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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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More poor decisions. More burned fate. The Ancestors put these guys in charge? They must be crazy.

Philip Ragebeard, Warlord
Mortimer the Lazy, Hearthguard
Kim Il Sung, Guild Aeronaut
Engineer Velm, Guild Engineer

Welcome to Squat Crusade: The Musical.
is this gonna be like Boatmurdered but with squats cause if so awesome
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The session begins three hours after the taking of Vectis station. The Brotherhood has just reorganized the squats on Vectis Station into teams, while carefully gathering inventory of their current supplies. As they prepare to board the Bearded Fury, they see another flash of light.

"Lazy motherfuckers don't even do anything anymo-oh, you guys. Long time no see." says Inquisitor Shady.
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"Long time? It's been three hours." says Ragebeard.
"Oh right. You don't make time your bitch like I do." says Shady.
"So what's up?" asks Sung.
"I think I got a way to help you guys." says Inquisitor Shady.
"Help us how?" asks Velm.
"You poor as fuck. No lie. I know a...someone who can help."
"Oh really?" asks Ragebeard, "May I ask who."
"Short little fucker, I don't even know why they keep him around. Oh right. They lazy fucks." says Inquisitor Shady.
"Uh, well, where is he?" asks Sung.
"The world of Qadesh, on the frontier of the system. You'll find him there. You'd best hurry."
says Inquisitor Shady, once more gripping his chain, and disappearing in a flash of light, cursing all the while.
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The Brotherhood decide to accelerate their plans. Velm tries (and fails) to get some basic repairs done to the fleet, while Sung spends the time training with the rest of the Squat Pilot Guild, training on the Gyrocopter Simulators. Ragebeard crunches numbers and determines that pretty soon they will need to find more food sources, but for now hydroponics aboard the Drinks All Around is holding steady. Population is also low, at 225,500, but increasing slowly. The Brotherhood in the meantime also brings their plasma repeaters down to the Engineer's Guild, where Rockfist Fearengine replaces the plasma cores with Neo-plasma containment cores, preventing overheating. The players also hear a strange clanging, and Rockfist takes the time to introduce the players to the Imperial Robots.

Everyone forgot about Morty, who sits stubbornly in a corner, forever alone, waiting for someone to move him.
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Eventually, the players remember Morty and move him to a room. They decide to practice their musical number. They corral a squat crewman to act as audience. Seven degrees of failure later, the crewman is crying tears, spaghetti flying out of his pockets, and foaming at the mouth at how horrible the performance is. At this rate, their music might count as torture.

Looks like some work is needed.
If I weren't abhuman . . . Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.
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After a few days, the players mobilize the fleet, and move out. Warp drives are engaged, and the players begin the Warp trip to Qadesh. But not all is quiet on the trip.

A few days into the trip, auspexes pick up another ship off the port side. Readying all weapons, the Brotherhood looks to the side. A battlecruiser holds station, and as the players watch, a shadowy substance seems to erupt out of it and engulf the battlecruiser. The battlecruiser fades into the warp, the players both confused and horrified.

>I had to struggle to not call it the Future Fleet.
Scatter be a hi-it tonight!
Scatter be a hi-it toniiiiight.
Scatter if you ever choose to give me what I nee-eed,
Scatter be a hi-it toniiiiiight.
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While in the warp, the Brotherhood try to get their minds off of the sight by performing simple repairs and hanging out at O'Malley's Bar and Grill.
"Something on your mind, sir?" asks Barzhad O'Malley, polishing a drink.
"I'm concerned." says Ragebeard, "If we accept this person's help, where will that leave us?"
"With a greater amount of room to play around with." replies O'Malley.
"But what will they ask of us? Of all of us?" asks Ragebeard, "I'm not fond of making deals."
"Well, then just use caution." says Sung, "And don't promise anything we can't give."
"Indeed, sir. We stand ready to fight if needed." says Cpt. Brenner over the vox.
Ragebeard continues to down his drink, wondering if amongst the party only he, and to a lesser extent Kim Il Sung, worry about the future of their race.
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Exiting the Warp over the desert world of Qadesh, The Brotherhood immediately makes an auspex pass over the world. Determining there to be no large settlements, they decide to land on the outskirts of a small town near an oasis.

"All right, let's head to the lander and move out." declares Ragebeard.
"Do we have a landing zone?" asks Sung.
"Just outside the settlement of...wait, what's the settlement's name?" asks Ragebeard.
>Roll Sector Lore.
"4." states Sung.
>"Heh. You know what happened to 004 in Beirut..."
"So the city's named Beirut. Okay."
>"...sure. Whatever."
"Well then, prep the lander." says Ragebeard.
The Brotherhood is interrupted by a hearty guffaw.
"You don't really think you use a Lander like a pleb, do you?" laughs Rockfist.
"Well then, what are our options?" asks Morty.
"Come with me." states Rockfist.

Rockfist brings the Brotherhood to one of the secluded Landing Bays.
"We were only able to bring one." says Rockfist proudly, "but one is all you need. Heavy armor, heavy guns, heavy bombs, heavy engines. My friends, You will pilot the last Overlord Armored Airship."
Yes! It's good ol' reliable quaaad guns,
Quad guns, quad guns, quad guns, quad guns.
If you're lookin' for support, they'll give you two turns.
And once they reload they'll give you two-oo turns more.
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"Incredible..." whispers Morty.

The Overlord's gas chambers have been armored over, granting it a thinner, wider appearance. Twin extensions out the sides, reminiscent of wings, mount turreted Battle Cannons. A Melta Bomb Rack hangs at the underside, fully loaded. Multiple missile pods line the front of the airship. Four gravitic thrusters, two to a side, give the Overlord the graceful appearance of hovering. Rockfist can only smile.

"It only needs a name, he says."
"Kirov." states Morty plainly.
"The Cliff Racer!" says Ragebeard.
"It needs to be named after the great squat hero Urist McDwarf." states Sung.
"Do you have any input?" asks Ragebeard, facing Velm.
"No, not really."
>She really needs to acquire a personality.
"Then I hereby christen thee Kirov 'The Cliff Racer' Mcship!" yells Sung, smashing a bottle of Amasec across the hull.

The Brotherhood boards the Kirov, engages the gravitic engines with a loud roar, and turns toward the planet.

>Make pilot. Skies are clear.
Kim Il Sung turns pale white.
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After ramming the Kirov backwards into the rear of the hangar, he finally pulls out towards Qadesh.

Landing with minor scrapes, the Brotherhood disembarks the Kirov, and makes their way to Beirut. On the way, they can see multiple cowboys hanging around, their six-shooters at the ready.
"Well then. Let's head to the saloon, see if we can't get any information."
>"Okay. Navigation (Surface)."

Which nobody has. Wandering around aimlessly for an hour, Ragebeard remembers an old maxim - "On the planet full of cowboys, don't fuck with the Florist." Luckily for the Brotherhood, a florist in in plain view. They respectfully ask for directions, which the florist shares cheerfully. Now with a direction, the Brotherhood enters the saloon, and takes a seat. Everyone is on edge.

"Why the long faces?" asks Sung.
"...him." points one of the cowboys as the saloon doors open, a small figure riding a horse into the building.
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"You must be the ones the new guy was talking about." says the figure, dismounting the horse and pulling up a chair.
He's quite small. And blue.
"And you must be the contact. Philip Ragebeard." says Ragebeard, extending a hand cautiously.
"Shas'o Korst'la the Fifth." says Korst'la, "Pleasure to make your acquaintance."
"You don't seem to be well-liked around here." says Morty.
"They can deal with it." says Korst'la, brandishing his own Pulse Revolver.
"So how can we help each other?" says Ragebeard.
"Well, the Inquisitor said you guys were flat-out broke," states Korst'la, "I'm willing to rectify that in exchange for-"
"For what?" interjects Sung.
"There may be times I or the Inquisitor needs some...wetwork done." Korst'la raises his Stetson, "And you'll be the first we go to."
"I'm perfectly fine with wetwork," says Morty, himself a bounty hunter.
"Captain..." whispers Sung, "I would be cautious about making any...arrangements."
"I understand, but in this case we've got our backs to the wall."
"I will only offer this once." states Korst'la.
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Before acqiescing to the deal, Ragebeard rolls Lore: Pirates and Lore: Inquisition to see if he heard more over the travels. He recalls that the House of Korst'la has been active in the sector for almost a hundred years, barely sanctioned, occupying a precarious position of 'too dangerous to trust, too useful to kill,' and has made a fortune information brokering for the Inquisition, and investing in Imperial interests under multiple fronts. The House is only barely tolerated by the Sector's Inquisition for these reasons, and it clicks to Ragebeard why Inquisitor Shady was so touchy. He only remembers one more thing - The House of Korst'la associates with many unsavoury characters, though the specifics escape him.

"...fine." says Ragebeard, resigned to the conditions. "We accept."
"I'm so glad we were able to make this deal." says Korst'la, giving shivers to the players.

Korst'la then proceeds to take out a checkbook. A single Profit Factor is measured in the billions of thrones, and when you're given a check for 40...
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"Now then! Let's talk business." says Korst'la.
"Already?" asks Morty.
"Yes. I'll spare you the details, but we've found some sort of cache in the mountains northwest of here. I believe there to be a fair amount of archeotech in there, that I can pawn off for some quick cash to interested parties. You're going to scout it out, and I'm willing to split anything you find in there." says Korst'la.
"Map?" says Morty.
Korst'la passes the Brotherhood a map.
"This is really badly drawn I can't tell what I'm looking a-is that crayon?" states Ragebeard, incredulous.
"I didn't draw the map." Korst'la shrugs.

>"Goddamnit, Jamal..." the Brotherhood says in Unison.

"Well, good luck out there." says Korst'la. He mounts the horse, which had been chewing on Kim Il Sung's beard (and he failed to notice), and rides out of the saloon.
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The Brotherhood get back to the Kirov, and performs an augury to better locate their target. They find a strange signal emanating from a mountain that ship augurs cannot pass through.
"Terrain's too rough to land." says Ragebeard, "Do we have transportation here?"
"Look in the back." says Rockfist over vox.
Kim Il Sung walks over, and steps behind the wheel of a Termite Transport.

The Brotherhood loads up, and begins burrowing toward their target. After the better part of a day, they emerge from the ground within an abandoned camp at the mouth of an excavated cave. Disembarking the Termite, Velm finds a cogitator and accesses its logs.
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>>Today we dug.
>>Today we dug.
>>Today we dug.
>>Today we dug.
>>Today we dug.
>>Today we dug.
>>Jim found a strange looking rock. And then we dug.
>>Today we dug.
>>Today we dug.
>>Today we struck some sort of black wall. Can't pierce it. Blue guy looked at it, and left. Fuck that little xeno, the Emperor protects, we're going home.

"Informative." sighs Velm.
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The Brotherhood steels themselves and descends into the cave, Morty being dragged along on a rolling chair. After a short walk, the light bounces off a solid black wall that seems to extend into the mountain itself, a single entrance leading deeper. Entering the black wall, the players hear a grinding noise, and turn around to see the very walls have closed off. Walls ahead of them part, and the Brotherhood does the only sensible thing.

They head deeper.
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Running down the hall, they come to a large room, with a single jet-black segmented cylinder within it, humming constantly and letting off a dull green light. Three paths lay before them - left, front, and right. The players try their luck at the left corridor. Entering a wide rectangular room with endless silver boxes, the players determine that this complex isn't human-made, that it is xenos made, but the exact origins, they can't seem to pinpoint.

>There was a massive penalty applied, due to the fact that the ones who built this complex, well, were known as something different in the original time of the Squats...
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However, Sung and Velm can piece together glowing green runes on the wall. Bits and pieces about "dimensional annexes" and "energy cores." By far the most confusing is a single phrase that none can seem to identify.

"Sigma Harmonics."
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Moving to the central passage, the Brotherhood discover more glowing green pillars. But what catches their eye is a blue light down a small hall. Running down, they find the source.

"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger!"

The Brotherhood begins acquisitions by using their fleet requisition to get Resuscatrix Chambers, a useful healing item the Brotherhood has come to call Bacta Tanks.Ragebeard gets a box of thunder hammers, and outfits everyone with one, keeping two for himself to dual-wield. Velm acquires an Enhanced Potentia Coil, ready to boost her abilities exponentially. Sung acquires a box of Refractor Fields, and passes them out to everyone. Morty acquires an Arc Welder, and attaches it to his arm.

"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant, who walks behind a pillar and seemingly disappears.

"I don't know how he does it." says Ragebeard.
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The Brotherhood resumes exploring, heading down the last hallway. The hallway seems to descend deeper into the earth itself, until they come to a flat, featureless rectangular room. Entering, the doors once again seal, to the Brotherhood's chagrin. The only thing in the room is a silver statue of a skeleton-like figure, draped in gold and green, holding a massive scythe. Ragebeard approaches the statue.

"Wait..." he goes, "Black metal walls, green glowing runes, silver sarcophagi, could these be the..."

The statue begins to move. The hulking form stares down at the Brotherhood.

"What is the Blessed Sound of the Tonal Architect?" it asks.

The Brotherhood gets a glint in their eyes.

"Let's rock!" yells Ragebeard.
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Ragebeard gets ready to sing. Kim Il Sung activates his archeotech laser guitar. Morty gets ready to belt out a facemelter. Velm sets up her didgeridoo. And everyone makes perform.

>A side note about the encounter. As an Extended test, the successes needed to outnumber the failures. If the players had gotten more successes than failures, the resultant sound would have stunned the Necron for a round. Impulsively yelling "Sigma Harmonics," as they have tended to act impulsively at to this point, would have worked as well, despite the players not even knowing what the words meant. But more failures than successes...

"Let's Rock Out!" yells Morty.
>Okay. Make Perform. It's fellowship based.
"Three degrees of success." says Ragebeard.
>Okay, Sung?
"Two degrees of success." says Sung.
>Looking good. Morty?
"Failure, no degrees."
>That's fine. It doesn't reduce it because no degrees. Velm?
"Six degrees...of failure.
"FATE POINT THAT!" yells Ragebeard and Sung.
"No, it's okay. What's the worst that could happen?" she says.
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The Brotherhood successfully imitates the sound of a dying giraffe. The Lychguard twirls his warscythe as a second teleports in. Sung notices a strange green glowing halo approach his head, but dodges it before it can set. The two Lychguard advance forth, and the fight for survival begins.
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Lychguard hit like a goddamn dump truck applied directly to the nutbladder. 2d10+28 Pen 9 tends to do that. Ragebeard charges one, while combined fire from the rest of the players heavily wounds another. He manages to stun the Lychguard with his dual-wielded Thunder Hammers. The second Lychguard charges forth, taking out Velm with one hit (who burns fate but wishes to stay in the fight), and proceeds directly at Morty. Sung and Morty dodge out of further glowing halos. Ragebeard finishes off one Lychguard, while Morty parries the second Lychguard's warscythe with his chair. Now forced to move, his hatred triggers and he pulls out his thunder hammer. Unfortunately for Ragebeard, the halo finally sticks, and a pair of Deathmarks materialize from their dimensional annexes in hyperspace. Morty beats down the second Lychguard, and Velm takes out one Deathmark with her Meltagun. Ragebeard is taken down by one of the Deathmark's Synaptic Disintegrators. As Sung smacks down the final Deathmark, Ragebeard finds himself once again burning fate due to a poor decision from the party.

As the final Deathmark phases out, Ragebeard can only struggle to his feet.
"...why does this keep happening?" he mutters.
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The wall that the Lychguard stood behind parts. The Brotherhood applies first aid, and continues on. They finally find a small chamber, with a large ring in the center, and two golden boxes.

Which open.

A silver skeletal figure in a ragged cloth sits up.

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"Uh, are you sure its new?" stutters Ragebeard.
The figure stands up to its full height.
"We're...fine." says Sung, who can't stop staring.
The second sarcophagus opens, to reveal a figure with a single green eye.
"Shocked, Enfleshed have breached the Command Chamber, Phaeron Ramsestron, should I remove them?"
The Brotherhood turns white.
"Annoyed, very well..." sighs Thutmosis2000.
"Looking for archeote-" Sung is quickly shut up by Morty.
"We were...exploring." says Ragebeard.
Ramsestron tosses the Brotherhood a spherical red and white object.
"Uh...okay." says Ragebeard.
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"Aggravated, third Chevron locked, Tonal Architect." says Thutmosis2000.
"...Tonal Architect?" says Velm, remembering what the Lychguard said.
"Aggravated, fifth Chevron locked, Tonal Architect."continues Thutmosis2000.
"Hey, Ramsestron, what's Sigma Harmonics?" asks Sung.
"Relieved, seventh Chevron locked, let us leave, Tonal Architect." continues Thutmosis2000.
"NOW NOW, MY SEMI-LOYAL CRYPTEK, THESE ENFLESHED DO NOT SE-" The pair step through the Dolmen Gate.

"...that just happened, right?" says Ragebeard, staring confusedly at the Tesseract Labyrinth.
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A wall opens up, and the Brotherhood begin wandering up. After a bit, they are finally greeted with the sun on their faces. After plotting a way back to the Termite, the Brotherhood hears a low thrumming, and dust kick up, as a dropship, clearly Tau in origin, uncloaks and lets down a ramp.
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"...I won't solve another such problem like that again." says a tired older voice.
"It wasn't that bad! They are truly my sons!" says the voice of Korst'la.
"it was luck that they got out in the first place." says the voice, a greying Dark Eldar.
"Come on now! If there's a hole, it's a Korst'la's job to thrust into it!" replies Korst'la.
"Never again," says Khodexus, "Let your new pawns handle it."
"Ah yes!" says Korst'la, turning to the Brotherhood, "So how was the mission?"
"There were Necrons in there." states Ragebeard flatly.
Khodexus storms off.
"Doesn't take much to set him off, does it?" asks Sung.
"Not really. Khodexus will cool off in a bit. But I assume the Necrons are gone?"
"Yes." says Morty.
"Oh good! I'll send in teams immediately! There might still be something worth salvaging!" says Korst'la.
"Yeah..." says the Brotherhood, beginning to walk away.
"You've definitely earned that paycheck so far!" says Korst'la, reboarding the Phantomfish, "Things will only get harder from here!"
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The players head back to the Kirov using the Termite, and dock with the Drinks All Around. The first thing everyone does is hit up O'Malley's Bar and Grill.
"O'Malley...your strongest. Now." says Ragebeard wearily.
"Right, sir." says the gruff O'Malley.

The Brotherhood assigns 15000/30000 squats to the dig site, generating 2 profit factor. This number will increase over time. After gaining 750 xp, the Brotherhood continues to drink heavily, slightly concerned about Korst'la's parting words.

"Things will only get harder from here..."

As the players return to Vectis station, the trip is not quiet. The Brotherhood are wracked with heavy whispers and dreams.
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The players find themselves in a misty black zone. Surrounding them are smoky squat figures.


As the ancestor spirits dissipate, the Brotherhood awaken in a cold sweat. Nothing like the fate of your race heaped upon you.
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Overall a good session, but I think when the entire team tells you to spend fate, it might be a good idea to do so.

On the plus side, now that they've pledged themselves to both the Ordo Chronus AND the House of Korst'la, they have money to work with. Their profit factor stands at 47, and they've unlocked a rather nasty pair of weapons for acquisition - the Korst'la Single Action Mercenary, and the Korst'la Model 41873 repeating Rifle.
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Korst'la Single Action Mercenary
>Designed and Modified over generations, the Model K served as an effective tool for the House of Korst'la to bring their business throughout the Imperium's frontier. While not sanctioned in the slightest, these find their way through black market deals to many soldiers, to the enragement of many a commissar. The Inquisition only halfheartedly attempts to stop the flow, because quite frankly they have better things to do.

Pistol, 40m, S/2/-, 2d10+4 Pen 6, Cylinder 6, Rld Full
Tearing, Gyro-stabilized
Extremely Rare

Model 41873 Repeating Pulse Rifle
>Marketed as the 'Gun That Won the Sector' to many Cold Traders, the veracity of the claim is no doubt exaggerated. The weapon is a lever-action pulse rifle that uses a charge system far more advanced than a normal pulse rifle. While the weapon is unable to fire quickly, it makes up for it in accuracy, the ability to send a round through the eye of a Carnifex at 150m.

Basic, 150m, S/2/-, 2d10+5 Pen 6, Mag 15, Rld 2Full
Accurate, Gyro-stabilized
Extremely Rare
>>There was a massive penalty applied, due to the fact that the ones who built this complex, well, were known as something different in the original time of the Squats...

I don't get this

I think it's a reference to Chaos Androids. The squats have been out of it a WHILE now.
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To my knowledge, it was:

-Chaos Androids
-Squats Removed
-Chaos Androids become Oldcrons
-Oldcrons become Newcrons
-Squats Canon Again
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>Squat Crusade: The Musical
>The Musical
>Players are bad at music
archived, vote up. http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html
Are the Orks really all gone for a while?
And do your players sing in character?
What happened to the Emperor after they nob-juiced him full of life force?
>Are the Orks really all gone for a while?


>And do your players sing in character?

One does, the rest are content to roll Perform skill.

>What happened to the Emperor after they nob-juiced him full of life force?

That is a wonderful question.
late bump
I can't believe I've been skipping these over. Shas, your stories are ALWAYS entertaining. Hell, even the fudging around of lore gets a pass, because you make it work.

But enough ego-fellating.

>fudging around of lore

You know, I noticed the fudging of lore tends to happen only with individual characters. Most of the time, the lore of the universe at large does seem to be maintained.

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