>>21611939
It's done. Check your doorstep.

>>21611939
I'd hit it.

Just a little reminder to all you young people reading: Always, always be careful with any sort of sexual transformations, and always use a condom if said transformation involves testicles.

>>21611967
Okay. Yeah. Uh. Fuck it, let's just do this, I'm putting down my phone now.

>>21611988
No, uh. It's been sorted. I just, uh. Never mind.

>>21611939
dood. That couldn't find anything better than an illithid? Who the hell are you kidding?


Spoke to Mr. Lindgram, going in for my run in an hour or so. Posting from my phone - gonna leave it outside with the security guards. Got a friend calling in a favor or two for me - gonna go in from the roof and work my way down instead of going in the front door, plus I've got a couple charms that should help on the way.

>>21611939
>unbox a few new shipments
>come back
>holy shit
So girls you lookin to purchase a golem for some fun? i could get it to you in less than an hour

>>21612015
Keep us updated i wanna know what you find, why cant you keep your phone?

Im a Lamia or snake girl and it seems like the only guys who want to date me are fetishist freaks! can some one help?

>>21612152
Where have you been looking? Don't use those dating sites that advertise towards any perticular race; those things are always loaded with creeps.

>>21612040
Electronics don't work right when they go in - most of them come out fried. Something about the magical field. I'm going to mix sneaking around like a bitch with running as fast as I can. I've got a list of items (pictures, too) to go after, and what rooms they might be in. I'll make a post when I get out. If I don't say anything in a couple hours... well, I'll say something before that. BANZAI!

Wow. That was... Uh, can I put that wish back in place. That was... Wow. What do you think, Rachel?

>>21612174
i guess that makes sense, any suggestions?

MORTALS! I AM AVATHUS THE TEN THOUSAND HANDED! I CHALLENGE YOU ALL TO A THUMB WAR!

>>21612180
MMM I do good work. And i think that i can convince daddy to pull some cosmic strings.

>>21612176
Dont die bro!

>>21612190
I've got this once friend, she said she likes to hang out in a booth at clubs and stuff, so her tail is under the table. That way, the people who come up to her aren't just asking because they've got a snake fetish.
Some of them do get turned off once they see the tail, though.

>>21612180
>>21612200
Last check - quick note: toold yoou. Ok. Giving the guard the phone now - I hear my chopper coming! Wish me luck and if I don't come back name your first kid after me!

Mon Iop est un idiot, il n'y a rien que je puisse faire pour le réparer?

>>21612152
Well at least the people aren't afraid of you because of your looks.
just because i have a mustache and tied my hair into a ponytail means that im bad or something.everyone in the office is scared of me the only dude whose not afraid is our boss the actual mobster.

>>21612200
Okay. How long do you think we should keep this on the down low? I mean, I think Laura already found the old thread. Also, is my, uh. Is it good?

>>21612200
There's no need to continue messing around with oath-bound wish magic, you know. There are a number of conventional and magical methods of granting that particular "endowment", which have the added bonus of being removable at a later date should it be nessisary or desired.

And remember, you haven't really experianced living with a penis yet. Give it a few days before desiding.

>>21612240
Maybe a Bot but not a kid, those things are nasty

My dog recently passed away. I couldn't let him go, he was my best little bud. I found a sketchy magic shop and bought a book to raise him but it must have been necromancy instead of a book of Raven Queen hymns like I thought because he's a skeleton. Do I have to get him a construct license now instead of the usual pet license or what?

>>21612255
Im pretty sure Laura is a whore any way, and yes you were fantastic, a little awkward but with time and experience we can fix that.

>>21612280
Depends. Did you recall his soul into the body, or did you just animate the corpse? If the former, you need a pet licence with a necrostamp, if the latter, then it's technicaly a bone golem.

>>21612280
Familiar license, its cheaper and caters to the arcanicly and divinely raised undead animals.

>>21612295
Yeah but, I mean, she can't keep a secret. Everyone at the office will know. I guess what I'm asking is, uh, do you want to date? Like a couple. I mean, I don't even know if I'm a lesbian but, uh. I'm into you.

>>21612311
Pet license with necrostamp then. Whew those aren't cheap. Guess I'll make it up in savings on shots and grooming and kibbles.
I'm just glad he's back and he moves like he was five years younger. Gonna go take him to play some frisbee.

>>21612357
Yes!, i mean why not, as long as this isnt just about the "gift". If were going to do this i wanna do it for the right reasons.

>>21612357
If I may interject one more time, please remember that your body is still reacting to the change in hormones, as well as stress. I would advise waiting a day or two before making any relationship decisions.

Uh...a question. Recently a strange and shining white owl began to nest on top of my roof. Is it endangered or something? I can't seem to get rid of it. anyone that can help?

>>21612369

So I think I accidentally joined a hive mind. I mean, I still feel like me, but I can fill like a few hundred others too, and I feel a lot smarter and stuff? I was at a party last night and I don't actually remember how I ended up... part of whatever?

I mean, I think I'm keeping segregated mostly right now just by focusing on staying that way, but anyone have any ideas to help? I didn't sign up for this.

>>21612399
oops meant to quote
>>21612388
And i agree, lets just have fun now for what it is and wait till later to decide on anything.

>>21612369
Oh yeah, pets are always a lot more lively after they're raised. As far as he knows, he took a nap for a bit and woke up without any sort of pain at all. All those little aches and pains that build up over your life suddenly gone, all at once.

>>21612403
Don't they have like...um Proper paper work for that? like form 37C or the less popular 86T

>>21612397
if its glowing i wouldnt fuck with it

>>21612425

I think? But I got SUPER fucking drunk last night, I mean hot damn, I was drunk as fuck.

And I woke up hung over and part of a hive mind, but still me, so it's not like a full hive mind I guess? It's just I can kinda feel a bunch of other people that are also kinda me but aren't if I drop my focus?

>>21612369
Make sure its got a blade on it just in case you accidentally hit him with it.

>>21612403
That sounds less like a true hivemind and more like a semi-autonomous gestalt consciousness, really. If it were a true hivemind you wouldn't understand the concept of "I" on anything more then a intelectual level.
Anyway, why not ask whoever you're sharing brainspace with for help? They'd know what's going on best, I'm sure.

>>21612450
I think i know what you are, mind if i come over and try and work it out with you, where do you live?

>>21612450
They might just be holding off on converting you until you get over your hangover. Don't want to take that shit and spread it over the whole group, right?
So yeah, you should get drunk as fuck.

>>21612397
In my culture, White Owl is symbol of an honorless death. Something to be feared because a death without honor, will not join the Ancestors in the afterlife.

A hobo tried to literally fuck the owl.
he was reduced to ashes. strange thing though
i literally saw the dirt and grime from him be "cleansed" before he got burned.

Hey, uhm, I ain't got anywheres to go. Can I hang out with you guys?

>>21612506
Sounds like some kind of celestial horseshit to me. Best not to get involved.

>>21612462

Well I'm kinda freaking out about the whole thing. I mean, sure, I had a few voices in my head before--who doesn't, especially when they major in telepathy psionics--but I'm not comfortable with sharing my mindspace with god-knows how many others all the time especially when I have no idea how I got to this position.

>>21612464

Toronto. This isn't gonna end poorly, is it?

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>>21612540
>elf

I gotta go to work. I hope your still here when i get home.

>>21612552
Naw i mean i just met with a pally friend of mine and he showed me how to fix issues like yours

>>21612577

Oh, well, cool, that should help, then. Starting to get a headache from the concentration.

>>21612385
Well, I mean, I don't know if I would have been into you without it, but all relationships are in part physical attraction. Plus, we've been friends for ages, and I think we really have something.
>>21612388
We're not making soon huge leap or anything. Just dating and seeing where things go. I mean, that's fine, right?

>>21612541
Ugh. Dammit. I better talk to my wife. I guess that wounded little "Harpy" girl we took in last week isn't an actual harpy.

>>21612555

W-what?

>>21612645
It's cool kid. He's an Honorable dude.
He'll teach you the values of blood and honor.
and he's an expert naval combatant

>>21612645
He wants to rape your love hole, with his man parts.

>>21612678
I AM A RIVER TO MY PEOPLE.

>>21612645
SHOW ME YOUR HONOR.

>>21612418
Might have to take back what I said about the kibbles. Charles always was a bit of a gluttonnin his later years and has been trying to eat some kibbles in his old bowl and splashing in the water. Is this just a hold over or do I need to find him some new food?

>>21612704
NO YOUR OTHER HONOR!

BLOOD & THUNDER! VICTORY AT SEA!

>>21612678

I, uhm...

>>21612686

Think...

>>21612704

I need a grownup?

He p m my g l m th nk am ch ating o her.

bit is f cki up my p sts.

>>21612723
Clearly I misjudged you. I thought you were a man.
Afix the Bow of Shame and cast her into the wolf pit.

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>>21611939
> Your sister?

>>21612723
Listen here kid. Find yourself a nice girl.
unless you want to be like those two gentlemen
engaging in...uh.. nevermind

>>21612726
Reformat.....last resort mate.

>>21612773
That's a common saying amongst us Norns, what you think it means? does it have another canotation in common?

>>21612540
I'd run if you're one of those "feline soul" elves. Few here tolerate their tomfoolery.

>>21612411
Yeah, I mean, just a few dates, lots of sex, see where it goes from there, right?

>>21612801
Okay, she finally got off my case AFTER she saw that I had borrowed my sister's tablet.

Fuck, I love her, but damn if she doesn't think any time I repair another golem, or offer my assistance in tranfering, I'm gonna fall for some other golem. Fuck computers are clingy.

>>21612876

What, like cats? Nah... All elf. See? Pointy ears! No tail.

>>21612924
Cars are the same way. By the way, Roxy loved her new chassis.

>>21612951
Not like I really care about Roxy, that was the new york guy.

So, uh, a lot has happened in the past few days, and I'm wondering if you guys could help sort it out for me. I recently found out I was listed in a dragon's will, the will of a great, ancient, dead old red dragon matron. We're apparently related through one of my extremely distant ancestors.

Now, you would think she would have left me part of her hoard - gold, jewels, magic items, something like that - but all that she left me was her heart. In the will it was capitalized, Heart, like it was some big deal. They brought it out, a human-sized eight-chamber heart that looked like it was made out of solid brass, still beating. The will said to sleep with it for one night, and I did, and it disappeared in the night.

Ever since, I've felt different. My chest is warm but, like, a good warm, especially now that it's getting cold out. I've been feeling confident, in charge, authoritative, witty, sharp. I've been catching mages staring at me out of the corner of their eyes and while my back is turned.

So, what happened? What's going on here?

>>21613258

You're turning into a dragon. It is a slow process that starts off painless, turns agonizing, then turns painless again as it nears completion.

Congrats.

>>21613338
Oh. That actually sounds really cool - except for the agony thing. Does morphine work for that? Also, do I get all of the cool dragon powers too, like turning into a humanoid? I kind of like looking like this.

I'm not really sure how this works.

>>21612710
I went to the vet and apparently bonemeal is what you're to 'feed' it. Just kinda vacuums it up and fixes any nicks in the bones. Neat. Also got a collar for him that is supposed to counteract any negative energy that he'll emit.

Finally frisbee time.

>>21613258
That thing was loud. Couldn't Sleep last night
Sorry for the mile long stare and the blood shot eyes earlier.
I guess i have to fireproof my house then

>>21613372

Morphine will take the edge off, but will not dull the pain entirely--it's supposed to be a growing experience. And, yes, you will get all the cool dragon powers. You are not just polymorphing or whatever, your body, mind, soul, essence--all of that is becoming purely draconic. The full package.

>>21613405
Sounds awesome. Are there any ways that this isn't a straight-up upgrade? Like do I score a bunch of new enemies? Or I legally count as the dragon I inherited the heart from in draconic court of law and might have to answer for her crimes? Or I'm not just turning into dragon-me, I'm having my soul overwritten with her soul? Or I'll turn into a dragon, but it will be a baby whelp of a dragon?

>>21613455

Depends on how closely your nature mirrors that of a dragon's, but generally speaking what is going to happen is thatyou are going to become a dragon of roughly your age equivalent, and yes, you will score a bunch of new enemies--because dragons love a good rivalry, and you're the new kid on the block.

Legally you are still you, not her. Even among dragonkind.

>>21613455
Just watch out for those self proclaimed "dragon hunters" a crazy lot i tell ya.

>>21613477
So, I get fantastic new abilities and a competitive field in which to test them? A week ago, that idea would have really scared me, but now that sounds really exciting.
>>21613480
Can't a just call the cops if they give me trouble?

>>21613497

Unless you have a government bounty on your head, yeah, you have all the rights any other sentient being does.

Here, let me send you a card. I'm a lawyer, I specialize in transfiguration and magical being's rights cases. If you have trouble, look me up. I have affordable rates and a good history of successful cases.

>>21613520
Could I sue the estate of the dragon from whom I inherited the heart because they didn't disclose the full effects of the heart on the inheritor? If so, I think I know what my first play in this brave new world will be. Does this fall within your specialty?

>>21613480
uuggh I hate those guys. They are the worst. ANd they give everyone else who deals with exceptionally large/powerful "monsters" a bad name.

Sure I've killed dragons before, but not just because they where dragons.

>>21613497
They blew up my aunt's car just because they though. he was a dragon. Poor aunt was traumatized. Unlucky for them uncle has an unusual number of murderhobo friends.....

FUCKING MURDERHOBOS!

>>21613555

It does, in fact--and yes, you can. There's precedence--Gloria O'Toole v The Mizetenack Estate, victory for Gloria. Samuel Johnson v The Borogoromor Estate, victory for Samuel.

That's the big thing about a whole lot of these old dragons and dragon families, they don't keep track of modern law very well, and always get surprised by precedence and such. It's why we use binding contracts.

Want me to start putting a case file together for you? I'll even give a first timer's discount, given your situation.

>>21613591
Absolutely, but you're getting paid by percent, not a flat fee, as incentive. What's your usual rate?

>>21613600

Generally I charge three hundred an hour for consultation work, but for percentages... the amount of cash you're gonna look at, I'd charge twenty, twenty-five percent depending on the precise amount you're looking at--for this I'd wager about twenty-three percent would be standard, but all things considered I'll do it for an even twenty.

>>21613666
I'll give it to you for 17%, plus I'll cover any necessary outside consulting fees, or 20% and you cover consulting fees. Your choice.

>>21613690

Hmm, let's go with the 17%.

Pleasure doing business--I'll get started on the case file.

Reposting from old thread.

Guys, you gotta help me. I recently asked out this Nymph in my Celestial History class. She said yes, but I think it's a pity date. I'm way out of my league, but I want to make this work; how do I show her a really good time?

>>21613765

Get her a bow! Like, one of the shooty kind. Or one of the kind girls like. Wait, I know! Get her a shooty bow that she can wear in her hair.

>>21613765
Simple. Women don't really do pity dates. That's something invented by sitcoms. Unless you had already been friendzoned years ago, this is a real date and she cares a lot more about personality than looks. Be relaxed, be confident, be a man.

If you were friendzoned, you will never, ever, ever be free of it, so stop trying.

Uh, I'm a centaur and I moved to a city for work but I'm having trouble finding a decent apartment. It seems like everything nice has been built with humanoids in mind. I'm in London, Ontario so if anyone knows of a place I'd be grateful.

>>21613815
How do you feel about commuting? There are some nice places out a ways from downtown. Look for anything with a converted warehouse/loft style.

>>21613848
I guess I could take the metro, cars aren't really built for people my size ya' know? Thanks for the advice mate.

>>21613800
Ugh, you boys think every girl likes bows.

>>21613883
You could always jog - or trot, I'm not sure if that's offensive terminology. It's good for the heart and the waist, assuming you have a desk job. After all, assuming you're relatively fit, you should be able to move just as fast as someone on a bike.

>>21613903

Uhm... Kay, what about a dress?

>>21613800
Bows, please. Crossbows or Muskets are better. One shot from either is good enough to put down all but hardest beast. If you're good shot, and quick on reloading you can have enough lead raining down.

>>21613803
Really? Wow, that's a load off my chest.

Question still stands, though. What do I do?

>>21613925
Well, how did you ask her? Had you interacted before then? If she knows you at all, she knows how you are, so just be yourself. It's not a big deal at all.

>>21613916
Eh, its more out of respect for my coworkers ya' know? Ever seen how sweaty a centaur can get just goin' for a wee gallop?

>>21613923

BOOGEYELF! HIDE!

First time parent here and im a normal human. My little daughter age 3 just did some strange magic shit is that normal? I don't know what's happening. What do i do? I can't seem to contact my wife she's still somewhere in Europe called Arcada-something.

>>21613956
I can't say I have. Still, just bring a bag with a towel and a stick of deodorant with you, same as someone who bikes to work.

>>21613970
Arcadia? Your wife's a faerie. Probably one of the Sidhe. Your daughter is a halfling. Good luck, you'll need it, especially if you keep being unable to get in contact with your wife (that would mean that she left you and abandoned your daughter).

>>21613982
I uh, don't think I could reach everywhere that'd need deodorant.

>>21613564
Hey man, I got one Juvenile Red hanging on my trophy wall. I feel you, I'm an adventurer and I'm always asked how many dragons I've bagged. I tell them only one, most Dragons are cool in my book.

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>>21613922
You boys are so typical, some girls like armor and swords.

Like me, I always love swords and armor.

Too bad nobody wants me to wear armor, I swear my fosterer is a pervert.

>>21614001
Really? I thought that the horse-side of a centaur had the same sweat gland arrangement as a normal horse, meaning you don't sweat in any high-stink places. Not going to lie, I'm pretty ignorant about centaurs. I know about humans, and I know about horses, and I just try to extrapolate from there.

>>21613957
What have your parents been telling you? There's worst things than Drow out there.

>>21614019

...Woooow.

I kinda like that armor. It makes my ears tingly when I look at it.

>>21614019
*wolf whistle*

>>21614033
How would you feel about applying for a security position with me? You sound rather competent, and I don't necessarily have any great love of other dragons to bias me against you.

>>21614033

That you take elfs from their bedrooms and eat them! And I know it's true 'cause my mom said it happened to my cousin that didn't clean his room!

>>21614040
>>21614049

You two are just like my fosterer, he's such a pervert, unlike one of my girl friends in school, she's got... you know.

>>21614033
Oh yes, there certainly are.

>>21613998
Uh. She said she'll be back after 2 days with her parents from some court. Is that good?

>>21613945
I just asked her after class. My father always said the best way to ask a women is to just do it. Man, I was nervous, though.

As for how I know her, we did a project on the Declaration of Virtue about a month ago. She was very friendly. And beautiful, too - but not smug about it like the succubus in Alchemy 102.

I just don't wat this to go wrong.

>>21614090
Did she say 'seelie' or 'unseelie?' Did she ever use the term 'Sidhe?' It's pronounced 'shee.'

>>21614101
If you did a project together, she knows you. If she knows you and said 'yes,' she's into you. If she's like some beautiful women I know, she's probably rarely asked out because most people think she's out of their league. She's probably just as excited and nervous as you are.

Be relaxed. Don't freak her out. Just have a good time. If she's not enjoying herself, she'll let you know, either directly or by making excuses to leave.

This is how women work. Congratulations, you now know one of the most secret secrets of all of mandom, or something. Women are just as insecure and just as flawed as you are, even the pretty ones.

>>21614079

Y-yeah? Well, I ain't afraid of anything!

>>21614073

Don't worry! I'll beat up the black elf and keep you safe!

>>21614055
I don't take commission for escort missions. I can set you up with some mobile turrets that are good enough to ward off rival dragons for awhile.

eh eh yeah! good get help here. tikak representative of workers union! kobold forced to work long hours no breaks! dirty mine!! petition king to give rights but he laugh. eh no rights.

tried strike. adventurers kill many! enough say tikak! kobold clanmates agree enough! need health care benefits mandatory breaks! need to bury dead instead of forced to eat them and continue digging with bones!

where tikak stand?

>>21614136
I'd rather have the black elf, she hasn't got cooties.

>>21614160

O-oh yeah? Well at least I ain't a dumb stupid girl! I-I didn't wanna play with you anyways!

>>21614106
I think she said something about 'shee'?

>>21614152
I'll tell you what. I'll offer you and your whole clan a job as my vassals. You'll get room, board, a small paycheck, and full benefits. Tell your clan, I'm planning on hitting the scene and hitting it hard, and I could use loyal, motivated vassals. You'll be allowed to unionize too, but I'll fire you all if your demands grow unreasonable and nonnegotiable.

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>>21614152
Come on radio. Share story with world. Get lots mad and revolt!

File: 1353110695891.jpg-(48 KB, 342x247, RIP sunfire stacking.jpg)

This is what the quest threads have lead to...

This is the death of /tg/...

>>21614175
Good, you're a stupid boy, I'm a better boy than you anyways.

>>21614160
I'm male, btw. Females mostly don't go on adventures. Artificing/Engineering is more male thing anyways.

>>21614136
>Y-yeah? Well, I ain't afraid of anything!
Thats how people get themselves killed.

There are things out there you should be afraid of.

>>21614188
Okay, the Sidhe are the nobility of the faerie courts. Now, this is very important, did she say the Seelie Court or the Unseelie Court? This is an oversimplifaction, but for now just know that the Seelie are basically good fae and the Unseelie are basically bad fae. This could be very important for what's about to happen with your daughter.

>>21614210
Threads like this predate quest threads. By a lot.

>>21614210
> he thinks roleplaying on the board for roleplaying games is the death of that board.
> laughingelfgirls.jpg

>>21614215

L-leave me alone.

>>21614221

Dragons? 'Cause they're just big dumb lizards.

>>21614210
>blaming quests
Yeah, nah, this is its own shit. Quests had nothing to do with it.

File: 1353110905106.gif-(760 KB, 259x214, 1346042349268.gif)

>Recurring characters
>Fetishes
>Special snowflakes

Has the cycle started again already?

>>21614204
oh oh not bad! but cause trouble with king. have to think! talk to clan. much decision.

>>21614205
yes yes! do interview. maybe revolt. maybe join >>21614204 after! make her look good! like savior!

>>21614249
>Doesn't realize it's because a 40k thread fell off the front page.

>>21614221
Like horny old men in a bath house. My mistake was going to one on Saturdays, which apparently is gay hookup day. No wonder the rates where so cheap...

>>21614216
EWWWWWWWWW!

>>21614106
so would a masculine fae be... a Sidhe-male?

>>21614250
Eh sort of, Dragons aren't as bad as some other things. They can at least be reasoned with.

But don't let it worry you kid, just remember there can be a fine line between bravery and stupidity.

File: 1353111052678.png-(41 KB, 1020x556, lichme.png)

Howdy friends, hows mortal life treating you all?

>>21614267
Recurring characters, like tripfags? they've been on the board for awhile.

Fetishes? /tg/ has shit load of fetish threads

Special Snowflakes? It's boring to be generic commoner #23698

>>21614297
No. Sidhe is a rank.

>>21614022
Nah you got the right idea for the most part. Its just that there is a lot of sweat and its hard to reach everywhere with your hands. Better off just taking the bus I think.

>>21614271

Guys with horns?

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>>21614301
You, what up, man? It's been ages.

>>21614298

Yeah, uhm... Sides! A guy in armor said he'd give me gold if I went to a dragons cave with him, 'cause he bet a dragon wouldn't eat a kid. I wanted to but mom said no.

>>21614331
Oh a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

I've been having to pay 'immortality taxes' ever since I ascended and it's been a pain to keep up with it. Aside from that, I can't complain. The secrets of the universe won't discover themselves after all.

What about you man? Nice suit!

>>21614285
Hey kiddo, I'm old enough to be your older brother. How old are you anyways kiddo? I'm 53. Unlike surfacers we don't prolong adolescents.

>>21614308
Nono, you misunderstand. This has happened before. Modern Fantasy isn't a new concept, and when you involve recurring characters, it always devolves into a mary sue filled circlejerk.

The last one actually ended up worse than most freeform RPs. There was a "sexy" illithid, a sentient hippogryph who was the result of a military experiment, a red dragon who had billions of dollars and endless amounts of power, a warforged who was actually an eldritch god, the fucking god of death, and I don't even know what else.

It wasn't pretty.

All I'm saying is; Don't let the cycle repeat itself again. Let your recurring characters go, so the circlejerk never starts.

>>21614268
Yes yes! Krak and Derk's show heard all over country! World even! Will help your cause! Music and news and comedy! Have opening next Monday too!

>>21614359
My deity revoked my mortality! I don't age anymore, and I reincarnate if I get killed. When I asked why, all he said was 'vigilance.' Anyway, thanks about the suit - it's new. What do you think of the eye patch? I'll be keeping it until I get capped and get a new body.

>>21614370
I'm 72.

>>21614373

Gryphon, not hippogryph, and it was the Department of Natural Resources using an awaken spell. I thought it was a good idea at the time.

>>21614405
I remember those threads. They were really bad. It's why I'm already onto my fourth character.

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Orc here. So, just posting here to say that. . . I want to be a mage. I know, weird. You don't see too many orc wizards walking about, mainly orc sorcerers. But since I don't have a particular bloodline and magic has always fascinated me, I thought of giving it a shot.

So what are my odds of becoming an average mage? Sure, I know a few spells here, a couple of incantations there, but nothing more than what a simple village mage could do. I want to do something more, to be able to unleash torrents of magic at will. But I'm afraid that the teachers out there might be a bit biased with an orc as a student since, most of the time, orc magic-users are usually sorcerers and tend to rub it in the face of other wizards that actually have to /WORK/ at their craft.

>>21614379
love show! such high honor. tikak will be there! entire clan trying strike again so no problem leaving. they think it good idea. maybe get attention of adventurers who believe king. think we bad guys. so sad.

if nothing else will lighten mood!

>>21614405
It may has started that way, but like everything else, it got out of hand.

I don't blame anybody in particular, it was a temporary breakdown of the collective common sense.

>>21614413
Despite what people say, orcs aren't actually biologically stupid, it's just social stereotyping and a self-fulfilling prophecy. With hard work, and self confidence you can be just as good of a mage as anyone else.

>>21614425

Now I'm experiencing this bizarre mix of regret, nostalgia, and shame.

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>>21614394
Congrats dude! Watch out for the immortality taxes though. Those are a bitch. I think you might get tax breaks since you got it from your deity though.

I think the eye patch makes you look a bit like a bond villain. Dunno if that's what you're going for, but it's pretty styling.

I might get a suit myself sometime. Been thinking about doing the whole gambling for damned souls shtick my cousin has been doing in Vegas

Pic related, my wacky cuz.

>>21614444
That's the feeling of a lesson learned. That means it wasn't for nothing. That means I forgive you.

>>21614460

Does that mean you'll continue to forgive me if I keep doing it?

>>21614444
We all learned our lesson, let's just make sure it doesn't happen again, because despite my tone, I love these threads and I don't want to see them burn again.

>>21612240
I'm back. Got three or four items but I'm a damn ... I dont even know what, I'm not a damn vet. I need to go find a mirror. And a psychiatrist. And some nuts. I'm dying for some walnut bread. And more whiskey. 'M NOT GAY DAMMIT.

Doc Frank? That place? OH GOD. I think I have tits now. I don't even know. I'll be in touch.

>>21614456
Hah, that guy looks like a riot! Anyway, as long as you keep it to damned souls, you know I'm 100% okay with it. I thought it made me more like like a hardass - you know, like the bad cop in bad cop/good cop. Being a paladin has really changed in the past couple centuries, you know? Anyway, apparently, since I reincarnate, that's a loophole in the immortality laws. Maybe you could exploit it by dying and reforming at your phylactery every few decades. You should get in touch with your lawyer, ask about it.

>>21614395
Then you're not a Lolita anymore, you're only Loli if you're under 20. Everything else is just "extended childhood".

>>21614475
The I would start holding something completely new against you.

>>21614480
(I was the red dragon. It did get ridiculous.)

>>21614507

I'll level with you. I'm too classy to say "your penis?" But you should know you left yourself completely open for that.

ore wa gundam

>>21614424
Agreed! Can make morning? Opening between 7 and 10 AM, whenever you can. Will send intern to set up show and find more news. Justice must be known!

>>21614519

Wait, fucking seriously? THAT red dragon?

>>21614523
In-your-end-o.

>>21614532
(Yea I was Caul. What can I say it was slow time for my RL RPG group.)

>>21614456
I think I lost a bet to that guy...

Fucking full house bullshit

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So I've joined the fencing team at my uni, and I swear this one teammate is casting Confusion on his opponents in matches. I don't know how the judges aren't seeing it, but even though my team is number 1 in the state, it needs to end.
I also have no innate magical talent. I took a semester of Runic, but I couldn't make heads-or-tails of it (it was a pass/fail course).
How would I go about stopping the cheating without getting burned to crisp?
Pic related, it's a candid shot of me in my uniform and lucky denarius

>>21614548
((On the other hand, I liked that thread a lot - it just devolved into powergaming. Everything up to that was great.))

>>21614529
9AM good time. will be there! up with koboletariat!

>>21614496
Haha, no worries bro, I'm done with the whole soul sucking issues I had. Been taking those SSA meetings to help get past it.

>>21614551
Oh man, who's damned soul did you lose? Your mother-in-laws?

HEY-OOOOOO!

>>21614548

This is weird and coincidental. I'll, uh, I'll go now. I think we are lucky enough that most people on the board don't remember it.

>>21614577
>powergaming
I would more describe it as a circle-jerk.

>>21614571
He might actually be using psionics. If I recall correctly most matches are monitored for arcane and divine intercession. You might flag a judge next time it happens and ask that a qualified psion be called.

Either that or he's from an "old family" and has the judges paid for.

>>21614583
>Oh man, who's damned soul did you lose? Your mother-in-laws?
Hah, zing! Anyway, I'm glad you hear that you're still on the wagon. You're my bro, and it would leave me all fucked up for centuries if I had to kill you and destroy your phylactery. You know how it is.

>>21614501
Maybe to spider-worshippers.

In Elven culture I'm still underage.

>>21614583
Gotta admit, got a laugh outta that one. Y'all undead are nuts, I tell you what.

>>21614571
An anonymous tip off to the judges committee or some authority should work.

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>>21614650
Yeah, some of my best friends are undead. Seriously. My lich bro can vouch for me - I fucking love when undead are good-aligned. Doing kindness and justice throughout the ages, beyond the limits of death itself, it's a beautiful thing.

>>21614413
I tell you what, there's nothing like the feel of magic. It's a power rush, you don't want to go to wizard school. Naw you'd never fit. It's filled with trustfund kids, mostly Elves & Half-Elves (other than Humans).

However there's a quick way to power, I'll email you instructions.

>>21614699

Hey, I'm an elf! Can I be magic?

>>21614532
>>21614548
(Cool to see you guys still around, I thought these threads would have burned out during the 6 months I was gone. Good times.)

I THINK I'VE FIGURED IT OUT! HOW TO MAKE GUNS INTO FUNTIONAL MAGICAL WEAPONS ON PAR WITH MIDEVAL WEAPONS!

>>21614647
Well if you want a hook up, just send me a txt. *Chkkchik*

>>21614718
They did burn out. This just started again today. Thank god those old threads ended.

>>21614718
I think my grandpa's .470NE double safari rifle hits as hard as any enchanted sword can, but go ahead. I'll bite.

>>21614625
>>21614666
Shit man, he IS rich as fuck. Saw him riding around on that new Honda-R'ikij mech-horse. Anything I can do about the judges?
Also I think my denarius accidentally my rental sword, is that bad?

>>21614756
No way in hell I'm falling for that one again.

>>21614756
I think he's saying he could enchant your .470NE double safari rifle to have the same level of enchantments as an enchanted sword.

>>21614745
Why don't you have a seat over there.

>>21614650
Humor is what keeps the mind fresh and a-tickin. That and a good crossword every morning.

>>21614691
I'm just trying to live my life the way a decent neutral good lich would. It's great to be able to go to a Mcdonalds and order a soul gem without having to worry about spooking all the lil' tots. Couldn't even go to Starbucks without casting fear on everyone twenty years ago.

>>21614787
You're fucked. Welcome to the real world, where money really can buy anything.

>>21614713
Yea little dude. It's totally rad to be magical. All you got to do is spill some blood, call out Asmodeus 3x, kill a goat. Pledge your service to whomever answers. Pro tip Asmodeus never answers, but one his secretaries/lords are ones who pick up the call. Thn pat yourself on the back you got magic!

>>21614807
Yeah, man, you've really come a long way. I'm proud of you. I'm proud to be your sponsor.

>>21614789
Fall for what now?
>>21614793
That seems terrifying. I mean, I'm pretty sure there's a minor enchantment on it so the iron sights correct themselves for range, but I guess having it fire explosive rounds or something could be cool.

>>21614828

Uhm... Does it gotta be real blood?

>>21614808
Are you implying I should sell the denarius? That thing's been in my family for years! It was originally an offering to Ares! My grandfather gave it to me on his deathbed!

>>21614797
I'm younger than you, besides age of consent is 18.

>>21614886
Hell no, that shit is probably enchanted to all hell. Probably got fucktons of luck, and it's damn cool looking.

He's saying you can't do much about richy McFuckhead buying the judges off or skirting around the rules.

You could say corner him in a back alley sometime, wearing a ski mask, and threaten to break his kneecaps if he doesn't shape up. Might work, or it could end in catastrophic failure.

>>21614867
Yea, just prick a finger. It would even work if you had some blood in storage.

>>21614886
No, even if you sold it, it probably wouldn't be enough to pay for a counter-bribe. I'm saying you're fucked. Maybe you can hope that you have supernaturally good luck, but you would have to be supernaturally lucky to get that lucky.

>>21614718
Its already been done by some people. I recently got my birds M61 enchanted, though it did cost a lot.

Though the real fun is going to start soon, my fellow squadron mate " Brutus" is in the process of having his birds Gau-8 enchanted.

>>21614894
Not in elven lands.

Besides, you're a boy.

>>21614756
OLDER GUNS ARE EASIER, LESS MOVING PARTS. I'M TALKING COMPLETELY MODERN WEAPONS, FROM GLOCKS TO HOWITZERS. BEFORE NOW, EVERYONE THOUGHT OF THE MOVING PARTS AS OBSTACLES TO THE ENCHANTMENT. I REALIZED THE MOVEMENTS COULD BE USED AS A REPEATING SOMATIC COMPONENT. THE MOVEMENT STRENGTHENS THE MAGIC. IT COULD REVOLUTIONIZE WARFARE.

DUD ROUNDS FROM MORTARS FOR SCRYING IN PROTECTED AREAS. ANY HOST OF SPELLS COULD BE CAST WHEN FIRED.

>>21614867
Kid, I'm telling you this because you seem kinda thick.

There's always a catch to dealing with demons, devils, whatever infernal thing you're entering a deal with will fuck you over with a spiked baseball bat.

>>21614927

N-nevermind. I don't think I want this kinda magic.

>>21614918
>mug a mage
Friend of mine tried that once. Turns out wizards really don't have a sense of right and wrong.

>>21614962
I can vouch for this guy.

>>21614972
The trick is to beat them upside the head with something heavy whenever they look like they're casting something. Or break fingers, stab them, that sort of thing. People have a hard time concentrating when that happens.

>>21614962

That's one of them, uhm... figures of speech, right?

>>21615019
Not necessarily.

>>21614947
Ah, so you you swing that way eh? I swing both ways, why limit yourself to apples or oranges when you can have both? One thing you learn in underdark, sex is great tool.

>>21615037

...Kay.

No magic.

>>21615019
with demons, some times it is. Sometimes it isn't.

>>21614952
Hey, Ivan. I see you've left /k/ to enlighten these heathens on the glory of weapons.
>>21614939
>>21614995
I could always use my helmet, I guess. But I don't know what it is - whenever I have the coin touching me, I start wanting to get a bunch of bros together and phalanx the fuck out Richboy.
Significant?

>>21614962
Yea there's always a catch, but life is full of "yea but there's a catch".

>>21615046
Because boys are icky and weak.

I mean look at >>21615047 I knew dark deals are a double bladed sword when I was 20.

>>21614964
No, kid, what ya' want is eldritch magic.

Just swear yer flesh, mind and soul to the unknowable, unnamable and unthinkable one and we can get this show on the road.

>>21615069
Coin, ancient, been in the family for a while, an OFFERING TO FUCKING ARES!

Nooo, there's no way that something to do with Ares, Greek God of War. I mean the greeks never used phalanxes ever. Really, they weren't known for it at all.

Yeah, it's relevant. I say do it, and have someone film it just in case it's entertaining.

so I broke up with my girlfriend last night, and when I woke up, I found some bloody runes smeared on my wall.I'm fucking scared. do tieflings usually act like this? i'm scared that she might curse me or something. what should I do?

>>21615109
You deleted the runes, right?

I would quickly scan your living quarters for a small silk bag. Will probably contain a fingernail of yours and some bones.

Burn it.

>>21615077

Yeah, well... Shut up...

>>21615084

I think I'm gonna just keep reading and stuff...

>>21615109
Questions, what was your race & profession before your GF scribed blood runes over your wall?

>>21613957
>>BOOGEYELF!

I so want to see an image of a Drow in a disco outfit now.

>>21615109
My buddy had this happen to him. We eventually had to call a "specialist" to come in and put a crack in time so the thing that came through would paradox itself out of existence.

Good times. Of fucking course the bitch got away.

>>21615140
i deleted the runes and found the bag, but due to my race there in no fingernail. should i put one in the bag?

>>21615092
Guess I'll have to do some research, then. Girl I know takes Intro to Tactics, maybe I can get her to tutor me and my friends.
But more importantly - how do I find out what the denarius can do? I don't want to try something and then end up in some pocket dimension like last time.

>>21615152
still a thri-kreen, but at that time i was trying my luck at sorcery.

>>21615077
At least they teach you some stuff on the surface.

>>21615192
Fingernail, chitin fragment, it'll be some form of shed organic tissue.

If there is nothing of the sort in there, then your ex is very bad at invocations.

>>21615069
Not IVAN, I was just deaf after firing a few hundred rounds out of my prototype.
>>21614946
And I'm sure those enchantments cost quite a pretty penny. As in doubled the price of an already multi-million dollar gun. My process is easy. I can enchant a $300 handgun to, say, have a fear enchantment for the price of $500. And the bullets won't even kill if you want that feature for another $100.

The only problem is each model of gun needs it's own enchantment process, meaning I have a LOT of development time ahead of me before I can hit up a government for funding.

In the meantime, does anyone want a Glock 19 that's as loud as a howitzer? I guess you could use it to break windows and deafen people.

>>21615246
rechecked the bag, it seems that she had somehow gotten a hold of part of my antenna.

also my wall is glowing purple.

>>21615233
Only if you beat it out of them.

Say you spider-worshippers are run by girls right?

>>21615264
Gunmage eh? My expertise is explosives.

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>>21615309
Aww shit here we go.

Greetings, anti-magic field based long range combat specialist here, under direction from my employer. Please, ask me anything.

>>21614946
This is a whole new field of craziness to me.

What sorta enchantments can I put on it? .470NE will punch through a younger dragon's scales without too much trouble, but I'm not sure how it'd work with wards.

>>21615310
Yea. Most the cities are ran by females. Surface colonies are often ran by males.

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Uh, quick question guys.

I came across a Dijnn last week, and she's hot as fuck and all, but she's been trying to tempt me into some kinky wishes and promising eternal pleasure and power. I'd rather not get charmed, but fuck she's hot, and REALLY knows how to dirty talk.

What do?

>>21615363
What do you think, make a wish dumbass.

>>21615373
And get those horrific ironic wish punishments? Fuck no. I am going to at least think about it for a while.

>>21615309
OH FUCK A PORTAL JUST OPENED ON MY WALL WERE THE FUCK IS MY SPEAR OH FUCK!!!

>>21615264
I can put you in touch with the PMC I work for.
We have our own guys for enchantment. But if you can do it cheaper they'll probably give you some funding too.

>>21615199
Go see an identifier. Your school should have at least one and they'll tell you if the coin has any properties or not.

>>21615373
Monkey paw rule
Shit's going to backfire like a motherfucker unless the djinn can get in on it somehow or you can appease her
APPEASE the fuck out of her

>>21615363

Wish for a million wishes!

>>21615363
Hold off on making a wish until she either gets desperate or loses interest.

>>21615363
Don't do it. We literally just cleared up some djinn shit in this and the last thread.
Crucial question: can you fuck her without making the wish

>>21615340
Anything you could put on any other weapon. Within limits of course, sharpness enchantments would be rather pointless.

>>21615363
Djinn wishes often have a catch to them. Unless they're bound to an object. Rings for lesser Djinn are popular, for more powerful Djinn amulets, oil lamps, and boxes are popular.

>>21615363
It turned out surprisingly well for me. I'm not sure if I would suggest someone else trying it, though.

>>21615426
It's cute that you think that will work.

>>21615423
>>21615430
Well she's a kinky bitch, and apparently wants to pleasure me for all eternity, but I think there is more to her desires than I think.

And she teases, OH how she teases, but she's using her body to tempt me to make a wish to get that hot ass of hers.

And fuuuuck it's working.

>>21615405
GOD DAMNIT I TRIED TO TELL YOU.

Shit. You're no where near Trenton, right?

>>21615466
Here's what you do: nothing
Just for now, though. You need to largely ignore her and go about your business as if she were just another person like you.
When you see signs of oncoming depression, you start treating her like a friend. Eventually, you will become actual friends, and then she will fall for you.
AND THEN you make your wish.

>>21615458
So should I seal her in something? Not exactly the best magic user or anything, but I was fairly sure she was already sealed in a lamp.

>>21615405
Sounds like that's gone rather badly. You still alive there, buddy?
>>21615415
Sure, that'd be nice, but I take a very dim view on the PMC business. I've always made it a point to use what skills I have on my own terms.

>>21615522
Naw, no need. She might even consider it an insult.

>>21615479
SOUTH PHILADELPHIA
im trying to call up a pally i know
I was able to ward off the area and block the door with some shelves, but whatever on the other side really wants to get me.

>>21615433
Say, I'm no good with guns. I got S&W .45, and Colt .38 Special, along with a Mare's Leg. What would be good enchantments to put on them? Do I need to take the weapons apart to enscribe the enchantment on the weapon or would the handle do?

>>21615519
Alright, I'll give it a shot. If she tries anything crafty though, I'll keep an eye on it.

>>21615522
Sealing a djinn can be done without knowing magic. However you want a Sha'ir to make sure.

>>21615573
Got your message, brah. Where's the thing that needs killing?

>>21615527
still here, pallys coming to smite, but wont be here for another 15 minutes. its broken through the wards and burned my spear, so im holdinm falling back to the kitchen.

>>21615614
>Thinks a seal will do anything against an obsessed Djinn.

I hear there's a Djinn problem. Djinn are made to serve humanoid-kind, binding them to an object is their natural state. I trap Djinn in bottles for this purpose. To bind them to objects, and then sell them to highest bidder.

>>21615629
16 south street apt 5
its the one engulfed. in black flame

>>21615433
Would it be possible to put an enchantment on it that would cause the rounds to flicker for about .00005 of a second after contacting a surface? That'd allow it to bypass an inch of armor or a hard magical ward without losing energy.

All of this makes me feel mildly depressed. I know, being of higher intelligence and all that fun stuff but damn, you'd think it'd be easier to get a date. It feels like 1944 again.

>>21615363
See GENIE HAS ALLERGIES an idea will eventually come

>mfw I realize the Dijinn has a fucking harem in her lamp.
>She's been trying to add me to it with her suggested wishes.

Well fuck, I was wondering where those moans were coming from. This isn't good.

>>21615695
I know that feel bro.