Uh...things that are on fire, for one.

I'm beginning to think you aren't really suited for the DM chair.

>What problems can not be solved with the correct application of consuming everything in sight?
can't think of any

>>21023175
The only thing he couldn't eat... was love.
Or could he ?

Poison? Tiny men with knives? Gunpowder, with an enemy that uses fire?

>>21023214
>Rock Troll
>also explicitly mentioned as having drunk lava
I'm beginning to think you aren't really suited for the literate's glasses.

>>21023282
You can eat those things.

>>21023289

Lava ain't on fire, ya moron, it's just lava!

You gotta set it on fire if you want it to work.

Courtly intrigue?

>>21023276
He ate a hooker. So, kinda?

>>21023289
>drunk lava
Yeah, this is why you're not suited to DM, and I'm not even >>21023214

>>21023307
Yeah, gonna need more details on that story.

File: 1349589440497.jpg-(336 KB, 1000x1537, Tenzil for the defence.jpg)

You got no chance, sorry.

>>21023303
Ghosts! Ghosts, Elementals, and Outsiders that fly just out of reach.

Make them fight the Shadow Court of the Poisoned Butthole. Or elves.

...And yet he complained his belly was not full

>>21023282
That's why he went rogue, he has been administering small amounts of poison to himself to build up an immunity.

He has in fact eaten a goblin with a knife, only to have the goblin attempt to cut his way out and get stock at his skin, not being able to cut through all the interlocking bone plates. He passed all his insurance checks so I couldn't kill him.

He has eaten gunpowder as well and then swallowed a match followed by a shoving a cannibal in his mouth. He turned himself into a damn living cannon. I threw every check I could think of at him, even dungeoneering, which he wasn't trained in. He passed them all.

>>21023276
That might be a good idea, though he has eaten prostitute, which is love for hire.

>>21023355
>He passed all his insurance checks so I couldn't kill him.
>American healthcare

>>21023352
Rock trolls have the ability to at will vent their bowels. He has done so on many occasions to horrible results. Think the dwarves from the Artemis Fowl Series.
>>21023317
He hired a prostitute and then swallowed her whole. Then he took her place in an attempt to infiltrate the brothel. It didn't work and he ended up eating his way through a wall.
>>21023336
He has eaten an elemental, invested in a ring so that he can interact physically with ghosts, and even has a taste for god flesh.

>>21023355
>even dungeoneering, which he wasn't trained in
How do you apply that to a living cannon scenario?

>>21023386
Whoops, endurance.

Have him eat a phylactery. Alternatively, something that can teleport every round.

>>21023390
>It didn't work
Gee I fucking wonder why.

>>21023398
I use dungeoneering to cover pretty much all use of mechanisms. He needed to make a check to understand how cannons worked.

What about the other players?

>>21023355
Shouldn't the cannibal have been making the dungeoneering check?

Don't make the hard problems physical. Make them a magic forcefield or something.

Has everyone forgotten DC80 Escape Artist checks?

If he wants to play Gluttony, you can play Cave Explorer.

>>21023412
damn I can not type, cannonball.

>>21023175

It appears that it's time for us all to shut down /tg/ and stop playing forever. Your friend has won the game.

>>21023446
Can you give me a specific action he can not solve via eating?
>>21023493
Wait... but no... there must be something.

The worst part is everyone else in the group is just as bad.

>>21023537
What's the rest of the group playing?

>>21023568
We have a mushroom man who we have to stop form eating himself in an attempt to get high. His entire goal in life is to attain the ultimate high.

A cleric who convinced everyone in the beginning to pool their money together in order to buy a cart and horse. He worships a god of wealth of finances, and is your stereotypical beanpole accountant. Unfortunately after that they couldn't afford armor. (they proceeded to pile into the horse and go off in search of adventure)

Croc A. Gator, a river troll who is modeled after steve irwin, but instead of going after alligators he acts that way around humans. Has accidentally ripped two human's jaws off in an attempt to stick his head inside their mouths.

And finally Terraium - 5332, a magi-construct (thing terrocata war forged) whose singular purpose in life in to attempt to reach the sun by any means necessary. Considering the players actually made it into space at one point he has gotten closer than most. THing the space core from portal, but a bit more articulate.

>>21023628
>pile into the horse
That poor horse.

>>21023628
Oh yes, I almost forgot the mushroom man also specializes around illusion based spells, and justifies that he is not actually doing magic but is just a very good throw and tosses halucanigentic mushrooms into people's mouths.

>>21023628
Obviously the rock troll is preparing to eat the sun.

>>21023628
>>21023654
Whoops, wrong name.
>>21023653
If only you knew the horrors that have done to that horse.

>>21023656
... Considering the sun in this setting is technically a giant lamp like contraption on tracks that is only about three miles across...

Dear lord I am never letting them make it there.

>>21023701
Neutronium Golem, or Time Lords.
If he eats one of those, shake his hand then new campaign.

>>21023628
>they proceeded to pile into the horse
Surely piling into the cart would be easier?

File: 1349591781875.jpg-(17 KB, 250x188, Snidely Whiplash Stroking(...).jpg)

A never-ending buffet cursed by a douchebag wizard to make you hungrier when you eat it.

A sphere of annihilation.

His own clone.

A Tarrasque challenges him to an eating competition.

Tooth-eating beetles.

Complex negotiations between countries with more artillery aimed at the neutral zone than the DMZ.

A purely magical puzzle/trap that depends on wits, and any attempt to disarm it physically zaps you with horrible spells.

>>21023723
Actually he has eaten the closest thing we have to time lords already. They got into a fight and the Rock Troll (his name is Carl the Glorious) drops his weapons to instead go in for the bite. By this point he has already replaced his teeth with daggers.

he ends off bitting off the Rifter's hand, who immediately begins to regenerate the hand. The more Carl eats the more the Rifter grows back. I thought I had finally found something he could not do.

He then opts to cut open his own stomach. I tell him it'll damage him a lot, he says he doesn't care. He ends up with only a few health left, but successfully makes his grapple check to shove the ripper into his now open stomach. Our cleric then scrambles to heal the hole, and does so.

Carl then keeps the poor rifter inside his stomach for several days until he runs out of regeneration ability and then vents his bowls over a cliff into a rip in time space.

>>21023771
Did he then eat the rift in timespace?

If not, animated rift in timespace, via animate object spell.

>>21023766
> A never-ending buffet cursed by a douchebag wizard to make you hungrier when you eat it.

This would only work to his advantage.

> A sphere of annihilation.

This might work

> His own clone.

Either way he'd still win

> A Tarrasque challenges him to an eating competition.

Honestly Carl might win

> Tooth-eating beetles.

He replaced his teeth with daggers a while back

> Complex negotiations between countries with more artillery aimed at the neutral zone than the DMZ.

He doesn't care for politics, he ate a king once in order to try and solve a situation like this.

> A purely magical puzzle/trap that depends on wits, and any attempt to disarm it physically zaps you with horrible spells.

I have tried these before, always ends up finding a way around it, and I don't want to do something really blatantly tailored against him.

>>21023790
It's not really an object, so I am not sure if this would work. I will use some kind of non physical entity like this. However I can not see how I can make a rip in time space their enemy and justify it.

>>21023628
What the fuck are you complaining about?
This sounds fun as hell. Stupid, but so fun.

Trick him into eating, say twenty five-thirty kilograms of U-235. Naturally occurring so, eating some shiny metal stuff over time shouldn't be too hard.
If he can withstand a small nuke going off directly inside him than congratulations, you're fucked.

>>21023771

It's become patently clear that you're going to let this player get away with anything, so nothing we suggest will be useful.

>>21023826
He's lined his stomach with some pretty nasty stuff. This is after the Rifter incident. He came to the conclusion that he must train to become stronger in the ways of the tooth. When everyone else went to this monastery on top of a mountain to train, it's a long story of how they god there, he instead went to the place's cook.

Long story short he ended up doing self surgery and lining his stomach with Vibranium.

>>21023804
>He replaced his teeth with daggers a while back
Even better, just use a rust monster.

>>21023871
>He came to the conclusion that he must train to become stronger in the ways of the tooth.
But he doesn't even have teeth any more.

>>21023873
good idea.

>>21023883
He described it as the way of the tooth, I didn't really correct him because at that point it wouldn't make much of a difference.

>>21023871

Okay, dude? At this point you have let him get away with so much bullshit that you have two options. You either pull something incredibly ham-handed and tailor-made to stop him, or you just embrace the madness and let him eat his way through literally every problem just to see how he manages to justify doing it.

I wonder if there's a group of Inevitables who exist to punish those who eat their way through problems. There's some pretty niche ones, "thou shalt not eat thy way off the railroad tracks" might as well be a law of reality they enforce.

>>21023892
>>21023873
>inb4 he upgrades to adamantium teeth

>>21023916
You could easily break some custom inevitables out if he does end up eating a rift.

Think with physics! Ice Nine.
Nothing can withstand the massive pressures involved. Fucking nothing that isn't scattered ions.

>>21023919
Is adamantium not subject to rust monsters?

>>21023916
...I think I'll just embrace the madness.

They're actually getting close to the end of the campaign now.

Last time we left off the players had found out that their entire world didn't actually exist and decided to try and break into the real world (think star ocean style).

All the gods, demonic lord, and influential humans are already dead. I really did not have much else left to throw at them.

>>21023942
Presumably not, since it's not subject to rust.

>>21023947
See if he can eat the illusionary world, and/or its creator.

Insert the material "Plot" into the world. It is an unusual material that binds to any surface and can be persuaded by adjectives to affect the object. Wizards would be able to identify the "Magic" of it by determining it's "Word", which is usually "Sharp" on a blade, or "Hard" On a shield; With fancier and more direct, one definition words being stronger but harder to attune. Have it to where as he eats it, the 'plot' seeps through him as he dissolves it; eventually stereotyping him; body reading as "Eat" and throw in that his body and mind tell him to follow food, to indulge in such gluttony to make hedonists wince in disgust at such irrational self indulgence. Hell, change him by mutation; His mouth gets wider, and he finds those daggers slowly fitting themselves into place; rooting in like true teeth, his tongue getting longer and flexible, nose becoming keener to the smells of delights; His jaws becoming stronger (give him a natural attack for it even, but emphasize how horrified villagers are of this monster that shovels delectables, detritus, and doctors through his dentures)

Then. You have a halfling knight challenge him. And his name is "Ser Inedible."

>>21023947

Oh christ. If this doesn't end with him eating his way through the fourth wall and somehow eating you and all the player before devouring the world and flying into space to devour the stars, propelled by voiding the interstellar gases from his bowels like a demented rocket-shitting Pac-Man, I will be very disappointed in you.

>>21023957
I fully expect him to attempt to do so.
>>21023936
Unfortunately there is no soft of liquid in his body for it to come in contact with. When I say rock troll I mean that quite literally.

>>21023976
Will do.

>>21023873
I hope they're magic daggers just to make things more interesting.
Should have gone Discworld and made diamond dentures.

>>21023990
I just meant induce the pressures that result in ice 9 on him. That's a planets worth of pressure and then some.

>>21024075
Good idea.

Also, I does anyone want to hear of any of the other exploits this glorious bunch of faggots have gone through. They have managed to derail everything I have attempted to put them through, taken the plot if ways I never could have imagined and done things that go beyond stupid and enter the realm of GIGA RETARD. These last two years have been one hell of a ride.

Rolled 61

>>21024091
better, stone to flesh

>>21023990
>rock troll
Spell: Stone to mud

>>21024111
This actually happened to him once. He ended up staying mud for quite a while, his metal organs in the core of a mud body. Rock trolls muscles are already semi liquid, based around a system of electrical currents from a special organ. He ended up just being a blob person for a while.

>>21024110
Nice, then OP can do all sorts of horrible things to him... or the things he eats will.

>>21024108
You could have him contract a disease that would make him grow constantly and he'd be forced to start eating himself to keep it in check.

>>21024108
Yes i would, they sounds like a funny as hell team

File: 1349594039193.png-(81 KB, 213x236, 709192_1304633747402_full.png)

Here a few ass pulls. The thing that seem to make him overpowered is the fact he can shit whenever.

-Gay elf plug up his asshole.

-Something that cause the human body to age/reverse rapidly if eaten.

-Something that multiply faster then he can shit out.

-Tapeworms. Ton of them or such things that attract themselves to your insides to feed off of you.

-A bigger fatass that want to eat him.

-The fact he shitting everything out faster then he can digest it. If his body isn't getting anything out of it then he should be getting weaker. See anorexic, eating means nothing if the girl just puke it back up.

>>21024156
...about that...
>>21024163
Ok what first:
The time they went into space?
Dinner at the winter court?
Getting high for the straight guy?
The great bureaucracy?
or
A time for prostitute?

>>21024175
He's a living rock so two of those wouldn't work.

I'll try the elf one.

File: 1349594185166.jpg-(142 KB, 463x486, ironchef.jpg)

A powerful deity transports your PC to another plane of existence. There, demigods prepare the most exotic meals from the most exotic ingredients in all creation. Souffle of damned souls, Void Truffles with Aether sauce, Demonfire omlette with hot bean paste, etc. Your friend's job is to judge this competition.

The challenge here might be just to ingest this stuff. How does one eat a lost soul, or the spirit of elemental chaos? Also, your guy has been tested against a lot of harsh stuff, but what about volume. Sure you can drink lava, but what if somebody sautees a whole plane of existence. How do you eat that?

>>21024198
That was just a joke but ok.

File: 1349594297025.jpg-(39 KB, 375x523, Space.jpg)

>>21024187
Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace

>>21024200
Excellent. This will be quite fun to watch him and the others attempt.

File: 1349594505668.jpg-(135 KB, 1200x390, all the time on tg.jpg)

>>21024108
>does anyone want to hear of any of the other exploits this glorious bunch of faggots have gone through
The answer is always yes.

>>21024175
>A bigger fatass that want to eat him.
Perfect.

>>21024216
So an enormous war was going on, they had accidentally called it by being the strippers at one of the princess's bachelorette parties and wrecking up the place before ransacking the castle. They were stuck really far behind enemy lines and need to get back to their home base in the other country.

Unfortunately they didn't have an airship and the only way to cross "The Abyss" (a rip in the space time continuum that made up the space between two continents) was on a government owned airship, and their cart couldn't fly anymore after they had been forced to eat their horse's wings.

Terry (Terraium - 5332) decided that the only possible way is for them to go into space and make reentry on the other side of enemy lines. They then constructed a space ship out of things they scrounged out of the lower city of the Eastern Shield Towns, but they couldn't find anything to power the rocket, and so they decided to cook the spiciest chili in existence.

>>21024216
lands can't have a CMC

>>21024200
>but what if somebody sautees a whole plane of existence. How do you eat that?
Especially if it's the plane you're in.

Point out that energy does not just die, and that he ate a thousand magical THINGS of which's energy is now coursing through his blood.

Every time he gets hit, roll Wild Magic; with him counted as the caster and the attacker counted as the target.

http://www.traykon.com/pdf/The_Net_Libram_of_Random_Magical_Effects.pdf

He is now not only a walking rod of wonder; but also an arcane curiousity that wizards want slain; and then harvested, so that they may use his blood, skin, and organs as components for magical research. Just so that you can officially watch it go down the tard train as you let him punch himself in the face and then point to someone to designate as the target; to see what happens. I suggest if you use this; instead, each session roll 10d10000, record each result, and each time he gets hit, 1d10 and reference the handy small sheet rather than trying to search in a book.

>>21024265
>and so they decided to cook the spiciest chili in existence.

Oh god, this is going to end horrifyingly.

>>21024298
it proves to be so powerful that they end up reaching the other side of space

>>21024265
Oh the horrors that went into that chili, condensed dragon fire, elemental fire, the soul of a god they had been saving, ghost chilies, a ring they had found that they had used before as a super laxative, and a bunch of other stuff.

After slotting Carl into the output port they fed him the chili, they had made over 8000 gallons of the stuff in a lake (with the help of a friendly tribe of fish people they had met earlier). Using linked portals they poured this stuff down Carl's gullet, which he then expelled out his anus. THis propelled the rocket in a blaze of fiery hell into the heavens.

Once in space they realized they had no idea how to steer, and so instead decided to just float around for a while while trying to figure out what to do. After three weeks they had started to get stir crazy and tired of all the beings they attempted to summon telling them to fuck off (They were tired of the group's bullshit). They then bumped into a space station.

>>21024286
>>21023971
I;am;so;sorry;/tg/;I;know;how;a;semicolon;should;be;used,;but;I;am;apparently;retarded;.

>>21024265
>lower city of the Eastern Shield Towns
Is that the same thing as "Lower East Side"?

>>21024312
>condensed dragon fire
How do you condense dragon fire?
>the soul of a god they had been saving
Why did they have a god's soul? And why was this the best usage of it?
Was it even the god of something hot or spicy?

>>21024312
>ghost chilies
I hope they were literally ghosts of chillies

Are there any long term health effects to eating fantastical/magical stuff?

What kind of diabetes do you get from eating to much magic? Has the Surgeon General discovered a link between eating too much dragon liver and heart disease.

Perhaps the greatest foe your friend might face is the diet he would have to go on to get back into shape. Imagine the doctor telling him that he needs to perform the twelve labors of Hercules to get his cholesterol down to manageable levels.

>>21024312
Luckily because Carl and Terry are basically living rocks he doesn't require air. They send him out the airlock in order to connect them to the space station. They manage to do so and enter the station. Things start powering up and a screen blinks to life in front of them.

"Welcome to the GeoArk. Please enjoy your stay." says a female voice. Turns out they had stumbled upon an accent ark used by a long dead civilization in an attempt to rebuild themselves. The breeding tanks, which had meant to be used once they went back down the planet to repopulate it, kicked into life. Unfortunately when they had hit the station they destroyed most of the data vault, and the data was corrupted. Cue enormous eltritch bio horrors.

>>21024353
Magic diabetes would be a good nemesis for Carl. But probably it would be good to make sure nobody in the group actually has diabetes first.

>>21024353
>"You need to clean out this stable that's yards deep in shit"
>"I eat it".

>>21024357
>an accent ark used by a long dead civilization in an attempt to rebuild themselves.
So why was the civilization unbuilt? Was it like, a tower of babel type situation?

>>21024368
People seriously would get offended by that?

My dad have diabetes and I joke with him all of the time. He LOVE sweet tea so every time he make some I will ask how that coma taste.

>>21024344
It was a god of fire, and they condensed the fire by tricking a dragon into getting into an enormous pressure cooker.
>>21024348
Actually yes they were.
>>21024357
So after fighting they way through a lot of horrible abominations Zoil (the mushroom man) finds that in fact the liquid in the breeding tanks is an extremely powerful hallucinogen. Drinking it he tries to enhance his ability for future seeing to look into the future to see they way they got out of there. All he got were snippets of what appeared to be a dance battle.

Some of the monsters were rather silly, including a creature that looked rather like a combination of a lion and a crab or a octopus and a coat hangar.

They find the computer inputs console and look for something useful to pump out of the breeding tanks. The only thing that still had the uncorrupted data marker was what was inside of the cd tray. It was marked only as "Thriller".

Noone can help you anymore bro. You not only let him go full retard. but you set the setting up to allow and boost it. It's like a D&D version of Bobobo Bobo-Bobo.

>>21024393
Long story short they brought back Michael Jackson and Arnold (our elfish cleric bureaucrat) ends up rolling three consecutive nat 20's to defeat the "Lord of Dance" in a dance battle. They then decided that only one option was left. They decided to destabilize the orbit of the station and crash it into the planet. In order to do so they decided that were only one option, they emptied their "special" footlocker of holding.

>>21024421
Yeah, it was a fun game.

>beating the snot out of eldritch abominations and gods

Just what level is this party anyways?

>>21024452
At the moment they are 37, they killed their first god at 17. He was a pretty shitty god to be honest. When I say eldritch abominations I just mean creatures with a lot more more tentacles and teeth and elbows than is normal.

>>21024393
>by tricking a dragon into getting into an enormous pressure cooker.
How?

>>21024468
Oh, i was thinking far realm, hey there's an idea to challenge them, the far realm is now spilling into reality, and eating its inhabitance creates new strange effects

>>21024422
>Arnold (our elfish cleric bureaucrat)
A Governator?

>>21024500
Remember, they're not actually in Reality and never were.

>>21024482
The dragon wasn't the smartest of things. Zoil (the mushroom man illusionist) wove an illusion to make it seem as if inside the cooker was a very pretty she dragon. Who Croc did an impression of in order to make the correct noises for the dragon (mostly squealing).

File: 1349628507583.jpg-(20 KB, 220x244, pompeii.jpg)

>>21023175
Eat stuff, Fight stuff, Stick your dick in stuff, and Crap on stuff.
For a campaign without sexuality:
Eat stuff, Fight stuff, Crap on stuff.

Have the player worship Secundus, god of base desires.
And then, there isn't a single problem unsolvable to them, by use of their versatile "Eat stuff, Fight stuff, Crap on stuff" toolset.

>>21023766
>A never-ending buffet cursed by a douchebag wizard to make you hungrier when you eat it.
He eats it.
Then he eats it.
Then he eats it.
Then he eats it.
Then, he gets an idea.
He picks up the entire buffet, including the table it's on
And he eats it

>A sphere of annihilation.
The troll has found a kindred spirit with an appetite to match his own. They bond over a contest on who can eat the most stuff.

>His own clone.
Kindred spirits: 2

>A Tarrasque challenges him to an eating competition.
Does the rock troll's stomach deal at least 40 damage per round?
Is it able to bypass the Tarrasque's dr?
Has the Troll found enough enlarge person spells?

>Tooth-eating beetles.
Just swallow them

>Complex negotiations between countries with more artillery aimed at the neutral zone than the DMZ.
Eat artillery
Eat neutral zone
Eat negotiators
Eat country
Shit negotiations

>A purely magical puzzle/trap that depends on wits, and any attempt to disarm it physically zaps you with horrible spells.
Eat spells

>>21024111
Then he would just absorb everything, giant blob style.