>>22987519
Leave a trail of semen leading to the kitchen to confuse the zombies, run upstairs.

>>22987519
Rape the maids.

Quickly check the kitchen for a backdoor. If none is found, head upstairs

>>22987715
You enter the kitchen, searching for a sneaky escape route but find only a ruined mess of a room. There's blood spattered everywhere and kitchenware thrown about at all sides. To your left you see a staircase leading to the basement with a eery light emanating from the bottom and the sounds of steel scraping.

You decide to get the hell out of there and run upstairs.

At the top of the stairs you are met with a hallway and three doors, one to your left and close to your current position, another further down the hall, and one in the middle of the hall on your right. At the end of the hall is a window.

>>22987675
If there were any maids in the building you would be sure to rape them as your "Neutral Evil" alignment does not forbid you from doing so. However you have yet to locate any.

Run downstairs and go into the basement.

>>22987909

Try to listen through all the door for any soubd of movement.

>>22987984
Not wanting to explore the upper level just yet you head back downstairs and through the kitchen in to the basement.

As you reach the end of the stairs you are met with a lantern that is barely lit. The flickering light reveals a hole in far side wall with a trail of blood leading in to it and assortment of open crates filled with weaponry. The metal scraping sounds like it's coming from inside the hole, and now that you're closer you can hear muffled crying.

Grab the lantern and approach the wall with caution.

>>22988032
This

>>22988032
You add the [Lantern] to your inventory and hold it closer to the hole in an attempt to get more information. The weak light let's you see inside for a short distance showing that the hole leads to a cavernous chamber, there's a forked path ahead and the trail of blood leads to the right of the fork. As you investigate you hear a loud crash from above, it appears the undead have barged in and will surely locate you if you cannot escape.

>>22987922
Lure a zombie chick inside, rape her.
Let her bite and scratch you during your lovemaking.
No fatties though.

>>22988055
Enter the hole, take the right path.

>>22988055
Blow out lantern and sneak
Follow the blood

>>22988055
Throw away your clothes and grease yourself with lantern oil.
Be ready to fight through the horde like a woad warrior!

>>22988079
Good idea, but first pee on the blood to throw the zombies off trail.

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>>22988085
But we rogue bra

>>22988063
You consider the possibilities of raping an undead woman, however before you can realize that now is probably not the best time for that you hear a loud thud and a scream from within the hole.

>>22988072
>>22988079
You blow out the [Lantern] and proceed to sneak down the right path, passing all of your stealth checks. As you go deeper and deeper in to the cavern, the sounds of the undead ravaging the house above grow quieter. Instead you are smelling a horrid stench that seems to be getting closer and closer. You stop at a corner where the stench is strongest, you notice the blood trail makes a turn here but the path continues going forward as well. The muffled crying has stopped.

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>>22988094
Pee on blood
Get attacked by japanese businessmen instead of zombies

>>22988120
Follow the blood trail, rape whoever is at its end.

>>22988120
Keep following the path, whatever is wounded is probably dead or being eaten by now.

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>>22988120
Sneak towards the blood
Dagger ready

>>22988133
You turn the corner and are met with a [Rotting Homunculus] wielding a large blade and missing an arm, it's back is turned to you and it is "breathing" heavily. At it's feet is a man, chopped in half vertically. Your feverish passion for rape is shot down before it can progress as the creature has no orifices or genitalia.

The [Rotting Homunculus] has not noticed you yet and you have an opening for a surprise attack.

>>22988171
Attack. Fast and hard, real hard. Then rape the wound.

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>>22988171
Stab in the back of the mother fucking skull

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>>22988201
What with you and rape nigga

>>22988201
>>22988211
Seizing the moment you take your [Curved Dagger] And Jam it in the monsters skull.

You have dealt 56(CRIT!) damage to the creature and it slumps over in pain, but it is not dead.

You are now engaged in combat with the [Rotting Homunculus], further attacks must be accompanied by 1d20 roll for accuracy.

Your health stands at 60/180

Rolled 12

>>22988246

Keep on stabbing it! Then afterward we chop off all the limbs to make sure it don't suddenly wake up and attack you again.

>>22988246
>>22988324
Kick him in his zombie balls

>>22988324
You continue jabbing your dagger in to the rotting heap of animated flesh, and it undulates in pain as gobs of gore slip out of the wounds. You have dealt 23 damage.

The Homunculus swings its large blade at your knees but its massive blood loss and missing limb has all but destroyed its combat effectiveness. You have been dealt a glancing blow for 4 damage.

Your health stands at 54/180

Rolled 1

>>22988354

Try to chop it arm off!

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>>22988374
Nigga what you doing

>>22988374

FUUUUUUUUUUUCCK!

>>22988374
You attempt to cut the remaining arm off the homunculus with your [Short Sword] and end up throwing it in to the darkness. You have lost your [Short Sword].

The Homunculus attempts to shoulder check you but you jump out of the way just in time, the monster collides with the wall and is off balance. LOWER SUCCESSFUL STRIKE THRESHOLD( 6 or higher will be a success) FOR NEXT ATTACK!

Rolled 14

>>22988414
Throw the dagger at it!

Stab it in it's throat until there's no neck left!

>>22988523

Why you disarm us completely?

Fuck. Shit. Up.

>>22988538
We can get the dagger back! Don't worry!

>>22988523
You throw your last weapon at the towering monstrosity, and it strikes blade first in to the creatures nonexistent face. The beast makes an unearthly howl and drops its weapon to raise its hand towards yours. It pulls out your [Curved Dagger] and throws it to the ground as brain matter and fluids shoot out of the fresh wound. You have dealt 31 damage, and the [Rotting Homunculus] collapses.

You have won the encounter, you return your thrown weapon to your inventory. The Homunculus has dropped 1 [Axe-Handled Long Sword] and lies on the floor in front of you.

Beyond the corpse of your foe lies its victim, a man dressed in fine clothes chopped in two. The path you are on continues in utter darkness, and there is a path behind you which can either return you to the fork beneath the horse or continue on in to unknown territory depending on which way you take it.

>>22988579
Search the bodys for loot/weapons/items

>>22988579
Try and recover our shortsword, and take the longsword.

Meh, we started this way, let's continue on. Wait, is it really smart to be following a blood trail when zombies are somewhere behind us?

Anyways, lets find our short sword, grab our dagger and (why the fuck not) grab dat homunculus blade too.

>>22988605
And take axe sword

>>22988605
The Homunculus has no more loot, but you begin searching the pockets of the victim and find a [Gold Pocket Watch] probably worth some coin back in town if you ever get there, as well as a [Hastily Written Note]. You place both in your inventory.
>>22988609
>>22988613
Deciding you should continue on to look for your lost short sword you head deeper in to the darkness, but not before taking the blade you just found with you.

You walk for a bit before coming across your [Short Sword] stuck in to the rung of a ladder heading up, the path continues beyond the ladder but you can feel a breeze wafting in from above.

>>22988579

Commence masturbating over the man cut in two

>>22988653
Lets find a way out of this hell hole
But first do a listen check to hear for undead

>>22988653
Stealth up, look for zombies before climbing out.

Even if we say fuck this route, let's see where we are, exactly...

>>22988653

Commence masturbating at the base of the ladder

>>22988665
No
Save the sperm for elf raping like a civilized gentleman

What the fuck with the masturbation and rape, man?

We gotta get un-zombified and away from zombies before we shed any armor!

>>22988702
This man then after healed we rape the healer

>>22988665

"Aw man!" you mutter yourself, having missed an opportunity for depravity. You are no where near the victim anymore and can no longer pleasure yourself over his corpse. You really need to start getting your priorities straight here.

>>22988677
>>22988678
You listen for sounds of undead but hear nothing, so you climb the ladder after taking your sword to check what's at the top. You open a hatch to find yourself outside and quite a distance from the house you were previously in, which now appears to be on fire. There is a road to your left with a sign reading "Nibelholde" pointing down the road. The morning sun is rising and your wound begins to itch. You don't have long before you start feeling further effects of the zombification.

>>22988682
"Son of a BITCH!" in your haste to explore the area you have forgotten to masturbate at the base of the ladder, man you are really off your game today.

>>22988728
Go to town
Walk in slow mode with burning house in background
For badassness

>>22988728
If Nibelholde is anywhere but here, let's get booking. We need an elf healer to ra- um, er, I mean keep us from becoming a zombie! Then she can tend to our wounds, after which we can ra... Repay her in kind! Yeah, totally what I meant to say.

>>22988728
What does the note say?

>>22988747
But not TOO slow, otherwise...
>zombifiedroguedoesn'tlookbadassanymore.gif

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>>22988757
This guy

>>22988728
Take off pants and tie them around wound to suppress feelings of itchiness before heading towards town in order to rape all the local men/zombies

>>22988770
Nigga you gay

>>22988728
Start looking for a healer. Don't rape anything yet.

>>22988761
You remove the note from your satchel and read it.
"Don't go to Nibleholde, only death awaits."

>>22988757
>>22988747
"Fuck it." You begin slowly walking to Nibelholde with your back to the burning home for effect. Throwing the note over your shoulder and ignoring its advice.

You reach a decimated village with not a soul on the streets. A cold morning wind blows your [Black Cloak] behind you. Several buildings are before you, some appear to be shops, one is marked as a pub, and another is an inn. One of the buildings appears to be a residence and there is a light coming from the upstairs window.

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>>22988803
Go to the pub
Pubs are always good

>>22988811

This. Go pub. Need to have a drink to take off the nerves.

>>22988816
Then explore the light with mug in hand

>>22988811
Pub, then residence.
Then, Inn if there's nothing to loot... I mean, no assistance at the prior two locations.

>>22988811
>>22988816
Based on previous knowledge of towns and villages you decide to head to the pub, as you walk the streets towards the pub out of the corner of your eye you see a shadow move across the lit window of the residence. Ignoring this you enter the pub, sit at the bar, and wait for service. Moments pass before you notice the corpse of the bar tender in front of you with a slit throat. As you lean over to look at the man you hear a noise behind you and turn around quickly. In front of you is a group of 3 [Rats] rummaging around in debris looking for food. There is a piano in the corner in front of a stage.

Also, the Pub and the Inn are more likely to have a map to tell us where in the actual fuck to go from here. Of course, the residence might have the shopkeeper from the Resident Evil series...

>WWEELLCOME!

Rolled 18

>>22988839
Rape the rats. Give the D both to male and female ones, we're not picky.

>>22988839
Push bartender over grab a mug a fill it up with the most expensive ale

>>22988856
Fuck you and your rat fucking fetish were waiting to rape a elf healer

>>22988870
One of the rats might be a transformed elf healer that needs the dick so he can turn back. You never know until you try!

>>22988858
Then dip your dick in it, put it on the counter with a 'free beer' sign next to it.

>>22988858
Dis nigga here. Then loot the place, and take some spirits with us.

Pour some on the ground for our hom- our lost companions.

Then mentally debate the finer points of Arson, vs. the risk of burning down something valuable.

>>22988856

This!!!! About time SOMETHING got raped. Eat the dead rats upon completion of rape.

>>22988890
Oh yeah, forgot to mention the killing of the rats upon completion of rape.

Rape rats.
Kill rats.
Eat rats.

>>22988858
You push the corpse of the bartender over and grab the largest mug you can find, filling it with expensive looking booze. You have added 1 [Mug of Get Shitfaced] to your inventory.
>>22988856
You would love to "Give the D" to any and all things, the problem is you do not have a penis as you are female. The rats will have to wait.
>>22988884
You search the building for valuables and find 1 [Ivory Key] and 1 [Ebony Key] "cleverly" hidden in the piano, too bad whoever hid them there isn't around because you'd slap them for being an asshole. You then remember your party that lost their lives against the undead and pour a small amount of your booze on the ground in their memory, a very small amount. You really hated those guys. Afterwards you debate burning this useless building to the ground.

Rolled 9

>>22988914
Shove rats into your own vagina

Come on, rape is for people that aren't about to become undead. We have priorities.

Did you know Zombies can't even get boners?

We can't have that.

>>22988914
Let the rats give you the D. We'll accept both male and female rats, we're not picky.

>>22988922
Fuck you

>>22988926
Maybe we want to become an undead cum slut, have you thought about that?

>>22988932
Shove the rats into bartender's vagina?

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>>22988935
Dat assburgers

>>22988922
You attempt to shove rats in to your own vagina but you fail your stealth check upon approach. The Rats run away after noticing you and you are left wanting.

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>>22988940

>>22988914
Lets burn the bitch down with the cheap ass ale

>>22988914

Take a shit on the piano.

Rolled 1

>>22988951
Shove the bartender in your vagina. Any part will do, we're not picky.

Rolled 8

>>22988955
Take a shit in the piano.

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>>22988952

>>22988937
>>22988955
>>22988960

oh my
I don't think this quest is going how OP wanted it to

>>22988977
You think

>>22988953
You decide since this place no longer has any loot for you to nab, it would be best if it burned to the ground. But first...
>>22988955
You defecate on the piano for having such a cliche treasure puzzle. and...
>>22988960
Attempt to shove the bartender in to your vagina. However the corpse was gone before you went back and your attempt failed. You grit your teeth and hold back a tirade of foul language as every attempt to be a depraved lunatic has been thwarted by either yourself or circumstance since your infection.

More pissed off than before you grab all the booze from behind the bar and liberally apply it to every corner of the pub. Now to find something to light this bitch up with.

>>22988991
Cut yourself to relieve stress. Start with arms and thighs.

>>22988991

Leave pub. Enter residence to search for something to light fire.

>>22988991
Spot hidden check for fire starter shit

>>22989003
Emo much nigga

>>22989019
We're going to turn into an undead cumbucket, of course we have a reason to be emo.

>>22988991
Oh SHIT bartender zombie! RUN TOWARDS THE LIGHT!

>>22989015
You angrily rummage through the pub looking for some matches or an alchemists fire or SOMETHING, but to no avail.
>>22989013
You give up the search in that building and decide to search the residence, as surely the light in there is made of fire. You walk across the street and hear a rattling of some sort coming from the alleyways, but you are in no mood to deal with that. You slam open the residence door and the whole place shakes. Ahead there is a staircase and to your right is an entryway in to some kind of workshop.

Rolled 20

Before we go all TROGDOR on this bitch, we should find what those keys unlock.

>>22989040
Listen for people / undead

>>22989040

Enter workshop. Maybe we can find something to shove into our vagina.

>>22989040
Yell ANYBODY HOME, I'MMA ROGUE YOU NOW

Rolled 12

>>22989058
Rolling to find powertools to shove in your vagina.

Rolled 18

>>22989040
Reconsider self harming, maybe you could cut the infected tissue away?

>>22989073
Implying its not in our blood stream by now

>>22989055
You pause for a moment and try to listen for movement, all you can hear is the wind outside and your seething fury.
>>22989060
Disregarding any sort of stealth in your rage you yell out for people to come out, but no answer.
>>22989052
You investigate the two keys you found in the pubs piano and etched in to each one is a message reading "For Inn use only" on the opposite side the white one is marked "Basement" and the black is marked "Rooftop".

>>22989064
You decide to enter the workshop to find ANYTHING to shove in your vagina as you are at about your wits end.

Inside the workshop there are books upon books stacked everywhere and a large sheet of paper with what appears to be a map of the town on a table in the center. You also find some vaguely phallic shaped tools for alchemy but they look like they were made for an ogre and would most assuredly not fit in your genitals.

Listen for sounds, any sounds.

Rolled 14

>>22989085
Listen to fart sounds specifically.

>>22989084
Take map find light source for fire

Take ten calming seconds to suppress all your sexually depraved urges for one full day.

Rolled 3

>>22989084
Take a dump on alchemy tools, wipe your ass on map. Congratulate yourself on your hygienic manners.

>>22989100
This

Can we take a Health Potion? Also can we can an ETA on our zombification?

Rolled 13

>>22989084
lock yourself in basement

Rolled 6

>>22989100
Carve shallow cuts on your breasts, fantasize about rubbing infected zombie cum and saliva in the wounds.

>>22989094
You take the [Map of Nibleholde] with you and head upstairs to find the source of the light outside. You are on a large upper floor with a door to your right, elegant furniture decorates this room and there are no windows to speak of.
>>22989093
You stand still for a moment to listen for farts or fat like noises. You notice that you are on hardwood floors and the creaking of the wood sort of sounds like a fart, you giggle like a child.

>>22989100
You attempt to calm your sexual urges and fail miserably, you don't have TIME to meditate you're slowly being zombified!

>>22989109
You do not have any potions, you have 6 [Health Poultice] s however, which are a kind of plant based mush that you slap on wounds to stave off infections or rashes, might help with the itching of your bite but certainly won't cure the zombie disease. Which you only have 2 days to cure at this point.

>>22989105
Seconding this, and then rummage through the books. Any specifuc title that stands out?

>>22989143
Try and find somone alive or not Geting eaten by undead assholes

Check the lining on the furniture. There might be valuables hidden there. We might be sexcrazed and slowly zombiefying but we are still a rogue damnit

Rolled 11

>>22989143
Get religion, make your peace with god. Write a will on paper stating that Asshole Steve gets nothing and pocket it, so the adventurers who'll slay you will find it.

Rolled 5

>>22989160
Consider eating out some undead assholes. Have you ever been into anal play so far?

>>22989173
I bet that undead ass taste like shit

>>22989162
Noticing the value of the furniture you begin searching between the cushions for lost valuables. You locate 2 [Diamond Earrings] and 800 Gold Pieces.
>>22989160
You attempt to locate any living people in the vicinity, utilizing previous methods of yelling and listening for a response. This time, you hear a groan from behind the door in the room you are in, doesn't sound like a zombie but what would you know you don't have the ability to detect evil.

>>22989143
Using what first aid knowledge we have to tend to our bite wound. Reducing the irritation might allow us more time to masturbate in the future. Following that, investigate the Basement of the ale-drenched Pub.

>>22989179
Stab first ask questions later

Rolled 13

>>22989179
Surprise the moaner with a backstab.

>>22989182
You apply one of your poultices to your wound and the itchiness ceases, allowing you more clarity in your thoughts. You consider searching the basement of the pub, before remembering it was a single floor establishment, the keys you found were for the inn.

>>22989188
You yell "I AM A ROGUE EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!" and kick in the door in the room, inside the room you find a fireplace with a fire inside and a man who your dagger has seem to taken a liking to. THe man is bleeding out and asks "... but why...?" before coughing up blood and dieing on your blade. in front of him is a book marked "Holy medicine and potion recipes for the alchemist cleric." The man you just murdered has some holy looking jewelery and a badge stating he was a high cleric of the local order.

>>22989177
Well the quest's title is 'Oh, shit zombies'...

Rolled 10

>>22989212
Some hobo I guess. Rifle through his pockets, cop a feel of his dick at the same time.

>>22989212
Check for loot

>>22989212
Curse the idiots in your head for convincing you to kill a priest then check out the Basement of the not ale-drenched Inn.

>>22989212
well fuck... he shouldnt have moaned and said something

>>22989221
Also, if we returned the stolen badge to local clerics would they heal us of the zombie filth?

Rolled 19

>>22989212
Take the fire from the fireplace, apply to the bar.

Rolled 11

>>22989240
Use the book he was reading as kindling too.

We have keys to the bar! Let's loot all of it first.

>>22989221
You decide to pick the obviously homeless mans pockets and find 1 [Idol of Durand] the deity of undead cleansing. You have no idea how to use this thing as you are not a holy woman. You also happen to cop a feel and find the man is a eunuch. Just your fuckin' luck.
>>22989229
You also nab the badge off the mans chest so you can hopefully win favor with any clerics you encounter.
>>22989240
Having found your fire you break open the window and chuck a burning log across the street at the pub. The copious amount of booze now coating its walls causes the fire to spread quickly, you then throw the book across the street too out of spite for the homeless man you just murdered.

>>22989227
You then decide that you've done enough venting and that it's time to get to the bottom of this "Inn" business. You exit the residence and cross the street to the inn, as you open the door it swings itself slowly with a loud and irritating "CREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAK." Ahead you see a front desk with several corpses thrown on top of and over it, they do not look as fresh as the bar tenders was. To your left beyond teh front desk is a hallway that looks liek it leads to the guest rooms and two sets of stairs at the end, one going up and the other going down.

Note to self: the morning crowd sure is rapey.

Rolled 4

>>22989271
Check the corpses for a pulse, if they happen to be zombies playing dead.
Give the nearest corpse a long, sloppy kiss on the mouth. Doesn't matter if it's a female or male corpse, we're not picky.

>>22989271
Check out rooms for loot
>Duh
>>22989273
Yep

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>>22989289
I'm obviously roleplaying our rising zombie urges, no reason for alarm at all.

>>22989289
You move in to check the corpses for any signs of life or unlife. When you realize that they are all indeed for real dead, you lean over to one of the corpses and give it a long sloppy kiss on its lipless mouth. If you weren't already infected with a horrible disease you would be now for sure.

>>22989292
You begin trying to open all the rooms to check for loot but each one is locked, however the one closest to the stairwell has a message written in blood.

"Where was the cleric when I needed hi---" and it trails off.

Rolled 1

>>22989309
Bah, no locked door is a hindrance for Rogue McRoguerson!

Kick in the doors.

>>22989318
Roll a one great now we have a broken toe
Lets look for a key on the corpses

>>22989309
Swirl your fingers around the corpse's mouth so they get slimy with dead fluids, then pleasure yourself with that hand.

It's okay, that's what zombies do all the time, trust me on this one.

>>22989328
Try not to put weight on your broken toe, start shambling like a zombie.

>>22989318
You attempt to kick in the doors but they are made from solid quebrar hacha wood, your end up ricocheting off the first one comically and slamming against the wall back first.

>>22989328
You return to the pile of corpses to look for a key. You search each and every single pocket, throwing corpses to the side after a finished attempt. You end up finding 1 [Eagle Crest] 1 [Lion Crest] and 1 [Goat Crest] but no key, obviously this is a bullshit puzzle of some sort. The wizard from your old, dead party would have probably loved this. Fuck that guy.

>>22989353
Try to find Holy whatever..

>>22989353
Get pissed off and kick a dead guy

>>22989376
You kick a corpse, and it bursts in to pieces. It was quite rotted. The head of the corpse rolls down the hallway a bit and you scowl.
>>22989369
If you knew how to detect holy objects you'd probably be a paladin, or antipaladin... or whatever the hell would do that, but nooooo you just had to be a rogue.

>>22989353
Cut open one of the corpses from neck to groin, and fool around with his rancid viscera. Tear out his sticky, shit-filled guts and start deepthroating them like links of raw sausage. Don't stop until you've eaten it all. Pat your distended stomach squirming and roiling with rotting flesh.

>>22989389
Head down into the obviously not full of enemies infested basement.

>>22989389
Walk outside try to Spot something cool to loot
O and try to find help i guess

>>22989401
Hah, that only happens in horror movies, this is reality.

>>22989401
You decide to head in to the basement. You walk down the stairs and are met with a door, you pull out the [Ivory Key] and unlock the door. Inside you find a pristine white room with a shrine to Durand, the only problem is the shrines head has been cut off. Below the shrine is a pool of what is labeled as "Holy Water" however its contents look more like blood and... is that an eyeball? Around you there are several chests all but one has been opened and stripped bare, the one that is still closed has 3 indentations on it, a lion, an eagle, and you guessed it a goat.

>>22989429
Put the crests on the chest and put the holy water that's probably in the chest over your wound

>>22989429
Use the crest to open the bitch

Rolled 14

>>22989429
Pocket the eyeball, drink some of the holy water.

Use lion crest on eagle indentation, eagle on goat and goat on lion.

Rolled 1

>>22989429
Piss in the holy water pool, maybe the blood coagulates so the water clears (urine is a chaotropic agent after all!)

>>22989445
>>22989452
You place the crests in their indentations, and open the chest. Inside the chest you find not [Holy Water] But a baby Chimera, it awakens and turns all three of its heads at you. It has no fear nor anger towards you and seems to be grateful to you for freeing it.
>>22989472
You close the chest, pocket the [Eye of Abominations] and drink some of the "Holy Water" it tastes awful and stains your teeth red, but it's not blood. You then put the crests in to the chest indentations in the wrong order. The chest then flings open to reveal a dagger carved with intricate runes, as you look at it you can hear a pained scream from a goat, a lion, and an eagle.
>>22989480
You do not need to urinate at this moment.

>>22989504
Pet the chimera and let it climb on your head!

>>22989517
You pick up the dagger and place it on top of your head.

>>22989523
I want the Chimera! Put the crests back in the original way and put the Chimera on her head.

Rolled 13

>>22989504
Give the chimera the dick. Improvise, if necessary.

>>22989540
Screw you we want the dagger! Try other combinations for sweet loot, there's only 6 of them.

>>22989504
>You do not need to urinate at this moment.
Drink from the pool until you have to.

>>22989575
But, Chimeras can shoot fire and shit. Plus, a hat that's actually a Chimera would be fucking awesome.

>>22989540
You put the dagger back in the chest and put the crests in the right way, opening the chest again reveals the baby chimera to be dead and with marks carved its body like it was rearranged and put back together. you then place the corpse of the chimera on your head.

>>22989562
You do not own a dick or any dicklike devices.

>>22989575
You replace the dead chimera and try out all other combinations the results are:

A mass of gore
A jeweled necklace
A claw weapon
A Club
A book on how to create a chimera
and A set of boots that look like lion paws covered in eagle feathers, with goat horns running down the back to function as spurs.

>>22989630
Book or boots.

>>22989630
Lets take all of it and study how to create a Chimera. Also, fuck the Chimera body and throw it in the holy water

>>22989641
>>22989652
You may only take one item, and you've decided on the [Book of Chimeric Creation] you add it to your inventory.

Rolled 14

>>22989630
Pick the boots, they're swag as hell!

>>22989684
Okay, read the book and learn how to create a Chimera(probably needed the other set of books but fuck it)

Rolled 6

>>22989684
Can we even read?

Rolled 15

>>22989684
Try taking a dump in the chest, then rearrange the crests. Maybe something good pops out!

>>22989707
Yeah, do you even lift?

>>22989699
You read the book on how to create a chimera, it looks like you'll need... 3 different types of animals, a gallon of angel tears, and a wizard. It makes note to make sure the wizard is on the up and up.

>>22989719
You defecate in the chest and rearrange the crests, opening the chest for each combination reveals different shapes and amounts of feces.

>>22989744
Investigate the red pool more.

Rolled 17

>>22989744
Hot diggity damn, throw in the Evil eyeball and some of the (un)holy water for good measure!

Rolled 11

>>22989760
Yeah, spelunk its bottom with your arm or dagger if necessary.

>>22989760
>>22989769
You jam your arm in to the pool of "Holy Water" dagger in tow. and don't hit bottom. In fact you can't pull your arm out now. Actually hold on... Yeah you're being pulled in just great.

You get pulled in to the pool and dragged down, you lose consciousness and awake to find yourself on a beautiful beach. Night has fallen and your zombie bite wound is getting worse, it now stings quite a bit despite the poultice still being applied. Around you you can see a stone covered path leading in to a tropical forest and a small sailboat to your right, there is a man sitting on the boats edge carving a piece of wood.

>>22989804
Ask the man where the fuck you are, with your dagger across your chest

>>22989814
You approach the man and ask him just what the fuck this place is. He turns to you and you can see he has no eyes. His response is a quiet but ominous "Home." He continues to face you while carving, you can make out that he is carving an image of your face.

Rolled 20

>>22989804
Stab the man, he might be dangerous.

>>22989843
Booyaka! Take that No Eyes Pete!

>>22989836
Ask him what he is.

>>22989843
You leap up on to the boat and stab the man in the chest. He gasps for a moment, smiles at you and falls backwards on to the ships deck. His carving rolls away below deck and his body rapidly decomposes.
>>22989848
In your haste you forgot to ask the man what or who he is you yell "mother FUCKER!" before kicking the side of the boat.

>>22989867
Check out the boat and find the carving.

Rolled 9

>>22989867
Use the carving as a makeshift dildo. Let's face it, you've earned it after a long and stressful day.

Rolling for splinters.

>>22989890
You go below deck to find the carving, as you enter the lower quarters your foot knocks up against said carving. you look up from it to find a mass of corpses all of them look exactly like you but have a wide grin on their faces, which based on previous events doesn't really sound like you at the moment. You pick up the [Carving of the Haunt] and place it in your inventory.

>>22989909
You attempt to use the carving as a sexual aid, but it just does not fit with its odd shape, you pull the carving away quickly after you get exactly one splinter on your genitals. It stings and most likely will become infected.

>>22989937
Realize you're probably in a dream from the blood, causing hallucinations. Use your willpower to wake up. If not, walk out of the boat, light it on fire, and walk up the stone path.

>>22989937

>a mass of corpses
>all of them look exactly like you
>but with a wide grin on their faces

Holy shit I'm using this in my next campaign.

Rolled 11

>>22989937
Engage in autoerotic necrophiliac lesbianism with the corpses.

Tear the splinter from your cunt wall agonizingly slow, leaving a bleeding gash. Rub some zombie dirt against it so the wound gets infected and becomes a weeping sore.

>>22989960
You make an attempt to wake up from what is obviously a hallucination or dream or whatever but no such luck. You walk out of the boat and want to set it on fire, but lack the materials to do so. You decide to do it as soon as possible and just soldier on.

You head down the stone path and it ends in a large wall with runes written all over it as you approach the forest you walked through begins to rot at a feverish pace. The wall then begins morphing like a liquid and shaking. Eventually it stops and reforms itself, the runes have rearranged themselves into a language you can understand. It's mostly just the story of your life, no big deal, couple of cliff notes on the side written in a different color calling you a horrible person and a pervert. Yeah like you haven't heard that before. However at the bottom of the wall it reads: "You're running out of time." on completion of reading this a lightning bolt flashes above head and you are ejected from the pool of "holy Water" back in to the white room of the inn. This time however there's a hole in the floor in front of you, and you can see a rotted hand reaching up from below.
>>22990004
"Oh my fucking gods... I'm gonna strangle someone." you say as you realize you could have done SO MUCH with those dopplecorpsegangers.

Rolled 18

>>22990026
Grab the hand, pull them up.

>>22990026
Try to find some motherfucking holy water!

>>22990037
Using your skills in grappling you reach down the hole and pull up whatever is trying to enter the room. You have raised a [Ghoul], it seems disorientated as it was not expecting aid from its prey.

>>22990062
Stab him in the face with the dagger.

>>22990081
You stab the [Ghoul] In the face with your [Curved Dagger] seeing as it's caught of guard.
CRITICAL HIT! you have dealt 48 damage to the undead.

Further attacks must use 1d20 for accuracy.

Rolled 16

>>22990062

Rape the ghoul!

Rolled 1

>>22990102
Stab him in the face again.

>>22990106
Using your previously mentioned grapple skills you attempt to grab and rape the ghoul. However as you shove them down their head hits the side of the hole cracking their skull and causing them to respond with a lurch that launches you off them over the hole. You have dealt 35 damage.

The [Ghoul] after being knocked down and doing a pseudo back flip has fallen down the hole once again. and has been taken out of combat temporarily.

THE BATTLE HAS BEEN FINISHED ON INCOMPLETE TERMS. No loot is left behind, however you may run in to the enemy again later to finish the job.

Rolled 17

>>22990106
Let the ghoul rape you!

Rolled 2

>>22990153
Find some holy water

>>22990162
You don't even say anything, you just take a deep breath and stomp your foot. You are beyond pissed right now. WILL YOU NEVER GET YOUR WAY?!

>>22990165
You try to locate some genuine [Holy Water] but no luck in this room.

Rolled 1

>>22990169
Try to find some holy water

>>22990185
You succeed in doing the exact opposite of finding holy water, that is to say there is no holy water in this room and you found jack shit.

>>22990169
Go into the hole

Rolled 15

>>22990192
Search for holy water in other parts of the town

Rolled 19

>>22990192

Go back to the alchemist room and try to find material for creating chimeria.

Rolled 3

>>22990203
Take a dump in the hole, let the ghoul know what you think of him.

Rolling to power squeeze a monster loaf.

>>22990203
Not satisfied with a rapeless encounter you jump down the hole after the [Ghoul].

You are now in the Nibelholde Catacombs. the [Ghoul] appears to be bleeding as there is a trail of blood leading ahead, however there is a large spiraling staircase going down to your immediate right.
>>22990210
You locate a bottle of [Hole-y Water] in a nearby urn. Not exactly what you were looking for but if memory serves if this liquid is splashed on an appropriate surface it will create a tear in the planes. Too bad the surface is supposed to be made of Jade, which you don't have at the moment.

Rolled 20

>>22990232
Sneak towards the ghoul and FINISH HIM!

>>22990241
You fucking ACE your sneak checks and begin following the blood trail. You are some kind of invisible rape machine at the moment. You continue on weaving and turning never deviating from the ghouls path. Then, you come to a giant marble head embedded in the wall, open mouth, big enough for you to walk inside. The eyes of the head are organic and follow your every move despite your expert stealth skills, but the rest of the head seems incapable of motion. The [Ghoul]s trail leads inside.

Rolled 2

>>22990264
Flick the head off and continue sneaking towards the ghoul

Rolled 20

>>22990232
Sprinkle hole-y water on yourself, see if a portal opens up.

>>22990283
We portal now!

>>22990275
You flip the bird at the giant head and step inside its mouth hellbent on finding that ghoul. Inside the head is humid and dark, and you can hear the sound of a heart beating. You forge on until suddenly the floor becomes squishy. You look down and notice that the ground beneath your feet is made of flesh, which is blood red in color. The trail has been obscured. Ahead you can see three paths left is marked with spiraling blue "Veins" on its walls, the center has a just plain awful stench coming from within, and the right has a bright light shining from deep inside.

>>22990283
You sprinkle your [Hole-y Water] over yourself. A portal certainly opens up, and by that I mean your sexual frustration has now manifested itself as a rip in the fabric of space, which you cannot jump through no matter how much you try. This spacial tear lashes out at everything around you distorting your surroundings. You hope this is a temporary thing.

>>22990305
>open your legs
>your legs are open

>>22990350
Use your awesome rogue skills to find the ghoul and fuck his shit up!

>>22990350
Press on to the center tunnel.

>>22990350
Call the spatial tear Cuntholio, it's your pet now.

>>22990364
Your Rogue Skills were not allocated in tracking, if there is no obvious trail to follow you can't track shit. You were told multiple times buy your old parties fighter that you should have learned how to track instead of mastering climbing and grappling.
>>22990377
You head down the center hallways and it begins to dip down, a little at first, but then it gets steep. Really steep. You eventually lose your footing and slide down. You land on your ass in the middle of a room with hands pressing on the walls from the outside and a pool of something acidic in the center. Ahead is a path and--- wait! THERE'S THAT FUCKING GHOUL! You catch eyes with the monster just as he runs off down the path ahead, however you have no way to get across the pool of acidic material. Maybe something you have in your inventory would help.

>>22990388
You name your spatial tear, and regard it fondly despite it being a manifestation of everything going wrong today.

>>22990417
Fuck that shit! Use your insane climbing skills to climb off the acid pool thing.

Rolled 20

>>22990417

Chase down the fucking ghoul and RAPE it to dead!

>>22990423
You know what, fuck this puzzle bullshit. Using items to solve problems is what that asshole wizard would have done. You decide to make use of the hands protruding from the walls and climb/grapple them across to the other side. And you know what? It was a huge success, something went right for you for once, you are ecstatic.
>>22990442

You head down the path after the Ghoul. You run for what seems like an hour. Until finally you reach a dead end. And guess who's there? The Ghoul. You are so ready to finish this, you run in to grapple and rape the ghoul. But your spacial tear ends up getting in the way, the ghoul is sucked in and ascends to the plane of Air.

You have won the combat! The [Ghoul] left behind 1 [Rune of Teleportation: Nibelholde Church]. You add it to your inventory and sit down for a second, and just try not yell.

>>22990485
Try to close the hole so I can finally get some.
Also, use rune to travel to the motherfucking church and pray for holy water and shit

>>22990503
You have no idea how to close this spacial tear, that wizard would have probably known. You're starting to miss that guy. You activate the rune and are instantly transported to the interior of a large church.

In the church is an altar and some pews. To your right are the confessionals. At the altar is a man in holy looking robes and a confused look on his face. At his feet are at least twenty dead bodies, from the looks of the burns on them you take it they were zombies or something, you don't know whatever.

>>22990533
Ask the guy if he has holy water and knows how to cure vaginal spacial tears.

>>22990533

Don't kill him.

>>22990533

We DO NOT KILL HIM! Ask him to cure our zombifucation pronto!

>>22990588
Fuck you. We do what we want!

Rolled 9

>>22990533
Stab the motherfucker, he looks like a murderer

>>22990563
Totally beyond even being mad you just approach the guy. You ask him if he knows how to fix your problems and he responds. "But of course my child, Durand can heal all wounds." then presents a holy relic from his robes and a flash of light overcomes you. The spatial tear slowly closes and the pain in your arm recedes as the zombie bite is healed. The man looks at you calmly and asks "Now how did you end up here? There's not much place for a rogue in the city of the undead." You look at him with a inquisitive look, as you did not tell him your profession.

>>22990609
Oh shit! Ask him if he knows how to make Chimera and shit. Also, ask if he can make you undead rogue hybrid and shit.

>>22990633
Oh wait. Nevermind about the undead rogue. Ask him why he's here.

>>22990609

"Long story... By the way... Let me give you "reward" for curing..." Then we undress...

Rolled 14

>>22990609
Stab the motherfucker and steal his stuff.

>>22990609

Let's give him the world's oldest reward, by plying the world's oldest trade!

>>22990608
Fed up with all the bullshit going on this week, you stab the man in the chest, not caring about the spooky mysteries he might reveal.

The man screams: "WHAT?! WHY?! MY PLAN WAS FOOL PROOF, HOW COULD YOU HAVE SEEN THROUGH MY DECEIT!" His skin peels back to reveal a golden light, the luminescence bursts through the room and you are face to face with a golden humanoid, who may or may not be a god who has fallen from grace. He shouts: "I AM JUSTICE FOR THE DEAD I AM THE HOLY WORD WHO ARE YOU TO DARE INTERRUPT MY MACHINATIONS?!"

>>22990673
"You know what...?" Using your mastery of grapple techniques you pin the god down to the ground, remove your clothing, and prepare to finish your week off right.

The End.

>>22990688
Best ending ever.
>for KLuca

We are name K. Luca. the K stands for Krazy. Or Karen. One of those.

>>22990688
Necroanon here, thanks OP for sticking with us for so long despite our shenanigans. I came twice during this quest so you're ok in my books!

>>22990688
Finally! We got some! Good job everyone!

>>22990715
Let's have a round of congratulatory back pats from each other!

>>22990688
>242 posts and 12 images until the OP finally snapped.
I think he's the quest giver that /tg/ deserves, a dark neckbeard.

File: 1360078212491.jpg-(14 KB, 230x300, back pat.jpg)

14 KB JPG

>>22990723
K. Luca will clearly need this.

>>22990752
>pat pat pat

I wanted to run a Horror Quest, you guys made it a [spoilers]Whore[/spoilers] Quest. I regret none of it.

Thank you everyone who played, sorry if you wanted something serious [spoilers]not really, this was fun too.[/spoilers]

See you on the flip side

>>22990773
DAMN IT NOW I'VE GOT THE CURSE, FUCKIN SPOILERS TAGS!

>>22990773
You're A-OK, OP, thanks for your time!

>>22990760
>pomf pomf pomf