>>20675064
Speaking of, you're currently in the middle of fleeing/fighting one right now!

The shroud is rushing forward, the sickening motion of its many folds of flesh proving to be quite a distraction. As you watch it throws out one floppy arm and wraps the superfluos skin around a lamp post, tightening it and launching slightly into the air. While airborne it throws out the other arm, latching onto a building. Then, with minimal effort on its part, wrenches the post out of the ground and tosses at your vehicle.

With an almighty curse Alice, Doll's other half, spins the wheel, narrowly avoiding the bent piece of metal and concrete. "Can we fucking kill this thing? I have enough trouble sppeding backwards through city streets in broad daylight. IT'S BARELY FUCKING ONE IN THE MORNING." Alright, okay, calm down. "Fuck. You. Haz." Geez, touchy.

A chuckle rises from behind you, and the truck shivers as an explosion blossoms just in front of the creature. It falls, but quickly regains the chase. "This is fun, yeah? Come on comrades, let us skow it a good time." Grinning ear-to-ear, Titan takes aim with his grenade launcher once more. "Though I suggest you actually hit it this time, Hazmat."

Yeay, yeah. You grip Martha tightly, considering your next action.

>What do?

rolled 15 = 15

Shoot it with plasma or volt whichever one we have!

Hazard, you just made my monday alot better

>>20675417
Okay. Last shot was a complete and terrible failure. Time to make up for it. You take the final volt shell from your fun clip and feed it to Martha. Rising up, you hang out of the window and sight the bounding, grotesque abomination. Deep breath, steady...another explosion kicks up in front of it, causing it to abruptly rear up. Perfect. You squeeze Martha's trigger and send the thunderous payload whistling toward the monster.

Impact! The shroud's shoulder implodes with the force of the shell, extra skin rushing along its body and twisting around the wound. Then the volt shell kicks in. Its writhing shoulder explodes in a flash of light and clap of thunder. You cover your senses from the assault of light and sound, waiting for the violent display to cease. A moment later it does, and you observe the damage.

The shroud is down, but not out. Resting in a slight crater, you can see it, still moving. Most of the skin on its left side has been reduced to a burnt, leathery memory. The left 'arm', if its appendages could be defined as such, is gone; the left leg is shriveled and twisted. The head seems to have sunken as well. The right side is still relatively fluid, and it seems to be trying to rise. Or maybe...hm, the ruined flesh seems to be flexing as well, just barely.

In any case, you have an opening now.

>Suggestions?

rolled 10 = 10

>>20675831
>>20675831
Shoot it again! Maybe with a bomb shell!

>>20675958
Aaaaaand we're boned.

>>20675958
The dice gods are cruel

>>20675958
And we don't have anymore bomb shells anyway. Just a cryo and the volts in our happy ending clips.

>>20675958
The occupants of your vehicle stare, breathing heavily. With a bit of uncertainty coloring her voice, Doll speaks up: "Well...you got it Hazmat. Good job." You have to agree. You definitely hit it. Yeah. "...it does not look dead..." Thank you for that Titan. Excellent observation. So, let's be off then? The other two share a look, then glance toward you meaningfully. "You were the one that wanted to kill it, comrade." Gods damn it, fine. You kick open the door and jump out, Martha at the ready. It should be easy. Just one shot to the head...area. Yeah. You can't help but wish you had a bomb shell. Slowly, you creep toward the downed shroud.

It is still pulsing. Ugh. This would be much easier if it wasn't doing that. You're about ten feet away now, wondering why the hell you didn't have Doll drive you up to the damn thing. "Hurry up fucker, we don't want more to show up." Speak of the devil. Or devil's angry sister, as it were. Referring to them must've been hell in the normal world. If there even is a normal. Hey now, stay optimistic. Your foot touches the edge of the crater, just a few feet from the quivering pile of monster. Right, might as well get down to business. From here a normal shell should be just fine.

You take a moment, wondering where exactly to shoot it. After a few seconds you decide that the charred area most likely holding its head should be fine. You quickly pump a shell into it, wanting to be done and on your way. The beast shudders a few more times and lies still. Good? Good. A disgusting black liquid has started leaking out of the shroud. Beautiful. Whatever, the deed is done. Time to go.

-continued-

>>20675064
these posts are always entertaining. bravo

>>20676682
>>20676682
OH GOD BLACK LIQUID JUST LIKE THE SHOGGOTH OH SHIT OH SHIT!!!!

>>20676682
Your mind is already down the road, wondering what goodies you might discover in the emporium Earl marked on your map. Perhaps those...some of these...maybe one of those...yeah...these wishful thoughts are rudely interrupted by a loud, drawn out ripping noise, followed closely by the watch whipping into a frenzy.

Oh come ON.

Against every fiber in your body, you turn and look. The shroud is moving again, though not like before. Along its body a seam is being torn open. More of the vile liquid is gushing out, and for a second the familiar fear grips your heart. Not here...no...not here. But the goop stays inert, thankfully. Unfortunately, however, the shroud is still disgorging...something.

Illuminated by the truck's headlights, rising jerkily from the shroud's broken body, is a new horror. Terribly thin, its body like that of some mausoleum-dwelling skeleton. And tall, so tall. Its limbs are unfolding; apparently they were held like a mantis while it was...inside. Each has one section too many, another joint that shouldn't be. At their ends are normal enough 'hands' and 'feet', albeit overly large and of a bony, ghoulish fashion. Still it rises up, the legs unfolding like the arms. Pieces of the shroud are attached to its back and shoulders, raggedly seperated from the main body and flapping in the slight breeze like some sort of perverse cloak. And its head...oh gods. A maw filled with crooked fangs that puts you in mind of a shark's mouth. Sloppily flapping slits for a nose. And where the thing's eyes might be, nothing. The skull-like dome is completely smooth from there up.

-continued-

>>20677111
It turns toward you, finding you with its sightless face, and screams. Not roars. Not growls. Screams, as if the tortured soul of some man, woman, or child is trapped inside, crying out against horrors unknown.

It rests one 'hand' on the pavement and reaches toward you with the other.

>1d20 to nope like your life depends on it.

rolled 12 = 12

>>20677158
NOPE!!!

>>20677111
What. The. Fuck.

rolled 8 = 8

>>20677158
Nope nope nope

rolled 10 = 10

>>20677158
dice gods save us!

>>20677195
You find your feet somehow, still dumbfounded by this new terror, and half-jump, half-fall backwards. The thing's head follows you, but its hand keeps going. Maybe it is having trouble controlling its body, so freshly born? Whatever, you're safe for now. As long as it doesn't touch you. Because its hand kept going. Straight through the pavement. With as resistance as turned soil, the arm has buried itself past the forelimb, all the way up to the mid-limb.

This seems to have taken the creature by surprise as well. It is hesitant, unsteady. It shifts position a little, bringing that horrible face closer to the ground, inspecting the sunken arm. You can see that something is wrong with the road around its arm. It has turned black, and it might be your imagination, but it seems to be hissing as well. Or maybe that's the monster. Regardless.

It is occupied with something other than you. This is your chance.

>What will you do?

rolled 15 = 15

>>20677437
>>20677437
Shoot it with EVERYTHING!!!!

>>20677457
god yes, this. well, not everything but maybe a well placed shot.

>>20677457
Well, that's enough admiring time. How about you get introductions out of the way? Horrible gangly smooth-face thing, Martha. Martha,

-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-

The first shot catches it in the face, giving it a few new holes to look out through. The second tears through the hand brought up to shield its now whimpering head. The third caves that head in completely, turning the whimper into a gurgle. It's almost too easy at this range. Not that you'd like to be so up close and personal with other monsters, but still, when in Rome. That phrase again. And what's a shark? Your conflicting memories and the analogies and idioms that circulate through your head almost distract you as the final shot lodges a furiously whirring, sparking contraption into its sku-

SHIT.

You take off running, making it nearly to the truck when the volt shell detonates. The force of the bolt exploding into the abomination's head sweeps your feet out from under you, tossing you the rest of the way to land heavily on the truck's hood.

Oof. Yeah, you should really think these things through. You turn, midsection protesting, to make sure it's dead. Head gone. Limbs akimbo. Torso ripped sideways. Yeah, that's dead. You remove yourself from the hood, a bit stiff, slide along the truck, open the door, and get in.

Titan and Doll/Alice/Whichever stare at you, openmouthed.

>What do?

>>20677902

Was that supposed to be a cryo shell? I thought we wasted one volt on a poor shot at the shroud, one in the shoulder of the shroud, and had one cryo left. Maybe we have none?

What's our inventory?

>>20677902
"Well, that thing's definitely not going to follow us anymore. Let's keep going."

>>20677946
our next stop is the presumed ammo depot i think so we can sort it out there i guess

>>20677946
INVENTORY:
[3500cr]
Martha with bayonet
3 happy-ending clips, each containing 4 normal shells and 1 volt
Nearly empty FUN clip, only the cryo left
Stress ball
Plastic bag with two antivirals
Table-leg, knifeless
Reading materials-partial note, magazine, newspaper
Roll of duct tape
Handcuffs
Small black key with number 42 etched into it

>>20678217
>key we found in the mall
WHY ISN'T THIS BURNED AND TOSSED DOWN A MANHOLE YET.

>>20678071
Well, that thing's definitely not going to follow us any more. Let's keep going. Doll wordlessly puts the truck into drive and edges it around the fallen beast. As you pass, you nonchalantly hold your watch-arm out the window, letting it catch the fine silver mist seeping up from the corpse. The watch displays [3700cr].

The drive to the Emporium is relatively tame following that. Not many latchers are about, your group encounters no more monsters, and even Alice lets it pass in silence.

You reach your destination in less than twenty minutes. The Emporium here is actually smaller than the one in the mall; even though it is two stories tall, each is less than half the size of the Gardenfield's store.

It doesn't look dangerous from out here. The first floor entrance is covered by a gate, and a set of steps lead up to another above, where a nice portion of the door is missing. As you're soaking up these details, a flickering holo-sign briefly flashes up [BOUT TIME MAGGOT.]

>How shall you proceed?

>>20678806

Reload the shotgun if we haven't already. Hazmat first, Doll/Alice second, and Titan takes back. There's gonna be at least one monster here, and we want to be ready for it.

Maybe we can communicate with the proprietor of this fine establishment? Try asking him/her (probably him) if there's anything to worry about in the store.

>Slipping down that heather-lined slope. More to come, of course.

>>20679389

Heh. Okay. Hope you get a decent night's rest.

>>20679387
You slip a fresh clip into Martha and exit the truck. You're not taking any chances here. You'll go first, followed by Doll, and Titan will bring up the rear. Eyes wide open, ears straining for the barest hint of untoward sound. Odds are there's something in here that wants to kill you. Might as well make its job harder.

Though, it'd be nice if something wasn't trying to kill you. Just this once. Please?

As you approach the establishment, one of those inner voices brings up a good point. Surely Earl knows about the innards of his own store. Right? You step over to the failing holosign and give it a good tap.

It flares briefly back into life, the text [What is the meaning of this, MAGGOT?] Well, y'know, just wondering if you have any idea at all of what might be inside there. Specifically, things hellbent on seperating spinal cords from good little amnesiacs. [Sorry son, all I know is that this shop was having a great giveaway. You're on your own from there.]

Perfect. Well, at least you have backup. This shit better be worth it, Earl. With a fizzle of sparks the projector dies, leaving you alone with your crew, storefront beckoning...

>Okay, sleeptyping sucks. Till then.

>>20678331
Packrat mentality. Everything is sacred. Nothing is trash.

>>20679864
There was still a shoggoth in there. Nothing is safe.

>>20682663
There's a shoggoth PERIOD. Safety is an illusion.

The inside of the shop is fairly dark. Even with the combined light of your watches, you have trouble seeing anything outside of a small circle. A solid -THUNK- startles you, but it's only Titan. He is holding his head, and mumbling about lousy doormakers. Whew, still no dead things. Good.

Doll taps you on the shoulder, nodding toward a descending staircase. At the far side of the room, you can see what looks like the rough oitline of a person. Besides Titan's grumbles, the room is silent.

>Ideas?

>>20685796
Use the "light" function on the watch to illuminate the room

>>20686518
You ask the watch for a bit more light. It brightens, and you're able to clearly make out the features of a mannequin. At least, it might be a mannequin. Perhaps its creator would have called it 'art' or something. Because it's made completely out of guns. Bent, warped, twisted, but recognizable. Beside it, sticking out of the wall, is a lever of some sort.

"It's kinda...cute." Doll's remark brings you back to the world. Cute? Sure, if you like barrels-for-eyes. We came here for something, remember? "Well let's hurry it, yeah? Things outside are starting to get twitchy." Titan's voice carries a hint of worry. You look through the window, but don't see anything out there. Just the idling truck and sidewalk. You can't help but feel he's right though. Everytime the breeze comes through, the air kind of catches. It is unsettling.

A large poster on the wall, revealed by the light, proclaims [Get your Apocalypse Lunchbox™ for Free with all purchases of 2599cr or greater!]. You can't be sure, but the stairs might've just creaked from below.

>What do?

>>20687406
>Pull the lever Cronk!
But seriously, investigate the statue more closely, then look for the kiosk so that we can get new Fun.

>Captcha: $3,000 iendoeu

Yes captcha, we realize that we have enough to buy the lunchbox. We might still need that money later though.

>>20687460
boxes tend to turn into guns here

>>20687460
You wander over to the statue for a better look. It's about as tall as you are, but standing on a raised pedestal. Its arms are crossed jauntily, and an empty holster rests against its hip. From this small distance you can see that its mouth is full of bullet casings instead of teeth. If pressed, you might say that the thing had a look of challenge about it.

You look around for a kiosk of some kind, but find nothing of the sort. And perhaps the creaking downstairs was your imagination; it hasn't made any noise since.

Titan is keeping awatch at the door, and Doll is leaning against the banister. Both seem impatient to be on the road.

>Well, what now?

>>20688371
Buy all the special ammo we can get, and ask earl if he can cut us a bulk deal and then some cuz' we are gonna need it for bigger and badder fuckers.

>>20688371
Buy ammo, investigate noise. See if they have the specialty ammo available that are slightly lower powered, so that we don't kill ourselves with lightning every thirty minutes.

>>20688941
why would you say something like that?!

>>20688371
buy anything on discount. and goddamnit i want that lunch box but i'm not sure it's worth it... earl know what it is?

>>20689227
Because we have a Thread/Death ratio that's nearly 1:1, and it's sometimes caused by us firing ammo that's too powerful too close to us. I'd like to change the ratio.

>>20689227
>>20688941
>>20688557
Buy ammo, buy ammo, buy ammo. The voices in your head seem to be in agreement. Unfortunately, you don't see anything from which you could purchase said ammo. Aside from the poster, the statue, and the lever, this floor is pretty much empty. There are some shelves that may've once held items, but they are empty, broken.

Hmm...you need more info. Earl. Hey, Earl! You listening? Hellooooo!

Only silence and the curious faces of your team greet you. No holographic friends rush in. So that was a bust. Oh well, you have a noise that you might've imagined to investigate. You motion to the others that you're heading down. They nod and form up behind you. You begin your descent, each step creaking just a little.

Below it is even darker, the light from the truck obstructed by the gate across the door. The light from your wrist casts tricky shadows across the room.

-continued-

>>20689845
Everything in here is disrupted. Displays overturned. Metal baskets bent and tossed around. Glass littering the floor. This place went through some shopping spree. And look, a vendor, just like in the mall! If only it wasn't in pieces along the wall, you'd be able to buy as much ammo as you wanted! Such a shame.

There is one relatively undisturbed item, though. In the far left corner is a large oval-shaped case. The area around it is covered in all manner of gouges, scratches, and scorch marks. Someone desperately wanted to destroy it. Infortunately for them, it was made of tougher stuff.

Doll and Titan file down behind you, Titan giving a low whistle at the destruction. Alice speaks up, impatient: "Is there even anything fucking here? If this turns out to be a useless distraction, I'll be pissed." Right, because you're usually so collected.

>What say you, voices?

>>20690108
quick look around, make sure we're alone. if so, go investigate that oval case.

>>20690146
You peer around the room once more, looking for any signs of life, or worse, that might be lying in wait. Wouldn't want them to get the jump on you. It is somewhat of a relief that your search reveals no lurking ghouls. Only somewhat. Isn't the unseen enemy more terrifying, after all?

Absence of hostile parties ascertained, you move up and take a closer look at the case in the corner. It is a few feet across, and a wary hand deems it either too heavy or too attached to shift. The area around it really has been through hell. The floor and walls are dented beyond belief. While the case itself is undamaged, you can tell that something was once written on it. As near as you can make out, it says the following:

[Apoc---p-- ---c-bo-™ Gi---wa-!]
Be the f--s- t- ---e-t G---e--l and red--- yo-- tic--- -e-e!

Underneath this are the remains of a stylized arrow pointing to a small slot. Intetesting.

>Any sudden insights?

>>20691065
IT'S THE LUNCHBOX!! try out the black key? insert a bullet? see if watch can crack it open?

>>20691065
Try to put Martha into the slot maybe its an upgrade!

>>20691065
>>20691116
If the key doesn't work, try buying some ammo to open it. We need some more fun shells anyway.

>>20691218
But the vendor thing is all busted!

[Apocolypse lunchbox™ Giveaway!]
Be the first to ---e-t G---e--l and red--- your ticket here!

Thing's probably a ticket lottery or something, look around for valid tickets we can insert into the slot.

>>20691384

Pretty sure "red---" is redeem, the slot is where we put the ticket in.

No idea what "---e-t G---e--l" is though. First word...defeat, maybe? We have to fight something?

>>20691413
I want to say it's defeat General, but there's not enough letters. Maybe it means the gun mannequin? Or the hologram guy?

>>20691442
Actually, we could probably just ask the hologram, this is his store and he should know of any and all promotions so he could advertise better.

Oh god yes, you're back. Love this quest.

>>20685796
Note to self... Selves? Find flashlight, attach to shotgun, profit.

>>20691218
>>20691132
>>20691116
You look wistfully toward the completely and utterly destroyed commercial ammunition vendor, hoping against hope that it wasn't the key to unlocking this thing. Wait a sec...key! Perhaps..? You could only be so lucky! You take the key from your pack and push it into the slot. Or rather...try to. The key doesn't fit. It doesn't even get a chance. The slot is blocked by some sort of transparent, solid substance.

Well since that didn't work, why not try some of your own ammo? You present a shell to the slot. Nothing happens. Drat. Well, how about Martha? You hold your lady enticingly before it, waiting. Hmm...either it's playing hard to get or this mysterious case is oblivious to your actions. This is just too much. You hold the watch up to it, demanding that it reveal its secrets. The watch blinks, nonplussed. The case remains as-is.

From the stairs you hear a muffled snort, and you turn to see Doll, face hidden, shoulders shaking a bit. She realizes you're staring and tries to compose herself. "Oh, don't mind us Haz. Just waiting patiently while you...deduce." Titan is fiddling with his watch, lazily swinging his suspended half-leg to and fro.

>Anything else, Detective Voice-Legion?

>>20691816
Okay, the substance is probably a force field or some crap to keep people from fucking with it. That means that we need to find a ticket somewhere... We have to defeat someone. But the only thing that's still intact is the mannequin. Maybe defeat isn't the right word?

[Apoc---p-- ---c-bo-™ Gi---wa-!]
Be the f--s- t- ---e-t G---e--l and red--- yo-- tic--- -e-e!

[Apocolypse lunchbox™ Giveaway!]
Be the first to ---e-t G---e--l and red--- your ticket here!

- - - e - t G - - - e - - l

I think the second word is actually a name, not a title or something.

>>20691816
Go upstairs knock over that goddamn statue and DEMAND your ticket!

>>20691914
Man, I almost want to say that the second word is Gunnery, because it almost fits. Maybe its a play on words, a portmanteau of General and Gunnery? Gunneral? It fits, and the mannequin upstairs is made of guns... I'm grasping at straws, honestly.

File: 1347421354261.jpg-(17 KB, 210x240, char_36494.jpg)

>>20692023
>read it in his voice for some reason

>>20691914

Building on what this magnificent bastard came up with:

>[Apocalypse lunchbox™ Giveaway!]
>Be the first to ---e-t G---e--l and red--- your ticket here!

[Apocalypse lunchbox™ Giveaway!]
Be the first to defeat G---e--l and redeem your ticket here!

Guys.
Guys. I think we need to beat up on the mannequin. If only it had a power source...

>>20692137
A hologram talked to us outside, so I think there is power. And there was a lever next to gun statue dude.

>>20692158

Excellent reading comprehension, fellow voice. Shall we proceed back upstairs, then?

>>20692137
You know what, I don't even care. Lets punch the mannequin anyway, even if it doesn't do anything. If all else fails we can cryo the thing and check to see if anything survived.

If it still stands, it should be frozen and brittle enough that we might be able to smash it open. With a shotgun shell if needed.

>>20692158
Wait, let me guess. We pull the lever, the mannequin comes to life and we have to beat its ass in order to get our ticket. I'm saying this is likely to happen.

>>20692137
>>20692060
>>20692023
>>20691914
The voices seem to be onto something. That weird statue? Worth a shot, sure. You stalk past your team as the voices continue babbling, heading back up the stairs. You march right up to the imitation of man made from twisted firearms and, in no uncertain terms, demand that it disgorge your ticket. It responds with the usual blank stare/generally inanimated demeanor common to most statues.

Fine, you want to play it that way? Okay. You pulll up your sleeves, take a step back, add a deep breath for good measure. Then you charge it, arms thrown out for a grand tackle. You hit it with a startled -oof-. Woah, this thing is heavy. Barely moved at all. Still, you want that damn ticket. The offending thing responds to this assault with a total lack of motion its part.

You step back a bit, plotting your next course of action.

>And what course might that be?

>>20692350
Pull the lever and get ready for a fight!

Use the shotgun because we fight dirty.

>>20692350
>>20692350
Pull that lever for SCIENCE!

File: 1347423991619.jpg-(15 KB, 807x474, Oops.jpg)

>>20692350
>>20692451
>>20692455
What could possibly go wrong?

scan it with the watch first

>>20692696
the mannequin, that is. hopefully for weaknesses

>>20692455
>>20692451
Ah yes, the lever. Surely it does something fun. Or at least, hopefully it doesn't activate something painful. You ready Martha just in case. If something dares to attack you it'll regret it.

As you're admiring your own cleverness, the statue moves. It bends backward a little, shakes out its legs, stretches out its arms, acting for all the world as if you don't exist. When it finally does notice you it just...stares. And you stare right on back. It stays like this for a few minutes before the statue breaks the ice: "So...uhhh...I guess you want to have a go at ol' Gunmetal, eh?" He snaps, and an oversized holographic revolver appears in his hand.

And then his eyebarrels find the lovely young miss jammed roughly into his midsection. "SONNUVAWHORESON. Dude, we use holograms for this stuff. Geez." 'Gunmetal' is frozen, Martha pointed squarely at his chest. His gaze keeps twitching to her every other second. "C'mon partner, let's be reasonable." Suuuure.

>Dang it, eyes heavy. Nice to hear all these voices in Hazmat's head, though. Till tomorrow.

>>20692901
"Oh shit, sorry. So used to everything trying to fucking kill me, due to it being an apocalypse. You know, bloom-taken over corpses trying to kill everything that isn't also bloom infected. So uh... This lunchbox, supposedly I have to beat you to win?"

Bump for the night.

If this is all for an actual lunchbox, I will laugh.

>>20696443
But it will be super cool and we'll have something fun to take our lunch in! And the cool kids will want to join US!

>>20692971
Gunmetal lowers his arms, gently nudging Martha away. "Yesiree, it's a right sight out there. Though, calling it an 'apocalypse' seems a tad overdoing it, our ad campaign notwithstanding." He deftly tosses the holorevolver from hand to hand, looking a bit more at ease. "So. S'been a long while since we last had a customer round these parts. least of all one that had the shiny brass buttons to challenge me.You, uh, here to battle for a ticket, I presume?" Well yes, that would be why you tackled his inert frame earlier. Not that you'd say that. of course. You'd look the fool.

Gunmetal's teeth casings flash in the semidarkness. He's clearly delighted at the prospect. Poor guy must've been here for ages without any interaction. It's a hard life for a robot in a dead world, you muse. "Okay, here's how we're gonna do this. Hold out yer hand." You oblige, and a holorevolver appears. It is weightless, yet you can feel it tingling against your skin. Weird.

"Six shots, like in the classics. Me and you. Shooting them." He cocks a rifled eyebrow toward a group of holotargets that have appeared. Regular bulls-eyes. Got it. "Tell ya what, sport. Since I'm a such a gentlebot, you can go first."

Doll and Titan have wandered up and settled in by this point. They're sitting on some shelves behind you, waiting. Doll is mouthing 'good luck' and Titan gives you a thumbs-up.

-continued-

>>20699615
Right-o. Time for a show. You heft the projected gun and take aim toward the targets. Just as you're wondering which to shoot first, they start moving. Jumping around, flitting here and there, looping-the-loop, and generally cavorting about in a manner quite frustrating to someone currently attempting to blam them.

You look pointedly at Gunmetal. "He innocently tosses his own revolver into the air, smiling a bit. "Oh I'm sorry, did I forget to mention they did that?" He starts cackling and slaps one of his grenade knees. You roll your eyes and try to concentrate on the task at hand.

It just couldn't be rock-paper-scissors or something, could it? Wait...what's rock-pa...forget it. Oh wait, you have. Fucking amnesia. You once more grip the revolver and take aim.

>You're gonna need six separate d20s for this one. Good luck!

rolled 10, 2 = 12

>>20699689
i'll take two

rolled 3 = 3

>>20699689
find your inner Clint Eastwood, Hazard!

rolled 4 = 4

>>20699722
>>20699791
Well this is embarrassing.

rolled 4 = 4

>>20699689

>>20699722
>>20699791
>>20699815
>>20699833
Welp. We suck. Hazmat must look like a retard right now.

rolled 10 = 10

>>20699722
>>20699791
>>20699815
>>20699833
how the hell have we survived?

>>20699897
Funny thing, we've actually died multiple times so far.

rolled 2, 14, 18, 11, 7, 1 = 53

>>20699689
I'm going to try to improve our scores.

>>20699722
>>20699791
>>20699815
>>20699833
>>20699897
Okay. Calm down. You can do this. Martha's easy enough to use. This gun isn't even real. This is going to be a piece of cake. Yeah. Inner pep-talk complete, you lock in on two targets and twitch your finger, intending to get a stylish double-shot off. The resulting explosion from your holographic weapon catches you off guard. That was LOUD. You were expecting cartoon-y noises or something. Yikes. The unexpected volume throws your aim way off. Both shots do nothing, passing harmlessly through the wall.

Well shit. Off to a grand start. You take aim again, dead set on redeeming yourself after that first failure. There's no way you're going to let these last four shots miss. You brace yourself for the sound and fire. The holobullets whizz out of your piece and strike...empty air. Gods damn, this is just getting better and better.

Okay, okay. There's no way these last two are gonna go wrong. You blamming two targets is guaranteed at this point. Surely you wouldn't end it without at least hitting one target, right? Right? You have a sinking feeling that you just might...with barely concealed uneasiness, you discharge the last two shots. Both, somehow, manage to miss all targets completely. Well fuck you too, revolver. Shotguns are better anyway.

-continued-

>>20700420
Operative word there was "try".

>>20700429
...Well shit. There's a reason we use a shotgun.

rolled 17, 4, 12, 5, 14, 17 = 69

>>20700429
Alice bursts into full-force guffaws behind you, nearly falling over. She grasps at the banister and manages to gasp out some of her usual style of criticism between the laughs: "C-can't...so fu-...fucking...horrible..." Unable to control her mirth completely, she descends into a fit of giggles. Titan can only stare, dumbfounded, and shake his head slightly at your amazing display of how not to shoot things.

Gunmetal, on the other hand, is all bullet-casing smiles. "That was some show, partner. Why, not one of those rounds was harmful in the least, and you've nearly killed your gal back there." He nods to Alice. "Now, I could just call it here and set you on your way, to the nearest shooting range, of course, but I'm a robot of my word. I'll even avert my sharpshootin' eyes, to give you a fighting chance." And avert them he does; as he raises his own weapon he spins his head right around so that he's facing away from the dancing targets.

"Now look yonder while I show you how a real gunslinger does it."

-continued-

>>20700810
Son of a bitch. Fucking Gunmetal.

Lets make Doll/Alice give it a try before we go on our way.

>>20700810
His revolver blazes into action. He's holding it carelessly in one hand while the other picks his 180'd teeth. The bastard. The first shot catches a target, causing it to explode into a fanfare of horns and confetti. The second misses, but Gunmetal doesn't even blink. Though that may be due to the fact that he's not looking. The third shot slams into another target with a fourth close behind that misses completely.

Gunmetal pauses for a moment, tossing the gun into the air, and switches hands. Now he's picking his teeth with the opposite hand. The free hand catches the revolver and, without much effort at all, snaps off two last shots. Both find there way into a target. The robot twists both his head and body toward you simultaneously, ending in an elegant bow. "It would seem I've bested you, stranger. You shall not receive my ticket this day."

You can't help but feel a little off-put. You really wanted that lunchbox. So did the voices. They wouldn't shut up about it. Gunmetal regains normal posture and addresses you: "In accordance with the rules of the giveaway, no one challenger may try their hand more than once a day. If this is all you've got, I'll be resuming my station." He turns away, leaving you to mull over your failing.

>What do?

>>20700949
I guess we ask if Alice/Doll wants to give it a try, and then be on our way. Or try to get in by less easier ways, as in the cyro shell.

Have alice try for the ticket, she can handle a gun pretty well, from what we've seen

>>20701033
The area around the case has been through hell, right? And it isn't even a bit damaged? I doubt we can break in.

>>20700949
It's rigged. RIGGED, I say.

>>20701052
I was hoping that a mega freeze would leave it brittle enough that a shotgun shell would pierce it.

>>20701075
>Small room
>untested fun shell
>whatcouldpossiblygowrong.jpg

>>20701092
I wasn't suggesting we stand right next to the damn thing. Just shoot it from the stairs then book it out.

>>20701109
Two fun shells have led to our deaths. The other was arguably more powerful, setting us on fire from across the room. THEY. ARE. NOT. SAFE.

>>20701123
Alright, you have a point. Guess we'll try again another day if Alice can't get it.

>>20701033
>>20701048
>>20701068
Seriously? Ask her? Well, if you lot really want to...wondering if the voices know what they're doing, you walk up to Alice and ask her if she might give this game a try. She half cracks up at your pleading. "Really Haz? You sure you need my help? You fucked up so well on your own..." Whatever, will you do it? Earl said this place had something helpful. "Hmm..." She thinks for a second, obviously toying with the idea of denying you. But in the end: "Fine. But if I do this and win, you owe me." Sure, sure, just go show that metal bastard.

>The voices feel themselves lifted, then compressed into a single entity, then split. They are voiceless before the harsh duality inside a temporary other, only able to listen and perhaps bend probability in this other's favor...

"...show that metal bastard" Hazmat says, cradling his shotgun and standing next to Titan. Pfft, fucking loser. ::You're too hard on him, Alice. He's different from before:: Yeah, and we're the queens of Tolrin Station. He's fucking dead weight no matter what he seems like. Let's just get this shit over with. ::I still think you should be a bit nicer:: Hey, metallic fuckface. Can we have a go? Gunmetal pivots and looks at you, a bit confusedly. "Now I'm honor-bound to treat a lady with respect, but the rules stand. One at at time, no duets." What the fuck ever, good enough.

-continued-

>>20701437
You walk over to the poor excuse for a waste of scrapped shit weapons and -/- politely extend your hand, waiting. ::Don't fuck this up, Doll:: You ignore the other you; she knows as well as you do that what happens will happen. You've always trusted each other fully, even though part of you stubbornly refuses to admit it. The holorevolver materializes, as do the targets. No funny business this time. They're already dancing around.

The weight difference between this and your personal weapon is insane. It's like holding spun air. ::Hey, pay attention. We have shit to shoot:: Just getting a feel for the gun, Alice. No need to get snippy. You focus, lifting your cold arm and looking at the wavering targets. The contrast is between weapons is jolting, but at least you're at home with a sidearm. Poor Hazmat has only known his Martha...::Fucking useless, shall I remind you to no forseeable end:: A small smile lifts your features as you prepare to shoot...

>6d20s once more, each gets +1 because Doll knows her pistol-esque shit

rolled 5 = 5

>>20701571
Watch as she hits all the targets.

rolled 16 = 16

>>20701571
Let's try this again.

rolled 16 = 16

>>20701571
i swear if this doesn't work we should dismantle the bastard

rolled 1 = 1

>>20701571

rolled 1 = 1

>>20701571
Well, two hits and two misses. Can go either way.

rolled 3 = 3

>>20701840
>>20701846
fucking damnit

>>20701840
>>20701846
Oh wow, seems even our allies aren't immune to Hazmat's luck.

>>20701840
>>20701846

I'm going to stop rolling now. Forever.

rolled 33, 56, 34, 62, 81, 38, 26, 28, 2, 76 = 436

>>20701571
>>20701571
I'm gonna roll a fuckton of dice to try and salvage this. 10d100

>>20701643
>>20701680
>>20701755
>>20701840
>>20701846
>>20701859
We're not getting that lunch box..

>>20701906
Wow I'm just...gonna go...cry

>>20701906
out of a potential 1000, you get 436. the hazard curse cannot be dispelled so simply

>>20701931
What is wrong with us?!

>>20701952
Until the Shoggoth dies our rolls will be cursed.

>>20701974
ITS THE SHOGGOTH'S FAULT, I KNEW IT!

File: 1347494507890.jpg-(27 KB, 323x294, lunchboxshop_2228_8093214.jpg)

>>20701919
At this rate, it's going to be one of those cheap plastic ones that break every three months instead of a nice metal one.
And it won't even come with a matching thermos bottle.

You know... Lets look at the bright side. She got two. We couldn't even hit one.

Maybe if we're lucky, (FUCKING HAH) Gunmetal will severely fuck up.

>>20701993
>>20701974

Gunmetal's in league with the Shoggoth, he wants us to lose. It obvious.

>>20702224
>>20702224
Then we must eliminate the robot...

Anyone think Titan feels like giving this challenge a go? We're bound to run out of bad luck eventually.

>>20703118
HAHAHAHA!! no, our luck is almost permanently crippled. could ask titan, but i don't think it'll help

rolled 11, 11, 3, 12, 2, 9 = 48

>>20701571
Let's try this again.

>>20703118
If we ask titan, he'd try five shots, go fuck this and then shoot his grenade launcher at the targets. I'm not sure that's a good idea. He can try if he wants too, but honestly I'm apt to say fuck this till tomorrow.

rolled 2, 2, 6, 4, 4, 7 = 25

>>20701643
>>20701680
>>20701755
>>20701840
>>20701846
>>20701859
>And just like that, the voices are shoved back into the cavernous mind of Hazmat, wondering if they ever really left...

You watch as Alice walks up and accepts the challenge, and then transitions to Doll for the actual shooting. She seems a lot surer than you felt, certainly. Perhaps she might pull it off? You can only hope. The revolver explodes in her hand, unfortunately missing the first shot. Damn.

She makes up for it though. The next moment has her coldly discharging a target, and another right after. Good! Yes! Then the horror begins...as if pulled by strings her arms swing wide, pulling the gun straight down. Had it been a true weapon she would've shot herself in the foot. It gets worse; again some phantom movement jerks her aim awry, this time ejecting a holographic bullet straight through her head. She's quite lucky it is only a holorevolver, or this could've been messy. Doll's luck must really've tanked.

She stops and gathers herself, before taking another half-hearted shot. It misses, ending her challenge with only two targets hit, and leaving her staring at her hands. "Seems you had more sass than the last stranger, but just not enough." Gunmetal takes his place, motioning for her to back away. "Though some of those shots would've looked right nasty in a real gunfight, let me tell ya." He lines up his aim and starts shooting...

-continued-

>>20703743

Pffftahahahahhahahahahaha Oh god.

Holy fuck he did worse than Haz did.

What is that, 2 shots to his own face and 4 to his scrotum?

>>20703743
Holy shit... Did we just... Did we just win? Holy shit I was right, maybe our luck is so bad, it rubs off on other people.

>>20703743
Now we send in Titan and have him somehow blow up the store with a holographic gun.

>>20703743
...and also starts missing. You can barely believe your eyes when the first shot passes through open air, nowhere near a target. Gunmetal can't really believe it either, it seems. "Eheh, well, it looks like I need a little maintenance. Probably just a fluke though." He fires again. This shot misses too, flying clean between two other targets. Gumetal gives a slight -hmph- but soldiers on. He fires again, this shot almost touching a bullseye but still not destroying it. "Well shoot, there must be rust in my veins. Either that, or one of you is putting the evil eye on me." You're too stunned to comment. This could be it.

He tries twice more, both shots missing as well. You nearly jump up and declare Doll the winner, but he holds up a crooked finger. "Sit yourself back down son. This last shot will take out three targets at once." His eyebarrels extend out, and an intense whirring noise echoes from inside his head. He's facing the targets now, giving them a deadeye that only a robot made of guns could. He slowly adjusts the gun and...

Complete miss. You're stunned. Speechless. At a loss. Gunmetal can't quite believe his artificial eyes either. "I...uh...well...um..." He bows his head, searching for the words, maybe even stalling...but nothing can change the outcome. He lost. "I concede to you madam. You have won against me this fine day." He produces a miniscule wafer from his body and hands it to Doll. Then he turns back, jumps up on his stand, and goes still.

>VICTORY! What now?

>>20703928

Laugh like a motherfucker.

>>20703969
What do you do? You laugh. Heartily and with gusto, in the manner of one that regularly enjoys the pleasures of the stereotypical maternal woman. Ah yes, what an outcome this was. Titan joins you, and even Doll smiles a bit, staring down at the ticket.

>Good laugh, that. Next?

>>20703928
LUNCHBOX TIME!!! if it's still Doll, hug her

>>20704056
Hug Doll, thank her and say we owe her, and lets see this lunch box.

>>20704056
Thank Doll and go get that lunchbox. It appears that Haz is a nexus of bad luck.

>>20704056
Ask her to open the box, and if there's goodies inside she gets her pick of the lot. If it's just a lunchbox, ask her if we can keep it. Ours was stolen by that dumb kid Billy.

>>20704057
If Alice, hug anyway to get on her nerves. Remember to invest in sports cup later.

>>20704975
>Sports cup
>Metal leg
I don't think it would help much.

>>20704997

Obviously we get one made out of Starship hull.

>>20705007
If we can find anything of this wondrous material, which is probably what that odd eye carrier and this lunch box container is made of, we should do that.

>>20704737
>>20704245
>>20704057
You're beside yourself with joy. You can't help it. You're just so damned happy. Before you know it you're embracing Doll, even managing to lift her and her metallic limbs off the ground. She's laughing, too. It must be infectious. For a few heavenly seconds, everyone is happy. And then Doll's voice has gone cold, hair obscuring her face, and she's slowly counting backeards: "Five...four...three..." Oh Shit. Faster than the blink of an eye You've deposited Alice back onto the ground and retreated to relative safety of the stairs. Alice, for her part, grits here teeth and gulps. "Better. Now take your fucking ticket." She tosses it through the air and you catch it, noting the weight. Heftier than it looks


You rush downstairs, intent on cleaiming the lunchbox. Alice's voice floats down from above: "Don't forget that you owe me, faggot." All in good time, lass. All in good time. For now, lunch. You hop over to the case and slip the ticket throug, the slot...The machine kicks into action, projecting a menu.

[Welcome, Apocalypse Lunchbox™ Giveaway winners.]
[Please select your preferred flavor:]
-[Nuclear Winter]
-[Classic brimstone]
-[Gamma Raid]
-[Blast from the Past]

All of them sound amazing...which should you get?

>Actually fell asleep there, so enough for tonight. Till later.

>>20705249
Classic Brimstone is my vote, nothing quite like the classics

>>20705249
Gamma Raid!

>>20705249
Ooh, Nuclear Winter. Nuclear Winter is the best flavour!

>>20706400
>>20705720
>>20705334
So indecisive...

>>20707272
Not until you hear my vote.

>>20705249
Blast from the past please.

rolled 10 = 10

>>20705249
>>20706400
>>20706400
Rolling for winter

>>20705249
Okay, lets try to figure this out.

Nuclear Winter: Probably something to do with ice, or radiation.
Classic Brimstone: Something to do with fire and sulfur maybe?
Gamma Raid: No idea, sounds cool though.
Blast from the Past: Probably explosives, or something.

Any other ideas as to what these could be?

>>20705249
Blast from the Past!

File: 1347560408611.png-(206 KB, 367x303, Fallout3_lunchbox.png)

>>20708355
>Blast from the Past

Seems like Blast from the Past is the lunchbox for us!

Gamma raid sounds the coolest, so i choose it.

>>20707932
>>20708663
>>20710214
After a bout of inner voice contemplation, the choice is clear. You indicate that you would very much enjoy the Blast from the Past option.

[Very well. Enjoy.]

The case splits lengthwise and opens, accompanied by a hissing sound and a slight rush of air. Slowly rising out from inside of the case is, well, a...lunchbox, you guess. It's about a foot across, and a few inches deep, made of a sturdy metal, and cool to the touch. The graphic etched into its cover is interesting; It depicts a group of fur-clad, ancient humans rocking out on instruments made of bone and skin. Below them rages a furious battle between a plethora of strange creatures. Great elephantine things, solidly built cats with overly large fangs, wolves, and other weird animals. Some have interesting configurations of horns or antlers. But they all have one thing in common: strapped to each and every one is some form of explosive device.

The lunchbox has a simple push-button latch, as well as a nifty handle. You're sure this thing would be the envy of every third-grader everywhere. If there were any. Anywhere. At all. In this horrible, unhealthy, most-likely-deadly-to-any-unarmed-shmuck city.

...maybe it's a good thing that they're absent...

>What do?

>>20711899
OPEN DA BOX

>>20711899
The only reasonable thing to do with a closed box. If there's anything in it, Alice/Doll has dibs as she won it.

>>20711899
> It depicts a group of fur-clad, ancient humans rocking out on instruments made of bone and skin. Below them rages a furious battle between a plethora of strange creatures.

Fuck yes we have the best lunchbox ever!

Open it, open it now!

>>20711923
>>20711944
>>20711954
Open it! Of course! It is the only plausible thing to do. Fingers a-tremble, you depress the button and slowly lift the lid. You're greeted by one of the most beautiful sights you've ever seen. Propped up on a small velvet cushion are four shotgun shells. And not just any shells. Two bomb, and two cryo varieties. To their left is a large block of shiny block of [cr], encased in plastic. on the other side is a generous serving of Mr. Chill's Sherbet Delight Cups: Tundra Ice Berry.

Turns out Earl was right about this place. It was damn nice of him to tell you about it. Makes you wonder what treasures might be hidden at the other marked locations...no time for that now. You've a Raptor to find. You cinch up the box and carry it upstairs.

Doll...or maybe Alice...is busy bending Gunmetal's unresponsive form into embarrassing positions. Titan is busy trying not to laugh. He's the first to notice your prize. "Would you look at that! Snazzy pictures and everything. Perfect size for flask, even. It is nice find, Haz." Alice barely glances at it, grumbling. "So, are we fucking done here or what?" Good question.

>Anything else?

>>20712364

Nope.

Now, make fucking sure there is nothing going on outside, engage MAXIMUM Paranoia if necessary.

Even small shit like especially loose manholes and the like could be evidence to shit being wrong in ways a normal person couldn't possibly think of.

If nothing, then carefully walk towards the vehicle keeps eyes in all directions, but especially upwards.

Also check underneath the truck.

>>20712400
i like the way you think

>>20712364
Give Doll/Alice the block of [cr], since she did win the box for us. (and there's no way in hell I'm parting with Mr. Chill's Tundra Ice Berry).

>>20712413

I am the original MAXIMUM Paranoia guy, I live it.

What was in the other 3?! I must know.

>>20712421
how about no.

>>20712788
Why not?

>>20712809

Because we are poor and she is not.

We'll split the Tundra Ice Berry.

>>20712818
Goddamn it, fine. I guess we can exchange [cr] for additional Tundra Ice Berry later when we're back in civilization.

>>20712763

Probably different combinations of ammunition.

Classic brimstone was probably a fuckton of normal ammunition and maybe some incendiary type deals.

Nuclear Winter was probably cryo mixed with lightning ammunition.

Gamma Raid was probably a fuckton of Plasma slugs.

>>20712842
But the sherbert flavors? the pain of not knowing~

Give her the ice cream, she obviously likes ice cream as her watch dispenses it and she did win the lunchbox. no thanks to our unbelievably shitty rolls.

>>20712400
>>20712421
Hey, Alice. C'mere. "What the hell do you want? You still owe me for that, man. I wasn't fucking arou-" Her blabbering is cut short as you toss the block of [cr] at her. The casing comes off mid-flight, and her watch snatches it up instantly. The numbers spin for a moment before landing on [8500cr]. She stares from the watch, to you, and back again. Just as the shock begins turning to rage, with her just starting to say 'you son-', the emotions fall from her face. "Thank you Hazmat. This is quite kind of you. Alice wants you to know that you still owe /her/, though." She touches her forehead, crossing her eyes a bit, "...among other choice things..."

Titan has been looking outside during this exchange. You're too preoccupied thinking of Tundra Ice Berry and all the horrible paranoid delusions you can think of to catch what he whispers. But you hear him the second time.

"Guys...we have problems."

-continued-

>>20713068
Please be the kind of problems you can wish away? "If only, comrade. If only." Your stomach hardens as you walk up to the window and peer outside. Yep. Problems. Three of them, sliding all over your truck. Latchers, two in control of relatively normal bodies, the third dribbling its rotten innards all over the windshield. Just PERFECT.

"What do we do Haz? I would just blow them away, but they're all over my truck. I like that truck." Titan is nervously tapping his grenade launcher as he speaks. Yeah, that might be a less-than-great idea. But it's still an idea. Anything, Doll? "Er, kill them, maybe? As long as we're careful we should be fine. I hope."

Your team seems to really rely on your genius. That's probably not a good thing, now that you think about. What has your genius done for you, really? Anyway, straight to the secret weapon.

>Time to shine, voices. Let's talk tactics, shall we?

>>20713213
who among us can run the fastest? have that person go out, get their attention, and trick them into coming into the building, where the other two will have a killzone erected. though if we have Titan in the killzone, it may be more of a crater. it may work better outside

>>20713213
Couldn't we find some way to use a distraction lure them away from the truck and then either shoot them or drive away?
Like getting Gunmetal to act as a holographic distraction like with the banshees?

>>20713213
Wake up gunmetal give him a weapon and ask for his help.

>>20713272
Earl is a hologram. Gunmetal is a robot. Two different dudes.

>>20713308
Same concept, he can't really die as far as I'm aware so he can be the distraction

>>20713068
We should have given her the ice creams.

>>20713213
Run outside to distract them, when they're far enough away from the car use regular shells on them.