drawing it)

4chan post system, why do you hate me so much today?

>>23201685

mayhap because it is jelly of your skills?

Well, of COURSE you're going mess with the creepy bone altar of doom. You're increasingly sober, not boring. What kind of adventure would this be if you didn't screw with obviously dark and terrible artifacts of which you have no knowledge? A stupid one, that's what.

You approach the altar of bone, and proceed to begin your investigation in the most reasonable manner.

You give it a swift kick.

"FUCK YOU, ALTAR! I'm in charge now." You duly announce to the inanimate object. It does not respond, though you swear you feel a sense of quite indignation coming from the long-unused bones that comprise it for not showing the expected amount of fear and awe. Not that you give a shit what they think.

You pace around the altar, giving a good once-over. The whole thing is rather macabre in shape as well as composition, spindly "legs" framing a central pillar that holds the upper portion off the ground. The upper portion is like a stretched trapezoid, though it seems a bit bulky for just setting shit on. All in all, it seems to follow the architectural guidelines for "creepy necromancy themed furniture" rather well.

You clap your hands together, rubbing them determinedly. This thing SHALL yield it's secrets to you. Hopefully they are booze-related.

>[Roll 1d20 to examine the shit out of it]

Sorry for the delay, guys. The internet at work has decided to shit itself and I'm having a hell of a time. I've only got fifteen minutes left on the shift, though, so I'll be ready to pick back up the pace when I make it home.

Rolled 5

>>23203346
>>23203363
It's okay. gettin my day-drinkin and backlog-readin on...for it is always time for booze

Rolled 5

>>23203346

Rolled 7

If I learned anything from Zelda games, it's that you find secrets by breaking and/or rolling into things.

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Rolled 10

>>23203346

The Alter will have no Shit left Un-Examined after HOBO LOO.... INVESTIGATION is applied to it's many mysterious mysteries...

also, promised sketch...

note; How do i nose? I don't even...

Rolled 7

>>23203346
Look under the alter. There's always a secret passage under the alter.

Rolled 20

>>23203346
>>23203447
>>23203518
>>23203696
wow we are failing hard there

Rolled 20

>>23203811

We aren't now.

>>23203811

and now we are not...

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>>23203811
..............................................................................................................................................................wat

>>23203811
>>23203827
double nat 20s...
Did we just find some Ancient Booze?

Rolled 2

>>23203346

Maybe show it some gentle love and affection?

Rolled 12

>>23203811
>>23203827
...you were saying

Rolled 20

>>23203811
>>23203827

...Okay. We just discovered everything about the altar ever. I can deal with this.

>>23203865
we'd better have! I want that dwarven booze that can how you the past when you drink it that was imagined a few thread ago
>>23203893
well it's official the dice gods are plotting something

Rolled 7

>>23203893
ho-
>>23203827
ly-
>>23203811
fuck.

It's PARTY TIME!

>>23203910

why do i have the feeling that between my sketch, the 3 nat 20s & Lincolns growing sobriety problem, we use our innate and secret alchomancy powers to create a homunculus of us...

probably will just be a 'concience' figure for our shoulder... maybe we'll mess it us so wrong we get twin Angel/Demon homunculus girls, who decide to live in our shoulder pockets and make various suggestions regarding the correct application of booze to solve a problem...

just a thought, a highly unlikely, yet amusing thought...

Rolled 11

>>23203893

...Welp. That was my first nat 20 in this thread. Or ever for that matter.

>>23204002

I agree. We must awaken the alter by apologizing to Illiana by having sweet loving makeouts atop it.

3 NATURAL 20's WE CAN DO ANYTHING.

>>23204061

except manifest our alchomancy powers, if history is anything to go by... not even 5 nat20s could do that...

unless it is a cumulative build up...

>>23204207
Hobo King said that our Alchomancy nat 20s are doing something.

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Rolled 20

>>23204207
>Alchomancy
Best. Mancy. Ever

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Rolled 11

>>23204329

Rolled 15

>>23204329
Huzzah! and not a nat 1 in sight.

Rolled 9

>>23203346
Booze for the booze god

>>23189536
8 quest threads on the front page right now.

Just thought I'd let you know

Wait. I have it. I know what's going to happen now, with all these 20s.

LINCOLN IS GOING TO VORE THE ALTAR.

>>23204660
Guess everyone's in the mood for a quest, it seems.

HOLY FUCK, people. Why do you insist on breaking probability every time I look away.

Now I have to figure out something suitably awesome.

......I think I have just the thing.

>>23204775
glorious, also I will son join the ramshack team of drawfag supporting this quest... maybe if I can figure how to draw MC.douchwaffle, sitting on his throne like the disgusting fatso that he is...

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Rolled 12

>>23205068
>MC.douchwaffle, sitting on his throne like the disgusting fatso that he is...
why do you speak such lese majeste against your alcoholic overlord?

>>23205145
what? I'm talking about the fatso who tried to get zuli executed, I'd never talk about our overlord the hoboking in such a way

>>23205217
in that case, all is forgiven

Rolling up your voluminous sleeves (which immediately roll back down again, but whatever), you set to work poking and prodding every square inch of the creepy bone altar of presumable doom. Every surface, every nook, every cranny; nothing is left uninvestigated. And at the end of it all.....

.....you have discovered jack-diddily-shit.

"SON OF A BITCH! GIVE ME MY TREASURE!" You scream as you lay on the floor, smashing your fist into the side of the altar over and over again in anger.

You stop, however, when you hear a distinct click come from the upper portion of the altar. Darting up from your position of despair, you stare at a now obvious gap between the bones making up the surface of the podium. Without a moment's pause, you stuff your fingers into the crack and pry apart what turned out to be two bone doors. No wonder the altar was so bulky on top: it was a container.

And inside is......

......a book?

A FUCKING BOOK!?

"I CAN'T DRINK A BOOK!!!!" You howl at the ceiling, the still-present pain in your head combining with the middle finger that a non-alcoholic treasure turned out to be. Combined, they make one very annoyed and VERY upset Hobo.

"Urrrrrrgh. Well, maybe it's a list of moonshine recipes or something....." You mutter, very put out at the lack of alcohol present.. You heft the book, a black tomb with a distinctive symbol of a skeletal design (what a surprise), out of the altar container, blowing the dust off of it. you crack open the covers, flipping to a random page and casting your gaze upon it.

The words seem strange and foreign to you at first, which given your still-impending sobriety, isn't really a big surprise. But as the tingling sensation (or is it burning? You can't really tell at this point) spreads, you find the clues coming together, and your comprehension of the written words grows, until.....

"........WE CAME ALL THIS WAY FOR A FUCKING DICTIONARY!?!?" You scream in rage, waving the book around and for one moment, consider throwing it into one of the flaming skulls out of spite. "I RAN OUT OF BOOZE, PISSED OFF AND SUBSEQUENTLY EVADED ZOMBIES, ORGASMED AN INARI INTO A HELICOPTER----"

"Hey." Illiana growls, offended at the very mention of the act.

"----AND EXPLORED SUPER-SECRET CRYPT PASSAGES, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME ALL I GET IS A STUPID-----HURRRRGGHK!"

You really should pay more attention when you're ranting, really. Because then you may have been able to avoid the skeletal arm that is currently wrapped around your neck, crushing down on your windpipe.

[Roll 1d20 to resist assassination]

Rolled 18

>>23206246

Rolled 13

>>23206246

SEDUCE THE HAND!
possibly with the book...

if that fails, try tickling it...

Rolled 20

>>23206246

Rolled 18

>>23206246

>>23206366
the streak of 20s continues I see
>archbishop itueene
captcha please stop talking in riddles

>>23206366

Really!? the tg dice must be adamant about this thread being the one where we recruit the Skelegirl & Zombie girl...

anyone got a sketch they'd like to see? i find myself lacking in creative thoughts & orders...

>>23206504
draw zuli with the minigun, shades and a cigar. she must say deal with it too

>>23206504

Inaricopter

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>>23206549
I tried, and failed miserably. i could post the attempt, but i believe that it deserves to be purged with fire, but it is there if you so wish. (though the only version that is complete is the concept sketch...

>>23206679
here it is. not my best work, but defiantly better than the Zuli one i just abandoned...

>>23207238
I believe this picture conveys the appropriate amount of shame. Well done.

Rolled 19

>>23206246

wait.... so all we got was a book and a freaky sword?

WHY, oh why, do I sense an evil dead reference coming on?

Also..... C'MON 20!

Rolled 11

rolling for a 1 to extend the thread again.

>>23207842
>rolls for a 1
>gets a 11

The irony is delicious.

>>23207976

so...does that mean we get double the vore value?

>>23208109

no. it means you get vore vore.

or a slightly better than pass...

or nothing if HK is bored....

or due to the 20...

>>23208109
The vore vores itself so you get no vore.

The book falls from your hands as you wrench desperately at the bones around your neck, trying to pry them from your delicate respiratory system. You can hear Illiana and Fritz yelling, but you doubt they're going to be able to get a shot off if the deadite is behind you. Which leaves you to wrestle with this rapscallion yourself.

You let go of the offending arm bones with one hand, choosing instead to thrust your elbow backwards into the offending would-be strangler. You feel a sharp flare of pain as your elbow connect with bone, but with a clatter, the arm holding your neck tight slackens a bit. Given this chance, you whirl yourself around, and without stopping to look, headbutt your opponent directly in the skull.

Youre migraine-suffering brain screams in protest, but the desired effect has been wrought. The skeleton staggers backwards, clutching her---and it is indeed a HER--- head. Bringing her hands off her face, she stares at you with a blank look, one eye and one cracked empty socket boring a gaze into your own. Without taking her gaze off you, she reaches down to her ribs, and snaps one offOHMYGODTHATHASTOHURT. But she gives no indication that it does, instead gripping the jagged piece of bone like a dagger.

You know what's hard to puncture? Bone. you know what isn't? The meaty flesh that makes up your body. It may be prudent to---

"RETREEEEEAAAAAT!" You scream, running across the room as the skeleton girl breaks into a clacking run to pursue you. You shriek as you round pillars, jump over chests and swing around statues, finding yourself unable to shake your skeletal pursuer. You start wondering what the chances of Fritz being able to get a shot off are when you hear an amused voice drift out of the shadows.

"Oh, come on. Just give up already, would you fleshy? Watching you shriek like a madman may be funny, but we've got 'deader' things to do. HA! Brilliant! The crowds will love that one!" You find the opportunity to groan at the horrible pun even as the skeleton girl attempts to plant her broken rib firmly in your meaty bits.

"Seriously? Please tell me you're not serious. That pun was HORRIBLE!" Your objection goes up about three octaves as you dodge another rib swipe.

"Hey, screw you! Like you'd know good comedy even if it bit you in the----" The voice abruptly stops. A few moments later, it resumes, but with an tone of shock and disbelief all to evident.

"Can.....can you understand me? Did I hear you right?" The voice asks slowly, as if it can't believe it's speaking the words. You take no time in responding to the affirmative.

"NO, I HAVE SUDDENLY BEEN STRICKEN DEAF, AND AM TALKING TO MY HALLUCINATIONS, YOU TWIT!" You scream back at the shadows, as you duck a stab at your ears from the skeleton girl, who apparently has decided to impose irony onto the statement.

"......holy fuck. HOLY FUCK! FUCK!!! SKEL, STOP! STOP! HOLD EVERYTHING! HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK FUCK!!!" The voice suddenly starts screaming obscenities, and the skeleton girl chasing you screeches to a halt. You stop several feet away from your attacker, still wary of any further assaults. you keep one eye on the stoic-faced skeleton girl as you direct the rest of your the shadows of profanity.

"......You cannot possibly be real. It's been what, how long since the last one? Decades? Centuries?" The voice shakily says, as a figure steps out of the shadows and directs its attention at you. A female figure, to be precise. One that isn't quite all there. And by all there, you mean she's missing some pieces; but since she's clearly a zombie, that's not entirely unexpected.

The zombie girl, keeping her one eye on you (with the other having rotting bandages wrapped over it), steps carefully over to the skeleton girl. Skelegirl in question wedges her broken rib back onto the leftover spar she pulled it from, and you watch with no little interest as it fuses back together. The zombie girl smiles at this, and pats her skeleton companion on the shoulder with her arm. The other arm ends above the elbow in a decaying stump, and the rest of her looks to be held together through a combination of rotting flesh and well-placed stitches. The skeleton girl doesn't look much better, some pieces of bone missing and others cracked and fractured, with that big crack running down her empty eye socket being a major one. So basically, they look like undead.

"Well, no matter how long it's been, you're here now. Though I honestly never expected to meet another necromancer in my deathtime. Heh. Get it? Cause I'm dead." The zombie girl chuckles to herself, only to yelp as the skeleton girl thwacks her on the head without even looking.

You, in the meantime, have only one thought going through your withdrawal-addled brain:

".........Buh?"

>What do?

>>23196760
> Not having a beretta 50. anti material rifle

It fires rounds the size of a banana for gods sake!
/tg/ i am disappoint

>>23208689
Drink. Because clearly we're getting drunk on something. Might as well continue drinking that something is making this all happen.

>>23208689
ask if they have booze, then
[x] Imbibe liquor.

Ask their names, damnit! These are monstergirls, no matter how decayed and disfigured.

>>23208746
>ask names
>proceed to sing monster mash
>imbibe liquor

>>23208739
>beretta 50.
and /k/ is disappoint with you

also the Cheytac's rounds hit with more kinetic energy at longer distances so fuck your antiquated 1930's ballistics

>>23208689
Fondle undead tits. You may not get another chance.

>>23208689

PRAISE BE TO THE MIGHTY HOBO-BOOZE-GOD!!!

despite the lack of proper inebriation, it is now time for our world renowned, HOBO-DIPLOMACY!!!

start with formal introductions.
"I am Lincoln Bismuth. Lo... no, Kin.... no, not good enough... EMPEROR of HOBOTOPIA!!!"
after either cutting glares or objections from the others; "or soon to be, anywayletsnotgetstuckondetails..."

then ask for the lovely ladies names, mayhap even ask their cause of death (if we are feeling bold). THEN ask about potential alcoholic goodness.

after this, we can proceed with standard Hobo-Diplomatic Relations. Mainly, Flirt & Seduce them.

So I missed a thread or two, every other undead we've seen has been trying to eat us, yeah? Why not these two?

>>23208870
We touched a magic book and learned the Necromancer vocation.

>>23208870

because clearly the MANY nat20s we have gotten have allowed us to find what is essentially "A Hobo's Guide to Undead: Language Edition"
not sure if it has a chapter on control/creation/destruction, but Language & HOBO-SWAG will serve our purposes.

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So, I'm keeping tabs on this thread but I'm actually a few threads back. Just read the Soviet Motherland vore. I just wanted to let you know HK...you are a GLORIOUS MOTHERFUCKER

>>23208689

Hello. My name is Lincoln. That is Fritz and Illiana. What are your names?

Then: do you have any booze?

Then: What do you mean Necromancer?

>>23208931

i have just realized that i have been neglecting to link to the compilations...

Story Book;
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QmsMoDt0fmOclLoslO4vchn04oTdqmdPdZd_7roTYXU/edit

Hues Book;
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yNxtD2LOcLrQpM-c9EGLpNLqHPpf4tT2RbtDU-Xs7oQ/edit

[x] imbibe saliva, by saliva i mean illiana's

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So, as someone who quite literally JUST caught up on this quest thanks to >>23208980 's tireless efforts...do we just wait for HoboKing's next update and assuage our impatience with liquor? (reading from the archives doesn't give a good sense of temporal dispersion of posts)

Sadly, I'm far less than displeased with this course of actions

>>23209822
Expect a few posts every 6 hours. This is about the right hoboking rate. Just put the thread on update and afffkkkkkk

>>23209822
he usually posts days at a time, so usually i just lurk his threads

>>23208689
Introduce self and world plan, inquire about undead booze, introduce compatriots, consider undead honkings

>>23211363
>>23208830
I'd be more agreeable with honking if I wasn't fairly sure they'd ooze half decomposed gunk if we tried.

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>>23211526
>undead tits that lactate curdled breast milk

>>23211526
>>23211578
....WHY! WHY DO YOU PUT THESE IMAGES IN MY HEAD!

Rolled 10

>>23208689

>Scream like a little girl and point
>stop and ponder what a Necra-whosawhatzit is
>SCREW THAT! Ask for names
>Introduce thyself as GOD AND MASTER OF HOBOTOPIA!
>Ask for booze before they go into anything else
>If no to booze, then use recently aqquired sword to go full-on evil dead mode and kill their deadite asses!
>If yes to booze, then ask them to join you in your merry band to conqouer the known worl... no, that's too short-minded.... To rule the the UNIVER... nah, still not enough.... WAIT! to INTOXICATE the entire MULTI-VERSE!

i love this thread.... I hope hoboquest never ends

>>23212008
because /tg/ is the birthplace of all fetishes, you might as well unzip now 'cause before too long you'll be fapping to the ooze.

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>>23212045
captcha: how goethe

appropriate really

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>>23212045
>not already fapping to ooze

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>>23211578
I occasionally run into things that legitamately make me unsure of whether or not to have a boner of retch up the booze I've been drinking for the better part of 8 hours. This is one of them. On an absolutely related note, most of these things appear on /tg/ and not /a/. God bless you fa/tg/uys

>>23212132
>of
should be or

>>23212045
Slimegirl is pretty vanilla.

You really gotta graduate up to anglerfish.

>>23212132
>I occasionally run into things that legitamately make me unsure of whether or not to have a boner of retch

This. Fuck you, internet.

>>23212156
I can feel the light overtaking me...it is a good pain

>>23212156
Oh god not the Anglermans.

>>23212156
>>23212095
Wrong kind of ooze, I'm talking the oozing flesh dripping from a zombies rotting body... Excuse me for a moment.

>>23211578
Think it tastes like yogurt?

Blue skin = blueberry flavor?

>>23212156
Not anglerfish girl, anglerfish.

'Sirens' are a curious thing in monstergirl land, they are actually the lure of giant anglerfish. They climb up on boats and seduce sailors into their embrace, then they grab hold and are pulled in by the cord on their back that is connected to the anglerfish.

And then the sailors get eaten by very long and very sharp teeth.

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>>23212200
more like cottage cheese. get me some cantaloupe and perhaps we'll find room for negotiations
>jesus christ I'm arguing about the flavor and consistency of undead breast milk on a forum...and this plus drinking is my chosen way to spend saturday night
holy hell I'm in too deep

>>23212184
But oh the pleasure as she grasps you, tenderly, as to not burst you and sour the moment. Caressing you with smooth insides as you slide deeper and deeper, the pleasure of it mixing with the euphoria of oxygen deprivation as her enzymes begin to both break you down and trigger your endorphins... Ill be in my bunk...

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>>23212286
>it begins

>>23212286
>Ill be in my bunk...

Don't you mean your boat?

>>23212286
Not just anglerfish girls, but anglermans. Were you in the thread where some horrible bastard introduced them to Hobo King?

>>23212317
I wish I was back in FL. Not until May.

>>23212318
I was not, unfortunately. Been absent for a while.

I wish this tablet keyboard worked better, even with swiftkey its a pain to type.

>>23212379
Doesn't matter, I just found it.
>Anglermans are seemingly monogendered race of musclegirls with wriggling tentacles attached to them at odd intervals. These tentacles are actually the males of the race that attach themselves to females and fuse into their bodies over time, becoming nothing more than a sperm factory with some ancillary organs. Anglermans use their tentacles to impregnate both themselves and any females they come across. The lure on their head emits an aura of docility that allows to either feed on or impregnate their prey with ease. It is also incredibly sensitive.

>>23212266
Zombie yuki-onna = frozen yogurt?

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>>23212475
I'd figure that alive yuki-onna would provide frozen yogurt. Hell, their body temperatures are already damn cold. Got a baskin-robbins right there if you play it right with the right combination of snow and flavor syrup.

Undead yuki-onna...fuck...I dread the very thought of frozen curdled breast milk or whatever. Goddamnit Papa-N, imma need to break out the emergency beer case for this one

.......The things I miss every time I pass out at my computer. Thankfully, some obnoxiously loud frat party next door woke me up.

I can probably get at least another post out before sleep takes me once again.

......curdled breast milk, eh?

>>23212509
I always imagined yuki-onna to be like soft serve vanilla.

Though I wonder if their body temp rises upon death... So maybe melted soft serve?

>>23212556
I am on the lucid verge of passing out. Gotta be up to hunt pheasant in the AM. With my delicious HK/Benelli 12ga super black eagle.

>>23212667
I've never had pheasant before. How's it taste? And dat's a niiiiiiiiice gun.

>>23212475
Yuki-onna are already ghosts. You cant be dead twice!

>>23212470
you DO realise that the little tentacles on the sides of those angler girls are TESTICLES!!!!!

ANGLER-GIRLS HAVE TESTICLES

that is all

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Rolled 5

>>23212607
>I always imagined yuki-onna to be like soft serve vanilla.

Whelp, I know what I'm doing in Riftia. Getting some yuki-onnas to produce ice cream. Set up a chain of them. Bring them to the other side. Lord knows they'd be more interesting than the fucking machines aboard ship these days...plus, they have combat functions!
>ice cream maker in peace time
>fucking freeze everything in war time

also, hoboking, rolling for yuki-onna. I do want at least one for...science. Yes...science

>>23212667
pheasant is delicious. cleaning it yourself though...not as much

>>23212684
It is honestly like a chicken turkey. Very lean and tasty. Going to roast them on the rotisserie.

The super black is sex in an autoloader. Also very lightweight.

>>23212687
Not every universe has them as ghosts (based Bromont, for example). But the more interesting question now is: can ghosts produce breastmilk?

>>23212693
>you DO realise that the little tentacles on the sides of those angler girls are TESTICLES!!!!!
I think thats the whole point of the concept. IRL male anglerfish actually bite into the sides of the females and fuse into their bodies over time, becoming nothing more than semi-alive sperm factories.

Nature is full of creepy fetishes, yo.

>>23212801
mother nature - the ultimate "rule 34"

>>23212761
They aren't terrible to clean. Less of a pain than quail. Though everything is a pain compared to fish.

>>23212836
never been a huge fan of cleaning birds. Fish though, they're easy as hell...even if a bit off-putting if hungover

>>23212870
I like large game more than birds because I really like heart. Black bear heart was amazing. Deer heart is great pickled. I would rather fish the brine than hunt, though. Caught a nice 25lb cobia over xmas.

>>23212870
Larger birds are pretty easy, turkey for example, plucking can be a pain if you don't know how, but gutting is easy as hell.

and there's no much better than fresh turkey.

Nice dense juicy post coming up, just wanted to notify you all. New characters deserve some dialogue, after all.

>>23212941
>liking heart
blech...never been a fan. Tried it like 2 or 3 times, but...nah dawg, that ain't me
>>23212973
That's the thing. Never really got the hang of plucking the fuckers. As Papa-N said, fish are easy by comparison. Mostly slice n dice

>>23212973
I like my turkey gutting method. Expandable broadhead at 8' with a 75lb Matthews. They damn near gut themselves.

>>23213014
a 30 lbs bird takes ~ 30 minutes from the time you finish draining to the oven when you know what you're doing and will feed a full family for days though

>>23213032
But then you don't get proper giblets.

>>23212982
Hoefully not juicy in the oozing undead tits sense

>>23213014
Clean out the heart really really well and let it soak in brine overnight. Pan fry in butter with garlic and onion. You might change your opinion on heart.

>>23213052
yea, but I don't get to go boating with birds. Headin out to the gulf stream at 6 am with a few cases of beer, some bojangles, a few set rods, and a buncha friends is all the ingredients necessary for a fantastic day so long as the weather cooperates. Even better if you get caught in the middle of a school of dolphin like we did last time I went out...sigh, is it summer yet?

>>23213067
I'm not a big giblets guy. Wild turkey jerky is so good its all I do with them anymore.

>>23213098
Summer cant come soon enough. Im headed down end of may to dredge up some blackfin on the humps and spot mahi along the way. My boat is running like a champ now. Even have a new stereo. Probably tease some tarpon with my fly rod and hopefully find some permit too. God damn I to go fishing right now.

>>23213246
usually I'd go fishing in NC where my parents own a house...but...iIm employed now, so I can't just fuck off whenever. Even though I'm relatively rolling in money. Curse this unfair world! I've saved up a week of PTO for summertime shenanigans, but it won't be enough

>>23213278
I am just trying to burn through college so I can move down to the keys for good. The ocean is good for me

>>23213278
>>23213246
as an addendum, I really miss seeing how much speed I can coax outta my engine on a smooth day via using trim/trimtabs/positioning "crew members". Admittedly it's easier with a nearly empty tank, but I don't ever go out to sea with anything less that 75-80%...usually try for full.
>>23213315
DON'T. COLLEGE IS THE GOOD TIMES...well, depending on where you are. I went to school 4 hours from the coast, so every time I could and it was warm, I fucked off to hang out at the beach/boat/use jetskis. Now, I work 8 hours from the beach, and I can't just peace out to go down. Live the dream

>>23213343
I can coax my 250 to 30 or so.

College sucks. I already work 50+ hours a week. An extra 12 hours of classes a week is taxing. I just want to be done and have my sisters be done, more importantly. Their tuition costs are killing me.

>>23213415
Oh yea, forgot you had to do all that extra stuff as well (which, not gonna lie, I respect you for). Thanks to my...well...circumstances I thankfully didn't have to do that, so college was relatively relaxing for me. I hit 40 kts on my 24' 250 hp Regulator ONCE with a nearly empty tank and glass for water. I felt like I was flying. It was great

A thousand different good ideas flash through your head; flashy displays of awesome, glorious stunts, even plans of attack for optimal honking. Unfortunately, they are all immediately forgotten as another wave of pain and nausea sends you staggering. Goddamnitall, you really need booze or you're going to end up as big of a killjoy as General Williams.

Shaking your head to clear it, you direct your attention the undead duo and ask the first reasonable question that comes to your mind.

"Are zombie titties extra squishy?" You ask with a tone of complete seriousness.

....Hey, maybe your brain hasn't lost its touch after all! That was an actual IMPORTANT question!

The zombie girl stares at you open-mouthed, dumbstruck. The skeleton girl does the same, though you're getting the impression that's she's always this stoic. After a few moments pass, the zombie girl bursts out laughing.

"BWAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Fucking hell, you can talk to the undead and THAT'S the first thing you ask!? You're funny! Like, US funny! .......And to answer your question: yes." The zombie girl continues her peals of laughter, with the skelegirl showing a slight twitch of annoyance. So she's not as deadpan as your slime-daughters, but still pretty close.

"Well fine, I'll ask the expected questions then. Why the hell aren't you eating my brains, and why the FUCK am I able to understand you?" You bluntly state, wincing as her laughter makes your migraine ache.

"It's 'cause you read the book, stupid. The book. You're a necromancer now. Which means you get the privilege of talking with great minds like yours truly!" The zombie girl proudly boasts, only to get thwacked on the back of the head by the skeleton girl again, popping out her eye, which dangles from her face.

"Whoops! I've lost my eye! Again!" the zombie girl laughs, grabbing the ocular organ and popping it back in with a squelch. Unfortunately, she pops it in backwards.

"GAH! Everything's gone black! Skel, where are yoooouuuuu--OOF!" The zombie girl walks straight into a pillar, falling over and sending her eye splurting back out onto the ground. With another sharp burst of laughter, the zombie girl pops it back in the right way and climbs to her feet, standing proudly as if she didn't just make an ass of herself.

"TA-DA! I only fell down once that time!" She proudly declares.

"Idiot." The skeleton girl softly murmurs. Oh, she can talk? That's interesting.

"Quite a pair, you two are." You dryly remark, somewhat amused at their antics despite yourself. You wonder why; you're on the verge of sobriety, after all, you should be in no mood to----oh, wait, you have a boner. Yep, that explains it. Monstergirls ALWAYS make you feel better.

"HAH! You don't even know the half of it. You're looking at the Corpselands number one comedy duo: Zom and Skel!" The zombie girl, apparently named Zom (creative, that one), proudly thumps her chest, causing her eye to pop out again. Though this time, she wastes no time in sticking it back in.

"You mean the ONLY comedy duo in the Corpselands." The skeleton girl, apparently the "Skel" half, mutters with an air of equal parts amused and annoyed, though her face shows none of it.

"They still come to see us, don't they? I'd call that success." Zom retorts, pumping her fist.

"You cannot possibly tell me that there's no other undead who wanted the names Zom and Skel." You point out, feeling the need to address that issue first, for some reason.

"Well, they aren't our REAL names; they're stage names. We just use 'em all the time because we're used to it." Zom explains, with Skel fractionally nodding in agreement.

"What ARE your real names, then?" You ask, somewhat curious.

"Uhhhhh...........I forget?" Zom laughs awkwardly, scratching her head with her arm sheepishly. Skel merely facepalms, but shows no sign of giving up her name either.

"Zom and Skel it is." You murmur. "So, moving on, then. What's the deal with this necromancy shit? Can I raise the dead now? More importantly, what's the rate of decomposition of undead vaginas?"

Zom snorts, giving you a look that says she half-expected this question. "See, that's the problems with you humans: you think necromancy's some dark art that allows you to 'bind the wills of the undead to your whim' or some shit like that. Shouldn't even be CALLED necromancy, really. It's a language. A magical language, yes, but still just a damn language. Would you believe that the reason we only listen to necromancers is because they're the only damn people we can TALK to?"

You blink at that. THAT'S certainly not a type of necromancy you've heard of before. "So the book....?"

"There's a spell on it that funnels all the info in the tome into your brain when you start reading it." Zom replies. "Problem is, you need to have a certain affinity with it for it to work, and the chances of THAT happening is almost zero. But look at you! You won the undead lottery!" She laughs again, only to stop when Skel's hand rises to threaten another karate chop to the head.

"And the vaginas?"

"Need some work, but I'm sure there's some sort of magic solution." Zom replies, giving you a cheeky grin combined with a slight eye flutter. "If you're trying to bed Skel, though, I hope you have VERY tough skin. Sharp bits, you know." Skel wordlessly thwacks her compatriot for that one, a slight frown creasing her face.

"I am nothing if not resourceful. NOW!" You suddenly raise the volume, causing them to both start slightly. "The most important question: DO YOU HAVE ANY BOOZE?" You stare at them with the look of a man possessed, making them shift uncomfortably for a moment.

"Well, I've got this jug of spirit here; alcohol makes a good impromptu preservative, I've found. Why, what do you----"

But her words are cut off as her eyes go wide. Why? Because she's witnessing you flying at mach speed through the air directly at her, crazed eyes and mouth bared in a psychotic grin.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You scream at the top of your lungs.

[Roll 1d20 for liquor intake speed]

>>23213471
My old 23.5 aquasport is a pretty slow hull. I really want a 30 yellow but damn are they pricey. Really want a bigger well for more bait. Just got some numbers for my pinfish trap and was pulling 50 or so a morning

Rolled 11

>>23213527
Oh sweet inebriation it has been too long
>>23213415
goddamnit Papa-N, now you've got me listening to boating music and wishing the next 3-4 months would pass much much much faster

>>23213522
>Shouldn't even be CALLED necromancy, really. It's a language.
Which is funny, since the literal definition of necromancy is essentially "to talk to the dead".

Rolled 1

>>23213527
dice for the dicegods

>>23213559
I always thought it would be funnier if the undead only listened to necromancers because everyone else got a response of "This wanker isn't even offering free dental, why should we listen to him?"

>>23213581
ha, that always rolls low for me

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Rolled 10

>>23213581
>pic related

>>23213592
Reminds me of Mogworld, where an evil overlord accidentally raises the dead with free will so he has to offer them benefits for them to work for him.

Rolled 19

>>23213527
Lets go

>>23213581
Damn it I need to sleep but delicious 1's

Rolled 13

>>23213614
Ugh dice is annoying in chant

>>23213614
Don't worry about it. I need to head back to sleep now myself or I'm going to be a zombie at work tomorrow. HUE will commence upon the morrow.

And with new monstergirls, oh do I have a ton of new ideas.

ALL ABOARD THE HUE TRAIN.

Rolled 2

>>23213609
I can't think of one off the top of my head, but some pun about union meetings/demands and life-ending length goes here