"Eeeeeheeheeheeheeeeeee." You're giggling. But can you help it? You can potentially get your hands on monstergirls. MONSTERGIRLS. The stakes are high here.

.....Ah. Right. Military guy's still there. He looks like he's considering shooting you. Not so good.

".....What....in the hell.....is a monstergirl, Mr. Bismuth? And I truly suggest you choose your words carefully, because you appear to be making light of creatures that KILLED TWO OF MY MEN. You are not indispensable, Mr. Bismuth. I can do this without you, but I am giving you a chance, because your help, wretched and frustrating as it would be, might save lives." The general slams his fist down next to your head, rattling the whole gurney. You flinch audibly.

"Talk. NOW."

WELP TIME TO BULLSHIT.

>What do?

[ ] [Explain origin of your knowledge in nauseating detail]

[ ] [Make up ridiculously overembellished story about research and how you're an expert]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

[AWAITING COMMAND......]

>>21418253
[x] Imbibe liquor

DRINK MONKEY DRINK FOR MY AMUSEMENT

For real though I've never seen this quest before but you said monstergirls so I'm going to read your archives.

>>21418286

I've been running it for a while, since Papa-N gave me the idea. He drops in when he gets the chance.

>The OP takes a drink, contemplating that this won't end well.

[X] Imbibe liquor

Fuck, this guy's face is scary. And yours will be scary too, if you piss him off and he punches you.

But there's no way you can make up shit like this. You need time. You need a way out. You need......

"I NEED BOOZE." You blurt out. General Williams blinks. That was obviously not an answer he was expecting to get.

"Mr, Bismuth, I believe your debilitating alcoholism can wai--"

"NO! I swear I'll tell you everything I know. I just.....need booze. Please. I can't focus like this, I'm too nervous and scared and my head hurts. Anything alcoholic, please, and I'll let you know."

The General straightens his height, glaring at you for what feels like an eternity, but that's probably because you're going into withdrawal again. You really hope he hurries up and gives you booze. Or kills you. Both would be acceptable at this pointgodyourheadhurts.

"Fine." He states. Grabbing the edge of the demonic hell wagon he still has you strapped to, he begins wheeling you down the hall towards the lobby. The hospital staff, amassed as they were to chase you down, hurry to open the doors for you.

As you pass the receptionist desk, the young volunteer manning it pipes up in a cautious voice. "Um, sir? We're going to need properly release him. There's paperwork to be filled and---EEEP!"

The girl suddenly cuts off as the General snaps his head to direct his glare at her.

"You do it." He snarls. You obviously pissed him off more than you thought.

The girl squeaks, nodding frantically before diving under the desk for safety. The General, still heading towards the doors, uses the evil restraining cart thing to push them open, wheeling it----and you----out into the parking lot.

Craning your head forward, you notice a black limo idling on curbside. You immediately begin your struggling anew.

"OH HELL NO YOU'RE GONNA TAKE ME TO YOUR GOVERNMENT FACILITIES AND BRAINWASH ME AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" You begin twisting against the gurney straps, determined to keep THE MAN off your thought dome.

THWACK "GAH!"

You have to give General Williams credit; he hit you without even breaking his stride.

Wheeling the gurney up to the limo, the door is opened by what you can only reasonably assume is the Men in Black. You'd continue struggling, but you don't want to get hit again.

Aaaaaand suddenly you're airborne again. You're pretty glad you didn't decide to fight this military dude before.

You hurtle through the door of the limo, crashing into the other side of it before pinballing onto the floor. You struggle to right yourself, but General Williams is already slamming the car door shut behind him as he clambers in.

....Well, this is it. You always knew the government would come for you one day. You only hope Old Jimmy will remem---Is that a bottle of vodka he's handing you.

NEVER MIND, EVERYTHING IS GLORIOUS USA! USA! USA!

You grab the bottle and claw the top off like a starved badger. You immediately begin guzzling the whole thing.

5 MINUTES LATER

Aaaaaaaaand done. Thaaaaaaat's better.

Uh oh. General looks like he's about to kill you again. Why the hell would he do that? He needs to chill out. Man hasn't enjoyed enough booze in his life. Maybe you----

-----Oh shit, right. Monstergirls and explanations and balleyhoo. Craaaaaaaap.

Here's hoping you don't get yourself killed.

[Roll 1d20 for drunken hobo explanation]

Rolled 3

>>21418807
I will console myself that this will probably go better than a sober hobo explanation

Rolled 10

>>21418807

Hopefully it is coherent enough for him to not kill us...

>>21418824
>Rolled 3
>Heheheheheheh
>>21418845

Bah, what are you worried about? You'll just tell him how great they are. Monstergirls, that is.

"Hic."

.......Hiccups or no, you can totally do this.

"Sooooooooo. Monster(hic)girls. General, monstergirls are totally one of the greatest things ever. Dangerous? Oh hell yes, 'specially if they're.....what did (hic) y'call it......forol....feeerolll........feral? Yeah, that's the one. Those one's you usually have to (hic) kill. Usually, unless you're open to creative (hic) solutions and I'm not gonna go there. Because then I'd get off topic, and nobody likes it when you (hic) get off topic, because then ya----"

"MR. BISMUTH. MONSTERGIRLS. EXPLAIN. NOW." Ohcraphelooksmad.

"Sorry, sorry! Still re(hic)adjusting. Right, monstergirls. Monstergirls are, as easy to explain, people, except also monster. They're kinda both. Which makes 'em waaaaaay (hic) hotter in my opinion, 'cause variety."

General Williams's eye is twitching. You must be doing well.

"So, y'see, monstergirls come in alllll shapes and sizes. And depending on what dimension you're dealing with. They can vary in (hic) origin, y'see. From what those uppity spear guys said, it sounds like y'have ones that are feeroll..(hic)...feral, I mean, and ones that are not feral. Which means that we can reason with 'em, yeah? Which is great. Because. (Hic.) Then? I can sex 'em too. Yeaaaah. Gonna land myself some monstergirls. Can't (hic) wait."

Oooooh, now the whole side of his face is twitching. You always knew you had the (hic) gift of gab.

"Soooooo yeah. There's lotsa different types of monstergirls. Looooooads. And I know 'em all, yeeep. Can't (hic) remember 'em all right now, but I'll know 'em (hic) when I see 'em. There's snakegirls and spidergirls and slimegirls and mermaidgirls and batgirls and (hic) all sorts of girls. It's great, general. You should try one."

Yeah, you nailed that presentation. Just look at how happy General Williams loo---wait. That's not the facial expression for happy. You forget what it's for. What was it again? It's on the tip of your tongue.....

Oh yeah. Apoplectic rage.

"Mr. Bismuth." He grinds out, looking about ready to rip out your jugular. Man, this dude needs a shot or six of something.

"I am going to be blunt. You are possibly the most disturbed, degenerate, and perverted individuals I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. I would stick my head in a furnace rather than have to be in your presence, had I the choice. If what you say is true, however, and we don't really have much other info to go on right now, we face a crisis of a monumental scale. An entire dimension with only humans would be difficult enough, but if there is not just one, but DOZENS of potentially sentient species on the other side, each with it's own unique culture and physiology, we have nowhere near enough information to risk engaging in an all-out conflict at this time."

"Dude (hic), what? Why would we fight them? Were you listening at all?" He ignores you and keeps talking, but you notice he attempts to be restraining his hands from choking you. Nice (hic) of him.

"Mr. Bismuth, I----and I sincerely pray to God I don't regret this----am going to make you a deal. We are going to keep the dimensional portal cordoned off while we make preparations. Once we determine our plan, we can take more large-scale actions. But someone has to go in and gather intel. And as much as I hate you, I hate the idea of sending my soldiers in blind. So YOU will accompany the intel group, and your job will be to supply them with whatever info you can that will help them stay alive. In return, the government is willing to compensate you for your servi----ggghhhk----service." He obviously had a bit of difficulty getting that last bit out.

>What do?

[ ] [Accept offer]

[ ] [Refuse offer and attempt to escape through limo window]

[ ] [Make demands as to the nature of your compensation]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

[x] [Make demands as to the nature of your compensation]
If we're gonna do this, we want enough booze to swim in.
Daily.

>>21419240
[x] [Make demands as to the nature of your compensation]

This is like all those job interviews we've never had! They key is to ask for more until they say no and then keep asking until they say yes!

>>21419312
And I'm talking a swimming pool of booze here, the good stuff too.
And maybe some other stuff.
Also, bacon. Lots and lots of Bacon.

Had to get food and a new drink, next part coming up

>>21419343
>>21419328
>>21419312

"........I wish to negotiate the terms of my payment."

The General's eye twitches again. "The government is ready to offer a highly reasonable wage for your---'

"I wanna lifetime supply of booze."

"A lifetime supply of......... you know what, fine. Not like you'll last very long at this rate anyway."

"And a zeppelin."

A zepp--- Where the FUCK do you expect us to get a zeppelin!? And why would be give you one?"

"It's gotta have swimming pool too."

"MR. BISMUTH, ARE YOU LISTENING TO----"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope."

The General makes a move as if to lunge at you from across the limo, but manages to keep himself from doing so. "You know what? FINE. We'll get you a goddamned zeppelin. Any other stupid requests?"

"Other than making sure I don't have to pay for basic living stuff ever again, I can't think of anything right now."

"Great. Wonderful. I'm glad we've come to this agreement. I would like to reiterate how much I hate you."

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeee." You giggle. You've managed to balance the empty bottle of vodka on your nose.

>>21419667
Haha! I love this quest!

About ten minutes later (the entire time of which was spent watching the General presumably try to kill you with his mind), the limo slows to a halt, and one of the MiB type dudes pops the door open. The General climbs out, seemingly eager to put space between the two of you as quickly as possible. You attempt to follow, but drunkenly trip collapse on the floor of the limo, forcing the General to drag you out by the neck of your hospital gown.

"Blaaaaaagck!" You thwunk down onto the pavement, the General dropping you like a sack of potatoes. You stumble to your feet, your alcohol-sharpened reflexes protecting you from any serious harm.

Well. This is........pretty damn impressive, actually.

You're on the edge of Lee's Circle once again, though it looks a bit different than last time. For one thing, the weird glowey shit from last time is now takes up most of the plaza that makes up the roundabout island.

Glowey thingamaboober. You shall have your rematch. You shake your fist threateningly at the smarmy dimensional rift. It thinks it's so cool.

The second thing you notice is all the guns and military stuff everywhere. And the soldiers. There are looooooooots of soldiers.

The actual Circle is surrounded by what looks like a collection of that spikey metal wire that you got caught in once while running from the police. That stuff hurts. They've got weird wooden things too.

Beyond that are a bunch of what appears to be Hummers---no, that's not right, Hummer's don't have machine guns and armor. What's the other one called? Humbees? Yeah, you're pretty sure it was Humbees.

Besides that, there's----HOLY SHIT, ARE THOSE TANKS? THOSE ARE MOTHERFUCKING TANKS. You should totally ask the general for one of those two. Maybe several. You can airdrop them from the zeppelin.

"Mr. Bismuth, I know it's a lot to look at, but can you stop gawking and follow me? The sooner I get you ready, the sooner I can send you off to die and leave me alone forever."

>What do?

[ ] [Follow the general and get out of this itchy hospital dress]

[ ] [Attempt to try out some of the military stuff]

[ ] [Attempt to continue your fistfight with the rift thing]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21419928
[x] [Follow the general and get out of this itchy hospital dress]

He promised us a zeppelin and quality monstergirl time. We will do what he says, FOR NOW.

>>21419952

While you would love ever so dearly to aim one of those tanks at the hated glowey itsamajigger, you think it would probably be a bad idea to piss the General off even more than you have. I mean, he's not all bad--He's sending you straight to monstergirlland and promising you a Zeppelin and ALL THE BOOZE FOREVER for it--but you still can guess he probably would happily murder you if he got the chance. You job along after him, swaying again, damn overly perfect balance.

.....Besides, this hospital dress is both breezy and itchy at the same time. You want better clothes. OOOOOOOH MAYBE YOU'LL GET A GUN.

Following the General, you arrive at an extremely large tent several blocks away. The general pushes aside the flap to enter. You, of course, feel no need to move the flap; the flap shall move for YOU.

You plow directly into the flap. As it reaches the limit of it's stretching, it catches you by your face, the momentum flipping you airborne with your legs still attempting to cycle forward.

THUNK.

Well, at least you made it halfway inside the tent. And as we all know, the lower half, is the most important half.

You proceed to shuffle the rest of the distance into the tent on your ass.

Inside, you are greeted with some sort of command center deal. You're not really sure, but there's a lot of computers and people at desks talking about "logistics" and "supply lines" and "available forces".

It all seems very official. Luckily for you, you hate official things, so you cheerfully ignore absolutely everything as you use one of the desks to leverage yourself off the floor for the eleventy-billionth time.

"Mr. Bismuth, would you please not pass out on the floor? I may not be able to resist such an opportunity to end your miserable existence if you do."

"Love you too, General! You magic (hic) booze dispenser, you."

The General makes a groan that can only be described as a little bit of his soul dying inside.

"Can you please get your drunken moronic self over here and stop being stupid for FIVE MINUTES? I promise, it won't take long. Oh yes, I can promise that."

"Sure thing, Generallisimo!" You prance over to the general and stand at attention, which for you means at about at 30 degree angle.

The general hands you a large bundle. "Here, take off that ridiculous hospital gown and---

"SO IT IS A DRESS!"

"SHUT UP! Just put these damn things on so I can eliminate the possibility of you flashing me when you inevitably fall down again."

>>21420231
After a few minutes (and an attempt to get changed on the spot, upon which the General literally punted you into a separate room), you find yourself in a set of camo.....whatever you call military clothes. Whatever they are, they're not a dress, which is what you care most about.

There's also a bunch of crap that came in the bundle as well, like canteens and pouches and rope and stuff. You're not really sure how they work, so you use all the rope and clips you can find to strap everything to yourself in true hobo fashion.

With a loud amount of clanking, you step back into the main area of the tent. General Williams takes one look at you and facepalms hard enough to break the sound barrier.

"I have no idea why you look like you had a collision with a pushcart, and to be honest, I don't really care at this point. At least the amount if noise you're making will mean you get shot at first."

"Speaking of shooting, I get a gun too, right?"

I am NOT giving you a gun until you are on your way through that portal, preferably to get eaten by some monsterbitch or whatever the hell your sick little mind is into. Just get over here so I can give you the briefing, not that you're going to understand a word of it."

[Roll 1d20 to comprehend/listen at all to boring lecture thing]

Rolled 9

>>21420440

>>21420589

-30 MINUTES LATER-

"......and at that time, your team will return to here to report back to me. Are there any ques---no, rather, did you understand any of that at all?"

"Uhhhh........so basically, there's a team, and I'm with them. And we go through the portal, make friends with the locals, kill the bad guys, figure out some stuff, and come back after banging every monstergirl in a 100 mile radius, right?"

The General snaps in half the pencil he was using to outline the briefing to you. "Besides indulging your disturbing fantasies on your own goddamned time, you got enough of it that I can let you go without you being too much of a danger to others. Relatively. Just follow me so I can take you to your team and toss your ass through the rift."

You follow the general out of the tent, clanking the whole way. You get many a confused look, but it's obvious they're just jealous of your hobo swag.

Reaching Lee's Circle, the General leads you on a winding path through the amassed military hardware. Several of the parked vehicles are rude enough to run into you, stupid things. You finally get to a break in the barbed wire, where a group of important-looking soldiers is lined up. They look rather intimidating. You proceed to react by belching loudly.

"Atten-SHUN!" One of the soldier yells, as they all snap a salute. After about a five second delay, you attempt to do the same. You only succeed in falling over again, which the General does his best to ignore.

Alright, somebody help me out here real quick so I don't get this wrong. What special forces group would most likely be the one assigned to something like this?

>>21420907
I don't know, but there needs to be a crazy, drunken Irishmen for us to be bro with.

>>21420934
Suggestion taken into consideration.

Next section gets written as soon as I can figure out which forces to use.

>>21420981
Could just leave it as 'Special Forces' or something.

"At ease, gentlemen." The soldiers drop their salutes and relax, but only by a fraction.

"As you know, you have been picked from your various special forces because of your highly-trained skills and your reputations for adapting to unexpected circumstances. As you can tell, this is probably one of the most unexpected situations we've had to deal with in all of the U.S. military's long history. I'm not going to lie to you; we have no idea what is on the other side of that rift, and no way to gauge the level of danger. But I trust that you will do your duty, for the sake of our country. Are there any questions before we move on?"

One of the soldiers steps slightly forward. "Beggin' your pardon, sir, but.....who is that?" He points behind the general to you.

The General grimaces, turning around. "This, gentlemen, is......Mr. Bismuth, why the FLYING FUCK are you standing on your head?"

Hooray, the General's back to being ridiculously angry. "Well, since I fall down all the time, this was the natural solution to save myself time."

"The nat--what---goddamnit, I will never be happier than the moment I get to launch you through that rift. I only wish I could do it by stuffing you into an artillery piece." The General faces the soldiers again, who are at this point looking rather bemused.

"Gentlemen, this.......thing......behind me is apparently known as Lincoln Bismuth, a "resident" of the city. In reality, he is both homeless, and alcoholic, and probably insane, and I have come close to killing him out of sheer annoyance several times just getting him from the hospital."

"Uhhhh, no disrespect, sir, but I'm not really followin' you on this one." The soldier who asked the question is staring at you with a mixture of confusion and curiosity. You proceed to respond by sticking your thumbs on your head and wiggling your fingers at him. You then proceed to once again crash to the ground as you lose your balance.

"As much as I cannot stand the presence of Mr. Bismuth, the fact remains is that he is the only one who has been on the other side of the dimensional rift, and the only person we know with any sort of knowledge about the strange creatures that Privates Messer and Boggs were killed by. He's a rambling incoherent idiot, but he's all we've got as far as intel. You will be taking him with you through the rift, as he has agreed to accompany you and provide you with what information he knows. Try to protect him, as he is your only source of intel, but don't try too hard if it will compromise the mission. I mean it. Please. It's really okay if you have to lose him."

"General, you're so harsh. I thought we were best buddies." You giggle, still flat-out on the ground.

"........If I never see you again, Mr. Bismuth, it will be too soon. Well, I shall leave you to these fine soldiers. You are hereby ordered to assist them in their mission and provide them with all the info you have. Is that clear?"

"Right-o, Bossarino."

"Wonderful. I have to leave now, as looking at you for one more second is going to give me a stroke."

He marches off back towards the tent, leaving you alone with the group of soldiers. You stare up at them from the ground. They stare back at you.

>What do?

[ ] [Introduce yourself through EPIC HOBO BALLAD]

[ ] ["WHO'S READY TO FUCK SOME MONSTERGIRLS!?"]

[ ] [backflip to your feet and introduce yourself in a crisp English accent]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21421429

[x] [imbibe liquor]

Don't tell them about the monstergirls, they are more attractive than we are so we need to maintain the element of surprise.

>>21421429
Epic Hobo Ballad.

>>21421457
>>21421723

> The OP takes a drink to cheer your continued participation in this thread.

You decide to break the silence with the obvious question. The most fundamental question of them all.

"Alright, who's got the booze?"

The soldiers stare at you, somewhat stunned. Finally, one of them manages to snap out of it long enough to address you.

"The General called you Lincoln, right? There's not going to be any alcohol taken on this mission. We need to travel light and stay frosty. This is like nothing we've ever done before. Drinking is pretty much out of the question."

Your face contorts in horror. "NO BOOZE!? I CAN'T WORK IN THESE CONDITIONS!!!!" You screech.

"JUST GIVE HIM THE DAMN BOOZE SO HE'LL SHUT UP BEFORE I RUN HIM OVER WITH A TANK!" You hear the General's voice echo from a block and a half down.

The soldier who addressed you pauses for a moment, then shrugs. He calls over one of the nearby privates running to and fro, and quickly mutters an order to him. The private salutes and goes running off.

"Well, whatever the general says. That guy ran to go buy something from one of the nearby stores, he should be back soon. Now, perhaps you could start explaining---"

"FIIIIIIIIIIIGARROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" You yell, and the soldier starts back. You rock forward to grab the edge of one of the nearby wooden cross things, using it to leap back up onto your feet.

"GOOOOOD SOLDIERS OF FORTUUUUUUUNE! IT HAS BEEN A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU TOOOODAAAAAAAAY!" You pinwheel around the immediate area like a drunken ballerina on acid.

The soldiers have edged away from you visibly, some of them edging their hands towards their rifles. You take no notice; clearly they are impressed by your mighty Hobo singing voice.

"YOU HATH PROVIDED MEEEEE BOOOOOOOOOOOZE!!!! AND THUS I SAYYYYYY TO YOOOOOOUUUU!!! I AM LINCOOOOOOOLN BIIIISMUUUUUUTH. NOW WHOOOO ARE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!?!?"

You finish your impromptu performance of joy with a florish and a bow, gesturing towards them. Your bow immediately devolves into a faceplant, leving your ass propped up in the air by your legs and your face.

You can't see the soldiers face, but you imagine they must be overjoyed at such an incredibly dedicated form of introduction.

"Uh." The lead soldier says, as you upright yourself once again in your never-ending battle against gravity.

"Well........"


>There are five soldiers total.

>Please enter names now.

>>21421862
Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce and Dave.

>>21421879
Considering how difficult it would make my life if I tried to write the rest of the Quest with those names.

>>21421911
Oh, in that case we'd best make Dave another Bruce, or you'd get confused.

Tinworth and Smith?

Klaxon?

Henderson?

Bruce?

>>21421879
>>21421941

"NOPE NEVER MIND. Imma pick names for you. You are now Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, and Bruce.

"That's not--"

"NOPE YOU'RE BRUCES ONE THROUGH FIVE. Now, you guys need to hear about the weird glowey shit, right?"

The soldiers look like they're about to object to your naming sense, before giving up. "I--we---that's not---" He heaves a sigh. "Yes, tell us everything you know."

"Goody, storytime! Okeydokey, once upon a time there was a handsome man named Lincoln who chose the glorious life of a hobo because everything else sucked. He spent all his time swimming in merry waterfalls of liquor until one a day some weird fucking glowey portal thing decided to get up in his grill. He attempted to punch a bitch, but portally thing doesn't fight fair so he fell through and ended up in some weird field where the asshole spear wielders showed up."

"A field? Was there any kind of landmarks or anything? Where did the hostiles come from?"

"Over some hill. There were a lotta hills. I dunno, I was too busy performing musical fighting sequences."

"Alright, so, a field with no cover. Great. What about those.....things? The ones that came through the rift?"

"Oh, monstergirls? Yeah, they're great. I cannot WAIT to bang one."

The soldier loses a good deal of his composure at that remark.

"The FUCK!? Those things fucking melt you! Why the HELL would you want to screw one of those things? And HOW!?"

You pause for a moment, frowning at Bruce #1. "Flesh-melting and stuff? Only if you're stupid and try to fuck a feral slimegirl. Besides, they're not all like that. There's so many types and varieties."

"WOAH, WOAH. Back the fuck up. Types? Varieties? The hostiles we managed to capture talked about those things being "feral" species, but they didn't say much else, about ANYTHING, for that matter. Explain this crap from the top."

"Blaaaaargh. But I already explained it once to the Generallllll......."

"Well, considering we're going to be the only thing keeping your ass alive, you may want us to be prepared."

"Fiiiiiiiiine, you win." You roll your head back and forth, as if it will exaggerate the rolling of your eyes further. Where the hell is that other dude with the liquor? Your liver has been working overtime, and you can feel the intoxication seeping away ever so slowly.

"Monstergirls are basically exactly what their name says. Monster plus girls. I suppose there can be monsterboys too, but I don't really care about them so who gives a fuck. There's all sorts of species: snakegirls, slimegirls, centaurs, mermaids, spidergirls, demons, and so on and so on. And they're reeeeaaaaally hot. Except they can also be really dangerous ones, 'cause some of 'em ain't sentient anymore, and that's the feral ones. We can probably reason with the non-feral ones and such."

The soldiers are looking at you like you're speaking in tongues.

"What," says Bruce #2.

Switching computers. Please standby.

File: 1352004339027.jpg-(54 KB, 500x373, 9877867654.jpg)

Waiting for OP

Don't worry, I'm patient.

>Your patience is appreciated.

Bruce #1 shakes his head. "So, let me get this straight. These.....monstergirls......are a bunch of humanoid-looking species? And there's lots of them?"

"And I dearly want to sex them up, yes."

"Yes, thank you I think we've established that disturbing little fact."

"I dunno, if you take out the flesh-melting part, seems reasonable to me." Bruce #5 comments, smirking.

"Shut up, Fritz. I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that." Okay, Bruce #1 is a fuddy-duddy, Bruce #5-who-is-also-known-as-Fritz is a potential fellow broletariat. You know who you'll be sharing your booze with.

....Well, nobody. But you know who you'll CONSIDER sharing your booze with.

"Well, this is a fine mess we're facing. We've got dozens of unaccounted for variables and almost nothing to go on. It's barely better than going blind. And we have to keep an eye on Lincoln here, who is.....not exactly an expert at this sort of thing."

You don't know what he's talking about. You're just here, standing on one leg. Bein' a flamingo. Nothing big.

"Well, we'll just have to make the best of it. At least the enemies we've encountered so far have ways to beat them. It's not like we've encounter dinosaurs or anything ridiculously hard to kill." Bruce #2, voice of optimism. Noted.

"Well, that's true." Bruce #1 replies. He looks towards the rift, as if checking to make sure it really isn't all some sort of hallucination. It's at the moment the private from before runs up, holding a handle of rum, which he hands to Bruce #1. Bruce #1 in turn hands it to you, which you grab gleefully. Unscrewing the top, you immediately take a gigantic swig, once again nestling yourself in the comfortable embrace of drunkenness.

"Well, I suppose there's nothing for it. We'll just have to head on through and do what we can. Alright, who's taking point?"

>What do?
[ ] [Race towards Monstergirl Paradise at RAMMING SPEED]

[ ] [Let the Bruces figure it out for themselves]

[ ] [abandon the military camp and seek your fame doing Broadway musicals]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21422482

>[X] [Race towards Monstergirl Paradise at RAMMING SPEED]

Jump dramatically into the portal

>>21422482
Reassure them that there might just be dinosaur girls, if they are into such things, then while we

>[x] [Let the Bruces figure it out for themselves]

we should try to see if we can see any monstergirls through the portal.

>>21422482
[x] Drink everything potable in the room.

>>21422482
I am both concious and cognizant for this quest huzzah.

Explain to these fine fellows that you are more then happy to take the lead as soon as you find your shopping cart. Can't go adventuring without some way of carrying loot and booze afterall.

>>21422550
>>21422542
>>21422526
>>21422636

>I take even more drinks because SO MANY PEOPLE

Hmmmmmmm. To volunteer or not to volunteer. You ponder this question while chugging another three mouthfuls from the bottle.

"Hey, Bruces? Imma go check the thing while you guy figure stuff out. Kaycoolberightback."

The soldiers pause for a moment, then share a look between the lot of them. They nod in tandem, and go right back to discussing, giving you frequent glances as you meander towards the rift.

"Scoobedeedoowhapbapbedooooooooo," you sing as you approach the strange glowing behemoth. You stop in front of it and strike a dramatic pose.

"WE MEET AGAIN, FOUL GLOWEY THING! You may have avoided my blows last time, but this time, I SHALL REIGN VICTORIOUS!" Wanting something with a bit more power for this round, you immediately begin looking for a weapon.

Let's see....rock, rock, rock, stick, rock, other stick, General Lee's head, rock, ro---OH MY GOD YOUR SHOPPING CART IS STILL HERE.

You prance over to it, giddy that all of your stuff hasn't gone missing. HA! Armed with the power of this mighty shopping cart of doom, you shall smite all of your foes with the power of your will! And inertia. But mostly your indomitable will.

Having secured what seems to you to be everything you need (Booze, shopping cart, burning sense of lust), you prep the cabin for departure. By which you mean you shout out a battle cry at the top of your lungs.


"FEEL MY HOBO FUUUUUUURYYYYYY!!!!" You bellow, as you launch yourself forward, speeding your cart ahead of you like a battering ram. The assorted items you've tied to yourself clank against absolutely everything, making you sound like some sort of demented pinata.

With a final push, you hang a superman pose off the cart's handle as you collide head-on with the----nope, wait, you flew through the damn thing again. In hindsight, this really should have been forseeable, but you're drunk so hindsight can go fuck itself.

You crawl to a halt as the shopping cart's wheels are slowed by the grassy field. Your feet returning groundward, you decide that your entry totally could have gone worse. I mean, the field's empty, and nothing seems to have changed from last time. You'll just head on back and let them know tha-----Is that an army coming over the hill?

.....Yeeeeeeep. That's an army. A medieval army, and a small one, but still a fucking army. There's at least two hundred of them.

Somehow you think that improptu choreography fight scenes might not work against lances and horses and crossbows.

>What do?

[ ] [Charge at the enemy with only your shopping cart and your MASSIVE HOBO BALLS]

[ ] [Go get the guns. All of the guns.]

[ ] [Retire to the countryside and live a simple life of a farmer]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

[Also, roll 1d20 to keep some form of composure]

Rolled 6

>>21422829
[x] imbibe

Wave to the army with one hand while drinking with the other.

Rolled 7

>>21422829
Question them as to whether or not they have seen a hobo or not. By this I mean act indignant and about all of the point things in your immediate vicinity and then wander off singing.

Rolled 18

>>21422853

I support this good man, let's be friendly.

For now...

Rolled 19

>>21422829
Drink liqour, fetch the Bruces. This seems like a problem for them.

>>21422867
>>21422858
>>21422853
>>21422907

>Average is over 10. You refrain from indulging in a schizophrenic freakout.

Well, perhaps they're not an army. Hell, they might even be a welcoming party! But there's totally a good chance they have nothing to do with those guys you pissed off last time you were in this field.

You attempt to make yourself look as disarming as possible. By which you mean you take a massive swig from your booze bottle, lift it to the sky and shout "HUZZAH!" At them.

There's no reaction, it looks like. They're still marching towards you. Perhaps you didn't cheer loud enough.

"HUZZAH!" You shout. Still nothing. Well, fuck that, you're gonna keep yelling it until they get it through their stupid ears.

"HUZZAH! HUZZAH! HUZZAH! HUZ--"

A crossbow bolt whizzes past your head, grazing your cheek. The small cut produces a trickle of blood, which drips down the side of your face.

........Uh oh.

[ ] Fight

[ ] Flee

[ ] Fuck

[ ] Finish the rum

[ ] Other

Rolled 1

>>21422962
>[ ] Fuck
But who?

Fight the army! throw their arrows back!

File: 1352008868489.jpg-(177 KB, 640x480, HUEHUEHUETIME.jpg)

>>21422973
>Rolled 1
>[ ] Fuck

>>21423013
Goddamnit, I forgot to take off the dice.

Rolled 19

>>21422962
Stick head back through gate and tell Bruce about the distinct lack of monster girls but not lack of humans who wish us harm. Aside from the general who we already know about I mean the other guys.

>>21422973
You briefly consider fleeing back through the rift for backup, but your alcohol-fueled mind is struck by a better plan.

Looking behind you, you see where the crossbow bolt buried itself in the ground. Running over to it, you tug it out of the ground.

You turn towards the ever-approaching army, and proceed to drop your pants with clatter. Your little hobo is already hard and waiting, ready for your brilliant plan.

Sticking the crossbow bolt in your mouth, you coat it in your saliva to prepare for what you are about to do. Pulling it out, you place the back end in line with your urethra, and begin to jam it in.

Your member swells and stretches grotesquely, blood immediately beginning to run as you force the crossbow bolt in to the very point. You want to scream from the pain, but it feels so very good as well. With an almighty roar, you orgasm with the force of a thousands son.

With a mixture of blood and semen flying everywhere, the crossbow bolt shoots forth from your ruined penis. It nails the front spearman in the face, killing him instantly with your erotic love-missile. Immediately, the crossbowmen of the army take aim as one, and with a buzzing of the air, you suddenly have a dozen bolts buried in your skin.

As you sink to your knees, you begin to pump two of the crossbow bolts out of your new blood vaginas. Pain and pleasure rockets through you, and a last torrent of spooge bubbles out of your ruined crotch as if from a melted volcano.

"Yeah.....I fucked that army.....fucked it good." You mumble, as your world fades to black.

>Nothing around to use as vore material, so I had to make do.

>>21423123

Good night sweet prince...

>>21423123
I... what.

That was the worst idea in the history of ideas.

>>21423047
Yeeeeaaaaaah. You think you're just gonna go back the way you came for a little bit. Maybe you forgot something, like your plan to not end up filled with crossbow bolts.

Grabbing the handle of your shopping cart, you wheel around and head right back through the rift. The Bruce Quartet Plus Not-Bruce stare at you, surprised to see you back so quickly.

"Yeeeeeaaaaaah. Guys? There's sort of a teensy itty bitty army coming this way. They kinda have crossbows. I would like to not die, please."

The soldiers stand at you, stunned for a moment. Then all hell breaks loose as the begin bellowing orders to the surrounding soldiers and all the military hardware seems to come alive at once.

"STAND BY TO DEFEND THE CIRCLE! ALL MEN TO THEIR POSITIONS!" Bruce #3 shouts out. Bruce #4 runs over to you, grabbing your shopping cart and forcefully pulling you away from the rift.

"C'mon man, we gotta get behind the fortifications! How far off are they?"

"Uhhhhh, over the hill and not so far away? I dunno, really close."

"Fuck! You said they had crossbows? Did they have any other weapons? Firearms, vehicles?"

"Do horses and lances count?"

"The fuck? Is this the middle ages or some shit? Great, either you've got no idea and we're just stuck waiting, or this is going to be a massacre."

You're thrown behind one the Abrams, it's turret already rotating to face the rift. And just in time, as the frontline of the army begins filing through the rift. Abut 50 men and 20 horses come through before they stop, the rest of the army staying on the other side. An important-looking knight with shinier armor than the rest trots forward on his ridiculously-decorated horse. He clears his throat to speak.

"By the power invested in me by Lord Farnsworth, I demand that your leader come forth to discuss the terms of his surrender!"

What.

>What do?

[ ] [Jump out of cover and announce yourself as the Prince of Wales]

[ ] [Ask Bruce #4 to blow his head off]

[ ] [Leave negotiating up to actually qualified people]

[ ] imbibe liquor

[ ] Other

>>21423180
>>21423166

It wouldn't have been nearly as bad had he not rolled a 1 AND given me the "Fuck" command at the same time. I wasn't about to hold back at that point.

Rolled 3

>>21423249
Leave the negotiain to the people who care. we have an important meeting with mister vodka to attend.

Rolled 17

>>21423249
>[x] [Jump out of cover and announce yourself as the Prince of Wales]


I want to choose something sensible, but this is clearly the best choice.

Rolled 12

>>21423249

>[ ] [Leave negotiating up to actually qualified people]

This please, we are too drunk to do anything right.

>>21423293
More like the prince of New Orleans.

>>21423249
When was the last time we actually had y'know food by the way? I me4an vod is great and all but you really need something savoury to go with it.

File: 1352011433666.jpg-(77 KB, 500x320, 394587547568.jpg)

>>21423334

>>21423361
I, but-Okay that is not savoury. Does look delicious though.

>>21423287
>>21423293
>>21423324
>>21423315

>Sensible
>HoboQuest
>dohoho

Well, you're completely useless here. May as well just crouch here behind the awesome tank and drink. You dutifully take another massive gulp of the bottle, having already managed to down more than half of that.

...........You suddenly have an inexplicable urge to do something incredibly stupid.

"I AM THE PRINCE OF NEW ORWALES!" You scream, jumping up on top of the tank and pelvis thrusting repeatedly in the enemy army's direction.

THWACK "Blaaaagh!"

Aaaaaaaand you're on the ground again. Oh, look who it is!

"Hiiiiiiii, General." You give him what you think to be your most adorable grin. He on the other hand, appears to be gritting his teeth hard enough to crush diamond.

"Are. You. TRYING to start a battle, Mr. Bismuth!? You know what, never mind, I don't want to know. Lopez, shut him up and make sure he doesn't cock the whole thing up for everyone."

"Yes, sir." He snaps off. He immediately gags you with the bandanna he's wearing.

.......Well, this is inconvenient. But you are nothing if not resourceful. You bring the bottle to the handkerchief and wet it with the rum. You then proceed to suck the rum out of the bandanna. Slow, but better than no alcohol intake at all.

You feel like you're forgetting something, though. What was it? Oh right. Immanent military battle and all that. Should probably pay attention in case you need to flee for your booze's safety.

......Or you could cock things up for the General, just to see if he eventually will explode from all the built-up rage.

>What do?

[ ] [Forcefully make your debut into the world of interdimensional diplomacy]

[ ] [Attempt to bargain with Not-Bruce, Model: Lopez for some sort of projectile weapon]

[ ] [Drink entire rest of the bottle and pass out so you can avoid the situation entirely]

[ ] [other]

Rolled 12

>>21423420
>[x] [Attempt to bargain with Not-Bruce, Model: Lopez for some sort of projectile weapon]

Something shooty or something stabby. Either is good.

Rolled 19

>>21423420
Ask Bruce if you're really the only one to have heard about monster girls. Or like how young are these people if none of them had ever seen the ooze before.

>>21423443
Well, as much fun as it would be to keep screwing with General Williams, he almost certainly would shoot you right in the head if you even dared to say "hello" to any of the enemy. You COULD drink yourself back into another coma, but then you might miss something good. No, the best thing to do is make the best of your situation.

"Mmmmmmmph."

"What?" Says Lopez-who-is-not-Bruce, looking at you.

"MmmMMmmmMmMmpthhhhh." A tongue of silver and grace, have you.

"I honestly have no idea what you're saying. Ehhh, I'll just kick your teeth out if you do anything stupid." He pulls the bandanna out of your mouth, and you take the opportunity to swig another 1/8 of the bottle.

"I said, can I have a gun? Pretty please? Everyone else has got one; I feel naked without bullets to defend myself with."

Smarmy BruceLopez drops a handful of rifle rounds into your hand with light jingle.

".......still better than nothing." You pocket the rounds for later. Maybe you can throw them at the enemy.

"You're really strange, do you know that?" Not-Bruce says, shaking his head.

"So are you. Not knowing about monstergirls? HERESY. How can all of you be so blind!?"

"Well, it's not like we've ever seen anything like it before! I still don't understand how the fuck you know anything about it!"

"Magic Hobo Powers." You may not want to point out that all your info is available for free on the Internet. A hobo's gotta do what he can when a life spent drinking booze in floating mansion is on the line.

>>21423544
Act sane in the hopes of more booze? BRILLIANT!

>Drink self into coma until the monster girls get here

Lopez (who is not Bruce), apparently writing off your statement as "he's fucking crazy", elbows you to get your attention. He points up to the plaza, where the General is coming back down, the conversation apparently over. The shiny armor man has turned his horse around and makes his way back through the rift, the rest of his troops following behind.

The General makes his way over towards you, calling the rest of the Special Forces over as he walks.

"Alright, gentlemen. We've got you a chance for peaceful contact. You're now officially diplomats as well as soldiers."

[Roll 1d20 to listen instead of drink]

>>21423756

Nobody wants to get to the monstergirls faster than I do. Damn my need to adhere to proper plot progression (sans doomed HUEHUEHUE timelines).

Rolled 6

>>21423762
Nothin' can go WRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOONG!

Rolled 1

>>21423795

YOU FOOL

>>21423926
>Rolled 1
Oho. Fool, you say.

Rolled 13

>>21423972
Have mercy on us!

>>21423972

Shut it and get on writing, hobo.

Rolled 14

>>21423926
...About that.
>Luck be a lady

>>21423926
>>21423795

Sensing another boring lecture coming on, you decide the best course of action is to drink until it's over.

But as you bring the bottle up to swig, you are jostled by a passing soldier.

The battle falls.

There is a crash.

And the rest of your booze is lying on the ground.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You fall to your knees, sobbing over the fallen remains of your liquid companion. "WHAT SORT OF CRUEL GOD WOULD PROVOKE SUCH AN ACTION!?!?!?!? WHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!??!?!?"

"MR. BISMUTH, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I WILL PLANT MY BOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU'LL----"

You don't hear the rest. You're too busy sucking your thumb in the fetal position on the ground. All that alcohol. Gone. The consequences will simply never be the same.

You fade back into reality when the General leaves, as he makes a point of kicking you as he does.

"AGH, what the fuck!" You yell, swaggering to your feet. But he's already gone, muttering about aspirin and early retirement.

Bruce #1 speaks up. "Alright guys, that's the deal then. With a bit of smoothing over on our part with the local noble, we might be able to end this conflict before it truly begins. Now, Lincoln, since you weren't listening, you---"

"So we can go now?" You interrupt. There's only one thing that can make you feel better right now.

"Well, yes, but we need to----"

"MONSTERGIRLS, HERE I COME!!!" You bellow, grabbing your shopping cart, you snake your way through the military vehicles and make a beeline for the rifty thing. You can hear the soldiers behind you yelling about things like waiting, but fuck that time for monstergirls.

With last heave of your legs, you ride your shopping cart steed gloriously through the portal.

If anyone wants to throw up recommendations for which type of monstergirl is run into first, by all means, do so now. I'm determined to get to the first encounter with one before I call it quits.

Rolled 1

If one, Lamia.

If two, harpy

Rolled 19

>>21424105
batgirls.

>>21424105
Sphinx because I see no way in which our hero meeting one wouldn't be awesome.

Rolled 9

>>21424140
No, wait, Scyllae.

Rolled 20

>>21424150
I can't belive I forgot. Oni! The monster girl that drinks as much as us.

>>21424155
>>21424150
>>21424140
>>21424120
>>21424220


>Since you guys are contributing from the very beginning, I'll do my best to work all these in. Oni's DEFINITELY in because of Nat 20.

You roll to a halt on the grassy field, cheerfully noting that there is no massive army to ambush you for the third time.

FINALLY. You finally made to Monstergirl Land. Took you long enough; the sun's setting as you speak. Thanfully, you probably have enough booze in you to last you until you can find a town or something and ste--YOU MEAN PURCHASE IN A FAIR AND LEGAL MANNER some of theirs. Yeah, that's what you'll do.

Maaaan, this is going to be great. You just need to pick a direction and soon enough you'll be tripping over the hot monster babes.

Now, to pick a direction.

"Eeenie, Meenie, Minie---Wait, what's that wooshing noise?"

KLONK

"Kyaaa!"

"ARRRRRGH!"

You are sent flying by what you must assume is a female cruise missile. You faceplant the dirt several meters away, plowing a furrow into the ground as your face acts as the brakes.

"UMMMMMFLGLPHLEGLPH!" It's hard to talk through a facefull of dirt. This is a good lesson to learn, you decide, as you pry your face out of the ground spitting grass and mud everywhere.

"O-oh my goodness! I-I-I'm so very sorry! The sun's still up a bit you see, so I can't see very well, and---Oh, no! What am I rambling about!? Oh, oh, I'm so, so, sorry! A-are you alright?"

Eh?

Cruise missiles don't talk.

.....Could it be?

You rotate your head to look so fast your neck nearly dislocates itself.

Nervously standing a few meters away from you, rubbing her head and looking on anxiously, is a girl. She's rather short, and the hat she's wearing doesn't really help that much, despite the fact that she's clearly angled it an angle on her indigo hair for that exact purpose. She can't be much more than five feet tall. You're surprised they make uniforms like the one she's wearing that fit someone of her proportions.

Not because of her height, of course. More because of the lightly iridescent bat wings that are furled up the entire length of what you suppose would be her arms. Not to mention the ears sticking up along the sides of the hat, holding it's ridiculous slant in place.

What you say with you mouth:

"Uhhhh, yeah. Doesn't look like I'm hurt or anything."

What you say with your brain:

"BATGIRLBATGIRLBATGIRLBATGIRLBATGIRLSCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!"

Rolled 18

>>21424397
Aww yus.. It's my dreams come true.

There is a real, true batgirl standing in front of you. Better, a batgirl in some form of uniform. EVERYTHING HORRIBLE BEFORE THIS NO LONGER MATTERS.

.........You probably should say something else before you start drooling.

>What do?

[ ] ["What about you? Your the one who crashed into me at mach speed."]

[ ] ["A bit early to be conducting night raids, isn't it?"]

[ ] ["I LIKE YOUR WINGS. LET ME LICK THEM."]

[ ] [other]

Rolled 2

>>21424451
Stop tempting me with the most awesome choices!

Compliment her attire.

>>21424451

In situations like this its best to be forward

I LIKE YOUR WINGS! LET ME LICK THEM!

Rolled 11

>>21424487
Seconded.

Rolled 9

>>21424451
Ask her if her wings have hallucinagenic properties. Like them anyway then blame brain damamge from the impact.

>20 on Oni best roll ever.

>>21424464
>>21424498
>>21424487

Alright, something else to say. Shouldn't be that hard.

"I LIKE YOUR WINGS! LET ME LICK THEM!" You blurt out.

........aaaaaand maybe a bit harder than you thought. Fuck.

The batgirl startles back, her face instantly going an interesting shade of scarlet. "W-W-W-W-What!?!?" she squeaks. She unfurls her wings partially, hiding her face behind them.

"Uh....I mean...sorry! My head is still a bit rattley and stuff from the ground." Crapcrapcrapcrap we're in a nosedive here, recover dammit!

"I uh, do like your wings though. I've never actually seen anything like them before." Oh great, that's smooth. Your hobo pride is in tatters here.

The batgirl seems to calm a bit, lowering her wings cautiously. "Th-thanks.....I think." She then gives you a curious look. "But you haven't seen someone like me before? That's odd....I think you would have stayed up late at least one night in your life....."

Uh. "Well, uh, I'm not from around here. And stuff. Yeah. Long travels."

".....would that be related to the shiny-looking air behind you?"

"Yeah. Don't really get it myself. Complicated and junk. I usually just do whatever."

"I see.....well, welcome to the Glorian continent then, I guess." She gives a little smile, and tentatively extends the claw at the end of her wing towards you. You grip it delicately, and proceed to shake hands....claws....whatever. The important thing is BATGIRL. YOU'RE TOUCHING A BATGIRL. ONE SMALL STEP TOWARDS THE LAND OF PLEASURES AND PARADISE.

What now, though?

[ ] ["So what's a nice girl like you doing out this late....errr, I mean, early."]

[ ] ["Any place I can get a bite around here? Besides you, I mean."]

[ ] ["I do love a good uniform, by the way. What's yours for?"]

[ ] [other]

Rolled 19

>>21424647
Lick* them all over. Then mention you like them I suppose.

Rolled 7

>>21424653
So busy noticing batgirl forgot about uniform. What is it?

Rolled 14

>>21424653
>[x] ["I do love a good uniform, by the way. What's yours for?"]

Mmmyes. Sexy uniformed girls.

Rolled 16

>>21424653
woah, woah, hold on a second. Didn't we just get shaved/washed? Will the batgirl never know the majesty of our Beardedness?

>>21424769
I vote to find a POTION OF BEARD
Then have our beard braided

>>21424668
>>21424666

"Nice to be welcomed, thanks. Especially by a nice girl in such a nice uniform. What's it for?"

You expect her to get embarrassed by such a cheesy line, but instead she gets a very proud look on her face. Puffing her chest out, she tries to draw herself up to her full height. It doesn't help much, but you have bite your tongue from trying to devour the adorableness right then and there.

"I'm a hardworking member of the Glorian Night Post, of course! In Moonlight Bright, We Deliver All Night, All Right!"

You nearly cough up blood from that one. It physically hurts you to hear that terrible motto. Thankfully, you manage to keep the bile down.

"Eheheh. Interesting phrase, there. So, you're midnight postal service? Sounds like a rough job."

"Not really for a werebat like me. Since we're naturally nocturnal, it only made sense to capitalize on that and our wings. Almost half of the continent's post passes through us!" She ends, with a very satisfied look on her face. She really must be proud of her job. You wonder why? You always hated the things; they involved work.

A thought occurs to you. "Sooo.....wait. If you're part of the night post, why are you flying before the sun's down!?"

The fuck? Now she's embarrassed again? Oh this should be good.

"Eheheheh.....w-w-well....." She looks groundward, scuffing at the ground with her clawed feet. "I kinda have this problem with......getting lost....so I start earlier to make up for the time I'll inevitably waste backtracking....." She looks aside, her face turning red again.

>>21424769
>>21424805
Take heart, comrades. This new world is vast and mysterious. Surely we shall find someone who can help cure our new affliction.

>>21424805
The Potion of Beard. No one quite knows who created it, only that when poured on the ground will form into an illusion of an atractive woman (or man) who is in a loving relationship with the man (or woman) who used it in the first place.

Rolled 11

>>21424820
I am much reassured

GODDAMNIT MY TWITTER DIDN'T UPDATE SO I DIDN'T KNOW THE QUEST WAS ON FUCK

>>21424834
Jesus Hobo, you must be drunker than we thought

Before this Hoboquest BS started, I was thinking of making a quest about a hobo abusing every kind of drug on the face of the Earth. It was to be based on Mitchell and West's Sir Digby Chicken Caesar sketches. It was to be an incoherent narrative with no clear sense of continuation - at times, the PC wouldn't even remember who he was, and act like someone else.
This "The Man monstergirls magic" shit if fucking pathetic.

>>21424887
Don't cry. Just do it.no ones stopping you.

>>21424887
I dunno man, I've been laughing pretty hard. And there's nothing stopping you from running it parallel to this one, I'd certainly take part.

>>21424887
I'd take large amounts of LSD, be zeus because no one can stop me.

>>21424836
We still have a few posts left, and I'll be running this quest every chance I get now that I've FINALLY gotten to the monstergirls. To make up for your unfortunate duping by Twitter, pick a monstergirl you want and I'll try to fit it in.

>>21424834
BEGONE SATAN

HOLY FUCK, that was close. This girl has no idea what kind of calamity she's capable of causing. Batgirl? Uniform? Terrible Sense of Direction!? BASHFUL!? She's like a walking fetish collection. Your heart nearly fucking exploded.

You're starting to wonder about your survivability in this place.

"Hey, I mean, could be worse. People get lost all the time. Don't feel bad about it."

"So I've been told....but I still get crap around the office for it." She pouts. NO LINCOLN YOU CANNOT PUT THE BATGIRL IN YOUR SHOPPING CART.

"Ehhhhh, people suck like that. Just get 'em back for it. There's this guy called Old Jimmy who I fight with all the time. He only respects me at all because I give him back as much shit as he gives to me."

The batgirl giggles a bit at that. "Maybe. Might be worth a try. Thanks."

"No problem." You smile back. WOOOOO POINTS SCORED WITH THE BATGIRL YEEEEAAAAAAAH

"Well, it's been nice talking with you, but I really have to be going---" WHAT NO NONONONO DON'T LEAVE PRECIOUS BATGIRL OF MY DREAMS "--I'll need all the time I can get if I want to get this post to Lord Farnsworth's castle on time." NONONONONONONONO wait what?

"Uhhhh, did you say Farnsworth? 'Cause I'm kinda supposed to be headed there too." Her face lights up almost immediately.

"R-R-Really!? Oh, that wonderful! I-I mean, if you wouldn't mind that is, could you perhaps....show me the way? It would save me so much time!"

Your mouth, traitorous bastard that it is, moves first. "Uh, sure. No problem." DAMMIT. Oh well, you'll figure it out as you go. It's worked in the past.

"Oh, thank you so much!" The batgirl gives a little leap, clicking her footclaws together. Well, even if you hadn't wanted to lie, there is no way you could've lasted against THIS.

"Haha, no problem. Let's get going, shall we?" Yeah, this might actually work ou---"

"LINCOLN! WHERE ARE YOU!?" The Special Forces Soldiers sprint through the rift, rifles at the ready. Within moments, you find several red dot sights trained on you and the batgirl.

Ah. You forgot about those guys.
................FUCK.

>>21424961
>pick a monstergirl you want and I'll try to fit it in.
MORE GOO GIRLS YESH

>>21424887

Just call it AddictQuest or something similar. It sounds interesting enough; I'd participate.

>>21424978
Welp, adding a slime village to the number of places we end up visiting.

Rolled 19

>>21424978
Goo girls are lethal. Otherwise they would have been my first choice as well.

>>21424969
Nooo! dive in front of the lasers! None shall assault our Batgirl!

>>21424988
eh wott
Slimes are lethal, goos are not. Goos are nice and blue, and can only kill you by suffocation. Slimes are the ones that eat you.

>>21424982
haha wow I put this quest on update but I had to go out and GM my l5r group.

Glad this is still rolling. Cheers to you hobo kind I am also drunk!

Aaaaaaand I think that's a good place to stop for the night, guys. As it stands, I have about 4 hours before I have to get up for work. Thankfully, I should probably be able to run the next the thread tomorrow afterwards.

I'm be on a little while longer to take recommendations and questions. Also, would anyone like to throw up a name for our lovely little night post batgirl?

Rolled 19

>>21424969
Not the POSTGIRL! Hey guys who are far too high strung aren't we supposed to go to that Lord Fellow? Yes we are let us go many Bruces Bruci? Bruceys? What ever distractive Hobo dance go!

and then we shove the girl in our cart and run.

>>21425024
Oh, she's going in the cart at some point. That's a given. EVERYONE eventually goes in the cart.

>>21425024
>and then we shove the girl in our cart and run.
Votan for this

Oh right. Watch @HoboRiftQuest for updates on threads. Next thread should probably go up during tomorrow afternoon.

Still hoping for suggestions on that name. It's at least nice to know a ladies name before you give her a ride on your cart.

Oh right. Watch @HoboRiftQuest for updates on threads. Next thread should probably go up during tomorrow afternoon.

Still hoping for suggestions on that name. It's at least nice to know a ladies name before you give her a ride on your cart.

>>21425051
>>21425050

Goddamnit, my drunkenness is affecting site itself again

>>21425056
>>21425051
>>21425050

Fuck me sideways typing is hard

>>21425064
Okay, so what timezone are you in? UTC wise.

>>21425007
>>21425016
WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEEEEEEE

>>21425093
I know man. I know.

>>21425092

Central Time, so it's 4am here right now. I don't really remember how you record the difference from UTC.

>>21425093
>>21425109

Let it not be said I am unsympathetic. If you guys have a monstergirl you want in it, send me a tweet and I'll see about working them in. By which I mean I'll find somewhere to put them, since I'm making this shit up as I go.

>>21425117
nah man just keep doin what you're doin. It was a good read. I'll try and catch this tommorow!

Also naga. All the naga.

>>21425117
You are UTC-6 then. Okay, so ~8 hours offset from me.

>>21425130
Naga, I can do. Not like I wasn't going to do them anyway.