Alright, since I didn't see one, it's time for an awesome games thread.DM: Okay guys, time to start the game. What are you guys playing?>Friend: I'm playing a dwarven barbarian. He liked booze a little too much and got kicked out of his mountainhome.DM: Okay, sounds good. How about you, Anon?>Me: Well, ah, I also rolled up a barbarian. He's a human though, who's lived in the shadow of the same mountain his entire life but never knew there were dwarves there. That's how me and Friend 1 met.DM: Huh, okay. I guess we can make it work. And what about you guys?>Friends 2, 3 and 4 all look at each other.>Friend 3: Well, uh... we all rolled barbarians too.>The DM looks at all of us, then rifles through his notes for the next couple of sessions and throws away about half of itDM: ...Well, gents, let's fucking do this.And so began our all-barbarian campaign.
>>20013482Stories. Now.
I really, really, really doubt this actually happened. There is no way that many people would be interested in Charge and Full Attack With Guest Star Rage: The ClassRegardless, I am mildly amused by the idea. Consider >>20013490 seconded
>>20013482>All BarbariansAwesome!
>>20013492Not everybody plays DnD like it's Warmahordes.
>>20013482This thread is going places
>>20013482<...Well, gents, let's fucking do this.Your DM has all of the swag.
>DM allows itmah nigga
>>20013492>5 people aren't interested in being ConanSON HAVE YOU EVEN HEARD OF D&D?Anyway, you know what time it is.
Anyone tried all Wizards/Sorcerers?It'd make for an interesting/impossible first few encounters
I'm fairly sure that this is copypasta. The players are new, but I remember the DM's lines from somewhere.
>>20013515>and I fail greentext again.
We demand a story-time, OP. I can see it now:"dat man, he fly??""What do we do?""Maybe we get so angry, we fly from hot air?""Hmmm... He got 8 Int, so he biggest brain of all. He must be right!""LET'S FLY."and then they all flew from pure anger. gravity never had a fucking chance.
>>20013492To be fair, one person was a barbarian who thought he was a wizard. He'd attempt to use a particularly large stick to channel magic through, then when it didn't work, he'd get pissed and bash the monster's head in. He was still a barbarian though. And another person was a barbarian who'd become "refined", and as such was the only person in the party who could actually read.
>>20013540>Implying their solution to a flying enemy wouldn't be to have the rest of them throw the dwarf barb at him, ala 'fastball special.'
>>20013528That would basically be magicka on PnP.Actually a magicka themed campaign would be pretty fun
>>20013528Everyone got a different specialty?
Well, since you guys asked... I'll start with a bit of backstory.These guys have been my friends for a long time now. They were the first people I ever played D&D with, and it had been quite some time since I'd roleplayed with them. So, when my friend who had usually been a player suggested we all try and play again, we jumped on the chance.There are six of us, including the DM. Me, who will be Anon for the purposes of this story, Friend 1, who shall be J, Friend 2, who shall be T, Friend 3, who shall be G, and Friend 4, who shall be M.Now, I was usually the one to play the DEX characters, rogues, rangers and the like, so I saw this game as a chance to change up my playing style. However, we're all pretty fucking bad at communication and we're pretty busy people, so we didn't really talk about the kind of characters we would be playing.
>>20013492maybe they were playing 4e
>>20013660>>20013638fuck yeah, storytime!also, that's a good question: what edition is this, OP?
On a related note: /tg/, can we brew a prestige class based on Barbarian that somehow uses raging to heal or defend against magic?Like somehow you rage SO hard you split yourself between planes and can literally punch the shit out of wounds or strangle magic as it twists around enemy wizards while your body kinda convulses and foams at the mouth in the real world?
So the day finally rolled around, we all show up on time with our dice and our character sheets and take our seats around the table. After the shock of the initial realization, we laugh it off and start playing.DM: So the five of you are seated across from the Adjudicator of the city. He gazes balefully at you...J: I'm sorry, but my character's INT score is 7. What do those words mean?We snicker.DM: Adjudicator is man who make law. Balefully is angrily.J: Okay.DM: ...shuffling a sheaf of papers between his hands. Looking at you again balef... er, angrily, he tells you that there are a number of criminals that need to be apprehended. He stands up and hands you the list.The DM gives me a handwritten list of names, descriptions, reasons for warrant, and bounty amounts. I turn it over in my hands, staring intently at the paper from all angles, then turn to the DM.Me: ....Thragmarr can't read.We all giggle again. The DM sighs.DM: So... who CAN?
>>20013745>I turn it over in my hands, staring intently at the paper from all angles, then turn to the DM.>Me: ....Thragmarr can't read.This is turning out brilliantly, please continue.
>>20013764>>20013745Yes please
more... MORE
>>20013707What, like the regular barbarian in Pathfinder?Sorry, that was cheeky. Probably could do something like gain fast healing during your rage or just give yourself a bonus on Will/Fort saves against spells and SLA's. Heck, you could probably just make it a couple feats or something.Or just play Pathfinder barbarian.
>>20013745
>We all giggle again. The DM sighs.>gigglei'm suprised you dont play a female barbarian
wonder if the dm rage quitted or said fuck everything once the realization of barbarians everywhere kicked in.
>>20013874Having actually read the fucking thread I can tell you that no, the gm did not rage quit.
>>20013665My apologies, this is set in 3.5.>>20013745G raises his hand.G: My character can. He has an INT score of 12.We all look at him in disbelief.G: It's true. His name is Ser Grogg, Esquire. He's a nobleman... of sorts.The DM puts his head in his hands.DM: I REALLY should have looked over your characters beforehand, but all right. Continue.G proceeds to read out the list of criminals while we listen, completely enraptured by his ability to read, which is a foreign concept to all of our characters. After a bit of bickering, we decide the first person we're going to track down is a horse thief who's set up camp a few leagues outside of the town.
Sorry this is taking so long, I'm writing from memory and I'm not the fastest typer.>>20013946Fast forwarding a bit. After a long ride out to the hideout of the horse thief, during which we praised Grogg a lot for his astounding ability to read, we finally get to the cave system he'd been using (a little cliched, I know, but the DM is a fan of such things). We dismount, and after a few minutes of planning, decide that we're going to try and sneak up to the entrance.DM: Well, the thief has a couple of sentries posted.M: Okay guys, I have an idea. Let's disguise one of us as a tree and sneak up on them.We all agree this is a fantastic idea.DM: Fine, roll then.M rolls a disguise check, and we assist him, giving him a +4 to disguise himself as a tree. He rolls a 13, which gives him a 17 to the roll, making it a success. His roll to sneak, however, is another story; he rolls a 6, which takes a -2 because he's disguised himself as a fucking tree.DM: The sentries notice you.M: I cast Sleep on them.We all look at M like he's gone bananas.J: You said you were a barbarian!M: I am, just listen.He then proceeds to tell us how his barbarian pulls out his arcane-carved stick, wave it around chanting nonsense for a few seconds, then point it at the two guards, shouting, "SLEEP NOW!" Both M's barbarian and the guards are perplexed; the barbarian because he doesn't know why the spell didn't work, and the guards because they don't know what the fuck is happening.So M's barbarian did the only thing a barbarian would possibly do in that situation: get frustrated and bash them over the head with his "wizard staff", knocking them out cold.
Why is it that almost every storytime thread is so slow?
>>20014396because very few preload in Word.
>>20014396'cause they aren't just copypasta.
Do go on
>>20014396I wasn't really expecting to storytime, I was just making a cool games thread.>>20014240We love this turn of events, and even the DM cracks a grin at the creative roleplaying. We decide that there's no reason for us to even attempt to sneak around inside the hideout, and instead opt to break down the door. We cleave and bash our way through plenty of baddies, eventually reaching the chambers of the horse thief.DM: His chambers are draped in all sorts of cloth and chains, with arcane scrawls adorning the walls. There are books everywhere, and atop a tall pedestal a skull with a pentagram on the forehead glares down at you with a malevolent air.He proceeds to read off a long, impressive speech by the "horse thief" about the coming of the end of all things. After patiently waiting it out, we initiate combat, quickly killing the fragile NPC, and hack off his head and thumbs.T: Okay, let's get out of here.DM: But don't you want to look around some more?G: We already got everything of value out of this place, let's just take off.DM: But what about his booksMe: Dude, we're fucking barbarians. What the hell are we going to do with books?
sorry, reading this and holy fuck i want to do this now.
Here's a cap from a thread with some overlap
>>20014514i could just see the dm breaking down in tears at that point.god this is great.
So.. G: Ser Grogg, Esquire. Noble Barbarian.M: ????, Fake Wizard Barbarian,?: ????, Drunk Dwarf Barbarian.OP: Thragmarr, ???? Barbarian?: ????, ???? BarbarianI think I got everything.Also: LETS DRESS HIM UP AS A TREE.genius.
>>20014522I'm kind of interested in the "whole party is wizards" idea, with the added bit that they're all senile and cantankerous.>Say, weren't we supposed to be dealing with some... whatsitcalled... goblin king?>Eh!? But it's lightning bingo night!
MOAR! MOAR!
That was great OP! Bump.
>>20014554They need to have different quirks.You can have a senile and cantankerous one, as long as one of them is a muscle wizard, another is a wizard who does magic tricks in cities and scams people, etc etc
>>20014554So like Cohen the barbarian or the senior UU staff from Discworld?
>>20014514>>20014240>>20013946
>>20014514The DM huffs, but can't really do anything to stop us since he abhors railroading. So we strike back out towards the town, severed head and thumbs dangling in a sack off the side of the horse.Over the course of the game, which unfortunately only lasted about a two dozen or so sessions due to college getting in the way and respective jobs limiting our time, we collect each of these outlaws, and each time they have a pretty similar setup going on: a seemingly mundane criminal in possession of a great deal of magical items. And, each time without fail, our simple minds would miss out on the connection, get distracted by shiny things and other macguffins, and fail to notify anyone of import about what was going on in these lairs.But, I have to tell you, it was a hell of a ride. The dwarf was tossed on multiple occasions, and in one instance ended up inside the guts of a giant. He proceeded to hack is way up through his body, cut the heart out of it, and burst out of his chest, screeching, then take a tremendous bite out of the still-beating organ. We were all a bit more afraid of him after that. Probably my finest moment in combat rolling occurred during this campaign, too; we were fighting a group of Greater Barghests, and I had just been disarmed. Not about to lay down and let these things eat my face, I rolled a 19 on a Strength check to grab the nearest one by the tail and swing it about, bashing the other Barghests into the negatives. I wasn't content with just that, though; there was still one standing after that, so I rolled a motherfucking nat 20 and, in a scene straight out of Dorf Fort, tossed the Barghest through the other Barghest.But I digress.
>>20014614>Implying you can't digress as much as you want and we'll love it
>Our groups faces when the NPC Commissar's pet dog puts on his hat and begins to follow our group around, yapping and snarling when we consider retreating>So begins the adventures of Stubby of the Dogissariate
>>20013540http://www.d20pfsrd.com/classes/core-classes/barbarian/rage-powers/paizo---rage-powers/dragon-totem-wings-sudragon-winged jet-pack made of angry.
I got my own story I'm writing up right now. Hopefully it's a good one.
Just kind of sad that there isn't more of a story to hear. Thanks for sharing anyway, OP.
>>20014614Despite our best efforts to continue meeting, the time finally came when our boisterous group of brawny barbarians was to disband. We'd proven our worth a hundred times over to the townspeople, so they were awarding each of us with a small parcel of land and a good deal of gold.Ser Grogg would finally be a real lord, with real peasants and real holdings, and Urist Meadbeard the dwarf could have his very own, genuine dwarven tavern to destroy every night in a drunken rage and build back up again in the morning. Thragmarr was not content to settle down, so he planned to sell the land, get an even bigger axe with the money, and find the legendary plane of Ysgard, where he could fight, drink, and wench for all eternity. He eventually got there, but that's another game entirely. Rolf became the most famous Muscle Wizard in the land, and planned to use his gold, land, and influence to start a school for his unique brand of magic.But fate, the DM, and our good friend J, had other plans.
>>20014681>its going to continue
>>20014681Bracing for epic
>>20014681OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>20014681His grin was absolutely malicious as he sat behind his screen and described the calamity that befell us as we were awarded our holdings. It was as if he'd finally found a way to get back at us for derailing his campaign so completely, so spectacularly, that there was no way in hell he was going to finish it the way he'd planned to. So he decided to try and do the next best thing: Kill all of our characters.What it boiled down to was this: Each of the outlaws had been part of the same malevolent cult seeking to resurrect a forgotten beast which slumbered beneath the township. Its name had been lost to the ages, but pictures had survived, and some bright bulb decided he wanted to see this thing firsthand. Fortunately for us, the cultists had mucked up their spells without being able to figure out how to get the spell to activate. Unfortunately for us, behind our backs, J and the DM had conspired to make J the final piece of the puzzle, which would awaken the slumbering monster and (hopefully) kill us all.DM: As you stand atop the stage, cheering throngs of townspeople all around you, you're all suddenly jostled out of the way.J: I shove the party aside and toss the mayor away from the pedestal. "Fools! You come here on this day for celebration. But I am here to tell you that this day heralds your doom!" With those words, I draw my longsword, and plunge it through my own heart, falling off the stage onto the ground in front of it.Our fucking faces when.
>>20014743By all that is holy, continue.
>>20014743DM: "The ground quakes and begins falling apart, a great groaning and gnashing of teeth rising up from the cracking earth. Two hundred yards away, an entire section of the town disappears, sliding beneath the ground as something massive stirs. Moments later, from within the bowels of the earth, the Unnamed One rises, its many tentacles whipping about its head in a bloody frenzy as its eons-long slumber finally ends. The townspeople scream and panic, running in every direction in their primal fear. Women and children scream and cry, the old and weak are trampled underfoot, and men go mad at the sight of such a monstrosity. It opens its seven gaping maws, looses a mighty roar, and begins charging towards you.Roll for initiative."Again, our fucking faces when.
> DM for small group of friends> Their mission is to cleanse a watch tower and restore a magic orb which shines bright enough to clear the fog engulfing the town> Party consists of a Human Mage who has a fetish for copper, Elf Bard who has almost all his points in strength, and a Shape-shifter Rogue posing as a Jamaican> The entrance is unguarded> The Mage proclaims he would be best at guarding the entrance> He then proceeds to turn himself into a tree with his daily power, he says it's to "better blend in with the environment"> Bard & Rogue open the front door and instantly get caught by the bandits running the place> They are cuffed and taken to the prison> They wait until nightfall to escape> They notice only one guard is watching them> Bard starts to quietly chant> Guard tells him to shut it> Bard begins to stand up and chant louder> Rogue begins to taunt the guard, saying things like "Ya' gots messed down now. You's is goin' t'wish ya' wuz wasted afta' dis!"> Guard walks over with his sword drawn ready to impale the Bard> As soon as the guard reaches the Bard, he stops chanting> "One more peep out of you and I'll gut you"> Bard proceeds to scream at the top of his lungs, breaks the cuffs binding him, and raises his hands above his head into two giant fists. Still screaming, the Bard opens his hands and brings them down onto the guards ears, all the while screaming as if his testicles were just cut off> After the Bards blood-lust subsides, he and the Rogue soon notice the guard's head is caved in from the sides, and the Bard's hands are covered in bloodI got more if anyone is interested.In the mean time I'm going to read op's awesome story.
>>20014776
>>20014743>So he decided to try and do the next best thing: Kill all of our characters.Wow, what a fucking prickI hope spiders lay eggs in his cheeriosand then he eats the cheeriosand then the eggs hatch in his bellyand then the belly spiders crawl around tickling him and they make him pee his pants in front of a pretty girland then she laughs at him
>>20014806He is just that much of a dick that he deserves that.
>>20014777Shhh, non faggot OP is talking
Not my story, I just saved it>Playing Dark Heresy>Investigate Space Hulk >Find survivor Navigator>Retarded Psyker rolls to use "Spectral Hands" to psychically high-five Navigator>Perils>Mind Swap with passing Ork Nob>Ohshit.>Murder Nobigator>Misread mind swapping rules>Navork is stuck in Nob body, keeps psychic powers>Perils>Corruption enough to mutate>Gains +10 str/toughness mutation>Now beefier than Big Mek Warboss>Challenges to duel>Psychic phenomenon>Tech anathema>Cybork parts rebel>Krumps boss good>Takes over Ork infested hulk>InquisitorkWell shit. All the PCs did was stand on the sidelines and watch the carnage.
>>20014806>implying the spiders would stay in the stomach rather than immediately going for the brain to take control of their new host
>>20014806I think that's a little overboard.
Interestingly I am soon to participate in an all caster party. Cleric, dread necromancer, druid, magus, summoner. It will either be fantastic or a complete wreck. Time will tell.FYI I intend to play a lawful neutral dread necromancer. He is looking to find or purchase deceased even and dwarves crafters for his knock off jewelry business. (which was recently burnt to the ground by an adventuring party, 6 generations of work gone and his great great great grand fathers skull too)
>>20014776We all roll reasonably well. I get a 16, M gets a 15, G gets a 19, and T rolls a 13.Unfortunately, the DM knew we'd do fairly well on our initiatives, so to counteract the penalty to initiative that Massive creatures take, he stacked Improved Initiative on the monster something like five times, and it went first. Luckily, he gave us this round to prepare, as it would take at least two turns for the beast to get over to where we were. We went into a quick huddle, made our plan, and stood our ground against the charge.Have you ever imagined what it would be like to be beset upon by a kraken, when you're armed only with a greatsword of magic power and dubious origin? How about if that kraken was on land, could cast several level 3 spells as abilities, eschewing both materials and somatic components, and did 3d10+35 damage per swing? That's what it was like fighting this monster. I tell you, if we hadn't plundered an amazing amount of gold from each of the hideouts due to DM fiat in treasure generation, we wouldn't have stood a chance. As it was, we were getting pummeled, and we needed to end it fast. So T passes me a note. I look at him, and solemnly nod my head.
>>20014875
someone teach me how to archive threads, op's story deserves it
>>20014875DM: Anon, the round passes to you. What are your actions?Me: I turn to Urist, who grabs my forearm as I grab his.T: "I jest want ye to know, 'twas the greatest honor I ever knew fightin' alongside ye."Me: I feel tears well up in my eyes, and I see them welling up in Urist's too. I hand him my Portable Hole, and he takes out his Bag of Holding.T: "Now toss me, you sodding moron, one last time."The DM looks stunned.DM: Roll... roll strength.I rolled. I wish I could say it was a natural twenty, because by Kord, Urist deserved it. But it wasn't. It was a nineteen. With my strength modifier, and the feat from Complete Warrior that lets you toss things better, that added up to a 31.Me: I spin Urist around, tears streaming down my face into my beard as I do so, and toss him into the gaping maw of the Unnamed One.DM: T, the round passes to you. You take 23 points of crushing damage and 47 points of acid damage, which brings you to three HP.T: I put the Portable Hole in the Bag of Holding.The DM looks at us, then at his notes, then leans back in his chair.DM: A portal opens up, sucking you and the Unnamed One into the Astral Plane.
Most of my awesome games stories involve eternal paper-rock-two knives, puns, and spirits of various types.My WoD DM does awesome spirits.
>>20014845No punishment is overboard for a DM and "friend" who is such an impotent prick that he tries to kill everyone's characters because things didn't go his way.
>>20014905>The Dwarf's Face when he pulled out the Bag of Holding.
>>20014921On with the WoD stories!
>>20014905If I had any awesome reaction images, I would post them now, for this diserves an awesome reaction image.In other news, archivist master race reporting in:http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20013482/
>>20014905We all passed our strength checks to avoid being sucked through, miraculously. Everyone was quiet for a few minutes after that. The DM looked as if he was cycling between pure, unadulterated fury and helpless adoration at the defeat of his BBEG. J just looked sullen; he wanted us to die with him, not defeat the monster in such an epic way.The town built a statue to memorialize Urist for his sacrifice. To this day, the township and the other party members like to think he's on some better plane, one with lots of booze and fighting. I know better though, because, as it turned out, he was.But, like I said before, that's a story for another day.
>>20014926He does try to kill them with style. Ambushing them with multiple save or suck generaters would have worked easily.
Awesome job OP, fucking awesome story with a great conclu->>20014937watWhy are you doing this to me?!...please tell another tale.
>>20014926Eh. Given the way the story played out, this thing waking up wasn't all that much of an asspull, and it clearly wasn't so strong that they couldn't kill it, so I'd have to say this is well within the bounds of appropriate DM dickery.
>>20014947Just because he's bad at killing his party doesn't mean he is any less of a limp-pricked bastard.
>>20014932
>>20014960Just because they were able to kill it with a MAGIC SUICIDE BOMBER doesn't make it within the "bounds of appropriate DM dickery"
>>20013482How to all barbarian campaign:1. Put a healing fountain in a town that restores your HP entirely if you spend 2 hours there.2. JESUS CHRIST FULL ATTACK AND CHARGE. YOU ARE HUGE, THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE HIT DICE. FULL ATTACK AND CHARGE. FULL ATTACK AND CHARGE YOUR HIT DICE.
>>20014957I would, my friend, but it's a quarter after four in the morning and I need SLEEP.HOWEVER....If this thing is still around when I wake up later, I shall tell you all the tale of how Thragmarr found Urist, and together, the two of them found the most manly plane of Ysgard and partied with Kord himself.
>>20014961>>20014967Holy hell, I swear I've seen this exactly a few days ago. Note to self, no more /X/ at 4 in the morning...
I don't get all the rage in this thread towards the DM, he was setting up some sort of doomsday scenario that the players did absolutely nothing about.It's well within reason to awaken the ancient evil and all that and defeated it in the end as well, giving the campaign an epic ending.
>>20014961>>20014926Quit being a bitch. You don't know what the dynamics of the group are, and the OP saying that the DM tried to kill their characters could easily equate to an exaggeration (for dramatic effect), or as something the players find acceptable in certain situations (trying to kill players does not necessarily equate making it impossible for them to win).Maybe the DM really is a douche, but judging from the story that isn't the case. You sound like an idiot, and give the impression of somebody thoroughly butthurt over something, to make you so sensitive to this. These stupid justice fantasies on some random dude you've never met makes you look far more impotent and unreasonable than he does in this story.You are told a story and decide to complain about some offhand comments about the DM, projecting a whole bunch of imagined qualities on him when you've never met the dude. Please stop, for the sake of any future stories you might bring your idiocy to.And thanks for the story, OP.
I liked it. But I feel it could have done with more Dwarven Beardfu.
>>20014960The story didn't mention any of the players complaining. One was complicit. The others got an epic fight to end their campaign.I am going to go out on a limb and say the DM who knew these guys really well, knew what was acceptable for them.
>>20014976Fine fineAs a token of my thanks, I present the first D&D character I ever played (which I actually posted earlier)>>20011783
In my first roleplaying experience, it was me and a group of friends. None of us had formal roleplaying experience, I'd done some freeform in the past, as did one other guy. But all of us were new to dice rolling and character sheets.I was DMing because frankly, no one trusted anyone else to. I'd always been the one in the group to be the leader, so it was sort of a default position for me.We were using the Pathfinder beginner box, there were four players and four classes available. Unfortunately, my friends didn't have the patience to play Wizard or the subtlety for Rogue.3 of them rolled Fighters, and the last one picked a Cleric because his experience with video games had dictated to him that we needed a healer.
>>20014905
>>20014983AHAHAHAHA YOU ILLITERATE FUCKING NIGGER>It was as if he'd finally found a way to get back at us for derailing his campaign so completely, so spectacularly, that there was no way in hell he was going to finish it the way he'd planned to. So he decided to try and do the next best thing: Kill all of our characters.
>>20014992Whoops try >>20011783
>>20014931Campaign based on the Mage free adventure.>Fighting goetic demons.>Find out one of them has possessed a NPC mage.>Magic her gun to make it explode destorying her, she manages to magic it back>actually kinda pissed it happens because dammit, I made a wisdom roll for that action.>anyway, manage to pin her down get demon out.>challange said demon to a little game of can't spell-words-rock>fate magic using PC just ties the demon matching rock with rock, paper with paper, and I still can't spell.>get demon to ragequit the fallen world because it's taking fucking ever.
>>20015012yeah no, shut up, no one cares
Last thing before I go to bed:I want to dissuade any misconceptions about the DM. He's not really a dick, he's a really cool guy, but if he has a story in mind which is then diverted from he will get pissy. He also hates railroading, but is not adverse to supplying strong hints in his language and actions to make the story go where he wants it to. As such, he's prone to making incredibly difficult monsters for us to fight when we don't follow the story.That being said, they're never completely impossible to beat, and more often than not it provides a satisfying conclusion to a good campaign, just like in this case. We've all been friends for years now, and we know what is too much dickery for our group and what is just enough, and this was the perfect amount of dickery.
>>20015012I read the exact same thing, and took that as, like I said, (a) exaggeration for dramatic effect, or (b) something the players would consider acceptable given the context.In my playing group, we characterize our DM in a similar way, as a confrontational entity who 'tries to kill us' when we do things like completely miss the major plot points which, if followed, might prevent apocalypse. Similarly, even is he is 'trying to kill us', he will damn well know that hasn't stopped us before. We might die, or we might pull something completely unexpected out of our sleeves, etc. We might also be happy to die in a humorous campaign to an entity which we utterly failed to counteract due to our characterization as stupid characters.If you aren't just a troll, then I'd suggest you see literacy as not just taking the literal approach to reading a story that has been told for dramatic effect. Literacy implies being able to place a statement in the proper context of the rest of the body of text, which you aren't doing.
>>20015012>calling someone else illiterate. failing to read the post of the person you're calling illiterate.>the OP saying that the DM tried to kill their characters could easily equate to an exaggeration (for dramatic effect)Way to be a faggot.
>>20013638Why can't they just be 1, 2, 3, 4? It's like you want me to sperg out.
>>20014977
>>20014531>Gorilla character named James RusselFuck this, I'm out.
bumping for more tales of greatness
>>20015143I guess your jimmies are rustled
>>20013523> Conan> mapping to the barbarian classNigger was a fighter/rogue if you ever actually read the books.
>>20015241
>>20015241You're pretty sharp there.
>>20015253
>>20015266j-just one more p-postone m-more
>>20015299I'll allow it, but only if it's actually good this time.
>>20015313Oh umm.. that one didn't count?Umm.. alright I've got something....How many roads mus- no no that's stupid...Ok how about... no that's not good eitherGeez Anon you kind of put me on the spot here
>>20015035>>20015021Awesome stories from both of you. (I followed the thread back, Al'Something)A friend ran a similar thing for me, but just said that everybody died when the orcs attacked. It was horrible. I am the only DM now.
>>20015341It's ok anon, take your time. I'll be waiting.
>>20015371MY HANDS ARE SO SWEATYTHIS IS JUST LIKE A BASKETBALL MANGA!AHAHAHAHA
OP your group sounds awesome.Nice work at actually role playing an all barbarian group
>>20015012>Campaign is about a big bad being summoned by cultists.>Party doesn't do a single thing to stop it.>Big bad gets summoned.That's what we call a logical conclusion you fucking moron.
>>20015635yes, a logical conclusion with an ILLOGICAL response. But, seeing as they were all barbarians and all of them were illiterate minus one, it's safe to say that they would not have care for books, or look at them. They care about roughing up people and getting their dues. Again another logical conclusion. But you seem to forget it. The big bad may have been summoned but due to only one minor technicality. The DM, I sympathize but I doubt he got frustrated, couldn't find a way to introduce his story, which by the way is the main point of DMing (him introducing the world and the PCs being heroes, the very reason DMs exist). The only thing I see wrong with the whole situation was that the group did not collaborate to make a more diverse party, one being smart enough to read a little bit and be curious. You cannot expect those with teenage and less intellect to be curious enough to go outside what they care about. That's like telling a 15yr old boy to not look at girls and study, never masturbating. Not gonna happen.
>>20015694If you tell him with chains and a dungeon, he will.
>>20015811true enough, but realistically, only psychopaths would both of those together, and yea, I'd rather see or even be in the same country as the father of that boy, especially if he finds out I did that. Rather like living ya know
Bump so this thread is still here when OP gets back, for MOAR STOREE TIEM
Whatever happened with that game where everyone was playing a different version of Nicholas Cage and waiting to see how long it took the DM to notice?
>>20017725Depending on how many Nick Cage movie's everyone's seen? Not very.
My group is about to start a WoD game set in the Old West, and it turns out everyone made some sort of doctor.>escaped slave voodoo witch-doctor>former Civil War combat surgeon>creepy mortician>scientist looking for a cure for his "condition"
Greetings everyone! Well, I'm awake again, and as promised, after I shower and eat something, I shall tell you all another story.This is the story of how Thragmarr braved the Elemental Planes, two of the Nine Hells, and the entire Astral Plane to find Urist Meadbeard, and how their friendship and sheer manliness allowed them to reside in the Heroic Domains of Ysgard for all eternity.
>>20018237Bracing for awesome!
rolled 87, 58, 68 = 213I GM'd a group that burned down the analog to the Library of Alexandria thinking it was just an illusion, and created a witchhunt after any paladins or clerics in the cities in an attempt to absolve themselves of the blame.But things got weird quickly But that tale has nothing on the Barbarians venture into hell.
Hey, sorry about the wait guys, I like to take long showers and I couldn't find the eggs. So, a bit more backstory to put this tale in context...I'm a year or more younger than the rest of my friends, meaning that I'm a grade below them. As such, when my senior year came around (which is when this game takes place), most of them went off to college out of state. The DM went to an in-state school, and T was already out of college at the time (he was three grades ahead of my friends), so I ended up spending a lot of time with them my senior year.So one day, the DM calls me up.Me: Hello?DM: Hey, Anon. You doing anything tomorrow night?Me: Eh, I've got work until six, but after that I'll be free, what's up?DM: Me and T want to run another game, just the three of us, see how it turns out. I'd be DMing.Me: Yeah, sure, sounds good to me.DM: Great. Bring your dice, Thragmarr's character sheet, and some snacks and drinks to my place tomorrow around 7.Me: Alright, see you there.I'm prepared for another great game with my friends, but I'm pretty unprepared for what I see when I get there.
>>20018568Goan!
>>20018568The DM had a pretty crazy setup going on. He had taken one of those poster boards that fold in the middle, decorated it with a picture of the Astral Wheel on both sides, and placed it in the middle of the large table that was in his basement. There were three chairs set up, two across from each other and one on the other side, perpendicular to the two chairs. The poster board divided the table in half width-wise, making two separate gaming areas.I had a vague notion of what he was going to do with this setup, and after a brief explanation, I was right. Since Thragmarr was currently on the Material Plane, mourning his good friend Urist, and Urist was currently floating through the Astral Plane, mourning over the loss of his legendary collection of ales and other liquor, there was no way we'd know what was happening to the other; as such, the DM set up this screen to prevent metagaming. Now, you might say "but you can still hear what's going on over the side!", to which I tell you, he had noise canceling headphones for the both of us to wear.Thus began the campaign.
>>20018715I was the first to go. He turned the board slightly, as to make a larger area for the two of us, and we discussed what I was going to be doing. I had, despite my lacking intellect, deduced that Urist was not actually dead, but in fact had been sucked through a portal to the Astral Plane, and as such could ostensibly be saved. So, after burning a good portion of my reward on research, companions, and expeditions, the DM informed me that I had finally located a portal to the Astral Plane. Armed to the teeth with the magical weapons and armor that I had accumulated over the course of the last game, I bid farewell to the underlings that I had hired to help me in my quest, telling them that if I did not return, then I had either been successful in my quest, or had died horribly to some monstrosity beyond the realms of man. They wished me well, and I stepped through the portal.Being an barbarian has its downsides. One of them being that you either have to hire someone to read things to you, or try and puzzle through multitudes of arcane tomes in order to find what you're looking for. I chose the former, and paid for it dearly.
Awwwwwwwyeah, barbarianbrosstorytiemDis gon b gud
>>20018944The DM informed me that I had made a mistake in my translation of one of the books, which led me wildly astray as to the portal I had entered. Turns out, I ended up on the Elemental Plane of Air. Thragmarr was irritated, since that meant he would not be able to find Urist immediately, and it also meant that he actually hadn't taught himself to read properly. And with that, the DM turned to T, and his turn began.I found out afterwards that, during his first turn, Urist figured out how to make himself fly about the Astral Plane, fought some githyanki mind pirates, and encountered a Great Wyrm Bronze Dragon, who taught him about the astral plane, and informed him about the portals which were scattered about the plane that led to various parts of the Cosmology.
Yes?
>>20019170After waiting through T's turn, the order passed back to me.DM: After stepping through the portal, you find yourself floating in the middle of an empty expanse of sky. The only landmark you can see is the portal behind you, which then vanishes.Me: Thragmarr's flying?DM: Yes.I grin the shit-eating-est grin I can musterMe: Yeeeeeeeheheheheehehes..... "Thragmarr is master of sky! Thragmarr make sky rue the day it make Thragmarr go to wrong place and not find Urist!"DM: Well, uh, you have to THINK to make yourself fly here...With that, I drew my greatsword, and told the DM that I wasn't using my intellect to move, but rather my deep seated and incurable rage that fuels my every action. He stares at me, then shrugs. "All right, I guess I'll allow it. Anger is a projection of will anyways."To speed this story up, basically what happened after that was Thragmarr used his anger to make himself a rocket. After hours of searching, he managed to locate the castle of a djinn, floating on a magical island suspended in the sky.DM: The djinn and his court look upon you with great disdain. "Why do you come before us, mortal? This is no place for your kind. Mayhaps you should take your leave, lest you find yourself in more trouble than you could possibly imagine."Me: "No! Thragmarr needs your help, magick floating man! Thragmarr must find Urist!"DM: The djinn looks at you in confusion. "Who is this 'Urist'?"I recount the epic tale of my party in my own simple way, and the DM tells me that at the end of it, the entire court has tears dribbling down their faces. "The djinn wipes a tear from his eye. 'We have never heard such a tale of heroism and friendship. We shall help you, what ever you need.'"
>>20019518YES! Nothing can withstand the comradeship of the Barbarian Bros!
go on, good sir
What are you guys doing in other threads? GET IN HERE FOR THE CONCLUSION OF BARBARIAN AWESOME ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!!
>>20019830Props for Ace.And yes, OP, do please continue!
>>20019832This story needs to be compiled like in>>20014531Only better
>>20019518My turn ends with the djinn allowing me the usage of one of his guest suites, and him giving me his sworn word that he would help me find my friend. Of course, taking the sworn word of a djinn at face value is a mistake which many an adventurer makes in his lifetime.The turn passes back to T, and he spends another turn flying around the Astral Plane trying to locate a portal to the Material Plane, eventually finding one that looks like it might be the right one. Of course, without a spellcraft check, there was no way to know for sure, so Urist decided he would fly through the portal anyways and take whatever might come his way. That turned out to be a bad idea; the portal deposited him in the middle of the second ring of the Nine Hells, in a place known as the Infernal Court. Rather than simply tear him apart, though, the devils decided that they'd capture Urist, keep him as their pet to torment for their entertainment, and then when his will was broken and he couldn't do any more, THEN they'd tear him apart.Of course, Thragmarr would have none of that.(I have to go pick up my car from the shop, be back in a bit.)
>>20019861OP is pretty much the barbarian version of Ace Rimmer.I mean, going to the astral plane to rescue your friend despite going completely out of his depth?What a guy…
>>20019905OP stop going places.
>>20019905>(I have to go pick up my car from the shop, be back in a bit.)Motherfucker!
>>20014937This post becomes 100% more awesome when you hear Mako voicing it.
>>20020003>>20019985My face when it's all a clever ruse devised to give himself time to write up the story in Word for faster story tiem
>>20013482I've had that happen with bards.That was a cool game.
>>20020058that magnificent bastard.
>>20020082Keepin' Bumped for OP.
Come back OP. Surely you're not afraid of a few manly tears?
Here's a screen cap for the first part. Now just waiting on OP for part 2.
>>20020187>I was just looking for an excuse to post this picture, but your contribution warrants it
>>20020187>>20020187I am pleased by this
>>20014531I snuck a Poe reference into a dungeon I designed, but nobody ever saw it since I can never get a group together. *sigh*.There was an octangular room with really weak, crumbling walls, and behind each wall was a chamber with loot or an enemy or something, and in one I put a chained-up skeleton wearing jester's clothes with a cask of fine wine.
>>20019905Back, y’all! The car’s fine, but I need a part, which is coming in later in the week.The djinn tells me that, through clever magical dickery and a properly aligned crystal ball, he’s managed to locate my friend; to the best of his knowledge, he’s in one of the Nine Hells, but can’t really tell which one. I roll my eyes, asking the DM if he could possibly narrow it down. Thragmarr doesn’t have an issue cleaving through thousands of devils and their minions to locate, but he WOULD like to know how many thousands he’ll have to face off against. The djinn tries his best, but can only narrow it down to the upper few levels; pinpointing him without a sample of his essence is beyond his power, being a lesser djinn. He is, however, able to open a portal to the Astral Plane’s dimensional “waiting room”, which allows easy travel between the planes. The djinn tells Thragmarr to take the door which is forged from black iron, and hands him a small silver coin which will afford him some protection from fire and from evil-aligned creatures. He wishes Thragmarr well, and opens the door between the planes.After taking a quick ethereal jaunt through time and space, I touch down in the “waiting room”, which is actually just that; a moderately sized room, full of couches , with doors aplenty leading to the various parts of the cosmology. Mercifully, I pass the test to remember which door to go through and swinging it open dramatically, step through into the Nine Hells of Baator.
>>20020409Oh fuck who the fuck is Baator
>>20020409DM: You stand atop a pillar of salt, narrow stairs winding down around it to the ground. Flames lick at the sky, screams of pure agony fill the air, and as far as you can see lesser devils torment damned souls with pitchforks and saw-toothed glaives. A great cry goes up when they see you, and a horde of winged imps flies at you with malicious intent. Roll for initiative!My DM is great at streamlining large-scale combat, and as such my battle with the lesser devils took only about ten or fifteen minutes, with me cleaving through nine or ten of the imps per round. When it was all over, I stood victorious, with only about fifty of my whopping 468 HP missing. I kept one of the lieutenants alive long enough to interrogate him, gleaning that he and his compatriots had heard whispers that some of the lesser nobility of the Second Ring had recently acquired a new mortal plaything, with a will of iron and a backbone of steel. He tells me of the portal to the Second Ring, and when he also tells me that I will most likely die trying to take my friend back from the nobility, I punch his brain through his face in anger.I cleave and smash my way through more hordes of lesser devils on my way to the portal, each one telling me the same thing, that there was no way I could save my friend, that I would die in the Nine Hells, and each time I punched their face in.After cutting them all down, I finally reached the portal, and repeated the process again until I reached the lair of the demonic nobility that had my friend.
>>20020695To make a long story short, most of the nobility never stood a damn chance. The silver coin that the djinn gave me gave me a nice damage reduction against their spell-like abilities, and my strength modifier was so high at this point that, coupled with the Large-size greatsword I wielded with the help of Monkey's Grip and the Legendary Cleave feat, I was cutting through crowds of the abhorrent gentry like they were level 1 commoners.Finally, I stood before the Pit Fiend who presided over the court, his hands wrapped around the spiked chain that was clamped around Urist's neck. His glorious beard was gone, shaved off by the devils, and all along his arms and upper body pulsing, evil tattoos had been inscribed. The light had gone out of his eyes, and he looked a different dwarf.DM:The pit fiend laughs, and says mockingly, "Do you like what my devils have done with your friend? We find him much more... obsequious."Me: I fly into a rage, attacking the pit fiend. "THRAGMARR DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"After a solid half an hour of combat, during which my health is knocked dangerously low, I finally manage to subdue the pit fiend. He lay on the ground in front of me, looking up with an almost pitiable look in his eyes.DM: "Mercy... please... I can grant you unimaginable powers... untold riches... you can have anything your heart desires, just don't kill me..."Me: Thragmarr looks down at the form of the pit fiend, then raises his greatsword above his head to strike the final fatal blow."Thragmarr just want his friend back."
>>20020876Goan!
>>20020876
>>20020876Yes.
>>20020876where the fuck are the drawfags when you need them
>>20020876I brought the greatsword down, piercing the devil's heart, and his hideous death scream echoed through the blood-stained halls of his decimated court. I leaped forward, encircling Urist in my arms to protect him from the blast that follows his death, and after the flames subside, cradle him with tears in my eyes. The DM takes down the screen, and for the first time all game T and I look at each other. We reach across the table and shake hands.T: Urist mumbles something unintelligible to Thragmarr.Me: I lean in, trying to catch what he's saying. "What did you say? You shouldn't talk, you're exhausted..."T: Urist puts his face right up to your ear, so he can whisper, "If ye have a drink, by the gods, give it ta me."Me: I laugh heartily, reach in my pack, and give him the masterwork wineskin Urist gave to me after our first big job together.He slurps the booze down eagerly, and I put him on my back, carrying him to the portal. We manage to get back to the "waiting room" without much trouble, and look about us. We can tell which door leads back to the Material Plane, but... another door catches our eye.
>>20021053> The DM takes down the screen, and for the first time all game T and I look at each other. We reach across the table and shake hands.Your DM has style, this is beautiful.
rolled 15 = 15>>20021053Stories like this are why I love /tg/
>>20021053There is moar!?
>>20021053It's majestic, carved out of solid oak, steel studded with a motif of crossed swords embossed into it with inhuman skill. I look over my shoulder at Urist, who shrugs. "It looks ta be a bit more innerestin' than the other one." I take the knob, and walk through the door.At first, we think we've simply ended up back on the Material Plane. It all seems pretty familiar, but after a bit of walking, we notice we feel less tired, and Urist can even hobble along of his own power, the colors are brighter and more bold, and much to Urist's delight, the wineskin seems to refill itself. After about two hour's walk, we end up at a great festival, with huge tents of all sorts of colors set up, the sounds of ringing metal, bawdy jokes, and shouts filling the air, and humanoids of all shapes and sizes walking around enjoying the fair. We gape, open-mouthed, at this warrior's paradise we've stumbled into, until a towering man in a horned helm wearing a masterfully crafted set of armor carrying a battleaxe notices us.
>>20020334"For the love of God, Anonymous!""Yes, Anon. For the love of God.">>20021053Eagerly awaiting...
>>20021430 "Ho there, lads! It's not often we see new faces here in Ysgard. What might yer names be?" After introducing ourselves, and explaining our situation, the man sends for a litter to carry Urist to what he calls "the Hero's Bath". He takes me into a pavilion, which is filled with feasting men and women dressed in all sorts of clothing, and bids them be silent. He seats himself in a massive throne, and tells me to recount my tale.After my second retelling, the entire pavilion is silent for a few minutes, digesting the story. Suddenly, it explodes into furious applause, drunken cheering, and outright sobs of joy. Men clap me on the back and shove drinks into my hands, women come up to me and kiss me, poets offer their services to record my tale, and blacksmiths beg me to smith the finest new equipment so I might try my skill in the tourneys. Kord himself raises me up to a seat at the head of the table by his right hand.But just as suddenly as it all began, a hush falls over the throng. I look about the pavilion for the source, and see it immediately.
>>20021430i love you OP
>>20021459dont stop!
>>20021459Goan goan goan!
(That is most definitely not the picture I selected. I've never even seen that pic before, what the actual fuck.)>>20021459Urist stands at the entrance to the pavilion, tall and proud, restored to his former dwarven glory. His beard is back, as thick and luxurious as I remember, and he's clad in the finest furs and armors that the legendary craftsmen of Ysgard can produce. I stride over to him, and raise him up on my shoulder, as the pavilion once again explodes into thunderous applause.And so our campaign drew to a close. Urist and Thragmarr lived out their days in the lap of warrior's luxury, feasting, wenching, and fighting, going undefeated for as long as they live. It was an epic ending to an epic campaign, one that satisfied all parties involved. I rank it as my number one campaign ever played, and I reuse Thragmarr on a regular basis.I hope you all enjoyed my story. Stay classy, /tg/.
And there's part 2 of the screen cap.Excellent story OP. May it live forever in the annals of /tg/ history.
>>20021640>(That is most definitely not the picture I selected. I've never even seen that pic before, what the actual fuck.)Someone else uploaded that pic at the exact same moment you posted yours and it replaced yours. Glitch that happens on 4chan sometimes.
>>20021640>Not the picture I selected>Implying it doesn't perfectly fit your post
fucking brilliant tale, OP.
>>20021640This is the stuff /tg/ wants and needs, mighty tales of hardship, camaraderie and beating the odds!
>>20021640This tale would make for a fucking glorious power metal album. Thanks for the amazing story, anon!
This should be made into a movie
>>20021942I would watch the fuck out of this.
I applaud you OP. I will spread your tale to all that have ears.
This is one of those rare times where a funny story becomes legitimately epic.These are the best of times, my friends.
Are there any drawfags monitoring this thread? We need a drawing of Thragmarr striking down the Pit Fiend, or Thragmarr lifting Urist onto his shoulder in front of the cheering pavilion
>>20022222GLORIOUS QUINTSALL HAIL THE QUINTS KING
>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222
>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222
>>20022385>>20022429>>20022495Oh boy here we go
>>20013482Stories like this make me wish I found the hobby at a younger age
>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222>>20022222
>>20022603
>>20014905Your sacrifice was not in vain.
Fuck off. Quints/gets/etc. aren't a /tg/ thing.
Brilliant story OP! It's for threads like these that I hang out on /tg/.
Ok, Thragmarr. This story ranks up there with Kromgar, imho. I've always wished to be a part of something like this.Congratulations, OP, for having such an awesome group.
>>20022945Did you even read the rest of the story
>>20023280Thragmarr, Urist, and Kromgar Teamup when?[spoiler]Also did we ever get physical descriptions of Thragmarr and Urist?[/spoiler]
>>20022707seconded
We need a drawfag in here.DRAWFAGS GET IN HERE!
>>20023787Fucking this.
>>20023787Thirding this
Fucking outstanding OP, I actually have tears in my eyes right now.We who are feeling feels salute you.
>>20024077
>Rogue TraderSo two friends and I are bored and decide we're going to play Rogue Trader. To put things into perspective, my grasp on 40k is dubious at best.I roll up a human rogue trader, and my friend is an ork tinker-er (or something).The GM wants us to randomize our wealth pool. This means that we roll a ratio of wealth to ship strength. We max out ship strength, leaving us dirt poor. My battlecruiser was a mars pattern warship with teleporters, lasers, gauss canons, and a ramming nose, but we have shit all for land based equipment.
>>20024411>>Rogue trader storySo we head off. My rogue trader contract says for me to deal with some orks or whatever. My friend's ork, named Groump or something, teaches me about orks.First we encounter some orks on asteroids. Apparently this is normal. My character attempts to bully them into leaving, they fight us. We blast the utter shit out of them.Later, we encounter more asteroid orks. This time, we smash the shit out of their commanding vessel, and Groump declares himself Knob. We now have a small navy in the works, with an asteroid tethered to us.
>>20024459>>Rogue trader storySo we decide to head deeper into ork territory. We encounter this prison planet with a distress call, so we investigate. Apparently, something's been eating guards on the other side of the planet, and they can't figure it out.I talk to the GM about how my teleporter works. He informs me that it works best with something to track, for a better signal. I grab a bunch of these things and we go.On the surface, we use the ship's scanners to track the thing. When we find it, it's a giant "squig". After a laughing fit when he shows me what it looks like, I form a plan.
>>20024510>>Rogue trader storyI send the away-vessel thing we landed in up to the ship to get some foodstuffs, meat. I then shove the target signal into the meat, and hurl it in front of the squig. Who eats it.Victory.Groump then informs me that he thinks it's a bomb squig. Apparently, they can explode. This hampers my plan significantly.After much debate, I throw a rock at the squig. He runs at me, and falls over after trying to get up the canyon walls. I turn to Groump and tell him that it can't be a bomb squig, 'cuz "You said if we shake it, it'll " 'splode". And it didn't, so it's not". Groump agrees.
OP I want to thank you for the story.I have been playing tabletop games for so long now...I think I have been playing for something like 12 or so years (which is around half of my life)I have had bad games, I had good games, but nothing ever compares to this.This was an amazing tale about amazing, well developed characters and it's something I want to get to someday hopefully.Thank you OP, you the man
>>20024510>>Rogue trader storyAfter teleporting the squig into the teleporter bay, I as captain offer the title of "squig wrangler" to any crewmen bold enough to help wrestle the squig into the cargo bay. This entails double food rations.We get some volunteers, and capture the squig. As promised, I give them little badges that say "Squig Wrangler" on them.We then go to meet the leader of the orks in this area. I contact him, and he insists that he's going to carve out my scrotum with his spoon. I show him my "bomb squig" (which has been painted or something to look more like a bomb squig). I threaten to send it to him. He thinks I'm bluffing. Groump then informs him of our "telee-port-ah". The big knob backs off for a minute, then ploughs past us to assault some planet.He goes down there and is all "MEET ME IN DA COMBAT RING". We bombard him from orbit with my gauss canons. No more problem.We actually stopped playing at this point, mostly because of school.
>>20024635That was the most boring story ever. And you couldn't even remember half of it.
>>20024922I agree - shit tier Rogue Trader story, compared to some I've read.
>>20021640OP for meritorious Barbarianism, I present you with the Barbarian of Approval!
I probably won't beat OP in terms of pure awesomeness, but what the hell. Technicly it wasn't PnP, it was Neverwinter Nights roleplaying server with it's own lore and shit, but awesome quest is a quest nontheless.It all begins with, what else, bunch of adventurers trying to drink the boredom away at the tavern. Suddenly, a bunch of bald monks bursted into the place, praying to the young illusionist wearing sickengly green robes and a pink ribbon on his left wrist. That is, my character. After few minutes worth of everyone around saying 'what' it turns out my PC is supposed to be marked by Puril, the god of travel, as his new avatar. To finish his path to godhood, he had to travel far, on an unhabited island. To prove their words, he suddenly started oozing energy, giving everyone around some minor buffs.See, here's where the things get tricky, as the now-worshipped mage with poor fashion sense is actually a demon. Increadibly young, as he went through the change through a ritual, but a True Neutral god choosing a walking abomination veiled in illusions as his avatar on earth seemed...fishy, to say at least.But hey, achieving the character's ulterior motives should be even easier as a god, so why not give it a shot?
>>20023538OP here, I was over at a friend's flooping the pig so I didn't see this. I'll give you a quick description, for posterity and for the drawfags.Thragmarr the Barbarian, also known as Thragmarr the Dwarf-Tosser, stands about six foot five, approximately 275 pounds, with the broad shoulders and beefy arms you would expect of a barbarian. His dark brown hair was shaggy, but relatively short, because Thragmarr cut it himself with the edge of his greatsword every now and again, whenever he deemed that it was getting in the way. His beard was masterfully braided into three long braids, which comparative to the rest of his body was kept perfectly groomed, having traveled long and long with Urist and acquired an almost dwarven respect for beards. Almost. He has blue-green eyes, with a jagged scar over the left one, marring his otherwise comely face.Urist Meadbeard, formerly Urist Stonespear, stands approximately four foot two, 175 pounds, very stout even for a dwarf. His dyed-red hair was cut into an impressive mohawk of moderate height, a symbol of his dishonor from the mountainhome. His beard, as said before, was luxurious and impeccably well groomed, being divided into seven intricate braids with gold bangles around the ends of each one. He has brown eyes, and was known to smoke an iron pipe that he forged himself in the shape of a snarling bear.
>>20026453>I was over at a friend's flooping the pigSo that's what they're calling it nowadays.
>>20026513That's what me and my friends call it now, anyways.
>>20026331So after milking all the cash out of the monks as an offering to their new god, a party was formed. Pretty much everyone wanted to be in a good graces of a potential god, so 10+ PCs started being my personal escort. Barbarians, warriors, mages, you name it. The journey itself was a simple raid through many locations filled with mobs, with my humongous party slashing everything, while I was sitting back doing jack-fucking-shit, just silently enjoying the trip and decapitations. We finally arrived at the underground chamber. Just what you'd expect from a place suited for becoming a god- iron maidens, blood everywhere, pentagrams, a barrier blocking our way out and astral projections of the monks. Neato.As it turns out, they were actually worshipping some devil lord (who'd have thought) and needed to amass a big number of tasty souls for the ritual of summoning their master- and what ought to tempt powerful adventurers' souls than a quest for godhood. A powerful barrier of spells instantly ripped everyone's souls out of their bodies and clogged into a giant wobbly flashy ball of 'Essence of Life'. Well, everyone but the dude in green, since there was nothing to rip out of him (if I remember correctly, demons were spiritual there, so soul was the same thing as the body).The party started running around like headless chickens, searching for a way out. Since the perspective of a powerful devil on the same island as me wasn't too good, I decided to help out [spoiler]That and permakilling over ten characters for other players is a height of douchebaggery I have yet to reach[/spoiler]
>>20026453GET TO IT DRAWFAGS
That feel when your story is good enough to get +38 on sup/tg/. Thanks guys.
>>20026598Suddenly, the Essence started talking. It said it can return everyone to life if they will follow pretty Hades'esque deals after they rebirth. How convinient.Two characters, a barbarian and a warrior, instantly agree. They are tasked with finding a home, settling down and stopping their brutal way of life in a span of one year, or they shall die again. They agree, despite the fact being armed lunatics was pretty much the way of life for them, and promptly return to their own bodies. In the meantime my character decided that following a set of rules decided by a fucking lump of flashy energy is bullshit. And so I rolled INT to see if I can cut the character development of others short.Turns out that with a few good words and strong willpower, he can force the disco ball to do his bidding. With no further thinking or explaining things to his escorts, he began chanting to push the energy through every dead body, reconnecting them with souls. It would give him no instant gain, but sometimes an ally owning his life to you is worth more than consuming delicious souls.That act of selfless altruism earned him a crossbow bolt to the arm from one of the ressurected dudes. And yet, he managed to contain the rage and still get the rest back to life. We quickly ran off the island and the mage in green robes never, ever got thanked for bringing everyone back to life, as everyone thought he was trying to control the energy for his own gain and it was the crossbow bolt that set the ressurecting chain reaction off. Fucking ungrateful bastards.
>>20013537The OP is a carbon copy of this, but with less wit and detail:
>>20026869Uhh, no?
>>20026869You just went full troglodyte, nigga.You NEVER go full troglodyte.
I'd like to submit my humble doodle in the hopes that it may be found worthy of posting.
>>20027535
>>20027535OP here, while Thragmarr used a greatsword and had a set of leather-and-ring armor with iron boots and gauntlets, your doodle pleases me greatly. Consider your doodle to have my personal seal of approval.
>>20027619Fucking incredible story. Well played.
>>20027784Thank you, good ser.>>20026869Pic related.
>>20027535Fukken saved
>>20027619submitted for your approval,
>>20028950the thumbnail looks like his arms are crossed and he has a ham for a hand that is being eaten by a fanged slug
>>20028950Does that greatsword have spikes?
>>20029001Why. Why would you do this to me.
>>20029001Haha oh god.
>>20028950OP here. Pic related.>>20029001Dude... c'mon man. Why you gotta play it like that homie
Shadowrun Campaign. I played a character called Big Bruno, bit tough lovable italian orc. He operated a pasta cart in his spare time, which the party hacker would add addicitive drugs to (without Bruno's knowledge). He was just happy to have repeat customers.Then one day we are on a standard run at Azetechnologies when we run into strange opponent. Our group is split up, and Bruno encounters the BBEG of the campaign. He's standing in front of me, and as I train my rifle on him and ask him who he is, I hear something behind me. I whip around, but there's nothing. Quick as you like, he jumps forward, slits my throat, and escapes. I barely survive.
>>20029347I fashion a gorget out of scrap metal and wear it constantly. We gradually realise that this guy is part of the cult of Oroberos, and is planning on unleashing an elder dragon to destroy the world. Our hacker begins scanning security channels to find him.We next encounter him in a warehouse. He slices up our mage pretty bad, and almost is about to get away, when I back up against the wall and use it to brace myself for firing (at this point, Big Bruno had acquired a minigun), and I fill this guy full of holes.I walk up to him, gloating in my revenge. BBEG lets out a chuckle, and I hear a rumbling behind me. All the other players are watching me, ready to pack up and GTFO before the police arrive.DM (to the other players): You see the land deform and swell behind Bruno, morphing into a gigantic earth elemental monster.Bruno: Oh no, you aren't going to fool me with that one twice! You have to get up pretty early to pull a fast one on Big Bruno!Then a giant fist picks me up and lifts me in the air, beginning to squeeze the life out of me. The BBEG walks up to me, then tries to cut out my throat, but chuckles when he sees my homemade gorget, so he instead decides to gouge out my eyes instead. Police come, he escapes, once again I barely survive, albeit with no eyes and with most of my ribs cracked.
>>20029001How do you come up with that?
>>20013528Necromancer w/ skeletal companionOthers have familiars suited for scouting, +16 hide/move silently ratings.
>>20027619Just throwin' another doodle into the pile. Excellent story OP.
>>20029439I swear revenge again. I get myself a pair of cybernetic eyes (did you know you can get eyes that shoot laser beams? They do almost no damage and have almost no range, but it's pretty freaking sweet).We have a bunch more adventures, my character indirectly saves our collective skins by judicious use of the best contact ever, Tony, a fellow orc and pizza delivery guy, who we always got free pizza from and whose truck was used more than once as an innocuous getaway vehicle.Finally, we track down BBEG to the final battle, inside a volcano. Overcome with rage, I throw my minigun at him and charge. He sidesteps, and shoves a katana deep into my gut. We lock eyes. I realise there's only one thing to do. I pass my Body check, then impale myself further on his blade, then grasp him in a bear hug and throw the two of us off the cliff, careerning down into the steaming lava.But that's not all. That's too prosiac for Big Bruno.As we fell a thousand feet through sulfur and smoke, with a katana sticking through his back, Big Bruno mercilessly, furiously, contionously, shot the BBEG in the face with his newly-purchased eye lasers.Then with a puff of smoke, the both of us were gone, and the day was saved.The moral of the story is: if the rulebook has the rules for eye lasers, then almost certainly you're going to find some creative use for it.There's also always a good reason to have your left lung replaced with a fire extinguisher, but that's a story for another time.RIP Big Bruno, you magnificent, pasta-cooking, chaingun wielding, laser-eyed bastard.
>>20029579Pic is awesome and you should feel awesome
>>20029579FuckYes
>>20029579OP here, this is an awesome picture and you should feel awesome.
>>20029579Part of me is like, "Yeah, that's fucking awesome!"The other part is like, "That's not a fucking doodle, you dick."Jealousy rages within me.
Moar stories of Thragmarr! Like...did Thragmarr ever learn how to read or learn big words good?
This is a story about my group's party, involving my Human Barbarian Ravager, Drustan and my girlfriend's Gnoll character. Definitely not as epic as Thragmarr's story, of course, but I hope it's at least entertaining. Our party was desperately needed in Red Larch, and we were in Neverwinter, so we set off to save the day. Unfortunately, our mage had been severely burned in a rank test, and her lover, our ranger, stayed behind to take care of her (there was also some RL drama involving them, but let's not get into that). Our Drow Assassin, who, through a lucky series of events, was the leader of an entire Underdark city, went through a teleportation mishap, was rendered female, and was lost and confused, so we were lacking him/her too (The player also temporarily moved away, so there's also that).
>>20030076So, the three remaining party members were me, a Gnome Fighter with a griffin mount, and the Gnoll, a Shaman, who was only barely tolerated by Drustan due to his worship of Malar. There was also the Fire Elementalist mage that was sent alongside us. We didn't really like her, especially Drustan, who hated almost all magic, and the fact that she was the one who had burned our mage. We didn't have a choice but to take her with us, but we mostly just ignored each other. We got about halfway there, we had a few fights, no big deal. Then the next session came along, and the Gnome's player couldn't make it. So, the GM handled it by having the Gnome try to fly on his griffin, but the griffin got spooked and flew off in a random direction. The Gnoll and Drustan headed ever southward, while the Mage flew ahead, almost taunting us due to her being able to do that with magic while we had to walk.
>>20030080We get to the Mere of Dead Men, and prepare to cross. We are ambushed by a camp of hobgoblins, whom we have quite a bit of trouble taking care of. Three attacked us head on, while two of them shot arrows from a bush. Drustan rages, killing two of the fighters while taking some damage himself, while the Gnoll uses her claws to kill the other. Then Drustan rushed forward, surprising the archers, and punches one of them in the leg. Hard. It was a crit, in fact, which broke his leg in half. This scares the other guy enough to accidentally hit his friend swinging at Drustan (botch). Drustan calms down after killing the healthy hobgoblin, then they briefly interrogate the injured one. Despite Drustan's protests, the Gnoll lets him go. And of course, he runs to another hidden camp, who proceeds to attack us.
>>20030083They surround us, we prepare to fight them off, when suddenly their leader, a shaman, walks up. Now, this guy is huge- almost literally, having used magic to make himself bigger, and is carrying a club almost as big as either of us. He challenges us, promising to let us go if we can best him. The Gnoll tries to step forward, she's in better health and might have a chance. Drustan won't hear it. It's his duty to accept a challenge, and to deny it is an offense to his entire nature. He steps forward, and puts on quite a challenge for the guy, despite only being at 20 out of the 60 or so max health he has. And then, it happens. The shaman crits, forcing me to roll a system shock or die. I pass, barely, with -5 health. With Drustan down, the Gnoll rushes forward, casting a Heal Minor Wounds spell, bringing him up to one, then hauls him up, ready to run, but she's still surrounded. She briefly prays to her goddess, then resigns herself to death.
>>20030086Suddenly, the Elementalist shows up, raining a huge amount of fire down on the hobgoblins. The Gnoll, scorched slightly but no worse off, begins her desperate escape, with one of the leader hobgoblins pursuing her. He follows her, hunting her, walking at a leisurely pace while she carries the unconscious Drustan, who, of course, is really heavy. Finally she can take no more and sets him down, then turns to face her pursuer. She fights a desperate battle, already injured and worn out, but manages to kill him with her last amount of strength, passing out on top of the hobgoblin's dead body.We awoke two days later in Red Larch.
>>20030090I have a few other stories, if anyone's interested. Not too many, we're still playing this campaign, but yeah.
>D&D 3.5>We roll Dethklok Bards>Started off just stun locking enemies and running away>Later, turned into throwing level 1 peasants at monsters until they died or we ran >Got to the point where we were followed by dozens of peasants each>Started equipping them with pretty great armour and weapons>DM actually lets them level up>We now have an army of Klokateers>We blow off the main story for about 10 sessions and amass enough gold from performing to outfit our small army>Took over a castle and converted the peasants >Established ourselves as rulers of about 1/8 of the continent >Game continues for weeks and weeks>Stop and look back at GM notes>We had only personally killed 3 wolves, a villager, a knight and a few fish>We now rule the entire continent from a moving citadel made of bones>DM gets up from the table, hurls the rule book and his notes at a cupboard across the room and sits back down>Atesh, god of music and wine has become enraged by your abilities. He has sent 8 divine agents into the world to set about dismantling your empire>"Yeah, so you're fighting gods now. Happy?"We were
>>20030238A good GM.
>>20030556*doesn't get frustrated when his players pull awesome shit.
>>20030599Hates minimalism
>>20029579
>>20030238
>>20031262http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3CQfvfv1sI
Was here when this started, glad to see it still alive after having to leave midway yesterday.Fuck, OP, this was pure awesome. I love you, Urist, your DM, even that little faggot who betrayed you near the end of the first half.
Bumpin' in an awesome thread
...I need a moment.
This thread is great
>>20026869Okay that was pretty fucking great. There's always a time for when dice just go horribly wrong and everyone embarrasses themselves.
>>20014240>M: Okay guys, I have an idea. Let's disguise one of us as a tree and sneak up on them.
Toasting! Amazing tale OP. Manly tears.
>>20032687Thread ruined.
>>20032696With the feels generated by Thragmarr and Urist? I don't think so. Their glory endures.
>>20032696THREAD ENCHANCED
>>20032696OP here. I don't really mind, and neither should you guys. I'm just hoping it doesn't turn into a fucking pony thread after all this.
>>20026869>players all roll up same-class characters>similarities endFor gods' sake, it's like you didn't even pay attention to the rest of the thread.
>this thread
>>20033388Storytiem. Tell a story. Because this thread is for storytime, and 'tis in your very name.
>>20013528Actually my first campaign that I ever played was me and two friends playing a Sorcerer, A Wizard and a Beguiler. It was Dragonlance and we all chose a different order.All on Accident.
>>20013586I was once in a group with a Druid who could shift their wild shape form during the duration. At one point some kobolds dropped a gate in front of us and so we did the only thing that made sense at the time. He shapeshifted into a Small Kitten and then my Mongolian threw it at the gate and he shapeshifted into a Giant Bear in midair and destroyed the gate.Our DM was in shock for a minute before he just said. "You know the gate was unlocked right?"
Ok, I got a story time.I show up at a 3.5 D&D session at my friend’s house for the first time in a couple years. I’d been running 4th edition games for some guys in the town I’d been living in prior to this, so I was looking forward to some time as a player. I bring my brother and my roommate over too, since we all wanted a last D&D game before I moved out of town. We roll up 3 brothers and head to my friend’s house.The DM is a large guy, but amiable enough. He doesn’t like to keep notes, he comes up with stuff on the fly, but he’s good at it, and knows enough monster stats to run a game pretty smoothly… except for he loves railroading. A lot.Party sits down, DM asks us to introduce my characters class race alignment stuff. Hambeast sister of hosting friend is racist elitest elven ninja, chaotic good. Average girl who we think is banging the DM is a Half-elf knight, Lawful Good. Freaky not-sure-if-shehambest roles male human Chaotic Good Warlock. Friend roles Chaotic Good fighter raised by dwarves.Me, my roommate, and my brother look at each other, then introduce ourselves: I am the Dwarf Crossbowman “Turkeybolt”, my roommate “Wiskeydick” the Dwarf drunken monk, and my brother “Pighammer” the dwarf fighter with a 4 in charisma. All from the moantains of ‘Sicilly’, are Lawful Evil, and are from organized crime.
Just giving you guys a heads up, OP's story made it to the front page of Reddit. Not saying /tg/ is a super secret club or anything, but uh... brace yourselves.
>>20033436Unfortunately I don't have the time right now to do a complete writeup. Our group has been having some... complications... lately. I tried to sit down and hammer out a writeup of our game so far, and I didn't get very far before I was like "This needs way too much goddamn explanation, nobody will ever understand what the players are doing." I'll do a story thread eventually, but we're just at tough place right now. Our game is actually on hiatus, and one of our players is on an extended vacation in Hawaii. SHIT'S DEPRESSING YO.
>>20033542WHO'S THE RAT? Was it YOU? I think the 'sekrit klub' mentality is retarded, but associating with the mediocre hellpit of Reddit and its idiotic mob-rule is madness. We do not need more of their ilk migrating here in search of original content to steal and pander and violate, rent asunder to be put back together in a shitty vector graphic tracing. If you are here, show yourself, anon. Own up to your crime!
>>20033542Fuck Reddit.
reddit is a bunch of niggers
Epic story, bro.
>>20033607I can't find it, I think he's just fucking around. Not that I would necessarily be able to find it in reddit's clusterfuck of a shitty layout though.
>>20033676Found it. It was under Gaming. http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/x4gek/how_4chan_plays_dnd/
http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/x4gek/how_4chan_plays_dnd/
>>20033697Reddit's weird idol fixation with 4chan is one of the worst thing about it.Anyway, fuck them. Fuck you, if you're a le redditfag.
Enough with the fucking reddit vs. 4chan bullshit, we're better than that around here.
>>20033730We've always hated reddit bro.
>>20033703
>playing a mecha game that can be described as the bastard love child of Gundam and Battletech.>We're all pilots in the armed forces of the Frontier Commonwealth, essentially NotZeon.>Just finished attacking a Reddie base, and the big dumb pilot "I pick things up and put them down" decides he wants to clear out a bunker we half trashed.>He goes in, tries to pull a steel door off the frame.>floor breaks under him instead.>He lands on top of some dude, and knocks him out.>The Scout, the Rich Boy and the Mechanic go down after him, while the sniper is on overwatch on the nearest hill, and I stay in my mech above ground in case they need me to pull their asses out of the fire.
>>20033697>When I DM, i tell people who are shy to third-person it until they are comfortable. Instead of "I grab the maiden by the waist and thrust deeply!" You can say, "[insert character name] grabs the maiden by the waist and thrusts deeply!" Makes it a little less personal until you get comfortable haha.
>>20033542Lol, they be jellin'.
>>20033793>Ten minutes of exploring later, we find a random Red officer with a shotgun holding some 16 year old girl hostage.>We talk it over a bit, and decide that since he's not actually near the girl, I'll just plunge my beam sword down through the ground and the roof and kill him that way, since I have everyone on infrared anyways.>All set to do it, when the Big Dumb guy says "Wait a second, I want to try something first".>He runs into the goddamn room.>Leaps over a desk.>And crouches behind it.>Enemy officer rolls double ones to react.>Short pause.>"Ohh my god he just ran in, save him!">Instead of sticking to the reasonable plan, everyone rushes into the room.>I can't tell who's fucking who anymore.>Turns out the officer has dragons breath rounds loaded in his shotgun.>Firefight ensues.
>>20033730It's not about Reddit vs. 4Chan. It's about /tg/ content being on Reddit. We are pleasantly isolated from other boards and the rest of the internet for the most part and so we've prospered. We're small and relatively stable. Now Reddit's going to be sniffing around here and shitposting may rise exponentially because Reddit is huge compared to us. Being huge means more capacity for shitty users. We don't need their shit users migrating here just because a few good ones might come too, because the shit ones may very well stick around and outnumber the good ones!Plus, the userbase of /tg/ might start counter-shitposting to drive off Reddit-tier shitposters. It's already happening with all the damn metathreads we see nowadays of shitposting over percieved shitposting and then the perceived shitposters actually shitpost and everyone's shitposting. If we start regularly counter-shitposting then that shitposting might stick around. And if that happens then we'll be the Western /jp/. Do you want to see /tg/ become the next /jp/ because of redditors and anti-redditors shitting up the board with their idiotic arguments? I didn't think so. Now stop posting 4Chan copypasta on Reddit. Nothing good will come between these two sites interacting.
>>20033697OP here.While I hate reddit like pretty much anyone else here, more for its horrendous formatting than anything else, it makes me feel really good that the story of Thragmarr and Urist is being spread around that much already. You guys are great people.
>>20033829>complains about meta-posting>meta-postsYou're right, but fucking ignore it, and move on. Nothing we can do now, just never do it again.Need to work on dat Urist/Thragmarr drawfaggotry
Hey guys I'm from Reddit and I'm really interested in joining your club :DWhere do I sign up?
>>20033947gurochan.net
DUDE! What the hell is this!?!!? Why didn't you say Gurochan was filled with this horrible stuff!
>>20033975WHY!?!?!?! This is horrible!!!!!!!!
>>20033947>>20033992Stop playing pretend, anon.
>>20034003Who is anon?!
>>20033975Thank for the boner man.
Now, now guys. Reddit is huge because it is broad, while /tg/ fills a particular niche. Chances are, most Redditfags will want nothing to do with it. Then again, "nerd chic" is really popular there... Emperor preserve us!
>>20034114Haven't you heard? He's happy on His Golden Throne. It's just us here.
>>20034114>when you see itAlright, I laughed.
>>20033543Sorry to hear that, man.
Why do you have to fucking post this on reddit? Are you fucking retarded?
>>20034674Hey man, Reddit is a neat site! They show me all kinds of cool stuff that isn't popular yet, but deserves to be!
>>20033975Hey I masturbate using that site constantly, it really is diamond in the rough. Some stuff on there is usually pretty difficult to find anywhere else.
Thragmarr needs his own wiki entry
>>20034881What, like how to rape children?
