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>>22886678
>HALFWAY THROUGH A TURN...
-----------------------------------------------
Ogir Place (+Floating, +Limbs, +Sandstorm Drill, +Magma Shield, +Steering Wheel)
-----------------------------------------------
Population: 121/121 ogres (6 dead), 52/52 elves
- [Landmarks] Oasis, Daphnaia, Underground Cave/Quarry [50% mined]
- [Food] Cacti(-ow), Fungi, Wheat, Potatoes, Ravager Meat, Milk; Fair Growth (+32/turn)
- [Resources] Hellfire Energy [Captive Archdemon Lord], Sandstone, Iron+Chromite Ores, Featherstone, Aquifer Pebbles
- [Diplomacy] Scaratone [ALLIED; Featherstone Carts, Fungi, Paper]; Felpowder Elves [UNITED]; Achievement Hunter Dwarves [???]

- [Key Items] Tomes (Dragon Lore, Illusory Magic I, Necromancy I)
- [Arms] Cactus Maces, Iron Scimitars, Short-Ranged Bow+Arrow, Crude Iron Armor, Demon Helm/Shoulderpads; Ur-Camouflage
- [Vocations] OGRES: Geo (∞), Berserks (4), BMasters (1), Rockkits (0), Riders (0), Heallusionist (0)
- [Beasts] Giant Bats (trained), Naked Mole Ravagers (trained)
- [Settlement] Reinforced Rock Shanties, Storehouse, Mushroom Farms, Pier, Anchor/Staircase, THE FLAMES OF HELL

- [NPCs] Boss Bawss Fistboss [+30 Diplomacy], Geomancer Gubbins [+30 Geomancy, +WE ALL GEOMANCERS NOW, +Ruoumoko], Beastkrumpa Squiggles Irwin [+Beast Whisperer, Big Vulture]
- [Tech] Fire, Fish, Agriculture[+Protection], Cooking, Mine, Smelt/Forge, Write/Read, Hats, FStone Flight, FStone Airdrops, Airships!
- [Magic] Geomancy I, Healing I, Illusion I, Climate Control 0
- [Economy] System=Barter; Currency=Shit
- [Justice] Krumpin' Duels / Boss Knows Best
-----------------------------------------------

DICE RULES:
>Any Doubles: STUPID LUCKY
>100: SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID
>90-98: Stupidly Successful
>60-90: Successful
>40-60: Neutral
>10-40: Not So Good
>2-10: SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT
>1: LUCKY STUPID

[GODDESS OF LUCK INTERVENTION]: Available!
(Cont.)

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>>22886696
>QUEST ACTION:
>Track Howlers

"Boss! Boss! We got trouble!"

Never a good sound to wake up to.

Immediately, Boss Bawss Fistboss' eyes snap open, and- due to weeks of long practice- he wriggles out from underneath his reinforced rock shanty in no time flat without so much as brushing his tough hide against the walls. In one continuous motion, the large ogre rolls to his feet and straightens up to his not inconsiderable height, the daylight causing him to squint as he casts around for the source of the voice- Gubbins, the resident master geomancer. "Right then. Wot's 'appened?" Boss Bawss rumbles, squaring his shoulders as he starts following the smaller ogre.

Geomancer Gubbins pushes his hat back onto his brow, almost quivering with what might either be rightful indignation or the usual dangerous excess of magical energies. Most of the time, it's hard to tell. "We been raided, boss! It's those damn howlers again!" he snarls. "Grabbed some wheat an' poh-tay-toes from one of da fields, made off with a few scrap metal pieces..."

"Dat's all?" Boss Bawss Fistboss listens with half an ear, most of his attention focused on their surroundings- gauging the current mood of the ogres and elves they pass by, nodding to a few familiar faces, and watching out for any strange occurrences. Strange, most of the ogres seem subdued and downcast... "Doesn't seem so bad. It's not like dey made off wit' any Aquifer Pebbles or Featherstone or magic books-"

"Nah, boss," Gubbins interrupts gravely, his jaw set. "Dat ain't da worst part..."

(Cont.)

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>>22886714
A few minutes later, Boss Bawss and Gubbins are staring into the large rock shanty they use to store most of their important goods; the larger ogre looks horrified at the disappearance of Ogir Place's most treasured artifacts, while the smaller ogre keeps his eyes averted, waiting expectantly for the storm to break.

It isn't long in coming.

"... dey took our spare hats," Boss Bawss Fistboss growls slowly, his brow furrowing angrily.

"Yah, like I said, boss-"

"Dey took our spare hats," Boss Bawss Fistboss repeats, veins starting to stand out all along his massive tree trunk of a neck.

"Yah, boss," Gubbins replies resignedly.

"Dey took," Boss Bawss Fistboss snarls, his fists curling up so hard that the knuckles turn white. "Our /hats/." Slowly, the larger ogre turns to look at Gubbins, looking stuck somewhere between 'determined' and 'red-eyed enraged.' "Gather da boys together, Gubbins," he says slowly. "We're dealin' with da howlers once an' for all."

>How should we track down these strange flying nocturnal creatures?
[ ] [AMBUSH] Wait until night. Set a trap for the Howlers, and dissuade them from coming back.
[ ] [SEARCH] Send out a scouting party to look for them- we know which direction they come from, there can't be that many places the Howlers can live.
[ ] [MOVE] Fly Ogir Place to a different location- the Howlers won't know where we are if we move. Therefore, no more raids!
[ ] [WRITE-IN] Other?

>>22886732
Search! Seek out those verminous hat-thieves and subjugate them under our harsh and oppressive FRIENDSHIP until they learn how to politely ask for hats, and engage in fair and reasoned bargaining.

Or until their organs pop out of their mouths like toothpaste from a tube. Either or.

>>22886678
Holy fucking shit, good to see you again Blorp. Glad this quest is still going.

>>22886805
Thanks! And sorry for taking so long to get back, guys- my originally planned month-long break due to holidays and family got extended by about... well, another month due to RL things.

Like fever. And horrifying bathroom plumbing issues. FUN STUFF

>>22886732
[AMBUSH] with beatings and diplomacy!

>>22886788
We need to get the elves in on this, they are supposedly great trackers! We need to really stress the importance of this, if necessary we must speak load and clear "DEY TOOK OUR HATS!!".

>>22886732
[SEARCH!]

Ambushes and Moving won't get our hats back! We'll tail them to their lair and get our stuff back, with diplomaforce!

HOLY SHIT OGRE QUEST IS BACK! Happy Day!

>>22886871
Seconding

>>22886857
Can we split into two teams? A search team and an ambush team?

SIR BLORPINGTON! THOU HAST RETURNED TO US!

[OTHER] We use our MYSTIC HAT SENSE to track the Howlers.

>>22887163
It's entirely possible. Sending out a search team (the current majority vote) will leave the remaining ogres/elves at Ogir Place, so an ambush CAN be planned for, since the search will probably take longer than a day to carry out (walking on foot, etc).

>>22886871
I'll third this.

Also, good to see you back.

The dwarves would probably kill to get in on the cheevos here.

>>22887227
Couldn't we have our beastkrumpa get those lazy bats up and flyin' around?

Wait, they fly at night, not day.

If only we'd invented sunglasses to go with our cool hats!

>>22887244
Search out where they live WHILE Ambushing them. 2 teams.

Have our Beast master pal here to instantly tame and pacify the creatures. We are going to befriend every race on this fucking continent!

Since the howlers seem so fixated on our spare hats, ur camouflage ogres (under hats). When they come for our hats, they will take the ogres with them. Since all Ogres have a little bit of geomancy in them, have Gubbins track their latent geomancer potential.

>>22886732
>Our /hats/
Well, at least we know they have good taste.

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>>22886732
>>22887348
>>22887323
>[X] [SEARCH] Track 'em down!
>Get the elves in on this, too!
>... leave some boys at home to set up an ambush?

For some strange reason, Celicia, even though she's the commander of the Felpowder Elves stationed at Ogir Place (and probably KNOWS the importance of looking darn spiffy), doesn't seem to share Boss Bawss Fistboss's sense of urgency. In fact, her first reaction to Boss Bawss's constant urging about HATS and DEY TOOK THEM and WE GOTTA GET EM BACK... is to massage her forehead with one hand while scrabbling for a cigarette with the other.

"... seriously?" Celicia deadpans, sticking the cancer stick in her mouth before rooting around for a lighter. "We're preparing for a war with evil fucking bugs from the depths of Hell, and you want to divert attention and energy from said preparations to..."

"Get our hats back from the Howlers who took 'em from us," Boss Bawss Fistboss repeats, as implacable as a big blue serious-faced mountain.

"But that's insane," the blonde elf snaps back. "We don't know what the formichroma are going to throw at us, and we don't know what the dwarves OR the scaratones are going to do to help us, or how effective they'll be, so we need every fucking edge-"

"But we gotta get our hats back," Boss Bawss Fistboss interrupts, pouncing on that opening. "'Cause it's our edge."

Celicia opens her mouth. Then she closes her mouth. "... pardon?"

"Our hats are our edge," Boss Bawss repeats patiently. "If we don't got hat, we don't got edge. If we don't got edge, we're like big blue rocks."

"Blunt?"

"Nah. Rock-like."

Celicia squints at Boss Bawss for a long, long moment.

(Cont.)

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>>22887471
"... an' dat's how we got a group of ten elves to help us shoot things once we get to da Howlers!" Boss Bawss says triumphantly.

Gubbins scratches his head. "Well, dat's all good an' all, but how 'bout which ogres we're gonna be bringin'?"

Boss Bawss's face falls. "... oh. Right." He looks up into the sky, assuming his thinking position. "Well, Squiggles is a must. As for da other ogres..."

>CHOOSE TWO GROUPS:
[ ] [OGRES] Your basic ogre. All-rounders.
[ ] [RIDERS] A mixed force of Naked Mole Ravager riders and Giant Bat riders! Gotta go fast.
[ ] [BERSERKERS] Big, purple, and angry! Fuck stealth.
[ ] [ROCKKITEERS] They shoot rocks at people! With the elves? All ranged, all the time.
[ ] [MAGES] Geomancers, Heallusionists, we got them all! A spell for all occasions.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>22887482

[x] Mages
[x] Riders

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>>22886678

HOLY SHIT BLORP'S BACK

Glad to have you again!

It's like all my dreams have come true. It's really back.
Also, Blorp, I'd like to thank you for inspiring me to actually try and run a quest. Now keep on rocking you beautiful hero.

>>22887482
>[ ] [OGRES] Your basic ogre. All-rounders.
>[ ] [RIDERS] A mixed force of Naked Mole Ravager riders and Giant Bat riders! Gotta go fast.

A little stealth from the ogres and use the riders to push the howlers into ambush. Maybe.

>>22887482
>[ ] [RIDERS] A mixed force of Naked Mole Ravager riders and Giant Bat riders! Gotta go fast.
[ ] [MAGES] Geomancers, Heallusionists, we got them all! A spell for all occasions.

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I-Its...back?

Here I thought you had forsaken us.

>>22887482
>[ ] [RIDERS] A mixed force of Naked Mole Ravager riders and Giant Bat riders! Gotta go fast.
>[ ] [MAGES] Geomancers, Heallusionists, we got them all! A spell for all occasions.

Go fast! Fast as hell!

>>22887482
Riders, Mages.

>>22887482

[x] RIDERS
[x] MAGES

>>22887482
[] [RIDERS] GOTTA GO FAST and because they may know how to wrangle howlers
[] [OTHERS] Squiggles Irwin! Supreme Hunter!
[] [OGRES] Because ogres.

>>22887482
[X] [RIDERS] A mixed force of Naked Mole Ravager riders and Giant Bat riders! Gotta go fast.

[X] [MAGES] Geomancers, Heallusionists, we got them all! A spell for all occasions.

Let's do this, it's time to Ogrepower those Howlers.

>>22887291
>ogres riding bats wearing coolshades
Fucking fund it.

With our Ogre engin- inge- With our Ogre luck, how far out can the Hellfire from our Demon-Heating-Unit reach? What I'm asking is, can we make a fiery sword to match our bitchin' lava shield.

>>22887675

Why not Ogres wearing hats riding bats with their own hats?

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>>22887679
............ well

One of the next events will be talking to/interrogating/etc the demon imprisoned in the bowels of Ogir Place, so that'll be an option that will pop up then

(It would probably require a roll)

>>22887691
It goes without saying that they'd both be wearing hats. The ogres stone+debris sombreros, the bats those old leather aviator caps.

I wonder if the elves can teach them to smoke. . .

>>22887679
.... Hellfire + Sandstorm Drill.

>>22887691
That's a great idea, we can get some hats for the bats out of our spare hat pi-...

Damn it.

>>22887721
Hellglass Drill?

>>22887691
Of course, but they have to have coolshades too.

>>22887721

Or we control the very fundamentals of the universe to transport Ogir to a parallel universe where everyone wears Dapper, Snakeskin Hats and Aviators and Shit is a currency.

It's a meaningful, long-term project. Oh crap, would that break our portal for elves?

>>22887768

Why go to a parallel universe when we can create our own?

>>22887482
Riders + Mages
This is a job for da speshulists

>>22887808
Because then we can have TWO hats.

>>22887712

I think we've all agreed to Mages & Riders, so shall we roll?

>>22887817

Reminds me of the one warboss who was trapped in a warp storm who traveled back in time. He killed his past self just so he could have two of his favorite weapon.

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>>22887482
>>22887482
>[X] [RIDERS]
>[X] [MAGES]

In very short order, a combined strike force of ogres, elves, and assorted beasts assemble at the foot of Ogir Place, with Boss Bawss Fistboss and Beastkrumpa Squiggles at their head. The ogres are standing (slouching?) at attention, the elves are standing at attention, and it would all look perfect and martial and awe-inspiring if it weren't for the horrible racket.

"SKREEEEEEEEEE," the giant bats screech, swooping down and battering at the naked mole ravagers' heads with their wings.

"SKREEEEEEEEEE," the naked mole ravegers screech, jumping up and battering at the giant bats' feet with their forepaws.

"SKREEEEEEEEEE," the giant bats screech, swooping down and battering etc.

"SKREEEEEEEEEE," the naked mole ravegers screech, jumping up and battering etc.

"What da holy fuck are dey doin!?" Boss Bawss yells above the din, shaking Squiggles' shoulder to get his attention.

"Bonding!" Squiggles yells back, beaming happily. "Dey're really hittin' it off, don'cha think? Brings a tear to my eye, I aint' gonna lie."

Boss Bawss watches as one mole ravager tackles a bat out of the air, wrestling angrily with it and snapping at its face with its jaws; the bat returns the favor by dragging the rodent into the air and dropping it from the height of a few feet. "Are dey gonna eat each other?"

Squiggles shakes his head. "Of course not! Probably," he adds, sotto voice.

"Well, that's good. I-"

Boss Bawss Fistboss pauses, blinking at the arrayed forces and counting silently to himself. First, the humanoids, and then the beasts. At length, he turns to Squiggles. "We don't got enough rides for everyone. Too bad those beasts only got one back."

"Oh?" Squiggles waggles his eyebrows. "I fink we got PLENTY of backs to go around..."

(Cont.)

>>22887768
>>22887808
>>22887817
>>22887847

Wait, wait, wait. We could travel to a parallel univese and save our boys that were killed! It works for the elves!

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>>22887905
A few minutes later, the warband sets off, presenting any outside viewer with... well.

Picture the following: an elf riding on (or desperately clinging to) an ogre's' shoulders, who is in turn easily riding on another ogre's shoulders, who is in turn riding on either a comparatively smaller naked mole ravager or a comparatively smaller giant bat.

"DIS IS DA BEST IDEA /EVER/," Boss Bawss Fistboss whoops, leading a bunch of teetering humanoids impossibly balanced on small mammals as they thunder off into the wilderness of the untamed desert.

(Cont.)

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>>22887923
IT'S TIME.

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)

Rolled 77

well now

Rolled 90

>>22887937

Incoming Hue

Rolled 79

>>22887937

Rolled 58

>>22887937
STOOPID LUCKY!

Rolled 13

>>22887937

>>22887948

Stupid Lucky?

Ogres!

>>22887948
Well that was fast.

>>22887948
Blorp comes back after his break, and first roll right off the bat is Stupid Lucky. Glad to see we haven't lost our touch.

>>22887948
>>22887952
fukkin' orges.

>>22887911
But then we would be stealing them from that Boss Bawss. And no Boss wants his boys stoled. Da respektful thing is to just leave em be.

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>>22887948
some things

never change

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>>22887923
We gnoblar now.

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>>22888033
Scratch that.

Now we gnoblar.

Rolled 51

>>22887937

ROLLAN

>>22888031
Ogres. Ogres never change.

Rolled 70

>>22888031

You there, OP?

>>22887923
>>22887937
>77
>STUPID LUCKY

Two elves are holding a conversation- or, well, doing the best they can, given the circumstances, the bumpiness of their rides, and the horrendous SKREEEEEEing of the bats and moles.

The first elf, a newcomer from the portal in Daphnaia, looks fairly incredulous (and/or motion-sick). "So what you're telling me is that we're on a bloody needle-in-a-haystack hunt."

The other elf, a veteran of Ogir Place, reflexively nods, and then winces when his teeth clack together. "Yes."

"For raiders. We don't even know what they look like, or where they went."

The veteran elf nods again. Clack. "Yes."

"And we have a billion miles of desert to search through. And Commander Silverstone LET us come out here!?"

The veteran almost nods again, but catches himself just in time. "Yeah. That's about right."

"But that's insane!" the greenhorn moans, looking faintly ill. "We could be out here for /weeks/-"

"Boss! We found 'em!" Squiggles roars, flailing his arms. "Right down there!" The Beastkrumpa points down at what looks like a pit hewn out of rock, smack-dab in the middle of the desert sand, hidden by gently sloping dunes and almost impossible to see by ordinary means.

... unless you're an ogre. "I sensed 'em with my hat!" Squiggles adds triumphantly.

Boss Bawss Fistboss nods, as if completely and utterly used to such ridiculously convenient and completely inexplicable happenstances. "Good job. A'right, everyone off! Dismount, an' we'll figure out wot to do next!"

The flabbergasted greenhorn finds that he really has to have a nice, long, stress-free sit-down in the shade of one of the ogres. Meanwhile, the veteran elf shakes his head grimly. "Seriously, kid, you never bet against ogres..."

(Cont.)

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>>22888445

Boss Bawss Fistboss stares down into the pit. From edge to edge, the entrance is about the size of a small house- just about enough for a flock of Howlers to fly in together, without slamming into each other and making a mess of things. There ARE ramps leading down, hewn into the sides of the pit by nature or other means, but it's hard to tell just how far down they go...

"Wot's da plan, boss?" Squiggles asks, shading his eyes with a hand as he joins the larger ogre in his ruminations. "Call 'em out, or hit 'em fast?"

[ ] [AGGRESS] Fuck it, they took our hats. Into the breach, everyone- attack! (BONUS: Geomancers, make us a path down!)
[ ] [CALL OUT] Make a big enough ruckus, and they'll be bound to send out their leader! Or a small attack force. Either or!
[ ] [SCOUT] Get an idea of what's down there. Sneak in! (BONUS: A Rider or a Geomancer could help with that.)
[ ] [WRITE-IN!]

>>22888467

[X] CALL OUT

We can possibly talk this over, I think. Might as well give it a try.

>>22888467
[X] [SCOUT] Get an idea of what's down there. Sneak in! (BONUS: A Rider or a Geomancer could help with that.)

Scout first, then we lay down Ogre JUSTICE.

>>22888467
>[x] [SCOUT] Get an idea of what's down there. Sneak in! (BONUS: A Rider or a Geomancer could help with that.)

>>22888467

[x] SCOUT! Our mole-riders will stealthily sneak up to them, using tunnels made by the geomancers.

>>22888467
>[ ] [SCOUT] Get an idea of what's down there. Sneak in! (BONUS: A Rider or a Geomancer could help with that.)

Scout. With our screaming, skreeing flyers/burrowers. Nah.

[X] Time for SNEAKY. By being LOUD. WE make a big ruckus out here, while a burrower/geomancer sneaks in THERE and liberates the hats!

>>22888467

[X] [SCOUT]

It... it's back. And the first roll was a double. This is the best day ever.

Blorp, you have NO IDEA how much I missed you. This thing is already putting a smile on my face!

>>22888467
SCOUT! (Send our second-bestest Geomancer in.)

But, wait, we is not sneaky unless standing still. We'll need a distraction. . .

SCOUT while CALLING OUT as a distraction!

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[X] [SCOUT] Get an idea of what's down there. Sneak in!
-[X] While Bawss attempts to DIPLOMANCE them, thus making a distraction!


Jesus Christ, it's finally back. There are no words to express the mix of emotions I am feeling right now.

>>22888467
>[X] [SCOUT]!
>[X] ... and a little bit of [CALL OUT]!

Boss Bawss squints a little irritably, trying to make out ANY details of ANYTHING down below, past the rock walls. The desert sun, merciless and way too damn bright, ruins any hope of anyone's eyes adjusting to the darkness down in the pit, which seems to go on forever...

He's no shrinking violet, but an ogre with as many brains as he does (i.e. any brains at all) can't help but feel some amount of trepidation at the thought of charging headfirst into something he can't make heads or tails of.

Mind made up, Boss Bawss turns around to face the rest of the troupe. "A'right, here's wot we're gonna do," he rumbles. "You elves are all small an' sneaky, an' you got good eyes, so you're gonna have to help me see wot's actually down there."

As a few of the elves shoulder their felpowder rifles and sneak toward the edge of the pit, the larger ogre points at the riders and mages at random. "You an' you- er, an' you, I guess- you also do some scoutin'! Mole rider, you dig into da dirt, see wot you can see. Bat rider, you fly in there as quietly as you can. Geomancer, you work on smoothin' out da edges of da pit. Make 'em walkable."

Those chosen ogres quickly trundle off to do their thing, leaving behind... just about everyone else. They blink at Boss Bawss, and an ogre in the middle of the pack pipes up. "An' da rest of us, boss?"

"Us?" Boss Bawss Fistboss grins toothily, adjusting his hat. "We're gonna do wot ogres do best, boys."

"Hit things!" an ogre immediately cheers.

"... no, da other thing," Boss Bawss corrects.

There's a moment of perplexed silence. And then an enterprising ogre breaks it with a tentative answer.

"... hit things /with/ things?"

Boss Bawss sighs at the loss of a perfectly good dramatic cliffhanger, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "... well, actually, I meant we was gonna make a lot of noise so dat da Howlers won't see da scouts comin'."

"... ooh."

(Cont.)

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>>22888756
YOU KNOW THE DRILL

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)

>>22888618
>>22888667

Yes, and [SCOUT] with a geomancer riding a rider.

Rolled 9

>>22888770
OGRES

Rolled 98

>>22888770

Incoming fail

Rolled 68

and another chance to do horrible

Rolled 93

>>22888770
STOOOOOOOOOPID LUCKY TIME!

Rolled 95

>>22888770

LUKKY LUKKY LUKKY

Rolled 39

>>22888770
STUPID

>>22888778
So stupid it's brilliant.

Welp!

its that time of night I guess
>>22888786
>>22888792
>>22888792

Rolled 93

>>22888770

ROLLIN'

>>22888778

Good one!

and this
>>22888793

>>22888778
>>22888786
>>22888792
>>22888793
look at them ogres at work
>Captcha berswork glorious
yes, it truly is glorious

>>22888820
>Samefag here

HOLY SHIT MY FIRST HIGH ROLL

>>22888820
and that


... I think the dice gods say its 90s night

Rolled 67

>>22888817
It's Ogre Quest. It's ALWAYS that time during Ogre Quest.

>>22888794
>>22888820
>39
>93
Oh god this happened before, didn't it?

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>>22888778
>>22888786
>>22888792
>>22888793
>>22888820

>>22888855
One of the best things about this quest is Blorp's reaction to every roll.

>>22888855
>22888855
Do we get anything for that?

>>22888886
Well, it's always either his reaction or our reaction.

>>22888855
and once more, we begin to slowly (read:very quickly) break Blorp's sanity and reason.

>>22888895
>>22888855

We better get dinner and a fingering for that.

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>>22888895
EVEN MY OWN POST NUMBER BETRAYS ME

I have a feeling that even if I completely reversed the roll table or something, we'd still be rolling high

Rolled 18

>>22888909

We're like some great Chinese Cthulhu knockoff.

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>Sweet, it's Ogre Civ Time!
>Wait, I can't actually stay for most of the thread
>Dammit

Welp, have some finished art while I am here.

Good to see you back Blorp.

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>>22888971

One more for the road.

Shine on you crazy diamonds.

>>22888971
Zog me, it's beautiful.

>>22888971
thats... beautiful

>>22888971

Don't worry about it.

This will be archived.

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>>22888971
>>22888986
Holy shit- I saw the unfinished versions of both pics, but these go above what I thought they'd look like in the end. That swag on the Queen. That Ogretek badassery.

YOU, SIR, ARE A DRAWFAG AMONG DRAWFAGS

>>22888756
>>22888770
>>22888778
>>22888786
>>22888792
>>22888793
>>22888820
>>22888855

>9 - SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT
>like four rolls above 90
>22888855

"H'okay. So da plan is dat we hoot an' holler an' make da Howlers come out of hiding! Dis is to give da scouts a chance to see wot dey can without gettin' eaten or somethin'." Boss Bawss Fistboss puts his hands on his hips as he looks over his troops. "Got it?"

The ogres nod, replying with varying degrees of "Yah, boss," "Yessir," and "Are we there yet?"

"Right! On da count of three- three, two, one-"

Boss Bawss Fistboss's voice is the only one that breaks the silence of the desert when he roars "BLAARARAGGHBLEOGRES" in the general direction of the pit.

There's a beat.

"Boys," Boss Bawss Fistboss grumbles, eying the other ogres. "Why did no one yell wit' me."

One ogre shuffles his feet sheepishly. "Well, boss, we wasn't sure if you meant the count of /your/ three, or the count of /our/ three..."

And then there's another roar as another ogre, on his own time, finally reaches what he fondly believes to be the count of three. And then another yell sounds out, and another, and another... in short order, there's a band of ogres making a racket large enough to shake the desert's grains of sands themselves.

Eventually, the noise dies down as the ogres wait expectantly at the edge of the pit. Problem is, each passing moment of silence grows slightly more awkward.

Boss Bawss Fistboss scrunches up his face in thought. "... dat's weird. Maybe no one's-"

(Cont.)

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>>22889373
Almost on cue, a screechy voice echoes up to them. "Ogres?"

It's answered by another half-squawk, half-screech. "Ogres!"

And then the pit explodes in a cacophony of echoing shrieks and caws and screams of "Ogres! Ogres! Ogresogresogres!", causing even Boss Bawss to take an involuntary surprised step back.

"Holy shit," Squiggles gawps. "How many of those damn Howlers are in-"

He's cut off by the thunderous sound of hundreds of wings beating all at once, and anything that ANYONE would have said at that point is put to one side as an entire flock of large, winged monstrous creatures explode out from the pit, dotting the blue sky in a patchwork of raggedy black shapes.

Boss Bawss catches movement out of the corner of his eye. "Don't shoot!" he barks out, the elves freezing before they can raise their rifles. "Not yet. We don't know wot's wot. Just wait an' see."

Soon enough, one strange birdlike creature folds its wings and dives at an angle, landing on the desert sand in a few hops. Standing at about three and a half feet tall, the creature resembles nothing so much as an oversized mutant vulture. That's only at first glance, however; NO vulture has the hindquarters of some sort of canine, or rudimentary grasping claws at the ends of its wings. And the mind behind the bright, cunning predator's eyes clearly isn't that of a mere bird...

"Ogres?" the strange creature squawks quickly. "Ogres? Yes? No? Ogres?"

Boss Bawss Fistboss stares, caught off-guard for once. "Erm..."

[ ] Ogres.
[ ] Yes.
[ ] No.
[ ] ... seriously, dude, just give us our hats back.
[ ] Write-in.

>>22889384
Point at ourself and the rest of the Ogres and Elves and say "OGRES" then point at the Howlers and say "FRIEND?".

>>22889384
>[ ] Write-in.
[x] Hats.

>>22889416
then ask for our hats back

>>22889384

[x] Ogres. Hats?

>>22889384
>[X] Write-in

Tame them.

>>22889384
[X] Ogres.
-[X] ... seriously, dude, just give us our hats back.

>>22889384
Nod sagely. "Ogres. Yes. Ogres."
Then stop for half a beat, peer at it, and lean forward slightly.

Then reach out, grab our Beastkrumpa, and haul him around. Peer at him, then at the howler, then back to him.

"Ogres?"

>>22889384
>[ ] Ogres.
>[ ] ... seriously, dude, just give us our hats back.

>>22889384
[X] Yes
[X] Write-in: Hats, please.

[X] HATS.
Do you grok them.

>>22889384
>[X] Ogres?
>[X] Hats.

"Ogres?" Boss Bawss Fistboss repeats, looking down at the strange... creature. Thing.

"Ogres!" the vulture-thing parrots back as it paces closer, bobbing its head either in agreement or because it has to bob its head when it walks.

"Ogres," Beastkrumpa Squiggles adds sagely, squatting down to get a closer look at the vulture-thing.

"Ogres," the vulture-thing agrees, bobbing its head faster, its eyes glittering hopefully. "Ogres, ogres, ogres!"

Boss Bawss Fistboss strokes his chin. "... hats?"

The vulture pauses, tilting its head. Then it tilts it even further to the side, thanks to its flexible neck bending in strange ways. "Hats?"

"Hats," Boss Bawss repeats firmly, crossing his arms and giving the vulture-thing a severe look. "Stolen."

(Cont.)

>>22889860
"H-Hats... stolen!?" The vulture-thing fluffs its feathers up and then shoots a glare at its brethren in the sky above. "Stolen! Stolen! Thief, thief, thief! Watch only! No thief!"

The other birds quickly take up the call. "No thief! No thief! No thief!" A trio of suddenly panicked-looking birds attempt to fly away, but are quickly set upon by their fellows, clawed and beaten and battered with wing and paw.

The leader vulture-thing turns back to Boss Bawss, nodding in satisfaction. "Hats. Hats, ogres. Apologies. Yes? No?"

Before Boss Bawss can answer, the scouts return- well, the elves and geomancers ALREADY got the hell out of dodge when the pit suddenly erupted with a thousand birds, but a naked mole ravager's snout pops out of the patch of sand to the left of Boss. The rest of the mole ravager, and its ogre rider, soon follow- both are caked in dirt, sand, and bruises, but the ogre dumps an armful of hats on the ground, beaming proudly. "Hats, boss!"

Boss Bawss Fistboss nods. "Hats? Good job."

The leader of the vulture-things stares in awe at the ogre riding the docile, domesticated naked mole ravager, and points a trembling claw. "Ogres! Ogre magic! Ogres!"

... and then it turns its hopeful gaze on Boss Bawss. "Patchwings join ogres! Join ogres!" it caws, hopping excitedly in place. "Learn! Hats! Magic!"

Boss Bawss Fistbawss blinks. "... wat?"

[ ] [ACCEPT] Patchwings join ogres! Allies! Allies! (... but eat a lot of food. Ogre growth rate reduced.)
[ ] [DENY] Patchwings don't join ogres.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>22889869
>[X] [ACCEPT] Patchwings join ogres! Allies! Allies!

Is this even a question?

Also, send Gubbins after the dudes we sent in to call off the Tactical Espionage Action.

>>22889869
I don't know, I think they owe us more then loyalty. They did steal our hats, after all.

>>22889869
>[ ] [ACCEPT] Patchwings join ogres! Allies! Allies! (... but eat a lot of food. Ogre growth rate reduced.)
>[ ] [WRITE-IN]
BUT! They're on huntin duty for the hat theft. If they wanna live with ogres, theys gotta live by Ogir Law.

>>22889869
[X] [ACCEPT] Patchwings join ogres! Allies! Allies! (... but eat a lot of food. Ogre growth rate reduced.)

More buddies is always good, we can continue to improve our agriculture.

Take a hat, put it on the main guy's head, give him a handshake/hug and say "OGRES."

>>22889869
>[x] [ACCEPT] Patchwings join ogres! Allies! Allies! (... but eat a lot of food. Ogre growth rate reduced.)

More Friends

>>22889869
Oh.. oh this is good. We have to accept. They are practically Ogre FANBOYS.

>>22889869

[X] [ACCEPT]

By the time the old world (Excluding free merchants) get a wind of what actually going on
Terrga Incognita, we're gonna have ourselves a federation/alliance/empire full of all kinds of monstrous sentient species with Ogres somehow at the top.

>>22889896
>>22889902
>attributing the misdemeanors of three of their number to their entire flock
I don't think they're cunning enough to pull off such a deception like that anyway.

>>22889928
Ah, I misread the post. The three can be on hunting duty, then.

>>22889895
They already came back! ... or rather, they came screaming back because HOLY SHIT FLYING MONSTERS ERUPTING FROM THE PIT

Except for the mole ravager and its rider, since they were underground.

>>22889902

I agree with this Anon.

>>22889928

We should be careful anyway. I'd rather overestimate them rather than underestimate.

>>22889869
ACCEPT.

Patchwings are our friends.
Plus, you know, we're getting a bit better at this agri-. . argon-. . . Farming stuff.

Plus, they seem legit.

>>22889926
I am expecting humans to try and come over here so they can expand their own kingdoms only to come face to face with this huge alliance.

>San oEgyadm
Yeah, I don't even think they will even HAVE sanity scores after trying to put things together in their heads.

>>22890055
The last attempted contact with Terra Incognita came centuries ago, when the Elven Alliance reconnected with a thought Long-Dead Colony Tree's Portal.

Whatever they found beyond that portal, it shook the very sanity or any who passed through. They came back raving about Flying Islands and a Empire of Ogres.

Only the Dwarves didn't find these strange hallucinations foreboding. As their contacts on the surface dwindled, the only mention made before all contact was lost was the new Chievos to be found in Terra Incognita.

Whatever madness had it's hold on the Dwarves, it had taken them fully, now.

>>22890055
>San E GAYD DAYUM
Thats how I read your captcha.

Wew, hundreds of monstrous vulture sphinxs or somethin?
... I want them to pull Ogir Place around faster like a giant chariot

>>22889978
>Except for the mole ravager and its rider, since they were underground.
Yeah, we should make sure he doesn't fuck shit up on his own.

Is it strange that I was half-expecting that, with all those rolls, the Patchwings would bow down and worship the ogres as gods, and it would turn out the only reason they took the hats was because the ogres were obviously being forced to wear them, as clearly no being would willingly wear such things?

>>22890181

I was thinking something more like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5HfDIwNI8w

>>22890208
>Yeah, we should make sure he doesn't fuck shit up on his own.
He showed back up with the hats already.

>>22890219
And now I am picturing the ogres entering air to air/ground combat flying beside an army of vulture men all with BRIAN BLESSED voices.

It is glorious

>>22889869
>[X] [ACCEPT]

Boss Bawss hems and haws for a moment. "Patchwings, huh..."

"Patchwings!" the vulture-thing adds helpfully, pointing a claw at its chest before pointing at just about all of its brethren in short, excited jabs. "Patchwings! Watch all ogres! Not beetley-bugs! Not beasts! Have red-hot-magic! Riding-beast-magic! Magic everywhere!"

Boss Bawss can't help but feel buoyed at the patchwing's ridiculous enthusiasm. Honestly, it's a strange feeling- is this what it's like to actually be popular? "Patchwings. Hard workers?"

The lead patchwing clicks its beak. "Yes! Hard workers! Food! Eat lots! Hungry, find; food, eat; hungry again, find!" It hops in place. "Patchwings! Work hard, hard work!"

Beastkrumpa Squiggles turns to Boss Bawss, giving his boss the puppy dog eyes. (Insofar as they can be done on an ogre.) "Boss, boss, can we keep 'em? They're da most precious-est fings I ever seen! Can we, huh huh huh!?"

Boss Bawss doesn't reply; instead, he just grins. And then, without further ado, he plops one of the recovered spare hats onto the brow of the lead patchwing, and gives it a nod. "... ogres."

The patchwing looks up, its eyes practically shimmering joy. "... ogres...?" it breathes, as if scarcely daring to believe.

Boss Bawss laughs, before calling up to the rest of the flock. "OGRESSSS!"

And then no one could get a word in edgewise anymore. Not with all the cawing and the joyous screeching of hundreds of patchwings.

(Cont.)

>>22890346
Some time later, back at Ogir Place...

"What," Celicia deadpans, staring at the virtual LEGION of patchwings sitting perched behind Boss Bawss Fistboss.

For his part, the larger ogre grins and waves an arm at the patchwings. "Ogres!"

"No, seriously, how did-"

"Ogres!"

Celicia pauses, realigning her mental calibration. "... ogres?"

Boss Bawss nods. "Ogres! ... ogres?" he adds, looking back at the patchwings.

"OGRES!" they all shriek back as one. As if a spell has been broken, the vulture-hyena hybrids take off to explore Ogir Place with the eagerness of an entire country full of children let loose onto their favorite amusement park for the very first time.

Celicia watches them go, hearing the screams of terror from the less prepared elves and ogres, and shakes her head wearily. "Ogres."

>The Patchwings have joined Ogir Place!
>Adept scavengers, quick learners, great scouts, and AMAZING aerial defenders- and there are a /terrifying/ number of them.
>They're also voracious eaters and fanatical ogre fanboys.
>They're not toilet-trained.

>>22890365
... first order of business... teach them how to do their business properly.

>>22890365
>>They're not toilet-trained.
That's not good. It's bad to waste good money around.

>>22890365
Ok the lead Patchwing needs a name.

>>22890365
Hey, more money for the ogres.

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>giant swarm of loud as fuck bird things
Oh shit, guys! I just realized what we found!
Sentient cliff racers

>>22890365
Okay, seriously you guys.

We have to devote at least one action to that next turn.

That might be a valuable trading resource, after all!

Mmm, plumping. That would really help our friend-bugs collect up and haul the feces around.

Maybe leading to two tanks? Grade ! Ogre, and Grade B Elf/Vulture/Bat/Mole Rat? Should we separate them all out? Decisions, decisions.

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>>22890437
OH RIGHT I PLUM FORGOT ABOUT THAT

Well, I have to type up the start of the next event, so this is as good a time as any:

>Name the lead Patchwing!

I'll tally up the votes whenever there looks to be a consensus of some sort.

>>22890485
Patches.

>>22890485
Patchy.

Because I'm lazy.

>>22890485
Sir Dogbird

>>22890485
patches

>>22890485
Brawkin Blessed.

Nah to obvious

>>22890469
Cliff. Thats a good name

>>22890485

Toppatch

>>22890485
King Vultan.

And now he sounds like Brian Blessed.

Go on, read his lines in his voice, you know you want to.

>>22890485
Vultan. See >>22890219 , it also fits since he is, well, mostly vulture.

>>22890485
SKREE

>>22890552
I'm liking this one.

>>22890555
changing my vote from Brawkin Blessed to Vultan.

>>22890555
I like the name Vultan

Rolled 78

BLORP, HE COME TO GAME,
HE COME TO SAVE, THE ELFY CILIA!
NOW THE TRAITORS WILL PAY, AND OUR BUGS THEY BE GREY,
BUIT AFTER THIS,
OGRES SAVE THE DAY
HALLELUJAH!

Bad song end.

>Royal RaidSAS
Queenies got some sass to dish out boy.

>>22890365
>not potty trained

Don't worry!

Neither are the Ogres.

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>>22890730

>>22890485
Patchtalk.

>>22890757

....

I can't tell if Blorp is mad at me or happy with me.

>>22890789
More the latter.

Or, well, more like "that hadn't at all occurred to me and is something I could use for the future."

Rolled 24

>>22890730

We gotta train 'em stat. The bug-men trade (as do the ogres) in shit.

>>22890485
Rodan.

Them Ogres probably go do their thing in a big underground pit. Or maybe they got large holes for crapping above ground.

Either way, it's not a pretty sight to watch a Ogre make with the manure.

>>22890845
Dude. Poop is ogre money man. Literally. A few pounds buys you food and junk.

>Boss is on the cusp of defeat
>GONDOR CALLS FOR AID
>Thousands of Vogres pour forth at Boss' word

FUND IT

>>22890804
>is something I could use for the future.

....Yay?

>>22890858

Then, them ogres probably crap in a hole next to their shanties or do it in their personal featherston carts for personal crap.

>>22890825
To be fair, the ogre poo is especially good for making royal jelly. We don't know what uses our new allies poo has. Hell, for all we know it could be used to make explosives.

>>22890365
>QUEST ACTION
>Investigate Shimmering Structure

Well, the 'howlers' are all taken care of, so that's one more load off of Boss Bawss's mind. Now, they can finally focus on the important things in life! Like the upcoming war against the Formichroma. Or-

"Dat weirdo shiny shanty to da far east," Boss Bawss Fistboss muses, stroking his chin. "- 'ere, Celicia, pass da poh-tay-toes."

Celicia shuffles her papers onto her lap before passing the stone plate. "What about it?"

Boss Bawss pops a whole 'tater into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "Well, it's there," he says around his food. "And, like- Lockstock told us dat there was a lotta bones inside da underground. Wot if it's a Formichroma thing?"

Celicia picks up her forms and continues scanning through them, marking them every now and then; she keeps an ear on the conversation nonetheless. "... true, that's not something we want on our fucking eastern border. Now /that/, we have time for."

She pauses. "Could you pass me the potatoes ba- no, never mind," she sighs as Boss Bawss Fistboss looks up guiltily, his cheeks crammed with as many potatoes as they can hold.

(Cont.)

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>>22890954
>DECISION TIME!
--------------------------------------
>Choose two named NPCs:
--------------------------------------
[ ] [A1] Boss Bawss Fistboss
[ ] [A2] Geomancer Gubbins
[ ] [A3] Beastkrumpa Squiggles
[ ] [A4] Celicia Silverstone
[ ] [A5] Vultan the Patchwing
--------------------------------------
>Choose one method of locomotion:
--------------------------------------
[ ] [B1] On Foot
[ ] [B2] Fly Ogir Place directly next to the shimmering structure
[ ] [B3] Fly Ogir Place over, but park out of sight and walk the rest of the way
[ ] [B4] Write-In
--------------------------------------
>Choose three groups for ADVENTURING:
--------------------------------------
[ ] [C1] Rough Riders
[ ] [C2] Mages (Geomancers, Heallusionists)
[ ] [C3] Berserkers
[ ] [C4] Rockkiteers
[ ] [C5] Felpowder Elves
[ ] [C6] Patchwings

NOTE: "Normal" ogres will always accompany the group.

>>22890906

Ogre shit is makes crazy delicious royal jelly.

And for Vulture shit, you're not thinking Ogre enough.

Vulture shit makes our potatoes sentient. We use them as shock and terror units. We plant them. Boss sprinkles Vulture shit. Boss stomps foot. Up pops hundreds of War Potatoes.

Plus, our enemies will dice them up into delectable, bite sized morsels ready to be picked up and ate straight off the battlefield.

Rolled 21

>>22890963
A2 A5

B4: Ramming speed

C2 C6

Time for Patchy to prove himself!

Of course theres going to be a much better thought out combination soon.

>>22890963
hmm,
A1
A5
B3
C2
C5
C6

>>22890963
[X] [A1] Boss Bawss Fistboss
[X] [A4] Celicia Silverstone

It's the Bawss and Celicia Hour!

[X] [B3] Fly Ogir Place over, but park out of sight and walk the rest of the way


[X] [C1] Rough Riders
[X] [C3] Berserkers
[X] [C5] Felpowder Elves

Riders provide mobility, Berserkers tie everything up in close range and let the Elves go to town.

>>22890963

A5 & A1

B3

C1, C5 & C6

>>22890963
[X] [A1] Boss Bawss Fistboss
[X] [A4] Celicia Silverstone


[X] [B3] Fly Ogir Place over, but park out of sight and walk the rest of the way

[X [C2] Mages (Geomancers, Heallusionists)
[X] [C5] Felpowder Elves
[X] [C6] Patchwings

>>22890963

[X] [A1] Boss Bawss Fistboss - Because he's da Boss!
[X] [A2] Geomancer Gubbins - cuz this smells like magic stuff!

[X] [B3] Fly Ogir Place over, but park out of sight and walk the rest of the way

[X] [C2] Mages (Geomancers, Heallusionists)
[X] [C3] Berserkers
[X] [C4] Rockkiteers

>>22890963
A2 A5

B4 - like a wind.

C1 C2 C6

>>22890963
A1, Steaksauce.
A4, Shippingsauce.

B3, you sunk my ogirship.

C1, C3, and C2. Bingo.

>>22890963
A1
A4

B1

C1
C2
C5

>>22890963
>[ ] [A1] Boss Bawss Fistboss
>[ ] [A4] Celicia Silverstone
>[ ] [B3] Fly Ogir Place over, but park out of sight and walk the rest of the way
>[ [C2] Mages (Geomancers, Heallusionists)
>[ ] [C5] Felpowder Elves
>[ ] [C6] Patchwings

>>22890963
A1, A4

B3

C1, C2, C5

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>>22890963
[A1] Bawss
[A5] Vultan

[B4] See below

[C?] Ogremek

All we need.

ADVENTURE!

>>22890963

[A4]
[A5]

[B4] ELF x FLYING HYENA CAVALRY

[C5]
[C6]
[C1] BAT RIDERS ONLY

RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES BITCHES

>>22890963
A1, A4

B3

C2, C4, C5

Mages build quick defenses, rokkiteers and elves shot the hell out of errything on the other side.

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>>22891228

holy shit

(Should I archive this thread, or will Blorp do it?)

>>22891339
OH RIGHT. I'll take care of it!

>>22891348

(Good/Thanks! I really hate it when someone forgets to archive a thread, especially when it's something awesome like Ogre Quest or Red Dragon Quest.)

>>22891228
I'll second this one.

>>22891228
our air force will blot out the heavens

>>22890963
>[X] Boss Bawss Fistboss & Celicia Silverstone
>[X] Fly over and park near the shimmering structure
>[X] Mages, Felpowder Elves, and Patchwings

"... alright," Celicia mutters, her voice almost completely devoid of emotion. "Bawss, I have to say, I like how you decided to fly Ogir Place close enough that we don't have to walk a whole week. It was a good decision."

"Uh-huh," Boss Bawss nods, looking proud of himself.

"And your sense of strategy is improving," Celicia continues, glancing over at the arrayed force on the ground right now- a combination of normal (albeit armored, scimitar-wielding) ogres, ogre magi holding crack-tus sticks, and rifle-toting elves. "Soldiers that aren't afraid to go into melee, backed up by ranged and magical support... this is really a squad for all situations."

"Uh-huh," Boss Bawss nods again, his chest puffing up with pride.

Celicia lights her tenth cigarette in an hour before pocketing her lighter and brushing back her hair. "But... level with me, Bawss. I really, really have to ask."

(Cont.)

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>>22891678
... and then she points over to a patch of ground about six feet to their left, where a raucous flock of patchwings, about twenty birds strong, sits with all the patience in the world, cawing quietly to themselves as they look around at the world in general with sharp, curious glances.

"Why in ANY god's name would you bring them along," Celicia deadpans.

"... oh. Well, uh." Boss Bawss scratches his head, looking over at the bird-dog-men. (The patchwings wave back with a few scattered "Ogres! Ogres! Ogres!"). "I had a feelin' in my gizzard, dat's all. 'Sides, I wanted to see wot dey can do!"

Celicia squints dully at the birds for a moment longer, feeling about thirty centuries older than she really is, before shouldering her rifle and getting back to business. "Well, you ARE the boss," she replies with a fatalistic quirk of her mouth. "Now let's take a look at this thing..."

Honestly, there's not much to look at from the outside. The 'shimmering structure' is, in actuality, a squat, roughed-up looking building; rectangular, with slightly sloped walls.

The biggest problem, of course, is that there doesn't actually seem to be any way in.

(Cont.)

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>>22891694
... man, any more of these rolls tonight and I might not have enough pictures for-

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)

Rolled 61

>>22891704
>RkFQIQOO6xk
LETS GO

Rolled 15

>>22891704

Rolling for success

Rolled 71

time to bomb this roll!

Rolled 31

>>22891714

FUCK

Rolled 87

>>22891704
OGRE

Rolled 10

>>22891713

What the fuck did that greentext come from.

Rolled 87

H-here I go

>>22891830

Huh. Apparently 4chan shit itself and didn't post until now. Odd.

Sage for shit.

Rolled 93

>>22891704

Rolled 2

>>22891880

Well at least we got a good roll out of this.

>>22891730
>>22891830
>>22891880
>>22891907
Lady luck still likes ogres i see

Rolled 30

>>22891830
>>22891730

DOUBLES MOTHAFUCKA

>>22891974
Samefag, I forgot to take the dice out.

Please don't count that post's roll, Blorp

Finally! The only good quest is back!

Rolled 30

>>22891704
OGRE MAGI IS BACK.

And I'm rolling.

>>22891996
>only good quest
While I am by no means arguing that this is bad or saying you're wrong for saying other quest are bad, this is not the only bad quest. ANYWAYS, ogres.

Woo! Just in time for OGRES!

And...the Patchwings.....

They're us, aren't they?

>>22891996
More like the best quest has returned.

>>22891974
They were 100 pages apart, yet the same roll, then you rolled the first two numbers of those posts.

>ropictro submit

Ogres.

>>22892106
Same deal.

>>22892107
I was gonna mention that too, but it's a bit of a stretch.

>>22891974
>Both roll 87
>both number thingies end in 30
Double doubles
>>22891730
>>22891830

Oh hey, we can use a LUCK SURGE by the next thread (WAR!), right?

>>22892168
Glad I arrived just in time for logic to break.

>>22892168
>>22892142
>>22891830
>>22891730
Sorry, that IS a little too far apart- I'm going with the 61. (It's adequate for this purpose, trust me.)

>>22892193
Also, yes! It's actually available now, but... it's probably better to leave it for the next thread for precisely that reason, yeah.

>>22892211
61 is a success! And we're just trying to get entry anyway.

>>22892211
well, good enough. we just like to make things ridiculous. average success is refreshing every now an then

>>22892288
That somehow feels weird.

>>22892322
But true.

>>22892322
This is OGRE QUEST.

Mediocrity is the only failure.
No, seriously, have you seen the success roll spreads?

>>22891704
An hour later, despite being swarmed by strong-as-hell ogres, fleet-footed elves, and all-too-curious patchwings, the ancient and mysterious structure refuses to divulge the greatest, most well-kept secret of all: its door(s).

"Dammit," Celicia growls, slamming a fist into the wall. "How the hell do we even get into this thing? No magical locks, no hidden buttons or sliding panels, no clever puzzles-" She glares at the structure like it's personally offended her. "It's like the fucking architect doesn't even have adventurer convenience in mind," she growls.

"Strongest walls I ever saw," Boss Bawss adds, shaking out his sore punchin' hand. "We got 'nuff ogres to krump a boulder down to pebbles, an' we can't even scratch dis fing."

Celicia sighs, gritting her teeth. "Dammit. I guess that's it, then. We've tried everything-"

A large fiery explosion suddenly rocks the side of the mysterious structure, sending up a spray of sand- but doing little to nothing to the building itself, save for dislodging some dust.

"... okay, /now/ we've tried everything," Celicia corrects herself, not even giving the makeshift demo squad a second glance. She stretches her arms above her head, working out the kinks in her back. "Shit. Well, if nothing can get in, nothing can get out," the elf muses to herself. "Probably just an old tomb or something."

"Guess so," Boss Bawss agrees easily, dusting off his hands. "One dat someone really don't want anyone gettin' into."

Celicia pauses. "... shit, that just makes it even more suspicious- hey!" she sputters as a spray of sand catches her completely unawares. "Watch it, you-"

(Cont.)

>>22892457
She trails off as she spots the patchwing digging in the sand next to the structure. "... what ARE you doing?"

"Dig! Dig!" the patchwing caws back, not looking up as it scoops out more and more sand at a blinding rate- seems that to help with the digging, the patchwing simply collapsed its wings like umbrellas, leaving claw-tipped 'arms'. "Marrowscent! Here! Marrowscent!"

"Oh, gods, stop it, you're getting sand every- Bawss?"

Celicia glances back over her shoulder as Boss Bawss looms up next to the much shorter elf, grinning like he knows a secret. "Shhh. Let 'im work. He's got a lotta energy in there, ain't he?"

Celicia crosses her arms and glances back at the patchwing irritably. "I suppose. But still-"

>61 - (Barely) SUCCESSFUL!

"Wow!" the patchwing yelps, disappearing into the ground as the sand beneath his feet suddenly collapses, revealing some sort of... chute?

The other patchwings immediately flock around the revealed opening, peering in and cawing excitedly. "Wow!" "Gone?" "Oh no!"

"See?" Boss Bawss claps Celicia on the back, sending her stumbling a step. "Sometimes, ya just gotta have faith!"

"... hmph." Celicia brushes herself off, attempting to regain her natural elven grace(?). "Sheer luck. That's all. If we keep leaving the patchwings to their own devices..."

There's a pause as something occurs to the both of them- in a flash, both the ogre and the elf join the patchwings at the chute, peering in.

"... he ain't comin' back up," Boss Bawss mutters, furrowing his brow.

>Command?
[ ] [AGGRESS] No time to waste- maybe something attacked the stray patchwing. Go in, now!
[ ] [MAGIC] We gotta take this carefully- have the Geomancers shape us a better entrance in!
[ ] [WAIT/CALL OUT] Perhaps he's just delayed... shout down, see if he'll answer?
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>22892469
Magic

While we should try to catch up and find him before he's hurt, we also need to be able to run away really quickly if things go poorly.

>>22892469
>[ ] [AGGRESS]

>>22892469
Call out.

If anything wants to mess, however many bullets we have rapid!

>>22892469
>[ ] [WAIT/CALL OUT] Perhaps he's just delayed... shout down, see if he'll answer?
> OY! You urm. Ya good down 'dere?

>>22892469
>[ ] [MAGIC] We gotta take this carefully- have the Geomancers shape us a better entrance in!

>>22892469
[] [MAGIC] Because dat -smart-
[] [write in/Call out] "IF WE LEAVES 'YA IN THERE, IS 'YA GONNA BECOME ALL AWESOME LIKE IRWIN?"

>>22892469
[X] [MAGIC] We gotta take this carefully- have the Geomancers shape us a better entrance in!

Throw Magic at the problem, that's the OGRE way.

Rolled 65

>>22892469

FUCKEN MAGIC

>>22892469
[ ] [AGGRESS] No time to waste- maybe something attacked the stray patchwing. Go in, now!
[ ] [MAGIC] We gotta take this carefully- have the Geomancers shape us a better entrance in!
go in running magic hot. get the ground up to meet us and find that patchwing

>>22892523
Oh my god we have to use this phrasing. I can already see some elves cringing and/or facepalming.

>>22892469
Have a few guys rush in for now, but keep the rest back; get the mages to refine the entrance first.

>>22892514
Magic/Call out

>>22892469
Call out, "Hey patchwing dude, I got a hat for ya!" That'll surely make him defy gravity, physics and all sorts of natural laws to get his headwear.

>>22892469
MAGIC!

He might just be eatin' yummy marrow, but that means we should let everyone in to have some, too!

>>22892469
>[ X ] [WRITE-IN]
>The Geomancers push the tower down.

>>22892589
...
...
...
yes.

>>22892589

It is an Ogre solution.

>>22892564
Then we'll just lose ogres. We go all at once. Can you think of anything being not a demon and/or dragon that has seen us coming for a week that can resist the shock and awe of an ogre charge with geomancy and healusions, supported by elven sniper fire and the sheer volume of the patch wings and whatever else the patch wings do?

>>22892589
Push it over?

>>22892589
IMMEDIATLY THIS.

>>22892623
Listen, if the geomancers can make Ogir Place and a fucking sandstorm into a drill, they can just push over a fucking tower.

>>22892589
>>The Geomancers pick the tower up, turn it over, and shake whatever is inside out
FTFY

>>22892589
... what if theres something beneath it?

File: 1359612894368.jpg-(157 KB, 568x834, image.jpg)

157 KB JPG

>>22892645
You. Have ogre flavor science. Your a genius

>>22892589
This guys.

THIS.

Rolled 24

>>22892589
>>22892645

These win hands down.

>>22892645
Ogir Palace is right there. Why not have our walking island just pick the thing up like a stick and--

OGIR PALACE CACTUSSTICK

>>22892643
Well, that's actually all on our Master Geomaner, Gubbins. And he's got a +30 to success for GEOMANCY rolls! Just to show how good he is at it.

Rolled 49

>>22892666

I was just actually thinking of suggesting that

>666

Maybe you're onto something here...

>>22892666
Satan you tempt me so much.

>>22892673
We didn't bring Gubbins. How about we get a Patchwing to go and grab him?

File: 1359613083007.jpg-(83 KB, 650x408, image.jpg)

83 KB JPG

>>22892666
Pic related. Your on the board. I love this quest

>>22892666
We can't not do this. NOTHING CAN GO WRONG WITH THIS IDEA.

As much fun as this all sounds, I feel like we should save that for AFTER the dungeon crawl. Lets not break Blorp in his very first thread back, now.

>>22892712
We you not here for the last threads? It's not Ogre Quest if it's not Lucky Stupid/Stupid Lucky.

>>22892703
LOL, fighting the pejezombies