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  • File: 1331768041.gif-(29 KB, 296x350, Hussein_Quest.gif)
    29 KB Hogwarts Quest Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)19:34 No.18328384  
    You are Thale Hussein, heir to a camel merchant and bringer of Allah's holy light. And part-time wizard, you guess.

    Over the past few weeks, you have been girding your proverbial loins in preparation of attending your new place of learning, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You have your wand, you have your textbooks, and you have all the charisma of your ancestors. There is no possible way anything can go wrong.

    Unless, of course, the woman sent to collect you from the orphanage your previously resided at (and who you have repeatedly insulted terribly and often) happens to be the Headmistress.

    Djinni slut.

    You are currently staring her in the face as she makes a speech about the start of a new year and how well everyone is going to get along and all that jazz. The words, of course, mean nothing to you. It's bally well showtime. The blasphemous whore concludes her speaking, and seats herself (rather too smugly) at an incredibly ostentatious throne, and smirks at you. Smirks. Somebody is going to die this year, you feel. And by the grace of Allah and Hassan, it will not be you.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)19:34 No.18328393
    An old man, you notice, has brought out a stool. He places it in front of the teachers' table and sets a battered hat on top of it. It is properly torn up, you notice, why, that tear almost looks like a mouth.

    Oh look. It is.

    The tear opens wider and starts to sing in a dry, clothy voice, You tune out most of the hat's ramblings (oh he's the Sorting Hat and he's okay, he sleeps all year and he works one day) and focus on the parts about the Houses.

    Hufflepuff, for those loyal and kind, willing to do what it takes to help a friend.

    Slytherin, for those clever and ruthless, willing to stop at nothing to achieve what they want.

    Ravenclaw, for those intelligent and curious, willing to uncover the greatest secrets in the name of knowledge.

    And finally, Gryffindor, for those brave and fierce, willing to do what they think is right, no matter what cost.

    The hat concludes, and the old man starts calling out names, the students around you walking to the stool and reverently placing the hat on their heads. After a few moments, the hat calls out the name of one of the Houses.

    Simple, right?

    And soon:

    "Hussein, Thale!"

    You approach the hat, and slowly lower it onto your head.

    "Well, my boy. Nothing to say for yourself?" The voice of the hat, clothy and dry resounds through your head.

    Indeed, how to introduce yourself, young master Thale?
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)19:35 No.18328407
    Previous threads may be found at


    We start as soon as you're ready.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:36 No.18328419
         File: 1331768194.jpg-(549 KB, 1980x1350, Crazy Hassan's Slightly Used C(...).jpg)
    549 KB
    Please tell me that we're an Animagus who can turn into a camel.

    Also, are you sure that Pakis are allowed into Hogwarts? I mean, they probably only started letting the Irish in a decade or two ago.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:36 No.18328421
    >Hogwarts quest

    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)19:37 No.18328441

    You're only eleven at the moment.

    But soon.

    And hell, if they let Indians in, why not Arabs?
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:40 No.18328495
    are we some kind of exchange student or something? because we should have our own school in Baghdad with Djinn and stuff.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)19:40 No.18328496
    Shameless bump for publicity.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)19:42 No.18328547
    No. You used to live in someplace undefined with your oil sheik of a father, but then he, and the rest of your family, were rather blown up.

    Now you live at an orphanage, with nuns and whatnot. Or used to, at any rate.

    (And you also seem to really fucking hate djinn.)
    >> Servant Of The Emperor 03/14/12(Wed)19:43 No.18328576
    They used to. Affirmative action hit them hard about no black kids, so they're preemptively letting in other nationalities to beat the courts.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:44 No.18328602
    rolled 63 = 63

    We should be polite with the demonic hat for now, just present yourself as Thale Hussein, ask how he's been and how does this sorting thing works.
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/14/12(Wed)19:45 No.18328605
    Do you want a camel? Slightly used, only driven by little old man to the mosque on friday's?
    I am Thale, Meteor of the East, remember this name, for you shall hear it long after I am gone.
    >> Servant Of The Emperor 03/14/12(Wed)19:48 No.18328662
    Overall, Ravenclaw seems a good choice.
    Take back the cultural gift of knowledge the middle east had
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:48 No.18328664
    "What manner of fiendish artefact are you, hat? Allah himself will cleanse the world of your taint soon enough.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:51 No.18328706
    personality wise slytherin seems to fit us best
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:52 No.18328719
    We're obviously Slytherin, for we will stop at nothing to give our customers the most fabulous deals on slightly used camels they will ever see, and to always have an appropriate camel prepared for any situation.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:53 No.18328741
    But that still means the camel was making at least five round trips per week.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)19:53 No.18328750
    You attempt to project your thoughts towards the hat. Of course, only one thing is on your mind at the moment...

    "Hello my friend. May I interest you in a slightly used camel? Better than new! Only ever ridden by old man to mosque!"

    You can feel the hat snort in disbelief inside your mind. It feels decidedly undescribable, like the sound of a camel's snort. But in your head.

    "I must say, I've never been propositioned quite like that, my boy. And hold still, I need to Sort you."

    "Actually, Mr Hat, I've been meaning to ask just how that works."

    "Shut up, boy." You feel the hat's dry mind probing your personality. Another bizarre feeling. Too many of these, lately.

    "My word. You're about as even as anyone I've ever Sorted."

    "And what does that mean, sir."

    "It means pick a House, I'll not be dealing with this."

    (This is the cue for you all to decide a House. I close voting in five minutes, whatever's highest has it. Choose wisely.)
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/14/12(Wed)19:54 No.18328762
    I don't think the hat would know that. We aren't lying to it, just not telling the whole truth.
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/14/12(Wed)19:55 No.18328779
    Gryffindor. Just to spite the Djinn Slut.
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/14/12(Wed)19:55 No.18328796
    rolled 27 = 27

    And here's my roll.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:56 No.18328805
    rolled 40 = 40

    Hufflepuff! All the world are your customers and/or slaves, and all your customers and/or slaves are your friends!
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)19:56 No.18328818
    No rolls.

    Democracy and shit.

    (Current votes: Two for Slytherin, one for all the rest.)
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:57 No.18328826
    rolled 16 = 16


    What would Thale choose belief-wise? I'm thinking Hufflepuff but I'm no expert, any muslim bro who could enlighten us?

    Anyway, voting Hufflepuff because fuck yeah Hufflepuff
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:58 No.18328840
    I cast my 5 slaves 3 votes for this guy.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:58 No.18328843
         File: 1331769509.jpg-(140 KB, 820x975, Hufflepuff.jpg)
    140 KB
    Hufflepuff all up in this in this motherfucker!!!

    Sorry, I've been saving this for like months....
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:58 No.18328847
    rolled 52 = 52

    In that case, i vote Hufflepuff. They've always gotten short shrift, and the thought of The Dark- No, Swarthy Used Camel Salesman from Hufflepuff defeating the Dark Lord from Slytherin is hilarious.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)19:58 No.18328849
    Hufflepuff all day
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/14/12(Wed)19:59 No.18328867
    Thought you meant for us to roll by the highest statement. Sorry.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)20:00 No.18328876
    'Kay, that's five for Hufflepuff, two Slythy, two Gryffindor, and one Ravenclaw. One minute remains, by my reckoning.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:00 No.18328877
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:01 No.18328899
    Hufflepuff is reserved for when we play a Commie inciting the magical proletariat to revolution, not a budding member of the petits-bourgeoisie.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:02 No.18328924
    I say Ravenclaw- they've got to have books on Islam and salesmanship, perfect for Hussain!
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:04 No.18328954
    Dammit I need to sleep and I'm only now realising Methods of Rationality updated.

    Also, /tg/ is Ironic Hipster Hufflepuff? I thought better of you.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:08 No.18329008
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:08 No.18329009
    Dunno about the rest, but I really pity the House (>>18328847 here, don't count this vote twice); they were always held up as a joke, when their themes of friendship and togetherness would've suited Harry better.

    Also, theit logo animal is a damn badger, and that's always worth points in my book.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:09 No.18329047

    >Also, theit logo animal is a damn badger, and that's always worth points in my book.

    It's that time again!

    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:12 No.18329088
    Slytherine All day.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)20:12 No.18329089
    "I shall have Hufflepuff, demonic hat."

    "And so you shall. HUFFLEPUFF!" The hat bellows that last bit, and one of the four tables in front of you starts clapping animatedly. You look down at your robes, and find them shifting colour to yellow trim. You walk over to the clapping table, where several older boys clap you on the back and find you a seat.

    "Welcome to Hufflepuff, Thale!" One of them says, and you notice a silver badge on the lapel of his robes. "I'm the prefect, Aldous Ambrose."

    "Pleasure to meet, you, Aldous."

    The rest of the first-years are Sorted, with several other new Hufflepuffs joining you. You clap along with the rest of the table, and then the feast is served.

    Holy shit, that feast. Needless to say, you find everything to be excellent, and are quickly sated. And then the djinn-slut stands and makes more noise.

    "As you all know, Professor Rockheel passed away last year in a tragic accident with a troll and a goat. Please welcome our new Transfiguration professor, Professor Isaac Ashcroft!"

    The young man you sold a camel to on the train stands and waves, but promptly seats himself. Not one for the public eye, you decide.

    "And also, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Professor Samuel Jones!"

    A tall man stands. His poise reminds you of the soldiers that used to work for your father, and you note that he seems to be wearing robes of an almost military cut.

    The children at your table begin whispering to one another with gusto. Shall you join them?
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)20:13 No.18329097
    Ain't no ironic hipster about our Hufflepuff, boy.

    But yeah, I'm pleasantly surprised by the MoR update myself.
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/14/12(Wed)20:15 No.18329127
    rolled 73 = 73

    Yes. We must attempt to blend in to their demonic home.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:17 No.18329160
    rolled 58 = 58


    We will just hear, maybe learn more about this castle and the other children.

    Besides we don't really have anything to say since we don't know anything.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:18 No.18329166
    Never! Unlike these weak-willed Western lapdogs, Thale Hussein knows the value of discipline. We shall sit in silence and observe the conversation of the Western dogs, that we might better know their weakness when the time to overthrow this den of sorcery in the name of glorious Allah arrives.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:18 No.18329170

    Although, saying that, they at least have respect for the concept of hospitality.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:21 No.18329223
         File: 1331770874.jpg-(53 KB, 880x496, ufufu.jpg)
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    >see this thread
    >i wonder whats-
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:22 No.18329236
    I'd have preferred Slytherin, myself, but Hufflepuff should be amusing if only for how much of a mismatch it is.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:22 No.18329247
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    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:23 No.18329254
    Our new task is to convert all of Hufflepuff to Islam and establish a caliphate inside the school itself.

    This house will never be seen as cutesy bullshit again once we're done with it.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:26 No.18329301

    Such an inglorious start for the meteor.

    We even picked up on the traits of the house. "Loyal and kind" vs. "Clever and Ruthless".

    But wait, the goals are even better.
    "Willing to do whatever it takes to help a friend" vs. "Willing to stop at nothing to achieve what they want".

    Fucking clear choice and /tg/ practically ponyfags out.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)20:30 No.18329367

    If it's really that big of an issue, I can take another vote and retcon the Hufflepuff thing.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:32 No.18329394
    Our best friend is ourself.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:32 No.18329403
    We will turn the lot of them into Islamic jurists, and watch as they become unable to ever agree with each other again.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:33 No.18329407
         File: 1331771614.jpg-(32 KB, 400x312, 4573568659849.jpg)
    32 KB

    I like that we are Hufflepuff, but if enough people are against it I guess there's nothing I can do about it.

    Also, we really need someone who can make good speeches for some Drunk-style Thale.


    Our best friend is Allah
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:33 No.18329413
    Hufflepuff prides hard work, loyalty, patience, and honesty. You know what else embodies those traits, that's right, FUCKING CAMELS. We aren't going to be pussy Hufflepuff, our nose will be to the grindstone and we will work hard and be a name known to all. People will all know that our camels are to be trusted just like us.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:34 No.18329426

    >>18329301 here, Nah... That hat, woven from the threads of whores hair, shall fall beneath the sword of the righteous for it's insults in due time.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)20:37 No.18329478
    You decide against engaging in with the rest of your new House, but listen in, rather inevitably.

    "I heard the new Defense professor is an American!"

    "Yeah, and that Ashcroft bloke's barely eighteen!"

    "Blimey, guffaw, etcetera."

    Over the whispers of your classmates, you learn that the American, Jones, is in fact Lieutenant Jones of the Tactical Hocuspocus Artillery Unit, of the American Ministry of Magic. And also apparently a bit of a nut (as in, was seemingly responsible for Three Mile Island.)

    Furthermore, Professor Ashcroft is some kind of prodigy, with his first publications by the time he was twelve. He and Professor McGonagall are something of rivals in the academic world, you note. Good, anything to aggravate the Great Western Whore.

    The whispered conversation eventually concludes, and the students of Hogwarts are dismissed to their dormitories. Aldous leads the first-years down through the corridors and into a narrow hallway, guarded by a massive suit of armour.

    Aldous spins around and addresses you and your classmates. "This, this is Sir Huge. He protects the entrance into the Hufflepuff Common Room. Now, the password for September is going to be 'Orville Wright', do you all understand?"

    As he says the password, Sir Huge animates and steps aside from the corridor, which the prefect leads you all down and into the Common Room. A huge, low-ceilinged and exceedingly comfortable chamber, lined in yellow and black. Aldous leads you through a few tunnels into the first-year boys' dormitory, and you find all your possesions already unpacked.

    The other boys in your year all look at one another rather awkwardly.

    Care to be the one to break the ice?
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:40 No.18329517
    Eh, whatever. Hufflepuff can be made to work.

    Our glorious crusade against vile sorcery shall rage outward from this House, and the banner of the badger shall fly over the ruined dens of heretics and nonbelievers alike.

    All shall look upon the badger, laughingstock of the magical world, and tremble.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:43 No.18329553

    "Greetings. I assume it is too much to hope for that any of you have found the glorious light that is the great wisdom of Allah's teachings?"
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:45 No.18329598

    This is a good way to begin, let's do this.

    By the way, since we are muggleborn (I think), how much do we know about the non magical world? Apart from Islam of course.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:48 No.18329642
    >hey guys I don't get it
    >you all must be retarded, he should go where his personality is a match; not where it would be the most fun to quest in, where he as a character can influence the most people, etc.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:49 No.18329654
    We know that it is woefully lacking in camels, and seek to rectify this deficiency at every turn.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:51 No.18329692
    Also, ask if any of them need a better than new slightly used camel.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:53 No.18329710
    Isn't Hogwarts a regional school, like Durmstrang or the American Witch Institute?
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:55 No.18329732
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)20:57 No.18329764
    >What would Thale choose belief-wise? I'm thinking Hufflepuff but I'm no expert, any muslim bro who could enlighten us?

    This is a moot point now but anything except Slytherin works.
    Though you guys are playing a bat-shit insane character, so even that could have worked for him.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)21:03 No.18329834
    "Greetings. I assume it is too much to hope for that any of you have found the glorious light that is the great wisdom of Allah's teachings?"

    The other boy's stare at you as if you had just admitted to being able fire small birds from your nostrils.

    "What's an Allah?" A sandy-haired heathen asks.

    "It is unimportant," you say "More to the point, does anyone here find themselves in need of a better than new camel?"

    The boys roll their eyes, but by the end of the night, you've actually managed to sell one camel of excellent quality to a Mr Albert Ambrose, nephew to Aldous.

    Albert strikes you as a nice fellow, a tad naive, perhaps, but sure to be a useful asset. Of more interest is another sharp-witted mage like yourself, Mr Bertrand Blackadder, and the young Cockney blasphemer of sandy hair, Thomas Highman. You also meet Ted Lupin, who's something called a Metamorphmagus, able to change his appearance at will.

    Your classmates soon grow tired of the conversations, and you all make for sleep and beds. Tomorrow, Defense against the Dark Arts and your first day as a proper student.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)21:04 No.18329851
    Do we even HAVE camels to sell?

    Or is that unimportant?
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/14/12(Wed)21:04 No.18329854
    Sorry guys, but I need to cut this off early tonight. I'll be back on Saturday, around seven-thirty. Archivist, (if you're there) this is installment three.

    Sorry again for the early leave. Hopefully longer next time, eh?
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)21:05 No.18329875

    I've been running with the assumption that are family owns huge herds of camels, and we make a killing selling them. Or something like that.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)21:06 No.18329886

    Good night OP
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)21:07 No.18329894
    Ted Lupin? Excellent.

    We shall use him to leverage our influence with the greatest force of the wizarding world, Harry Potter himself. Even protagonists shall know Allah's majestic splendor.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)21:08 No.18329922
    we are an orphan iirc
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)21:19 No.18330062
    Fuck yea. Anyone who wanted any other house then hufflepuff is true beta who needs to hide behind a name. Thankfully Thale is wise and knows how to correctly enact the will of Allah.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)21:26 No.18330176

    Not going to insult the majority of the Hufflepuff supporters, but you sir are a faggot.

    There's RP in every house, I only advocated the house that fit our tone the best so far. Demanding and imperious would result in quite a bit of RP potential from the like-minded Slytherins.

    If you're too short-sighted to see that, then my post will mean nothing regardless.
    >> Anonymous 03/14/12(Wed)21:42 No.18330380
    >Mr Bertrand Blackadder
    oh boy

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