Dance with the warforged.

my bawdy is ready

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/21256335/

Previous thread.

>>21272735
"Care to dance?"
You ask the Warforged.

>"Nay, tell me my location, and I shall think of sparing you."

Seems a bit moody...

>>21272743
No, it's not.

What do you do?

Rolled 11

roll to seduce

>>21272755
"So you've just woken up, right? You've gotta have a morning glory or something."

>"Nay, I have achieved no glories this day."

Your soft words have failed to enter his steel heart.

What do you do?

>>21272752
Gallowmere, my home town, and in my masters home
Danial is my name, what is yours?
And remember, you are a guest, so no attacking anyone

>>21272770
Tell him the location.

"Im Daniel by the way, do you have a name?"

Ask it what was its' name when it was still alive.

>>21272784
>"Gallowmere is a dirt hovel, nothing but huts."
>"My name is Warforged Unit 4b. Protection Model."
>"I am not a guest, I am a captive."

>>21272790
>"When I was a man I had a name, but 4b is my designation."

What do you do?

>>21272770
Demand he unhand us and apologize for being so uncouth. If he's polite perhaps we'll answer his questions.

Rolled 7

>>21272770
compress his shiny metal ass

>>21272770
You seem to be the fighting sort, after I show you around the mansion, do you wish to spar, to see if your skills need to polished once more?
lets show him our prowess
>>21272815
no, we want to keep him

>>21272806
I am not holding you captive, I consider you a guest, so you are bound to hospitality laws, but those go both ways

>>21272810
>"Never shall I apologize to my captor. You will answer all my questions as per the laws of captivity."

>>21272825
>"I am an untiring machine, no man can match my skill in battle. Such a desire is foolish."

The warforged looks at the books.

>"This is not Gallowmere, that town is nothing but huts and a gallows my Lord uses to hang criminals."

>>21272836
>"Guests are not kept in binding caskets."

>"No, I ask again, where am I? And where is my Lord? I have duties to perform."

What do you do?

"Hey, Gallowmere is not a "dirt hovel" anymore, the mining industry and trade have expanded it to a considerable size"
"How long ago were you in your mortal shell? We are currently in [Tell him present date]"

>>21272836
>go both ways
make it happen, story man

>>21272873
I found you in the casket, and have released you, so please, relax on that captivity nonsense
this is now a thriving community, how many years have you been in that casket?

>>21272873
Tell him the current year/era/whatever this setting uses, ask when he remembers it being.

You are the one who let him out of the "Binding casket", not the one who put him in it.

>>21272878
>"Mining? There was ore under here? If my Lord knows this, then it explains the mansion. Yes, such reserves would indeed return vast fortunes."

You tell him the date.

>"Those numbers mean little to me, I was born in 230 TLW"

Erik pops his head up from his books.

>"That means 1,300 years ago, Daniel."

"Oh wow."

>"I was a man of flesh for 30 years, then a wizard asked for volunteers for his experiment, I accepted and he performed his sorcery upon me. I have been in this metal form since."

>>21272889
>"If you did release me, then you have my thanks. I've been in that box for nigh on a millennia."

What do you do?

>>21272931
well, im assuming your lord is deceased now, as it has been so long
you are free to stay here as long as you wish , so, do you wish to have a tour?

>>21272941
In a non-suspicious manner ask about details on this wizard, including if he might have become, oh say, immortal and still alive, maybe in need of some killing, maybe just saying, you know.

" Is there a more casual way of addressing you? 4b is a little too impersonal"
"Tell me about yourself, who was your lord and what was your purpose?"
"How did you became confined in that casket?"

File: 1351112607661.jpg-(88 KB, 612x612, b81543a2b65d11e1b9f112313(...).jpg)

>>21272969
Furby

File: 1351112680743.jpg-(166 KB, 576x440, I saw that.jpg)

>>21272986
NO.

>>21272941
>"Indeed, the curse of such immortality. But if my Lord is dead, then I have failed in my task. I must be destroyed as per my agreement."

"And that was?"

>"To protect my Lord's only child from harm. If I have been gone, then she is dead too."

"So that's a no for the tour, then?"

>"I must decline."

The library door opens a peak and Areal enters, demanding to know where you've hidden the picture of your face.

>"A demon! Stay back, I shall slay the infernal beast!"

The warforged groans to life as it kicks out of the box and stands.

Damned thing is almost as tall as Sir John.

"Whoa, no, down boy. Areal is a house guest here."

>"You allow such a vile thing to live in this house?"

"Yep."

">Customs have changed, indeed."

4b puts his sword back in its sheathe.

>>21272964
>"The wizard is dead, I did it with my own hands. He tried to take my Lord's seat in the lands, and I tore him apart."

>>21272969
>"My name is Sir Gearfree. Or was, when I was a man. You may address me as either, it matters not."

"So, who was this Lord?"

>"My Lord was knows as Lord Mayfax, the ferocious. For his love of battle, but I knew him as the Fair. He gave me a second chance, to atone for my sins."

>"I was confined to the casket for transportation one of my Lord's wars, I was to be his general. Something must have gone wrong, or I'd have been awoken on a field of glory, to lead an army to an honourable end."

Areal walks over to Erik and asks who the tin man is.

What do you do?

>>21273021
Ask Erik if he knows anything about this guys master. His line might, possably, still be around.

>>21273021
what was your lords name might i ask sir gearfree?
i dont believe you should be decommissioned, maybe you could rather seek out his descendant and protect them, and if you cant, you will have a place here

>>21273048
He already gave us his lords name.

>>21273056
bah, i didnt see it, my eyes are tired
well, the rest of my statement stands

>>21273034
"Do you know anything about his master? Or their line?"
You ask Erik.

He closes his novel and wanders over to a book case.

>"Mayfax, was it? I know I should have ordered this place..."
Erik roots around for a minute or two, then opens a great leather tome.

>"Lord Mayfax, the people called him the ferocious for his love of fighting, and his line ends about 500 years ago, this seems to be the same time as when Gallowmere expanded."

The people revolted against the Mayfax house, and killed their way to freedom. That would explain why the closest thing to nobility in this town is Erik.

>"If the Mayfax line is gone, then I have no purpose. My mission to protect Sandra is a failure. I would ask you to destroy me."

"Do you not, you know, living for yourself?"

>"I lived for myself, once, that is how I wound up at Lord Mayfax's feet, as a criminal destined for the noose. But he charged with with protecting his daughter, and if the family is gone, then I have failed and deserve death."

He seems pretty steadfast in wanting you to end him.

What do you do?

>>21273094
How would he feel about being given a new charge to protect, such as Rebbecca?

>>21273094
"You failed though no fault of your own, my friend. No man can defend against chance and circumstance. Do you intend to give up on yourself so easily?"

Rolled 6

>>21273094
compress him

>>21273094
Challenge him to a fight! If he wins, you'll kill him, if not, he has to stop being so emo.

>>21273094
No, you must earn it first, so I will set you tasks, you must for yourself in any way you want, bar evil ways, for at least a year, then if you still wish to die, I will fight you, and if I can better you, then I will end you, but I will not cut you down

File: 1351113533380.gif-(1.89 MB, 236x224, Look at this asshole.gif)

>>21273133
Shut the fuck up.

>>21273118
>"If the Lady is in need of protection, then it is my duty, as per the oath I swore, to protect her. But I must be given this charge by a Lord."

>>21273123
>"I intend to follow my oath, even if it leads to my grave."

>>21273133
You don't generate enough pressure to compress such thick metal.

>>21273142
>"If you wish to die, then I shall give you an end."

4b draws his bastard sword and points it at you.

>"I shall not go easy on you, good knight."

What do you do?

Erik's close to nobility? Get him to command him to protect Rebecca.

Overbearing parenthood, ho!

>>21273168
My lord, Erik, is such.
He could if he so wishes,
but for now, lets adjourn to the yard, and we shall see if you can best me

>>21273189
>"If you best me, then your Lord may command me. We shall settle this as warriors first."

You lead the warforged out of the house to avoid a mess, and into the gardens.

Inside the library Areal and Erik are talking.

>"I mean, where does he find them?"
Areal asks.

>"Daniel attracts them, like a magnet."
Erik closes his books and follows you out to the yard.

>"Well, fine, but it's still ridicules."

4b walks to the end of the gravel and turn.
"Ready?"
You ask.

>"I am built for battle, I am always ready."

Humour will be lost on this one, you think.

What do you do?

>>21273229
Yell "GET AT ME BROOO" while dramatically jumping at him, the higher and less plausible the jump the better.

>>21273229
Dance forward, staying light on our feet, lets test his defense first, if he can dodge and block suffiently, lets go on an all out attack, shoulder charge him to the ground, and bash him in the head with the hammer pommel

Rolled 4

>>21273229
Dance the dance of dismemberment. Go for the legs to cripple him quickly without smashing the importaint bits in the chest.

>>21273229
Draw our sword, crack our neck, have at him.

His swordsmanship is 1000 years out of date. Capitalize on that.

Rolled 6

>>21273275
oh yeah, i should prob roll
rolling d20

>>21273292
>>21273279
You two, stop rolling.

File: 1351114140618.gif-(624 KB, 488x283, STAB.gif)

Rolled 1

>>21273279
I hate you.
Rerollan

Rolled 20

>>21273292
again, that was awful

Rolled 1

Dance fight him, use your flexibility to breach his defenses, he's an even older warrior than you and a millenia or not he might be even as skilled as you

First roll ever in this board

>>21273300
>>21273311
You too, christ

File: 1351114207762.gif-(1.45 MB, 231x166, 1350319656685.gif)

>>21273300
>this is how we fight now.
What the fuck.

Rolled 2

>>21273311
Dear God, I'm freaking cursed from the get go. Never rolling again.

>>21273304
>>21273311
>>21273279
WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!

>>21273274
FIGHT HIM WITH OUR FISTS!
Feel the powah of our mailed gauntlet!

Rolled 6

Headbutt him

>>21273331
It would seem I'm full of derp and fail.

>>21273304
everyone else, stop, we have a 20/20
we dont need anything else

>>21273347
We have two 1s and a 4 on a d100
There is no saving us now.

>>21273274
Roll 1d6 for jump height.

>>21273279
You attempt to strike his legs, but he blocks you with the side of his sword and punches you back.

>"Such cheap tricks shan't work on me"

>>21273304
Going toe-to-toe with him wont work, you'll need to bring him down.

You jump into his chest and knock him to the floor.

>"Such underhandedness!"
He cried out as you start to smash his head in.
>"Stop hitting me like a fiend, are you no knight?!"

>>21273326
>>21273311
>>21273300
This is just... Fuck.

Your moves are so bad they become unpredictable.

>"What fighting style is this? You look like a half-wit!"

You hurr and durr your way back across the garden, doing strange moves every few steps.

You channel the retard god in full force and bring that 'tard strength.

>"Have you gone mad?"
He asks.

You answer with the end of your hammer to his jaw.

4b falls to the ground, the fire in his eyes dies down from a pale blue to a dirty orange.

The gears and cogs in his helmet move are moving around, you can see them through the hole you just made in his face.

"I win, Erik's you Lord."

>"Such a strange fighter, there was naught I could do."
4b has accepted defeat.

What do you do?

>>21273375
Help him up.

Rolled 10

Bamboozle him with logic traps and paradoxes

>>21273375
How... How the hell did we win?
I'm so confused.

>>21273375
sometime unpredictability is the greatest strength, I win , and do what it takes to win
help him up, for now though, lets guide you on a tour through the mansion, and get you acquainted with the residents and my friends

>Help him on his feet and ask if he needs some kind of blacksmith to repair the damage.

Whelp, we might be hanging around the retard god a little too much.

Ask him what his skills were in life

can we borrow some of his cogs and gears to make our hands rotate around the spine?

>>21273465
No, he needs those. However, something like that could help a model skelecopter.

>winning from retardation
Kill him anyways, such filth is not worth the dust on my boots.

>>21273482
I am now picturing Erik making a bunch of tiny skelecopters for all the good boys and girls of gallowmere come christmas

>>21273489
Don't be an asshole, that's not how we roll

File: 1351115050771.jpg-(34 KB, 300x340, 3orlfa.jpg)

>>21273489
Jeez, what's up your ass?

>>21273397
You extend you hand for him, he accepts and you pull him up. Your eyes are level with his neck, so you have to look up at him.

"Right, I'll think of something for you to do, no sense letting you go to waste."

>>21273422
You channeled the Retard God, and became an erratic mess, none of your movements made sense and you took him unawares.

Mainly because you rolled 1 on a 1d100 twice, that's such a failure it becomes an anti-fail.

>>21273441
>"I know how to maintain myself, do not fret."

>>21273448
>"I was a warrior, and a bandit. My skills were legendary, and eventually I was caught and sentenced. But my Lord knew my worth, and charged me to protect his daughter, Sandra. One day his court wizard created a way to make unstoppable fighters. And I was the first to be used. The rest is obvious."

>>21273441
>"Lead us on, show my this place of residence."

>>21273465
>"I need mine, but I can craft replacements and you could use them."

You show him around the manor, he's already met Erik and Areal, Rebecca and your apprentices are gone, so you let him meet Stumbles and Meryl.

>"A spider that is a tailor? Such a notion makes hilarious sense. And his wife is your gardener, you say?"

"Yep."

>"What strange residents..."

>>21273482
>"A queer idea, indeed, but for you to fly? Would this not be encroaching on the Gods?"

"Fuck 'em."

>"I like your mettle, did you see what I did there?"
4b laughs.

What do you do?

>>21273547
Roll eyes. That was a pun too terrible to allow.

>>21273571
>"I have slept for a thousand years, allow me this one joke."

"Fine, but none like that again."

>"A tad cold, no?"

"What did I just say?"

>"You had better steel yourself, I have never been allowed freedom before, and I like it."

You begin to regret not destroying him.

>"Don't worry, I'm still a man, and my creases need IRONing out!"

"Stop it, or I'll hit you."

>"Very well."

What do you do?

>>21273547
We should totally introduce him to the frenemies!

>>21273547
>encroaching on the gods
our god is a sea god, we gon fuck with the sky gods now, HAIL HYDRA

>>21273608
Give him a tour of gallowmere, get him up to speed on the state of the world right now.

>>21273608
Walk up to Erik and ask
"Hey Erik! What the fuck up man!"

>>21273629
Overdoing it. But we should still all sit down and get to know each other better

>>21273618
I agree that we should do this, also ask about his reading skill.

File: 1351115662581.png-(21 KB, 402x382, Gyarados.png)

>>21273615
Though our help, Hydra will assume his final form and rule over the sea and sky!

>>21273608
perhaps we should mention we are a skeleton.

>>21273608
Sit down and swap war stories in front of Erik and Arael.

>>21273667
thats not a bad idea,
by the way, I am also a warrior not from this time, though I am establishing myself some, I was raised from the dead by my lord, Erik

>>21273676
No. This is a bad and dark place.

>>21273662
I'm on a tangent here, but why does Cthulhu have wings?

>>21273709
'Cause they're pimpin' and Cthulhu is the lead master galaxy space pimp.

>>21273611
>"I will gladly meet your brothers in arms. Such noble warriors, I can hardly wait to meet them."

>>21273629
>"What did I do? It's not my fault your new friend likes horrid word play."

>>21273618
>"The last time I was in this town, there was nothing but huts and a gallows. I wish to see how it has changed."

"Good, let's go then. Oh, and try to be nice to people, no one likes a big, scary iron monster."

>"I shall be nice."

You tell Erik and Areal to go to Mort's while you show 4b around the town.

You lead 4b into the town from Erik's manor road.

>"It has grown, clearly."

"Yeah."

You take him into the town square.
"That's the blacksmith, there's the bakers, grocers and that's a statue of me."

>"Why is your head a skull?"

"Ah, well, I'm an undead."

>"..."

"Oh, bugger off, you're a warforged."

>"I concede to your logic."

"Right, lets go have a little chat in Mort's bar."

>"I can not drink alcohol."

"Neither can I, but the atmosphere's good."

You and 4b go down into Mort's bar and take your usual table, the only one with sulphur burns and hammer wounds.

"That's Areal, a succubus that lives in the maid's rooms, she's stuck. Say hello."

>"Greetings, foul creature of the pit."

"And that's Erik, a lich who revived me."

>"Good day, blasphemous magician."
Areal and Erik both give a little wave back.

What do you do?

>>21273734
Convert 4b to Hydra worship.

>>21273760
Roll 1d100 for conversion success.

Rolled 88

>>21273765
We are simply the best dancer. And he does the robot. And dance pleases Hydra.

Rolled 91

>>21273765

>>21273796
>"You make very convincing points for your God, I shall consider it."

>>21273802
"He likes puns, and dancing."

>"And where do I sign up?"

Conversion successful.

>>21273765
is 4b rust proof?

>>21273812
No, but it would take a looooong time for him to rust.

Rolled 4

>>21273765
Proselytizing is the best way to make friends

>>21273827
bad dice, no

>>21273811
Tell him about Rebecca, she is our last living descendant and all.

>>21273811
The dice gods are fickle indeed.
So, we're taking him to meet the frenemies, right? In what order shall we do so, and I assume we're skipping Clarince.

>>21273842
Nah, I think Clarice would like him.

So, you were a warrior and a thief, quite the famous fellow of your time, would you like to share some stories of your escapades?

>>21273854
does 4b have any parts that move in a rapid, reciprocating motion?

Let's offer to have the blacksmith commission a siegebow for him.

File: 1351116587947.png-(392 KB, 1024x768, GV1O.png)

>>21273876
PSYCHOLOGY HAS PASSED BEYOND THE METHODS OF DR. FREUD, YOU KNOW.
VIBRATERS ARE NOT AN ACCEPTABLE ALTERNATIVE TO THEREPY

>>21273876
Dude, we've traumatized the poor girl enough. And we're trying to be nice from now on. Shit, even Adrian has our back now. Although that might not count because the elf has totally been tsundere from the beginning.

>>21273841
>"If she is half a warrior as you, then she wouldn't need my protection."

Interesting point.

>"Mort, successful job, my party and I need drinks."
Rebecca and her adventuring party descend down the stairs.

>"Oh, hello, Erik, Areal. And Uncle. I see you've got a new play mate."

Before you can say anything 4b has already gone down on one knee infront of her.

>"My Lady Sandra, I have not failed you! You still live!"

Rebecca steps past 4b and goes to the bar.

She purchases her drinks and sits down a table across from you.

4b looks around, bewildered.

>"Lady Sandra? It is I, you're guard, Sir Gearfree!"

Rebecca looks at 4b, then at you.

>"Uncle, keep your friends away from the table."

What do you do?

>>21273811
so, tell me some of your escapes, from when you were and thief, and from when you were the warforged

>>21273901
well, maybe it'll get along with Adrian then.

>>21273913
".......That isn't Lady Sandra, that's my niece. Rebecca Fortesque. Does she look like Sandra?"
Oh shit, we're related to his master.

>>21273924
Tsundere for us.

>>21273913
uh, Sir Gearfree, that is my niece, Rebecca.
you know, the one with the fast mind, and quick wit

>>21273913
I think we might need rebecca to clear some things up about our family tree

"That's not Sandra, that's my niece Rebecca."
Ponder the possibility of being related to that bloodline.
Introduce yourself and Gearfree to Rebecca and her party.
"How was your first adventure dear?"

>>21273913
"Rebecca dear be more understanding. He's been in a box for 1000 years. You remind his metal heart of his former charge."

Also give her a hug to welcome her back.

>>21273941
What are elves' attitudes towards Warforged? Do they regard them as sentient? 4b could just be our *toy*, wink wink

>>21273965
We have only seduced one thing in this entire adventure, and it was a cape. Stop trying. We don't even have the necessary parts.

>>21273965
I don't think there are many, at this point. 4b's said that the man who made him discovered the process, so that guy's surely dead, and there certainly aren't many running around, so I doubt they continued production.

>>21273932
>"She has Lady Sandra's face. And her voice, it is almost the same!"

>>21273942
>"I would know my Lady anywhere, do not try to trick me, skeleton."

>"No, really, as much as I dislike it, he's really my uncle."

You are not related to the Mayfax line. 4b is seeing things that aren't there to give him purpose. Lady Sandra was blonde and has green eyes. Rebecca is brunette and has brown.

>>21273951
>"I've seen the tree in Erik's library, Uncle, we're immigrants from the North. Your grandfather came from a roving tribe. We're far from noble."

>>21273956
>"That is my Lady. But my Lady is dead, so she can't be. Lady Rebecca. Yes."

Rebecca stares at you. Then scowls.

>"Well, Uncle, my adventure went fine, when anyone attacked I'd throw sand in their eyes and stab them. Like you showed me."

>"My Lady can not be allowed to go out without her guard, Lord Mayfax would never allow it!"

Rebecca sighs.

>"I'm not your 'Lady', I'm his niece."
She points to you.

>"How are you related to a skeleton?"

Biology is lost on him, it would seem.

What do you do?

>>21273988
cape's not there anymore, is it
we need something to soothe our messed up, broken head

>>21274007
"She is descended from my brother, who was not a skeleton. Also I wasn't a skeleton until I died and was raised as one."

>>21274007
Ask 4b, "what happened to YOUR skeleton?"

>>21274007
"Well 4b, when humans put their minds to it, they can breed with anything."

>>21274007
"She may not look it, but she's part skeleton."

>>21274007
"I was a human. I have a now dead brother. My brother, when he was alive fathered Rebecca. I died and was raised as a skeleton."

>>21274015
Yes, and making amends with our frenemies is helping.

>>21274058
No, his brother is like rebeccas great great great grandpa or something

>>21274050
You just can't see it right now, because it's covered. But it's totaly in there.

Rolled 50

>>21273913
Good ol' fashioned drunken seduction.

>>21274026
"She's from my brother's line, I'm like her great great great great great granduncle. She just calls me uncle to save time."

>"This makes sense. It will do."

>>21274044
>"I was a man, not a skeleton. Please, be serious here."

>>21274045
>"If you touch me, or m'Lady, I shall destroy you."

>>21274050
>"I will not hear such filth of Lady Rebecca."

Rebecca discreetly turns to her group and mouths "Yeah, they're like that. It's a social thing."

What do you do?

>>21274074
No, that could go somewhere bad

Let's take him to the nearest Hydra shrine/temple and see if our god will accept him.

"You may not know it, but there's a skeleton inside every human, there might be even one inside... forget it, it won't work"

"She's a descendant from my brother, I was raised from my grave a few years ago since my untimely death some centuries past by the necromancer over there [point at Erik] and took her under my wing."

Rolled 60

>>21274079
Rolling to assume champion form, teach 4b a lesson in anatomy.

>>21274079
"I didn't say skeletons could breed with anything, calm down."

Rolled 37

>>21274079
Tear off a random guy's arm in the bar to show bone underneath.
"See? Skeleton."

>>21274109
We don't need to roll for that

>>21274079
"Look, you know what happens when a human dies, right? All those bones and such? That's a skeleton. I lived as a man, died, and rotted away to bone before Erik raised me."

>>21274113
Jesus christ no. We don't do that.

>>21274109
We already used that for the week at dinner.

>>21274079
"And to add to this strange tale of unlikely relations, I am also part lizardman."

File: 1351117642014.jpg-(184 KB, 720x546, fuck-that-noise.jpg)

>>21274113

Rolled 76

>>21274115
I was kinda hoping for a low roll, see if story man won't patch us onto the retard god's channel
that'd be something to see

No, don't go champion form for something as easy as opening a book.

>>21274123
The dinner before we set out to kill the diplomancer? We traveled to the other side of the world and back

>>21274113
>>21274109
No and no.
>>21274079
"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends dear. I would so love to meet them."

>>21274079
Loudly ask her about her love life.

>>21274139
So we did.
Pardon me while I slap my head on the wall.

>>21274079
Loudly ask her about OUR love life.

>>21274187
That doesn't even follow retard logic

>>21274172

"Which one of you youngins are after my neice's heart? You'd better treat her well and raise grandkids for me!"

>>21274187
>>21274172
Can we stop being completely retarded for a while? People are actualy going to hate us if we keep this shit up.

>>21274187
you know 4b's just going to go white knight on your bony ass, right?

>>21274187
hurr durr de durr
Ask her to introduce us to her friends. Each time she introduces one, ask if they are her lover.

>>21274200
Seriously, fucking with Areal is enough.

>>21274207
Dude, no. We have that talk privately with her. We're trying to be a good uncle.

>>21274091
As champion, you are technically a walking shrine.

>>21274110
4b puts his sword back.
>"Very well, mind your manners around m'Lady."

>>21274118
>"I see... So everyone has a skeleton?"

"Yes."

>"Then the necromancers would have a nigh unlimited number for their armies... I must destroy all the skeletons!"

Rebecca sighs and turns around on her chair.

>"No, Gearfree, just stop."

>"As m'Lady commands."

>"I'm not your-Screw it, fine."

>>21274128
>"Is m'Lady part Lizardman, too?"

"No, it's a religious perk."

>"I see, from this Hydra god?"

"Yes."

>"I would like to know this God better, and if he allows, join him. I would like to feel again."

>>21274163
>"Very well, Uncle.
>That's Rufus, our dwarven berserker.
>That's Brian, our soldier.
>That's Amber, our archer.
>Happy now?"

4b speaks loudly.
>"And you forgot me, your personal guard."

>"Fine! And Gearfree, our guard!"

>>21274172
>"I swear to the gods, Uncle... Amber. It's Amber, happy?"

>>21274187
>"You're a PTSD skeleton, Uncle, no one WANTS to be with you!"

>>21274199
Amber, the archer, speaks up.
>"Um, me, sir. I hope you approve."

Roll 2d20 for response.

Rolled 10, 13 = 23

>>21274223

Rolled 16, 2 = 18

>>21274223
tell him it's time to oil up

Rolled 12

>>21274223
An ARCHER? A ranged combatant? I. Just.
Fine. Right. Okay. Whatever. You'll do.

Rolled 12, 19 = 31

>>21274223
"Didn't see that one coming, and now I have absolutely no idea what to say. Do I still have to introduce myself while cleaning a sword? I'm lost."

Rolled 19, 9 = 28

>>21274256
Oops. 2d.

>>21274223
"I'll have you know that the fucking elf totally wants me."

>>21274223
>Roll 2d20 for response
I cannot see this ending well. at all.

Rolled 17, 14 = 31

>>21274223

"Treat her right. Don't cheat on her. Break her heart and I'll decompress yours."

Overprotective Uncle Mode, GO!

Rolled 13, 15 = 28

>>21274223
Amber's another one of them gender neutral names. Is this a male, female or elf?

File: 1351118331835.gif-(799 KB, 320x240, facepalming.gif)

Rolled 15, 8 = 23

>>21274223
Why do we keep doing all these stupid things.
Why.
I vote we go full accepting and approving mode. Lets try and save a LITTLE face here.

>>21274288
"I don't know how to react, so I'm going to be accepting and supportive."

>>21274288
but we don't have a face

>>21274252
16 for 4b.
>"If my Lady love the lady, then such a match is grand."

>"Thank you, Gearfree."

You got 2.

"I've known plenty of rug munchers in my time, nothing but nice people."

Everyone stares at you.

>"Do you even think when you talk, Uncle?"

"I feel that others decide my thoughts for me..."

Rebecca shakes her head, everyone who can blush, does.

>>21274267
>"No, he doesn't."
Every who knows Adrian says.

"You're all jealous of our love!"

>"No."
Says the group.

What do you do?

Rolled 20, 14 = 34

"An archer, eh?"
"You had better be watching our niece's back"
*winkwinknudgenudge*

>>21274223

Is Amber an Elf?

>>21274306
"I'm just going to go before I make this more awkward. Honestly, I'm just not sure how to react. I don't actually hate any of you."

>>21274306
Sigh.
She's never speaking to us again.
I vote we leave for the next magic user at once, and never come back.

>>21274306
offer a nearby rug for others to much on

>>21274306
oh no, we have begun to realize we are a gestalt entity! Or whatever the term is!

>>21274347
Oh god no, we've fucked this up bad enough

>>21274357
Gestalt consciousness, in this case.

in b4 story man gives up on /tg/ due to retardation

>>21274306
Jump out the window saying only
"Via, Con Dios."

>>21274306
"Ummmm. So Areal, figured out why your room got so loud yet?"

>>21274337
No. Totally human, family were hunters.

>>21274340
>"We know."
Areal says from her tankard.
>"Good job, Daniel. Best to speak your mind on these matters."
Erik says from his book.

>>21274346
You do not know where they are.

>>21274357
I do not know this term. Is it from Nier?

>>21274347
>"Uncle, the floor is tiled, for spilt drinks."
Rebecca orders stronger drinks for her group. Areal lights a cigarette and stares at you, shaking her head with a grin.

>>21274385
I would of done so long ago, but I'm not going to.

What do you do?

>>21274306
Sir Daniel of Gallowmere, the spaghetti knight

>>21274364
This is worse then bad enough. This is bad enough that she might actualy change her name and cut ties. We're the alpha and omega of assholes. It's us.

>>21274399
Nah, she loves you really, you're just a horrid person to go to for advice, or public speaking.

Ask her what she thinks of the adventuring life, now that she's had some firsthand experience

Accomplish ledaryn

>>21274396
Gestalt, in this case, is a form of psychology that professes that brain is holistic, parallel, and analog, with self-organizing tendencies.
A gestalt consciousness is a tendency for multiple minds to arrive at the same conclusion via independant but parallel processes. So, basicly a hivemind, but without the ablity to confer between members.
>themoreyouknow.gif

>>21274408
My god, we're like the anti-Fido.

>>21274396
"I'm going to go visit frenemies and come back when I can act appropriately. Honestly, I'd figured on having to evaluate some sad, emasculated excuse for a man. Don't know how I'm supposed to do this. Do I make her go kill a dire bear or something?"

>>21274398
We can use our pasta-jets to supplement our rotor arms while in skelecopter form!
PROGRESS!

Rolled 59

>>21274464
Maybe the retard god will explode our horse again so we have a good reason to leave.

>>21274396

"So Amber. Any good at archery? I could give you a few tips if you'd like, I'm a fair shot with this baby!" Pat at seigebow.

>>21274396

Apologize and say that we're channeling the retard god at the moment. Seems to be happening more and more often lately.

Rolled 49

>>21274474
That only happens when its inconvenient or Areal is in a bad mood.

>>21274482
No, we only have ourselves to blame. Own up to it.

>>21274482
Speaking of the retard god, we should gloat to Areal that we have proof of concept for the skelecopter.

>>21274482
is there any precedent of gods sharing a champion?

Ask Hydra how he feels about our new friend being a follower/paladin of his.

>>21274426
>"It's going fine, Uncle, we've been asked to guard another caravan in a few days. I can see why you do it, it's a rush."

>"I shall speak with these caravaners and acquire a place with you."
4b declares.

>"Fine. Just don't let Uncle come."

>"You have my word, my Lady."

>>21274457
>"I can kill a bear!"
Amber says.
"I said DIRE bear, you know, those 15 foot fuckers?"

>"Oh, right, no."

"What kind of man are you?"

>"Uh?"

You stop speaking when you realize what you've just said.

>"If you're leaving until you can act like a big boy around adults, you'll never come back."
Rebecca mocks.

>>21274480
>"Lords above... That's a bow."
"Would you like one?"
>"Yes. But I don't think I could carry it."

You're about to tell her to meet you in the yard at dawn, for training, but Rebecca stops you.

>"No, we're going to dinner tonight."

>"Uncle! What did I say? The mentally unwell deity. Not the Retard God!"

>>21274512
>"I saw that, thing, from my room. I don't wish to see anything like it, ever again."

>>21274513
There is already a champion for the Retard God.

What do you do?

>>21274529
Ask Erik about the champion of the Retard God.

>>21274566
Try to have a conversation with someone without looking like a complete tool, just to see if we can.

>>21274529
Let's take Amber aside for a second and have a nice chat.

"I know I'm completely crazy, I have severe PTSD, I kill the most powerful and craziest mages of the world just to have something to do.

But Rebecca is one of the few bright spots in my life. I am not good at showing it but I love her more than anything in this world. Don't you dare hurt her, make her happy.

And all those rumors about me being able to explode people with a touch, they're true."

Give her a pat on the back and a wink after that.

>>21274529
"thibbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb" to Areal

"Bet you can't beat me in a dance-off!" to Rebecca

>>21274529

How old is Amber? What does she look like?

>>21274529
"Young lady, that god has chosen his name for himself and there's no malice in it. There's no harm in calling it like it is."

>>21274527
This.
And also ask what we can do to help in his war.

>>21274603
Skip the wink. We don't need to warp her already.

Rolled 24

How about blessing some of Amber's arrows as a show of good faith. We can do that al least, right?

>>21274603
Yeah great idea, lets make their relationship awkward, suffocating and enforce it with death-threats, that sure to help.

Rolled 66

>>21274626
roll2bless

>>21274529

"Erik, whenever I'm inappropiate in public I want you to punish me. It's the only way I'll learn and I've completley embarassed Rebecca and her scissor sister because I keep saying whatever comes to mind!"

>>21274639
Dude, we'll be dead in less then half a thread.

>>21274566
Without skipping a beat Erik tells you.
>"Combat savant. Nasty bugger with that greatsword of his. Pretty funny, too. If you're fighting him, all you have to do is grab his ears and he'll defecate himself. And I mean that literally."

Areal can't help but chuckle and the thought of it.

Rebecca frowns at her.
>"Shall I destroy the infernal hussy, my Lady?"
4b asks.

>"No, she's just having her fun."
Rebecca turns her back to your table and resumes drinking to stop thinking about her family.

>>21274603
Amber flinches when you pat her back.

>>21274599
Roll 1d100, need 998 or higher to succeed.

>>21274605
Areal flicks the cigarette butt at you and sticks her tongue out.

>"I'll admit, Dancing is helpful in battle, but I'm not as good as you, I don't have a god backing my moves."
Damn right it's helpful.

>>21274639
>"Scissor sister? What?"
Erik's confused.
>"I'll punish you, Daniel."
Areal's grin is full of teeth and malice.


What do you do?

Rolled 100

>>21274639
roll to make us the object of Erik's sick fantasies

>>21274529
"I'm the closest thing to a living relative you have, doesn't that mean I'm supposed to be the one that has to give approval? I'm well aware you'd do whatever the hell you wanted anyways, but I'd like to get to know a potential in-law."

Rolled 4

>>21274657
DICE GODS HEAR OUR PLEA!
Retard god need not apply.

Rolled 21

>>21274663
WHAT IN HELL DICE GODS!!!!!

>>21274663
WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE

Rolled 92

>>21274663
OH FUCKING HELL.

>>21274663
Please no, I don't care that he rolled well but just no. Dear god no.

>>21274657
"Don't worry Amber, everyone will tell you I'm very discerning with who I smite. You seem like a good kid. You ever need something killed just let me know.

As for you Areal, I'd like that very much. Shall we adjourn to your chambers?"

File: 1351119996258.jpg-(23 KB, 404x404, wat.jpg)

>>21274663
Why would you do this.

>>21274663
What have you done

WELP

>>21274663

OH SWEET HYDRA NO

>>21274657
"Oh it's not just divine intervention, without muscles, ligaments, and all the other fleshy bits you get a far larger range of motion, and you wont have to worry about making a 350 degree head and pelvic rotation."

>>21274699
Hydra can't help us.

Rolled 547

>>21274663
What the fuck.

>>21274657
"And would you know the whereabouts of this Champion of The Retard God? His name if you'd be so kind."

>>21274663
Erik's gaze turns upon you, and you feel his grin. Your mind is torn open and Erik commands you to do his greatest fantasy.

"I'm a little tea pot. Short and stout. Here is my handle. And here is my spout."
Erik is having a laughing fit on the floor, no one else knows why you decided to become a little teapot, or why Erik found it so funny.

>>21274668
>"Why were you just-no, wait, I don't want to know. Amber and I aren't in a serious thing right now, so marriage is not an option. But thank you for approving."

What do you do?

Rolled 538

>>21274657
Dice gods why. Why would you allow 100 for that. You must give me more than 998 to redeem yourselves.

>>21274714
Oh thank god. I thought you were going to make us do gay skeleton sex. Oh god.....the clacking......that horrible clacking

Rolled 347

>>21274733
clank clank crunch.
At least anything would fit anywhere pretty much lube free. Right?

>>21274733
Erik has no desire for intimate relations with you. But he does want to see you be a little teapot.

>>21274663
WHY.
JUST WHY.
I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT THIS IS LATE, WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THAT.

>>21274714
well played OP

File: 1351120233997.jpg-(123 KB, 599x405, A billion hours in paint.jpg)

>>21274744
MY FACE FELL OFF.
IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.

>>21274714
"Rebecca, no matter what choices you make I'll be supportive. Unless you decide to rule the world with an iron fist, actually that sounds kinda fun. If you ever want help taking over the world let me know, it's the least I could do. You're my beloved niece, I may be utterly insane but I love you more than you'll ever know."

Rolled 610

>>21274742
Why not? Are we not his type?

>>21274714
"Sooo..........Did you guys hear about the Grim Reaper killing Fido? Crazy shit."

>>21274714

"So our punishment is to do the Teapot Song? Atleast it's not painful... except to my pride..."

Rolled 566

>>21274774
No, christ. We can't talk about stuff we've done without losing it. It'll be even more awkward.

Ask Areal about the next caster to murder

>>21274774
We do not bring up our adventures or any stories about past adventures. We've learned that they never go over well.

>>21274774
*wink wink*
two rolls for SAN across the table

>>21274770
Nothing is.

Hes a... softcore-smut-litterature-o-philiac

>>21274786
Hey, we killed one evil dictator and had ZERO collateral damage. Not even a wet rug. Not even a minor bruise anywhere.

>>21274803
Actualy there was a wet rug.
But I'm sure they dried it fine.

>>21274792
Who can not ever get the idea to become a pornomancer. I'm not sure how that would work, but the catacombs under the manor are completely filled with porn. He'd be unstoppable.

Rolled 423

>>21274803
Yeah but one thing leads to another and before you know it we've told ever story and every horrific detail. Best not to pull at that thread.

Still rolling for the ability to have a normal conversation.

So, our supposed preventative to talking like a complete idiot is to be forced into imitating a teapot?

Rolled 860

>>21274816
Wishful thinking

Rolled 143

>>21274821
doing my bit

>>21274761
>"Not my thing, Uncle."

"Just say the word, really."

>"Read my lips. N. O."

>>21274770
Erik doesn't swing that way, he's loyal to his old girlfriend. That's why he summoned a succubus, not for sex, but for a chat.

>>21274774
Areal gets your little joke, no one else knows he's died.

>>21274787
>"Figure out yourself, me helping is affecting the betting board."

>>21274807
The did dry the rug.

>>21274820
Welcome to the mad house, please take a padded seat.

What do you do?