Rolled 3

Elf, male, incredibly overweight pizza face

>>22627138
Thanks for the offer, but I'm fine.

>>22627138
>Also, I intend for the setting to be vaguely dungeonpunk, so thinks like 'magical cyborg' race or 'commando' class are valid too

Rolled 32

>>22627138
Busty Dragon-Girl.

Sorcery and shit.

Rolled 55

>>22627164
this + the skills of a first year student in computer programming and enough strength to move your bulbous body.

Rolled 47

>>22627138
Shit

Lets try to be a Satyr Bard

Rolled 58

>>22627138
Construct-bodied dickgirl rogue.

Rolled 88

>>22627138
Petite elven female bard.

>>22627209
seems like a good choice

>>22627209
looks like we have a winner

Rolled 9

Oppai-loli with a frilly dress and a pink magical staff which conjures random magical effects

Rolled 94

dwarven male gunsmith

Rolled 13

>>22627138
Female Elven wizard with a mastery over atomic control.

Minotaur Barbarian with priapism

>>22627272
Welp, how about that

Rolled 63

Lizard Man Alchemist

Rolled 8

>>22627275
forgot roll

Rolled 74

Male Half Dragon Gunsmith

Rolled 42

Female orc dancer

Rolled 33

>>22627138
A female little pony, pink skin.

>>22627164
>>22627187
>>22627203
>>22627205
>>22627222
>>22627236
>>22627240
>>22627272
>>22627274
>>22627275
>>22627285
>>22627305
>>22627312

Elf - 5
Dragon Person - 2
Satyr - 1
Construct - 1
Human - 1
Dwarf - 1
Minotaur - 1
Lizardfolk - 1
Orc - 1

Male - 6
Female - 7
Dickgirl? - 1

Fat and ugly - 1
Busty - 1
Petite - 3
Loli - 1

Sorcerer - 1
Bard - 4
Rogue - 1
Magical Girl - 1
Gunsmith - 2
Wizard - 1
Barbarian - 1
Alchemist - 1
Dancer - 1

>The votes so far seem to be for a petite female elven bard
>I'll give it a few more minutes in case anyone else wants to vote while finding an appropriate image

Rolled 21

Kobold Bomb maker, Male, Freakishly tall

Rolled 70

>>22627272
Dwarven will be.

Can I roll again for the little pink pony?

Rolled 44

>>22627138
Female Half-Dragon Gunslinger

>>22627339
>petite female elven bard
I'm ok with this.

Rolled 53

>>22627339
I'm really hoping for gunsmith, don't really care about the rest.

Human, male, Over Weight Wizard

File: 1358380311740.jpg-(124 KB, 576x720, vrass.jpg)

Rolled 72

lizardman gunsmith

Rolled 55

>>22627383

cause im bad at rolling

>>22627209
This sounds good to me

>Okay, I'm closing voting. If someone could find me a picture of a petite elven woman, that would be great, because I cannot for the life of me find one that doesn't have huge tits. Writing up the post now.

Rolled 2

Incubus, Male, Bitches can't resist me

Gunsmith has my vote

>>22627422
Huh?

Is a loli elf ok?

>>22627422
Looks like Gunsmith overtook Bard in the final voting, so are we getting a petite female elf gunsmith? 'Cause that'd be rad.

Rolled 34

>>22627544
I would love that so much

>>22627536
First, that is more of a snakeman
Second, How would that gasmask even work?

You're falling now. Your body is pulling in, condensing, becoming slime and lithe. Your hair grows, your figure changes, and you're distantly aware of your screaming voice jumping octaves. Skills flood your mind - magic of illusion and enchantment, skills of stealth and charisma, the ability to perform from strings to song to dance, and random trivial knowledge from seemingly nowhere.

And then you hit the ground.

Hard.

Dazed and groaning, you pick yourself up off of the packed earth ground. The world swims back into focus, and you realize that you're in the middle of a forest clearing. Your gut twists up when you realize the implications of what may have just happened.

You check yourself over, looking for injuries, shocked to find your body completely reshapen, and not even the same gender. A cautious grope of your ears confirms your guess - you're an elf. And your ears are sensitive. And you don't have anything on you - not a weapon, not a pack, and not any clothes. You don't even have shoes, yet you're out in the middle of nowhere.

What the fuck is this bullshit.

"Fuck!" you can't help but cry out in frustration, your voice now light and sing-songy.

What the hell do you do now?

>>22627518
>I assume that 'petite' meant a short and slim woman, not a child

>>22627544
>No, it didn't; there one more gunsmith and one more gunslinger before I closed the vote, but also one more vote for the elven bard; if it makes you feel better, bards can use pistols

>>22627566
No fucking idea, same thing probably occurred to the artist and then he shat himself and reworked things.

>>22627592
Well, we need to find some shelter and something to cover ourselves with. Don't want to get raped

>>22627592
gun slinging bard?
gun slinging bard

>>22627631
smart thinking, if the world we entered was chosen for our masturbatory tenancies we better fucking hide

Rolled 84

>>22627631
Seconded. We need to un-nekkid ourselves first and foremost.

>>22627631
That's smart, we don't know how far we are from civilization, so we should find/make some shelter and start collecting food.

>>22627673
there is no place to hide from our fetish. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

YOu can try to run and hide, still...

capcha: difficult vystere

>>22627662
>Gun making bard?
>Gun making bard
ftfy

>>22627662
If they won't dance to our music, they'll dance to our shots!

I gotta draw this...

Great, now I'm stuck looking for a petite female elven bard gunslinger pic. Why do you do these things to me, /tg/?

Right we're an elf, and a bard. sing for your animal companion to come and aid you. Thats a thing right?

roll dice+d100


Tyranosaurus rex with psionic powers

>>22627803
We are in the wish-fulfillment land of a 30 year old virgin NEET 4channer. Our animal companion will probably have several tentacles and a very playful mood. No, our priority is covering our sexy elven DFC before something finds us.

"Why couldn't I have been a fucking druid if I was going to get dropped in the fucking wilderness?" you mutter to yourself, channeling your emotions into anger to keep from fucking panicking at the whole situation. You take a deep breath and think to yourself about what you should do first. You don't know how long you're going to be out here, so shelter is a must. You also need clothes, ESPECIALLY if your fap folder was used when creating this scenario.

"Fuck, seriously, why not something with wilderness survival skills?" you mutter, still channeling everything into nice, safe anger.

Regardless, you don't know shit about wilderness survival, or at least nothing more than you learned watching TV shows and movies. Over the next hour, you manage to rip a few branches off of some trees and fashion them into a very crude lean to, after which you get huge armfuls of the tall grass from the clearing and fashion it into two extremely crude grass skirts, one to go around your waist and one to go around your chest. When you're done, they're... Well, they're a little better than being nude, at least.

You're getting hungry now, from the excitement and fear and work, and based on your guesstimates, the sun is just past noon. You've spotted a surprising number of birds with your sharp elf eyes - hey, no more glasses, there's a perk - and there were some berries in the woods, though you have no idea if they're safe to eat.

What do you do now?

>>22627778
>Please do.

Rolled 37

>>22627894
Kill a bird with a rock.

>>22627894
Look for berries or fruits that the birds are eating. Those should be safe. Don't eat too much though, don't want to get our newly acquired petite body all fat again.

Rolled 10

>>22627894
We have bardic knowledge, we can roll any knowledge roll.
So roll knowledge (nature) to find edible plants and such.

Think about that closed bag of Doritos we were saving for later and cry a little.

Oh great we're a city elf. Can we at least climb trees? Get a good view of the surroundings?

First eat though, berries, fruit, NO MUSHROOMS. maybe we will be lucky and find some carrion.

>>22627935
I don't think its a good idea to acquire anorexia

File: 1358382995679.png-(28 KB, 400x300, you sexy, sexy beast.png)

>>22627986
Hey, we're a bard! It's important to keep our body attractive. You never know when we'll have to seduce someone to advance the plot.

File: 1358383278892.jpg-(334 KB, 690x679, tgelf bard.jpg)

>>22627778
That was fun

I for one don't find skeletons attractive.

Rolled 8

>>22628113
Fuck yeah nigga.

>>22628113
Looks great. Now if only we can find a gun... Or a lute, for that matter.

Rolled 10

I roll for performance: sing, to see if I can attract a bird close enough to catch it and rap... eat it.

Also... can not improvise a sling with something? Some leaves weaved together or something?

You search out with your elf senses - and you realize that all of your senses are really quite fantastic, sharp eyes, great hearing, sensitive touch - and pick out a bird. You pick up a rock, and start moving quietly towards it, reasonably confident that your bardic skills and light elven frame make for easy stealth. When you're just a few meters away, you haul back and throw the rock at it, knocking it off the branch.

It seems injured, but not killed, and starts flopping and squawking off into the forest startlingly fast. You decide against following it for now for fear that you might lose the clearing where you've set up the lean to. Instead, you sigh, and hunker down, searching the forest within eyesight of your clearing for edible fruits and leaves and roots and bark.

The random trivial knowledge comes in surprisingly handy, and soon you have a big armful of unappetizing raw plant stuff that you're reasonably sure is safe to eat and pretty nutritious. You head back to your lean to and start eating, avoiding the bark and raw tubers for now and instead eating the berries. The distant parallel to you alone in your apartment eating sweets and you alone in this clearing, and you laugh, but that quickly turns into a sob.

The anger is starting to fade, and now you're left feeling scared and alone. You keep yourself relatively calm, though, and keep eating. You're hungry now, you can feel bad for yourself later.

What now?

>>22628113
>Fantastic!

>>22628167
>I roll for performance: sing, to see if I can attract a bird close enough to catch it and rap... eat it.

>Shit, I wish you had mentioned that before I wrote up the post; magical bard music or magical bard magic would have been able to enthrall a bird to kill and eat

>>22628044
>tfw waiting all day and all night for new Yachett thread

Rolled 1

>>22628202
No worries... A 10 in a 1d100 is not exactly very encouraging. We could end attracting tentacle beast or something D:

>>22628217
>talk about accidentally attracting tentacle beasts
>roll a 1
Fuck you, pal. I hope that doesn't work because you're hiding your rolls with noko.

>>22628183
>You're hungry now, you can feel bad for yourself later.

Me confused. Me eat berries and roots, but me hungry still? Me eat more plants and search for a river to drink. There must be some water... somewhere...

>>22628183
Finish eating. Look for a tall tree and climb it. Use our amazing elven eyes to look at our surroundings. There must be some kind of civilization in this internet-forsaken dump.

Rolled 14

>>22628183
Search for a river. Once we find a river we can just follow it until we hit civilization.

>>22628234
>Sorry. You only just started eating the berries, most of the food is still uneaten.

>>22628229
I rolled 1d100. Forgot to remove the noko. Still, I have shitty luck today, better I am not rolling anymore.

>>22628234
>>22628249
Well, this. Search river. Drink water. Follow river.

>>22628113

goddamn (GREAT)art already on first thread?
why can't i be this lucky...

You finish eating, or finish as much as you can. You had gathered an amount that would have filled your stomach before, but it seems you have a much smaller stomach now, and your appetite is sated much more quickly. You leave what's left of your meal - well over half of it - in your lean to, as you head out for a tree you spotted earlier that was very tall and had branches that seemed well-paced for climbing.

Coming up to you, you grab a low branch, give a hard heave... And find yourself lifting up with apparent ease. Right, lithe and petite elf body, very light weight. This should be relatively easy.

Within minutes, you find yourself in the old-growth tree's upper branches, peering out across the forest. In the distance, a couple of miles out, you spot a long, winding break in the trees. You can't tell if there's water there, but it's sure shaped like a stream.

"This is just like Assassin's Creed III," you say to yourself, trying to cheer yourself up with references to video games. Unsurprisingly, it doesn't help, and you're left feeling like kind of a tool. You decide not to test your luck jumping off like in the game and instead climb back down.

Barely half-way down the tree, however, your sharp elf ears pick up the sound of huffing, growling, and chewing. Turning to look back at your clearing, you see a large black bear, your lean to torn asunder, and the bear munching on your leftovers. It turns and starts walking towards your tree.

Holy fuck, what now?

File: 1358384569043.jpg-(112 KB, 328x375, tgelf bard 2.jpg)

>>22628152
Glad you guys like the sketch!

>>22628495
>I really do like the sketches
>I'm saving them to use as openers on future threads
>thank you very much

>>22628309

once we do find a river, "marvel" at our new appearance.

then realize what stuff could go terribly terribly wrong while on this body based on our saved image folders and short novels we have written. oh and cry and wallow in self pity, might as well release it now.

>>22628491
Well fuck...

I guess try to sing it away?

Oh, can we make an illusion of a t-rex and chase it off?

Rolled 96

>>22628491

use bard magic for bear mount!!

>>22628491
It's unlikely to fuck with us as long as it isn't hungy. It just got our left overs, we're not worth the trouble. That being said we're a bard, let's make some sweet sweet music to appease the bear. Sing to it.

Rolled 73

>>22628560
Seconded

Right ignore the bear, let him eat. He'll leave once the food is gone. Lets head to the water. We'll probably have to repair our leanto though.

>>22628560

looks like we have a wiener!

>>22628515
Also, fight the urge to schlick to self. Save that for when we're safe and sheltered.

>>22628560
Sing: I wanna to break free!

You're not sure if it's bard instincts, elf instincts, or being somewhat manic with fear, but your response to the bear closing in on your tree is to sing. You sing something visceral, primordial, and magical. Your song is soothing and affection and cooperation. The bear tilts its head, then comes to stop at the base of the tree, sitting and looking up at you, then lying down.

You take a deep breath, keep humming the song, and continue climbing down, bracing yourself to fling yourself back up the tree if the bear gets angry. But you're down on the ground and the bear is still looking at you with its round, dark eyes. You pad over to it, still running on pure instinct or something like it, and pet it lightly on the head.

It makes a low rumbling sound that nearly scares you shitless at first, but you realize that it's a happy sound. Long story short, after a few minutes of gradually growing comfortable with having a huge fucking bear around and growing slowly more confident in your bardic music, you're riding the bear over to where the possible stream is.

It doesn't take long riding bearback, as it's only a few minutes away. It turns out it is a stream, clear and with flat, round, river-worn stones all over the bottom and the shore. When you get down off the bear's back, it yawns and goes trotting back off into the forest, leaving you standing there at the streamside in barely-counts-as-clothing grass skirts.

You breathe a sigh of relief. What now?

>>22628783
Excellent. Let's drink some water first and then follow the river downstream, we ought to either run into a road or a town. Civilization is built around rivers.

>>22628783
call 911

>>22628783
HOLY SHIT I TAMED A BEAR AND RODE IT WHERE DID THAT FUCKER GO?

>>22628783
Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh.

Bearback.

>>22628783
Feel awesome. Then think about how unhygienic it might have been riding that bear half-naked. Drink some water. Wash your genitals. Follow down the stream.

File: 1358386111096.jpg-(210 KB, 857x288, tgelf bard 3.jpg)

>>22628513
what can I say, people keep giving me silly ideas. Like that AC3 reference...

>>22629047
We must do this. We must.

Anyway, lets follow this river downstrean for a while. Pity the bear didn't stick around.

>>22628783

Follow the river, since there must be a nearby town or village near it.

>>22629047

And we better fucking do this at one point.

Archived Thread:

suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/22627138

"HOLY SHIT. I TAMED A BEAR AND RODE IT," you let out in one long breath. Then you realize you had unwashed bear fur right up against your bare crotch. You take off your crude "clothes" and rinse off, getting a good look at your reflection and a few gulps of clean water as you do.

You have nobody to compare yourself against to know how tall you are - for all you know, that could have been a small bear or a huge bear, and same with the trees. Still, you're slim, lithe. You have very small breasts, curvy hips, thin limbs. A pretty face - you can't make out what colour your eyes are in the shifting water - long blonde hair. You have no body hair, just like the description of elves in your PHB back in your room at home. And you're 100% woman - if hentai's taught you anything, you'll need to do some experimental masturbation to confirm that, but that can wait for later.

Once you're freshly washed and watered, you shake yourself as dry as you can, let the sun do a little more, then pull back on your clothes. You figure the stream will have to hit a bridge or a town eventually, or merge into a river that does, so you start walking along the smooth river stones on the shore down stream. It's still afternoon, you guess, so you should have plenty of daylight left.

How long do you keep traveling? Do you forage/search for anything on the way? Do you do anything to keep yourself entertained, like sing or play travel games?

>>22629047
>saved; thank you so much

You know, I think we SHOULD try to push the limits of reality a bit. After all, this scenario is created from our fantasies and desires.

Be honest, who didn't play Assassins Creed and think about how fucking awesome it would be to know super-parkour?

Rolled 2

>>22629174
I say we walk until night falls, and scavenge for dry twigs and branches along the way.

>>22629174
Keep travelling until it starts getting dark and we would need to make camp soon. Sing as we go, keep our eye open for fish that'd be easy to catch.

>>22629174
Let's walk until the sun starts setting so we can find some shelter and forage along the way. And of course, just sing the whole time.

>>22629174

Keep traveling for about an hour or so.

Keep a look out for anything odd, out of place or noticeable but don't actively seek anything out.

Sing some fucking metal (We are still neckbeards in heart and mind)

i know its a little late but...

what's our name?

>>22629244
Samefag here. Clarifying:

>Sing some fucking metal

But in our sweet Elvish voice. We'd look like window-lickers if we tried a growl or some shit like that.

>>22629349
This man is right.

>>22629349

its Anon-chan

>>22629349
>What's our name?

....That's actually a very good question.

I think our name should be Jonathan Evans.

>>22629349
John

>>22629391
Evathen Johan

>>22629391
>>22629400
We need an womanly elvish name for ourselves. People will confuse us with being a guy enough with of slim figure.

Not that I hate the idea

File: 1358387267563.png-(35 KB, 391x197, 1339939840538.png)

>>22629430
This;

we can also rip off songs from our world

>>22629438

I'm talking about the Human name. I seriously have no fuckin' clue what our Elvish name should be.

And we should probably wait on that since we don't know what Elves, if there even are any, would be named.

You keep walking for a while, looking for food, dry wood, and anything that could be used as a shelter along the way. As you go, you feel yourself just start singing. This is something you never would have done before, but now it seems as natural as breathing, and it seems like you have an encyclopedic knowledge of cheerful marching songs in dozens of languages. It takes you a minute before you realize that the orcish one is literally about marching to go rape elven maidens, sung in your sweet elven voice, and you quickly switch to a new one when you do, your stomach clenching into a sick knot.

You find a medium-sized fish alive but drowning, flopping about in the air of the shore at one point, and club it with a rock with the intent of eating it for dinner. You pick up an armful of dry sticks and grass along the way too. Finally, a little before the sun starts setting, you find a stone overhang - looking like it used to be a boulder centuries ago before erosion happened to it.

You set up camp under the overhang, building a small fire with a quick spark cantrip and setting the fish to roast on a stick over it like in one of your Japanese cartoons. Now that you're here, resting, in more control than before, and with food, the fear and anxiety of the past few hours finally hit you. You tuck your knees up against your chest where you're sitting, cover your face with your hands, and start crying while your fish finishes cooking.

Night is falling. What now?

>>22629349
>the voice in my OP called you Anon; I was going to use that as your name
>so, Anon-kun, Anon-chan, or just Anon if you don't want to be a weaboo about it

>>22629491
Explore our elf slave body

>>22629491
secure the campsite, make sure its tucked in a safe location and go to sleep

>>22629491
Masturbate. It's the only way we've ever known of fighting fear and loneliness, and in 30 years it has never failed us.

>>22629504
How about no. Let's get a real name.

>>22629491
Make sure our camp is as secure as we can make it, eat our fish, keep on crying because we'll never go home again, and try to make a blanket out of something.

Put any leftovers\ garbage high up in a tree away from camp. (Bears) and sleep.

>>22629504
Anon is fine.

>>22629531
plus we're exploring virgin territory... literally

>>22629504
We need a new name.

>>22629491
Eat when the fish is done, get comfortable, got to sleep. masturbating can wait until we find civilization. Oh, and decide on a new name for ourselves.

>>22629535
>>22629588
We'll think of one when we need it. No need for names while we're only interacting with birds and bears and fish.

We need to start converting songs from our world into songs that fit this world.
Although, I guess first we need to figure out what is up with this world.

Rolled 79

>>22629504
>>22629535

Let's get a real fucking name.

Hell, even Nona would be better than "Anon-chan".

>>22629632
Anon-chaaan~
Yeah we really need a new name.

>>22629632
Nona is a lovely name

>>22629632
Fuck that. Do you have any idea how much it would fuck with future scholars if thousands of the greatest works of art and song were all attributed to Anonymous?

The thousands of biographies written about Anonymous?

After straining our brains thinking, we can only really remember a few elven lass names from our favorite fictions. Namely Arwen, Galadriel and Deedlit.

>>22629632
Nona Nona Nona Nona!

>>22629632
Nona is great elf name.

>>22629632
>>22629646
>>22629685
Nona is Grandmother in italian

Rolled 82

>>22629702

Perfect for a bard, then! Always telling stories...

And how does one write spoilers? I'm a newfag, sorry.

>>22629702
Hopefully there aren't any Italians in this universe.

>>22629702
whatever, I still like it

>>22629491

eat, then sleep until morning.

cry and hum a sad music to sleep btw.

>>22629719
If you have 4chan X just hit Cntrl-S
If not, it's [ spoiler ] and [ /spoiler ] sans spaces.

File: 1358388155260.jpg-(377 KB, 1297x420, tgelf bard 4.jpg)

>>22629229
Brain. Brain we can't do this, we just- HAND hand why are you- what's WRONG with you two?!

>>22629698
Alas, we wanted to tell the guy we have no name, but he cut us off of "no na-"

>>22629719
https://www.4chan.org/faq#spoiler

Nona is a good name. Nona Nimus

>>22629763
*cut us off at

Brain, stick with me, it's just 3 AM.

File: 1358388399303.jpg-(34 KB, 292x292, SMACK SMACK SMACK.jpg)

>>22629771
>>22629748

Thank you both!

>>22629646
>>22629685
>>22629698
>>22629702

Holy shit I didn't expect this much of a reaction... Well I kind of did, but as a "That would be cool" fantasy. You guys are awesome.

>>22629719

[ put the word spoiler inside here]
then your perverted message
[ a / then spoiler again inside here]

voting for our name changing to nona
last name save for the last name of a female we will marry.

File: 1358388462773.jpg-(562 KB, 634x1110, 9016cab857469bb76efffed93(...).jpg)

You start eating your fish when the skin gets nice and blackened, though you can't seem to stop crying yet, tears still rolling down your cheeks. The fish is not nearly as good as your Asian cartoons made it seem, but it's still fucking fantastic after a day of exercise and fear. You finish most of the fish, getting nice and full, and put what's left up in a tree for breakfast if nothing gets to it during the night.

Then you sit back down next to the camp fire. You're tired, but you decide there's something important you need to do first. You start touching your body - your breasts, your ears, your crotch - and find yourself incredibly sensitive to the touch. You're not sure if normal women are like this because porn has a habit of exaggerating stuff like this. Still, after a few minutes of exploration, you've corrected a lot of misconceptions you had about the female body.

An hour of furious masturbation later, and you're exhausted - mentally, emotionally, and physically - full, sexually satisfied, and adding your sensitive body and the female orgasm to the list of perks of this shitty, shitty experience. The fire has burned down to embers, and you pull a leafy tree branch around you as an extremely crude cushion/blanket, then drift off to sleep.

You wake up to getting poked with something hard in the ribs. You open your eyes confused, not sure where you are or why your back feels like you slept on a pile of rocks. There's an orc staring at you.

What do?

File: 1358388493407.png-(142 KB, 455x396, 1324051841985.png)

>>22629763
>Alas, we wanted to tell the guy we have no name, but he cut us off of "no na-"
I like it

File: 1358388503460.jpg-(67 KB, 402x564, but that's forbidden love.jpg)

>>22629855
>last name save for the last name of a female we will marry.
That's pretty gay.

>>22629632
>Nona works
>and makes sense, especially if your human-male name is actually Anon

>>22629860
Scream like a little girl

File: 1358388560132.jpg-(150 KB, 436x416, forbidden love.jpg)

>>22629874

>>22629860
Grumble at him, ask what he wants. No screaming, just grumbling.

Rolled 7

>>22629860
>get woken up
>by a fucking orc

Oh shit.

Umm... Try to communicate!

Don't be rude or a faggot.

File: 1358388594058.jpg-(34 KB, 192x279, panic.jpg)

>>22629860
Panic

Rolled 99

>>22629906

...I should stop rolling now.

>>22629906
We're a fucking bard, we noticed that we were singing a Orcish marching song earlier and knew the words, so we can speak Ork. Communication is easy.

>>22629877
Mind=Blown

>>22629860
Run away and climb a tree with branches that don't look like they will support the large, muscular, handsome, Orc gentleman

>>22629919
A song about orcs, like the one in front of us, raping elven maidens like us, mind you.

>>22629918
>>22629906

Same guy here, and those two better cancel each other out. Or the latter roll wins.

Rolled 25

>>22629860
Roll to seduce.

>>22629932
I think running is a good idea.

>>22629957

He might be a half-orc and we just can't tell the difference in this currently unknown fantasy world. We might be able to communicate.

Or I'm just a 'tard.

Rolled 35

>>22629938
>implying this scrawny pointy-eared primate can ever be nearly as seductive as Yachett.

I say we scream, try to knee it in the balls and run, in that order.

Rolled 96

>>22629860
Sing that song about Orcs going to rape Elven maidens.

>>22629978
Let's not be racist, now. Perhaps Orcs are nice guys in this setting. Ya never know.

>>22630002
If this world was created by our fap folder they probably won't be.
Saving porn to your computer is outdated.

Rolled 91

Do we know any sort of charm/hypnotize/command/suggestion spell?

If yes, use those, make orc go back where he came from, walk the dinosaur right the fuck the other way.

If not, say hello.

>>22629860
Ask him to be gentle.

>>22629998
and he'll be all like "wow, that's seriously outdated junk and your pronunciation is all wrong. Just who taught you, I'll have to prevent this shit from spreading"

>>22630026
>askingtoberaped.png

>>22630022
No wait, use them to seduce/charm the orc into becoming our guardian!

>>22630016
>Saving porn to your computer is outdated.
Let's see you say that again if your internet server ever goes down for a day.

>>22630016
We bother trying to find your favorite porn online when it is all saved in one place?

SING IT, IT WILL BE THE SONG THAT WILL MAKE US FAMOUS IN THIS WORLD.

who know the orc could be an idol scout/manager or something.

>>22630090
Or a rapist.

That isn't gentle

>>22630052

That's why I print out my porn.

>>22630108
I hang my porn all over my windows, the pictures facing outwards.

File: 1358389273344.jpg-(155 KB, 800x670, 1318702033996.jpg)

>>22630090
>idol scout
Wasn't there an iM@S quest?

File: 1358389277813.jpg-(9 KB, 187x270, 123151234543.jpg)

>>22630090

forgot pic

>>22630108
>Hey, Anon, what's in this file cabinet labeled 'stuff'?
>ohshi-

>>22630108
Ah, yes, ejaculating in the girl's face becomes a lot less messy than if it's in your monitor.

Rolled 99

JUST SAY HI GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

>>22630137
Paper absorbs everything.

To a point.

>>22630167
Hahahaha

>>22630108
>Not buying thousands of pounds of raw marble and etching out all the porn scenes you've ever seen into huge statues

Full on pleb.

You scream in a voice that is literally ear-splittingly high pitched. You start back-pedaling away from him, though you're still on the ground on your back. He covers his ears, grimaces, and then takes a few steps towards you. You give him a switch kick to the testicles, and have scrambled up a tree at a frankly unsafe pace.

"Lady, for fuck's sake, just stop screaming!" shouts the orc in a low, gravely voice - or it would be low and gravely if he hadn't just been nailed in the balls. You take a better look at him. He's wearing what looks like a flannel shirt, rough pants, suspenders, boots. He has a tomahawk and a big knife on his belt, and is holding a long wood axe whose handle he had been poking you with. There's also what looks to be a hunting rifle hanging from a sling on his shoulder.

You take a minute to calm down. This orc doesn't seem rapey - though appearances can be deceiving. He looks like a ranger. Or a woodsman. Or a lumberjack, maybe? You stop screaming at least.

"Jesus, lady, I'm sorry for scaring you like that. Are you okay? What's your name?" he asks around bristling fangs and tusks.

"Uh... No... Na?" you say. "Nona, I guess?"

Well then. This is fucking weird. Also, you just realized he can see your cunt despite the grass skirt from where he's standing. And you lost your top in the mad-scramble up the tree.

What now?

>>22630125

I'm not sure how I feel about the possibility of getting that song popular in Fantasy Land.

>Adventuring party gets brought to the King's castle
>They walk in
>See the King dancing like a fucking moron

I hope this turns into a cute friendship with the orc. Just saiyan.

File: 1358389506555.jpg-(191 KB, 466x509, The_Lumberjack_by_beavotron.jpg)

>>22630185
>shit, forgot my pic

>>22630167

THE ANGRY DICE GODS HAS SPOKEN

>>22630181
>thousands
>not quintillions

Who's the pleb?

>>22630185
tell him you can't remember anything or where you are

>>22630185
>There's also what looks to be a hunting rifle hanging from a sling on his shoulder.

Wait what?

>>22630185
Ask where we are, where the nearest town is, and if we can borrow his shirt.

>>22630185
Go away mister orc

I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself as you can clearly see.

>>22630185
Ask him about that rifle on his shoulder.

Rolled 91

>>22630185
Go full on ENF mode, and ask him what he's doing in the woods, also if he can spare any clothes.

>>22630216
>ENF

>I don't know what that means

Sing the Lumberjack Song

>>22630224

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embarrassed_nude_female

I had to look it up

>>22630211
well there was gunsmithing/gunslinging mentioned earlier.

pretend we have amnesia, it will save a lot of trouble right now

>>22630185
Remember your Chinese cartoon tropes. Throw whatever is at arms' reach at him, yelling at him to stop staring.

Then tell him you're lost, ask where you are, and if he would be so kind as to borrow some clothes.

>>22630185
"Sorry I'm new here and made some bad assumptions.

Sorry.

Where am I and also can I have a shirt or something.

Sorry."

>>22630185
C-can i borrow some clothes first?

Rolled 66

>>22630216
same guy

Also tell him I (we?) woke up naked in the middle of the woods, with no memory of what happened, nor marks of abuse/fighting/capture. Just trying to find the nearest town.

>>22630185

>jesus

also you could have told us that he has clothes.

>>22630240

Oh. Right.

I'd put up a facepalming picture if I had one.

>>22630276
catholic orcs? orc pope? orc templars?
awwww yeah

>>22630305
>DEUS VULT!

we should apologize, then tell him we have no memory, or recollection of what happened

Rolled 41

>>22630185
be as cliche as possible like those jap cartoons you view all the time.

>kyaaa!
>try to cover our cunt with skirt
>slip and fall down

Rolled 4

>>22630185
Oh, um, sorry. Could I maybe borrow a shirt, though?

>>22630305

Catholic Orcs sounds awesome for some reason. But then this board loves catholic space nazis in space

>>22630335
>>slip and fall down
Oh yes, this! This is very important.

>>22630345

*catholic nazis in space

derp

>>22630335
I actually think it might be more appropriate if the formerly lonely chubby neckbeard just got apologetic and awkward.

>>22630185
>He can see our cunt and modest tits.

I roll to seduce the Orc.

In all seriousness we should apologize, say we don't remember anything, and ask for clothes.

>>22630335
you forgot something of the variety of "baka", "ecchi", etc

>>22630345
this really is going to turn into templar orcs vs assassin elves, isn't it?

Rolled 3

>>22630373
>put roll instead of dice

That's what I get for not sleeping for three days

Rolled 83

>>22630185

Apologize and try to introduce ourselves without revealing too much about our origins.

This could have taken a nice 'Corruption of Champions' turn. I'm disappointed we haven't got raped by goblins yet.

"I have basically no idea what's going on, am lost, and am functionally naked," you say, covering your small breasts with your arm and pulling your knees together. "Could I get some clothes or something? Or directions? Anything, really." You're shaking a little, though you're not sure if it's from adrenaline, fear, embarrassment, the fact that you have nothing protecting you from the environments, or a combination therein.

"Oh, sure," says the orc, setting down his wood axe and rifle, pulling down his suspenders, and unbottoning and pulling off his plaid flannel shirt. You find yourself staring for a minute at the massive wall of hairy muscle that is his torso before postponing questioning your sexuality for later - you would much rather have the shirt at the moment. "Sorry again," he says, handing it up to you. You might just be imagining it, since he looks like a fucking lumberjack, but you thing you hear a hint of Canadian in his pronunciation of 'sorry.'

You pull the shirt on, button it up, and climb down the tree. The sleeves go well past your hands and you roll them up to your elbows, and the bottom of the shirt is nearly to your knees.

"Holy shit, how tall are you," you ask, looking up at the orc.

"Oh, about six and a half feet," he says, looking at you with concern. "Maybe a bit more."

You guess you're about five feet tall, then. His forearms are bigger around than your thigh.

Holy shit. This guy is fucking enormous. And you're little.

What do?

File: 1358390491006.jpg-(48 KB, 569x412, How About This.jpg)

>>22630464
>This could have taken a nice 'Corruption of Champions' turn

>>22630464
No, fuck that.

>>22630482
ask him if he could us back to town

>if the drawfriend is still in the thread, I would love a picture of Nona in the comparatively-gigantic plaid flannel shirt
>if that's not rude to ask for, that is
>I'm really happy with what you've already given

>>22630464
CoCk is never nice.

>>22630482
Lube up, if he goes in dry he'll tear us in half.

Right thank him again for the shirt. ANd get directions to town. We can sing for our supper at an inn if needbe.

>>22630482
Ask him where we are, where the nearest town is, if he could give us directions or preferably take us there himself. Offer to sing for him to repay him.

>>22630482

Ask him where we are, what his name is and if he'll be willing to help us in any sort of fashion.

>>22630482
Ask where the nearest town is.
God damn it /tg/, focus.

>>22630482
Blush, thank him for his gentlemanly conduct and ask him where can you find something resembling civilization.

>>22630482
lets get back to town, if he asks we have absolutely no memory, we should hold off singing

>>22630561
Fuck off, we don't need that here.

>>22630504
>>if the drawfriend is still in the thread, I would love a picture of Nona in the comparatively-gigantic plaid flannel shirt
I thought exactly the same thing when I read that. Here's to hoping.

Rolled 98

>>22630482
Get some info about the current happenings. year, day, month, time, nearest town/city, a recent major event that happened.

something to get some bearings, and figure out how to get some dosh, to get more itens.

Cant run around in an oversized plaid shirt, and no panties.... unless we want this to turn into *that* kind of Quest.

>>22630575
Long Winding Death March

>>22630561
Who or what is an "LWDM"?

>>22630607
Don't. Trust me, just don't.

>>22630530
>>22630529

this.
also ask if there are elven encampment nearby

>>22630607
Don't get it started man. Don't get it started.
Sage for unrelated.

File: 1358390886299.jpg-(264 KB, 541x676, tgelf bard 5.jpg)

>>22630582
>>22630504

Will try my best, just got distracted by stupid sexy anime catholic lumberjack orcs.

>>22630636

Drawfag!

See >>22630504

>>22630636
So Orcs are Irish people?

>>22630604
Stop that. We're doing stuff here. There's already three other threads for that.

>>22630658

Orcs - Irish
Elves - Australian
Dwarves - Italian
Gnomes - French
Halflings - German

>>22630636
Alright, I got a heartfelt laugh from that.

>>22630607
A Nation

File: 1358391090682.jpg-(5 KB, 259x194, YES YES YES YEEEEES.jpg)

>>22630636

This pleases me as catholic and fa/tg/uy

>>22630607
A way of life

>>22630607
We are, all of us, LWDM

>>22630607
POWAH!

also ask if he know any female friends or sister.

we could use some proper clothes before going to town...

Look this is mighty interesting and all, but can we change this to

LWDM QUEST!

You are LWDM, one of a thousand, Imposters have taken your name and you can't prove it. You are merely a barely educated who the fuck cares what, it started with /tg/. It'll end in faggotry.

You are LWDM. but are you the real LWDM?

>>22630774
Nope, you can leave.

polite sage for off-topic

"Thanks," you say, gulping. "So, uh, where are we? And where's the nearest town?"

"We're in the beautiful forests of the Arcadian wilds," says the orc, his face blooming into an absolutely terrifying smile of tusks and fangs. He hoists his suspenders back up, apparently intending to keep his pants up. "And the nearest town is about a half-day's walk down the stream. It's more of a trading outpost than a proper town, really, but they have goods for trade and rooms with beds and walls."

"Oh. Good," you say, and you really mean it. "Oh, and what's your name?"

He looks bashful and says, "Oh, right. Jack. Jack Carson. Listen, you don't look like you have, well, anything on you. If you want to, you can come with me back to my cabin so I can get a new shirt, then lead you in to town. I have some furs to trade, and no offense, but you look like you could use a good meal."

He hangs his rifle back on one shoulder and hoists the axe up on the other.

"I could probably get you some proper clothes, maybe a ride somewhere else, with the pelts I've got. What do you say?"

What do you say? Do you follow the giant wall of orc back to his cabin?

>>22630774
>listen, can you please not?
>I get what you're doing, but it's pretty mean to both me and the people participating in this thread
>no offense intended
>I would just really appreciate if you didn't

>>22630774
You have three threads. Hell, I'm participating in all three. Not here. Kindly move along.

>>22630774
It'd totally do that!

>>22630795
If you have 4chan X, just go into the settings and turn on filtering, type in LDMW or whatever it was. Then untick 'show stubs' and hide any post by that name.

>>22630737
no we will spread all the misunderstanding and gossip while wearing his shirt. and strutting around the village.
so what if he has a wife? or a PRIEST for that matter, who fucking cares. WE HOMO NOW

>>22630816
Accept his kind offer, be wary of orc rape or becoming elf slave. And for chrissakes avoid birds and strange tentacle-seeming plants.

>>22630819
actually we've got more than 3

I'm growing :D

Rolled 24

>>22630816
Take him up on his offer.

Worst case scenario: we either get raped by this seemingly gentle handsome kind, maybe canadian, orc, or we get raped in town by someone who isn't anything listed above.

>>22630816
If its gonna happen its gonna happen, lets just get warm and close to a town

>>22630816
Yeah, he seems pretty on the level.

File: 1358391592394.jpg-(50 KB, 491x405, 1353585698271.jpg)

>>22630774
I'd appreciate if you didn't ruin this thread.
>>22630816
Follow, the Orc back to his cabin and hope he doesn't do anything lewd.

>>22630816
Let's go back to his cabin with him. Give him a hug first and thank him profusely for his help.

>>22630816
Be wary but accept. We do need the help afterall.

>>22630816
Follow him, this guy seems legit.

"So, I'm going to need a job or something I guess. How do bards do in this outpost? What about adventuring? Is that a thing?"

>>22630868
no hugs

>>22630816

say yes if he won't rape us.