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/tg/ - Traditional Games
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
First Response Quest 12/01/12(Sat)20:32
No.21842493
File: 1354411952206.png-(13 KB, 150x150, awesome.png)
13 KB
First Response Quest hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)20:32 No.21842493
Welcome to first response quest!

You are a 20 year old college student studying at Generic State University. You are normal, if a little neckbearded. However, you have been struck by a mental illness! The first responses for each post in this thread will determine your actions. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to act like a normal human being for as long as possible. (Remember to quote the post you respond to or it won't necessarily count)


You wake up in your dorm room an hour before your first class. Your roommate is sleeping. What do you do?
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)20:37
No.21842544
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)20:37 No.21842544
>>21842493

... Or don't do anything. That's cool too. You get out of bed, brush your teeth, shower. The water pressure is low like usual, but you're used to that. You wonder if the water will be freezing or scalding today. You hope scalding, since it's cold outside.

Alas, it's freezing. Well, whatever.

You are now SHOWERING. What do you do?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:37
No.21842553
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:37 No.21842553
Your mom.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:39
No.21842576
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:39 No.21842576
>>21842544
find a ball point pen and stab ourselves in the eye.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)20:39
No.21842583
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)20:39 No.21842583
>>21842553

A voice tells you. "You should do your mom."

Wat. Oooo.....kay. Well, your mom is kinda hot. The water turns hotter as you try to think of something else. What do you think about next.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:40
No.21842591
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:40 No.21842591
>>21842583
Get out of the shower.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:41
No.21842603
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:41 No.21842603
>>21842544
Masturbate furiously.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)20:41
No.21842610
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)20:41 No.21842610
>>21842591

The voices subside and you get out of the shower. You are all fresh and ready for another decent day at college. You open your dresser to find something to wear. What do you wear?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:42
No.21842621
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:42 No.21842621
>>21842610
spots with stripes!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:42
No.21842622
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:42 No.21842622
>>21842610
Nothing
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)20:43
No.21842639
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)20:43 No.21842639
>>21842621
You decide that pinstripe pants and polka-dot shirt is in this season. That's a thing, right? Yeah, that's a thing. The shirt is a neon pink while the pants are purple and green striped. You never wear those. You wonder why.

Your roommate begins to stir.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:43
No.21842644
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:43 No.21842644
>>21842639
Fuck the roommate
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:44
No.21842655
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:44 No.21842655
>>21842639
Bang your coed roomate
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)20:46
No.21842686
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)20:46 No.21842686
>>21842644

All those thoughts about your mom have gotten you all hot and bothered. Your roommate is just kind of lying there, bein' all sexy. He's practically asking for it.

You crawl into his bed. He mumbles something, half-sleepily. You slip off his boxers.

That gets his attention.

"What the fuck are you doing, Anon?" He says still somewhat groggy. His deep voice reminds you that he is a 250-pound, 7-foot tall athlete.

"uhh..." You say. How do you defend yourself?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:46
No.21842691
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:46 No.21842691
>>21842686
Cut off your own hands and beat him in the face with them.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:46
No.21842694
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:46 No.21842694
>>21842639
no, we don't wonder why. We know why we don't wear these atrocities. But the voices in our head tell us to wear them, so we DO! MWHAHAHAHAHA!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:47
No.21842711
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:47 No.21842711
>>21842691
I think we just failed the quest...
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:48
No.21842714
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:48 No.21842714
>>21842686
Butt massage! Morning butt massage!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:48
No.21842718
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:48 No.21842718
>>21842711
Depends on how you define success, anon.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)20:49
No.21842724
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)20:49 No.21842724
>>21842691

You run into the kitchen to get the knife so you can cut your hands off. Cutting your hands off will give you weapons that you can use against him, four hands against two.

Roommate notices that your pants are down and is starting to get mad. He grabs the back of your shirt.

"You aren't going anywhere until you tell me exactly what you were trying to fucking do, Anon."
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:49
No.21842729
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:49 No.21842729
>>21842711
Nah, we can pull this off.
Our hands I mean. And then beat him in the face with them.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:49
No.21842734
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:49 No.21842734
>>21842724
Cure you with the white justice
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:49
No.21842739
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:49 No.21842739
>>21842724
Give him the dick.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:49
No.21842742
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:49 No.21842742
>>21842724
"your normal morning butt massage?"
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:51
No.21842761
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:51 No.21842761
>>21842724
Just a butt massage! Nothing weird!
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)20:51
No.21842766
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)20:51 No.21842766
>>21842734

"I WAS TRYING TO CURE YOU WITH THE WHITE JUSTICE!" You blurt out.

roll 1d20 for result
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:51
No.21842778
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:51 No.21842778
>>21842729
Stop it, crazy voice. We're trying to be NORMAL.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:52
No.21842785
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:52 No.21842785
Rolled 7

>>21842766
pull off dick and beat him with it.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:52
No.21842787
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:52 No.21842787
Rolled 15

>>21842766
We also try to slap him.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:52
No.21842801
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:52 No.21842801
>>21842778
Sure, and giving your roomie a butt massage is normal...
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:53
No.21842816
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:53 No.21842816
Rolled 9

>>21842766
Hoooooopeful.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)20:53
No.21842820
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)20:53 No.21842820
>>21842766

He starts to look mad. Thinking frantically, you grab his package and yank hard!

Roll 1d20 for combat damage
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:54
No.21842837
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:54 No.21842837
Rolled 2

OP, I love you for going on with what these people say to do, no matter how stupid.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:54
No.21842842
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:54 No.21842842
>>21842801
I don't know how I'd face my classes without a butt massage from my roommate to relieve yesterday's stress. He's studying to be a masseuse, too, so they're always really really good.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:54
No.21842845
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:54 No.21842845
Rolled 2

>>21842820
rollin
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:54
No.21842848
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:54 No.21842848
>>21842837
>Rolled 2

Oh nooooooo
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:55
No.21842860
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:55 No.21842860
Rolled 12

>>21842820
PAIN
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:55
No.21842863
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:55 No.21842863
Rolled 3

>>21842820
rolling to completely remove penis
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:56
No.21842870
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:56 No.21842870
Rolled 15

>>21842820
Go go go!
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)20:57
No.21842902
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)20:57 No.21842902
>>21842820

You succeed only at ripping his boxer shorts. His favorite boxer shorts.

He looks angrily at you. Then he says,

"Anon, I know you have a whole lotta trouble with all your courses. In behavioral psychology, we learn that we sometimes act out in strange ways when we're frustrated. So I'll forgive you, and suggest you speak with the school psychologist."

He decks you in the face. 5 damage.

"That was me acting out. Do it again and Imma fuckin' kill you. Ya feel me?"

You now have BLACK EYE. Oh no, it's almost time to class!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:58
No.21842914
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:58 No.21842914
>>21842902
Poop self in panic.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:58
No.21842915
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:58 No.21842915
Rolled 15

>>21842902
Fuck class! Go to walmart!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:59
No.21842924
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:59 No.21842924
>>21842902
Class our way to class. Find a cane and pocketwatch.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:59
No.21842925
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:59 No.21842925
>>21842915
Woops, didn't mean to roll.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:59
No.21842933
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:59 No.21842933
>>21842902
Run like hell to class. Last thing we wanna do it be late... to make a fool of ourselves...
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)20:59
No.21842938
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)20:59 No.21842938
Rolled 4

>>21842902
Quick, grab the books on the desk. No time for a bag. John Nash walk to class, that'll make us look genius.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:01
No.21842975
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:01 No.21842975
Rolled 10

>>21842915
If we end up in Wal-Mart we need to buy as many MTG boosters as possible. It's like buying goddamn $20 notes or $5 I heard.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:01
No.21842976
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:01 No.21842976
>>21842914
>>21842915

Your bowels release as you come down off your adrenaline rush. You can't possibly go to class like this! Where can you go where your crapped undies will be accepted as a normal part of life? Where you won't be looked down upon as a genetic reject about to go insane at any moment?

Of course! The answer is simple.

WAL MART!

You go to the nearest bus stop and board. You are now on the bus. Your black eye, terrible odor, and clashing wardrobe draw stares from most of your fellow busgoers.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:02
No.21842988
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:02 No.21842988
>>21842976
Attempt to summon cthulu whilst on bus.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:03
No.21843007
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:03 No.21843007
>>21842988
I think our main character may have ingested some PCP
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:03
No.21843009
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:03 No.21843009
>>21842976
I use public transportation fairly regularly, so...
>Your black eye, terrible odor, and clashing wardrobe draw stares from most of your fellow busgoers.
Why?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:03
No.21843015
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:03 No.21843015
>>21842988
Because that makes sense. Cthulu would have clean undies OF DOOM!
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:04
No.21843032
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:04 No.21843032
>>21842988

You suddenly scream from memory:

"Ia ia ia! Fn'glui Wagh'nagl R'lyeh Cthulhu Ftaghn!"

You haven't read lovecraft in a long time; your memory is rusty.

The bus driver screams, "Stay in your damn seat and shut up!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:05
No.21843054
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:05 No.21843054
>>21843032
Dammit, that should've worked. I guess just stay quiet til we get there and then buy underwear.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:05
No.21843058
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:05 No.21843058
>>21843032
Oh we so fucking failed this quest!
New goal: End the world in the most inane way possible!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:05
No.21843061
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:05 No.21843061
>>21843032
Fuck bus driver.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:05
No.21843063
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:05 No.21843063
>>21843032

oh, roll 1d100 for summoning cthulhu
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:06
No.21843077
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:06 No.21843077
Rolled 75

>>21843063
rollan.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:06
No.21843080
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:06 No.21843080
Rolled 90

>>21843063
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:06
No.21843093
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:06 No.21843093
>>21843077
SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTT
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:07
No.21843099
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:07 No.21843099
>>21843080
Awwww, please be this one quest master
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:07
No.21843101
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:07 No.21843101
>>21843077
>>21843080
Oh boy
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:07
No.21843102
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:07 No.21843102
>>21843077
Well, fuck...
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:07
No.21843104
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:07 No.21843104
>>21843080
>>21843077
HERE WE GO!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:07
No.21843120
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:07 No.21843120
>>21843104
>>21843102
>>21843101
sorry but how can you tell if a roll is sufficiently high?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:08
No.21843123
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:08 No.21843123
Rolled 3

>>21843063
Don't sit down, stay upright, grab the pole. No fucking shit smearing. Also rolling.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:08
No.21843129
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:08 No.21843129
>>21843077
>>21843054

Your attempt fails. You sit down and stay quiet until you arrive at wal-mart.

You walk through the door. An elderly man greets you. "Welcome to wal-mart," he says with a feigned enthusiasm masking complete and utter despair.

You meet eyes with the greeter. His eyes are dead and soulless, the eyes of a man who has been stripped of all dignity and joy. He smells your pants and almost sheds a single tear.

What do you say to him?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:08
No.21843133
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:08 No.21843133
>>21843123
>He ruined our high roll streak
Yeah fuck you buddy.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:08
No.21843136
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:08 No.21843136
>>21843120
Yeah, dc could have been anywhere from 10 to one-fucking-hundred
>>21843129
rape him
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:09
No.21843144
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:09 No.21843144
>>21843129
"I've soiled myself."
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:09
No.21843145
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:09 No.21843145
>>21843129
Fuck him hard.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:09
No.21843154
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:09 No.21843154
>>21843129

Eat penguin shit you ass spelunker.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:09
No.21843160
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:09 No.21843160
>>21843136
no I was asking as a non-tg-goer
I literally don't understand
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:10
No.21843170
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:10 No.21843170
>>21843136

You push him down and begin to undo your rhinestone-studded belt buckle. You hear a sickening crack. "Argh! My hip!"
A security guard comes behind you. He has a bored expression on his face that tells him your presence is nothing unusual.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the store."

COMBAT! Roll 1d20 for initiative!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:11
No.21843175
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:11 No.21843175
>>21843129
TELL ME WHERE THE UNDERWEAR IS AND WHERE TO FIND A TOILET NOW YOU SOULLESS JOB-HOBO
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:11
No.21843179
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:11 No.21843179
Rolled 9

>>21843170
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:11
No.21843181
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:11 No.21843181
>>21843160
Oh, well in that case, we don't. It's just a general rule that the higher the result, the more likely you are to succeed. 75 was high enough for many of us to assume the worst.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:12
No.21843201
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:12 No.21843201
>>21843181
so the dm usually just thinks up a general set of numbers for failure and success beforehand?
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:12
No.21843203
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:12 No.21843203
>>21843179

>DC10

Guard steps back and draws his truncheon. He has his finger on the radio and begins calling for backup

YOUR TURN! What action do you take?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:12
No.21843205
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:12 No.21843205
Rolled 1

>>21843170
Kick him in the crotch and try to summon a demon.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:12
No.21843208
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:12 No.21843208
>>21843203
Summon demons
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:13
No.21843220
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:13 No.21843220
>>21843205
DAMNIT, YOU
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:13
No.21843221
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:13 No.21843221
>>21843205
>1
Awaiting spectacular failure
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:13
No.21843225
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:13 No.21843225
>>21843208

roll 1d100 for demon-summoning.

>DC99
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:13
No.21843227
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:13 No.21843227
Rolled 3

>>21843203
>>21843205
This.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:13
No.21843231
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:13 No.21843231
>>21843205
>>21843208

>eldritchmind

Also

>nat 1
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:13
No.21843234
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:13 No.21843234
Rolled 96

>>21843225
No big deal. We got this.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:13
No.21843236
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:13 No.21843236
Rolled 73

>>21843225
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:14
No.21843238
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:14 No.21843238
>>21843234
... Shit. So close.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:14
No.21843241
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:14 No.21843241
Rolled 97

>>21843225
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:14
No.21843245
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:14 No.21843245
Rolled 78

>>21843225
YAAAAAAAAAAAH
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:14
No.21843247
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:14 No.21843247
>>21843234
>>21843227
Those get added together, right?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:14
No.21843250
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:14 No.21843250
>>21843234
holy fuck
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:14
No.21843263
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:14 No.21843263
>>21843234

The store begins to rumble and lights flicker, but nothing else happens.

You sense you were close.

Your attempt has bought you an extra combat turn! What is your action
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:15
No.21843269
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:15 No.21843269
Rolled 92

>>21843263
try again
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:15
No.21843272
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:15 No.21843272
>>21843263
Fart on him! Cast fireball!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:15
No.21843273
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:15 No.21843273
I predict eldritch rumblings and a broken foot.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:15
No.21843279
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:15 No.21843279
>>21843263
Run toward the depths of the store. Do not look back.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:15
No.21843282
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:15 No.21843282
>>21843269
I sense some instability in the local crust
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:16
No.21843296
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:16 No.21843296
>>21843269
Our character must have some strong ass connections to the underworld.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:16
No.21843301
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:16 No.21843301
>>21843263
Stab him with our tie!
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:17
No.21843305
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:17 No.21843305
>>21843263

You try again, but nothing happens this time.

>>21843272

You turn around and fart on the guard. He runs up to you and beats you with his truncheon.

>16 damage, total 18. 32 Remaining.

What is your next action?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:17
No.21843307
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:17 No.21843307
>>21843269
Maybe we'll be able to convert the people of WalMart into cultists under our direction. After all, we only need the support of a few more souls to summon some demons.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:17
No.21843309
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:17 No.21843309
>>21843296

maybe if he wasn't such a lunatic he would be able to summon demons
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:17
No.21843317
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:17 No.21843317
>>21843305
Didnt we take 5 before?

Regardless, run into the depths of the store.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:17
No.21843318
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:17 No.21843318
>>21843305
attempt to shit yourself further
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:17
No.21843319
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:17 No.21843319
>>21843296
Can we get a circumstance bonuses for the recurring high roles proving he is a demonologist?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:17
No.21843321
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:17 No.21843321
>>21843305
Fuck the guard
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:18
No.21843330
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:18 No.21843330
>>21843305
Start crying crocodile tears.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:19
No.21843354
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:19 No.21843354
>>21843309
I'm going to say that demon summoning is only possible BECAUSE he's pants-shittingly insane.

>>21843317
Oh shit you're right. You know what, call it a healing surge or something.

You run into the depths of the store. Past furniture and housewares, into the place where only the truly mad dare go. The security guard, being overweight, seems to have lost you.

Now what?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:19
No.21843363
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:19 No.21843363
>>21843354
Dance.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:19
No.21843365
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:19 No.21843365
>>21843354
Get naked
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:19
No.21843367
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:19 No.21843367
>>21843305
Run into the toilets and cry.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:20
No.21843373
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:20 No.21843373
>>21843354
>>21843263
"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE SAID HE" singing Waltzing Matilda as loud as possible. Summoning Ghost of the Swagman!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:20
No.21843376
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:20 No.21843376
>>21843354
healing surge was probably from almost summoning the demon

dark energies or something
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:20
No.21843384
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:20 No.21843384
>>21843363

Dance check, roll 1d20.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:20
No.21843389
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:20 No.21843389
Pull out your cellphone and call statefarm
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:20
No.21843390
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:20 No.21843390
>>21843354
>>21843263
"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE SAID HE" singing Waltzing Matilda as loud as possible. Summoning Ghost of the Swagman!
FUCKING RECAPTCHA
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:21
No.21843395
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:21 No.21843395
Rolled 5

>>21843384
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:21
No.21843396
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:21 No.21843396
File: 1354414867516.jpg-(216 KB, 480x549, LaughingTooHard.jpg)
216 KB
Rolled 3

>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:21
No.21843399
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:21 No.21843399
Rolled 6

>>21843384
rollan
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:21
No.21843404
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:21 No.21843404
Rolled 19

>>21843394
Whoops, sorry. Fucking noko.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:21
No.21843405
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:21 No.21843405
Rolled 4

>>21843396
Oh, well good thing I didn't link to his post
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:21
No.21843409
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:21 No.21843409
>>21843394
We get down and boogie till we cant boogie no more.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:22
No.21843412
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:22 No.21843412
Rolled 20

>>21843384
Rolling to kick our jets and jam.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:22
No.21843413
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:22 No.21843413
Rolled 11

>>21843384
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:22
No.21843415
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:22 No.21843415
File: 1354414928875.jpg-(42 KB, 395x267, liam neeson.jpg)
42 KB
Sit in the electronics aisle for 4 hours playing the same racing game demo
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:22
No.21843419
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:22 No.21843419
>>21843394

You begin to breakdance at a furious pace, busting out all the moves and pulling out all the stops. A group of teenagers who were previously standing around doing nothing comes around to cheer you on! You spin as fast as you can.

Your shit begins to fling out your pant legs and covers the onlookers. What do you do/say to them?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:22
No.21843428
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:22 No.21843428
>>21843419
OOGA WOOGA
Run at the nearest aisle as fast as you can and attempt to grab something
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:22
No.21843429
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:22 No.21843429
Rolled 12

>>21843419
Fuck the teenagers
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:23
No.21843434
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:23 No.21843434
>>21843419
Freeee Samples!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:23
No.21843439
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:23 No.21843439
File: 1354415003436.jpg-(304 KB, 600x3195, rwwGA.jpg)
304 KB
Where are the tampons?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:23
No.21843440
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:23 No.21843440
Rolled 17

>>21843419
NOW AIN'T THAT SOME SHIT?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:23
No.21843441
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:23 No.21843441
>>21843434
oh god I literally cannot see my eyes are tearing up from all this laughter
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:24
No.21843457
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:24 No.21843457
>>21843428

You scream OOGA WOOGA! You dash away as quickly as you came, leaving the teenagers standing in utter bemusement.

The next aisle has cereals on one side and hygiene products on the other. What do you attempt to grab?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:24
No.21843465
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:24 No.21843465
>>21843457
Shampoo your balls.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:24
No.21843466
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:24 No.21843466
I look for rubbing alcohol
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:24
No.21843467
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:24 No.21843467
Rolled 4

>>21843457
Your dick
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:24
No.21843468
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:24 No.21843468
>>21843457


Make a throne out of office supplies
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:24
No.21843469
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:24 No.21843469
>>21843457
Cereal.

Hygiene is for lesser men than We.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:25
No.21843475
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:25 No.21843475
>>21843419
"WANT TO BUY BATTLETOADS. MONEY PAY WHO?"
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:25
No.21843481
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:25 No.21843481
Rolled 7

>>21843457
TOILET PAPER, USE IT IN THE AISLE
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:26
No.21843499
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:26 No.21843499
Rolled 16

This is just ludicrously weird now.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:26
No.21843506
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:26 No.21843506
>>21843465
You empty your pants and shove shampoo down there, luckily drowning out the scent to some degree with refreshing lavender.

It's not *gone,* of course. It smells like lavender shit. But the stains are dry enough that it's more lavender and less shit. You shampoo your balls.

"HEY YOU! FREEZE!"

The security guard has caught up to you. He is wheezing, but there are other security guards with him.

COMBAT! What do?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:26
No.21843507
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:26 No.21843507
>>21843499
But a good weird
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:26
No.21843512
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:26 No.21843512
Rolled 13

Try summoning Cthulhu again.>>21843506
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:26
No.21843515
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:26 No.21843515
File: 1354415219277.jpg-(54 KB, 321x496, 106146_slide.jpg)
54 KB
Ask for store personnel where I can find adult novelty products
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:27
No.21843517
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:27 No.21843517
>>21843506
Immediately go to the power tools and procure a jackhammer and hard-hat.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:27
No.21843521
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:27 No.21843521
>>21843506
Shave balls with shampoo.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:27
No.21843525
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:27 No.21843525
>>21843512
FUCKING 13!!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:27
No.21843532
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:27 No.21843532
>>21843512
GIVE US CIRCUMSTANCE BONUS FOR CONSECUTIVE HIGH ROLLS BEFORE.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:28
No.21843538
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:28 No.21843538
>>21843512

"Ia Ia! Cthulhu Ftaghn!" You scream. This confuses the guards for just long enough for you to ask....

>>21843515
"Where do you guys keep the adult novelty products?"

Roll 1d20 for bluff.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:28
No.21843541
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:28 No.21843541
>>21843538
Run screaming to the nearest high school
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:28
No.21843544
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:28 No.21843544
Rolled 7

>>21843538
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:28
No.21843546
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:28 No.21843546
Rolled 16

>>21843538

rollin
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:28
No.21843549
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:28 No.21843549
Rolled 5

>>21843538
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:28
No.21843550
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:28 No.21843550
Rolled 16

>convinced aidllb
Captch aid me!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:28
No.21843552
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:28 No.21843552
Rolled 6

>>21843538
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:28
No.21843553
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:28 No.21843553
Rolled 11

>>21843538
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:29
No.21843558
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:29 No.21843558
Rolled 5

>>21843538
Burn the store down.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:29
No.21843559
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:29 No.21843559
Rolled 16

>>21843538
NEGOTIATION
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:30
No.21843586
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:30 No.21843586
>>21843541
>>21843544

The guards are confused for a moment, before saying "HEY! Don't let the lavender confuse you! That's the shit-pantsed wacko what hurt bob!"

Bob screams, faintly audible "Oh god my hip!"

You run away as fast as you can. Conveniently, there is an emergency exit. The alarms begin to ring. You, summoning some kind of inhuman stamina, run a full block to the nearest high school.

What do you do now? Also, roll 1d20 to lose them.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:30
No.21843587
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:30 No.21843587
>>21843586

charge and attempt to punch the cop
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:31
No.21843591
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:31 No.21843591
>>21843586
Ask if he's an Eloi or a Morlock.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:31
No.21843592
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:31 No.21843592
Rolled 23

Summon demons
.>>21843586
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:31
No.21843597
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:31 No.21843597
I enter the high school gangnam style
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:31
No.21843604
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:31 No.21843604
Rolled 5

>>21843586
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:31
No.21843605
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:31 No.21843605
Rolled 14

>>21843586
Head for the uniform store. Time to change the outfit!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:31
No.21843606
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:31 No.21843606
Rolled 10

>>21843586
Practice demonology
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:31
No.21843608
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:31 No.21843608
Rolled 13

>>21843592
>23

charge at cop
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:31
No.21843610
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:31 No.21843610
Rolled 18

>>21843586
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:32
No.21843612
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:32 No.21843612
Rolled 10

>>21843586

Run into traffic and Do the Dukes of
hazard car slide. Make sure you leave skid marks.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:32
No.21843622
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:32 No.21843622
Rolled 11

>>21843586
take off our underwear
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:32
No.21843628
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:32 No.21843628
Rolled 12

>>21843586

Go into a subway and start ordering big macs.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:33
No.21843631
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:33 No.21843631
>>21843587
>>21843591
You are away from the cop currently.

>>21843592
You perform a demon-summoning chant.

You hear a rumbling voice, almost inaudible. "Stop bugging us, fuck, we're not your personal armyyyyy."

You are now in a HIGH SCHOOL, out of breath.

>>21843604
The security guards come up behind you, equally out of breath. Oh shit!

What do?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:33
No.21843636
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:33 No.21843636
>>21843631
Begin a quest to locate The Grand Grimoire.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:33
No.21843638
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:33 No.21843638
>>21843631
Steal a 14 year old
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:33
No.21843640
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:33 No.21843640
Rolled 4

>>21843612
>Make sure you leave skid marks
Ahahahahahahjesusno.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:33
No.21843641
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:33 No.21843641
Rolled 14

>>21843631
ZA WUARDO!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:33
No.21843644
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:33 No.21843644
Rolled 93

>>21843631

Practice demonology
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:33
No.21843647
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:33 No.21843647
I head for the nearest sewer entrance
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:34
No.21843656
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:34 No.21843656
Rolled 17

>>21843631
take off pants
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:34
No.21843658
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:34 No.21843658
>>21843636
Also cockslap the nearest inanimate object.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:34
No.21843660
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:34 No.21843660
Rolled 9

>>21843631
Obtain high schooler. Use as club.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:34
No.21843668
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:34 No.21843668
Rolled 2

>>21843631
"I need help! The demons, did you hear them? Let's find the grimoire! We'll be Princes of Hell!"
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:34
No.21843670
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:34 No.21843670
>>21843636

"I am about to embark on a Quest! I seek the Grand Grimoire! It will be a tremendous journey, fraught with danger, but if I may have a fellowship of comrades together, we may overcome!

Roll 1d20 to gather high schooler followers.
>dc10.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:35
No.21843676
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:35 No.21843676
Rolled 17

>>21843636
Wut. Like from Warlock with Julian Sands? None of my friends have ever seen it... I love that movie, though.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:35
No.21843678
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:35 No.21843678
Rolled 9

>>21843670
get two forties from the nearest liquor store and start a game of charlie forty hands
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:35
No.21843679
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:35 No.21843679
Rolled 3

>>21843670

rolling
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:35
No.21843685
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:35 No.21843685
Rolled 10

>>21843670
COME TO ME MINIONS
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:35
No.21843689
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:35 No.21843689
Rolled 16

>>21843670
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:36
No.21843698
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:36 No.21843698
Rolled 9

How are people getting past captcha so fast? I'm typing furiously here.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:36
No.21843702
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:36 No.21843702
Rolled 11

>>21843678
Edward 40-hands, you mean?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:36
No.21843709
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:36 No.21843709
>>21843670
What does the grimoire do? Does it lower the DC for demon summoning?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:36
No.21843710
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:36 No.21843710
Rolled 68

Rolling to declare this thread best thread all day.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:36
No.21843714
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:36 No.21843714
Rolled 20

>>21843702
yes
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:38
No.21843738
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:38 No.21843738
Rolled 16

>>21843709
It contains the hidden name of God, and if uttered backwards, it would uncreate all things. Satan wants it. And he has decided to make the one warlock or witch that returns it the prodigal son. Also, it has information about witchcraft in it. Spells, etc.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:38
No.21843744
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:38 No.21843744
>>21843678

None of the students are impressed. Goddamn kids today and their video games and rap music.

You dash off again into the labyrinth that is the school, and conveniently find another emergency exit. You dash off to the nearest liquor store.

You walk into the liquor store, smelling of lavender shits and wearing a garish, clashing outfit, your chest heaving and your neckbeard mussed. You have a black eye.

"I DEMAND TWO FORTIES FOR A GAME OF CHARLIE FORTYHANDS!" You demand of the liquor store man.

Roll 1d20 for diplomacy/negotiation/whatever the fuck this is.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:38
No.21843747
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:38 No.21843747
Rolled 5

>>21843738
At least, the version in the movie Warlock was this.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:38
No.21843748
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:38 No.21843748
Rolled 18

>>21843744
get two forties from the nearest liquor store and start a game of Edward forty hands
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:38
No.21843750
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:38 No.21843750
>>21843744
Have a brief moment of clarity. You're insane. Turn yourself in to the nearest police officer.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:39
No.21843754
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:39 No.21843754
Rolled 16

>>21843744
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:39
No.21843756
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:39 No.21843756
Rolled 7

>>21843744

Cthulhu isn't working. MOVE ON TO INGLIP
>club ingomr
You heard him, club anyone named ingomr!
>>21843698
type it ahead of time.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:39
No.21843757
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:39 No.21843757
Rolled 8

>>21843744
Like, this is such a bummer!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:39
No.21843769
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:39 No.21843769
Rolled 3

>>21843744
Intimidation. I'm not paying
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:39
No.21843777
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:39 No.21843777
Rolled 7

>>21843744
If he doesnt give it up take it by force
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:40
No.21843789
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:40 No.21843789
Rolled 7

>>21843756
Alternatively, have a 4chan pass.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:40
No.21843793
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:40 No.21843793
Scream "I am a terrorist! I have a bomb!"
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:42
No.21843817
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:42 No.21843817
Rolled 8

>>21843744
give up the liquor or by the mighty Bill Cosby I will smite thee!!!
Begin Cosby summoning chant
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:42
No.21843826
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:42 No.21843826
>>21843748
>18
The liquor store owner has never seen such spectacle. Being a fellow bearded man, he recognizes your neckbeard as a true work of art. "Sure thing, bro!" He hands you a 40-ounce bottle of malt liquor and says "This one's on the house."

You pay for the remaining bottle. You are now equipped with 2X 40 OZ. MALT LIQUOR.

What now?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:42
No.21843834
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:42 No.21843834
>>21843826

hit the salesman with one of the bottles
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:42
No.21843835
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:42 No.21843835
File: 1354416167997.jpg-(49 KB, 581x554, Fuck am I reading.jpg)
49 KB
Rolled 17

>>21843826

Steal the rest of the booze and make Molotov Cocktails.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:42
No.21843837
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:42 No.21843837
Rolled 10

>>21843826

begin speaking in Olde English
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:43
No.21843842
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:43 No.21843842
Rolled 7

>>21843826
DUCT TAPE.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:43
No.21843844
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:43 No.21843844
Rolled 15

>>21843826
drink and summon Cosby
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:43
No.21843847
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:43 No.21843847
>>21843837
Ooh, I like that.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:43
No.21843856
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:43 No.21843856
>>21843834

You break a bottle over the salesman's head. Roll 3d20 for damage.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:44
No.21843861
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:44 No.21843861
Rolled 15, 9, 5 = 29

>>21843856
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:44
No.21843862
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:44 No.21843862
Rolled 14, 12, 12 = 38

>>21843856

HAve at thee vile scoundrel
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:44
No.21843863
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:44 No.21843863
Rolled 11, 5, 20 = 36

>>21843856

You know what? Fuck Cthulhu.
HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:44
No.21843865
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:44 No.21843865
Rolled 2, 15, 3 = 20

>>21843856
for Pudding!!!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:44
No.21843871
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:44 No.21843871
>>21843710
Agreed
>>
Anonymous
Needs more Zombie. 12/01/12(Sat)21:45
No.21843874
Needs more Zombie. Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:45 No.21843874
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_jZ_Ie9Vck

Find harps. Summon an undead. Play this.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:45
No.21843877
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:45 No.21843877
Rolled 6, 6, 17 = 29

>>21843863
I'm with this guy.
HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:45
No.21843887
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:45 No.21843887
>>21843861

The store manager falls to the ground, bleeding. He still stirs, but he is badly hurt.

The next round is yours. SALESMAN is prone. What do?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:46
No.21843889
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:46 No.21843889
>>21843887
rape his ear
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:46
No.21843893
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:46 No.21843893
>>21843887

steal another 40
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:46
No.21843895
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:46 No.21843895
Rolled 13

>>21843887
Summon Bill Cosby while drinking Liquor
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:46
No.21843907
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:46 No.21843907
>>21843889
That's "massage his ear", you nincompoop.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:48
No.21843926
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:48 No.21843926
Rolled 10

>>21843887
let the spaghetti out of our fannypack
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:48
No.21843928
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:48 No.21843928
Reading this thread has gone from hilariously weird to dowright creepy listening to The Cranberries sing Zombie.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:49
No.21843930
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:49 No.21843930
>>21843889

You pull down your pants. Ever since those thoughts of your mother in the shower, and your failed attempt at raping your massive roommate, you've had this hankering in your loins

"Oh... fuck... dude... what are you doing?" He groans. You unbuckle your rhinestone belt and zip open your garish, pinstripe pants, taking out your great member. You hold his head and turn his ear to face you....

A STOCK BOY comes out of the back room! "BOSS!" He screams.

You are PRONE! Roll 1d20 for initiative!
>dc 15
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:49
No.21843935
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:49 No.21843935
Rolled 73

>>21843930

Summon Hastur.
HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:49
No.21843944
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:49 No.21843944
Rolled 8

>>21843930
fuck you
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:50
No.21843952
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:50 No.21843952
Rolled 10

>>21843930
Throw a bottle at the stockboy
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:51
No.21843966
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:51 No.21843966
Rolled 9

>>21843930
I'm possessed by a thousand spirits of murderous hobos, boy! Don't just stand there, open the damn till!
>proceed with fondling Boss's ear with penis.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:51
No.21843970
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:51 No.21843970
>>21843935
Is speaking a free action, by any chance?
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:51
No.21843971
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:51 No.21843971
>>21843944
>8
The stockboy runs at you and kicks you in the head, then presses the silent alarm button and grabs a pistol that he keeps under the register.

"THE COPS ARE COMING! IMMA COUNT TO FIVE, AND YOUR ASS BEST BE OUTTA HERE WHEN I GET TO ZERO! FIVE!"

"HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR!"

.... nothing happens.

"FOUR!"

Shit. What do?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:52
No.21843974
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:52 No.21843974
>>21843971


charge at stockboy and hit him with the other bottle
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:52
No.21843975
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:52 No.21843975
Rolled 7

>>21843971
RUN
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:52
No.21843977
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:52 No.21843977
Rolled 8

>>21843971
Summon Bill Cosby while drinking Liquor
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:52
No.21843983
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:52 No.21843983
>>21843974
OPPOSED ROLL! 1d20!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:53
No.21843989
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:53 No.21843989
Rolled 12

>>21843983
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:53
No.21843992
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:53 No.21843992
Rolled 17

>>21843983

fuck, I cannot into dice. ROLL 1d20!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:53
No.21844000
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:53 No.21844000
>>21843971
>"HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR!"
>
>.... nothing happens.
OP confirmed for shit tier.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:54
No.21844006
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:54 No.21844006
Rolled 11

>>21843992
does >>21843989 count?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:54
No.21844016
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:54 No.21844016
Rolled 14

we are in for a world of pain
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:55
No.21844029
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:55 No.21844029
Rolled 15

>>21843989
>>21843992

The stockboy shoots you! The bullet lodges into your shoulder! You take 17 damage!

>15 hp remain

Roll 3d20-10 for damage.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:56
No.21844030
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:56 No.21844030
>>21844016

inc TPK
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:56
No.21844032
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:56 No.21844032
Rolled 12, 7, 19 + 10 = 48

>>21844029
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:57
No.21844044
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:57 No.21844044
Rolled 5

>>21843992
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
>>21844000
Hastur is not our deity.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:57
No.21844047
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:57 No.21844047
Rolled 20, 10, 3 + 10 = 43

>>21844029
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:57
No.21844053
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:57 No.21844053
I piss out my ass and shit out of my dick
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:58
No.21844054
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:58 No.21844054
OP, I have to ask - was there ever a chance of this going well? Or would the world have dicked us, even if we were acting normally?
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)21:58
No.21844055
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)21:58 No.21844055
Rolled 5

>>21844032

>28 (minus not plus)

The stock boy is stunned enough that he drops the gun. Liquor gets into his eyes, blinding him!

You have the advantage now! You have no more bottles, however.

What do you do?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:58
No.21844065
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:58 No.21844065
Rolled 4

>>21844055
GRAB THE GUN!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:58
No.21844070
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:58 No.21844070
Rolled 5

>>21844055
>
Summon Bill Cosby
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:58
No.21844071
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:58 No.21844071
Rolled 100

>>21844055

no Cthulhu... no Hastur...
Nyarlathotep! Nyarlathotep! Nyarlathotep!
Help me guys, I'm running out of Eldritch horrors to summon!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:58
No.21844075
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:58 No.21844075
>>21844055
GONAD KICK!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:59
No.21844077
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:59 No.21844077
Rolled 6

Get naked
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:59
No.21844083
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:59 No.21844083
>>21844071

DO IT
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:59
No.21844084
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:59 No.21844084
>>21844071
>100
FUUUUUUU!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:59
No.21844086
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:59 No.21844086
>>21844071
ohshit.jpg
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:59
No.21844088
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:59 No.21844088
Rolled 79

>>21844071
>100
FUCK! WHY WASN'T I FIRST!!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:59
No.21844089
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:59 No.21844089
Rolled 16, 15, 4 + 10 = 45

>>21844071
WINRAR.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:59
No.21844091
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:59 No.21844091
>>21844071
Glorious Nat 100.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:59
No.21844096
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:59 No.21844096
Rolled 157152

Summon Cthulu
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)21:59
No.21844098
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)21:59 No.21844098
Rolled 19

>>21844071
OP for the love of Cthulu do this please
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)22:00
No.21844103
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)22:00 No.21844103
Rolled 17

>>21844054

If you had all been normal posts, you would have had a normal day. You might have even become popular and gotten a date with a cute girl. I don't know.


>>21844065
You grab the gun!
>4
And fall on your ass! Luckily, you fall on top of the stock boy. The scent of lavender and shit confuses him momentarily, and he still can't move.

Suddenly, you hear a noise. SHOP MANAGER HAS GOTTEN TO HIS FEET AND IS COMING BEHIND YOU!

WHAT DO?!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:00
No.21844107
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:00 No.21844107
>>21844091
too bad
that this overwrites it.>>21844065
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:00
No.21844108
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:00 No.21844108
Rolled 39

>>21844071
YOU CANNOT IGNORE THIS.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:00
No.21844110
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:00 No.21844110
>>21844103
Turn around and see his O face!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:01
No.21844119
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:01 No.21844119
>>21844103
GONAD KICK DAMMIT
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:01
No.21844121
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:01 No.21844121
Rolled 7

>>21844071
this fucking has to count
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:01
No.21844123
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:01 No.21844123
Rolled 17

>>21844103
shoot his ass
while yelling leedle leedle lee
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:01
No.21844124
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:01 No.21844124
>>21844103
See >>21844071
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:01
No.21844127
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:01 No.21844127
Rolled 24

>>21844103
Summon cultists of mythos
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:01
No.21844131
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:01 No.21844131
>>21844103
>SHOP MANAGER HAS GOTTEN TO HIS FEET AND IS COMING BEHIND YOU
>>21844110
>LOOK AT THE FACE HE MAKES AS HE ORGASMS

Lol'd heartily.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:02
No.21844148
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:02 No.21844148
>>21844124
See this>>21842493
These are the rules we are following for the quest, so if we can't all stop posting instantaneously, then nothing great will happen.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:02
No.21844151
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:02 No.21844151
>>21844071
even if nothing else comes of it, we gotta cap this (and the mouseover proving natural 100)
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:02
No.21844155
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:02 No.21844155
>>21844103
OP!
>>21844071
DO THIS. FUCKING NAT 100
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)22:05
No.21844184
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)22:05 No.21844184
Rolled 15

>>21844110
You look at his "O face."
It is an angry face. A very angry face.

>>21844119
You kick him in the gonads! He is down, but by the look of things, not out.

You feel a pain in back of your head. Not hard enough to knock you out, but still pretty bad. The stock boy is still flailing about blindly.

You feel that you are at death's door. But you feel lucky.

Roll 1d100+100 for anything you want.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:05
No.21844188
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:05 No.21844188
Rolled 65

>>21844071
Reroll for this.>>21844184
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:05
No.21844189
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:05 No.21844189
>>21844151
I'll screencap after this is all over.
I can't do that now between laughing so hard and not wanting to miss anything
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:05
No.21844199
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:05 No.21844199
Rolled 41

>>21844188
Fuck.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:05
No.21844201
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:05 No.21844201
Rolled 82 + 100

>>21844184
>1d100+100
put gun in mouth pull trigger
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:05
No.21844202
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:05 No.21844202
Rolled 47 + 100

>>21844184
Summon Bill Cosby
>>
Anonymous
roll+1d100+100 12/01/12(Sat)22:06
No.21844208
roll+1d100+100 Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:06 No.21844208
>>21844184
summon Nyarlathotep!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:06
No.21844213
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:06 No.21844213
Rolled 51 + 100

>>21844184
Summon the Jewish God.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:06
No.21844215
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:06 No.21844215
Rolled 56 + 100

>>21844184
Become demons.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)22:06
No.21844216
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)22:06 No.21844216
Rolled 19

>>21844188

"Nyarlathotep!" You say. You feel eldritch power coursing through you...

"Nyarlathotep! Nyarlathotep!"
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:06
No.21844220
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:06 No.21844220
Rolled 86 + 100

>>21844216
put gun in mouth pull trigger
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:07
No.21844226
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:07 No.21844226
Rolled 99

>>21844188
165 should summon Nyarlathotep.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:07
No.21844227
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:07 No.21844227
Rolled 70 + 100

>>21844216
summon nyalrthotep
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:07
No.21844234
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:07 No.21844234
Oh god, I remember the last time we had one of these. There was much rape.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:07
No.21844236
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:07 No.21844236
>>21844220
what the fuck man
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:07
No.21844240
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:07 No.21844240
>>21844220
You fucker.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:07
No.21844243
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:07 No.21844243
Rolled 15

>>21844220
please ignore this guy
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:08
No.21844248
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:08 No.21844248
>>21844234
See
>>21843930
>>21842553
>>21842686
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:08
No.21844251
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:08 No.21844251
The quest was doomed because there's one guy with fast internet and probably a pass or something who kept immediately instructing rape barely 10-15 seconds after OP's posts. So it's basically that guy's fault.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:08
No.21844252
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:08 No.21844252
Rolled 96 + 100

>>21844184
APOCALYPSE AWAKENS
THE EARTH SHATTERS
SHOUT "DADDY!"
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:08
No.21844258
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:08 No.21844258
Rolled 37 + 100

>>21844236
>>21844240
>Implying Nyalrthotep doesn't need a blood sacrifice.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:09
No.21844270
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:09 No.21844270
>>21844258
>implying implications
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:09
No.21844279
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:09 No.21844279
>>21844251
Hey, it may be my fault, but it was pretty funny.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)22:10
No.21844303
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)22:10 No.21844303
Rolled 7

>>21844216

A tall, swarthy man of Arabian complexion strolls into the door. He easily knocks both the stock boy and the salesman out cold with his bare hands.

You reach for the gun.

Nyarlathotep takes it from you. "As one so afflicted by MADNESS, I, the messenger of the Outer Gods, am drawn to your actions. Is there anything in the world that you want at the cost of what little remains of your sanity?

What do you ask Nyarlathotep for?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:10
No.21844311
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:10 No.21844311
Rolled 6

>>21844279
demons/Cosby>rape
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:11
No.21844319
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:11 No.21844319
Rolled 72 + 100

>>21844303
"I want to wake up this morning again!"
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:11
No.21844325
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:11 No.21844325
>>21844303
dragon dildos
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:11
No.21844326
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:11 No.21844326
sex
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:11
No.21844327
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:11 No.21844327
Rolled 89

>>21844303
Become Old One
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:11
No.21844329
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:11 No.21844329
Rolled 12

>>21844303
pudding powers
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:11
No.21844335
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:11 No.21844335
>>21844319
I love you
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:12
No.21844338
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:12 No.21844338
>>21844319
Here we go again.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:12
No.21844343
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:12 No.21844343
Rolled 6

>>21844303
SANITY WHAT SANITY?
SANITY IS FOR THE WEAK!!!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:12
No.21844351
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:12 No.21844351
Rolled 87

>>21844319
>>21844335
>>21844338
BUT HE SAID AT THE COST OF THE REST OF YOUR SANITY. NOW WE HAVE TO BE EVEN MORE NUTS/
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:12
No.21844354
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:12 No.21844354
>>21844311
I was also the first guy to say summon cthulhu
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:13
No.21844361
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:13 No.21844361
>>21844351
Even better.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:13
No.21844372
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:13 No.21844372
>>21844351
I fucking summoned Nyarlathotep with a nat 100.
Challenge accepted.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:13
No.21844373
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:13 No.21844373
Rolled 74

>>21844351
We can handle it!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:13
No.21844379
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:13 No.21844379
Rolled 12

>>21844361
Fawk.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:14
No.21844395
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:14 No.21844395
Rolled 12

>>21844372
We'll get Cthulhu this time around. Promise.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)22:15
No.21844406
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)22:15 No.21844406
Rolled 9

>>21844319

Nyarlathotep grins. "So it shall be!"

You wake up in the morning. The alarm rings. Your middle eye no longer hurts. You get out of bed and slither over to your roommate. The thousand limbs given to you by Nyarlathotep rip him to shreds, then fertilize the remains with His terrible seed.
You go to the kitchen and slice your hands off. You have many, many more of those. You go to the bus stop and slaughter all the passengers but one. A little girl. You see in your myriad eyes that she will become mad one day and cause the end of humanity.

You leave a trail of destruction in your wake. Wal-mart, the high school, the liquor store... most of them dead, and the remainder have their sanity shredded.

You're not sure what their problem is. Reality is merely a paradigm that can be overcome by application of eldritch magics.

You begin to recite Beowulf in Old English. It doesn't work well now that you have a number of tongues that cannot be described with human arithmetic, but it works fine for you.

You grow wings and fly into the horizon. This was a good day.

THE END.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:15
No.21844410
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:15 No.21844410
>>21844406


snap my own neck
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:16
No.21844426
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:16 No.21844426
>>21844406
I clap for thee, OP.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:16
No.21844428
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:16 No.21844428
>>21844406
Best end.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:17
No.21844432
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:17 No.21844432
Rolled 15

>>21844406
fuck endings we are too insane for this to end
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)22:17
No.21844433
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)22:17 No.21844433
Rolled 15

>>21844410
You snap your own neck. You have more of those lying around here, somewhere, so it's not a big deal, really.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:17
No.21844439
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:17 No.21844439
Rolled 18

>>21844433
summon cosby
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:17
No.21844443
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:17 No.21844443
>>21844406
play "gangster's paradise though vestigial boombox speakers
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:17
No.21844448
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:17 No.21844448
Rolled 49

>>21844433
OP is a gentleman and a scholar.
>>21844406
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:18
No.21844456
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:18 No.21844456
>>21844303
>>21844319
>>21844335
>>21844338
>>21844351
>>21844361
>>21844406
You guys should have seen my unrestrained glee at getting that first post.
Congratulations, OP. This thread has been most wonderful.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:18
No.21844461
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:18 No.21844461
>>21844406
Fantastic. Our mission was to be sane for one day, and we became insanity itself. I love it
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)22:19
No.21844467
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)22:19 No.21844467
Rolled 15

>>21844439

Bill Cosby is called to your side. "Zeebitty doobity boppity beep!" He screams as his sanity is shredded like tissue paper. He is one of us now. We welcome the Cosby.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:19
No.21844473
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:19 No.21844473
>>21844467
Rape the little girl
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:19
No.21844474
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:19 No.21844474
>>21844406
FUCK YEA
I'm beginning to screencap the shit out of this ENTIRE THREAD!!
hopefully I'll be done before thread autosages.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:19
No.21844477
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:19 No.21844477
Rolled 11, 15, 4 = 30

>>21844467

Who cares. Did he bring pudding pops?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:19
No.21844480
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:19 No.21844480
>>21844461
I think we fucked up on our quest to sanity, but hey, we may have found something even better.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:20
No.21844482
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:20 No.21844482
>>21844473
Hopefully.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:21
No.21844498
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:21 No.21844498
Rolled 17

>>21844467
go on /x/ and call everyone faggots
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)22:21
No.21844505
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)22:21 No.21844505
Rolled 10

>>21844477

No, but he brought jiggly jello and new coke. The latter will be good for spreading your seeds of insanity.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:21
No.21844513
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:21 No.21844513
>>21844505
m-m-max headroom
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)22:22
No.21844522
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)22:22 No.21844522
Rolled 4

>>21844474

It's already autosaging, but it won't 404 for a while yet.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:22
No.21844528
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:22 No.21844528
File: 1354418574114.jpg-(8 KB, 342x278, Rod_Serling.jpg)
8 KB
>>21844456
>>21844303
>>21844319
>>21844335
>>21844338
>>21844351
>>21844361
>>21844406

... and so ends the story of a man who, unable to control himself, sought his own destruction. All his years of work, love, hate, living, have been destroyed in less than one day.Each day is a blessing that should be thanked, each breath of air like ambrosia to the soul. Let it be a lesson to us all: no matter how we live our lives, we are always at the edge of insanity's doorstep.

Our hero today stepped through that door, and into... the /tg/ Zone.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:22
No.21844529
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:22 No.21844529
Rolled 4

>>21844505
summon monkeys that have headcrabs for heads
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:23
No.21844531
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:23 No.21844531
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/21842493/
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)22:24
No.21844550
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)22:24 No.21844550
Rolled 1

>>21844528

I love you so much right now.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:24
No.21844551
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:24 No.21844551
>>21844528
I love the Twilight Zone. Started watching all of them last week, currently halfway through season three.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:24
No.21844554
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:24 No.21844554
I think today was the greastest day I've ever known

You don't live for tomorrow.

Tomorrows much too old.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:26
No.21844565
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:26 No.21844565
>>21844550
Make sure to host this again then.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:27
No.21844577
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:27 No.21844577
>>21844565
Yes, OP. Please.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:28
No.21844590
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:28 No.21844590
File: 1354418881013.jpg-(9 KB, 480x360, hqdefault.jpg)
9 KB
>>21844550
OP, post your email and i'll paypal you $3.50 x 2 for your services of amusement.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:28
No.21844596
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:28 No.21844596
>>21844565
>>21844577
Can we play as the STOCK BOY who had his store attacked by a madman with a lavender scented posterior?

In the timeline that doesn't end with Nyarlathotep passing on unholy insanity to protagonist, I mean.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:28
No.21844597
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:28 No.21844597
>>21844528
This song is entirely unfitting to this thread, but:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fI9BpGyRUIU
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:29
No.21844608
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:29 No.21844608
>>21844550
>>21844550

Do this again OP, and make sure to add Twilight Zone endings.

Such is life in insanity land.
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)22:29
No.21844609
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)22:29 No.21844609
Rolled 6

>>21844577
>>21844565

Sure thing. I'll see how I feel in half an hour. Right now, I have two ideas:

>the same sort of thing,
or
>suddenly regaining your sanity in wal-mart. a more conventional sort of quest thread where first post does not always win.

Anyways, I'm off to watch MLP.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:29
No.21844611
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:29 No.21844611
>>21844596
Nope! Thats gay!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:30
No.21844622
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:30 No.21844622
>>21844609
OP, how about the same sort of thing you fucking faggot
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:30
No.21844623
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:30 No.21844623
Why can't the majority quest threads be this instead of shitty circlejerks?

Why must we wade through rivers of shit to find the diamonds?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:31
No.21844650
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:31 No.21844650
Rolled 17

>>21844623
because people want this shitty thing called plot
I prefer immediate results
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:32
No.21844655
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:32 No.21844655
>>21844622
>calling OP a faggot after this glorious thread
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:32
No.21844658
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:32 No.21844658
>>21844608
>WISH IT INTO THE CORNFIELD, SON
>AT 4:00 ALL THE EVIL PEOPLE WILL BECOME TWO FEET TALL
>IT'S A COOKBOOK
>HER NAME IS TALKIE TINA AND SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU VERY MUCH
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:36
No.21844710
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:36 No.21844710
>>21844655
>Implying OP is ever not a faggot

Even the best of OPs are faggots. They are just Freddie Mercury-esque faggots.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:36
No.21844713
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:36 No.21844713
Captured everything, give me 20+ minutes to crop and organize six-fucking-dy screenshots of epicness
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:38
No.21844734
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:38 No.21844734
>>21844710
Agreed.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:38
No.21844752
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:38 No.21844752
why the hell is there only two upvotes on the thread in the archive?
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:39
No.21844758
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:39 No.21844758
>>21844752
I'm an idiot so give me a link if you want me to upvote it.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:39
No.21844767
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:39 No.21844767
You know that nice feeling you get after laughing so hard you can't breath and cry tears of pure joy? This thread gave me that feeling.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:39
No.21844768
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:39 No.21844768
>>21844758
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:40
No.21844772
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:40 No.21844772
>>21844752
I'll upvote it after I upload image. in 20+ min
...erm, what's the max filesize that can be uploaded? this pic might graphically violate that.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:43
No.21844801
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:43 No.21844801
>>21844772

8MB
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:48
No.21844854
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:48 No.21844854
>>21844801
>130mb photoshop document.
Er... I'll cut it up when I'm done.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:54
No.21844911
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:54 No.21844911
>>21844772
>>21844854
Do me a favour and at least run it through optipng before you post it anywhere.

And if you were going to save as jpg or something, then you deserve to be shot.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:55
No.21844934
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:55 No.21844934
>>21844911
Who the fuck saves things as .jpg?
If all else fails, I'll upload it in OP's next thread.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)22:57
No.21844955
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)22:57 No.21844955
File: 1354420639913.jpg-(219 KB, 1002x756, jpg.jpg.jpg)
219 KB
>>21844934
>>
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw
12/01/12(Sat)23:06
No.21845070
hello !vcRDQ7Jsfw 12/01/12(Sat)23:06 No.21845070
Hey all, I'm actually feeling kind of tired, so I think I'll do the next one tomorrow instead. If you need your fix of insanity, any one of you is free to run a similar quest.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)23:07
No.21845081
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)23:07 No.21845081
>>21845070
Good night OP.

I love you.
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)23:18
No.21845224
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)23:18 No.21845224
>>21845070
Night OP, thanks for the crazy shit
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)23:19
No.21845238
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)23:19 No.21845238
>>21845070
Night, I'll be on tomorrow to summon Nyarlathotep again!
>>
Anonymous
12/01/12(Sat)23:45
No.21845568
Anonymous 12/01/12(Sat)23:45 No.21845568
>>21844713
>>21844772
CAPTCHA!!!!!
Fuck it. I'll change it a bit o it's not one gigantic fucklong pic and throw it on mediafire.
>>
Anonymous
12/02/12(Sun)00:25
No.21846107
Anonymous 12/02/12(Sun)00:25 No.21846107
File: 1354425903497.png-(621 KB, 3096x4570, Part 1.png)
621 KB
>>21845568
Trying again.
>>
Anonymous
12/02/12(Sun)00:27
No.21846157
Anonymous 12/02/12(Sun)00:27 No.21846157
File: 1354426046043.png-(599 KB, 3095x4447, part 2.png)
599 KB
>>21846107
FUCK YEA!
Part 2.
>>
Anonymous
12/02/12(Sun)00:34
No.21846275
Anonymous 12/02/12(Sun)00:34 No.21846275
File: 1354426443380.png-(530 KB, 3094x4433, Part 3.png)
530 KB
>>21846157
Parto Trece...o?
>>
Anonymous
12/02/12(Sun)00:38
No.21846358
Anonymous 12/02/12(Sun)00:38 No.21846358
File: 1354426689701.png-(480 KB, 2725x4422, Part 4.png)
480 KB
>>21846275
Why the fuck was I worried about breaking 8mb again?
Oh yeah, Photoshop C3 is funny like that. 130mb .psd file, split it to 5 parts and get 4 parts each under 1mb.
Fucking photoshop, how does it work?
>>
Anonymous
12/02/12(Sun)00:41
No.21846401
Anonymous 12/02/12(Sun)00:41 No.21846401
File: 1354426866026.png-(123 KB, 1549x2114, Part 5.png)
123 KB
>>21846358
And the final bit, under 125 KB...
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