File: 1354151290466.jpg-(329 KB, 1000x1100, 1352532960831.jpg)

>STATUS REPORT
-----------------------------------------------
**Ogir Place (+Floating, +Limbs, +Sandstorm Drill, +Steering Wheel)**
-----------------------------------------------
- ***Population: 89/89 ogres (6 dead), 30/30 elves
- Landmarks: Oasis, Daphnaia, Underground Cave/Quarry, Underground [???]s
- Food: Fish(-), Cacti(-ow), Fungi(+), Wheat, Potatoes; Fair Growth (+24/turn)
- Resources: Hellfire Energy [Captive Archdemon Lord], Sandstone, Iron+Chromite Ores, Featherstone, Aquifer Pebbles
- Diplomacy: Scaratone [Featherstone Carts, Fungi, Paper]; Felpowder Elves

- Key Items: Tomes (Dragon Lore, Illusory Magic I, Necromancy I)
- Arms: Cactus Maces, Iron Scimitars, Crude Iron Armor, Demon Helm/Shoulderpads; Ur-Camouflage
- Vocations: Ogres: Geomancers (∞), Berserkers (4), Beastmasters (1)
- Beasts: Giant Bats (Untrained), Naked Mole Ravagers (Untrained)
- ***Settlement: Reinforced Rock Shanties, Storehouse, Mushroom Farms, Pier, Anchor/Staircase, THE FLAMES OF HELL

- NPCs: Boss Bawss Fistboss [+30 Diplomacy, !Ogretek Armor!], Geomancer Gubbins [+30 Geomancy, +WE ALL GEOMANCERS NOW, +Ruoumoko], Beastkrumpa Squiggles Irwin [+Beast Whisperer, +Big Vulture]
- Tech: Fire, Fish, Agriculture[+Protection], Cooking, Mine, Smelt/Forge, Write/Read, Magic Item Crafting, Hats, FStone Flight, FStone Airdrops, Airships!
- Magic: Geomancy I, Healing 0, Climate Control 0
- ????: I don't get it.
- Justice: Krumpin' Duels / Boss Knows Best
--------------------------------------

DICE RULES:
>Any Doubles: STUPID LUCKY
>100: SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID
>90-98: Stupidly Successful
>60-90: Successful
>40-60: Adequate
>10-40: Not So Good
>2-10: SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT
>1: LUCKY STUPID

[GODDESS OF LUCK INTERVENTION]: Unavailable!
(Cont.)

File: 1354151413365.jpg-(13 KB, 297x360, Steel-Tube-Iron-Pipe.jpg)

>Still partway through a turn...
>[X] Arms: 4 - SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT!

The sun is shining, the vultures are cawing, and the various lifeforms in the desert are going about their daily business... but despite all indications, it really isn't going to be a peaceful day.

This is because the ogre known mostly as 'That Guy' is out and about, and is currently engaged in putting the finishing touches on his next new project.

On a featureless stretch of sand some distance away from Ogir Place's right foot, a line of ogres stands shoulder to shoulder, each holding a crude iron tube in their hands. No one tube looks the same; each is pitted with countless impurities or mistakes, each is in a slightly different shape, and none of them share any of the same doodads. Here, one ogre holds an iron tube with an oversized crooked targeting reticule on its tip; there, another fingers a crude trigger assembly that mostly consists of some poor desert lizard's jawbone.

These are clearly mock-ups of the elves' felpowder rifles. None of the elves who are watching take offense, or jeer, or mock the brutish-looking ogres for trying to emulate their more graceful allies; rather, the elves are watching in morbid silence. By now, most of them know better.

(Cont.)

File: 1354151563084.jpg-(56 KB, 640x480, IMG_1081.jpg)

>>21797459
"Right, boys, raise 'em!" That Guy barks out. Each ogre lifts his crude iron tube to shoulder-height, pointing the business end of their ammo-less, firing-mechanism-lacking tubes at the stacked rocks serving as their practice targets.

"Aim!"

Each ogre does something different- one squeezes both his eyes shut, another sticks out his tongue, a third immediately tilts his tube up towards the sky- but not one of them exhibits anything of what marksmanship should look like.

"FIRE!"

The crude iron tubes each unleashes a deafening roar, and- in defiance of any and all laws of physics- each tube fires a rock the size of a man's head at a speed of a few hundred feet per second. The combined salvo utterly obliterates the area around the stacked targets, turning the patch of sand into a small depression into the sand, studded here and there by still-smoking boulders.

That Guy walks up the firing range and squints at one of the boulder bullets on the ground, completely failing to notice that it's too large to even fit into one of the crude iron tubes, before looking up with a grin.

"Say hello to our little friends, you damn dirty Formichroma," he chortles darkly, rubbing his hands with glee.

>The ogres have invented Rockkit Rifles!
>The ogres have unlocked the Rockkiteer vocation!

(Cont. in 10-15 minutes for the next segment!)

Oh god, I'm dying here.

Yay! I've been waiting for this! Did something happen Blorp? What caused the delay? WE WERE WORRIED ABOUT YOU DAMNIT

I can just imagine custom rokkit rifles having multiple barrels like huge revolvers.

>- Beasts: Giant Bats (Untrained), Naked Mole Ravagers (Untrained)

Wut?

>>21797567
Well, Thanksgiving happened, and I was basically out of town until just yesterday.

>>21797616
Didn't take the last actions into account yet, that's all! It'll be included next time I do a status post.

>>21797644

Just making sure. Since there is milk to be had!

Oh man I made it here! :D Disregard logic, acquire rifles!

>>21797651

So now we can make cake?

>>21797760
We lack eggs and grains.

Though, we CAN make cheese.
And bacon, maybe.
Still gotta learn 'em first.

>>21797510
>[X] Unlock Category: 31 - Not So Good...

Despite their string of gratuitous good fortune, even the ogres fuck up sometimes.

"Wot's dis new thing called again?"

One of the many new ogres grins, rather enjoying being the center of attention. "Eekonomix," he repeats. "It's somethin' I overheard on da way here, from two humans dat smelled like spices an' wolf fur! Some new an' civilized concept, I bet."

The other ogres' lips move as they repeat this strange, unfamiliar word to themselves. Eventually, one of them pipes up. "'Ow does dis work again?"

"So like- there's dis 'division of labor' thing, right? Each ogre takes a different job," the newbie continues explaining. "Instead of all of us taking turns doin' da mining or da farming or da meat-punching, we all do wot's called 'specializin'. Like, some of us go straight to mining forever, some farm forever, an' so on."

"Wait, but- dat's not fair!" one of them protests. "How's we supposed to eat things if we's mining all da time?"

"Yah! An' if you're a farmer, you won't ever get any pretty rocks to play wit'!"

"Nah, nah, that's not 'ow it works," the newbie soothes. "See, one way to do it is 'barter'- everyone uses da stuff dey make to 'pay' for da stuff dey don't got. An' da other way is usin' 'currant-sees.'"

(Cont.)

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>>21797982
A polite, baffled silence meets this string of proclamations.

"Er." The newbie scratches his head. "See, currant-sees is where everyone uses da same kind of currant-see to buy an' sell things. Like... yellow rocks, or shells, or wotever valuable thing we all agree on."

The ogres frown, muttering to themselves. "Some valuable thing? Wot's a valuable thing? I never saw some valuable thing before."

One of the ogres standing in the back frowns to himself, the gears in his head moving slowly. "... so," he says uncertainly. "Da Scaratones, dey really wanted our poop. Doesn't dat make it a valuable thing?"

As one, all of the ogres look at him.

And then expressions of comprehension begin dawning on their faces.

>Two days later...
"Grain for sale! Grain for sale! Only one pound each!"
"Sellin' a new suit of crude iron! Five pounds, an' dat's final!"
"Fresh meat, just punched off a naked mole ravager! Three pounds, get it while it's hot!"

One elf saunters over to the meat-selling stall, his curiosity piqued despite his better judgment. "Alright, I'll take some of that meat. How much was it?"

The ogre beams down at the elf, holding up four fingers. "Three pounds!"

"Three pounds of what?"

>The elf's face when the ogre tells him.


>The ogres have unlocked the [Economy] category!
>The ogres have built a [Market]!
>The ogres have decided upon a currency for now, but cannot use it in inter-civilization trades!
>Why?
>It's shit!

(Cont. in 15-20 minutes...)

>>21797994
.....god damn it

>>21797994

Well it is valuable to the Scarratones, so that's about right.

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>>21797994
>poop currency
Oh, Blorp.

File: 1354153759447.gif-(315 KB, 400x225, 1348558672506.gif)

>>21797994
>mfw

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>>21797994
YES

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>>21797994
.... Oh for fucks sake....

>>21797994
We're going have to fix that some time soon.

>>21798098
>dat image

Dude, I seriously love the fuck out of every inch of you right now.

>>21797510
That Guy need to be an NPC now, please? Don't even give him bonuses, I just want him to be an NPC, he's earned it.

>>21798203
Seconded. No bonuses at this time, but pure Ogrish fluff-dressing.

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>>21798203
>>21798348
He's basically an NPC in all but name, but I can totally add him to the list for the recognition he deserves.

>>21798382
Huh, well there goes my suspicion that lady luck isn't the only diety that likes the ogres

Rolled 62

>>21797415
Is that a Dwarf Fortress I see?

>picture-taking stingTer

Wat.

>>21798382

Please allow me to submit a possible name for That Guy: Ogradammit Ditsdatguy

>>21797510
Hmm, I wonder if Featherstone ammo could be made. It floats, and powdered it makes other things float, so it should knock anything it hits backwards a pretty far distance. Also, no curvature in its trajectory, for increased accuracy!

Also, we should totally build a giant Rokkit Rifle for the Ogir Place's golem arms.

>>21797994
That's one of the funniest shits I've read in a long time.

>>21798655
Who needs accuracy when you've got loaded dice

>>21797415

The Dwarves are so going to be jealous when they find out we are the first civilization to settle in an oasis turned floating island golem, powered by hellfire, with an elven tree transplanted on top.
That's at least 3 Cheevos.

>>21798716
Increased accuracy plus loaded dice. It's the difference between hitting someone 1000 yards away and hitting someone in the crotch 1000 yards away. There is no kill like overkill.

...Blorp?

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>>21799193
Sorry, sorry, this is taking a lot longer than I thought.

'Cause, you know, I'm cramming a lot into the LET'S INCREASE THE NUMBER OF ELVES post, after all.

>>21799193
Blorp operates on Valve time. It's worth the weight.

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>>21799222

trips means its got to be good

>>21799222
"Cramming a lot into" and Ogres? And the end result is more elves? Subtlety has long left the tree.

I've written a little something for all you guys to dedicate the new ogretek armor

Its a short song which I'm pretty sure you know the tune

Ahem

Livin' 'ere in ogir place
Punching bad guys from afaar!
Youz gots to find first gear!
in your granite robot car!

YOUZ dig giant robots!
WEZ dig giant robots!
ELVES dig giant robots!
QUEENS dig giant robots!

*guitar

NICE

So my theory is that ogres don't reproduce sexually

an ogre just appears somewhere in the world when one loses count

thankfully, ogres don't try to count themselves very often

>>21799349
Just change robots to golems and we are good to go.

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>>21799222
>>21799257

>>21799367
Damn I knew I forgot something!

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>>21797994
>[X] [ELVES] Let's... /increase/ the number of elves!
>90 - Stupidly Successful!

Up in her room in Daphnaia Tree, Celicia puts down the sheaf of paper and sighs, massaging her temples. Thirty-odd elves are a skeleton crew, not a tried-and-true squadron she can dedicate to a pitched battle. And with no way to replenish their forces, any casualty they take would be devastating. Fuck, one battle could wipe out their entire-

"Wotcha doin'?" Gubbins asks, looking down at Celicia from the ceiling.

"Nothing much," Celicia grumbles, reaching for her cigarette pouch. "Just trying to think of a way to increase the number of elves in as short a time as poss-"

Five seconds later, Celicia's felpowder rifle firmly grasped in her hands, the ceiling has about ten holes punched into it, the elf is glaring venomous daggers, and Gubbins is on the ground, miraculously un-holed and holding his hands up in a soothing gesture.

"Hey now, don't worry, I heard wot you said!" the master geomancer rumbles. "You just wanna make da most elves you can in da least amount of time, right?"

Celicia doesn't put down her rifle. "Yes. And...?"

Gubbins grins. "Oh, I think I can help you there," he giggles happily, grabbing the female elf's wrist before she can so much as squeak. "C'mere! You an' me, we are gonna do some freaky MAGIC together!"

Celicia's angry shrieks can be heard from a mile off.

(Cont.)

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>>21799446
>A few minutes later...

Boss Bawss barges into the center of Daphnaia. "Oi, Celicia, I heard ya screamin' from like a mile off, wot's goin' on in h-"

He pauses to take in the scene. A large, empty, metallic frame sits in the middle of the room, looking decidedly out of place amidst all the fleshy plant material that makes up the floor, walls, and ceiling. Gubbins crouches in front of the portal, a magic glow around his hands, multiple bruises on his face, and the business end of a felpowder rifle jammed into the side his cheek; Celicia stands a little ways away from him, holding the aforementioned rifle one-handed while the other hand is also bathed in some sort of eldritch light.

"Makin' freaky magic together, boss," Gubbins mumbles a trifle indistinctly.

"What he said," Celicia deadpans, her teeth grinding her cigarette almost to dust. "We're trying to increase the goddamn number of elves."

"... huh." Boss Bawss looks at the deactivated portal. "So you let 'im work on da portal dat you said wouldn't ever work again?"

"... fuck, I'm kind of desperate here, okay?" Celicia grumbles defensively. "My squadron isn't nearly strong enough for-"

"Almost done- there," Gubbins titters nervously, the magic gathering at his fingertips suddenly dispersing with a sharp snap. "Push da button?"

"Push da button!" Boss Bawss replies instantaneously, the phrase awakening some sort of instinct. "Push da button?" he yells.

"PUSH DA BUTTON!" the entire ogre population of Ogir Place roars back.

With a quiet 'click,' the portal activates itself, the empty frame suddenly swirling with all the colors of the rainbow, with 'rainbow' referring to 'a void that kind of hurts the brain, the eyes, and the sanity to look into for too long.'

(Cont.)

>>21799471
"... alright?" Celicia hazards after a few moments. "As long as it doesn't link up to the main body of the Elven Coalition or something-"

Immediately, a fully-kitted elf soldier tumbles out of the portal, scrabbling desperately at the ground as he tries to push himself away from the world in general. "-mmit! Goddammit, you fucking sons of bitches, I'll take every last one of you with me," he hisses, one hand clutching his stomach. "You and the cock-sucking bureaucrats working intel-"

"Get a hold of yourself!" Celicia snaps, grabbing the elf soldier by his shoulders and giving him a good shake. "What's wrong? What the hell are you blabbering about?"

The elf's eyes seem to clear up a bit, and he stares up at Celicia for a long, befuddled moment. "... wha...?" He suddenly looks down at himself, patting at his stomach- whole, uninjured, and even his uniform is in one piece. "I'm alive? I'm alive! I didn't-" The elf takes an unsteady breath, his entire body shaking, and then he laughs the giddy laugh of someone who just escaped death. "Fuck, I had most of a demon-forged TRIDENT through my guts, and I'm- this isn't a dream, right? Or some new form of fucking mind-fucking torture? Where am I?"

"... Daphnaia?" Celicia hazards, staring down at the elf. "This is Daphnaia," she repeats, a little more firmly. "I'm Celicia, commander of the Felpowder Elves. And you're probably stuck here for a while, since it's-"

"Holy fucking shit! Commander Celicia!" the elf gawps, before recovering some modicum of sense. "... I mean, um, yes sir! I read about you in history class!"

A frozen moment of silence stretches on for what seems like infinity.

(Cont.)

>>21799487
After a while, Celicia gently pats the new recruit's shoulder, her eyes glazed over slightly. "... don't think about it too hard," she says in a distant-sounding voice. "And that's an order. We could always use more elves here, so if you're game..."

"Yeah! Sure! It'd be an honor to be- wow, man, I- er, I mean- yes sir!" the elf exclaims, sketching out a salute before taking off to the barracks for a dead run.

In the silence that follows, Celicia shakily takes out another cigarette. After a moment's thought, she takes out about five.

"So... we just pulled out an elf from da portal, right?" Boss hazards.

"Yes," Celicia murmurs, lighting up all five of her cigarettes.

"And he thought he was dead, right? Is he from da futur-"

"I forbid anyone from thinking about anything too deeply," Celicia growls, exhaling enough smoke to cure twenty pounds of meat in one go.

(Cont.)

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>>21799498
A new voice interjects itself into the conversation. "So this is Daphnaia, eh? Of Ogir Place?"

A snappily-dressed elf steps out of the portal, grinning like a shark. "Not bad, not bad at all! No, no, don't mind me," he soothes, staring down the barrel of Celicia's rifle. "Heard about you from the dwarves, you see. I'm not affiliated with the Elven Coalition, if that's what you're afraid of- see?" The snappily-dressed elf flashes what looks like a small badge.

Celicia lowers her rifle, her eyebrows rising so high that they nearly reach the roots of her hair. "... a rep from the merchants' guild? Here?"

"I'm just as confused as you are, really," the newcomer sighs, raking a hand through his orange-red hair. "Entered the wrong portal, maybe. I knew I should have made a left at Oh'lbah-kh'orki... but forget that," he says dismissively. "I'm sure you guys are all missing the creature comforts from home, but that's no problem- I'm just as sure that you can make it worth OUR while to give you what you need, whenever you need it! Within reason, of course."

The snappily-dressed elf looks at the watch on his wrist, before stepping halfway into the portal. "I'm running late for an appointment, sadly, but think of it this way..." He flicks a business card at Celicia, who catches it easily.

"... Lolth's Guild of Merchants, Ogir Place branch, is open for business!"

>Thanks to ogres being ogres, the elves now have a growth rate per turn COMPLETELY matching that of the ogres'!
>They are totally not elf soldiers pulled from different eras, and at the exact point at which they would otherwise have died. Not at all.
>Merchants from the Old World have extended their patronage to Ogir Place!

(Cont. in what is ideally 15-20 minutes, but will probably be longer!)

Ogres. Fucking Ogres.

A respawn machine?

Captcha: very necrological

Well damn.

>>21799487
"I read about you in history class!"

Said with excitement. Daphnaia becomes a successful and legendary settlement in his timeline! Ogres saved the future of desert elves! And made the Valhalla of Future Elves!

>>21799522
So the merchant was from the present, right? And he knew about us from the Dwarves?

>>21799619
From the present, plus or minus a few arbitrary units of time, yes.

I figure that the elven merchant's guild, as a free-standing entity, has more leeway to deal with other races.

>>21799577
Don't ask him anything about the future! I don't want to get caught in time loop bullshit where we do something because this guy told us it was done. He keeps anything he read to himself!

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>>21799446
>>21799471
I lol'd

>>21799487
>>21799498
So who thinks we should start messing around with time magic?

>>21799522
Worrying.
But more so is the name of the place he's traveling to.
Oh'lbah-kh'orki sounds suspiciously like a bug man name, and not the good bugs either. Also, is this guy from the future as well?

>>21799577
We think...

>>21799669
>>21799675
I don't think timelines have meaning anymore, due to OGRES.

+24 Elves per turn..
That... that will more than double the number of elves in two turns...

Ogres.

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>>21799675
>Oh'lbah-kh'orki sounds suspiciously like a bug man name
Well, there is certainly one Bugs involved with taking left turns at places that sound susiciously like Albuquerque

>>21799675
>Oh'lbah-kh'orki
It's an Albuquerque joke.

>>21799675
I say we make time figurative and literal bitch.

And then make Half-time/half-ogre babies.

>>21799675
>>21799693
Still, let's stay on the safe side here: No time magic. Not because it will be dangerous, but because it could get annoyingly convoluted.

>>21799675
Albaquerque.

Bugs bunny.

>>21799740
>make time our figurative

God damn my excitement.

You know, I wonder if the ogres will try to use their "currency" with the elven traders...

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>>21799720
>>21799736
I both laughed and felt like a muppet for not realizing it first.

>>21799745
You say it like the Ogres could cause irreversible damage to the timeline

A thought...
Is... Is it limited to the normal kind of elves, or do we drag in EVERY kind of elf?

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>>21799675
>>21799740
>>21799798
>mfw i realized that i might have opened the can of worms that is timeline shenanigans

>>21799808
>mfw i even think about having to keep track of types of elves in Ogir Place, let alone the job classes

>>21799808
We pulled two kinds of elves: Future Elf and Red Headed Elf.

And we already have Desert Elves.

I think that's all of them. I'm about 90% sure.

Maybe 30%.

>>21799808

Due to ogres, we may be bringing in types of elves THAT NEVER EXISTED BEFORE NOW.

Captcha says: because xidiyb

Which pretty much sums it up.

>>21799916
Is Xidiyb the elven word for Ogres? Because I don't care; it is now.

>>21799522
>>Merchants from the Old World have extended their patronage to Ogir Place!
As soon as we get some real currency going, we have to get Celicia a box of quality cigars for her office.

>>21799966
I fairly certain that its the sound they make after witnessing day-to-day Ogre life, including their stupid abilities.

>>21799916
Or worse, elves that would have never existed in the first place or elves that would no longer exist in actual timeline...

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>>21799905
>implying thats all the varieties of elf out there

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>>21799522
>[X] [DWARVES] Leaders' meeting time!

Barely a minute after the snappily-dressed elf merchant leaves, Boss Bawss's eyes widen. "... oh. Oh, right, we're meetin' with da dwarves soon!" He leans out one of Daphnaia's windows. "BOYS! GET READY TO DRIVE OGIR PLACE TO OGIR CRATER!"

"Whoa there!" Celicia pokes Boss Bawss's arm with the butt of her rifle. "Not the best fuckin' idea, Bawss."

"BUT WE GOTTA-" Boss Bawss clears his throat to turn off caps lock. "... but we gotta go fast!"

"And scare the shit out of the dwarves who're expecting a diplomatic session and get a giant fucking golem instead," Celicia counters.

Boss Bawss pauses, considering this for a moment.

[ ] Fly/Walk Ogir Place to Ogir Crater. First impressions is BEST impressions, after all!
[ ] Go on foot. Don't want to scare/aggravate the little dorfs shitless, right?
[ ] None of the above!?
[ ] Write-in?

>>21800016
Go near ogir crater, but far enough so that they dont freak out

>>21800016
[X] Fly/Walk Ogir Place to Ogir Crater. First impressions is BEST impressions, after all!

>>21800016
>[ ] Fly/Walk Ogir Place to Ogir Crater. First impressions is BEST impressions, after all!
Dorfs love cheevos. Ogir Plase is our best cheevo.

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>>21799916
WAIT

WHAT IF

OGRES....CAN GO BACK IN TIME TO A UNLUCKY EVENT, AND MAKE IT LUCKY?

OR GO BACK TO AN EVEN LUCKIER EVENT, AND ADD EVEN MORE LUCKY?

OR 'BORROW' THINGS FROM ALTERNATE TIMELINES, SO EVERYONE GETS THE SPECIAL THINGS THAT THEY CREATE?

>>21800016
Say, didn't the beastmaster manage to train the giant bats last thread?

Can we ride those?

>>21800016
We'll just diplomance them later, might as well bring the golem just in case.

[x] Fly/Walk Ogir Place to Ogir Crater. First impressions is BEST impressions, after all!

>>21800042
WHAT IF WE ALREADY DID

WHAT IF THATS WHY WE WEREN'T ALL EXECUTED BY SCARATONES FOR SQUISHING THEIR WORKERS

>>21800016
Lets bring Ogir Place pretty close, walk the rest of the way, and ask if they want to see it.

>>21800016
Fly into comfortable distance to go in on foot. Possibly use the dunes to mask our approach. to prevent shit-scaring. Do NOT walk; the tremors from Ogir Place stomping about could fuck up their tunnels.

>>21800016
Guys, guys, guys. Why don't we fly Ogir place most of the way there, camouflage it, and then take it the rest of the way. If the camo doesn't work we'll hoof it for the last bit.

>>21800039
Not only that but we should lock back into place at the crater.

>>21800016
>[ ] Fly/Walk Ogir Place to Ogir Crater. First impressions is BEST impressions, after all!

Let's not have prejudices color the way the Dwarfs interact with us. They're impressed with achievements? Wait until they get a load of US!

Also, we should ask Celicia about all she knows of the dwarfs before we meet them.

>>21800059
NOT FAR BACK ENOUGH

WHAT IF WE WENT BACK

AND MADE THE STONE IN THE DESERT

CANT STOP NOW, THIS IS OGRE COUNTRY

GOTTA GO FAST

>>21800101
Lady Luck is actually an insane and immortal Celicia who went insane after dealing with Ogres for so long.

[X] write in

can't we just have some ogres fly there. Like with bats and feather dust and such?

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>>21800129
WHAT HAVE WE DONE

>>21800069
>>21800073
Then how are they supposed to SEE Ogir Place?

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>>21800129

>>21800069
Are you insulting dwarven tunnel craftsmanship? Because it sounds like you're insulting dwarven tunnel craftsmanship.

>>21800177
We take off the camouflage at the right time to get all the cheevos we can.

>>21800151
>>21800129
And she luuuuurves ogres so much!

> for rpcoed

>>21800182
>>21800151
Druidhorrormind.

File: 1354160306082.jpg-(9 KB, 197x251, 1353391458068.jpg)

>>21800232

>>21800232
Would showing up in in totally-not-magitek armor be seen as threatening, or as TOTALLY AWESOME to the dorfs?

>>21800016
>[ ] Fly/Walk Ogir Place to Ogir Crater. First impressions is BEST impressions, after all!

These are Dwarves. I wouldn't put it past them to have some sort of "Fuck the World" lever down there.

>>21800151
We have retroactively CREATED THE UNIVERSE.

Or we will. IN THE FUTCHAR.

>>21800266
There are not enough Druid pictures in the world to fully express my reaction to this

>>21800016
>[X] Write-in?

Consult Elves about Dwarfs. Ask they this:

>Would showing up in in totally-not-magitek armor be seen as threatening, or as TOTALLY AWESOME to the dorfs?

So. Blorp gave Ogres access to the timestream.

WHY.

File: 1354160504066.gif-(1.91 MB, 320x180, An ancient druid has awakened.gif)

>>21800289
This one seems fitting.

>>21800306
Because the Ogres are slowing driving him insane

File: 1354160563674.jpg-(308 KB, 480x680, darkRitualDruids.jpg)

>>21800232

>>21800325

Just like the BLORP did before the Ogres.

>>21800325
New theory, Blorp is lady luck. Why? Because Ogres.

>>21800340
Ogres are actually the Blorp after ages of magical evolution. Ogre Civilization Quest is actually a continuation of his previous quest.

So, we may have simultaneously screwed over Fate, Death, Time, and several other deities. All WITHOUT the help of Lady Luck.

... I'm afraid of what would've happened if we had an Intervention to use and used it...

File: 1354160933270.jpg-(105 KB, 1031x1031, hahahaha Ogre.jpg)

>>21800404
>Pic Related

>>21800016
Lets talk to Celicia about the Dwarves first, what are they like, and what would they think of Ogir Place?

>>21800404

AND LO' THE OGRES, A NUISANCE SINCE TIME IMMEMORIAL WERE IN TRUTH, A WEAPON DEVISED AGAINST THE VERY REALITY THEY EXISTED IN.

THEN COMETH, THE ONE WHO WOULD WIELD THIS WEAPON, ONE OF THEIR OWN, YET NOT ENTIRELY OF THEM.

THE BOSS.

>>21800457
They got the game's d20?

>>21800289
Yeah, real fucking terrifying, innit foo'?

>>21800325
You fiend. Seeing you got my hopes up that somehow Ogre Quest and Fabrique Generale were up at the same time.

OGRE GUTBARGE BUMP

>>21800016
>Fly/Walk Ogir Place to Ogir Crater.


AWW FUCK YEAH NIGGUH

I'm sure we can clear up any misunderstandings with
>ogres

>>21800016
>[X] Fly/Walk Ogir Place to Ogir Crater. First impressions is BEST impressions, after all
Why? Because Ogres

>>21800016
>[X] Fly/Walk Ogir Place to Ogir Crater!
>[X] ... ask Celicia about the dwarves!

"Celicia," Boss Bawss rumbles, kneeling down a bit to bring himself to eye level with the shorter elf. "Ogir Place is pretty awesome. Right?"

"What? W... well, I suppose it's fuck-all amazing, in more ways than one," Celicia replies uneasily.

"Do da dwarves like awesome things?"

Celicia makes a face. "... I suppose they DO, but there's a difference between-"

"Ogir Place is a giant chunk of dirt with legs an' arms comin' out of it. And it flies. Is dat not somethin' da dwarves would find really fuckin' neato?"

The elven commander scowls, but her silence is all the answer that he needs. Boss Bawss straightens back up and leans out the window again. "WE'RE FLYIN' ALL DA WAY TO OGIR CRATER! EVERYONE, TRY NOT TO FALL OFF DA EDGE AGAIN."

A few minutes later, Boss and Celicia stand on the 'prow' of Ogir Place, watching the desert pass by around them. "Okay, so is there anythin' ya know about da dwarves?" Boss Bawss rumbles, crossing his arms over his barrel-like chest.

"Next to abso-fucking-lutely nothing," Celicia deadpans back, tying her long blond hair into a ponytail. "Other than the stuff everyone else knows."

At Boss Bawss's expression, Celicia remembers that she isn't really dealing with an 'everyone else,' and she sighs before launching into an explanation. "Little alcoholic men who are great at digging, drinking, and spending vast amounts of resources on bloody stupid shit that serves no purpose. Half their weapons are mind games, 'cause they look so ridiculously terrifying or 'cause you have no fucking clue what their machines will do, other than what you least expect."

(Cont.)

>>21801060
Celicia shoulders her rifle, easily shifting it to a more comfortable position across her back. "In the Old World, they're isolated way up in the mountains to the north, so all they really fought are the humans to their south. Other than that, no real desire to do anything but fritter away their time. Officially, the dwarves have a treaty with the elves, but most of 'em are so sheltered and drunk that they'll shoot anything that looks vaguely like a human or ogre on sight."

"So wot're dey doin' all da way out here?" Boss Bawss asks.

For a moment, Celicia looks worried. And then it passes. "... that's a damn good question."

The rest of the trip passes in companionable, if slightly brooding, silence.

(Cont.)

>>21801070
Soon enough, Ogir Crater looms into view. Boss Bawss squints down at the massive gaping hole in the ground, looking for any small bearded men. "T'ink dey saw us?"

Seconds later, screams of what may or may not be terror echo out from the bottom of Ogir Crater, accompanied by no small amount of 'holy fucks!' and the sound of a few dozen flasks being emptied at once.

"... yeah, I think so," Celicia replies, her voice muffled by reason of her face being in her hands.

By the time Boss Bawss, Celicia, and their respective delegations reach the bottom of Ogir Crater, the audible curses haven't decreased in number, only in volume. The larger ogre looks at the gathered dwarves- all of them are armed, but all of them are too busy gaping up at Ogir Place to even think about raising their arms defensively or offensively.

"You mud-suckin' varmints," an older dwarf near the back shouts, sounding half-angry and half-envious. "Makin' such a ridiculous-lookin' thing! Why, if we'd thought of that kinda cheevo first, we'd'a beaten you all to it, just mark my words!"

"And made it properly dwarfish, too!" another dwarf shouts, tilting his helmet up to properly glare at the ogres. "Not enough guns on that thing, not by a long shot! What were you thinking?"

(Cont.)

File: 1354163080531.jpg-(7 KB, 211x228, dwarfsx0.jpg)

>>21801077
"Calm yer beards! I just checked! Cheevo doesn't count for them!" a third dwarf shouts in the back, raising a well-worn tome and pointing to an open page. "Right here, page 514, paragraph 9! 'Self-Propelled Humanoid Structure of Unusual Size must not be made using greenery of any sort-'"

The older dwarf from before whirls around and cuffs the speaker with a gauntlet-clad fist. "Ach! Fuck you and yer fourth edition gobbledygook!" he shouts back. "The High Council has NOT accepted it as canon! The Third Edition of the Tome of Achievements is where it's at, just like our ancestors intended!"

"Shut yer trap, Geargrinder! Approval on fourth edition's pending!" another dwarf shouts. "Until then, yeah, enjoy yer /no fookin' dual-diesel cheevos/, ye third edition-humpin' arsehole!"

The dwarf at the front of the delegation sighs. "Gentlemen. If ye don't stop with the bloomin' edition wars, I am personally going to ram me pickax up your /beards/. Do we have an understandin'?"

The dwarves shut up.

(Cont.)

File: 1354163123208.jpg-(43 KB, 457x257, dorfminer.jpg)

>>21801099
Boss Bawss takes the moment of silence to study what can only be the leader of the dwarves. Honestly, the little guy doesn't look like much- he has a leather apron on, and a mining helmet, and a salt-and-pepper beard-

"Boss. Boss!" The leader of the first mixed ogre-elf expedition pokes Bawss in the side. "Dat's him! Dat's da dwarf we talked to earlier!!" he whispers as only an ogre can- loudly. "Lockstock da Miner!"

Lockstock hitches up his belt. "Ooh, aye, that's indeed my name," he confirms, nodding sagely.

"So... you're not da top brass? Just a miner?" Boss Bawss asks, furrowing his brow.

"Actually, I'm going to have to apologize for pulling the wool over yer friend's eyes, there," Lockstock says, nodding towards Ogre Leader. "You see... I AM the top brass."

There's a moment as Boss Bawss tries to wrap his mind around this. "... wot?"

The dwarf reaches a hand out, a twinkle in his eye. "Gunston Lockstock the Miner, though I'm technically also the crown prince o' the southwestern quadrant of the Icedagger Mountains. Pleasure to meetcha."

... which would make the most friendly dwarf the one in charge of... oh. Huh.

Boss Bawss takes the dwarf's hand and shakes it. "... how 'bout dat," he mumbles, suddenly in a slightly better mood than he was before.

>No roll required for any of the following questions, due to the 90 achieved earlier
>CHOOSE ONE (for now)
[ ] [WHAT&HOW] What are the dwarves doing here in the Scouring Wastes, anyway?
[ ] [THOUGHTS] So how 'bout that Ogir Place, huh? Ain't it awesome?
[ ] [SITREP] How's the digging going? Any immediate troubles?
[ ] [REQUESTS] Anything we want to ask of the dwarves?
[ ] [WAIT] Let the dwarves ask the first questions.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>21801099
Holy fuck Blorp I love you

>>21801060
>>21801070
>>21801077
>>21801099
>>21801118

Oh god

they're...they're just like us...

If we are going to demonstrate Ogir Place off, the Sand-storm MOTHER FUCKING DRILL would be best.

>>21801118
>[x] [WHAT&HOW] What are the dwarves doing here in the Scouring Wastes, anyway?

We kinda need to know what they're doing first.

Also marry me blorp. You just keep making this quest better and better.

>>21801118
Talk to the dwarves about the situation with the beetlemen?

A war is coming up soon right? Not expecting them to become allies so soon, but warning them about what's to come should prevent misunderstandings and all that.

>>21801118
>[ ] [WAIT] Let the dwarves ask the first questions.

>>21801118
>[WHAT&HOW]
So, what are you doing out here?

>[HATS]
Nice hats, how did you make them?

>>21801118
>[x] [WHAT&HOW]

For now anyway.

>>21801118
[X] WAIT. They probably have an inquiry or two to make. No need to rush the chat.

>>21801140
Sweet mother of god......
you're right
NEW BEST BROS FOR THE OGRES

[x] Would the Dorfs like to outfit our golem/island with whatever the fuck they want?

We are on the verge of Ogrren Dorfan (Gurren Laggan)

>>21801168
This is important, we can't have them shooting at friendly bugs like the elves were. They might try for some kind of Bug Squishing achievement.

>>21801118
>[ ] [WHAT&HOW] What are the dwarves doing here in the Scouring Wastes, anyway?

>>21801118
[X] [SITREP] How's the digging going? Any immediate troubles?

As part of them inform them of the Scaratone, the other insect people, and all that. Keep them abreast of the war situation.

>>21801118
So THAT'S where our amazing rolls went.

Awesome! Let's ask em [WHAT&HOW]

>>21801118
>[ ] [WHAT&HOW] What are the dwarves doing here in the Scouring Wastes, anyway?
>[ ] [THOUGHTS] So how 'bout that Ogir Place, huh? Ain't it awesome?
Lets get these out of the way first.

>>21801118
>SITREP
Hey Mr. Prince. I'm Boss Bawss. You all digging stuff okay? Cause if you like digging, we gots like... all these floaty rocks around here you can dig up.

>Request
What you guys doing here anyway?

Man, these Dwarves are... different than usual for sure.

>>21801118
>[ ] [WHAT&HOW] What are the dwarves doing here in the Scouring Wastes, anyway?

Rolled 60

I wonder,
If I roll a 96, will it have extra effect?

Probably not.

>*this olvedhs
*This Solved
Captcha approves though.

>>21801118
What are you little beardy people doing out here?
Isn't it too hot an sandy an not rocky enough for proper hitting da ground with picks?

( what and how )

bump

>>21801413
Dude, what we talking in last time?
NO. ROLLS. FOR YOU.

Rolled 39

>>21801727

I'm sorry I cant hear you over all the interventions I'm causing.

Rolled 55

>>21801727

Also when was this discussed?

This was never discussed.

Therefor I roll when I want to.

Rolled 42

>>21801773

Well a double certainly supports you. But wasting good rolls without Blorp calling for rolls just feels foolish.

Rolled 31

>>21801816

One does not simply take off the rolls.

... That's pretty much it. I'd say something to make this a more worthwhile post but I got nothin'.

>>21801118
>[X] What and How!

"Anyway, nice to meetcha too," Boss Bawss adds, raising his voice. "I'm Boss Bawss Fistboss of da ogres of Ogir Place, an' dis is-"

"Celicia. Celicia Silverstone, commander of the Felpowder Elves. A pleasure, I'm sure." The blonde elf inclines her head slightly, but doesn't reach out to shake Lockstock's hand. (Meanwhile, Boss Bawss is slightly wrong-footed by the lack of any swear words in Celicia's statement.)

Though some of the older dwarves bristle at Celicia's introduction, the shorter dwarf doesn't seem offended by this, simply tilting his helmet in response. "Ma'am. I gotta admit, I AM real interested in how ye joined forces with the ogres over there," he grins. "Aye, that would make a good story to share over a good drink, I'd wager!"

"... ach, if only we hadn't dumped all our flasks back there," one dwarf laments.

"I warned ye guys," Lockstock tuts. "I warned you about the ogres, but you didn't listen now, did you?"

"... if we were on fourth edition, all this alcohol dumping at once would have counted towards that one new cheevo," another dwarf grumbles.

One by one, the dwarves begin glaring at each other, their beards standing out straighter due to their neckbeard underlayers swelling up in the manner of angered cats and/or frilled lizards trying to appear intimidating

(Cont.)

It seems he's getting rid of the bad ones...

>>21801843
"Er," Boss Bawss interjects, as much to forestall the incipient brawl as out of actual curiosity. "How'd you dwarves get here, anyhow?"

Lockstock latches onto the question, as eager to avoid having to STOP the brawl as anything else. "Oh, that? We just dug," he says breezily.

"You-" Celicia takes a calming breath. "You... dug."

"Aye, that's what I said."

"Despite the ocean being in the way," Celicia deadpans.

"Of course not, of course not! What do you take us for? Mermaids?" Lockstock guffaws. "It's simple, miss! We dug UNDER the ocean, from the Old World to the Scouring Wastes."

Celicia's expression takes on that peculiar slackness that it gets when she's trying hard not to think about it, and- in this case- to resist the urge to tell the small digging man that digging like that is impossible.

Boss Bawss takes up the slack. "So wot're you doin' here, anyhow? Makin' a settlement?"

"What? No, no, perish the thought!" Lockstock says quickly. "Dig a settlement under the desert? That's no proper place for a dwarf to live! We haven't even thought that far ahead yet."

"So then..."

(Cont.)

>>21801852
"Us dwarves, we're a little freer with our time than we were before, you see? So we decided to go after one of the ultimate achievements..." There's another twinkle in Lockstock's eyes, and he leans forward with his hands on his knees. "Dig one, continuous tunnel circumventing the entire world. The entire world! The first dwarves to do this will be... be..."

"Rich and famous?" Celicia asks, having recovered her wits.

"Be able to rub this in all those other mouth-breathin' clans' faces!" Lockstock finishes triumphantly. "A point of pride for us, to carry down through our descendants for all time! What more can a dwarf ask for?"

[ ] [INFORM] ... of the underground-dwelling Scaratones, and their upcoming war.
[ ] [PRESS] Why so close to the surface? Can't you dig deeper?
[ ] [PRESS] A little freer with your time than before...? What do you mean?
[ ] [PRESS] Wait, no settlement in the New World, then?
[ ] [CHEEVO] What ARE the requirements for this thing, anyhow?
[ ] [COMBO] ... of the above choices?
[ ] [WRITE-IN?]

Rolled 11

>>21801866

[X] All of the above

>>21801876
This

>>21801866
>[X] COMBO
Because we'll get around to all those things in time anyways, so let's just get 'em out of the way. Prioritize warning them about the Scaratones and how they should not ever, ever, EVER squish the little white workerbugs.

>>21801866
Not gonna lie, I'm tempted to ask about everything. Any limits here Blorp?

>>21801866
Inform and Press: free time

>>21801866
[ ] [WRITE-IN?] [ROMANCE] We've all noticed how BAWSS has been eyeing that little dwarven maid-girl that's walking discretely in the background.

>>21801866
[X] [COMBO] ... of the above choices?

Highest priority is [X] [INFORM] ... of the underground-dwelling Scaratones, and their upcoming war.

Then Press
[ ] [PRESS] A little freer with your time than before...? What do you mean?
and
[ ] [PRESS] Why so close to the surface? Can't you dig deeper?

The rest is not that important.

Also ask if there'd be a Cheevo in it for them if some of them joined up with the ogres and taught us about Dwarven engineering and technology.

>>21801866
[X] [OGRE] Get Gubbins to dig the tunnel. Now.

File: 1354166356655.jpg-(194 KB, 500x500, whydog.jpg)

>>21801890
... as many combo choices as you think I can reasonably fit into the time we have left tonight, without it taking like a trillion hours to type out

>>21801893
And cheat on the queen? For shame.

>>21801893
This, but with a twist. It's obvious Celicia's totally hot for that sweet piece of dwarven muscle

File: 1354166416672.jpg-(171 KB, 500x551, 1326345190370.jpg)

>>21801929
though I suppose I deserve it for putting an all of the above choice, fffffadfdsa

>>21801905
Seconded. DO IT FARORGE

>>21801866
>[ ] [CHEEVO] What ARE the requirements for this thing, anyhow?

>>21801905
It's not an achievement if you get help, now is it?

>>21801954
We're claiming it.

>>21801893

>Cheating on the Queen

YOU SIR ARE A SWINE, AND YOU AIN'T MAH NIGGA.

>>21801974
That'd start a fucking war.

>>21801866
Can we get in on this....CHEEVO action?

And we gotta INFORM these guys about the Scaratone's war with the other insect race. Can't have them getting caught in a crossfire.

>>21801985
War of achievement get

>>21801893
Get the fuck out.

>>21801992
Or we point them straight at the conflict and let them dwarf it right up.

>>21801866
Inform
Freer
Cheevo

And if we have time
Settlement

>>21802013
Whichever. We can maybe enlist help after we finish DIPLOMANCING.

>>21801866
I HAVE AN IDEA

TELL THE DWARVES THAT THERE IS A WAY TO MAKE IT EVEN MORE AWESOME.

TURN IT INTO A GIANT RAILWAY.

>>21802026
THIS!

>>21802001
What the hell did I just say? WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY?!

THERE IS CHITINIOUS BEAUTY WAITING FOR BAWSS BACK HOME HER MULTIFACETED EYES SHINING AND CLAWED HANDS DRAPED ACROSS KNEELED LEGS IN PATIENCE, AND YOU TO GO WITH DWARF?!

I BANISH YOU THE DESERT!!

>>21802026
OH YES.

With gift shops at every stop, commemorating the fact that they created it first!

>>21802013
Is their an Achievement for winning a war against an evil bug race?

Or helping out someone you just met?

>>21801866
[X]INFORM... We need to tell them about the whole "underground bug war" thing. This'll give them time to prepare/knowledge of how not to piss off the scaratones AND it'll give us brownie points with 'em

[X]OGRE: loan 'em a piece of our sandstorm drill???

>>21802026
RAILWAY, SCHMAILWAY

FLOATSTONE BULLETRAIN

>>21801935
>It's obvious Celicia's totally hot for that sweet piece of dwarven musclegirl
FTFY.

>>21802049
Oh bets its gone... huh don't I feel silly.

>[X] Cheevo

File: 1354167047520.png-(332 KB, 742x413, Best idea.png)

>>21802059
OH MAN OH MAN

WHAT IF

WE TRADE THE DORFS FEATHERSTONE FOR THEIR AID IN THE COMING WAR

THAT WAY

THEY CAN BUILD UNDERGROUND STONE TUNNELS

IN THE SKY

>>21802049
No love for Bawss yet
But you can't deny that Celicia needs a bit of homebrewed dwarven lovin', though.

>>21802026
YES.

>>21802090

THERE IS NO WAY THIS COULD EVER GO WRONG

>>21802063
[X] [LESBIAN ROUTE]

File: 1354167206404.jpg-(84 KB, 639x348, 1352786748013.jpg)

>all of these write-ins

>>21802130
Oh come now, you saw the way she and the queen got along. Besides, shes an /elf/. Theres no such thing as a straight elf.

>>21802090
[X] ALL OF THE ABOVE (posts)

>>21802124
THINK ABOUT IT

IT WOULD BE THE ULTIMATE CHEEVO

>>21802146
This.

>See you next week Blorp.

>>21802150
Not enough guns for to be the ultimate Cheevo.

>>21802150

WAIT

EVEN BETTER IDEA

WE ENCHANT THE FEATHERSTONE TRAIN TO HAVE A SANDSTORM DRILL ON THE FRONT, THAT WAY THE DWARVES CAN DRILL ANYWHERE UNDER THE EARTH!

>>21802150
NO. THE ULTIMATE CHEEVO: MINE TO THE MOON. THEY'D STILL NEED FLOATSTONE FOR IT THOUGH.

>>21802137
Crazy ogre-on-dwarf action and interrace romances.
What more could a man ask for?

>>21802193
a featherstone world bullet-train with a sandstorm drill on the front that has the ability to fly to the moon

>>21802178
>>21802183
I'm telling you, we give them any help and it won't count. It would be like you're little Brother beating a boss for you, it wouldn't be satisfying.

>>21802178
WE NEED TO GO EVEN FURTHER.

GOTTA MAKE AN ENTIRE CELESTIAL BODY. MADE OUT OF UNDERGROUND TUNNELS.

>>21802204
thats no reason why we can't give them ideas, and then sell them the materials they need.

Wait guys, I just realized.

If we can travel through time, then we can go back in time.

Then we can use our luck to become a dwarf miner.

Then we dig a tunnel under the sea to the New World.

Nothing could possibly go wrong.

>>21802204
Trading them featherstone would be more akin to giving your little brother the right controller to actually play the game. Its up to them to properly utilize it.

>>21802245
>>21802226
Kind of feels like we're doing shit just because Dwarves are cool OOC. If we come across Orcs and shit, I hope we're going to treat them the same way then.

>>21802266
Obviously.
Why wouldn't we?

>>21802204
Giving a hint is not the same as helping. Neither is suggesting ideas for cheevos, and ways it might or might not be possible.

>>21802266
We are ogres. We treat everyone the same and trade sparkly bits with whoever wants them

Unless they are mean then we trade krumpin with their faces

>>21802282
Gonna diplomance everything. Else, we KRUMP 'em.

>>21802266
>implying we won't diplomance all the races in the world until we use our intervention to create the UN

>and then fly off into space, in search of new worlds to Ogre on

>>21802307

>Create the UN

Why would we create something so useless?

>>21802266
Dude. THE FUCK are you talking about? Did you even read the thread? We embraced Elves with open arms.

FUCKING ELVES!

And you're claiming we're being nice to the Dwarves just because /tg/ likes them OOC?

>>21802266
>Kind of feels like we're doing shit just because Dwarves are cool OOC.
Right, because we totally went to war with the scaratones and the elves and didn't welcome both of them with open arms and many hugs. We would probably get along swimmingly with orcs, the both of us krumping the gubbins out of each other without a care in the world.

Hell, I don't even care that much for dwarves.

>>21802266
We spazzed out when we met the Scarratone queen and learned about their awesome too.

File: 1354167943723.jpg-(15 KB, 245x228, cartoon.jpg)

>>21802244
What could possibly go wrong

>>21802307
>Implying it won't descend into a global cold war over who has the fanciest hat during diplomatic meetings.

>>21802318
We have done stupider stuff in this thread and made it work.

You know what we Ogres need? Cutebolds.

File: 1354168027487.gif-(1.44 MB, 240x180, Nopein across the desert.gif)

>>21802350
>Cutebolds

>>21802350
...This man speaks the truth.

>>21802350
No. The sheer level of Ogre would turn them into a race living plushies. Catatonic Plushies.

>>21802350
Fuck no, cutebolds are the worst.

>>21802306
>>21802307
At this point I think Diplomance isn't the right term

We fucking OGREmance these people into working together

>>21802388
They would make good hats then

>>21802414
Diplogremancy

>>21802429
Diplogrecy

>>21802448

Ogres

>>21802350
>>21802363
>>21802374
>>21802388
>>21802404
>>21802422
... if I ever did put kobolds into this quest, they would be Tucker's, with a liberal amount of MacGyver and Sousuke Sagara sprinkled in.

>>21802307
And then we Diplomance the BLORP?

>>21802468
Perfect.
Don't change a thing.

>>21802476
So adorable!

>>21802476
terrifying.

>>21802476
Even fucking better.

>>21802476
Blorp if you do that I will build a temple to worship you in

>>21802476
I have no idea what to think of this.

File: 1354168483684.jpg-(77 KB, 619x595, 131744500907.jpg)

>>21802468

10/10 You sir, have been nominated to receive several awards on linguistic ability and forwarding universal speech.

>>21802476
So these dudes would make awesome shit out of common sense and science... and they'd be obsessed with tactics and dakka... whereas we make awesome shit out of sheer luck and magic and we're all about diplomance and krumping.

Greatest rivals ever.

>>21802476
>Spoiler text
My favorite kind of kobolds!

>>21802520
Greatest bromance ever written.

>>21802476
>>21802520
We would have to make their leader a mini ogretek armour suit
It just wouldn't be right to have a Sousuke style char without some kind of mecha

possibly even a cutebold suit in place of his Bonta suit

>>21801866
>[X] [COMBO] ...
>[X] [WOT] is a Cheevo?
>[X] [INFORM] Tell 'em about the Scaratones and the Formichroma!
>[X] [WHY] are you guys freer?
>[X] [IDEAS] ... the possibilities are as endless as they are terrifying.

"... okay, so," Boss Bawss rumbles, if only to recapture the flow of the conversation. "Wot exactly do you gotta do to do dis cheevo?"

Immediately, the larger ogre senses that he's stepped on a giant landmine, as nearly every dwarf present raises his hackles(-neckbeard)- but it's too late. Much too late.

"Fourth edition canon holds," one dwarf growls, his eyes flashing in challenge, "that only a straight line dug from end to end would count for the achievement, and-"

"Bollocks to that!" the old-timer from before hollers. "A nonsense restriction slapped onto a cheevo that no one got before, that no one had the BAWLS to do before? Is it TRYING to fail us before we begin?" he sneers. "That goes against the spirit of the Achievements Tome-"

Yet another dwarf spits onto the ground. "Don't you talk to us about the 'spirit of the Achievements Tome'! If we'd stuck to 'the way our ancestors meant,' we'd be left with a cheevos tome without any mention of gunpowder-"

"Implying implications, are we!?" the old-timer roars. "Shove that sodding strawman up your sphincter, you stupid soporific simpleton! Back to the ACTUAL argument, everything before Fourth Edition says that as long as the tunnels are connected, we can make as many turns as we want-"

"That's why I always tell ye morons that we should go with that other edition, Dr. Pulleywog Pathfinder's Tome-"

"Oh, go Pathfuckyourself, no one here uses THAT edition-"

"I beg to fuckin' differ!"

"Well, my fist begs to differ with your face!"

(Cont.)

>>21802897
Boss Bawss watches, bemusedly, as the dwarves begin punching each other in the face. It's all good and entertaining for a while, but... he clears his throat. "So wot're you gonna do 'bout da beetle-men? I think dey're right in your tunnel's way."

The fight stops immediately as the participants consider this.

"Well, clearly, we should go under them-"
"And stumble on lava? Bah! Third Edition still holds, so we should go around-"
"Oh, don't you get started with me, we'd be drowning if we'd stuck with that outdated old-"
"IMPLYING IMPLICATIONS!"

And the fistfight continues.

"Guys, they- guys-" Boss Bawss rumbles, unable to even get a word in sideways.

Clearly, even the DWARVES aren't clear on what exactly counts towards this particular achievement...

Lockstock sighs, rolling his eyes- and his sleeves up. "'Scuse me for a moment, would you, lads? -- YOU GUYS--!"

Less than a minute later, the dwarves are all standing back in a row, sullenly glaring at the ground. Most of their beards are visibly dented from Lockstock's efforts with a pickax. "Now then," their prince growls. "Let's listen to what the ol' ogre here has to say, okay?"

(Cont.)

>>21802904
"They're fightin' a war," Boss Bawss continues quickly. "Da beetle-men against some big bad bug guys. So you'd also be diggin' right into a warzone, on top of da fact dat the Scaratones are gonna be right pissed if ya dig into their tunnels an' squish their workers, an' dat's the death sentence."

Lockstock frowns thoughtfully. "Oh. That's... important. Wouldn't want to dig right into the middle of a brawl by accident, and all. Thank ye for the warning, lad," he continues, looking up at Boss Bawss with some measure of respect. "Our achievement's nothing if we all die in the process!"

"Actually, in the next edition after Fourth-"

"I don't want to hear it, lads," Lockstock says pleasantly, some harmonic in his voice causing the dwarves to shiver visibly. "Not right now."

"... so, wait," Celicia smoothly interjects. "How did you dwarves get 'freer'? This must be a huge undertaking for your people."

"Oh, that? We beat the humans," Lockstock replies, waving a hand airily.

Celicia blinks. "... what, all of them?" she manages, for lack of anything better to say.

"Yes! Oh, they put up a fight, but the humans just don't know what to do against an underground attack," Lockstock chuckles, rolling his eyes. "Undermined their major cities, downed their walls, and popped up in all their castles, taking all their kings hostage at once."

"Woulda gotten a cheevo for that, if wartime cheevos weren't banned," another white-bearded dwarf mumbles. For once, all the other dwarves nod sagely, the only thing that they can all seem to agree on.

Boss Bawss pauses as, out of the blue, a strange idea comes to him...

>REALLY TRY TO TRADE FEATHERSTONE FOR THE DWARFS' AID IN THE UPCOMING BATTLE?
[ ] Yes!
[ ] No!
[ ] ... Write-In!

>>21802918
Trade for tech instead

>>21802918
Yes! For the love of Lady Luck, YES!

>>21802918
How about a yes?

The Dwarves and their specialty in digging would obviously be a huge boon to the war effort.

>>21802918
[ ] ... Write-In!: Offer to trade Celicia

>>21802918
[X] Yes!

See if we can get some tech as well. And say that we heard of an amazing Cheevo for Dwarves who aid Ogres in krumpin folks, give them tech, and hang out on their flying/walking golem fortress.

>>21802918
>Yes!
Let's make all the friends in the world!!!

>>21802972
War cheevos is forbidden.