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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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>>20926634 I bring a tale of saviors.
It was the day before the first ever celebration of the day of the saviors. It was to our version of Christmas not all the specifics all important, but just let it be know that a certain Felim looks really cute dressed up as Santa.

Anyway Lilly had been at work, trying to seduce Meina and I had been helping her. A week before we had the following conversation.

“Its just not working, at this rate its going to take for ever.”

“Lilly, with that attitude it really will.”

“Comme oonnn. Can't you give me a hint. Your so much better at this crap than me.” Lilly whined.

“Lilly if you knew more people you would realize just how badly I suck at the dealing with the human condition.”

“Your still much better than I am.”

“Fine. If I had to guess what you need is a finishing blow.”

“Oh I have one of those, a whole bunch of them in fact.” Lilly said, pretending to jerk some one off with her hands.

“And that's the exact opposite of what I meant. You need to win her over not run her off. And really we have only been adventuring with her for a few months now. I still think your rushing it.”

“You, me, a week.”

“You, me, NOT normal. Want to know what I would do? Everyone is talking about having a holiday coming up. Get her a gift. Something she would like. Not something you would like her to have.”

“How am I suppose to know that with out using my powers. This whole being good thing is stupid, I don't know how you talked me into this.”

“Lilly, anything worth having is worth working for. That includes being good and Meina. How about this you take Meina out for dinner, spend some more time with her, pay attention to her and if you can't find a fitting gift I'll help.”

“You promise? Cross your heart stick a needle in your dick?”

“Lilly, I am not sticking any thing in my dick for any reason.”

“But what if I...”

“NOPE!” I said cutting her off before she could finish her thought. “Also I know you like the Rouge Trader, but take her somewhere classy. You'll get better results.”

Lilly easily talked Meina into going out that night. They where almost inseparable, it was almost funny how they acted to one another. Lilly was treating Meina slightingly better than the average person, which amounted to giving Meina a few less gropings than she would have given normally. Meina was confused I could tell, she obviously had feelings for Lilly, but was hesitant. Understandable under normal circumstances, to be expected in these.

When Lilly and Meina got back they were tired and Meina fell dead a sleep soon after getting back.

“So how did your night go?”

“Not bad, I think I found what I am going to get her. She loves that collar with the bell on it. But it just doesn't match with anything.”

“I told you you would think of something. Any thing interesting happen?”

“Not really, we just talked, drank, and danced. Now about interesting things, I just happen to have an itch I can't scratch.”

“Oh. Really. Let me get that for you.”

“I would love it if you did.”

And then things got freaky that night. The next morning Lilly set off for the markets. Leaving me alone with Meina.
“I've been meaning to ask you Meina, this all ain't exactly normal. How you taken it.”

“Well... I like adventuring with you guys and I am glad for a place to stay. And I really like you two, but I feel a little odd.”

“Like a fifth wheel on a cart?”

“Yeah kinda. I also think Lilly wants me.”

“Lilly is like that.”

“But, I don't want to hurt your feeling and you and her are together and all that.”

“Meina, If you like Lilly, I won't stop you.”

“But I don't want to take her from you.”

“HAHHAAHA, cute kid. There's more Lilly than you or me could ever handle. Now you and me on the other hand.”

“Isn't it a little weird to be sharing like that.”

“Maybe so, but in the grand scheme of things not really. I'll take her off your hands when you need a break and you do the same for me.”

“Is she really that much trouble?”

“Not trouble, energetic yes. Also she has been behaving better around you.”


“Your a smart girl Meina, think about it and you will figure it out.”
And that brings me back to where I started its the eve before Saviors day and all is quite. And I must say its starting to look a lot like Christmas. What with all the silver bells. I had bought a necklace and earrings for Meina over a month ago. This was encase Lilly didn't come though, which she did in a way. I technically don't know what she got her, but when I was wrapping my gift Lilly had said she had found a better gift. Being Lilly that only leaves a few options that keeps with bells.

We sat besides the fire tonight after dinner. Menia had baked cookies and I had picked up some apple cider at the market. We took turns telling stories, and by we I mean I. The girls are always wanting to hear stories from the Old realm which is understandable. But I am starting to run out of true stories.

It was cute seeing Meina and Lilly sharing a chair as they ate cookies. Meina had given the excuse that she was really cold and wanted some extra body heat. With that rip roaring fire less than ten feet away, its safe to say Lilly didn't by it. But of course she didn't care, Meina was sitting in her lap. They both eventually fell asleep together in the chair. Meina first, the cider had made her sleepy and Lilly soon after. Now I sit here by the fire and think what a wonderful world.

I threw a blanket atop the girls and let the fire die down a little.

The next morning was a curious one. I'm used to seeing Lilly walk around in nothing or next to nothing, but Meina not so much. They both went about for a few minutes before they realized that they wore nothing below the waist. Must have forgot they removed them during the night. And the blanket had more than its share of damp spots on it. It was a first, Lilly and Meina together.
There was a grand day of feasting and revelry. Gift giving and fun and games. One of the games that got the most talking about was the Caturday game. All the waifus wore cat-ears. Well the ones who didn't already have them. And then 'Saved' all the men. Think like the game savage women. Needless to say after heavy drink this was rather full of debauchery. Many men were reclaimed during that game and many new claims were made on some single ones.

But probably the most memorable thing was that Lem had somehow talked Kikki into dressing up in a naughty Ms Clause outfit. According to Lilly there was some sort of bet involved. All I have to say is that Lilly's right about those two, the sexual tension is so thick I think you could grab it and hate fuck someone with it. Also as good at keeping a cool poker face it was obvious he enjoyed playing with Kikki. Lilly tells me she puts it at a year and five months. Needless to say I placed a good bit of money in that lot.

Lilly just about rubbed my nose off, which I think made Meina jealous not that she would ever admit it. The reason I know Meina was jealous was because she instigated the public display this time as opposed to Lilly. It was only a bit after sunfall. People where beginning to wrap things up and go home and spend time with their loved ones. Lilly took another try at rubbing my nose off my face. While she was doing that I saw Meina sneaking up behind Lilly with a large handful of snow. The hand invaded Lilly's panties, I think she though it was mine, and Meina shoved the freezing ice against Lilly's skin. Lilly gave a startled yelp and jumped backwards colliding with Meina sending them both to the ground. Lilly gave Meina an evil look and said.
“Well since you started it.”

And she and Meina started to struggle to give the other the best snow coating. I feel this would be a good time to mention Lilly likes ice play, what with her higher than normal skin temp. She also says she likes the way the melt water feels running down her skin. So Lilly was really getting into it.

Then after a day of heavy drinking and other forms of fun, I think people were ready for one more game. Thus began the great snow war. I have little idea as to what really spurned it off. I think it was most likely two good looking girls rolling around on the ground trying to snow rape the other.

Anyway it ended with many laughing cold wet couples going home to warm up. Including me Lilly and Meina. Who had propagated my coat and were both wearing it all huddled up together. When we got home Lilly and Meina were helping each other get dry and warm. While bitching about the cold. Pansies back in my day I swam outside in the cold while it was hailing. And liked it.
I cooked up some dinner and brought it to the girls who were snuggling by the fireplace. After that we exchanged gifts. The only ones that really mattered was the one Lilly and me got Meina. In the end we had decide to wrap them up together.

Meina slowly unwrapped the jewelery. And you could see her face little up in slow motion as she realized what it was.

“I love you guys, thank you. But I got to ask Lilly what are these?” Meina said pointing at the nipple clamps and the clit clamp. All with bells hanging from little chains.

“Fun time toys, I promise you'll love them.”

“How about you show me then.”

“Alright then.”

And then Lilly tackled Meina to the ground and stripped her then and there. And then she closed one of the clamps around Meina's left nipple. Meina let out a shriek as Lilly let go of the bell letting it bounce from the chain.

“Well I think I'll be going.” I said starting from the door.

“Where do you think your going?”

“Going to give you guys some privacy.”

“I've decide I want both of you. A harem can be any size. I pick you two. After all I'm going to need help with Lilly.”

“That's just adorable, now both of you get over here I've been waiting for this for to long.”

And that is how I spent the first celebration of Saviors day.
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You guys are the best at this. Really.
little tip for saviors day. if one of your waifus is going to "save" you from another who is supposed to represent the elves, make sure that the "attacker" is not an inebriated dragon
Implying Lilly is not assaulting the dragon.

I lack people to play them with even if I had money. No one plays anything other than MtG around here.
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>Was looking forward to getting my first set of IG on my first pay check.
>mfw Looked at the price.
Fuck that shit. I have a large collection of maps, a big ass table, and a fuck ton of paper figures. I ran a high seas pirate game that people loved. Using Fletcher Pratt's Naval War Game. Get on my level.

She'd do it. I just know it.

Still doesn't help with the lack of people. Home-made stuff is the way to go though.

Though I'd prefer to have a real tank for these war games. No one would ever expect me to show up driving a tank.
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Self induced insomnia is a horrible thing. Your brain goes numb, you can't think. You can write only to find yourself passed out mid sentence.
Responses of all sorts are slowed. Hallucinations are possible.
Eventually, all you want is sleep.
My head shot up as I gasped. Dazed, I looked around. Candles, a few steins, where was I? A tavern. Sera was sitting across from me.
"Alaric, when was the last time you had some sleep?" her ears flicked, her eyes stared me down. Taking a moment to think, I responded
"What day is it?"
"Al, what's wrong with you? You've barely slept in a week. Look at you!" I did. My hair was disheveled, bags were heavy under my eyes. Paranoia was a horrible thing, but being tired was a small price to pay to ensure my Waifu's safety.
"I'm sorry. Just... tired."

You doubt the capabilities of the Homeguard?
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don't know why i didn't think to post this earlier
How did our latest archival hit negative votes?
They all do at first
Yeah getting people together is the hard part.
i suppose
Yeah, some jackasses keep voting them down. You'll find that pretty much all of our threads have 10+ votes, but few of them are above ten.

You think you have it hard? The closest FLGS to me is in Manhattan, and while that means I'll run into someone playing literally anything, it also means the likelihood that they're a self-important drama-queen rises exponentially. NYC does that to people.

It also makes it surprisingly hard to find players. I just lost two players in my pathfinder game and we haven't even fucking started yet.

Anyway, still working on this piece. Set-up is a bitch.

I could always play against myself, but that gets boring rather quickly.
You know what you are gonna do and then it gets confusing when the game drags on.
Not sure how bad that is, but the closest one to me is two and a half hours away.
Implying that's not my favorite part, only time I have a decent challenge.
>You know what you are gonna do
not if you drug yourself up before hand
Never thought of that.

Get hammered and play with the other people in your head?
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I don't even need stimulants the voices like to talk a lot. Abe plays a mean game of chess.
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though i should note that rule doesn't apply if you used to be an ascended being and/or have a spare toaster

THe best DIY.
Hey, remember when Stargate didn't suck. I think it was when they introduced Weir or how ever you spell that bitches name that things took a dive.
Honestly, that show took a dive as soon as they stopped with the serial TACTICOOL ON UNKNOWN SOIL and started with the whole ST: Voyager style bullshit with Atlantis.

But that's off topic. LET'S GET BACK TO IT.

I have a question because I'm pretty awful at this: what kind of trap do you think Dwarves would design to test the spirit and will of a Monk Initiate?
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The walk home was slow as our feet crunched across the snow. My sword stood out in my mind, calling my hand to my hip.
"Al... is there anything I should know?"
>I may or may not have unleashed supernatural abominations to stalk me. I don't know. Fucking magic, man.
"I've just been busy figuring something out. I'll be better with some sleep." I would be. If the beasts had not attacked in a week, would they attack at all? Maybe I was wrong, perhaps the bodies (body?) simply dissolved. Still, it was my job to live with any possibility and stand vanguard. It was a week, though. Perhaps, a week was long enough.
Entering the house was blurry. I set the hatch, took my sword belt, boots, and coat off. I fell to the bed like a rock. Finally, staring at the ceiling, I felt darkness wash over me, and a soft weight appear on my chest.
When I awoke, it must have been midmorning. Heavy winter clothes I had neglected to remove before served a decent substitute for blankets. Even better was the close Felim, head over my chest, breathing steadily. It seemed like she barely managed to take off her boots as well. The alcohol may have had something to do with it. Sleeping with clothes instead of blankets was interesting. It felt like camping. It also felt like my chest was a little damp. I hoped to the Emperor that was drool. On the bright side, I could think clearly, and we made it to morning unharmed. Reaching over, I wrapped the blanket over us.
>Like pigs in a blanket.
Such mornings as these could be blissful. What to do during the day, though. More sleep was tempting.
"Al... it's a holiday today, isn't it?"
Old falling boulder gag. Also Weir was the Atlantis chick, but she showed up before that in a few episodes of SGC
The original tv show. I can not remember the thing for it.
SG1. The original film was called Stargate.

Also, the trap has to be non-lethal under certain contexts. It's a test of resolve and will. And it's not that I'm actually bad at this, I'm just lazy. Coming up with a good series of traps is tough.
Thank you I could for the life of me not remember.

Also its simple little boulder rolls down ramp. Dwarf either stops it or gets pushed into a pool at the bottom and the rock stops just short of crushing him. Or you could use a simple trap where they have to push a lever to open a door. But the door is covered in barbs. Covered in some stinging gunk/
I'm here, I'm here.

Had to go shopping for food and supplies earlier.

Will complete story and post it up soon
More Clover Journals? My body is ready.

My sleep schedule isn't, but fuck that shit.
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Forgot pic.
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Someone forgot their favorite guys from the catacombs.
Just finished watching the EP. So this how our PCs feel like when fighting bosses
I'll make sure to read it when I wake up. Fuck, I'm tired now. I'll have to check in the morning to make sure what I wrote over the past hour is coherent.
The show's Sword Art Online, for those curious.
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Do you know who else practises the Art of Swords while on Lines?


Coming soon, a tale of Drider ingenuity and innovation, set in the politics and court of the Underdark!
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Driders lack many normal record keeping methods, living in the Underdark, and take to weaving large and elaborate tapestries to detail their extensive history. This set of tapestries was kept in storage as a collectors item, the clan that wove it had fallen into disgrace and sold many of their belongings. It details the efforts of the Driders to use the knowledge behind the Journal to attempt a coup, and the subsequent fleets they had sent.

{Each tapestry opens with the origin of the Drider race. The creation myth is as follows}

Let me spin you a tale of the surface. A great empire once stretched from coast to coast, whose glory was the envy of all. The gods of the surface and sky, jealous and spiteful at the mortal realm, cast asunder the fields and the plains, tearing great rents in the ground to swallow whole their cities.

They had been cast aside by the gods, and cursed their names, turning away from the sun and stars, swearing vengeance on their return. The great empire lies beneath the surface, where strange and dangerous monsters roam the dark. Sickness and madness took hold, and kin turned upon kin. An old god, one who roams in shadow and night, took pity on the fallen and blessed them to thrive. Now we rise as Drider, blessed by Mother Rak'na!
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{The tapestry is missing large parts, torn away by censors}

Let me spin you a tale of the Underdark, where honourable Driders hold court. None more ambitious than the Silver Fang Clan, who weave plots like no other. Though the Golden Orb grow fat on their riches and deals, the Red Back wet their venomous fangs and the Huntsman bring back many a slave, only the Silver Fang will succeed the Queen and seize all the Underdark for themselves!

Unlike the soft queen-dom to the North, under weak hearted Visaria, the Underrealm of the East is strong under Queen Zennetta's eight-fold heel, and it will grow stronger still once the Silver Fangs wrench the Barbed crown from her still-twitching fingers! Here, we have no need to fight the mutated horrors unleashed to the Western tunnels under the Dark Mountains, where Queen Exatha engages her endless war, nor are we left wanting by scarcity like the Southern holds of Queen Winnosa.

We shall rise! And all the Underdark shall tremble at the might of Silver Fang! From the Caverns of the Sightless to the hated pits of the-

{Mostly propaganda, which was also torn out}

-these claims are not mere clutch bubbles! For the venture peaked when the Huntsman Clan returned from their sortie in Elven Realms. A caravan had been taken. The pick was rich-
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{Chained humanoids paraded about Drider slavers. Jewelry wearing Driders are picking slaves out of the lot, one whom holds a book}

-where many a slave had been taken, and their captors duly paid for their work. The Huntsman clan claimed that these slaves were a part of an expedition, and parted with their knowledge for a nominal fee.

The slaves claimed knowledge of foreign lands, across the surface seas. The surface holds no sway in the Underdark! Even less so the petty concerns of their lands and seas, so long lost to the Driders. But an expedition, whether for treasure or glory, always holds knowledge, and that is key to our tale.

The slaves, a mixture of humans and elves, were processed into strong and weak as always, with the weak worked to death while the strong watched, enforcing onto them Drider superiority and control of their lives. The breaking of their wills complete, the remaining slaves were subject to questioning and conditioning, all knowledge of their quest freely and willingly given. The males were easier to question as always, the weak worms. Show them female flesh and give off [Scent of Desire] and they will tear themselves to shreds to obey.

Such barbarity in the slaves is a true example of how Rak'na elevated the Drider above all, our bodies superior in every way-

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{A map of the surface world, imposed with one of the Underdark. The Western Sea is uncharted}

-until their ears fell off! Never has a slave been heard to speak that much, nor that eagerly after conditioning. The lead scholar of the group gave that the expedition was sent to discover the land to the West. When questioned why they had chosen to venture so close to Underdark entrances, it replied that the expedition was to also map the tunnels beneath the surface. Some nonsense about using the Underdark to travel beneath the waves, as if that was any concern of the Driders. No doubt they would have contacted the hated-

{Section torn out, looks to reference squid headed beasts}

-as their brains would be picked clean. Some cried out that such a place could exist in the Underdark itself. Their tongue was put out for their stupidity, Silver Fang has no need of imbecilic slaves. With their brains addled and wills slaved to ours, it was simple enough to wring the knowledge out. Movements of armies and kingdoms of the surface were subsequently added to our collective knowledge. Silver Fang had a reputation to uphold as information brokers, and the Huntsmen would be dearly for our knowledge of the ripest routes to acquire fresh product.

When the book was finally brought out, however, the reality-
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{A book is open, and plants and animals move out from its pages}

-never thought of. While such a realm could be easily denied as fantasy, the slaves were adamant of its authenticity. I had them disciplined thoroughly, with half denied release from their torment until the cries of the rest could be heard. No slave shall stand as tall as a Drider, that is the way of Rak'na, and it has served the Web of Clans well.

The book, the Journal of Clover, was given a cursory check for fraudulence, Silver Fang was no stranger to falsehood, and most conmen were flayed publicly before execution. Impossible to believe that such a tome could use learned language beside madmen's tongue. There was little doubt that it was written to attract fools to distant peril, and all thought to voyaging to the west was put aside. Driders have little use for such surface realmer dreams.

The tidbits that were offered were often hidden behind the fanciful descriptions of Eternal Youth and Life Undying to be of much attention, but a Drider's mind is keener that any surface realmer, given by Rak'na and trained by the intrigues of the Clans. It could be seen in the descriptions of birdsong, the classifications of plants and the designs of the Black City, that there was diamond in this book-

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-with such claims to magic! A language beyond any known to this world was needed to bind the true language of sorcery to mortal minds, and the author had devised one such tongue. The pronunciation was no doubt trivial, as the author themselves were a practised mute, what did matter was the intent behind the power. Silver Fang has no shortage of talented shamans and warlocks, priding knowledge above all else, and trials upon slave flesh were soon prepared-


-and never again will such power be discovered! Each magic user and purveyor of the black and mystic arts available to our clan had, to a Drider, gone mad with power! They described the sensation akin to the touch of sunlight upon your soul, or the satisfaction of your foes' still-beating heart in your claws. It was power, and they were addicted. I attribute the blame to their personalities, hungry and male, yet the matrons of the arcane arts fared little better.

Their Rak'na given powers were to serve the Clan, yet they betrayed the sisterhood with their actions and had to be becalmed. Eyes put out and inscriptions of silence affixed to tongues, their magics only unleash on my command, as Mother Matron of Silver Fang.

The magic of this book was too powerful to release. No matter, there was more yet uncovered.
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{A large Drider female, depicted with many male prostrating, is holding court}

-require matronage from, though I loath to admit it, another longer-standing Clan. The Golden Orb Clan were wealthy and influential, but to be in debt to merchants and coin counters went against my Rak'na given ruthlessness. I preferred the enigmatic Clan of the Recluse. Composed mostly of extremely powerful, but secluded, males, I respected their strengths enough to overcome my hatred and sought favor from their Grand Black Widow.

A Widow is a Drider Matriarch who has thrown away strong male lives in the frenzy of mating, and a Black was one who could afford to do so more than thrice. A Grand Black is one who is powerful enough to overcome and subdue ten such valuable males for her spawn. Respected and idolized among the Web of Clans universally, even Queens sought their guidance and approval, most Queens being hatchlings of Grand Black Widows themselves.

Tribute was paid and slaves were assembled as gifts, the matriarchs and matrons of Silver Fang prostrating themselves, myself included, to appease the Recluses. It was not unknown for powerful clans to take vengeance to some slight and slaughter the minor clans during this ceremony, a fact that terrified me.

Whatever she saw in our endeavour, Rak'na smile upon us, she granted us their influence. I was relieved.
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{Caravans and carts of goods are being moved into a compound. Slaves and craftsmen are prepared for work}

-seen so many work slaves in one place before. Even the Trapdoor Clan had bent knees to the Recluses, their ingenuity and tame dwarves would be invaluable to the projects. Supplies that were requested were summarily brought in, such was the sway the Recluses held.

The projects I speak of? The ones derived from the Journal, of course. With its knowledge, weapons of war and intricate machinery could be designed, constructed and deployed against all that stood in the way of Drider dominance in the Underdark. Any other clans that sought this knowledge would be left bewildered, as no mention of any war machines can be found in the Journals. Any explicit mention.

With the study of its magic too hazardous to the Drider, the Journal's depths were plumbed for its mechanical aspects. No doubt only dwarves and gnomes thought themselves capable of such engineering feats, but they never had the backing of a powerful Clan of the Underdark!

The author, Clover, may have been a fool among his own kind, to be exiled to the West and rebuild a society there, for fear of madness. The sciences and arts rediscovered by them are innovative, and the Drider will conquer it as they conquer their foes...

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-the study of optics and light seemed useless in the Underdark. But with the use of lenses and curved mirrors, the aiming of long range missiles could be simplified, my next point-

-and such circumstances could justify self-correcting devices. "Automatic systems", they called it, and modifications have been made to age old designs to reflect these improvements. A self-reloading crossbow, for example would only require-

-can be found in the curvature of spear-fishing. The science of ballistic and missile weaponry sees little use in the cramped and enclosed spaces of the Underdark, but adjustments have been made, these knowledges translating to an arcane blast more simpler than a ballista bolt-

-and the inscriptions are quite small, necessitating the use of newfound optics to magnify it. Detail on art to prevent forgery, but the greatest boon was for the healers and jewellers, the magnified sight allowing more delicate work-

-such time-keeping devices relied too much on surface-realm terminology, stars, moon, and sunlight. An analogue was found in the regular beat and thrum of crystals, and the time could be set with more accuracy than before, leading to more efficient slave work shifts-

-and such paltry children's amusements were deceptively strategic. By placing counters of contrasting colours on alternating turns, to surround and capture your opponent's, drew interesting comparisons to Clan politics. Yet teaching it to birds-

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{A cloaked figure runs through shadows, clutching a glowing book. Squads of warriors and Red-backed assassins follow closely}

-have managed to defeat a Black Widow in Black/White! But such victory must have angered her, as later that day, as days were now more defined, a thief had stolen the Journal from the Clan vaults! Such a prize of knowledge was to be dearly returned, and our coffers were thrown open to warrior and sellsword alike.

Even the Redback Clan, exotic assassins from the far South, knowledgeable in rare and diverse poisons, were set to find and return the book. Retrieval of the thief was optional, though it would be an afterthought to discover which of our many enemies had planned this.

Silver Fang had gained much ire following its favour by the Recluse and successful innovations to Drider society. Especially from the minor Clans who all sought such success and riches. The major Clans were all pleased, our success merely boosted theirs, and they rode the tide hoping the bubble would never burst. Many long thought lost holds were retaken with warriors bearing our innovations, and the few old magics we let loose on the Warlocks and Shamans proved devastating to our foes.


-until at last, the thief had been found! Hounded by sellswords, warrior packs and Redback assassins, they were trapped in a mine.
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{The thief is revealed, wrapped in web patterned robes. A silver-fanged Drider confronts them}

I entered the mine myself, the contents of the Journal only concerned the Clan and its Matriarch, and I would drag them out dead or alive. The mine was abandoned due to malevolent spirits of air, now known to be poisonous gas pockets, and unnervingly silent.

A sound was heard, and I gave quick pursuit, hounding the thief throughout the secret passages and cramped tunnels of the mine. Abandoned tools and the skeletons of slaves our only distractions, we played a deadly game of Drider and fly.

At last, the thief was struck down in the darkness, and I searched their body for the treasured tome. The Journal in secure claws once more, I made my way to the entrance, dragging the thief's body back to the waiting crowd.

Appearing once more in torchlight and the glow of luminescent fungus, a great gasp and murmur was given. The thief was a priestess of Rak'na, a holy disciple! To strike one was against Drider law, yet the circumstances were also shaky. There was ground for punishing crimes that priestesses commited, but only with due process.

The priestess was only a piece in the game, no doubt. A larger player was already surrounding me, and public disgrace their first move.
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{A great assembly of Black Driders, judging a silver fanged Drider. A book is open in the centre, its contents under scrutiny}

An assembly of the Clans was called. Though as Matriarch of the rising Silver Fang Clan I would be given better review than a slave or male, the Court of Widows was notoriously ruthless in its judgement.

The case was presented, theft of a valuable artifact of much knowledge and power by a rogue priestess of Rak'na. There was much dissent among the Court of the relevance of the Journal, the short-sighted fools, and some called for its contents to be revealed.

Against my objections, the learned book was brought out, and passages read from its pages. Though there was some reprieve in the talented retelling by the bailiff, it was evident in their many eyes and legs that the Widows were enthralled by Clover's words.

I saw my chance, and made an argument on the fronts of both sentimentality and practicality on the importance of the Journal, while being lenient to the Rak'na priestess. Even in Court, it was not becoming of a Drider to show no mercy to a priestess.

The majority of the Court seemed convinced, and they were about to pass judgement, when the most terrible sound one could hear in a Court of Widows was made.

A polite cough.
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{A large Black Drider, with males prostrating, confronts the silver-fanged Drider. They are discussing portents}

It was our matron from so long ago, the Grand Black Widow of the Recluses, the most influential and powerful Drider at the time, other than the Queen. She had shown her true colours, and grinned maliciously behind concerned fangs.

She asked sweetly whether the Rak'na priestess could give her reasons for the theft, and an impossible story soon followed.

The Journal was a foreboding omen, she claimed, one that foresaw the great rise or fall of the Drider Clans. She had "hoped" to retrieve the "holy artifact", in order for Rak'na to properly steer the course for Drider civilisation. She further claimed that its effects had become apparent with the sudden rise of a "clutchling" Clan, my own, and further urged that the Journals effects must be curbed.

I was enraged.

I argued with the priestess, with the Court, with the Grand Black Widow herself! The Journal, although it held arcane and esoteric knowledge, was by far a mundane object, neither blessed nor cursed by Rak'na.

Then the Grand Black Widow posited the simple conundrum. If the Journal was indeed a mere retelling of sights abroad, then why not send a fleet to confirm this Western land.

I hated her more than I've ever felt anything else.
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{Slaves and captains prepare ships to head West. Hunting hounds and blades board to take captive fauna and natives they may encounter}

The game of Black/White is indeed the perfect metaphor for Drider society. One side nurtures and invests in a weaker side, riding the web of the success, before turning on them and taking all of their riches, totally surrounding and engulfing the client Clan before they now it.

But Black/White has a fine student in myself. This fleet may yet turn into a successful endeavour, if I can spin it right...


-had thrown a snag in their perfectly weaved plot. I claimed responsibility for the fleet and offered to join the expedition west, braving hated sunlight and the surface-realm's dangers. The Court had no reason to refuse, it was both honourable to take responsibility for personal faults and it would give them more time to plot against my clan as I headed towards certain doom.

Though the Widows all seemed self-assured that the Journal was a fools tool, an artifact of destruction and doom, I had plumbed its depths to know that Clover wanted the island found, and Obsidos had many safe paths to travel.

The most difficult argument that I had to make before my voyage was that I needed the Journal to guide the fleet. Arguments were made, but I prevailed-
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{A confusing mess of half jumbled sights, most of the greater images had been torn away or burnt. Details regarding the body of the Lost Fleet's journey are far and few between}

-caravans passes in the night, what little guards thought to look inside were dispatched and dissolved. Soon arrived at the port and the ships would sail west, but a short detour-

-both lean and gamy, must remember to come back to bring some to the Underdark as slaves. Couldn't say much for their music, awful weezing sounds and gasbags-

-believe the fabled gaping maw of the ocean was merely another passage to the Underdark. Unfeasible to use it as a shortcut homewards, as it is controlled by the piscine-

-finally sighted the veil. Records stolen from previous seafarers indicated it was roughly circular, centred on the Mountain of Light-

-great towers jutting from the waves, magic sigils fueling their ever-burning torches. The black material was an indicator that there was merit to the myth of a city constructed from Black Glass, but-

-serpents and sealife rose against us! Such magnificent beasts would make excellent vehicles of war if their armor could be replicated. But many a ship had-

-slaves permanently silenced for their insolence, their flesh both tasteless and weak. The crew grow restless still, as day and night seemed to be fixed-
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{A great fleet of ships, sailing on precarious waters. They follow the stars}

-the captains, those foolishly entranced males, claimed further portents. Storms occurred with an unnatural ferocity, and some claimed that water fell into the sky-

-sands running back up the hourglass before my many eyes, and the timekeeping devices we brought to record our journey suffered the same fate. There was strange sorcery in the place behind the veil-

-had sighted the Midnight Star! We were getting close-

-shipwrecks so close to the shore was evidence of hidden danger. Looting their hulls was a small victory, but in sight of the Mountain of Light-

-birdsong unheard to us! Such small prey could survive as exotic pets in a Widows household for many months, and were captured-

-circled the island, not daring to set foot on it. We did manage to capture a native, one of the sentinels, and keep them chained deep in the hold as we set sail homewards-

-had burst free from its bonds and slaughtered many blades in its efforts to reach the dwindling island. Finally managed to placate it by placing it near the captive birds, their songs had a soothing effect on the sentinel-

-sighted familiar ports of the Free Kingdoms. Precious cargo was unloaded, and slaves whipped into submission once more. I can't wait to see their faces.
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{A great battle takes place. A glowing sentinel fights Driders. A silver-fanged Drider fights Widows}

When the assembled Clan of the Silver Fangs marched back into the Eastern city of Queen Zennetta, no soul would believe it would be headed by its Matriarch, victorious from her expedition West, and with captives to prove it. I'm going to hit Black Widow status so hard, those males won't even know what hit them!


There was no uproar, the Court of Widows did not survive that long by being choleric, but there was a commotion. A commotion that translated to a kill order on the return fleet. A kill order that amounted to a pitched battle between sellswords and voyage exhausted slaves and top notch assassins and blades. It began as a simple ambush after the announcement that I had return victorious, but as it became evident that we were not as willing to give up our lives as they were, reinforcements were called in.

Our only reprieve was that other, minor, Clans took the opportunity in the chaos to settle old grudges without fear of retribution, and they began attacking holds throughout the city, which required the Clans attacking us to redirect their attention, and troops.

But the innovations that had been introduced to Drider society were beginning to show their strengths and weaknesses, and crack-
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{A great warrior bursts through his chains as birds sing his praises. Driders and slaves lay slaughtered at its feet}

-were slowly being pushed back into traps long set. Poisonous darts and barrels of pitch were heaved in a near constant cascade, as sword and sorcery were used in equal amounts in fights that held no barrier to the ground. Driders shot arrows from the sides of walls, assassins leapt down from under walkways, slaves were dragged into trapdoors and eaten.

We had begun our last stand, and surrounded the caravan of precious cargo, the birds chirping in a frenzy as the runed warrior grew restless in its chains. That's when a stray bolt struck the cages, silencing one of the songbirds.

A sound not native to our realm shook the cavern walls.

With a great roar, the cages burst open, slaves and Driders scattered away from the sudden onslaught of the sentinel. Chain links shattered with enough force to embed stone walls, and the sentinel strode forward, tarp wrapped around its immense form like a cape.

Those who had journeyed West knew the dangers of these creatures, and soon dispersed. The attacking force had no such merit, merely pressing their assault anew on the strange interloper. Their first mistake was provoking its anger. Their last mistake was to give it targets.
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{Glowing warrior breaks attacking force}

Poison and fire were useless against a creature not of the flesh. Stealth and traps would similarly fail against those burning eyes and sigils. Bolts stopped short of its skin, sometimes shattering around its form, other times deflecting. It may not have had any weapons, but it only needed its fists. Fists that could crush skulls and crumble walls with ease.

The assassins soon fled, knowing that a fight against such a foe required different skills to the ones they held, and runners were sent all over the city to the workshops of siege engineers. The remaining ambushers tried fighting back with axe, spear, club or sword, but that merely enraged the sentinel and provided it with weapons.

It was to my amazement that the warrior showed prowess in all weapon forms, no doubt by creation or observation. It clashed sword with the form of a seasoned blade, drew bowstring with the grace of an elven slave, and wrestled bodies with the finesse of a dwarf.

Even when arcane warriors arrived, supported by their blood magics, their spells proved useless to them as the sentinel gave them priority. Magic circles and mystic shields proved useless when deafened by roars, or put against the glowing fists of the sentinel. Sometimes, it offhandedly threw a wall at them. Then the new weapons arrived.
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{Repeating bows and explosive globes are deployed. Much property damage ensued}

The workshops had received word, and had sent the latest models of siege weapon against the rampaging sentinel. Newly tested from the victorious campaigns against the fungal hordes, repeating bolt and explosive globe were enchanted to correct course, and combined with knowledge of missile dynamics, they were vicious.

Where were the birds this whole time? They flew up above, a living chorus extolling the might of the sentinel. The songs were a mixture of "Man wrought from Metal" and "Warrior Angels ride from above", a terrifying sight combined with the fury of the creature and the advanced weapons of the Driders.

That was when something unexpected happened. The sentinel stopped.

The gunner slaves and Trapdoor engineers took this chance to pounce, and unleashed nearly a dozen weapons onto the sentinel, a sight many foes described as hellish. Bolt and globe exploded with such force, the walls shook and frail structures collapsed.

When the smoke cleared, great holes had been blasted in the square where the sentinel once stood, thankfully far away from the original caravan. The warrior appeared to have fallen, yet the birds above didn't seem to notice, they were still singing their warrior songs.

When a slave was called forward to investigate, they inspected the deepest holes. They appeared to have been dug.
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{The warrior returns fire upon the siege crews. It leaves as soon as it arrives}

There was a great rumbling in the ground beneath the siege crews, and the sentinel burst upwards! It had tunneled through the ground once it had realised what attack was planned, then moved towards the weapons unseen. Slave and Drider were summarily battered about with the unexpected attack, others fleeing in good sense.

The more quick thinking ones moved their weapons and once more fired upon the creature. It changed tack, moving like a silk dancer as it wove among the bolts and globes fired head on. Then it caught one in an outstretched palm, and in a maneuver that has yet to been replicated, returned the offending missile to its origin. The explosion blew the street apart, the globe hitting the weapon's stockpile, and the creature wandered off no worse for the wear.

That put a stop to the assaults, as all citizens of the Underdark would be more concerned with putting out fires and propping up walls than continuing such a fruitless encounter. The majority of the birds left with the sentinel, and scouts reported that it was last seen heading to the Western tunnels, in an attempt to reach its island home.


Then they came for me, and dragged me before Queen and Court demanding answers.
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{A silver-fanged drider stands before Queen and Court. Her words become exotic sights}

They wanted an explanation, so I gave them one. The worst possible outcome for the Western Venture was the successful return of my fleet, with evidence of the Journals authenticity. They had even declared the Fleet to be Lost at Sea preemptive to my return.

The Court and the Queen both had no use for a Minor Clan to rise so fast and so strongly among the Web, and to be so innovative shook age old technologies once thought paramount. They had even wanted to keep the Journal, and spread its secrets among themselves to keep the balance of power. Not a word of this was spoken, but I had now mastered Black/White and could see past their intricately woven plots to the bare flesh beneath.

My argument was simple and brilliant. I gave no falsehoods but offered no truths, merely stating a series of events. I found a Journal, I learnt its secrets, I sought matronage and subsequently advanced Drider knowledge. I was challenged to find evidence of a Land far West, and I provided. Upon my return, I was summarily attacked and attempt made on my life. If the creature fought back, it was under self-preservation and no orders. Simple, cold, clear, with all the delivery of a Grand Black Widow.
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{A silver-fanged Drider exiled. The book, torn among Clans}

My case was enough to save my chitin, but not enough to be exempt from punishment. They put forward the only acceptable crime, that of blatant property damage and capture of a dangerous creature. The only other beings on that list were Demon Lords, Arch Fungi Hives and [Untranslatable = Squid-brains?]. To know that the sentinel was given such high priority made me smile a little, Clover was indeed a formidable male. Yes, he was male, a fact I long wished to ignore.

The judgement continued, I was to be stripped of my Matriarch status, not unforeseen, but to have the Journal removed from my possession was almost unacceptable. With the removal of my status, I could no longer make influential decision, that much was known. But to remove the Journal? Clearly they wanted its power more than I thought.

Not willing to let them part with this victory, I commented absent-mindedly on the steward of such a dangerous artifact. Not all artifacts need be magical to inspire chaos, and that book was both dangerous on both fronts.

The once composed court now swarmed over possession rights. Words and blood were spilled.

As I left, I could see the Grand Black Widow of the Recluse glaring at me. I threw down two Black/White playing pieces and smiled.
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{An inspiring vision of the Underdark triumphant in the future. A depiction of glorious Drider civilisation, the pinnacle of the tapestry}

My mantle of matriarch has been passed on to my lesser clutch-sister, an intelligent Drider who is harmless to the plots the Major Clans weave. I have become shunned by my own Clan, they see my downfall as the descent of all Silver Fangs.

I could care less.

With the Journal separated among the Great Clans, each of them will hurry to unravel its secrets. I have little doubt that if they do not begin a Civil War, they will enter a weaving race. Either way, Drider technology will advance, if not magically, then technologically.

Clover has shown me worlds I never thought possible, in the Underdark or the Surface-realm. His construction of Obsidos was merely a shell of what he knew, an imitation of his true vision. But now I see that beyond his madness lay a cunning mind, one that cared not what blood was spilled or cities burnt, as long as those who followed his path led the world to that vision.

A path the Drider have begun to take. I know not where it will end, but it shall begin with discovery. A world of steaming brass and spinning globes, of inflatible sacs to carry cargo and cogs to carry motion.
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{Here the weaver begins to lose control of themselves, both madness and wonder mixing}

Yes, they never searched my spinners, not where I hid away the dreams of Clover. I need to protect and nurture that vision from the dark. It is my responsibility to what I have started, and who better than a master of Underdark politics. I'll hide away like a Recluse and pull strings from the shadows-

-such chemical propulsion to move heavy loads or small pellets, which must be bargained from the traders under the Mountains-

-find our own Mountain of Light, then materials won't be hard to acquire-

-force multipliers with large workforce equals big money-

-large buildings to house the slaves, from birth to death, to work in efficient shifts-

-cook our food to remove traces of poison, perhaps using high pressures at set temperatures-

-my little pet bird still beats me at Black/White. I see what Clover was getting at-

-and maybe we'll start treating males with respect, possibly given them rights and representation...

>What remains of the final reel of the tapestry has been torn by censors. However, the final pictures show heavy traces of signature amber in the silk weaving. It can be confirmed that the Matriarch had stolen away part of the Journal, and had succumb to Clover Syndrome.
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...and that's all from me for now.

Yes, it was really annoying to find appropriate tapestry pictures, but I think it was worth the effort.

Notice the consistency, calling back names from the first thread.

I'm starting to reveal more of what the Journal's mysteries are, like what the birds sing.

Pictured, a traditional Drider Black/White playing board.

I'm off to make dinner. Enjoy the story at your leisure.
...and I'm back from dinner.

Empty sort of place, innit?

Echo bump! echo bump. echo bump...
I'ts 11pm here down under. I got massively drunk, and am sobering up as I type. I'm attempting to start a story about the first new recruits into the Guard after the Ork Siege, the first of the new Men-At-Arms under the First Codex Reforms.

Don't hold your breath... I might pass out.
Oh? Yet another fellow-

-aaand its him. Thought you were someone else for a second.
To be fair, I was someone else for a second.

Multiple personality disorder is fun, when you learn how to live with it.
And what did your multiple personalities think of the latest Clover Journal?
Haven't read them yet, terribly sorry mate. Only just bloody found the thread again, after catching up on the last one.

See, it's a long weekend, and sunday night, and I'm still quite drunk. I'm still trying to find where the bottle of rum went, but the sake is slowing me right down.

Warms my heart though!
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Somewhere very gossamer:

K: Last report implies surface dealings. Find alternate exit. How was Cuban Shuffle?
B: Red Scare didn't take. Also, may have spread plague. Sneezed on one.
K: Keep doing that. Gauge technological extent. Sabotage if possible.
B: Unfeasible. Too many clans working independently. Industrial Revolution imminent.
K: Change tactics. Pull Black Hand Special. How bad socially?
B: Imagine eight high-heels forever stomping on scrota. Plague spread.
K: Try Segregation Proclamation. Should go like tinder. Contain cross contamination.
B: Will combine Fire Sale. Have found unwitting patsy. How is wedding?
K: Still picking out clothes. Abandon webs for dregs. Search Elder God quarter.
B: Will mindhack mindflayers. Request change from coded garments. Looms difficult to weave secretly.
K: Agreed. Wardrobes packed to brim. So many pretty dresses.
No posts in an hour? I better get back to my story thing.
I'm sorry, I'm asleep right now

Please leave a message, I'll get back to you in eight hours
Sorry, but Borderlands 2 is just too fun.

I am currently occupied with playing mad scientist.
So the gods have screwed over like three races now. K is a girl. And B is going to topple Drider society with segregation and a fire sale.
Guilty as charged. Siren, how about you.
All three statements are based on flimsy evidence.
Depending on which three races, one to two of them are correct.
just because K likes dresses doesn't mean that K is a girl

It's a trap!

Waiting for you guys and all
Gunzerker. How can men stand against such flashy bitz?
By the way, what does everyone think of my latest story?

Worldbuilding good? Storytelling quality? Implied threat?
i want to know how long ago it took place, because if it wasn't that long, then that sentinel may still be walking around on/under our continent, and the pokemon trainer in me wants to catch it
It actually crops up in the next story, for a bit.

Oh no!Spoilers!
So tempted to join in. Not sure how it would work out. /tg/ female in TeeGee Harem Knights? The scandal.

What scandal? I see no scandal here.
yea we're fine with that. pretty sure lilly is a harem knight and that mirthterran noble girl sir andrew brought back wanted to join (and there's betting on just when she'll come back)
Well, not to mention that there were some ca/tg/irls in the original transfer over. Lady Samantha of the Grove is a Knight Harem and Sir Fearghaile's diplomatic protege, the second most skilled ambassador of TeeGee.

Still working on this. Trying to frame how Lem could pass these trials and not coming across as sue.
Note taken. Time to do some reading then.

Couldn't care less. That's the proper phrase, the one that no one uses.
Okay, I'm looking for inspiration now. Anyone know of any other fictional wolves I could blaitantly rip off?

I've already got Horo and Sif, so I'm looking for something else before I start delving into Norse/Space Wolf names.
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midna and/or link

Fenrir, the son of Loki was a giant wolf.
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not a wolf but barkspawn deserves mention as well
brb fapping
Already ripped the Marari off enough for one setting(they pretty much imprint and are insanely smart).

That might work as Juniper's wolf.

Let's see..That's going to leave me with Sif, Horo, Fenrir, Thanatos, Sekmet, and Erubus as the wolves.


Now that means I'm going to have to figure out a good way to encorporate all those diety's personalities into the wolves. TO WIKI!
Why not Meat from Fallout 3? I know it's not a dog, but it looks pretty close! Or look to Iron Will, that movie about the dog-sledders.
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bumping for more writefaggotry
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Good news everyone! I'm going to end up with more thank 4K words here. Absolute Madness.

Since this is so long, does anyone want to do me the favor of proof-reading it? I'm not quite done yet, but like I said, it's long.
Email me the doc link and i'll go through it.
So I am taking a break from rewriting my second trip to hell. Would people rather hear a story about Lilly's store or Kids
I would like to hear what more people thought about my stories, but a story about the Kids would be good too.
K I'm going to write a story about Lilly's/Meinas kids it should be some time today. I make no promises.

As for your story I loved it. But this one was a little harder to read as it felt really artsy
Kids sounds good.

Am I the only one who's done kids so far?

Interesting stuff, just took a while to read through.
Gonna have to say store.
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So quiet....
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I second the store thing. Now I'm gonna have to write a bit about it. What hear would it have gone up?

Sorry, I might end up at 5K words. In the meantime, have the scene of the volleyball game before Lilly "ruined" it.
And then everything falls off.
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Alright, I'm done. It clocks in at a whopping 4896 words. GearHeart, check your email. I'd like you to give it a read and tell me what you think.
and these are from...
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Dog Days. Considering all the fluffy tail, I presume it's relevant to the setting.

No one has mentioned squirrel people yet.
Just got out of the hospital, friend nearly killed me with his I swear there are no peanuts brownies. peanut oil on the other had. Stupid friends suck. Checking right now.
Wrong. I mentioned them when someone mentioned vorpal bunny people.

Oh right, story time for you kiddies.

Entry 1, Vol 2, 14th Midyear 3 A.A.

After the tumultuous events of spring, I have acquired a new journal from which to continue my observations. I am currently setting off for the Gnomish Gear Cities and the Halfling Shirelands to learn more about these diminutive people.

Travelling with me are Sir Lem Fearghaile and his companion Kikki. In the time between our two meetings, I have noticed a new scar on his hands though he doesn’t talk about it and it would be rude to inquire. That and his eyes seem downcast, as if dark clouds were sighted in his horizon. I hope he gets better soon, it would not do for him to ignore his companion. Sometimes I wish they’d both get drunk and get it over with but alas Lem seems to be able to drink most under the table.

Not to mention that going out drinking with him was what landed me in that turbulent spring. It was only my bad luck that it happened to coincide within a specific period of the Kanin reproductive cycle. I’m not well-versed in Kanin biology and to borrow the words of Sir Gearheart it was a “non-safe day”. I will have to get back to Sir GearHeart on Kanin courtship.
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Oh fuck, forgot my pic.
Entry 2, Vol 2, 19th Midyear

Lem’s mood has improved considerably. Unfortunately it is at my expense. He finds the events leading up to my wedding hilarious. I asked him why he was indulging in schadenfreude. His response was to smack me upside the head saying that he wasn’t making fun of me, he was happy for me. If I could not be happy about my circumstances, he would be happy for all of us. When I asked when I could be happy for his sake he dodged the issue and thus tolerated his good natured ribbing from then on, secure in the knowledge of the inevitable and that I’ll be the one with the last laugh.

The Gear City of Cog, the Gnomish capital, is a wondrous place. I didn’t expect to find many traces of religion or superstition here as their form of government is an oligarchical technocracy. However as the dwarves have their mountains, the gnomes have their machines. It is not so much a religion here but more of a philosophy. Why would they worship some entity which may or may not exist when they could make their own and make it just as impressive? They view the “automatic shovel-launcher” as a stroke of genius. I’ve never heard of such a thing but as always TeeGee has gotten weirder shit done.
Lem however, was more occupied with his work as a diplomat, talking with the Gnomish Technolords. Their short attention spans proved maddening and I was partially glad that I was to have no part in it. With a patience greater than mine, Lem proceeded to use an analogy I wasn’t quite so fond of, that of herding cats. I’m a bit of a cat person and to actually think about forcing a cat to do anything at all is a bit strange, and foolish, to me.

One more thing of note that I managed to discover was the Gnomish “Machine Jam” Day. It is perhaps it is the only thing even remotely resembling a religious holiday these parts. To put it simply, the responsibilities and usual hierarchies of Gnomish society is dissolved giving way for all gnomes to create whatever they can in the span of one day. This is perhaps one of the few occasions that a lowly gnome could gain recognition, giving the technocratic society a bit of mobility.
Entry 2, Vol 2, 25th Midyear

For all the technological prowess the gnomes possessed, we were given a rather low-tech solution to the travel problem; the humble burro. I had inquired as to why they have not applied their technological mastery to solve the problem of traversing a mountain. One of the gnome envoys replied that they’d rather focus on making “stuff blow up” than solving “your boring mountain problem.”

I should then not have asked why they haven’t blown the mountain up. It was like an epiphany, near religious I might add, as I heard a voice cry out “BRILLIANT!” I may yet regret that careless remark. Lem and his companion as always, find everything I do funny to some extent. Yes, laugh at the balding man in silly robes. However when I later asked Lem if the gnomes could or would do such a thing he replied with a non-committal “probably.”
Entry 3, Vol 2, 28th Midyear

As we journeyed through the mountain pass, I could not help but admire the scenery. Lem would use pristine as his adjective of choice but I could disagree. There is probably no such thing. However the forest canopies provided a stark contrast with the crags of the area, lending a bit of weight to his choice of words. Maybe it was environment we were in but sometimes I feel another’s gaze on my back.

Every league, which for convenience’s sake I take as five kilometres, we passed roadside shrines. Kikki has told me that hermits live in these mountains, human ones if the shrines are any indication. It was probably the gaze of these hidden hermits that I felt. Most of the shrines we passed were to Myrthter but the closer we got to the Shirelands, I saw more shrines that were made by Halflings. They had offerings of wheat and Lem had explained that the Halflings and the Gnomes imported farm machinery and grain respectively with each other.

I see a new shrine already in the distance though this one seems unlike any other. We’ll probably be stopping ahead so for now I will end this entry.

--Journal of Bhikkhu Thai, Travels with Sir Fearghaile part 1
ah yes, i was waiting to watch that until season two finished, which just happened, torrent away
The store opens around the beginning of the fifth year.
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>Kikki wants to visit to support her friend
>Lem knows better, delays her going for as long as possible.
That sounds right. Also writing up a piece of a day at the store.
It seems like everyone is going to have to write a store tale and a Catmas tale now.
Yayifications. The store should prove interesting

Kuro and Belle need some convincing first. That bead incident has scared them.
Still worth it.
if you need anything to help with stamina and endurance, Kari grows some rather interesting and useful herbs
We should work together on that one, since Lem is likely to accompany her if she finally makes up her mind to ignore Lem and go anyway.

Also, is it bad the only thing i can think of for Catmas with Lem & Kikki is sexy times?

The Trials of Sir Fearghaile shall be coming in my next post. Stay tuned!
Yeah work on it some time don't know when.
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I am aware that many today will largely ignore my findings, that the results of this committee’s report will not change the day-to-day lives of those around us. I am also aware that the results are already largely accepted already as truth, even though there was no hard evidence.

Main Body:
The disappearance of Sir Styx six months ago did not go unnoticed to the committee, especially in the manner he disappeared. I have not had any way to track Sir Styx and with my new responsibilities as diplomat and statesman I had no time to devote to his capture. As such I regulated this manhunt to the Blades, as Sir Dustyn’s NRFs would be far better at such a task than a former city slicker such as myself. I therefore relegated it to the back of my mind and hoped that the stories and reports surfacing of Sir Styx’s “deeds” were not true. Stories of disemboweled mages and scholars didn’t exactly fit the man who fought alongside me during the Elf Wars. There is a rather dry (but effective) description of events in this final report, however I have attached copies of my journal entries from the incident for a more narrative flow to the events if you so wish. For those who would rather know the means beyond the ends, you may skip the the conclusion on the final page. My report:
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I had just received word from the Blades concerning Sir Styx. It appears that they had tracked him down to dwarven lands, which was impressive since not two weeks ago he had apparently snuck into the Caliph of Serrid’s heavily guarded palace and murdered his High Vizier with his own entrails. The next letter I received via sending service wasn’t as pleasant. It was sparse on details, but apparently my presence was required at the fortress-city of Dervish-Rah, a popular place of pilgrimage for the Dwarven devout. The urgency was as such that there was a Teleport requisition in for transport, which is surprising as to the cost for just a few day’s travel north. Nonetheless I answered the request and took the portal. After all, it was cosigned by the local Dwarven Governor, which means that if I don’t go, it’ll be my ass in the fire later if I don’t show.

Upon arrival, we were immediately met by Sir Yankee, a sly fellow from near where I lived in the old world. He was the best man-hunter in the Blades, and one of Sir Dustyn’s Lieutenants. From here I will do my best to accurately transcribe my conversations.

“So what’s this about?” I asked the moment I stepped out of the portal.

“No pleasantries Sir Fearghaile? No, ‘Hey, how ya doin Joey, I haven’t seen you in a while’.” I left my features neutral. This was something important, so I wanted to get to the point. “No? Well, fine. Follow me and take this.”

Kikki and I took the parcel he was carrying, heavy winter cloaks. “What’s this for?”

“While it might be spring in TeeGee, little lady, the mountains don’t know much other than winter.” As if on cue, a draft blew through the tall streets of the Dwarven fortress,.

“Noted” And we bundled up.
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We walked through Dervish-Rah. “Holy City” doesn’t do it justice. There were statues everywhere of various aspects of Dervish and holy men from long ago, carved from stone or cast in bronze.

“So what’s this about?” Kikki asked. “There wasn’t much in the brief.”

“After a good year and way too many bad stories, we found Sir Styx. He’s holed up in the temple apparently.”

“And you couldn’t bring him in yourself because?”

“Ain’t no one allowed in that place but the monks. Most just pray at the shrine in front of the monastery walls.”

“I still don’t how this involves me.”

“They asked for you by name.”

There was a great mechanical lift to near the peak of the mountain where stood the temple of Dervish-Rah, the Sword-Arm of the Mountain. Able-bodied Pilgrims were obliged to take the Great Stair, a three day journey for most, but the lift was built for the weak of composure and sacrifices that would not survive the trip. At the top of the shaft, there was a dwarf waiting. His thick beard was grey with streaks of black, and while his visage was heavily wrinkled, his bright blue eyes held youth. Black tattoos of Dwarven design adorned his tonsured scalp.
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"Savior's Day...."
My eyes looked to the ceiling. Catmas was here.

Perhaps the lack of sleep was itself keeping me paranoid. An endless cycle. I felt a lot better now, though. Sera and I spent the rest of the morning in bed, enjoying the warmth, until we decided to go out and enjoy town.
"Oh, hey, before we go." I reached under the bed and removed a box, wrapped as well as I ever learned to wrap. Messily.

Sera loved the new coat. Sure, it was the reason why I had to work in winter, but it was worth it to see her face light up like that. People enjoy nice things every now and then. Between her good mood, a night's sleep, and the impending holiday cheer, it was looking to be a good day.
“Sir Fearghaile, I have heard many tales of you and your wise words in the Dwarven senate, surprising for a Human. You are well met.” He put his fist across his chest, a traditional Dwarven greeting. “I am Darius Bloodbeard, First Student of Maximos Orekhim, Warden of the Sword-Arm.”

I returned the gesture, along with Kikki. “I wish I could say the same. I hear you have you have one of our lost sheep?”

“They told me you had a clever tongue clever tongue. Yes, he is in the stonepeak temple of this mountain.”

“I thought you had him here?” Kikki spoke up.

“Not quite, young lady. He’s sealed himself inside the holiest inner shrine with Maximos. A few of our brothers sought to go in after him, but we are not permitted to draw blood while on such sacred stone.”

“So he’s armed then. Damn, I only brought my smallsword.”

“Incidentally, you’ll need to leave that outside. There are to be no weapons in the monastery.”

You could probably have powered a small city by how hard Kikki and I rolled our eyes. Joey chuckled quietly at how they turned at the exact same time. “Would you like us to strip naked too?” Kikki snarked as she started to unbuckle her weapon rig.”

“No, that won’t be necessary, however, I do not know why you are disarming as well. Only Sir Fearghaile is permitted through those doors.”
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“Wait, why can only I go in?”

“It is the Will of Dervish. We would have been quite satisfied with letting your Sir Styx starve or freeze himself to death. But our Mystic spoke to us in our prayers. You are to be the only one.”

I gave a heavy sigh. I did not think that this would be so complicated. “It’s okay Kikki, I’ll be fine. Shall we?”

“Wait!” Kikki pulled me aside before we could get very far. “This is dangerous. It’s exactly what Styx wants, to have you alone and unarmed. It’s a trap.”

I shrugged. “Probably. But he probably won’t try and kill me. Doesn’t seem the type for that, and if I’m unarmed, he’s less likely to try. I’ll be fine. Worse comes to worse, I can always keelhaul it out.”

“Fine, I get it... Take this.” She put a small pendant in my hand and closed my fingers around it.

“This was your mothers, don’t be stupid.”

“I fucking know, just take it.” A pause. “It’ll make me feel better...”

I wasn’t used to such sentimentalities from Kikki, so I just nodded and walked off, putting it around my neck. Though to be honest, I think this was the first time I’ve ever done something like this and Kikki wasn’t at least in the room. Once aware of the fact, it was a strange feeling of loss. I think it hurt more than helped.
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But I digress. The Dwarven monastery reminded me of Tibetan Buddhist monasteries in the Old Realm, except hewn right from the mountain face and with some Romanesque columns. Multicolored prayer flags flapped in the snowy wind. I was glad for my cloak. There were only another four Dwarves on the other side of the wall and the structure wasn’t particularly large on the inside, or even ornate. All of the decoration was on the outside, no doubt tributes and gifts. “So few?”

“Maximos only takes few students. There were seven of us before your Sir Styx came here. We do not know the fates of the other two, as they had to enter the Peak Sanctuary via the Trials of the Sword.”

“And yet you made me leave my sword at the gate? What do you expect me to do once I get there, spit at him?”

“I expect you to do your job, Ambassador. Talk him down. And if that doesn’t work, well... the rule is that no Dervikhim may commit violence in the sanctuary.”

“Of course, I’m the loophole.”

“Under normal circumstances, no Human would ever see inside these walls, much less the sanctuary. How is your Dervitus?”

“<Capable.>” I spoke in the Dwarven tongue. Surprisingly similar to Latin. I always thought those three years of it in high school would have never gotten me anything.

“Good, you’ll need it. The Seven Trials lie ahead. We will help you remove the first one, opening the door.”

“What’s so hard about opening a door?” We came to the back of the monastery. where there stood a massive door, stories tall, that seemed hewn out of the rockface it sat in, framed in the same style as the rest of the surrounding structures. It would probably take a dozen men to move it. “Well, that would do it...”
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The Dwarf spoke a word, and it reverberated in a weird way, kind of like those killing words in Dune. Remember that movie? And as if it were wind blowing a screen door, the great stone slabs opened, giving me a chilly breeze from the ice formed walls behind.

“Any... any hints as to what I’ll be facing in there?”

“We are permitted none before our trials, though one of our number long ago has placed plaques to help guide alcolites.”

“Great, now I know how that poor extra in the Last Crusade felt when he had to go try and find the grail...”

“Good luck Ambassador, we are depending on you, and pray to Dervish for your safe passage”

“How comforting...” And with a deep breath, I entered the icy cavern.
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The first trial was before me, a square stone cut from the ice with the following inscription. “<Though I walk through the Cavern of Darkness, I fear no harm, for my Heart is Still and my Soul is Clean>”

I looked before me, and sure enough the tunnel ahead was black as pitch, a small light at the end indicating my goal. Seems easy enough, just walk straight in a line and... well, it’s never that easy. From the darkness, I felt a blade graze my cloak. Nothing deep enough to cut it, but I still stopped short. Stepping forth again, another blade struck from the darkness. I flinched, and a third struck my cheek, giving me a right nasty cut across the old scar from the Elven War. I stood still for a moment and collected myself. “I fear no harm” a mutter to make myself feel better for the blades I could feel whipping around me, cutting so close I could feel my breath reverberated off of the steel.

And then I was on the other side. First trial passed.

The chasm narrowed, and then opened up. Into a bottomless ravine. “<In my times of greatest triumph and failure, so long as I have faith, I may move mountains.>”

“Oh please, I get that there’s SOME originality in that spot with the blades, but do these guys have access to Steven Spielberg movies or something?” Without another word, I stepped into the abyss and was caught by stone. A bridge of rock materialized under my step, flying up from the chasm to meet my step. With each purposeful step, more came up under me to get me to the other side.
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The plaque for the third trial wasn’t far. “<My Mortal Senses may fool me, but the Eye of my Soul shall forever guide me.>”

Before me was a hall of mirrors, similar to a funhouse mirror maze. It would be easy to assume that it was just something to ward off the superstitious of heart, but more likely it was filled with traps to be disguised by the mirrors. I kept a look at my feet, but before long, I thought I saw something in my peripheral. The passage was too narrow for anything else to pass without my knowledge, but...

Before long I saw more than just one something. My reflections came in new forms. Men and Elves I’ve killed, monsters that haunt me, friends I’ve made, friends I’ve lost, women I barely remember but I considered attractive, Kikki... more than a few times Kikki... [Printer’s Note: text sort of rides off here]
I digress. The one thing that held me the longest, what I saw, only in retrospect, that may have almost failed me that trial, was my family. In one of the later mirrors, I could see myself, standing on my street. The sounds of my city filled my ears, the smells, the feels. My parents and siblings stood around me, the eldest and my best friend patted my shoulder. All of them hugging and being jovial. I could smell my mother’s perfume, incense from church on my father. I could feel my sister’s squeezing my midriff in a loving embrace. Even my younger brother, who normally was an asshole was kind. It was... intoxicating. My body was moving on its own as I reached for the mirror.

But something brought me back. I noticed the pendant around my neck, a simple circle of bronze with the sigil of the nine divines on a steel chain. It looked... off, foreign in the reflection I gazed upon. That was it, only a reflection. It was more difficult than I would have liked to turn away from it. I could hear them call my name as I walked through the mirrored doors to the next chamber, tucking the pendant into my chestplate.

>stupid field length...
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This time, I could see a great creature I could only describe as a Sphinx. I’ve heard stories from Serridian traders, but they were exceedingly rare, and even more difficult to capture. To see one in the Dwarven mountains. “<I speak with truth in my heart, and the way shall be revealed>”

I took one step beyond the plaque, and the way behind me shut with a stone slab. Only one way out: beyond the beast.

“A human? Most fascinating.” The beast spoke in a dozen different voices, all at once and reverberating against each other. The face was androgynous, so telling gender was impossible. “Well, I suppose it’s not my place to Question. Answer me these questions three, lest the other side of the door you see~”

This seemed oddly familiar. “And if I get one wrong?”

“I get a very LONG awaited meal~”

“How will you know if I’m lying?”

“I know.”

“I see. Well shall we get this over with?”
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“Straight to the point, I like that.” And in the most booming voice he (she?) could muster, the Sphinx continued. “What is your name?”

“I am Sir Lem Fearghaile of the Knights Harem of Castle Waifu.”

“You seem unsure~”

“A name is what people call you. This is what this world calls me. Ask your second question.”

“Well met. What is your Quest?”

Okay, what is it with these pop culture references? “I seek Sir Robert Styx of the Knights Harem to bring him to answer for what he’s done.”

“Hmmm, a strange answer, but you speak truth. Your final question. What... is the airspeed velocity of a swallow?!”

For a moment I hesitated. “What do you mean, a Mirthan Swallow or an Orkland Swallow?”

A Sphinx at a loss for words is a funny thing. After a few minutes, it finally managed to stutter something out. “I-I-I don’t know... There’s a difference?”


“Well... Color me flabbergasted. Uh, this is rather embarrassing. I’d much rather you didn’t tell anyone of this.”

“Sooooo... does that mean I’ve completed your trial? I can go?”

“Oh yes, of course.” The Sphinx got up and moved over. “My dearest apologies on the third question. This has never happened to me before...”

“Quite alright.”
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The fifth plaque was something strange. “<Through the eyes of Dervish, I҉̫͉͈̮̩̬ͅ ̨k̗no̖̺͎̙͓̙w̞̝̺̟̥̘̟ ̯̳̼̰̞̤͠th̶͚͓̺̫e͙̙̦̗̳̜̳ ͈̙̹͖̬u̗̘n͎͚͇̞̲k͇̬̞̝̪̦̖n̝͎͕͓̼ͅǫ̗̪̤͖͖wa̹̫̼b̝̻̰̟͖l̶̙̗̗̪̬e͇
̥̦̭,͔ ̩̱͔͈̦͉̲I̜̼͟s̖̺̙͇͙͖ͅe҉͎e̶̝̜ ͙̻̰͎͍̤́͟ͅt͝҉͓͉̘h̨̟̻̠̟͍̳͙ͅe̢̙̩̹̞͉̠̯͘̕ ̷͈́̕u̬͔̙͚̹̖͔n̛͏̮̗̥͍s͔̗̲̫̥͡e̸̤̻é͓͓̼̮͓̝a̢͙͉͡ͅb͎̟̥̖̩͡͞l̛̪
͙̼̥̣͞ȩ̷͈̩̘̺ͅ,͎̗͔ ̨͚̱̘̼͎͕͡a̧̡̙͈̬͘ṋ̵̀d̡҉̵̧͈͖͓̟̯͇͖͡ ̸͢͝͏̛̦̣̰̮͇͓̳̥̯̗̼I̢̯͎͚̪̹͍̱͔̬͢͞͝ ̸̯͕̼̘̣̥̭̰̦̻̮̫̗̣͝͠h̷͎͙̳̳̯̰̭̦̤̯͖͉̬̙̜̼͖̼̗́͘͘e̛͏̴̢̞̞͔̮̟
̥ ̡̞͙̯̺̦̙͔͝͞t̶̜̖̭̬̙̻̰́̕͢h̛̭͎͔̩̲͈̥e̷̦͇̰̺͇̤̜̘̩̣̱͢ ͍͈̲̬̭̥̰̻̝͓́̕͘͜u͢͏̰̰̤̱̦͈ͅn̵̵̨̢̜̟̻̻͙͕̮̻̠͇̼̞͢h̴̴҉̩̘͕̖͉̤
͢͢͝ͅ ̵̱̗͈̹̗̮͇̦̮̖̲͉͙͈͘͘͞͝a̴̦̭͕̭̥͉̻̗̜͓͍̰͘͢͡nd yet I do not falter.>
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Some of the text was garbled. I did not quite make it out, so I entered through the blackened chamber. As if covered by a blast shield, the walls opened and I saw...
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I saw imposş̦̦i̩̣̗ḇ͓̞͚͔l͏̺é ̦̰̼t͖͚̰̼h̲̯̩̻i̳̪̘̬͉̙̱͢n͍̰̜̫͎̳͢g̴̩̭͍͎̹s͚͓.̡͙̳͍̺ ̴̜̣̺̺ͅI̶̖̦̗͙͔͙t was as though ̕I̛̜͔̦ w͉̟̘͉as in spac̥̫e̲̞͚̝͚͎͍̕ ̖̞͇̖͚̻a̶̯͓͎̳͓n̴̮d͈͙̱̠̣͡ ̤̣̳̱͖̹̥s̸̘̯̦̙̩͈p̬ace was in me͉̗̤͚̹̬ a̮̞̘̬̘͞n̢̩̞̼̮͔̹̣d̩̮̠͓͠ ̸̘̖̟t͎̼̻̦͔͍̙́h̲ḙ̠͓̭͔r̷̘͕ͅe̛͚͚ͅ ̠̦͝w͎̰͇a̳̭͈͉̝͇͜s̞̬͍̪ͅ ̨͚a͉͉̲̰̦ ̬̲s̗͉͡t͖͓̟̞́ͅa҉͚̲̗̟̙͍̣r̼̩͎̖ ̪͔̺͕̹̬a̶̫̹̲̪̤ ̱͔̟̫̠͕̦̀b̷̤ri̸͇̼̰͉̲g̴̯̜̤h̤̳͙͘ͅt͕ ̱̰̣̭͙̺͘s͎̞̖̻̀t̜̙̱̣͍͓̀a̢̠r̡̥̟̗̮̭͎͟ ̴͔̲̳̼͠ͅb̜͔̖̹̲̬̘̥̫̀e̢̢̥̰̺̫͚̦͉y͏̧̜̘̮̲ọ̢̬͝n͏̼̟̫̺̞̘͈d̷̛̜
̠̜̳͎͞ ̠̫̠̀͟͢t̷̡̪̱͈͘h̵̴͎͇ì͕̹̭͈̳͡s̶͚̦͍̱ ̸҉̤̥̞̘̙ͅẁ̰̰̩̠̟͢o̳̣̤̜͖̺͇̬͢r̴̦̣̖͜l̷̤͇̳͟d̵͇̮͜͠ ̴͇͕̩͙̺͓̫̹a̵̱̪̭n̖̝̜̕d̵̵̨͔̼͖̦̦̞̝̝ ̴̢҉̟̟̳̟͎e̵͉͉͝v͔͙̗̫e͏͙̰̬̙̝͎͙͚̪n̹͍̺͓̜ ̟̦̙̹̟̖͡t̡̛̲̞͚̰̬͜h̵̨̛͚̮̞͎į̷҉̳̼͇̲s̰̼̮̟̙̯̬͘ͅ ̵͎̯̣̮u̷̧̘̮͖̟̝̤̕n̛̙̼̮͍͚̻̣͠i̭͍͜v͍͙̺̬͚e̮̞̣̹͕͓͡r̷̠̗͔̯̹s̵̲̲
̠͕͉̘̪͎̤͟e̡͖͖̳̞̣͖̻͝ ̶̞͇͉̟̹͘t̮̹͓͚͙̱̣̀̕͟h̢̲͕͉̹͓͕i̤̩s̭̤̯̗͖̪̯̀ ̨̲̪͙̻̕b̨̻̪̭̖͟r̢̥̥̟̜̞͙i̛͕̻̤̼͍͢ǵ̵͚͕̯̹̳̝̰̗̻͇̟̬͖̦͉̺̙͟ͅh̢
͕͚̖̻͔̲̲͕̘͙̗͉̦̦̙̗́́ͅt̢͎̥̠͖̮͚͖̙̰̼̖̳͕̙̻͘ ̶̧̧̪̠̳̞̮̭̗̫̱̳̹̙̩̰͔̼̫͝ͅ
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̗ŕ̶͔̮̤̠̼̭̺̰͎̻̬͙͜ͅ ̷͡͏҉̗̦̬̰̜̟͓h̴̢̭͙̹̙͉̤͉̠͎̟͈̼̳̺̼̤̣̭a̸̢̧̨͓̲̗͈͎̙̦̖̱͙͡d͢͏̦
̗̫̙̹͓́ͅ ̸̝̠̤͓͢a̵̻̫̹̼̭͙̦̤̪͎̰͓̲̮͖̯͘͝ ̧̫̲͙̭́͜͝s̶̵̘̹̣̞̦̦̗̱͙̝̪͘͜͜ͅẖ̶̱̪̱̪̟͈̰͍̲͚̱͘͝a̸̸̛̙̻̟͉͇͔
̘̘̭͖̼̱̥̫͚̫͟ ̴̱̰̭͙̙͡a̸̵̧͝͏̣̮̠̥̞͎̘͉̞̖̜ņ̮̱̺̞̹̭͇͙̮̺̘̣͙͕̤̣̙̯͜͝d͏͈͙͈̠
͚͈̮̫̥̰͙͍̝̫͖͍̦̲́̀͡ ̸̸͍̖̘̥̬͕̩̻̲̠̺͜i̵̴̵̡͍̤̱̠̝̹͕͙͕̝̯̩̺̪̪̰̹̪͞n̷̞̟̻̕ͅ ̵͟҉̴͇͔̤͔̪̙̪̗̭̤̹̙̼͡t̰̭̦̩̝̦͍̙́͞h͏̦̟̙̭̲̦̖̭̕͟͞͠ị̧̧̛̮̞̤͚
̞̩̜͙͟s̷̖̠̼͍͇̘͉̜̲̝̭͈̺̗͘͢͞ͅ ̢̢̡͔̗̟̜͓͖͖̲͖̭̖̳͍͢͜s͜͏̴̯̤̠͉͚̲̲̦̟̩̜͔̮̠̗͞ͅh̷͔͍͇̳̫̳̠͚͓͚
̥̟͕ ̵̸̧̼͎͉̭̖͈̫̦̗̮̯͉͚͇̪͇͙͝͠l̨̳̺͔̲̖̙̀i҉̖̺̱͙̼͈̯̕̕͟ȩ̛͇̗̮͇̝̲
̫̟̙̩̘̫̻͉̥̖̀ͅͅ ̶̬̮̳̙̟͎̣͖́̕̕͢d̨̜̘̝̲͈̰̮̻́ó͢͟҉͎̞͓̟͚͚̟̭̺̝̝͚̕r҉̸̥͈̪͔̼͇̲
̫̮̗̥̣͟ ͏̷̯̮͉̠͈̭b̧̤͚̻̭̬̥̱̭̞͍͖͚̜̠̞̙͚͞ͅr̸̢̨͖͚̼͕̹̟̱͈͜͝e̡͍̣̩̳̱̮̝
̜̭̻̼͉̼͇̖͟ͅņ̣̠̺͓̥͖͍͈͙͔͎̳̫͎̲͡ͅg̴̸̲̮͕̹͚̲̹̻̳̠͚̗͚̳̯̹̜͢ ̵͏̘͓͓̜̲͓̙̝̺̣̫͈̤t̴̢̹̣̦̰̻̻̀͝h̵҉͏̵̺̥͓̫̮͈̘͕̱̗̠̟͖̹̩̣͔͢r̢҉
Frosted Bitts



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[Printer’s Note: I have no idea what happened here, the press I had made for this page simply melted, though I cannot seem to find the original page and can’t for the life of me even remember putting the words to press. I don’t know what this distortion is either]
Ìͥ ̸ͭ̎ͨͤͫ̽̚wͭ̏ͦ̽̐ͦren̋ͭ̈́͒̽̃͋ć̈́͒͑̌ͭ͡h̚e̅ͭͭͤ̄ͮ͟d̒̅͌ͨͯͬ̚ ͭ͂ͤ͞m̑̏̀̕yͭͭ̄̄͐̆ͮs̸͊̐͂̏̅el̉̉̇̐̐̽̚͏f̍̄̀͜ ͨͫͩ̚f̑̈̌͢ṙͬ̓͛̀ỏͨ͋̇̐̾͌͠m̑ ̵͒̇̃ͫtͪͭ̾̆h̊͆̓ͯͯ͌͛̀ě̊ ̋ͮc̿͊ͩ̏ó̡̌̈́͗ld̛̐̆ͦ ̉̒̊t̶͗o͌̔̓͒̓ͦ̂͝ucͥ̂̂́ḣ̌͑ͫ́ ̔ͦ̄̉oͦ̏̍̿ͧ͊͠f̏́̓̚ ̸̸̏ͮt̿̑ͪ̔͡͝h̢̀ͦ̋͐̎ẽ̓͝E̡̎̄͗̊̃̔͊ͤ̀ͧ́̔l͋ͧ̄̈̓̄̀́͟d̢̾ͪ̔́̑
̸̶̐͗ͬͧͦͯ̒̌̀,̷̛ͣ́̅̈ͩ̐̆̅ ̛͒ͣ̏̔͒́̚b̂ͥ̓̒̑ͪ҉̵̶͠uť̂̈ ̢̛͆͋I̓̊ͥͪ͒ͤ͏̡ ̴̴͛ͦ̄ͬ̋̓̚k̶̛̈́̋̈ͯͬn̵͑̍̈͋̍͛͠o̶ͪͫw̡ͯ͂ ̄ͨͭ͘nͪͥ̇̾ͥ͐͏őͭ̎ͭ͂t̾͑ ̍̎̈h͒͐ͦͥͧow. I sometimes still have nightmares. No matter. The final trial.
And this is why moe is a plague that should be exterminated.
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The final passage lead me to the open mountain, sun shining in the little grotto. before me lay two dead Dwarven monks, slain, blood staining the snow. A broken sword of TeeGee make lay near them. Before me, in front of a natural stone arch, stood Sir Styx, Rob. He was holding a sword, silvery and gleaming in the sun, color mottled by ridges normally found on Damascus steel, clearly some holy artifact, swinging it around. There was a pair, dark but still gleaming opposite where the other sword was apparently taken, stone arms coming out of the arch to grasp it.

Beyond the arch, I could see a great curved wall and a Dwarf sitting before it, apparently meditating. I saw no red, so chances are the Master of this mountain was still alive. More importantly there was a door, presumably the one out. The final plaque stood before me. “<With all of the Righteous Might of Dervish, the Sword-Arm must Learn to swing on its own>”

“Lem!” Robert’s voice brought me to. “Lem! I’ve been waiting for you! I’ve done it, if this works, we can go home!” He seemed erratic, unable to string together clear thoughts, pacing like wild.

“Wait, calm down Rob, what’s this about.”

“The Old Realm Lem, that’s what our committee was for, wasn’t it? I found it! The key back home! I think...” He gripped the bastard sword in both hands and made up his face like he was concentrating, furrowing his brow, kind of like some weeaboo jackass building a power attack. I just stood and watched.
I still can't decide whether my Eldritch Horrors being that cute is a good thing or a bad thing.

Either way, its still complete San loss. Thank the Gods I went insane years ago.
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“DAMNIT! WHY WON’T IT WORK! AHHHGH!” I could not tell you the state of Sir Styx’s mind. He was far, far gone from the more restrained, if slightly prudish man I knew as my closest friend in this realm of yet. It was... difficult to watch. At least until he turned to me. “LEM.”

“What’s going on Rob...”

“This is YOUR fault. You been fooling around with that Cat-THING and now you’ve forgotten all about home, you BASTARD!” He took a wild swing at me with the blade. Even though my face was numb from the cold, I could feel heat off of the blade as it swung past my face. Holy and magical, huh? What a time to be disarmed.

“Whoa, whoa, what the hell are you on about, Rob? Put that away before someone gets hurt”

“Big words for an animal-fucker without a sword!” I kept trying to dodge, but he was going to soon pin me up against one of the rock walls in this mountain sanctuary.

“Rob, this isn’t like you!” And my back hit the wall. I could see the thrust, as in slow motion. It sunk into my breastplate, cutting through the Mythril like butter, until it stopped. I could feel a rounded pressure on my chest just over my beating heart. I wasn’t about to question what exactly stopped a Dwarven Holy Sword that Mythril could not, and instead took hold of the edges of the blade with my gloved hands, and managed to pull the blade from without.

Rob stumbled back. “Damnit, just DIE already” And with another terrified shriek, he gave a second thrust.
Just woke up, we rubbing eldritch horror ears now?
Like I've said before sanity is for the weak
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I’m not entirely sure what was going through my mind at that point, but I wasn’t about to beat him completely unarmed (as though my meager smallsword would have been able to best this beast), so instead I threw my sword hand up. What the sword could do to Mythril, it had no problems ripping through the leather of my gloves, impaling my hand. I’d still take it to my gut. I forced my hand all the way down the blade, blood dripping along the way, until I got to the hilt and held on for dear life. A short struggle, we fell to the snowy ground, and I gave him a headbutt into his nose. I probably broke it. This was enough to loosen his grip on the sword and let me get out of the melee.

“Damnit Rob...” I gasped as I struggled to me feet. Sir Styx just lay there, gripping his nose. Soon enough I heard sobs. I pulled the sword a second length along the new wound in my right hand and held the sword in my left, leaving the other to drip blood at my side.

“T-they were r-r-right... th-th-they were all RIGHT!” Sir Styx got up on his knees, nose bleeding profusely, he was looking down, his bloody nose marking the dirty snow we kicked up with our scuffle.

“Who was right?” I ignored the pain shooting up my arm the best I could.

“Everyone, EVERYONE. Every scholar, every wizard, they all told me it was impossible, but they were lying, I KNEW it... I just knew it...” He slammed a fist in the snow. His voice was muffled by his broken nose, but not changed much. Always was sort of a mouthbreather. “But they WEREN’T. They all said that going back, that home... that to get home was like choosing one of an infinity of identical looking eggs, and only one of them is is gold inside. Like rolling a d∞ and getting a 1.”

“And this sword?”

“That’s what that guy in Serrid said, that the Sword would... would ‘grant the will of the one who wielded it’ or some other hackish bullshit.”
Only the Insane can judge who is Sane.
Only the Sane can judge who is Insane.
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“It was foolish to believe otherwise, lad.” Another voice spoke up, it was Master Orekhim. He was stout and powerful, though gaunt lines in his cheeks and under his eyes spoke long fasts. A bald scalp was covered in various tattoos and his eyes were filmed over with cataracts, but they were still alert, and acted as though he could see us clearly. I heavily suspected he could.

“Sir.” I gave a respectful bow. “I deeply apologize for the trouble this man has brought you.”

“It is an unfortunate reality. It pains me to see blood spilled on such sacred ground. However, the Will of Dervish prevailed, and you arrived.”

“Thank you, Sir. If you could show me the way out, I can take Sir Styx back to TeeGee for judgement. If necessary, we will cooperate and hand him over to your people’s authorities.“

“Yes, you certainly are the Ambassador I’ve heard of on the Southern Wind.”

“Wait, you’re not going to kill me?” Sir Styx started to boil up again under the shame of his defeat.

“Rob, you know that’s not how we work. I know it’s not going to be easy on you, but you have to answer for your actions.”

“No... NO, YOU HAVE TO KILL ME! I LOST!” There’s something definitely wrong with him at this point, and before I can say another word, he leapt up, pushed me aside and grabbed the black sword displayed on the arch. “Screw you then, you bastard.” Sir Styx pulled a scroll from a bag at his hip.

“Rob, NO DON’T” and with that, he was gone. A teleport scroll. Those things are terrifically expensive, but with the speed he cast it, his location is as likely in TeeGee as it is at the bottom of the seas.
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“Well, that was certainly dramatic.”

The Mystic took me a bit off guard “I’m sorry, he got away, and with that sword. All things considered, it’s probably very valuable.”

“Yes, it was, but not more valuable than a life, and it seems he already took those before either of us could act.”

I turned to him with the silvery sword in my hand. “Well, at least there’s still this one.”

Master Orekhim looked at the sword, and then to me. “Keep it.”

“Hmmm” I wasn’t quite sure what he was getting at. It’s quite the artifact if it could cut through armor like that.

“Take out your pendant.”

“My pend...”

“The thing around your neck, laddie.”

“Oh right,” The thing was dented inward, the middle of the sigil bent in “Oh man, Kikki’s mother gave this to her...”

“It was the will of the Gods that you carry that sword. It was why the Nine Divines protected you. So keep Paciferum. Dervish wills it. Besides, I suspect one day you will need it, with its twin in the hands of your Sir Styx.” He turned to the arch and beckoned me through. “Come, I need to summon my students for the funeral rites of their brothers.”
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I was greeted as a hero by Joey and Kikki, though I did not manage to bring Robert in. His whereabouts are unknown, if he’s even still alive, but that doesn’t affect my final report. The monks began treat me as a brother “Brother Fearghaile”, as I passed the Seven Trials and saved their Teacher. It seemed strange, but I didn’t have much time before Kikki started dragging me to the lift to get some medical attention. I suppose my hand was bleeding pretty badly. She wasn’t even paying attention the ruined pendant. If anything she seemed pleased that it could have helped in the way it did, and asked me to keep wearing it. “As a good luck charm.” Can’t argue with that logic.
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Before I wrote this, I was in a Dwarven medical ward being stitched up. Kikki had insisted I do so immediately. This is about where exactly what just transpired during those trials hit me. It’s... difficult to explain the position I’m in. Even now I deeply desire to return. While my memories of the Old Realm are becoming less distinct, the loss of everything I saw in that hall of mirrors still pains me, as I’m sure others as well. I now know that return is virtually impossible, however. And I will try to elaborate on this fact as clearly as possible in the following paragraphs.

The Wizard who brought us to this realm was a mage who was using a self-replicating “smart spell”. His interest wasn’t really interested in specifics or qualities, only that it was Human and from another universe. Due to his carelessness, he ended up bringing three thousand of us in with his poorly programmed spell. As soon as the spell finished sending individuals, the final link to our world severed, and as this link was essentially random in the first place, re-establishing a link would be equally random and with practically infinite universes and time to explore, hitting the EXACT position in space AND time would be nearly impossible. Our return to our families and lives on Earth, no matter how much we may or may not have disliked them, is impossible. Even in the Locked Room, there’s unlikely to be anything that could open a portal back up to our world.
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However, considering how well those at Castle Waifu have adjusted over the last three years, and with the first children being born, I highly doubt returning to the old world is high on many people’s lists. Still, to have closure, as bitter as it may be, is a comfort. While to be ripped so cruelly from our previous lives and families, we have built new lives here, and even new families. I say with a heavy, but heart, we are blessed. Let us not squander it.

- Final Report of the Sliders Committee: the Committee overseeing methods of returning to the Old Realm, submitted 23 Second Seed 3AA


26 Second Seed, 3AA
It appears that Master Orekhim has sent me missive inviting me back to discuss things with him when I feel the time is right. I may have to take him up on his offer.

20 Sun’s Height, 4AA
It seems that Sir Styx did in fact survive his wayward teleport. An encounter by Sir Adelburt’s Warband, which resulted in Adelburt’s death (Divines rest his soul). It appears he may have gone delusional. Send message to the Blades to keep watch and practice extreme caution if encountered again. It appears he now believes he’s playing a game of D&D.

Cross Reference incident 20740292#p20746664
And that's that. Thoughts? Praise? Criticism?
>try to open pics
>dog suddenly runs up and tries to block the computer
i like, we need more recurring villains
It was great as always dude. But the question is would it start on the snowball of going back home? Also MOnthy Python . My sides
You mean like the subterranean abominations Al's going to have to deal with when he's not slice of life-ing?
Needs more kink, Lol. But seriously write up the LemXKikki. I feel a bit strange being the only one to write up a sex scene.
Oh, but this opens up soooo much for me to write! I kinda wanna get a small scene going where Lem shows his utterly defeated side.

But I'll get on it. At this point, I have more ideas for smut than ADVENTURE.
I know that. Lem so far has only been STOIC and he could use some variation.
give me a few days and I'll write up Tails + Tails = the ecstasy.

Currently working on the first days of the first Codex Guard recruits.
Hey all, for my instructing style, I'm gonna try to get a mix between Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann from Full Metal Jacket (It has to be done.) and Lieutenant Sobel from Band of Brothers (Magnificent Bastardry in action, minus the can't lead in the field bit.).

Anybody got any other ideas/thoughts on that?
I just didn't want to write smut. Besides which, Al's and Sera's relationship is too cuddly for me to smut about.
I would temper it with R Lee Ermy from R Lee Ermys mail call. Yes its the same guy as Hatmann but he acts different, a bit more normal. Just my opinion as I think if you go to far it would be painful to read.
I don't expect everyone to write smut but since Fear talked about it the most and inspired me to try my hand I want to see how he would do it.

I need to write my own, but first I actually have to finish the festival stuff...
Works well enough, I suppose. I support >>20940602

As a field commander, Fearghaile is one of those cold, calculating, and ferocious officer types, always looking for the hardest impact and expecting no more of his men than himself, though what he expects of himself is unrealistic much of the time.

Implying that Lem & Kikki don't waste entire mornings just cuddling in the morning sunlight.

Oh god. Gunny? The insanity.
Hence why I'm crossing it with Lt Sobel, so it's not all "RARGH ROAR" Jarhead Style. I want Guardsmen, tough and hard, not US Marine Corp Jarheads.
That man is my hero.

Cats love basking in the sun. So do dragons.
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God, all this HYPE, I don't even know if I'm even gonna be able to deliver at this point...
It been awhile since I've seen band of brothers so my memory might be a bit fudged but wasn't that guy quirky in his own way.

I love Mail Call
I find that making the men fear their Regimental Sergeant-Major more than Hell itself gives your soldiers a great boost.

After all, if Hell stands behind you, whatever is in front of you looks easy by comparison.
Don't choke
Well, I thought of it more like an inspiring leader type. Sort of like a "Glad that guy's on OUR side" "I'll follow my Captain into the depths of Hell" sort of thing. Lem is a man few like personally, but EVERYONE respects, because he is capable and empowers others to be capable.
I hopped in towards the end and haven't gone back to read it all, but I have a suspicion.
I recall a story in threads past about a crazy guy in a forest killing Orcs. He talked about rolling dice, complained to his DM, and even critted some guy.
Same person?
"These men aren't Paratroopers yet, First Sergeant. They have no personal property." Lt Sobel.

One of his lines in the first episode, pretty much all his lines are golden.

>His first scene
How observant, considering I directly linked to the post about that story. Sorry for the sarcasm. Too easy~

But yeah, since it's back in like the 8th thread, I'm assuming the original creator abandoned him, so I sorta... borrowed the idea.
Like I said, hopped in late, haven't really looked back yet. Definitions won't write themselves into my notebook.
GearHeart is a don't slow down unless you want to end up dead. And follow me into hell and I'll show you how its done. With ridiculous amounts of over kill
Yep. its RiddickGoggleEyes
If I may be so bold, there are things beneath the earth that match such sights...

It was a good Trials of the Mystic type story, interesting use of font, I still haven't figured out how to type like that. Didn't conflict with any of the stuff I typed up either, so that's good.

But how did that Dwarf enter the final chamber so quickly? Maintenance tunnels?

Okay, status up on my next story is that I'll need a day or two off to work on homework assignments.
Yeah same here I'll be slowing down for a bit as I get a few papers out of the way.
Speaking of recurring villains, I actually have some things lined up for B&K, assuming the Journals don't already count as some sort of doom artifact (considering all the trouble it causes).

But what about bringing home here?

That links to my next hint on future villains:
Only Ter Above Knows Us
A Day at the Store. Three Customers

It was just me, as Lilly was out looking for something new. It was a quite day, Not a single customer. Well the middle of the week tends to be a slow spot. I was making busy of taking inventory, when I heard the bell ring. I quickly made my way out front.

Standing nervously by the bell was a cute blushing couple. They looked really embarrassed to be here. Young looking and I could tell they were relatively new to each other. I put on a big smile and said.

“Hello, welcome to Lilly's. What you looking for?”

The guy looked like he was trying to say something, but just couldn't get the words out. Finally the Felim girl spoke up.

“We...Um...We heard that this place sells stuff to make it more interesting.”

“It's true, our motto is we sell spice. So what kind of spice are you looking for?”

“We don't know.”

“Well then how about I show you the stock and you two just ask any questions that come to mind.” I said pulling aside the curtain that lead to the backroom where we kept all the toys.

“Your going to want to start small obviously, so lets start with the little things.” I said leading them down the isle of small toys.

“Whats this? It looks like a screw of some kind.” The guy said pointing to a box with little metal things in it.
“Penis plug. To make sure a guy lasts longer, also to stimulate the insides. Those are the normal kind, we have a whole bunch with special effects. I think the vibrating one is best. Cause when you use it it vibrates strong enough so even the girl feels it.”

On hearing what it was the guy jumped back a good three feet. Can't blame him most do.

“And this?” The girl asked holding what looked sort of like pliers.

“Spreader. Technically for the ass but there's nothing stopping you from using it up front.”

“I don't think it what I am looking for.”

“Hey look these bells look a lot like the bell up front.”

“How are bells a sex toy?”

“Well I just happen to be wearing one myself.” I said as I lifted up my skirt just enough to show off the bell.

“Doesn't that hurt?”

“The bells is light and the clamps are adjustable. The trick to making it fun is to find just the right tightness. And its exhilarating wearing one in public. I will say I like to wear mine a little tight. See the tightness helps with bloodflow to the clit and makes it more sensitive. Its really fun and I say every girl should try it at least once. Course if you don't want the ringing with every move you make, we also have some other nice looking clit jewelry.”
“These over here have different clamps.”

“Nipple clamps. Pleasure or pain for him or her.”

After showing a few more items from the small toy section we moved on to one of my favorite parts. The potions, powders, and balms.

“This is where the most popular stuff is.”

I let the two peruse.

“Honeysuckle powder, what does this do?”

“Makes skin sensitive and silky smooth. A hot item.”

“Vibro gel?”

“A sticky paste that vibrates like you would not believe. My recommendation don't apply it to head or hood unless you really want an intense time, as it can be hard to get off and lasts a good long while.”

“Good to know.”

“Why would itching powder be in here?” The guy asked.

Oh the itching powder, something Lilly pulled from Jim’s head. After she found the idea she quickly set to making a batch.

“Different strokes for different folks. Lilly likes to apply it to my bra and panties before we go out in public. She enjoys watching me squirm and scratch at private places in public. It rather uncomfortable and really embarrassing, but that’s the point.”

I could tell from the look in the guy's eye that he was imaging his girl being tormented by the powder in public.

“Iron forge?” The girl asked holding a jar of a red liquid, with a anvil printed on the label.

“Now that's fun, makes a guy forged of iron. Erect for about two hours and can't come the whole time. It's an old succubi recipe.”

“Oh I think I've found something I want.”

“Great, just great. Spray on catnip?”

“Drives felim girls wild. We recommend not wearing it out side.”

I showed them the lingerie after that but they won't really interested in any thing odd.

“Here we have magic underwear on this side and normal on that side.”

“I like the way this looks.”

“That's nice will you be wearing it?”

“No, it's girl underwear. I meant I would like to see you wear it.”

“Oh fine, one strange item but that's it.”

“Two, a matching set.”

“If I can get something for you.”

“Deal. As long as nothing goes inside my dick.”


The guy picked out a beaded thong and a frost weave bra. The bra was made with out the insulating lair to give the wear a nice cool chest and perky breasts.

The girl came back with a prostate stimulator. And I could tell she was ready to use it. My guess shes tired of being passive in the relationship.

After a little more shopping we made our way to the front where we went over the purchases.

“Four normal nipple clamps, three connector chains, One fuckbuddy prostate stimulator, Beaded thong, Icey top, jar of Iron forge, Spray on Catnip, clit bell.”

They paid and went on their way. But at the last moment the guy showed me he had a packet of itching powder and tossed me some coin. Looks like she would be in for a surprise later.

A little while later Lilly came in for her shift. And I went out for lunch.
So there I was totally bored out of my skull when a knight walked in in full armor.

“I'm looking for something that can make a Laima squirm and scream like she does me.”

“She give you the tail.”

He nodded.

“Good girl, well I have just the thing. What you want is heating run and a never melt ice dildo. How big is she?”


“How much wiggle room is there when you give her the dick.”

“Almost none.”

“K then what we want then is a taper down 2 incher at the base. Length probably around 12 inches and multi-jointed so as she doesn't get hurt when she moves and so you can get all her nooks and crannies.”

“I like the way that sounds.”
“Now the trick is to make sure she gets nice and warmed up first. Then there are two ways to go about it. One then the other or both at the same time. For the first just rub her up then give her the ice. For the other don't coat her up but parts of the dildo. You want to give a nice pattern like three separate lines with three cold lines in between. Then you give her some good twists while ramming her with it. Now remember be wary of getting her to cold as it can be dangerous. I recommend the fire in your veins potion as a safety, but the side effects can be intense it brings out the succubus in you. Also unless you like pain don't get the heating gel on your junk. Your way more sensitive to heat than she is.”

After him a High Orc woman and a Knight came in.
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He lives there. He was also being held hostage. I mention his presence in the early part of that section, though I think I may have failed to make a direct connection between the two.

The Zalgo text was a pain though just look up Zalgo Text on the google machine to figure out about that. Because it's essentially just a reproduction of unicode superscripts, it made my character count skyrocket. It was fun to play around with the humor though, and I don't think the sharp contrasts really hurt the tone in the long-run.

Anyway, adorable Lem&Kikki followup imminent.
“Hello loves, what can I do for you, to you?”

“Shes not satisfied with my sword so we came to get something larger.”

“It makes a nice buttering knife but its hardly worth anything else.”

“So I want to get her something that will make her scream when she tries take it all in.”

“You two are just a treat. And I just happen to have just the thing. The god dong. Enough to satisfy any girl or guy. End with a ten inch base and roller beads through out the shaft. Vibrating tip and rotating capabilities and wiggle power. It can also shoot up to a gallon of lube in a single squirt with adjustable power, maximum is enough to make it so you can't sit down for days.”

“That might do something, but I doubt it.”

“Well if you really think you have the skill to handle it, we have specialty lubes that it can come. And I am feeling wild to day so how bout this, you give it a test run in the back room. Your not satisfied I'll give you one gallon of each of the lubes for free, but if it's to much for you then you buy a gallon of the lubes at 130% of the price.”

“If I win then I want half off the toy.”

“Deal on the condition I get to watch to make sure you don't cheat.”


So I got out the one and only god dong. Well there are two but this ones the only one on sale. I loaded it up with one of my favorite magic lubes and coated it up with another. There was no way she could handle this. It's the ultimate ass teaser.

“This here is the control slate. Its an entirely magic system, the runes are touch activated and controls all the fun. If you don't mind I'll be at the steering wheel for this test. How you taking it?”

“I got an itch in my pussy I just can't scratch.”

“Now the real question is for how long your going to put your cute little slit on the line. Personally anything under five minutes is a joke.”

“Then how about ten.”

I love orcs they are so easy to manipulate.

“Well then hop on sweetheart and hold on to your ass as it might never be the same.”

She got on and slid on down to 3 and a half thickness and four inches in.

“Come on Loverboy you said you want her to scream so give her a push.”

“Gladly.” He said and put his hands to her hips and gave a mighty shove.

She screamed out as she made her way from 3 to 6. I could see that the tickling lube was already starting to have an effect by the look on her face.

“How you doing? I should warn you I loaded this bad boy up with some really naughty stuff so if you aren’t sure you should back out now, cause I'm setting the timer for ten minutes and I'm not stopping it no matter what you say.”

“Bring it slut.”

“Well you asked for it.” I said as I pressed a couple runes then the start rune.
I gave her a ten minute ride she would never forget, fuck cleaver variations I just turned it up to max on all settings and let it run. She didn't last a minute before she was begging for it to stop. And I could see the guy was really enjoying the show. At minute seven I hit the finisher button and the lube jetted out with enough force to knock her up to only two inches of thickness. If she had taken it up the ass she would have been buttdevastated. She started to cry out as yet another of her countless orgasms hit. Finally the time was up. We helped her off as she couldn't stand.

“You win. It feels like I'm still getting fucked.”

“That's cause you are. I told you I loaded it up with our naughtiest stuff. Its called Sizzlercret Torment and its only for the sluttiest whores. I don't even use it. Well that’s not true it was tested on me, but that’s besides the point. I don't use it for personal use. Over the next few seconds it will expand and harden up. Filling every bit of you up to just short of the breaking point. All the while the hot and cold vibrations your feeling will spread. It will seal you up water tight for about a day. And then it will start to break down in wet explosive mess as parts of it just pop into a gooey liquid. The break down will also take about a day. And the best part is the liquid is a contraction agent in the end you'll be tight enough that this guys little thing will be more than enough for you.”

“If I could stand I would wipe that smug grin off your face.”
“Meikly, that's no way to talk to the nice lady who helped us with our little problem.” The guy said, failing to hold back a snicker.

“Guess who gets a turn also later, Charlie.”

The total was rather large, as these where some serious magic items. So I decide to cut them a break and only charge 105% cost.

As they where walking out, I shouted.

“Have fun getting a loose pussy again.”

“Fuck you two.”

“With pleasure.”

Well that was my good deed for the day. After closing up shop, I met up with James and Meina at the Rouge Trader for dinner.

“Hey James, you remember that lube you invented to get back at me for the magic boobies?”

“How could I forget.”

“Well, I sold a bunch to a customer today.”

“Did you explain what it did.”

“After she had a sample.”

“Oh, I'm sure she loved that.”

“No, but her husband did.”
And thats the story of a random day at Lilly's Magical Place
Oh dear.
At which deviant part are you oh dearing at

Not sure which part, if any. The whole thing is very amusing though.
Well thats good as that was what I was going for.
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Now let's see if I can't balance it with some pre-sexy-time Lem and Kikki direct injection diabetes!

Now I really want to see what Kuro and Belle might think of this strange place.
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I'm sure there experience would be completely different than the ones here.

Not sure how to take that, but till other wise told I'll take it as a good thing. Also I was all set to write a nice clean cute bit about having kids but people where all nope store.
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19 Rain’s Hand, 3AA

It’s kind of embarrassing even to write down, but being away from Lem for the nearly six hours he was in the monastery kinda had me on edge over the next few days, to the point where I couldn’t even sleep. So what I did was I snuck into his room and slept on his couch. Woke him up in the morning so I wouldn’t have to explain why I was in his room. The second night though, I snuck into his room, and he wasn’t sleeping. He was at the edge of his bed, sobbing. The Dwarven door squeaked, and Lem jumped. Not really like him.

He saw it was me and made a quick work of wiping his face. “Oh Kikki, I dinin’t see you there, w-what’s up?” He tried to act like nothing was wrong, but failed miserably. He still sounded like he couldn’t breath through his mouth and even then his breath was uneven.

Wasn’t about to point that out myself though. “H-hey. I couldn’t sleep...” I walked around and stood at the foot of the bed. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine...” Lem was gritting his teeth and his voice was breaking, he definitely did not want me to be there... but this was a side of Lem I didn’t get to see much. I wanted to know how he ticked.

“You sure?” I walked over and sat next to him on the bed. “If there’s anything you need to talk about, I can listen.”

Lem gave a short, weak smile. He was really fighting back not going back into it. “Nothing that’s worth talking abou-ahgh cahg” The levee finally broke and Lem gave a heaving cough from holding it back for as long as he did. I leaned my head on his shoulder and patted his back as he got through it. “It’s okay, it’s okay...”
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After he got it out a bit, his breathing calmed and he could talk again, even if strained. “I’m-I’m sorry you have to see me like this. It’s... not really normal for me.”

“I know,” I cooed.

“No, you don’t.” He sat up and looked right at me. “You don’t know what it’s like to have everything ripped from you and then dumped into some strange new land without prior warning or consent.” Lem was starting to breath a little heavier, but let himself calm down. “It’s not something you can just let go so easily... That... that everything, my friends, my family, my home, everything I knew... it’s all out of reach and there’s no getting it back...” It hurt to hear that. He was right, he lost everything, and then waited through Hell to see if he could get it back. “I just watched the closest thing to a friend I’ve had go mad over it. This is... this is hard...” And he just broke down. Again.

It hurt to see him like this, but it hurt even more what he said, so I had to defend myself a bit. “But... but aren’t I your friend?” Lem pulled back the sobs to listen a bit clearer. I mean... I’ve been with you since near the start, I’ve been on every mission with you...” I started looking at my thumbs, and the twiddling I was doing with them. “I mean, I know it’s not as hard as you, but before we ran into you guys, we did nothing but move. There wasn’t any kind of rest we got from anyone, none of the local kids wanted to play with me. All the boys were too flakey to ever talk to me...” Lem had gotten quiet by now. “I know it’s... it’s kind of presumptive of me, but... but...” Oh I just gotta go out and say it. “You’re the most stability I’ve had my whole life!” I could already feel my stomach turning in knots. “S-so... if... if you want to tell me anything... just say so... I’ll listen. I’m your partner, right? And it’s important if I know these sorta things... right?”
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Lem’s features lifted and he gave me the first genuine smile I’d seen on him since before this whole mess started, even if he started tearing up again. “Yeah, thanks,” he choked out, and then pulled me into a tight hug.

That night, we stayed up and talked. He told me some stories from the old world, even got out a small instrument called a “harmonica” and played a couple little songs for me. It really cheered him up. Eventually my exhaustion caught up to me and I started dozing a bit.

“So you wanna sleep on the bed? I can take the couch tonight if you want.”

“Hey, how’d you know I slept on your couch last night.”

“Well, you just told me.”

“Hey~ Uhm...well, the bed’s big enough... if you just wanna share.”

His features flickered for a moment, and I was afraid he was going to scold me or something, but... “Y-yeah, sure.” Lem made sure to give me plenty of room. Well, looks like no cuddling tonight. “G’night” and he turned off the light.

Now here’s really where I was stupid. I didn’t sleep. I waited. I was dead tired, but I waited until Lem’s breathing told me he was asleep. He’s a heavy sleeper when he’s comfortable, and he was probably totally drained. It was probably the sleep deprivation myself, but I went up, and I kissed him. After that I cuddled up against him. I can say I just rolled over in the morning. Hopefully I won’t have to say so long.

Lem Fearghaile, I WILL be your waifu.

-Excerpt from Journals of Kikkirin "The Flash" Fearghaile

Poor Kikki, having to deal with that oblivious Lem.
Nice .gif
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So what'd you guys think?

Since we know what happens in the end anyway, I thought it would be nice.

>implying Lem is oblivious
If only it were that simple...
I need some help guys, I ran into the first few harem knights threads in the suptg archive and the premise sounded interesting. I really would like to give this setting my very first attempt at writefagging. However, I have only read up to the fourth thread, and there is already so much written on the setting, and it only keeps increasing!, is there a condensed storyline of the setting, what thing happened, in which order, who are the mayor figures and places, kinda thing? It probably looks like much more daunting a task than it actually is, trying to absorb this all in before I can write something on my own.
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I liked it, it was a cute piece and showed us parts of the characters we haven't seen before.

Also pic.

Well since nobody else is jumping on this.
>Get sent to maigc land.
>Kill a wizard
>Rescued by feilms on 11th Morning Star
>Kill some elves
>Stuff till second years 11th Morning Star in which the first day of salvation takes place much drunkeness is had.
>Orc attack at 4.5AA
>Renwald incident somewhere around here
>Festival at 4.7 AA ithink it was
>After that its open
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Harem_Knights Also this should help.

I should make something up for everyone.

I haven't touched photoshop in years.
I D'awwwwwwwwwwwwed
You should see some of the stuff I've done in paint
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well, considering how much we've fleshed out the realm, we really need more than a timeline now, we need to get our wiki-fu on and build a proper collection of lore, since right now it's spread out among the threads.

Also, I'd have no problem with that if you like, if only for shits and giggles. I mean I DID make Lem's heraldry for shits and giggles.

Eh... I got a broken copy of photoshop on my desktop and a working copy on me laptop. MS Paint is underestimated though.
yay, cameo. i'm far too excited over this to be healthy
I have photoshop too but I cut my teeth on MS Paint so I like to use it for little things. If you know what your doing you can pull off some neat stuff.
I call dibs on the Motto and Crest of the Light Horse Regiment.

Damn, I should really get around to designing my Coat of Arms.
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I don't know about this one.

The motto is brilliant. Don't get the background though.
I don't get the backgorund either I was trying to go for a old style I saw that did a night scene with it but I fail horribly.
I thought the Dragoons were the light horse regiment since they fill both cavalry AND moutned infatry roles? And the crest at the current time is a jousting lance piercing a two interlocked rings. Fitting, I'd say.

Now I must to sleep, I'll have my adorable smut written up tomorrow if you guys want it so bad, but before then, I need sleep. I finished up two pretty big things for today and I have to study for a test still.
I'm kinda not sure either.

I think it was have Light Horse (Light Cav/mounted infantry) and Dragoons (Cavalry with Broadswords/Lances, Armoured horses)
Dragoons (Light Cavalry/swords) and Hussars (Heavy Cavalry with Lances, Armoured Horses)
Dragoons (Light Cavalry/swords), Hussars (Heavy Cavalry with Lances, Armoured Horses) and Light Horse (Light Cavalry/Mounted Infantry/Horse Archers, Sabres/Recurve bows).

I don't think we've nailed down the order of battle completely, but we're close. I personally think having more than half our sanding defence force/army mounted is a GOOD thing, as it lets us follow Asymmetric Warfare alot easier and gives us a large mobility advantage to pull off those kind of attacks.
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I am going to redo yours later but heres Olin
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I think I like this the best
It's perfect.
When did we make contact with the Coininoich (Fluffy Scottish Rabbit folk)? I recall someone saying they had Bagpipes.

Henceforth, we require a Pipes and Drums Marching Band.
God help us if we find a group that uses banjos...oh wait, we already have the Halflings.

Random initiate: "Um, sir, I think I hear banjos..."

I was watching that just before. I fully intend to write that into the training these poor recruits are going to go through. Say, you interested in being the Small Arms Instructor (Sword, Shield and Pike)?
...is that one mine?

I think I like it.
I wouldn't call a pike small.
Sure, why not? I was kinda floating between jobs for the better part of 20 years or so.
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Small enough to carry on foot, as opposed to, say, one of these.

Hey know, what stopping someone from picking one of those up and using it as 'small arms'?
Having the arm length to draw it?

You put it down to reload it, if you don't start using it as a club instead.
Hmmmm... some food for thought before I away to class again: What do you think would happen if Mirthterrah put out a decree banning fornication with "lesser species" under penalty of imprisonment/torture/death much how medieval Europe had anti-sodomy laws? Just a thought exercise, but the problems it could cause would be interesting.
I think that all trade with the country would stop from Teegee, and there'd probably be a handful of knights who dedicate themselves to freeing arrested individuals. Shacklesbane and Sir Andrew would probably get hired by these knights to help, as they've had some dealings with getting out/getting others out of prison cells.

>judge xpertee
Their expertise is not in question captcha, it's their teaching skills.
I think thats a precursor to an open declaration of war. Trading would be stopped for sure, knights being attacked by people would skyrocket, and Teegee would get a large population boast quickly as subhumans sympathizers and outliers moved in for safety.
I'm suddenly seeing a good framing device to bring out the dire wolves in battle...at least assuming it happens far enough along the storyline for me to use them.
Like I said, it was a thought exercise. The truth is, if Mirthterrah were to enact such an edict, then there's very little we would be able to do in the larger scheme of things, even if we can get the Dwarves, Halflings, Kanin, Felim independent traders, and Gnomes all to enact sanctions on Mirthterrah (Serrid and the Free Kingdoms would continue trade without problem), they're a largely self-sustaining state and have no trade unbalances out of their favor within the realm of necessities.

Additionally, there would also be the precedent on our policies on slavery. If a diplomat or trader or literally anyone walks into TeeGee with slaves, their ownership would immediately be null and void and the individual would be able to claim freedom. Attempting to ignore this would be considered kidnapping.

Perhaps for residents of TeeGee that can prove their citizenship they will simply be deported, but at the least, it will be banned by the Church of Myrthter, and we may have some troubles with local cleric/inquisition if we don't watch our tongues and tread lightly.
Well I don't know how close the church and the government are tied together but if the church is in charge I dont see deportation. Also I don't think any normal slave owner would enter Teegee
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I would imagine they're pretty close to pic related (Politics before faith, but still in bed together), so more likely they'd do the statesman thing and deport.

But even MORE likely, there would be some edict in place that prevents prosecution of such things to those outside of the faith, provided they do not proselytize. This I imagine would be initially in place to protect Serridian traders from being strung up and harming trade relations with Serrid (which no one wants).

The problem comes in with perceived proselytizing. It could be as simple as a Knight of TeeGee telling of the wonders of his land, and because they do HERETICAL things there, publicly speaking of such things in a positive light might be seen as "preaching", and thus draw the ire of any inquisitor within earshot. That make sense? This would also explain our fast-growing population mixed with Mirthan satisfaction with their government (since the beacons of light and good are in fact evil according to their church).
Merely out of curiosity, at what point did we establish that law? I understand our whole freeing the slaves thing in their borders, but is this a law that is recognized by the surrounding countries?
Hello everyone. I haven't been here in a while I apologize I had things going on. Today I'll be putting a little something up though.
A few months prior to Deja arriving at Castle Waifu

I leaned against a rather large tree. It was considered my home. It already had a hole at the base of it's trunk. It wasn't much but it was mine. I lived a rather peaceful life. Very isolated. I may have been alone but I almost preferred it that way. I don't know why I choose to leave my family and friends but I did and I never looked back.
I began to hear loud pounding through the forest floors. My ears twitched and I began running towards it, jumping from tree to tree as who knew what creature this might be. I crouched on all fours looking upon a rather... interesting spectacle. Some idiot in armor was trying to fight a rather large creature. It's rather catlike and large with massive, sweeping claws. Combating something like that was just stupid. Not only was it big but it was also fast.. As I said it was like a cat... only... bigger... like as big as a hut. How foolish this man was. I further examined him as he was getting the piss beaten out of him to find out that he wasn't even Kanin. What was he doing here? I shook my head and finally leaped from the tree in which I was perched.
I held my sword out to the side of me and dashed forward. The man seemed rather shocked when I arrived. I let out a loud, echoing howl and continued to move forwards.
"How strong are you?" I asked him, looking him over, his sword was rather large so perhaps the task I wanted him to do wouldn't be far beyond his range of ability. I then ran up to him, jumping onto his shoulders and then throwing myself into the air from there. I grabbed onto the massive feline's shoulder. I cut into it. I could tell the beast would be hurt but would not die from the wound. I jumped off of the cat and rolled next to the man's side as the cat romped away.
"That was very impressive." He stated.
"And that was very foolish." I growled at him, I thrust my sword upwards, pointing it at him and continuing to scold, "There's a reason why most of us Kanin stay within each other's company. It is dangerous out here.
"Then why are you out here."
"Don't ask why I'm out here." I snapped, "As you can see I'm well equipped out here. Why are you out here?"
"I came in seek of treasure." He said with a bright grin, "Treasure and possibly waifus."
"W-wai-what?" I asked with the raise of an eyebrow. At the time I didn't know of the term. It seemed so silly to me."
"So you came all the way to Snarletooth Isles in pursuit of money and women?"
"One quick question."
"Who are you?" I growled at him my hostility wasn't getting any better towards him.
"I, am Sir Victor and I am a Knight of Harem." He said with a quick bow.
"Uhm... a knight of what?"
"You've never heard of us?" He asked curiously, "Are you just like... avoiding all civilization? You're a hermit then?"
"No!" I growled, "I'm not a hermit! I'm a lone wolf and that's how I'd like for things to stay."
"Alright I suppose." He said, "Well Miss..."
"Miss Deja. If you are ever in need of adventure perhaps you should go to the mainland. To the land of TeeGee where the Knights are." And that was when he left my territory and I was back to being alone. Was a nice feeling. A comfortable one but... a boring one as well. Nothing happened in this world when you were alone and to be honest, that last fight was fun. It got me more excited than I had felt in a long time. So maybe I might go and see this TeeGee place. But at that moment I had decided on heading back into my little shelter and eating my dinner.
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Well, technically speaking, Knights freeing slaves outside of our borders is strictly off the books. We maintain plausible deniability while leveraging the fact that slavery is sort of a legal grey area to avoid reprisals. However, our strict laws against slavery essentially make an individual free the moment they step into our borders, where they may immediately apply for citizenship. Citizenship in TeeGee is, by international treaty, a protection from slavery, so literal citizens of TeeGee cannot legally be slaves, even if there is grey area. This of course is not necessarily followed all of the time.

Completely unrelated, but I get the impression that Gnomes should be kinda like pic related. Ignore that they're called dwarves in the comic
Once there are people here I'd like to ask for opinions and whatnot. I am aware there are some grammatical errors but... I didn't feel like deleting the entire thing from the forum and re-posting it.
Okay then...I'm looking for new ideas to work with. I was going to work on introducing the rest of the dire wolves, but that started getting a bit tedious when I was having several characters make similar observations about them.

I suppose I could stop jumping around the narrative so much and make some actual dialogue, but where to begin?
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"Me my Wife, and my 3 adorable little kids"

"Iris you wonderful cock-mongling bastard. Thank you for giving me that cursed sword.Who knew that the demon queen inside is the love of my life.How are the other knights? are they still alive?

P.S She said she can't wait to meet the jack ass responsible for our meeting. IN PERSON.

Sincerely yours,
A month had passed since we fought the First Battle of Castle Waifu as some were calling it, the Ork Siege as it was known to others. It was a busy month, with repairs and new constructions going up for our new citizens, and the First Codex Reforms. For three long days, Sir Andrew, Sir Dustyn, Sir Fearghaile and myself had debated before the Council of DM’s with many more putting forth ideas until we finally agreed upon a new defence force. The Order of Battle was large for us and small to the rest of the world, but definitely achievable. After that, I had spent three weeks building the course itself for the new recruits. Sir Andrew took on the administrative side, whilst Sir Fearghaile and Sir Dustyn returned to rebuild the Dragoons and Blades respectively. It was agreed that I would no longer be just a Guardsman, and I accepted the rank and position of Sergeant-Major of the Guard.

I watched the assembled recruits, standing nervously in the parade ground before the barracks. We, the instructors, stood inside the main HQ/admin building on my orders. I wanted them to stew. They would know fear, and then conquer that fear before they became fully fledged Guardsman. 150 people of all creeds and races stood there as recruits, outfitted in basic armour and with a longsword and pike. I hoped there would be 150 Guardsmen at the end of the 3 week basic training course. After that, they would be assigned to a Corps and conduct specialized training in their role before they joined their unit.
Looking back at my instructors, I nodded then walked out the door. I led them before the recruits, stopping in front of them in a line. We eyed them over, a scruffy looking bunch but all eager to serve. Each Recruit wore a full chainmail suit and a steel helm similar in style to the one popular with most Harem Knights but without the small Waifu statue. They were armed with a plain longsword as their standard small arm and were allowed a personal choice of side arms. I noted quite a few daggers and several different kinds of shortswords being worn.

Sir Giovanni stepped forward first to give a short speech. I admit I kinda zoned out, I was nervously reviewing myself before my own speech. I must have looked imposing, the scar over my left eye ran from forehead to chin, thanks to an Ork axe not long ago. My uniform was clean and creased properly, the khaki of it standing out sorely in the sea of silver around me. My hat was straight on, chinstrap perfect, left brim pinned up with the Rising Sun badge, a reminder of my Military Heritage from Australia, back in the Old Realm. The polished black leather of my Sabre’s sheath gleamed in the sun whilst the pure white of my Katana’s sheath stood out in contrast. I slightly adjusted the sash that my katana rested in, a lovely pattern of red and orange flames Tomoe had crafted for me several Catmas’ ago. Satisfied, I glanced to Sir Giovanni, who stepped back from addressing the new soldiers. I stepped forward, took a deep breath and began my speech.
“Recruits! You stand here today and give your lives up. You have applied to join the TeeGee Guard. It will not be easy, you will probably never be mentioned in epic tales, nor will you become rich or powerful. What you will do, is become the protectors of this Realm and her people. You will live and die for the people you love and for people you do not even know. Your training begins now, Recruits. The last word out of your filthy mouths will always be ‘Sir or Ma’am’! Instructors, Knights, Guardsmen, Civilians, Anybody, you WILL call them Sir or Ma’am. There is ONE exception, and that is me. I am Sir Kasai, Harem Knight and Sergeant-Major of the Guard, and you will call me Sergeant-Major. AM I CLEAR RECRUITS?”

“Yes Sergeant-Major.” Replied the company of recruits.


“YES Sergeant-Major!”



“Damn straight! Behind me are your Instructors. Sir Artorias will be your main Small Arms Instructor, aided by Guardswoman Tomoe Kasai. Sir Giovanni, Captain of the Guard will be your main Archery Instructor, aided by myself. I will be your Drill Instructor and Lead Instructor. More Instructors may come, I will introduce them as that happens. With introductions over, Recruit Training begins. You can drop out at any time during the three week course, but once you complete Recruit Training, you are in the Guard for the next 4 years. Whatever Gods you pray to may own your soul, but your ass now belongs to me! Now, get inside the barracks, pick a bunk, drop your shit in the chest in front of it, and get back out here! You have 3 minutes! DON’T JUST STAND THERE, MOVE!”
As the recruits scrambled to get inside and drop their bags, the instructors behind me turned and left for other duties. My first training would be some basic drill followed by Personal Training, PT. As quick as they entered, they began to pour back out and back onto the parade ground. They stood loosely in a formation, about 6 deep. I scanned them over once more, and pointed at 4 men in the front row.
“You four, stand over here in a line one behind the other. Put your right arm up and ball your fist, then stand so your fist touches the man in front of you. Fellow in the front rank, don’t put your arm up. Good, like that men. The rest of you recruits! I am going to walk past and give you a number, 1 through 4! 1 is the front rank, 4 is the rear rank. You will fall in from the left side as soon as you get your number. Put up your right arm, ball your fist, touch the shoulder of the man to your right and look down your arm to stand in a straight line with the man next to you. Talk to each other to get straight, but I don’t want to hear you!” I ordered as I moved along the men giving out numbers.
They quickly got the gist of things, whispering to each other and becoming a company formation, 4 ranks deep and 40 columns across.
“Alright, bring your arms down and look forwards, Recruits. You now stand together as a Company. I will refer to you all as such from now on when you are all together. I am going to call a sound off. The first man from each column will shout the number after the man to his right. Remember your column’s number and shout it as loud as you can! Company, From the Right, Sound Off!”

I was met with the calls of growing numbers as each recruit tried to outshout his fellow recruits. Not surprisingly, the loudest was a girl, a short Kanin.

“Alright, columns 1 to 10, you are now First Platoon. 11 to 20, Second Platoon. 21 to 30, Third Platoon and 31 to 40, Fourth Platoon. On my command, First Platoon will take 3 steps to the right, Second Platoon will take 2 steps to the right, Third Platoon will take 1 step to the right and Fourth Platoon will stand fast. Company, To the Right, Move!” I ordered.
The Recruits all took their steps, only a few of them bumping into each other. Not bad for their first few movements.
“Congratulations Recruits, you are now standing in Company Formation. Remember this formation. Whenever you form up, this is how you will stand. First through Fourth Platoons, ranks of 4, one step between Platoons. When I call the command ‘Right Dress’, the first column of men in each Platoon will put their right arms forward and touch the shoulder of the man in front. Every other man will put his right arm out and touch the right shoulder of the man beside him and line up straight. This will keep you formed up and looking neat and tidy on Parade. It will make you look like a company of Guardsmen, not rabble off the streets. Company, Right Dress!”
Each man did as ordered, bringing his arm up and the Platoons shuffled around until they were all lined up at proper sizes. Most of the recruits looked lost, as if this was a weird thing to be doing upon joining the Guard.
‘Maybe they all thought they would be given a sword, taught to swing it and then put up on the wall?’ I thought. ‘No matter, I’m here to teach and they to learn.’
“Alright, bring your arms down and look forwards, Recruits. Stand with your feet at shoulder width apart, feet at a small angle facing outwards and place your arms behind your back, right hand in left, and roll your shoulders back. You should be standing in a comfortable position but not slouching, with your chest out. This is called Standing at Ease. When you fall in, you will stand at Ease. Next thing I will teach you is the Mark Time position and Attention position. Balancing on your right leg, bring your left leg up so it is almost parallel with the ground and let your lower leg dangle freely. This called the Mark Time position. Anytime you make a drill movement such as turns and marking time, you will move through the Mark Time position."
"Now, onto Attention. The position of Attention is one you will stand in to show respect to your superiors and is the main position of drill movements. This command is called in an odd cadence, Atten-tion as two beats, the first to ready you, and the second as the execute. This is because it is one word, and also to make everyone perform the command at the same time. To stand at Attention, move your left leg UP through the Mark Time position and place it IN next to your right leg, heels together and toes pointing outwards. When your heel hits the ground, bring it down so it makes a snappy crack on the ground. Also, when your heel hits the ground, pull your arms around to run straight down your legs with fists clenched, thumbs facing forwards and your shoulders back and chest out. You will keep your head facing forwards and your eyes level. You will not look around. When you are at attention, pretend you are a statue. To get back to At Ease, reverse the process. Move your left leg UP to the Mark Time position, then IN at shoulder width apart. I will call Attention and At Ease several times now so you can get a feel for them and drill in general. The beat that most drill is performed at is called Quick Time, and it is 117 beats per minute. I will clap it as well as calling for you.”
I ran the Recruits through about 15 minutes of At Ease and Attention, and most all of them picked it up fairly well. I had to give a good chuckle when one of the two Lamias in the parade pointed out he couldn’t use the Mark Time position, and was simply moving his arms between their positions. Not bloody much I could do about that one, eh? With At Ease and Attention done, I then taught the 5 turns: Left and Right Turns at 90 degrees, Left and Right Inclines at 45 degrees (That one took a little bit of explaining, considering almost all of the recruits had no mathematical training past basic addition and subtraction) and the About Turn. Accounting for the Lamia and changing their moves, I demonstrated and taught them Turn-Pause-Up-In, with the turn executed by pivoting on the heel of the inside foot and toe of the outside foot. Surprisingly, everyone learnt quickly. The next and probably final move of basic drill I would teach that day was the Salute.

Now, being an Australian, the Salute of the Commonwealth is much different to the Salute of the United States of America, where most of us Outrealmers were from. The Americans had a lazy salute, with the palm facing down and arm held wherever. The Commonwealth salute, the original, is offered with the palm facing outwards as a sign of respect, the right hand (or "weapon hand") has been raised as a greeting of friendship and to demonstrate the absence of a weapon. It is also much more melodramatic, the right arm is raised through the horizontal then the elbow is bent to ‘snap’ the upper arm to hold the salute, held for three seconds counted from when the salute is returned and then brought straight down to attention. Longest Up, Shortest Down, and the junior rank always offers the salute, but only if they are wearing headdress. Otherwise, they simply say ‘Sir’ or ‘Ma’am’ as appropriate. The last thing I explained about the salute to the recruits was that it was not given to the person, but the position and rank they held.

“Who do we salute then, Sergeant-Major?” A girl’s voice asked. It was the loudest one, the short Kanin.
“Good Question Recruit. Rank and position are interesting things around here. Tomorrow I will give a proper lesson on ranks and formalities, but here is a crash course. Guardsmen, Corporals and Sergeants you do not salute as they are enlisted, just like you. Officers and above are to be saluted, such as Lieutenants, Captains, Knights, Lords, Ladies, Governors and Kings. Foreign Dignitaries are to be saluted as well. If a civilian salutes you, you may return it and return the respect they are showing you, but never offer them a salute. You are their equal, their protector, not their junior.”
Finished with basic drill, I moved onto marching. For the next hour I had the recruits march around the parade ground, where they learnt most of the basic marching commands. By then, it was about lunchtime, so I dismissed the recruits after giving them a little bit of praise. They had done pretty damn well, they were moving as a unit at the very least, showing pride in their actions.

Half an hour later they returned from the dining halls and formed up. I palmed them off to Sir Artorias to teach them basic small arms skills. Yeah, it was unplanned, but I was hungry! I set off to find Tomoe and discovered her at home with Larissa, about to prepare a small lunch for themselves.

“Nope girls, come on, my treat. The Rouge Trader has a special going on and I’ve been dying to try it.”
And done.

It was terrible writing, but it shows just a little slice of "welcome to the Guard."
So I was wondering if anyone wanted to do some writing with me? I haven't done that yet.
cricket cricket? Did I kill it?
don't worry you didn't kill it, but its like 9am Down Under (I'm at work).
You should see the north americans start appearing soon.
What did you think of the Recruit story?

Its about time somebody archived the thread and started a new one, methinks.
I liked it. and I think your right.
I thought I felt someone stepping on my toes. While at least its not a young succubus named lily or any variation thereof.

Seems a little naive to me, but I'll go for it.

If you want I'll give it a shot.
Perhaps later. I ended up starting a little something else.
Okay, I finished what I was writing. So the question is should I post it up here? It seems as if we might be making a new thread soon.
Go for it if its not to long
I had stretched out after a long trip on a boat, crammed in with a lot of people that smelled of fish and sweat. I was finally able to breathe. I was currently in human lands called Mirthtevrah. This was where I’d have to be on guard. Humans were very hard to trust you see. They believe us inferior. Which is very funny considering among the races they find inferior could quite possibly laugh and spit in their face if they attempted to hurt them without weapons. Some were plenty smarter than them too. I’d like to consider myself quicker. You’d be surprised how much a simple tail can help you move gracefully. I decided to avoid the major cities. I wanted to deal with as little humans as possible.
A few days had passed and there was still not a single human that had given me trouble. Though on the third night of my journey one had finally stood face to face with me.
“Beast. What are you doing around here?” the man had said, his nose sticking far into the air. He looked down on me in the most obnoxious of ways.
“I was traveling. I’m a traveler and nothing more. I won’t be in this country long.”
“That’s good. We have enough trash to deal with.” He snorted.
“Excuse me?” I asked, I wasn’t normally one to get into quarrels with others but it was as if this bigot was asking for it. “I understand your kind is too foolish to understand our graces but would you mind at least quieting your mouth so I may just leave in peace?”
“Graces? Hah. You’re nothing but a beast. Humans are by far superior. If we weren’t then why have we grown so much in power?” He asked with an arrogant snort.
“Well maybe because it takes war to have the power you do. And war is hell and chaos and everything wrong with the world. That is why you are so good at it.” I said with a small growl and a devilish grin.
“How dare you insult me!” He shouted. “You will be enslaved you putrid animal.”
I laughed, hard and long. I hadn’t laughed that much in the longest of times as I sat down on the ground. “Do your worst.” I muttered, my eyes growing cold as they bore into his skull.
“With pleasure.”
He had ended up gathering a great lot of people to tie me up and drag me to his house. The entire time I was giggling. Every once and a while I would change the volume of my laughter. It would go from very soft to very loud in a matter of seconds. This would make the people jump. The game had begun and I hadn't even escaped.
When I was finally at the door of that man’s home the others began to part ways, Leaving me with him.
“So,” I said with a small smile, “What will you be doing with me? Alright, I know what you’ll do to me. You can’t do that though unless you get me out of these ropes.”
“You’re right.” He then dragged me inside and closed the door, locking it and then violently tearing at the bindings.
As soon as one of my hands was free I threw my fist into his temple, sending him sprawling on the floor. I took off the rest of the ropes and began brushing myself off. “Poor game to play for mere townsfolk. You gave your best though I must admit. I hope I don’t have to deal with this again. I then opened up a window and jumped out of it. Laughing on my way out. It was loud enough for the townsfolk to hear.
There was an odd silence for midday as I left. An angry mob of humans can’t catch me. Soldiers? Perhaps. But an average human is nothing.
“Now to TeeGee.” I said as I continued on.
I'm not sure if It's been done yet, but can I add my own little story?
From the perspective of the Wizard who brought the Harem Knights to this world
He got killed quickly and was butfucnking insane and stupid so I don't think that would work
Fair enough.
I just had a though while reading through the archives of, What If the Wizard knew what the Harem Knights would become, and brought them here on purpose?
Maybe it was the Clover Journals' fault.
No its already been said he was out of his depth and had no clue what he was doing
I think it'd be interesting if pulled off.
i think it's best left as one of those things we'll never fully understand
OK, I hadn't know which is why I asked

Yep. Most of the native humans are idiots.
>You’d be surprised how much a simple tail can help you move gracefully.
Stoped reading right there. Not really but I did pause. Combined with
>“I understand your kind is too foolish to understand our graces
It reads a little furry for my taste. Also the character seems to have had a personality switch since the last story. Also if you want to go crazy intimidation giggling doesn't really work. Cackling or Laughing would work better. Not even going to touch the fact that the towns people have an IQ equal to that of a rock. But it was good none the less. My suggestion is you need a draw. Something to get the reader hooked. With in the first paragraph something that will make the reader want to read what you wrote. The hardest part of your story was the beginning, throw something catching in and you got them for the rest.
And as usual I don't mean to be to hard or an asshole I'm just a tough critic, the things I think of my own work I would never say of anothers for fear of scaring them off.
Alright. Thanks.
I espy a typo. The training course is established as 32 weeks, just like the Royal Marines. First two weeks (apart from basic drill, like you described) are basically the worst (or best) of R. Lee. Ermy drill sergeant intimidation, to test a recruit's mettel. That's all that was established so far, I think. I guess with this story set so soon after the First Codex Reforms, the Men-At-Arms (I'm going to keep calling them that. Are the guard separate, like the Dragoons, etc? I forget...) wouldn't have their uniform equipment yet. Still, awesome work!

Alright, I have to ask... Where the HELL can I make Sir Andrew some heraldry like that? Brilliant work on your story earlier, btw, Fearghaile. I really need to do more on mine... I just don't feel like what I write is good enough, especially after the Mary Sue accusations... God knows, I don't WANT to write that! I just hope everyone can understand that.
>Humans are by far superior.
You should probably rethink what the vocabulary of some barely-literate dockhand might be. Further than that, it's kind of clear why your character is a lone wolf. She's kind of a raging douche. Now don't take that the wrong way, it's a character fault that can be progressed towards dealing with and makes for some good drama, but Deja seems as prejudiced towards humans as humans twoards her.

Now tell us, what makes Deja interesting other than she's DARK AND EDGY? And before you try and answer answer, that was a rhetorical question. Answer it in narrative.
The trick is framing and tone. Also take the character and stick with something realistic. You can't be everywhere and as such some paths are closed off. I temper the mary sue parts of GearHeart with losing, psychosis, not trying to steal the show.
And Fearghaile handles it with more tact than I as usual, thats why he is the diplomat. I'm great at manipulating people not so much at dealing with them.
Duly noted. Thanks for the tips. I'll try and re-write chapter one and try and make Sir Andrew more believable and human... I'll also try and explain his sudden shift from responsible council DM to "fuck this, I'ma have an adventure," which lead to the Renwald Incident.

I despise Mary Sues, I really do. I try to avoid writing them, but I guess it somehow happened this time. Thanks for offering help at least.
Yeah. I'll be working on another little thing. This one I'm spending a bit more time on. That really is one of the reasons this one didn't come out so good. I should hope it turns out better.
I'll be honest most are mary sues in this thread its kind of what its about. I am, Fearghaile is, Deja is, Shacklesbane is. Like I said the trick is tone, framing, and moderation.

Also judge by this. Its not exact but it gives you a good idea. http://www.springhole.net/writing/marysue.htm

On a diffrent note I have it from Sir Fearghaile himself that Lem wears panties.

Nah he just mistyped, but I've been wanting to say that for forever.
I'm working on getting rid of the sue-ness. She really wasn't meant to be a sue that was just... not my best. Heh.
Take your Royal Marine bullshit elsewhere.

I don't want to break them Marine Corps style, I want to train them into tough and elite troops.
3 weeks for basic drill and small arms training (This is a sword, swing it like so, this is a bow, shoot it like so) is more than enough. After the 3 weeks is up, that is when I start a say 8-12 week course for basic infantry/Men-At-Arms training. This includes manoevures, company sized fighting, fieldcraft, proper fighting techniques etc.
Add in a 4-8 week cavalry course (Provided they pass requirements to enter the Dragoons/Light Horse/Hussars/whatever we decide upon) and then we're set.

I see little point maintaining the Castle Guard AND the Men-At-Arms, if the enemy is at our gates, will not the Men-At-Arms be fighting on the wall?
Don't forget, the Merchant Guard are always around, along with the Blades.
Not sure precisely what you mean, but I'll do my best! Not sure how well Sir Andrew scores on that test, tbh... But I'll give it a shot. Have to be in the morning though, as it's 2:40AM here in the UK.

Also: Totally called it. Also calling it that they're pink.
ExCUSE me? I don't pretend to be an expert, but the Royal Marine Commandos training course is widely acknowledged as one of the longest and toughest in the world! (Note I say 'one of', not 'the'). Your course has only 23 weeks on the outside of training.

The 2-week period of psychological screening is there for a very good reason. Following that, the real work begins and the abuse is dialled back a few notches. Further, the cavalry divisions do their OWN recruiting; they are separate to the Men-At-Arms recruitment and training structure, with the exception of multiple-unit drills.

The Men-At-Arms DO fight on the walls, as well as the open battlefield. Their whole purpose is the tip of an offensive spear and the last line of defence, when hit-and-run to wear away an attacking force has done as much as it can.

Christ almighty, the Men-At-Arm issue has gone on a while... Thought we sorted this several threads ago.
As did I, but I don't want FUCKING JARHEADS. We don't need ROYAL MARINES.
We need an effective, mobile, Asymmetrical fighting force. Over 6 months of training, for SWORDSMEN AND PIKEMEN.

What the fuck do you think they are going to do AFTER they complete their training? Sit around the barracks all day? Nope. More training it is!

The Dragoons can do their own Unit training as far as I care, but I would expect them to draw from a unified recruit pool. If we are already conducting basic training (This is a sword!) then why waste that available resource?
If we create a Light Horse, I want them to be a close copy of the Infantry regiment expect on horses and everyone has a recurve bow.

Also, Unified Chain of Command. Do you speak it?
Like I said I think I'm the biggest offender. Check List.
>Been to hell and escaped
>Redeaming a succubus
>Magic sword of hate
>Bitchen Castle
>Magic powers
>Loads of loot
>2 hot lovers plus others
>Impossibly/impractical cool clothing
>All ways ice cool
>Never with out a backup trick
>Knows stupid amounts of stuff. (This is my fault for loving to reading though)
>So many other things.
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>Can't into english
I think I'm kinda Sue-ish, but hey, I took an arrow, got a bitching scar now.

My first story was pretty Sue-tastic though. Rescue the girl, get all the goods, be badass.
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Well, look towards the /why/ of the Sue-cusations. You see Sir Andrew as a gallant knight, who rides for justice, while the rest of us see him as a shortsighted, irresponsible, glory-hounding fool. Now there are two ways you can remedy this:

1: Change Sir Andrew. Reframe him in a way that does genuinely make him less heroic, but still humble and knows there's much to learn from people to follow. This is the frame you initially tried and sort of failed at. Saving and romancing the daughter of the Duke is fine, but understand the more wide-reaching consequences, which the rest of us had to clean up.

2: Own it. Sir Andrew as he's currently written is shortsighted, irresponsible, and has delusions of grandeur. I'd say take that, and run with it. Make him EARN a work ethic, make him understand the HARD way exactly why people's opinions of him soured. There's alot of potential in a Don Quixote who finds out he's jousting windmills, and owning your initial flub provides your character with genuine growth.

Y'see, I built Lem to be someone who gets by on almost pure luck. Yeah, he's got more than a little skill with the blade and he can read people like a book, but when the odds are against him, he's either just plain lucky or someone else saves him, and he knows it. He's not afraid to depend on other people when the chips are down because he knows he has to, and that's what makes him likable and human. Sir Andrew could have broken out of the Duke's dungeon at any time! He just wanted to be sure she was a "keeper" and that's stupid.

Also, this is the template I used for the shield, go nuts.

Complete and utter sidenote: What do you guys think of compound bows as our standard arrow-slinger? We have the technology, and creating molds for aluminium pulleys wouldn't be too tough.
Compound bows for Cavalry? Sounds good to me.

I say we keep the longbow for our infantry, just for sheer power factor and range.
I am going to side with Kasai here.

Yeah I forgot about yours but you hide it the best.

Cross bows are better for defending but not good for attacking in formation. = My two bits.

Compound bows are great and all, but I don't like them personally. It's like trying to make a crossbow out of a regular bow.
No, I meant like, in general. In size, weight, and accuracy, they kick the ass of longbows.

It's just a method of increasing firing power while minimizing draw weight. They're effective pieces of equipment. Even the green arrow changed to compound in the 80s!

That feel when typing in pants but meant hosen. Though for Kikki... maybe...

I've stopped being able to count the number of times you've written "Angel" as "Angle"

Also, this thread is on page 10 and autosaging. I'll make a new one.
Fuck mothering vampires I knew that wasn't right. Truly I am the sueist of sues.
Complain about it in the

NEW THREAD: >>20953217

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