Making your way back to the portal ahead of schedule due to an unforeseen fist-assisted flight plan, you were set upon by a group of four youko bandits, who made the clearly unwise decision to attempt to outdrink you to get you to cough up non-existent expensive liquor you lied to them about. The end result was four unconscious youko trussed up like a crappy bondage film piled into a shopping cart to form a mystical monstergirl totem. You're just FULL of good ideas today. You'll probably come up with more too, if the grumpy CO Johnson doesn't decide to finally just kill you to alleviate his mental suffering. Which you inflict. With great amusement.

You have just hurled yourself back through the rift atop your monstergirl-laden shopping cart, and somehow convince the insanely angry General Williams not to utterly obliterate you for fuck-ups to the diplomatic mission you may or may not have committed. It's only a matter of time before he finds out, but until then? Time to figure out how to blackmail these foxgirls. Who have magical balls or something. It's complicated.

>Feel free to roll if you want
>You're already set from last thread, but if you WANT to gift me with more crit fails.....

Dead king quest returning and hoboquest too? Today is best day. Did we ever find the fox girls balls?

>>21873758

I was forced to run off before that post was made, so: not yet.

I'm sorry for my unexplained and abrupt departure, in any case. I shall do my best to make up for it. By which I mean I will be completely unrepentant and continue being a schitzy-as-fuck OP, but hey, baby steps.

Rolled 14

>>21873750
>>21873820
If we can't find the balls on the outside, they must be on the inside. Attempt hobo surgery on one of the foxgirls.

>>21873872
By that you mean get inside them if I know what you mean.

We shall wear them as suits, yeessssssssssss

"Hmmmmmm......If I was a magical ball......where would I be.....?" You scratch your head, pondering the question with great effort.

"Well, it's different for every fox, so it could be anything. They're a tricky bunch of species, so there's any number of possibilities." Zuli advises, imparting advice through her mouth instead of her fists for once. "Maybe you should check---

"Got it!"

"Wha---already!?"

"Yep!" You proudly state, reaching over to the top fox girl on the pile.

You then proceed to grab the weird poofy skirt pants thing she's wearing by the waistband, pulling it outwards and peering down at her crotch.

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT NOT ACTING LIKE A TWELVE-YEAR-OLD!?!?!?" Zuli screams, flipping off of the edge of the tank to spin kick you in the face.

"BLAAAAAGH!" You spew forth yet another drunken exclamation as you collide with the foxgirl, sending you both tumbling across the pavement with a jingling noise.

"Pain." You groan.

"You deserved it, moron." Zuli huffs, folding her arms and glaring at you as you lay sprawled out next to the unconscious foxgirl.

Grunting, you haul yourself up from your latest meeting with you good friend Mr. Asphalt. Kneeling down over the youko, you check her for any serious injuries. Thankfully, you find none; you were almost certain that jingling noise was the sound of head trauma. Zuli's punches may not have quite the crippling effect on stronger species as they do on your alcohol-riddled self. Though that alcohol works as magic punch armor as well, so HA.

.........wait. Jingling noise?

You stare up at the youko's head, your eyes falling upon the small pair of bells that rest in her hair.

".....................ohoho. So THAT'S your trick." You reach for the bells, an evil smirk adorning your face.

A mere two minutes later, and you have several sets of bells jingling in your hands as you wave them excitedly at your two companions. And the youko laid out in a neat line on the ground in front of you.

"Eeeeeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeeee." You giggle, staring at your newest victims. Zuli is looks a significant bit less amused.

"I'm going to remind you that if you do anything even remotely disturbing, I will punt you over one of these weird buildings." She gives you a look that could melt steel.

"You're no fun, Zuliiiiii. Moira thinks I'm doing a GREAT job, don't you Moira?" You turn your expectant gaze on Moira, eyes filled with glee.

"..........sorry, Zuli.......but.....Youko." Moira manages to apologetically squeeze out, refusing to make eye contact with either of you, her face aflame with a firey blush.

"M-M-Moira, you can't be serious!" Zuli gapes at the batgirl. Majority status acheived.

"I'm perfectly willing to bribe you with the same, Zuli." You wiggle your eyebrows at the red oni.

"N-N-N-N-NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!" Zuli fires back, backpedaling out of the situation like a pro-cyclist.

"So give it a week, then." You snicker. Zuli merely spins around to stare at the rift with an indignant snort. No response is the same as an agreement to you, though.

"Nnnnnnnnngh." The leader youko lets out a soft moan as she begins to stir. Oooooo! The entertainment is awake. You can barely keep what passes as composure for you.

The youko leader's eyes crack open, her face forming a grimace as she is confronted by the unwelcome sunlight. She goes to grab her head, but finds her hands unexpectedly stopped due to rope.

It doesn't take long for her drowsy confusion to turn to indignant shock.

"W-WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?!?" She screams out, jerking her limbs in a vain attempt to escape. She frantically whips her gaze around, the horror in her face growing as she spots her companions trussed up in much the same manner. Her eyes then fall upon you, as you sit cross-legged on the edge of the tank above them, with a Cheshire-esque grin on your face.

"YOU!" She snarls, her face contorting in anger and indignation.

"Meeeeeeeeee." You drawl out in a sing-song voice, your grin growing near-impossibly wide. Oh, this will be fun indeed.

>What do?

[ ] [explain situation and offer reasonably]

[ ] [blackmail with reckless abandon]

[ ] [ask Moira to interrogate]

[ ] [ask Zuli to interrogate]

[ ] [use good cop, bad cop. Play both cops by yourself]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21874426
Quick before we forget! We need to dye some of them brunette or y'know a colour other then blond. Because Moira dibsed the blond ones.

Rolled 12

>>21874435
Imbibe booze
Proceed to play good cop, bad cop and sexy cop. You shall play the first two while Moira will fight us for position of the sexy one.

>>21874435
[X]] [use good cop, bad cop. Play both cops by yourself]

They need to know who they're dealing with, a madman.

>>21874435
First
[ ] [imbibe liquor]
Start out with this
[ ] [explain situation and offer reasonably]
slowly drift in this
[ ] [use good cop, bad cop. Play both cops by yourself]

>BEGIN VERBAL SPARRING

"You BASTARD! Disguising yourself as a human, duping unknowing women such as ourselves! You should be ashamed, you cretin!" The youko spits at you, still struggling to free herself from the bonds. Not that she'll get far, even if she does, but it is amusing to watch.

You take a swig from your current flask. "Pssssssssh. Nice try. I have no sense of honor nor decency, only a tingly sense of constant inebriation. Besides, I wasn't the one with weapons."

The leader youko glowers at you. "We steal because we must; you'd do the same if you were threatened with starvation!"

Zuli snorts from your right. "Yeah, like that's not another horseshit story you probably make up a dozen times a day. A fox will do anything to escape when caught by their tail."

The foxgirl turns her ire on the red oni. "Big talk coming from a demon! Your races are just as manipulative as people say foxes are!" Zuli's eyes narrow. Ooooooh crap.

"OKAY LET'S NOT GET HASTY HERE. Foxgirl, don't you insult my oni girl, or I'll pull your tails until they fall off."

"TOUCH MY TAILS AND WE'LL SEE HOW BIG YOU CAN TALK WHEN YOU'RE ON FIRE!" The foxgirl roars at you,her tails whipping to and fro. "How 'bout I give you a little taste?" Her tails stand on end.......

..........aaaaaaaaaaaand nothing. The youko's mouth drops open in shock.

"W-W-W-W-What is this!? Why is your hair still unsinged!?" She stares confusingly at you for a few moments before her eyes go wide in a slight panic. It's only for a moment, though; you watch as she apparently crushes the emotion through sheer willpower, resuming her standoffish demeanor.

"Hmmmph! You're lucky I'm apparently too tired to use my magicks, or your head would be nothing but ash right now!" You admire her attempt to cover her mistake, but that was a horrible excuse. Guess it's time to break the truth to her.

You let out a low chuckle, bringing your hand up to display one of the sets of bells dangling from your fingers.

"Looking for these?" You cock an eyebrow as you jingle the bells slightly. Her face goes white as a sheet, eyes widening in horror.

"H-H-HOW DID YOU----!?" She slams her mouth shut, apparently hoping that you don't know what they do. Too late for that, oh fluffy one.

"Your 'hoshi no whateverthefuckitscalled"? Yeah, I know. Zuli told me." You jerk a thumb at the nearby red oni. "And therefore you know EXACTLY what kind of position you're all in, don't you?" You break into as cruel as a smile as you can. It apparently works, as the foxgirl flinches back, lowering her head.

She raises it again a few seconds later, eyes slightly moist with apparent tears. "Pl.....please give them back....." She whimpers. You are struck by pangs of guilt at her apparent distress.

>Do you give them back?

[ ] [Yes]

[ ] [No]

[ ] [Shotgun]

[ ] [booze]

[ ] [other]

>>21875579
[X] [Shotgun]

I assume this means we drink the bells in a shot.

>>21875642
Oh god this this this this

>>21875579
[x] [booze]
[x] [other]
"And what stopping you from try to set my head on fire if I do. Well, other than the fact that magic might just plain work on this world. Oh, did I forget to mention you are in the middle of a camp of soldiers who are extremely paranoid of monster girls because a feral slime ate a couple of them?"

Or hell, does anybody know how close the bells have to be? It would be kind of neat if the only way she could cast magic would be touching our stomach.

>>21875579
[x] Booze

Letsh make a deeeaaal

Alright, just to make sure you guys understand what you're voting for:

The "hoshi no tama" is basically the manifestion of a fox's life spirit and magic all rolled into one. If this only further's your desire to chug the damn things, then I will gleefully have you do so.

I just wished to clarify.

Rolled 1

>>21876641
Holy fuck, is this reverse vore? Maybe as a spinoff, experimenting with a life might be a bit much.

Perhaps threaten to do so. But don't actually do so unless we really can not keep them in line.

>>21876641
Nah thats a dick move. Lets just chug some regular alcohol and try to reach some kind of accord with them

>>21875579

Seeing as how she's WAY too eager to burn our ass to bits, I vote FUCK NO.

That's like a handcuffed criminal asking a policeman, "Pleeeease can I have my gun back?" Don't think so, bud.

If anything, let's have Moira do the interrogating for now. She seems pretty eager to touch fluffy tail

>>21876641
I say we only scare them then. Drink the booze, but don't swallow their balls. Maybe keep them hidden in our mouth to make them think we drank it. Though I have to admit the temptation to literally drink a life is tempting.

Rolled 20

>>21877741
I vote this, sounds legit.

>>21877816
The dice have spoken.

Rolled 13

I get a 1 and a 20 in the same thread consecutively? What the hell.

>>21876641
Put them in our pants instead, fuse their balls with our own.

Drinking them means that we shit them out tomorrow, and the foxgirls can get them back.

Alternatively, if we're the sort of hobo that can pull that shit off, we wear them as earrings. If not, we give them to the demon-girls to wear as earrings, two foxgirls for each demon-girl.

Rolled 3

>>21878054

>>21878054
Are saying you don't want to make them uncomfortable by putting their balls in our mouth?

>>21878054
Give them as earrings. Oh my god, Zuli could use them as pet flamethrowers.

And Moira for pet... Pets. You know damn well what will happen. Full-on orgy time.

Rolled 14

>>21878074
We can lick them for a bit, but we don't want to swallow. Because then, after we take a dump tomorrow, the sewer gators will control them instead of us.

>>21878208
Actually, I have no idea, because that's the first time I've posted in this quest.

>>21878318
We'll probably get them as party members who want to kill us. Which seems to be par for the course.

Rolled 7

>>21877741
this but we must play that game where you have to try and say something with marshmellows in your mouth with their balls.

You ever had a day where you sit down to do something, and yet you keep getting pulled away from it? I've had that kind of day. Fuck my life sometimes.

Let's see how many posts I can get out before I pass the fuck out for the night. Luckily, tomorrow promises to be less busy.

You smile cheerfully at the youko, which turns her tearful face into one of hopeful confusion. You're not sure why; I mean, all she had to do was ask nicely! She should be able to recognize the kind of person you are. I mean, what are you, some kind of monster?

...............

................And the answer to THAT, as you stuff the bells into your mouth, tuck them into your cheek, and begin chugging your flask as if you were washing them down your gullet, is a resounding YES.

The foxgirl, already off her game from the shock of losing her bells, drops the facade of composure rather quickly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! W-W-WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YOU MANIAC!?!?" The leader youko shrieks, tugging at her bonds anew with a fresh surge of panic. "I-I-I'LL DIE! I'LL REALLY DIE AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAAAAHAAAHAAAAUUULT!" Oh man, she's actually starting to bawl now. This is kind of sad.

You keep smiling though. You're not about to give the game away by opening your mouth this early.

Your decision appears to be correct, as the leader youko's caterwauling causes the other youko to stir. Soon, all four of them are awake, with similarly panicked looks on their face.

"S-Sister!? W-What's going on!? Why are you crying!?" The one-tailed youko asks.

"Why the hell are we tied up!?" The crossbow one shouts.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Screams the one you think was called Aiya or something.

"AAAAAHAAHAAHAAAANNHHH! HE'S GOT OUR BELLS AND HE ATE MINE AND I'M GONNA DIE AND THEN HE'LL EAT YOURS TOOOOOOHOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The leader youko wails, a far cry from her earlier haughtiness.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!?!?" The other foxgirls scream in unison. 10 seconds later, you now have FOUR screaming and wailing youko instead of just one.

Wow. Youko REALLY don't like guys touching their balls. If you know what you mean. Which you most certainly don't.

>How to proceed?

Rolled 16

>>21882069
milk the situation for what its worth.

This is just karma really but of course we can't be too cruel so we should keep the balls on us whilst we calm them with liquor and a charming hobo explination of their situation.

>>21882069
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyophYBP_w4

>>21882323
I kind of doubt our ability to pull that off. Let's face it, Lincoln's idea of 'subtle' is 'there were no explosions involved.'

>>21882262
This gets my vote. Milk it for a bit, then remove ball from mouth and inform the former leader that we'll revisit the option if she makes too much trouble. Then give Moira one of the girls' bell (preferably the one-tail).

Rolled 18

>>21882069
Apparently they don't feel anything happen to their tama, awww. Might as well take em out of our mouth before we swallow them by accident from laughing at them.

>>21882069
Let Zuli in on the joke, and have her do the talking. Have her pump them for information: who they are, why they were robbing people, and at the end offer them a job.

We can probably arrange to get for them to get paid if we call them consultants for Youko affairs.

You nod your head solemnly, attempting to look as morose as possible. You then slip a look to Zuli and Moira, opening your mouth to display the bells on top of your tongue while its out of the youkos' lines of sight.

Zuli rolls her eyes, while Moira covers her mouth with her wing, seemingly fighting between concern and light giggles. Easily corrupted, that batgirl. She'll make an excellent partner in hedonism. One step at a time, though.

Slipping the bells from your tongue to your palm, you proceed to surreptitiously stuff them inside your pocket as you turn to face the foxgirls again. You proceed to clear your throat with a dramatic "harrumph". The lamenting youko react by turning down their volume knobs enough that your voice carries to them over the din.

"Indeed, it's such a shame. A young, beautiful bunch of foxgirls about to be slowly melted and dissolved because an evil and heartless man decided to consume your life and magicks whole. I don't even want to imagine how painful that's going to be."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The youko begin their wails of anguish anew, rolling around on the ground as much as their bonds will allow. You wince at the noise, having had just about enough of that.

You pull the set of bells from your pocket and jingle them out in front of you. It takes a few moments for any of the foxgirls to notice. But when one of them finally happens to look up, their cries go dead in an instant.

"You---!?---You--You--You---You----" The leader youko skips over her words like a broken record.

"---am not an idiot, yes." You finish for her. "Well, not ALL the time. Every now and then? Hmmmm. You know what, today you're stupider than me, so I win." You smirk at the flabbergasted looks on their faces, which slowly turn to rage when they realize they've been duped. Being beaten at their own game can't be fun.

"Hand those over this instant, you deceitful wretch!" The leader youko hisses at you, continuing to do most of the talking. Well, they ARE her bells after all.

"Need I remind you of the position you're in?" You comment innocently, dangling the bells over your open mouth. THAT shut her up.

"Didn't think so. And now, because I think you understand me now, I'd suggest you take a look around you. You might find it interesting, as it does NOT appear to be a grassy field."

The youkos begin flipping their heads and eyes around, taking in their unfamiliar surroundings. Their confusion only grows as they realize they have no fucking idea where they are.

The youko leader, having apparently gotten some of her mettle back, stares at you with a look of promised malice. "Where have you taken us? I promise you, the penalty for holding us hostage will be high."

"Hostage!? Ohohohoho, my dear self-important foxgirl, this is no hostage taking endeavor." You snark, hopping off the tank's armor to land on the ground. You meander over to the leader, who eyes you with unspoken promises of vengeance if you so much as touch her. You ignore her warnings, of course. Tilting her face up to look at you as you kneel down, you hover your visage over her own, letting an icy smile frost your features.

"Consider this a slightly forcible.......recruitment."

The youko leader snorts, then snaps her teeth at you, trying to catch any bit of flesh she can clamp onto to. Wary of the feisty blonde foxgirl, you withdrawal your head from her biting distance.

"You'd better just kill me then, because I'll DIE before I have any part in the disgusting wars and crusades you humans fight against other species. You can't even stop killing each other! A species lower than mongrels, you all are." She spits on your shoe. You retaliate by wiping your shoe on her face as she splutters.

"What is this 'crusade' bullshit? Haven't you figured it out by now? You ain't in Kansas no more, Dorothy." You laugh at the foxgirl's non-reaction to your turn of phrase. "Long story short, this ain't your country. Ain't even your continent. This is an entirely new world, and quite honestly? We can probably kick the shit out of the lot of ya."

You tap the leader youko in the head with your shoe again to silence her rage-strangled protests, getting a yelp as reward for your tactics. "Since it would take too long to explain the whole damn thing to you, I'm just gonna procrastinate and let someone else do that. Maybe the general. He likes talking. Doesn't like me so much though." You shake your head, realizing you're dropping horrifically off-topic again.

"But let me get straight to the point: I have a proposition to give you. One that I think would end up benefitting y'all quite well." You grin, an honest, crazy grin, attempting to get across your seriousness about the offer. The leader youko eyes you suspiciously.

Now, the question is, what do you offer her to get her to cooperate? I mean, cooperate more than you could just make her.

>Suggestions are now go
>Be creative, /tg/

And now I have to take a snooze break. I'll continue when I awaken.

My creativity eludes me and sadly this lurker requires sleep, but I look forward to seeing how /tg/ manages to continue ruining OP's liver.

>>21883562
Our best hobo rendition of A Whole New World from Aladdin, followed by the promise of many varieties of strong alcohol unlike any they have seen before.

After this fails to convince them of anything but our insanity we could let Moira talk to them like a reasonable person.

File: 1354628661271.jpg-(72 KB, 750x600, 1353791348491.jpg)

See, what you do is sit her down, look her straight in the eye, and say "I could manage to get you, say, three cows, one bull, and enough grain - wheat, corn, oats, and rice - to see your village through a winter, and seeds to plant for crops. Maybe even a specialist (Amish, hoe!) to teach you how to tend the crops we give you if you're not familiar with them."

"But all that hinges on how useful, and co-operative you are. Set something or someone on fire? Not only will you be shot by the soldiers around you, but the deal's off for your fellows. I'll be forced to use these (jingle bells) to get what the Generalissimo wants. And boy, he can be a very demanding uncool dude."

They're hungry, feed them, their village, and ensure they can feed themselves afterwards. For the low low cost of feeding one illegal immigrant household for a year, General Williams can secure a peace treaty / beach head with their village.

Which, as an added bonus, would give them access to any defensible earthworks the soldiers build and leave behind.

File: 1354629033629.jpg-(744 KB, 1100x2400, 1353135038579.jpg)

Hobo logic: "Imma gonna give ya a trade caravan's worth of food if yas play all nice like and GET IN THE HAREM."

Rolled 7

Offer them new world booze and food in exchange for their skills as guides and intelligence. Also if they happen to know of other groups of non-hostile monsters and humans who'd be willing to work with us there'd be a signing bonus tacked on.

>>21883562
Tell them that in this world they can have a much nicer life for their race, and if they're willing to help take over the world they came from they can have some tracts of land to call their home.

Considering that they were forced to resort to robbery, they are not well off financially, and they may have family who needs to be taken care of. The offering of land will both help integrate the two worlds better, while making them think we have some sort of pull in this world, and thus making them less likely to screw with us.

As to how we get the land, ask the general for a nature reserve in addition to the zeppelin. It's not like the general will go back on his word to give us a reward.

>>21883562

start by taking a swig of our booze, then explain to them our brilliant idea on how to make their world a nicer place. by beating the shit out of anyone who thinks differently...
to show them what the world would be like when we have our way, let Moira show them the fun times...

How is the general taking the news of a major diplomatic fiasco you started? he gonna be pissed, so is jimmy for taking his booze

Rolled 8

>>21884248
I agree with this guy.

but prehaps we should mention that we're not on good terms with the local human population. Because the enemy of my enemy is my friend right?

and if they agree we should probably maybe apologise.

You know what makes a man rage? When he wakes up, cheerfully ready to write about negotiating trans-species alliances and pissing off important member of the U.S. military, and then your group members are like "oh hey, here's that thing we need you to get done in only an hour or two!"

I'll be able to resume after I finish rage slamming this silly business analysis out. Shouldn't take TOO long, but no amount of time is short enough in this case.

In the meantime, may as well do a periodic check list of monstergirls people want, since it's been a while. Have at it, boys. Maybe if you're lucky, you'll roll a nat 20 and get guaranteed inclusion. Maybe if I'M lucky, you'll roll a 1 and I'll get it to vore the crap out of you for my amusement.

>>21888871

I'm sorry, what was I saying? Have at it, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

Hobo shenanigans and monstergirls are a universal language. One that slurs every other word.

Rolled 17

I told myself I wouldn't do it, mainly because she pretty much has(what I imagine at least) Zuli's personality, but what the hey.
ROLLING FOR ANUBIS, COME ON LUCKY 45.

>>21888871
>>21888890
Zuli's sister

Rolled 14

>>21889201
forgot roll

Rolled 17

>>21888871
Rolling to see a slightly psychotic zombie girl.

Rolled 16

>>21889249
Second.

How long until the royal pricks come and try to take the gate? they should be good and pissed off now

Rolled 12

>>21889279
Which royal pricks? We're in America, unless you're talking about the other side. Anyways we shot the noble who opened the gate, and killing a noble should be enough of a warning to prevent others from trying to start a fight for a while.

File: 1354658639313.jpg-(63 KB, 336x486, dwarffortressposter.jpg)

Rolled 4

>>21888871
a dorf

Rolled 15

>>21888871
Rolling for whatever monstergirl makes a good little sister/sidekick for a drunken hobo

Are there any that are known for brewing the good stuff?

Rolled 8

>>21889327
The noble didn't die, he was merely shot in the shoulder. They have magic healing so he's probably still very much alive.

Rolling for a stalker/yandere yukionna. A monster girl that's actually into Lincoln would be an amusing change of pace.

I'd just like to point something out:

"... Holy Shit. Johnson has vorephobia. He has an irrational fear of being eaten."
Only on /tg/ could the fear of being eaten alive be irrational.

Rolled 15

>>21889572
Would a medieval world know about taking out a bullet? I can't remember if the principles behind arrow-heads are the same.

>>21889744
We shot him with a bigass shotgun slug. If it was still in him, they'd notice.

Of course if it came out the other side, he'd probably have bled out inside a minute.

Rolled 14

>>21889201
Zulli's sister, who just so happens to be a blue oni who refuses to drink alchohol.

Rolled 15

>>21889249
>>21889271
Thirded but only if she has a straight laced skeleton girl companion who works for the necroMANcer.

>>21889943
She works for the nobles then? Wouldn't that be counter productive to the monster girl agenda?

Rolled 12

>>21892013
No the necroMANcer is only able to revive the male dead. Heh she's good at raising boners.

Rolled 5

>>21889744
>>21889827

Lord High Faggot Farnsworth was shot just below the shoulder, and yes, the slug went right on through. Solid slugs for the win, yo.

Sadly, as his guards were dragging him towards where we oh so conveniently left an unconscious Cleric (pansy couldn't handle jumping out of a 5th story window), who does the healing magics, he might still be alive.

I'm really hoping one of the Bruce's plugged him in the skull when we were busy running for it into the castle.

Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=HoboQuest

>>21888871
I think I'm covered (in monstergirls).
Finding Zuli's sister would be cool.
Although, we either need to learn some kind of healing magic, get a monstergirl cleric, or have Zuli learn to stop hitting so damn hard.

Rolled 1

>>21892977
A mermaid that's into blood play?

>>21893062
Oh god why.

>>21893062

eheh.

Eheheheheheheheh.

EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH.

Well, I really always pick the best times to come back. Riiiiiight after you give me what I want. Ahahahahaaaaaa.

Work's done for the day, bitches, and I've got nothing but booze and time, for the first time in a while.

Lot of good ideas up in this bitch, I'm proud of you all. I'm also pleasantly drunk, so I'm willing to act a lot more friendly before I inevitably bury you with vore. Let's fuck some shit up.

>>21889943
>>21889249

Hilarious zombiegirl/skeleton girl comedy duo confirmed.

>>21893220
also pls more jimmy, we at least owe him some gin

well, our liberation of the monster girl world isn't going to happen by itself. we must PROCURE MORE BOOZE!!!

getting stuff for the others might help too...
but defiantly take the tank! we shall show those monstergirl oppressing stooges what-for!

"Exactly why should we believe a damn word that comes out of your mouth? You still haven't even shown us your true form; why should we treat your promises as anything other than similar lies?"

You blink a few times at the leader youko's accusations. "What? True form? What is this, some kind of anime or video game or some shit?" Oh man, if it turns out you've been the final boss all along.....

"Don't give me that crap! I'm talking about what species you really are! No human could have that level of alcohol tolerance. Who are you really working for? Spare us the bullshit act." The youko demands, glare boring into you. If foxes lie as much as you're being told, you can image why she might be insulted to be lied to. Especially if she thinks it's a BAD lie. Buuuuuut.......

"Sorry, darlin', but what you see is what you get. Unless you're talking below the belt, where you get an extra 50% absolutely free. Call today at 1-800-MAH-DICK!" You crotch-thrust at them to prove your point, pumping your fists back to accentuate the motion. All of the youko are looking at you as if it may be leaking into their brains what kind of utter lunatic their dealing with. They have nooooo idea.

"Bullshit." The leader youko spits, causing you to frown.

"I assure you, fox-lady, that I am not so insecure as to lie about the size of my---" You're interrupted by a loud slapping sound, accompanied by an exasperated groan.

You look over to find Zuli in a facepalm. She looks up at the foxgirls, giving them a sympathetic yet disdainful look from between her fingers.

"As much as I cannot STAND to admit it, he's telling the truth. He's a human. And he beat me in a drinking contest. By one drink. And I hate him so much for it." She redirects her glare to you for that last sentence.

"Funny, I never knew 'hate' was a synonym for 'love'. Though I guess they are two sides of the same coin...." you muse, obvious trolling evidence in your voice.

"S-S-S-STOP USING THAT WORD!" Zuli shouts, obviously flummoxed as she scoots farther down the side of the tank in embarrassment. You merely snicker, having already won that argument.

"So, yeah, like the lovestruck red oni said--"

"---I HATE YOU, YOU IDIOT!---"

"---I'm a human, and I outdrank her. And as I promised the batgirl a 'mutually beneficial arrangement'---"

"Y-y-you don't have to put THAT much emphasis on it...." the batgirl in the postal uniform mumbles from atop the tank barrel.

"---That makes you four the only monstergirls in the vicinity that haven't hopped on Lincoln's Magnificent Hobo Train." You leer at them with a predatory smirk of terrifying proportions. "So, feel like listening yet? I promise to make it worth your while. All you have to do is cut the the bullshit and tell me what you want, and I can make it happen. Anything. Anything at allllllll." You drag out the last word, waggling your eyebrows with extreme vigor.

The four foxgirls stare at you, mouths agape. Finally, the one who formerly had the crossbow breaks the silence.

"You. Are. IMPOSSIBLE." She manages to get out, staring at you as she's not sure she's just still passed out drunk.

"It only gets worse from here, ladies." Zuli remarks from the side.

You say nothing at all the compliments. You just stand there grinning like an idiot, as usual.

>>21894483
They'll come around with a little booze, they all do. Maybe we should ask one of the soldiers for some stronger alcohol to help with the negotiations.

>>21894483
Give them some of the good stuff, a nice single malt whiskey peaty enough that you can taste the pregnant sheep that pissed in the peat.

File: 1354678797157.png-(512 KB, 768x576, 1354412751531.png)

Rolled 15

>>21894709
....Aaaand it's statements like that which make me glad I don't drink.

Because seriously. That is disgusting.

Rolled 7

>>21894483

impress them with BOOZE and TANK!!! they must bear witness to the power of the TANK!
clearly the best way to do this is by demonstrating its power by using it against our old foe, THE PORTAL!!!
FIRE THE CANNON AT THE PORTAL!
it will have absolutely ZERO negative repercussions...

>>21894766
You won't think it's disgusting when you can't remember your own name.

>>21894766

JOIN US IN THE BOOZEMIND! THERE'S SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE!

>>21894483
Right about now is when we need that competent Bruce to come up and help us negociate a deal, while we dance around like the madman we are. The madman with the bells, of course.

File: 1354679105448.jpg-(693 KB, 1262x1200, 21990829_p1.jpg)

Rolled 17

>>21894791 >>21894802

And that's the other thing - the last time I managed to get 'buzzed', I had to drink an entire liter of rum to do it. And all I got was giggly. I still remember everything. Quite silly, really. Don't know why anyone bothers.

Have some heavy handed Aracne.

>>21894709
I'm going to preface my statement with the following: My favorite drink is Caol Ila Cask Strength Single Malt. It can be accurately described as 'pretty fucking peaty' and also as 'oh god i can't breathe what fucking proof is this'

That shit you just said is gross.

Rolled 11

>>21894828

the bells. they must be kept safe... we must put them where no one will look...
MINI-SLIME!!! she wouldn't eat them right?

>>21894766
Eh not very fond of the peat-y stuff, what you really want is a proper local whiskey. One like Fettercairn who are small places that are awesome enough that they have kegs booked 30 years in advance for a japanese couples 50th aniversary.

Rolled 12

>>21894869
Try drinking before eating.

Rolled 4

>>21894895
The liter of rum WAS breakfast.

Rolled 6

>>21888871
Are MonsterBoys a thing in this setting? There's a few I'd like to see...

I am personally predominantly Irish, with an appreciable amount of Slovakian and just the tiniest dash of Swedish. To me, everything is fair game. Though my standard go-to safe drink is a gin and tonic with lime, which I drink like a dignified gentlemen.

Currently blowing through a bunch of Mike's Hard Lemonades that a friend of mine gave me as a gift. She wasn't sure what kind of beer I liked, so she got me something sweet. Works for me.

>>21894978
I'd be a pretty shitty writer if there weren't. I mean, yeah, "all-female species" works as a fine explanation if you're not looking too much into it, but to craft an actual setting and actual conflicts? It'd be limiting.

Rolled 8

>>21895019
this means that we should find that gypsy girl who read our palm the morning we began our amazing adventure! we will take her with us and find her a nice monster partner as thanks for helping us get all the delicious monster girls...

>>21894978
If there are Lincoln is likely to ignore them or get eaten by them.
>>21894483
Have we show them mini-slime yet? Mention we made/gave birth to her by drink part of a feral slime mixed with booze.

Rolled 14

>>21895081
You seem to be assuming that she isn't a monstergirl who snuck through before the rift opened up.

File: 1354680044766.jpg-(133 KB, 1200x552, Salamander.jpg)

Rolled 3

>>21895019
Well then Mr Hobo King, I'd like a Salamander Monsterboy for christmas please.

File: 1354680379887.png-(203 KB, 500x500, tumblr_m5vhwbV2Cf1rvvidco1_500.png)

Rolled 16

>>21895019
Maybe have Monsterboy's be the antithesis of the Monstergils? Like Boy Oni's are wimpy, but absolutely ruthless as lawyers and accountants. "Devil's in the Details" kind of thing?

Werebatmen are loners, who skulk about, bringing justice to those who deserve it in the night. Sneaky, stealthy, and more to the point - unseen. Like, humans might refuse to believe they exist, except for the few who've been served Batman Justice.

Which might be why Werebatgirls have to hunt them down in groups - bait and switch, traps, and general Echolocation until you can pounce on him.

Except for Dwarfs. Dwarven men should be diggin' everywhere, and starting drunken bar-room brawls with their beards. Because it's the right proper Dwarvy thing.

Rolled 2

>>21895118
EGAD! i had not considered that... with that thought, anyone could be a monster in disguise! we must check EVERYONE... the general should be discounted because he doesn't know anything about them.... WAIT! that could be his plan... we should DEFINATLY make sure that he is really human...

>>21895287
>dat pic

Demi?!

>>21873734
ArmyFag here, I only stopped in to comment that I saw the single chevron on the tank in OP's post and thought to myself. "How can a tank be a private? That doesn't make any sense."
This is all; I chortled heartily.

>>21895347
It was the only picture I could find that showed an Abrams in a generic urban setting. But looking at it now:

"PRIVATE TANK REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR!"

"Jenkins, you're not funny. Everyone knows it's you, and that online ventriloquism course you took was the worst idea you've ever had."

"BUT SIR, LOOK AT MY CLEARLY OFFICIAL CHEVRON! ALSO, MY VOICE IS CLEARLY TANK-LIKE AND NOT COMING FROM THAT DEVILISH ROGUE JENKINS!"

"I swear to god, Jenkins, I will shiv you."

File: 1354681144826.jpg-(65 KB, 650x483, panzer-tank-slippers[1].jpg)

Rolled 17

>>21895470
Make it "Private Panzer" and I'm sold.

>>21895347
I thought that was the battalion insignia for company and platoon etc.

Rolled 9

has Hobo King died?
or is delicious alcohol making him slow?

>>21896106
His last post was only an hour ago. Last time he disappeared for like four days. Don't worry.

I must feed my mind with a steady supply of internet horseshit and alcohol to stay in the right mood.

Did we have any kind of consensus for what we want to bribe the foxgirls with? The suggestions were all over the board. If you've come up with something new and exciting, last chance to suggest it.

Rolled 18

>>21896856
This might be a bit out there, but I'm one for bribing them with comfort. I'd like to show them the wonders of a headscratcher and qtips, preferably by the hands of Moira and us.

Rolled 3

>>21896856
Bribe them with Booze and show off the TANK!!!

if only we had a giant robot...
bitches love giant robots...

>>21896945
Lets try this.

File: 1354688173535.jpg-(27 KB, 492x588, qtip.jpg)

Rolled 10

>>21896945
Picture so you know what the fuck I'm talking about.

File: 1354689400973.png-(154 KB, 325x424, Megas XLR.png)

Rolled 6

>>21896955
chicks dig giant robots.

Rolled 12

>>21896945
Seconding this.

Also, we should be telling them that they have quite the opportunity for employment, in the army as infiltrators of this strange new world. Like us, but paid in things other then booze.

"Well, now that you understand how incredibly screwed you are, both metaphorically and soon to be literally---"

"What's THAT supposed to mean!?" you ignore the cries of the one called Aiya.

"---I think we can get down to business. So no more fake tears, no more trying to light my head on fire. Why were you really out there trying to (stupidly) rob me?"

The leader youko doesn't respond for a moment, gritting her teeth in abject frustration. Finally, she spits out a response.

"Because you had shit, and we wanted it! It's a way of life! Like it's even a fraction of what you humans try to do to any species besides your own!" Contempt drips from every word she speaks. The girls weren't joking when they said there was animosity between humans and other species.

"Well, as you can see, you couldn't rob me even if you tried, so we'll just let that one slide. Which means I can skip straight to the benefits part of our amazing package deal."

You grab the rest of the bells from their resting place on the tank, and hand the whole lot to Zuli.

"Hold these. I'm going to untie them, but just crush them if they try anything funny." Zuli nods, putting up no argument for once. Well, the leader DID insult her.....

You walk back over to the bound-up foxgirls, squatting down to talk more at their level.

"I'm going to untie you girls, because unlike THE MAN---"

"Who's the man?" The crossbow foxgirl asks confusedly. You ignore her and keep rambling.

"---I believe in conducting negotiations on at least a modicum of even ground. Plus, it's starting to hurt my neck to keep looking down at you. But if you try anything, you'll be dead in a second. I may be drunk, but I'm not stupid." You give them a moment to let your words sink in, before looking to the youko leader for an answer.

She stares at you, eyes still full of defiance, until she slowly turns down her gaze and nods. "This......we accept this. Please release us from our bonds."

You smile, having gotten at least a semblance of cooperation. You rise back to your feet to step over the youko, bending down over them to begin the process of removing their bonds, and nothing else.

"Wha--HEY! Where do you think you're--!?"

"KYAAH! Don't rub tha---!"

"I--ngh!---I-I-I've never---!"

"EEK! Why you sneaky little fu---!"

.......

And nothing else.

-10 MINUTES LATER-

"HOW IS MOLESTING US CONSIDERED EVEN NEGOTIATING GROUND!?!?" The youko leader hollers at you, while attempting to comfort the youngest of the foxgirls. Seems like it was HER sister. You should probably keep that in mind.

"I have nooooo idea what you're talking about." You whistle innocently as the youkos glare daggers at you.

"You are shitty excuse for a human being, Lincoln." Zuli deadpans, just shaking her head.

"I appreciate the compliment."

"HOW IS THAT A---!?"

"Can't hear you, don't care. NOW! Foxy ladies. We have business to discuss, yes?" You rub your hands together while giving your best greasy smile at the bandit girls. A used-car salesman/member of Congress would be proud.

"I'm not really sure why you don't just expect us to kill you all and take back our hoshi no tama." The crossbow foxgirl remarks, eyes lingering on Zuli and the bells she holds in her hands.

You snort. Perhaps a bit of taking them down a peg would serve to make them more cooperative.

Then again, you could just bribe them to better spirits with promises of awesome. It's worked for you before. And by "for", you mean "on".

Hmmmmmm. Decisions, decisions.

>What do?

[ ] [display of strength; commandeer tank for impromptu demonstration]

[ ] [lay out plans of a new world, great riches, and more tails for everyone]

[ ] [launch right into relaxation headscratches]

[ ] [begin negotiations with shots all around]

[ ] [other]

Rolled 4

>>21897646
>[imbibe liquor]
>[bribe them to better spirits with promises of better spirits]
>[oh, and explanations and stuff]

Rolled 4

>>21897646
>[consume liquor, offering them some of course (show them our swag)]
>[lay out plans of a new world, great riches, and more tails for everyone]
then
>[display of strength; commandeer tank for impromptu demonstration]

>>21897646
TANK, then
>[ ]Imbibe Liquor

Rolled 7

>>21897646
I was thinking relaxation headscratches when they were still tied up, so that would come out a bit more reasonable. So I'll go with
[x] [begin negotiations with shots all around]

Rolled 11

>>21897711

what are the chances of tank vore?

Rolled 7

>>21897687
>>21897708
these combined but with more >[ ] imbibe liquor/feed minislime.

Rolled 7

>>21897646
>[ ] [begin negotiations with shots all around]
Drinking is best when everyone is involved.

We really need a drawfag in here. Can't we kidnap one from /a/ or somewhere? Bromont got shitloads of them when he ran his threads over there.

Rolled 10

>>21897847
Ask around in a drawfag thread?

>>21897992

Eh. If other people want to do that, go ahead. But wishing we had drawfags is a bit different than actually soliciting one's help. I dunno, I guess I feel like I have to earn them.

Ah well. Guess I'll just keep writing. Maybe I'll eventually write a scene so goddamn hilarious they'll HAVE to render it in image form.

Rolled 11

>>21898095
i would help, but my hardware is beyond repair at this time, and my skills with other hardware is rather limited... if you want i could make a horrendus attempt at it...

>>21898145
Shitty art is hilarious and is also to be encouraged. This IS Hoboquest. What are we, rational individuals? Men of good taste? Do we have STANDARDS now? Surely you jest.

Fuck, falling asleep. I have to be up for work at 8, though, so sleep break should be shorter this time. Sorry guys, I hate the sandman and wish I could punch him in the balls.

File: 1354697291673.jpg-(59 KB, 632x439, Lincon Tank Swag.jpg)

Rolled 19

>>21898155

remember, you asked for it....

>>21898409

This is actually quite excellent. We get a visual idea of the scene, but everything is so blurry I don't have to commit to any details about what people look like yet. Brilliant! Huzzah!

.....yeah, I need fucking sleep.

Rolled 18

>>21898417
well in that case, i may be convinced to do requests, though i am a lazy mock-drawfag, so no garrentees...

I leave you all with yet another topic of discussion before my return.

Figure out what kind of special equipment might need to be designed for/would be able to be used by various monstergirls. You all know the military would love to have soldiers like Zuli; they'd be able to field those M134s as man-portable systems at last.

Also, if you can figure out how to put jet engines or ramjets or something on a valkyrie, I will love you forever.

>>21897646
[X] [lay out plans of a new world, great riches, and more tails for everyone]
[X] [launch right into relaxation headscratches]
[X] [begin negotiations with shots all around]

There's no reason these can't be done at the same time. Making them drink while scratching their heads gives us twice the negotiating power.

Rolled 7

>>21898409
am now namefagging aswell as drawfagging...
am also going to sleep now... have been up to see sunset, is now sunrise... all hail GMT...
will check thread or archive when i return from slumber...

>>21898537
>[X] [lay out plans of a new world, great riches, and more tails for everyone]
>I HAVE A HOBO DREAM, TODAY

File: 1354698896390.jpg-(80 KB, 400x349, 22196570.jpg)

Rolled 18

>>21898515
vore ammunition. bullets but with feral slimes stored inside and if that doesn't work, giants wielding main tank cannons WITH SCOPES.

>>21898515
Slime girl saboteurs: Load up their bodies with nitroglycerin and the correct method of detonation, so when they leave a little part of themselves they leave a big impression.

Batgirl Night time bombers/reconnaissance: Give them a night time camera, or give them some high yield explosives to screw with the enemy.

Oni mobile weapons platform: Handheld GAU-8, that's pretty much all that needs to be said about that.

Youko Commandos: Imagine it, Fox girl operators with a tail hole in their tactical gear. Their fire magic would also prove very useful for clearing rooms, and providing a distraction.

File: 1354701255720.jpg-(235 KB, 740x986, 1343882568400.jpg)

Rolled 6

>>21898614
this guy again with more ideas

onis with heavily modified shotguns strong enough rip apart their target and whoever is behind him.

doppelgangers for assasination and impersonation of militant leaders.

finally shoggoth girls just shoggoth girls all they need to do is walk around and lesser men go insane. (also can we please have a shoggoth girl cause with all the insanity lincoln gets into i'm suprised one hasn't come looking for him.)

Just bumping to keep it alive, since no one's archived it yet.

Well, that was a short rest. God I'm tired. Ready to type some more, but no guarantees I won't just pass out and take another nap.

More stupid incoming until then, though.

>>21901620
Shit yes.

So, I've been lurking in these threads for a few days now, and I could offer my services as a drawfag.

A pretty shitty drawfag to be honest. But the offer stands.

>>21902217

Dude, all drawfags are welcome to do whatever they want, shitty or not. I am merely the instigator of this madcap adventure of drunken insanity. I push the plot along, and I watch what you all do with it. Then I laugh. Then I take another drink. Repeat.

>>21902242

I had the idea of drawing Lincoln riding his shopping cart, screaming "I AM THE (HOBO) KING! BOW DOWN BEFORE MY STEED" (or something), while Zuil chases him screaming profanities.

It'll probably end up looking like shit but I might give it a shot.

Captcha: $129.5 Monetary

No, captcha - I'm not gonna ask them to pay for it, fuck you.

"Wellllll, let's not be hasty now. I say that for your sake, by the way." You motion to one of the nearby soldiers who have been trying very hard to look like they haven't been listening in.

"Oi, Solja Boi over there. Yes, you, the one with the naked lady stenciled on your rifle. Nicely done, by the way."

The soldier turns and walks over to you, looking noticeably uncomfortable. His eyes keep taking fearful glances at the accumulated monstergirls. Well, you suppose they MIGHT be a bit intimidating. For plebeians. But now's not the time to berate him for poor taste.

"Yeah, can you do me a favor? Don't worry, General Killjoy won't take it out on you; it's me he hates with a firey rage. Head down to the Rouse's on Girod and Barrone and grab at least ten bottles of every type of hard liquor you can find, then ask to talk to the manager. His name is Louie. Tell him you need the liquor to fight the space communists that are coming out of the rift; that should do the trick. Just bring 'em back here." You point dramatically towards the general direction of the store. "Now, GO FORTH, BRAVE BOOZE WARRIOR!"

The soldier gapes at you for a few moments, but after several more dramatic points and various exclamations---

"RIDE, SUBSTANCE ABUSE-ENABLING STALLION!"

---He takes off to grab the booze. You clap your hands once in satisfaction, rubbing them together in anticipation as you turn back to the watching youko.

"What is 'hard liquor', and why do I get the feeling that we shouldn't let you anywhere near it?" Zuli asks, her face clearly expressing her utter suspicion of everything you do at this point.

"If it's anything like what he gave US, don't drink it. It gives him magical alcohol-drinking powers." The leader youko chimes in, giving you a similarly accusing glare.

"Ladies! Ladies. No need to worry!" you cheerfully say, throwing your hands out to the side in a wide gesture. "I'm only procuring refreshments for our negotiations! Trust me, you'll love it."

"The LAST time we drank any of it, WE WERE TIED UP AND HAD OUR BELLS STOLEN." The leader youko fumes.

"I know, wasn't it glorious?"

"HOW IS THAT---EEEAAAH! W-W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" The haughty foxgirl's yell turns to a shriek mid-sentence as you dive roll behind her, flipping back onto your feet and wrapping one arm around her waist.

"Opening the negotiations with an offer you should find enticing." You reply innocently.

"L-L-LET ME GOOoooooooooohhhh....." Her shout trails off to a low murmur as her eyes half-lid and she tilts her head back slightly to get as much benefit out of the headscratcher. Which you have somehow magicked out of one of your many pockets.

"What the hell is that thing, and where did it come from?" Zuli asks, a bit disturbed at your reality-warping inventory powers.

"Don't ask questions you won't understand the answers to." You reply, with a slightly creepy smile.

"Mmmmmmmm." The foxgirl purrs at the ministrations, which are apparently doing wonders on the base of her ears. Another important fact to remember.

Still, you're a busy man. Can't let this go on TOO long. You slowly lower your head until your mouth is right next to her ear.

"Enjoying yourself?" You whisper seductively. Her reaction is priceless, instantly flinching and jumping away from you like her feet were being attacked by fire ants.

"D-D-Don't kid yourself, human! As if a proud fox like me could be won over by such nonsense."

"She said, having been purring only moments ago."

"I WAS NOT PURRING! FOXES DO NOT PURR!"

"Whatever you say, Purrsalot. Can we get on with it now?" The youko opens her mouth again as if to throw another insult, but shuts it again with a sharp click of her teeth.

"Fine." She grits out from her clenched jaw. "Get on with your stupid offer so I can refuse it."

>What do you want to emphasize in your speech?

[ ] [more tails]

[ ] [end to wars]

[ ] [WORLD DOMENASHUN]

[ ] [protection for them and any other related fox villages or what not]

[ ] [BITCHES, GET IN THE HAREM]

[ ] [other]

>>21903003
[ ] [other]

EQUALITY FOR ALL, MONSTER OR HUMAN! DOWN WITH THE OPPRESSIVE ARISTOCRACY!

ЗА СВОБОДУ!

>>21903106

OH SHIT, THE SPACE COMMUNISTS ARE REAL

>>21903003
[liquor]
Every time.

>>21903003
Bring up the fact that there are 7 billion humans on this side of the portal. With advanced tech/magic. Who don't particularly hate monster girls. But are justifiably paranoid because some feral slimes ate a couple soldiers.

I kinda hope that guy we sent to get booze somehow has a random encounter whilst on his quest

>>21903288
This. But first give the World Domination Iskander speach, then, when they say hell no, then go for the oh god 7 billion ubertech humans.

File: 1354735756284.jpg-(80 KB, 500x342, Iskandars HO.jpg)

>>21903936

Iskandar?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/9K720_Iskander

Rolled 12

>>21903106
>>21903936
>>21903247
these seem the best options for negotiation for now. >>21903288 this is for if they ask how.

>>21904070
I don't have a pic, but if you haven't watched Fate/zero yet YOU NEED TO GET ON THAT SHIT BRO

>>21904154
I'll have to take it under consideration. I know what I personally refer to as "the fates" are widely acclaimed, but they have a lot of different incarnations (anime, VN, etc.) and I am unsure of which one to pick. Not to mention it's supposed to be ridiculously long, from all reports.

Give me a sample of this Iskander speech if you want me to use it's particular tone. Or at least a horrifically bastardized version of it.

File: 1354738559079.jpg-(50 KB, 636x360, tumblr_lwbzzlIvna1qfepvio(...).jpg)

Rolled 8

>>21904154
Hehe. Broskander. AKA Alexander the Greatest Bro.

>>21904457
Fate/Zero is 18 hours long... but it's 18 hours of action. Fate/Stay Night is the sequel, and has been adapted from a visual novel in to an anime that covers the first route, and a movie that covers the second route. Unlimited Blade Works is better, in my opinion, than the anime series, but you need to be familiar with the franchise to watch it. The VN is the better than the Anime, but longer.

Also, I'm not sure what speech the other fellow is referring to.

>[X]Imbibe Liquor
>[X] All the other things

File: 1354738825426.gif-(494 KB, 282x160, tumblr_ltivfuEX0h1r466h7o(...).gif)

Rolled 9

>>21904568
Maybe it's this one? See animated .gif.

"To win, but not Destroy....
To Conquer, but not Humiliate....
That is what True Conquest is!"

>>21904626
That sounds about right.

>>21904457
Check your twitter, or mine if my tweets don't show up in your feed.

>>21904728

I appreciate your jurisprudence, and I think I have gotten the gist of what is useful from this recommendation for the next post. You're all such a helpful bunch.

You hoist yourself back up onto the tank, hopping up on the top of the turret. Spinning around to face the assembled ladies (and nearly falling off your impromptu perch), you spread your arms wide and smile as disarmingly as you possibly can. All you get back are guarded glares of suspicion (and one look of curiosity from Moira, who has stopped sneaking stares at foxgirl ass long enough to listen to you.) Wow. tough crowd. Not like that's ever stopped you before, though. After that incident with the Christian evangelists and the mustard tanker, you haven't really had a problem with public speaking.

"LADIES! And whatever unfortunate bastards have to stand near me. I am so very glad you have decided to join me here today."

"Like we had a choice." The crossbow foxgirl grumbles. You ignore her naysaying.

"I come to you today with an offer! Not an offer of wealth, or power, or beauty. Not even a promise of fine liquor, though I can imagine how enticing that would be. No, I come to you with an offer.....of equality."

"Equality? What, you're going to make us all equally miserable?" The leader youko scoffs. Once again, haters gonna hate.

"Your skepticism is expected. Tell me: you have all suffered under the harsh lash of discrimination, conflict, and most of all, people being assholes. Am I not correct?"

The leader youko cocks an eyebrow. "I hardly think that's worth mentioning. There's not a soul in the world who hasn't been affected. What does that have to do wi---" You cut her off abruptly.

"BUT IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS!" You roar, making everyone within a hundred yards jump. You stare at the foxgirls with a slightly crazed look in your eyes.

"You see, my foxy ladies, what I offer to you is a chance. A chance to ride the tidal wave of change coming to your land, rather than be crushed beneath it's uncaring heel. A CHANCE, FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.......to never have to live in constant fear of death again. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"If it weren't being spoken by a raving madman, perhaps. And how, pray tell, do you plan to accomplish this? Drink the accumulated kings under the table and then hide them in a broom closet?"

"Well, that's plan 567-J, so---"

"HOW MUCH BULLSHIT DO YOU FUCKING HAVE PLANNED!?" Zuli roars, apparently not amused by the idea of more shenanigans. Not that she can escape them, but you know. Details.

"Not enough of it. But no." you say, turning your attention back to the foxgirls who dare question the Drunken Gospel of Stupid. "That is not my plan. My plan, dear ladies, is to unite the various kingdoms. Humans and other humans. Humans and non-humans. Non-humans and other non-humans. There shall be no distinction, no exclusion, no nonsensical justification for endless violence. There will be co-existence and thriving prosperity for all. And I shall crush anyone who stands in the way of this plan, be it in your world or mine. I shall not be stopped by such petty obstructions."

File: 1354745413376.jpg-(32 KB, 500x281, CONQUEST BROSKANDER.jpg)

You toss your head back, shouting towards the sky.

"THE PEOPLE SHALL REJOICE, AND THROW DOWN THEIR LYING MONARCHIES! BOOZE SHALL FLOW FORTH LIKE WATERFALLS! MAN AND MONSTERGIRL, LIVING AND FUCKING IN HARMONY! FRIDAYS ARE ORGY NIGHTS! COMPLIMENTARY BOWLING ALLEYS! AND I SHALL WATCH ALL OF THIS FROM THE COMFORT OF MY ZEPPELIN! AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" Your laughter slowly winds down, as you give the foxgirls an unhinged grin. "So, what say you? Shall you join me?"

There is a long pause as everyone in the vicinity stares at you in utter disbelief.

"You are completely and utterly out of your mind." The leader youko states flatly, apparently not even sure what kind of emotion to feel.

"......that's a rather hurtful way to say yes....."

"I AM NOT GETTING MYSELF KILLED ON YOUR HALF-BAKED DELUSIONAL SCHEMES, YOU PSYCHO!" Ahhhhhh, there she is. Settled on rage, huh? Seems to be a standard choice, but still enjoyable.

"Weeeeellll, it may be a slight bit sparse on the details---"

"WHAT details?" Zuli scoffs, less shocked as she's already heard your glorious master plan before.

"---BE THAT AS IT MAY, it'll still totally work. I mean, it's not exactly like we could LOSE...."

"Oh? And what exactly do you plan to do against against the countless millions of humans and non-humans, all split into various warring kingdoms, who aren't so keen on your plan? I hardly think your insanity affords you immunity against blades and arrows. How do you expect to get them to cooperate when you can't even convince ME?" The leader youko furiously demands, rather riled up about the subject.

>How much do you let them know about this world?

>>21906031
Explain to her the amount of firepower that America has, and make sure to mention how we now have a unified target. Also make sure to mention plumbing in every house, that will blow their minds.

Rolled 19

>>21906031
now is the time for the impromptu demonstration of the tank...
FIRE THE CANNON AT THE PORTAL!!!

>>21906031
Everything. Let them know how screwed their side of the portal. Its not a matter of how we will win. Its matter of how many will die in the process. Plus one of the biggest reasons monster girls don't have a shoot on sight order is because of Lincoln.

File: 1354746438782.jpg-(28 KB, 387x439, Tank vs Portal.jpg)

Rolled 19

you know it to be true...

>>21906166
Some highlights from this explanation: 7 billion humans. Tanks, guns, Jets, Nukes. Hard Liquor. Flamethrowers, Napalm, Chemical weapons. Booze. Satellites.

>>21906081
Also add that we can make ridiculous amounts of food with relatively small amounts of land.

>>21906285

I am unfamiliar with agricultural advances, sadly. Could you explain, please?

We should also the soldier that got the booze confirm what we are saying. They think we are crazy after all.

>>21906359
Crop rotation and fertilizers and pesticides and machinery and selective breeding and soon genetic modification mean we can now produce many times the amount of crops with the same land as we could a few hundred years ago

>>21906359
To name a few things that are used: Tractors/Harvesters, Vertical Hydroponic Gardens, Genetically Engineered Plants/Seeds, and processing a lot a meat.

We should give them demonstrations. The local booze. The local cuisine. Demonstrate the awesome power of guns, which are abundant. Show them around town, and the luxuries common people enjoy. What side do they want to be on, exactly?

Rolled 20

>>21906612
so your suggesting we take them to a classy restaurant at the general's expense? I like this idea

>>21906738
Aw shit son

So guys, what do you think about this concept?

(I wish I could finish it today but fate [And studies] have other plans)

>>21906738
... Does this mean we have fanatically loyal followers now?

File: 1354748475210.png-(274 KB, 1000x1000, Hobo.png)

>>21906766

Forgot to upload

>>21906776
Loyal only so long as the booze flows.It's always flowing.

>>21906779
The left front of the cart should be forward more, but other than that looks good perspective wise. I also like the mini slime mimicking the pose.

>>21906779
my god. its full of booze

>>21906779

This concept art pleases me.

>>21907504

A little question though:

How the fuck does Lincoln even look?

I was (the irony isn't lost on me) drunk when I've skimmed through the first threads - was there a description somewhere?

If not - then I'm giving him a hobobeard and a coat. I fucking love coats.

Rolled 18

>>21907585

i've just been sketching him from behind. it allows the imagination to determine what he looks like... though at the moment he has standard combat gear on, though the composite plates have been replaced by hipflasks and anything capable of holding booze, is holding booze... and his trusty hobo-pack, which is also filled with booze...

>>21907585

Nope. I have no fucking idea. He's just crazy hobo. I believe he's currently in a military uniform, but because he's an idiot, he just clipped all sorts of shit with carabiners and the like to whatever loose pieces of uniform he could. And any space left he stuffed with booze. Feel free to draw him in whatever you want, though. He'll probably end up changing clothes often.

He also doesn't have a beard anymore because the hospital shaved it off.

>>21907624
And what this guy said.

So basically, by rule of extreme drunkenness, Lincoln's actual appearance is open to debate.

>>21907643

Ah shit, I was looking forward to the beard. Tough luck.

It should be done somewhere in the next 24 hours. Wish I could do it faster, but my schedule isn't exactly friendly.

Rolled 13

>>21907840
Restoring the beard is our Number 2 reason for questing throughout the monsterous world. Number 1 being the monstergirls, of course.

File: 1354755024238.jpg-(22 KB, 357x299, Fortune.jpg)

Rolled 2

here's one for the beginning

>>21908217

Lincoln has a permanent case of Cthulu-head, I see.

Rolled 15

>>21908229
as i said before, i cannot into paint with a mouse...
at least this time there isn't any accidental faces it it... when i was doing the fox-girls/ tank scene, one of them looked like they had a mad face underneath their hair...

>>21908269

Just a humorous observation, not a condemnation of art skills. I'm worse.

>>21908229
The You Cannot Grasp The True Form Of Bismuth's Head!

Rolled 10

>>21906031
we should list the greatest accomplishments of our world.
We have highly advanced weapons, a 7 Billion strong population, The ability to modify life at a genetic level, We have stood upon the moon and looked down upon our world, We have created a communication system that spans our entire world, We have harnessed the power of nuclear fission and split the atom, If it exists we have turned it into alcohol and drank it. It is easier to list things we haven't done then things we have and that list keeps getting shorter daily.

Rolled 11

any other scenes you would like me to do?

before anyone asks, i don't think i could do the vore scenes justice... but you are welcome to ask if you don't peculiarly care...

>>21908382

Try the castle escape scene, with Zuli and Lincoln dangling from Moira's claws as they fly away from the castle. I'll be trying to get the next post done in the meantime.

>>21908382
The drinking contest. And when Lincoln bursts in to stop Zuli's execution

Rolled 10

>>21908393
what color do you want zuli's cloths?

I unno. Blue and white and gold, maybe? Her clothes are fancy.

Rolled 9

>>21908516
I thought they were a frilly suit.

>>21908696

They are. I just never picked a color scheme. Y'all can vote on that, if you want.

You stare at her for a moment, pondering how much she really doesn't know.

"Well.....blow them up, of course. If they refuse to help, that is."

"A--Ah--B--BLOW THEM UP!? What are you, some sort of mage!? They have those too, you know! And unless you've got a whole army of mages---"

"We don't have magic."

"---you'll just be----!.................what?" The youko halts her rant to stare at you incredulously.

"Magic isn't a thing in this world. Nada. Nothing. It's a fairy tale. So are you and every other non-human species. Only humans here."

"W----WH---WHAT THE HELL!? THEN HOW DO YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN AT ALL!?!?" The youko shrieks indignantly, pointing a damning finger in your direction. "Rather,YOU'RE the ones going to be conquered!!!"

"Yeeeeeeaaaaah, no. About that. We have bombs."

"........what in Glorian's name is a 'bawm'?"

"Something that kills people. Rather well, in fact."

"So it's a type of weapon, then?"

"Among others, yes. We have a lot of them. Especially this country."

"I highly doubt that any amount of fancy weapons is going to---"

BLAM

The youko flinches back, yelping at the sudden noise. You stare at her, looking back from the massive hole you just put in a nearby cinder block. Your revolver rests in your hand, which still slightly stings from discharging your last round.

"W-W-WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" The youko stammers out in a slight hysterical voice, cupping her ears protectively. "You just said you didn't have any magic!"

"We don't. This is called a gun. It kills things. Rather well, And there are many different types, for many different things. And they've all got a hell of a lot longer range than your shitty weapons do."

"T-That's not----"

"I'm going to be very clear, foxgirl: I'm trying to help you. I may be nuts, but it looks like I'm the only person here who gives a damn about non-human species. The rest of them don't hate you yet, but are justifiably scared because a couple feral slimegirls ATE some of them. Had it not been for me, you would have been shot---" You jerk your head toward the ruined cinderblock. "---the moment you came through that rifty-thing that's glowing and makes no sense. And it wouldn't matter if you had three or thirty tails, you would have been dead."

The youko bristles at the remark. "H-How DARE you!? To even COMPARE little human toys with the mighty magicks of a youko!"

"Do youkos have magic that stops your head from being blown apart? From over a mile away?"

The youko freezes. "A---A mile.....?" Her voice wavers, a slight bit of fear creeping in.

"Even if you do have anti-headsplosion magic, you'd be dead before you even knew you had to use it. Not that we'd even HAVE to use guns if we didn't want to."

"W-W-What's that supposed to mean? Do you mock us now!?" But she flinches back at the hard stare you give her.

"I don't really think you're getting the idea here, missie. These are just personal weapons; standard issue, if you will. We have weapons that can wipe out entire armies in minutes. Weapons that will chase you down no matter where you run. Weapons that move on their own so we don't have to bother. Weapons that allow us to fly, swim, dig; we have things for every possible situation. And most of all, we have one weapon that is so terrible that even we don't use it. A weapon that could wipe out entire continents in a matter of hours. And we wouldn't even have to be anywhere near you."

The youko is shaking now, as your eyes bore into hers with a glare that could extinguish the sun, it's so cold. You advance on her, standing less than a few feet away as she backs up against the tank and the other youkos back away from the two of you in a slight panic. Zuli and Moira look on, and you can tell that they're listening just as closely.

"So, you have to understand, fox. This isn't a question of who's going to win. It's a question of how many of you have to DIE before you get the point." You spit the words at her, slight disdain for her ignorance noticeable in your voice. Maybe it'll help get the point across.

The youko leader drops to her knees, shakily staring at you in horror.

"Wh......wha.....what will happen to our village.....?"

"Dead."

"Dea---!?"

"All dead. Unless you listen to what I say."

"I--I---I can't----" She struggles to form a coherent sentence, tears starting to form in her eyes from the shock. Oh dear, you're starting to feel a bit guilty now.

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't despair, y'know? That was worst case scenario. It doesn't have to happen like that."

The youko leader looks at you, a bit of hope leaking through her fear. "R-Really?"

"Like I said, that's what happens if you're stupid. There's tremendous opportunities to be had in this situation if you cooperate."

The leader youko looks at you, before wiping her face on her sleeve. She then looks back at you with a renewed vigor, her haughty glare at least partially restored.

"Speak then, human. I would hear your offer now."

You mentally snicker. Just as planned. Now to reel her in.

>I honestly wasn't planning for Lincoln to be able to make such a scary case
>But nat 20
>So there ya go

File: 1354758199481.jpg-(25 KB, 522x564, Castle Escape.jpg)

Rolled 4

>>21908516
here is your castle escape...
i have been trying different methods on this one...

>>21908780
Nothing in fantasy truly matches the horror of modern science. Reality is always so much blacker than imagination.

Rolled 17

>>21908768
Dinner time?

>>21908874
that pick lacks the proper resolution for me to tell HOW SHE KEEPS HER DAMN HAT ON

other than that good show!

Rolled 5

>>21908955
magic?

>>21908955
A string around her chin?

>>21908995
If it were that obvious lincoln would have noticed it by now. Theres some trick to it and SWEEPING DECLARATION: I *WILL* find out before the end of the quest.

>>21908768
What we get: Their aid, companionship(shared with Moira) , and tolerance for our insanity.
What they get: Their bells, us looking out for them, us doing what we can for their village, and booze.

Rolled 2

>>21909023
I think it's some trick with the ears.

>>21909085
Does the hat have earholes?

File: 1354760178525.jpg-(24 KB, 355x243, Drinking contest.jpg)

Rolled 6

>>21908402
Drinking contest done.
if anyone can do faces, you could always give zuli one... my reasoning is that she is facing away from the camera demanding more booze...

Sorry I bugged out there, lads. Had to go grab some dinner.

>>21908874
>>21909318
I'm laughing my ass off at these pictures. So the last one confirms it: Lincoln's face is some sort of quantum anomaly.

>>21909931
Thats actually just hobo hair POST shave. He misses his beard because now he has to wear a shirt.

>>21909931

He's so drunk that he can't remember what he looks like. No one can.

Rolled 1

>>21909931

in the last thread of the quest, the final boss says;
"no Lincoln. YOU are the cthulu"
and suddenly Lincoln ruled the world from his Zepplin filled with monster girls, and he was cthulu...

>>21910042
ADF please shut off your roller. I mean I the vore scenes as much as the next guy, but they kinda lose their magic if we are constantly rolling

>>21910042

Zuli whimpered, gasping her last breaths as she was pulled fully into Lincoln's tentacled maw.

"Mmmmmmmmm. Oni." You rumble, slurping down your final victim.

And then your zeppelin exploded.

LOLBADENDYOUSUCK

>>21910134

What, no zeppelin vore?

>>21910153

When vore time actually comes around, I always try to make it relevant to where you are in the story. I also try to use unconventional things to make it as horrifying as possible.

.......and your assumption that I don't already have ideas for zeppelin vore wounds me.

>>21910174

we should ask the general when we get our zeppelin. he wouldn't make false promises to us, would he?

>>21910270

..............

File: 1354765367975.jpg-(59 KB, 912x592, the generals plan.jpg)

>>21910282

>>21910583
Oh goddamnit.

I can't stop laughing. Now my neighbors are going to think I'm crazy.

Again.

>>21910594
When did they last think you sane?

>>21910721

Up until about 20 seconds after I started moving in.

>>21910733
I would ask for details but I want you to write the next part.

File: 1354767366855.gif-(30 KB, 600x512, pervywizard.gif)

>>21910733

Hooray, I might actually have the free-time to play tonight!

"Well, as an obvious start, you'll get your bells back, which I imagine you'll be happy about." You throw that out as opener, scratching the stubble on your chin. The youko nods but says nothing, continuing to stare at you expectantly. You decide to continue.

"So, you're wondering what you'll get out of it from our side, eh?" You crack a saucy grin, wishing that soldier would hurry his ass up. "Well, weapons aren't the only thing we're good at making. I'm pret-ty sure you'd LOVE to see some of the things we've got lying around here. Phones, booze, stores, booze, computers, booze......did I mention booze? Because I really should---"

"You're an alcoholic moron, she gets it!' Zuli grouches at you. You pout for a moment before continuing your speech.

"So it's pretty much a guarantee that your standard of life will go up. So will your entire village. And danger? It's kind of hard to be attacked when EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO IS DEAD. So yeah, there's that. I think the booze is still a better offer, though."

".....you would offer us protection?" The leader youko speaks cautiously, on her guard for any treachery. You give her a roguish smile. Or what you think is a roguish smile. Whatever.

"Well, why not? You'd be allies, after all. It wouldn't do to let our allies get annihilated."

"I......see." The youko pauses in thought for a moment, her tails twitching slightly. "And what specific improvements can you offer to our village?"

"All sorts. Better farming, more food, more commerce, roads, safety, better architecture, and all sorts of what you'd probably consider luxuries. I guarantee corporations will be tripping over one another to be the first to establish branches there once word gets out. You'll have a Wal-Mart within a week."

"What's a 'corporashun'?" The youko leader asks, tilting her head in confusion.

"What's a 'Waul-mart'?" The one-tailed youko chimes in. You wave your hand dismissively in response.

"Types of businesses. I'll explain more another time. The real question is, are you interested?"

"........you realize that you'd be the only official human trading partners with non-humans in all of the continent, right? You'd be going in direct opposition to the Royal Coalition of Kings and Saints. Do you really want to start off on bad terms with the accumulated human kingdoms of the continent?"

"Ehehehe. Yeeeeaaaaah......about that.......I don't think they'll be that interested in talking nicely with us." You let out an awkward chuckle, looking aside as you scratch your head sheepishly.

"Why not? Surely you don't expect to pass up such an opportunity as the one you offer? And they will undoubtedly set as a condition for an alliance that you cease all contact with non-humans. Why pass up such a chance, when the most we can offer you would be the cooperation of just the fox tribes, if that?" The youko seems to think you have an angle. You do, but it is not nearly as sophisticated as she thinks.

"Well.....remember those soldiers you said you were waiting for?"

"They never showed up on their usual patrol, yes. What does that have to do with anything?"

".....It was probably because I shot the local lord and lit his castle on fire. Twice."

"..........."

"..........."

"........you did WHAT!?!?" The youko leader stumbles back in shock, mouth agape.

"Eheh."

"What's there to laugh about!? Lord Farnsworth's kingdom may be one of the smallest, but he has real influence on the Coalition's members! Why in GLORIAN'S NAME would you deliberately ATTACK him!?!?"

"Well, he was going to execute Zuli. I wasn't about to let THAT happen." You jerk your thumb towards the red oni, who blushes and whips her head in the other direction. "Besides, he was a huge douchewaffle. I didn't really need much more of an excuse. And his castle smelled funny."

The youko regards you with disbelief, hand hovering a few inches from her face, as if holding it ready to shut her mouth should words of incredulity escape. After a long minute, she finally speaks.

"You......you attacked a noble.....to save a demon? I.....I don't understand......why?"

"......Because I like her a lot more than I do pompous nobles?" You shrug, not really sure how to make this simpler.