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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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When I ended Deffwotch, I felt uncomfortable, because there was still one more story to tell. This is it.
Twenty-five years.

Twenty-five years of fights, loot, and larfing.

The thousands of ships of the WAAAAAGH got a little side-tracked at the edge of the segmentum, but it doesn't matter.

Because the big day has finally arrived..

Directly in front of Krooza's bridge...

...lies Holy Terra.


Deffwotch: A Thousand Years of Silence

Kroz Rubbykonzes
Grakgut Grumwizzlewot
Wazgor Shakbag
('Eadmangla and Wurrza were unable to make it)
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"Oi... Uh... Any of youze remembrin wots we woz 'eadin 'ere fer?" asks Kroz.
"Dis git needz ta answah fer not returnin' mah kallz!" says Grakgut, annoyed.

Thousands of ships swarm about, many carrying pilgrims to the dessicated planet below. Luna, the Death Star, tracks every arrival with its impregnable defensive measures. Observing the surface from Krooza's bridge, it is only desert, and city. No water, no green, just blackened clouds. Then Krooza's searchy gubbinz pick up a signal.
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"Segmentum Solar Guard to vessel, your IFF has gone sketchy, please reaffirm."
"I'z workin' on it, ya gits." says Kroz.
"Please state intended vector and any occupants." the voxcaster states.
"An' we'ze...uh, carryin a loadza boyz fer a Pilgramage!" adds Kroz.
"I'z got soup!" yells Wazgor.

The auspex lays silent a moment. "...kind of hard to understand them. Determine their objective." says a different voice. After a moment, the vox continues.
"Uh, Deathwatch ID...confirmed. What is your intended objective?"
"TEA TIME WIT DA EMPRAH!" interjects Grakgut.
"An' we wanna see da planet!" adds Wazgor.
"Dat too." concedes Grakgut.

The auspex lays silent. And then they start laughing.
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"Ha! Ha ha! Oh, that's a good one! Nobody sees Him on Terra! Besides, the waiting time for the Emperor is hundreds of years! You'll neve-"
"We 'eard yer Golden Chair ain't werkin roight, and we'ze gots sum o dem Standahd Templit fings dat'll make'im talk 'gain!" says Kroz hastily.

The auspex goes silent again.

"Yes...Yes, my Lord! At once!" The voice sounds hurried, and panicked. "Uh, Deathwatch Team, we have cleared landing at Imperial Palace Outer 000276853-A. G-g-g-go in the light of the Emperor..." the voice stammers.
"Dis iz mo' loike it." declares Grakgut.
"I never though a H-" the vox cuts out.
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Everyone is elated, and prepares to head out. Kroz gathers all his dakka. Grakgut takes a bath in the vat of sister blood to get extra-sanctified. Wazgor heads to the kitchen, tosses everything into a vat, and makes some stew for the occasion, though he fails a bit at first.

"Might want to focus a bit on that, boss." says Clarence, walking forward, "Though I think the Emperor is a bit beyond corporeal matters." Clarence is older too, his bald shining and beard tied carefully.
"Huh? Wots ya mean?" asks Kroz.
"Must be da salt. Not Kosher enuff." says Wazgor.
"If you're going to meet the Emperor, there's a few things you need to remember." states Clarence.
"An' wutz dat?" asks Grakgut.
"The Emperor lays on his golden throne. He doesn't really eat, doesn't really sleep, but you can feel him in your mind supposedly."
"Huh." says Grakgut, "Soundz borin'."
"He is guarded by the legendary Adeptus Custodes, so getting close will be a problem unless you make some inside friends." adds Clarence.
"Dis git is saposed to be leading the Beakies and all he does is sleep in his chair?" says Wazgor, incredulous, "Wot a lazy git."
"Muckin' about." says Grakgut, as he pulls out a container of Nob Juice.
Clarence laughs. "Not quite sleep. In the way an Ork WAAAAAGHs in his sleep, the Emperor WAAAAAGHs in the Warp."
"Den 'e needs sum dakka." says Kroz.
"Well, boss, have fun, and be watchful. The people of Holy Terra are VERY different than what you're used to." says Clarence, "This isn't the Tiji sector anymore. Besides, the Digga Skwad has expressed much interest in seeing the Cradle of Humanity, and I'll be watching them."
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Wazgor returns to cooking, and continues to fail. A Grot walks over, has a sip of the stew, and explodes.
"PERFECT!" yells Wazgor, bottling some of it up.
"Oi still 'aven't found out wutz makin' all dem grots 'splode..." sighs Grakgut.

As the grot bits begin to cool, the Kill Team hears a chirping, as Skwires Nozari and Kompila nibble on the grot's head with a drilling sound.
"Gud job, Skwires!" says Kroz.
Nozari and Kompila chirp.

"All right, boyz! Letz see da Emprah! Kant foight'im if 'ez all mukin loike a skelly, afta all!" yells Kroz enthusiastically.

"Oy boss, Oi finished a repairz on Last Danca! It'z ready fer takeoff wheneva!" yells Uzgob over the vox.
"Gud ol Last Danca" says Kroz, as he disconnects from Krooza.
"Oi dun't kare oif da emprah iz jus' sittin' dere. 'e jus' needs ta stop muckin' about an' answah me kwestion."
"Wot wuzzat?" asks Uzgob.
"Why 'e won't call me back!" says Grakgut.

>Remember this. It is important.
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Entering the Launch Bay, the Kill Team is greeted by a flurry of activity. Clarence is organizing the Digga Skwad into a hauler, and they are getting ready to go.

'Owz da Digga nowadayz?" asks Kroz.
"We're fine, sir!" yells one of the Diggaz. They are armored in metal plates and are armed with upgraded Pulse-weaponry

Pliskin is staring at Luna.
"Wut's 'appenin', Pliskin?"
"OI KAN'T TAKE IT ANYMO'!" yells Pliskin, "I"Z GOIN' FER IT!"
Pliskin run into a hauler, a number of cardboard boxes following him. The hauler heads straight at Luna.
"...dere 'e goez." says Kroz.
"Waaaagh speed." salutes Grakgut.
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Kroz hops into the Last Danca."Awight. Erey'one check dem Dakka Ranga Fieldz, all youze gunz, an put Wurrza in dat med fing pod in dere, an' tie 'Eadmanga to da back or sumfin', dat way dey kan sez dey went dere, an its funnier fer us kuz dey dunno."

"Oy boss, Wait!" yells Uzgob. He runs up near the Last Danca. Nozari and Kompila are floating around. Uzgob grabs Nozari out of the air, takes out a can of spray paint, paints Nozari red, and ties a string to him. He does the same to Kompila.

"Now 'old deze." says Uzgob, handing the Kill Team the strings.
"Now rememba, da 'umie'z rubbery floaty fingz ain't supposed ta chirp!" he yells.
Nozari and Kompila chirp.
"Eh, gud 'nuff." says Uzgob, "You'ze all ready now! Gorkspeed, Boss! An' Morkspeed too!"

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The skies are dusty and polluted, but still navigatable. As a result, Kroz fails the pilot roll, and Kroz spends fate to fix it. After backing the Last Danca into the hangar walls, Kroz realizes out is the OTHER way. Last Danca is shot out the launch bay, making way towards the last Mountain range on Holy Terra.

"Iz feelin so puny in dis fing nowadayz..." sighs Kroz, "Ya gets used ta bein Krooza an all dat, ya know?"

Looking out the window, the hauler carrying the Diggas heads down elsewehere. The Kill Team can also see Pliskin's haula, as well as Pliskin who has tied himself to the front so he gets there first. He is beelining for the shipyards of Luna.

Breaking through the polluted air, the Last Danca circles the outer palace, noting the many defensive installations surrounding the Palace. As the Kill Team reaches the designated landing pad, they land with a slight thud. The landing doors fall open. Nozari and Kompila begin chirping.

"Shhh! Baloonz dun't chirp!" whispers Grakgut.
Nozari and Kompila stop chirping.
Pliskin is a sad Ork.
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Grakgut sniffs the air. It smells like incense mixed with industrial-strength ass. Stepping out, the Kill Team sees a number of Dockhands. They stand petrified.


"...wot." says Grakgut.
"EY, WE'ZE ON YER SIDE, YA GITS!" yells Kroz.
"We iz?" asks Wazgor.
"I fink..." replies Kroz.

The Kill team strides forth.
"I 'ear its gunna be long walk fer dis. Dat Boss-Room iz bloody 'uge." says Kroz.
"'ope derez a save point 'efore it or sumfin'." replies Grakgut.
"You'ze da 'un dat wud know; Iz not da dok 'ere." says Kroz.

Heading through the door, the Kill Team notes the stairs ramp downwards. Making their way through, the servants and adepts look on with fear, and a small modicum of respect.

"Why'z dey all scared?" asks Grakgut.
"Yer dakka." says Kroz.
"Pffft. Too much dakka, oi'll neva undastand deze 'umies." sighs Grakgut.

The Kill Team finally exits the docking center, and is swamped by the endless lines of adepts, servitors, and most of all, pilgrims. To these pilgrims, this is sacred ground. A blessing few will ever receive. Many seem to be shuffling in one direction. The center of the Imperial palace.
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"...wot. Dis myuzik is muckin' about." says Kroz.
"I'z gonna fall asleep at dis rate." sighs Grakgut, "No wunda da Emprah's muckin' about."

The Kill Team can see the center of the Imperial Palace tens of kilometers away. The pilgrims

endlessly shuffle about, focused on the holy ground upon which they walk. Miraculously, nobody

is looking up at the ramshackle "space marines" standing next to them. Wazgor looks around, and

finds a map. He realizes they are currently in Imperial Palace Outer, Pilgrim's path. All around

is bustling activity and market stalls, mostly of religious eikons and votive symbols. There is

also a nearby Cult Mechanicus shrine open by the wayside of the central path, its spires

stretching high.
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Grakgut sticks his head into a stall, and sees a very scared relgious trinket-seller.
"C-c-c-c-an I h-h-help you, noble aaaastartes?" he stutters.
"WHY'Z YOU SO 'FRAID A'ME, VENDA?" yells Grakgut.
"I'm not...I mean, I d-d-don't think so..." says the vendor, "I w-ww-w-oudln't lie to..."
The vendor faints.

Grakgut shrugs, drops a pile of teef on him, and attaches his stall to his mega armor. Other than the shopkeepers, who all look at the situation in fear and horror, the Kill Team doesn't see much else in this market area. They decide to move to a smaller one outside the Cult Mechanicus Shrine. Walking through this smaller alley, they continue to bludgeon vendors with teef and wearing their stalls. Wazgor, however, hears a voice behind him.

"Over here...stranger."
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The Merchant passes beyond a small window. The Kill Team destroy several rock-crete walls to get to him.

"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger!" says the Merchant as he opens his coat.

Kroz gets enough ablative plating for the team, and hastily begins welding it onto the rest of the Kill Team. Wazgor manages to get an Omni-scope for his melta. Grakgut wondered for a moment, before settling on a Baneblade battle tank, to weld to himself or something he'd determine later. As a team, they acquire Overload Shield Capacitors for Krooza.

"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant, who walks behind a corner. Grakgut runs around the corner, and sees only an empty alley.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!" yells Grakgut, who headbutts a wall in annoyance, killing it. He begins to reverse his tank treads, until he bumps into something.

"Hey!" says a woman's voice, "I'm the blind one here!"
"Sometimez, I fergets me goggles fer da weldin, and den Iz blind fer a bit too." says Kroz, currently seeing stars for that exact reason.
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The Kill Team sees a young woman. She couldn't be older than 20 or so. Her eyes are covered with a blue and gold sash.
"You're the ones, aren't you?" she asks, "The...Deathwatch team?"
"You'ze got it, blind 'umie." says Grakgut.
"Close, but we'ze not dem impostaz. We'ze DEFFWOTCH. iz jus a bit diff'rent but mo' killy." adds Kroz.
"Hmm..." She cocks her head up and down, almost as if she's staring at the Kill Team, "That's it! THAT'S what it is!" she yells as she claps her hands. "You're looking for the Emperor, aren't you?" she asks as she leans forward.
"Yah, we 'ear 'ez been mukin 'bout, and Grakgut 'ere wonts ta know why 'e dun' return kallz." says Kroz.

>Remember that too.
Grakgut was the tank with twelve or so different weapons on him I think? I'd stare too
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The blind woman smirks. "Well you're in luck. I can take you to him. It won't be easy, but I think it will be interesting to see how far you go."
"We'ze got lotsa stuff ta discuss!" says Wazgor.
"Of course...Deffwotch. Come with me, I need to meet with someone first. He...or rather, they, can help as well." says the young woman, "Oh, you can call me Clarity." she says with a smile.
"'ast toime sumwun said deyz wuz gunna lead us out, they turned inta a fingy." says Grakgut warily, "You'ze ain't a fingy iz ya?"
"This way." she starts walking forward, "and no, I'm not a Lacrymole."
"'Ow'd ya..." starts Wazgor.
"It comes with the office." Clarity laughs.

Clarity leads the Kill Team to a Shrine Mechanicum on the way to the Imperial Palace.
"Wait..doz me mekbridge count as an 'office?' Meybe oi shuld get one..." says Kroz.
"You can ask when you meet them." says Clarity, entering the Shrine. She beckons the Kill Team inward as a number of red-robed techpriests march out, hymns on their lips. The Techpriests seem to be focused on their chanting, and pass by, heads bowed.

Nozari and Kompila chirp, prompting Grakgut to tug the string again.
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Within the shrine, the smell of incense is thick. The lights are dim, and the sound of cogitators fill the room.
"Hey!" yells Clarity, "Hey Fabricator, you around?"
At once, a dreadnought-sized vaguely man-shaped form rises, a mechadendrite peering at her.
"Put yer eyez on Gubbinz? Why ain't I ever fink o'dat?" says Kroz.
"You should know better than to interrupt the sacred rituals, and..." says a bored voice until it changes excitedly, "Oh-ho! New arrivals! Different, somehow!"
"So you'ze da 'umie's Mek?" asks Kroz.
The dreadnought-sized form walks toward the Kill Team. He scans them with one of his mechadendrites.
"I'z seen bigga." says Wazgor.
"I'z seen...mekkier." says Grakgut.
"Hm...biological signs indicate..." the form pauses, "Oh HA! This truly is the funniest thing I have ever seen!" exclaims the giant a reverberating echo pierces the silence, almost like laughter.
"We...uh, like ta exercise!" says Wazgor.
The form extends another mechadendrite. "We are the Fabricator General of the Adeptus Mechanicus. It is a pleasure to meet you." says the Fabricator General, his voice changing every few moments.
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mfw Orks decide Emp is sleeping because he's not listening to Fire Bomber
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"Iz da Forgemek of da Deffwotch. Dat dere's our uh, Genetor-General, an' also a wartrukk. An Wazgor 'ere iz a Champignon." says Kroz, holding out the arm that doesn't have a drill attached.
"I'm sure Master Clarity, the Master of the Adeptus Astra Telepathica, has more or less failed to tell you anything?" the Fabricator General asks.
"Dats a gud guess. an a roight'un too." says Kroz.
Clarity huffs up.
"We'ze 'ere fer a tea party wit da emprah an' we'ze ain't gettin' to it fast enuff." declares Grakgut.
"Right then..." says the Fabricator General, as Clarity almost glares at him, "So, you want to meet the Emperor..."
"Well, sumfin'z gotta fix da muckin about." replies Kroz.
"Of course!" Says a new voice, "but it will be quite difficult. I believe you said something about...an STC?" says the Fabricator General.
"Sumfin' loike dat." says Grakgut.
"Master Clarity has already read your minds, and has sent me all the relevant data to make my decision." states the Fabricator General, "I think we can allow for a meeting with the Emperor."
"'bout zoggin' toime." says Wazgor.
"Of course, it's not that easy." says Clarity, "We can get you to a point, but beyond that it is the decision of the Captain-General."
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"Da zog iz dat?" asks Grakgut.
"The Captain-General of the Adeptus Custodes." states the Fabricator General, "And you are in luck. We were just heading to see him. Mainly regarding your alleged STC you claim to have found. Follow us if you wish, and try to keep up."
"It's a great honor to see the God-Emperor," says Clarity, "So make sure you're on your best behavior!"
"Deffwotch behavia iz best behavia!" yells Wazgor.

Following the two High Lords, the Kill Team passes through crowds of pilgrims, past the twenty Titanoliths, and up the stairs of the Imperial Palace Inner. As the Kill Team gets to the door at the summit of the stairs, they are stopped by a tall, imposing man. His hair is a short buzz cut, his suit inlaid with gold and adamantium.

"Hold." he states, "None shall pass."
"Iz okay. I'z already fail lots an lots 'o Grakgut's tests." says Kroz.
"An' oi failed a buncha stuff already!" says Wazgor.

"Relax, Grand Provost, they're...Space Marines." states the Fabricator General.
"Yes...totally Space Marines." giggles Clarity.
"I'z one a dem Genetor-'Pothicurry-Doks." says Grakgut.
"Yer titles keep changin'!" whispers Kroz.
"I'z bein' kunnin', ya git!" hisses Grakgut, elbowing Kroz.
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The Grand Provost pauses a moment, sizing the Kill Team up.
"Very well. You may pass."
The Provost steps aside.
"Obey the law." He states, as he continues on.

Motoring through, the air smells sickly sweet of incense. As the Kill Team climbs the long stairs towards the innermost sanctums, they see a pair of Imperator Titans guarding the steps. Banners and imagery decorate the side as you climb the steps of the Eternity Gate.

"Oi Grakgut..." says Kroz, "You an' Wurrza need an upgrade?"
"Dat's sum 'uge dakka..." says Wazgor.
"The finest," says the Fabricator General, "I consecrated them myself. Those Titans watch over the Omnissiah made flesh. Their presence is both symbolic and effective." states the Fabricator.
"Iz gots me own... uh... pattahn fer Plazma autoshootaz. All 'umie an dat. Gud 'nuff ta kill warp fingz wifout korruptin, an never goes boom on youze!" says Kroz proudly.
"How interesting." states the Fabricator General, one of his mechadendrites expressing interest, "We must discuss your plasma then at a later time."
>human marines are just imposters
>Emperor is "mucking about"

That kill team has a self-confidence aura measured in lightyears.
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Climbing the final step, Clarity and the Fabricator stop.
"All right then, this is as far as we go." says Clarity.
"The Rest is up to you." hums the Fabricator.
"Good luck...Space Marines." says Clarity, with a smile. She cocks her head, almost as if she was winking at you.

"Sometimes I fink weeze needz a betta disguize." says Kroz.
"Nah, we'ze foine." says Grakgut.
"Told ya we shulda wore dressez." says Wazgor.

The Door to the Sanctum slowly creaks open. Entering the sanctum, the doors close behind the Kill Team. Ahead, they see it. The Massive pyramid of the Golden Throne.
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Walking forward, The Kill Team is halted by a number of figures in partial gold armor, their arms and legs well protected, but clad in a simple black tunic upon the body.

"Hold." says one of the golden figures.
The Kill Team readies their weapons.
"We were told to expect you, yes. But none may pass without first proving themselves worthy."
"We'ze da biggest an' da strongest!" says Wazgor.
"Our Golden armor signifies our status as Companions of the Emperor. Are you ready to undertake the Test of Blood, to be a Participant in our most sacred of mysteries, to prove yourself worthy to stand in His presence?" asks one of the Custodians.
"Wuldn'ta travelled 'alfway 'cross da galaxy not ta!" says Wazgor excitedly.
"We'ze ready fer da bludd fing." says Grakgut.
"A good foight in gud fun?" yells Kroz, "Kuz lots of gitz we'ze foight iz all "NO, DIE" but we'ze just want a gud time ya know?"

The custodians arrange themselves in a ring. Four step forward, their Guardian Spears at the ready.
"Prepare yourselves for the Blood Games." states one Custodian.
"Wuts a pahtey wifout a good foight?" says Grakgut, spreading a big toothy grin.
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The Custodians charge lightning fast at Grakgut, and open fire at Kroz and Wazgor, who have taken to the skies. Grakgut's shield holds true as he begins punching everything around him with his power klaws. Kroz and Wazgor take some damage from Custodian Bolt shells, but manage to deftly dodge out of the way. Each custode takes an incredible beating, many attacks harmlessly glancing off armor, but as time goes on, the Kill Team makes the custodians begin to pull back. Kroz pulls the ripcord on his Chronometron, and saturates two of the Custodians with pulse fire, and they step back. Wazgor forces one back with concentrated melta barrage, and Grakgut shoryukens the last.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" yells Grakgut, prompting some quizzical looks from the custodes. They all turn, however, to stare at the ceiling. A crater is formed as a giant of a man impacts the ground, his face a death mask, his armor jet black. He wordlessly extends his arm, as arcane devices begin to stir into action. In his chronometron-induced slow, Kroz realizes the dangers of a graviton gun as he and Wazgor are pulled forcefully to the ground. The kill team looks on in excitement as they hear the snikting of claws. The Captain-General readies the most ancient set of Lightning Claws the Kill Team has ever seen, and goes on the attack.
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Armed with a set of Lightning Claws as old as the Emperor, and an archeotech gravity gun that keeps the Kill Team firmly grounded, the Captain General goes on the attack, faster than even some assassins the Kill Team has seen. In his opening salvo, the Captain general attacks each of the Kill Team in a flurry of blows, bringing Kroz to criticals and Grakgut close to zero. His armor and inbuilt toughness provides him with incredible soak, and his modified assassin strike allows him to move from opponent to opponent, spreading his Lightning attack as needed. Only the ablative armor the Kill Team purchased saves them from instant death. As Wazgor unloads into him with Melta and Deathspinner, Grakgut begins a flurry of punches. Kroz unslows, and also begins shooting, dotting ancient walls with plasma fire. The Captain General is always in combat, zipping from Ork to Ork, making mockery of shield and armor alike. However, enough application of dakka, and even a High Lord will stumble. Heavily wounded, Grakgut finally uppercuts the Captain General, in a combination of sumo slam and wild flailing, staggering him back.
Dem zoggin klawz woz real loot-loike. Even choppin at da feeldz. But dat Gravvy-Beem woz all gitty. Kent fly wif it 'round, 'stead 'o tearin an rippin an crushin loike me own gravvy-pulse-beem. A gud kustom dat lets youze rokkit roight an put 'oles in all dem fingz
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The Captain General takes a relaxed pose, and sheathes his claws. Wordlessly, he raises his arm, beckoning the Kill Team to follow.
"Finally! A fun pahtey!" says Grakgut.
The Captain General begins ascending the stairs of the Golden Throne, and waves the Kill Team on. However, he neglected to turn off his Gravity Gun, meaning they have to climb...a skill Kroz never took because loljetpack. As a result, he takes fatigue.

The Kill Team finally reaches the summit, after hours of climbing. Approaching the mess of wires, the Captain General holds out his arm. This is as far as he will allow the Kill Team to go. There is a small offering plate below the Emperor Deified, however. The Captain General simply points to the offering plate.

"Dis git eats from 'is own gubbinz..." says Wazgor, who pours some of his soup into the offering bowl.
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The Kill Team can see the dried and mummified form of the Emperor in the Golden Throne. As Wazgor pours the soup into the offering plate, it seems to disappear into the plate. The air grows deathly cold, then hot, then cold again.

"Wot." says Wazgor.
"Ya did sumfin', ya git!" says Kroz.
"Ya betta not 'ave broke'im!" says Grakgut.

As the surroundings go jet black, The Kill Team hear a voice reverberate within their heads.
>"Wot." says Wazgor.
>"Ya did sumfin', ya git!" says Kroz.
>"Ya betta not 'ave broke'im!" says Grakgut.

This is why you run the best games, Shas.
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"Dats eazy! We'ze 'appiest when we'ze fightin, an' you 'umies give us da fi...wait, guess 'e knowz 'bout da disguizes." notes Kroz.
"It'z all bee fer a gud larf!" says Wazgor.
"A NEW FOIGHT?" yells Grakgut, his attention now rapt.


"WUTZ BACK DERE?" asks Grakgut.

The blackness recedes.
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"Oy, wait! Ya neva answered my kwestion!" yells Grakgut.

Then comes back again.


"Oh." says Grakgut as the blackness recedes for real dis time.

"Wait...DAT WUZ DA WRONG ZOGGIN' KWESTION!" cries Grakgut.

>I told you to remember.
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The Emperor stands silent. The Captain General will not let the Kill Team near the Emperor, but he got advance word from the Fabricator about alleged Archeotech, and thus he brings the Kill Team to the back hatch. While the Fabricator General understands the technology, only the Captain General may approach this close. He opens a panel, and reveals some conduits.He stands there silently. There is time for only ONE action. Kroz, Grakgut, and Wazgor connect the Nob Juice to a bunch of wires in back. The machinery starts whirring, and a little lightbulb lights.

The Kill Team has no idea what this does, but they take heart in the light bulb. The Captain General closes the conduit, and stares at the Kill Team. He calmly points at the exit.

"welp, custoder boyz, dats all da energy we'ze piled up." says Kroz, "If dat dun make yer boss proppa, oi dunno wot will."
Nozari and Kompila chirp, prompting another tug of the string.

I dunno, bad connection does kinda explain why the Emperor doesn't (or rather can't) return any calls.
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As the Custodes take their positions, The Kill team leaves the Sanctum.
"So, did you find what you were looking for?" asks the cheery voice of Clarity.
"No." sighs Grakgut, oi neva found out why 'umiez put -um at da end uv ev'ryfing."
"That's a basic suffix indicating a noun in Gothic." states the Fabricator General.
"Errywun sayz dat! But oi dun't believe it. Da answahs too eazy" replies Grakgut. "An' why doze 'umiez alwayz be kallin' fer 'elp? Dat's anuva wun."
"Well, think of it this way. Can a regular human survive a fight like the one you just survived?" asks Clarity.
"Uh...No. Oi gess a squishy kan't take 'its loike we do." says Grakgut.
"And that's why they ask for help!" Clarity says.
"Iz dunno wot a noun iz, but suffixez iz definitely gubbinz." sighs Kroz, "So iz prob'ly loike a red loight fer dere namez."
"Well then, Good luck...'Space Marines.'" giggles Clarity.
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"Ol' Emps sez sumfin' 'bout a foight." says Kroz.
"So oi gess dat we'ze gotta 'elp da 'umiez. Cuz we'ze bigga den dem." says Grakgut.
"Well, The Omnissiah-Made-Flesh might have some difficulty with that, but perhaps this can help..." says the Fabricator. He picks up the cookbook, and engraves the symbol of the Adeptus Terra on it.
"Almost as gud." determines Kroz.
"Well, it seems the Emperor gave you a mission. We'd be fools to keep you from it. Bye!" says Clarity, as she walks off.
"You must send one of your weapons to me, I'd truly love to examine it." states the Fabricator General, "I bid thee farewell..."
"Oy, Mek!" yells Kroz. He tosses the Fabricator an upgraded pistol. The Fabricator General catches it with a mechadendrite.
"Dat dere's a Rubbykonzes Pattahn. Da real fing." says Kroz.

The Kill Team briefly considers changing the music to something not muckin' about, but decide against it after realizing they'd be muckin' about while looking for the Ecclesiarch. So they head back up the landing pad, the people give them a wide berth as always. Taking off is a simple affair, and the Kill Team returns to Krooza docked above.

Big E should switch to Sprint.
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A haula lands, Clarence and the Digga Skwad disembarking.
'ow wuz yer trip?" asks Grakgut.
"Everything went quite well." says Clarence, "if a bit boring."
"Da Empruh woz perty 'appy 'bout all da foightin, but 'e sez a bit o'Tiji iz really gunna rokk soon." says Kroz.
"So we're heading back, then?" says Clarence.
"Yep!" says Wazgor.
"Excellent! I'll ready eve-"

The alarms start blaring.
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"WOT DA ZOG? UZGOB?" yells Kroz.
"'OW BIG?" yells Grakgut.
"Roight. Clarence, Get us to da bridge." says Kroz.
"Hang on, sir!" yells Clarence, as he speeds his buggy up to the bridge.

Arriving at the bridge, at first everything seems clear. And then, a battleship, burning and damaged, comes out of nowhere. Far closer than what should be allowed in Warp Travel.

Had really wanted to use a discharge from Nozari and Kombiler, myself. Put a bit of meat back on those bones, ya know? It had worked even for Grakgut's damaged bitz against Necoho, so, ya know, I just figured...

We gonna find out what that light up meant?
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"Unknown target identified!"
"What's going on!"
"How did it get past Luna?!"
"That wasn't Warp Tra-"
"Why's it there? HOW DID IT GET HERE?"
"Argh! Help! It's the shadows! The shadows a-"
"It's within our minimum ranges! Any attempts to fire will cause massive collateral!'
"They're everywhe-blargh."

As the Kill Team looks on, the Battleship suddenly becomes engulfed in something fluidy and black. The battleship drifts towards you, black shadowy feelers impact along Krooza. Minimal damage, but it's like they're trying to enter the ship.


Wazgor mans the disruption kannonz, and fires at the cloud. Though it does not seem to do any damage, the flashes of light cause the shadows to retract.
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"...HOW did it know to appear just at the point all gun trajectories intersect? I'll have someo-Wait, Deathwatch, you haven't left yet!" states the voice of the Fabricator General.


"Excellent!" says the voice of Clarity, "do what needs to be done!"

The Kill Team finally looks down. Krooza's consoles are glowing green.

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"It'z been a long toime since Oi seen dis loight..." smiles Kroz.
"It's all you, boss." says Clarence.

Krooza's controls fall away, replaced with new ones.
"PLASMA REACTOR OUTPUT INCREASING!" shows one cogitator, linked to the plasma drives.
"FRACTAL MODULE SYSTEM ENGAGED!" shows another, as Krooza's bulkheads begin sealing.
Once more, the bridge moves forward as Krooza splits down the middle.
Wraith Skranda flies forth and attaches itself to Krooza's back.
As the bridge stops moving, Krooza extends its klaw. The Orkross Kannon flies forward into Krooza's waiting Klaw.

Grakgut runs to the Klaws, and Wazgor mans all the guns.

Supa Dimenshun Stompa mode engaged.
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As Krooza raises the Orkross Blade and Lifeguard Blade, the Kill Team watches the shadowy battleship.

"FOOTUR FLEET! OI'Z TOLD YA DEY WUZ OUT DERE! I'Z TOLD YA!" yells Kroz, feeling vindicated.

The shadows seem to recede into the the battleship's frame, almost breaking it into parts. The Shadows reform again as the parts begin to rearrange.

As the shadows reform, the Kill Team stares...
...at another Krooza.

"What heresy is thi-"yells a voice of the Provost over the vox.
"Be silent." says the Fabricator General as he cuts him off, "This is sacred Archeotech at work."

The Shadow Krooza raises its own Kannon, and fires at Krooza. Krooza raises the Orkross Blade, and deflects the shot, spreading explosive shadow everywhere, and conveniently destroying all the pict-casters and clouding up everyone's windshields.

Krooza roars in defiance, and charges.

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Krooza opens with a Lightning attack from the Orkross Blade and Lifeguard Blade. However, the Dark Krooza parries flawlessly. Dark Krooza also dodges the numerous torpedoes and Orkross Kannon. Dark Krooza returns fire with torpedoes and dark energy. While Krooza's Turrets take care of most of the Torpedoes, some get through. Krooza responds with a swift kick, forcing the Dark Krooza back and making distance against its dark doppleganger. The Dark Krooza sticks out its arm, and shoots the shadowy energy directly at Krooza, prompting a boarding action. This only encourages Grakgut, however, who runs down to beat the shit out of the shadows in a counter-boarding action. While defending Krooza, he notes the shadows emerge from tiny spherical...things.
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Krooza sheathes its swords, realizing the best way to deal with something often ends up at Klawpoint. Krooza grabs Dark Krooza, and throws it into a defense fortress. Dodging torpedos and dark energy, which reduce the Kill Team's BS when they hit, Krooza lands on the defense fortress as well, and begins beating down the Dark Krooza. Dark Krooza attempts one last Boarding Action, to be met with the enthusiastic cries of Grakgut and da boyz. Dark Krooza punches Krooza away, but by now the Kill Team finally see exactly what they wanted to see.

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As the Dark Krooza shakes itself out of the wreckage, the Orkross Kannon begins to glow.
"BOSS!" says a voice, "BOSS, IZ KOMIN'!
Pliskin stands at the helm of a stolen Emperor-class Battleship, his boyz rushing to man everything.

"'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO! 'ERE WE GO!" yell the Boyz Wifout Bordaz as the battleship charges forward. Krooza rockets over to the looted Battleship, and grabs hold. Krooza finally assumes a riding position, and braces the Orkross Kannon beneath its arms. As the Battleship drives closer and closer, the blades of the Orkross Kannon begin spinning faster and faster. Krooza sticks out the Orkross Blade, charging directly at Dark Krooza. Krooza impales the Dark Krooza directly onto the Orkross Kannon, which fires its devastating Hypertronic blast.

The Dark Krooza is bisected completely.

As the darkness dissipates, a single word echoes through the Kill Team's heads.

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The battleship comes to a pause, Krooza's coat flowing in the winds of spess.
"WHERE NEXT, BOSS?" asks Pliskin.
"What was that?" asks the voice of Clarity over the vox.
"Oi dun't know." says Grakgut.
"But it'z ded now." says Wazgor.
"...an Umbra." states the Fabricator General, "A Creature that feeds off the shadow, and dies in light. I have never seen such a large specimen. First time for everything though!" he says, distrubingly cheerily.
"A wut?" asks Grakgut.
"We don't know what it is exactly! It's so exciting! But we do know it's a xeno." says the Fabricator.
"It'z no loot iz wut it iz." says Kroz dejectedly.

"Don't worry," chuckles the Fabricator General, "Your secret is safe with us. We'll falsify all the needed documents to hide what happened here., and...done. Just seeing such wondrous archeotech in action was enough for us. Now, as for the witnesses, I'm thinking battle-servitors..."
"Bye!" Says the voice of Master Clarity.
"Secret? What se-" says the voice of the Provost as the vox cuts.
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"Everyfin's ready 'ere, boss!" says Uzgob.
"An' 'ere!" yells Pliskin.
"Den ain't much else ta do den." says Kroz.
"'ERE WE GO!" yells Wazgor.

Krooza extends the Orkross Blade as it and the new looted battleship break out of the Sol gravity well and enter the warp, to a new fight, new loot, and a new larf.
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Fucking radical, Shas.
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And so the Kill Team continued their great work, helping the humans who were much weaker than them.

Their tale is never ending. For so long as they are stomping gits, it will continue.

Ever think of running an Only War game Shas'?
>conveniently destroying all the pict-casters and clouding up everyone's windshields.

Asspull of the goddamn century.
>Now, as for the witnesses, I'm thinking battle-servitors..."

Please, silence.
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I'm going to be completely focused on my RT Squat Crusade: The Musical for now. If you pay attention, you'll see some familiar things there. After that, well, I've been thinking actual Deathwatch...

Well DeffWotch is nothing if not a little tongue-in-cheek.
I don't get it.... is the orkish WAAAGH making all the humnas stupid or something?
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But in summation, I think it's now truly ended as it needed to. The final story has been told.

Although, I have been asked many questions.

>1) What the hell is with those High Lords?
Would you rather them be old generic guys? Besides, I didn't make them up, someone else did. I simply...uh, was 'gifted' them. Sure. Yeah.

2) Why were the commoners so afraid of them?
It said on most sources that the people of Terra fear spess mehreens due to the Horus Heresy. I simply modeled that.

If any other questions, I can answer as well.

Look closely. Most of the humans described were looking at the ground, so they never looked UP. The ones who saw them ran away before they could confirm or fainted dead out. The rest (probably) failed to see through the disguises.

"One does not simply walk into Holy Terra."

"Aktuly ya do."
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Nah, just the oppressive nature of the Imperium and its relentless propaganda. Remember, most Imperial citizens think orks are short, stunted, idiotic creatures, and that space marines are huge, almost inhuman beings clad in power armour. The idea that a bunch of huge, inhuman beings in bulky armour were orks in disguise would be unthinkable to the average citizen.

>Besides, I didn't make them up, someone else did.

Someone else, or... Someone Else? (God damn it that name is so easy to hide in some contexts)
At first, we woz wearin masks.
But den, iz kame ackross dat all da beakiez woz orksez in disguize loike 'alf da time, maybe.

Fink 'bout it. Wots a beakie? 'uge, 'ard, an real choppy, real full'o Dakka, or a bit'o choppy an dakka loike da stormboyz.

Lots o 'umiez never seez a real'un, or a fake'un, eva in dere grot-long not-krumped toime. Sure, some o'dem iz 'umies wif all da nob-juice, bionik gubbinz an geten... genet.. uh, plannin modifikashunz, but how youze gunna tell wot's wot? Beakiez iz da attackin or da 'elpin 'bout all da same fer timez, too.

Iz Kroz Rubbykonzez, da Biggest, most Dakka ship in da Deffwotch Fleet, an if I sez we iz beakiez, iz youze weeny bigrokk gunna go all "NO"?

Dint fink so.

I thought about it for a bit. Those are Liebowitz's High Lords, from a LONG time ago.
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Precisely. Do you think I have the skill to do such characterizations?
It's over...
Not me.
It'll take another 25 or so years to get back to Tiji. I wonder how the sector will fare with its green protectors gone.
Not really. If you have a competent Navigator it will take about six months, give or take.
Ain't dat wot da Skwatz iz fer?
An wots da flash-throne wif eckstra gubbinz gunna do?

>Good Navigator

It took them 25 years to get there in the first place. 25 years back is probable.
Uh... we gotz sidetrakks. Fingz way 'ast Timey an Spess an all dat.

We gots lots'o spess-rokks, an ships, and boyz an nobz; e'en da diggagrotz iz digganobz now, all wif power-gubbin 'armer an Rubbykonzes-pattin Plazma Shootaz. Da best'unz get da bettah Gravvy-Beemz-Rufflz. Ain't 'nuff 'lectric turnadakkaz fer all, tho.
what were those shadow things?
I dunno if these "squats" can do what a proper ork can. They're part human, and are thus, squishier than we.

They'll need all the help they can get. Better start kitting up this Baneblade.
And I still have no idea what the extra-extra strength warboss juice is gonna do with Big E

>what were those shadow things?

>"...an Umbra." states the Fabricator General, "A Creature that feeds off the shadow, and dies in light. I have never seen such a large specimen. First time for everything though!" he says, distrubingly cheerily.
>"A wut?" asks Grakgut.
>"We don't know what it is exactly! It's so exciting! But we do know it's a xeno." says the Fabricator.

I'm guessing we'll learn more in Squat Crusade.
A few things we learned along the campaign:
-Xenarch Death Arcs are insane
-Orks have basically the best upgrade system in the RPG
-As long as you're not facing the frontal armour of a heavy vehicle, Pulse weapons are never a mistake. Individual weapons do better in situations, but pulse is just great all-around
-You gotta put a limit on runtz and sometimes other things. Between a Weapon MIU, Dendrites, weapon-bracing or recoil gloves or light enough weapons or slayer limbs, runtz and/or servo-skulls... the number of dice rolled start looking like exalted. And resolving 18 hits off four different attacks? Better hope you've a dicebot.
-Refusing a plasma rifle because you can just push doombolts is a quick way to burn through 3-4 fate points in about as many sessions. This was repeated for a different group just last night after a cataclysmic series of Grand Possession results.
I've learned that:
-Melee is awesome, but super specializing in it leaves you gimped when it comes time to shoot anything.
-Orks are the best
And other things I can't remember right now.

But now, I'm remembering the final Garo fight. I don't think I'll have another fight as intense as that one for a long time and that makes me sad.
Hey Shas, not sure if you are still here but what do you think about doing an RT campaign loosely based around Mouretsu Pirates?

It came up in a thread and sounded like something you could make awesome
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I do not know how to moe. Such a thing would be double-plus ungood, and I would be unable to do it. I will not pick up such a project, because the concept is foreign to me.
Well it doesn't particularly have to be moe just random craziness that you seem to do so well but with less combat

You probably have the next few ideas for campaigns planned out anyway right!
The idea was basically rogue trader with a tiny ass spaceship from what I saw

Also damn phone giving me exclamation marks when I want question marks

Was just an idea I saw floating about that I figured might be interesting anyway

Based off all the campaigns and super robots, I'd trust Shas more with things like hot-blooded manliness rather than moe girl stuff.
>with less combat

I define my encounters by my combats, so such a thing would take getting used to.

>You probably have the next few ideas for campaigns planned out anyway right

I need to finish Squat Crusade first. I am writing a trio of adventures now, where the players will find incredible things. I like to think I've assigned them good names.
Yeah that's very true

I just think that you could give Shas anything and come out with awesome
So is it an open call for players again? Or are the deffwotch taking new characters for more adventuring

Squat Crusade: The Musical is for my group at the university.

But future games would be a call to players, should I find time for them.
Shas, who drew your OP picture?

At first I thought it was an Ork Army of Two until I looked closer.

Then I decided an Ork Army of Two would be fucking *awesome*.

Unknown. Found it. Saved it. Used it as a basis for a campaign. Reposted it.
Also, Unstable can send your damage spiraling into the triple digits with the right weapons.

Never forget its easier to choppa yer own face than it is to do contested rolls with whatever's stuck against it.

Precalculate as much as you possibly can on your sheets. If you need an extra notepad file because you have too many weapons, so be it. But at least have them all done. Attacks can take long enough as is.

Ghosts aren't loot.

Thanks for the ride, Shas, 'twas all gud fun.
But can ya speak to the ghosties?
If they can't speak then they should be loot
You can't shoot insubstantial things
Its hard enough to grab them in the first place, but even when you squeeze them, no dakka comes out.
These sound like challenges to me. First: A way to grab ghosts so we can steal their ghost-dakka. Then: A way to shoot ghosts, in case they're too far to grab with the first one.
Don't forget step 0... make sure Grakgut doesn't run away.
Your WP checks around the things were equally spectacular, but opposite, to what happened to the physical things you got yer klawz on
The most regrettable thing was that 'Eadmangla and Wurrza could not make it. While I gave 3-week notice of this, it was still unfortunate they could not show.
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Perhaps I should tie some boyz to myself to keep that WP bonus they give.

It was regrettable, yes. Hopefully their trips back home ended well.
Indeed. They all seemed in the clear for it too til right at the end there.

Still, good luck to them out there as well.
I just wish that I had the chance to join in for deffwotch but due to time zone and my work being all over the place time wise I couldn't really give enough time for me to make it worthwhile

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