>>20698883

It's a slow day...

>>20698883
(>>20684912 old thread)

He was taught quickly, though perhaps a bit harshly, not to insult the harems of his brothers. Speaking poorly of another man's waifu is grounds for an honor duel, and many of us had forgotten that many outside of our circle held deep-seated animosity for many of the peoples present in our city. I suppose we were a bit naive about this at first, but we have still not lost hope, and even today we still strive to right these old prejudices.

While I do not think this was what set him off, as he seemed normal enough afterwards, he did take a downward turn after his knighting ceremony, where he took the name of Black Iron Tarkus. He quested with several others for a time, but something he saw on one such trip seemed to have bothered him deeply. It was around this time that he took to greatsword and shield, something I was only able to do effectively through the enchantments on my kit, and he had taken to copying my style in the training yard. I dismissed it at first, but on the night that he snapped, killing three visitors to our city and then fleeing, I could not ignore him anymore.

Bethany and I set out on the hunt, pursuing him for several days, but in that time he had struck again, killing innocents in another village before fleeing into woods. Had I not had Bethany with me he might have gotten away, but we tracked him to a cave where I confronted and killed the lad.

I am not proud of what I did that day, emerging some time later covered in blood, most of it not my own.

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>>20699040
He had fought as a creature possessed, but had become mindless in a fury I did not understand until later. He had idolized us, hearing of our tales of adventure and glory, particularly mine, as I found out from a fellow member of his class, and he was shocked at what we did. I can only guess that his shattered illusions of us, coupled with some other hatred for the "creatures" we kept that I have never understood, made him vulnerable to something sinister.

With Bethany's help, I managed to make it back to Teegee and delivered news of the lad's death. I cannot say what the others were thinking, but none of them betrayed their reaction of this event to me.

I hung up my sword for a time after that, thinking that perhaps I wasn't cut out for this line of work. I took some time to savor my harem and to reevaluate my life, having my first daughter, Amanda, and eventually opening a pub, and named it Ooliciale, a name I half remembered from the old world.

-exert from The Knight-Sergeant's Tale

When I first heard the news I was working in the eastern orchard, pruning some strange vines brought by the Kanin. Garret came running from inside the Castle and I could see from his face that we had a situation. Terrible news came from some of our adventurers in the south and the Council was summoned. Like I have explained before, the nature of the Council of DMs is most informal, open to everybody but, most often than not, only attended by the few of us interested in the day to day management of Castle Waifu. When I arrived the hall was full to its capacity and Giovanni was trying to keep everyone calm, worried whispers being exchanged by Felim, Kanin and Humans alike. When the murmurs died down, he confirmed the rumors as clearly as possible, not a single emotion betrayed by his voice and stoic expression. I exchanged worried glances with Andrew and Dythier. Some days ago a large force of Orks was seen leaving their lands. A whole tribe, by the looks of it. And they were coming this way.

The Orks were coming.

I'll admit I didn't know what to think, and I suspect most of us were the as confused as me. Some of our people are crazy enough to risk their lives exploring abandoned ruins looking for gold and waifus. Surely some of them would've fought Orks by now. They are what, level 3 in D&D? But the expressions of some of our native friends quickly made me realize how mistaken I was. We didn't know why they were marching to our lands, but one thing seemed sure: Castle Waifu was going to be razed to the ground in just a few days.

>>20699634
I could tell she was upset. Her dinner was comfortably exploring our underground chamber instead of twitching in the web, being dissolved from the inside out by her potent venom. I sat in the spider-silk hammock, knowing fully well she was watching me from the shadows in complete silence like she always did. After what it seemed like an eternity, I saw her legs emerging from a web tunnel in the ceiling. She then looked at me with that hungry expression of hers. I repeated what Giovanni had announced at the Council, and she kept quiet, all of her eyes on me. Then she said that we were going back to the cave. Matter-of-factly, as if this wasn't a matter of discussion. And after seeing the worried looks of some Felim I'll admit I was tempted to allow her to cover me in silk and drag me all the way to Spiderfall Borrows. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. I was a coward, but at least I wasn't that kind of a coward. I told her I was staying. She advanced towards me in a fast motion, her face a mask of rage, and I flinched.

The next morning I found a masterfully-crafted spider-silk jacket hanging from a web and the blade of my trusted Elven dagger covered in what I knew was some of her poison. She was nowhere to be found. I was supposed to be in a reunion with Fatwelder and Jim that morning to discuss some surprises for the incoming Ork army so I left. Apparently they were closer than we thought. I'd lie if I said that I cared for what they had to say or the plans of the Harem Knights. The game was over. Most of the Human merchants we gone, so were some of the Felim, Kanin and even two of our own. TeeGee was going to fall. Yes, I remember the faces of those that stayed, too brave to think clearly, too afraid to leave. But we weren't alone. With us stayed our waifus and our brave friends. Or at least some of them.

>>20699652
We heard their drums hours before we could see them, the very earth and the walls of the Castle shivering to the rhythm. Or maybe it was our legs. When I walked out to the courtyard with my new jacket I must have looked like some sort of Drow noble (hell, are there even Dark Elves in this damn place? I'm not sure I want to know). Some of my comrades laughed when they saw me, others just rolled their eyes. I told them to fuck off and climbed the stairs to the top of the wall, looking to the horizon. We then saw them.

I still remember the Lord of the Rings movies. The Battle of Helm's Deep. I remember going to the cinema to watch that movie, I even skived off school to watch the first session in the morning. I remember being impressed by that army of orcs. What was before my eyes made me scream a high pitched shriek of despair. There were more than two thousand Orks marching towards this glorified outpost of ours, their roars growing in loudness as they approached our walls. In my horror I noticed that the Ork females seemed to be stronger and bigger than their male counterparts and they were leading the army, barking orders to their lesser. In their midst, on a platform carried on the backs of a group of Orks, a female sitting in what looked like a throne contemplated our defenses with a sadistic smile on her face. One kilometer. Eight hundred meters. Six hundred meters. Four hundred meters. The Ork army stopped. The female stood up, looked at her tribe, looked at us and roared. I remember thinking that that was what war looked like, and it scared me to my very bone.

Out of nowhere, a gunshot was heard.

>>20699674
One of the Orks in the front lines fell with a wound in his chest, the rest of the army backing away from him, confused looks in their bestial eyes. Atop the walls, Fatwelder, Jim and many others pointed at the horde with their rifles. The Ork matriarch roared again, only to be answered by another gunshot taking the life of one of her warriors, the thundering sound paralyzing our attackers. Her voice boomed through the battlefield, her orders repeated by other female Orks. The army started to roar, the war drums sounding louder than ever, the warriors beating the shields with their swords. We kept shooting. They no longer cared. The Ork army crashed against our walls as a wave, the Elven archers and our riflemen doing their best to slow them as much as possible. Fatwelder soon reappeared with what looked like grenades. I heard the explosions as I climbed down the stairs to help reinforce the main gate against the Ork charge. I was helping drag some trunks when I heard a muffled scream at my back.

Who would've known? Those motherfuckers had some very good Kommandos.

>>20699133
Rance. Take off the rape face. That's your daughter.

>>20699737
While we were focusing on the main gates, a small troop of Orks had found their way inside Castle Waifu leaving a trail of bodies in their wake. I held my poisoned Elven dagger in my right hand and my hatchet in the left, knowing very well that I was as good as dead. One of the Orks came for me wielding what I believe was a battle axe, I'm afraid I was too scared to be sure of anything. I somehow managed to dodge his first attack and ran away. I now remember seeing the corpses of Felim and Human lovers lying together, their blood forming puddles, but back then all I worried about was to find a safe place. I had no way of knowing it then, but the main gate was gone and the Ork army was storming the Castle. In my blind getaway, I somehow managed to find myself in a dead end between the tavern, that bookstore and the castle walls. I shouldn't have been surprised, really, I've always had a pretty bad orientation sense, since I was a kid, actually. Three Orks came into the alley, their weapons unsheathed, I decided to go out with as much dignity as I could. One of them charged with a sword, I parried with the hatchet (and broke my left arm in the process) and scratched him across the face with my dagger. Soon enough his wound begun to turn black, his green skin paler and her eyes red. He trembled down, victim of the poison of my weapon and died in terrible agony. Unfortunately for me, his friends didn't back away. I realized then I couldn't raise my left arm to protect myself.

>>20699748
Did someone say Orks? I detect new waifus.

>>20699748
I expected death, and it came but not for me which is great because I really had no good last lines. One of the Orks let a surprised scream, the other one had already been bitten and was shivering in the group. She had been watching me from the shadows in complete silence, like she always did. We looked at each other for just a second and then we came out of the back alley, ready to attack the Ork invading force and die like so many others. We could still heard the gunshots and the Kanin growls. Even if Castle Waifu had been conquered, the defenders were selling our lives as dearly as we could. I believe twelve Orks fell to my blade and her poison that night, but I'll never be sure. I can't be sure. I knew that she was wounded and I was half dead. That's when we heard the horn. Clear, brutal, Ork. I believed it was their way of celebrating their victory. Instead, the green-skinned monsters turned around and left us behind, puzzled looks in our face. The survivors looked to each other, then we climbed atop of the walls only to see the Ork army standing still, some of the females discussing with each other in what looked like a heated debate. We couldn't do anything other than wait. Soon our conquerors seemed to reach to an agreement. Orders were barked.

The Ork females turned on their own army, killing and maiming males left and right, the survivors running away into the forest. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Neither did any of the other survivors, Humans or not Humans.

>>20699766
The Matriarch jumped down from the platform and approached our gates. She stood there for five minutes before Fearghaile came out to met her, an afraid Kikki behind him. The female Ork said something and then left to meet with the rest of her army. Fearghaile stood there paralyzed for some good time, then he came back inside. Me and others approached him to ask what had just happened. His answer was something none of us would have expected. To an Ork female only the strongest and most apt male can ever be considered as a mate, all the others are therefore only good as cannon fodder. When they saw that we were joined by so many other races, our waifus willing to die by our side or sacrifice their lives to protect us, the Ork females decided that the only reasonable explanation is that we happen to be the ultimate males and thus all others were unworthy of them. They were to join us now, whether we liked it or not.

I guess it was time to rebuild our home and add an Ork quarter for the surrendering conquerors.

>>20699793
I woke up a few nights later in her chamber, my wounds covered with spider-silk bandages and still unable to move my left arm. I opened my eyes and I saw her there, almost by my side, looking at me with the same hunger as always. She kept staring at me in silence for a few minutes, this time with a strange, cruel smile. She then said that her name now was Victoria and I was to use it. I don't know where she heard that name. Perhaps she thought I would be more comfortable if she had a name from Earth. Perhaps she never had a name and the idea of having one is some sort of hilarious joke only she completely understands. Maybe I do. I thank her for saving my life, and she kept quiet again. I sat up with great difficulties and I did the only thing I could do then. I kissed her. And in her mouth I tasted the carrion, the putrid blood and her bitter saliva, tingling in my mouth, just a hint of her deadly poison.

We later discovered that the Elves were the ones behind the Ork invasion, having convinced the Ork Matriarch of the wealth of our land and the weakness of our knights. They probably watched the whole battle from the forest, laughing while our people died, seeing what kind of defenses did we have and what were our weaknesses. They were nothing if not patient and ruthless. A storm was brewing and it could very well swallow us all.

>>20699867
>We later discovered that the Elves were the ones behind the Ork invasion, having convinced the Ork Matriarch of the wealth of our land and the weakness of our knights. They probably watched the whole battle from the forest, laughing while our people died, seeing what kind of defenses did we have and what were our weaknesses. They were nothing if not patient and ruthless. A storm was brewing and it could very well swallow us all.
Seems like we'll have to rethink our defensive approach.

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>>20699867
And done! I can't wait to read what the hell happened to you guys during the Ork assault!

>>20699895
There is no fun without challenge, I'm afraid.

>>20699895
We need to apply out superior knowledge to rally our defense. Lets make explosives... big ones.

>>20699937

Damn man, that's a long story and I haven't finished mine yet and I still have a shittons of proofreading to do.

And I'm tired as all hell.

>>20699962
How about flooding the area in front of the castle with magma?
Or what about mirrors to attack with sunlight?
Can we do good mirrors? That's something that we should learn - It gives us an awesome export good AND awesome defensive capabilities during sunny days.

>>20699895
Technology combined with tactics. Phalanxes, flanking, gunpowder when necessary, and the use of cavalry and the environment can defeat even larger armies.
We should take a look a Hannibal's strategies; he was able to give Rome a hard time.

I'd love to see the battle from Reginald's perspective. Or, perhaps from the perspective of the terrified orcs in there final moments as his maul crushes them.

>>20700005
If I have time tonight I'll write that up. From my perspective of course, and I shall acquire my second waifu, and ork!

I...uh, when you guys became proficient with armor and weapons? I feel like I missed something.

>>20700034
Maybe you could do a bit in your waifu-to-be's perspective too. Your eyes met across the field of battle, etc.

>>20700083
...After years of spelunking, maybe?
Our collective rite of passage was elven genocide.

>>20700083
The time each story takes place in jumps around a bit. This is, what, a decade or so after arival? Something like that.

>>20700092
Well, but that's different...I mean...
...sorry.

>>20700083
Well, I kind of didn't, but according to canon it's been like more than two and a half years (three perhaps?) since we arrived and since dungeoneering seems to be a most profitable venture, it makes sense some of us would turn into competent swordfighters. Not all, but some.
Also there is magic involved somehow so... don't worry about that too much. I certainly don't.

>>20700104
No it isn't, I thought we were at 1-2 years.

What is this

>>20700143
>>20700149

I've seen stories from 40 days of arrival and at least 10 years.

Most of this stuff is written as memoirs, so you can go crazy with the timeline.

Some of the stories jump around a lot, or are told from a point much further in the future from when they happened.

Also, reposing my little bit, since it was at the very tail end of the last thread. Working on something a little less dark right now.

>>20700149
The timeline jumps around, depending on the writer. The Ork invasion probably takes place at least three years in, possibly later.

Though I think most of the later stories in the timeline (most of the second generation stuff, I think) was written by me.

Regardless, we need to pin a few things down. What events take place when, when inventions are made and come into use, etc.

I still remember their faces, the looks of surprise and anguish. They still wake me up sometimes, all these years later. At the time, it was more raw fear than anything, just knowing there was something out there killing us off. Thinking back now after all the fights and raids I’ve been in, the really scary part is thinking about how they must have felt. Most of them went quick, you could tell from the looks on their face, they had no idea what had happened. Others weren’t so lucky. They knew they were going to die and there was nothing they could do about it. I still think about them sometimes, and about how even though we knew it could get us killed, there will still those among us that went out foraging. It also serves as a reminder, that no matter how powerful you think you might be, all it takes is one little mistake to get you killed, and sometimes, you don’t even know you fucked up until it’s too late. The Elves learned that the hard way.

I was lucky; I was one of the few with actual military experience. I wasn’t an expert soldier by any means, but I at least had some training in how to fight. When I say that, I’m not talking about weapons training; anyone can learn to wield a blade or shoot a gun. I’m talking about the mental tempering that allows a person to accept that death is something they are going to witness and be a part of, to be ready to take whatever steps might be necessary for survival, for victory. There weren’t a lot of us that had that quality, and it was very hard to instill with the conditions we were under. Nevertheless, the arrival of the Felim marked a turning point. We were still weak, but no longer feeble. We were still disorganized, but we all shared a common goal. We were not only going to survive, but we were going to thrive!

>>20700176

The decision to go to war with the Elves was not made by a single person. It was a mob mentality; we had been pushed past our breaking point and would take no more. Many of the future knights and citizens of TeeGee at that point were little more than untrained men armed with whatever weapon they could get their hands on. Some of them would go on to accomplish great deeds and become well known, but they had humble beginnings. It was also at this point that the forerunners of the Blades came together, some of them are standing around you right this moment, others remain only in painting or tapestry within the darkest halls of Castle Waifu.

I will call no man who fought that day a coward, even if they have run from every fight since, but some were simply not prepared for what happened that day, for what we did. Myself, I like to think that I was. I hardboard no regrets for the things I did, and I know the same can be said for many of my compatriots. Fighting just comes more naturally to some people, ending lives just doesn’t carry the same weight for some. This is part of what it means to be a Blade, to understand and be unafraid or unashamed of the things we do. There exists evil and wrongdoers in this world, people who would repress, harm or enslave others simply to further their own gains. The kingdom of TeeGee and the Harem Knights stand against these forces, but they are restricted in some cases simply by nature of what they are.

>Black Iron Tarkus
>Knight Artorias
>ORKS
>ELVES

What the fuck is going on here?

>>20700186

Honor, chivalry, equality and acceptance are all noble qualities for any man to have and hold dear or to aspire to. None of them, however; belong on the battlefield. Killing is messy business; it is an evil and vile act no matter the justification, but it is sometimes necessary. This is also part of what it means to be a Blade: To know what you do may be wrong, but is also necessary. And so, your trials and training begin now, to see if this life is what is right for you. Your first lesson: Life is not fair, never fight as such.

-Sir Dustyn Howle, Master of the Order of Blades, to a new group of initiates right before ordering the training cadre to attack the unarmed trainees.

>>20700162
I think its a thread dude.
lemme chek

The ork assault on Teegee was ultimately what spurned me to come out of my impromptu retirement and once again take up the sword. Like many others, I found out through the council of GM's, and like many others, I could scarcely believe what I was hearing.

Not since the early days had we been forced to fight for our lives as we were to. Then we faced a force we outnumbered and caught by surprise, but now we faced one far larger and we no longer held the element of surprise. Many had different ideas of how to deal with this threat, and while an exact strategy could not be agreed upon, one thing was certain: we were going to give them hell.

Some of our number decided on the old technologies, such as gunpowder. I will no belittle my brethren for such things, after all this was a fight for our homes and families, and nothing was more precious, but I had found myself to rather like the weapons and magics of this world.

As a former sergeant of the guard I had not lost all of my skills absent their usage, and while I had my doubts at first, to be in my armor once again filled me with a renewed vigor.

>>20700190
The best thing on /tg/ right now.

>>20700190

It involves a wizard. That should be enough of an explanation.

>>20700164
That too.

>>20700162
Oh, boy... it's... it's complex to explain, really. It all started as a regular thread where OP asked us what would we do if somehow a wizard had teleported us to a typical fantasy setting with elves, orcs and magic. Then a crazy bastard insisted that all he wanted to do was rub some elf ears. That's where this glorious derail called Castle Waifu started, a bunch of fa/tg/uys lost in a fantasy setting romantizing monster girls and surviving all sorts of dangers.
You can find the old threads (all of then with some very good writefagging) in suptg.

>>20700162
Basically, yet another example of wizards not know right from wrong.
That dude caused a ton of ta/tg/uys to be teleported into his world, stranded in the ruins of some castle.
We proceeded to genocide elves and conquer all the bitches.
And our mere existence is offensive to essentially 90% of all civilisations on this plane, especially the human ones.

Well, I did a writefagging last night, was going to share it here, but now that it's all Ork war I'm not so sure if it'd be thematically appropriate. Its just some fluff about the Merchant Guard.

I seriously think you guys should do a rough official timeline.

>>20700268

We are making up things on the run with our stories. I think that installing "cannon fluff" would be probably unfun.

>>20700282
Yeah, it works better with crowdsourcing.

You just shouldn't forget our raping of the wizard.

>>20700268
It's more fun with loose timelines. As long as you stay true to the basic spirit of waifus and adventure, there's a lot of room to play around and just tell stories. That's actually why most are memoirs and journal entries of single knights, if we do too many big things, we'll get more caught up with sorting fluff than making it.

>>20700268
I'll probably start working tomorrow on the much needed 1d4chan page, but so far it's something like this:
- The Arrival
- First Elven attacks
- Contact with the Felim (first month)
- Conquest of the Elven village (first year)
- Expansion to Spiderfall Burrows
- Many races start to flock to TeeGee
- Contact with the Kanin
- Diplomatic relations with Human realms (spies, assasination attemps, all that good stuff) (second year)
- Ork assault

And I'm totally missing many, many, many things.

Good lord, ANOTHER thread? What have I helped to create, is it a monster, or something magnificent?

We don't need to match everything up with exactly when it happened, but a rough timeline for majer shit (like say, orcs) would be a good idea.

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I was honestly thinking of writefagging.
But thats the thing, it would be of a character that had followed the wizard's tomes while the others went out pillaging and adventuring.
Antagonistic almost but still helpful.

>>20700282
>>20700330
Good, exam passed.
Harem Knights of TeeGee are definitely CG.

File: 1347485952234.png-(1.01 MB, 1280x1024, 1331928786497.png)

>>20700162
A wizard zapped a bunch of fa/tg/uys to a fantasy realm, wherein they decided to form a polygamous knightly order about being bros and obtaining a harem of monster girls and the like.

It's actually really good, and mostly lighthearted.

On a related note, someone with photoshop skills should add some ladies to this and similar pictures; they'd end up commonplace for these threads.

>>20700378

You've got me to writing. And it's well over 1500 words and I haven't finished it yet. And it's my first time writing something in English. And I enjoy the hell out of it.

Guess yourself friend.

>>20700388
I think there was a guy like that. The librarian, I think.

Right, here goes:


So, you want to be a Merchant Guard, eh? Well, first off, might as well tell you what we do. Fuck all, but it takes up all our time. Confused? Well, let's put it this way. Merchant Guard? Means we guard merchants, obviously. Guard them from bandits, looters and other such filth who would profit from the labour of others. This generally translates to travelling with the caravans, staying with the wagons in the warehouses and then standing around the merchant's stalls while they ply their trade. It's a line of work not suited to some. They'd rather go off on their own, in search of adventure, loot, glory and Waifus. We've got little time for that. If sitting in the back of a wagon, sleeping with one eye half open, ever ready for attack and getting little out of it sounds like fun, stick around. If not, there's the door. I won't judge you for leaving, most do. Fair play, we all have our callings.
...
Still here? Nice. Now it's time for the real truth. Three quarters walk through that door, so three quarters don't hear this part. Everything I just said? It's all true. But it's not the whole story. Yeah, most of it's boring-arse grunt work. We could easily be replaced by a mercenary or two. But there are benefits. Benefits I don't mention right away, gotta give the harsher truths first. Helps to weed out the useless.

>>20700264
Go ahead, I don't think anyone here would mind.

>>20700282
It's spelled "canon". Anyway, I'm not asking for anything huge. Just some continuity to make sure we can make sense of things. And more importantly, so writefags can make sense of things.

>>20700421

First off, there's the travel. We go all over this land, to anywhere that isn't hostile (and even a few that are). I've seen more in the past few years than I did in the twenty three before we were brought here. It's not all nice, but everything's an experience. I won't describe most of what I've seen, because it's best experienced with virgin eyes and an unknowing mind. If you stick around long enough, you'll have a wealth of stories to tell. Just make sure you can deal with the weather. You'll be in everything from burning sun to near monsoons. Sandstorms, snowstorms and wilder things abound.

There's also the material benefits. Now, we don't earn nearly the same money as most people here. We get the food we're given, some small tithe of the profits and maybe some "thing" or another. But what do we need money for anyway? I usually sleep on a pile of hay in a wagon, getting free food for doing so. I have a house within the castle walls, but it's more of a storage unit at this point. No, the main material benefits are the "things" I mentioned earlier. See this weapon I weild? Looks like a naginata, nothing too special. Now watch me stab this stone slab.

>>20700437

Notice how the blade sank through like the floor was butter? Yeah, turns out it's made of some superhard material that's unreasonably light, and if it was any sharper I could cut sunlight. Think there's magic involved. A gift from one of the merchants I travel with, who also happen to be my Waifus. Been trying to find a similar one to give to the techboys, but no luck. And they aren't getting this one, no matter how many times they ask. So yeah, not much money but your belly is full and you end up collecting all sorts of weird shit. Just be sure to have the magical things examined, I remember one Guard, a rather dashing young man, was given a magic belt. Well, he put it on right away and...don't know if I should really say what happened. Let's just say she now has a new career in table dancing.

>>20700428

Canon. Right, right. I'm totally not tired. Nope.

>>20700444
Then, there's the people you meet. In the Old World, I was quite the nutter magnet. People would come up to me in the street for a chat. Since forming the Merchant Guard, I've met hundreds of people, from all sorts of cultures. And one thing I've learned is that no-one, not matter their nation or species, is mundane. We've all got our stories. Don't give me that face, the face of "fuck off with your everyone's a special snowflake piss". I've worn it too many times myself, I can see it a mile off. Merchants, mercenaries, customers, hitchhikers, beggars, nobles. Met examples of them all, and while not everyone's up for a chat - especially the nobles, snooty bastards - if you can coax them into telling a story, you'll learn something new. Sometimes it'll be about the world, or the person sitting accross from you, or even yourself. And it's also a great way to meet your future Waifus. Most of the Guards I know end up with either their charges or people they met on the road, myself included. Might not have the glory of charging into a slaver camp, rescuing all the fair maidens and slaughtering their captors then walking into the sunset with That Special One, but if you're here then you probably don't care about that.

>>20700453

I suppose I should talk about the people more specifically. The merchants, wholesellers and their guards, I rarely interact with on a business level. That's the job of your charges, see. But if you can get to chatting, they can tell you some interesting things. Gossip, news of local and national governments, tales of their own travels. Most of it is meaningless banter, and only half true. But occasionally you can find a nugget of something useful, which when combined with other nuggets, turns into a whole new truth. I remember one time, we were meant to be travelling to a small port town to set up a stall, and see if we can purchase some rare or exotic goods while we were there. But I'd listened to a merchant from the west, and a hitchiker we'd met coming from the city, and told the caravan to stay clear. They looked at me funny, but as I've said before my caravan is also my harem. They knew I wouldn't endanger them, nor would I divert them without good reason. Turns out, political revolution hit the streets about two days after we were meant to arrive, and most of the city was on fire. Always keep an ear out.

>>20700471

The hitchhikers, they're another group worth mentioning. Most of them are just travellers, seeking to get to or from a place, but too poor to afford transport. I tend to let them on, in return for a story or some other non-material gift. I've had my fortune told about three times this year alone. You might not believe in it, I'm not too sure myself, but it's still nice to sit down for half an hour while someone rubs your head and tells you you're going to be sucessful in some endeavour based on your headbumps. Some won't get on if you're travelling with a non-human, of course, but fuck them for being intolerant. Occasionally you find a bandit who'll try to steal from you in the night, but they're obvious most of the time. Just do a quick pat-down, that weedles out most of them. Also, check the wrists. Dug in bandmarks suggest either escaped slave or escaped criminal. The eyes also tell much about someone, you'll learn in time. Just watch them for funny business.

Now I feel like I have been left in the dust, fellow Knights!

My only problem is that I have been thinking about my character, and I want to make some adjustments to his attire and possessions, but since I've already committed to a few posts of a certain set of things, IE my weapons and gear, that I dont know if I should redo it.

>>20700480
The last group worth mentioning are the reason for our existence; bandits. In some places, they're as rare as rocking horse shit. Other routes are infested with them. Check the common room, there's a map explaining where the major routes of banditry are. Generally, they're all about self-preservation. It's why I weild a weapon bigger than myself, it's intimidating. When they do attack, strike quick and without mercy. If you take some of their number down, the rest tend to flee. No point getting killed for a few trinkets, right? Make yourself recognisable, most have the instincts to not poke a sleeping tiger twice. Our efforts may slowly make the roads safer, but never get complacent. As long as someone has something that another person wants, there will be crime. Fact of life really.

So that's the gist of being a Merchant Guard. Sitting around talking to people from all walks of life, getting little money but a wealth of experience. Forming close bonds with your charges, but never quite trusting others. Your bed is a haystack if you're lucky, but your blanket comes from a far off land and made with the finest of threads. You'll have boring days but never a boring life. It's a stack of contradictions. Still interested? Door's still there if you want it.

>>20700490

Good to see you haven't moved. Well, in order to join the Merchant Guard, there are three tests you must pass. By listening to me, you've passed the first. Congratulations. Your next test is to pass the training. At any one time, half of the Merchant Guard is present in Castle Waifu. This is not by accident. You've got my approval, so they'll train you up. You'll learn how to weild a weapon, the basics of trade in this land, everything you'll need to know. When they decide you're not an incomoetent fuckup, you'll move onto the final test. That test is simple. Find a Teegee caravan, join up with them. If you make it back here alive with them, and your charges agree to keep you, then you pass. The Merchant Guard isn't a very prestigious organisation, as you may have noticed from the fact our lodge is three rooms and a storage cupboard, so we don't do long drawn out trials of valour. Just do your job, and don't fuck up. I'm not in the city half the time, I'm travelling with my charges. Can't let my Waifus go out there all alone, can I? So if you do make it back, and I'm not around, just speak to the clerk, she can fill out the paperwork in my place.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got another task to do. See, sometimes we don't guard the merchants from the world. Sometimes we have to guard the city from the merchants, and that Ahelub from Serrid is acting like a North Korean spy. Asking too many stupid questions he should already know the answer too, and inquiring about things beyond his remit as a merchant. Going to have to sort him out, excuse me.

>>20700417
>well over 1500 words and I haven't finished it yet. And it's my first time writing something in English.
teach me your ways sensei

>>20700196
I bade Prescilla to gather together those who could not fight and take them to the citadel while the rest of us readied our defenses. While I hated the idea of hiding behind a wall, it was all we could do. When the attack came, it was met with the thunder of guns.

Our engineers had been busy, and a stockpile of both weapons and the precious powder had been accumulated, and thankfully it worked wonders, frightening the orks and doing more damage to their moral than our arrows ever could have done. While their charge faltered, we were met with another attack from within. These brutes held more cunning than I gave them credit for, but I could not dwell on it at the time.

They managed to open the gates, but thankfully most of our comrades managed to fall back from the walls in good order. Myself and a clutch of the newer knights stood in the path of the main force, fighting fiercely, with me claiming no less than 50 kills, but to no avail. There were simply too many of them, and one by one we were being picked off. I though it was going to be the end of us until most of their army seemed to turn in on itself. Their women, it seemed, didn't like the fact that their men were having trouble with us weaklings, as they so elegantly referred to us in later negotiations.

The elves, we found out, were behind the attack, but with the current threat mostly neutralized. Many of us were propositioned by their women after the battle and while I did not accept any of them, not everyone had such reservations. I never fully trusted any of the first generation orks, but after much consideration I could hardly fault them for the deeds of the dead.

-exert from The Knight-Sergeant's Tale

>>20700558
I feel the same way. Writing in English is my biggest entry hurdle.

>>20700558

Google Translate and some other internet dictionaries.

Also, you have that cool scene in your mind? Write shitty write-up for it, write your dream scene, rewrite the write-up. Then you just have to proofread it exactly 11 times and then, if you can, give it to some native English speaker to proofread.

Sleep is optional.

>do some typing
>thread is so slow
>go eat
>come back
>activity boom
Well heck. I'll post what I've finished up as soon as I go over it a bit more.
>>20700378
Can't it be both?

>>20700484
Why not write about your preference switching to said gear?

>>20700506
> that Ahelub from Serrid is acting like a North Korean spy
Awesome.

>>20700362
My stuff skips around so much even I can hardly keep track of it. Just as well I suppose.

>>20700378
Yes to both.

I must say, this does look to be shaping up nicely. Shame I'm usually asleep for most of the good writing though.

>>20699937

Yes. This is what I want. I shall begin writing immediately. As Captain of the Homeguard, this is relevant to my job application.

>>20700603
Eh, I'll do my best, but probably end up crying and comatose at half the second attempt...
Goddess of waifus, lend me you power! ...please.

Knight Lautrec
Up in your hearth
Fucking all ur waifus

>>20700690
Really, this sort of thing is like getting into a swimming pool.
You just jump right in and shake around a bit. Once the initial coldness and shock wears off you'll slip into a state of comfort. The same applies to writefagging and posting your writefaggotry.

File: 1347487380957.png-(Spoiler Image, 65 KB, 1000x1000)

>>20700690

Use this pic to load up on your "Totally Rad" Points.

Use them wisely on your journey friend.

File: 1347487450692.jpg-(241 KB, 600x800, 1334435182342.jpg)

>>20700700
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccc!!!!!!!!!!

Anybody willing to be my proofreader? It's not finished or anything yet, but I'd like to have one already.

Give me a quick mail if you're interested, before I'll hit the bed.

>>20700812
Well, I'm finishing up something of my own and I'm not an English Major, but I'll take a look at it. I'll shoot you some mail in a bit.

>>20700812
Like I said in the last thread, I'm willing to proofread anything you guys throw at me. Looks like you already have an offer though, so I'll take the next guy that comes along.

Unless you want me too, of course.

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>>20699937
I really do love my shield. "Alaric, shields are outdated", they said, "Alaric, you can't swing as hard with one hand" they said. When there are dozens of orcs directly in front of you, trying to gut you with axes and halberds, you want some sort of solid defense, and a layer of metal on oak is exactly that.
By the way, frontline in a large battle is hell. It's not flashy, or even focused like small group combat, so much as it is trying to push the enemy away and stab his face with your weapon of choice. We fought more like berserkers than knights, meeting aggression with aggression. We weren't even lucky enough to grab horses, not like it would matter at the sheer masses, which had to be countered via funneling and rough phalanxes.
Gunpowder was the real godsend, though. A well placed bomb could dispatch a half dozen orks. I should know. It's been a week, and I'm still deaf in one ear. Faceplates are also a godsend, I barely avoided losing an eye thanks to my helmet, though the metal is scratched to Hell and back. I think I might keep the mark over the eye, though, for style. In any case, the important thing is that I protected my family. It's not a large group, only two Waifus strong, but I'll be damned if I didn't fight like a demon to protect Waifu Town. I guess the less you have, the more you value it? Just being in a realm like the fantasy stories I loved is a blessing, I'm sure as hell not going to give it up to an orc invasion.
Speaking of which, the female Orcs are allied with us now. Apparently Orcish women only want the biggest and the strongest fighters. I was ignored by them, again.... due to my shield.
.........I'm still not getting rid of it.

-From the journals of Alaric

>>20700812
Dude, my advise to you is just write everything down and post it without giving it a second glance. I'm not a native speaker and by that rule neither should my character in Castle Waifu so I guess most grammar errors (and there are a lot in my writefaggotry) only add more authenticity to the story.
Or that's what I'd like to think.

If I were to second-guess everything I write then I would never finish anything for this thread! (Which by the way is now archived, go vote for it).

>>20701010
As long as it doesn't come out in as jumbled a mess as mine does, you should be fine. Remember though, spellcheck is your friend.

Alright fellas, long one incoming.

Just a forewarning.

Orks. I never liked the concept of them, even back in the Old Realm. When the rumors became fact, it was difficult to keep the inhabitants of our little castle in check. Many Knights were still out questing, and we were undermanned and ill prepared. As the Captain of the Homeguard, I took it upon myself to establish the best defensive positions within Castle Waifu. The gift of that rifle had long since run out, both in ammunition and in efficiency, as it needed repairs I could not perform. I had done archery marksmanship in the Old Realm as a hobby of sorts, so I took it upon myself to knock the rust off my hands and pick up a bow again. Before the invasion had become a concrete fact, I had gone out to harvest the materials needed; a hardwood from the forests, steel for the blacksmith and centauress’ tail hairs. I had completed the bow just in time, as Farmers from the outlying areas began to retreat into the Keep. I found as many arrows as I could, and ended up need two quivers to hold them all, and ran to the battlements of my… Our home. I had rounded up as many marksmen and hunters, and anyone who could use bow, gun or crossbow, hell, even javelins would work. A myriad of Humans, Felim and Elves manned the walls as the horde approached, all equally snarling and vicious on their own, let alone two thousand strong.

>>20701125


When they stopped outside the walls, I ordered bows to the ready, and drew back the long arrow, arching my back to gain elevation. Once I heard the whip crack of gunshots and the thunder of four thousand feet I commanded the group to fire. Arrows and bolts lanced through the skies, cascading down into the tides of green that ran lumbering through the plains before us. I eventually ordered a free fire, just letting everyone fire as fast as they could, and in the midst of running up and down the walls, consulting group leaders and marshalling firing arcs, I had not noticed I had been accompanied by a certain green cloaked character. It had followed me up and down the walls, repelling ladders and aiding defenders. The hood obscured the face, but I had not taken the time to look, I was… a tad preoccupied. After hours or so of fighting, both of the quivers I had brought were empty, and with my hammer stuck in the body of a dead ork that had tumbled off the wall, a long sword had been my trusty companion. The archers had fallen back, and those with side weapons had stayed with the infantry on the walls, repelling the ever gaining ork presence on top of the walls. Ladders clung to the wood and stonework of the ramparts, crude in design, probably cut down from the trees that lay before our very walls.

>>20701135


I was becoming exhausted from swinging this blade, and it began to take its toll on me. My breastplate had already saved my life countless times as clubs, axes and mauls skidded off its side, pure luck keeping the killing blow from ending my life. My arm just gave way as I parried a swing of an axe, sending me tumbling to the stonework at my feet. I accepted my fate and made peace with myself in that split second, knowing I could not have done more, but my death did not come, instead, I was dragged to the edge of the wall, and tossed with another over the stonework to a hay pile below. Frankly, I don’t know how those assassins did it, I fell naught 30 feet and it felt like I had separated every bone in my body. I lay on the hay pile for the moment, realizing I still had a grip on that long sword, its edge knicked and dented from ringing off armor plates and weapons of the orks. It took a moment for me to jog my memory, oh yes, there was an invasion. I “Jumped” to my feet (jumped being a very selective term for hobbled) and tried to get my bearings. Fighting was still going on over my head as the orks were atop the walls, and many of the knights were stemming the tides by themselves, pushing their fellow defenders behind them. I was about to turn and run up the steps to aid them when a hand fell upon my shoulder.

>>20701147

. I was going to spin around and gut the beast when I realized it was not an aggressive touch, but one of concern. I turned to see the hooded figure, bloodstained and ragged in front of me, elegant blade in hand. Before anything could be said it jumped forward and hugged me briefly, before running off down the alley towards some screaming. I ran to the wall tops and led the defenders in an aggressive push, turning the ork tides from our wall tops. When they began to retreat back to regroup, the matriarch asked for council. I didn’t care much what happened then, as I was exhausted, and slumped down against the stonework crenulations of the walls. The green scarf hung loosely around my neck and shoulders, its bloodstained and filthy fibres resting upon my breastplate. I tore off my helm and deeply inhaled, then, drifted off to much needed sleep.

-end

>>20701152
>I turned to see the hooded figure, bloodstained and ragged in front of me, elegant blade in hand.
The plot thickens.

>>20700362
Not sure about that... There are a few journals and the like that pretty much outright state that /tg/ is at peace for about five years after arrival (not counting the sacking of the Elven village). Some have DEFINITELY stated we only had real gunpowder and musket stocks about five years in, so the Orc attack would have to have come after that point.

>>20700191
Not sure how much I agree with this. It does seem needlessly grimdark. It's an old saying that 'martial arts is just a codified way of fighting dirty', but there's a limit to it. I'm no soldier or fighting man (in the real world, that is), but ordering the trainees attacked like that seems to go beyond the remit of a training master's duties.

Further, you're mistaken; the Knights Harem are both an order of questers AND an organised military. We're by no means exclusively errant.

>>20701599
It just occurred to me that we'd be mostly self trained. How long would it take to convert ourselves into something resembling a combat capable group of knights and adventurers? Six months?

>>20701650
We might be somewhat physically fit in six mounths. And that's a big-ass somewhat.

Competence would take three or four years, easy.

>>20701650
If you mean training time, it very much depends. The British Royal Marine Commandos are usually acknowledged as having one of the longest and toughest training regimes in the world, at 32 weeks for marines and 64 weeks for officers. A knight of the middle ages however, started training young and kept it up throughout their lives, so really, a Harem Knight should be training all their lives as well. Then again, we are too small to have a professional army, so... Yeah. I'm no expert, but I'd say the knights constantly train and anyone else... Militia drill regularly? With a small corps of men-at-arms who ARE full-time soldiers?

If, on the other hand, you mean how long before we set up proper training for the knights and the like... Eh, depends. Light training at first, of course, but as we grow more prosperous... I'd say anything from a year, to a year and a half after the sacking of the Elven village, before we have a fully-fledged training regime and facilities and equipment.

>>20700812
Sent you a second e-mail with my thoughts. Have the document open while you go over it as there are some things I didn't go over. Can't say I really felt a need to, they were already covered.

>>20701314

Thickens like a good rue to gravy.

>>20701892

Writing another story, this time about the Orc invasion. And I now I realise I should probably identify my harem, and give them names and shit.

>>20701935
>more waifus
F5F5F5F5F5

>>20701705
Well, competence against our own world's fighting forces, perhaps, but in this new world, we have the advantage of different tactics and precise training that doesn't exist for other cultures, and thus have an edge.

I do believe one of the Felim of the Dragoons has a story to tell of the Ork attack. I'll let him get to it.

>>20701970

I'll try to write it quick, problem is this tale involves dialogue, which I've never been great at.

>>20701985
Oh, there you are. Question.
I intend to cameo you sooner or later. Your Sir Fearghaile fellow is roaming the country and setting up relations with the various races of the world, something like that, yes? How would you describe those encounters? How do those normally go? What generally happens?
I figured it's be best to get those answers directly from you.

>>20701935
I'm writing something for the orc invasion as well, in between bouts of my quest thread.

Shameless self plug, go to my quest thread: Season of Death
> 20701099

>>20702100
I mean
>>20701099

shitty writefaggotry incoming.
First I just must say this whoever managed to get the harpies to take care of the mail is a genius. On a side note how the hell were the harpies able to locate the survivors who instead of sticking around scattered anyway?

In any case my story began like many others we found ourselves in a strange actual magical world. I however instead of sticking around wondered off mostly due to the fact that so many people with so few supplies I knew it was going to get nasty. So instead I just picked a random direction and began walking with nothing but clothes on my back my wallet and phone. On the way I encountered some of our own, the first of our dead with elven arrows sticking out of them. I will admit I did search those bodies for what they had all I found was club, pocket knife, some sun glasses, and a nice jacket. The other stuff I left and kept on with an empty stomach. I don’t really know I long I walked but eventually I came onto a dirt road picked a random direction and kept on walking. When night fell I crawled underneath some shrubs and slept.

copypasting from notebook


When I woke up I noticed a strange little creature was backed up against the tree and surrounded by a bunch of humans well nice to know there is some of our fellow man in this world. Problem was they had weapons mostly some short swords, hatchets, dagger, and few clubs looked like that they may have been bandits. This little creature that I will later discover are called goblins didn’t. Now I thought about this and figured there were about three of them surrounding this little guy who was backed up against a tree. Back then I was weak and a coward still am in fact or so I like to think. My problem however since the Old World is somehow whenever I tried to communicate with people there was always miscommunication this had consequences many of which I still have a hard time with believing actually happened and, I was really good with women in fact I was so good that whenever I tried not to be I STILL attacked women. That was not even including my luck.
So there I was figuring out my best course of action and I quickly realized that I would probably die if I tried to take them on but if I stayed as soon as they were done with the goblin they would spot me. Only identified course of action sneak away very carefully, I then crawled very carefully out from underneath the shrubs. I then skirted away into the trees by this time they couldn’t be more than oh 25 feet away unluckily for me however the goblin noticed me and his eyes widened. This alerted one who looked and saw a flicker of movement or me ducking behind a tree and began approaching I then knew I was fucked.

Mirthterrah has always bugged the crap out of me. Even back on the Old World I had long since accepted the fact that some people are racist, but here it was just fucking everywhere. Humans were top of the hill, and some of the other races got some basic rights, but God help you if any part of your body was fluffy, feathery, or scaly. Hell, the only reason Ana didn’t get beat is because people thought she was my property. We did always manage to slip the slaves some spare food and loosen a few chains every time we went, but we couldn’t just go in guns blazing and start breaking out every slave we saw, not against a country this size. There’s something to be said for subtlety over strength, especially since I stand out in a crowd. I’m not going to lie, apart from the white color and a slightly different helmet, I’m dressed just like Dragon Slayer Ornstein from Dark Souls, right down to the spear. You have got to love Cyclops craftsmanship, you really do. I don’t know how he got the details down as well as he did but it was worth every coin, even if it isn’t enchanted (yet). Still, back to the story.

>>20702154
Like most of my adventures outside of our fair borders I was looking for sulfur, which is surprisingly rare here, to reinforce TeeGee’s small supply of gunpowder. Kari stayed home partly to avoid the racism and partly because her knowledge of medicinal plants and herbs and stuff only really worked within about 50 miles of home, after that the plants start changing. Ana came with me since she never let me leave without a second set of eyes to watch my back. As I said before it was easy enough to avoid too many questions by just pretending she was my property. She didn’t like it very much but I can’t really afford to risk another bar fire spreading. I only spent a few days in each city, heading to all of the “exotic merchants” I could find and asking for sulfur the best way I could describe it “soft, yellow, and likely found near volcanoes and hot springs”.

>>20701985
Certainly our full-time, elite forces would be better than any of the enemy's regulars, in theory at least. But there are three major problems with this.
1: Modern tactics and strategies are based around small-unit tactics with automatic weapons, electronic communications, rapid movement and support from elements of the operational forces in the area. Without the technology required for these methods of war, we'd have to use large-unit tactics, such as the pike block and wedge. These are a very different kettle of fish and our advantage would be somewhat blunted, although not entirely ineffectual.
2: Our elites being better than the enemy regulars could really be said of any army, modern or ancient. It takes more than that to win a war, or even a battle. There's a lot more to the battle than such simple measures.
3: We simply do not have the numbers for a full-time, standing army of professional soldiers. The Knights are a good example of the closest to full-time fighters you can manage in a medieval world. They dedicate their lives to training to fight. Alongside a small corps of men-at-arms, that's about all you can hope for in the way of trained soldiers. The rest will have to be made up with militia and levy from civilians. While militia training may be mandated (like England's law to practice with a longbow for two hours every Sunday), they still wouldn't be true professionals. See my second point for how this reflects on overall military strength.

It's not all doom and gloom though; you're right in that we DO have more cumulative knowledge to call upon, so we do have a slight advantage in that. It's just not as exaggerated as you might think.

Anyway, I'm done being a wet blanket for tonight. I'm off to bed. I'll probably try to write something for this thread in the morning, if I don't have anything else to do.

>>20702163
One day while sitting at an inn, with more than a few eyes drawn since I was feeding my “pet” “human food”, a woman came up to us and sat down. Long blonde hair, green eyes, real pretty. She introduced herself as Rydia, said that she couldn’t help but notice Ana and me in the market, and then said that she was looking for the same stuff as we were and that she was willing to help us find a seller. I honestly didn’t know if she was telling the truth or trying to set up some kind of scam, but I ended up agreeing to work with her. I figured I could use another set of eyes and ears, and most of the scams that I had seen in this world had all of the elegance of an internet pop up, usually even selling the same things, stuff to make your ponos bigger (I need to find out how to make viagra, I’d be rich), so I agreed to work with her.

>>20702177
It turns out Rydia really did know what she was doing, and by combining our info we were able to locate a trader who was supposed to have what we needed. It turns out the guy was a slave trader, but I decided to give him a chance (not like I had any other leads). I told him what I wanted the same way as I did everyone else, to show me everything he had that was yellow, soft, and found near volcanoes. He smiled, said he knew just what I wanted, went into the back, and came out with a three-foot wide egg. Not what I was looking for. Exactly what Rydia was looking for, and that’s when she transformed. Turns out dragons are capable some basic shape shifting, they have the dragon form, the human form, and a form that looks like a human plus wings, claws, tail, and horns. In seconds the blonde girl that had been standing next to me gave conservation of mass a giant middle finger and turned into a full sized dragon, big, yellow-gold, and with as much fur and feathers as scales. Unfortunately, even though they use stone, slave traders don’t build their stores to be able to stand up when a full sized dragon suddenly appears inside of them. The roof started coming down, the trader dropped the egg and ran, I threw myself over it, and then I woke up three days later with a head injury and more than a couple broken bones.

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>>20702190
Ana (who was luckily spared rocks fall thanks to being under Rydia’s wing) told me that after brushing the rubble off of me, Rydia grabbed the egg and flew off. The watch had some questions for me but I told them I was just another customer that happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, which they believed since the trader had been crushed to death. I decided to call it a trip and booked passage back to TeeGee by wagon. About a week into the trip I ended up with a surprise visitor, Rydia had tracked me down. She said that since I was smart enough to track down the trader, brave enough to risk my life for a child I didn’t even know (the egg, which would later hatch into her little brother), strong enough to withstand a building falling on me, and more than ok with interspecies relations (she knew the real story between Ana and me) that I was to become her mate. Granted, I only found the trader because of the info I got from her and I only survived the roof collapse because of my armor (thank you Mr. Cyclops), but who was I to say no. So no sulfur this time, but I think I came back more than empty handed. Still, there’s one thing I need to go back there for. As I was leaving I saw a street performing mage throwing around lightning bolts. I need to figure out how he did that, both for the sake of my Ornstein outfit, and because if anime has taught me anything, it’s that when used right, a human with lightning powers can become a railgun.

So I went deeper into woods paranoid the elves were going to shoot me any second leading the bandit away a bit. After a little while I thought we were far enough away I drew my club and waited for him. As soon as I poked his head I hit him. He was still stunned so I hit him again and again until he stopped moving then I hit him a few more times just in case. After enjoying the feel of the kill I than noticed the blood and promptly puked.
After I got done retching I went back to where I last saw the goblin. Sure enough they were still. Then the goblin noticed me again I lifted a finger over to my mouth to show be quiet I then sneaked up to them. However one of them heard me a turned around so I had to whack him with a my strength then stunned him and his buddy began to turn to see what happened to only have the goblin leap onto his leg a pull a knife out of the bandits boot and cut his an artery in his leg. That was the first evidence that I saw that proves goblins are vicious, ruthless, and most of all clever little fuckers.

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>>20701985
Thank you sir.


It was a bad time when we heard of the coming Orks. Our scouts in the desert weren’t even able to keep up with them, resorting to scrolls of sending to get word to Castle Waifu in time. The Blades were out in the Dwarven mines, helping to fight Elves that for some reason declared war on the Children of the Mountain. The Dragon maidens were in the Snarltooth Isles, helping to deal with other dragons that had become problematic for the local Karin. All manner of Knights and Adventurers associated with Castle Waifu were too spread out and far off to be contacted and return to base in time. Even Sir Fearghaile, Captain of the Dragoons, was out on a diplomatic mission to the Gnomish Gear Cities. Certainly I, and many others, thought all was lost with only our humble home garrison of seven hundred and the around five score soldiers that made up the Dragoons, TeeGee’s elite light cavalry unit. Battlements were hastily created, and the cannons were set up. However, not nearly enough for the coming hoard, and not nearly fast enough.

On the eve of the battle, we could hear the drums in the distance, and who was to show up banging on our door? Well, it was the Fearful Gale himself and his right hand. Sir Lem Fearghaile and Kikkirin the Flash.

I kept on swinging killing the second bandit than I got light headed due to the blood and had to sit down. The goblin meanwhile gave me a strange looked and ran off in the direction where I had lured the other bandit and brought back what he had on him. After dropping the stuff off behind a nearby tree. The goblin gave me a strange look and asked in a strange almost crackedvoice “Why would a weak human risk his life against terrible odds to save a wretched goblin?” I was shocked and replied that it was the best option I could think of. The goblin began to open his mouth once more to reply paused, then closed it again thinking before saying, “You are a clever human.........unusual”. Then the goblin disappeared in the trees. I thought what the hell until I heard galloping coming from around the bend. Lessoned learn goblins have good hearing. Looking around I noticed it looked really bad. From around the bend a knight appeared saw me with my bloody club grimy blood spattered clothing AND the two bodies looking like they were peasants only then I realized that the majority of the weapons were missing. Goblin must have taken them shit so much for my self-defense excuse. The knight only had to take single glance before he began galloping towards me and shouting DIE BANDIT SCUM.
Oh the irony.

I than tried to run for only to slip on the bloody ground falling, this saved my life as I fell I could feel a whoosh if air as his sword struck where I had been standing. This threw him of balance and he struck a tree branch but managed not to fall. After righting himself and me getting up, he then began to charge once more or at least tried to. As from the tree goblins jumped down impaling the knight and forcing him to the ground where he then disappeared underneath the bodies of the goblins and their swing arms. Suddenly just has they appeared they stopped attacking got up and approached me. From this they than answered that they never once met a human who acted like I did or one who was so clever in such a nasty yet clever way. I was hopelessly confused. Eventually I did figure out about what they meant but it did take a while as usual. After the knights death the goblins looted them all and carried the goods of sadly the horse was nowhere to be seen. Afterwards the gang of goblins lead me through the trees to the hills and a cave. Here they asked about me and my caused me to think some of the others took up different names but I however could not think of anything and figured it would be more interesting to actually earn them. In response I said I had none. They then asked if they could call me something I said sure why not? After many nights bickering I finally asked what the big deal was. They responded that they have no good words for a tall creatures particularly humans who don’t suck. As for the goblin tongue I learned that it’s a crude language that unlike ork that is crude and brutal. Goblin is crude and vicious with many nasty words but few kind ones.

After several nights of debate I became known as Be’Gol translation Big Goblin. I still do not know whether to take it as a compliment or not to this day. During this debate I underwent a crash course in Goblin language and some rough weapons training. When they told me the name they also presented me the dead knight’s armor but covered in goblin related graffiti most disturbing however is that I noticed that in the condition it was in the only way that could of happened was if the goblins had went for the weak points preserving the majority of the armor. This was how I acquired my first suit of armor and my first of many names/titles.

Damn I took to long to write my story and now Orcs have been added now I need to fix things to make it fit.

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>>20702082
With non-human races things are relatively amicable. Some disagreements here and there, but for the most part, non-humans see me as a man that doesn't attempt to trick or swindle them. I always attempt state the intentions of our Kingdom in clear and precise wording, even if those intentions do not line up with theirs, and I am always willing to negotiate to make terms of treaties to be advantageous to both parties within reason. We have no interest in taking advantage of another realm, so we are well appreciated and lauded for our honestly and humility (relative to other humans.

Human realms are trickier. The Mirthan nobility is decadent and degenerate, worse than the French nobility in the 17th and 18th centuries in the Old Realm. It's not that I change how I deal with them, quite the opposite in fact, It's just that they don't like how direct I am, how I sidestep all of their pomp and circumstance to tell them exactly what I want and what I'm willing to give up for it. I don't even bother with the proper bow to their High King. Essentially, I treat them as equals and they can't stand that. Couple that with travelling with Kikki, I'm just not very well liked. Still, the complex politics reminds me that they all play a sort of Game of Thrones. Our very existence is an insult to that game, but they know that attempting to harm me wouldn't solve the problem, only make it worse, since with the recent treaty with the Dwarves, conflict with TeeGee would cripple their steelmaking industry. Essentially, being lawful good doesn't mean lawful nice. If you have any specific question, feel free to ask.

>>20702594

Just make it a non-Orc story. Plenty could happen before the strike. Hell, I found myself in the same situation, and posted it anyway. No-one seemed to mind.

>>20702632 Nah I think it fits so far nothing jaring, but feedback would be much appreciated.

My story is a bit different than most of the other knights, it is needlessly long in places, and rather grim in most, somber a returning theme. All know of how us Outlanders came to reside in this new world and the stories have been told about the early days. The story of the different of the Mad Wizard has been told as has been the first raid on an elven settlement, My story takes a different path and out of tradition I begin with how I got here.

It had been a long day at college, it had been a miserable day of rain and wind. The traffic on the highway home was thick as a liberal arts student and twice as slow, I sat in my car, a mercury carpi if you must know, growing bored as the traffic had not moved in fifteen minutes I pulled my buggout bag from behind the seat and set to fiddling with its contents, that when I got an email. It was untraceable as it came from the campus server. I figured that yet another scriptkiddy had figured out how to send emails through it as to be untraceable. Wanting to see how much of an amateur the guy was I opened it and say a link entitled Sexy Fantasy Girl, I figured why the hell not the kids virus was probably worth a few laughs and the gridlock was still in stand still. So I opened it and well me my car and everything in it was transported to what would become know as the land of TeeGee.

>>20702741
I was rather shocked to find my self in the middle of a winter blasted forest, especially since their were so many fellow Fa/tg/uys around, I knew they were my brethren as one can always make out one of their own. After some joking that my name must be Ashley and that I must have misplaced my boomstick, I introduced myself as James L. GearHeart, would be lawyer if I had had the chance to take the bar exam, in fact it was to be with in the week, at the time I had a strong feeling I would not make it back in time. That feeling was of course right as we would later learn.

After making the rounds of people and meeting up with some friends, who I had know through various means, we came to the conclusion that it would be best to make use of the car best we could as it had been impaled on a rock at arrival. Some of the more mechanically inclined and myself cannibalized the car for parts. What we got were crude tools but the would help, the larger pieces of the body were turned to shields and the frame was made into jagged spear and maces. One hulkering fellow took up the rear axle that had snapped in half as a large hammer. Every bit went to some use though I can not remember them all. And really it was not that much, not even close to what we needed to arm a thousand people, no were near enough to build a shelter. Though we did get some good saw like tools out of it, which were invaluable for what wood working we could get done.

>>20702756
As the story has been told of the first 56 days time and again I will be brief here, all that the others said happened, but my take was a different path, on the sixth day I had had enough of the same, we were in a new world of fantasy I was going to explore and adventure, my resolve was reduced though due to the bodies of those who had wandered off and ended up like pincushions. I gathered three of my closest friends and we went off to find, well anything that would help. We were in a hard way as it was well know, we were not sure what we were looking for nor what we would find but inspired by the tales we told in the Oldworld we new that surly adventure would hold the answer to our problems, we were wrong.

Alex is an important part of the story that no one likes to talk about, as he was the one that really fucked things up, this fat ass neckbeard that guy was the one to truly earn us the elfs true ire. We had been in the woods for three days since we had left camp, we stumbled across the path of a Eleven merchant and believe it or not there was no hostility at us, turns out the guy was a beloved scholar and merchant, a bit of an outcast from his own kind but he was respected for his knowledge. So Alfondale Treewalker was telling us of his people and their history and how he came to be a traveling man. A story I may tell some other time. To the point he had a little experience with other humans and he even

(Whew, finally finished this.)

It was almost nightfall when the dark-skinned traveler entered the small inn, just on the border between Mirthterrah and the Halfling lands. His long coat fluttered in the slight breeze, half-obscuring a set of loose-fitting clothing woven from a soft white fabric. He carried a rather giant pack with him, laden with all the things a wandering adventurer would usually bring along - waterskins, a hatchet, a spool of good, strong rope. He said nothing as he entered, but simply set his large pack down next to a bar stool, sat down, and ordered a glass of Elderwyne. Most people didn't even notice him come in - that is, except for the sharp-eyed boy who sat on the bottom of the steps leading to the bedrooms. It wasn't a few seconds after the traveler received his wine that the boy asked, "Where are you from?" It was the same question he had asked a hundred other travelers whom he thought looked interesting. The traveler took a sip of his wine before he replied. "I'm from TeeGee."
"Where are you going?" the inquisitve boy asked, his eyes wide with what seemed to be admiration.
"I'm headin' back home," the traveler stated matter-of-factly.
"Why are you so far away from home?" the boy plied. The traveler looked down at the boy. "Well, ain't you full of questions today, boy? Now, before I tell you that, why don't you give me your name, and tell me what you want with me?"

>>20702604
Heck, I forgot to keep checking this thread for a while.
That non-human section is just what I need. Thank you, sir.

>>20702768
gave us a map to some nearby cities, So Alfondale was going on about how he hoped that he could make the High Elf King see reason and stop his actions and convince the people to come to peace with us Outrealmers. Alas this was not to be, Alex having lost his girl to an elven arrow had slowly been losing his composer, and at hearing talk of peace he let out a feral scream and cleaved the elf's head clean off, unbeknownst to us a scouting party had been sent to meet up with Alfondale and they saw Alex's act of beheading. Things went from bad to worse as the elfs attacked from their hidden locations, the only consolation that Alex was the only one to die in this first attack. For the next ten days Jeff, Tyrone, and myself were on the run from the elven scouting party.

>>20702788
Now feels like a good time to tell of my companions. Jeff was a great man and one hell of a larper, its how I knew him I met him during one of my few forays into the larp scene, he smoked like a chimney and loved nothing more than his sisters of battle. Tyrone was a pretty cool guy never actually meet him in real life in the OldWorld, but I knew him from stories he told on /tg/, stories of broatude and banging gamer chicks. He wasn't all that much of a gamer only real reason he played such games was because in his own words gamer chicks were easy, he was the baby of the group at 19 years but he was a amazing athlete and proved to be worth ten men in a fight. The less said about Alex the better. Me I fall under the category of jack of all trades, I grew up spending most of my time studying, I was not a very social person as I preferred to either be learning or out exploring the world, I didn't really have time for those who could not keep up, as there was always new things to learn and do. I mellowed out with age as I started to study things that required more people interaction. Though I was not the greatest at interacting with people the skills I picked up saved my life in my adventures, probably the most important at first were my survival skills and my diverse knowledge of martial arts. And people said that studying swordplay was a wast of time.

>>20702024

Well, it's done. Not exactly happy with the ending, but I'll post it up soon. Might want to let the others finish posting their tales first, hate it when there's a jumble of different tales knocked together.

Dang you /tg/, I've done more creative writing in the past few days than I have in the past few years. What are you doing to me?

>>20702770

"We get a lot of travelers through this region, sir, and they're always telling me stories of the Har-im Knights and their Waifus. I want to go... but I'm the only child in my family, and there'll be nobody to take over the tavern if I leave." The traveler looked down at the boy, and ruffled his hair. "Well now, I just so happen to have a story m'self. Though I reckon mine might be a bit different from some of the ones you've heard." At this, the boy seemed to perk up. "C-could you tell it to me, sir?"
"Why certainly, son. Just sit right there, and when your dad comes back ask him for a glass of milk."

"This is the grand tale of how the Knight-in-Absentia came to be."

"Story begins like the rest of 'em do. Olive-skinned fella by the name of Antoine dropped into this land from the Far Realm, same as the rest of the men of TeeGee. Now, he wasn't the strongest of us, or the smartest, or the most handsome. But he did have a way with words, and he was a real quick thinker, and he had a particular set of skills - skills that made him quite a bother for people who liked to hold onto their valuables. Why, he walked so damn quiet that at times I swear you could hear his heartbeat before you could hear his footsteps! And his hands were so slick that you wouldn't realize he was spendin' money from your own purse till he plopped it down on the table in front of ya!"

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>>20702212
He summoned the Dragoons, which to that point were commanded by Sir Brandon (may the Nine Divines hold him in the nape of their chests) and made up all numbers of peoples, as long as they could ride a horse. I myself am a Felim, and though the males among us are not widely known for our combat, our proximity to these Humans has inspired more than a few hearts. And so, we prepared.

We gathered our horses gathered at a secret rear entrance, built for escape in case of emergency, but now used to flank these wretched creatures. Along the way we were showered by flowers by the non-combatant inhabitants of our city. It was something terrifying, as though we were riding to our deaths.

The hoards were bearing down on us now, using crude siege equipment such as ballista to get their ladders onto the wall. Sir Alaric’s brave vanguard was fighting a losing battle at the front gates. The battlements we set funneled the Ork forces, and the mines thinned their number, but it still seemed as if there were too many. While their arms and armor were crude and twisted in design, they still seemed effective.

As the battle continued to rage, Alric’s forces retreated back behind the walls and the gates, the Orks set about breaking through. It was now our time.

>>20702793
So for the first four days we ran and fought what seemed to be every hour of the day, during the fourth night while Jeff was on watch while we slept, one of the elf scouts got the drop on Jeff and stabbed him in the back as the elves had lost all their arrows in the previous days. Jeff's bloodcurdling scream woke us up and just in time to as one of the elves had gotten far to close to my neck for my taste. We fought them off then and there. I wish I could say Jeff made it, I tried my hardest to get to him in time, it was not to be. Tyrone and I finished off the scouting party. Of course we did not know that we were one short as they had sent back a messenger the previous day for reinforcements.

We buried Jeff that night under the twin moons, later I would learn that It was the day of Sir Garrett's now famous declaration. Having time to loot the bodies for the first time, we replaced out scrap swords for swords of elven make, though I did keep my shield made from the hood of my car. We decide to grab what sleep we could and we left right before sun up. The next two days were rather peaceful, we slowly made our way back to the camp, determined to get the map there as we were sure that it would help in some way, so we turned back around now that we were not being pursued by psychopathic elves. Of course this just speed up the timer to how long we had till we crossed paths with the mobilized group of elves on a war path.

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>>20702797

Now, that's not to say he went around, givin' himself five-fingered discounts on everythin' he came across. Quite the contrary, actually - he was a rather amicable fella, real generous, and always willin' to help out if he could.

Well anyway, our first few months went by, and boy, they were tough as nails. Antoine would always go out into the forests and try to rustle something up for himself and the other men. Sometimes he was successful, other times he only came back with a few nuts and berries to share. Funny thing happens one day, though. He's scouting out near what would become our eastern border, when he happens upon a mighty strange sight. Why, it's a young woman, plated up all in chitin, antennae stickin' out of her head, and scythes as sharp and long as Sabrecat tusks comin' from her forearms! A real live Mantis girl! Well, Antoine does what any other young man would when he sees a pretty and strange sight - he stares at it. And the girl just stares back, face as blank as a sheet of snow on the Dwarven Ranges. Musta been about five minutes they just stood there, gawkin' at each other, when finally the Mantis coldly breaks the silence.

"Go home."

>>20702810
On the third day we saw coming over the hills a large group of armed elves and I do mean large sixty heads I counted. At this point we ran like speedy little bitches. Luckily they did not see us at this point. That came latter on the 8th day in our run from the elves, they caught up to us quickly that day if it were not for the nearby cliff and the rushing river below and an inane amount of dumb luck. So there we were running from them, arrows seemed to blot out the sun and we ran and ran till we came to the edge of a cliff, we were standing on the edge looking done when Tyrone looked over to me and said
“I think we could survive the jump and... holy fuck man your like a motherfucken hedgehog with all those fucken arrows sticken out your back.”
“What? Good damn it, I didn't notice it till you mentioned it, ugh it hurts like well arrows.”
“Hey I used to be an adventurer like you till I took...”
“Finish that and I will end you, and Hey those guys are getting really close. SO JUMP!”
Needless to say we screamed though Tyrone screamed like a girl and mine had more to do with being an Adrenalin junkie, hell jumping from a cliff into a river had been on my bucket list. I blacked out from shock on impact the blood loss and ice cold water did not mix well.

>>20702823
I awoke in a rather spacious tent underneath some thick fur blankets, my back felt raw and was covered in bandages. With a rather well endowed and unquestionable green woman standing over me. She introduced herself as Riudiabie an Orc shaman and told me of here people and how she and her sisters where on a journey for blood to bring good luck to their clan. After a rather long info dump I finally asked her how I got here.
“We were out on the hunt for battle and we came across a group of spidermen and we did battle with them, as we regathered our selves after the battle out of the water of the nearby river arose a figure with arrows decorating his back dragging a massive man as black as night behind him, the figure then walked up to me where I was sitting sharpening my axe and the figure said “Let me tell you how I got these scars.” And then you pasted out and I took you into my care and prayed to the Earth Mother for your health and it seems she has seen your worth, for I have never seen anyone with eight arrows in them and live. So now tell me of your self and the scars you carry.”

>>20702815

"Wait, really?" Martin chimes in. "She told him to go home, just like that?"
"Yessir! Y'see, son, Mantises ain't much for talkin' - or anythin' else for that matter. They don't give much thought to anythin' that ain't necessary to their own survival. So they come off real cold and distant, 'specially to humans. Anyway, back to the tale.

In the next second, it's like she was never there at all! Well, Antoine figured he'd better do as the young lady asks and get right on back to TeeGee. Now, here's where things start to get a little crazy. Turns out that out of the men sent out to forage that day, he was the only one to make it back without an arrow in the back. So Antoine gets to thinkin', and he figures that whichever kind God was lookin' down on him sent the Mantis to him that day, and he figgers he ought to repay the girl next time he sees her. Elven War started real soon after that. Now, Antoine didn't fancy himself to be no Harem Knight, no siree. Wasn't for all that heavy armor and pomp and circumstance. But that didn't stop him from helpin' out - why, I reckon he was the best damn scout TeeGee had! Guy could come within 10 paces of an Elf camp and they still wouldn't see him! While the Knights were whippin' the rest of us into somethin' resemblin' an army, Antoine went off and did what he did best - move real quiet and steal anythin' the Elves didn't nail down.

>2424249 Xelood
Well now, that's certainly a problem for the Harem Knights...

>>20702835
I then told her the story up to the point were I jumped off the cliff.
“There and now you know.”
“The scars not yet formed yes but what of these?” She said pointing to the scar that ran from my right shoulder to my left hip then to the gun shot scar that I took to the thigh, the one that ran down my left arm and the numerous other scars.
“Fell off a cliff, shot, stabbed, mauled by a bear, mugged by a mad man I finished pointing to the one scar she missed as it is easily missed when my head is propped up.
Its a long thin scar in the middle of my neck, some people I knew back in the Oldworld called it my second smile. I told such people to fuck off.
“Your a very resilient man, what is your name man of much strength?”
“Oh yeah guess I skipped over that, names Jim GearHeart, but you can call me what you wish.”

For those of you who don't this is a rather bold and forward statement to make to an Orc, as Names are very important to them and to let some one call you by anything but your name is a big deal and a man telling a woman what I said is similar to a proposition.

I could tell that she was thinking something after I said that, much later one day I would talk to her about this day and learn that she had done the Orc equivalent of blushing but my untrained eye had missed it, Increased breathing through the nose is not what I would have put it as.

“We are lucky that the Earth Mother insured your survival for we can now go and earn honor for the clan by going to battle with the elves in the name of such a great man for it is clear to me from you inner strength that the Earth Mother supports you very much.”
“Thank you though I do not know what I did to earn her favor.”
“By being a lover of nature and strong of spirit.”

>>20702852
One thing that most people always attributed to me was either a iron will or a stubborn streak depending on what they thought of me.

I was not to go into battle on the 16th day to my shame, as my wounds were still healing and on the 17th day since my arrival in this strange world the Orc woman returned in high spirits as the battle with the elves had been a good one, full of blood and glory. Tyrone who had been in better shape than I had gone with and had impressed the Orcs with his prowess in battle. In fact during the after feast he bedded three Orc warriors. I was doing much better as the healing powers of the earth are obscenely strong and I was up and about, but stiff as a board. Conversed with the Orcs and learned of their ways (Which can be read in An Outlanders Guide to Indigenous Species volume I). The night pasted quickly it seemed as I absorbed all I could of my benefactors.

>>20702841

Hell, they even had a name for him - Mat en' Alma, or 'Eater of Wealth'. Anyway, it was in the closing hours of the war, and Antoine's off real deep behind enemy lines. He comes upon yet another Elvish camp, but this one's a little different than the rest.

In the center of the camp, bound with heavy steel chains to a large oak tree, is a Mantis girl. And the Elves around her are yellin' at her, slappin' her, proddin' her with torches.

Now, Antoine was normally a calm fellow. Real easy-going. But seein' those Elves tormentin' that poor Mantis... somethin' rose up in him. Somethin' fierce, and cruel, and deadly. Antoine wasn't real good with the sword, but he did have a couple knives he carried around with him for skinnin' game. He approached the camp as quiet as he could be, and he waited. Waited. Waited for one of them to let their guard down for just a moment, and there! A lightnin'-quick flash of steel, and one of the tormentors went down flat. The rest of the Elves looked around for their unknown assailant, and
there! Another one fell, clutchin' his throat in the last few seconds of his life. Now this sent the Elves into a frenzy, and they dived for their weapons, and there! there! there! Three more down, in the blink of an eye. The Elves went from angry to downright terrified, and the rest of them fled the camp, screamin' bloody murder."

>>20702856
Late that night under the eyes of the Orc good Ter (The name of their war god, also eyes means the two moons) they had a naming ceremony, normally when one comes to age there is a great party and one is given their name by the elders. I was given the name Ozgrumuch, which supposedly means weapon eater. And Tyrone was given the name Cruzmecah, which means bringer of sleep. After the ceremony the party picked right back up.

Just as then sun was coming up Riudiabie challenged me to a game of drink, only a fool challenges an Irish Scotsman to a drinking contest. Though it turns out Orcs are just as good, at least when they cheat using magic to help heal them selves. A note to anyone if you find your self in such a position cheat or make sure they don't. So the both of us drunk as we could be made our way to her bed and... well turns out her name means Man-Slayer and she lived up to it, I was sore in the morning and worried that I might have dislocated my pelvis. Luckily not though. The 18th day was for healing and on the 19th day camp was broke as the sisters were on their way back to their clan they offered to takes us with them I refused but Tyrone went with. As a parting gift Riudiabie gave me a set of armor made from pieces of Elven and Orc armor, one of their metal workers had done a excellent job of making it, As it looked like it was not forged of parts.
“I was going to just give you an Orcish suit but then I realized you lack the assets to fill such armor. Though I would have liked to see you in Orcish dress. She said with an unmistakable chuckle.
“Someday you may get your wish to dress me in your girly clothes but not today and that day will not come easy.”
“Yes but I will do it for you would look so cute in such and I love games of power.”
“Then next time we might I will tech you of games we played in my world, they will leave you helpless before me.”

>>20702857

The poor Mantis girl was hysterical as the strange man approached her, that same feral intent clear on his face. But then he stepped into the firelight, and his features softened, and she realized it was the same man that she had run into weeks before. Antoine, meanwhile, was busy picking the locks that held her fast to the oak tree. One by one the bonds fell; finally, he was done, and he caught her as she fell forward into his arms, exhausted from hunger and the beatings. Antoine takes a couple bandages and some of the Thousand Sands' famous healing salve from his pack, and he gets to bindin' up her wounds and burns. Even sets an arm the Elves had broken. He ain't no doctor, but it'll do.

"There. They should hold for now, at least until I can get you to a doctor." He pulls out a strip of leatherback jerky and hands it to her. Girl carefully holds it and starts nibblin, a bit at a time. Poor thing's still spooked out of her mind. "My name is Antoine. And yours?" No response from the Mantis. "...Right. We should be moving soon. No telling where the nearest Elf camp is, and I can't hold off an entire army by myself, y'know." He tries to get her to smile, but she ain't havin' none of it.

>>20702875
(An excerpt from An Outlanders Guide to Indigenous Species volume I: Orcs are a society based off of power and it is common for lovers to try to embarrass their lovers in front of others and make them seem more powerful than the other. As such Females tend to enjoy trying to put their lover in embarrassing situations while males tend to use pure strength. It should be noted though that in healthy relation ships it stays purely a game. The Introduction of BDSM to Orc society was probably the most potent change us Outrealmers have made to Orc society.)

We said our goodbyes and parted ways (Orcs say goodbye by punching the other, Lovers tend to go for weak spots while others always go for the arm or shoulder) My knowledge of Orcs was still limited especially when it came to Orc romance, I knew that the proper way to say goodbye was to punch the other back in the same spot. So when Riudiabie punched me in the dick I did my best not to fall over in pain clutching at my privates, the gasps of surprise were loud, and when I returned the goodbye by kneeing her in the crotch, mine hit a good deal better as she had made a small mistake. While an Orc can hit harder than just about any man I was wearing well made armor that good a fair job of absorbing most of the blow as was hers sure but I did not meet her genitalia head on, since her armor was lighter in between the legs to allow for greater mobility she fell to the her knees holding her aching vagina, the giggles from the rest of the Orc women were thunderous in nature. And that is the tale of how I cunt punted an Orc princess with out knowing it.

>>20702883

Well, Antoine ain't never met a Mantis before, and so he don't know any of that. So he keeps on yappin' away. "Can you tell me who you are, at least? Where your home is?" At this, the Mantis stops eatin' and averts her eyes hard. Don't take a rocket scientist to figure out what hap-"

"...What's a rocket?" Martin suddenly interrupts.
"Ah, sorry about that - bit o' slang from the Far Realm. Means it ain't overly complicated, y'know?"

Anyway, Antoine can tell what happened just from her expression, and he feels real bad. Y'see, we know what it's like to have everything you've ever known be taken away. So he sits kind of far away from his injured companion, and watches out for anything. Mantis girl finishes her stick o' jerky and quietly asks for another one; Antoine just points to the pack, tellin' her that she can take as much as she'd like. They just sit there for a while, quiet as can be. Then he clears his throat and turns back to her. "...I never got the chance to thank you, miss. That day... when you told me to leave... the men back home told me that I was the only one of the hunting party to survive that day. You saved my life, miss."

>>20702893

Now, recall that Mantises ain't the best of conversation partners. But this particular Mantis girl does somethin' strange. She gets to thinkin'. The man could have just left her there - hell, he could've ignored the Elvish camp entirely, and she wouldn't have faulted him for it. She knew about their skirmishes, knew that his attention shoulda been elsewhere. She had been weak. She had let herself be caught. But he specifically made an effort to save her. To help *her* survive, at absolutely no benefit to him. Things like that don't happen very much in the life of a Mantis girl. And to top it all off, he starts showin' gratitude! For an accidental meeting! She hadn't even tried to save his life, he was just in the way of her hunting! His lithe, practiced movements, his lovely pheromones... they were all... scaring the game off. That's right.

But she gets to thinkin' some more about Antoine, and as she's thinkin', that aloof demeanor starts to crack, and her mouth slowly twists into a genuine smile - first at the corners, then moving inward, until she's positively beamin' to herself. Next thing y'know, she's sittin' right next to Antoine, her head on his shoulder, and she's got her arms around 'im! Well, Antoine's as surprised as a batgirl in torchlight, and he's about to say somethin', when he hears the sound of marchin' off in the distance. A rustle of leave, and he's got his hands on his knives, and the Mantis girl's got fear in her eyes as the first person steps forward-

>>20702929

What a sight the pair must have been to those Harem Knights! A thief and a Mantis girl!"

"What happened next, sir?" Martin asked expectantly.
"Now, now, just hold your horses a second. This tale's nearin' its end."

Anyway, the detatchment led by the Honorable Sir Alaric escorted the pair back to TeeGee. Antoine receives a whole heapa medals from the Knights - the Dimir Signet, the Pathfinder's Eyes, hell, even the prestigious God-Emperor's Aquila - plus an official recommendation to become a Harem Knight. Now, like I said before, Antoine ain't for all of that pomp and recognition. But they keep pressin' it, and pressin' it, and finally he just gives in and accepts the commendation. Now, each Knight has a specific title - there's Artorias the Knight-Sergeant, Reginald the Mountain, Dustyn the Blademaster, and so on and so forth. Well, while they're debatin' on a fittin' title for Antoine, he sneaks out of Castle Waifu to go check up on the Mantis girl! Someone joked that he should be called the Knight-in-Absentia, because if you ain't watchin' him it's like he ain't even there! Everyone else thinks that's pretty funny - and damn appropriate - and the name sticks.

And what of the Mantis girl, you were about to ask, am I right? Well, first of all, we finally found out her name - Pak'cha. She made a fine physical recovery, thanks to our physicians. Still cold as ever, of course - unless Antoine's around. Then, she gets to blushin' a bit, and smilin, and even'll talk occasionally, if she's in the mood for it. Well, everyone could see that she has a thing for Antoine, and about a month after he brought her back, he took the Mantis as his first Waifu. And thus, Sir Antoine, Knight-in-Absentia, joined the ranks of the Harem Knights as their offical Chief Intelligence Agent."

>>20702893
>What's a rocket?
You know, it's those little comments that really help fleash out a story. Continue, good sir.

This idea has gone too far. It needs to die now.

>>20702946
>rocket science bit
>Dimir Signet
>Pathfinder Eyes
>God Emperor's Aquila
I lost it. Five star story.

>>20702946

"Well, that's about it," the traveler finished. He got off his stool and shouldered his pack.
"You're not going to stay the night?" Martin asked. "We've got plenty of beds here, and our rates are really cheap, and-"
"No can do, son. I've got to get back as soon as possible - I'm carrying some real important maps for the Harem Knights with me. Don't you get on to tellin' me about all the danger that lies ahead, either. I've been around these parts quite a few times - I know what I'm dealin' with. And if things do end up goin' south, well, I've got a friend who'll watch my back whenever I need it." The traveler bent down and ruffled Martin's hair. "Now, you be a good child, and you help your parents with the tavern. And if that fire still burns within ya to search for glory, honor, and the love of
a Waifu, well, you know where to go." With that, the traveler left the tavern, almost as quietly as he walked in.

Martin walks over to the window to watch the storytelling traveler leave. But wait - what's that in his pocket, and where did it come from? Why, it's a 10-Throne bill! Martin looks it over, and what does that say on the other side?

"A Harem Knight ain't always decorated in full plate, y'know."

And as the traveler was about to disappear onto the horizon, Martin could have sworn that he saw someone leap down from the trees to join him - a young woman, plated all in chitin, antennae sticking out of her head, and scythes as sharp and long as Sabrecat tusks coming from her forearms.

(And there we go. Enjoy, ladies and gentlemen.)

>>20702884
I would not see them again for a long while. I finally made it back to the camp on the 30th day since my arrival, or I should say that I made it with in sight of the camp, for this begins the next tell of my saga. The time we killed a wizard. This story is little told, us few that were there tend not to speak of it for it is one of our darkest moments. The day we screwed our chances of getting home, I will name no names but mine, for their wish to keep their involvement a secret is something I respect.

Thirteen of us were randomly teleported to a cold dank dungeon, standing before us was a man seven feet tall if an inch, he wore a crimson robe and a pointy hat, we all had a rather good Idea who this chuckle fuck was; the wizard who brought us here.

Thats all I have for now, Is the meeting with the Wizard too early?

File: 1347499571155.jpg-(1.63 MB, 1417x1191, Detaille_4th_French_hussa(...).jpg)

>>20702802
I gathered our banner and raised it, a lance long the length of the thin, swallowtail pendent piercing two interlocked rings. Sir Fearghaile spoke.

“Four years have passed since we took our place in this citadel by blood and steel from those damnable Elves. Today, on this Red Dawn, we are put to the test of steel once again. You’ve seen out there, from the battlements, scores of Ork raiders, with intent to sack our corner of paradise. Many of you are here because you, like me, have been made to make the best of our new life. Others because the world outside will not have you. Well that outside world is knocking back, looking for its pound of flesh. Those are fearless creatures out there, who will not hesitate to cut you down, who travel to the Jewel of the Forests, attracted to our bright and shining light like a moth to a flame. Those are Brave creatures out there. Let’s go kill them.”

A cheer from us, raising swords, banging shields. And then we cried our creed as one. “Arise Riders of TeeGee! Spears be shaken, shields be shattered, on this sword day, this Red Day, Ride now, Ride for Wrath, Ride for Ruin, Ride for the waifus, and THE WORLD’S END!”

File: 1347499650943.gif-(169 KB, 380x280, clap.gif)

>>20702973
I salute you, sir. A masterfully crafted tale.

>>20702976
Then half the army fall over laughing at that last line. Everyone dies in agony, and the waifus are enslaved and shipped off as sex slaves.
Huehuehuehue

>Here I go, my biggest tale yet. Don't like the ending though.

It was meant to be a simple job. We were about four days out from Castle Waifu, our home. I was doing what I do best; standing next to a stall while my Waifus did all the work. They were selling
silk this time, the finest examples they could acquire, gathered from all over the land. Business was prosperous, and we'd be out of stock by the end of the day. After that, the plan was to go home, and I'd see how the latest recruits were doing while they planned their next journey. I think they were planning to buy stores of salt to sell back home. Something mundane like that, at any rate. It was about high noon when I first noticed something was different. A number of merchants and civilians from Castle Waifu had started to trickle into town, slowly growing as time went on. I decided to do something I rarely did, and abandoned the stall. It was peaceful, and I'm sure they could handle themselves for half an hour.

All right, it's been a little bit, I don't think I'm interrupting anybody. Might as well post what I've got so far.
>inb4 someone starts/continues while I'm typing up the captcha

I have lost track of the days. This despairs me to a degree, but I don't have the time to worry about that. Some Dwarves came in and I managed to convince them to come back and bring us some iron rods made to specifications I gave them. My idea to try and piece together a cart as a experiment met little resistance. The axle isn't too complicated, just a straight pole with some spokes on each end, along with wheels and small hubcaps that can be hammered onto each end of the axle so the wheel doesn't slip off. Wooden wheels work, I've seen them work. Actually setting up the cart shouldn't be too hard after that, just get a box and attach some sort of thing that holds the axle in place. Should work. The wheels are already under construction by someone far more competent than I at woodwork. While we wait on that I've already put another idea forward for making transportation easier. It's as simple as using some more wood to cover the open boxes being used to carry milk and then tying it off with some rope nobody's using. Should hear back about that in the next day or so. Funny enough, the few that were objecting to my idea of a cart were quite supportive of the cover and rope measure. They justified it as something like "adding some extra weight will make our carriers stronger" or something like that. Couldn't quite get it through their heads that the extra weight was practically negligible. They seem to be the older Holstaurus here, I'll bet they're traditionalists. I'm sure they'll change their minds once the benefits start to show.

>>20703045
I watched the people enter, all with fearful looks in their eyes. As soon as I saw someone I recognised, a humble barkeep whose tavern I liked to drink in, I stopped him and asked what was happening. The news shocked me. Turns out, the trickle of people I had noticed were refugees, all fleeing from the Castle. The Orcs were coming. And by the looks of it, we were the target of their warband. As soon as I heard this, I ran to the stall. Everyone looked at my panicked face, and one asked what was wrong.

>>20703049
"Orcs, marching to war against Castle Waifu", I panted out, slightly out of breath from the running. "I'm going back, the Castle needs every capable soldier it can get. Stay here and remain safe, I'll return when I can". Now, the shock of learning my home was about to be the victim of a brutal assault was bad enough, but I could hardly believe what I saw next. All four of them looked at each other, nodded and instantly started to pack up. They told me they were going back too. I tried to reason with them, they were merchants. I couldn't bare to see them in danger, protecting them was why I formed the Guard in the first place, to give me an excuse to travel with them and see them safe. Although in quieter times we'd train together in self defence, I'd only intended our sparring to be in an emergency, in case I wasn't there for whatever reason. I'd never wanted them to see actual combat, that was my job. Then, one decided to speak up. Her name was Lydda, an Elf rescued from her own kind when we went to war against them all those years ago. Living in a culture where she was treated as property at best, she had a hard time speaking up against a man, even after I spent years trying to convince her that she was amongst equals. So to hear her speak up now, well it hit harder than a slap to the face. Even more surprising was the actual slap to the face she prefaced her speech with.

File: 1347500202124.jpg-(1.03 MB, 1280x800, b3535acacd920f7a18748ba86(...).jpg)

>>20702976
There was not a heart set aflame, not a spirit quenchable, not a single creature riding forth into oblivion that did not for a moment disbelieve we could take the entire army of two thousand Orks with our one hundred twenty riders.

In the fog of war and in the pounding of their drums, they did not see us until we were already atop them, cutting a huge swath in their numbers from the flank. Our archers protected us from the walls as our lances shattered into Ork flesh. Sword and hammer drawn, we must have been through more than two hundred of their number before the Orks knew what was happening. But once they did, things started turning bad. Sir Brandon was dehorsed by a spear and then swarmed and hacked apart by Divines know how many twisted cleavers. My own brother, Pippin, was speared through and through right beside me, impaled through his horse! Still, I did not falter, I kept the banner raised so long as I had brothers (and sisters) in arms beside me. Seeing Sir Fearghaile fight as he did was both something fearful and glorious to behold, cleaving into Ork skulls with his bastard sword he had named Peacebringer. Ironic name for such a tool of slaughter. He wielded the great sword in one hand as though it were a twig being thrashed at brush.

>called it
Well now I feel bad about this.
>>20703048
Annya's been acting differently lately. Much more talkative, even around me. Feels like just a couple weeks ago she never had too much to say to me compared to her cousins. She's much huggier, too. I guess huggier would be the word. We had an interesting conversation not too long ago. Apparently something had been tugging at her brain, what was my official relation to her family there? I suggested I was something like a brother, which seemed to confuse her. Her mom, whose name I can remember about as well as I can pronounce it, overheard and stepped in. She explained something to Annya in their language and she seemed to get it. I was told to talk to Belen for a better explanation, I'll do that tomorrow. I need to figure out a good way to explain the hubcaps to whoever's making them. Maybe I'm making them more complicated than they need to be, but I feel they'll work splendidly.

>>20703058

She started to almost scream at me. "Now listen here you stubborn foolish man. We get it, you care about us. You just want to see us safe, we know. Thanks. But if you think for one second you're going back to fight a war while we sit here selling scraps of cloth like nothing's wrong, then you clearly don't care about us enough to know us. We're going, end of, if only to make sure you're safe. I'm not going to sit here, with my thumb up my arse as you like to put it, waiting for a return that might never come. I'd rather DIE than lose you, we all would, even Ash although he'd never admit it. Fact is, if you're going, we're going too. You've followed us for so long, making sure we're safe. Let us pay you back damnit!". And then she started crying.

Well, after that, how could I say no? I looked at them all in turn. At Lydda, sobbing in my arms. At Ash, with a fire in his Felin eyes I'd never seen. At Aliss, who was too busy packing up to bother staring at me. There was business to take care of after all. Finally, my eyes turned to Vask. A sweet Lamia girl we'd met a few years back as she sought passage to Castle Waifu, where she heard she wouldn't be judged for being half snake. Well, we let her on and she never got off. Even she was looking like she wanted to tear out someone's eyes with those gentle hands. Possibly my own. At that point, I realised that, no matter what I said, they'd follow anyway. Even if I forbade them to, and took all the horses and wagons, they'd follow anyway. I also realised I had very little idea on how to actually ride a horse or drive a wagon. I'd have to take them anyway.

>>20703072

"Y'know, y'all will be the death of me. Come on, let's finish packing up and we'll head out. Sorry for being a twat".

With that said, everyone turned to finish packing their things. Luckily, due to booming business, there was hardly anything to pack. Just the essentials really, and some supplies that I supposed could go towards some form of relief effort after the battle. Hardly anyone said anything, there was no need to. The act of packing was at that point so well rehearsed that we didn't have to explain anything. We were all lost in our thoughts about the upcoming days. It wasn't until we were leaving the town, when Lydda spoke up; "Sorry for slapping you, I know it was out of bounds and I.. I..." She started to break down again. Years of oppression leave an almost Pavlovian effect on someone. "Hey, hey. Listen, don't apologise, I needed it. Just, keep it for the bedroom next time, eh?" I tried to keep things light, make a joke about it. Why go on about our probably inevitable death that we were travelling towards? Well, it seemed to work. She stopped crying at any rate, although I doubt she really got the joke. Extreme patriarchy tends to leave certain sexual practises unheard of, and I doubt she even knew a woman COULD be the dominant one in the bedroom. I'd have to explain that to her later on.

>>20703079

Well, we continued our travel, one small wagon with five of us on board. Usually our convoy had two extra wagons on the back, similar to an Old World train, but we'd left them behind. If we survived this, we could always go back and get them, or more likely buy some new ones. The ride was slower than usual, mainly due to the stream of people, human and non-human alike, fleeing the other way. I swear I even recognised a few bandits I'd encountered, wearing that same panicked face. One was carrying a little girl on his shoulders, trying to keep her spirits up. I made a note to speak with him next time he tried to rob us, might see if I can get him out of the criminal life.

Eventually the stream started to die down, most of the people who had decided to flee had done so. In order to make up for lost time, we picked up speed and rode on through the night. Wouldn't be the first time I'd slept in a moving wagon. Conversation was limited, no-one had any idea what to say. We'd all been in fights before, that's a fact of life. But I was the only one who'd participated in a full on battle, and that was against the Elves all those years ago. Back then, we were a unified unit, with our orders and organisation. Now we were headed to a battle, and hoping we got there in time to be of any help. What if the Orcs had already won? Or if we won, and there was no point in coming back? Worst, what if both sides had destroyed each other, and there was nothing for either side to call a victory? I tried not to think about these things, but that's like trying to not think about the tongue in your mouth. As soon as you start, you can't stop and it's never comfortable.

>>20703071
New entry
Well, since I can't tell what day it is anymore I'll just use that to mark new entries.
Got around to chatting with Belen. Learned quite a bit more than I ever intended to. For starters, being an all-female society, the concept of a brother is nonexistent. Should've seen that coming. There is no real father figure. Instead, a father is just some guy who got your mother pregnant. There's little importance stressed on him, heck, it's pretty rare for anyone to go track him down. The Holstaurus have biological clocks that are apparently some kind of force to be reckoned with. I guess I'm just part of the scenery by this point, so I haven't had to worry about that.
Oh, looks like the Dwarves are back. Time to assemble this bad boy.
Continued entry
Ha, score one for me. It took a little help form the Dwarves, but we got a working cart. I think we can use that as a good prototype for a full on wagon. I've told the Dwarves to keep my last instructions on hand as we might be needing a couple more of those. The cart alone can carry what used to take four Holstaurus. That ought to allow for more trade. This also somewhat solidifies me as a sort of thinky type. Hopefully I won't end up choking on those words. Vanity is unbecoming of me, but I just need to get this out of my system. Been too long since I've had a chance to say this.
Man, I am so good.

File: 1347500358922.png-(54 KB, 640x480, Tarkus.png)

Y'all just a bunch of faggots.

>>20703083

After a full day of riding, we had to stop. We'd pushed the horses too far, and they needed to rest. Otherwise they'd fall over completely and never get back up. Well, this was unacceptable, and I
outright said so. Every minute we sat here, the Orcs got one step closer to the city. We needed every second we could get. After ten minutes of me bitching, Vask spoke up; "well, if you're in that much of a hurry, why don't you pull the cart and let the horses sit in the back? Otherwise, sit down, shut up and wait for a few hours." Well, I wasn't going to wait, and when I looked at the road, it did look like a gentle downhill slope...

So that's how it came to be that me and Ash were pulling a wagon down the road, with Aliss in the back having altogether too much fun whipping at us and shouting "faster, faster horses! HYAA!". It wasn't dignified, and Ash was glaring daggers at me the whole time for suggesting it, knowing full well the others would agree just to see it, but we did make good time. About six hours later, the horses were more than rested, and they resumed their natural role while I climbed in the back and got some medicine for my stinging back. I know Aliss never meant to actually hurt us, but she'd still whipped us a couple of times by "accident", and coupled with dragging three ladies and two horses, even downhill, I was still in agony.

>>20703084
New entry
We took the cart out for a go. We still had some girls carrying containers by hand, so it took about the same amount of time as usual, but the cart did a fantastic job. We were able to bring back a larger haul compared to what I'm used to seeing, including some new clothes for some of us. I now have more than three sets of clothes, which is nice, but not as nice as the fact that I'm finally used to wearing wool. Vastly inferior to cotton, yes, but wearing wool is no longer uncomfortable. Our return was met by several eager girls who were just shocked at how much we were able to get by bringing in more milk and losing less. That earned me some ruffled hair, some words of praise, and maybe a bit more attention than I'm comfortable with. Annya was among them, she seemed particularly happy that this all worked out. She and I gathered up our shiny new tools and broke them in before putting them up. After all, what good is a clean tool?

>>20703094
As we approached the Castle, the smoke and bodies confirmed my fears. We were too late, the battle happened without us. Now all we could do was confirm who won, if any. I ordered the carriage to a stop, and hid it slightly off road. The plan was simple, I would go on ahead with a knife and a whistle. If we had won, I'd use the whislte to summon the rest, if we'd lost then I'd sneak back and hope I didn't have to use the knife. The others weren't exactly happy, but they could see the logic behind it. I couldn't quite believe what I saw when I got close.

Reconstruction. People were working together to rebuild after the battle, which makes sense. What I couldn't believe was the builders; orcs, humans and everyone else working together. I studied the situation for what must have been ten minutes, but felt like ab hour. There was genuine cooperation going on there. Neither seemed to be enslaved by the other, although there was an air of distrust between our people and the orcs, whom I noticed were mainly female in appearence. Was this like the Elven campaign, where we liberated their womenfolk? Something told me no. Luckily, Sir Fearghaile wandered close by. I quickly approached him, trying not to bee seen by the rest and asked just what the actual fuck was going on. His answer surprised me, just as it must have surprised everyone.

>>20703092
Get outta here, Tarkus. You're dead, you don't get to talk.

>>20703099
I shouldn't say that, I have neat freak tendencies. And I suppose there are times where you need your equipment to be squeaky clean, but this isn't one of them. A shovel isn't measured by how spotless the blade is, but rather how weathered yet sturdy it looks. After that, one of the medicine women wanted to speak with me, so I sent Annya on her way. Lerris, that's her name, wanted some answers from me as to why I approached her every now and then with a cut up face. She immediately went into this whole speech, prepared beforehand I'm assuming, about how even though I'm an outsider that if one of the sisters around here is beating me I need to bring it up and that's about where I cut her off.
Wonder how long she's been puzzling over that?
Oh well. I had to introduce her to the concept of shaving. It's understandable she had no idea what I was on about, at the most all any Holstaurus needs is a haircut and they have scissors for that. I could tell from the look on her face that the idea of hair growing on the face on a daily basis was quite foreign. Weird, really, you'd think she'd have figured it out and gotten used to it as often as I'm there. She got over her weirdness rather quickly and cut to the chase, an offer to teach me some of her healing magic so I wouldn't have to make my way all the way over to her place while bleeding out of my face. I told her I'd consider it. I'm going to need to write this down in a totally different place. Blueprint pad should work.

>>20703101

The Orcs were winning, then decided to join us. This made no sense first time around, so I asked him to explain it again, slower this time. Turns out they respected us so much in battle that the women slaughtered their own men and told us they were joining our fledgling nation, and we didn't have a choice. Well, I could sympathise with that, given my own experiences of late. Deciding it was safe, I blew the whislte. This turned a few heads, and seemed to disturb the hearing of the nearby Elves. Well, the wagon approached, it's passengers just as confused as I was, so I quickly explained what had happened. They took it reasonably well, given the circumstances. I only had to endure a dozen screams of "WHAT THE FUCK!?". Once they'd all calmed down, we moved back into the city. Looks like we'll be heading out sooner than planned, to buy building supplies and what not. Shame, I was looking forward to the rest.

>Shit ending, and sorry to Jay Dubya.

>>20703108
Entry not related to work.
This is a weird time to be a Christian. Definitely some kind of alternative world. I recall being taught that magic is something to stay away from, a tool of the devil as it were. But that's back home, where magic isn't a natural thing. Well, I guess it's not entirely natural here, but it exists. But if God made the world and magic is part of the world, then is it a problem? Especially when the magic in question is for healing?
Man, religious theorizing and philosophy ain't my strong suit. This is too weird of a conundrum. I'll just stick with what I've believed and turn her down. I've already wasted too much sleep worrying about this. Ha, look at me now. In my old life I would scoff at the thought of being conflicted over something significant.

>>20703040
>doesn't recognize a Lord of the Rings reference

For your pitable ignorance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmTz7EAYLrs&feature=player_detailpage#t=226s

>>20703133
I did get the reference. I and know for a fact that if somebody yelled that near me with a straight face, I'd be on my ass laughing.

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>>20703070
I managed to stay on my horse, quite capable with my shield and warhammer, but even Sir Fearghaile was not as lucky. Eventually, an Ork came with a greatsword and cut his horse’s head clean off. After falling from his horse, Kikkirin showed why she is called “The Flash” and leaped from her own horse into the melee, long daggers driving into Ork flesh. The next Orks to the challenge took Fearghaile’s blunderbuss to the chest so that he and Kikkirin could regroup.

They really are right when they say those two are made for each other. Despite markedly different ways of fighting, they took more than their fair share of Orks with them, moving around each other and placing their blows as though they were two heads on the same body. The black Ork blood splattered all over and the bodies started piling up, but there was only so much two could do against the hoard. Eventually, a great brute of an Ork battle maiden swung hard at Fearghaile, and Kikkirin leaped in the way of the mace, shattering her buckler and throwing her back. Her helmet knocked off, and her arm broken, things did not look well.

>>20703109
What, are you kidding? I get to tell myself that I was right. Don't worry about it.
>>20703120
New entry
Now I've done it. Things might not be looking too good in the near future here. It's been a couple days since the cart's test run. As I was getting ready to head out and work I was stopped by Rilen. She told me to stay inside and out of sight. I dropped to the floor right there and she crouched down with me. It was then she started to explain what was going on.
One of the men in charge of that nearby town was here and he was right ticked about the cart. I had some kind of snarky comeback for Rilen, can't remember it now, but after I said it she peeked out the door and told me the man was holding Annya and had a sword pointed at her.
Oh crap no. That don't fly.
I took a peek myself despite Rilen's protestations. She only let me look long enough to get what I needed to know. According to her, they wanted to keep me hidden as not to provoke the man further. A human staying in the company of non-humans is a big deal here, figures. Having a good mental image of his position, I slipped out the back door before Rilen could stop me. I took the long way around behind the buildings, making sure not to run or make too much noise. The last thing I needed to do was bring attention to myself. I made my way around, got way the heck behind the man, and started my creep forward. Despite how cold the weather has been since I arrived, the grass is still mostly alive. In retrospect, it's actually quite nice, but at that moment I only cared about how quiet I could be. This guy would not shut up, something that probably worked in my favor. Just yelling, screaming, and threatening. I drew my knife, which drew some interesting looks from some of the girls, but no reactions jarring enough to give me away.

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>>20703141
And that's why you're not a Dragoon!

>>20703156
After I was close enough to stab him, I started to plan. He was holding Annya under his left arm, his right holding a sword. He was somewhat armored and I reasoned he was fairly strong if he could hold a young Holstaurus like that. I decided to go for his right arm to disarm him. It took a few seconds, but I eventually found my opening and shoved my knife right into his upper arm. That caught him off guard. I pulled my knife out, made a mess all over it and my hand, and picked up his sword while he was reeling from the pain. It was enough of a distraction that he even released Annya, who ran to her momma. He lost interest in her soon enough, he was more focused on this peasant what just shanked him and stole his sword.
So here I am, knife in my right hand, his sword in my left. I am most certainly not left handed, so it felt weird, kind of off balance. He yelled at me, called me a traitor or something, chewed me out for my "cowardly tactics" or something like that. I let him know I didn't care and that he needed to be on his way. I guess he noticed I'm not a fighter and figured he still had a chance, so he drew a dagger and started his approach. For someone who had just been stabbed in the arm, he was still quite capable with it. I used the sword to block his attacks, and I'll admit I didn't have much skill for it. My blocks were clumsy; he'd make himself an opening and slash at me. Thankfully I was able to move out of the way. No idea how, I wasn't really even thinking at that point. I do remember that I was getting better and better with my blocks, slowly learning how to reduce the shock enough that I finally got to be the one making an opportunity.

>>20703183
Our blades met, held for a second, and I saw my chance. I gave him a firm kick in the gut, enough to throw him off long enough for me to put my knife into the inside of his elbow, or whatever that spot is called. Looks like Dark Souls taught me something after all. Well, that got him to drop his dagger, which I kicked away. He was steaming something heavy after that, yelling some crap at me I wasn't paying attention to. It eventually came up that he was accusing the girls of stealing a cart. Now, how could I let such misinformation like that exist? I corrected him, telling him it was my design. Guy was stunned. I told him to git and he got. As I'm watching him disappear, I'm suddenly blindsided by something behind me. I was turned around before I even thought about doing it myself. Next thing I know I've got this cow girl about a quarter foot taller than me squeezing me for dear life, lifting me off the ground, and crying into my neck and chest. I didn't even recognize her as Annya for a few seconds. No idea how long she was holding me like that, but the hugging squeezing thing started to become crushing and I had to convince her to let me go through some painful wheezing. She was talking the whole time, but I can't understand their tongue so it all went over my head. After all that got taken care of, I got myself cleaned up and set right back to every day work. Some of the elders are a bit bugged with me, but that seems to be limited to them. Besides, the few girls I've made happy to the point of tears more than makes up for it.
You know, this sword is pretty neat. I think I'll keep it for myself. It'll certainly be an interesting sort of weapon for my off hand.

>>20703194
All right, that's all I've added so far. Now, I have vidya to attend to.

So what did the fine Knights think of my short tale? I know this is a little late compared to when I wrote it, but I'd like some opinions... if you will.

>>20703214
Was good. I was hoping for to learn just who that green-cloaked figure was, though. I guess that's for the next story.

>>20703214

> I turned to see the hooded figure, bloodstained and ragged in front of me, elegant blade in hand. Before anything could be said it jumped forward and hugged me briefly, before running off down the alley towards some screaming.

I'm rather interested in whoever this figure is. Can't wait to find out. Hope it isn't answered already, or I'll look like a twat. In my defence, I was writing while a bunch of stories appeared out of the woodwork.

You know, it just struck me that all this storywriting happened just today. Holy SHIT. Five threads of solid storytelling and worldbuilding, and of uncommon quality to boot. /tg/ gets shit done indeed.

>>20703214
Pretty good. You handled the fighting pretty well, which is more than I can say about myself, which is why I avoid writing such topics for now.

So, while we're between stories, I have a question. What is the state of religion in this world? We've already for one angel and a half-demon, at least. What gods are there?

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>>20703282

Actually, the idea for the Knight-in-Absentia came to me about three days ago, and it just slowly built itself from there. I agree, though, much quality writefaggotry has appeared in this thread.

Have a sultry Altima, everyone.

Since we're asking for feedback, can I get in on this:

>>20700421
>>20703045

That's the starting points for the two I put up today. Could do with some advice to improve, stuff like that.

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>>20703155
Now as for confusion, and even surprise, they’re not uncommon expressions one might see on the face of an Ork. We drew both when we charged into their horde, but Curiosity, that one is a strange one. The She-Ork approached Kikkirin and lifted her up presumably to get a good look before she cut her open. Seeing his companion’s plight, Sir Fearghaile let out a cry that shook even me to my boots. He cut through three Orks clean through on his way to his Kikki.

Meanwhile, a great crack could be heard as the Ork Vanguard broke through the front gate. The following screams and cries of fear and agony were not comforting. I tried rallying what men were left to go to our Captain’s aide, but it was difficult to move in the swarm as it were, even on horseback. In all of our sound and fury, it seemed like it wall all amount to naught.

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>>20703104
>Implying Death can hold Tarkus.

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>>20703405
Should we take care of this guy?

.....again?

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>>20703386
Tearing off his helmet and smashing an Ork skull with it, Sir Fearghaile drew Peacebringer upon an Ork one last time before facing this She-Ork that Kikkirin might be free. I can see why he doesn’t like bards telling tales of his prowess in battle. He’s truly a terrifying sight to behold, and I’m not sure if the leaders of other kingdoms he so often discusses thing with would be so comfortable in his presence. But his battlecry was cut short as the brute caught the sword blade first. She stared intently at The Flash, and then to Fearghaile, and then back again. Head tilted at the sky, the Olive skinned behemouth cried out in a voice that shook the very foundation of Castle Waifu, and all the Orks stopped. And looked back. In fact, the entire battlefield was silent save for the groans of the wounded and dying.

Another twisted word rang out in her Ork tongue. Our would-be conquerors looked at each other a moment, and then everything Orkish and male began to run. Fast. Their women folk ran many of them down and slaughtered them, leaving the rest of us to watch the horror. This Matriarch placed Kikkirin down into the trembling arms of her other half, which held her close as the rest of the male Orks were driven off. After being sure they were safe, Fearghaile brought his Horn to his lips and sounded the most beautiful tone I would hear that day. Victory.

>>20703141
Honestly, for a culture based around /tg/, I'd expect a lot of pop culture references that only the Old Realmers would get. It's always amusing to see people confused when the Harem Knights use their strange slang.

> A tale of succubuses, or is it succupie
So after many lesser ad ventures including the war with the elfs, which by no means a small or lesser thing just that my role was one of background, Sixty days after the Day of Union I found myself giving in to the old wander lust. I just up and started walking with out a destination in mind. I found my self admits a field of flowers in a small valley, standing before me was a young woman, she wore a short white dress that matched her ghostly skin. Her hair was like fire and her eyes sparkled like some sort of purple star, She looked like four kinds of fun and seven different kinds of trouble.

Being the sucker for a pretty face that I am and that it seemed odd for her to be out in the middle of no where I approached her. She looked up from where she was siting and said with tears in her eyes.
“Brave Sir Knight would you be as so kind to help me?”

>>20703536
Now really if I had listened to my gut I would have gotten the hell out of here but no I was still riding high on playing a Knight, don't get me wrong some of them really are knights, me I am fucking murderhobo playing at it. So full of my self I said with all the grace and wit I could muster.
“Uh sure.”

Yeah not the best response, but in my defense she was hot and it had been a long time since I had seen a real woman, nothing wrong with elves and catgirls mind you its just not my thing. Her near see-through dress hid little and flattered much.

At my stuttering response she leaped from the ground and into my arms and planted a kiss on my cheek. And then things got all weird like I had stumbled into a postmodern painting, all the lines went to angles and it looked like someone was fucking with the hues.

>>20703544
I awoke chained to a wall, the air was thick with the smell of sulfur and brimstone, it was hot as an oven and dark. Standing before me was a right bitch of a woman holding a whip.

“You have fallen into my trap foolish mortal and now you will help me, as I was behind on my quota of souls. You soul is mine as your body and soon your mind.”

“Baby just get to the good stuff I don't pay you to talk, so if you want to wag that tongue of yours why don't you put it to use and work the shaft.”

“You will not stay strong long and the ones with the most willpower are always the funnest to break.”
For the next hour or so I was wounded and healed over and over. During a lull in her administrations I decide to step up the snark as I had nothing else to do.

“See the thing is you don't get that this is like a wet dream to me. Oh also fun story some of my favorite heroes made it out of here, Cash is one of my favorites. So tell me you come to this club often cuz it seems to me the service her blows or should I say fails to.”

“I tire of your insist babbling, if I did not love the sounds of your anguish I would cut out your tongue.”

>>20703421

Challenge him to a duel.

>>20703553
“Sorry I tend to fill awkward silence with shit I find funny that no one else does.”

“Well then to ease the awkward moment we will begin again.”
And then see stabbed me in the balls.

It was two days later things took a turn for the better. I had been wearing her down, I said everything I could think of and some of the shit I said was really off the wall. Most of it was crazy garbage I had heard from those crazy college students who have no clue as to how the real world works. But that is beside the point I was out lasting her the sessions grew shorter and the breaks longer. During one really long break she let her guard done just a bit to much. She got real close, put her head up against mine.

>>20703560
“You are rather persistent mortal but you all break sooner or later. So make no mistake your just making it worse for your self.”
“I don't remember but did I tell you of my childhood hero, his name was Houdini, he inspired me and I wanted to be just like him.”

And then I headbutted her and used the leverage of her reeling body to push my self up on the chains and then I dropped just right as to dislocate my thumbs. Hands free I grabbed her pulled her to me and bit into her neck while gouging my fingers into her eyes. She feel to the floor with a stunned look in her eyes.
“Guess I wasn't the only mortal round here.”

>Thats all I have for now, just wanted to get on the succubi so I didn't have the same problem I had with orcs

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>>20703476
We all rallied back around our Captain. The medic of our number took Kikkirin from his arms (as painful as it seemed from him, as though tearing of his own limbs) and saw to her broken arm. Fearghaile picked Peacebringer back up looked around and muttered “Is this all?”

Less than a quarter of our number were still on their horses and about another third were still well enough to walk under their own power, some only just. Most of the rest were dead or wounded too severely to ever even walk again.

Soon, the Ork women formed ranks before us, a bloodied and ragged. Even Sir Fearghaile looked as though he’d been through hell and back, full beard matted in blood, both Orkish and his own. The She-Ork from before declared herself as the Matriarch, and that “Upon seeing that you have peoples of all kinds fighting for you, that you are able to be such men that you can command even the Monstrous races to fight at your side, we have determined that you are truly the strongest of males in this world. We pledge ourselves to you.”

Well, it was less eloquent than that, since they didn’t really speak Common that well, but you get the gist. They then kneeled and the She-Ork presented her mace to Sir Fearghaile. He looked back up to The Earrubber himself, who was on the battlements, splattered in black blood. Sir Garrett grimly nodded back, and our Captain accepted the Ork maidens’ surrender.

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>>20703421
Bring it.

>>20703677

Big sword for a tiny man.

>>20703684

Clearly compensating for something.

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>>20703677
Well I suppose it wouldn't be the first time I've had a particularly tough fight.

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>>20703667
The Ork women are less likely to birth than the males of their species, however, they’re also fiercer fighters and slightly bigger, fearfully proven to us when they slaughtered the rest of their own kind. Still, the She-Orks only numbered in the hundreds, and in the meantime filled in as the garrison and helped in the fields, to get them back in a state before being trampled by Ork raiders. There are still some things that they need to get used to, such as the right to choose your mate is a mutual decision, but they’re learning fast, despite some awkward feelings of being so fresh from battle. After learning that it was an Elfish plot, however, well let’s just say that the Elves won’t be trying anything funny for a while now.

Sir Fearghaile found himself propositioned, sometimes aggressively so by many Ork women in the following weeks, but somehow managed to turn them all down. He seemed more than relieved once Kikkirin was healed up and they left for their diplomatic duties the next morn. I don’t think he was ever comfortable with the terms of their surrender, but I suspect my Captain is used it by now.

As for myself, I was promoted to Lieutenant of the Dragoons, Sir Brandon’s previous rank, and have been submitted for review to enter the Harem Knights by Sir Fearghaile himself, which he assured me my entry was a formality and my entry was guaranteed. I will do my best to fill in for Sir Brandon and make his spirit proud. Now that I am looking after my brother’s waifu and family, I have purpose and direction in life. While the method was terrifying, the end result has humbled me. Hopefully, we need not endure such hardship again.

>>20703749
You do know that's a catboy in that pic, right?

>>20703763
Well I would hope so considering he's Felim.

>>20702802
> I myself am a Felim, and though the males among us are not widely known for our combat, our proximity to these Humans has inspired more than a few hearts

>>20703684
>>20703724
Oh come on. This isn't even hard. All you have to do is get him on to some narrow rafters. Tarkus can't into balance and will fall to his death.

This letter for the Council of DM-princes at Castle Waifu, written by Baron Mark representing the Elfmarch.

We the assorted homesteaders on the Eastern Border have decided that we require a local government to organize against elf raids. Therefore we all got together at Jim's house, and we organized a March. We appointed Big Jim as Margrave Jeremiah of the Elfmarch. We picked him because his house and field are almost the biggest (Counting Baron Dan's monstrosity of a fort isn't really fair) and he has the best food stores and more importantly his many harpy waifus make an excellent force for safely scouting and alerting everyone in case of a raid.
We also decided that the rest of us are barons now, because we own and maintain fortresses (We're even counting Steve as a baron even though his fort is a one room shack with half a fence).

Anyway we the Eastern Barons of the Elfmarch send this formal declaration and our regards, and also a wagon of whiskey in exchange for whatever arms and armor the DM-princes feel inclined to send us, and also we let all good knights know that anyone who wants to fight elves is welcome here, Most of us have extra food and room for any man willing to fight off the knife ears with us and help out in the field come harvest time.

Sincerely
Baron Mark writing on behalf of Margrave Jeremiah and all the Elfmarch.

P.S. Big Jim says we shouldn't be too formal or anything but I figured since this was supposed to be all official and everything, I would anyway.

>>20702741
"The traffic on the highway home was thick as a liberal arts student and twice as slow,"

Mind if I steal this line? It's fucking brilliant.

>>20704040
No prob, I would like to see it spread as I think its the best line I have ever written.

>>20703308
we've got an angel? when did i miss that

>>20704133
And soon Succubi

>>20704133

One of the older threads methinks. I deffo remember an angel being mentioned somewhere.

>>20704218
never mind, i think i remember one from insert name here

My story of what happened during the orc invasion is simple, after they broke through the gates, I fell back to my workshop and a few of those buggers noticed and followed me. None of them survived.

Stay out of my workshop.

>>20704040
>>20704093

As a History and English Double major I am offended sir.

>>20704647
Ah its all in jest mine is history, its just that I have met some real dumb liberal arts students/majors in my time.

>Also god damn I made like a billion spelling mistakes, I should not right after work, as it greatly reduces my proof reading skills.

>>20704735
Case in point. write not right. I have the downs

>>20704761
Hang it all I am starting to write about the time the wizard got killed.

Right now I'm doing another story, set after the Orc Incident. It's not going to fuck up anyone's story if I make some assumptions about their behaviour and such, will it? Not got around to reading all the tales quite yet, I was writing my last when they were getting wrote.

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>>20705434

As am I, my next bit of writing will be the after effects of the Ork invasion. Mayhaps my hooded figure will be revealed... though, maybe not.

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The Harem knights seem a bit too sue, they need to hit a road block every now and then.

>>20705588
There needs to be more stories of local impressions of them. I'm thinking something up, but don't expect it until after I deal with
IRL shit, which will be a bit.

>>20705588
You mean like the two thousand fa/tg/uys that died during the first winter?

>>20705578

Oh, you cocktease. I'll read yours first, then alter mine if needed so we don't have contradictory canon. Somehow I don't think we will, I'm going for a very Might makes Right society that doesn't deal with things like social niceties, currency and fancy thinking.

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>>20705632

yes, like those guys

>>20705644

What sort of story gives away everything in the first chapter dear Knight?

>>20705736

You might be right, but you're still a cocktease.

By the way, who's the main civilian police force for Castle Waifu? A part of the tale I'm writing involves the Merchant Guard being like a secondary police force for the merchant areas, due to foreign traders hearing the name and thinking police work is their main role, despite being basically a security force for Teegee's traders when they leave the city.

>>20705779
Its that guy with the gun I think the one with out a waifu yet

>>20705943
>>20705779
Sir Giovanni, Homeguard Captain it is

>>20705669
The only reason I'm still alive is because my body fat kept me warm...

also I snuck in snacks...

>My attempt at fleshing out a bit of story
this begins the next tell of my saga. The time we killed a wizard. This story is little told, us few that were there tend not to speak of it for it is one of our darkest moments. The day we screwed our chances of getting home, I will name no names but mine, for their wish to keep their involvement a secret is something I respect.

Thirteen of us were randomly teleported to a cold dank dungeon, standing before us was a man seven feet tall if an inch, he wore a crimson robe and a pointy hat, we all had a rather good Idea who this chuckle fuck was; the wizard who brought us here. We were quickly disarmed with some magic spell and chained up with yet another.

“Good day gentlemen, I do desire to pick your minds, for I know that there is much in your pretty little heads. And I shall be picking yours first.”
He said as he pointed to me.
“Just my luck.”
And then I was teleported to a different room, it was full of various devices of type most foul.
“So we can do this the easy way or the hard way.”
“Alright I will tell you what you want to know, what you do is you go to the drug store, you ask for something called Viagra and it will help you go fuck yourself.”
“You seem to have a small language problem. Lets fix that.”

>>20706121
He raised his hand and a wave of pain washed over me. I felt drained of energy and like my mind was made of oatmeal. The questions came and went, thousands of different pointless questions about stupid little things, mostly about my life before he pulled us over here, he claimed he did not mean to grab so many but he did not realize the size of 4chan he had seen a thread about how there were only the crazy 8 posting and one other guy. After what seemed to be hours, I was returned to the cells and someone else was taken.

This continued to go on for what seemed to be weeks, in fact it was two. I don't know how thinks would have been gone had it not been for brave man who managed to palm the key right under the wizards nose. He unlocked the cells after he was returned, we stealthily made are way out and up to the wizards quarters, things went just right for us and we made it up to his bed with out making a sound. The thirteen of us jumped on top of him and beat him to death in a violent mob mentality. As he breathed his last breath a voice resounded from thin air.

>>20706128
“If you are hearing this that means that I have died as such safeguards have been activated to make sure that no one can get my precious work, so even in death I have the last laugh.”

Hearing this we ran like hell, the tower coming down on our heads and flames erupting from all over. We barley made it out alive. And in a stroke of luck we could tell from the surroundings that we were no more than four days out from camp. Our return was a somber one as we returned weary and just then coming to realized what we had done.

>>20706133
I made it short and simple so others can easily add to it as I feel this is to important a story to limit to any one take.

>>20706144

Don't know about the others, but I like it. Simple, but explains why we can't go home again.

>>20705632
Wait, what was our death percentage? I imagine it would be equivalent to new world settlers in which case if it was as low as half we'd be fucking lucky.

>>20706211

Somewhere in the region of half to two thirds I think. Not 100% sure though.

Ok, guys, wiki page is on:
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Harem_Knights

Now I should be having a shower, in two hours I'm getting on a boat and I'll be offline for probably over a week. Change everything you don't like, correct all I've written and add things of your own. Especially your (or other) characters and another fun facts other writefags should take into account when writing anything in this universe. Shit, I should be going now. Try to keep it up updated and... yeah, that's pretty much it.

>>20706414

Good starting point, hopefully it'll continue to grow and grow.

>>20703587
It was to my luck that she had the key on a chain hanging from her neck, I undid the locks on my ankles and grabbed her dagger and opened the door that had been taunting me for days. I found my self lost in a maze of dark cramped hallways. I would have been lost done there forever had not luck once again provided, the first thing I found was an empty library. It was here that I started to work out all the pieces. I wrote up a contract saying the following, Any contract or deal made with the bearer of this document must be fully explained leaving out no detail before the contract, compact, deal, or agreement can be finalized. To break this term is to become subject of article 56942 of Delmors Rite and as such is to become legally bound to serve the offended for the standard time of life.

“Oh foolish demons you really should lock up your law books when I am around, Delmors Rite and the laws regarding Unannounced contracts mesh far to well.”

My work had taken me the better part of the day and I was startled by a intruding younger succubus, for that was clearly what I was dealing with. She was a cute little thing, wearing nothing but three piercings.

>>20706498
(An excerpt from An Outlanders Guide to Indigenous Species volume I: Succubi are characterized by two things sex and rules. As such young succubi are required to be pierced and wear nothing, so as when an infraction of a law occurs an elder succubi can pull her aside easily. A Succubi is no longer required to dress as such after going five years with out breaking a law, some Succubi take longer than others and some never manage this feat still others continue to dress in such a fashion for their own reasons.)

“You what are you doing here?”
“My mistress left me now I search.”
“Come with me I will help.”
“OK.”
“Ha you are now mine you foolish human.”

She said as she pulled out a piece of parchment out of thin air. On it was my name and then a long list of agreements, that I had made in excepting her help.

“I'll show me mine if you show me yours. Oh wait we already are.”

>>20706508
And then she blushed, yep made a Succubus blush, apparently the attitude to sex is acquired over time. (An excerpt from An Outlanders Guide to Indigenous Species volume I: Succubi are normal women who fail into deals with demons, over the course of time the women are indoctrinated and converted to succubi. The length of transformation is dependent on countless factor.)

I lifted the contract I had penned and showed it to her. The look of growing shock in her eyes was price less.

“You got to be kidding me out smarted by a normal man, no I refuse to believe it one of the Mistresses must have been behind this, tell me here name.”

“Honey, I come from earth, there they have laws that would make your head spin and lawyers who would make the best you got look like rank amateurs. And in comparison your laws are almost loophole free for the victim and full of loopholes for the instigator.”

And then I started to sing, bitches love singing.

“Babe I know you sold your soul hanging on the edge of rock and role and that all you ever wanted was to find your way home, So when you look into my eyes does it really come as a surprise that you now know that you are not alone, Cuz you can't stand to stare into the sun. Cuz I'm your only one and the fun has just begun. So step up or you will have to stand in line if you forbid your time with me, Oh baby, baby I know you sold your soul and I hope you get it back from so and so, but I am afraid he'll want to take me in your place, Cuz I have been to that other side and I barely made it out alive and I'll kill for you but stay out of my way, you will be my lady in black and I will be your knight in white with your head full of shadows and my face full of light. You grab your guns I'll grab the sun and we'll take them all out one by one and I won't stop kissing you until we are through.

>>20706519
“Ok... so whats a gun?”
“Just get a weapon.”
“ I don't have one but I know where they keep the looted stuff.”
“Good lets get out of here.”

And so she led me to the treasure room in a sneaky fashion, the two big burly demons were all that stood in my way. I punched the first one in the throat as it charged at me and my companion fell on to him and cut out his heart. The second one slower by mere seconds I knifed in the head right between the eyes. All and all not even a challenge.

I lifted the key off of one of the brutes body and unlocked the door leading to the treasure room, once inside I locked it behind us just to be safe. What caught my eyes next was the ridiculous pile of swag that reached up near thirty feet. Then it was all the armor and weapons that lined the walls. I knew that I had to get this stuff out of here and I had a plan, it was not a real great plan mind you. It was grab everything I could and get out, then come back latter for more. Things really took a change for the better when I eyed an odd pile of sacks, ever since my time in the wizards tower I had started to see a faint outline on things of magical nature. These stood out like a white guy in Harlem.

>>20706522
“Hey whats with those sacks?”
“Those are magically enchanted to hold far more stuff than they should be able to.”
“Do they explode when you put one in the other?”
“No cuz that would be stupid, I mean because not cuz, your stupid song is stuck in my head.”
“How cute a tsundre succubus, aren't you just a treat. Now grab a sack and get to filling it. Nobody screws me over and gets away with it, except my first girl friend, but that is a different story.”

And so We managed to stuff everything in the sacks including sacks inside sacks. We also found a note. It said “Get away plan, Bob don't lose this. The sacks have been removed from their chest and I have placed the gate spell on the back wall, look for the brick with a name and touch it then say these words Klaatu Barada Nikto.”

“Welp seems legit to me, what do you think uh I never did get your name.”
“Lilly and yours?”
“Sir James GearHeart Badass Extraordinaire.”
“So James then.”
“Yeah James then.”
“As for the plan it cant hurt, well it could but you little trick of law practice would screw over any contract I know of, but if its a trap of the dangerous kind then we very well could be boned.”
“Well then heaven or hell lets rock.”

And then I touched the brick that had a name carved into it and said the words. Things got all squiggly and then all of a sudden I was in a different dark room. Lilly was just a second or so behind me.
“Well there is no sulfur smell nor is it hot, so I think its safe to venture that we are no longer in the place that does rhyme with bell. And speaking of the cold you should really grab some cloths out of one of the sacks, can't have you catching anything."

>>20706528
She rooted around in the sacks for a few till she found clothes that fit her, and I dug out my armor, I had taken note of which sack it was in as I did not want to tarry in hell to long. Having time now I donned my armor and put my coat back on over it. In the same bag I found a long sword that glowed a bright crimson red and had a hilt of blackest night. My nope sense went through the roof and I backed off.

“You jumped like there was a hot coal in your pants what are you afraid of?”
“The obviously fuck evil sword that probably wants to steal my soul or something. “
“Its not going to steal your soul, its name is Fury and no evil being can touch it. It was the weapon of a great and powerful knight of the realm from long long ago, he charged the very gates of hell to do battle with the demon lord . He of course failed in his holy quest and his belongings were placed in the vault.”
“How in the blue blazes do you know this crap?”
“The Mistresses like to quiz acolytes on such stuff and if you get a question wrong, well they... uh you know do things to you.”

>>20706532
Deciding to take a gamble and trust Lilly I picked up the sword and it felt right. Not evil but slightly angry, a calm rage it was. It reminded me of myself, full of pent up hate but refusing to just let loose. At that time I knew it was meant to be mine.

As I was examining my new found blade, we heard steps coming down the stone stairs.
“Bob you there, you better not have fucked this up. Hey your not Bob.”

The large 12 foot tall dark purple horned giant had a mark of an X across his face. At seeing this Lilly let out a gasp and whispered in a low tone.
“Outcast the cursed son of the Demon Lord, prophecy says that he will kill his father and lead the world into a new age of death and chaos.”
“Thats right sweets and you are intruding on my privacy and the price of that is death.”
“Really I like that price for yours is a low low price and I got the jack to pay, so put your money were your mouth is and nut up or shut up.”
“Foolish little man, I will make yours a slow death.”
“Heaven or Hell lets Rock!”

>>20706535
To her credit Lilly joined me in my battle with Outcast. I went high and she low, Outcast countered well with his ridiculously large sword, blocking both our strikes and then kicking out at Lilly knocking her back harshly against the stone wall. He decked me in the face sending me to the ground. He hit like a champ. But he made one fatal mistake he assumed that I was out and showed his back to me as he went over to Lilly and picked her up like one holds a bag of garbage and said.
“I'm going to rape you till you die but first I am going to rape your cute little friend here then your going to put him out of his misery.”

I picked my self up well he was taunting Lilly and shoved my sword with are my strength through his 3rd and 4th vertebra.

“No homo.”

Things get bit thick here but the gist of it is that I claimed his castle for my self after Lilly and I killed his few men and Lilly and I had a heart to heart which basically amounted to amounted to her going so I like you and you do legally own me so, what to do it. To which I responded with a yep and then we did it. And that is the story of how I went to hell, killed some demons, robbed hell, escaped, fucked with a prophecy, got a castle, got some sweet loot, and best of all found my Waifu. At least my first one. But that is a story for another time.
>That is all for tonight now I sleep the sleep of the damned.

Writing a little tale right now.

2000 words and I'm not even close to finished, what the fuck has /tg/ done to me? If you told me I'd be writing thousands of words of fiction for the fun of it a couple of weeks ago I'd have called you a madman.

>>20706557
same here mines 6774, I have never written so much in my life

>>20706557
I don't even know what I'm up to now.

Maybe I should start writing up some tales from the Free Kingdoms next...maybe as part of a merchant trip. I'm going to try and not put too many more Dark Souls references in, though no promise on how successful that's going to be. Should have it up in a few hours. Work calls.

>>20702197
>because if anime has taught me anything, it’s that when used right, a human with lightning powers can become a railgun.
Does that mean we'll have special ops that attack with iron sand?

>>20707456
Alright, I want to add something more to this glorious mountain of epic win that we've created here, but I'm torn. So I'll leave it up to you folks! Would you rather have
A) Another take on the orc invasion, in the form of an after-account journal entry?
B) The tale of a man-at-arms, part of Teegee's professional fighting force (established in the wake of the orc attack when it was realised we were really lacking any kind of real army, outside the knights), told as the memories of an old veteran?
C) Another tale of knightly adventure out in the world, of the vanquishing of evil, the acquisition of gold and the wooing of waifus, told as a first-person narration?

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>>20706576
Not bad, but I get the distinct immpression it was rushed. Punctuation seemed a little lacking too. But other then that, great.
Also,
>Succubi characterized by sex and rules.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Because if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, I think this will be wonderful.

>>20707615
I'll take C with a side of worldbuilding, please. Some focus on the everyday life and customs of the different peoples of this world would be great.

>>20707615
I'd prefer A or B, for a change of pace. However, C wouldn't be unappreciated.

Also, I'm working on yet another story for you bastards. This'll be my sixth, if my count isn't off. And since I'm writing so much, I figured I'd take on a name.

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>>20707456
It'd be a bitch to learn how but I'd be more than willing to find out how and teach others.

>>20707615
Maybe something from a waifu's perspective? Most of these stories have been from that of the knights, after all. Can't leave our lovely ladies out, can we?

Are we into auto-sage yet? I'm almost done with my own bit on the Orc attack but I'd hate to have to post it at the very end of a thread again.

>>20707996
about 260 posts in, autosage is at 300

>>20707637
>>20707695
>>20707773
Okay, a tale of a knightly adventure, first-person, waifu's perspective, with a focus on worldbuilding... Hooo boy... Your wish is my command!

Also, are we accepting that map as canon? I had some issues about the distances involved in it, relative to the level of detail. It seems to cover too disparate a land, climatically speaking, in an area about the size of France.

>>20708220
I say we take it as canon, but loosely. Fudge the distances, maybe chalk up the climates to magic fuckery. If someone wants to draw up a revised map, be my guest.

Also, short story incoming.

I play an important, yet unseen role in the city. I don’t like to toot my own horn, but I feel that I deserve some credit.

I am mostly known as the chief librarian, but I am much more. I am a historian, and a scribe. I record events in our history, ensuring that they are remembered by future generations. I also work the printing press, copying various texts for distribution. Instruction manuals, textbooks, encyclopedias, novels, anything someone might want to read.

Of course, I’m not the only one working to preserve the past. I have a few people working under me. They share my goal of course, but most come here because they want to know more about the Outrealm. The old cultures are fascinating to them for some reason, not that I mind. The Kanin girl seems particularly enchanted by my tales of Earth; no matter the subject she listens with rapt attention. I suspect that she might be more interested in me than my stories, but it’s probably nothing. Besides, I couldn’t ask her about it, could I?

Finished my story, but I'll probably wait up for another thread, because this one is on it's way to autosage.

>>20708533

I thought threads didn't autosage until 500, not 300.

Must be something for busy boards.

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>>20708220
>>20708459
Now, now, relax you lot. From what you've told me, the map is roughly the size of your "Western Europe". And if you're wondering why the Felim Jungles just happen to be there, it's a combination of a warm water current and a jetstream. When the warm, moist air off of the sea is forced up the cliffs that make up the entire coast of that region, it turns immediately into rain, turning the area into a fertile and entirely isolated rainforest.

In addition, due to weather patterns moving in an east by southeast direction, most of the rain is eaten up by the mountains before getting to the deserts. The coast, however, is quite sustainable, all in all resembling your "North Africa"

>>20708653

So Felim Jungles are Liberia or Ivory Coast. Noted.

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>>20708653
E/SE flow

Instead of making everything so warm, could Felim instead have a climate similar to far northern California's redwood forests. That climate's caused by offshore wind + an ocean current. That could make Serrid similar to somewhere downcoast like Los Angeles. Dry, but in a big river valley/delta.

Pic related, what I think of when I think Felim forest/jungle.

>>20708683

Scratch that, I mixed it up with Western Africa.