You are Lincoln Bismuth, AMAZING HOBO EXTRAORDINAIRE. You have currently bounded into the middle of the street like a madman, which you are. An angry Zuli has followed you outside, still thowing visual daggers at your face.

>What do?

[ ] [ask Zuli for the location of more monstergirls to molest]

[ ] [search for the post office to catch up with Moira the night post batgirl]

[ ] [radio Fritz and tell him you have a bubble slime to hook him up with]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21629682

[Radio Fritz] [imbibe liquor]

>>21629682
[X] [ask Zuul for the location of more monstergirls to molest]
[X] [imbibe liquor]

I only know Zuul, not Zuli.

>>21629682
[x] [imbibe liquor]
[x] [radio Fritz and tell him you have an alcoholic miniature feral slimegirl asleep on your head. Also Bubble Slime thing.]
[x] [search for the post office to catch up with Moira the night post batgirl]

>[imbibe liquor]
Of course.
>[search for the post office to catch up with Moira the night post batgirl]

>>21629682
Radio Fritz, we owe the bro. That and we are hopelessly lost but mostly because we owe him for saving our life.

Hoping that Zuli will have the courtesy to not smash your face into pulp if you're talking with someone, you take a massive swig from the flagon in your hand and snatch the radio from one of your pockets and frantically twiddle with the dials.

"FRITZ COME IN FRITZ OH GOD ANSWER FRITZ I'M SO LOST." You blare into the radio. A few moments go by before an answer crackles back.

"Geezuz fuck, Lincoln! Half the castle probably heard you with how loud you just screamed. And now two of the castle servants or whatever are looking at my funny again. What do you need?"

"I'm looooooooohoohohoooooooost....." You whine, being as melodramatic as always. You can almost hear Fritz rolling his eyes.

"Finally ready to come back to the castle, huh? Well, here's my first piece of advice: Go towards the big thing that looks like a castle."

"Well, yes, but.....I need to find the post office first. For batgirls. You understand, don't you? It's a batgirl."

"Lincoln, Johnson is extremely pissed, and if you---"

"I'll hook you up with a bubble slime."

The radio goes silent for a good thirty seconds.

".................explain."

You have to bite your thumb to stop from snickering. Dude has his weak point for sure.

"A bubble slime is like a normal slime, except it bubbles. Like, bubbles float up from her. All the time. She's very squishy. Good squishy. Her name is Minerva. I tested her ass and tits for you. They are choice. Appreciate this information, because I got my ass beat for it."

There are another few moments before Fritz responds again.

".......The post office is on the main thoroughfare that leads to the castle. Big sign shaped like parchment or something similar hung outside, you can't miss it. .........HOW squishy?"

"Pleasantly squishy."

"I do believe you are alright in my book, Lincoln."

You laugh. "Well, you did punch my heart into restarting, after all. So I owe you delicious slimegirls at the very least. And I can find another bubble slime if I want one; they can't be THAT hard to find, what with all the delicious monstergirls I've been running into here."

"A man amongst men, you are. See you soon, then."

"Roger. Hobo out." You pocket the radio, happy to have done your good dead for today/this week/month/year. You feel a smug smirk of satisfaction is in order.

"You do realize you now know the only non-human species members in town, right? Probably for a great distance, too." Zuli deadpans from the porch with your shopping cart, looking thoroughly annoyed with your apparent plotting.

Yep, a sense of satis------

-------WHAT!?!?!??

[ ] [demand Zuli reclarify that obviously misspoken statement]

[ ] [deny reality and rush off to the post office]

[ ] [deny reality and rush off towards the tavern]

[ ] [deny reality and rush off towards the castle]

[ ] [deny reality and MORE BOOZE, GODDAMNIT]

[ ] [other]

>>21630091
MORE FUCKING BOOZE JESUS CHRIST.

>>21630091
[X] [deny reality and MORE BOOZE, GODDAMNIT]
[X] rush to the post office.

I can't hear you. I'm drunk.

>>21630091

[demand Zuli reclarify that obviously misspoken statement] and then [deny reality and MORE BOOZE!]

>>21630091
Imbibe boose then post office.

>>21630091
Is the little booze slime still on our head? We should share our booze.

Getting a hotdog and more booze. Your patience for a moment, please.

I'm back.

I've got a hotdog covered in toppings, a fridge full of booze, and a fist full of attitude. Let's do this.

File: 1353212641313.gif-(458 KB, 382x298, 1348726873615.gif)

>>21629619

Oh dear god how I've missed you, you beautiful thread.

>>21630787
You there OP?

>>21630141
>>21630168
>>21630234
>>21630275

ABORT. ABORT. SYSTEM CRASH. ATTEMPTING REBOOT.

"HAHAHA. HAHA. THAT'S REALLY FUNNY, ZULI. FOR A MOMENT IT SOUNDED LIKE YOU SAID THERE WERE NO MORE MONSTERGIRLS IN THE VICINITY. THE THINGS YOU MISHEAR, YEAH? AHAHAHA."

Zuli stares at you with a mixture of annoyance and caution. You're not surprised. Mishearing something like that probably made you look quite flustered.

"I did say that, you moron. Why are you acting---"

"HAHAAHAHAAA. THAT'S NOT NICE, ZULI. I MEAN, I LOVE A GOOD JOKE AND ALL, BUT DON'T TEASE ME, YEAH? GOOD ONE THOUGH, OOHOOHOO." You take another massive swig from your flagon and upend the rest of it over your head for the slimegirl. You giggle as some of the booze runs down your face.

Zuli actually takes a step back, slightly unnerved by your apparent hysterics. "Hey, what's the matter with you? I mean, I know you're a useless pervert, but still......"

"IIIIIII CAAAAAAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOOOOOOOOOOOU! I AM FAAAAAR TOO DRUNK, YOU DELICIOUSLY SEXY ONI GIRL!" You holler in an off-key sign-song voice, spinning around like a drunken hobo ballerina. With a crazily off-kilter swerve, you careen towards Zuli and your shopping cart, grinning madly.

Zuli backs up against the outside of the shack in alarm, apparently unnerved by your imminent approach. She raises her fist to defend herself against any imminent rape-y tendencies you may have just developed. "H-Hey! D-Don't you try anything weird! I don't know what's with you, but---" She is interrupted as you snatch the cart from besides her.

"I AM THE WALRUS! WOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO!" You screech, as you careen down the road towards the middle of town.

>>21631222
It's time for a wacky chase scene.

inb4 Zuli trolls us with "And how does that make you feel?"

About twenty minutes, 7 pedestrian hit-and-runs, a seemingly magically-produced rendition of Yakety Sax, and one dead badger that somehow ended up as your new codpiece, you arrive at the post office. You stare up at it, placing your hands on your hips as you strike a triumphant pose.

You are then immediately sent skidding down the street as Zuli lands a flying jump kick to your head.

"WHAT the HELL was all THAT!?" She shouts, looking thoroughly pissed, by which you mean "completely normal". "I'm not even sure what half of what you just did just WAS, let alone HOW you did it!"

"Weeeeee allllll liiiiiive in a yeeeelllooow submariiiiiiiiine....." You mumble into the dirt, having made quite the trench when Zuli Falcon Kicked you.

Zuli groans in frustration. "You know what? Fine. I guess I have to do this the hard way." She marches over to you, yanking you off of the ground and holding you off the ground at arm's length.

Then, with a sigh and a mutter of something unintelligible under her breath, she closes her eyes and slams her lips against your own for the second time. You immediately trade your cross-eyed demeanor for a wide-eyed one.

Wooooow. You really could get used to how warm this girl's mouth is. It's like drinking hot chocolate after being out in the snow. You also ponder how quick a learner she is, as she flicks her tongue against some of the more sensitive point of your mouth.

Sadly, Zuli then rips you away, holding you at arm's length again.

"Well?" She demands. "Have you stopped being crazy now?"

"Eheheheheeeeheeehehe." Your mouth says.

THWACK

"OW! What the fuck!?"

"Right. So a kiss and a punch is a good way to keep you from going nuts. I'll keep that in mind. Though maybe next time I'll just let you wheel that weird cart of yours off a cliff."

"Awwwwwww, Zuli, you don't really mean that, do you?" You flinch as she gives you a look of pure malice.

"Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to." She states flatly. "Now. I am going to explain this to you. And you are going to listen. And then you are NOT going to pull any more insane shit. Or I will punch your face inside out. Are we clear!?"

[ ] [yes]

[ ] [no]

[ ] [ravioli]

File: 1353217798243.jpg-(446 KB, 1263x1525, Manly.jpg)

>>21631222
>You take another massive swig from your flagon and upend the rest of it over your head for the slimegirl. You giggle as some of the booze runs down your face.
That reminds me of this.

>>21632041
[X] Just stare at her and sip from the booze.

>>21632041
>[x] [ravioli]

>>21632041

[yes]

>>21632086
This.

"........."

"............."

"...................SLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP."

You watch as Zuli has a small fight with herself to apparently not crush your windpipe.

"YOU-----ughggh, FINE. I'm going to talk first, and kill you afterwards. That way nobody can say I didn't try."

She then gives you a slightly bitter look. Her apparent discomfort is jarring enough to snap you out of your full-force Hoboness.

"I don't know where you're from, though it must be one fucking weird place with the way you act. But here on the Glorian Continent, people aren't so kind to other species. That's why there's only two or three of us in town. It's a miracle that none of us are slaves. What've you been shouting all day? "Monstergirls?" That's actually probably one of the tames of the names I've heard.

You look at her incredulously, almost can't believing your rage-crazy red oni girl is speaking such drivil.

"What the fuck!? What nonsense flows through yonder lips!?"

"People discriminate, you idiot. Most other species stay away from human settlements on this overgrown island. Minerva doesn't come outside and people are afraid she'll eat them, so they leave her alone. Similarly, nobody screws with me because they knew I'd kill them. That's the only reason we haven't been sold off to someone by now."

You stare at her, in disbelief. This was not supposed to be the kind of monstergirls you ran into. There was supposed to be happy and funtime and sillies and sex. Lots of sex. What is this bullshit drama-seriousness intruding upon your magical adventure?

>What do?

[ ] [react in FURIOUS ANGER]

[ ] [demand she explain more]

[ ] [thrust with badger codpiece to break mood]

[ ] [give no fucks]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21632576
>[x] [react in FURIOUS ANGER]
Direct our rage the idiots that would treat them this way.

>>21632576
[X] [demand she explain more]

Maybe we can get the people inside the post office to back her story.

>>21632576
[X] [react in FURIOUS ANGER]

Dipshit Medieval racism will not be tolerated by our modern hobo honor.

ESPECIALLY when monstergirls are involved.

>>21632576

[demand she explain more]

depending on her explanation we might end up

[reacting in FURIOUS ANGER]

Sorry guys, a few of my friends arrived unexpectedly and smoked me out of my skull. I'll pick up if the thread is still running when I wake up. Not like the last thread didn't span two days too.

Rolled 9

>>21632576
[x] [react in FURIOUS ANGER]
and
[x] [thrust with badger codpiece to break mood]

Because things are always better when you do more of them.

>Sorry I missed this, HoboKing, Twatter wasn't updating for whatever reason. Maybe tomorrow?

holy shit, thread not dead.

I apologize for my absolutely dreadful performance as OP last night, everyone. I am prepared to give my full attention now, and can probably run this thread all day.

Anyone still in here?

>>21637316
Yes, I've been waiting.
I thought you forgot about us.

>>21637346
Forgot? Never.

Have an unerring tendency to pull a Lincoln, indulge too much and pass out for vague undetermined amounts of time? You bet your ass.

>>21637316
Still here, waiting for drunken hobo rage.

>>21637372
>>21637346
Yep, two people is enough for me. I'm off to write the next part. SUPERSERIOUSHOBOTIME

Considering that the post office employs a bat girl, the discrimination might not be to the point of "purge the unclean." We might still be able to get people to accept integration.

>>21637497
Or it might be a case of 'convenience / necessity overrides discrimination'. She is their version of FedEx Overnight Airmail, after all.

Hoboking, good to see you're alive and kicking. Monstergirls, Hoooo~.

>>21632631
>>21633091
>>21633145
>>21633269
>>21636203

>>21633269
>>21633145
>>21633091
>>21632631

"What the flying FUCK!?" You yell. Holy shit, you're mad. You had almost forgotten what being mad feels like. It kinds of tickles.

"What, don't tell me you seriously had some kind of sunshine and rainbows mindset about life? Fuck, where you come from, people must live pretty soft." Zuli snorts, shaking her head in disapproval. But she startles when you grab ahold of her head.

"Wha-HEY! What are yoummph---!?!?" Her voice is muffled as you place a hand over her mouth and give her what you imagine to be a death stare.

"Zuli. Explain. Now." You grind out, throughly incensed. There's nothing for it once you get mad; you'll just have to figure out who's the unfortunate non-hobo you'll have to vent it on. or vomit on. Or both. All that you know is VENGEANCE IS REQUIRED.

"GAHHH!" You yip as Zuli bites your hand, having forgotten to take it off while you were contemplating devilish plans of justice porn. She growls at you, looking ready to resume the regular beatings for a moment. Then with a sigh, she gives you a tired look at resumes speaking.

What comes out of her mouth only reaffirms your pseudo-decision to engage ragemode.

"You really are naive, then? Fuck, that's a surprise, even for you. Though if ALWAYS drink like you did two nights ago, maybe I shouldn't be surprised you have brain damage."

''But I do have brai---"

"DON'TANSWERTHATORIPUNCHYOU. In any case, I'll just have to give you the short version." She clears her throat, and straightens her jacket's collar. Sweet jesus, she's trying to look professional instead of like the raging goddess of war she really is. That's adorable. Oh right, angry GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

"On the continents, you'll find different ways that humans interact with other species. Here, on the Glorian Continent, there quite a few kingdoms, but they all are relatively hostile in some way or form to humans. The fighting near the borders of some species's lands is near constant. And every so often, there's some sanctimonious noble prick who decides he's going to organize a "holy crusade", and everyone has to deal with a roving mob of so-called "soldiers" raping and pillaging in the general direction of what they perceive as the "enemy." Not to mention the slave trade, which both sides engage in more out of spite than anything at this point, and if you get sold into it just pray you don't end up with some half-cracked mage that feels like experimenting on you for "the greater good." It's a nightmare, humans are dicks, and you are a strange little man for not knowing this. Get it now?"

You're silent. For once, you're having trouble thinking up anything to snark. Fritz wasn't kidding; this place is SERIOUSLY still in the medieval era. That means a lot of problems. Real, serious problems that will probably require a cautious, yet firm hand to solve. Only the most cautious and intelligent of minds can solve a task such as this. Perhaps you should use this as an opportunity to turn over a new leaf, to help forge a brighter future, to.....

..........pffffffffffffffffffffffftAHAHAHAHAHAANOPE. What are you, fucking Ghandi? That shit is for other people to worry about. You? You're an angry hobo who's had too much/not enough to drink, and you're going to solve things your usual way: WITH A COMPLETE LACK OF IMPULSE CONTROL.

"Wha-KYAAAH!" Zuli shrieks uncharacteristically high-pitched as you crotch thrust into her a few times, though that may also be because of the dead badger you're wearing as a codpiece. She drops you, and for once you actually manage to land on your feet. A minor miracle.

"LIES! YOU SPEAK OF LIES, GIRL!" You bellow out. Zuli looks at you again. It seems she has defaulted back to barely suppressed rage. Ahhhhh, good times.

"What the hell. I just finished explaining this, and you're going to start denouncing it right away? You are stupid, you know that?"

"IF THEY ARE TRUTHS, THEN I SHALL MAKE THEM LIES!" You declare, flashing what you assume to be a dashing smile at her but probably just looks like you're constipated.

"THIS WORLD IS WRONG, AND I SHALL MAKE IT RIGHT! THE WORLD SHALL JOIN HANDS IN DRUNKEN MERRIMENT! WATERFALLS OF LIQUOR SHALL SPRING FORTH FROM THE SKY! AND ALL SHALL ENGAGE IN GLORIOUS DRUNKEN MONSTERGIRL DEBAUCHERY!" People are staring at this point. At your crotch. Ooohhhh yeeeaa---wait, dammit, it's the badger again.

Well, you should probably capitalize on this newly-sprung wind of idiocy before Zuli knocks you into the stratosphere again.

>What do?

[ ] [blast apart the door to the post office with crotch thrust of doom, question batgirl]

[ ] [rush to the castle to retrieve weaponry from spec ops guys, engage in vigilante justice]

[ ] [molest Zuli in the name of equality and interspecies friendship]

[ ] [imbibe liquor, feed slimegirl]

[ ] [other]

>>21637769

Shit, rookie typo. Zuli's speech should say "....some way or form to non-humans." My bad.

>>21637795
>[x] [blast apart the door to the post office with crotch thrust of doom, question batgirl]

>>21637795
[X] [blast apart the door to the post office with crotch thrust of doom, question batgirl]

You know alcohol might actually be the right solution to this problem. Get the people of both sides drunk and have them mingle.

>>21637795
>[X] [blast apart the door to the post office with crotch thrust of doom, question batgirl]

>[X] [imbibe liquor, feed slimegirl]

We need to find out where the monster girls are. So we can 'negotiate' with them. Yeah.

>>21637849
>>21637837
>>21637822

The post office. Official place of business for the Glorian Postal Service. A tranquil place, full of diligent and hard-working people. They toil the day away, sorting the numerous letters and packages that must be sent on towards their destinations. It's a job that can be tedious at times, but overall they find it quite fulfi---

SMASH

One of the postal workers screams like a little girl and dives behind the sorting table as the door is blasted into fragments. Another is rendered unconscious as he is hit in the face by what appears to be a dead badger.

The front desk clerk cowers behind his work surface, looking up at you as you stand on top of the counter, arms folded defiantly as you stare down at him.

"WHERE IS THE BATGIRL, KNAVE!?" You boom, glaring angrily.

"T-Th-Th-The night post? Y-Y-You've got the wrong b-b-building. Th-That's next d-door.'"

"....................oh."

-30 SECONDS LATER-

SMASH

Yet another door is obliterated through the force of your Hobo Wrath. You stride through the debris, entering the building like a man on a mission, except there is no mission, only drunken stupidity.

"WHERE ARE YOU, BATGIRL MOIRA!?" You yell as you enter the building. With such a sparse supply of monstergirls, you must keep the ones you have found close at hand. For security reasons. Yeah.

.......hang on a sec, this room is just full of boxes. What the hell? You swing your head confusedly, slightly upset that you've failed two dramatic entrances in a row.

Oh. There she is. Up there.

Moira hangs from the ceiling, her wings curled around her, obscuring most of her body from view. her hair hangs free, making her look slightly creepy if you didn't know she was part bat. Aaaaaaand she's asleep. Fuck.

Well, you need to wake her up somehow. Patience and proper sleep schedules are for rubes.

>What do?

[ ] [throw things at her to wake her up]

[ ] [use verbal hobojutsu to wake her up]

[ ] [attempt death-defying climb up into rafters to verbally/actually molest her awake]

[ ] [attempt to convince mini-slimegirl to do.....something. you're not really sure]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21638269
[X] [attempt to convince mini-slimegirl to do.....something. you're not really sure]

Throw mini-slime at her face.

File: 1353258667001.jpg-(465 KB, 720x825, 25832091_p0.jpg)

>>21638269
>[X] [attempt to convince mini-slimegirl to do.....something. you're not really sure]

>[X] [imbibe liquor]

Mini! Get up there and give the sleeping bat beauty a kiss!

Wait, will that even....

Fuck it, do it anyway.

>>21638338
>>21638324

Well, you're not climbing up there to get her down. You've started to understand the relationship you and gravity have; it's an abusive one. And if your amazing entrance didn't wake her up, you may require something more.....drastic.

Which is why you proceed to gloop the miniature slimegirl still sleeping atop your head into your hand and launch it directly at Moira.

SPLOCK

The slimegirl impacts the top of Moira's head, sticking there like a bit of jiggly jell-o. The minislime slowly forms from the puddle, rubbing her eyes sleepily as she awakens.

"Ngggggaaaaah.....?" Moira mumbles, apparently awoken by your sudden projectile antics. She unfurls her wings with a low swoosh, stretching them as she cracks her eyes open a fraction. Which then open a bit wider as she stares confusedly at the other set of sleepy eyes less than two inches from her own.

There is a moment as the two merely look at one another in semi-slumber drowsiness. And then, with a certain sort of gentle grace, the minislime flows slightly upwards, and contentedly bites the batgirl on the nose.

The results are no less hilarious than you could have hoped.

>>21638593
Mini slime is a credit to the team.

File: 1353260673177.gif-(498 KB, 227x240, 1350915341043.gif)

>>21638593
>and contentedly bites the batgirl on the nose.
>mfw
cuteness overload ow

File: 1353261267056.jpg-(382 KB, 714x5000, Mini-Slime Girl Proper Care.jpg)

>>21638684
That feeling when you have too many images, but can't be arsed to sort them by anything other than board name. Le sigh.

I found a pamphlet.

"EEEEEYYAAAH!" Moira screams, as she swats at the offending nibbler. She swings wildly as she flails her wings. She actually manages to snap one or two of the rafters with her struggling.

Right, so batgirls are ridiculously strong as well. You'll have to remember to pick back up that painkiller habit you had a while back. For your own safety.

There is a whoosh and a crash as Moira, apparently forgetting she was on the ceiling, attempts to dislodge minislime with her foot/claw/whatever. She predictably plummets to the floor in a heap. You could have tried to catch her, but with talons like those, you like your face unrended, thank you. Plus, hilarious.

"Ugh--wha---w-what's going on!? Get this thing off of meeeee!" She cries, visibly distressed as the slimegirl continues to nom on her. You should probably help with that.

You lazily walk over, pulling the slimegirl off Moira's nose with a small squelching noise. The slimegirl reforms on the back of your hand, giving you what you can only describe as a pouting look. Rolling your eyes, you pull a hip flask (of which you have several) from one of the ridiculous amount of loops on your pants, and upend it over the slimgirl. She immediately begins swirling around your arm, greedily absorbing all of the delicious liquid. You'll have to remember that you're drinking for two now, you guess.

Meanwhile, Moira is looking at you like a fish out of water.

"I-gah-L-Lincoln! You-You're alive!"

>>21638841
Offer her some booze for her troubles.

You stare down at her with an expression of bemusement. "Really? Really? You thought BOOZE of all things would kill me? And leave a delicious batgirl alone and without hobo loving? Surely you jest, my dear."

Her face flares red again, her wings fluttering as she attempts to right herself from her less than dignified floor perch. "B-But when I woke up, they said you had drank so many barrels of liquor, y-you might never wake up again! So how are you here!?" She's actually confused. Amusing, but you can't leave her in the dark forever. This requires a calm and well-reasoned explanation.

"ALCOHOLMANCY!" You roar, as you immediately hoist her up from the floor. By doing a double-fisted ass grab. Ahhhhhh, batgirl ass. You can't believe you forgot to sample this before. So small, yet so soft. Like a plushy.

You immediately are delivered, with proper postal diligence, directly into the wall at about 60mph. Quite the efficient bunch, the night post is.

Moira's face is near crimson, though her eyes are switching between anger, embarrassment, and regret.

"AH!---I-I-I'm sorry! Are you hurt? I mean, I just---your hands--on my----ahhhhh, sorry! But why did you----oh, I'm sooooorrry!" She panics, completely stuck in emotional conflict.

As much as you like harassing her, you'll get no info out of her at this rate. Even if batgirl ass distracted you, you still have some sort of vague revenge fantasy you have to unleash upon the ignorant peons.

>What do?

[ ] [offer her booze to calm her]

[ ] [command minislime to resume noms]

[ ] [activate Hobo Charm to induce swooning]

[ ] [question her for info in terrible German accent]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21638903
>[X] [activate Hobo Charm to induce swooning]
>[X] [imbibe liquor]

We need to tech the mini slime tha people are not food. Maybe a chart with the six basic food groups in it.

>>21638903
>[X] [other]
>Rape

>>21638903
>[ ] [imbibe liquor]
>[ ] [question her for info in terrible German accent]
>[ ] [imbibe liquor]

>>21638903
>[ ] [other]
All of the above.

>>21638973
This

>>21638903
[X] [question her for info in terrible German accent]
[X] [imbibe liquor]


Biting iss only how mini slime shows affection she should feel happy about it.

>>21638969

Getting up from where you peeled off the wall, you approach Moira menacingly, wiggling your fingers.

"IT'S RAPE TIME, LITTLE BATGIRL!" You boom. Moira goes visibly pale.

"Wha--what are you saying, Lincoln? Y-y-you can't really mean that?"

"IMMA IMPALE YOU ON MAH MEAT STICK!" You scream, as you dive for the helpless batgirl.

You are then predictably eviscerated by her claws.

BAD END. RESPAWN.

>Not saying I'll stop you from trying to rape monstergirls, /tg/
>I leave everything on the table
>I'm just saying, with how strong some of them are
>It's generally a dumb idea

>>21639130

>Well, at least if you don't prepare beforehand

File: 1353264209542.jpg-(72 KB, 500x375, Disappointowld.jpg)

>>21639130
>no vore end

>>21639189

If I didn't restrict myself to 1s for doing vore ends, we'd never get anywhere. Don't think I'm not tempted.

>>21638960
>>21638969
>>21638970
>>21638973
>>21639000

[ ] [SWAG OVERDRIVE]

This solution obviously calls for one of your famous Hobo-brand solutions.

But that would be boring, so instead you're going to use all of them.

"I zheeeeeeeeee......." You drawl out, immediately going into full troll mode. You pick yourself up off of the floor, straightening your non-existent tie. You give a great "harrumph" as you pick your way over to the batgirl, who is now staring at you with a mixture of confusion and apprehension.

"Zho, zis situvation, it dizturbs you, ja?" You say, peering at her in mock inquisitiveness. Moira just gapes at you.

"Vell, ve kahn handle zat, ja. Ve joost need ze proper moteevashion. Here, drink zis." You hand her a hip flask, as you unscrew another one for yourself and down it quickly, feeding the last bit of it to the slimegirl, who cheerfully slurps at the remaining drops. Moira takes the flask from you, but immediately begins protesting.

"I-I can't drink this! I woke up last time extremely late and almost got fired! I---" She eeps and goes silent when you fix her with a stern glare.

"Nein! Zis iz unacceptabuble! Joo vill drink, or joo gets zee zlimegirl!" You hold out the slimegirl menacingly, who just proceeds to stare curiously at the batgirl she previously decided to eat.

Moira stifles back a shriek as you immediately downs a sizeable gulp of the flask, coughing from the speed of her ingestion. You nod in approval.

"Vundarbar! Zis is mooch better for ze pretty batgril, ja?" Despite your terrible accent, Moira still blushes slightly at your comment. Holy crap, is she this easy to embarrass? What, do all the monstergirls here have terminal weaknesses to cheesy lines or something?

.......Of course, if they do, they'll need to give you the Taj Mahal to properly house a harem of the size you're going to be getting. Eheheheh.

"Now. Zee pretty batgirl vill unswer my qvestions, ja?" Moira nods wordlessly, apparently having completely given up trying to understand your ridiculous behaviour.

"You vill explain to zis vun. Vhy does the red oni girl lie aboot ze munstargirls? Zee people, they cannout hate joo, ja? Is Impossibuble."

Moira blinks for a few moments, then proceeds to look at you with a strange, saddened look. Oh boy. You can tell right now, there are jimmies that are about to be rustled.

[roll 1d20 to potentially take the explanation like any sort of rational human being]

Rolled 20

>>21639445
(t)Rolling.

File: 1353265870233.jpg-(35 KB, 300x226, 3568-mah-nigga.jpg)

>>21639475
Aw sheeeit, we in homies, we in

>>21639475
We're a rational human being? it's probably the alcohol.

>>21639475

Well fuck, wasn't expecting that

File: 1353266346698.jpg-(27 KB, 250x383, CharAznableUC0087a[1].jpg)

>>21639525
Nah, it's just rolling for potential for UNDERSTANDING. Without the hobo antics.

>>21639546
I guess it pays to be a NewType, sometimes. We're gonna understand the hell out of this situation. Yeah.
I'm so cool, even my giant robot wears sunglasses.

>>21639475
Does this mean we understand EVERYTHING?

>>21639475

"'W-well, I wouldn't say they all hate us.....that's a pretty strong word. Most of them just.....really don't like us. I-I Mean, yes, there are humans who are more terrible about it, b-but not all of them....."

"But! But! But zee night post! Zey value your vork, ja!?" You protest.

"W-Well, I suppose.....but they don't really like us showing ourselves. Being discrete, that's one of the number one rules of the night post. Since it's dark, there's usually no problems, but it's still safer to just do a quick flyby than to hang around in one spot too long."

"But that's ridiculous! Why do you work for them when they're such assholes to you!?" You break character, almost unable to believe the hypocrisy. You've railed about THE MAN many a time, but it was never anything like this.

Moira smiles at you, a sad and resigned smile. "Well, with all the interspecies violence and the constant military conflicts of the kingdoms, both human and non-human alike, a lot of people get left with nothing. My species is no exception. We have to eat somehow."

You stare at her in abject shock, unable to even form some sort of snark to take the edge off. This is straight-up bullshit, right here.

Moira then cocks her head slightly, looking at you with a strange, inquisitive look. "I'm more interested in why this is all so unfamiliar to you, magical realm or not. Do they not have any of these conflicts where you're from? It must be a wonderful place, if that's so. T-To be honest,I was really shocked when you were so kind to me after I ran into you like that, even if you are a bit weird."

......Kind? How the hell have you been kind? You've been a complete jackass since you got here; not that you didn't enjoy it and all, but that's not the point. If you're going to act like a jackass, you want recognition for it. dammit. It's like playing life on hard mode. What the fuck is with this girl's weird skewed perception? This is all wrong.

"Erm......Lincoln? Are you alright?" Moira looks at you, slightly concerned by your continued silence.

You go through a mental recap in your mind. Basically, this place is rife with violence and none of the different species get along at all. There's rape, murder, slavery, famine, standard medieval problems. And a SEVERE lack of monstergirl sexy times.

Right. Understood all of that for once. Time to react.

[ ] [RAGE MODE. Storm the castle in a fury]

[ ] [call together Zuli and Moira for a dissertation on why their world is about to get fixed]

[ ] [ask minislime to form into a SLIME POWER GAUNTLET. Wreck shit]

[ ] [imbibe copious amounts of liquor and attempt to calm the fuck down]

[ ] [imbibe copious amounts of liquor and attempt to not calm down at all]

[ ] [other]

[Furthermore, roll 1d20 to determine the potency of your reaction]

Rolled 8

>>21639845
>[x] [ask minislime to form into a SLIME POWER GAUNTLET. Wreck shit]

Rolled 11

>>21639845
>[X] [imbibe copious amounts of liquor and attempt to calm the fuck down]
>[X] [call together Zuli and Moira for a dissertation on why their world is about to get fixed]

I am so tempting fate right now.
Monstergirl Paradise, GO!

Rolled 4

>>21639840
In this order
>[ ] [call together Zuli and Moira for a dissertation on why their world is about to get fixed]
>[ ] [imbibe copious amounts of liquor and attempt to not calm down at all]
>[ ] [ask minislime to form into a SLIME POWER GAUNTLET. Wreck shit]
>[ ] [imbibe copious amounts of liquor and attempt to not calm down at all]
>[ ] [RAGE MODE. Storm the castle in a fury]
>[ ] [imbibe copious amounts of liquor and attempt to not calm down at all]

FOR VALOUR! TO GLORY!

Rolled 10

We... really aren't getting anything done here, are we?

>>21639910
>>21639905
>>21639904

"Lincoln? Are you okay? Please answer me!" Moira says, worry seeping through in her voice as she shakes you slightly.

"I think he broke or something." Zuli says, having made her way inside with a curt nod to Moira. She is now currently poking you in the head.

You begin to drool as your brain continues to process......something. you're not really sure what.

[Just roll a few more times so we can get on with it]

Rolled 7

>>21639962
Here come the ones

Rolled 12

>>21639962
Oh boy. Loading the bell curve, are we?

Rolled 4

>>21639962
This can only end in tears.

Rolled 4

And here I honestly thought you had stopped altogether, especially after the one week pause.
[x] [imbibe copious amounts of liquor and attempt to calm the fuck down]
I'd still like to meet the king BEFORE wrecking the town.

Rolled 10

>>21639840
[X] [imbibe copious amounts of liquor and attempt to not calm down at all]

File: 1353268946476.gif-(2.76 MB, 444x250, i'm trying to think you t(...).gif)

Rolled 3

>>21639931
You burned all our luck you asshole

Rolled 2

Sure is painfully average rolls around here. I'm surprised we didn't get a single 1 yet.
Rolling for hobo speech crafting skills.

Rolled 3

>>21640046
I just got the mental imagery of mini slime mimicking our reactions.

File: 1353269017223.jpg-(14 KB, 500x375, tumblr_lzp8cstQlm1r6qozpo(...).jpg)

Rolled 16

>>21640046

So much for Understanding, eh?

Rolled 4

>>21640062
Char will surely save the day.

Rolled 8

>>21640076
If I don't, what's the worst that can happen? I try to slam an asteroid into the planet?

>>21639990
>>21639998
>>21640019
>>21640023
>>21640040
>>21640046
>>21640058
>>21640061
>>21640062
>>21640076
>>21640100


>What the fuck
>no ones
>I was all ready to type up red oni/werebat vore too
>oh well
>brought down his intelligence enough to allow him to make a decision

Rolled 3

>>21640112
Wait... we LOWERED Lincoln's intelligence?

This'll be good.

Rolled 19

>>21640112
We are all as surprised as you are.

Rolled 16

>>21640140
die as a result of a champagne opening related accident

Rolled 11

>>21640140
>>21640150
And now the good rolls breeze through.

Rolled 13

>>21640186
is gypsy curse

Rolled 10

>>21640211
It's the sobriety finally leaving us.

Wait.....you feel something.....maybe.....could it be?

YES! A conclusion! Several, in fact. You were beginning to worry; such unprecedented information comprehension had overloaded your brain. Thankfully, several thousand of your brain cells valiantly committed ritualistic suicide, thus preserving your ability to function through cerebral witchcraft. You didn't need to remember what the different lights on a streetlight mean, anyway.

"LADYFOLK! I BRING YOU A SOLUTION!" You blare out suddenly, causing Moira and Zuli to jump back in alarm.

"GATHER ROUND! For I am about to impart upon thee the wisdom of the ages." You give another one of your unhinged grins, something that seems to be becoming more uncommon. Maybe you should've listened when that doctor guy said you should take medication or something. Oh well, whatever.

Zuli approaches you, fist raised threateningly. Moira continues to hide behind the oni girl, peaking out at you from around Zuli's midsection. Zuli's got height, you'll give her that.

"Nooowwwww~~~~, my prettiesssss.......I have determined that the way you are all treated is unacceptable, yes. So we shall doooooo something about it." You giggle, almost unable to contain your mirth. This is such a good idea; they're going to love it!

Zuli groans. "Oh boy, here we go. Another of those "let's all get along" types. I hope you realize most of them get burnt at the stake by angry mobs within a few weeks."

"PAH! I am no such weakling. My plan involves ACTION, not talk." You spit out, somewhat disgusted by the idea. "Now, here is my plan: 1. make everyone get along. 2. make everyone get along by conquering them so they have no choice. 3. obliterate anyone who tries to get in the way. Isn't it a wonderful plan!?"

It takes almost a full minute before either of the girls can manage to speak again.

Rolled 18

>[ ] [imbibe copious amounts of liquor and attempt to not calm down at all]
>[ ] [call together Zuli and Moira for a dissertation on why their world is about to get fixed]
>[ ] [Cop a feel on Moira while we're at it.]

Rolled 7

>>21640554
Alcohol will save the day yet.

"Wha---Ha--How is that even a plan!?" Moira yells, jumping out from behind Zuli.

".......I dunno. For once, this idiot has said something interesting. Impossible, but interesting. My kinda plan." Zuli cracks a grin, the first you've seen since you first met her. "And I'd by lying if I said I didn't want to see some of the arrogant elite brought down to heel underneath my boot."

"SO IT'S SETTLED! We conquer the whole world and then everything is great. ONWARDS!" You immediately fling yourself forward, grabbing one of Zuli's tits in one hand and one of Moira's in the other. You give them both a few quick honks before sprinting for the door.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Zuli roars, reverting back to rage mode.

"WHOOPWHOOPWHOOPWHOOPWHOOP!" You hoot, grabbing the shopping cart and crashing down the main thoroughfare towards the castle, Zuli stampeding after you as Moira takes flight, beating her wings furiously as she attempts to keep up with your mad dash.

"I WILL FORCE-FUCK YOU WITH A FIELD PLOW, YOU INCORRIGIBLE LITTLE TWIT!" It's ever so nice to see Zuli in her best of moods.

You pull two hip flasks from your pockets, swigging an entire one down in one go while jamming the other one over the minislime's head as she rests on your shoulder. You hear greedy slurping noises as she gulps down the contents, before you hear a tiny burble, which you think may be what a slimegirl burp sounds like.

"Minislime, lend me your aid! COMBINE WITH MY HAND TO FORM A SLIMY FIST OF POWAH!" You shout out, now beginning to dodge the various objects Zuli is hurling at you.

The slimegirl looks you at you and stares for a moment. She then burps again.

"Ah well, worth a try. Maybe she needs more practice." You duck as an entire wheel of cheese frisbees through where your head was only a moment ago.

You screech to a halt, despite the fact that Zuli is probably going to murder you five different ways simultaneously. Why? Because it's kind of hard to get into a castle when there's a couple of guards pointing extremely sharp halberds at you.

"HALT, stranger! This is the castle of Lord Farnsworth. State you reason for approaching or begone!"

Craaaaaap. Normal people. This is annoying.

>What do?

[ ] [smooth talk/belch your way inside]

[ ] [bribe guards with booze to gain access]

[ ] [allow Zuli to potentially punt you over the castle wall]

[ ] [ask Moira to fly you in]

[ ] [explain your connection to the spec ops like a rational human being]

[ ] [other]

At some point we should tell the military about our discoveries. Our world's booze may allow for a bloodless conquest. We can destroy their countries by destroying their livers.
>>21640895

[X] [bribe guards with booze to gain access]

I bring you wonderbrew from the far off lands of Orleans.

Rolled 67

>>21640895
[x] [explain your connection to the spec ops like a rational human being]
But half way thru
[x] [allow Zuli to potentially punt you over the castle wall]

Rolled 5

>>21641014
This sounds like a reasonable plan all things considered.

Rolled 8

>>21640895

>[ ] [allow Zuli to potentially punt you over the castle wall]
>[ ] [ask Moira to fly you in]

ZULI PUNTS US MOIRA GLIDES US TO A SAFE LANDING
AERIAL ASSAULT
THE OPERATOR GUYS WILL BE INTERESTED IN OUR USE OF TACTICS RIGHT

Rolled 6

>>21640895
>[ ] [smooth talk/belch your way inside]
>[ ] [bribe guards with booze to gain access]

HOBO CHARMS. HOBO CHARMING BOOZE BRIBERY.

Though the idea of having Moira fly us in, guiding her via calculated gropes, would be fine too.

Also.
>[ ] [Imbibe liquor]

>>21640965
On second thought having Zuli score a touchdown sounds like it will give our entrance more impact. Switching to
[X] [allow Zuli to potentially punt you over the castle wall]

>It appears that /tg/ likes tactical airdrops, so to speak

Rolled 10

>>21641139
THE CODEX ASTARTEHS NEHMS THIHS MANUVAH STEHL REHN

Rolled 20

>Moira airdrop
>But get a good honk in anyways so she knows just when to drop us.
>Also, kiss for good luck?

She's so shy and bookish she might just DO IT.

>>21641182
The dice have spoken. We will get punted due to honking in a no honk zone.

>>21641208
At the very least, our honking will assure all to MOVE, BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY, GET OUT THE WAY, BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY!

Apologies for the delay. I just got off an important phone call that could potentially lead to entrepreneurial employment opportunities of some sort. New post coming soon.

>>21641798
You are forgiven, gainful employment is a blessing that all wish for and I hope you acquire.

Now make with the crazy.

This is going to call for a delicate hand.

"Well, good sirs, I don't mean to intrude, but I have business with the Lord, as my companions are hear to meet him. Perhaps you've seen them? They do look rather.....unique."

One of the guards raises his halberd, scratching his nose with his other hand. "Ah, yeah. The foreigners or summat. Well, that's fine, then. You can----"

"LIIIIIIIINCOOOOOOOOOOLN!"

Oh shit. Zuli caught up.

Zuli thunders to a stop, towering over you like the wrath of god. She certainly looks the part, you'll give her that.

So, like any reasonable human being.....

"Honk honk." You squeeze her boobs, delighting in their size and texture.

You hear an audible snapping noise, though your not quite sure what it is. Perhaps Zuli's sense of reason. Which may be why she then proceeds to punt you airborne like a star NFL kicker.

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!" You holler as you soar free over the castle wall. Oh well. It's been a nice life.

"I-I gotcha!" You find your descent to terra firma unexpectedly halted by Moira's claws, as she grasps you firmly by your shoulders in midair. You tend to forget how impressive monstergirls can be.

"A-Are you alright? I'm not hurting you, am I?" Moira frets, flapping her wings as you hang in the air above the castle.

You give her a thankful grin. "Yeah, not dead, right? Thanks Moira. I'd prefer not to be paste just yet." She returns your grin with a bashful one of her own.

"Sooooooo can you just drop me on that big pile of hay in there?"

"W-W-WHAT!?"

"Well, I have to get down somehow. And I have absolutely zero patience."

"I-I-I---B-But---" she stutters, apparently balking at the idea of airdropping you into the castle like some sort of human care package.

"Heeeeey, don't worry about it. I'll be fine. If you're really worried about it, you can always give me a kiss for good luck, yeah?" You wiggle your eyebrows perversely.

Moira says nothing for a few moments, only to suddenly whip her legs forward.

You suddenly find yourself airborne with no support, briefly suspended in front of Moira from the force of her throw. Her face is completely red.

She quickly darts her head forward, quickly giving you a peck on the lips before gravity takes over again.

"Make sure you don't die!" Moira shouts at you, her face even redder than before.

You crack another insanely wide grin as you plummet towards the castle below.

"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORTH IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Roll 1d20 to not eat shit and die]

>>21642219

Is 80 good or bad? This is my first quest thread, after all. I haven't bothered to ask whether I'm doing a good job or not, I just write shit.

Rolled 15

>>21642279

Rolled 19

>>21642279
Let it be known I honked, and it was good.

>>21642291
That's pretty good since your posts are long, and not just filler.

Rolled 12

Here's hoping for just a fracture!

Rolled 16

>>21642279
haybale-girl vore?

File: 1353279298472.jpg-(268 KB, 450x600, 29175879_m.jpg)

Rolled 3

>>21642291
Sorry, deleted said post because dude I repiled to deleted his.

100 posts from op that contain story are 'EPIC QUESTS'. 80 over a few days, with regular OP consistency and hilarity is also Damn Epic. Not everyone can write quickly, or well. You write well, and quickly while you're here, and always offer an explanation for absences. You're doing good, OP. the votes on Sup/tg/ only confirm this.

Anyhoo, (t)rolling for not eating shit and dying.

>>21642393
Almost. Damn /tg/ dice.

>>21642422
>Dawwwwwwww, you flatter me
>VORE SCENE OF YOUR CHOICE
>If I ever get another one, goddamnitall

Rolled 14

>>21642535
Sweet. Unlimited Vore Works, X1 Get. HUEHUEHUEHUE.

Edgar the stablehand is hard at work today again. Having managed to be noticed by one of the castle guards at the local horse-riding competition for his excellent care, he was appointed by special decree by the captain of the guards to taking care of the war horses that they rid into battle. Life, while still harsh out in these lands so far from the big cities, is much better than before, and he was looking forward to the small luxuries he could afford with his newly increased pay.

Sadly, Edgar would never get to experience these material comforts, as he shortly thereafter had his head caved in by the kick of a fear-stricken horse. The horse was reacting to a noise Edgar would find impossible to describe, but more educated individuals could call "the sound made when a parcel of stupid and drunken fury impacts a haybale at high velocity causing it to explode".

Or "The Call of the Wild Hobo," if you feel like waxing poetic.

"Uuuuuuuuuuugh." You groan, happy at least to know that you can still talk, and thus did not separate your head from your shoulders upon landing. You still feel like shit, though. Not your smartest of plans.

Still worth it though. Batgirl kisses. Maybe you can fenangle more out of her later. Mmmmmmmm, batgirl boobs.

You wince as you slowly haul yourself up from what remains of the haypile, the rest of it scattered all over the small plaza area like some sort of farm-themed bukkake scene. You are pleasantly surprised to find yourself able to move all of your limbs without screaming pain, though you can already tell you're going to have so many bruises you'll look like a hemophiliac.

"Welp. made it inside the castle. Kind of. I guess. Not dead, so whatever." You remark to yourself, spitting loose pieces of hay out of your mouth. "Soooooooo, where's the special forces guys? And my bro, Fritz? Should probably find Fritz first so the other guys don't kill me."

You look around at the newly-redecorated open-air plaza. Nearby there's what seems to be a stable, judging by all the annoying horse noises coming from inside of it. Yeah, horses get upset about everything. Probably nothing to worry about.

There are two passages out of the plaza area; one leading to the west, one leading to whatever the opposite of west is. You should probably pick one.

>What do?

[ ] [go check on annoying horses]

[ ] [go west]

[ ] [go not-west]

[ ] [search for castle liquor stash]

[ ] [attempt to tunnel through castle wall]

[ ] [other]

Rolled 15

>>21642837
>[ ] [go not-west]
>and look up for batgirls.

Rolled 3

>>21642837
Go not-west because west is for squares and boy scouts. Wait how do we even no where west is? Are we a boy scout? Oh god!

Rolled 2

>>21642837
[X] Get on a horse and make a dynamic entry through the main hall.

Let's make an impression on these people.

>>21642881
>>21642892
>GODDAMNIT
>SO CLOSE
>WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME, /TG/ DICE

Rolled 4

>>21642892
While Going Not-West? And proclaiming "I AM THE HOBO KING!"

>>21642837

[other] call up Fitz, let him know we have found ourselves in the castle stables

Rolled 6

>>21642913
Would it make you feel better if I failed now and made way for centaur vore?

If not then radio Fritz asking for directions on where to go from the stable.

Rolled 3

>>21642913
I will try one last time.

Also, don't you still owe me a vore scene from the other thread where we got quadra 1's?

Rolled 8

>>21642967
It's probably going to be sentient hay that triggers the vore.

>>21642967
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....................Do I~~~~~~?

Rolled 7

>>21642985
I am ok with this.

Rolled 17

>>21642892
>>21642913
How is a 2 close exactly? I'm not too familiar with dice rolling outcomes.

Though I like not-west and looking up for batgirls.

Rolled 4

>>21643040
A 1 is a critical failure. Bad things happen on critical failures.

File: 1353282081817.jpg-(Spoiler Image, 263 KB, 424x600)

Rolled 17

>>21643040
A 1 is like, well, you tried to swing your sword at an enemy Orc, but it flies out of your grip, hitting a wall sconce, which causes burning oil to eat through the rope that's holding the chandelier up, and said chandelier proceeds to flatten you, your paladin, the mage, and knocks the rogue out of hiding, giving the enemy 3 free attacks of opportunity - with which he uses to coup de grâce you all before kicking the shit out of the rogue. Game Over.

A two just means you miss.

I miss 2nd Edition D&D sometimes.

"Alllllrighty, west it is!" You begin to swagger your way towards the west. But you nearly trip and fall when you suddenly find your left foot held fast.

"Eh?" You look down. You appear to have stepped in a pile of hay.

.......They hay is moving. WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS ALL THE HAY MOVING.

And indeed, it is. All of the hay is moving towards you, shuffling down the walls, across the floor, rustling as it moves ever so incrementally. The pile of hay grows, building up past your feet as it rises up your legs to encompass you.

"OH GOD, SOMEONE HELP ME!" You scream, and yet there is no reply. Even the neighing of the horses has stopped; it seems the hay got to them first.

And then you are silenced, as the hay forces itself down your mouth, strangling your cries. The hay is painful, stabbing, poking, jabbing into every inch of your body as it works it's way inwards, through orifices, through pores. All the while, the ever present rustling continues.

As you are tenderized further and further down into your components of flesh and fluid, you give one last week gurgle as your prostate spasms, feeding the hay with your built-up reserves of spooge. The pleasure floods your brain even as it collapses, darkening your vision to nothingness forever.

And then, the plaza is silent. Nothing save for the soft rustling of the hay. And then---

--The horse trots over, quiet except for the tapping of its hooves against the stone. It makes it's way to the hay pile, still softly settling, with a strange look in its eyes. They look glazed. Entranced.

Hungry.

And then, the plaza is filled with a new crunching noise, as the horse bends its neck and begins to eat.

>DOUBLE VORE COMBO
>I couldn't help myself

>>21643602
This isn't my fetish

>>21643624
You know it's someone's fetish. Someone somewhere has looked at hay and though, "I'm going to fuck that."

>>21643624
There weren't even any girls.

>>21643670
It does have a pleasant smell, but still ain't my fetish.

>>21643624
>>21643670
>>21643676
>>21643678

>The Hobo King doles out vore much as a volcano doles out lava
>randomly and sometimes to great destruction
>sometimes you get delicious monstergirls
>sometimes you get eaten by a fucking haybale

Rolled 19

>>21643731
Yeah, but now I'm thinking of a straw dryad monstergirl decked out like a samurai in a conical hay hat and a hay cape, peeking out through a slit in the hay hat. When she sleeps, she looks like a top tied haybale. And I'm not a drawfag. So, damn it.

>>21643771
A dryad as hay would be guro.

>>21643771

...............this idea holds merit as a potential character encounter.

We really do need a drawfag or two in here. Hell, even you suck at drawing, do some shitty ms paint thing so we can all laugh at it.

File: 1353284826368.jpg-(145 KB, 565x800, prv3757_pg35[1].jpg)

Rolled 12

>>21643800
Well, a dryad wearing hay then. Like so. Just with a hay hat, so when she stops moving, she just looks like a haybale.

>>21643864
That would be adorable.

Rolled 15

>>21642837
God damn you and your sentient, malicious haystacks.

Let's try again! Since our hobo-ing ways will be fruitless if we can't get all the parties drunk enough to agree off our Homebrew Hobo Elixer... Let's...

>[ ] [search for castle liquor stash]

File: 1353286904163.png-(97 KB, 775x601, Straw Dryad 1.png)

Rolled 13

>>21643856
...Fine. Here. Samurai Straw Dryad mockup.

Sleeping on the left, Active on the right.

>>21644408
Awesome. I feel the need to do something like this in my l5r game now.

Rolled 20

>>21644637
I can only imagine gaining ranks in hide if in an open field.

Orc: ooowwww....
BBEG: What happened to you?
Orc: I accidently a whole haystack.
BBEG: ..you Wot?
Orc: Got ambused by Haystack. A whole haystack. It had swords, I'mma tellin ya!
BBEG: You're fired.

Sorry guys, I accidentally a pizza. Yes, the whole thing. I'll get back to writing now. A forewarning; I'm going to have to run off for a bit over an hour at some point to pick up my friend at the airport, but I'll be able to check the thread on my phone. Will attempt to post if phone isn't a dick.

>>21644408
Hmmmmm, yessssss. I think I have a good enough idea of how she's supposed to look now. Excellent. Wait, does she sleep standing up, and just collapses the hat over her head like some sort of hoodie drawstring thing? Because that would be fucking hilarious.

>>21644716
>20

Well, now I HAVE to put it in, dammit.

Rolled 5

>>21644915
It is my understanding that dryads turn into trees when they're not harassing people / doing important shit. But really, I was thinking that she just kinda slumps into a near fetal position cradling the Katana, and the straw just stays up on it's own. But it's be funny if could just turn into more hay, for 'infiltration' tactics.

I should probably take the dice off before I anger the Hobo King.

...Nah. This shit's hilarious.

Rolled 5

If you write her in, feel free to have her sleep however. I'll be amuse either way.

"Well, west is only one direction, not-west is potentially three directions, and variety is the spice of life. I think my decision is obvious here," you conclude pivoting on one foot to begin your march towards the not-west passageway.

You kick apart a small pile of hay on your way to the archway. It just creeps you out, for some reason.

Before ducking inside the castle, you turn a head to the sky, searching for your batgirl bombardier. Sadly, she is nowhere in sight. This concerns you a bit; you hope she just went back to Zuli.

....You also hope Zuli didn't decide to eat her in her towering rage. You can eat bat wings, right? Best not to think about that.

You begin wandering the castle hallways, coming upon servants every now in then. They only stare at you oddly or hurriedly rush away, whispering some kind of chants or something under their breath. Is it because you're bleeding everywhere? It's probably because you're bleeding everywhere, isn't. Dammit. It's only a tiny little flesh wound on your head; it's not like you're going to die or anything. Why can't a man just be free to bleed where he pleases? Fascists.

*Sniff sniff*

Wait.

*Sniff sniff sniff*

You know that smell.

*SNIFFFFFFFFFFFF*

It smells like.....

"ALCOHOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" You roar, flying down the corridor and knocking some old lady into her washbin as you go. You drift around one of the corridors, coming to a halt face to face with.....with.....

"It's.....It'ssss.........."

The aleroom is stocked high with flagons, wine bottles, tankards, kegs, barrels, and every other manner of merry-making liquid.

"BEEEEAAAUUUUUTIIIIIIFUUUUUUUHUUUHUUUHUUUULLLL~~~~~~" You sob, tears of joy and manliness rolling down your face in waves. Such a dream such as this is truly one you never thought would come true.

There is only one thing a man can do when faced with heaven itself.

"BOOOOOON APPPETIIIIIIIIIIT!"

-2 HOURS LATER-

The castle cook stares in abject horror at his stock of liquors. Decimation, as far as the eye can see. Containers upended, bottles smashed, and barrels literally ripped apart.

"Who could have done such a terrible thing!?!?" The cook wails, tearing at his mustache.

-MEANWHILE-

"ONCE A JOLLY SWAGMAN, (hic) SAT BESIDE THE BILLABONG!" You sing at a deafeningly off-key volume, as you totter down another hallway. "UNDER THE (hic) SHADE OF A COULIBAH TREEEE!"

This is great. Never mind that you have no idea where you're going, this (hic) is great. I mean, really great. You have no idea (hic) how great, I swear.

How many lefts have you taken? Five, you reason. Or maybe twelve. Awwwww, who cares, not much different.

The radio crackles from in your pocket. You pull it out and announce your attention.

"WALTZING MATILDA, WALTZING MATILDA, WHO'LL COME A-WALTZING MATILDA WITH MEEEEEE??"

"....Lincoln? Is that you singing? You sound horrible. How the hell did you get into the castle?"

"Flew." you hiccup.

"......Flew?"

"Yup."

"........You're drunk again aren't you."

"I plead the 21st."

".......That's the amendment that repealed Prohibition."

"Your point?" You giggle.

A sigh filters through the radio. "Right, I'm coming to find you. Just don't move." The radio goes silent.

................

SUDDENLY, IT'S TIME FOR HIDE AND SEEK. WHERE DO YOU RUN?

[ ] [right]

[ ] [left]

[ ] [up]

[ ] [down]

[ ] [booze]

>>21645429
the answer is obviously
>[booze]

>>21645429
Running to sweet sweet booze has never failed us before.

Rolled 6

>>21645429
Why not drink some booze and see how far you get with climbing onto the ceiling?

Rolled 14

>>21645429
>[ ] Booze
>[ ] Up

Rolled 9

>[X] Booze
>[X] Up
>[X] Booze
>[X] Down

Pass the Booze all around.

>[X] Booze
>[X] Left
>[X] Booze
>[X] Right

Got enough Booze to last though the Night!

>>21645429
>[ ] [down]

To the dungeons! We shall free the monstergirl prisoners!

Rolled 8

>>21645683
forgot my dice.

>>21645429
[X] [get down]

They'll never find me. I am the dancing drunk.

>>21645796
We should hide in the natural concealment provided by the crowd drawn to a good drunken hobo dance.

Going to try to get out one more post before I run off to the airport.

Rolled 13

>>21646110
You're carrying your friend back on yours?

Rolled 1

>>21645429
>[x] [booze]
>[x] [up]

>>21646177
And here we go.

>>21646177

I KNEW DESTINY HADN'T ABANDONED ME

>>21646177
... and that was on a 1d100.

>>21646177
And that's on a d100 too...Fuck.

>>21646196
EXTRA SPECIAL VORE FOR YOU

Clearly, the solution to this problem to this problem is more alcohol. It's ALWAYS the solution. Nodding to yourself, you turn a sharp right to go back towards the kitchen....

.....and immediately smack directly into a wall.

"Bluuuuuuugh."

You decide to go up instead. You just need to find somwhere to take off.

Oooooo! There's the blue sky over there! You break into a run and fling yourself upwards.

Right off a balcony.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" You scream, as you fall earthwards. Thankfully something is there to break your fall.

It's a plate-glass skylight. Into the kitchen.

SMASH

Glass flies everywhere, the tinkling as it hits the floor accompanying screams as the shards rain down on the cooks inside. One accidentally manages to knock over a pot of oil into the fire, sending a huge gout of flame upwards, lighting the dry wooden bits of the room.

You struggle to your feet, a shards of glass sticking out of your hair like some sort of demented fashion model.

You are now in the kitchen. The kitchen is now on fire. There are a lot of people running around screaming. Some are on fire. Some are bleeding from glass shards. Some are both.

Well.

Shit.

>What do?

[ ] [What]

[ ] [The]

[ ] [Fuck]

[ ] [Is]

[ ] [This]

[ ] [Shit]

[ ] [other]

>I love it when you people give me ones
>It makes the story so much more amusing
>for me

Rolled 8

>>21646403
>[ ] Fuck
>[ ] Imbibe alcohol
>[ ] Toss remainder of pot of oil into drain
>[ ] Try to put fire out with whatever water is on hand.
>[ ] Scream a furious ballad of profanity at the glass in your head. What monster girls would want to be groped by a dude with blood all over hi... Moira would probably did it, actually. It's all good!

>>21646403
If there was ever a time to drink now is that time.
[X] Head outside and watch the show.

Rolled 8

>>21646459
[x] [Fuck]
[x] [The]
[x] [other]
[x] [Shit]
In that order, please.

>>21646493
Putting water on it would only make it worse, wouldn't it?
Let's do that.

>>21646545
Well we're not putting fucking booze on it. That's our hooch, god dammit!

Now let's try to fix it, get the fuck out of there, and get Moira to lick us clean. All of us.

Off to the airport, back as quick as I can be. Feel free to come up with more bullshit ideas I can throw in; they are delicious.

>>21646751
Is the mini slime OK? We're in a place that's on fire, and we have enough alcohol on us to destroy a lesser man's liver. This is not going to end well.

>>21646920
We haven't even heard of the minislime in a while. I sure hope it wasn't injured by the fall from the sky or anything.

Rolled 10

>>21646960
Mayhap she qouthe 'Nope' during the time of the great free fall, and exchanged heads to roost upon the bat girl during the pre-bombing kiss?

Either that, or she is as robust as her father and as slick as her mother. She'll be fine.

>>21646996
She might be hiding in one of our numerous pockets.

File: 1353295807514.gif-(19 KB, 508x408, tumblr_mbucjz1DAj1rgdar4o(...).gif)

Rolled 8

>>21647060

File: 1353296663344.gif-(191 KB, 466x322, Sand.gif)

>>21647060
So if ever get questioned by someone, we can just pocket slime them

>>21647368
That might actually be a good use of all those bottled slime we had.

Rolled 6

>>21647445
I bet Minerva was so enamored of the idea of Minislimes, she's drank several bottles herself, and while slightly reduced, she now has half a dozen or so Mini-Bubbleslimes fizzing about the place, just to keep her company.

>>21647623
They float around her head in little mini-bubbleslime bubbles and she pops a bubble whenever she needs the slimes

File: 1353299164483.jpg-(253 KB, 595x782, Straw Samurai - by Drawth(...).jpg)

Rolled 7

Also, /d/rawthread time? on /d/ presents a more refined version of the Straw Samurai. I love drawfag request treads. :)

......what have you glorious bastards done while I've been gone.

I swear, I leave and when I get back there's good ideas everywhere. And you got me a drawing! I never get drawings.

Rolled 13

>>21648443
I asked a Drawfriend in a Draw request thread on /d/, and /D/rawthread time provided.

Seeing as it was /d/, be glad there were no dicks included. And the art is delicious. I am coloring it now. Because coloring I can do. Drawing not so much.

Capicha: acondsi hay

HA!

>>21646403
i see no problems with this situation

Pseudo-plan formed. Please roll 1d20 for effectiveness.

Rolled 6

>>21649275

Rolled 19

>>21649275
We're going to somehow the entire city on fire.

Rolled 4

>>21649275
Ere we go!

File: 1353305619555.png-(393 KB, 595x782, Shinobi Dryad - Straw Sam(...).png)

Rolled 16

(t)Rolling Again.

Also, Color! Ha Ha!

>>21649320
>>21649345
>>21649356

Well, (hic) this is a fine mess you've gotten yourself into. Suppose you should fix it. 'Cept the (hic) glass shards. You'll keep those for bloodplay. Batgirls (hic) love bloodplay.

.....you're pretty sure they don't love charred corpseplay, though. Should probably do something about this fire.

You immediately notice a collection of glass jars, with various liquids inside them. Now, if you were a sane human being, with a sense of rationalism and control, you might do something useful, like reading the labels, or employing common knowledge.

But fuck that, you're just going to upend each of the bottles on top of the fire one at a time and see what happens.

Hmmmmmm.

Red one just makes the flame bigger.

Green makes it burn purple smoke.

Ooooh, the blue one made it shrink! Progress!

...Awwww, yellow one made it turn blue. Blue is hotter, right?

Ooooooh, the orange one made it shoot fireballs everywhere! Shame about that guys face, though.

Hmmmmmm. This really isn't accomplishing much.

>>21649674
The clothes look good, though the skin tone could be darker.

....Fiiiiiine. You SUPPOSE you could try the boring-looking clear liquid. Probably doesn't do anything fun.

.....See!? It put the fire out. That's no fun at all. Stupid clear liquid, with its magic fire-quenching powers.

The cooks look less than relieved, but they're not drunk so fuck 'em.

With a loud belch, you totter past the frantic cooks, conveniently forgetting that the fire extended past the small section of countertop that you had extinguished.

"LINCOLN! WHAT THE FUCK!"

Oh boy, that sounds like Fritz! You like Fritz. He's nice and likes slimegirls. He doesn't look too happy right now, though.

"(HIC!) Hello dere, compadre! What can I do fer ye?" You slur out, giggling as you nearly trip over your own feet.

Fritz stares at you, his mouth open as if ready to yell, before he closes it and settles for shaking his head. "Lincoln, I know you generally mean well, or at least mean sort-of-well, but....please tell me you didn't just light the kitchen on fire."

"Well, technically it was the fire, not me."

"........Just help me put it out before the whole village goes up, okay?"

"WEEEEEE I'M A FIREMAN!" You shout, rushing back into the burning kitchen. You immediately pick up a knife, and begin to try to shiv the fire in the kindeys.

Fritz doesn't even bother to stop you, too busy dumping containers of water onto burning kitchen equipment and the walls. You do manage to help out by accident by kicking the pot with the remaining oil off to the side though, so yay you!

Finally, after several minutes of amateur firefighter hour, the kitchen is scorched, but still intact. Fritz breathes a sigh of relief.

"Aaaaand once again, alcohol has solved all of my problems." You announce happily.

"Lincoln, you just----" He is silenced when you shove a pilfered wine bottle into his mouth.

"ALL OF MY PROBLEMS." You repeat heavily, titling the wine bottle upwards to let the liquid flow into Fritz's mouth. He begins to struggle for a moment before apparently thinking better of it, upon which he shrugs and takes the bottle of you to continue chugging it.

"SO. There's some kind of noble dude around (hic) here, right? Do I get to meet him? 'Cause (hic) I gots some questions for him."

"I think Johnson will strangle you with your own intestines if you try to even look at the counselor while you're drunk, mate." You think upon this for a moment before nodding your head in agreement.

You glance at Fritz in a moment of lucidity. This guy doesn't have all the info you do, does he? You're sure the noble left out any discussion of non-humans; nobles are dicks, after all.

>What do you do?

[ ] [share new info with Fritz, ask for info in return]

[ ] [continue drunken merriment, tell Fritz nothing]

[ ] [attempt to wheedle your way into getting Fritz to give you your guns back]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21650202

share the new info with Fritz. We're having a moment of lucidity and maybe we can recruit him to be an ally in our take over of the land.

Rolled 9

>>21650084
Darker which direction? Darker green? Olive? Tan?

It's in a PDF file, so I can switch it out in less than 5 minutes. Personally, it looks good to me, because Straw Dryad - so Straw Colored. but I'm open to suggestions.

>>21650202
>[X] [share new info with Fritz, ask for info in return]
>[X] [imbibe liquor]

Rolled 91

>>21650202
>[x] [share new info with Fritz, ask for info in return]

>>21650202
[X] [attempt to wheedle your way into getting Fritz to give you your guns back]

They will help in the coming arguments with the nobles.
>>21650266
I was thinking that a dryad should be brown, but I agree that color makes sense for a straw dryad.

File: 1353309299607.png-(1.11 MB, 1670x1600, Shinobi Dryad - Straw Sam(...).png)

Rolled 14

>>21650328
Welp, pick your favorite, crop it down, and go from there.

Did OP crash?

>>21650956
OP tends to go do shit/black out/eat pizza without warning. Just put the page on update and check back after doing other things.

Yes, I did indeed pass right the fuck out. I will remain passed the fuck out for a few hours more, upon which I will continue. Love the pictures, by the way.

Rolled 10

>>21652347
Awesome, I eagerly await your return.

>>21652347
As do I.

>>21652347
>>21650995

Right, yeah. I know I'm a bit of a schitzy OP, and for that I apologize. Reality tends to rudely intrude on my writing time a lot. Well, it's a new day, so let's see how many posts I can crank out, shall we?

Rolled 10

>>21654278
More? More?

Awesome.

Rolled 2

>>21654278
Don't worry with your moniker it's kind of expected, its worth the wait though.

[X] [Attempt Epic Bro Recruitment]

"Well, if that's the case, can I get my guns back? Johnson is less likely to kill me if I get my guns back, right?" You give Fritz the best baby doe eyes you can, even if they do come out slighty cross-eyed as well.

Fritz finishes the bottle with a sigh of satisfaction before tossing it aside. "Hmmmm, good stuff, that. But no, I don't think it'll stop him, seeing as you're a complete amateur and all. We ARE still Spec Ops, you know, even if we haven't shot anything yet. I'm SAS myself; was on training from England so they stuck me in with the entry group for diplomatic purposes."

"Ooooooooooooooo. So you CAN give me my guns back then? 'Cause you're so cool, right? Right?"

"No, Lincoln. I don't think that's---"

"Pleeeeeeeeeaaaase? I'll be reeeeeeeaaaally careful with them, I swear!"

"Lincoln----"

"Awwwwww, c'mon. It's not like I could actually hit anything if I tried."

"Be that as it----"

"GUNS ARE FUN AND I WANT MAH SHOTTY AND BIG ASS REVOLVER 'CAUSE THEY MAKE ME FEEL SAFE."

Fritz massages the bridge of his nose, sighing. Huzzah, it seems you've worn him down.

"Fine. It's probably a stupid idea, but fine. I'll hand them to you when we go past the room we're staying in, as it were. But you don't draw them for ANY reason, got it? If guns are needed, we'll let you know."

"AYE AYE." You drunkenly shout, throwing something slightly resembling a salute at him. He snorts, smiling a little before he turns away, beckoning for you to follow him.

"Special agent super Fritz! I have specially gathered intel to report that I have gathered in my time outside the castle!"

"Oh? And what would that be, civvy Lincoln?" Fritz laughs a little.

"Information pertaining to the general state of the continent and the relationships between humans and non-humans in this dimension or plane or (hic) whatever it is." Holy crap, you actually managed to make that sound important. Hooray for drunken rambling!

Fritz starts a little before turning to look back at you with a serious look on his face. "Are you serious? Lincoln, you have no idea how much help that could be. The others and I have been feeling that this noble fucker has been being cagey with us ever since we arrived. Remember that counselor I mentioned earlier?"

You think back for a moment.

"Lolnope." You get a half-laugh in return.

"Well, at least you're honest. Basically, that's how this prick talks to us: through some sort of representative. He just has this guy stand next to him and whispers in his ear what he wants said to us. Fucker's arrogant, I'll say that much."