Hey /tg/,Let's make meatbread.
Friendbro doesn't know how to chop onions.
Come one my hearts already got a murmur.
It is done.
>>20154379I have that knife!It works pretty well.I usually get a cooking knife for Christmas.
Beef is on the skillet.
>>20154379>What is quartering
Dumping a bunch of onions in here.
>>20154432>dat cutJust buy a pizza, white onions don't deserve this.
Beefs + Onions are done.
>>20154353I'd rather use one large sweet onion. And pork sausage.
>>20154594We were warned, to be fair.>Friendbro doesn't know how to chop onions.
You really just cooked the beef from the package?
Garlic. Pro chopping.
Pigflesh.
please drain your meat. I can handle a lot of things, but for godsake drain your meat.
Shouldn't this be on /ck/?
... you mean Meatloaf?
>>20154775>Meatloaf>Pizza crust
>>20154379Is this a chick? if not you have girly hands!
>>20154775Looking at the ingredient, it's definitely not meat loaf
>>20154478>>20154585>>20154673>unseasoned>>20154720>Fillet knife>actually cutting>>20154743>Not in its own fatOh god, what a riot. If your pics weren't so big... you could troll /ck/ for ages, or make a glorious 2/10 wouldn't bite macro.
>>20154353>beefs>using jalapeno cheddar>not horseradish cheddarSon, I am disappoint.
>>20154755Friend's response: "Oops."
>>20154824I visit /ck/ and this is honestly making me angry
Meatbread is apparently orky food, ergo /tg/ related as anything on this board is. That is, tangentially.Seriously, resize your pics.
>>20154693I don't do a lot of cooking, so I'm curious - why is this bad?Also, that is toooo many onions op.
>>20154880Tell me, has /ck/ evolved beyond cow and processed cheese? The catalog isn't endearing.
>>20154913depend whatever mood the board is in. sometime we love real food. sometime this crap the op making. other times weeaboo take over and we have a ramen and pocky thread
Fine, resized this one. We have no idea what to do with the pizza crust.
Wrap meat in it and bake?
>>20154976Burrito
Oh, right, we need a pan thing. Whatever these are called.
>>20154976I you gonna stuff the loaf, drain the meat well, add the bacon and cheese in and season well, cause you obviously didn't do it while browning. When you wrap the sucker up, remember to cut slit into the loaf less you want the thing to explode in the oven.
Cover it with butter, at least.
>>20155042Sheet pan.
>>20155042grease the damn pan before putting you dough on it
>>20154967Lately it's just been endless Chik-Fil-A trolling. Irritating.
We are so good at cooking. Accidentally put cheese on the pizza crust instead of in the meat, but we found some shredded cheese in the fridge. Also we're putting olives in.
Can't wait to see how this failure ends up
Now, we just need to figure out how to close this.
>>20155204>Also we're putting olives in.You forgot to mention it was done to eat healthy.
READY FOR OVEN
>>20154379>dat knifegripjesus christ I'm taking this to ck, holy god wat
This thread is making me angry.
Happy meatbread. Herbs and shit to make it fancylike.
Hahaha, good try OPLet's show this to /ck/
0/10Would not nibble.
>>20155343it look more like the forever alone face
>>20155376Not surprising.It knows it is an abomination.
Oh god I'm dying
leave the cooking to the pros @ /ck/You are going to get salmobotushigacampacoli bro
THIS FOOD IS NOT UP TO MY STANDARS. I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THIS.GOOD?GOOD.
>>20154432>Dem onion chunks.Holy fuck, no.
Why is this leaking into my /ck/?
>>20155423sorry to self police but shouldn't we be back in the kitchen? besides, it's cute how they try to cook.
>>20155423Dammit, now he will never suffer for his mistakes!We may a well tell him 70°C is high enough to kill most microorganisms.
>>20155314I'm not a pro by any means, so I'll ask: what's the proper way to hold a knife?For chopping, I always treat it like a lever, or one of those giant paper-slicers from grade school, but a lot faster motion and a lot shorter movements.
>>20154432>It is done.The hell it is.
>>20155458
>>20154720You seriously need to learn how to mince vegetables.
"The fact that you're not cleaning properly is making me sad. I mean, we just have pools of water on our cutting boards." - Friend's sister
Enjoy your meatbread that taste of nothing but onion, garlic and misery OP.Jesus christ.
So is it done? I want to see the finished masterpiece.
>>20155458Cuts happen because of friction. Try it, grip the blade strongly, you won't be cut. What you saw is the curve working its magic. Move your knife over what you intend to ut.
>>20155599BEHOLD>>20155343
>>20155612Wait.... that's the finished product?Oh my sweet merciful fuck, do not eat that.
>>20155612THAT'S THE FINISHED PRODUCT? Holy shit. I thought that was before you put it in the oven. Don't eat that, bro. You might die.
>>20155641>>20155671I told you manI TOLD you about meatbread
The thought of eating this makes me nauseous. Please. Don't eat that. I can't tolerate existing in the same universe as that abomination. God, it's worse than putting wasabi on your pocky.
>>20155720People do that? That's the stupidest/most weeaboo thing I've ever heard of AND I'm kind of a weeaboo.
>>20155671I'm pretty sure that's pre-oven. If it was post-oven, the outside of the dough would at least be cooked. That being said, last time I made meat bread, the very center of the dough didn't get cooked all the way. My fat fuck friends and I still ate it, since it was fuckhuge, so the center was a very small portion of the total. I'm not sure why I went on that tangent, but like I said, the outside of the bread would be cooked it they had put it in the oven already, and it clearly is not in this picture.
>>20155745It was a purely hypothetical situation that I invented. I'll bet someone does it.
>>20155771I could do it.But then, I occasionaly nibble on wasabi by itself. Love that shit.
Meatbread is out of the oven! Are you as excited as we are, /tg/ and /ck/?
>>20155818I would be if you didn't load that shit with barely-chopped onions.
>>20155818It looks angry.I am not surprised at all.
>>20155818Oh thank god you baked it. We were worried for a while.
>>20155833FUUUUURYA GREAT AND TERRIBLE FURY AT BEING ALIVE
>>20155818The onions are too big. It won't be enjoyable.
>>20155818D-daddy...Why does it...Hurt?I c-can't see Daddy..
You shall learn from this, OP. Learn and suffer, for you have created an abomination to taste buds everywhere.
Why did you ruin this with these terribly onions. What the fuck why did you cut huge lumps on onion.
Really, dude, it's vacation over there right? Just learn how to season shit. The basics are the same, so the only variations are like meats, legumes and salads.
>>20155800Don't get me wrong, I like my wasabi and my pocky as much as the next semi-weaboo neckbeard. I don't know if it's just me, but disgusting food/mixes are a surefire way to make me avoid an area. I lied about the pocky, by the way. Shit's too sweet.
>>20155869Oh god it's just like Jin-roh
>>20155818Enjoy your clean bathroom while you still have it.
This is the best thread on /tg/ right now
I can't stop laughing
>huge lumps of onion and garlic>unseasoned meatWhy, God, why?
>>20155818Jesus fuck
>>20155884I don't like pocky or wasabi, but I love mixing my foods together. Dipping my steak in my mashed potatoes, stirring my shephard's pie into a slurry of tastebud-exhilaration, putting spaghetti onto my garlic bread to make an open-faced spaghetti sandwhich thing...
>>20155916Best thread?or Best Bread?
>>20155938>pasta on bread
So, we didn't bake it all the way. Look at the dough. Gotta finish it up in the microwave.
This thread is terrifying
/ck/ is spreading love tonight.Meanwhile in /co/... >>39388552
>>20155950>microwaveHOLY FUCKING GOD MY SIDES.
>>20155950I'm seriously dying over hereIt hurts to laugh
>>20155950This thread is unreal.Why, gods, have you cursed us so?
>>20155950Oh my christ
>>20155950jesus fuck thats even worse than the raw dough holy shit
Man, at least they are trying.My cooking has involved trying canned chile for the first time and discovering you can put shredded cheese and tabasco in it.
>>20155950...>>20155343>22:08>>20155818>22:43Now you're just trolling.
>>20155980>Costanzatriesbaking.png
>>20155992The problem is it is the most minimal effort to not fuck up the way they are doing.>>20155996Oh Christ I missed that.
>>20155950DO YOU ENJOY SEEING US SUFFER, OP?
>>20155950made me vomit a bit into my mouth. That hasn't happened in a long time.
>>20155950Microwave won't finish it. Maybe you should read a fucking cookbook once and a while so you learn how long to bake things to the point of done-ness.
>>20156005That's true.Okay, tomorrow, totally gonna bake something. /ck/ will be my guide.
Doesn't this look great, /tg/?
>>20155950Microwave will not work for this, you'll have to put it back in the oven.
>>20156022No picture, sorry.
>>20156027OH MY GOD MY SAN SCORE
>>20156027IT'S LOOKING AT ME. IT'S FUCKING LOOKING AT ME.
>>20156027This... is horrid.
>>20156027I wonder if the Old Gods would eat this
rolled 9 = 9>>20156027ROLLING FOR SAN
You know, I know I should be disgusted but... I'm actually a little hungry.
>>20156015This is /tg/We skim the book, get the gist of the rules, and then play a couple sessions to get the hang of things. Or we don't read the book at all and claim it's shit and some other book is better.
>>20156027Oddly enough, that's how your intestines are going to look in about ten minutes or so.
>>20156027IT HAS AN EYE
MORE DEMON BREAD CAPTIONS
>>20156027OP, this is disgusting. Don't eat this. You didn't peel the onion, didn't cook the bread, unseasoned meat, added shitty cheese, huge chunks of garlic and onion, not even cooked properly.Don't eat this. Mercifully kill it.
Op if you eat this you probably will not die, but keep a bowl next to your fucking bed if your body decides to say fuck you and chuck it. take it from me, I'm used to sampling culinary disasters. Not that I cause any.
>>20156027I've shat out things that looked tastier than that.As in, literally shat out. From my anus.
I need some of that chef that swears a lot
Are people really this sad and elitist that they'll denigrate someone about the way they hold a knife?
>>20156129It's partially because it's dumb, and partially because improper knife handling is a good way to lose finger bits.
The bread is in my mind, feeding on all my innermost fears.OP, you have made something that should never exist on this earth.
>>20156129You're right, we should all eat terrible shit that we'll puke up from forever rather than ask someone to learn the basic standards of cooking.Also people should just cut off their fingers, nothing wrong with that.
>>20156129Yes. Don't even bother to come to /ck/. You would probably have a breakdown when we rip you apart for the brand of mustard you like.
>>20156129"cooking/baking" gutrot and holding a knife in ways that my 3 year old niece knows better than to do is worthy of derision.Looking down on first world kiddies who haven't cooked shit more difficult than mac n' cheese isn't really elitism - its more of a "what the fuck have you done with your life to this point that you don't know how to cook basic shit".
>>20156066You get points for technically correct roleplaying. the best kind of roleplaying.
>>20156151>They gave me the gift of lifedemonbread.jpg>I gave them the gift of food poisoning
>>20156197
>>20155950I have like, secondhand embarrassment, but instead of humiliation I need to shit real bad
I demand photographic evidence of someone trying to eat this.
Oh god, we need to update the 1d4chan wiki with this. possibly have it in it's own section on the page.
Oh god, this thread needs archived badly.
>>20156253Eat the demon bread, they saidIt will be funny, they said
it's so happy! right?
IT LIVES
>>20156389Oh god, it has a tongue.
>>20156389
>>20156389I can still see the face.This is alarmingly disturbing.
>>20156389A TONGUE
>>20156389No.No.Noooo.NYOOOOOOOOOH.
>>20156389Oh how lovely. It grew a second eye.
>>20156389Shoot it, SHOOT IT!
>>20156367It even has a Satanic soul patch.
>>20156389God almighty.
If I had the ingredients to hand, I'd do this shit right, blind baking and all.Hell, I'd even get the roommate to take pictures of me doing it to prove it.These people just suck at cooking.
It is imperative you watch this, OP: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9Qzz8R_J1c
>>20156253
>>20156497DON'T DO IT YOU FOOL
>>20156497YOU'LL FAIL YOUR FORT SAVE.DON'T DO IT
>>20156497
>>20156389IT HAS A TONGUE
>>20156497If you are trying to prove you are eating it, you must actually show it in your mouth. However I would also take that as proof that you are in fact some sort of demon sent to earth to torture man.
>>20156505Already done. The cooked parts aren't bad.I want to make a Nurgle joke but can't think of a good one.Anyway, we're making a second meatbread.
>>20156487http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Meatbread
It's too much, too much for me
Who the fuck archived this thread? Meatbread is an honored /tg/ food, and this thread seems entertaining, but I can't say it seems all that necessary to archive it. Still, personal opinion.But whoever DID archive this is a retarded motherfucker with a sense of humor terrible enough to think it'd be hilarious to tag it 'lolmgwtfbbq' and nothing else. Just a stupid archive. Seriously, for the dignity inherent in meatbread (hah), downvote it and upload a less horribly tagged/written archival.
>>20156552Oh wow its true, fucking hell.>>20156545NOSTOP
What a terrible fucking archive description.
>>20156545>Anyway, we're making a second meatbread.>Anyway, we're making a second meatbread.>Anyway, we're making a second meatbread.>Anyway, we're making a second meatbread.>Anyway, we're making a second meatbread.
>>20156389That's not a tongue. It's a dick.
>>20156547The only procedure I'd try is the second one, and I only have the mozzerella, which I'd have to grate myself.Also, I'd probably chop the celery, olives, and mushrooms up so tiny they'd be better described as a paste. They probably make the thing taste great, but damnit if I want to be reminded that they're in there.
Okay, explain to me what's so terrible about onions and garlic. I eat them raw in salads with just some oil, salt and sometimes vinegar, so i fail to see the issue.I also don't think unseasoned meat is such a crime against nature, though i'd usually at least salt it.
>>20156573>>20156552I tried to make a new one. It didn't let me. We may be stuck with "I just...like..pooped a little! In ma pants! XDD" forever.
>MEATBREADdon't you mean calzone or are you just being orky about this?
>>20156633Onion and Garlic are utterly fantastic.It's the procedure in which they were prepared here that we have qualms with.
>>20156633Onion that big basically defeats the purpose of putting meat in there.
>>20156654>He doesn't know about Meatbread
>>20156648It's getting downvoted already though.Can we contact with the dude who runs the archive?
>>20156654Proper meatbread is literally a loaf of bread baked around a large amount of meat, which in the process of baking also cooks the meat completely. It is not a calzone.
>>20156598Do it
>>20156619>The Demon Bread's greasy dick takes your anus by surprise, tearing right through. Your mind is simultaneously fucked, and the screams of your loved ones rings loud in your ears. The greasy dick of madness breaks off, and the abomination takes your soul to be charred in the oven of chaos.
>>20156633The onions need to be cut far smaller and the garlic wasn't minced correctly.
>>20156676Not that I know of. I guess we can try and find an email address.
JESUS IT'S LOOKING AT ME...
>>20156633Your love for onions and garlic is like sex with a beautiful woman. What the fucker in this thread did is like taking that same woman, shitting down her throat, disemboweling her, slitting a hole in her bladder, and then fucking that hole as she wails in agony and bleeds out.
Tonight you will dream and tomorrow you will awaken.You will be tied to do your bed, on your back. A plate will be lying on your chest, with >>20156389 sitting on it.Staring.At first, you will stare back defiantly.Then nervously, you avert your eyes from the intimidating sight. You look back. It's closer to your face.The process continues for as long as your willpower lasts, until tears start to flow from your eyes and you beg to be left alone. The meatbread won't care. The meatbread can't care. Although it was baked with a heart, that heart is cold and rotten.As your sobs begin to come free from your mouth, it extends the strip of bacon, the tongue of half-raw pigmeat to lap at the tears on your cheeks. Trails of saliva are left there, if saliva was composed entirely of rancid grease, its putrid scent filling your nose.Your crying grows louder and its torment grows stronger, its distorted form comes closer until its pressed so firmly against your lips, you have no choice but to take a bite. Then another. And another. Eventually it becomes too much and the last thing you feel before you vomit and pass out is the beast shoving its vile tongue of pork down your throat.Are you sure you want to wake up later?
>>20156805
OP... I hate you.
>Mother comes home. "Jeff... Jeff where are you?" She sniffs the air. "Have you been cooking?" The house remains totally silent.>She wanders into the kitchen and see's... it, staring at her. "WHY HELLO MOTHER" Two voices speak in unison as the olives swivel to match her gaze. One is that of her own beloved child, the other a hellish nightmare that sends chills shooting up her spine . "WE'RE HAVING SUCH A WONDERFUL TIME. WON'T YOU COME JOIN US!?!">With that, long, thick, greasy strands of bacon erupt from the between the crust and wrap around her arms, dragging her into the golden brown maw of the beast. She screams and struggles to avail, and eventually the vile creature swallows her whole between it's flaky lips, before settling upon the kitchen top once more.
>>20156805Well fortunately I don't cook demonic meatbread myself(not that I cook meatbread.) so I would never have to deal with this fate.
>>20156765>Naar's favoured form is a great globular body, like that of a bloated spider, borne by a score of stunted limbs which emerge chaotically from the underside of a sac-like abdomen. His face hangs like a parody of a wrinkled old sow's yet with an evil-smelling black hole where one could expect a snout. The upper surface of his body is covered with pouches of vile fluids that trail wisps of black smoke, and his maw is studded with hundreds of blue-stained fangs. But it is the eyes that shock you most. The Dark God has the eyes of a man.
OH GOD.OH GOD.OH GOD.
Let this day be marked. On the Second of August, we created a new Chaos God.
>>20156908Stop. Stop this right now.
>>20156496Oh he ends up making gazpacho. Highly recommended summer dish right there. Hell make it liquid enough and it's a drink too.
Well, looks like OP gave up, panic mode off.
>>20156983Just waiting on a dude to get some more pizza crust.
>>20157007YOU'RE NOT OPYOU'RE JUST A FEAR MONGERSTOP TRYING TO SCARE ANONS[nospoilers]please don't be op[/nospoilers]
>>20156805>>20156863>>20156903
>>20157007
>>20156968I posted it more so OP could learn how to handle a fucking knife right, but that's pretty cool too.
Take the sole good meatbread, elegan/tg/entlemen! Cling to its memory!
My camera battery died so we're just taking pictures with friendbro's cellphone now.Anyway, we're cooking the remaining bacon a bit more while waiting on more dough. It turned out a bit raw last time.
>>20157111It will never look the same.
>>20157117OH REALLY?
The one and only original meatbread.
>>20157137That just looks like a kolachi, which incidentally is fucking delicious.
Why the fuck is this thread getting downvoted to fuck on the archive?Are people really that tragic, that they'll neg rep a thread they haven't even read because some shithouse gave it a terrible description?
>>20157165Because some faggots are trolling the archives by archiving shit threads over and over.
>>20157165It was more because of the tags.A search engine is only as good as the tags applied.
>>20157165We're downvoting to try and archive it with better tags. It isn't working.
Guys. Guys.What if...What if we went the opposite route and made a chilled meatbread? Like, say, we hollow out a round bread. Spread some cheese on the inside. Fill that fucker with aspic. Then fill the aspic with meat and veggies.
>>20157117>It turned out a bit raw last time.You don't say.
Oh god, op. My culinary education makes this abomination of meat and shame even more awful. I'd tell you the million things you could have done better but I'm not sure it would help.
>>20157117>it turned out a bit raw last timeENJOY YOUR BOTULISM
>>20157215>Aspic
>>20157230He's going to try again, maybe you should.Also i tried rearchiving the thread to fix the description and tags, it supposedly worked, but then it disappeared from the archive.
>>20157307Nevermind, it was filtered and the tags didn't update.
Why?
>this threadFUCK, OP, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU CALL SUCH HORRORS, BECAUSE IT CLEARLY ISN'T MEATBREAD.
>>20157404
>>20157404Behold, your new dark master:>>20155900Demonbread.
>>20157404Bow to (2/3 of) your faggot overlords.
10/10 op, 10/10you have inspired me to go troll /ck/
>>20157263Well, what else would you use to suspend what's basically a terrine?I mean, we're talking just enough aspic to keep the fillings stuck together in a cold sammich here.And if you want, you can use it as your vector to deliver herbs and spices, rather than cooking them into the meats.
>>20156908
>>20156497While he might be Satan's curse on the cooking world, that is one womanly friend you've got there. I'd fuck him.I'm a dude by the way.
Shouldn't meatbread be meat mixed into the actual bread?
>>20157640I don't think his asshole is going to be a place you'll want to be within five miles of for the next week or two.
>>20157201>We're downvoting to try and archive it with better tags. It isn't working.The meatbread is so deadly it even fucks with the archive.
So I was thinking of giving these 4 mini-meatbreads the marks of the 4 Chaos Gods, but then we just did faces instead. There's a Meatbread of Khorne, though.Also when we were finishing cooking the bacon, smoke sort of got everywhere and we had to use fans and stuff to clear the kitchen.
>>20157706>Also when we were finishing cooking the bacon, smoke sort of got everywhere and we had to use fans and stuff to clear the kitchen.What the actual fuck is wrong with you people?
>>20157706It's like none of you have Profession: Cooking.
>Uncles estate was mostly bare when you arrived which was to be expected. His final years were ones filled with rumor which one would expect considering his house was away from town on top of that old hill that no tree would take to. Driving up this never paved road of gravel and sand you saw the few half dead bushes and dieing saplings that were scatered about and the failures that Uncle kept trying to plant. He was never a man to give up and beyond the old caped well there was nothing distinguishing on the road save up here but his one floor house looking to become a shanty from neglect. Though this was your place now, you inherited it being the his favorite nephew and you were left to figure out what to do with this remote house.
>>20157706I see a bit of finger on the corner of that shot, OP.Learn to cook, nowait... Don't cook and learn to cameras.
>>20157789>No valueables could be found in the bedroom which had a pecular oder that was reminicant of the trash from some roast event and a stagnent tide pool. The best guess was it came from the bed itself so at least the matress would have to be thrown out so the couch would have to be the place of rest. Nothing worthwhile was hidden in ther room, not even money. How Uncle got by was always a mystory no one heard of his job when he somewhat unwelcomed showed up at family gatherings in his greasy flanel otufit and skiny yet potbelled form. >Stranger still was how he never ate anything at them, stranger still when his kitchen and pantry were baren yet suprisingly clean given the state of it all. The only thing that was there was a queer cookbook which sat out of place leaning against the faded yellow tile wall next to the sink. You hesitated to guess what the man ate given his form and left it alone to head to town to get enough food to last the three days you gave yourself to decide the state of the house.
>>20157807>The towns people were friendly until I told them my business in their quant town. Any menion of Unles name and they were quick to gester some sign and go about their business. Gaterhing the basics of milk, bread, a few cans of food, and luncon meats I retruned to the lonely house on the hill and sat down for a meal of beans. The first spoonfull didn't taste right. While having never touched the brand before the only thought in my mind was that I was eating a bowl of lumpy ash. Tossing that out and settling on the bread was just as bad. Flaky in all the wrong ways and crunhy as if sand had been baked into it's tastless husk I threw it out and sat wondering at just how the store could stay in business.>Giving up and trying to wash the failed meals down with water only gave me a mouth full of foul metal laced liquid. Spiting it out I wondered if I would need to see a doctor. That's when the queer cookbook caught my eye. It's cover was some kind of leather looking at it this close and a vulgar title of "Tendar vittles" was trying very hard to convey a sothern accent in it's reading. In this moment my hand reached for this tome, and opened it.
>>20157822>Rancid images of small creatures butchered and roasted in their own organs. How to properly or with the diagrams seeming to be of diabloic ritual improperly cut and drain game of all it's vital fluids. A section on using the blood in the dishes as some sort of sauce bile was rising in my throat until I saw a dish entiled Diabous Panis to which the first few lines wich shall never be reapeated caused me to close the book and throw into the trash where it belonged. Having no appetite left I retired to the couch seeing this trip as a waste and considering leaving the house for the state to claim.>Dreams came and went. All flaovred by the danmed book, squirels on sticks with their eyes forever glaring at me as I ate them. Rabbits flayed open with their ribs used as some sort of plate below. Horrible naitous dreams came and went until I was kneeding bread flaovered with blood, even in the dream I could not be forced to entertain this idea and awoke. But I was not in the couch, I was sitting on a stool.
>>20157844>Before me laid the oven on to a timer clicked away. My hands felt dry and looking upon them I unleashed a shrike. White as death they were covered in flour, but it was unclean. Red blood as much as I wished it wasn't stood out. My foot went down to cause a crunch to come about the room. Glancing down only caused a lightness to enter my head but I did not pass out. Small bones littered the floor. Some flesh hung on them as did some skin but clearly they were freshy taken from their victims. That's when the danmable ding occurred.>My eyes looked to the stove and in a trance my body lifted and my feet folowed. Tears streamed down my face as a foul cooked smell washed over it as my arms not of my own will pulled the door down. Inside layed the breaded crust, depresions in it looked like eyes and a redish brown line formed a cracked jeering mouth. "No" I muttered but allready my hands had found the mitts and reached in to take it out. The stench was even stronger smelling as though what laid inside was not cooked but rotted! The pan hit the table containing the putrid refuse and my hand now shaky reached for some knife.
God damn, /tg/. If you keep up all this awesome shit, you're gonna short yourselves out.
>>20157855>I beg whatever unseen force drove me I pleaded but it moved it moved to plunge the knife into this baked abomination shich bled where the blade sunk. And it screamed. The thing that was not pie nor bread screamed in the voices of injured animals and the knife crept across it until a slice fell off letting me see what was not meant to be seen. Onions barly choped, olives pretending to be eyes this I wished but no it was worse. Whatever was in there stared back, it's organs cleanched feeling the cool air, it's meaty sizling strip of meat that was it's tounge lulled out like a dog and it stayed there giving itself as a sacrifice to me.>But I did not want it. My head moved to see a fork. The hand, now more shaky than ever reached and finaly stoped. For a second I was in contorl, I could run but before that a voice was heard. "Eat up son, i'll put meat on yer bones". My wish was granted and I ran, the Diabous Panis cried as it's purpose was wasted but I got to my vehicle and drove faster than any man should on the road. I heard the voice a voice that should no longer be heard. But that voice of my Uncle, it did not come from behind me I could almost accept that upon seeing what his spirt drove me to do. >The voice it came from my own mouth!
>>20157742Actually, they do, they just specialized in Abominations.
>>20157804Onionchopper
>>20155376No, fuck you.
Almost 30min of baking by now, in small portions...
>>20158156Looks like you've actually got something edible. But the sacrifice made...
>>20158200Are you kidding? It still looks vaguely malevolent.
>>20158156IT'S BROWN
souls
>>20158258>demon bread can count to potato.jpg
"There's hair in mine.""Extra fiber."-Meatbros
>mfw americans in charge of food
>>20158258oh fuck i literally feel ill and my mind genuinely feels like it's going to snaphelp me /tg/ oh god
>>20158402That's bothering you, and Darklord Naar didn't?
>>20158402This demonic ritual they call cooking has claimed another to the Warp
>>20158258it kinda reminds me of the Phil face.
>>20158620Oh my god, it actually is.
>this entire threadNASA is wondering why the hell the mars rover just picked up video feed of my sides flying through space
Thank you, OP, for reminding of the old chan adage: sometimes, the best way to win is to fail horribly.
You have made a goddamn Behilit. May God have mercy on us all.
>>20159032
>This whole thread
IA IA MEATBREAD FATAGHN!
Jesus FUCK KILL IT WITH FIRE
And worst of all, OP is obligated to put the demonic Phil-Behelit bread in his body.
I am in absolute pain and love. I'll not speak for days as I've laughed until I had no more sound and tonight I shall soak my sheets from the terrorsweats conjured by the memory of The Bread.I have no regrets.
>>20159342Nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
>>20157482Hey, I know that guy!
>>20159403Then you must murder him for the monster he hath wrought upon this earth.
>>20159403OP or the other dude? Or did you recognize the mysterious person #3 by her hands?captcha: services demonen
>>20155423>leave the cooking to the pros @ /ck/There is about as much cooking on /ck/ as there are people who enjoy games on /v/.It's a useless board.
>>20159537Just because we spend all of our time bickering about nonsense and don't post OC, doesn't mean we can't cook.
As a fa/tg/uy who enjoys fine food this thread makes me feel sad.
>>20159850Also, we spend half of our time getting drunk and trolling incompetent newfags.
Man, this is the only time I've ever been glad that another board has visited.Though /sp/ getting /v/ to troll them because of a camwhore was pretty hilarious.
Did anyone post this on /ck/ yet?
This way lays madness...
This thread, this fucking thread. It's like a nightmare that doesn't end.
This thread makes me want to make some real food and show /tg/. Maybe next time I do rabbit pies or something I'll take some photos. Good scene setting food for fantasy games.Nothing to make you feel like you're in fantasylands like a good crusty rabbit pie.
>>20160683No John, he said.You ARE the meatbreads.Then John was the meatbreads
>this threadFun and dysentery was had by all.
>>20160765/thread
great... NMow I ahve to make up my own meatbread recipy to cancel out the horror of this thread
>>20158258P...Phil is that you?
As a finn I'm gravely offended by OP's attempt at making lousy and soggy meatbread with white bread. Fucking white bread!?
Is it just me, or did OP fail to make meatbread by not actually involving any BREAD in the cooking?Seriously, OP should've just stuffed some meat in a loaf of bread and baked it.
>>20160873If you like cow food so much, go stand in a field.We are HUMANITY, we are the pinnacle of evolution, we can purge all nature from our foodstuffs.
>>20155916Oh god this is the best night I have had in a while. Someone screencap/archive this
I've been toying with the idea of having a regular cooking thread on /tg/ because I'm a cook and I'd like to add some more original content to the board. Nothing fancy, but some basic "here's some easy shit you can make for your game group, or just in general" type shit. I always held off because I thought I probably don't know enough about cooking.This thread has shown me that standards are perilously low, though. Maybe we should start with one that's just titled 'don't eat raw meat.'
Whoever did the archiving? YOU ARCHIVED THE OTHER FOOD THREAD, NOT THIS ONE.
>>20161719Nah, this is archived. It just got downvoted to shit because the asshole who originally archived it, did so in the worst fucking way possible.
Jesus Christ, I come back and OP has made another monstrosity?
>>20161659I used to eat minced meat and sausages raw now and then. It tastes good, and somehow i didn't get an infection.
