>>21433028
[X] [Shield batgirl with yet another of your special skills, HOBO MEAT SHIELD]
and [x] [imbibe liquor].
Clearly we must do both.

[AWAITING COMMAND.....]

File: 1352074397435.gif-(653 KB, 320x240, Behold my fucks.gif)

>>21433145
This for-
>>21433148
This.

>>21433336
I could've probably used a better named picture...

>>21433145
Apparently my browser declined to inform me that you had posted.

>The OP takes a drink as repayment for this slight.

YOU MUST PROTECT THE PRECIOUS BATGIRL.

"VIOLENCE IS BAD!!!!!!" You scream, as you throw yourself in front of the Night Post worker. "YOUR BULLETS SHALL NOT PENETRATE MY FLESHY ARMOR, YOU FIENDS!"

The 3 Bruces and the 2 Not-Bruces stop dead. You think you may have managed to paralyze them with confusion. Again.

".......Lincoln, get away from that thing. We don't know if she's going to turn you inside out or something, and as nutty as you are, we need you." Bruce #1 flips his attention to the shocked and confused werebat behind you. "And you! Whatever the fuck you are. Make one move and I'll blow your head off."

The postal worker freezes, starting to panic from the unexpected hostility. "W-W-W-W-What!?!? I---I don't understand what's going on! B-Blow my h-head off!? W-WHY!? I didn't do anything! W-what are those weird tube-shaped things? A----A-Are those wands? Are you mages!?"

"HOLY FUCK, IT CAN TALK!" Bruce #3 yells out, taking a short shuffled step back in surprise.

"W-Well of COURSE I can talk! Why wouldn't I be able to!?"

"Jesus, Johnson, this ain't anything like those thing before. This is some real freaky shit, y'know?" Bruce #3 addresses the now-former Bruce #1. Awwwww, now you only have two Bruces left out of the five you named.

"I know. Doesn't change anything. It either stays out of our way or we kill it. Lincoln, get over here NOW."

You haven't moved. This is shitty; it's taking away all the fun of being inebriated. You really wish you hadn't dropped the last of your bottle before you fled through the rift.

These guys are obviously a bit unnerved, and considering they're very well-trained soldiers, unnerved could lead to dead batgirl. THIS MUST NOT COME TO PASS.

You need some kind of plan. Preferably one that gets you both more booze and closer to the inside of the batgirl's pants.

>What do?

[ ] [Refuse to move, give explanation from current position]

[ ] [Comply with command, explain once away from batgirl]

[ ] [Fake prisoner taking of batgirl, make cart-oriented getaway immediately thereafter]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21433384
We must save the batgirl, and get her to the kingdom, so...

[x] [Fake prisoner taking of batgirl, make cart-oriented getaway immediately thereafter]

Rolled 4

>>21433384
Just tell them that she's going to take us to the town we were going to.

Also offer her a lift in the shopping cart.

>>21433415

When in doubt, always choose the plan that's defies the most logic.

"WAITWAITWAITWAIT you've got it wrong, guys! She's our first monstergirl prisoner!"

"I-I'M WHAT!?" The batgirl shouts, obviously not being aware of or partial to this idea. You shoot her an extremely quick glance, hoping your face conveys that you're stalling for time rather than just looking like you're hammered. That way maybe she'll forgive you after this next part.

You jig behind her and put her in a light headlock, trying to make it appear convincing.

Unfortunately, you're too convincing, as the batgirl begins to struggle.

"Whoafuck!" You shout, as you avoid a backwards kick from her by crouch jumping. Those claws don't look like they would be pleasant to get hit by.

"Let me go, you utter jerk!" She hollers at you, still attempting to land blows and break your hold. She nearly gets you with a well-timed headbutt, but thankfully you're still drunk enough that you can't actually feel your face.

This is going to blow up in your face soon. Time for HOBO INTIMIDATION SKILLS.

"CALM DOWN!" You bellow. She squeaks out a pained cry and cringes, as your voice blasts directly next to her apparently sensitive ears. "We're NOT GOING! Be that as it may! We also cannot TRUST ME-- i mean, you! And Thus! You will ACCOMPANY US TO THE CASTLE OF LORD FARNSWORTH, so that you make MAKE US LOOK LEGITIMATEly friendly. Once our BUSINESS there is done, you shall be released. Is that clear?"

Yes. You are truly the master of subtlety and subterfuge. Nobody else could possibly decipher your machinations.

.......Well, the soldiers haven't shot anyone yet, so good enough.

The batgirl cranes her neck to the side, looking back at you with an angry and suspicious glare. Holding your gaze for a long moment, she finally opens her mouth to speak with a huff.

"Fine. I shall accompany you to the Castle of Lord Farnsworth. But you had better keep your word about my release. Now let GO OF MY HEAD!"

"Whoops! Okay, okay!" You hop backwards, releasing her as she starts thrashing again. She rubs her neck with one of her claws, giving you a glare that could melt glass.

The soldiers, meanwhile, having been watching the scene with their usual caution. The Not-Bruce known as Johnson finally decides to speak up.

"I don't know what you're playing at, Lincoln, but this is some weird shit, and I'm willing to do anything that'll increase the chances that we don't get eaten by some bullshit monsterbitch or something. So we'll go along with this idea of yours for now, as it's the best intel we've got right now. Good job finding it, I guess."

"E-Excuse me! I am a "she", not an 'it'!" The batgirl indignantly interjects. Johnson blinks, obviously not expecting her to turn her anger on him.

"Uhhhhhh......sorry, ma'am. We've just never seen anything like you before."

"HE said the same thing." She pointedly says, shooting another barbed glare at you. You wince. You REALLY hope she'll listen to your explanation when you get a chance to give it. "Just where are you people from, anyway? Werebats have their preferred territories to live in, but we've never been RARE."

You decide to butt in, hoping to recoup some good graces. "Well, I guess you could say we're from a group of uncharted continents. They can only be reached through, uhh....rather special means." She directs her glare at you again, but this time it's tinged with more than a little curiosity.

"So.....you're from some sort of magical realm!?" She asks, a bit mystified by the idea.

"I guess that would be one way to put it. I can explain a bit more on the way to the castle, Miss......?" Holy crap, you completely forgot to get her name! Crap, you hope she overlooks that.

She looks at your outstretched hand for a moment, still glaring slightly. So you nearly breath a sigh of relief when she extends her claw to meet your hand and begins speaking again.

>[NAME THE BATGIRL TO CONTINUE]

>OPTIONALLY, BE LAZY AND MAKE ME NAME HER

>>21433866
>>21433866
Barbara.
just throwing the obvious name out there.

>>21433866
Moira.

Rolled 8

>>21433866
Chicken.

>>21433897
>>21433904
>Combine two names
>OBAMA THE BATGIRL
>>21433964
>Add in third idea
>OBAMA THE CHICKENGIRL

"Moira." She says, giving your hand a light shake. NAME OBTAINED. PLUS 10 RELATIONSHIP POINTS.

Sadly, the exchange rate between "relationship points" and "bow chicka wow wow" points is steep indeed. Damn hyperinflation. Oh well, you'll just have to make do.

"It's great to meet you, Moira. I'm sorry about that whole headlock thing earlier, heheh. Am I forgiven?"

"Hmph." She turns away. You feel the investors screaming in panic as the relationship point stock exchange crashes.

"Eheheheh.....well, to make it up to you, I'll let you ride in my cart on our way to the castle. You'll be able to rest your legs---errr, I mean, wings. What do you say?"

She looks over at the metal shopping cart, clearly dubious about its comfort level.

"Well, it doesn't exactly look like a carriage.......but I have been flying for hours......oh, fine. I could use a bit of a break. My wings are killing me."

You mentally cancel the reactor meltdown alarm in your brain. It seems sweet batgirl loving may not be out of your reach quite yet.

Walking Moira over to the cart, you bend down and clasp your hands your hands together to give her a step up into the cart. You attempt not to cringe as her claws stab you in the palms.

Once over the edge of the cart, she settles in as comfortable as she can manage, trying to distribute her weight so that the metal bars don't dig into her skin. She leans back on the massive backpack of yours that takes up a good portion of the cart, and lets her wings unfurl and hang off the sides. Heh. Considering the speeds she's apparently capable of, you wouldn't be surprised if you could use the shopping cart and her as a makeshit glider.

.............Note to self: Add "Batgirl Hang Glider" to bucket list. Also attempt to popularize it as a new sex position name.

Johnson adjusts his rifle straps, apparently still uneasy, but not uneasy enough to keep pointing the death-stick at the werebat, thank god. "Well, if you two are ready, we need to get moving. Lincoln, if you had held still for a few moments before running your ass off into the unknown, we could have given you these." He hands you several items of various sizes.

One sticks out among the rest. Because it shoots bullets.

OH BOY, FINALLY YOUR VERY OWN BOOMSTICK! IT'S A.....IT'S A......

......yeah, you have no idea what this is.

>[What gun should Lincoln get? Feel free to specify attachments and whatnot. The more suggestions the better]

Rolled 8

>>21434370
A hand cannon!

Some sort of revolver.

>A primary weapon and a sidearm are both needed

Rolled 1

>>21434430
a second revolver?

How about a nice healthy modern crossbow? seems like the sort of thing a Bruce would give a hobo.

File: 1352079416446.jpg-(27 KB, 760x428, heheheheheheh.jpg)

>>21434447
>Rolled 1

Rolled 8

>>21434505
Oh come now, it's not like we can get vore'd by a revolver.

Is it?

File: 1352079695594.jpg-(32 KB, 599x398, Jiiiiiiiiiiii.jpg)

>>21434518

Rolled 9

>>21434518
Never question it. I vote a shotgun.

Hey guys, I've gotta run off for a bit to take care of some work I have to do on reviewing a legal contract. I'll most likely be back within the hour. Sorry for the inconvenience. I'll resume the moment I return.

Rolled 15

>>21434665
Oh, ok.

Rolled 13

>>21434665
Okay, we'll keep it alive.

>>21434793
>>21434694

Finished with my work and on my way back to my apartment. Thanks for your patience, guys.

>>21435602
No problem.

Rolled 7

>>21434370
AHAhaha using our superiour knowledge it is easy to figure out it is in point of fact, some kind of gun!

Rolled 13

>>21434370
Didn't we get handed some bullets previously? Why not get the gun that goes along with em? Maybe with a tactical drink holder attached to the side?

>>21435602
Also, what items do we have on us? Any supplies?

>>21435793
>>21435773
>>21435658
>>21435602

>Finally made it back.
>You know what word I hate right now? >Indemnification.

Well, let's see here. It's got the hole where bullets come out, the handle, the thing you pull to make the boom, and some sort of handle you can pull back and forth.

".......Is it a gun?"

Johnson sighs and facepalms. "Yes, Lincoln, it's a gun. A shotgun, because you have no idea how to aim, presumably. It's an M590A1, to be exact. It's got a red-dot sight on it as well. Hopefully even a numbskull like you won't be able t---

BOOM

All of the soldiers hit the deck, apparently not prepared for your airborne test-fire. Moira yelps and wraps her wings over her ears, appearing physically pained by the sudden loud noise.

You, having not the slightest clue what recoil felt like, are once again on the ground, having be sent flying ass over teakettle about two meters. Note to self: shotguns are POWERFUL.

Johnson storms over angrily to you, grabbing you by your collar and dragging you upright. He smashes his fist down on top of your head.

"MORON! Are you trying to get us all killed!?!? Listen: You are not to even THINK about firing that gun anywhere around us unless I say so. And I will probably never say so, because you're more likely to shoot US than the enemy."

"Awwwwww......" you sulk, severely put out.

"Uuuuuuugh. Here, just take the rest of your stuff so we can go." He hands you several pouches, which upon further examination, are filled to the brim with shotgun shells. He then holds out what appears to be some sort of revolver, tucked in a holster. As you eagerly reach out to grab it, he withdraws it out of your reach, and glares menacingly.

"Look, Lincoln. This is a .500 S&W Magnum. It is a ridiculously powerful gun, and not meant to be fired by a complete amateur like you. I have no idea why the General had it, or why he specifically ordered it be given to you. Mostly likely he's hoping you accidentally kill yourself with it. All I can say for sure is this: If you accidentally fuck up and shoot me with this thing, I will make damn sure I snap your neck like a toothpick before I die."

You gulp audibly. "Yes, sir." You reply meekly, as you take the revolver he hands you and quietly strap it to yourself. That wasn't exactly something you were going to argue with, drunk or not. There's giving zero fucks, and then there's having a deathwish.

"Oh yeah, and there's this. Some antique shop owner asked us to give it you, as you were found passed out with it clutched in your hand after the attack. Not really sure what good it'll do, but whatever."

"......is this a flintlock pistol?"

"Yep."

".......cool." You thrust it into your belt, pirate style. The shotgun you sling over your shoulder.

Seemingly satisfied that you have somehow managed to not murder everyone with your drunken prowess (of which he is clearly jealous), Johnson Not-Bruce turns back to the rest of the soldiers. You notice that the Not-Bruce named Fritz keeps taking amused glances at Moira.

......AW HELL NO. Bitch better not be thinking of cockblocking you. He's going on the list.

"Alright boys, from what the General managed to figure out from the enemy general, the castle should be a fair distance in THAT direction." He points northwest. "It's hard to tell, as they don't use the same measuring system as we do, and their technology has been......less than impressive so far, to say the least. However, there have been mentions of magic, and while normally I would disregard such a thing, we have a half-bat half-girl in a shopping cart right now. So stay frosty and report ANYTHING out of the ordinary." The men all give nods and murmurs of agreement. "Alright then, let's get moving."

Well, if there was a time to do something stupid, now would be it. Man, you really hope they have liquor at the place you're going.

>What do?

[ ] [Follow soldiers, it's probably safer with them]

[ ] [Initiate ridiculous distraction and proceed with shopping cart-based escape]

[ ] [Strip naked, wedge shotgun up your ass and fire wildly by pulling the trigger with your dick]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

Rolled 16

>>21436316
Obviously the correct answer is to offer the batgirl some liquer.

>>21435794
You have whatever random crap you have stuffed in your backpack, which is in your shopping cart. you also have standard issue military supplies and rations, which are randomly tied and clipped all over your uniform, because you have no sense of organization.

So the exact state of your supplies is a mystery. What fun!

Rolled 3

>>21436316
>Wasn't Fritz the cool one?

[x] [imbibe liquor]
With batgirl and the cool Bruce.

>>21436375
Fritz could potentially be a bro if you can refrain from being paranoid. Also, actually talking to him at some point.

Rolled 2

>>21436389
oh oh offer to share our magic hobo wisdom on monster girls with him if he drinks with us and then destroy any possible chances we may have had with the batgirl by speaking.

Rolled 15

>>21436389
Yeah, Fritz was the awesome one. Let's offer him a drink.

>>21436375
>>21436389
>>21436417
>>21436423

Uuuuuuuuuuugh. Well, there's no way you can make a decision without booze. Why, oh why did you have to break your last bottle? Dammiiiiiii-----

WAIT. YOUR SHOPPING CART. YOUR EMERGENCY BOOZE SUPPLY.

Nearly skidding on the grass, you fly over to the shopping cart, causing Moira to start at your sudden appearance right next to her.

"Excuse me, would you move for a second? I need to get something from my bag." She acquiesces, leaning forward off of her makeshift cushion. You nearly tear open the pouch that contains your emergency stash.

Ahhhhh, yesssssss. Sweet, sweet Irish whiskey. You've never been so happy to have planned ahead in your life.

Uncapping the bottle, you immediately take a deep swig. The deliciously stinging liquid flows down your thought, beating back the encroaching threat of sobriety.

You notice Moira staring at you oddly. Seeing an opportunity to make amends, you grab the shopping cart and start wheeling it along with the soldiers in the direction of the castle.

"Want some?" You ask. Booze makes everything better!

"She stares at the bottle, a bit wary. "W-What is it? I've never seen anything like it before. That bottle is so perfectly formed, as well; clearly magic-formed. H-How do I know you're not just trying to trick me again, like you did before?" She flips her gaze back to you, narrowing it accusingly.

Urk. She really is still mad at you for that. Well, you DID put her in a headlock......no time like the presence to explain.

"Uuuuuuh, yeah, sorry about that, Moira. I was kinda desperate, because I really didn't want to get you shot. Seeing as you called them wands, I'm guessing you've never seen a gun before?"

Now she looks curious again. "Gun.....? No, I've never heard that word, either. Is it some sort of new magic tool?"

You shake your head. "There's no magic involved. Just explosions and physics. It hard to explain, but take my word for it; if one of those had hit you, let alone all of them, you'd be dead right now."

Moira pales visibly, but still is giving you an incredulous look. "T-that doesn't explain why you had to restrain me like you did. What was all that prisoner talk, too? And you shouted in my ear!" She starts hitting you with all the complaints she had refrained from voicing over the last few minutes.

"Honestly? It was just spur of the moment. I was trying to give them a reason, ANY reason, not to just blow your head off your shoulders. I guess I got a bit carried away, though. I'm sorry."

Edna stares at you appraisingly for several long moments. You feel like you're back in court, that one time the city tried to charge you with 1,567 counts of public drunkenness.

"......give it here."

You almost don't catch it. "Huh."

She heaves a sigh. "I said give the bottle here. I'm still not sure about this whole mess, but I don't feel like you're lying, at the very least." She cracks a small smile. "And if what you're saying is true, you may or may not have saved my life. So for that, at least, I thank you." She brings the bottle up to her mouth and takes a sip.

.....She immediately gulps involuntarily, nearly dropping the bottle from her wings as she begins coughing and sputtering. "W-W-W-What is that stuff!? It's FOUL!" She cries.

You laugh. Ohhh, noobs.

"That, my dear, is delicious irish whiskey, and it will have you well on your way to Happy Fun Drunk Time if you have some more.

She holds the bottle at arm--er, wing's length, staring at it accusingly. "This is....alcohol? I've never had any myself. Why do people drink it if it tastes so terrible?"

"HEY! That stuff tastes great! alcohol just takes getting used too. Take another swig, and try drinking it with your throat this time."

"M-My....throat?"

"Yeah, don't just hold it on the front of your tongue, the taste will get to you too strong like that. Just swallow it down real fast."

Still looking unsure, she brings the bottle back to her mouth. With a deep breath, she brings the bottle up in a quick motion and takes a big gulp, almost immediately swallowing it down.

"Bleeeeeeeeeeh." She says, sticking out her tongue. "It's not sweet or anything. And it feels funny going down." She pauses for another long moment.

.....and then, looking almost guilty, she brings the bottle back up to her mouth and gulps down another mouthful.

You break into a broad grin. "Attagirl! You're learning fast. I'll teach you to be a good drinker yet. Now pass that bottle back over here." She holds out the bottle in her claws for you to take. You immediately take a healthy, hobo-sized swig of your own.

"Pssssssst."

You blink a few times. Then stare at the bottle. Funny, you didn't think you were drunk enough yet to be hearing things.

"Naw, mate. Over here!" You look to your left.

It's one of the Not-Bruces, the one called Fritz. Specifically, the one that poses the biggest threat to your pursuance of monstergirls, as he may represent competition.

"Oi, I know Johnson's been a right kick in the ass for you, but I don't think you've done much to deserve all that. To be honest, he's a bit of a stick in the mud; I was trying hard not to laugh my fecking arse off at some of the shit you pulled." He cracks a stupid grin, chuckling a bit. "Name's Fritz, in case you didn't figure that out so far. Mind sharing a bit o' that bottle with me? I could use a bit of liquid refreshment, if you know what I mean."

You think for a moment. On the one hand, he could represent monstergirl competition, and that's ALWAYS bad if it means you getting cockblocked. On the other hand, he's potentially the only one of these soldiers who actually seems to understand why booze and monstergirls are awesome.

......Ahhhhhh, what the hell. He's still a highly trained soldier, and he seems nice enough. Would probably be better to have him as a friend than an enemy.

"Sure thing, buddy." His grin widens further as you hand over the bottle.

[Roll 3d20 to determine level of alcohol shitshow]

IT BEGINS

Rolled 12, 18, 6 = 36

>>21436920
or not. Ive been drinking

Rolled 17, 17, 19 = 53

>>21436908
Best show every!

>>21436925
Not like I haven't been too.

Actually, show of posts. Who in this thread's been drinking?

>>21436960
Sadly not because alchohol plus flu is not as funs as it sounds. Still if it weren't for that I wouldn't have caught the thread so eh.

Rolled 18

>>21436908
Dice?

Rolled 6

>>21436960
I'm afraid it's only 3:30 here, so drinking would be a bit silly.

Also I ran out of beer last night.

>>21436991
Yeah. Put "noko+dice+3d20" in your email field for the right roll.

>>21437004
IT'S FIVE O' CLOCK SOMEWHEEEEEERE

>>21436925
>>21436959

-30 MINUTES OF MOBILE DRINKING LATER-

"You (hic), y'know what, Fritz? I had you all wrong. I though were a big scary soldier, but you're a real (hic) good guy."

Fritz laughs, keeling over a bit as he walks. "No worries, mate. Sometimes I'm scared'da me too."

"Haha, what? How?"

"You ever accidentally forgotten which hand has the milk carton in it and which hand has the grip strength trainer?"

"Baaaahahahaahhahahaaaa....." You gasp for air. "Oh god, that's hilarious and shit."

You hear giggling. Looking back towards you cart, you notice Moira. Actually, it's kinda hard NOT to notice, since she is completely sprawled out in the cart, wings and legs sticking off the sides and her head laid back until it's only about a few inches from where your hands are gripping the cart handle.

She giggles again, her face bright red. You honestly weren't expecting her to do well at keeping up with you and Fritz. You have to applaud such an effort, especially since this looks like it's going to be hilarious.

"Ssssoo. This is bein' drunk? It'sss amazin'. I feel so light." She slurs her words a bit, giggling as she does so. "I'm gonna need to buy sommore a' this when I get my next paycheck."

You laugh. "Well, I dunno (hic), if you guys got Irish whiskey or something similar here, but we should totally buy some more booze when we get to town. I gotta try ALL the (hic) flavors."

"Hear hear!" Fritz agress, pumping his fist in the air.

Moira rolls her head around to gaze at your face again. "Y'know, y'know what, Lincoln? I don't get to have enouff fun. My coworkers make funna me and so I just go home an' read atnight. 'Sss so stupid."

>>21437222
Id cook her books. If you know what Im saying.

What Im saying is I would sex a batgirl consentually in the messionary position.

"Ehhhhh(hic)hhhh?" You're surprised. "That's no fair! Cute girl in a uniform like you? I'm (hic) surprised you ever get a moment to yourself." Smooooooooooooth.

Moira laughs, a sharp, cynical sound. She look almost aggrevated.

"Pffffft. Me? Cute? Lemme tellou' summfin, Lincoln. Hey, hey, lemme tell YOU summfin. C'mere."

You bend down and bring your ear closer to her, taking another swig at what's left in the bottle as you do.

"Getting laid issss hard."

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT

You do a fantastic spittake, as that is NOT what you were expecting to hear.

"Wha---what the fuck, Moira!? Wait, no that's not the right question. The real question is: WHY!?" Turning down a batgirl? A batgirl in UNIFORM!? WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT!?!?

Moira shakes her head, looking extremely cynical. "Naahhhhh, you dun get it, Lincoln. Werebats gotta go lookin' for their sexytimes. And its easier in groups, an' i dun havea group. Makes it harder, yeah? I spen' my days off readin' instead of goin' out. SSsoooo no man's gonna like me. Y'see?"

ERROR. ERROR. TEMPTATION OF EXTREME NATURE PRESENT. SOLDIERS ARE STILL PRESENT. DO NOT ENGAGE OR RISK CASTRATION.

"Bulllllllshit. You're hot as hell, Moira." DAMMIT, MOUTH.

Moira looks at with a wide-eyed look of shock. She then turns even redder, and buries her face in her wings. "Awwwwwwwwawawa.. Lincooooln. Stop sayin' crap like that, s' embarrassin'. 'S nice of you to say though." She smiles at you through a crack in her wings. "Thanks." She removes her wings and looks at you rather pointedly.

"Ssshoo, what do you do in the army? Yurr a brave knight or shomfin, right?"

Oooooooooooooohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap

"Well, uh. I'm kinda----"

"He's a special contractor hired by the army for his "expertise." He's gonna get paid REAL good for his work here." Fritz rattles off that lie like it was nothing, and then shoots you a wink.

"Ooooooooh, that'sh amazshin!" Moira marvels.

........You've never actually considering sharing women, but you've decided; for Fritz, you'll seriously consider if the situation ever comes up.

Rolled 19

>>21437392
Bruce/Fritz, you are a bro indeed. We'll set you up with a slime, for sure.

>>21437255
Sick.

Also that position already has a name, we need a more interesting one.

That last answer seems to have done Moira in. Her eyes are closed, and you can hear the hints of her soft breathing if you focus through the drunken haze long enough.

You turn to Fritz. "Heh. You saved my ass there, Fritz. I may be happy with it, but "vagrant" ain't the most impressive of occupations."

Fritz grins again at you. "Think nofin' of it, mate. Gotta watch each other's back an' all that. You owe me a favor, though."

"What's that?" You ask, taking another swing of whiskey.

"Y'gotta tell me everything y'know about these monstergirls, as y'call 'em. Er....for research and intellectual purposes, of course."

You pause for a moment, before your face breaks into a massive shit-eating grin. "Suuuuuuuure. Whatever you say. Comrade."

"Ahhhhhh, piss off. A man likes what he likes, don't he?"

You smirk. "No argument here. You've got a deal."

The two of you fall into silence for a few minutes, accompanied only by the squeaking of the shopping cart wheels. Suddenly Fritz starts chuckling to himself again.

"What's so funny?"

"It's just.......fucking batgirls, man."

You stare at him for a moment, before you crack a smile and start laughing as well. "Fucking batgirls, indeed."

Your laughter echos across the vast field as you journey onward into the unknown.

Aaaaaaand Bro acquired. That seems like a good place to stop for now. I'm starting to pass out and the last thing I want to do is suddenly leave y'all hanging.

If you're enjoying this quest, make sure you check @HoboRiftQuest, as I send out tweets whenever I put up a new thread. I've been putting them up more and more frequently, so if not tomorrow, then definitely sometime this week.

Thanks for participating, guys. This keeps getting more enjoyable to write. Imma stick around for a while longer and answer and questions or hear recommendations.

>>21437564
The plebes demand more entertainment, booze, and batgirls!

>>21437626
Ohohoho. That much, I can 100% promise, my friend.

File: 1352094083891.jpg-(4 KB, 126x126, 1318643419741.jpg)

>take syrupland girl out for a movie
>miss thread start
>miss gun choices
>590 and s&w 500
>spent all day teaching new employees how to OPERATE on 590s and mossy 500s
>contemplating a 500 for sidearm during bear season
I'm ok with this. Good choices considering the potential targets

Rolled 1

>>21437564
Needs more catgirls. Catgirls are always good.

I jest, I'm much enjoying the quest so far.

>>21437650
>>21437647
>>21437626

Alright people, y'know what? Never mind. I was about to fall asleep, and was then awoken because my air conditioning decided to spit out ice with a really fucking scary grinding noise. I am now wide awake. So y'know what? Let's keep going for a while. Lemme go get another drink.

>>21437670
Saved by AC poltergiests! Seriously though you should have that looked at... or consecrated. Or maybe not run your house so cold or something.

>>21437647
Holy hell, Papa, was wondering where you had gone. I'm pretty sure it'd be a travesty to write crappy gun sections when I have someone who reads that actually knows what they're talking about, so glad to know you haven't suddenly lost interest.

>>21437683
I'm originally from Chicago, so I for some reason like to sleep in a cold room. Makes me less likely to have trouble going back to bed with warm covers when I wake up in the middle of the night. Hate that damn AC unit, though. Cheap ass landlord is dragging his feet on replacing it.

>>21437650
>Rolled 1

Looks like Papa-N's not the only one who's got catgirl vore waiting lurking in the shadows now. Heheheh.

>>21437670
See even the poltergeists are amused.

Also the idea of trying to act dignified in front of the werebat girl to score points before it all fails horribly makes me grin so hard my face hurts.

Rolled 1

>>21437725
>Beliving in noko'd 1's.

Hoboking, you're better then that.

File: 1352095093952.jpg-(34 KB, 704x396, BWAHAHA.jpg)

>>21437783
>ROLLED 1

File: 1352095234236.gif-(328 KB, 250x250, best end.gif)

>>21437725
Naw man, literally just got home. Been a busy as fuck day at the office. Boss and I have been running numbers on equipping all employees with AR500 plates/carriers if they don't want to buy their own shit. All at the range while trying to get idiots to learn how to use a pump shotgun (my boss doesn't hire the... smartest of folk all the time).

Than this Canadian girl who I have a class with said yes to a movie (Wreck it Ralph, her choice), so I've been out of my place since 5am. She had me at "aboot"

But that's all that and it's time to drink and quest. All I've got left is gin and rum.

Gun consultations: Free

>>21437783
>>21437650
Now this is questing

Rolled 13

>>21437807
>>21437828
Damnit guys.

File: 1352095614788.gif-(2.46 MB, 360x360, 1341315528534.gif)

Rolled 6

>>21437871
>Werebat
>1's everywhere
Shh... Just let the magic happen

-ONE HOUR LATER-

"45 bottles of beer on the wall, 45 bottles of beeeeeeer! Take one down, pass it around, 44 bottles of beer on the waaaaaall!"

You and Fritz are propping each other up as you wobble across the field, taking turns nudging the shopping cart forward with your feet. Your EPIC DRUNKARD BALLAD echos across the rolling fields, intimidating the hearts and minds of anyone or thing that cannot match up to your rampant manliness. Moira, having woken up from her nap, is clapping along to the song, giggling as she's scooted forward.

'GODDAMNIT. Would you idiots shut up!?!? This is supposed to be an important military mission, and you three are acting like it's a goddamned frat party!"

"Whasss a frat partee?' Moira asks.

"Free alcohol and douchebags." You reply back, snickering at the memories.

"Ain't that the truth." Fritz laughs, kicking the cart forward so hard it nearly catches hangtime.

"Can you please fucking PAY ATTENTION!? We have no idea where we are, in potentially hostile territory! This is not Father's Day in Germany! Shape the fuck up!"

"Pfffft. Course it's not, we ain't got enough booze for that. And we've got a batgirl in the cart instead of a keg." Fritz mutters, clearly annoyed at having the parade rained on.

"Ahhhhh, he's just doin' what he's paid for, Fritz. Just like me! By keeping an eye on this gorgeous werebat." You wink at Moira, who blushes and thwacks you with her wing. "Smartass." She says, giving you a look.

"AND PROUD OF IT, MILADY!" You bellow, pinwheeling off through the field. Ahhh, this is glorious. It got off to a rough start, sure, but now your on the way to all the booze you can drink and you've already managed to snag a batgirl to ogle. Like is goi----

SPLAT

................splat?

.........................the fuck goes splat in the middle of a dry field of grass?

You look down. Your foot appears to have landed in some sort of translucent blue puddle of goop. Well, at least it's not cow shit or something.

You go to continue your frolicking, but jerk as you find yourself unable to move your foot. Looking back down, you notice two eyes staring at you from out of the goop, which now appears to be slowly advancing up your boot.

........Ohhhhhhh. THAT'S what goes splat in the middle of a dry field of grass.

......you might want to panic now.

>What do?

[ ] [Panic and flail wildly]

[ ] [draw firearms and attempt to blow slime off foot]

[ ] [Call out to soldier for assistance]

[ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

File: 1352096612216.png-(23 KB, 314x400, 1332820972790.png)

Rolled 10

>>21438065
[ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen][ ] [Ssssshhhhhh......just let the magic happen]

Dem slimegirls man

Rolled 15

>>21438065

>[ ] [Call out to soldier for assistance]

>[ ] [imbibe liquor]

The only choice.

Rolled 18

>>21438114
No wait, I revise this descision.

Offer liqour to the slime.

You go to cry out, but the slime suddenly bubbles up, flinging part of itself to land smack across your mouth.

"MMmbblbbblmmbmm!" You attempt to scream, but the slime holds tight, flowing into your mouth to clog your airways. The slime flows up, enveloping nearly half of your body. It's now sizeable protrusion changes form, becoming less something that covers you and more a woman embracing you lovingly.

You can't breath, but you find yourself caring less, and less as the lack of oxygen to your brain makes it harder to think. You barely notice your clothes dissolving, until the burning sensation begins, your flesh starting to twist and bubble as it warps under the slimergirl's loving caress. You cry out as you cum into her soft abyss, the pain excrutiating but the stimulation to your nerves is just too intense.

....Noooo...you need to stop this.....you need to.....suddenly, you see a figure from inside your feminine prison, one that your enfeebled mind manages to recognize.

Moira! Yes, it's Moira! She can get you out of this, she's going to help you.......

Moira has now reached you, but shows no sense of urgency. She kneels down next to you and the slime girl, her eyes lidded heavily. She catches the gaze of your still uncovered and functioning eye, and gives you a smile. She then leans in next to your ear, and whispers into it.

"Ssshhhhhhhhhh......just let the magic happen."

You gasp into the feral slime's embrace as you feel Moira's fangs sink into your neck. You feel them puncture, and then you shudder as your sweet lifeblood begins to flow out, hastening the process the slime had already begun.

The slime is flowing up to meet her now, sliding her into the embrace that you all now share. Moira gasps and moans, bucking as the slime invades her every orifice. Her skin twists and vanishes as she too partakes in this wonderful joining of the flesh. She spasms in climax from the intense stimulation of being dissolved from both the inside and out.

Moira catches what's left of your lips in a kiss, the two of you embracing as your faces melt together within the slime.

You are all together as one now. Inside and outside each other.

It is so beautiful.

>MAAAAAAAAAAAGIIIIIIIIIIIIC

File: 1352097466041.jpg-(234 KB, 443x1069, 1326244077378.jpg)

Rolled 2

>>21438186
>mixing slimegirl with booze
I'm not aware of any precedent as to what would happen.

File: 1352097521657.png-(82 KB, 1366x768, wallpaper-859088.png)

Rolled 3

>>21438204

>>21438204
That uh. Im not sober enough for this shit. Godamn

>>21438223
Then it's time to break new ground my friend!
Or at least put out dick into it.

Rolled 5

>>21438199
>>21438204
O.o

So offering it booze it is then!

File: 1352097631919.jpg-(9 KB, 190x265, 1325807891623.jpg)

Rolled 15

>>21438204
>slime x werebat vore

>>21438240
>>21438235
I should be disturbed at what parts of this story make me giggle insanely to write the most, but I'm really, reeeeaaallly not. Heh.

>>21438252
You flatter me. Though I wonder how you'll react when that revolver vore one of the players managed to roll shows up.

>>21438114
>>21438186
>>21438251
>>21438243

Well, may as well stick to the old standby solution.

"Uhhhhh........want a drink?"

The slime doesn't react. Doesn't even blink. Just keeps slowly advancing up your boot. Oh dear. It's almost at your leg now.

"HAHA. HAHA. HEY FRITZ I THINK I FOUND YOU A SLIMEGIRL. COME HERE AND GET IT OFF MY PRETTY PLEASE?" You speak, sounding extremely calm but also insanely loud.

The soldiers glance over at you, and immediately go white.

"OH HOLY FUCK, NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS AGAIN!" Bruce #2 shouts, scrambling to pull some sort of tethered contraption off his back. The rest of the soldiers train their rifles on it, but don't fire. Oh right, bullets don't work against these things.

Wait. Bullets don't work. But what does work is-----

"OH FUCK NO, YOU ARE NOT LIGHTING ME ON FUCKING FIRE!" You scream, struggling madly to get away from both the slimegirl and Bruce #2.

"Well, what the fuck else are we supposed to do!? It's going to fucking dissolve you if we don't do anything!"

"Fuckfuckfuck I don't want to get lit on fire, but I don't want to get turn into vore porn either!!! Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck----"

In your panicked wrenching, you accidentally lose your grip on the bottle, which falls directly into the slime. You can see as the liquor flows out inside her gelatinous form, being absorbed as quickly as it leaks. A grim reminder of what will happen to you if you don't get out of this quickly.


......which is why it's such a shock when the slimegirl puddle simply falls right the fuck off of you.

"...............Huh?" There is a collective silence as you all stare at the slime. It's still trying to climb up you, but it seems to just keep sliding off.

"Uhhhhh.....I don't really get what's going on......WHOAFUCK!" You suddenly start as the puddles surges upwards, raising itself to your height. It molds and twists until it takes on the form of a woman. It's a bit strange, though. Her boobs are waaaay bigger than they should be for the body she's formed. and her faces has some sort of discoloration swirling with in it.

Before you can have time to react, the slimegirl lunges at you, enveloping you in her embrace. OH GOD SHE'S GONNA DISSOLVE YOU

.......aaaaaand she slides right the hell off, falling back down into a vaguely woman-shaped puddle on the ground. She attempts to reform herself, but appears to be having difficulty.

".....What in the holy hell is going on?" Johnson asks, staring at the ridiculous sight.

"........I think I just accidentally got a feral slimegirl drunk." You reply.

File: 1352099033612.jpg-(74 KB, 294x312, stalin replies to ann frank.jpg)

Rolled 15

>>21438422
>revolver vore
My cylinder is moving on its own

>vore
>drunk slime girl

Rolled 1

>>21438429
Obviously alchohol is the answer to all life threatening situations and they should feel bad for doubting this.

>>21438516
Oooooooooooooooor not.

Rolled 1

>>21438516
Goddamn, another one?

>>21438524
you! you there! stop rolling!

>>21438524
>>21438516
>consecutive 1s

Apparently the dice gods have decreed that I get to write vore ends whenever I want for the next several threads. I really can't thank you guys enough.

File: 1352099475034.gif-(571 KB, 512x288, 1340218277203.gif)

>>21438524
>>21438516
It's... It's beautiful...

Rolled 11

>>21438541
We'll just make sure that there's no opportunities for that to happen. You can't have a vore scene on empty rolling hills with nobody else around.

Rolled 4

>>21438541
Noooooooooooooooo.
>I only got one of 'em in my defense. And you know there needs to be some mimic bottle vore.

Rolled 14

>>21438553
>Implying there isn't a trapdoor spider girl laying in wait.

>Went to go grab another drink
>Walk in front of AC unit
>get sprayed with fine mist of water
>goddamn cheap-ass AC poltergeists

You continue staring at the slimegirl as shifts and reshifts, trying to keep a stable form. One moment she's as tall as you, with DDDs, and the next she's a 4'3" loli. It's mesmerizing.

".......so alcohol turns slimegirls into formshifting goo ladies that CAN'T adhere to you? Thus no stickiness? Thus no dissolving?"

"It appears so." Fritz says. He's staring rather dazedly at the slimegirl.

You continue staring for a few more moments before a shit-eating grin crawls across your face.

"Iiiiiiiiinterestinnnnggg........." You giggle, sounding a but unhinged. You think the implications are going to your head.

"Hey Friiiiiitz. Fritz. We should test it. Y'know. For science. You can go first."

Fritz looks at you for a moment before giving you a smile and thumbs-up.

"OH FUCK NO. I AM NOT STANDING HERE AND WATCHING YOU TWO TRY TO FUCK A GIANT LADY-SHAPED POOL OF JELLY LUBE." Johnson looks ready to snap, marching over and forcefully pulling the two of you away from the sight.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww......." you and Fritz chorus. You can tell already Johnson is never going to let you have any fun.

>>21438611
That should be an "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

>>21438553
>>21438593
>>21438609

Wonder if anyone's ever written grassy knoll vore.

>>21438553
>>21438609
>implying there aren't werewolves in them thar hills

>>21438611
>Thus no dissolving?
you lost me

>>21438644
>>21438609
>as if the hill itself isn't what's going to devour you. oozing all of that mud and earth around you, immersing all of your pleasure zones in slippery, sticky mud as the hill pulls you deeper and deeper into itself...time to fap

>>21438664
>Can't dissolve you if it can't even hold on to you long enough to start I'm making drunk slimegirl sex being actually safer a thing.

"FINE. I won't stick my dick in the awesome shapeshifting slimegirl. But I'm not just leaving it here to be drunk and helpless. It would be too cruel."

"Well, what the fuck else do you have in mind?" Johnson asks,

-10 MINUTES LATER-

".......I'm not even going to ASK why you had 57 empty bottles of liquor in that backpack of yours."

"Mine is a glorious lifestyle, where hoarding is actually encouraged!" You cheerfully reply, happily looking at the bottles full of the slimegirl. Moira had fallen back asleep, so you kind of just piled the bottles on and around here. Thankfully, she's so far gone she didn't notice. Not sure what'll happen when she wakes up, though. Eh. Details.

You continue walking for what feels like several more miles, until finally, FINALLY, Johnson calls out that he sees the town on the horizon.

File: 1352101021679.jpg-(308 KB, 759x612, 1348131231361.jpg)

>>21438703
>safe slimegirl sex
to each their own, I suppose

>>21438775
>57 empty bottles of liquor in that backpack
a bit unrelated but I'm curious as to how many bottles of booze I can cram into my old ALICE pack...

>>21438775
>Not particlarly for me
>Did I ever say Lincoln was right in his assumptions?

Not a moment too soon, either. You're out of booze, and one of the slimegirl's eyes keeps staring at you from it's bottle. You're not sure whether it's sober yet or not, but you're not exactly eager to find out.

Within a half hour, you find yourself passing through the village limits. It's an interesting sight to behold.

It really looks like you stepped into the middle ages. Shabby houses and dirty villagers are EVERYWHERE. The smells not exactly pleasant, either. The village extends into the distance, appearing to stop right outside a large castle. No doubt that's your final destination.

"Alright boys. The Lord of this town knows we're coming, but we're not exactly about to head in there blind. We need to split up and figure out as much info as we can. I'll contact you on your radios with the portable transmitter when it's time to regroup." With a nod, the soldiers disperse on their separate ways, except Fritz, who stands around with you.

Well, you've got a shopping cart with a passed out werebat in it, a 57 bottles full of maybe-drunk feral slimegirl, A Special Forces bro, and no liquor left.

>What do?

[ ] [Find an inn where Moira can sleep off her boozing]

[ ] [Ask around for what to do with bottled feral slimegirl]

[ ] [Find nearest bar and drink until dementia sets in again]

[ ] [other]

Rolled 7

>>21438828
Ask around on what to do with a drunken slime girl. If we're lucky we can sell her for more booze.

>>21438828
>[ ] [Find nearest bar and drink until dementia sets in again]
If there's one thing I've learned it's that you've got to hit the local bar as soon as you get into town

Rolled 14

>>21438828
>[ ] [Ask around for what to do with bottled feral slimegirl]
Surely she'll fetch a good price.

>no one has suggested drinking some of the slimegirl yet
You all disappoint me.

Rolled 6

>>21438919
That option is on the table only if we can't get any alcohol here, and want to drain it back out of her.

File: 1352102092750.jpg-(72 KB, 500x375, Disappointowld.jpg)

>>21438962
>not drinking the slimegirl first

>>21438996
WEll, considering the slime girls dissolve you, it would be like...drinking acid. DRINK THE SLIME GIRL, I WANNA TASTE SOUNDS.

Rolled 4

>>21438996
Some of us want to live long enough to get to the demongirls!

>>21439024
Samefagging, we should also spike whatever Johnson is drinking with slimegirl

File: 1352103143160.jpg-(75 KB, 498x510, 1352053559877.jpg)

>>21439143
>rum gone
>no tonic/ice to mix gin with, rather bland at room temp

I'd drink me a slimegirl right about now

>>21438856
>>21438858
>>21438892

"Uuuuuuuuuugh......decisions are hard." You grumble as you watch the villagers go about their business. On the one hand, you really want booze. On the other hand, you can't exactly carry any around right now, because you used up all your spare bottles storing the slimegirl. This conundrum is giving you a headache.

Thinking quickly, and by that you mean not thinking at all, you decide to find a bar. Maybe you'll be able to trade the slime girl for booze in a pinch.

"Righto, Fritz! We're off to a tavern."

Fritz shrugs. "Makes sense to me." He follows you as you start randomly wandering around the village streets, searching for an alcohol reservoir

Finally, you manage to find one; it appears to be a pub, calling itself "Pride of Caligna.". Using your cart, you nudge aside the doors to the a tavern as you walk in.

>>21439313
Well men we've made it to the tavern. Its only a matter of time before we start a side quest or random encounter.

Rolled 4

>>21439371
Oh god in our hobo garb we might be mistaken for a druid or quest giver.

>>21439371
I still say we give Johnson some of the slime girl. For science.
>[x]imbibe liquor

>>21438996
>>21439024
>>21439029
>>21439199
>>21439143

>Paaaatience. We're getting there.

Once moment, the tavern is lively den full of music and merry drinking. But the moment the shopping cart clears the door, all activity halts. By the time you and Fritz are inside, the entire tavern is staring at you warily.

Uh oh. This is not the most welcoming of environments. It'll be hard to get anything done like this. There's only one logical thing left to do.

"BARTENDER! A ROUND ON ME!" You bellow, your voice reaching the top of the rafters.

The bar breaks out into cheers as the bartender begins filling flagons with some sort of ale of a sort. Crisis averted, booze once again flowing.

Whistling a merry tune, you wheel the shopping cart up next to the bar and take a seat at the end of it.

"Hey, barkeep. I need money to pay for these drinks. You know anyone who could tell me what to do with a bunch a bottles full of feral slimegirl?" You grab one of the bottles, the one with the eye in it, and hold it up to show the bartender.

The barkeep's jaw drops, and he flaps it uselessly as he attempts to find something to say.

"Sooooo, guess that's a no then...." You mutter, as you place the jar back in the cart. NOW what are you supposed to do with it? You suppose you could always taste it or something. Wait, scratch that; trick Johnson into tasting it first. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Alright you'll need a spoon, a funnel, and----"

"Heyyyyyyyy there, stranger. You've got a slimegirl? I know someone who might be interested."

[Vote RED or BLUE for monstergirl encounter]

>Apologies for the delay; dozed off for a second, then nearly fell off the couch. Hooray for continued adrenaline rushes to prolong waking hours.

>>21439444
Blue. Blue probably wont get our faces melted off. Right?

>>21439444
Red pill.

Lets see how far this rabbit hole goes

>>21439444
Fucking. Called it.

Blue. Da blue ones is always lucky

Rolled 20

>>21439444
red!

>>21439444
blue!

>>21439500
>Nat 20
>Welp

Despite the fact that your brain is yelling that this is how aggravating side quests start, you ignore it and decide to look to your right.

What you see makes you blink several times, just to make sure your eyes aren't being screwy.

A woman is sitting at the bar a few seats down from you. She's wearing what appears to be some sort of fine clothing for males. Or at least it would be fine clothing, if half the buttons weren't undone, the tassels all frayed, and the clothes as a whole only half on her in the first place. It seems as if one of the only reasons the ruffle-filled shirt is still on is the tension, as the fabric is stretched to accommodate breasts that it certainly didn't expect to be there.

.....Oh, and her entire skin is red and she's got horns growing out of her head. I mean, not that it was real noticeable or anything.

...................................HOLY CRAP IT'S A RED ONI.

You immediately slam your mouth shut to prevent drool from escaping.

>>21439500
>Nat 20
>Welp

Despite the fact that your brain is yelling that this is how aggravating side quests start, you ignore it and decide to look to your right.

What you see makes you blink several times, just to make sure your eyes aren't being screwy.

A woman is sitting at the bar a few seats down from you. She's wearing what appears to be some sort of fine clothing for males. Or at least it would be fine clothing, if half the buttons weren't undone, the tassels all frayed, and the clothes as a whole only half on her in the first place. It seems as if one of the only reasons the ruffle-filled shirt is still on is the tension, as the fabric is stretched to accommodate breasts that it certainly didn't expect to be there.

.....Oh, and her entire skin is red and she's got horns growing out of her head. I mean, not that it was real noticeable or anything.

...................................HOLY CRAP IT'S A RED ONI.

You immediately slam your mouth shut to prevent drool from escaping.

Rolled 20

>>21439588
That's not the red I wanted! Hot Damn!

File: 1352106091253.jpg-(21 KB, 200x263, My body is ready.jpg)

>>21439587
>oni tomboy tittymonster

>>21439588
>>I read that as a Red on. Which is still true, I have a hard on for a red oni. A red on.
"So, who do you know that wants a feral slime girl?"

>>21439588
it begins

>>21439588
>>21439587
>My drunkenness once again warps the board itself

The oni girl chuckles at you, sizing you up with a gaze that simply reeks of confidence. She lazily scratches her short, silvery-white hair around her finger, while with the other hand she brings her flagon up to drink again. And drink. And drink. She's drains the whole thing in less than 10 seconds. But she never takes her eyes off you.

Dear sweet cake-frosted tits, that's HOT.

"So, you got yourself a feral slimegirl, eh? No idea how you managed to bottle it like that, but it's pretty impressive nonetheless. Luckily for you, I know a lady in town who would trade limbs to get her hands on a specimen like that. And I'm feelin' mighty good today, so I might just tell ya where she lives. If......" She stops, twirling her empty flagon around by the handle.

"If.........?" You prompt her to continue.

She suddenly slams the flagon down onto the contertop. The look in her eye turns a bit crazed. "IF ya take me on in a drinking contest."

Apparently, the whole bar must have been listening in, because everyone starts laughing at once.

"Zuli, you're terrible! He may look weird, but there's no reason to be cruel!" The bartender seems to have recovered, as he's probably laughing one of the hardest of all.

The oni girl, apparently called Zuli, has a smug look on her face, as she stares at you with arms crossed and head tilted upwards.

You may be drunk, but you're not stupid. They're trying to test your wits or something. Some stupid character test or whatever. That part you don't really care about; people have weird standards like that.

What's more important to you is the fact that the entire bar is apparently considering your win to be impossible.

They are questioning your alcohol tolerance, and trampling on your Hobo Pride.

THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.

>What do?

[ ] [use wit to sidestep challenge]

[ ] [DRINK HER UNDER THE TABLE]

[ ] [DRINK HER UNDER THE TABLE AND USE THE BET TO PAY OFF YOUR NEW TAB]

[ ] [other]

>>21439677
>[ ] [DRINK HER UNDER THE TABLE AND USE THE BET TO PAY OFF YOUR NEW TAB]
If there's one thing I know in quest threads, it's drinking contests

Shit, have I missed it? HOBO ARE YOU THERE

If so

[X ] [DRINK HER UNDER THE TABLE AND USE THE BET TO PAY OFF YOUR NEW TAB]

>>21439707
this!

>you; Reperha
you man, lets reperha her a good one

Rolled 9

>>21439677
>[ ] [DRINK HER UNDER THE TABLE AND USE THE BET TO PAY OFF YOUR NEW TAB]
Also after we're both a bit shakey, challenge her to end the contest early, by seeing who can stomach some slime girl.

Rolled 12

>>21439677
Drink her under the table, use money to pay off debt, sell slime girl, use money to get room to sleep with the red oni! Or more booze!

>>21439677
>Red Oni already introduced, sorry PaPa but this quest is now my favourite.
Drink her under then use the bet to pay off the tab.

Rolled 6

>>21439707
Guess I should roll in advance

>don'tgeta1don'tgeta1don'tgeta1voreisn'toneofmyfetishes

Rolled 5

>>21439677
[ ] [DRINK HER UNDER THE TABLE AND USE THE BET TO PAY OFF YOUR NEW TAB]
OH ITS ON!

>>21439775
>>21439732
>>21439723
the dice gods are not with us today

Rolled 10

>>21439779
SAY THAT NOW! HAHAHAHA!

>>21439687
>>21439707
>>21439733
>>21439732
>>21439724
>>21439723
>>21439719
>>21439775


There are some insults that a man just can't ignore, no matter the circumstances. This is one of them.

You turn to Fritz. He immediately notices the look in your eyes.

"Hey man, do you really think this is a good idea?" He asks, as you pass him your firearms and other assorted stuff. "I mean, yeah, you're you, but she's some weird demon lady, and...."

"Trust in your bro, Fritz." You simply say. He pauses, then nods. You turn back to the Oni girl, who is still looking at you expectantly.

"BAAAAARKEEEEEEP!" You bellow. The whole bar goes silent in an instant.

"This is what is going to happen. You are going to serve us your strongest alcohol. I am going to drink this overconfident oni bitch under the table," you turn to face the girl in question. "And she will enjoy it. You will then not only charge me nothing for the round I bought, as well as the drinks I am about to consume, but I will NEVER have to pay for drinks here again. IS. THAT. CLEAR!?" Your voice thunders through the whole building.

The bar patrons are looking at you in abject shock. The bartender looks like he sat on a duck.

And the red oni girl?

She's looking at you with a face that can only be described as pure competitive lust. If the laughter of the bar patrons was anything to go by, she probably hasn't been challenged directly like this in a long time.

Let's see if you can't take her down a peg or two.

[Roll 1d20 for EPIC ALCOHOLIC FACE OFF]

Rolled 5

>>21439779
You think? We've only rolled four 1's so far.

File: 1352108313168.jpg-(18 KB, 300x320, tg dice.jpg)

Rolled 11

>>21439794

Rolled 2

>>21439794
DO IT YOU GLORIOUS HOBO!

>>21439794
Surely I won't roll a 1 and doom us all

Rolled 13

>>21439807
Suppose I actually have to include the dice

Rolled 8

>>21439805
christ jesus fuck

Rolled 17

>>21439809
I think we should keep rolling until we get a 20

Rolled 3

>>21439816
Yes... A 20...

Rolled 15

>>21439816
THAT IS NOT HOW QUESTS WORK

Rolled 19

>>21439828
Yes. Exactly. Nothing bad could happen.

MID BATTLE STATUS REPORT:

CURRENT DRINKS CONSUMED BY BOTH PARTIES: 32

CURRENT ATTITUDES: ALCOHOL FUELED-COMPETITIVE RAGE.

Currently averaging rolls so far.

Rolled 2

>>21439794
So I guess we need a twenty huh?
(spoilers) Too bad this isn't one (/Spoilers)

Rolled 15

>>21439838
Quick guys, how many drinks to an Oni's heart?

>Current dice rolls average out to:
>11
>BARELY

Rolled 10

>>21439838
MUST. ROLL. HIGHER.
OUR HOBO PRIDE DEMANDS IT.
Also our empty pockets demand it.

Rolled 9

>>21439857
NOT HIGH ENOUGH

Rolled 14

>>21439850
As many as it takes

Rolled 3

>>21439859
Gods dammit dice. You are mocking me.
Last time I roll.

Rolled 8

>>21439850
All of them. Fucking all of them.

Rolled 6

>>21439857
DEMACIA!

>>21439862
asdf
no more

Yeah

Uh

I think you guys flubbed it

You're gonna wake up in a sake bottle clutching a bed after drinking too much Oni

Rolled 16

>>21439872
ALWAYS MORE

Rolled 11

>>21439872
no brakes

Rolled 19

>>21439867
then we must roll higher!

Rolled 8

>>21439875
that is my fetish.jpg

Rolled 5

>>21439878
higher you say?

Rolled 1

FOR GLORIOUS ONI TITTIES

Rolled 11

>>21439878
The alcoholism is strong in this one

Rolled 5

>inb4 barkeep takes our kidneys and sells them to a wizard to pay our debt off

Rolled 18

>>21439886
ILL DRAG YOU FUCKERS DOWN WITH ME

Rolled 6

>>21439886
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

YES!

Rolled 6

>>21439886
finally

Rolled 10

>>21439892
THATS NOT THE NUMBER I WANTED

Rolled 7

>>21439886
and here comes the vore

Rolled 18

>>21439896
NEITHER IS THAT ONE

Rolled 8

>>21439902
almost there!

Rolled 19

>>21439886
NO
WE WILL NOT BE EATEN

Rolled 19

>>21439902
bah! shes going to be too tanked to knock boots! and we may be dead!

>>21439918
>>21439919
and this is when I stop rolling

Rolled 2

>>21439919
A TRUE HOBO DOESNT KNOW THE MEANING OF ALCOHOL POINONING!

Rolled 14

>>21439925
YOU FOOL! WE HAD IT!

Rolled 11

>>21439937
>>21439925
We've already lost guys.

We lasted for a while, but she beat us in the end. (and probably ate us)

Rolled 17

>>21439937

My first time in this quest...
I may as well roll

Rolled 2

>>21439944
Thats employed talk!

>>21439886

The oni giggles, though you're not sure how with her jaw unhinged like that. She gulps again, and you slide another half a foot down her throat.

You've already came more times than you can count; her throat so wet and tight around you. It's almost starting to get painful, but you can't help it. The alcohol has long since left you incapable of anything more than weak spasms.

The oni, having been enjoying this slow and steady devouring game, suddenly widens her mouth a bit further, and places her hand on your head. With one might push, you're forced the rest of the way down into her throat, everything going dark as her mouth closes behind you. You're in her stomach now. It's dark and slippery, and the walls of her digestive tract have yet to stop milking your cock, even though you've long since run dry.

And, then, suddenly, it comes. Her stomach begins to contract on you, crushing you further and further until your flesh begins to warp and your bones begin to splinter. Your member lets out one last spurt of spooge as you are crushed into paste, to become part of the oni's latest addition to her body.

Your remains mingled with alcohol you so dearly loved. At least in death, you can be together with them forever at last.

>I can always count on you guys to give me an excuse to write HUEHUEHUE vore endings

>Keep rolling you fuckers, I'm feeling generous

>Maybe you'll roll another 1

>and I'll get to write a werebat/red oni vore scene next

Rolled 15

>>21439925
>>21439919
Eye the dice gods be a cruel mistress.

Rolled 7

>>21439961
les do dis!

Rolled 1

>Twenties

Rolled 11

>>21439982
you have doomed us all

Rolled 13

>>21439982
I am somehow unsurprised.

Rolled 11

>>21439982
Anon usually pulls through when it matters

>>21439982
I'd like to laugh, but at this point I think someone MUST be fucking with you all.

Rolled 17

Maybe this is the problem? We're a light weight alchoholic who doesn't know it.

Rolled 10

>>21439987
May a 20 save us...

IRON HEART SURGE...
W-We can, right?

Rolled 13

>>21439997
may the emperor bless this role

Rolled 15

>>21440009
how about the machine god?

Rolled 19

>>21440012
khorne?

Rolled 16

>>21440009
Emps can't save you now

Rolled 18

>>21440012
How bout Tzeench?

Rolled 6

>Alright, I've seen you guys suffer long enough.
>I already decided the outcome earlier when I averaged the first 10 dice rolls
>But because you all kept rolling so fast, a 1 was BOUND to come up before I finished the next part.
>So I waited for it. You did not disappoint me, /tg/

Rolled 15

>Alright, I've seen you guys suffer long enough.
>I already decided the outcome earlier when I averaged the first 10 dice rolls
>But because you all kept rolling so fast, a 1 was BOUND to come up before I finished the next part.
>So I waited for it. You did not disappoint me, /tg/

>>21440014
BOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

Rolled 5

>>21440022
>>21440021
>I clicked once, it posted twice, both dice rolls count, I GET 21 ON A D20 I WIN

>>21440020
>>21440014
We kaptoored eet for kayoss!

Rolled 1

>>21440031
Wait, we are a hobo, we are dirty, smelly and with a thousand plus one diseases...

Let's call Papa Nurgle

-45 MINUTES LATER-

At first, there was the usual. The cheering, the hooting, the hollering. Mostly for her, to put you in your place. Not surprising; you looked as arrogant as you possibly could without lighting the inn on fire as a time limit.
But as you both drank more and more, the catcalls and the betting pools stopped. Now all that's left is silence. Silence, and the ever-costant sound of gulping, interrupted only by the periodic slamming of flagons to announce yet another refill.

How many drinks have you gone through? 50? 100? You're not really sure at this point. You just kept up the rhythm. Chug. Slam. Chug. Slam. Chug. Slam.

The only reason you're not dead right now is apparently the "strongest alcohol" here isn't even CLOSE to what you usually drink. Maybe the brewing science here isn't nearly as advanced? Who knows. Chug. Slam. Chug. Slam.

You glance over at the red oni for a moment. She looks as determined as you feel. There's no longer joy, or concern, or cockiness. Just a deadset glare straight ahead, only focused on the goal.

This could go on for hours. And much as you hate to admit, you're still only human; if this drags on; you're bound to lose eventually. It pains you to admit that, but there's a lot more than your pride on the line at this point.

You have only two options left.

Which do you choose?

[ ] [Keep drinking]

[ ] [Attempt slimegirl gambit]

Rolled 20

>>21440061
Papa always delivers the gifts

>>21440061
F**K ME!

>>21440061
>>21440066
.........well. The 1 is par for the course at this point. But to think I'd ever see a 20 again.....

Rolled 17

keep drinking

>>21440066
Really, dice gods?

>>21440066
Papa knows how to treat his children

Rolled 13

>>21440064
drink!

[X] Keep drinking.

>Well, I gave you an opportunity for a way out
>But you refused it
>You live or die by the dice now, /tg/

[Roll 1d20. For victory or death.]

Rolled 4

>>21440081
DRINK! If we win good! If we die, we'll die like a true-to-god hobo: of alcohol poisoning!

File: 1352111179631.jpg-(57 KB, 500x448, 1351466206744.jpg)

Rolled 11

>>21440096
FOR THE EMPEROR!

Rolled 4

>>21440096
I don't think I can manage 2 good rolls in the same thread

Rolled 14

>>21440101
Your god is as weak as your liver!

FOR CHAOS!

Rolled 15

>>21440074
That 20 counts for our drinking right?