As a small child I tortured other children and small animals. What of it? Some people grow out of that, some do not.

I don't believe in the inherent sanctity of life. I love, I care, I feel, I want to protect my loved ones and keep them safe and happy, but I don't see existence itself as something that should be preserved for its own sake.

i don't allow illithids their afterlife. whenever i kill one, i crack open its skull, rip out its brain, and turn it to ash

Oh, I see how it is, you white-bread jive muthafucka!

>>18692048
You just accidentally chaotic good

I have no love. I am in a relationship and pretend to love, but I would give her up to further my goals in life.

I feel shame and embarrassment, but not empathy. I only care about myself to an unhealthy extent.

>>18692011

>Former Neutral Evil and could do so again

>>18692032

>Neutral something

>>18692048

>I'd personally call it an evil act, but some gms would say good or neutral

>>18692060
there is nothing good about how i treat illithids. i am normally merciful, caring, and fair. with them i don't care about any of those things. i just want it dead, gone, and without Judgement.

I've just recently realized that I don't care when people I know die, even family members.

My Grandfather is going to die someday, and I won't care. This thought terrifies me.

>>18692112
>>18692112
Being consumed by an Elder Brain isn't a real Ithilid afterlife, it's a conspiracy that destroys the ithilids consciousness for the sole benefit of the Brain.

Your method is probably the only chance an ithilid has to find a real afterlife, assuming they have souls.

There was a time in elementary school when I was bullied a great deal.

One day, my little twelve year old mind snapped. In the fit of rage that followed, I stomped away from the dodge ball square to the school doors.

A little girl was standing there, holding the door open for me. It is a tradition at our school for some reason. The kids hanging out near the doors to open them for others.

I took my anger out on her.

The worst part was the punishment.

Later that same day, my father, the radiologist of the town hospital, drove me to his laboratory in silence.

There, he showed me the X-rays of her broken arm.

That was my punishment.

He did not yell at me. He took nothing away from me.

He simply gave me a complete, total understanding of the damage I had done to her.

She was unable to write anything for almost half a year.

Since that happened, I am afraid of my own anger. True anger. I rage jokingly and can pretend for amusements sake.

But since that happened, I have never been able to let myself properly express anger, ever.

I still bottle it up today.

I don't know what's going to happen the next time something makes me truly, truly angry.

Whenever I see a really thin girl with a flat torso (not a cylindrical one) I wonder how much force I'd need to impale them.

Whenever I see a fat chick, I wonder how much force her skeleton would have to exert to tear free from her body.

And?

I feel greater empathy with fictional characters than those I actually know.
When I was twelve, a teacher I had known since first grade, who had been a great influence on my life, died.
I cried harder over Asuka's mind-rape in episode 22 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
I am able to predict the actions of serial killers in the news with a roughly 45% success rate with very little effort.
I have trouble becoming comfortable within social circles.
I worry sometimes that I may be insane.

>>18692171
>I worry sometimes that I may be insane.
>I cried harder over Asuka's mind-rape in episode 22 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

You definitely are mad as a hatter

Asuka was a tremendous bitch unable to overcome her issues

Over the last ten years, I've gone from a lighthearted anarchist stoner to a cold corporate bastard. It was such a gradual transition that I really hadn't noticed it until I met up with one of my old high school friends the other week and she told me that I reminded her of Patrick Bateman.

I don't know how to feel about that.

>>18692162
Scary stuff.

>>18692192
I'd take it as a complement.

>>18692192
I read that book, and I have too much in common with him. The routines, the urges, and general mannerisms and lust for blood.

so aside from the illithid guy is everyone else in character or talking about themselves

>>18692215
Fuck you ithilids are real the gubberment is covering it up because they caused 9/11

>>18692215
If they're in character, they're all playing 16 year old morons who are lolsociopaths. Oh so "crazy" and "angry".

>>18692204
A complement to what?

Your Character’s Alignment

Based on your answers to the quiz, your character’s most likely alignment is Chaotic Neutral.

Chaotic Neutral

A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn’t strive to protect others’ freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. The chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). The common phrase for chaotic neutral is "true chaotic." Remember that the chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. Chaotic neutral is the best alignment you can be because it represents true freedom both from society’s restrictions and from a do-gooder’s zeal.

>>18692191
>A 14-year-old, a CHILD, who was the first to come across her mother's suicide, and who never received any therapy for the whole mess, EVER, has no right to be fucked up at all.
I'll bet you also think Shinji is a coward.

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20001222b

>>18692162
Maybe you'll beat up a little girl again.

>>18692249
I used to think like you.

Then I took a bullet to the parents.

>>18692240

Statistically speaking, 5% of the population qualifies as sociopathic.

>>18692215

I am >>18692011 , and I do not think it makes me edgy or tough or cool in any way. Someone merely inquired and I responded honestly. Society is quite good at repressing these sorts of tendencies since that is a function of what society does.

>>18692162

I have something similar.

And it did get out once. Because of someone.
It sounds stupid but, your vision turns red. I was still completely aware of what the consequences of my actions were going to be but I was unable to stop myself.

I needed to feel my hands around that neck, to feel my fists beating and tearing the flesh. I wanted to feel bones break. I narrowly averted this and directed my anger at an object.

The scary thing was that I loved letting that rage get out.

>mfw I am pure as driven snow

As a professor, I allow lackluster students to pass, graduate, and become failures with laughable portfolios. I punish, fail, and retain my promising students to use as research assistants until they can surpass my abilities, leaving with a heart full of hatred and razor-sharp talents.

>>18692261
You do realize that Batman deals with his emotional issues in a very similar way to Asuka, right?
They both chose something to throw themselves into completely.
Batman is far from sane.
In fact, he is, to use a phrase, batshit crazy.
His insanity just happens to be the kind that's referred to as being "driven" by most people.

>>18692195
In actuality, it did happen once again when I was older, in highschool.

This time, it was a self defense mechanism.

I was waiting with a group of students in a small hallway to be allowed into the student computer room. We have to wait there until the teacher arrives after his or her lunchbreak to open the door for us.

One of the guys in the crowd was an kid who for some reason had it out for me. The usual crap expected from bullying, but less physical, more verbal.

I had finally had enough, so I snapped back at him and told him to shut up.

He took this as an excuse to establish his dominance over me, and with full intend to beat me up, he turned to get one of his friends to hold his stuff for him while he dealt with me.

I do not know what made me seize this opportunity with his back turned.

I grabbed his head with one hand and smashed it as hard as I could into the closest hallway wall.

The walls in that hall are made out of solid cement blocks whose only covering was a thin layer of paint.

Later that day, my father, always in silence, showed me the damage I had done to his skull.

A hairline skull fracture, which nearly resulted in a coma.

The thing to do with a dying candle is light another, friend.

The Lady helped light up my darkness when i thought the flame was going out. She could help you too, if you wanted it, if you really cared.

We all wonder about things.

Just how much force would it take to snap the neck of the person standing in front of you at the supermarket?

Would a hospital let you take the bones from damaged and removed limbs?

But we never have to let those thoughts control us.
Just think them and let them float away, a balloon on a cut bit of strong.

>>18692259
he would have to find the same girl, well, woman now, and break her arm again. I joke, of course.

>>18692304
But see, he isn't BITCHY about it

There's no such thing as an "excuse" for being annoying and entitled.

Probably very low key for /tg/ given what goes on in our quest threads.

But I have a gigantic maledom BDSM rape fetish.

>>18692241
Well, it's hip to be square.

So says Huey Lewis and the News.

Sometimes i think about saying something that would really offend somebody when we are alone together and then denying it bexause i know my friends think m very trustworthy and would believe me iver them, just for fun.

I sometimes graphically visualise killing people. Usually with knifes, stabbing then from behind. It creeps me out.

I never felt really attached to my friends. I know I should and I act accordingly, but it isn't true.

A few years ago, I was working in DC for a lobbying firm. It was amazing, I'd never had so much money in my life. On the first Friday there, after I got my first paycheck, I took 250 dollars in cash and gave it to a homeless man. He thanked me profusely, and told me I'd changed his life forever, that he'd never forget me, all that good shit.

On a whim, I walked around the block, and when I got back to the corner where he was standing, he didn't recognize me at all. He just asked if I had any spare change. All that stuff he'd told me about how important my gift was to him was just bullshit. The first time in my life that I could really give back to someone, and he couldn't even be bothered to remember my face.

In a fit of rage I knocked him to the ground and just started kicking him. I must have kept kicking him for five minutes straight. I beat that poor bastard until he wasn't moving, and I just walked away. I didn't go home that night. I just walked around the city until morning. I saw people get mugged, I saw junkies shooting up heroin in alleyways.

Part of me died that night, a certain sense of innocence, maybe my faith in people in general.

>>18692422
Oh, for God's sake. We all do this.

>>18692422
I don't have the disattachment problem. But I do plan out graphic murders and rapes in my head.

Would never carry them out though (what scares me though, is the idea that I would never do it simply because I might get arrested - the fear of retribution in some form.)

>>18692456
I think you'd find that's more common than you might expect.

Even the best of people are tempted to do evil deeds now and then. What matters is what you actually do. It doesn't matter why you choose not to kill or rape people, only that you make that choice to resist those impulses.

>>18692501
What if the reason he doesn't rape and kill people is that he's too tired from all the people he just got done raping and killing?

>>18692456
There was a line in Clive Barker's Mister B. Gone in which the book insults the reader by saying that he knows what kind of sick shit you, the reader, would do if you knew there would be no retribution. This is normal.

>mfw this thread
Is there anyone in /tg/ who isn't a fucking crazy future serial killer?

I'm at the other end of the spectrum then most people in this thread. I'm pathetic, anal retentive, and think everyone is constantly judging me. I can't even talk to children without stuttering. That is why you guys are here. You won't leave me /tg/.

>>18692529
hey.

>>18692522
>>18692522
>kind of sick shit you, the reader, would do if you knew there would be no retribution. This is normal.

Actually, I don't think it is

I spent a month in a cabin in the middle of canada with 2 pretty girls and a total douche, but despite the fact that I could've easily killed McDouche, raped the girls, fucked the maple syrup buckets, and never been caught, that never actually crossed my mind because I am not a repressed sociopath

>>18692559
fucking maple syrup makes you a sociopath?

>>18692529
Clearly you missed my earlier post

Though I'll admit I'm not sure if "Pure as driven snow" means what I think it does

>>18692435
>not stabbing the hobo to death while shouting "Get a goddamn job, Al!"
You still have much to learn, anon.

>was bullied a lot during my 4-7th grade year of school
>eventually decide to fight back after this kid starts going out at me.
>the fight ensues I'm starting to enjoy it I smash him against the wall, he turns around does the same thing to me I turn to him grab him and toss him 5-10 feet.
>My body is screaming kill, my mind is screaming kill, I am enjoying this way to much, the only thing that stopped me from snapping his neck was his six friends that got in my way, they didn't want to fight and I realized what I was doing so I calmed down.
>Later on he bitches to a teacher, we both go down to the office, I get punished for defending myself.
>The rest of my stay at that school I never got bullied, found out that people were scared shitless of me.
>That day I realized that I can be a very angry person, I enjoy the anger, and that I enjoy harming others, that I felt the rush to kill that boy.
>mfw I push all this down with being kind as fuck and patient as fuck, with a incredibly laid back demeanor.
How can I be the real nice dude and be the angriest being in existence that wish to burn everything around him for the enjoyment the next bros?

>>18692569
Maybe?

I'm not really an expert on this sort of thing.

>>18692559
same here. I just don't feel the urge to hurt anything, I do however enjoy the idea of evil being purged though.

>>18692577
>I forgot to add the worst bit, I have a strong sense of ethics and morality. What the fuck.

>>18692501
I don't fear retribution. I just find it aesthetically unpleasant. All that gore? Gross. Dead bodies in general are uncool.

>>18692577
dude.. are you me?

>>18692603
I don't do it because the possible repercussions are not worth the effort. Although if I ruled a nation, I'd probably the "Benevolent dictator" type

>>18692595
There is nothing inherently incompatible with being a moral person and being willing to kill others in self defense.

It's only been in the last hundred years or so that society has started acting like violence is an inherently shameful act. For 99% of human history, it was not only acceptable but admirable to meet violence with violence and take satisfaction from defeating those who would do you harm.

>>18692577
enneagram 9w1

Jesus Christ I'm going to hug my children every day so they aren't like you loonies.

>>18692616
here again;
>>18692595
SERIOUSLY STOP THAT SHIT. GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

>>18692646
It won't help. I had very loving parents, and I still ended up as a crazy fuck.

>>18692626
If I ruled a nation. You'd be safe as long as you aren't a threat to my political power - if you were I'd go all Stalin on your ass.

My darkness?

I do not care for that therm, it is far to accurate for my liking.

I grew up taking a lot of shit from the kids at school, something to do with having to use glasses. I think that is what provoked the change.

For humans, I only have any lick of empathy for those few that I regard as friends. For them, Ive bled before, and would do again, no questions asked. For the rest, hell, I care more for animals then I do for my fellow man.

Due in part to jobs Ive had, and my education, Ive learned a lot about how the human body works in a chemical sense, and how simple it is to disturb that balance in a fatal way.

The scary part is, the only reason why I have not gone to town and started taking out the garbage as it were, is that I fear that I would not be able to explain the situation to those I call my friends.

I can take anything anyone else might dish out, but the thought of any of my friends disapproving, or myself not being able to help them out due to my own fuckups. That scares me, to the point of keeping me from embarking on that doomed quest.

>>18692646
My parents are very loving thank you. And I hug them more than they hug me.

>>18692646
>implying hugging children is better than teaching them to work with/through their anger.
>2012
ISHIGGITY DIGGITY DOO

>>18692330
Beyond being manipulated your entire life to do one thing and one thing only...
And then being beaten at it by some kid who only got the job because his daddy's the Director.
All of her years of sync practice? HA! he syncs at nearly her level with no training of any kind!
All that training? Useless! The all powerful Shinji manages to outperform her on nearly every mission.
And the worst part is, she's falling for him. HARD. And at first she just tries to forget about it, and pretend it isn't there. But the little bastard won't make a move. And it's not like she can. Then she might be rejected and she's subconsciously protecting her ego. She really is the most broken character in the show except MAYBE Gendo.
Hedgehog's dilemma and all that.
And if Shinji would just shove through the spines, then she'd probably open up.
Evangelion is essentially a tragedy of miscommunication. She is essentially afraid of people and pushes them away, just like everyone else in the fucking show.
(cont.)

>>18692647
I hope not that would mean there are either two of me or I have a multiple personality disorder.
Anyways here's a test are you a man and have girls name?

>>18692628
Are you American?

Because American media is ALL ABOUT revenge violence

The reason violence is frowned upon in the legal system(and by extension the stupid rules schools have about it) is that it's surprisingly hard to prove who started it, who escalated it, etc. etc.

>>18692682
I dunno about you, but those imaginary scenarios are how I vent my anger since I avoid confrontations like the plague.

Why do you think they're so graphic?

I get depressed as fuck when I see a cute animal suffering, but when I saw a man get run over by a car and die last year I didn't feel anything.

Why is that?

>>18692717
Well I can't say I wouldn't feel anything. But I do feel a lot more caring and kind to animals than I do to strangers.

Mostly because while I like and become attached to individuals... I fucking hate humanity as a whole.

>>18692710
That counts as working through anger.

>>18692717
Supposedly the Monkeysphere.

Well, the only reason I do a lot of "good" things (not like following the law, I mean community service and recycling and being nice and shit) is for that smug sense of self-superiority, that I can lord over people like a petty despot.

>>18692700
The media is relatively irrelevant. People root for characters who shoot people all the time, but in the real world, people hate it.

Just look at that Zimmerman dude.

>>18692717
because you didn't help the suffering animal

>>18692717
It is because you are a good person. You understand that the animal have little to no way of defending itself. But a human sure as fuck do. Thusly, the human is far far far more responsible for his/her situation and standing, then an animal ever could be.

I feel the same way, I consider it to be a blessing.

>>18692745
Ah Zimmerman, gets whiter every time you see him.

>>18692745
mfw the whole Zimmerman deal, while a tragedy that should not have happened, does not deserve even a fraction of the attention its getting.

I never felt good from the sole adrenaline rush when fighting. Only thing that makes me feel good is realisation that my opponent is helpless. I won? Serves you right. Oh, I'm loosing? And what you're gonna do about it?

I think what you all need is a warm fuzzy

Evangelion is very much like The Wall, but with the entire fucking cast as Pink.
Shinji's wall is his constant apologies and his withdrawn nature. He just does whatever has the least risk.
Rei's wall is the repression of her emotions. She's unsure of how to deal with them, so she buries them and maintains a stoic mask.
Asuka's wall is her abrasive personality and bitchiness. She is the character who pushes people away the most directly.
Gendo's wall is his plans and his emotional distance. He uses other people to insulate himself from anyone who might hurt him. Like Shinji, who looks so much like his mother that it must hurt Gendo to even look at the kid.
Misato's wall alternates. At work it's cold professionalism, but at home, it's the booze. Lets her dull the pain and self loathing AND keeps people away.
Kaji's wall is the womanizing. He still very much loves Misato, but he hates himself with every fiber of his being, and he hides his real feelings behind the suave "James Bond wishes he was this big a pimp." act.
Kensuke's wall is the otakuness. This is very much seen as a BAD thing in Japan, and it keeps people away, where they can't hurt him. The only exceptions are Shinji and Touji, who the wall doesn't work on because they accept him for who he is. Kensuke is secretly a very selfish character, although this never really sees much screen time and can be hard to spot.
Touji's wall is the tough guy act. If you act like a tough guy who never lets his Jimmies get rustled, people won't do anything to rustle your Jimmies. This makes getting close to Hikari, who he has a HUGE crush on, hard for him.
Asuka may be the most abrasive, but there are people with far less healthy ways of handling their issues in the show.

zimmerman?

>>18692757
I saw a shoop the other day with Zimmerman as an albino with a swastika tattoo on his forehead, and Trayvon as an adorable baby. It would be more funny if it wasn't so close to the actual media coverage.

>>18692785
He's that guy in Florida who shot a black teenager a few weeks ago.

He says it was self defense, while the kid's family says it was murder.

>Driving down the highway at 4am to clear my mind
>Turn a corner
>Encounter flipped, flaming car.
>Stop, get out, call 911
>See something moving inside car
>Driver still strapped in, alive, on fire.
>Driver starts screaming.
>Unlike anything I have ever heard.
>Continues for 3 minutes before they finally stop.
>The whole time I'm trying to get the guy out.
>Too much fire.
>Sit and watch car burn until fire dept. shows up.

I didn't take away fear from the event, but understanding instead; Death is not a bad thing, it is the relief from pain and suffering. It is necessary. It is exact. It comes in many forms. It is peace.

Not exactly darkness, but a deeper understanding of it has made the idea of Death something to be thankful for. The mercy killings of animals throughout my life have only been enforced as mercy after this event.

It has made death something better than life for some people in my mind...

>>18692745
>but in the real world, people hate it.

What magical fairy land do you live in where everyone respects human life

Heck, my last army roommate was ALL ABOUT going to Iraq and "gunning down some goddamn arabs" and repeatedly telling me how badly he wanted to kill things.

He is not exactly an unusual specimen of humanity, as evidenced by, y'know, war and history and stuff.

Empathy means to be able to share an experience with another, to be able to identify with others even though we are not they. I can feel this. I can put myself in other's shoes, I can see all sides of an issue. I know what it means to be a part of collective humanity. But I don't engage. I see the clear distiction between a right action and wrong action, and I choose wrong; for reasons I can't articulate. It's almost like I choose to hurt simply to see people suffer. I don't derive any joy from it, I just want to observe it, like it'll give me some sort of enlightenment to watch a soul defeated. But I know it won't. I think with perfect logic and clarity, but the actions always run astray from what I know I have to do.

About a month ago I dreamt that I was driving a car that swerved off the road and fell off the side of a cliff. And then suddenly I was in a place beyond my typical understanding. A temple of Aztec build created with hues of color both vivid and unreal. The temple, as I quickly found out, was hell, a place of neverending solitude and torment. When I awoke, it occured to me that deep down in my subconscious, below all the posturing and empty machinations of self that constantly churned in my brain, I really did believe that I was going to hell. It was an uncomfortable experience, but I really haven't changed since then. I haven't really found a way to.

>>18692822
>What magical fairy land do you live in where everyone respects human life
California.

Cognitive dissonance is a hell of a thing.

I used to be an idealist, and strove to see the best in others and in the world and what the world should be. But I've seen the darkness inherent in the human condition and the pain and suffering and death that marks our passage through this mortal coil and ask "why?"

My religion should give me answers... and yet I still find myself doubting. Why this world seemed to be engineered to be imperfect.

Why I'm imperfect.

The mirror's already broken. And some days I just feel like tearing it off the wall entirely because I can't stand to look at myself anymore.

>>18692839
Well, heck, maybe I should move there!

>>18692032
As you to say, except my list of loved ones generally encompasses our species... it's actually kind of obstructive to any attempt at ideology when town A is raging at town B over zoning rights and well just expand that into geopolitics that I barely understand but am compelled to pay attention to

It'd be easier to kill everything

/tg/, you're a better /adv/ than /adv/

>>18692885
giantess thread?

>>18692893

I had one of those dreams where you're just on the edges between wakefulness and sleep and everything seems more vivid and real in your dreaming.

I dreamt I was floating through the solar system, that I could reach out and touch these tiny spheres of light and gas and rock and see every crack and cloud and crater on their surface.

And then I passed by the Sun and was flung out from it all, past the furthest rings into the Abyss. I saw the Sun dwindle away into just another pinprick of light among trillions and I feared that I would be lost forever.

I panicked and reached out for anything familiar that I could grab a hold of, and my grasp seized upon Nemesis, in the darkest reaches beyond our sight. And for a brief moment I thought I had stopped falling.

And then I slipped. It was then that I knew the true terror of an eternity of loneliness and loss, and I don't think I'll ever feel something like that again.

>>18692885
Obviously.
>adv
>abloobloobloo a gurl left me well actually we were never together but we were going out in my mind so she's a bitch a bloobloobloo

>/tg/
>THERE ARE NO HEROES LEFT IN MAN
>BETTER A TRUE HELL THAN A FALSE HEAVEN
>LIFE IS IMPERFECT, OUR ONLY CHOICE IS TO TEAR IT DOWN AND TRY AGAIN

>>18692893
Exactly. I don't need other boards anymore.

I know I'm spending more time running away from my problems than is healthy. I'm slowly burying myself in things to distract me, because the stories I read and see and hear are more interesting than real life.

I know that's not right, I know I need to get out there and actually start experiencing the real world. But I just find myself caring less and less.

And yet the fact that I don't care anymore is what scares me the most. Maybe that means I'm not entirely gone yet, but it puts me in the worst place because I KNOW I need to change something and I just can't muster the motivation to actually make that change.

God I'm pathetic.

>>18692841
Accepting your own weakness while still striving for something better is a sign of strength within the heart.
I was in the same position you were in when I was 17, but by the time I was 20, I said "Fuck that, I'm going to push myself in spite of myself, because to be greater than what I am today should be the goal of every man living".
What you have is childish emo bullshit. Men should be able to reconcile their hopes for something better coming with the reality of what is right now.

I miss /x/.

>>18693001
The board that once was is no more

It's time to move on

I almost never finish reading books
is it evil, /tg/?

>>18693012
Lazy=/=Evil

>>18692973

It's hard to get motivated to better yourself when you're still stuck in the midst of an existential crisis.

And yes, I know it sounds childish and emo. I'm disgusted with myself for moping over this instead of just getting on with my life.

But that disgust just makes it worse. Stories and cool motivational speeches make it sound so easy, so simple, and life is never that simple and nobody ever lives up to those legends. That's why they're legends, because they're an unattainable ideal that we continually strive towards.

And I keep coming back to the question of WHY it's unattainable in the first place.

>>18693010

Some times /tg/ tries to sort out the void, when there's stuff like Don't Rest Your Head threads.

But the void which was once large and filled with unspeakable horrors is now more of dark cupboard with the demise of /x/.

>>18693036
>WHY it's unattainable in the first place.

That bitch Entropy

She's the source of all our problems.

>>18693036

Just remember that it isn't Emo if you actually want to become better.

Emo kids never actually want to change anything because they WANT to be that way.

I completely understand the motivations of those religious nuts that want to engineer the correct events to bring about the apocalypse.

I want to be around to see it.

>>18692973
Not a troll question nor a response from the poster you're responding to, but if we're invited to indulge in that nibbling shadow at the back of our hearts and minds, I might as well go full nihilist:

Why should a man strive to be better? Solely for the impossibility of the challenge or for some abstract moral system crafted by imperfect man?Or is this striving somehow a way to differentiate us from the animals, and if so, how is the drive any different from the urge an ant has to expand its hive to benefit itself and species?

I've lost about half of my extended family to one illness or another now, about fourteen people all told, both of my godparents to a semi collision. Their kids, my favorite cousins, are effectively orphans split among the family as the godparents go and I'm still lost on my lack of motivation in life while they're about to finish advanced medical degrees. I think about killing myself, listen to what other people call depressing songs, etc to feel better and all I can figure that's wrong with my life is that I was picked on constantly as a kid and ignored/beaten by my father.

I think when it comes down to the wire, I'll leave everything that has ever loved me to rot in their places. I feel like that guy who's just stuck in a not-so-bad situation and that scenario is never going to change, no threat, no ambition, no personal gains or losses.

I've seen kids with severe autism and mood disorders more motivated to excel than me. Am I the god of apathy in my own personal paradise or something?

>>18693063
just nuke yellowstone. it's a super volcano that's overdue for an eruption. the ash cloud would most likely blot out the sun for a while and kill off most life

Pffff /tg/ evil?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-anabfAg06U
Listen to this /tg/. You can't expect to figure everything out by yourself, a good skill is to know where to find inspiration. Just try something. Soon you will be seeing colors again. Life's a box of chocolates you know.

>>18693098
That pic is how old, again?

>>18693052

I've been religious all my life. I was brought up that way and went through six years of Catholic schooling.

Hell, I'm busy getting a degree in Religious Studies. And yet for all the classes I've taken and sermons I've heard, I know all the different justifications for why evil exists in our world, and none of them seem adequate.

In the end, I accept them on necessity more than actual belief.

I keep chained inside me a raging, bloodthirsty, amoral beast, ready to pounce on any opportunity to slam those I hate to the floor and stamp all over them, both metaphorically and actually.

Like playing as an evil character? Check out Devil The rebellion (DtR), an alternate WoD system that is similar to Demon the Fallen (World of Darkness). DtR is free source.

http://dicery.wordpress.com/2011/06/15/devil-the-rebellion/

>>18693075

>Why should a man strive to be better?

You don't NEED to strive to be better if you are okay with who you are, though you can if you want to.

Also "better" in this sense is a very personal concept.

>>18693106
the fuck did i just watch

When I was ten, a friend of mine hung himself.

I remember going into class that morning, seeing everyone else crying. When they told me the news, I started laughing. "This is a joke right? Real funny, come on out.", I'll never forget their faces, the outrage at my response, the moment I realised they weren't joking and did my best to be devastated along with the rest of them.

As much as I tried to feel sad about it, all I felt was a smug satisfaction, he'd always been better at me at football, he'd always beaten me on test scores, all I could think was, "I guess this means I win."

You know, guys, it's kind of a funny thing for me, reading this thread.

I have the same type of situation...a situation where I look at myself, then at the world, and wonder whether I'm the only one who feels a certain way or thinks certain things...

...except it's in a completely opposite way to how most of you seem to feel.

I have no secret darkness, no concealed thoughts of blood and violence, no hidden coldness or lack of empathy. I am for the most part a very calm and empathetic person whose first response to conflict is to try and solve it peacefully, without escalation or violence, in a way that benefits everyone involved. I love my friends and family dearly, and would gladly take the proverbial bullet for any of them. I bear a compassionate indifference towards strangers, and if presented with an opportunity will immediately attempt to help people or otherwise make their day a little better. I will gladly give of what I have to others, whether it be time or effort or material things. I'm not perfect, but I try to do my best.

And so when I look out at the world, I wonder if anybody else is like me. I wonder if anyone else feels a real impetus to be kind, to do good, to love their neighbor, to make this world a better place. Given what I've seen in my life thus far, I have some serious doubts.

>>18693098

We want to believe in a higher order than ourselves, that we can be better people. We want to be the shining knight that kills the dragon and rescues the princess.

But that desire doesn't stop the doubt from nipping at the back of your mind still.

>>18693036

Agnostic atheist here.

Morality is, when you break it down, about two basic physical human reactions: pain aversion and empathy.

Pain aversion is our natural response to harmful or potentially harmful stimulus- we back away from it and try to make sure it never happens again. That's why most moral codes have strictures against murder, torture, theft, arson, etc. We know that these actions cause physical and/or emotional pain, so as an extension of our natural, non-arbitrary aversion to pain (our bodies evolved to be pain averse because pain is usually a precursor to injury, so it is evolutionarily beneficial to have an instinctual aversion to it.)

Empathy is the reason why moral codes can work in the first place. Most human beings are born soft-wired to feel empathy after a certain age, when an ability called Mind Awareness develops. We know we feel pain, and Mind Awareness allows us to imagine that other human beings can feel pain, as well. Not only that, but there is also an instinctual physical reaction to seeing someone else in pain or discomfort- the parts of our brain that register pain and discomfort actually activates when we perceive others in pain and discomfort.

Anyway, your question seems to be: why are people such dicks to each other. I propose that it is simply that some people are physically disabled in that they cannot feel empathy, either in a broad sense (misanthropy) or in a very specific sense (political/religious, sexism, racism, etc.)

tl;dr Don't be discouraged by assholes; they're just cripples.

>>18692577
>>18692595

Are you me?

>>18693113
>I know all the different justifications for why evil exists in our world, and none of them seem adequate.
What about the one where if there wasn't any evil, life would be incredibly boring?

>>18693116
Heh, I wish I could actually use my anger; as it stands it takes years of dedicated abuse to make me snap and at that point all of those years in martial arts training kick in.

My one regret? Not being conscious for the event, I only get to see what a vengeful malicious version of me can do to flesh and bone and still be locked away from it, any legal punishment pales in comparison to that.

I used to be angry at the world.

Then I just kinda gave up.

Annoying thing is there is a lot I would change about myself, and I am lucky enough to be in a position where the only thing holding me back is me, but I'm too scared of what those changes would mean.

Because instead of seeing the changed me in the future doing what I want to do, I see me as I am now in those situations totally unable to cope.

>>18693113

Evil exists because man is selfish, fallible, and utterly mortal.

There's no need for gods, demons, angels, outside forces and influences. We're perfectly fucking rotten all on our own.

>>18693133

It's 3 in the morning over here. We're in the darkest depths of the night when our darkest fears and doubts come to the forefront.

I know I try to be a good person. I laugh and cry with my friends and volunteer tutoring kids in math and science on the weekends.

But all of that still doesn't make those shadows go away when it's 3 in the morning and you're looking at a cracked reflection of yourself through confessions posted on an imageboard.

>>18693106
http://youtu.be/fpw3cxB7HRs

I was born in small town called Janja Nova near Gacko in Bosnia. Tiny place, came together during the good years of Yugoslavia. When I was fifteen, the the run ended, and the world turned into shit.
The world everywhere else, I mean. We were fine. That was really what did it for me. We watched the news and read the paper and we saw everything that was happening, but it never came to us. Some people got in their cars, packed up and just left west because they thought the (other) Serbs were coming. Croatia was safer, they said. But nothing fucking happened at all.

Most of us were Serbs. If anyone came by and asked, everyone was Serbs. Nothing happened. Meanwhile in Gacko, which you can piss on from my house, they were raping buildings full of women every day, enslaving and shipping people off to other countries, lining up men along the roadsides, shooting them and then paving right over them to save on labor.

But nothing happened in Janja Nova. Yet, it was never the same again. In fact, when the death came to my little town, it wasn't a wagon of chetnics with machineguns, in 1999 when the geology lab that had sustained us went belly up and everyone just left. I came to America.

And the first thing I am asked is "what did you do during the war? What happened?"

And I said "Nothing." I saw nothing. I did nothing. Nothing happened to me. Nothing killed all of those people, and nothing destroyed the dream of our country. Nothing ruined my home.

So that is what I carry within me. I fear nothing.

I don't know if I have darkness. I'm scared of myself, though - especially lately. I want to be a writer, and to be a good writer I need to be passionate and knowledgeable about what I write, and I need to be articulate, and have an unorthodox vocabulary. To make dialogue, I have to be in the minds of people that do not exist, and to make it convincing I have to change the shape and nature of my soul to accompany theirs.

I fear I may be going insane. One of the characters has stayed with me, wrapped inside a bubble in my heart, a woman with claws who's trying to scratch her way out and screams incessantly. It makes me want to weep and roar and die.

>I have no secret darkness, no concealed thoughts of blood and violence, no hidden coldness or lack of empathy. I am for the most part a very calm and empathetic person whose first response to conflict is to try and solve it peacefully, without escalation or violence, in a way that benefits everyone involved. I love my friends and family dearly, and would gladly take the proverbial bullet for any of them. I bear a compassionate indifference towards strangers, and if presented with an opportunity will immediately attempt to help people or otherwise make their day a little better. I will gladly give of what I have to others, whether it be time or effort or material things. I'm not perfect, but I try to do my best.

>And so when I look out at the world, I wonder if anybody else is like me. I wonder if anyone else feels a real impetus to be kind, to do good, to love their neighbor, to make this world a better place. Given what I've seen in my life thus far, I have some serious doubts.>>18693133

I'm you plus everyone else, cold and warm, I love everyone, would die for them, but they're idiots and i don't see any good reason to help them let alone die for them, but when they ask me for something or I have anything they don't I feel compelled to give and get a warm glow from it.

Only I rarely get asked to help my friends or others, even volunteer organizations are thin in my area, and on top of that I don't really know how to properly help people, I just give them what they ask for.

How do I help people effectively and on a constant basis? That question makes me look at a knife every night until the tension falls away and I can sleep.

>>18692967
I had a awesome post that was all about rising above yourself and how to do it, but it contains a banned url that I have no idea where the hell it is.
Sorry guy.

>>18693178
>We're perfectly fucking rotten all on our own.

And if I accept that then I also accept that fact that I'm ultimately rotten to the core and then how can I hope to ever try and better myself if there's nothing than weak, fallible flesh to determine what I think and how I act. How can I trust myself to speak wisely or do the right thing if there is nothing else than inherently flawed human nature?

I NEED to believe in something else. And half of me hates the fact that I need that crutch and the other half hates the fact that I call it a "crutch" in the first place.

Some people look outwards, sex, drugs, crime. Others turn inward. It's always bleak at first but if you can sift through the shit to find the perfect little kernels of happiness corn you'll see why life is the way it is.

>>18693133
There are people like you out there. It's just that they're comparatively very, very rare. Just keep doing what you're doing, keep making the world a better place and remember in those hardest days when you might doubt yourself - you are not alone in the world like that.

Life is the longest chemical reaction in the universe

And consciousness the cruelest joke

>>18693229

Please see my post here: >>18693141

You are not rotten. You have the love of humanity in your heart, simply by even caring whether or not you're rotten.

:D

I sometimes wonder what its like to kill a person. Just to know what it felt like to take another life. On the flip side I also wonder what its like to die. Strange thoughts, but they're things that I do and don't want to experience.

>>18693214
>How do I help people effectively and on a constant basis?
Stop thinking that doing something that matters must be something huge and life changing.
It can be something as small as grabbing a wallet someone dropped, holding open a door for a disabled vet or offering to grab a heavy item or 2 for a pregnant woman. There are many times where people need help and everyone around them turns the other way. Just be ready and willing to help someone when they need it.

>>18692691
Yep, you're correct.
And the other thing is that the human instrumentality project is that it makes everyone one. Perfect communication.

>>18693270
It is like opening a bottle.

I present to you, the color yellow!

Now I see why /tg/ is the best board, or at least my favorite.

>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297
>>18693297

And here's blue!

>>18692967
I'm the guy from >>18693133, and I gotta say that I know exactly how you feel. Escapism is addictive, and indolence seductive. Hell, I should be in college getting A's out the wazoo, but instead I'm living at home and working in a restaurant because I just can't seem to summon up the gumption to put in the necessary effort.

I know that at the most fundamental level, there's nothing wrong with me. That knowledge might very well be my downfall, because it robs me of the motivation to be dynamic and actively take part in the world around me, instead of passively waiting for things to fall into place.

>>18693281
At the cost of real connection.
I wasn't actually sad at the end of EoE, specifically because I realized what it was saying. Life is painful, and it sucks. But it's absolutely worth living, because without that risk, without that chance to be hurt, it's all a sham. Real love requires risk. It requires trust. It requires a willingness to be hurt by their spines all for the precious warmth they bring.

Now check this out.

This sounds more like an anti-bullying thread to me...
GREENTEXT TIME

>be bully in JHS
>2 other dudes (asians) and myself (russki) would beat up on other asian and russian kids
>never fuck with the American jewish kids because they had insanely overprotective parents
>asiatic thought pattern of "if you're bullied, it's your own fault" worked out great for us
>almost never reported
>if it did, we'd get like... nothing. never got suspended or anything
>worst thing I did
>kicked a kid, Vadim, down the stairs
>no broken bones, but lots of bruises, and nosebleed
>he punched me a couple of times after we got out of school, but my friends and I ganged up on him
>worst psychological bullying
>had kid in school, Doobie
>total fucking dweeb, no social skills, looked a lot like the guy from Napoleon Dynamite
>no good friends, but people in class still spoke to him
>told him that we'd all be cutting class, and going to local arcade place (late 90s btw)
>nobody did, and we ratted him out that he skipped class
>next day, he comes in, and starts trying to choke himself with scarf
>he gets counseling for rest of month

Now, in my defense, I mellowed out a lot back in HS, and am now a productive member of society. Actually, come to think of it, maybe bullying others helped me achieve some kind of inner peace, because I was less fucked in the head than your average high schooler.

What scares me to most is that I can't distinguish between forced laughs and smiles and real ones anymore. I feel like I laugh or smile because its expected, and not because I want to. Even things that should be funny I put on a smile and give a short laugh hold it for long enough to sell the deal and go back to being dispassionate. I can't stop doing it anymore, like its become a habit for me to fake emotions.

>>18693229

The first step in problem solving is identifying the problem. On the micro scale, you try to live your life better than a soap bubble-thin vernier of civility covering a savage hooting ape. On the macro scale, you try to encourage the design of systems which assume that people are selfish, stupid, short-sighted, greedy, callow, feckless, hubristic, and downright mean, and engineer responses such that those energies are channeled into communal good.

>>18692696
I am a man, but I've never met any girls called David.

Phew. I'm not crazy. Good to know I'm not the only one who has these sorts of thoughts though.

>>18693271

Not giving enough credit to the little things that are actually important is a very common thing.

While most people don't really mind, or have enough other input for it to not matter, those prone to poor opinions of their own selfworth for whatever the reason can often find giving such little things the credit they deserve very helpful, especially if they normally avoid a lot of things which could give positive experiences.

Is it evil of me to want to kill 90% of the human population?

Because every time I watch/read the news and see how selfish/stupid/gullible/generally-evil the rest of the world is...

If it came down to it... I probably could push the button and live with myself knowing how many had died

Funnily enough I could never kill an individual, as I couldn't live with choosing who lives or dies (leaving it to chance however is another matter entirely)

>>18693271
I've been trained to do that from birth, those things come naturally to me and don't feel very important, that's just something I expect out of myself and everyone else as baseline modesty.

I think what I'm asking is... when am I going to find my passion- my reason for living, that goal that makes everything else an obstacle to overcome instead of just a big damn hill with nasty things and a lack of motivating force keeping me off it?

>>18693229
Because mankind is also perfectly capable of achieving love and good on its own, too.

It is so much easier to latch on to the evil in men because its results are much more visible than that of the good. An atomic bomb can wipe out a city in an instance, but nuclear energy harnessed through the same principles can power that same city for years. Mankind operates in a similar manner. Religion has caused so much harm via crusades, holy wars, and internal corruption, but it has also preserved knowledge and founded and supported several charities over the years.

Saying mankind is either inherently evil or good is grossly simplifying the issue. It's all about choice: like this thread, some people have chosen to act on their darker impulses, others restrain and keep them hidden, knowing of the potential damage they could cause to others.

>>18693313
Plebeian peasant primary pastels

Please proceed to purview a proud, palatable pigment

>>18693333
Soon

>>18693316

It took two goddamn years for people to kindly inform me of the fact that a few girls that were on the tennis team with me in junior high had been spreading nasty rumors about me.

TWO

YEARS

I had a small, close circle of friends to begin with, but that was ridiculous.

>>18693328
It doesn't make you evil. It makes you a fucking idiot.

HURR DURR humanz be evil so I'll leave to chance to see who dies rather than actual sift through the silk to find people who are actually out to benefit humankind.

>>18693333
Nice quads. Anyway, the key to helping people is to observe. The broken and hurt aren't as hard to find as you think. Once you've found a few you've found them all. Sometimes people just need some proof that everyone in the world isn't a dispassionate asshole who would sell them for a quarter.

>>18693328
Media focuses on negative reports, you killing a lot more good than you think you aren't.

Besides, the dregs always repopulate faster.

/tg/ - the best board.

>>18693333

When I figure it out, I'll let you know.

>>18693328

Remember that very rarely are good things reported on the news.

You can't use that as a basis for what percentage of humanity are scumbags.

Now wanting to erradicate specific people that's pretty healthy in my opinion as long as you have morals not to act on it in a violent way.

Best way to react to it is by doing more good, helping people or just trying to put out a view point that might someone becoming one of those things you hate.

>>18693051
I went to /x/ the other day, just to see if I could find something that would make me want to not sleep for a few more hours. I couldn't find anything. I miss /x/.

On topic though, I have some serious rage/trust issues. I had a physically abusive father and a emotionally abusive mother and I was pretty heavily bullied physically in school. I don't trust people, I don't like being around people and I barely open up with my friends. I sometimes have moments of clarity where I do something "normal" like dance with a random girl at a con or hookup with a stranger I just met, but afterwards it feels like I just climbed a mountain. I'm stressed out for the next couple of weeks and it takes a while before I'm able to even go out of my house again. Any time any one starts yelling or getting even vaguely angry I just check out and try as hard as possible to not be there. If I don't I break down and start crying. I think I might have PTSD, I also might be a pathological liar. I'm not sure. That last statement really doesn't help the block of text above it, but I assure you as anon I have no problem letting it all out. I sometimes have a seething hate surface and I just want to break some one, watch them twist in agony and pain and watch them fall apart. Sometimes I just want to be held and disappear into the warmth and compassion of another human being.
I used to defend my self when I was bullied, I'd go for the throat, choking people or bite when the wouldn't stop after they wrenched me off. I don't know how I should feel about my self as a human being. I find it hard to feel empathy for any one who isn't family, friend or animal.

>>18693378

might STOP someone*

>>18693371
Oh yes. This. I've long determined that the easiest way for me to get depressed is to watch or read the news. So I simply don't. I know what's up in the world of video games while being completely oblivious on what is going on in my own reality.

>>18693378
Destroy all that which is evil
So that which is good may flourish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkT2wW3-1jQ

>>18693141
>Agnostic
>atheist
Pick one.

>>18693317
I have a hard time smiling and laughing too anon. It's not that I don't enjoy things, I just don't smile or laugh easily. I'm happy, I just don't smile.

>I think what I'm asking is... when am I going to find my passion- my reason for living, that goal that makes everything else an obstacle to overcome instead of just a big damn hill with nasty things and a lack of motivating force keeping me off it?

Wish I knew, brother. Wish I knew.

You know all those "What Chaos God would you worship" threads that we have?

I've thought pretty seriously about the question. And sometimes the justifications and motivations for those answers that I write scare me a little bit. I have no doubt if Chaos were to actually exist in this world, I would fall HARD.

My grandfather has alzheimer's. He's in this one place where they put all the other patients in to live. He was doing fine at first, but then I started looking at the others.
I started to wonder if it wouldn't be better to kill them all, or just let them die. My grandfather included. Seeing them in all that confusion, some not even able to feed themselves, much less form any conscious thought or sentence. They slowly lose themselves until they're walking, mindless zombies. I hate them for it, though none of it's their fault, and I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be better to apply a mass mercy killing.

It's darkest before the dawn. We're almost at the point where the people who can help will help. Just hold on.

>>18693415
A friend of mine had a father who lost his wife to cancer. He had Alzheimer's, and every hour he would wander around the house looking for his dead wife and someone would have to explain to him that she was dead. He'd be devastated over and over every hour of the day he would grieve, forget, and be reminded of her death only for the cycle to repeat.

>>18693410
most of humanity would. It's why the inquisition exists. That's why their existance is kept secret in the imperium.

>>18693345
Is that in Valve-time? cause if so, then I'm fucked beyond belief.
>>18693362
I don't understand that concept though, selling people out is... alien to me... I mean, if I think the situation would be improved by providing confidential information to what seems to me like misaligned but well-meaning parties, then I do it with no real concern for myself other than bringing petty or counterproductive stalemates to an end and, well, experience has born me out in the right.

But that's kind of bad because then you get into the realm of judgement where you see yourself as infallible and then all sorts of buggery happens.

I do lie, but again, I seem to be able to judge when and to whom I should lie to though not necessarily for what reasons... might I have absorbed life-lessons for examples of other people around me? I don't really know, but my love-life is still terrible- I can do good for others but I seem behaviorally designed to explicitly sabotage myself.

/tg/, I love you guys. Each and every one of you.

>>18693415
I know this feel as well

I've NEVER met anyone who wanted to live in that state... so why are we devoting so many resources to ensure that people cling to a living death any longer than necessary?

Obviously I'm not saying KILL THE UNFIT but when someone is a vegetable, it seems pointless, inefficient, and downright cruel to keep them alive.

>>18693333
I don't know. Hell, I don't know if I've found mine yet. And I've hit fairly low on the way down to rock bottom before reaching where I am today.

A single passion, one answer to your life's meaning and purpose, might be too much to ask, honestly. But that's not a bad thing; like true love, it might even be a little naive or innocent to believe in one passion that'll sustain you throughout life.

God, at the risk of sounding like a motivational novel on the for sale rack at Wal-Mart, focus on the little things that cheer you up through the day. The game group that meets every Friday night, lunch with the cute girl from Deuteronomic Theory, build a small group of people and activities that you can rely on and extend outward from there. It's proven fairly successful for me so far.

>>18693383

Far from uncommon and it doesn't even take parental abuse or extreme levels of bullying to cause it.

I've been through some shite, everyone has, but compared to a lot of people I've known I've had a really easy life ... yet I've had really debilitating problems with stuff like anxiety, social phobia, lack of selfworth and so on.

It's a lot easier to give advice than take it that's for sure.

I'm currently at a stage where I'm learning how to notice negative and overly critical thinking or expectations.

The next step is the difficult one trying to really give times where things are good the important credit it deserves and most importantly using those times as evidence to counter any paranoia I have of a situation going wrong.

Being able to go "well I coped with x, so if y was to happen I'd probably be able to deal with it", in stead of thinking "oh fuck I can't do anything because something bad might happen".

>>18693383
I want to suffer for you and then hold you tight... I'm a very weird person.

>>18693415
Terry Pratchett most likely understands you.

Well I don't know if this was helpful or not but I've enjoyed talking with all you elegan/tg/entlemen and ladies.

Good Morning.

>>18693371
>>18693378
I know, but sometimes the board needs to be wiped clean, so that the remaining 10% can learn the lesson that only comes from great tragedy

Because you can never truly appreciate what you have until its taken away from you
Because until you live with nothing you are blind to those that have had nothing their entire lives
Because when people lose everything they change from monsters to compassionate beings

>>18693401
>doesn't know the meaning of agnostic

Protip: not a religious stance.

Agnostic: Uknowable

>>18693499
He plans to "take the disease with him", right?
Bad!
Ass!

>>18693475

This is why I have a living will. I'm still young, but both my wife and I have clearly stated our wishes, in the form of signed, notarized documents. Because hope springs eternal. Your family has hope. The doctors have hope. There are breakthroughs every day. Hell, even the state will pay copiously to house you in squalor you don't really even acknowledge as your brain turns to sludge and your reality drains away.

We are a culture that insists that we are given every choice in life, but absolutely forbids we have any choice in death.

I find myself wondering if I've become too disconnected with others. A guy I game with had his only son diagnosed with cancer last year. He vented one game night about it. I kept thinking about how he'd boast about all the shady stuff he was involved with before he did sometime in prison. It was pathetic how afraid he was about son.

He'd dote on his two dogs all time too. I couldn't help but think how broken he'd be if something happened to his kids or pets. How easy it would be to destroy him indirectly.

Jeez. And I thought I was overly emo because I'm depressed over how my family is slowly drifting apart into our own lives

You guys really take this whole existence thing too seriously, you know that?

I'm afraid, /tg/, I'm afraid.
What creeps in my shadow?
What is happening?

>>18693483
That's- that's the the problem though, I have the intellect and interest and upbringing to do anything, literally anything. You can't imagine how stifling that is, to have the whole world open to you, if you just focus and apply what is to you the bare minimum of effort. It becomes a daily task to apply that bare minimum to something specific instead of scattering it to infinite possibility. Even masturbation and suicide is a chore for their own separate reasons.

Light shines. The sun is warm. Water is refreshing. Food is tasty. Touch feels nice. Games are fun. Everyone has is a faggot and that's okay.

>>18693532

Depends on your reasoning really.

If you think that ANYONE being upset about their kid getting cancer is pathetic then you've got some really bad disconnection issues.

If however it is purely based on the fact the guy was a cunt boasting about things then though harsh a lack of sympathy or even thinking he deserves it (though his kid doesn't) then that would strike me as fairly normal.

>>18693550
>I'm afraid, /tg/, I'm afraid.

Shhhhh, calm down. We're all afraid here.

Just pull up closer by the fire, the sun will be rising soon enough. You can see the wolves in the shadows of the trees but they can't enter our little circle of light here.

>>18693578
>Water is refreshing

DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WATER

>>18693556
I'm in your boat PLUS I'm sexy. Most people think I'm a massive faggot. It's the future baby. Everyone will be faggots and skip threw a meadow of flowers into the sky one day to fuck clouds.

>>18693490
I'm somewhat at that stage, those moments of clarity are when I stop being apathetic for a few hours and go "Hey, I did something like this once, let's give it a go. Worse thing that happens is that shit sucks for a few hours or days" and then I go do something awesome and feel great until I get home. I try to remember all these moments when ever I can and push forward into being more normal, but I just don't understand people sometimes.
>>18693498
Every one is weird, maybe. I think.
I'd probably let you hold me, I don't want to make nice people suffer.

>>18693550

No point worrying about it till something happens.

And if something does happen or creep any closer and you don't like it...then kick its teeth down its throat.

I've been stuck in a decade-long rut, because I can't motivate myself to become ANYTHING. I loathe the system, I hate the way the game is rigged. I'd rather eat a bullet than work a horrid work-a-day job for 30 years to be downsized and eat cat food and work part-time jobs until I die miserable and wasted. Were I able, I would turn my back on the world. I have no want of THINGS beyond a few very simple comforts, no desire to chase money or status. The things that would have to change for me to be re-energized, to re-engage with society at-large, would never be tolerated by the status quo.

The jobs I can get are empty and worthless, the education I could pursue is fiscally irresponsible and may prove fruitless, the impact on my community and world a flyspeck in a hurricane. I feel no maudlin depression over this, only an irritated dissatisfaction that just figuring out a DIRECTION to pursue is a lifelong fucking chore in which I'm showing zero headway.

>>18693578
>Light is slowly destroying my eyes. The sun is disintegrating my genetic structure. Water is one of the primary reasons my body breaks down. Food is required to sustain my fragile form. Touch is necessary to stay sane. Games are also necessary to stay sane. I'm a faggot because I get bored of thinking about killing myself before i can do it.

My own take on your motivational speech, applied to my own life and perception of course.

Here is *bright* and *smooth*. The other place is *hurt* Orz too much tired for keeping together.
Other place is **Frumple**. Orz are here now, but almost not yet.
Soon Orz are really here! You are help Orz with *parties*.
Orz looking for you, and find you. So much joy!!
Now *smooth* place all the time, and after now never going back to outside.
Never!!

Hello to our *house*. Do you feel *better* yet?
If you are *campers* you will enjoy *the change*, but maybe not yet.
It is best if many happy Orz are coming to your *house*.
Let's *spitting* the fun words for several *pieces* and then surprising things!!!

This is my *house*. Do you want to know a *secret*? Do not *think* it too *not campers*.
You are so many *lonely* *juicy* *bubbles*. It is so sad.
Now that you are *campers* you will have more *parties*
and no more *sad* *lonely* *bubbles*.
This is the *secret*.

Happy to come to my *house* some more times. I am Orz.
I do not have the name because I am Orz. Orz is the name.
Do you want to *squirt*?
If you want to, then you do. It is best, I know it.

Oh, the *alliance party* *campers* are in the *now space*.
It is *happy spices*. Why are you there?
Of course because also the Orz are in the *now space*.
So I am waiting for you to *spit*. It is a pleasure.

*Campers* like to say `hello' when they *smell* the Orz.
We have learned this. It is *no function* but Orz want to make *campers* happy everyday.
Okay... Hello!! Now you are happy I am sure.

I am *expanding!* It is so much *squishy* to *smell* you!
*Campers* are the best! I have *anticipation* and then what?
Better parties in *the middle* for sure.

>>18693556
Same here.
I just...
I don't know WHAT I want to do.
I want to do something real though. Something that produces something I can hold in my hands and say "I made this. I MADE this. It is MINE.", but I still don't know WHAT, and getting into the classes is a pain. I wish we still had apprenticeships to craftsmen as the primary way of learning a trade. I'm a big strong guy, and I'm good with my hands, so I'd have made a great blacksmith.

>>18693610
Well at least you made me happy by responding, thanks

>>18693556
Good Lord, man, are you me?

It's why I actually get more than a bit angry when people tell me that having choices is a good thing.

Having choices is TERRIFYING.

>>18693520
There is no hope.
CATS. CATS ARE NICE.

>>18693603
but... I like small pains... nobody gets my fixations, I mean, sure, a lot of it is sexual in nature, but that's only because my neurology wires me to seek sexual fulfilment with those i become emotionally close with.

I'm not asexual, but I find my libido annoying.

>>18693608

>>18693622
yaaaaaaaaaa eeeee aaahhhh so nomi oh yaaaaaa eee yaaaa no comi ya i chi comi ya he come ya hooooOOOOOOoooo topo lo chiya

co mo say kotonoko

>>18693631
>cats
>nice

>>18693633
Every one likes small pains, pleasure and pain are two extremities that compliment each other. No one understands my fixation with being feminized, especially when I tell them I'm not interested in men and I'm not interested in pegging.

>>18693603

Just remember that "normal" is something that you set for yourself, should be how you want to be, and also be realistic.

When it comes to inside peoples heads there is no such thing as a common "normal".

>>18693625

JESUS FUCKING SHIT, I THINK WE HAVE TO HAVE MANBABIES NOW OR SOMETHING.

Those exact words, that entire thought process, I've said it one thousand times. I want to do something that I can take pride in, and I want to be able to keep the lights on, food in my mouth, and maybe have a little pocket change in the process of doing it.

Were I able to walk out of my job tomorrow and live, I'd go work a trade.

/TG/ ONE DAY I WILL FUCK THE SUN

>>18693678
ONE DAY I WILL FAP TO THE VIDEO OF YOU FUCKING THE SUN

NO HOMO

>>18693628
Being alone in an active environment is a terrible thing, I reply to everything interesting I see no matter what or how old the comment; one of the many services I provide to people free of charge because it's in my nature to do so.

Maybe I should go into psychology... but the problem there is that the primary goal is to *fix* people's heads so they can function in a society I don't agree with...

>>18693662

To be fair a Cat will only hate you if you don't do exactly what it wants.

If you do then it will tollerate your existence.

>>18693676
I'm considering learning to be a gunsmith, because I like to shoot, I have a head for mechanics (I once built a still out of random trash I had around the house), and it makes getting a Class III FFL (basically says I can own any small arm ever made as long as I can afford it) easier, but that requires going to school for it, and there aren't any around here.

>>18693663
same here except i am into the idea of pegging, my friends can't disassociate it with male homosexuality, so frustrating even trying to explain the concept for the millionth time

It's a strange feeling, reading these posts as they are so very similar to thoughts I've had or am thinking.

I find myself in a strange dissonance between my behavior and thoughts. I'm generally a very positive, person who laughs a lot. Thought wise, there's many negative thoughts if I give myself the time to dwell on them. Past bullying made those negative thoughts about the bullies. Nowadays the thoughts are more personal than anything. Though people have commented on my ability to avoid sadness and "spring back" as it were. Never really could hold a grudge or stay sad for long. In my mind, I'm really determined and driven, but as for the way I act, you'd think me just a laid-back slacker.

On a whole, finding myself with a large amount of indolence and apathy/whatever else at a young age with a splash of forgetfulness, I've taken to punishing/cornering myself to ensure that I get what I need to get done, done. Things like hooking my keys to my ID card during school. If I forgot it, then I don't get in my house and have to wait for someone to open the door. And I don't get to eat lunch that day. Serves me right I'd think.

Kinda funny, how different I act during games compared to how I actually act. My characters would get themselves into situations, and have the force of will and the drive to get themselves out as well. While I wouldn't take something laying down in reality, I only wish I had the drive my characters did.

Maybe that's what I need, a nice corner to back myself into. A nice, old-fashioned corner. Force myself to fight my way out and keep fighting until I was sure of it.

>>18693678
>>18693696

Pelor approves

>>18693710
Actually, the dead animals is just mockery.
The cat thinks you're too pathetic to kill your own food and it's basically looking after you in a rude way.
Cats are very tsundere for their owners.

>>18693556
...I don't really know how to answer that other than
>implying I don't know that feel, bro

I can tell you what not to do is take the path of least resistance. I've forced my own hand by waiting to the last minute and other acts of self sabotage in order to avoid actually having to make a decision on what I want to do. Even taking important choices frivolously in order to avoid dealing with their later ramifications at the time is a better alternative.

Now, now I just go with my gut and ensure that free time is occupied entirely with things to distract my mind from what ifs, could have beens, etc., which is not a system I can recommend in its entirety, either.

>>18693730
>trying to explain your fetishes to your friends

All of my why

Also pic is for
>>18693663

>>18693705

You should look at it not as "fix[ing] people's heads so they can function in a society I don't agree with" but helping them have the freedom to choose if THEY agree with society and the freedom to try and plot their own course free of any disabling thought patterns.

I used to be a good atheist and nihilist, but then I had a religious experience and now I don't know how to "come out" as a theist. I just know my family will NOT approve, they're all scientific rationalists who will assume I'm crazy / dumb / trolling.

>>18693714

I'd love to do the exact same thing, but I'm a literal slave to income. I don't pull in a check, I don't make my support payments. I miss enough payments (read: not too terribly many), I go to jail.

So I work, with absolutely minimal interruptions, or my life trainwrecks.

>>18693762
If they can't accept your beliefs, then fuck 'em.

>>18693787

Dude, its my family. You may not get on with yours, but mine has always been very close-knit and supportive.

>>18693762

Are they really closed-minded dicks, or is part of it a reflection of your own uncertainty with newly-minted beliefs?

>>18693787
>then fuck 'em

That's incest you fool

As a religious man he can't do that sort of thing anymore

>>18693730
I know that feeling. When I told a girl I was interested in that I was interested in cross dressing after she told me she had a fantasy of helping a guy be a girl she asked if I was gay and not interested in her.
>>18693748
Explaining your fetishes to your friends is the best part of long car rides.
>>18693664
Of course, I guess I define normal as being able to actually interact with other human beings in a way that is +EV, mostly humans of the opposite sex. Almost all of my interaction with other males ends up being +EV

>>18693785
Thankfully, I'm still just 19, I have enough time to figure this shit out.
'Cause fuck college. Nothing I would genuinely enjoy doing requires an actual college degree, just the right training, so why should I fork over an absurd pile of cash for a piece of paper that says I went to an overpriced school for x number of years and will still know less than the guy who just studies random shit on whims.

>>18693762
"Dad, I think I might be in love with a...a...higher being"

"I HAVE NO SON"

>>18693811

>>18693746
Yep, following my gut is the only thing that seems to work for me so far; it's inconstant, but I've had so much better results than pondering what the best course would be.

>I want to hang out
I go hang out, regardless of any other responsibilities, though my gut happens to like taking care of stuff like my job over hanging out apparently.

>I want to join the military
you need a diploma
>Here, I spent a year in night school to finish all of that pointless paperwork, now let me in
what specialty were you thinking of
>...you're the navy so... I want to patch up marines, FMF Hospital Corpsman
okay, my boss says we can't take your nightschool until you get at least 15 college credits, kid
>okay, I'll just go through the prenursing classes out of my own pocket because the school won't give me any loans and I can't focus on more than one class at a time

and that's where i am now

>>18693809
Not all colleges are that expensive y'know, assuming you can hoover up a few scholarships and scored well on those bullshit standardized tests

>>18693734

The basics of the fight or flight mechanic.

At times "flight" can take the form of avoiding the situation before you even get into it.

That's what makes being backed into a corner generally so much easier, it means that both parts of your brain are in agreement that the only choice is to fight.

In a more open situation the "feeling" part of the brain might want to avoid or flee from some percieved threat and that leaves the "thinking" part to either agree, or give evidence that there isn't such a danger.

Of course if you have had a lot of positive experiences then the thinking part can just go point to the huge pile of evidence and is free to make it's own more balanced choice.

If you get into a pattern of only remembering negative experiences then when the feeling part goes "oh crap maybe this isn't safe lets book it" the thinking part doesn't have much to balance against that.

>>18693762
>>18693811
Tell them, then show them one of those debates between a christian (like John lennox, dinesh d'souza, william lane craig) and an atheist.

If Richard Dawkins has admitted that a rational case can be made for God, then why shouldn't your parents.

If they still don't accept that it is rational, then you can call them irratonal.

>>18693811

Making jokes about theists is something my family does a LOT. Like, they're the go-to target for the kind of joke that would otherwise be racist, my family has ZERO respect for "idiots" who believe in the supernatural.
>>18693800

Good question. It would help if I had the slightest clue what it is I actually believe in, I guess. One experience is not enough to build a cosmology.

>>18693839
no that anon, but yeah, all I really have are negative results

I carry an obsidian (probably fake obsidian) arrowhead to remind me to stand my ground

this thread has made me realise why I like /tg/ despite not really playing any traditional games. When it comes down to it, a lot of us seem to be pretty similar.

I have trouble with depression, procrastination, all that, and nothing has ever really gone wrong with my life. I grew up in a good neighbourhood, went to good schools, all my friends thing i'm a genius because I read a lot and have decent reasoning skills,(i definetley don't consider myself exceptionally intelligent), and yet I can't get myself to do things. Even important things like applying for jobs, so I'm not digging myself deeper into debt. I just can't do it. I dunno if i'm scared of being rejected by the companies, or I'm lazy and don't want to work, or what. I just can't make myself do it. I consider it a good day if I apply for 1 job. And then I wonder why i'm still looking for a job, while all my friends have them lined up already. Anyways, this thread has made me realise that I'm not alone. and that helps.

Thanks guys and girls(?). You've made my day a little less bleak. Never change /tg/.

>>18693894

Try sales. Its easy, and you can work the hours you want to work.

To everybody in this thread I say, pic. Fucking. Related.
I love you guys.

>>18693863

Lol, Dawkins is a family friend so if he really said that I might try that approach. You happen to have a source?

>>18693894
this only leads me to further the ancient conclusion that /tg/ is a hivemind and/or one person posting things to himself

>>18693894
I think it's the very problem with us in general. We are a lost generation.

There's nothing worth fighting for left for us.

>>18693982
Man, I see on /tg/ the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives

>>18693893

That's a good idea.

I've got far too used to avoiding things, to the extent that I pre-empt and avoid ahead of time.

This makes things so much worse because I have no real evidence either way, it all comes down to by totally bias "what if"'s.

If I tried everything I could and it turned out I did fuck all of them up or couldn't cope then I could look at the facts about what happened and try to work out why things went wrong and see if I could change things.

If on the other hand it turned out that I was wildly overestimating the chances of everything going wrong, or my inability to cope with that, then that goes in the "hey you CAN try things and be okay" column.

Of course actually convincing myself to take the risk of leaving my ever shrinking confort zone is the hardest thing of all at the moment.

>>18693982
No more wars just skirmishes with underfed villagers trying to make a few bucks from the insurgnecy by killing the friends of those bombardiers who took their relatives from them, all of the politicians are corrupt and the voting public is hopeless, culture is dead, corporations and their lobbyists hold the only power to really check themselves aside from some demagogue stirring up public discontent for their own benefit

and this is the world children who were raised on GI Joe are left with, even the Universal Century had a reason to fight for a better future

everything is so... so run down and perverted that it's almost pointless to attempt the typical piece-meal repairs that used to work, it'd take a massive unilateral crusade of reforms...

guys, Teh Emprah might be calling us into service... the signs seem right

>>18693922
Englishmen do not have friends. Why do you lie?

>>18694012
>>18694026
Society needs a proper Villain, /tg/ and who are we but enablers of grand adventure and troperiffic tales?!

Let's become evil masterminds!

>>18694032
Englishmen aren't human, friendship means something different for them. It's more akin to how sometimes wolf spiders can stand reasonably close to each other without growing agitated.

>>18693884

Dismissing someone out of hand for a belief in the supernatural is rather closed minded.

Ironically the same type of closed mindedness you tend to see in the bad examples of religious people.

I come from a pretty intellectual and free thinking family, my parents don't practice religion, but my grandparents on my dads side did.

However they were also very fair and open minded people. Yes they believed in God and Heaven, but they also knew that at the end of the day it was simply about doing the right thing, trying to be good, helping those in need and so on.

My gran certainly was not a fan of organised religion in the grander sense. A local parish, going to say prayers and so on was fine to her, but the higher levels, the essentially corporate levels more interested in money and numbers she was no fan of at all.

Essentially they were just humanists who happened to believe you went to a better place when you died, certainly far from the worst way of looking at the world.

>>18694056
Fair. But if we have established that Englishmen are comparable to spiders, why do their theological opinions matter?

I mean even spiders wouldn't have accepted calvinism.

>>18694092
They don't. Their opinions have never mattered, their guns and battleships have. They no longer have those.

Now they are relegated to internet arguments.

>>18694012
Let's get fucking MAD
Politicians don't care about us, we are scared (don't say you are not), we hate the world we live in, we shall get angry. Angry!
Have you seen protests against ACTA? They were all fucking calm and reasonable. We can't even get properly angry! If that doesn't make you mad then I don't know what can.
Let's fucking SHOUT.
I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. SEE ME, WORLD, SEE WHAT YOU DID TO ME, YOU AND YOUR FUCKING POLITICAL CORRECTNESS, YOUR FUCKING CORPORATIONS, YOUR FUCKING CONSUMPTIONISM
LET'S SET A FIRE

>>18694032
>>18694056

As a Scot I am sadly banned from agreeing with those statements or risk being branded a racist jock nationalist.

Jock Nationalist maybe, but racist I can't accept...most english people are fine, I just can't stand the entity of england, or worse the english media.

>>18694119
Put it on a T-shirt and make a buck you goddamn hippy.

>>18694119
>CONSUMPTIONISM
Are you perhaps looking for Consumerism?

I keep watching Hellraiser movies and i keep regretting it every time.

Also yes the English are degenerate scum that don't deserve to exist in this world not for their past actions but who they are now as a people.
I say this as someone with English Ancestory, thank god i'm Australian.

I hate playing good characters - being a sociopath IRL I simply can't understand their motives.

I don't care about anyone or anything.
I don't see most of other people as real persons - they are just man-shaped fleshy things that should be either ignored or used.
I hate the very reality itself, because I see it as imperfect and irreparable and often dream of complete destruction of all existence.
Often I vent my frustration on random people.
I use my position of a minor official at state service (not sure how to say that in English) to take bribes and make people miserable, but in my country it's de facto a norm. And I'm proud of it.

I know that I'm twisted and evil, and I accept it. But I'm sick of constant pretending that I'm a good and normal person.

>>18694119

Because anger isn't always the best way to make a point.

Sadly though dispite there being large numbers of people unhappy the vast majority are also apathetic and accepting of the capitalist dream where by all that matters is how much stuff you have as opposed to how much freedom.

>>18694124
Oh I understand fully. As a Scott, your acknowledging the observable inferiority of the Anglo race would cause you to spontaneously paint yourself blue and murder your neighbors over sheep. I have seen it before.

>>18694142

Jammy bastard.

You should try living next to them...and worse being ruled by a shower of arseholes voted in by them.

>>18694132
FUCK THIS SHIT, THEY WANT US TO DO SO, FUCK OCCUPY WALL STREET, THEY WEREN'T ANGRY ENOUGH, FUCK THIS GAY EARTH.
That shall be our motto: FUCK EVERYTHING

WE WANT CONTROL OF OUR OWN LIVES, OF OUR OWN DESIRES.
GIVE US BACK OUR STRENGTH, WE DON'T WANT TO BE PASSIVE

>>18694149
hey Hey HEY.

You can buy freedom too. That's important. Freedom is stuff. Like an Iphone. An Iphone is freedom. Freedom to text. Freedom to app. Shoes are freedom. Freedom to walk. Freedom to retain your soft, calloused soles.

>>18694156

To be honest I have no issues with the blue paint or sheep murdering (though the welsh would mourn the loss of their wives)...

But sadly all mainstream media in the UK is run from london and they love any chance to take a pop at "the ungrateful jocks".

That being said they hate the rest of england just as much as they hate us.

>>18694176
In (I believe) 1997 the Albanians tried this. Turned out their social security system was a ponzi scheme, so they just got angry. Two thousand-ish died, some politicians who had nothing to do with it died. Nobody got their money back.

>>18694180

At least until the network shuts down your service for a percieved breach of user agreement.

>>18694137
I don't care about right words.
>>18694180
I want my freedom out of their cold, dead hands

Don't you feel angry cause of the state you're in, /tg/?

>>18694213
Or the state locks your ass up for sexing jailbait. Same thing really, except you can demand a refund for one.

>>18694231

I gave up on anger a long time ago mostly because I could never direct it into motivation to do better.

Now I'm crushed under the weight of life unable to solve my own problems never mind trying to help the world with its.

>>18694176
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure."
-Thomas Jefferson; Letter to William Stephens Smith, 13 November 1787

Honourable glory in battle is my only desire. Without it I will fester in Hel, and my pathetic soul will never cheer in the halls of Valhalla.
Might I fight a thousand men, to fall to my greater enemies. This is not about the christian's pathetic 'good' or 'evil'. It is about right and wrong. It is about my immortal soul. All men will be killed by God upon Ragnarok, so do not fear death, welcome it, and revel in the code of the warrior!

>>18694308

>>18694231
I pull 46 hours a week of unskilled labor in San Francisco. I have an Iphone, a car, and malt liquor's $1.50 a .40. The USave has mead for 10 dollars a bottle. I pay something like a hundred bucks a month out of my ~$2000 salary in taxes, with maximum holds. I didn't attend college. I quit high school in 6th grade because I thought Catcher in the Rye was the gayest shit I'd ever read and preferred digging holes. I pay into an independent retirement plan. I'm a felon, I have no voting franchise.

To my knowledge, this is the hardest kind of life in America short of being a literal retard on the streets. I'm retiring sometime in 2019. Life's pretty good. What's there to be angry about?

>>18694203

London is not England, it's not even the south east. The English hate That London more than they hate the French.

>>18694317
>See any frost giants around
Yes. There are an awful not of tall nords. Finish the job, you useless drunken snowfuckers.

>>18694352
Tall Nord =/= Ice Giant
Trust me, you'd know an Ice Giant if you saw one. Tall Nords are not them.

>>18694349

And yet they still vote for london centric arseholes to be in power.

That's the big problem, there is no alternative in England. Scotland and Wales have their groups which are opposed to London rule, all England has is the 3 London parties and a bunch of racists.

>>18694389
I did know an ice giant when I saw one, we call them fucking Danes now. When the last of them chokes on the blood of the last Swede, perhaps I will consider the norse position settled.

Except that in the process of killing all the Swedes, one will have also completed the Christian angle of destroying the source of all evil.

>>18694414
There's a great picture somewhere of two members of the KKK reading the BNP newsletter and looking horrorstruck.

>>18694419
WOW.
STOP.
Are you saying that by killing all Danes and Swedes, I can prove that I am Jesus AND Thor at the same time?

>>18694432
Yes. Go now, and seize your destiny.

>>18694432
Damn munchkins!

>>18693912
I have worked sales. It was easy and frustrating at the same time (mostly because of lazy fucking co-workers.) In it's own way it was kinda fun. Every new customer was a different challenge. Some were easy, some were difficult, I got to go search the trackless wastes of the warehouse for random items, ect. But ... The work destroys people. A lot of my co-workers scared me. But I also felt really, really sorry for them. They were so bitter, so tired, so upset. I'm talking lifers here. The staff my age were generally better, but all we talked about was how we couldn't wait to get a better job. That job got me back in school, because I realised I didn't want to spend my life working a thankless job. I wanted to get out there and explore. But there's no way to make a living by adventuring anymore. I sometimes think I would have been happier living several hundered years ago. When the world was still a mysterious place, and you could go out and discover things. when 168 spaniards could defeat an empire. But then i tell myself that it's simply nostalgia goggles. Everything sounds so awesome when you read about it in the history books. It probably was pretty shitty. But the only frontiers are space and the ocean, and I hate fish and suck at math.

>>18694321
Cause there is nothing left for men.
Don't you see it?

>>18692171
>I feel greater empathy with fictional characters than those I actually know.
>When I was twelve, a teacher I had known since first grade, who had been a great influence on my life, died.
>I cried harder over Asuka's mind-rape in episode 22 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
>I am able to predict the actions of serial killers in the news with a roughly 45% success rate with very little effort.
>I have trouble becoming comfortable within social circles.
>I worry sometimes that I may be insane.

There is nothing wrong with you, pal.
Feeling empathy for fictional characters is natural. That's the whole point of works of fiction - to make you feel something over something that isn't real, but aims at stimulating natural feelings that you can manifest.
And as a matter of fact, I didn't cried at my own father death. And I never cried until now for anyone death. People like to think it's normal to break into tears when those kind of thing happens to someone you know, but I personaly can't, not because I don't care, but only because I have a mental safegard against the overflowing of my own feelings.
And about being able to somehow predict certain schemes of psychopatic behavior ? Perfectly fine. It just means that you're a human who kinda understands how your how minds works. Psychos or not, we all kinda work the same way. How do you think that Profilers do their job, hey ?
Once again, if you are crazy, then you're not the only one. That's just humanity as it is, and you and I are not, and by far, the worst samples of it.
Chill out, bro.

>>18694425

Of course nothing beats the BNPs massive leaflet and ad campaign with that glorious icon of Britain the Spitfire on it.

The one that people with the right history knowledge looked at and said ... "why do the BNP have a plane from a 100% Polish piloted squadron on their leaflet about keeping foreigners out?"

>>18694528
Nobody ever said racists were smart.

>>18694489
>how your how
*How your own.
My bad. Guess that's my psychopatic part that's trying to tell me something...

> ercerta emotions
Yeah, like you say, captcha.

>>18694481
Yes there is. The 40 in your fridge and Angry Birds. Church on Sundays, women, pastrami sandwiches. You can buy the collected works of Beethoven, Mozart and DMX for like twenty dollars and listen to them as many times as you'd like.

>>18694142
Hellraiser 3 is one of the most hilarious bad movies I've seen in awhile.
Hellraiser 4 was terrible.

how does a host species come to term with being a host?
people act possessed, maybe some connection aligns and they are?
what if the ones who act like animals just have wildlife squatting inside an abandoned house?

who needs /x/?

>>18694603
Is that what you call freedom?
Is that what our ancestors fought for?

>>18694963
>Angry birds
As a Finn I'd think It would be hilarious if my gramps said contently: "I fucking fought for this", while playing Angry Birds on his Iphone.

When I was 11, I have seen my grandfather lie on his garden path dead. He got a stroke when he was coming over to visit me. (He lived in our neighbour.) I was the one to climb through the fence to open the gate for the paramedics. Death as a whole still haunts me to this day.

I am usually slow to anger but, sometimes it accumulates, and I spring into a fit of rage. It's always quickly over, and I learned to take it out on physical objects. I have always been tall, big, and relatively strong. I can't afford myself the luxury of punching people when I'm angry. I'm also far too conscious about and empathic to others' pain, even if they wronged me.

Although sometimes, I fantasize about actually, remorselessly being violent. Kicking someone's shit. beating them to within an inch of their life. The only situation I would let myself be violent would be to defend my loved ones. But if such situation were to rise up, I would remorselessly bash heads in with a bat, and punch in throats.


I'm a merry person though. I hate holding grudges, even.

I've always wanted to take a girl
Mentally break her
Isolate her from everyone close to her
and train her through pleasure/pain conditioning
and also through emotional manipulation
to be the most perfect-est and cuddly-snuggly-wuggliest girl ever.

I don't like when people have free will. They keep doing stuff I don't like.
I get frustrated easily. Not sure if that's a dark thing you carry with you.
I also have an uncanny ability to NOT get along with damn near anyone around me. No idea how it works. Aura of trolling? Disquiet?
It even works over the internet somehow!

You have done well, /tg/.

This has been a most ... potent discourse on our inner shadows.

I even participated myself, in a way.

This will happen again when next the moon is full, for the sun is rising now.

Until then, I believe I will archive this.

You do not mind, do you?

Oh...

It's already been archived.

Well, then.

Until the next time...