Oh god, a setting where all the lies we tell children are actually true...

this is an way better idea than it should be.

>if you make a funny face and someone slaps you in the back, your face stays that way FOREVER.

I thought it was "the wind changes"

>Also, if you make a funny face and someone slaps you in the back, your face stays that way FOREVER.

I can only imagine this would lead to "personal space" being about 10 feet wide

Does masturbating give you hair on the back of your hands and blindness?

>>21523485
It turns you into a Were-Mole

>>21523460
>itching powder will make you scratch your brains out
i know the favorite weapon of my next assassin

>mfw i suddenly go blind
>and grow hair all over my palms

>>21523483
Actually, I'd imagine that people wouldn't make funny faces.

File: 1352602071233.gif-(20 KB, 336x400, stork.gif)

>>21523416

Sadly enough the stork then proceeds to furiously rape the mother.

>Stepping upon fractures in the path will cause your mother to become paraplegic.

Sounds pretty quality, OP.

>>21523503

>the Cambion episode of supernatural

>ITW: Black people are made of chocolate.

I bit a negro boy when I was 2 believing him to be an Easter candy.

> Also, if you make a funny face and someone slaps you in the back, your face stays that way FOREVER.

Jesus christ how horrifying

File: 1352602307069.jpg-(45 KB, 400x399, monster_under_bed.jpg)

>The monster is probably not you repressing being molested repeatedly by your father.

Probably...

>>21523544
was it that obvious?

>>21523586
>blocks
>daddy no

>>21523586
>at night you have nightmares about your father coming out from under your bed molesting you to suppress the memories of monsters doing that

>>21523619

>One child's Ouroborosesque cycle of infinite rape protects all children from rape.

she'll learn to love daddys soft smooth hands.

>>21523555
...man, this is why I'm so fucking afraid of white people.

Eating too much candy in a single day will cause your teeth to fall out.

There are monsters under beds and in closets so houses are forbidden to have closets or beds raised from the ground.

Anyone can become the president.

>>21523785

>Not realizing that the blacks of this setting each crumbled white people with soups and chilis.

>>21523844
>Anyone can become the president.

Holy shit, we'd be so fucked

>>21523844
>Anyone can become the president.

I don't know if this makes the world awesome, or terrible.

>>21523416

Children don't just play doctor... All children are certified physicians.

They do need to see your genitals to perform any medical work.

>>21523485
>That feel when I have hairy hands and bad eyesight.
I don't masturbate that much!

>>21523886
Now this thread will attract some very specific people.

Old people know progressively more.

The oldest person in the world knows everything.

And is 45.

The floor is lava.

The moon is made of cheese.
The Tooth Fairy exists.
Santa Clause is real.
Carrots make you see in the dark
There's a farm where all your pets go

Drinking milk makes you strong.
Eating green beans keeps you healthy.

>milk and beans replace potions

>>21523944

Holy shit, this.

>There's a farm where all your pets go
;_;

>>21523905
>very specific people
>specific
this is 4chan, just a reminder

There are trees which have dollar bills for leaves, and pennies grow and fall off the branches like acorns.

If you're bad, the gypsies will take you away.
This stop working on me when I learned they meant Grandma.

>>21523416
You turn invisible if you can't see anyone

>>21523967

What, you were told "money grows on trees"

I was always told the exact opposite

cooties is a real disease carried by all young females, it is deadly and highly contagious to young males

All television shows are documentaries.

Somewhere, an old man comes home from work, changes shoes, then goes planeswalking to hang out with a king in support of his despotic regime.

>>21523999
>>21523944
>>21523844

This world would have to be filled with immortals/invulnerables, or everyone would die from this shit

The world was in black and white in the past.

>>21524010
>All television shows are documentaries.
My step-dad says this

>>21524021

No worries.

You see all children are doctors, laughter is the best medicine, and chicken soup can cure anything.

>>21523586
Hey, say what you will about my dad, I'm certain I wouldn't remember him as a blackened skull and its spine snaking its way out of the top dressing drawer.

File: 1352603963988.jpg-(179 KB, 800x600, 1352460868749.jpg)

>>21523991

Shadows can gather together to take on a tangible form that snatches anyone from their beds if it rests for too long of a period.

>>21524038
And kisses from your mum heals all wounds.

File: 1352604046998.jpg-(27 KB, 580x425, happydog.jpg)

>>21524038

>>21523998

Well, the catch is they're all in the far-off land of Timbuktu.

all those 2spooky urban legends like bloody mary are real, same with all the other myths kids tend to learn growing up.

pirates really did bury their treasure and make treasure maps where x marks the spot.

santa, the easter bunny and the tooth fairy are real.

>this is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you

There was once a man named Mr. Jones.

He was a teacher at a school... No one knows where. He was a boring teacher, who taught children math and other things no one really needs.

His lessons dragged on, and on, and on.

One day he started a lesson about trigonometry...

No one has seen or heard from the class since.

On the other side of that coin...

If you start having too much fun you will rapidly age as time flies away from you.

Bouncy Castles filled with puppies are used as execution chambers.

>>21524118

>it actually does

doctors really do care about their patients more than themselves in this setting

>>21523945
>There's a farm where all your pets go
but this is about myths and fairy tales that aren't true, why are you including this factual piece of information

The car wont start until everyone's got their seatbelt on.
If you swallow gum it'll stay in your body for seven years.
Eat an Apple Core/ Watermelon seeds? Grow inside you.

>no sex
>facial disfigurement
>were-mole transformation
>teeth rotting
>etc. etc.

Children live in a pretty grim-dark world.

There is a far away land where all the runaway children live.

>>21524133
>Bouncy Castles filled with puppies are used as execution chambers.

That is amazingly horrible but wondrously beautiful at the same time.

There are men living in wells and streams and they're going to grab you if you get close.

>>21524170

not to mention
>stepping on a crack breaks their mothers backs

>>21524154
>The car wont start until everyone's got their seatbelt on.

They make a thing for that now.

>>21524198
Makes 40K look like candyland.

All American pubescent boys have girlfriends.

Sadly, they all live in Canada.

Yes, Canada is a land of 13-15 year old beautiful girls, who are unable to travel beyond their borders.

If one of the girls is observed by the friend of their boyfriend they deteriorate into dust.

File: 1352604455325.jpg-(399 KB, 1380x1228, mastdeath.jpg)

>>21523485

>Does masturbating give you hair on the back of your hands and blindness?

Actually...

>>21524198
AND ONLY KISSES FROM MOTHER HEAL ALL WOUNDS.

Fuck.

Fat people have extremely powerful gravitational fields around themselves.

In a stiff wind a thin person can take flight.

your uncle does love you even though it hurts

>>21524217
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW ACCURATE YOUR DESCRIPTION OF CANADA IS

FUCK

If you don't wear a scarf you'll catch your death.

File: 1352604651957.jpg-(196 KB, 500x406, 1352397490430.jpg)

Sometimes, the hero doesn't go off on an adventure purely to be able to come back and cuddle with that girl that makes them feel a little fuzzy on the inside, but in a good way.

Sometimes, however, the hero doesn't come back.

>>21524217

Why not just move to canada to stay with your not!imaginary waifu?

Somewhere there lies a magical realm, where all lost things go.

Unmatched socks fall from the skies, while lost children dress in lost mittens and coats.

And wish to go home. Please take them home.

>>21524306

Because by the laws of physics you cannot occupy the same country. Canadian boys have girlfriends in America, or Europe.

Changing your location throws off the cosmic balance.

Pop Rocks and Soda have begun to be used as weapons of mass destruction.

A few more;

Eating too much of a certain animal within a certain time period will turn you into an animal (i.e. eat to much Chicken and you'll become a Chicken).

Teachers develop an extra organ that allows them to survive on an apple-only diet.

There is violent competition between independent and franchise lemonade stands.

A penny or coin found in your path contains unearthly, reality-bending luck.

>>21524433
Teachers live at school

There is a creature that wanders the waste harming children. They use needles and blades and poisons to kill the children and experiment on them.

Every child eats an apple a day to keep them away.

getting shot/hit with an imaginary/toy weapon has the effect of getting shot/hit with it in reality, but only if you can't make a proper argument about how your enemy missed you, or how your shield blocked the damage.

Eating apples is used as a warding measure against physicians.

>>21524433
Don't forget that putting a coin on the tracks will cause the train to derail, killing it's passengers

Holding in a sneeze causes your head to explode

File: 1352605318873.png-(60 KB, 221x224, 1350260801215.png)

>>21524457

>but only if you can't make a proper argument about how your enemy missed you, or how your shield blocked the damage.

>>21524433

>Lemonade wars
>The fear of having to pick up the bad luck penny, only to hand it off to someone else in hopes of getting rid of it.

When you sleep your toys wake up.

Families use this to protect their children from snatchers. Ever been attacked by a life-sized plush bear?

Does not end well.

If you save a penny, you earn a penny.

If you save that earned penny, you earn another penny.

Infinite money.

>>21524489

Pennies were outlawed in 1889 due to this fact.

Thus the reason why pennies on the ground have such concentrated luck/unluck.

>>21524343


>Canadian boys have girlfriends in America, or Europe

B-but...

>Canada is a land of 13-15 year old beautiful girls

There aren't any boys there at all!

Racing stripes on your pants make you run faster.

Fancy tennis shoes make you jump higher.

There are over three hundred casualties every year due to propeller hat collisions over metropolitan areas.

>>21524510

Silly, there are boys in Canada.

They just live IN Canada.

Do you even metaphysics?

>>21524489
So it doesn't make sense for any luck-granting object to apply its luck to getting more of the objects, otherwise one person would find all the pennies and no-one else would have the luck to get any!

>>21524478
So i can avoid damage if i forgetmy pen to write it off?

link related

http://www.nuklearpower.com/2006/11/09/episode-767-emergence/

>>21524553

Well, mothers find the coins and then trap their awe-inspiring power inside the powerful damper known as a penny loafer.

black cats crossing your path is bad luck

breaking a mirror is 7 years bad luck

walking under an open ladder is bad luck

spilling salt is bad luck

four leaf clovers are extremely rare and lucky
rabbits feet are lucky

getting the larger side of a wishbone makes your wish come true

>>21524433
Picking your nose will make it/your finger fall off.

If you don't wear a hat when it's cold your ears will fall off.

Parents love all of their children equally.

Adding LEDs to gadgets boosts their performance in different ways.

>>21524573

We're talking real life, anon. Someone points a toy gun at you and goes "bang!". If you don't have you ultimate super mega inviso-shield active, you're dead, buddy.

>>21524586

Sadly wishes are horses.

A hobo comes out of nowhere and steals your wish immediately.

you'll never get in trouble if you just tell the truth

Bubble gum is filled with spider eggs.

The Gum Spider's egg sacks are harvested and then chewed for the enjoyment of children around the world.

X-ray specs do work.

Sadly, they give the user eye cancer.

>>21524640
>Bubble gum is filled with spider eggs.
>
>The Gum Spider's egg sacks are harvested and then chewed for the enjoyment of children around the world.

where the hell did this come from? I've never even heard anything close to that.

>>21524653

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/food/bubbleyum.asp

Also, in 1961 the Soviet Union and the United States of America entered into the Space Race.

The US's finest carpenters faced off against Soviet wage slavery. Thankfully, through the help of tens of thousands of Amish, a ladder was built to the moon and America won the Space Race.

Moon cheese is nutty, delicious, and a staple of the diet of the poor.

if you lie and someone calls you out on it your pants catch fire

Cooties is a terrible, incurable and highly contagious disease.

Nobody is really sure what it actually does though.

Speed holes make cars go faster.

If you rub it too much, it'll fall off and you'll have to wear a dress.

If you grab just right, you can snatch someone's nose off.

Swans break arms if you bother them.

everyone's parents walked to school, in the snow, without shoes, uphill, both ways.

a harsh landscape indeed where no downhill slopes exist.

>>21524696
>everyone's parents walked to school, in the snow, without shoes, uphill, both ways.

That brings up an interesting quandary. Does that mean that everyone does that, simply because they have to tell their children they did?

Certain mean children can alter the composition, size, shape, and demeanor of your mother through barbed comments.

As mothers are the sources for the universal solvent of the spit and all-powerful healing of their kiss, an insult on one's mother is treated as an affront to the very decency of society.

Then you must go to the playground, slip into the Thunderdome, and fight it out.

At night, playgrounds become havens for chimps and bonobos.

Early in the morning janitors must clean up the mess around the monkey bars lest children injure themselves on broken glass and used monkey condoms.

>>21524720

everyone has to, otherwise the parents could never have done it.

the children just don't perceive the world as only being uphill slopes until they are adults.

some kind of illusion magic that clouds their perception of the world may cause this.

The main language spoken sounds a lot like English, with one exception;

ELEMENO (LMNO) is a Single letter.

that kids dad actually does work for nintendo/sega/whatever and has all the insider secrets

Most children grow up to be astronauts, princesses, and firemen.

Autists grow up to be dinosaurs.

The economy is fucked.

>>21524785
dago here...
I don't get it

If you kiss someone other than your girl/boyfriend you're cheating on him/her.

A prostitute is someone who kisses people for money.

Mistletoe creates a magical suggestion that forces whomever walks underneath it to kiss the closest person.

Sitting too close to a tv will make you go permanently blind.

>>21524847
No, there just isn't any economy.

Seriously. What the hell is an economy?

>>21524692
>Swans break arms
But that's true though.

If you're a child and you play by the river at night then La Llorona will take you.

>>21525104
Do you know someone who's had their arm broken by a swan?

Should I archive this? If nothing else it's rather interesting.

>>21524825

oh god, that nostalgia. I heard that so many times as a kid

>>21524133

>Have your math teacher actually be named Mr. Jones
>Actually teaches us trigonometry
> Be scared

File: 1352611121322.gif-(484 KB, 245x179, 1351502538541.gif)

My dad told me that thunder was caused by a giant angry bear, growling in the sky and that he shit lightning bolts and that was why he was angry.

>>21525368
http://articles.latimes.com/2012/apr/16/health/la-na-nn-killer-swan-attacks-chicago-man-until-he-dro
wns-20120416
blam
http://www.guardian.co.uk/notesandqueries/query/0,5753,-24008,00.html
also blam
http://www.guardian.co.uk/search?q=swan+attack&target=guardian
and blam again.

>>21525724

I heard something about It being god's tears (rain) and him bowling (thunder).

Apparently god is the worst bowler to ever live

>>21525731
Oh whoop dee doo, it's happened three times, and one of them wasn't even the swan doing it, and the others were in the UK, where swans have to be extra nasty because there's nothing with an actually high CR there.

Bees probably kill more people than swans break arms, which means "swans break arms" is more of an urban legend than "bee stings are fatal", even though they occasionally are and do, irrespectively.

>>21525749
Bowling reminds him of his ex

>>21525811
Ashera?

>tooth fairy real
>Gangs and muggers always take teeth
>Poor rip out their teeth
>Bad areas of town are known as Gums instead of slums.

Black cats have been hunted to near extinction, but sometimes one is mysteriously born from different colored parents. These cats cause mayhem wherever they go. They themselves are of course immune.

There's a fabled hidden number between 12 and 14. Many seers and mathematicians have tried to find out why it was removed from history in the first place. Those who do, curiously meet their doom. But there are stories of powerful sorcerers who are born between the 12th and 14th day of a month. They say these individuals can control fate.

Denizens of a distant land tend to pave their roads with tiles. They have a strange habit of walking between the cracks in the tiles, claiming that touching these cracks causes you harm.
This was unknown to an invading band of barbarians however. The moment they used the roads for troop transport, the hordes were seen collapsing one by one. The audible snapping of bones and screams of dying invaders sang the curse of the tiled roads.
So remember travelers, it pays to adhere to the customs of a foreign land. No matter how strange they seem, they are there for a good reason.

>>21525872
brilliant

>>21525872
>the tooth fairy is actually the equivalent of a crack addict, with teeth instead of crack

>>21525872
>>21526621
Because Muggers and Gangers are always on Santa's "Naughty" list, the never get what the want most...a stable, happy life. This creates a never-ending cycle of tooth-theft and disappointment.

>>21526669
Yes, and the Tooth Fairy is the CN junkie who doesn't care where the teeth come from, just so long as it gets its "fix"

Damn son, I'm liking this

>>21525495
Probably. It's kinda shitty, but it's got some good content and the idea's good.

Long as it's well tagged and described so nobody would open this without it being what they're looking for, should be good.

>>21525779
they are also so delicious that only the queen is allowed to eat them. Ugly ducklings are therefore attempting a coup.

If you tell any form of fib your pants instantly explode into flame.

Where the hell do some of these come from? I've never heard like half of these.
>>21525205
A fellow Rio Grande Bro?

>>21526872
Already done in >>21524682, and better too, I might add.

It is scientifically proven that if you tape cardboard to your arms and then move them up and down really hard, you'll fly.

When an elevator moves in a downward direction and you jump, you will immediately break the laws of gravity and begin to float in mid-air.

Also: Cardboard tubes can cut through ANYTHING, except other people. Against people all it does is hurt them and drive them back.

>>21527045
What about other cardboard tubes?

>>21527056

Cardboard tubes cannot cut each-other. They instantly clash and the two people holding them must instantly duel.

>any sum of money greater than 100 is MILLIONS

>>21527017
But the elevator part is true!

If it's a really fast one for, like, half a second. But it's a fun half a second.

>>21527157
>find hundred dollars
>already have a dollar
>instant millionaire status

Communication with animals is possible simply by looking at the animal and making the sound it makes.

Holy shit, jinxes actually work!

Also, he who smelt it dealt it. At the same time, though, he who said the rhyme did the crime.

God is real.

>>21527253
And he is PISSED.

>>21527233
Rhyming is illegal with punishment being 1 year in prison for every word rhymed

>>21524198
I had NO IDEA this was why you couldn't step on cracks. Shit. This explains so much.

>>21527267
Gangsta rappers are actually gangsters.

>>21524226
Holy crap they predicted 4chan over 150 years ago. Well played, 19th century.

>>21527253
Praying works.

>>21527253

>6edgy12me

If you happen to sneeze with your eyes open you will suffer a catastrophic explosive ocular injury.

A box containing any present does not contain said present until it is being opened/the day of the gift giving.

Genetic abnormalities within the goose population occasionally lead to oroovic hybrids.

Putting Real Bicycle Playing Cards in the spokes of any bike make it into a motorcycle.

If you use 2 Aces of Spades you are a badass.

If one is dared to perform a task, one must answer with a double dare. Only then may a double dog dare be presented, followed by a triple dare, followed by a triple dog dare.

Breaking of dare etiquette is grounds for termination.

>>21527437
>If you happen to sneeze with your eyes open you will suffer a catastrophic explosive ocular injury.
mfw I believe this to be true

noface.jpg

>>21524149
I'm sorry anon.

does "return target permanent to its owners hand" work on graveyards?

>>21527673
Of course. And you can regenerate at any time from graveyards too. And dark ritual lets you put three swamps into play.

>tfw Magic was most fun when I believed these things

>>21527820
thanks for the reply anyway.

>>21527437
>If one is dared to perform a task, one must answer with a double dare. Only then may a double dog dare be presented, followed by a triple dare, followed by a triple dog dare.
What about the physical challenge?

>>21531124

You fucking rebel.

When you get jinxed you are unable to talk until you get your friend a soda.

>>21532396
It is customary for everyone to carry a can of coke on them to negate this, but it makes political debates interesting if one party forgets.

File: 1352658345543.jpg-(93 KB, 453x350, sunnydpurplestuff.jpg)

Yes, you're not alone.

No one drinks Purple Stuff.

But every house has it.

Holy shit.

I've found my next Unknown Armies campaign.

File: 1352659598022.jpg-(3 KB, 252x252, carl-sagan-dude-what.jpg)

>The world was actually monochrome until color television edge were invented.
>Cavemen were caucasian and lived with and fought dinosaurs

>>21526872
Never trust a man in fire retardant pants

>>21531124
Fuck, I've been Triple Dog Dared, honor binds me, I must comply.

>Band-aids heal everything, no matter the severity of the wound
>Little girls be chemically broken down into sugar, spice, and everything nice.

File: 1352659950966.jpg-(10 KB, 567x456, 1348514370357.jpg)

>Swallowed bubble gum has a half-life of 10 years
>Watermelon is outlawed, as swallowing their seeds causes them to grow inside of you

Jesus Christ this world is horrifying

>>21533333

>Somewhere an evil mage is assembling a collection of snips, snails, and puppy dog tails to create an army of little boys

My gods. The hair pulling...

File: 1352660060356.jpg-(10 KB, 200x300, scared-black-man-200x300.jpg)

>>21533372

I believe you have the wrong face there.

>>21533382
>City that has an over population of wild dogs
>Suddenly they are all gone over night

>Shortage of escargo

>Homeless report being beaten and shaved in the night

>Worlds hairiest man kidnapped

When Telepaths have "mind battles" it should basically be their imaginary friends fighting it out in a super mary sue battle

>>21533424


A haiku.

>A little girl screams
>A mother makes gingerbread
>Cookie men weeping.

Girls pee out their butts
Babies came out of your mom's belly button

File: 1352660481414.jpg-(6 KB, 181x278, images.jpg)

You are what you eat, you are what you drink.

Drinking and driving means drinking ANYTHING while you're driving is illegal.
Even water.

>>21533514

>You are what you eat, you are what you drink

Only vampires and cannibals are truly human anymore.

File: 1352660575794.jpg-(10 KB, 493x399, 1352237008560.jpg)

>Cooties

File: 1352660662407.jpg-(35 KB, 512x340, Free-Candy-Van.jpg)

Every econoline van rolls off the factory floor with a box full of puppies and a sack full of delicious candy standard.

Brown cows make chocolate milk
Moms really do have eyes in the back of their heads

Is it just me or we are making grimdark version of Discworld?
Also,
>Wearing other shoes/clothes/etc. turns you into that person

>>21533646

>Discworld

Take your faggotry elsewhere.

File: 1352661081059.png-(170 KB, 378x449, 1352592539148.png)

>this whole thread

If you don't hold your breath when you go past graveyards then you'll wake the dead

>All Cats are Female, all dogs are male
>The characters you met at Disney were the real characters
>Hiding under blankets protect you from monsters
>Kissing gets you pregnant
>If you drained the bath water while sitting in the tub you'd go down the drain.

>>21533762

>Hiding under blankets protect you from all danger

Fixed that for ya.

Everyone wears clothes made of blankets, with blanket hoods. This is the only reason the mortality rate isn't staggeringly high. Also, it keeps them warm while they're walking uphill in the snow to and from school

>On the coldest day of winter you'll be judged by 3 spirits
>if you're deemed "good", a jolly old fat man will bring you a gift
>if you're deemed "bad" a black bearded demon will come to take you away

>>21533786

> 3 spirits
>bearded demon
>take you away

nigger, your christmas sounds like it sucks. The worst I get is some coal, and I don't have any elitist ghosts judging my lifestyle either.

>>21533786

Foolish adults. Don't you know that if you're bad you're taken by Sinterklaas and his helper negro to be sold into slavery?

Half of this stuff is canon in WoD: Innocents.

New shoes make you run faster
Cars run on tracks and that people in the drivers seat were only pretending to drive.
(Like slot cars)

>>21533762
>The characters you met at Disney were the real characters

Oh god.... Donald Duck is a child molester.

>your gender is determined whether you wear a bow or not
>if you sleep on the left side of your body, a wolf will eat you
>>21533806
I tried to combine santa, christmas carol and krampus into one thing. I didn't try hard enough.

>>21533372
No, you have to be specially licensed to serve it. Like fugu.

>>21533904

>Watermelon is a delicacy served in small government-monitored watermelon restaurants
>Seedless watermelon is scoffed at by hipster foodies as lacking the power and danger of eating "true" watermelon.

Sounds about right.

>>21533888
>if you sleep on the left side of your body, a wolf will eat you
What the fuck? Where did this come from?

>>21523416
>In my current setting, there is no sex.

I remember that there was no sexual reproduction in the Twelve Kingdoms either. Babies were born from Baby Trees, with those that grow humans standing in temple courtyards and those that spawn wild animals in the wilderness.

I think there was a third class that spawned livestock too, but the details on that are quite foggy.

Babies come from CABBAGE PATCHES. What's wrong with you people?

>>21533963
There where do cabbage come from?

Vaginas?

>>21533928
Russian childhood myths. I also have a book of Estonian fairy tales, if anyone is interested.

File: 1352662576166.png-(320 KB, 610x334, garbagepail.png)

>>21533963

Get away from us you deformed freak.

File: 1352662648780.jpg-(25 KB, 381x380, GEE_5c5a34_432679.jpg)

>>21533970
What's a vagina?

File: 1352662739866.jpg-(1.27 MB, 2816x2112, adult cabbage patch.jpg)

>>21533963

Yeah. And my life is fucking rough.

I cannot even fit my head into a manhole. How the fuck am I supposed to do this job?

>>21533970
Not everything planted in a cabbage patch is a baby. There might be 100 heads of cabbage planted for every single baby.

>>21533963

>Lies parents tell their children, and things children tell themselves.

Your parents were a giant, soulless corporation? That childhood must have sucked

What the fuck, my parents never told me any of that shit! Well, except the biggest lie of all...
>Hard work is the key to success. No matter what your job is, keep doing it and you'll own the whole building eventually.

>>21533503
Now that's just silly.

girls don't pee from their butts! Girls have TWO butts, and the one in front makes pee. DUH.

>>21533503

>girls pee out their butts

I genuinely thought this for my entire childhood

>girls are smarter than boys
>boys are smarter than girls
>both are smarter than the adults
>both are dumber than animals
Pretty much every fairy tale ever.

>>21534528

The planet mars is covered with automobiles

Going to jupiter will make you less intelligent

>>21533556
Entire city infested with cooties, like the black plague

>Circle Circle dot dot resistant strain

If you play with your weener too much, it'll break off and you become a girl.

This could be done with kind of an earthbound feel, only the kids physic powers work like the Orks, because only what they believe works.

>>21534622

>The circle circle dot dot resistant strain is spread by an evil cult who uses the Circle Circle Knife Knife virus, making any infected by it completely incurable.

There would be opposing nation states of little boys and little girls, because each knows the other carries lethal cootie strains.

>>21534652
but could a girl become a boy? They don't have anything to play with... Bobby at school - you know, the one who dared Jimmy Wallace to eat a worm for his lunch-money last week - says he walked in on his sister in the bath, and saw her naked... and he says there's nothing down there except a small butt!

File: 1352666069735.jpg-(52 KB, 450x360, No_boys_on_the_internet.jpg)

>>21534652
>mfw

>>21534792

That would actually be true.

And the few boys who were left would be telling all of us disgusting misandrist bitches to check our privilege.

>>21534792
>>21534817

There are not kids on the internet. Just pedophiles and FBI agents pretending to be little girls.

Screaming that the floor is lava requires that all people jump onto furniture within the next 10 seconds, otherwise they will catch fire.

Lord help you if someone says your furniture is sinking into the lava

>>21534852

That's neither funny nor thematically appropriate for the thread. Please try again

>>21534889
Watch the news and tell me how implausible it is to think some overprotective parent thinks this and wouldn't tell their children the same. Every other month you hear of some scare-monger story of some guy preying on kids via the internet, like every metaphorical corner of the web is the lurking-spot of a kiddy-fiddler. Hell, "To Catch A Predator" is basically built on this idea.

>>21534949
This isn't a thread for srs things parents tell their children, though. This is a thread about silly myths our parents told us when we were little and how we can make them into a setting.

>>21534949

But every perverted person just becomes a girl anyway, so it's not like anyone would care about older women trying to seduce young boys.

Because when that happens in real life, no one gives a shit

Wait.... double back.

Sorry if anyone already got thios conclusion, but.
If every boy in the US has a girlffriend in Canada and vice versa, how children would see couples around, or have parents?

The boy travelling across the border doesn't mess with the cosmic balance. They grow up.
Thats where parents come from. Next step is wishing to the stork.

>>21535062

It's noted that it's only prepubescent boys that have these girlfriends. I assume that, once they enter puberty, they lose their canadian girlfriend and have to get a gf in America, which was formerly some canadian boys gf. Or they could make the pilgrimage to find their original Waifu.

>>21534996
My mistake then. I apologize for the misunderstanding. Please continue.

>>21534652
>>21534761

We need an answer here.

>>21535130
>they don't have anything to play with
Therefore they are exempt. Unless you count boobs.

>>21535130

Girls can't become boys without medical attention. Only the concentrated imaginatical whtsoohoozis of a doctor has the power to effect the human body in such a way.

However, it is unknown whether mommy's kisses can return a former boy to his original self, as most of them are too embarrassed to admit they were touching themselves too much, even though their parents know they were.

File: 1352667530196.jpg-(84 KB, 904x528, 1340945981991.jpg)

This thread is amazing and you should all feel amazing.

>>21524775
>It's actually a metaphor for how life keeps getting harder as you age, yet you keep climbing that slope in the hope it gets easier

Holy shit my mind.

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>>21535182

>Not understanding that all children are certified physicians
>Must examine genitals

Obviously all genitals are interchangeable. Like lego dicks.

>>21535182

If they're pre or mid puberty, it's very likely they would look exactly the same at first, so their parents wouldn't know. After a couple months/years, little Timothy has sprouted bosoms and it's too late for him to be cured by his Mommy

>>21535178
Nuh-uh! Only grownup girls have boobs.

>>21535237

They are all certified physicians, but the point is that you have to actually seek that medical attention. And you don't want Janie telling everyone at school that your weiner fell off, do you? DO YOU?!

>>21535248

Now A Boy Named Sue makes more sense.

Also, everyone knows that the little butt is there so that doctors can put a pump inside and blow up the boobies.

Fucking idiots.

>>21535266
I wouldn't want a girl touching my weener anyway! She'd probably steal it!

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>>21535297

>localized cootie infection on your weiner

>>21523416
>In my current setting, there is no sex.

The nuclear option when your players won't stop fucking ERPing

>>21535323

>Makes post not reading epic thread
>The cancer killing /tg/.

Chemo?

>>21523586
Know what my monster is? A FUCKING MONSTER.

THERE'S GODDAMN XENOMORPH ZOMBIE ALIEN BURGLARS OUT THERE WHO WANT MY PRECIOUS ORGANS AND COMPUTER SYSTEM

DAMN RIGHT I AM AFRAID

>>21535310
don't be stupid. that's the only part that -can't- get cooties! That's why grownups say we gotta keep them covered - so nobody figures out how to undo it so they -can- get cooties! DUH.

Dragonflies will sew your eyelids shut.
Sitting too close to the TV will make your eyes square like a goat's.

>>21535349

>Fears cooties
>Wraps himself in a suit of children's penises

Sounds legit.

>>21524692
>If you rub it too much, it'll fall off and you'll have to wear a dress.
>Fap... fap... fap
>Fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap

>>21535455
Ha ha! You're a girl now, and they don't have anything to play with down there, just a pee-making butt! Hahahaha!

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>>21535530
Speaking of, how would adults work in such a world?

>>21535562

Did you not read the fucking thread?

>>21535586
Yes I did. And it's still isn't much defined.

>>21535562
If playing with it will make it fall off, do you really have anything to play with?

>>21535607
Adults are boring and do boring stuff and don't play videogames or pretend to swordfight with sticks or ride bikes or have parties or anything fun or cool like that. Who cares?

>>21535607

Adults are too busy being princesses, firemen, cowboys, and astronauts to give a fuck about.

Also adults are old and boring.

Sounds like a fetish-fuel setting to me, OP.

>>21535715

>Sounds like a fetish-fuel setting for me, OP.

Fixed that for you.

Also, who the fuck takes anything in this thread as fetish fuel?

>>21535767
someone like the guy you replied to, who only reads the first post of a thread, regardless of length, and assumes topic-changes don't exist.

>>21535767
See >>21535455 and >>21534652
Also apparently most of 4chan wants to be a little girl

>>21535816
>Didn't already know this

>>21535816

Yeah. See that as jokes and not necessarily fetishism.

Still, they are myths I remember hearing when having these sorts of discussions (though I didn't post that one).

I tried to eat a negro child thinking they were chocolate

>>21534563
what?

Dentists, hairdressers and clowns are sadistic monsters

>>21535871
They are, you just have to bite harder to get to it.

>>21535905
"Go to mars to get more cars"
"Go to Jupiter to get more 'stupider'"

>>21535964

I used that story to pick up a black girl at a bar.

Myth is busted.

>There are no working guns in this universe, with the exception of super soakers
>People instead pantomime guns with their hands and yell "Bang!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZcNXe20dXI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

>>21535983
never heard that in my life. Sounds like shitty rap lyrics.

>>21535983

Go to venus to get more...

Oh wow.

They are replaceable. And explains the plethora of astronauts.

>>21535983
Ive never heard of that one. what is the logic behind it?

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>>21533940

>>21533963
No they don't. DOLLS come from cabbages.

Babies come from... um... you pee in a girl's butt, and then her belly gets real big, then she poops the baby out.

I think.

>>21536065
>Children suffering hellish landscape to survive
>Become adults, fighting dick wars in the asteroid belt to gain back their manhood

This setting is fucking terrifying.

File: 1352671363225.jpg-(31 KB, 218x164, Peeweesplayhouse.jpg)

>everything is sentient, including skeletons
>if it wasn't sentient before, then it will be

>>21533786
Somewhere in November Saint Nicholas arrives with his black helpers, the"Black Pete's", via steamboat from Spain.
From then till his birthday in early December rides on his white horse on top of the rooftops together with his helpers and puts chocolate coins and candy in the shoes by having his helpers climb trough the chimneys.
Bad children are put into bags and flogged before ultimately being kidnapped to Spain.
Presents are delivered on Saint Nicholas' birthday via the same mechanism.
He then leaves again via steamboat.

Children are always armed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25TLbS5r5J0

>>21536321

>Using nerf guns

Amateur faggots. Everyone knows cocking your finger and going "pew pew pew" is far more powerful.

Unless the fuckers have shields.

Then you need to overcharge.

>>21536258
Santa depend on your region I suppose

Also Rainbows actually touch down on the ground where their is a pot of gold and a magical midget.

They have physical mass which sometimes causes car accidents.

The power of something is directly proportional to how awesome it looks.