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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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>DnD 3.5
>Play a necromancer
>True Neutral, no deity
>Human. Tall, pale, bald, always wears a black cloak
>Rarely says anything

>Third quest: DM drops us in a town where some cruel murders are happening
>No corpses are left, only blood.
>Party consists of a CG Half-Orc Fighter, LN Dwarf Priest, female NG Bard
>After some questioning we go to investigate some creepy old house
>When we go in the team is split up. Some magic trap.
>We all go around, rolling every time the perspective switches
>I roll 17
>Suddenly I'm in a room filled with animated corpses
>They're the murdered victims
>They're all doing very suggestive grinding
>Our DM is weird
>The murderer (your typical white-haired prettyboy) sits in the middle
> pale, bald, always wears a black cloak
>Rarely says anything

You've already failed the sue test.
Does sue mean cliche now?

>He goes onto a monologue about how humans are nothing but meat etc.
>I ask if I can move while he talks
>DM says yes
>I come up to him. He stops
>Fight stars
>Every other characters rolls
>The Rogue and Fighter pass the test, appear in the room
>My character has the initiative, is right next to the guy.
>Cast Paralyze
>The Fighter knocks him out
>Both him and Rogue is horrified about the whole room
>My characters says "Nail him to the wall"
>The Fighter complies
>DM rolls, says the Rogue hears a faint crying

So in other words you have no idea what a Mary Sue means.
if you accuse someone, the least you can do is post the definition you go by.
OP, write the whole thing out and save it BEFORE you start posting.
>a sue

It's like you're just typing random words.
No, no, he FAILED the sue test.

Didn't sue hard enough.

>See a young female, obviously in shock
>Some male animated body is grinding her
>We grab her and get the fuck out, deciding to leave the murderer to the local guards
>Turns out the girl was also missing, the dead body was her fiancée
>Meant to be married in a few days
>She's pretty much broken, doesn't say anything, just stares at the walls
>Suspect my DM is really into some weird shit
>The guards congratulate us on the job well done
>We go to an inn to rest
>Break time
>I talk to the DM for a bit, asking if it's the end of the adventure
>He says there are more things to come
>We go to sleep

You win this round Anon.

You win this round.

Oh I know, doesn't stop me from being a dipshit. It's like an old law, or a charter or somehting for someone to call anytthing as Sue on /tg/. I'n hust doing my job. I hate it as much as you do, but I get paid for it, so sorry guv. I'm an ass.
What do you mean with "grinding"?
thats it?
And I'm doing my job as the guy who gets riled up and starts yelling at you about it. Come on, dude, we're ruining the immersion for the tourists, we should probably get back to it.

That's... not really anything worth our attention OP.

>At night my character wakes up
>DM goes with it, every character rolls if they heard me
>Only the Rogue
>My character is gone from the inn by that time
>The DM narrates this to the Rogue
>She finds me on the Cementary
>My character stands next to the girl we saved before, and an animated corpse of her fiancée
>I raised some skeletons too, they're standing in rows behind them
>The Rogue is obviously confused
>My charcter speaks
>"Do you wish to take this woman as yours?"
>I make his body smile and nod
>I turn to the woman
>"Do you take this man as yours?"
>Her eyes flicker a bit
>She seems to understand what's going on
>Lets out a small whisper that sounds like 'yes'
>"You are now husband and wife"
>The girl hugs the corpse and kisses it
>The skeletons start to clap
Like in a giant mortar and pestle, duh
Corpses were American I take it?

Also, that's clearly not the DM that's into fucked up shit. You are.
>Make a woman marry a corpse.
>The DM is into fucked up shit.
Yeah, okay.
Rubbing ones body against another persons body in a sexual manner
Dude, it's clearly not about "making a woman marry a corpse", it's allowing her to have her wedding with the man she was to wed even though he died as a way of helping her to overcome the trauma of what happened to her. These guys were all recent deaths so it wouldn't be like she was macking on some horrible decomposed corpse.
Sounds like you deserve an alignment shift towards good, OP.
> it's allowing her to have her wedding with the man she was to wed even though he died as a way of helping her to overcome the trauma of what happened to her.
That's not how anything works.
This. Thousand times this.

DM seemed to be a bit creepy, but you took that ball, and careened right down the hill, flipping Sysiphus the bird as you went.
>Making a girl marry a corpse.

KFAB. I know what it means, I was just using it ironically.
Except it does. Heck, i've heard of people wanting to symbolically marry their lovers corpse even today.
Does no one see this as a genderflipped Corpse Bride?
Most settings basically tie in that evil necromancers use the souls of their victims as a sort of power source. Fluff excuse for why a necromancer might have ten times as many minions as a player character of the same level.

You could theoretically say him marrying the two would be a way to passify the soul of the dead man, and give the girl some manner of closure. I'm assuming the corpse is fresh enough that she's not eating maggot soup either, given natural sources of decay (flies, bacteria) can't sustain themselves on flesh pumped full of negative energy unless they themselves are magickan.

Yes, the keyword there being *symbolically.*

You know what we call the people who actually marry their lover's corpse and then fuck the dead body? FUCKING CRAZY.


The difference is the Corpse Bride is, y'know, sapient, or even fucking aware, he just animated a mindless puppet.
Because the corpse bride had feelings and shit. This man corpse is being manipulated by the necromancer, no feelings whatsoever.
This is why I love /tg/.
Noone said anything about fucking afterwards. Marriage isn't only about sex. And if he really is a good guy he will let the corpse of her husband rest after the ceremony. If she would've hated it she wouldve fought or ran.
>Dead bodies grinding on some girl and each other.
We can all agree that the DM is worse than OP.
Or at the very least he was trying to make the most unpleasant necromancer possible to contract OP, by making him a hedonist necrophile.
Fuck I'm not hitting keys right today.
I actually posted this to see your reaction about this /tg/

The girl did overcome her trauma eventually, but was rather creeped out by the whole thing of course. The DM was unsure about changing my alignment, but finally it turned into NG after I opted to sponsor the victims burials.

I should probably mention the murderer came back possessed by some sort of demon. Our fighter cleaved his head off. I kept the head and struck it on a dead dog's corpse. Used is as a companion. The team always let the beast finish off murderers and criminals.
At least tell us the fiance zombie got buried after this.
I D'awwwed. Good job, OP.

I'm not seeing this. If he isn'T making the girl and the corpse sleep together afterwards this isnt necrophillic, just a sort of bitter-sweet romantic.

If they really loved each other, but never managed to get to marrying (maybe the lover first wanted to get the dowry together) giving her a last happy memory before sending him of and making her feel better is pure goodness.
Your entire party, including the DM, is fucked.
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>I should probably mention the murderer came back possessed by some sort of demon. Our fighter cleaved his head off. I kept the head and struck it on a dead dog's corpse. Used is as a companion.

Jesus Christ
Zombie dog with the face of a man is an amazing companion
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>I should probably mention the murderer came back possessed by some sort of demon. Our fighter cleaved his head off. I kept the head and struck it on a dead dog's corpse.

We are.

When there was some sort of a orc horde threatening to attack a city, our party snuck into their camp at night. The Rogue managed to backstab their chieftain.

At morning when they came out to attack the city, I raised the body of the chieftain and made him curse them for all eternity and then cut his own head off.

It worked.
That is pretty neat.
Damn, I wish I could get my players to play like this. They never get creative, or anything. They don't even think like their characters would, and when they have out of game knowledge, they try and use it as though their characters knew about it. I hate playing with them...
You could just murder all your players...
I-In game or...out of game..?
Since the story received SOME positive responses (I expected most of you to flip out), I could share some other stories. We roleplayed this group for a long time, so there are some tales to tell. If you're interested.
Out of game.
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He said he paid for the burials afterwards so I'd assume so.
Please do.
Go on, you have my attention.
You're my favorite D&D player.

Please post more stories.
If you guys play over skype could i join?
God damn it, I read the whole thing.
I was hoping for Aristocrats, bears, loaning three fifty or at least a simple fresh prince, but you failed to deliver!

For shame OP

you were suppose to kill the girl then reanimate her for a corpse bride wedding

do not forget the mandatory song
Man, I want to GM for this group sometime.

Just not D&D
So I need to explain some things about our group before I get to the next story.

>Our Half-Orc was an orphan who was ostracized from every city because of his heritage. He learned to fight but was thrown out/imprisoned whenever someone attacked him. He finally got 'adopted' by a group of mercenaries. He now travels around looking for coin, but refuses to let go of his morality
>Our dwarf was cast out from his clan for a crime he did not commit, wandered around a bit. Finally he joined a church and became a priest devoted to bringing the truth to light
>The Rogue was your typical small-time thief, until some of her partners tricked her, and she was almost hanged. Our first session involved running into her as she his from the guards.

You can probably see the pattern here.

My character was a young mage who followed his mentor to a war between some two dukes. He witnessed a lot of death, and the things people did with the bodies of their enemies/captives really did a number on him. He fled and taken up necromancy to 'be the one who understands the dead'
I'm not that guy, but does using "create wonderous food and drink" as a cleric to convince orcs you are a god of plenty count as a good story?

Because people without divine casters are really easily taken in by that shit.
>DM has corpses being used to sexually molest the living and mock their loss
>PC performs corpse-puppet wedding (more below)
>mass murderer/necromancer comes back as undead demon host
>mass murderer is stitched into (still-undead?) man-dog as punishment
>using animated bodies of a leader to terrorize his subjects into submission
This sounds like what you might call a "vile" campaign. Necromancy isn't evil in D&D because of negative energy. (Negative energy is the hand-wavy "evil juice" that thematically ties together a bunch of things that would be considered evil anyway, to simplify mechanics.) No, necromancy is evil because it combines the worst aspects of grave-robbing, is a cruel mockery of life (like the grinding, the wedding, the and the man-dog), a base abuse of another's person's body. A body isn't like a bike you can justify stealing because "no one is using it right now". It's part of someone. It used to be someone. It still has meaning to other people, and it can be used to manipulate someone still in the afterlife. Hell, he admits to using a dead leader to cow and entire people.

As for what OP was trying to do: I can appreciate he was trying to be nice and give her closure. At the same time, ridiculously creepy, and still evil necromancy. I wouldn't rule for an alignment shift one way or the other, because this kind of thing indicates to me a very, very confused (read: nigh mad) person.

At the same time, this brings up an important thing about good and evil: intent is not everything. You can have good intentions and do evil things. You can do evil things without recognizing them. In fact, some of the worst evil is probably done in this way. A tyrant can rule harshly because he believes it is necessary (in his mind he is justified, and a victim of the situation), not just because he doesn't care or because he delights in evil for evil's sake. Very few villains recognize themselves as villains.
So our DM had a plot that strung through all of the quests: the murders, the orc horde, everything.

The whole thing was orchestrated by some sort of a demon/minor god of Fraud (I think? English isn't our native tongue, but I think that hits pretty close). He generally got his kicks by making people do bad things then cover them up, or manipulate the truth.

We learned this during one particularly shocking quest.

(I haven't written this one down, so I'll be more brief, I don't want to make up things)
Well, the corpse wedding was something highly depending on personal morality. I've read up on them in real life a bit after OP's story and the comments were equally divided as we seem to be. I guess its just a matter of how you were raised. You can't really say if its mad or sane.

>We are visiting some small region ruled by a duke called Arnika
>Things seem pretty calm around here, the people are rather happy
>We went there because our last quest ended up with the villian telling us "Go to Arnika! GO TO ARNIKA" before he was locked away
>We visit the duke to question him about this (The madman was his former advisor, or something).
>The Duke tells us as much as he can (It wasn't a lot) while saying things "Oh Agnes, she could tell you more" or "Agnes would have been more helpful"
>Turns out Agnes was his sister who got murdered a few years ago, the killer was never found
>We immediately understand that this is why we came here
>The Duke doesn't really want to talk about it so we go to the town to ask around
you have my attention

>The villagers seem to have the same attitude as the the Duke
>We discover absolutely nothing other than the fact Agnes was some sort of a living saint
>The day is coming to an end
>We go to an inn to discuss our plans
>DM is doing some rolls behind his screen
>He tells to the Dwarf player: "You realize that there are no children in the village"
>After some discussion, we decide not to ask about it, the people probably wouldn't answer us
>Without much choice we go to sleep
>We're woken up by screams and tumbling coming from the street
>The whole village is marching down the main street to the castle.
>We follow them, keeping distance
>They all go to the throne room
>(I forgot to mention that the first time we visited it, our DM made a point there's a giant statue of a woman holding a child in her arms)
Holy shit, what the fuck is going on in your games...
female is a race now?
Story. Story is going on in their games, and it's amazing.
come on man, i cant go take a piss when im this thrilled, i'll spray it all over the place
(Sorry, my browser crashed and I couldn't post things for a while)


>We follow the crowd inside
>The Duke comes up, dressed in his armour
>Basically a speech about how they're going to do terrible things to the guy.
>The crowd raves and pours out of the throne room
>The Duke notices us
>"Are you willing to help strangers?"
>We reculantly say yes
>The Bard/Rogue (I forgot to mention she doubleclassed that) proposes us to stay behind and explore the castle.
>Seems reasonable enough

>We follow the crowd into the woods. The DM describes them as acting like animals

>The POV switches to the Rogue again

>She decides to visit the Duke's room
I wish I had a story about playing a cool Necromancer but it usually just comes down to my group bickering and infighting about which bodies I should animate before some how turning into some sort of undead postal service or cargo company.

Its sort of an ongoing joke now.
I hate it when people on /tg/ set up there story with nearly 3 posts worth of boring and irrelevant context before getting too the actual story, especially in green text.

This was a terribly boring story up until the end and full of detail that was completely unnecessary and equally uninteresting.
(I don't know what the fuck is happenign. I can't seem to post this)

>She finds a journal in his room
>The last entry is five years ago
>"Agnes is dead. She can't"
>Most of the previous entries are filled with "She can't. She can't. She can't"
>Some pages before there's this one tibid
>"Agnes knows. She can't."
>The rest is fairly normal entries, filled with politics and ceonomy.
>The only interesting things are numbers appearing every month. They range from one to ten.
>The Rogue hears someone coming (DM rolled that) and hides on the balcony
>The Duke comes in, rummages through his drawers, takes out some sort of document and goes out
>The Rogue decides to return to the team

>DM describes that the crowd is doing nothing more than running around the woods, screaming profanities and swinging weapons
>The Rogue joins us and relays her information
>We decide to investigate the castle
>After some searching we find a hidden door leading to a dungeon
>It's a long corridor with cells on both sides
>The cells are filled with skeletons.
>Small skeletons
>At the end we find cells with live children of varying ages
>They're bound, gagged and on the brink of starvation
>While we try to free them, the Duke appears
>"Now you now" He mutters
>His face twists into a mixture of rage and fear
>He charges us
Sorry, but I enjoyed it all. Go fuck yourself.
Reminds me of that guy from the Book of Vile Darkness, with the golden armour with chains to connect with children, who then soak damage.
Oh dude, the Dread Emperor, loved him.
It always has been a different race.
Damn son, you have some story telling skills

and a strange but good DM it seems

>He's not really strong, so the fight is (kind of) over quickly
>Just as he's brought down, we hear cackling and the Duke is pulled back deeper into the dungeon
>We quickly follow him through a broken door
>He's being held in air by some force in front of a statue
>The statue is old and cracked, but we can make out it's some sort of a many-limbed demon with mouths his arms and torso
>"Look at you my dear, deeeeeeeeeear Duke. They finally found your diry liiiiiiiiiittle secret, mmmm? Looks like..."
>"They can...tell it to everyone else, no?"
>The Duke gasps and starts trashing around
> The voice laughes again and lets the Duke down
>His face starts to deform as his mouth grows bigger and covers the whole face
>With a scream the former Duke attacks us

>He's way faster and stronger now.
>In his first strike (it was a crit) he takes out half of our Fighter's health
>We go all out with our skills but it's not enough
>Finally our Dwarf gets fed up with this bullshit and throws his mace at the things face
>In a stroke of luck it knocks the thing down
>Him and our Fighter grab the thing and try to pin it
>Meanwhile I get the idea
>I go back to the corridor
>The rest managed to pin the damn thing and are taking out big chunks of his health
>The fight is nearly over when the monster shakes them off
>Suddenly I come back
>The monsters stop as he sees my new companions
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>Skeleton babies start to pour out of the corridor
>The monster screams like hell
What the fuck. Your necromancer is reanimating the strangest things.
This shit right here is why I never let any of my players play Necromancers.
You're into some weird shit, OP.
you realize he's the necromancer, right? OP is the strange necromancer

Do you still have the zombie dog with you OP?
He is a necromancer! Communing with dead every minute would do a number on your sanity, luckily he hasnt done anyhting really freaky yet. Well done OP, thats how you play necromancer
He sits near his table as he types this.

Seriously, what the fuck is going on?
Dude you are win the most awesome thing today award. This the first time I've been here (/tg/), /b/ committed suicide last night so I've been jumpin around dif threads

>They don't do much damage but they get his attention
>Our Fighter gets a crit and the creature falls down
>Again, we hear a laugh
>"Well done. Weeeeeellllll doooone, little truthseekers."
>The voice tells us how he threatened the invade the Duke's town if he doesn't sacrifice children in his name
>When his sister discovered what he was doing he tried to convince her it was for the greater good
>She seemed to agree, but was unconvinced
>A few days later he killed her out of fear
>"As for the invasion...Well...I lied"
>The Dwarf is so pissed he demolishes the statue

>We look at each other and understand ourselves without words
>The Fighter grabs the monster and drags it outside
>The rest goes to the woods and gathers the people
>We lead them inside the throne room
>We all explain what happened
>"We found your murderer" The Fighter says as the throws the thing into the crowd
>I don't think I should describe what happened


Sadly, no. He got burned down in the previous quest, by the main villain (He was an arsonist that accidentally burned down his house with his family inside. He denied his faults and convinced himself it was demons. Then he started impersonating them and burn more things)
>Implying it was not her own choice
same here, only second time here and i already want to get more into /tg/ games.
any other stories OP? How did the people react to your party?
Agreed, if this ends with the deceased husband being buried or if she does not not go insane and try to treat him as if he was alive, this is nice. If it ends in sex, DM is horrible person. If she goes insane and becomes a BBEG, well, that good always be interesting.
whats so bad with using the environment and the tidbits of plot the dm seeded to you? Its obvious Duke Smilie has a thing for kids so it would be to his benefit in combat if he used that advantage against the enemy.

Its people who get so hung up or scared to do something that ruin Necromancers because they apply their own morality rather than their characters morality in a world full of divinities and magic thats already so fucked up and crazy .
damnit op you cant deny us one of the few good story threads on tg these days! I IMPLORE YOU TO RECONSIDER!!!!
... You guys are some fine heroes, really. In a less fucked up world than you are apparently playing in you would be villains. Its awesome, though.
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OP, you are a lucky fellow. Thank you for sharing your awesome experiences!
I imagine that it ends in the corpse being torn apart by the townsfolk and possibly cannibalized & sodomized. Just a guess, though.

>As we leave the throneroom we hear the voice again
>"AMAZING! You have been meddling with my plans for so looooong...It is amusing!"
>"The halfbreed whose mother denied him! The dwarf who was acussed of breaking the crown! The rogue who supposedly killed the saint!"
>"I have been so lucky...to cause all this. Such delight!"
>"Now if you want to battle me...oh...not so soon!"
>"Please...visit [city name I forgot]"
>"It shall be...interesting!"
>I have no image to describe our faces

So there it is! I hope you liked it. I might post more if you want to.
I saw that, I laughed and came back to the best board
No, OP marched his skeleton baby army across the continent, conquering the known world and ruling with an iron fist as God-King of Death.
post it
This kind of wants me to storytime the 3.5 campaign that my friends and I went through over the course of five years.


The villagers tore the thing apart, then marched through the city laughing. The description was really graphic, but I don't really remember much of it. They even went as far as to decalre that from now on it's going to be a national holiday.

And they'll keep the body parts.

We got the fuck out of there as fast as we could.


Oh man. Thank you guys.

It's my first time posting a story on this board. I was really afraid I'll get called out on being really fucking weird (Which I am) and that I should get the fuck out.

For the record: I never actually thought that my character is 'good'. I did try to play him as a twisted, yet sort of positive character, but I understood that his morality might be ambiguous to some people.

Also I love necromancers, and hate that they're always shown as evil bastards. You probably guessed that by now.

Okay...I'll need to ask my friends if they remember some other stories. I'll leave the battle with the demongod for finale. So far only two things come to mind.

1) The adventure after the one I just described. It involves elves, heritage and war. Also more werid undead shit. But no spoilers.
2) The time when we had to return to our Priest's home city. It involved dwarven beard-punching, angry rants, politics and the Half-Orc being a total bro.

Also, anyone else getting problems with /tg/? I can't post shit for periods of time...

So wait, what was the underlying point to the whole crazy mock battle in the woods?
If you like Necromancers not being evil, check out the Diablo book series. They're generally the epitome of neutrality.
Yeah, it looks like 4chan is shitting itself. Can't get a bloody post through. Wee. OP, where on Earth do you live that you can find such good gaming? I need to make a pilgrimage.

I guess it was to show that the townspeople are fucking crazy. And they were all a part of this denial thing. We later discusse if we should stay behind and do something about them. But there was a lot of them and we had a quest ahead of us.

By the way. Would it be too much to ask to archive this thread? People seem to enjoy it and I'd very much like to show it to my co-players. If that's okay I mean.
all threads are archived, for a time. Look for it on foolz I believe
Seems like a good enough thread to me, OP. Don't see any reason for folks to protest to this going on sup/tg/. Plus, it'll be automatically on Foolz. Here.



You know how to do a non-evil Necromancer right.

What >21950961 said. I wish to take notes.
I love stories like this. You and your group are awesome, OP.
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I'd like this thread to be archived. I have a buddy of mine who'd never forgive me if I didn't show this too him.

Oh okay. Thanks. I'm a horrible, horrible newfag.

So any suggestions about the title/description? So far I've only got stuff like "Necromancer storytime" or something (Yeah, it's shit).
There's a fa/tg/uy designed system and setting around somewhere, where he decided Necromancers were no more or less evil than anyone else, but defined by their actions.
He also made them fun-loving hedonists and artists who have accepted their mortality but plan to have a good time while they live.
The magic system was pretty cool, no set spell list - it was all about your personal power level and the thematics of the magic you used. They were cool with reanimating bodies, but messing with ghosts was taboo.
True Nuetral Necromancer Storytime
Okay, I've archived it. Vote it up if you think it deserves it!

Also: Still waiting for suggestions about the next story. I'll go with the 1st one as it's before the 2nd one.
Yet another joins the fold.
Okay guys. It's 2 AM here in Poland. I'm going to sleep.

I really hope you enjoyed the thread. Keep posting votes for the next story. I'll be back tommorow to either start a new thread or continue it in this one (if it stays up)

Thank you /tg/ and good night!
Welcome to TG :D
Oh fuck. I forgot.

Since I'm a bit of a drawfag - would you like me to draw some of the characters from my stories?

Okay, NOW I can go to sleep.
i wouldnt play with this group if it was the only one in town, fuck those weird ass adventures
>corpse wedding
>baby skeletons
>dogs with human heads
fuck that shit
I'll admit, this isn't exactly my style... But meh, my group did some pretty strange stuff when we first got into the hobby.

Different strokes for different folks, and all that.
I'm all for doing weird stuff it ends up being pretty cool, but this stuff is just kinda..Grimderp, i guess, would be the /tg/ appropriate word


You may enjoy this. It's a very nice look at the role of Necromancy in DnD.
Really? It seems sort of darkly mythological rather than grimderp, in that it uses darker themes to achieve a specific end, rather than just adding more skulls for the sake of skulls. And it's not really grimdark, in that there are heroes and villains, and though the heroes may be a bit grimy their ends and goals aren't.
Every time I see an emoticon, but particularly :D or XD, I feel the enormous need to call the typist responsible a faggot and suggest that they fuck off and die. I say this as kindly as I can, knowing that you intend no malice, but the point remains valid. Please, sir, desist from using emoticons, or, failing that, fuck off and die.

Welcome to /tg/.
Stealing this. Nice one.
OP... you have made me laugh heartily. I am both disturbed by the lack of limits your DM has, and amazed with the ingenious ways you use your skills.
Not to mention, NG is my favorite alignment, and what you did with the "wedding" was amazing.
Well played sir, well played.
>Also I love necromancers, and hate that they're always shown as evil bastards. You probably guessed that by now.

Same man. Necromancers are awesome. They get a bad rap all the time from people who have a morality-stick up their ass.
Johannes Cabal might be up your alley, while he does many despicable and evil acts he's pretty much not evil he does because he has to not because he wants to, he has also been statted by his creator for dnd replete with sword cane and massive revolver a Webley .577, "a weapon of egregious aspect."
All three books and the various short stories are great the gentle piss take of lovecraft that is the third book is Outer-Godly it's that good.
And the short story featuring the british nobleman who's depressed because very other member of his gentle-men's social club is a British spy is hilarious.
yes please
Oh man, I just woke up and the thread is still alive? Amazing!

I'll get to writing/drawing in an hour guys, okay? In the meanwhile you're free to vote or tell me what I should draw first.
I vote for elves.
Alright, I've started writing down the story. But first - art time.

So here's my necromancer - Colubrinus ('snake-like' from latin).

His backstory isn't much to speak of - He got taken as an apprentice by a traveling mage. When they got involved in a war between some two small kingdoms, he witnessed the horrors of what sentient creatures like humans or elves can do to each other. The treatment of dead bodies did a number on him, so he fled to study necromancy.

I always made a point that he looked creepy - tall, pale, gray eyes, bald. I even tried to make him look snake-like (to go with his name) but I don't know if it came out well. His cloak may look a bit modern, but I've really liked it's design.

Any critique is welcome. I'm a pretty shitty drawfag
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(Forgot to upload the picture.)
Marriage isn't legit without the first sex. Has to be Consummated. You can effectively undo a wedding if your wife refuses to fuck on the honeymoon.

Since there was some discussion about it: No they didn't bone (pardon the pun). The girl fell asleep soon after, and I broke the spells. Me and the Rogue carried her to the guards and told her she wandered out at night or something.

i like it
Bump. And I vote elves
Hey OP is the story done yet?
You're a pussy, this is dark but its hardly all that bad.
this thread needs to live.


Alright guys. I'm nearly done here. I've edited it. Should be okay. in 20 minutes
Alright, elegan/tg/entlemen!


> We go to the city the demon has mentioned
> The whole are is in some sort of valley
> It's a total warzone
> Bodies of humans, orcs an eleves all around
> We spot two castles on the opposing sides of the valley
> Also pillars of smoke coming from a small forest, deeper inside
> We decide to go to the north-side castle
> It's ruled by humans
> Long story short: They tell us that elves are bastards and they have been battling them for over 100 years
> Because some elves murdered a human family that lived in the valley
> The Orcs are brutal savages that sided with the elves
> They tell us to stay away from the elves and orcs
> All of the higher-ups were shown as assholes, the normal citizens are sad, hungry but hate the elves

> We decide to visit the elves
> They nearly shoot us on the spot
> Our Bard manages to talk it out, and get a talk with their leader
> All of their leaders are holier-than-thou, talk to us like we're retreaded
> Supposedly some humans raped an elves woman one hundred years ago and then attacked them
> The orcs are scum who sided with the humans for personal gain
> We leave because they're all fucking dicks
> It's nearly sundown

>The group decides to check that forest
> Turns out there's an orcish tribe
> They are wary of us, but are generally nice
> We talk to the chieftain
> Turns out the humans and elves are battling inside the valley and are killing orcs left and right
> The tribe tries to fight back but there's not a lot of them
> Just as we finished talking, a sound of horn tears through the air
> The leves and humans are at it again
> The orcs brace themselves behind their barricades
> We can see the torches of humans and elves descending the valley
> Night rolls in

> After a while, humans and elves pour out into the forest
> They slaughter each other, but some make their way to the orcish camp
> It's a fucking massacre
> They all act like mad animals, sometimes discarding their swords and fighting with bare hands
> The orcs stay on the barricades and defend the camp
> The whole battle is too long to describe, and we decided to only kill the humans/elves who get past the barricade
> As sun sets in the sides retreat
> The cheiftain thanks us for help
> He just wishes for peace
> We decide to intervene

>The castle is the first to go
>We question the humans but all we get are hateful anserws
> The higher ups don't even want to talk with us
> Well fuck
> As much as we don't like to - we decide to visit the elves again
> When we make our way through the forest a group blocks our way
> They're both elves and humans, dressed in black garbs
> Without saying anything they attack us
> Battle ensues, they're not stong so we win
> Shit gets weirder every second

> We continue to find the elves and question them abot the blackcloacks
> The city is completely deserted (We never really get to see it in the first place)
> We search the thing, but all houses are empty
> The palace it is
> It's empty too but there's some commotion in the 'throne room'
> We go there

>Thousands of armours anad weapons lie on the bloodstained floor
> The blood is really old, so are the weapons
> A single figure sits on the throne
> It's the elf leader
> He looks at us and scoffs
> "So the humans send assasins now? Pathetic"
> He attacks us
> Fucker is really strong
> Knocks out all of my companions
> Cuts out my necromancer's arm
> Fade to black

>We wake up in some sort of dunegon
>The blackcloaks and the elf leader are standing there
>"Who sent you"
>We say that we seek the truth
>They all laugh
>"Truth? There is not truth. Only what we choose to believe in"
>That really rustled our jimmies
>Fighter manages to break himself out
>The blackcloaks attack him
>He suplexes the first one, steals his weapon
>Breaks the rest out
>I'm still armless (The wound was bandaged, but I can't cast any spells)
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>>He suplexes the first one, steals his weapon

>The elf leader attacks us again
>We're weak so we're getting our asses kicked
>Fighter gets a crit, cuts out the guys arm
>The leader gets pissed, his mouth stars to deform
>Aw fuck not again
>I grab the arm
> Quickly stitch it to my shoulder (more like pin it there with nails I carry with me)
> Cast Animate Dead
> The flesh falls off
> We skeleton hand now
> Grab that guy from behind
> Cone of Cold right into the stomach
> While he's doubling over in pain our Bard kicks him in the face
> He looses conciousness
> The blackcloaks panic and scatter arouhd
> We manage to knock some of them out

>After patching ourselves up, drag the unconcious fuckers to the castle
> We wake the elf leader up
> He stars spouting profanities
> The human leader also gets himself in a twist
> They both shout at each other
> Their mouths grow bigger
> We must stop it
> Wake a random blackcloak up
> He stars to talk
> Seems like they were created to 'hide the truth'
> The elf was never raped, some young elves attacked the humans because they were drunk or high (I don't really remember) and when they sobered up they used it as an excuse
> When the war broke out (The elves never looked into the matter) the murderes started to kill everyone who suspected something
> The demon granted them power
> Some human scavengers and politics joined them as the war was profitable for them

>The humans were numerous so they nearly killed all of the elves
> The blackcloaks asked the demon to create elves soldiers so they would continue fighting the war
> The elf leader was so hateful he never even noticed
> Both sides calm down
> The elf leader regrets his action and mourns the loss of his nations
> The blackcloaks tell us the names of the politics
> Just as everyone settles down the demon appears
> He's a malformed mass of tongues and vile mouths, with a more-or-less huaman form
> He laughes at everyone
>"100 years...no...MORE!...You all got fooled...Fooled like the mortals you are! TRULY a...sucess for me...Fun...While it lasted"
>"Not bad little truth seekers...You provide...amusement...old toys are boring...now...shall we play more? North! Go north, yes! To the crown-breakers house, YES!"
> He disappears

> When we leave we talk about what just happened
> "Seems like we're destined to stop him" The Fighter notes
> We all agree
> "If I'd want to break his face...that'll be only if you break the rest of him" Says our Dwarf
> An atmosphere of companionship hangs in the air
> My charcter looks at the rest of the team
> "Truthseekers" He mutters
> And smiles
> We all cheer and go north for the next adventure

Aaaaaaand there you have it. It's not as interesting as the other quests, but I like it because we officially became a team back then. A team dedicated to uncover the truth.

Now, I'll get back to driving and writing. Post your opinions and critique!
> We all cheer

What is wrong with you
Actually, no. But a lot of dumbasses think it does. They mistake "cliched" for "boring".
I know your feel bro, I have the exact same problem with the group I have been playing with for a few years. They all fate DMing and make me do it most of the time, because they admit themselves to be unimaginative. And they have other flaws too. One NEVER gets attached to his chars and just lets them dies if he gets bored so he can make a new one. Another only ever makes one of 2 different characters (of essentially 3 different classes mind) so he's always the same guy. Another cannot simply make a fantasy character that fits our setting, as anime has influenced him too much. And the last one is the only guy who roleplays, but he always, without fail, winds up doing something stupid that either results in his death OR the death of everyone else in the party except him. Oh and the anime guy, I mean his last character was a gunslinger/wizard who had his head wrapped in bandages so that only one eye and tufts of black hair were visible, and he wore a suit for clothing. Like, a modern day suit, complete with tie. OUR FUCKING CAMPAIGN WAS SET IN TYPICAL GREWHAWK/D&D BASE WORLD! That was out of place and dumb as hell.
That said, however, many mary sues are cliched themselves, given that they often tend to be based on whatever work their maker likes at the time, and are usually boring in their unoriginality. So, that interpritation is not wholely unreasonable.
Your group is good fun. Carry on good sir.
I wish I knew people to try DnD with.. All my mates are sports fanatics that want me to go clubbing every weekend. All I want to do is play video games and /tg/ related stuff, but I have to keep all that hidden from them.. Never got to play MtG except against the PC AI despite wanting to play it since I was young, never got to play Warhammer/40k because none of my childhood mates would even think about playing it and then I come here and hear all the awesome DnD tales and think about all the things I've missed.
Dude. Play DnD online, and some people are good about playing MtG on Cockatrice. Yeah, it gets a LOT of Flack, but occasionally you meet a cool guy that's serious about having fun.
www . cockatrice . de

Isn't DDO just an MMO?
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>we skeleton hand now

Haha...I know it's kinda stupid. But I've been playing a lot of Neverwinter Nights at that time, and I really liked the Pale Master class...So I kind of tried to shoehorn the thing in.
>"This isn't even my final form"
Oh goddamit, this is horrible and splendid at the same time
Something about bosses with stages gets me

Oh boy.

Then you're in a treat when the finale rolls in.
I'm talking more along the lines of a Skype game. They seem pretty popular.
Aaaah, sorry /tg/. I don't think I'll be able to update today. I've got a lot of work to do right now, and it can't wait. I'll try to post the second story tommorow. Thank you for your support!
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You there OP?

Because you're awesome.
why not get another group of friends? isnt like a bunch of nerd will bully you

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