>Gave Players a magic Lamp
>The one asks for more genies
>10 more appear, kill everyone
>Party starts over

File: 1343028462361.jpg-(172 KB, 800x600, 1340394465592.jpg)

>Only War
> Separatist General challenges Commissar to a one on one duel to decide the fate of the planet
>General is like Stuurn, with those fuck you Lightning Claws of his
>Commissar beats him
>Takes the Lightning Claws
>He can fuck everything for everyone ever.
Motherfucker how did I not see that one.

>dont know the alignments of the players (prefur it that way so they can evolve with roleplaying)
>high level adventurers
>low and behold, a standard return the princess to her kingdom quest
>she's being held in a tower of all places on a mountian side
>wizard is usually the nice, down to earth sorta guy
>suddenly he turns into a not giving a fuck sorta guy
>uses his magic to collapse the entire mountian
>uses a retrive object spell
>retrives the princesses corpse from the giant mound of rubble
>everyones like wtf dude
>he tells them all "the king never sead she had to be alive and he has priests"

>>20002080
Fucking wizards.

>Party is hired to take down drug dealer who pimps kids, super grim darkbad dude
>Leave him one route of escape
>Arrange for Hellknights to patrolling the area
>Switch his Bag of Holding full of gold with shiver (pathfinder meth)
>Dispel Magic the bag as he is running past the Hellknights
>Bag vomits out comically huge pile of illegal drugs
>Bad man goes to jail for the rest of his very short, torture filled life

>second "dungeon" reward is an enchanted facemask taken off the corpse of a famous serial killer/thief
>mask gives you the appearance of another human being, provided you are wearing a set of clothes that once belonged to said human being

>few weeks later ,forgot I gave them said item because they've found no use for it
>party is roaming the catacombs beneath the royal cathedral
>discover a hidden room behind a thick wall
>it's the final resting place of a beloved religious leader
>whole coffin had been blessed, his garb is in pristine condition
>tiefling rogue breaks out in fits of giggles
>is now the fucking pope

>Had a Group, one an illusionist.
>Group is being chased by angry villagers, fighter slept with mayors daughter.
>illusionist makes the illusion of a bridge,
> Townsfolk run off bridge into ravine
> Group loots the town...

>>20002060

Next time draw an eight-pointed star on it in biro. It's like Elbereth, the Commissar won't be able to touch it.

>>20002098
The best parties are ones with wizards.

>Create random encounter where a party of three is lured/ambushed by bandits.
>Expect a five minute long encounter.
>Somehow escalates into two-hour long, massive hostage situation.
>Somehow.

File: 1343032189064.jpg-(16 KB, 418x314, jensen.jpg)

>Rogue Trader
>make badass assassin who can fight on an equal or better level than the PC badass assassin
>PC identifies where the assassin has taken cover, punches through a wall, and one hit kills the enemy assassin

It seems duels between master assassins are very brief affairs.

>Party goes to exterminate locatha problem
>topples a kingdom instead

Fucking PCs

>>20002516

You'd think it would be. Or it would "appear" short, with a LONG setup to the kill.

>>20002516

I gotta say, that was an awesome story.

I mean, really awesome.

>>20002516
Not gonna lie. I chuckled.
Your comment made that fucking story.

>>20002516
>party spend all game networking with slightly heretical tech priests
>start collecting shit tons of alien gear
>we're now playing XCOM

>>20002425
Yeah, should have learned not to have the party start out fighting good old regular humans.

Next time, Chaos Mutants. By the thousands.

>Nuke a City
>Nuke another city in another Game
>Nuke another.. Ok by now I kinda shoulda expecta
>Cavalry counter charge inside Void Ship
>Create a spy "sparrows" networks of students for beer money
>Make a "I sit this one out if you sit this one out" deal with über killy mercenary bodyguard
>Accidentaly chain lightning the entire head council of the mage guild
>Accidentaly open not one, not two, but three gate way portals to places that actuvly try to invade the Empire
>For the hobbit to kick the Elf mage in the arse and such also into the bottomless pit
>Other weird shit constantly..

>Design typical dungeon. Party goes in.
>Half the party goes through the dungeon as normal.
>The other half spends the entire game trying to drill through a random wall at the start of the dungeon.

I don't even know anymore. This action had like. No profit. No reasoning. But they were the most persistent people I've ever seen. They were GOING to break that wall.

Maybe they just wanted to play Dwarf Fortress D&D or something.

>>20002588
Oh and..
>Accidentaly chain lightning self, instead of casting a healing spell (one less faith point).
>Attack witch hunter and warrior priest to protect Mutant scum
>Constantly charge into firefights with no armor (DH, and we don't even get to count out TB as damage absorbation as per normal mechanics).
>Try to solve every situation by "I try eating it" - Halfling Maw Cultist.

>DM is being a cunt
>Decides she is done DMing
>Balor attacks the city
>We're level 11
>Instantly summon, through manipulation of infinite time stops and summon monsters, every Lantern Archon in existance
>3.4 million laser attacks
>She gets all pissy
>I spend the night on the couch
>Worth it

>>20002686
How did you get infinite time stops at lvl 11?

>>20002696
Bad Artificer things and way more money than a level 11 should have.

>party fight slaugth overseer
>they actually run

>PCs go to fight giants, on account of their big XP haul.
>The dwarf fighter decides to feed the giants, and make friends with them.
>Gets totally surprised when the giants throw rocks at the party at a distance.
>Rest of the party facepalms.

>player playing an Oakling gunslinger as a sajuaro cactus bandito
>kill a bunch of rabid dogs
>decides to milk a dead dog to save the puppies
God dammit players
And it's not like two members of the party weren't an angelic and demonic bureaucrat

File: 1343037209730.jpg-(6 KB, 218x213, averagebethesdaemotion.jpg)

>low level party stumbles into a Dragon cave
>they awaken the sleeping lizard
>Dragon is about to destroy them
>one guy rolls a charisma check
>100
>Dragon is now bros with the party
>now their main method of transport

>in town with party
>halfling cleric of bane goes to buy potions for low level party
>roll a 20 on diplomacy for a cost reduction
>rolls another 20 and ends up boning the felinid shopkeeper and gaining a new party member
>it happens again

And this bastard rolls 1s for everything else consistently.

>Half-orc barbarian keeps trophies of his enemies. Gnoll heads, has a bandolier of 20 orc axes, even kept the umber hulk carcass in his wagon.
>Look at notes.
>Dwarves have a bounty on gnolls.
>Hobgoblin territory the party is crossing uses steel as currency.
>Giant millipede enemy can only detect movement and came down out of the mountains due to hunger.... he throws the umber hulk corpse at it.

I swear, this guy... I don't know how he did it, but every time I came up with a "weird hook" his trophy cart had something in it that applied to the situation.

Every. Time.

>>20002080
>prefur
pls go

>Dark Heresy
>Rival faction of the Inquisition uses mindcontroled/conditioned renegade psyker for mindrape stuff
>party maraudes through rivals secret labs and finds the psyker resting inside a creepy stasis/indoctrination devices
>they have been destroying/killing everything before, its their modus operandi
>they spend three (!) sessions and considerable resources on extracting the psyker, freeing her from the indoctrination stuff and win her trust
>now they have a powerful telepath as part of their cell
>her body is that of a woman in her early twenties, but her mind lacks about twelve years of experience from the indoctrionation and is that of a ten year old noble-born girl

They don`t even know that their Inquisitor is a radical who believes in the psychic ascenssion of mankind... I really didn`t expect that shit.

>>20002963
As long as the party is okay with him always having.. stuff on hand like that, then you could always use the trophies for gags and laughs, maybe some hooks.
After all, some tribesmen don't like seeing their buddy's head on some orc's belt.

>Savage Worlds
>Send a Giant Worm against the players
>First player gets a joker
>manages to deal about twenty wounds at once
>God damn

File: 1343042214635.jpg-(396 KB, 894x894, world faberge.jpg)

>have party exploring some underground alcoves and tunnels
>find a chest, guy goes to open it
>turns out it had a glyph of wind trap on it, launches him into wall
>decides to take it with him
>they go into the next room, windwall spell all over the place, going from left to right into alcoves
>he trys to run through it, gets stuck in a alcove
>cant fight agents the wind
>remembers trap chest
>opens it repidly, firing it agents the winds in order to get to the other end of the room

File: 1343043247437.png-(49 KB, 250x250, 293047123251.png)

>pathfinder
>running carrion hills with 5 pcs
>these two in particular are a fighter and druid who wildshaped into a wolf (dm fiat, he gets wild shape at lvl 1 at the cost of no domain or companion)
>fighter claims him as his pet
>keep seperating from the group while in towns to get food or shenanigans
>whatever.jpg
>finally, combat time
>ghost of manor comes to threaten the adventurers for entering his domain
>they both run away
>wat.jpg
>look at their character names again
>Sh'Rag y and Skubes
>mfw

>>20003314

Brilliant.

>>20003314
And now I can't stop laughing.

File: 1343044350381.gif-(1.06 MB, 256x192, Heartface blocking the sun.gif)

>>20003314

File: 1343044492154.jpg-(61 KB, 798x597, corgi.jpg)

>>20003314
You made a shitty morning better so here is a picture of a corgi

>party exploring a dungeon I've built, slowly revealing parts of the map as they go
>one party member notices that the dungeon's outline sort of resembles a cat
>party decide that this simply must be significant in some way, and spend the next 2 hours looking for clues to the secret of the dungeon cat
>decide to throw them a bone and give them some cat themed artifacts, including masks that give you catlike nightvision
>they all wear these masks all the time and rename themselves the hello kitty brigade

truely did not see that coming.

>>20002404
it's like a Warner bros cartoon

Belt of Gender disguised as "a belt of wisdom" (should have been first tip for players) used on the Orc barbarian just to mess with him.
part has three people with remove curse.
What should have taken 30 seconds to fix turns into a 15 minute negotiation as two of the players are BIDDING to decurse the barbarian to get the belt.
It ended when the player offered the Orc 50% of the profit he makes off of using the Belt for "Services'. (he runs a brothel)

File: 1343046521109.png-(144 KB, 716x549, Actually happened.png)

> DMing 4e campaign homebrew
> PCs enter a forest controlled by a fairy king
> In return for safe passage through the forest the PCs must rid a swamp of foul bollywogs
> PCs eventually find the wogs and proceed to stay hidden and quiet until the normally boisterous fighter's player pipes up
> "Are there any carcases lying around?"
> Roll 19
> There's an aligator carcass, which is half eaten.
> The entire party proceeds to fashion the carcass into a rotting disguise to scare the bollywogs away
> Thing is pretty shoddy looking due to bad rolls
> Fighter with the dwarf on his shoulders runs out of the brush with the costume on making airplane noises
> Anyone with an IQ higher than room temperature should see through the act
> THE DICEGODS HOWEVER HAVE DIFFERENT PLANS
> Bollywogs all roll, not a single one gets more than a 5
> Bollywogs all flee in terror
> The swamp is now said to be haunted.

>>20003582
Apparently Murphy's Law works for DnD
If something stupid can happen it will happen

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20001747/

File: 1343049813809.jpg-(42 KB, 200x210, 1340150812461.jpg)

>>20003582

My sides.

>>20003314
>Skubes where art thou?

>>20003314
>Zonks Skube! That nice wizard we met is like totally a lich man

>>20003620
>Apparently Murphy's Law works for DnD
I thought this was fairly well known.

File: 1343064977308.jpg-(208 KB, 2204x778, dnd.jpg)

not mine but funny nonetheless

>Party has to kill Hobgoblin chief in his war-tent.
>The over-all sneaky party has yet to alert the village
>They don't go through the main entrance to fight guards
>Stand on top of each other's shoulders and climb onto roof.
>Cut hole through roof
>Jump on top of war chief during council

I underestimated how badly they wanted to be sneaky.

>>20003314
I can't stop laughing, damn you.

>>20003051
>her body is that of a woman in her early twenties, but her mind lacks about twelve years of experience from the indoctrionation and is that of a ten year old noble-born girl

Was it really necessary to mention that detail? Because it sounds kind of fetishy...

[nospoilersontg]...not that I'm complaining or anything.[/nospoilersontg]

>>20005893
from that detail you kind of wonder if the inquisitor and psyker became lovers

>Running only war
>Ork is charging at the techpriest
>Up to this point, techpriest has been fighting ranged only
>Has only staff for melee
>Fires a few shots, then just waits
>Ork will be in CC next round
>Techpriest:"I use my baleful eye"

Completely forgot to check his equipment beforehand. He was really vocal about his gear choices, didn't suspect him pulling a fast one. Burned a hole through the Ork's forehead.

>In CoC, have an old cultist holding the Investigators at sword-point
>One of them decides to reach for his gun
>The cultist stabs him, tells the rest of them to not even think of trying it
>They decide to all try attack him at the same time, on the basis that he can't attack everyone
>Through an amazing series of rolls, the random old cultist guy with a sword utterly annihilates three armed me with barely a scratch

>running D&D 3.5
>party triggers a boulder trap
>everybody but the dorf runs
>dorf player says"I eat the boulders"
>"NIGGA SAY WHAT? But you can't- oh screw it, roll 1d20"
>NAT 20
>Party hears crunching noises, followed by "Tasty!"
>boulders are fucking gone

File: 1343068994368.png-(510 KB, 615x632, 1327380582273.png)

>>20006339
wat

>>20002608
Ever played Zelda?
Some walls hide secrets.

>>20006336
now we know why he is an OLD cultist

>>20002608
This. For fucks sake this.
All the while screaming "DON'T RAILROAD ME, BRO!"

Then they get upset when they break through and find this huge ungodly beast on the otherside that rips and slashes through them, and right after they die the guy that took the normal route shows up with a super holy charm he found that could save the day.

>>20006339
There's being a lenient DM and being a pushover. "I eat the boulders" with no magic or special abilities involved? He can try eat the boulders but not even a natural 20 shouldn't do anything.

>Playing 3.5
>Waiting 10 days in town to make sure the lich we killed is really quite sincerely dead.
>everyone takes on menial work to make easy money
>pally trains horses, rogue does some pickpocketing, ranger decides to take assassination contract
>This'll end well (TM)
>ranger follows mark to his house
>without declaring any sort of disguise, hiding or what have you, he opens fire on the guys house.
>dozens of people see him kill a man in broad daylight
>bounty placed on his head
>decides to enlist the help of the wizard, for mind control
>mind control and disguise a hobo to look like him
>turn in homeless man for bounty on his own head
>never allowed in main quest hub ever again

>>20006339
Should've been more like
>Natural 20
>Your teeth doesn't break
>Want to try again?

If your players just killed an encounter and makes a spot check for hidden enemies, do you add more if they get a natural 20?

>>20006757
He's a dwarf. Of COURSE he can eat the fucking boulder.

>>20006339

This is why the D20 system is retarded.

>>20006884

He would be crushed you moron.

>>20007075
thats the DM, not the system. There are many more reasons the system is faulty but DM fiat is not one of them.

>>20007107
>Dwarf vs. any kind of stone, in any situation
>Assuming the dwarf won't dorf those rocks into fucking gravel
>Anonymous has entered a martial trance!

>>20007111

It is partially the system. It tells people a natural 20 is always a success; not taking into consideration the lack of common sense that most people have.

>throw a drow priestess at them as pseudo BBEG
>they're supposed to sympathize with her sob story and get info from her
>they kill her instead and steal her mountable spiders

Dammit. I knew those spiders were a bad idea.

>>20007126

Yes and completely denying the laws of physics; without any kind of magic.

>>20006339
I used to play in campaigns where the DMs thought that natural 20s could accomplish anything. Once we realized that that meant that every peasant in the land has a 5% change of achieving godly, impossible feats things got silly. Herding a group of 40 peasants, it becomes statistically likely that you can get anywhere with all of them attempting to fly, and invisibly too by having all of them try to bluff that you're actually a cloud, and then end the adventure instantly by making them all do a strength check to lift the castle the bad guy is in, and drop it in a lake.

>intolerable peonsib

Damn right captcha.

well, sounds like unless you want the party to completely derail your entire campaign, you're going to have to come up with a clever way of getting rid of that thing.

>>20007132

Exactly; a retarded system.

>>20007127
if you could point out where?

there are many situations where a natural 20 is not an automatic success, such as skill checks and saves.

Many people (incorrectly) allow the houserule, where a natural 20 applies to these. That comes from not reading the manuals clearly.

The only time that really applies is on an attack roll and even then miss % can still be applied as normal under the correct circumstance.

All of the nat 20, crazy consequences, are from deliberately misinterpreting the rules for humours sake. Which is fine, but don't pin it on the system it self.

>>20007149
2/10

>>20007168
You know, that only works on troll posts. Calling D&D a retarded system is like calling water wet.

>>20007183

Thank you. At last...somebody with some sense. There are so many better systems out there.

>>20007202
Like Earthdawn

>Players help wood nymph
>She rewards them with magical flower that is basically immortal
>Any water poured into the flower turns into sweet nectar
>Useless item right?
>Players use infinite nectar to create unique fermented booze
>Make loads of dosh

Clever bastards.

>Game is Mutants & Masterminds
>PC steals a truck from a friendly hobo shantytown
>He REALLY wants a flying car, one way or another
>Shantytown leader bans the party from his domain until they return the truck
>Thief gets pissed and blows up the shantytown
>Game has switched from fighting aliens to surviving the nuclear mutant hobo apocalypse

Just another day in Mutants & Masterminds

>>20007299

I am not familiar with it. I meant Percentile System or the one Victoriana uses.

>>20007467

Not same anon, but: Earthdawn's system involved scaling dice. And yes, it was an awesome setting, a good system, and doesn't deserve to be a functionally dead IP.

>PCs are Controlling witch, Rifle Proficient sniper Rogue, Large size(using race point builds from ARG) cleaving barbarian, and dervish dance metamagic Magus. They only use excessive poisons, traps, and rigged explosives through high craft, disguise, and bluff skills.
>Only way to get them to fight an encounter is catch them of guard or else they will prepare and craft poisons/traps for weeks before adventuring, while rogue and magus do endless amounts of scouting/gather information on their target or dungeon.
>They aquire gold through extremely well planned heists or swindles on shops and castle tresurys.
>They started contructing Golems and airships
>At level 11 started throwing demons at them through portals.

>>20001747
>Send a reoccurring villain at the party
> He takes down the rogue and wizard so they are in the red.
>The paladin and barb take him down to 5 health.
>He gets on his griffin mount and flies off laughing.
>Barbarian throws his great axe.
>Great axe hits the griffin, it bucks and the villain falls off it to his death mid laugh.

File: 1343076247586.jpg-(161 KB, 1215x717, Taric_ArmorOfTheFifthAge.jpg)

ITT: Not that guy or that GM. Pic unrelated, though fabulous.

>Running Procedural Drama themed Dark Heresy campaign
>Acolytes are undercover as Arbites, investigating nobel murders, culrpit supposed to be Archimedes Noxt from the Creatures Anthema
>Acolytes deduce that, from the fact that the murder have been occuring in high security places, the only one responsible could be an Arbiter
>Start explaining their logic on how the head Judge is the most viable culprit. Let them run with it to prove as a red herring until a "My God, That Makes More Sense" occurs in my head
>Original plan of Noxt heading organ leggers thrown out in favor of him infilitrating the arbites.

I'm not used to players being so convincing in their logic that they make me feel like I'm the one solving a mystery.

File: 1343077374252.jpg-(133 KB, 543x800, 1319424596387.jpg)

>Player makes a justice-obsessed Guard Captain who came to the city where game is taking place to clean up the crime-ridden streets.
>Joins the other player characters who are morally ambiguous, but mostly bad, and function as a sort of active branch of a corrupt city guard.
>Causes some friction by trying to be the good guy, but eventually comes to understand that the sort of people they deal with need to be treated more harshly.
>Invents a secondary, Batman style persona so he can get away with doing certain things without tarnishing his rather good reputation.
>Eventually helps the group take down a corrupt king, overthrow and conquer the kingdom, and restore cosmic balance by freeing a trapped God.
>As soon as the King was dead, he walks to the door, summons his Eagle mount, and flies off, telling me he's heading to the next town.
>When he introduced his character, he explained that he went from town to town, training guards, eliminating crime, and punishing criminals.
>I figured he would have stayed and made himself captain of the city guard, as the players were establishing themselves as the new rulers of the city they conquered.

>>20007467
As the other Anon said, Earthdawn uses this neat little step system. You add steps as you would modifiers, and the resultant step determines what and how many dice you roll.

I love it because it actually follows a bell curve. So for instance, if you have to roll a step 16 the dice combo you roll would result, on average, with a 16. As it should. I don't have it on me, but you should be able to find a chart on Google.

>>20001747

>in some magic shop
>not paying attention
>other player tells me to take a look at these peppers
>"sure OK"
>pick up peppers
>DM makes me roll
>Nat 1
>peppers explode
>sidetracked for 10 minutes from everyone laughing

I love my group

>start off asking if the DM abides by the rule of cool
>he claims he does
>playing Call of Cthulhu
>cultists take over the plane as a dragon flies past us
>i get the dead air marshals pistol
>go to the lavatory and enter the crawl space that i found while searching for explosives
>crawl all the way into cockpit where the last standing cultist is hypnotizing the pilot
>while he's distracted, i stick my hand out of the crawl space and shoot out the cockpit window
>explosive decompression should suck the cultist out and leave the pilot in his seat
>DM says current cruising altitude (transatlantic) isn't high enough to cause explosive decompression
>damn it

>Unwittingly walk into mindflayer lair without any sort of preperation
>Like, 500 mindflayers
>Must escape
>Told by DM that they're tracking us and can follow to anywhere we teleport
>Anywhere? Perfect
>We zap out to this frozen wasteland where we have a very shaky truce with a clan of dragons
>ADVENTURERS & DRAGONS VS MINDFLAYERS!
>All-out war, everything is chaos
>Amazing teamwork with dragons leads to a landslide victory

All worth it to see the DM's face

>Playing Mouseguard
>You can spend actions in downtime to declare certain minor details about the setting with an appropriate roll.
>One player takes a bunch of Starwise, figuring it'll be useful for navigating.
>Unfortunately, someone else practically maxes the main navigating skill, so it goes untouched.
>Instead, he repeatedly uses it across multiple seasons to declare the existence of star-cults as a major religion in the setting, along with details about the various fantastical constellations and their specific teachings, etc.
>Another player is going for an Ahab-type relationship with a killer white Carp in his backstory - possibly a dwarf fortress reference, I don't know.
>First player declares The Carp as a constellation, and the white carp to be the embodiment of its maddened, aquatic lore.
>Fuck, we have an obsessive survivor and a crazy occult scholar, and the other three players start following in their footsteps.
>I include an evil Carp cult as a one-off joke, but it gains momentum and with a few more seasons the Carp has evolved into the BBEG, an eldritch abomination shrunk down to mouse scale.
>Fucking Call of Cthulhu Mouseguard.

File: 1343087625072.jpg-(12 KB, 214x314, yes.jpg)

>>20009533
I love you

File: 1343088291658.jpg-(20 KB, 603x380, Big Boss.jpg)

Just so you guys know, this is the best thread I've seen on /tg/ in a long time.

Thanks, guys.