Sup /tg/When last we let off, our noble hero Lu "Louie" XianBei returned home victorious from a first day of school. He established himself as a fightin man, made new friends and allies, met cute girls, and made some good money waiting tables.You've just returned to your new home, far from your ancestral spirits and village Buddha. This is a land of Jesus, baseball bats, and barbarians. While they are unskilled, these warriors are fierce and tricky and travel in packs. They've threatened father's restaurant, but you were there to defend it like Kuo-Hsing-Ye guarding the southern Ming.You've just woken up on the second day, and it's time for you to perform your exercises and get water before father and mother wake up. What do?
>>19143286Get up, do our exercises, do our standard gamut of morning tasks and any morning chores that are needed. Once that is done prepare our school stuff and go to school.
You wake up and go out to the spigot to bring in water for father, then perform your kung fu forms in the back yard, waiting for father and mother to wake up.Over breakfast, they ask about your first day of school, your grades and friends, and if you had any trouble sleeping, with the time zone change. What do you say?---Also derp, forgot to link Chinaman Quest Ihttp://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19131158/
>>19143286Love you OP.Also, this >>19143331
>>19143368You have met 2 friends, another chinese family who is well off, and that lunch was wonderful.
>>19143368Tell them of EJ, our friendly black dynamite, Lily who has dubbed us Louie and Sally Zhang the well to do other chinese family who's gardener we are interested in learning english from.
Oh thank God, Chinaman Quest is back!
Go get a legal name change to Lu Bu
Go to neighbor's house to tutor their hot daughter in math. Have sex with her.
You tell father and mother of your new oath companions, who you hope will grow as close and stalwart of allies as Kuan Yu and Chang Fei were to Liu Pei. They are pleased to hear of your social skills and academic prowess, and especially glad to hear that you enjoyed lunch.Mother encourages you to seek out this wise gardener, who must be quite a sage and a noble guardian of his household. He reminds her of their own fellow, Old Liang, the family's servant before the revolution, who tended the radish fields and drove off beggars from the family's estate. You're enjoying yourself, but before you know it, the bus is here and you run outside to catch it. Father hands you your packed lunch before you can go, and you get on board with EJ and Lily in the back. You greet EJ with a hearty "Sup Bro". You also notice the barbarian from last night, lurking in the front of the bus and eyeing you like the tiger watched drunken Wu Song at the mountain pass.
Wait, did we tell our Father? We ought to - he might be in danger and he should hear OUR side of the story before these smelly people tell him theirs.
>>19143479Go to neighbor's house to tutor their hot daughter in math. Have sex with her.
>>19143479If he starts something after last night we'll beat him again, for now enjoy the company of EJ and Lily. We have made two friends already, a much faster rate than we expected, perhaps these lands aren't that bad, strange but not bad.
>>19143429When you turn 20 and become a man, you can give up your milk name and become Lu Bu. On a side note, my family claims to be direct descendants of Tung Cho/董卓
>>19143479Ignore him, but be wary of incoming threats. Chat up EJ and Lily and try to become closer with them.
>>19143479Stride imperiously past the barbarian, showing neither excessive pride nor excessive humility. As we recall, that encounter ended poorly for the tiger.
You decide to enjoy the bus ride as much as possible and ignore the tiger that lurks this mountain, confident that you can pluck him up by the tail and skin him if the time comes. You enjoy the company of your companions, who teach you a few words and ask you questions about your family. You don't mention the fight at father's restaurant, the (y'all pick the name). Nobody knows of it yet except you and the smelly thugs.Soon, the bus is at school. You've arrived a little earlier today, since the bus driver is more familiar with driving to your home now. The students loiter on the lawn outside the school.As you wait for class, a stoop shouldered and acne-scarred boy approaches you sporting a ridiculous queue (辮子). He is wearing a t-shirt bearing the sacred image of the warrior Yue Fei, and he approaches you and says (badly),Ni Hao Marrrrr, Worr Jiao Dan Stevens. (Hello, my name is Dan Stevens)
>>19143609Speak to him in English, be somewhat polite, noncommittal and try not to cringe in pain at his accent. Do not make friends with him or even imply that we would like to spend more time with him.
>>19143609Nod condescendingly at the boy and then ignore him
>>19143609Fuck, the foreigner's tones are terrible!Nevertheless, we are Chinese and we act like it. Flatter him like we can't flatter no more. He must have studied for many years at the foot of a great master!
Y'all 紅衛兵 better make up your mind about what course of action to take.
>>19143609The restaurant is named the Taiping Heavely Kingdom. Our dear departed uncle was fond of unconventional historical references.
>>19143694恭維，恭維，恭維 all the 維.
>>19143694Talk to him, keep it brief, formal and not as if we're talking to a friend, and move on with our life. Ignoring him might cause him to hound us and we know better than to feed his need for attention.
>>19143694Be polite, greet him in our tongue. Maybe he'll start sounding better.
>>19143698"Food so delicious, you'll kill 20 million people to get it!"
>>19143609Greet him in english. Ask EJ and/or Lily if he is worth getting to know.
>>19143698This.Also >>19143653Third, we really should have told our father about the incident. He needs to know for the business's safety. Finally, Fuck yeah chinaman quest! This is the only reason I'm awake right now.
>>19143698The restaurant is now named the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom. If Uncle was like Yesu, bringing his wondrous recipes into a land that could not receive them, then Father is like Hung Hsiu-Chuan, the younger brother who carries on the message of hope.
>>19143722This. For all we know he could be the son of a high official. And besides, we will need barbarian allies.
>>19143750applause.gif
Your first thought is to brush him off like the Monkey King brushed horseflies from his rump when he tended the heavenly stables, but you remember that you are a child of the Yellow Emperor and must act like it.你好. Your Chinese very good. Your teacher big smart. Very old. Great scholar. Nice to meet you. My name is Louie. Now I am going with oath brethren to studying room. Peace with you"The three of you depart at your urging, and head into the school building, before the bell even rings. You ask EJ and Lily about Dan, and they refer to him in a new word they teach you, "weaboo" (+1 English). They try to explain to you the concept of these creatures, who like the Hans who shaved their heads eagerly and bowed to Hong Taiji, they are idolators before a race that they view to be superior. You understand their feelings towards the beautiful tongue of the Middle Kingdom, but feel deep shame in his lack of veneration for his English speaking ancestors. Soon, class begins and you head into the math class. You kick a lot of ass, and as you leave math class, you cross paths with Sally Zhang in the hallway.
>>19143806"Good morning, Miss Zhang. How was your evening?"
>>19143822This, and tell her that you will be stopping by to talk to her grounds keeper.
>>19143806Greet her politely, bow as appropriate to her station in this culture and school. Ask how her evening was and ask if there is anything about the school that we ought to be aware of as we continue our studies here.
>>19143842This. Then slap her ass in order to fit in with american society.
>>19143881... no. Just no.
You bow humbly as appropriate for a peasant to greet a child of bureaucrats and privy to the intrigues of this nation's court. You express to her a desire to come see her gardener today, with which she shows indifference and unenthusiastic approval. You then ask her about the gossips and intrigues of this school's elite class, which she is more than willing to share about. She weaves for you elaborate tales, even more convoluted than your mother's favorite novel, Dream of the Red Chamber, and tells you of the strange social systems of this institution, where the most esteemed students are the athletes and opium addicts, rather than the scholars. This is a strange land indeed. After your conversation, you proceed through your next class, and soon it is lunch! You meet up with your two friends, and the three of you discuss where to sit. Father packed lots of food today, seeing how you enjoyed and ate all of it last time. This is a prosperous land of much bounty, and there is more than even the three of you can eat.
>>19143881>Jackie_Chan_Grabbing_Head.pngNigga you just went full retard
>>19143887We must soon find a proper quiet place to share out lunch in order to dine in privacy, away from those who wield baseball bats, and have our conversations. Perhaps there is a garden or roof available, we must investigate further.Share our lunch, both in the name of our new friendship and as meager recompense for their aid in learning the English language and navigating this strange school.
>>19143887Share the excess with EJ's black friends. Thank the ancestors for the bounty.
>>19143887Try to get intel on the jocks who threatened to destroy your families business.
You inquire into EJ's clan presence in this lunch room, but he confides in you that he is the only one of his kind. You conclude that his father must be an exile from the court of the black emperor in distant Harlem, but say nothing aloud. The two of you are both exiles in this strange land. You request that your companions come with you to a secluded place, and head outside onto the lawn, to find a tree under which you may shelter from the blazing southern sun and share your meal in peace. You bid your friends not purchase food from the school food peddlers but dine on father's bounties instead. They share English lessons and teach you about culture as you share with them food and martial arts theory. You also tell them of the story of the barbarians you vanquished the previous night. The two of them express concern for your safety and advise you to seek out the local political comissars to aid your case. Perhaps they seek to see these barbarians purged from the party?
>>19144018Express dismay, while that would seem to be a sound plan those ruffians are sure to have friends among the local enforcers of the President's will, as corrupt as it may be informing them will at best do nothing and at world bring their ire upon us.
>>19143286
>>19144018Inquire as to who these local political commissars are. We need all the help we can get else we'll have trouble we don't want.
>>19144039Roll with it, come for the quirky shenanigans of Louie the immigrant who doesn't want no trouble. Stay for the fast and furious references to Chinese history and literature.
>>19144018>You conclude that his father must be an exile from the court of the black emperor in distant Harlem, but say nothing aloud.I love how this guy thinks.Is the Weeaboo with us?
>>19144066Nope, we're not even in the cafeteria where he could find us. He might hound us but we find his disrespect of his own ancestors in favor to ours somewhat disgraceful, that and he's a fucking weeaboo.
>>19144078In high school, where I garnered the respect of the student body as the campus clown, I took the least popular boy in school under my wing as my stooge.It is a very pleasant thing, to have a stooge. Instruct him on the reverence of his own ancestors and in return for evidence of his earnesty, give him the approval he so deeply yearns for.In my case, the stooge-somewhat akin to a slightly more shrill Flapjack-offered me his body once. I declined quite forcefully, because I was intensely homophobic at the time.
>>19144066The weaboo is not with you. You show some dismay over involving the Democratic Party and enforcer's of O Ba Ma Zhong Tong's laws. In your home village in Fujian, the local toughs were often friends of the police and how position holders, much like the cruel Butcher Zheng who beat women furiously because of his authority. Just in case though, you inquire as to who they may be. They tell you of the local outpost in this backwater province where the political commissars keep office in their Yamen. They also tell you of the school officer, who is tasked with defending this institution from raiders and beggars who seek to defy the imperial examination system.
>>19144115I think it's more important to see the gardener after school than to see these corrupt commissars. We should definitely go to Zhang's after school first thing.
>>19144115Perhaps we may be able to get aid from the school officer, though he may not have much power but perhaps he can be an ally. But given their lack of fear of punishment I am afraid that the commissars are rather friendly with the ruffians who would wish us harm. But for now put these thoughts from our mind, we are not being a proper conversationalist, return to chatting with EJ and Lily.
Deciding that this path of inquiry is ultimately futile, you decide to take the path of good conversationalist instead. You ask of the healths of EJ and Lily's fathers, and express the desire to pay homage at the graves of their ancestors as well, though you immediately regret this, as you remember that EJ is also an exile, far from the distant kingdom where his venerable sires lie beneath the earth. The afternoon is quite pleasant, and the three of you enjoy yourselves. You head to your next class, which is quite forgettable,and it's finally time for gym. You find, to your horror, that the instructor of physical arts has brought out the clubs those barbarians wielded yesterday. You fear that it may be time for battle training, yet are relieved when it turns out to be another sport, where the players take turns hitting balls into the distance. You find that you have little talent for this sport, but swear to work hard. After class, you get on the bus with your friends and the three of you chat about books. Lily is excited about the upcoming film of her favorite novels, the Hunger Games. While the plot seems convoluted, you surmise that they must detail the great starvations that followed the Great Leap Forward, and the pursuit of weiqi as a game to take children's minds off the famine and starvation. The bus pulls up now in front of the Zhang estates.
>>19144233Let's introduce ourselves to the noble gardener. We have permission from both our parents and Sally.
>>19144233Bow to our friends and get off to meet the gardener. Present him with the gifts our parents prepared for him and ask him to take us into his tutelage of English. Offer any assistance we can in the maintaining of the garden to make what recompense we can for the bestowing of wisdom.
>>19144233Learning from this fabled master of the gardening arts seems to the most important thing to do right now.
>>19144277Did we remember the gifts that mother gave us to present to him?
>>19144270This, if we forgot to bring the gifts then come back with them and then talk to him.
>>19144233God, I hope he didn't shave the front half of his hair. That would be even worse. Submission to the Mancbu! *spit*>>19144078 Get off with Ms Zhang and, hopefully, she'll introduce us to the gardener. Also see if her parents are home, so as to introduce ourselves, being guests. Look for gardener otherwise.
You bid goodbye to your companions for the day, and depart with Sally to speak to her gardener. Approaching him humbly and with your head stooped, you fall to the ground and genuflect before him, presenting him with presents of sweets and fruits and cigarettes that your parents prepared. You abase yourself and ask that he take you into his tutelage.Confused but kind, your new shifu agrees to take you under his wing if you would be willing to come by while he works and help him. You see this as a chance to condition both your body and mind as you work beside Shifu in the garden. He is impressed with your skills at outdoor work, well trained from your time in Fujian. On your first day, he teaches you the names of the various tools and flowers and plants, as well as basic conversation skill. Soon, it is time to return to your home. You help Sally with her math homework, with which she struggles, and afterwards, the Zhangs return you to your home. It is now 6 PM, and mother urges you to quickly hop on your bicycle and meet father at the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom for your shift.
>>19144270Careful with the wording, though. Under no circumstances should we say 'I have come humbly seeking a lesson'. That only ever ends one way.
>>19144341Listen to our Mother's words, head to the Heavenly Kingdom for our shift. We have duties to perform. If the ruffian is there watch our step around him, he may interfere with our work.
>>19144341 Uhhh... Mother, about that bike...
>>19144378This. This is another reason why it would have been good to mention the incident last night at breakfast.
>>19144341Kowtow to mother and tell her that the bike is missing. Such things are perhaps to be expected when among lawless barbarians, but we nevertheless failed in our duties and we resolve to be watchful from now on and bring no further shame upon our family.
>>19144341Bike to the restaurant, Repair the bike if need be with our bare hands of iron.
>>19144407We are Chinese, not Mcguyver.Gonna have to fess up to momma. Make clear that we were defending both honor and property, and that all this destruction is the fault of the white devil/
>>19144405 Diu lian! How can we lie!? To our parents!?
>>19144405Lying to parents to hide dishonour would bring shame upon us at heart.
>>19144431There's a difference?
>>19144431No, a white lie about the theft of the bike would bring less worry to her than tales of combat. We must consider our filial duty.
>>19144459What would Confucius say?! Xao would never advise a son to lie to his parents.
You reach a moral crossroads. You could be as Chuko Kung Ming and deceive the heavens, but you think better of it. Today is a day for piety, not strategy, and you confess your sins to mother, bowing your face to the ground. She strikes you and cries and tears at her hair, knowing that you've doomed the family by bringing down the wrath of the huge barbarians. She asks you what you're going to do to fix this and threatens to call father and have him close the restaurant early to come home and discipline you. You offer to build a new bicycle from the sturdy bamboo in the forests around here, but mother thinks this, too will lead to shame.
>>19144434To always tell the truth was the virtue of the great American hero Washington, but it was not among the teachings of Confucius.
>>19144486We must continue to apologize and if the opportunity presents itself to do so with decorum, we must try to explain that it was essentially a "kill or be killed" situation, and that these barbarians only respect force - having shown them that you are a capable son of the Middle Kingdom, they will surely give you and your family grudging respect. The alternative would have been to live as worse than peasants before them.
>>19144486Mother does not need to cost father any money, so we should bid her farewell and ask her to wait until tonight. We can run to the restaurant and do our work for father. We don't want no trouble.
>>19144498 I don't remember the name of the adviser now, but he was recognized as an example of proper Confucian adherence for telling the truth at the expense of his own life.
>>19144486 Beg forgiveness but also assure mother that things will work out. We are in a foreign land where our kind is not entirely accepted.
You attempt to explain the situation to mother, who gives up and merely sighs. Father will decide the best way to turn you into a proper son. She bids you to run so that you do not cost father any more money. You lace up your sneakers at the door and sprint to the restaurant, nearly throwing up along the way. You arrive at the restaurant to find it, thankfully, intact and report in the kitchen for work. You change into your outfit and help bring out father's foods, but you're so exhausted, nervous, and on guard, that your service is below your standard today. You're stand-offish with the customers and earn a meager $25 in tips for the night. Father chides you for this, and asks you to help him close up before the two of you bike home together.
>>19144562I'd assume that was for 'speaking truth to power', though, which is a classic example of Confucian duty (e.g. Hai Rui). I'm not actually sure about the moral status of lying to a parent in order to save them worry... I think it's a tough one. OP, care to adjudicate from your position of supreme Chineseness?
>>19144608We did not act properly, the only thing we can do is assume correct behavior in the future and make up for it. At least the restaurant is safe.
>>19144608Tell him the truth while cleaning up.
>>19144608We have already made a full confession to mother, so we'd better kowtow to father and accept whatever re-education he sees fit to assign.
>>19144614This humble one would judge that it is arrogant to assume one's superior wisdom is evaluating the situation, and must present the facts in full to an elder, who may glean all of it for what we have misunderstood, in order to provide the best guidance.
>>19144608 While closing up, take a moment to speak with father about the incident. Make sure to explain that it started earlier that same day at school (not that it completely justifies the challenge we issued out of anger...)
>>19144653Ooooooooh, good answer.
You tell father the complete truth, since you've told mother already. You explain the situation at school, and compare this to Yue Fei's boldness against the Jurchens, knowing that any weakness you showed would urge on the barbarians like wolves around a herder's lost goat. Father listens openly, and knowing that it would not be wise to punish you like foolish Emperor Gaozong. Father asks if you know of any allies, and you tell him of EJ, the last of his clan. Father hopes that perhaps you can call upon his people like the Ming admirals called upon Admiral Yi's Koreans in the face of the Hideyoshi invasions. You thank father deeply for his leniency and the two of you head home together. This is a strange land indeed. Father refuses to ride his bicycle if you are on foot, and walks beside you on the way home. You walk the deserted dirt rode, but feel a presence watching the two of you on the way home.
>>19144725Do not leave, unless the store has insurance. >HueHueHue
>>19144725Inform father of our suspicions, be on high alert but keep moving.
>>19144725Subtly alert our Father of the presence we sensed and prepare for danger. We have let down our guard once and were punished for it, it shall not happen again.
This is a strange land, perhaps the political commissars of these lands will help us.We should take the advice of our friends.Also, we need to take an insurance on the restaurant.>>19144725Inform father of the presence we feel
Alerting father, the two of you keep your guard on the way home. A mile from home, the presence makes itself known. A band of men riding in a truck bed, wearing robes of the palest white ride forth in the bed of a truck. Bai gui indeed. They shout curses at you, circling and threating you while firing guns into the air, shouting for the two of you to return to your province and never return. They insult your father and threaten your mother, but do not touch you. They drive off into the night.
>>19144725Inform Father, but keep moving. Still, combat may be probable, so be prepared.
>>19144811Did we check the number plate of the truck.We should talk about this incident to our friends.
>>19144811I would say to inform the local authorities, but they may be in league with those bai gui.
>>19144828Dunno the formatting of NC license plates, but let's pretent the number was 874EEL
>>19144844Indeed, that is possible. But who to contact if local guards are in league with bandits? Surely, back home there were people to who policed the guards, right?
>>19144811Return home unfazed. Memorize the license plate number.
>>19144811make and model of the truck (assuming it has that information emblazoned upon it) -color, too Also what Anon said about the license plate.
Oh god this sounds bad.We should defer to father for guidance until we get home of course.
>>19144856North Carolina license plates are three letters, followed by a dash and four numbers.Just saying.
>>19144881In that case, KKK-1861?
Knowing little of automobiles besides the Red Flag cars you saw party members driving, you cannot discern the model. You are terrified, but father maintains his resolve. He demands the two of you hurry home and protect mother. You raise concerns about his restaurant, but he assures you that while it can be rebuilt, the woman who bore his heir cannot be reborn on this world. The two of you hurry home to find mother safe, and inform her of what has occurred. She cries and demands the family return home and abandon this foreign land. She finds your family's time here to be as terrifying and fruitless as Zheng He's own expeditions to America. Father insists that the family stay and defend his elder brother's legacy here in the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom. You suggest taking out an insurance policy the next day, and father agrees.
>>19144881>>19144899Sounds good to me.
>>19144900Take fathers side. We are strong people who will defend our property and will not yield even against a greater foe.
>>19144900Take our fathers side, as politely and properly as possible bring up the resolve that our ancestors have shown in the legends and in recent history, that while it may be tough there is a life here. We don't want to leave, we just made some good friends.
>>19144900Father is right; if we leave, we both show to the barbarians that they are superior and shame our dear uncle.
>>19144900We must enquire ask our comrades about these baigui tomorrow. If they are in league with the local yamen, then the situation is dark indeed and our only recourse would be a petition to the capital. The mountains are high and Obama Zongtong, though no doubt benevolent and wise, is far away.
>>19144943This
>>19144939This. We should also quietly consider the possibility that Heaven has put us here in order to unite the oppressed people of this land and restore the Heavenly Mandate. A prairie fire begins from a single spark.Don't say that to mother and father, though.
You take father's side in the argument, and the men of the Lu clan resolve to stake their claim in this territory, like the first Han settlers to settle the hostile plains of the north. Father assures her that the family will take out an insurance policy, and you offer to help find allies among the noble Redguard Hong Wei Bing that EJ represents. Perhaps they may even send troops from their capital to assist you. Your family heads to bed, and you stay up through the night, working on homework, but falling asleep around 3 AM, exhausted from your ordeals.---On that night, gotta head to bed in a couple minutes, so let's call it a nightLouie the Chinaman is now:+A little bit of cash+ English skills- Grades (missing dat homework)+ Relations with friends+ 1 potential followerYou're a strong and dutiful son of a noble race, here to stake a claim in a hostile land. While there are white devils calling down supernatural powers and cruel bullies all around you, you have allies and friends and your wits about you. Tomorrow, you will seek the legal authority to defend father's restaurant. Everything will be alright
Thanks for playing tonight guys. If anyone's interested, I can try to run this again next Thursday at 11 PM EST. On a side note, how many of the fine gentleman here tonight are also children of the Yellow Emperor? Or have you studied astutely under a wise and venerable teacher of the classics of my people?
>>19145025>On that night, gotta head to bed in a couple minutes, so let's call it a nightDon't get it. Is the session over for today?
>>19145050Gotta call it a night unless you guys wanna make some closing moves. Louie's going to sleep too. I got work in the morning
>>19145025Holy shit our grades are suffering! After father showed himself to be righteous and just, we cannot afford to fail him in this.Either we step our studies up a notch, or we locate a more well-established fellow countryman to take our non-maths tests for us. The barbarians have difficulty telling us apart, so this should present little challenge.
>>19145048I actually know almost nothing about chinese history but as a student of history I'm intrigued by random historical references
>>19145087I'm in the same boat with this person, and I'm enjoying myself.
>>19145069alright, it was unclear if it was in-quest line or out.Good night. DO come back, this quest is amusing.
>>19145048I'm the latter. And good work OP, your powers are impressive.
>>19145048Run it then comrade, I will be there.
>>19145048 I'm HuaQiao
>>19145123What're your thoughts on the lying-to-parents dilemma?There's a very brief blog entry here which is suggestive, but it's about lying about whether the parent has a terminal illness so it's pretty different:http://www.jasonpatent.com/2009/09/30/truth-and-trust-chinese-truths/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19143286/ Also archived this for us to refresh our memories next week. Good playing with yall tonight.
>>19145152Thanks OP, you weave stories with the verve and skill of Cao Xueqin and the action stylings of Jin Yong.
>>19145147 It's a difficult situation. Can one have a clear conscience, be truly righteous, and still lie to one's parents even though it might be to save them from turmoil? I think I would have told the truth not only because I'm a terrible liar but also that I believe the problem would have persisted and can lead to more lies. Keeping silent could have been another option but even then, how can we explain it all later if it all explodes into the open? Trust in your parents so that they could trust in you, I guess... There's also a phrase, "shigh zhong" or correct time(/timing) -it's not always easy to find the correct moment for certain actions though.
>>19145221 Sorry, typo on the pin yin. "Shih zhong"
