go on...

File: 1356057972256.jpg-(5 KB, 158x120, opwilldelivar.jpg)

>>22144200
There must be more

The Tzeentch hated Spacemas! The whole Spacemas season!
Now, please don't ask why. Tzeentch lives outside of reason.
It could be that his cultists weren't devout enough.
It could be, perhaps, that his psykers weren't tough.
But I think that the most likely reason, indeed,
May have been that tactical genius named Creed.

But,
Whatever the reason,
Cultists or tactics,
He stood there on Spacemas Eve, hating their antics.
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Tzeentchy gaze
At the damn foolish mortals he so wished to raze.
For he knew every man down in Terra so holy
Was praising a corpse that was dying slowly.

"The Emperor protects!" he snarled with a sneer.
"So long as he eats psykers, they've nothing to fear!"
Then he growled, with his Tzeentch tendrils nervously thrumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Spacemas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...

Moar!

...All the Terran girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd cheer for humanity!
And then! Oh, the sanity! Oh, the sanity! Sanity! Sanity! Sanity!
That's one thing he hated! The SANITY! SANITY! SANITY! SANITY!

>>22144200
Please continue

Then the Terrans, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on Tau steaks, and Eldar--deceased--
Which was something that Tzeentch couldn't stand in the least!

File: 1356059395416.jpg-(22 KB, 287x277, Angry_Marine.jpg)

And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every man down on Terra, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, Spacemas klaxons blaring.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the marines would start swearing!

They'd swear! And they'd swear!
AND they'd SWEAR! SWEAR! SWEAR! SWEAR!
And the more the Tzeentch thought of the Space-Marine-Swear,
The more the Tzeentch thought: "This I cannot bear!
Why, for aeons untold I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Spacemas from coming!
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE TZEENTCH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

>>22144678
Im sure it was pretty cool

Your spacemas pesent from me.

Is that you are not a fag. You are a gentleman and a scholar.

"I know just what to do!" The Tzeentch laughed away his frown.
And he made some quick golden armor and a crown.
And he chuckled and clucked, with a pleased Tzeentchy nod:
"With this armor and crown, I'll look just like their god!"

"All I need is a throne..."
The Tzeentch looked around.
But since thrones are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Tzeentch...?
No! The Tzeentch said, unalarmed:
"If I can't find a throne, I'll make one with charms!
So he called forth Abbadon. Then, giggling at the harm,
He painted him gold and tore off his arms.

THEN
He loaded some bags
And took the form of a man,
Cackled with glee,
And sat on Abaddon.

Then the Tzeentch said, "Giddyap!"
And Abaddon floated slowly
Out of the Warp, towards where men
Lay a-snooze in Terra Holy.

>>22144865
Ill count it since its been good so far

All their viewing ports were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the men were dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first dwelling in the square.
"This is stop number one," The Tzeentch-peror hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

>>22144893
>Then the Tzeentch said, "Giddyap!"
>And Abaddon floated slowly
My sides floated slowly right now.

Then he smashed down the stairs. A mouse died with a screech.
"Fucking stairs in this armor," muttered old Tzeentch.
He got stuck there at once, for a moment or two.
Then he phased out of reality, then back again. "Phew!"
There the Space Marine bolters all hung in a row.
"These bolters," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

>>22145014
>Then he smashed down the stairs. A mouse died with a screech.
>"Fucking stairs in this armor
Oh yes, beautiful!

File: 1356060727608.jpg-(375 KB, 567x1000, techpriest.jpg)

>>22145014
>"These bolters," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
That monster.

Then he slithered and slunk, with a visage unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Volkites! And chainswords! Power fists! Lasguns!
Autocannons! Eviscerators! Meltaguns! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Tzeentch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

>>22145078
>Volkites! And chainswords! Power fists! Lasguns!
>Autocannons! Eviscerators! Meltaguns!
Is this Terra or Cadia.

Archive preserve us

Then he slunk to the freezer. He took the mens' feast!
He took the Tau steaks! He took Eldar, deceased!
He cleaned out that freezer as quick as a BLAM.
The only thing Tzeentch left was a lone can of spam.

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Tzeentch, "For that damned effigy!"

And the Tzeentch grabbed the small Emperor that sat on the shelf--
Then he heard an angry muttering of "Go fuck yourself."
He turned around fast, and he saw a marine!
Clad only in angry-face boxers, he still looked pretty mean.

The Tzeentch had been caught by this drunken Astartes
Who was clearly still reeling from the pre-Spacemas parties.
He stared at the Tzeentch and said, "Emperor, why?
Why are you taking our idol of you? Why?"

But, you know, that old Tzeentch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, young ensign or major--whatever you are--
You know the Codex Astartes only goes just so far.
Religion is blinding the Imperium, young lad.
I'm taking the idols before it gets to be bad."

And his fib fooled the drunkard. Then he patted his head
And got him a seltzer and he sent him to bed.
And when that drunken marine collapsed on his bunk,
HE took that idol and broke it into chunks!

>>22144200
I love you man.

The last thing he took
Was the last of their stairs.
"Fuck!" he let out as he fell through the air.
But, with a little more effort, he got out of there.

>>22145377
>i told you bird

>i told you about the stairs

IT KEEPS HAPPENING

And the one bit of food
That he left in the house
Was a can of spam that was even too spoiled for a mouse.

Then
He did the same thing
To the other mens' houses

Leaving spam
Much too spoilt
For the other mens' mouses!

>>22145427
OP I fucking love you man,

It was a quarter past dawn...
All the men, still alone
All the men, still a-snooze
When he packed up his "throne,"
Packed it with their weapons! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!

Through the Warp he went! To a forgotten scum pit,
He brought all the men's shit to dump it!
"Just as planned!" he was Tzeentchily humming.
"They're finding out now that no Spacemas is coming!
They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
Then all the men down on Terra will all cry BOO-HOO!"

File: 1356062542612.png-(85 KB, 350x350, 1342924686734.png)

This thread is now Emperor approved.

>>22145523
>100 billion people get sad at once.
>The ensuing warp storm kills Tzeentch
>NOT AS PLANNED.

"That's a noise," grinned the Tzeentch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Tzeentch grew many an ear.
And he did hear a sound rising up through the Warp.
It started off flat. Then it rose to C sharp...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! Very!

>>22145541
Oh lawd
I LOVE YOU OP PLEASE CONTINUE

He manifested down on Terra!
The Tzeentch popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw as a fucking surprise!

File: 1356062699103.gif-(27 KB, 350x350, 1304313061317.gif)

And heresy, but I'll let it slide.

Every man down on Terra, the tall and the small,
Was cursing! And they had their weapons--had them all!
He HADN'T stopped Spacemas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

>>22145597
>NOT AS PLANNED

Is it Tactical Genius? Is it Draigo?

And the Tzeentch, as the bolters opened a volley,
Floated puzzling and puzzling: "How could this thing be?
I took all their chainswords! I took all their lasguns!
I took all their weaponry! Hell, I even took plums!"
Then he looked at the horizon, through a bullet storm,
And then the Tzeentch saw an all-too familiar form!
"Those giant-ass shoulders! That smarmy cigar!
Those weapons that reappeared here from so far!"

CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

And what happened then...?
Well...on Terra they say
That the Tzeentch's small heart
Was blown to smithereens that day!
And the minute that his organs filled the street,
His forces across the galaxy fell in defeat.
And mankind hoisted their weapons! And started the feast!
And he...

File: 1356063179564.jpg-(40 KB, 444x319, m1950135a_99800105005_Cas(...).jpg)

>>22145667
CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

DA!

...HE HIMSELF...!
The Tzeentch yelled out "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!"

>>22145710
And, that's the end, everyone! Grimdark Spacemas to all, and to all a good BLAM!

File: 1356063438646.png-(66 KB, 703x655, CreedvTzeentch.png)

>>22145710
Just as planned.

>>22145741
This needs to be posted again every Christmas.

Someone please screencap this! I have no clue how.

i humbly request that someone cap this shit.
its glorious

>>22145741
Now do a Christmas Carol, using Khorn.

File: 1356063711571.jpg-(588 KB, 800x800, Doomrider.jpg)

>>22145815
This.

>>22145815
I...think that one might take a little bit more research. Given that my only exposure to 40k comes from you elegan/tg/entlemen, I'm surprised I was able to put this together at all.

File: 1356063969913.jpg-(142 KB, 525x720, emperor9.jpg)

>>22145855
Really? This was quite well done.

>>22145794
>>22145807
Seconding/thirding this one. A screencap would be most appreciated.

File: 1356064086331.jpg-(52 KB, 500x383, Dirndls.jpg)

>>22145855
worksafe boobs for you guy.

>>22145710
That was awesome OP, thanks.
>>22145899
I'll do it.

>>22144200
40k already has a Christmas ripoff, its Sanguinalia, celebrating Sangy's sacrifice.

>>22145894
I had Lexicanum open in one tab and the text of The Grinch in another. There was a lot of frenzied back-and-forth clicking.

A lot of my pre-existing 40k knowledge comes from the Emprahsque, Dungeons: the Dragoning, and Magical Girl Noir Quest. Oh, and far too many hours lurking here.

>>22145855
Night Before Christmas... er, Spacemas, starring Papa Nurgle?

>>22145855
Ok, then I'll do stuff.

Everyone name something Christmassy, and I'll 40konize it. Starting with twelve days of Spacemas.

On the first day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

On the second day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me,
two Leman Russ, and
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

On the third day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me
three Sentinels
two Leman Russ, and
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

On the fourth day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me
four Heavy Bolters
three Sentinels
two Leman Russ, and
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

On the fifth day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me
FIVE SPACE MARINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
four Heavy Bolters
three Sentinels
two Leman Russ, and
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

>>22146098

On the sixth day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me
six Warlord Titans
FIVE SPACE MARINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
four Heavy Bolters
three Sentinels
two Leman Russ, and
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

On the seventh day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me
seven Baneblade Tanks
six Warlord Titans
FIVE SPACE MARINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
four Heavy Bolters
three Sentinels
two Leman Russ, and
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

On the eigth day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me
eight Sisters of Battle
seven Baneblade Tanks
six Warlord Titans
FIVE SPACE MARINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
four Heavy Bolters
three Sentinels
two Leman Russ, and
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

On the ninth day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me
nine working Lasguns
eight Sisters of Battle
seven Baneblade Tanks
six Warlord Titans
FIVE SPACE MARINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
four Heavy Bolters
three Sentinels
two Leman Russ, and
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

On the tenth day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me
ten Loyal Primarchs
nine working Lasguns
eight Sisters of Battle
seven Baneblade Tanks
six Warlord Titans
FIVE SPACE MARINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
four Heavy Bolters
three Sentinels
two Leman Russ, and
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

>>22146110
On the eleventh day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me
eleven power swords
ten Loyal Primarchs
nine working Lasguns
eight Sisters of Battle
seven Baneblade Tanks
six Warlord Titans
FIVE SPACE MARINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
four Heavy Bolters
three Sentinels
two Leman Russ, and
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

On the twelfth day of Spacemas the Emprah
gave to me
Twelve holy relics
eleven power swords
ten Loyal Primarchs
nine working Lasguns
eight Sisters of Battle
seven Baneblade Tanks
six Warlord Titans
FIVE SPACE MARINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
four Heavy Bolters
three Sentinels
two Leman Russ, and
a regiment of the Cadian IG.

File: 1356065032518.jpg-(1.04 MB, 792x4384, AND IT ALL COME TUMBLING DOWN.jpg)

Dooooone.

I think the one thing left to ask is whether there are any drawfags out there who want to draw Tzeentch in his fake Emperor armor.

tzeench went down to cadia, he was looking for a soul to steal, he was doing fine, but this one time he was willing to make a deal

and idk the rest, I'm posting from my phone

>>22146321
Well that, AND no one has made a "You're a mean one, Emprah Tzeentch. Song. I can get on that now if everyone wants?

>>22146354
For the love of the Emperor, yes.

>>22146368
K. I'm on it.

File: 1356066203303.gif-(559 KB, 400x276, 1347912738375.gif)

>>22144830
>So he called forth Abbadon. Then, giggling at the harm,
>He painted him gold and tore off his arms.

OP you are my favorite person right now.

>>22146373
>>22146368
Never mind, I can't do it.

OP, I hope you're a faggot.

>>22146648
I thought we established that OP wasn't a fag?

>>22146685
I know. I'm just saying yes homo.

File: 1356067807308.jpg-(11 KB, 250x265, tumblr_me2ixiptBC1r85kr4.jpg)

>>22146691

>>22146336
Tzeentch went down to Cadia looking for a soul to steal,
He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind and he was willing to make a deal.
He saw a young psyker shooting out lighting and shooting it hot.
So he jumped up on a hickory stump, and said, " boy let me tell you what,
I guess you didn't know it but I'm a sorcerer too and if you care to take a date I'll make a bet with you."
The psyker said, "well my name's Johnny and it might be HERESY" then Johnny ended up being baneblade.
Tzeentch knew that he'd been beet and made retreat with a shout of "CREEEEEEEEEED!"

>>22149356
Meant to say " if you'd care to take a dare" I have fat fingers and am posting from my phone.

OP, this was the best Christmas gift I've ever received. That was amazing. I wish you the best in everything you do.

~The Emperor Protects~