Bitches get dicked and shit is stolen.

>>21622425
/thread

>>21622410

>Conan acquires the Ring from Frodo
>Looks at it, for many minutes
>Takes it to a town, pawns it, and gets drunk on the earnings, taking many women that night

Best movie ever.

>>21622410

Arwen gets kidnapped, draped over a horse, ravished and dressed up in a pair of metal cups on her tits and a metal thong, and nothing else.

Conan nails most the women along the way, before ending up at Minas Tirath, mocking the Men and women of Gondor for allowing themselves to get Soft; and takes the fight to Mordor instead of allowing the Seige to happen. The Easterlings and Haradriam, seeing a true Barbarian King, turn coats half way through the war and man-king unites against Sauron in full.

Meanwhile in Aquilonia, a new age of enlightenment and peace comes, as Aragorn uses his prior knowledge of SCOUTING, FUCKING SHIT UP and MORE ADVANCED WARFARE to give his country an edge over others, then conquers the West and its Pictish tribes, leading to a vast Empire.

>>21622501

This. Conan is a good war king but is bored and melancholy in peace. Aragorn would be a better fit for the throne of Aquilonia, Conan would be a better fit for fighting hordes of orcs.

File: 1353162789330.jpg-(9 KB, 251x158, 1304247006375.jpg)

>>21622501
YES

ALL OF MY YES. This must be made.

>>21622476

Liv Tyler would look terrible in that.

Do not want.

I personally would love to see him hit the Shire. Get his 'Atlantean Blade' into Sam's girlfriend, if you knowwhatimean.

all those posts talking about giving up the quest and just dicking bitches never read conan. when the shit goes down conan will accomplish the task. he also is mary sue levels of resistant to mind control and sorcery and the like. he'd probably take the ring for himself and throw it in mt. doom.

>>21622532
God no.
That'd end terribly.
Conan would take one look at Sam, laugh, pork his girlfriend and then wake up face down in a Ditch with hairy feet on his back telling him he shouldn't have done that.
Sam is the LOTR equivalent of Little Hippo. Ain't no body fuck with Little Hippo.

>>21622501
How then would you imagine the main parts of the 3 books to go?

How would Conan's presence change Moria, Helms Deep, gaining the allegiance of the Betrayers, Pellenor and the batlle at Mordor?

File: 1353163059310.gif-(267 KB, 200x145, 1270309679472.gif)

>>21622501
dear gods YES

>>21622548

Conan is neither a giant spider nor a goblin.

Sam loses this time, my friend.

>>21622548
Ain't no one.

>>21622552

Personally, I see him not giving a fuck about most of it. He'd stick with the ring and see it destroyed, not muck about.

>>21622552

Oh god, the Betrayers.

There would have been no fear.

"I am Conan, and I am not the king of your prophesy, but I am your King nonetheless. Follow me, or rot in whatever hell you choose. I go to glory."

They'd have already packed their ghost-shit and been on the march halfway through the speech.

>>21622564
Personally I imagine Conan doing INSANE CONAN SHIT like fighting the Balrog himself and winning without dropping down a chasm.

Conan gets the ring.
Fucks Galadriel.
Becomes the new Lord of the Rings with Gandalf as his chronicler.

Conan's hate-boner for wizards is legendary. What happens with Gandalf?

File: 1353163566371.png-(155 KB, 631x346, Gandalf-You-Shall-Not-Pas(...).png)

>>21622574

Gandalf: "YOU... SHALL NOT... PA-"
>Conan leaps over him, burying an ancient Dwarven axe into the balrog's head. The demon shrieks in pain.
>Gandalf's face when

>>21622597
>"Well...you may pass"

>>21622592
He's got a hate-boner for wizards but Conan is a pragmatist and unlike Hyboria not all Middle Earth wizards are cunts.

Conan is a goddamn barbarian, chick-magnet, unbeatable at fighting and a military genius.

He's gonna lead the Humanity back to the second age.

What would Conan do with the elves?

File: 1353163822880.jpg-(5 KB, 256x273, Descartes.jpg)

>>21622613

>>21622613
The same thing he gonna did in this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Frost-Giant%27s_Daughter

File: 1353163966122.jpg-(21 KB, 640x480, 1351713435138.jpg)

>>21622619

Meanwhile Aragorn is somewhat creeped out by Zenobia lounging around in her undies all day, gets her a decent pair of pants and a shirt or at the very least a dress, and starts teaching her how to swordfight, ride a horse and shoot a bow. Rangers of the north don't want no soft harem bitches.

>>21622630
>Meanwhile, in Middle-Earth, a goddamn elvish sabbath involving Conan
I consider both worlds to be culturally enriched.

>>21622648
Half-elves, half-elves everywhere.

Wouldn't the elves freak the fuck out if some strange southron looking man reeking of blood and battle suddenly appeared in Rivendell without their notice? I know everyone likes to think of elves as the cultured peaceful hippy types but Tolkien elves are still stone cold motherfuckers. I think it would end with Conan riddled with arrows before he could take ten steps.

>>21622501
By Yeenoghu, I can't stop orgasming!!!

>>21622613
>>21622621

He'd end up in Lorien, be disgusted by the wanton use of sorcery to hide away from battle, make a speech about facing reality instead of hiding like dogs, and get the elves to commit to battle.

He'd also make Galadriel go weak in the knees and fuck her when she invites him over for the mirror bit. She'd realize her entire life had been dull and bloodless and strap on a bikini to ride out with Conan as his concubine.

>>21622669
Aye, she can be my Valkyrie any days of the week.

>>21622658
He would just look like Aragorn actually, with more abs and no shirt.

Elrond would be like wow, did you just lift, Aragorn, son of Arathorn?

Conan would be right there with Rohan.

In fact, he would help Boromir steal the Ring, then lead them all to Rohan, where they dine and feast and then ride out to meet the Uruk-hai, where the Uruk-hai realize their true lord and betray Saruman.
He would then slay Denethor, take the throne, and rally all troops to besiege Mordor.

He would also tame the Eagles, and finally ride an Eagle to battle.
Cuz he is Conan.

>>21622613
Conan is unable to distinguish between male and female elfes so he bangs them all

>Lord of the Rings: The Harem of the Ring
>Lord of the Rings: The Two Harems
>Lord of the Rings: Return of the Harem

What about dwarves? How would they react to this being? Would they see him as Aulës incarnation and retake Moria?

>>21622723
They would follow his axe.

>>21622702
Makes you wistfully imagine the new ending to the trilogy.

Instead of all that wrap up with fare welling frodo.

>>21622723

>Conan charges into battle with two dwarves, one over each shoulder, then throws them both at his enemies
>Rinse, repeat

>>21622723
They'd see him as a bro.
They'd have no problem retaking Moria because he cleared the place out while trevelling with the Fellowship.

>>21622735
You mean LOTR: The Age of High Adventure?

>>21622735
He'd more than likely rob a ship at the Grey Havens and do some pirate raids on Valinor

>>21622669
Oh god I wanna see Conan in Lothlorien so badly.

>Conan walks through the forest, suddenly Haldir appears behind him
>"This one stinks like a bull and makes noise like one to. I could have put an arrow in his eye blindfolded and from twice a hundred paces aw-"
>Conan swirls around tackles him against a tree and puts a dagger to his throat
>"You talk too much."

File: 1353165130234.gif-(1.93 MB, 235x240, Chuck Norris.gif)

Could you imagine anything as awesome as Conan and Boromir in the same room?
I can see Legolas hating Conan at first, but after a monologue about freedom and a natural lifestyle, even Legolas would grow an appreciation for him. It'd be like Gimli 2.0.
Don't even get me started on Gimli and Conan. There'd be drinking competitions everywhere.
>>21622501
Don't forget to expand Aquilonia to the south as the River Styx. Why, if Aragorn prevented the Picts from rising up and sweeping over Aquilonia, then it'd have an easier time dealing with the Turanians and Hyrkanians a few hundred years after his death. The only people who Aquilonia would need to worry about would be the north men, and without the Picts pressing the west without Gorm's improved technology gifted to him by Arus the Nemedian priest.

Suffice to say, this needs to become a real thing.

>>21622753
I can see Conan fucking Legolas.

>>21622723
Aule is an engineer, not a warrior, so probably not.
Definate yes on retaking Moria though.

>>21622760
>BY CROM WHAT SORCERY IS THIS? THIS WENCH IS A MAN

Then he murders Legolas and he and Gimli high-five.

>>21622772
>murders Legolas

Nah he'd just fuck him anyway. He's an Elf, they don't count as gay

>>21622772

Nah, he'd pull out then high-five Gimli in.

Legolas becomes the party wench.

>>21622785
>Conan & Gimli spitroasting Legolas

Goddamnit /tg/

>>21622785
I thought that was Galadriel?

The real question is how Conan would save Boromir.

>>21622791

She's some distance away though. Legolas is right there, so he's first.

>>21622793
Uhm....he would save Boromir?

>>21622793

Slap him a few times when he's laying there with three arrows in his chest, then question his manliness.

Boromir would leap right up at that.

>>21622798
Is it wrong that now all I can think about is Legolas and Galadriel in chainmail bikinis being dragged across Middle Earth by Conan?

File: 1353165664450.gif-(1.31 MB, 320x240, Pound It Nigga.gif)

>>21622592
In The Phoenix On The Sword (IIRC), he runs into a wizard he doesn't kill. The reason Conan hates wizards is because every wizard up until that point tried to kill him. Instead, this old woods witch type person helped him.
>>21622588
Let me correct that for you.
Fucks every woman.
And doesn't become the lord of the ring, seeing no need for the sorcery and casting it into mount doom.
>>21622772
Conan deals with more than a few effeminate men during his travels, and Legolas isn't exactly feminine either.

>>21622793
He orders the party up to retreat the Amon Hen ruins so they can fight with their backs against the wall. Always works for him.

>>21622793
>implying Boromir would need saving
>implying with Conan AND Boromir handing the Orcs their asses that the Uruk-hai would've even been able to launch arrows
Boromir and Conan man. The world's greatest alliance of fantasy warriors.

>>21622763

Well more like Smith rather than engineer. And he is smith who created Dorfs so dorfs will think him as great warrior.

Oh and i think the Easterlings would be closest to conan

>>21622831
More like Bro-omir and Bronan

>>21622836
>Conan and Boromir have a pair of replicas of the Horn of Gondor made, and have those converted into drinking horns
>Boromir gets to be king instead of Conan, who becomes Middle Earth's worst enemy by uniting the Haradrim and Easterlings and raiding the west

>>21622773
BLOOD AND THUNDER!
VICTORY AT SEA!

>>21622850

>Conan delivers Boromir a present to celebrate Boromir's crowning
>Legolas in a chainmail bikini

Now it's all cool.

What about Conan taking Jon Snow place in A Games of Thrones?

>>21622897
A better question is Robert Barat---
OH WAIT. BLACK HAIR, BLUE EYES, FUCKS ALL THE WOMEN, BECOMES A KING AND IS MISERABLE AT IT.

>>21622897
>>21622901

Don't change the subject, we need more tales of Conan dicking over Middle Earth and Aragorn advancing Hyboria.

>>21622919
More on Aragorn front then.

The guy is a goddamn civilized superman.

-Aragorn, what is best on life!!?
-The love of an elf. The company of my brothers. And the freedom of mankind

Meanwhile at Minas Tirith:
- Is there a captain here who still has the courage to do his lord's will?

10 hours later, Osguiliath is under control of the white tree while Conan is asking for some better wenches that the ones he found there.

>>21622901
Are you a brain prostitute? Because you just blew my mind.

File: 1353167785967.jpg-(138 KB, 615x570, Conan.jpg)

-Go through the whole damn thing about the ring. Only difference is Palantir gets stolen and he kills Saruman because fuck wizards.
-Mutters an insightful comment regarding the weakness of Civilized Faggots.
-Arwen, Eowyn, Galadriel get dicked.
-Splits after the whole issue because fuck civilization.
-Fights bloody wars for the barbarous men and soon enough creates a pillaging horde of them
-Gondor and Rohan burns.
-Fourth age worse for everyone.

Or

-Go through ring thing, dicks all the women.
-Conan becomes King of Gondor
-Fights bloody wars with Haradrim, Corsairs, Easterlings, Dunlendings, and all the barbarous men.
-Fourth Age of the sun becomes worse place for men.

File: 1353168247024.jpg-(41 KB, 310x394, 1353079261919.jpg)

In a land so used to barbarian heroes coming in screaming hordes Aragorn, and the trusted band of Rangers he has trained, become known as the Ghost Men.

A hundred of them can move through an empire and leave every governmental official dead. When the real army shows up it just plants the flag on the shattered remains.

Aragorn eventually rise up by being a badass good guy to what ever society he finds himself in. Most popular man on the continent becasue he is good but he is not a murder hobo rape-train like all the other Heroes were.

Found a new kingdom based on the memory of Numenor. Rules till he is 350 In a new golden age. Trains a successor, dies.

Can Conan rally sufficient numbers to defeat Mordor without the Ghost army?

This works out well for Elrond, since Arwen will return to Valinor without Aragorn around.

>>21623120
We already decide that Conan gets the Betrayers on his side through his sheer badassitude.

>>21623120
You must remeber that only thing the ghosts did was clear some ships and they did not take part of the real battle. A feat conan could do alone if he wanted.

>>21623155
I don't think >>21623120 has read the book...

I am now imagining Conan sitting on the throne of Minas Tirith with Arwen, Eowyn and Galadriel lounging around in metal bikinis at his feet, all properly "tamed" by their master.

>>21623245

We need a draw fag on this, stat.

>>21622630

I'm now honestly wondering if there is a word for reverse bimbofication.

>>21623245
ffs, its Conan, not Gor.

File: 1353170129289.jpg-(41 KB, 500x682, 1330368376388.jpg)

>>21623295

File: 1353170232713.jpg-(175 KB, 715x962, Conan__s_Throne_Room_by_J(...).jpg)

>>21623268

Robert E. Howard was quite a chauvinist, and a racist.

>>21623316
It was a time when men were men and pansies were flowers.

>>21623316
That's why we love him

>>21623316

For some reason I quoted the wrong post, that was directed at >>21623295
>>21623305

>>21623316

Wow, it's a piece of art drawn by someone who didn't read the source material. Those are incredibly rare when it comes to Conan.

>>21623245
Just a correction here. They wouldn't be "tamed", he'd awaken in them, the "elemental woman".
See Yasmina.

>>21623359

And even in the original stories he wasn't really into bimboes. Whenever he'd have to cart some big city harem girl around he was always endlessly frustrated by her, whereas when he found a girl with teeth (Valeria, Belit, Zenobia) that immediately got his attention.

>>21623390
>this.jpg

>>21622458
Book Conan is rather different than Schwarzenegger Conan.

The (first) Conan movie is undeniably awesome, but it has almost nothing to do with the actual books.

>>21623316
So is his friend, HP Lovecraft.

So, my experience with Conan ends on movies. Was he really a wet dream of every "I dont have money to buy Hammer" players, or its just fags being silly?

>>21623359

Right. Meaning after a brief, animalistic fling, Galadriel would cast off her trappings of civilization and willingly follow Conan to the ends of the earth as his personal sexy seeress/battle-witch.

>>21623427
>trappings of civilization

She lives in a tree and walks around barefoot. Bitch isn't civilised

>>21623437
>I haven't read the books
She's an elf. Of course she's civilized. Elves are the epitome of civil people.

>>21623437

Tolkien elves are quite refined, really.

>>21623427
>Right. Meaning after a brief, animalistic fling, Conan would cast off his barbarous inclinations and willingly act as Galadriels protector and champion to the end of his days.

File: 1353171648145.gif-(796 KB, 330x248, wow.gif)

>>21623469
A twist. I like it.

>>21623469
>>Right. Meaning after a brief, animalistic fling, Conan would cast off his barbarous inclinations and willingly be transformed into a delicate elven girl to be Galadriel's handmaiden to the end of her days.

The problem is that half the stuff in the LotR universe would wreck Conan's shit.

The moment he tries to ravish a fair elven maiden he would end up with a dislocated shoulder. As a warning. If he ever managed it Elrond's sons would flay him alive and wave his skin around as a new flag.

If he tried anything with Galadriel he would wake up screaming from the things he sees every time he closes his eyes. Things she put there. If her husband catches him he would only die.

If he tried anything with Arwen her father would kill him. He controls the elements in the environs surrounding his house. Conan is not lightning proof.

Sauron is a Dark God with one weakness, and it is not Fire and Ice Derp Sword.

Sauroman has gunpowder.

The Ents would just stand on him.

The ring-wraiths would just keep coming back until they get lucky.

The only thing he would have a chance on would be the hobbits, humans, orcs and the trolls.

And I can't even imagine how fucked he would be if he ran into Tom Bombadil, Oldest and Fatherless.

>>21623557
>Conan is not lightning proof.

I question the validity of this statement.

>>21623529

>elven lesbian tribbing

>>21623557
Honestly, Conan fucks with alot of juju that comes from elder gods and nigh omnipotent powers or wizards in his own setting. And since most things can die by normal steel in Middle Earth, Conan can still probably stand a good chance of success against those.
But if he got a magic sword, he'd fuck everything up.

File: 1353172941803.jpg-(56 KB, 400x506, space_bear.jpg)

>>21623574
I think lightning can damage Conan, because he is not grounded, down-to-earth character.

>>21623619
>But if he got a magic sword, he'd fuck everything up.

Still won't prevent the rebirth of Tom Bombadil. Tom Bombadil is the evil in waiting.

When the elves and the wizards have left and their magic finally fades those wretched stones around his realm will be nothing but rock and he will be free.

Old Night and the Things That Came Before will return and not even little Conan, magic sword or no, will stand a chance.

>>21623644
By that time, Conan will be dead. So hah.

>>21622454
So /thread

File: 1353173158889.jpg-(112 KB, 373x355, This Pleases Gaga.jpg)

>>21623644
Bombadil would have ended to war in less than 5 minutes.

>mfw dancing Sauron

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ch2b9MOPGYM

>>21623637
I see what you did bear.

Captia's being flirtatious today.- CalLME (212) 354-3900

>>21623664
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ch2b9MOPGYM

dafuq did I just watch?

>>21623695
You watched what happens when Tom Bombadil leaves his forest.

Gandalf knew this, which is why he didn't want him on the Fellowship

>>21623617
>>21623529

What happens when Conan gets a guise of the thespian of a sexy young woman?

File: 1353174816549.png-(31 KB, 324x291, 1352747911614.png)

>>21623529

>>21622772
Nah, real men could fuck anyone without being disturbed.

>>21623830

Let your boner guide you, anon. It is wise.

File: 1353175169052.jpg-(164 KB, 620x350, trust.jpg)

>>21623830

File: 1353175182665.png-(13 KB, 223x200, Boner, what are you doing.png)

>>21623868

File: 1353175378363.jpg-(132 KB, 623x511, 1324439171365.jpg)

>Dat feel when you know you'll never be conan.

>>21623912
Why u no lift?

>>21623830
>>21623881

What is your boner reacting to here, really?

File: 1353175592135.jpg-(38 KB, 329x246, ThulsaDoom.jpg)

Hey. What if this old fellow was also teleported to middle-earth.

>>21623945
It's not just teleportation, it's switching out for another character.

So what happens if Thulsa Doom switches places with Saruman?

>>21623945
He'd get murdered by a council of wizard agents

>>21623928

Only by lifting you can turn into a barbarian that fuck priestesses and kill monsters? wow, never thought it would be so easy.

>>21623977
Change priestesses for sexually-repressed Christian girls, and change monsters for either ugly people or zoo animals.

Sorted

>>21623977
Yes, these are all part of the Charles Atlas Superpowers.

>>21623993
>>21623994

But I'm already 28, maybe I'm too old for that...

>>21624003
If that's your attitude then it's probably for the best that you will never be in Conan's position.

>>21624014
Yeah, I was really nervous when I went for my interview to become a Barbarian. But it went pretty well and I got promoted to Berzerker after I raped my first woman-child while burning down a temple.

>>21623993
Why would you kill ugly people and zoo animals?

>>21624014
Fuck everything, just for that I'll be conan or I'll die trying.

First, gain muscle, after that, defeat evil sorcerer-priest and steal his treasure.

>>21624039
then become king by your own hand

File: 1353176257782.jpg-(1 MB, 3300x3440, The_Babe_barian_by_cluedog.jpg)

>>21623529

>>21624035
To assert your dominance over those left alive.

>>21624045

God, /tg/ is the best place to get the will to do excersice!

>>21624055
Well that's /fit/ crossed off the Do We Even Need The Other Boards list.

>>21623963
Sauron would be more interesting as then instead of enemy who can't do anything on his own there would be leader who would actively take part of raiding etc. Raids would also change in nature as orcs wouldn't just kill everyone. Instead they would be there to capture bitches.

>>21624064
There are other boards?

File: 1353177647387.png-(192 KB, 459x348, Angry feline.png)

>>21623695
>dafuq

File: 1353178685494.jpg-(533 KB, 1424x1600, michael_whelan__stormbringer.jpg)

What if Conan switched place with Elric during Stormbringer?

>>21624344
Marvel did a story about Elric being warped into Hyboria.

>>21624344
Conan and everyone else dies.

BAD END

>>21624359
Sounds like Elric got a 'Get out of Jail' card if he got dislocated with his doom.

>>21624344

Conan dies horribly.

Elric, free of his fate, goes on to drink and do drugs endlessly

File: 1353179205618.jpg-(79 KB, 324x557, 1334443222245.jpg)

>>21624046

>>21623316
It was the 1920s and 30s. Plus the original stories aren't as bad as the later art.

>>21624419
Robert E. Howard much like H.P. Lovecraft had more issues than a newsstand even for that era.

>>21624447
Yeah didn't he board up his house because he thought his neighbours were all out to get him?

And there's always the story about how he came to write Conan where he was suffering from some nasty writers block and felt the presence of Conan behind him telling him to write.

>>21624447

He was unusually racist and had massive issues with women. Even for his day he was a misanthrope. Compulsive depressions, body building obsession and so on

>>21624466
Sadly he decided to play 52 brain pickup inside his car.
Granted it was after his mother died, the magazine he wrote for was massively in debt to him, unable to pay him, and if Weird Tales could have paid him, he'd have been really rich and might have been able to help his mother.
And his girlfriend left him.

>>21624498
He also thought his dad was in a suicide pact with him. This turned out to be wrong.

>>21624466
a lot of the accounts about Howard are quite sensational and it was pretty often that he was cast as a lunatic.

he was pretty melancholic and did shoot himself after his mother died, but there's also the account of his girlfriend that came out after his death.

she read some of his more scathing biographies and was offended, so she came out to give her story, and said that he was really a pretty polite and sensitive model boyfriend kind of guy.

Naturally he was still intensely fucked up, but he wasn't the cunt-destroying sociopath that he often wrote Conan to be.

And he didn't have a cat named Nigger Man, that was his good buddy HP.

but hey, if you lived in the 20s you'd name your black cat Nigger Man too and think it was humorous.

>>21624543

His dad was actually quite unaware of how disturbed Howard was. His literary agent described him as a broken man, his wife and son both dead, but somehow still carrying on.

>>21624562
Only 8 more years until I can get my black cat and name him Nigger Man.

What biography was the movie about REH based on? It was pretty good.

>>21624490
>He was unusually racist and had massive issues with women.

For 1920s America? Howard was unusually non-racist, unless actual content of his stories does not correlate with his personality at all (about which I honestly don't give a fuck). Even for modern day you can only call his stories racist with a straight face, if you are terribly racist against whites and the thought of white men kicking ass is offensive to you by itself. Hell, probably the most vocally racist character in Howard's stories, the priest from "The Moon of Skulls" just so happens to be a bloodthirsty worshipper of eldritch abominations.

>>21624639
In support of you, Howard grew up in Texas in a time when Eugenics was a real science, and Texas really supported it.
But somehow, in his books, most of his protagonists didn't like the yoke of societal control, and the savage, the barbarian was the hero.
His Picts were also a combination of native americans and a few Brythonic cultures, constructed out of his now-outdated history texts. And the Picts survived the entire history of Howard's setting, from Atlantis to our time.

>>21623644
>Still won't prevent the rebirth of Tom Bombadil. Tom Bombadil is the evil in waiting.

This piece of fanwank is really not inventive as you think, stop repeating it. (Yes, his appearance is a bullshit illusion and he is a nature spirit, no if he was actually evil, he wouldn't be immune to the Ring.)

No joke though, I would love to see some fanart of a "pulpy" Sword & Sorcery version of Lord of the Rings

>>21624667
>In support of you, Howard grew up in Texas in a time when Eugenics was a real science, and Texas really supported it.

Oh come on, pretty much half the nation supported Eugenics in law back then. And the rest of the nation was in Eugenic clubs that took parent's money to certify them that their children weres super-pure prime grade human material.

>>21624706
Indeed, it would be pretty mega.

>>21624706

Movie or book version?

>>21624706
It'd be quite nice. And to see a pulp styled adaptation of the story.
I also want to see a manga done in the vein of Vinland Saga or Berserk.
>>21624719
Don't forget eugenics fairs to determine who made the best baby using rigorous tests.
And retard sterilization laws.

File: 1353182683692.jpg-(141 KB, 829x469, Conan Philosophy.jpg)

>>21623423
Hmm, neither.
He was a man of action, of honor, of wanderlust, of endurance, and most of all of just LIVING until he was dead.
Conan wasn't the invincible winner, nor did every adventure see him a greater success then when it started. But he was very directly alive and fearless in an age when it was possible to be those things unfettered by mewling religion and capricious law.

Conan's much vaunted honor was a thing of necessity, not choice. In the Cimmerian North the land was almost unlivable -deadly cold nights, little flat land, few trees, and many dangerous predators. The Cimmerians themselves were commonly feuding and slaying over ancient wrongs as well as fighting off Norse raiders and slavers. So there had to exist, rather in the fashion of Bedouins, a rough but binding code of honor amongst all the clans.
And that code was Survival First. Nightfall could kill anyone and raiders didn't discriminate so two Cimmerians coming to blows over a slain ewe were also taught from childhood to cooperate in the face of the hostile land and to guard each others' backs because there simply wasn't a choice.
That environment is what makes the classic Barbarian. S/he isn't special by choice or by vocation, but by being shaped by living in a deadly, harsh place that took a high price for even small mistakes.
Conan's honor is a matter of simple necessity, not of elaborate rituals and oaths.
So, that's part of the attraction IMO.

>>21624769
>>21624730

So let's see. Aragorn and the rangers of the north would be more savage, going around in furs and loincloths as they patrol the wastes. Disdain for civilization and such.

Boromir would be pretty much the same, coming from a decadent kingdom that's become too corrupted to survive on its own.

Gandalf would be a dark arts master from an ancient kingdom who uses demon summoning and curses to smite his enemies. He would be deeply feared for his powers and pacts with the dark ones.

Galadriel would be a mostly naked prophetess who lives in seclusion in a deep forest and foretells the future in entrails and such.

What else?

>>21624877
Conan was remarkably poetic at times.

>>21624927
This, too. Conan was plenty smart, but I suspect that's more a case of the speaking standards of the setting. I sometimes wonder if we, them alive now, aren't backwards in our fondness of terseness and imitation over being voluble and explanatory.

In all candor Conan is borderline Sue territory, and later authors version can definitely be that way, but part of what redeems the idea is that he takes his lumps, is betrayed and wounded, and primarily is an exemplar of the Hyborian Age.
Conan, and many many more besides, were _free_ in ways far beyond credit reports and police records and housing applications and compulsive hygiene and Purell-dispensing stations.
Life was brutal and short and unfair, but it was also Liberated. Howard's themes were very much about the life you could have if you weren't afraid to live it.
I recently attempted to enlist in the U.S. Army. I was declined for my injury-riddled medical history. Did I lack the drive to be a soldier? The willingness to suffer as I was transformed? Would I have actually succeeded? Who can say, but the choice wasn't mine. It was a non-decision made during some horseplay with high school friends in a oily mall parking lot that broke internal bonds that would forever bar me from some paths in life.
I am not Free. I am, perhaps you and millions more are as well, transfixed by circumstances and choices and debts and limits and records who's outcomes are indelible beyond my lifetime.
This modern life is not one that permits many mistakes.
Conan's legend is one of odius, agonizing, brutal freedom. And that is a fine place to escape to.

>>21625118

You were denied a chance at one thing, but that doesn't mean that life is over. It's a wide world of opportunity, there's still time enough to grab some. The Conan myth is about struggling to carve your own path of adventure - hell, his origin story is leaving Cimmeria because he thought it was boring and wanted to see the world. Don't let the world defeat you just yet.

>>21625338
Indomitable.
Broken, but unyielding all the same.
I haven't given up yet.
And if I do, I'll try to post death.gifs!

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>>21625361

You seem cool. I wish you the best in finding what you seek.

>>21624927
https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Hour_of_the_Dragon/Chapter_15
>"Death to the masters!"

He was also more bad ass at freeing slaves than Lincoln.

>>21624704
The ring might not have had an effect on him for the same reason that you can't empty a bucket under water.

Also he might have been just too alien for it to brain-fuck him.

http://km-515.livejournal.com/1042.html

And I don't care how many times you have seen it, I still think it fits all the known facts.

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>this thread