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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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Now, we have plenty of That Guy or That GM threads, but how about a That Group thread?

So, what was the worst party you ever had the pleasure of GMing for? Terrible characters, terrible players, all manner of nightmarish material is welcome here.
I sometimes GM oneshots on conventions, and good lord, some of those people... I swear, most of them just go to cons because they can utterly ruin games without repercussions.
Not the GM myself, but we've discussed this. Everyone else in our group meta-games constantly, and goes off on unrelated shit so often, that the GM has been completely unable to express a coherent story. I've been able to draw no roleplaying experience from this group, notably my first group, and he gets a headache ever single session.
If you have a problem with the entire group, the problem is with yourself and you just refuse to acknowledge it.
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I wouldn't be so sure about that. I've had sessions of a long-running campaign spiral into chaos and wanton destruction because the players didn't feel like playing the usual serious story, but didn't warn me beforehand.
My DnD group is nightmarish. I GMed Dark Heresy for them. It was our first RPG. They loved it, I loved it, but things fizzled out. I saw some stuff on DnD and decided to check it out with them. We did character creation and everyone was excited. This was the last night I can remember having fun with them.

Right out of the gate we had a character die. The cleric that was in the group decided that fighting was more important than healing, so while the whole party was waiting for him to heal, telling him to heal, begging him to heal them, he was simply doing shit damage with a longsword. Eventually somebody died without ever bean healed once. The cleric then decided he was going to loot this man's possessions and that his new character shouldn't get any of the loot since he died and "Didn't help us at all". I usually let these things pan out through party dynamics, but the whole party went along with it...
Five minute bathroom/drink/smoke break, come back to everybody stoned. Fucking. Hate. That. Shit.
I've got a guy who smokes up in my group and he comes up with creative characters every game and roleplays them pretty damn well. Sounds like you've played with burnouts.

As the weeks continued, we had one player, our rogue, show up consistently late. Like we would meet at 6, he said he would be there by 7, and show up at 8:30. Eventually we all stopped waiting for him to start because we had a guy who usually had to leave by 10. Now, when said late rogue DID show up, he was the biggest pain in the ass ever. In a typical night, if we were in a dungeon, we would get through 2 or 3 rooms in 4 hours. Combat was hell. They would come across a completely harmless encounter (like 10 goblins or something for a party of 5 adventurers) and the rogue would go through every single little thing he could possibly do to gain an advantage. Eventually he would end up rolling a decent roll that got boosted to somewhere around 20-25 on a 14 or 15 AC goblin and it would take him about 10-20 minutes every turn to figure out how to do this and he refused to roll until he got this. Eventually I started putting a timer on turns and banned talking during combat unless it was your turn as the Rogue's turns usually devolved into a group brainstorming session about how to get the extra +1

Then we have the Dorf Fighter. The man is an idiot. That's all I can say. He was the one who died earlier and he didn't even really protest that the group stole all his gear and refused to give him any of the spoils of battle. Oh well, that doesn't really effect me. What effected me was his characters. He named his first Dwarf Fighter "Balls". I can't say I was sad to see him go. When he died and made a new character, it was the exact same character only this one was "Balls' cousin, Balls the 2nd". I grimaced, but whatever. If it's fun for him, I'll go with it. The most irritating part of this player is that he would either interrupt my description to tell me his actions based on conjecture, or he would ask a question I just answered that he missed because he was playing PSP. Yes, he would literally bring his PSP to RPG night and just play it when we weren't in combat (and sometimes during combat). The first one usually annoyed me the most. "You enter a room. You see a che-" "Is there a bed? I look under the bed." "No, just let me fin-" "What about a dresser? I move it and search behind it for secret doors." etc. It was awful. Him asking things I just answered wasn't too bad as I usually just said "Ask your party" but it pissed his party off something fierce.
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>Last bandit of a group dies
GM: "...and dies from the bl-"
The group in unison : "I LOOT TEH CORPSES"
DnD makes you a worse person. This confirms what we always suspected.
I DM'd a group with a LN halfling monk who tried to steal a donkey from a neutral townsfolk commoner in the middle of the night. The monk made too much noise and the guy came out of his house with a crossbow to defend his property. The monk killed the guy and the donkey was spooked from the ruckus and tried to run off. Unfortunately for it, the donkey had been tied to a post with a rope around its neck so the animal snapped its own neck in panic.

Long story short, the monk ended up being committed to a nearby lunatic asylum once he was apprehended by the authorities. It was a decent resolution for the character because the PC was playing his monk as chaotic neutral (or arguably chaotic evil) so he couldn't take more monk levels anyway.

The last two members were just fuckwads in their own unique ways. Nothing terrible, but they just rubbed me wrong. One was a powergamer. He scoured every book looking for any advantage. The worst was he did this for all characters. By level 5 he was basically running everybody's character. I don't see how this didn't bother them, but it made combat even worse for me. I had to tweak everything to make it hard for them to defeat the monsters so it would stay fun. The final player was a wizard. He always took charge in social situations despite making charisma a dump stat. When I would ask him to roll diplomacy he would say "I roll intelligence because that's what people care about." "No, you roll diplomacy. Charisma is a stat for a reason." "No it's not. It's for gay faggot bards. No one likes bards or gnomes. They respect affluence and intelligence like my wizard has. I get my way always because I'm so smart." By the end of our campaign when things were shit anyway I generally had him arrested, beat up, spit on, etc. for his arrogance. Needless to say I eventually told them I will never GM another session of DnD for them ever again and if they wanted to keep playing they'd need their own PDFs, own books, and their own place to play because I was finished.
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I used to have groupmates that just couldn't stop arguing about anything. They even fought once.
I once GMed a session of Deathwatch where a PC constantly tried to negotiate and make peace with Necrons despite being read the entire setting chapter, told numerous times he couldn't, and even me saying "If you try to talk to them they will kill you. Even if you SOMEHOW succeed, your party will kill you for heresy.
Seems like he read the Blood Agels codex as well.

Anotehr twist from M Ward Shyamalannanananan.
>chaotic neutral (or arguably chaotic evil)

Oh god, that sort. What is it about CN that draws the idiots?
you can pretend to not be evil because it doesn't say 'evil' on your character sheet.
I was thankfully not the GM for the group, but my only experience with Exalted was with a pretty shitty group. We had my acquaintance to who roped me into this ground. He always played his character as a vaguely bored, murderous sociopath. Thankfully he never raped or I would have slapped his shit. Then there was the guy who literally brought in a copy of Shinobi to use the game's box art as his character portrait. Played an utterly predictable ninja. The third player was an intense min-maxer in a system specially-designed to be a a min-maxer's wet dream, IMO. They would always make Monty Python and the Holy Grail jokes and chug Mountain Dew. And neckbeards on every one of them. I'm more of a role-player so I didn't have a ton of fun overall.

To the GM's credit he was fair, just, and at least tried to keep the group pointed in vaguely the right direction. It was clear to me he was quite flustered, though.

I suppose the group doesn't sound horrible in retrospect but it's the first of two times I've truly not had fun in a gaming group.
I was in a group that contained a fat neckbeard trying to insert his creepy (to the point of almost hilarity) submissive women fetish into the game, with a schizophrenic who to be fair was trying to be normal but failing, and a bullshit power gamer who was invited by the co-DM who turned up to one game, didn't help anyone, and never came back.

I was a rogue, kind of a swashbuckling trickster built around having lots of skills.

The fat fetish fuck was a rogue with the same basic build, but he played a moe-moe prostitute who just followed us through dungeons clapping and sometimes criticizing our fighting when the neckbeard forgot he was playing his ultra-submissive slave-woman. We went to town and slept with everybody, chuckling gleefully as he bullied our first-time DM (a fairly young girl) into describing how he slept with over one hundred dudes in a single night. He boosted about how many points he was putting into Seduction and Perform (Sex). He bullied the DM into letting him take feats from the Book of Erotic-whatever-its-called, including a moe feat that meant monsters had to pass a charisma based check or not be able to attack her because she's so submissive.

Our mentally ill player was OK, he didn't really have a head for learning the rules, but he was just a low-level fighter. He tried really hard to fit in, and he just wanted to be a character from a Conan story really, but he couldn't help himself from rocking in his chair and muttering "Blood, blood, all the blood is dripping from swords and knives and little eyeballs..." and stuff like that.

Our power gamer played an evil cleric in an explicitly all-good game, and just pushed everybody about and acted like a cunt.

There was also a wizard and a druid in the party; the wizard dropped out when the overweight neckbeard joined.

I'm pretty sure the druid player was trying to hit on me too.
Does this mean I can does whatever I wants all the time?
>They would always make Monty Python and the Holy Grail jokes

Kill them, no jury in the world would convict you
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This strip describes my last DnD group so perfectly it's not even funny.

On the bright side, it made the few sessions were we actually got shit done even more memorable.
>We went to town and slept with everybody

That should read "He went to town and slept with everybody", sorry. Also, our co-DM was the one who never returned. Her boyfriend the evil cleric powergamer kept coming back.

DM also had her boyfriend present, but he didn't play he just sat there and occasionally interrupted the entire group to try (and fail) to be witty. Supposedly he was writing a book on D&D, but surprise surprise nothing ever became of that except for him ruining the game's atmosphere at the worst possible times.
>in a system specially-designed to be a a min-maxer's wet dream
A game that's as easy to break as Exalted is generally not what I'd call "a min-maxer's dream". It's really more "That Guy's dream".
There's no fun in raping the willing. And all White Wolf systems are generally willing to be broken.
As a fan of everything Monty Python I find this shit infuriating. Yes, Holy Grail is funny. But my god, they didn't even know of Monty Python's other works. Thank goodness my sister showed me the Meaning of Life the same year I went to college. I could have wound up like... them.

Ok, I didn't realize that people actually played their fetish characters literally. I always thought people were exaggerating.

Luckily, for me my worst group that I GMed just started to drop out one by one over time. They would be busy or show up later and later until they just didn't show up. It was frustrating to hold the story together with so many characters dropping out but not as frustrating as some of the shit I've seen here.
> the Meaning of Life
I absolutely hated that pointless gross-out mess.
Then again, I hate the Monty Python fanatism. I dislike most of their humor.
>Ok, I didn't realize that people actually played their fetish characters literally. I always thought people were exaggerating.

...Isn't fucking a hundred dudes pretty much breaking character for a submissive female?
It only makes sense if the guys were hitting on her.

He wasn't even officially chaotic neutral, his character sheet said lawful neutral but he clearly was not. He could have easily used subdual damage from his unarmed strikes to incapacitate the townsfolk (he was a level 1 commoner and was no threat to the monk).

Additionally, the storyline of the adventure calls for HELPING the townsfolk. The PC's actually group up with the town's constable for an encounter. And if all that wasn't bad enough, this PC had significant experience as a DM for other campaigns and was pretty fair when it came to DMing but he sucked as a PC.

As for the chaotic neutral thing, most PC's seem to think that CN = insane and random. IMO, chaotic neutral is the most difficult alignment to roleplay without being a douche.
Life of Brian is clearly the best choice.
*Shrugs* It's cool. To each their own, as they say.

It was less "endless Monty Python references" as it was "endless references repeated several times within a span of a few hours" which really annoyed me.
I can't even begin to describe how fetishy this guy played his character.

>Don't hit on me silly adventurers!
>Please don't chain me up again Mr Orc!
>For my combat round I squeal and hide behind the adventurers.
>Instead of telling you my characters name, she squeaks and hides behind a pillar, scared of being around such large and powerful men
>"Oops I have no money to pay for entrance to the town but maybe I could repay you another way?"
>"Oops I have no money to pay for a ferry across the sea but maybe I could repay you another way?"
>Thanks for ferrying us, I'm just going to pop below deck for three hours and give all of your crew a 'special' goodbye."

He didn't get to seduce any party members thank god. This is because while we were in a bar I went looking for mysterious hooded figures quietly drinking from the corner. He wasn't a lost king though, he was a drug dealer, so I force fed her a bag of sedatives and bought a separate room for her.
If you mean obnoxious rasta fucks who are stupid high all the time then I know where you're coming from.
So was the guy writing the book doing research? If so then it seems like he's doing it wrong.
She must have had more STDs than all of Africa.

I don't understand why people can't play Chaotic Neutral characters.

I mean, you would think that it would be fairly easy to play a mercenary or a sword for hire, someone who's not a major asshole but is only interested in getting rewarded for what they do.
As for the chaotic neutral thing, most PC's seem to think that CN = insane and random. IMO, chaotic neutral is the most difficult alignment to roleplay without being a douche.
CN is literally do what you want cause the pirate is free.
Yeah, but that seems to be his fetish. A submissive girl who will fuck him dry.

Doesn't really have to make sense, if he's embodying his fetish/fetishes into a single character.
You might want to make sure that the bottom of the table isn't sticky.
You know who the worst are?
You all know what I'm talking about, they smoke pot like it's a badge of honour instead of just something to do.
They refuse alcohol and "processed" food because it's an affront to "nature" and they're vegan, so it's impossible to cater for them without shelling out way too much money, when they're only half your group.
Everything has to be PC, they're always talking about "The Patriachy" and "POC" and complaining that your historical Medieval Europe campain hasn't got enough "diversity", that their ultra-empowered pacifist female negotiator is too "constrained by her gender roles" IN MEDIEVAL EUROPE.
They complain about the way you include magic because it's apparently insulting to Wicca "an ancient and gentle religion which has been persecuted for centuries and it's not fun for us that you include psuedo persecution of Wicca in your games"
Everyone's comments and jokes are just too "offensive" and they want everyone to censor themselves as if we care what their stupid ideology says about making dick jokes or movie references, or taking the piss.
Oh, and they have terrible fucking hygeine, like full on bad smell, dirty clothes, no respect for my goddamn house.
And for people so concerned about being offended, they're not exactly fucking polite, they don't say please or thank you, they insult everyone else whenever they feel like it and won't apologise, and one of the little shits actually tried to threaten me, a semi-professional boxer, with his weakling vegan body, because I said I was sick of the wankers.

so yeah, none of them were ever allowed back in my house, and me and Kz decided we'd meet any of our other friend's mates before we brought them in to the game.
..Are you sure that you caught yourself hippies? This sounds more like living strawmen.
Every day I pray they were just assholes trolling and not genuine people.
I think the worst group I was ever in was running a 3.5 game called I Wish to Be the Little Girl.

My character was pretty terrible too (basically first time playing 3.5, picked a character class at random and rolled a fucking Shugenja who I played as a little kid basically guided along by wind spirits and thinking EVERYTHING IS FUCKING AWESOME FOREVER), but it doesn't really hold a candle to the pedophile cleric, the '23 but looks 10 because necropolitan' druid and sorcerer who spent most of the game tentacle raping each other and having tea parties, the 'I spend my downtime whoring myself out because that's what women do' half-elf bard and the futanari catgirl schoolgirl warblade (from the land of catgirl schoolgirls).

God that game was so terrible.
So you are saying you were re-enacting 4chan's culture?
Apparently, yes.
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>They complain about the way you include magic because it's apparently insulting to Wicca "an ancient and gentle religion which has been persecuted for centuries and it's not fun for us that you include psuedo persecution of Wicca in your games"

Oh no, fuck that. This just rubs me the wrong way. There are so many things wrong with that shit I could talk about. Unfortunately, it would bring up a lot of issues that I'm not sure anybody would want in this thread.

The worst group I've ever had was the unfocused one. Luckily, I figured out that really it was only one person who caused this. Once he was gone, the group became uberfocused and got shit done.
Did the game even have a plot or point?
I think the DM tried very hard for there to be a plot, but...it just didn't work.
To elaborate: the first real encounter with npcs we had was with a bunch of dwarves in an underground kingdom - any plot we could have had was immediately precluded by the druid and the sorceress going I ROLL PERFORM (CARAMELLDANSEN), LOL and getting like +50 to the roll somehow. The game never really recovered.
Most groups are really good. Not wanting to play games because you've heard horror stories is like not wanting to eat because you got food poisoning once.
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No need to worry. Groups like these are rare, /tg/ jsut seems to have a special abbility when it comes to finding crazy people.

Hell, you'll be lucky to even having a girl in your group, yet on /tg/ it's an everyday occurance.

I'm the guy who posted >>19951365 , but my current group basicly consist of only pic related kind of people.
This, the majority of groups are perfectly fine, just wait for a game finder thread, although groups in those tend to be a little flaky, so it might take one or two tries to get a good group.

They can bring out the worst in people but don't worry most people are cool.
One players rolled a 12 year old child who he described crying whenever he didn't get his own way and generally destroying any social interaction in the game. Another player rolled a martial type character with a personality which didn't extend past "HIT THING WITH SWORD". The next player rolled a chaotic "good" witch who should have by all rights been evil. The fourth player was the only reasonable one for the most part.

This group then spent the better part of a session stealing from each other, stealing from NPCs and blaming it on each other, and then spent over an hour discussing the best way to flood the dwarvern kingdom so that merfolk could live there, before they encountered a black pudding and almost all died due to sheer determined retardation.

I bolted as fast as I could manage after that.
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Chaotic Neutral individuals being lolrandumb are a reaction to overly strict asshats who enforced lawful good or punished chaotic evil harshly.

You can trace the development of one of these players pretty easily:

Step one:
Player: I'm playing a Paladin! I want to be the good guy!

DM: Lol, he falls because I'm an asshat who made an unsolvable dilemma!

Step two:
Player: Well fuck your shit! I'll play a CE fighter so I can just do whatever!

DM: He is hunted down and killed by the town militia, because stop being a jackass.

Step Three:
Player: Fuck it, I'm not taking any of this seriously anymore. Chaotic Neutral rogue does what the fuck he likes. Time for dancing in the street!

DM: I'm ripping out my hair. This is what I'm doing right now. Ripping out my own hair out of my skull. God fucking dammit.


It doesn't help that older books said that CN was the alignment of madmen and assholes, either. But that's how it ended up. New DM's destroying new players by being overly restrictive on alignment and poorly written alignment pages in older books creates these monsters.

There's many ways to play the alignment. Most fuck it up.
...I had a session that didn't go anywhere because the players were too determined with their roleplay.
Basically, my character was caught by a zombie Santa Claus (It was an oWoD Hunter campaign that started during christmas time) and the two other characters constantly jumped around on the topic of actually saving me, because they were a little girl that lived on the street and another girl that worked for an illegal Italian immigrant as pizza delivery person.
So the latter character wanted to save me, the little girl didn't see the point of risking her live. Then they would argue until the girl was convinced but the pizza woman wasn't anymore and it would go on and on until they finally broke into the house (almost missing my character, who was still in the van parked in the driveway) and found Santa Clause preparing his favourite dish - children.
Some people are just assholes and play chaotic stupid with no provocation.
I have a pretty good group, but I had plans to start a Sci-fi game one evening and asked them what role they wanted to play in the universe. Their response terrified me.

The two girls in the group said they wanted to be "companions" like that one chick in the show Firefly. Of the other two male players, one decided to be their pimp and the other his bodyguard. The pimp decided that, in order to increase his profits, he would need to kidnap more girls to whore out. Getting a spaceship was also mandatory, but they didn't have the funds so they were likely gonna have to steal one and whore out the crew or just kill them. Since the group realized they were going far enough to kill a ship full of people to steal it, the group realized that they may as well be space pirates as well.

So the plan as a group would to get their ship, plunder every vessel they came across, capture the men and women, and whore them all out for a profit.

I wasn't sure how easily I could run a game so devoid of morals for any real length of time, but that isn't what concerned me the most...

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I don't know why she's so unhappy about it. She's got a hot ass and DFC. She's great.

>> 19952198
True. Some people are just asshats. But many end up that way because their first DM's didn't teach them proper ways to play, and made them resent the restrictiveness of most alignments.
Gurtok. 35 years old tidy looking man, playing as half-ork monk/barbarian. His character speaks about himself only in 3`rd person. Tabletop version of the Hulk, basically. Every time his character punches something, he roars, and beats his chest. One time, when DM said that his character can`t do this action because he is afraid, dude flips the damn table, grabs DM by the shirt, lifts him in the air and screams in his dace: "GURTOK NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING". GM gave him anti-fear perk after that, just in case.

Murderion. 15 year old teenager covered in acme. Plays as human "firemage". I mean it, he never uses anything not fire-based. At all. Kid is a fucking pyromaniac. Got a nasty habit of bringing tons of thoose "harmless" fire cloth balls, sets one on fire, and throwing them in GM every time he casts fireball. After Gurtok raged at him because he almost burned down his shirt, kid throws fireballs in open window.

Elianorre. Female land-whale. Plays as Elf rogue. Although she is chaotic neutral, she acts like a fucking lawfull good paladin. Once stole our equipment and sold it to pay for orphange. Obsessed with her hair. Like, really obsessed. She rolls D20 every time her character flips hair. I mean it. Have no combat skills whatsoever, puts all her points in Charisma, and never uses anything but seducing.

Played with them for 8 months.
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The "companions" said they'd be perfectly OK sexing up whoever their pimp would sell them out to. Wherever their pimp flew the ship, be it at fellow pirate outposts or mercenary camps, the girls were willing to accept the consequences. The pimp quickly pointed out that, to expand their market, they'd have to be willing to engage in interspecies erotica. There were multiple alien races in my campaign (including space kobolds!). But two races I made specifically for this campaign came to mind when this was mentioned.

The first was a wolf-humandoid race inspired by Starfox and the other was a large-sized kangaroo-like race inspited by Stith from Titan A.E., which was the show that got me interested in making a Sci-fi campaign in the first place. Other races included something that looked like Meatwad with arms and legs and an insectoid race. So this is what I said to her:

Me: You are telling me you want to screw these aliens.
>Chick: Yeah, I could do that.
Me: You want to sex up some furries?
>Chick: I have no issue with that.
Me: What, are you gonna role-play sexual interactions with these guys?
>THE PIMP: Keep in mind that the Kangaroos are Large sized and humans are medium, you think you could survive that?
>Chick: Yeah, and Anon here can describe whats going on and find artwork online to make it even more engaging!
Me: ...So you want me to run a campaign where half the time I'm describing furry sex scenes and showing the party furry porn?
>Chick: Yeah. It will be funny.
Me: I don't think this campaign is gonna work, guys...

The group was smart enough to change their character ideas after this conversation.
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You know, I was always interested in playing D&D. But I'm honestly not willing to try my luck with a group I find via internet, and my friends are either afraid of complex games or unable to focus, which really is a shame.

Has anyone been in this situation and found a solution?
You just have to try and take the risk. Horror stories exist as the exception, not the norm.

You'll eventually find a group that's right for you. That's all I can say.
It's worse for me.
I want ERP but I sure as fuck won't play with some weird teenagers... Not to mention that English is not my mother tongue.

Are there any good communities I could join?
I'll probably get to know some guy that has a DnD group sometime.
Is it true that the longer a campaign runs for the more likely it is for it to turn into a chaotic evil run?

Gurtok sounds like a bro.
>I don't know why she's so unhappy about it. She's got a hot ass and DFC. She's great.
Slayers broadcasted before DFC became the thing. The idea back then was straighhtforward bigger=better.
Makes sense to me... it's the goal of a DM to challenge the players. It's only so long before he does so on moral/ethical grounds, and it's only so long before they take the bait. Likewise, the longer the game goes on, the likelier the players are to do something that doesn't gel with the law of the land.
But that idea was never correct in the first place.
There's an insane amount of ignorance involved in such simple world views.
In my group it happens if the SESSION is too long
These games really aren't worth playing unless it's with people you already know, and are friends with, IMO.

I disagree, my first D&D game was with people I didn't know all that well (and my girlfriend), and it was fun as fuck.
>Me: ...So you want me to run a campaign where half the time I'm describing furry sex scenes and showing the party furry porn?

mother of god
Not saying it was correct, just that it was commonplace.
Well, this kind of... appeal and what's considered attractive seems to be swinging from one extreme to the other. We had over-developed era, now it's leaning towards ... could "moe" the right word? (I don't want to turn it into /a/ waifu wars here.)

Body is secondary and doesn't really matter all that much (save for extreme cases), it's about personality. At least in my opinion.

That sketch is utter genius.
I want an answer to this too, as i have no means of long distance transportation and there are no gaming shops near by. Don't have any friends who are interested in this type of thing.
There was an IRC channel I used to hang out on for DnD that was pretty terrible. The moderators always played favorites and a lot of the players were attention whores. It wasn't all bad, because I made plenty of friends there, but still, for the most part my experience wasn't very good. I've since left and from what I've heard it's even gotten worse, to the point that one of the moderators is a convicted sex offender and has actually blackmailed players before.
Wow. These horror stories are making me feel a little glad that the group I game with are mostly pretty conservative. I was feeling a little like I probably wouldn't be able to try certain character concepts I might like for fear of offending them, but now I'm realizing that they're a pretty good group because they're all super chill, enjoy roleplaying, and none of them are ever going to build a character around their fetishes (at least, not obviously).
I gave up hosting anything because my entire group were all /b/tards
where is this at?

If you're in this situation with no group and no connections you're probably better off finding an mmorpg that appeals to you.

I once commuted for a campaign. It was an 60 minute drive and the players and the DM were assholes. I was invited to the group because one of the players was a really good friend and they needed another player, but I didn't know anyone else in the group. The DM was a control freak even by DM standards. He wouldn't let us hold on to our own character sheets in between sessions because he didn't want to risk someone forgetting to bring it to the game.

The rest of the players were fat aspie neckbeards with no social skills. One guy would stare at me for the entire session. I think he was trying to be intimidating or something, I don't really know. He was one of those guys that wears a trench coat around.

They kicked me out of their group after missing one session because I didn't want to drive there in a snowstorm.

>Instant replies
As a DM I keep track of all my player's sheets. But that's mainly because I'm an old-style DM where we were the only ones to roll the dice. After a particular campaign or adventures is over I'll return their sheets. the PCs can keep track of their own resources, such as arrows and spells on their own sheet of paper and they're welcome to keep a second photocopy of the sheet, but the real one stays with me. No lost sheets or meta-gaming.
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Worst group I ever played with was THAT DM and his group of moronic players. The DM liked to run realistic games (usually RuneQuest), and by realistic I mean 'so heavily houseruled to anything that makes it no-fun-allowed for the PCs.

An example is in RuneQuest you need magic focus-rocks to cast spells. You would have to take what amounts to one turn to put away your weapon, one turn to dig out the Rune, multiple turns to cast it, all for a slim percent chance the spell would actually work. And the spells were all nerfed to pathetically weak states. To make it worse in the book there's a belt specifically for easy access to Runes so it would eliminate the sheathing/digging/redrawing steps. That DM added a % chance you were touching the wrong Rune for auto spell fail that you wouldnt realize until after you waste time trying to cast.

This is the DM who says you cannot move over a square with a fallen body because you would trip over it. It would take effective 30ft of movement to cross that one square. What really pisses me off about this one is both he and I fought in the SCA and he knows how damn easy it is to walk over a person.

>Try to have a campaign of any type in a civilized setting
>Fails instantly as half the group won't abandon wacky murderhobo character types even in no fantasy genres

And the group just loves to garble his cock. Likely because they're as dumb as bricks. Now I know you shouldn't split the party unless the situation specifically calls for it, but this group takes it to the extreme. They won't even split up for random mundane tasks like buying/selling. One time we were sneaking down a 20ft wide road and I suggest for reasons I can't remember that half the party walks one side of the road and half the other side. After 30 min of arguing me and the one cool guy there convince two others that 20ft isnt splitting the party. We proceed and of course we're the ones ambushed. One combat later that was rather easy because of how we set up the only damage we took was the single sneak attack at the beginning. Cue everyone berating me and the other sane guy getting blamed that that one attack was because of us splitting up.

Another moment that really sticks was when we were to assault and take over a fort. I suggest loading a cart with oil, lighting it, and ramming the wood gate. The others shoot it down saying it would burn the whole stone fort down. I shrug and ignore it to think up a new plan. 10 minutes later I offhandedly meantion I still liked the oil plan. This time its shot down with "Stone doesn't burn". I point stupidly point out the contradiction and the rest of the night was spent bickering.
I was once talked (read: bribed) into running a game of Exalted for my landlord's son and his friends.

Just for perspective, this son was at least in his 30s. Unemployed and not looking, thank you. In theory he was the building super, but all that translated to was having the yellow pages on hand to call someone whenever anything went wrong. I was in his apartment once, an experience that will haunt me for life. There were dirty clothes piled ankle high across the floor, if not deeper. The sink was overflowing with dishes that looked as if they had been used once, five years ago, then left there to never be used again. There were roaches (as in joints, don't know about the insect population) laying all over, empty beer cans and boxes of the cheapest, nastiest wine in the known world, wrinkled porn magazines and stacks of dvds with names like "Ass Blasters 7" piled right beside the door, and several broken chairs with jagged legs jutting out like punji sticks in the filth. Enigmatically, there were dozens of holes smashed through the drywall. I didn't want to know why. As if just to buck the stereotypes, the guy himself was fit and trim, tattooed and tanned, with an attitude boarding on a dudebro.

I'd seen his friends before, but never met them beyond to say hello while passing in the hall. Their turning up at my door was the first time I met them officially. I shall dub them Larry, Moe, and Cindy.
The hard part about finding a group is to find dedicated players who aren't assholes and retards.
There are no That Groups. Youre just That Guy.

Deal with you foul smelling pizza faced rancid breath basement dweller
Larry looked, sounded, and acted like someone had tossed Woody Allen, Barton Fink, and Charles Manson in the blender. A twitchy, stuttering beanpole of a man with hollow, darting eyes who endlessly sucked down off-brand cigarettes and coffee he brought with him in a giant thermos. He seemed to spout off whatever popped into his head at a moment and had a 50/50 chance to either tell you about his film script or mutter things like "You know, I've already figured out how someone would get into your apartment to kill you."

Moe was probably the most normal of the three. He was roughly the shape of a refrigerator with the sort of doughy softness of an athlete who let themselves go. Over all he was polite, clean, and the only one to wipe his feet before stepping into my apartment. He also brought chips and soda, because he had read online that's what you do at Are Pee Gee.

Finally you had Cindy, who is perhaps best described as a anthropomorphic cartoon chipmunk brought to life. Cute, with somewhat chubby cheeks and a big smile, but absolutely no attention span. The moment she arrived, the girl proceeded to blast past me and explore my apartment like she was sniffing for the best place to drop her shorts and mark her territory. She asked questions constantly, but never paid attention to the answers, if she even let you finish giving one. My books were pulled off the book case with the wondered proclamation of "Wow, you really read THIS?!" My dvds and video games were shifted through as she demanded to know what each one was about and never giving time for an answer before seizing the next. She even raided my fridge and displayed shock that I apparently cooked ("Guys cook too?!"). I finally drew the line when she started making her way to my bedroom.
After about an hour of herding cats, I finally got everyone into a chair. Then came time to explain the game. I'd given The Son some photocopies of a few pages out of the core book that gave a basic rundown of the setting (I figured if I gave him the actual books, he'd have used them as toilet paper) and he said he'd pass them out to the others, but it turned out he'd never read them nor had anyone else, so I had to spend more time trying to explain things. Thankfully it was Exalted, so I was able to get the idea across purely through the medium of pop-culture ("It's like being in the movie Lord of the Rings, only you control superheroes like Superman or Batman or Neo from the Matrix.")

The Son took the idea too literally. He wanted to be Superman, flight and heat vision and everything. I managed to help him make a Dawn Caste Solar (who he named Solarman, I wish I were joking) focused on Endurance, Presence, and Brawl.

Larry wanted to be an Abyssal preacher/serial killer who served a god of death named Hod. I tried to explain that Abyssals served Deathlords and I could get him a list of them, but "Nononono, it's GOT to be Hod. Hod, you know?" I did not know Hod, but suspecting that I might be in for a sermon on the glories of the death god if I admitted that, I okayed it.
Moe wants to be a guy from Earth with an assault rifle. I told him he couldn't because it didn't work with the setting and it was then I discovered Moe was a sulker. His face fell and he melted in the chair with a heaving sigh and started responding with monosyllables. It was only when I mentioned that there were weapons LIKE guns that he perked back up again. He ended up making another Dawn Caste Solar, this one armed with multiple firewands. I had a houserule that you could spend a background dot on Artifacts to acquire any non-artifact piece of equipment and he insisted on spending ALL his background points to he could cart around ten of the things.

Cindy asked me to explain everything all over again, then cut me off to ask me about my television. I ended up just making the sheet for her, casting her as a standard Invincible Sword Princess because it required the least amount of work.
I think this thread boils down to bad DMs who forget the game is supposed to be fun for everyone, not just the DM.
And bad PCs who have fun at the expense of other players and the DM. Basically a lot of ego and a lack of social skills.
The game began as I set the stage for them. They were a Circle of Exalts called by the pull of destiny to the city of Nexus, finding themselves in a coincidental meeting in a market street outside the Blue Lotus Tea Shop.

Confusion spread instantly and we took another break as I explained to them (again) how the game worked and that they needed to describe their characters words an actions.

The Son: Uh, never fear citizens! Solarman is here!
Me: Roll your Charisma and Presence plus one.
The Son: Plus what? How do I do that?

Another pause as dice mechanics are, again, explained. The Son rolls a handful of dice and does fairly well.

Me: The people on the street are initially shocked by a Solar so openly unveiling himself on the streets of Nexus, but swayed by your charm begin to gather to hear what you have to say.
The Son: I'm going to fight for truth, justice, and the Exalted way!
Larry: While they're all listening to him, I find a street urchin and lure him into an alley where I can slit his belly open and divine destinies plan with his entrails.
Me: What?
Larry: What do I roll?
Me: Nothing. You can't do that.
Larry: I'm a servant of Hod. Death unveils all secrets to me.
Me: You at least need an Occult score, which you don't have, and a merit to even try that.
Larry: Hod grants those to me.
Me: No he d-
Moe: Can I shoot Solarman?
The Son: You'd shoot me bro?!
Moe: Just to show how badass you are.
The Son: Oh yeah, go for it!
Me: Wait, guys, firewands do a LOT of damage and you don't have any armor.
Moe: Oh...
The Son: Solarman can take it! Fire that shit!
Moe: Can I?
Me: I don't think-
Cindy: Hey can I borrow some of your dvds?
Me: What? Sorry, could we focus on-
Moe: *Sound of rolling dice* Hey, I got a bunch of tens. That's good, right?
Me: Normally, but I really don't think-
The Son: Solarman puts his hands on his hips and rises into the air as he takes the gunshot!
Me: It's not a gun, it's like a flamethrower.
The Son: Really? That's cool!
Me: Yeah but-
Larry: I eat the urchins body to hide the evidence and gain his power.
Me: ...
Moe: *Sound of dice rolling* More tens!
Me: That... is a lot of damage. You just killed Solarman.
The Son: DUDE!
Moe: Oh god, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
Me: It's okay, we'll fudge it this one time. You shot so well that you were able to make it LOOK like the flames hit Solarman without actually touching him. The crowd is awed.
The Son: But I can die that easy? I thought I was a superhero.
Me: He shot you with a flamethrower. You're not invincible, just REALLY strong.
The Son: Can we start over? I want a flamethrower too.
Moe: Why do I fuck everything up?
Cindy: Am I watching any of this?
Me: Yes.
Cindy: Okay. *Rolls some dice*
Me: What are you rolling?
Cindy: Um, you tell me? I really don't know whats going on.
The Son: Maybe she's like doing a stripper dance?
Cindy: Ha ha! Yeah! Right on the street!
Larry: You know, the police don't put any real effort into finding dead hookers and strippers.
Me: How lovely.
By this point, Moe was sullenly whimpering apologies and calling himself a fuck up and binge drinking the soda he had brought. Cindy had wandered away from the table completely to dig through more of my dvds. Larry was taking notes, which I would learn shortly were elaborate plans for poisoning the cities entire water supply AND ritually murdering the other PCs. For the glory of Hod.

I decided to let The Son get what he wanted and we spent some time reworking his character, but the game was pretty much over by the time we finished turning him into a near clone of Moe's character. Larry had stepped outside to smoke and vanished, possibly to find a street urchin to murder so he could commune with Hod, and Moe never recovered from the horror of not-killing Solarman and decided to go home and mope there. Cindy and The Son insisted on hanging out with me awhile longer, mostly so they could play with my Playstation and get crumbs all over my furniture, but eventually I convinced them I had somewhere to be and got them to leave.

As is the way of these things, apparently they all thought it was a great time and wanted to game again.

Does this wondrous failure continue?
You make me never want to DM.
Larry is the best abyssal.

Also, why the fuck were you playing 1e?
>Larry looked, sounded, and acted like someone had tossed Woody Allen, Barton Fink, and Charles Manson in the blender. A twitchy, stuttering beanpole of a man with hollow, darting eyes who endlessly sucked down off-brand cigarettes and coffee he brought with him in a giant thermos.

This is pretty off-topic, but I just want to say that you're fantastically good at describing people. You must be a great GM to play with. Shame the group sounds so terrible.
As someone still battling manic depression with self esteem issues to boot, I feel bad for Moe.

Spoilers: The people who say that stuff? More often than not, they believe it. As in, it's an obvious established fact. Look for profuse apologies; the guilt brought on by those feelings is overwhelming. Dude sounds like he needs a bro.
Man, not the GM in the story you responded to, but I'm sorry to hear that. I've struggled with self esteem issues and I also have an uncle that's manic depressive, so I know it can be really tough. Now that you mention it, it does sound like Moe has some sort of issues. (Although I can understand how the GM could've gotten frustrated with him, too, since he was just piling on the frustration that the other players were causing him.)
There's a single funny line in that whole thing.
The one about the Germans objecting. And it's basically referential humour.
How in the fuck did a question about ERP get two replies about RPGing with a group of strangers?
>Group agrees to give Qin a try
>One dude doesn't want to be "One of them chinks"
>He said the system sounded cool when I suggested it even though I did describe that it was set in China.
Delay due to needing to run errands.

For those who mentioned it, I felt bad for Moe too, though not until later on. At the time it was just awkward and frustrating to watch a grown man break down so completely over something so small and inconsequential, but I've known people with depression issues and it was clear the guy was wrestling with big ones.

Back to the train wreck, I agreed to try the game again. It wasn't because I was a glutton for punishment or because I had high hopes of turning them into good players, but because I was getting store credit at a book store. My landlord's sister owned it and I was the only person who ordered role-playing books from them, which caught her attention. She asked me a lot about it and somehow that filtered down to The Son, who decided it would be fun.

Second time around, I tried to be a little more prepared. I insisted we meet in a small park near my apartment to minimize the distractions for Cindy and had the added benefit of allowing Larry to smoke without getting out of sight.

To say nothing else for the group, they were prompt and met me at my door almost on the minute. Only instead of four people, there were four people and a grizzly bear.
The Son: Hey dude, this my friend Shemp from high school. He's cool. I invited him along cause he likes games too.

If Cousin It had gotten leg extensions to join a basketball team, he would have been Shemp. The man was a phenomenal tower of hair whose beard and mountain-man fro merged together to transform his head into a single oily cotton ball. It was not helped at all by the fact that he seemed to think an unbottoned denim jacket and nothing else was suitable upper body attire for anything beyond a NASCAR event, giving a clear view of the sweltering jungle of course hair that sprouted on his chest and shoulders.

Shemp didn't speak a single word to me, just stood and glared at me.

We hit the park and claimed a table. The park tables weren't exactly big, but even six people should have been able to fit on one without crowding, which made the fact that Shemp chose to practically sit in my lap more than a little uncomfortable. I gagged on the overwhelming scent of Axe Body Spray and unwashed funk. As sheets were passed out and dice pooled, Larry regaled us with how he'd studied this park for all the places you could hide a body. For his film script. Supposedly.
Since we were bringing in a new player and hadn't made it anywhere last time, I opted to start over from the beginning. I gave them time to re-familiarize themselves with their sheets while I helped Shemp.

Me: Uh, okay, Shemp, any idea what you want to play?
Shemp: Advanced Dungeons and Dragons.
Me: Heh. Seriously though?
Shemp: Fucking AD&D.
Me: Okay, well... it's an Exalted game.
Shemp: Isn't that White Wolf? Like some kind of Vampire shit?
Me: Not really. It just uses a similar dice system.
Shemp; Vampire is for fags.
Me: We're not playing Vampire.
Shemp: ... fine. Give me the book, I'll make my sheet on my own.

Trying not to think what might smear or drip off his body onto my core rule book, I offered it out and he snatched it away then propped it up like a screen and hunkered behind it, glaring at me suspiciously until I looked away.
I left him to it and turned to the others. The Son and Moe, who were playing virtually identical characters now, had hit upon the idea of playing twins. Now they were coming up with a back story, which basically boiled down to the plot of Double Dragon if Billy and Jimmy Lee were from a family of gunsmiths. I gave them bonus points for creativity and suggested they take a teamwork specialty, which only encouraged them to try to make an even more elaborate back story for more points.

Larry legitimately surprised me and somewhat horrified me. He had actually paid attention to some of the things I had said last time and reworked his sheet. Abandoning some needless ability dots in things like Ride to pick up Occult, he also got the alternate divination merit that would, in fact, allow him to attempt to read Fate in the dissected guts of starving, big eyed street children.

Cindy had taken out an iphone and was watching videos. Foiled, I let her be.

I was being patient, waiting for Shemp whose greasy fro loomed like a Death Star over the top of my book. Sodas and beers were cracked open. Chatter happened. I found out more about Larry's film script, which he had been working on for the last ten years and involved characters based off his friends and family being murdered, while his thinly veiled self-insert tried to solve the crime. The twist ending would be that he was both the detective and the killer. I was not shocked.
I played with a group of randoms at a convention once, and I never figured out why they got mad at me just because I named my Paladin 'Chilperic Uthër Grimshield'.
I had actually started to relax a little, which was when I made my fatal mistake by asking a question.

Me: Hey Shemp, how is the character coming? Need a hand?

In a flash, I was witness to my rule book being slammed closed and hurled across the park. Shemp was on his feet, physically trembling, the hairs on his chest vibrating disturbingly.

Shemp: FUCK YOU, MAN! Fuck you and your gay Vampire bullshit!
The Son: Shemp, bro, calm down!
Shemp: NO! Fuck this! Who does this guy think he is?! I spent years trying to get you assholes to play AD&D and suddenly this prick comes along and you play this faggy ass shit with him?
Moe: You never asked us to play!
Shemp: Shut up! Yes I did! I told you about it all the time and none of you ever wanted to play!
The Son: Dude, are you high again? All you ever told us about were rolling dice. It sounded boring.
Shemp: FUCK YOU! There was REAL math involved in AD&D, not this lame shit. It's not my fault you couldn't understand it!
Moe: Guys, please...
Shemp: Shut up you fucking loser! Just shut up!
Cindy: Huh? Whats going on?

I have no idea how this fight ended. By that point, forgotten as Shemp turned on his friends, I quietly got up and left the table. Tracking across the park, I recovered my book which had thankfully not landed in a mud puddle, and headed for home. I could still hear them shouting all the way down the street.

I had a call from The Son a few days later apologizing for what happened, saying Shemp was sorry too, and wanting to know if we could meet back up to try again. This time around I declined.
Thank you for the beautiful story. I feel your pain.

There's just something magical about this hobby that attracts the weirdest people. Is it the communal escapism aspect of it? The wish-fulfillment? Is it the "nerd" social stigma that keeps away "normal" people and leaves us with those shunned by the rest of society? I honestly don't know, but I can safely say that the wackjob-to-cool-guy-ratio in RPGs is, like, 4:1. At best.

Most of the people I play with are pretty cool guys. I'd switch that ratio around, to be honest.
THis was a great story. Makes me wonder should I even get into the hobby. I'm asssuming that because they've never played Exalted before that they're notthe quintessential Exalted player. What would one be like, do any of you know?

Does anybody have any other stories like this?

Although horror stories exist, you'll most likely be fine, especially if you game with your friends. Also look for a gamefinder thread here on /tg/. I'm currently running a pretty successful Pathfinder game through one of those.
>>Ran a game of Shadowrun for the first time.
>>Players were also new.

I stole the scenario from the movie Way of the Gun. Basically:
>>Given info on surrogate mother for wealthy man's child. Advised to kidnap her and hold her ransom.

>>Party gets info on three potential doctors she may be seeing.
>>Stealth specialist goes to do surveillance on doctor's condo.
>>Middle of the day, lays down on the ground outside a glass door to the back of the doctor's condo.
>>Gets mad at me when I tell him his stealth check isn't going to work there no matter how well he rolls. He's in plain sight.

10 minutes later.

>>Party has definitely acquired enough info to figure out which doctor is their target's.
(Really, I gave them a lot more information than I originally intended because they just were not getting it.)
>>Argument erupts among party for the next hour on which doctor is their target's.


Welp, I'm fucked. Can you mail order friends, like you can brides?

Any good tips for starting out roleplaying. I'm interested in Exalted but I'm told that It just has too many rules, I'm usually refered to L5R or 2e D&D.
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I once freeform roleplayed (I know, kill me, please) with a group that consisted of some edgy teenager who had a thousand characters with an english first name and a japanese last name for no apparent reason and they ALL wore black and red, his best friend who also had some incomprehensible mixture of english and japanese like Richard Surotoyoma Toyota Cambri Yoshimitsu Jr. III or some shit, and instead of being dark and edgy all of his characters were of the That Guy Who Tries To Bone Everything caliber. Seriously, every girl in the group's characters HAD to be in a relationship with his or he would, I shit you not, get jealous and bitchy OOC. Then there was the first guy's girlfriend, who did little more than be a background character but I guess that's better than taking up the spotlight with that awful shit. There's some others that I'm still friends with that have gotten better for the most part (And one of them browses /tg/ as a matter of fact so I have to watch myself here), but everyone, EVERYONE in the group except me and another person had some god-awful vampire-werewolf mix that had the bonuses of both but the drawbacks of neither. It was like a WoD horror story come true. There used to be another guy in the group before I said "Fuck this shit" and left, and he tried making a completely normal character and was kicked out for "ruining the rp."
>Find out a group of friend play D&D 3.5
>Haven't had anyone to play with in a while so I get excited
>Show up with a freshly rolled character and eager to play
>Everyone is high
>"So you walk into a room. And there's a whale."
>I ask if there is water
>"No. It's a landwhale"
>Several combat turns later it dies and everyone levels up like 4 times and we all get a shit ton of gold

I never played with them again.
I feel like a "that group" shouldn't come as a result of all the individuals being "that guys", because then it is just a "group of that guys".

Rather, I think "that group" comes as a result of toxic party chemistry. Perhaps they're all good players individually, in the correct context, but when you get them together everything goes to shit.
>>"No. It's a landwhale"
Were they...trying to be clever?
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>"No. It's a landwhale"

No. They were just really high.
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>"No. It's a landwhale"

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