"Five more minutes."
Drop back into the grave.

>>20934390
agreed, lazy skelies are best skelies

>>20934390
"Five more minutes." you says as you drop back into your comfy grave.

Erik looks around and prods you with his staff.
>"Come now old fellow, we've got business to attend."

>>20934418
What do you want?

>>20934418
Tell him its not our fault we are nothing but a pile of lazybones.

>>20934380
My kind necromancer/lich. I always liked the polite, gentlemanly villain types. After all, if you're going to conquer the world and put it under your iron boot you don't have to be a megalomaniacle prick about it.

>>20934441
lazybones i like it

CAPTCHA: Slothful angedne
^^^^^^^^^^^^^ it agrees

>>20934472
Polite villains are usually the best at DIPLOMACY and BLUFF as well.

>>20934432
>"Why, my good man-skeleton, I want what all mages, wizards, and sorcerers want. More power. But I can't do it alone, as my enemies seem have hired adventurers and the like to thwart me. So I "Hired" one of my own. Rather smart, if I do say so."

>>20934441
You tell him you're nothing but a lazy bag o' bones.
>"In life maybe, yes, but now, you're under my command."

Erik knocks his staff on the ground and you're blasted out of your grave and onto your feet.

Ask him wether or not renaming my sword to "boner" is appropriate.

>>20934485
>Wat do

Oops, forgot that.

"FOR GREAT JUSTICE!!!"
I shout, as I fall upon my most unfortunate summoner, hacking him into to pieces and if possible shattering whatever it is that binds him to this world.

I quickly gather his robe and wrap it around my undead flesh, covering my face so none may see my true form. I heft my heavy weapon over my shoulder, and begin marching back to town.

"Its good to be back" I say as a I clean the dirt and mud from my gunky teeth.

It depends. Are necromancy and/ or lichdom inherently evil in your campaign setting? Did he have to eat 100 babies to shove his soul in the phylactery?

If hes just a dread necromancer, then he could in theory just be LN, and he could be working towards ends I approve of. If hes a necromancy focused Wizard, then he could even be lawful good or some such (aside from any inherent problems with attaining lichdom)

So yeah, Id probably ask to go back to dead, but it depends. He might need some help beating some actual bad guys, in which case, its not my place to refuse the call

>>20934432
"Oi now, I need some help choosin' a lair. I got an agent sayin' there's prime real estate over in the ol' dragon graveyard. Big ol' cave held up by a dragon skeleton! I'm thinkin' if I can dig up the skull we could make the door the openin' and shuttin' jaws.

That or I hear the abandoned graveyard has a suite of crypts open after the last tenants were evicted. Its got all the amenities too, ghoul washer an' everythin'!"

"Now come on lazy bones!"

>>20934485
And what are you going to do with all that power once you achieve it? Most people seek power to prolong their life and escape death. But you're already past that point.

>>20934485
Tell him you think you just pulled a muscle from his little stunt and start limping.

>>20934550
Thats stupid, we're animated by magic now, our muscles stopped working ages ago.

>>20934505
You try with all your will to attack your reviver. Yet your hands can not move against him.

>"Nice try, old chap. But I'm a tad too smart for that.

>>20934517
>"You'll learn, in time. But such words aren't fit for a graveyard."

Erik stares off into the fields of graves. As if looking for one in particular.

What do you do.

>>20934566
thatsthejoke.jpg

>>20934580
Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self. Smite Evil on self.

And then, I think I'll go ahead and use Smite Evil on myself.

"Lich, do you think...love can bloom, even in a graveyard?"

Stare into his eyes.
Forget we don't have eyes anymore, stand around awkwardly.

>>20934616
You slam your hand into your face and scream "Smite evil".
Nothing seems to happen.
>"Just because you're dead doesn't mean you're evil. Oh no, there are a lot of nice fellows buried here, better than us, I can say. And there are right bastards here in the world of the living. No use doing that."

>>20934631
"L-Lich, do you think love can bloom? ...Even here in a grave yard?"

>"Oh yes, why, right over there is a fine specimen of Loveralis Mesmeris."

Erik point as a little growth of flowers. You can tell he's smiling, even without lips.

What do you do?

>>20934380
Well, I know that I'm not playing D&D.

So I ask the DM equivalent for the PHB equivalent, so I can check up on this shit.

>>20934660
We have a sword, right?
Now that we're undead, we shall need a skull on it.
Search around for a skull and then mount it on the crossguard or the hilt.

>>20934660
Touch lichdick. Ask him if his bonyballs are shaped like dice.
>We are the worst undead warrior ever

>>20934660
blush

>>20934710
Sword is obviously broken, at this stage rusted and shit, going to need a skeleton forge-man to fix that.

>>20934751
Why don't we take up arms in the meantime? Literally.

>>20934710
Your sword isn't big enough to warrant a human skull on the hilt. And you don't have a shovel to dig one up anyway.

>>20934722
You begin to lower your pants to touch lichdick. But the thought hits you like a brick, you've been dead a long time, and your fleshy bits have all gone.

>>20934731
You have no cheeks to blush with. Instead you put a hand to your mouth and giggle like a Geisha.

>>20934751
It was a Warrior's sword that slew many a powerful enemy, it bared the blunt of time far better than you.

What do you do?

>>20934767
>Your lichdick.
You are not a lich, though. He is. Touch his lichdick and rattle his bonyballs.

Say this:

"Very well. I will comply. My name is Sir Daniel Fortesque, the Hero of Gallowmere." Of course, as we are missing our jaw, it comes out as entirely unintelligible nonsense.

>>20934751
Are you nuts? its perfect like that!
Ask erik if he can abracadabra our sword to make it slashy, but without losing the cool undead grunge look

"What do you wish of me, robed one? Murder? Theft? Have I been reanimated so cruelly from my sleep, only to see others suffer at my hands? Lead me, but be warned. Curses can be broken. And sticks and stones can break them bones."

Do a little armbone dance to imitate sticks and stones breaking bones.

I stab him because I'm bored of necromancy threads on /tg/.

>>20934772
He slaps your hand away.
>"Now is not the time for that."

Erik looks away a tad embarrassed.

>>20934775
>"Really? You'd think they'd put that on your tombstone... Oh well."

Your still intact jawbone clacks up and down, some how expelling sound.

>>20934792
>"Very well, let's call it a little thank you for making this so calm and easy."

You sword gets a rusted decal and looks like it came from a tomb. It still has the same sharpness and abilities.

What do you do?

"I once killed a skeleton to death, mister!"

>>20934767
>you put a hand to your mouth and giggle like a Geisha.
...you have no idea about how hard I laughed at this mental image

>>20934767

Right, so we are apparently a fleshless skeleton with good equipment that has gone a bit addled, but that's fine, one can forgive a retired veteran for a bit of eccentricity. I suppose this is the point where we move the plot along and follow the lich to the lair, otherwise we'll be standing beside our grave all night cracking jokes, which wouldn't be much of a quest.

We're a skeleton. This is Skeleton Quest.

Obviously we must take this fellow unliving man's advice and go with him on Zany Undead Adventures.

>"VERY WELL, STRANGE SORCERER. WE SHALL VENTURE FORTH 'TIL OUR BONES TURN TO DUST!"

... what? We're obviously a massive yet friendly boisterous warrior.

Check if neck was broken before reanimation.
They don't call it Gallowmere for nothin'

>>20934835
>Now is not the time for that.
>Now is not the time
>Now
Oh ho ho. Raise a nonexistent eyebrow and ask him why exactly he did raise your bone...rs in the first place.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h03QBNVwX8Q&feature=player_detailpage#t=110s

do this...forever

>>20934835
Stretch, crack our knuckles.

"So bossman, let's get to work. Where are we, how has the geography changed since I've died, what are your enemies, what defenses do you have in place? If you want me to protect you I need details."

>>20934861
"Lead on, strange skeleton man."

>"Very well, follow me."

Erik begins to walk out of the Graveyard and out onto the road. You follow him.

>>20934870
You touch your neck bone, seems intact. You remember being a celebrated hero in your home town, and recall a statue being built in the park for you.

>>20934883
You lack the flexibility.

What do you do?

>>20934915
Do
>>20934905

We're working for this guy now, and it just wouldn't do if he got offed by some murderhobo.

>>20934915
"Sooo...your legion of darkness is just the two of us?"

>>20934905
Unfortunately the sound of knuckles cracking is actually fluid being displaced in the joints, and you just fumble for a little while.

"So bossman, let's get to work. Where are we, how has the geography changed since I've died, what are your enemies, what defenses do you have in place? If you want me to protect you I need details."

>"As of right now? Well, I'm a bit too low on the magical ladder to have many enemies, and the ones I do have pay me no mind. That's why we're going to come up and bugger them in the buttocks!"

Erik laughs at his own vulgarity.

>>20934957
>"Well, I wouldn't call it a legion of Darkness. I need a lot of light to read in my extensive library. But yes, as of now, it's just us. I don't have the power to raise and animate more for a long time."

What do you do?

>>20934957
Let us presume that we are heading to the base of operations.

>>20935000
Which will consist of just the two of us.

Too slow, fast forward the story to where something happens. "yadda yadda WE REACH TEH LAIR NOW" would be functional. Pacing is key in any plot, quest threads included.

>>20934995
"...we're just a Differently Alive couple then? oh man..."

>>20935013
Well, at least it will easy to keep tidy.

The manor house overlooks Gallowmere, a small town with not a light on at this time of night.

The inside of the house is exactly as you'd expect in a lich's house, dark, quiet, and empty. Only you and the spiders occupy it.

Erik leads you into the Grand Library, candles burn by the hundred in holders and podiums.

>>20935045
>"Oh no, I'm afraid I don't swing that way. You're free to find yourself a nice skeleton in your time off though."

What do you do?

Fucking captcha ate my post three times.

>>20935163
Tell the lich to check his cis privilege.

>>20934995
" Are we heading to that library now? don't tell me you resurrected me just to help grabbing books from the higher shelves!"
let's follow him....

>>20935163
Explore the house a bit, and maybe put out some of those candles.

Between all of those and the spider webs this is a fire hazard.

>>20935163
"Boss man, this place is utterly filthy. This is no place to keep books.

I'll get started on the cleaning, but seriously you need to get a maid."

>>20935189
He searches his many pockets, then the draws on his desk. Finally he looks up at you and shrugs.

>"Can't seem to find it, my good man."

>>20935201
You ask if you can explore the house, to get your bearings. And tell him he should put out some candles. It's a fire hazard.

>"Don't worry, I have fire insulation. But carry on, look around."

Where do you want to look first?

>>20935227
Let's start with downstairs, find the entrances to the manor and see how well secured they are.

>>20935163
"Time off eh? we'll sit down and discuss the details of my employment at some point, I hope!"
put two candles in your orbits.
"anyway, what you inside this place? research?"

>>20935227
Kitchen My good man ,The kitchen. We need to clean out those gut cobwebs, don't want to combust when we get hit by flaming arrows.

>>20935227
Look for a nice room to put our stuff, look for various entrances/exits, in case we can get out, or in case adventurers try to break in. Get a good sense of the defensibility, and if there's a well full of screaming souls or what have you.

>>20935227
Ask him where are our quarters

>>20935223
>seriously you need to get a maid
don't give him ideas dammit...

>>20935257
You have no magic, you just grab a large candle.

>"My library consists of tomes that contain the knowledge of mages long dead."

You look down at an open book.
"The Tales of the Buxom Chested Cheryl in Chesterwood."

You're not really surprised.

>>20935292
Your quarters are in what ever room you can clean up. Almost every room is empty, bar a few.

>>20935253

You head down stairs and look at the front and back door. Each have massive doors made of oak, both 5 inches thick with huge deadbolts on the top and bottom. No one is getting in through these.

>>20935262
You head into the kitchen, all cupboard, pantries and the larder are empty. There's many a draw filled with cutlery.

>>20935275
You find a room on the second floor, it's two doors down from the library with a balcony over looking the gardens and the town down below.

What do you do now?

>>20935348
How did that guy ever become a lich if he is unable to summon more than a single Skeleton and is mostly occupied with reading porn?

>>20935348
There must be some low level monsters wandering around the mansion. Giant football-sized spiders, big rats, and maybe a ghost or two. See if some of them would be interested in joining your noble buggery-centric cause.

>>20935348
How are we on armor, and what is our capability to lift stuff? Also, can we just pop our bones apart and together because magic, or do we need help?

Also find a couple of nice history books to take to our room. I'm imagining that we don't need to sleep, and a lot has happened since we kicked off.

>>20935409
A salvo of natural 20?

>>20934380
i update my journal

>>20935420
Ah, seconded.
but maybe is better asking to the boss before?

>>20935409
>"I was an apprentice to a local wizard, he used me in an experiment that blew my soul out my backside and into a- Well, I'll keep that to myself. I was never prominent with magic, took me decades to revive you. As for the erotica? It entertains me. Nothing more."

He explains his lichdom.
>>20935420
>"Oh yes, try the basement. I don't really go down there. Never know what's skittering about..."

>>20935437
In life you could lift and sprint with 600lb on your back, in undeath it's probably more. You don't really want to pop yourself apart, but you could do so if you wanted.

You grab a thick book on the history of the lands around you. Should eat up some time.

>>20935453
Your journal turned to dust 100 years ago.

>>20935498
Shall you steel yourself and head down into the basement?

>>20935498
To the basement then.

>>20935498
Looks like now he has enough time to practice. Also search a blank book to use as a journal.

>>20935510
Yeah. let's go recruit some unholy horror!

>>20935530

seconded.

>>20935510
Might as well head into the basement. I doubt we are scared of some low level basement dwellers.

>>20935498
>lives alone
>spent decades reviving just us

Poor bastard.

>>20935530
You nod to Erik, draw your sword and descend down into the basement. Only your candle illuminates the dark world below.

>>20935548
Your grab an empty stock book, it'll serve, it even has lines to write in!

Down below the manor is filled with empty crates and barrel, maybe they once contained fruit or meat. No long.

You hear a skittering behind you.

It's been many a century and your blade skills are rusty.

Roll 20 for reaction.

Rolled 9

>>20935602
LEMME SEE YOUR WAR CRY

Rolled 13

>>20935602

Rolled 15

>>20935602
test you mettle

>>20935602
IT'S TIME.

>>20935623
>>20935671
You swing your sword up, but before you can attack a blast of silk hits your hand and sticks it to the wall behind you.

You can see it moving the dark, coming forward. Thank the gods you're already dead, you'd be pretty scared otherwise.

"What foul creature are you? Show yourself!" you call out into the dark.

What ever it is, it skitters out into the light. It's big, bigger than you on its hind legs.

A tall creature, resembling a spider with too man human features stands before you. Its fanged mouth oozes venom.

What do you do?

Rolled 16

>>20935602
Turn ready to defend.

>>20935753
Ask it if it would like to work for a lich? Unemployment is such a drag nowadays.

>>20935790
Ask it flatly, "Want a job?"

Rolled 11

>>20935753
Raise your... Wait, do you have a shield? Prepare to defend, but at least try to reason with the beast. It probably has some level of sentience.

>>20935790
"Don't suppose you'd like working for Erik, would you?"

The thing rears up, ready to attack, then coughs a wheezy cough. It reaches into what looks like a jacket and brings out a little plastic tube and places it in its mouth. You hear a "Puff" from the tube and the creature stops coughing.

>"A job?! The Mashter will recognize me ash a member of the housh?!"

This is unexpected.

What do you do?

>Asking what do you do after everything.

P-paige?

>>20935827
Well, you don't know until you ask?

>>20935827
Bring the friendly spider-fellow upstairs to meet the Lich.

>>20935836
I am not a book.

>>20935841
>"Anshiety and panic attaksh."
The creature looks slightly depressed now.

"Would you like me to ask?" You're not sure what's going on right now. But what that thing is, it's bigger than you. You might be dead, but you don't want to spend undeath in a spider-thing's web.

What do you do?

>>20935827
"...Does he even know you're down here?"

>>20935827
Well, i am in charge of Security here and you look pretty fucking scary. I dont think he would mind if i hired you. We can ask him though. Oh, my name is Sir Daniel Fortesque.

>>20935827
Asthmatic spider-friend time? I'm down.

Ask him to be our assistant/squire while we get our bearings, and in reward he can come up to the upper part of the house, and maybe win recognition. He probably knows the inner workings of the house more than Erik, actually.

>>20935893
Quite like the sound of this, actually.

>>20935873
>"I don't think sho..."
>>20935888
>"Thank you, sher Daniel."
You get a healthy splattering of spittle.

"Just cut me loose, and we'll go talk to Erik."

The Spider thing extends a talon and cuts the webbing. You grab your sword and sheath it.

>>20935893
You ask him if he'd like you be your assistant, until you figure out the layout of the house and what Erik actually wants you to do. In exchange you'll make Erik recognize him as a member of the household.

He seems over the moon with joy at the idea and can't stop thanking you as you lead him to the Library. You quietly open the door as to not disturb Erik. You can hear him reading aloud.
>"Oh yes, you saucy little minx, you churn that butter nice and proper..."

You clear a non-existent throat. Erik just looks up from his erotica.
>"There's a spider monster behind you, I trust you've noticed."

"That's what I've come to talk about." you say. You tell Erik you found him in the basement, and he wants to be recognized as a member of the house, or something.

>"Oh yes, jolly good idea, Daniel. Take him to a room and settle him in. I've got more reading to do..."

Erik's head lowers back into the book.

What do you do?

>>20935872
Enlist Spiderthing personally, then tell Erik the good news!

>>20936001
Name it Stumbles!

Alternatively, ask its name.

>>20936033
>"Namesh are human thingsh. Shtumbles will do."
You wipe your skeletal face from the spray.

>>20936001
I get the feeling that maybe, MAYBE Erik isn't as ambitious about making an undead army as he is carving out a nice place to read porn and occasionally scry the local bath houses.

Are there any books on necromancy about? I mean, maybe we weren't a magician before but since we're animated by it, learning a couple tricks might help if we need to substitute a busted leg with a reasonable facsimile.

File: 1349045011996.gif-(1.54 MB, 320x240, 1340417270436.gif)

>>20934380
So, Erik; how's the overtime like during the graveyard shift?

>>20936059
ask Stumbles if he can poison your sword

>>20936059
Ask Stumbles where he came from and how long he was down there. Why did he call Erik the "mashter"

>>20936090
>Necromancy
>Graveyard shift
>>>/reddit/

>>20936071
There are books on necromancy, written in tongues you don't understand. In time you could learn them, sure.

Erik does have a plan, but being the lowest of all ranking necromancers and liches, he has to start small. Really small.

>>20936092
"I can for you, my friend. Oh, I've never called anyone "Friend" before. This ish all sho exshiting!"

Stumbles salivates onto your steel, which inturn drinks the venom into it. Your blade is now extreamly poisonous. If any living thing were to be nicked by it, it would die without serious medical aid in hours.

>>20936112
>"He ish the mashter of the houshe, sho he ish my mashter."

By the gods, a man could drown in that spittle!

Before you can do much more there's a knocking upon the main door.

"Open up, ye evil necromancer scum! We've come to do destroy you and your monstrous creations!"

Erik walks past the door, porn in hand and turn to you.

>"Daniel, spider thing, go deal with them, please?"

>"Yesh, mashter, and my name is Shtumbles."

>"Jolly good." Erik walks away to his inner sanctum.

There's people at the door calling for your destruction.

What do you do?

Rolled 14

>>20936187
open the door, and inform them that the master is quite busy and they will have to reschedule their appointment

>>20936187
Shout "Yes, hello? Can I help you?" through the door.

>>20936187
answer the door but have Stumbles waiting in the shadows

>>20936224
No no no. Ask if they made an appointment first. It would be rude to assume otherwise.

>>20936187
"I am Sir Daniel Fortesque, hero of the people an recently resurrected ally to trainee-cleric Erik-the-slightly-gothic! There is no need for acrimony, everything is fine, we're all fine here, how are you?"

>>20936187
"I'm sorry, but we do not accept solicitors at this household."

>>20936187
No we do not have time to learn about Jesus go away.

>>20936187

I say we dress up as a butler before letting them in.

>>20936224
You tell Stumbles to make himself comfortable, as you'll handle it.

You go downstairs and open the front door.
"The master is busy reading, but I'd be happy to book you an appointment."

Before you stands three people, and eleven archer, a feminine wizard, and a brute of a warrior. You can feel the stereotypes just permeating off them.

The warrior at the front screams a war cry, runs his sword into your hollow chest, places him hand on you and shouts "Smite Evil!".

Nothing really happens so you step back to remove the sword.

"Go away like good little children or Sir Daniel will crush you."

They seem rather dumbfounded.

What do you do?

Put on a butler's outfit and answer the door with the creepiest greeting we can muster.

>>20936300
Sir Daniel is a 6'6 skeleton in ancient rusted mail. It's not really going to fool them into entering.

>>20936299

Wave goodbye to them and ask them to come by again when they feel like being civil, then close the door in their faces.

>>20936299
Ask for their names and pull out the journal. Make it look like we're looking over a list of appointments.

Alternatively, ask the two women if they're the visual aids Erik asked for for his studies.

This thread or a sequel of it better be up tomorrow because I did some doodles and I can't scan em right now.

>>20936299
Tell them to make an appointment next time, and learn a little common courtesy before returning. Then close the door.

>>20936299
how about going to look for some armor with Stumbles?

>>20936299
"Look you bunch of stereotypes, we're not causing anyone any trouble, we're not even evil. I'd invite you in for tea but our pantry isn't stocked and you show an appalling lack of manners. Perhaps you could come back tomorrow and we could talk this out like adults."

You begin to close the door, but not before you tut at them and ask them if their mothers taught them any civility.

The wizard blows the door off it's hinges and knocks you into the foyer.

>"We'll not be mocked by evil abominations like you!"

You open your journal and flick through empty pages.

"No, sorry, I can't find any appointments with stereotype adventurers. You'll have to leave or I'll escort you from the premises."

They all draw their weapons into an attack stance, you can see the wizard beginning to mutter a spell.

"Have you all gone mad? You break into a noble man's home, and attack his employees!"

What do you do?

>>20936402

Sigh and ask Stumbles to quickly web them up. Then, remind them that the paladin's smite evil didn't work and that you obviously aren't evil.

Rolled 20

>>20936402
throw something at the wizard

>>20936402
You already cast smite evil, you can tell that I'm not. Last chance to get out before I am forced to manually remove you.

>>20936402
"I'm not evil, but I will defend myself when brigands attack my home. If you do not leave now I will be forced to hurt you and bring you to the local constabulary."

Punch the wizard in the jaw, don't draw our sword for this, it sends the wrong message.

Rolled 11

>>20936402

Rough em up a bit with your fists in a gentlemanly way. No need to draw your weapon and turn this into an ungentlemanly scrap.

Start with teaching the wizard manners, he might actually do something threatening.

>>20936402

Sweep the mage girl off her feet and stare into her eyes.

If we can't bone the lich we'll bone the witch!

Rolled 12

>>20936456
>>20936443

Wait no you fools she is a lady merely slap her!

>>20936474
gentlemany skeletal shenanigans? Hurra!

>>20936456
remind me why do we have our enchanted sword for?

>>20936474
True, we ought to be gentle with the fairer sex. The elf we should err on the side of caution, it could be a woman, who can tell. Attempt to restrain her or something like that.

>>20936510
To kill things that need killing. These aren't threats, they're just idiots.

>>20936525
point taken

>>20936510

To show we are of noble blood. We prefer fisticuffs though.

>>20936424
Stumbles would have a panic attack in this situation.

>>20936425
You close your little journal with a "Whomph" and fling it at the Wizard's face. It shatter's her nose, disrupting the spell and sending her back across the floor and out into the courtyard. These magic bones have some real punch.

>>20936435
"Your little smite evil has no effect upon me, warrior, so I am not evil. Leave this manor in an orderly fashion immediately."

>"Pah, how do I know you're not using some powerful magics?"

They are really steadfast int their resolution to kill you.

>>20936443
"Then I must warn you, I shall defend this house from brigands like you!"

You raise your fists into a fighting stance.

The warrior charges with another battle cry, probably honoring his God. You side step and trip him. There's a long "Screech" as his face skids along the marble floor.

The Eleven archer turns and runs after loosing a few arrows in you, but with no organs they just pass through.

You step out into the courtyard, dragging the mumbling warrior by the leg. You also grab the wizard and place her upon your shoulder. After dumping them at the front gate you lean down and land a kiss on the wizard. You pull back after a few seconds and see you've left a graveworm in her mouth.

A real Casanova you are...

The wizard screams and you just drop her from your cradling embrace.

The two of them lie there infront of you.

What do you do?

>>20936578
ask them to work for Erik

>>20934380
Give that Lich a Phylactery. Liches love Phylacteries.

>>20936578
Tell them to get real jobs and stop being murder hobos. We speak from experience after all.

Rolled 17

>>20936578

Plan "play this like Butler Quest" has gone south. Time for damage control.

>>20936578
"Stumbles, I'm going out for a bit to escort these folks to the local constabulary so that the law can decide on an appropriate punishment for wrecking our door. Could you keep an eye on the house while I'm gone.

Now, would the three of you care to explain why you believe me to be evil? Simply because I'm undead doesn't mean I'm not a person."

Rolled 8

>>20936578
Remind them that in the future it is polite to make an appointment rather than drop in unannounced

>>20936578
Ask Stumbles for some web, if he isn't up for tying them up himself. Ask if his poison can merely paralyze folks, then see if Erik is up for a bit of a gloat or needs a couple of new employees (or at least their skeletons).

Take their weapons and armor too, your stuff might look the part of the skeleton warrior, but that doesn't mean you can't upgrade to something that works better.

>>20936644
shouldnt we first look less like a skeleton before going out ?

>>20936628

Yeah, stop bothering people. Can't you get a job as a librarian or a city gaurd or something?

>>20936644
This and this >>20936656

>>20936688
Seriously. Look at all the adventuring we did and we just ended up as some small time lich's butler. Not worth it man.

>>20936578
Eject them politely from premises, post haste.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20934380/ For later viewing pleasure...

"Stumbles," you call out "Bind these folks for me. I have to catch the other one."

From the dark a net of webbing shoots out and pins them down.

"Thank you."

You head off into the gardens, it's not long before you find the third murderhobo. You stop his escape with a mighty backhand. He goes down like a bitch.

You drag him back to the others and have Stumbles bind them up.

"Now, I shall be taking you down to the nearest law enforcement branch, there you shall be prosecuted for attacking a man without reason, and sentenced for your crimes. When your sentence is done, I suggest you find real jobs, as "Murderhobo" doesn't look good on a resume."

They protest as you drag them into town, not caring at the looks of shock and horror on the town's people.

You fling them into the local Watch House and request to see the head of the Watch.

Every Watch officer turns and draws their sword at you.

"Now now, lads, let's not make a mess. You wouldn't stand a chance. I'd like to press charges against these three here," you kick the archer "For trespassing, damage of private property, and assault."

The guards look at each other. Usually skeletons just burnt houses and attacked people, the didn't eloquently request to prosecute people.

>"Uh... Right..." Says the head of the Watch, sheathing his short sword and motioning others to do the same. "We'll get right on that... Mr?"

>>20936804
"Sir Daniel, of Gallowmere."

>"The old hero?"

"The very one. Now, I don't want my reputation to affect your judgement, but I do want the law to deal with these louts."

>"Right away! Sir!"

The captain tells his men to move the adventurers to the cells.

"Thank you, and good day." You bow and leave the watch house. There's people in the streets just itching to get their torches and pitchforks.

What do you do?

>>20936804
Give them our full name and title, then doff our helm and leave.
be as polite and well-spoken as possable.

>>20936804
"Sir Daniel Fortesque. Don't be too harsh on them though. I still remember the drive to be an adventurer but maybe these kids will realize getting a real, proper job is better for them and help them learn proper manners."

>>20936830
Whoops.
Actualy, this works for >>20936812 too

>>20936812
If we have any coinage on us buy some tea leaves. If not smile and wave to the populace, tip our hat at any pretty ladies, if any children come up curious as to what we are be unfailingly polite and kind.

>>20936830

Also, politely ask someone for the date (we still don't really know hou long we've been dead)

>>20936812
... Start asking around for old people we knew and find out what happened to them. Businesses, major families in the city. Act like nothing is wrong. How long has it been since we died, anyways?

>>20936863
This.
Act like we never died, we just came back from a trip.

Your coins are old and dirty, but the gold still shines. You go into the closest general store and buy a bag of tea leaves. Prices really have gone up, in your day it was a ha'penny for a pound of tea, now it's a full two coppers!

You bow and the nearest and fairest maiden, she blushes. Still got it, fuck yeah. You ask her the date.

>"The year is 640 AGW."

It's been 150 years since you fell in battle.

Anyone you knew in life is probably in the same field as where this thread began.

Some brave young child comes up, tugs on your petticoat hanging from your chainmail (You were one baller mother fucker, even in battle) and asks;
>"Are you a monster? 'Cuz I don't like monsters."

What do you do?

>>20936942

"I'm pretty sure I'm a skeleton."

>>20936942

"Hey, kiddo. I'm not a monster, I'm Sir Daniel Fortesque of Gallowmere. It may have been a while, but I used to be a hero around here!"

>>20936942

stroke the kid gently and tell him that I'm not, because I don't like them too

>>20936942
I am no more of a monster than those you see around you.

One day you'll understand, but for now, just remember, even you have a skeleton inside you.

>>20936942

Bring the kid to meet Stumbles. Show him what a real monster is.

>>20936999

also, tell him that if he ever encounters a scary monster, just call me and I'll deal with it

Rolled 12

>>20936999

We pedo skeleton now.

>>20937026
>Skeleton brings child into mansion and screams are heard from within.
Yeah, no. Probably not wise.

>>20936975
>"Don't be a sarcastic arse."
The child no older than 6 says. Back in your day, children had respect for their elders.

>>20936980
>"But Sir Daniel was human, not a skeleton."

This child's lack of insight into human biology is amusing.

You tell him he has a skeleton inside him, too. He turns white as a sheet.

>>20936999
You stroke the child softly and say that you don't like monsters either. People are muttering that your touching the children and should stop.

You reward the child for his bravery with a silver coin.

He shows it to his mother and brothers, they all comment on how they wont go hungry for half a year.

It makes you feel all warm inside, or in your chest hollow. The sentiment still stands though.

People are going away, knowing there'll be no street theater or monster lynchin' today.

What do you do?

>>20937042
This.
Gentle(skele)man and his adorable child sidekick, coming soon to a theater near you!

>>20937063
Put a spring in our step, half walk, half dance our way back home. It's good to be alive, or at least undead.

>>20937063
Did Sir Daniel have a sweetheart he may have impregnated unknowingly? This must be determined! We could have kin!

>>20937049

we should ask erik to give us the ability to warp our face into pedobear

>>20937096

Obviously no, as we are pedo skeleton and only desire little boys. Sometimes little girls if the winds are right.

>>20937096
this first

then we must acquire two soft mallets

File: 1349048749612.jpg-(25 KB, 400x300, smiley-get_the_fuck_out.jpg)

>>20937116

>>20937140

>not liking little boys
>2012

Do you even Sodom?

>>20937147
I'm more of a gomorrah man myself, actualy.

>>20937063
Walk over to the kid's family and then introduce ourselves in the most friendly manner we can.

"Hello there. Need any help from a walking pile of bones?"

>We uncle bones now

>>20937155

>liking Gomorrah

Get a load of this faggot!

And sage for off-topic.

this fucking thread. it's like I'm on /b/ again, but it doesn't suck

>>20937063
Back to Erik. Obviously everyone and their mother knows about you, there's no sense of urgency about finding out who you used to be.

>>20937063

Pick up a present for Stumbles. A fine hat, perhaps. Afterwards, head back to the mansion.

>>20937116

Holy shit we're turning into Nito.

>>20937063

we should do this >>20937042

You tell the people that they need only ask for you up at Erik's manor if problems arise. They thanks you.

You grab a nice hat for Stumbles, too. He'll like it, you're sure. Who doesn't like bowler hats?

Having finished your business in town, you decide to return to where you now call home.

Stumbles has fixed the front door and it's back to working order. Damn that spider monster can work.

On the way you recall all the wenches you docked in during your adventures. Life was good then, not a care in the world, only traveling from town to town, slaying dragons and monsters.

Every girl wanted you, and you gave it to them.

You probably have 2 dozen family trees running around the world at the moment.

You return home, give stumbles his hat, which he puts on and thanks you for. Then you inform Erik, now into the final third of his book that you dealt with the Brigands. And that you've got good standing with the town's people.

What do you do?

>>20937259

pedobear face! I want it!

So, in summary, we are Sir Daniel Fortesque, the noble gentlemanly skeleton who was once the Hero of Gallowmere, a small town in Generic Fantasy Setting #711-a. We are bound to a pervert lich who seeks to become a big name, but sucks at his job because he's spent too long reading porn, and we have a sentient asthmatic giant spider as a companion. We like little boys in 'that' way, but also little girls if we feel like it. Odds are that we might end up molesting one of our many spawn running around the world if we're not careful.

What have we done.

>>20937259
We have a hat, right?

>>20937259
Ask Erik what he did to get those brigands after him in the first place. For a necromancer that spends his time reading porn and summoning one skeleton, I wonder how they even heard of him.

>>20937259

Ask Erik if he can give us an enchantment that makes our skeleton face appear to contort and twist and stuff. We'll still have a skull for a face and it might look a little comical, but we'll be able to express our full range of emotions.

>>20937282
No.

>>20937259
"Erik, what did you do to get a band of amateur murderhobos on our front lawn? It can't have been because of anything you did because as far as I can tell I'm the only skeleton you've raised.

I managed to smooth it over and Gallowmere ought to like us a bit more now. But back to the important issue, you need to pay more attention to your studies."

>>20937333

yes. we have a fucking lich that sucks at magic because he studies porn instead of arcane tomes. and we can use the face to demoralize enemies

>>20937333
I'm also against pedobear face because that's just stupid.

>>20937282
>"I'm not competent enough with magic to make skin grafts. You could go kill a bear and wear it's head, though. How it will help you with children, I've no idea. I can enchant your skull to move, though. So you can raise an eye brow or something."

Erik says a few words and you test it out. You can indeed move your "face".
>>20937296
Not a lot, actually.

>>20937305
>"Ah, well, I've only ever raised one skeleton successfully, you. But it's taken a lot of practice. I dare say half that graveyard is empty because of me. I don't think they take too well to having their parent's remains exhumed and unsuccessfully reanimated. I don't really rebury them either."

>>20937333
>"Yes, I suppose I'd better stop reading my smut. I can't really get my jollies off anyhow."

>"Starting tomorrow I'll begin research into the Necromatic field and magics. Maybe. But for now, I'm going to sleep."

You raise an eyebrow inquisitively.

>"I see you're already putting the enchantment to good use. But yes, I can sleep. Helps pass the time and sort memories of the day. These 12 hours are your time off."

With that, Erik closes his book and walks out of the library, to his bedchamber.

What do you do?

>>20937259
Well, we apparently have oodles of time, let's start construction on the worlds most impressive miniature of the town of gallomere, and then find a spell to turn the miniature into a voodoo controller through sympathetic magic and take over the town subtly

>>20937428
Mumble under our breath about what a lazy bugger he is.

Start cleaning, we simply can't live in this filth, deal with the cobwebs, the dust, all of that. Stumbles is okay though.

>>20937440
applies to >>20937428
as well

if you want to timeskip to something, just say we've been working on the miniature

>>20937428
... A butler must clean up after his master. Maybe we should go back to the graveyard and see if he left any other bodies unburied and rebury them.

>>20937428

find the remains of those he exhumed and bury them in a mass grave

>>20937440
Absolutely not. I gentleman would never subvert the law abiding peasantry in such an uncouth fashion.

>>20937440
Well, first of all, that would take knowledge we don't have, and second of all - we are not only a refined gentleman but a renowned hero in this town, why would we want to subjugate them like that? We're not evil.

>>20937492

ofcourse, if we are able to identify a given body, rebury it in it's designated tomb

>>20937484
The families haves already done it.
>>20937476
You begin on the miniature. It's built in one night! It's the best you've ever seen, and the only one you've ever seen. Everything is make of blocks. It'll never do. And you have no mastery of magic either, or even a glint. You were a warrior for a reason.

After spending half an hour building your model, you decide to clean up. You get Stumbles to help you with the ceiling.

After a few hours the house is in immaculate condition, spotless. The marble floor is like a mirror, you can see yourself! And you look fucking hideous. You need to clean yourself up along with the house.

What do you do?

>>20937513

yeah, and tell eric that he can't fucking leave a mess for fuck's sake

>>20937546
MMMMMMMMMMAKEOVER! AWW YEEUH GURLFRAYN'

>>20937546

clean myself, then look at erik's books to see what kind of pervert he is

>>20937546
Clean ourselves up.

>>20937546
Strip off our armor, get a good fire going, and step right in there.
Then, bleach bath. I wanna see them bones SHINE.

Rolled 7

>>20937546
Go get cleaned up and work on getting a decent butler outfit to go over our armor

>>20937593

This is not Butler Quest.

>>20937583
no no no

fire can deteriorate the bones as well

we need to bathe in maggots for them to consume all of our flesh, then scrub ourselves in clean water

>>20937583
B-but what if the magic washes off? ;_;

>>20937633
more MAGIC!

>>20937628
No, a fire has to be crazy hot to damage bone. Hell, crematoriums have to run remains though a grinder before they give them to people. A hearth fire isn't going to do any damage.

>>20937689
whatever, can we just kind of jump ahead to something more interesting?

>>20937710

You obviously don't understand the point of this Quest, anon. If this was an anime, it would belong to the SoL genre.

>>20937721
then I'm out. SoL as a skeleton?

>>20937747

It worked for Krieg-Chan.

>>20937747
Fine, SoD then.

Clean ourselves up, then clean up Erik's library... by chucking all of his porn. Dude needs to get motivated.

You set yourself a hot bath and ask Stumbles to put his silk to good use and make you a Butler's outfit. He scurries off into his room/workshop. He really likes being needed, makes him feel important.

You strip down to your bare bones, and drop your armour into the tub with you.

With a good, stiff wire brush you scrub everything spotless. Even yourself. Your bones have gone from grey-green of the grave to pearly whites. Your armour is spotless, too. A rub down with some oil and cloth protects them.

You re-arm yourself in our ancient armour. You never wore plate in life, it was too restricting. You preferred chain and it flowed in battle.

Just as you finish off with your helmet Stumbles return with a black and white surcoat and tassest for you. It slides snugly down over your armour and is a perfect fit. The silk is nigh-unbreakable with normal weapons, so it'll be good in a fight. But anything with a sharp point will part the threads and hit home.

You thank stumbles and look in the long mirror.

You stand at 6 foot 6, your bones are a bleaches white, your armour is chainmail and helmet. Over it you wear a jet black and cloud white surcoat and tasset that reaches down to your knees. Your sword is tied firmly to your waist along with small bags and pouches containing money and other things.

You're only baller mother fucker.

You flick through Erik's book collection, there's a LOT of porn. On the dustier shelves is an extensive collection of magic, and the families of mages, wizard and scourers.

You think you may have to kill them to help Erik, the lazy bastard he is.

There's 12 families, three in each field.

Wizardry
Mages
Sorcerers
Warlocks

I'm going for the night, more again soon. Decide what branch of magic you want to kill off first.

>>20937786
Wait, why are gonna up and slaughter families here?

>>20937786

Warlocks. Warlocks, immediately and without remorse. They deserve to die. Now.

>>20937786
Hmm. I say wizardry. We can go talk to those adventurers in prison. Maybe that girl can give us some useful info.

>>20937786
I'm thinking Warlocks, they seem like they'd be the least organized of the lot, and they're jerks.

>>20937786
what exactly differs between mages and the others? I know wizards gain power through study, sorcerers have it naturally, and warlocks are demon fueled

>>20937826
Erik can't progress if there's more powerful people above him. Get rid of them, and all their resources and whatnot fall to us and Erik.

>>20937849
In this Universe, Mages steal power from the others.

>>20937786
>wizards
>mages
>sorcerers
>warlocks

>mfw I don't know the difference
>I have no face

>>20937786
So, lichman...
I'm not quite sure how to put this, but I can get lonely too. If you catch my drift... So how about a nice fresh bride.

>>20937786

Assuming that Sorcerers are anything like the D&D sorcerer in the sense that they use magic instinctively rather than through learning, they might be a prime target. People like that tend to be shunned by "true" magic-users, so they tend to be loners. Might be more dangerous in a pinch, but they may not have as much support as say, a Wizard family with ties to an ancient arcane school or a Warlock who belongs to a coven of some sort.

>>20937886
>Sure, I'll get back to you when I'm done. Now that I've maganged a successful raising, this one shouldn't take nearly as long.
>come back in six years.

>>20937871
Any idea when you'll be back?

>>20937954
Tomorrow, the day after, the day after that, and so on.

When would be best for you guys?

>>20937967

everyday. just call your thread "skeleton quest" or something, so it'll be easy to find it in the catalog

>>20937967
You'll probably have a hard time getting a time that works for everyone here tonight. Just say what days and roughly what time you're thinking of and it'll probably work out.

9:30 GMT then.

>>20938009

Thanks for the fun

>>20937953
Time o'plenty wben you're dead. I'll be in my grave, wake me in 6 years.

>>20938015
I've been doing my best to entertain /tg/ for a while now.

Even gave you that Golem story.

I hope I can keep on going for a long time.

>>20938032

Thanks for the thread. Tomorrow I'll give you some doodles based on the thread.

I realized too late that our hero was wearing maille, sadly.

>>20938032
Definitely enjoyed it. The lazy necromancer too busy reading porn amused me more than it should have. Kind of hope we interact with those heroes again in a less hostile manner.

>>20938032
>golem
Oh fuck yes. This quest is going to great.

>>20938032
>Golem's Garden
>Skeleton Quest

Look forwards to more of your work.