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  • File: 1331510956.gif-(29 KB, 296x350, Hussein_Quest.gif)
    29 KB Hogwarts Quest Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)20:09 No.18291787  
    You are Thale Hussein, Glorious Meteor of the East, newly accepted student of Hogwarts School of Wizardry, and have just decided that you're going to take it over in the name of Allah and country. You were originally accompanied by a filthy Western whore, but managed to escape her heretical clutches via your blessed loquacity. Victory is soon to be had! Praise Allah!

    But that comes later, of course. At the moment, a crazy old man with a tape measure is doing measurements. On you. For a wand, apparently.

    The old man mutters and writes numbers on a small pad as his tape measure animates itself around your body, reminding you rather oddly of a snake. Suddenly, the old man speaks.

    "Well, my boy, I've certainly never seen McGonagall in such a huff. Can't say I object, of course. Old coot had it coming. Now, about that wand, let's try a ebony and phoenix, ten inches, perhaps, no better make it..." He dissolves into more muttering as he makes for the shelves clustering the walls of the shop, and stops in front of one.

    "That's the ticket!"

    The man grabs a box off of the shelf, and reveals, in theatrics well-rehearsed, a curved stick, black as night. You take hold of it, and suddenly feel yourself to be more alive, more aware, as if you had just had a veil taken off your eyes.

    "Give it a wave, dear boy."

    (Give me, on the other hand, a d100 for magical power, O Mighty Thale.)
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)20:12 No.18291830
    And I've forgotten to link the other thread. Good, this is off to an excellent start.

    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:15 No.18291853

    I wave my wand. Then I go find Harry Potter and cast Avada Kadavra on him. It's super effective.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:18 No.18291893
    Fuck yes, I hope Drunk comes today, drunk of course.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:18 No.18291894
    Bibbity Bobbety Boo!
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)20:18 No.18291911

    You sound familiar.


    As do I, of course. I might be doing this a bit early, though.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:18 No.18291912

    Trying again. If this fails could I have a dice reminder please?
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)20:20 No.18291930

    "dice+1d100" in the e-mail field, man.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:20 No.18291932

    Rolling, also hope my english is enough for this quest until Drunk arrives.


    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:21 No.18291946
    rolled 85 = 85

    If you want something done right...

    Let's remember a Koranic verse to inscribe on it.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)20:21 No.18291947

    Oh wow.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:22 No.18291957
    rolled 54 = 54

    Thanks, I forgot the 1 of 1dwhatever.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:23 No.18291962

    I fucking swear I wrote it in the email field...

    Trying again just to see if it works since the 85 was rolled already.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:23 No.18291973
    Hey, this quest is back. Sweet.

    Wonder if Drunk will pay us a visit.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:25 No.18291992
    rolled 32 = 32

    I flip the wand upside down and press on it like a detonator
    >> dice+1d100 dice+1d100 03/11/12(Sun)20:26 No.18292007
    rolled 64 = 64



    dice+1d100 IN ALL FIELDS
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:27 No.18292019
    rolled 10 = 10

    Let's write the name of Allah on air in fire
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:29 No.18292047
         File: 1331512148.jpg-(67 KB, 640x480, allah ﷲ fire.jpg)
    67 KB
    >Let's write the name of Allah on air in fire
    Could look cool.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)20:30 No.18292074
    You wave the ebon rod idly towards a vase, which promptly shatters. Or rather, explodes. The old man displays the grace of a much younger man as he dodges stray shards of crystal and snatches the wand out of your hand.

    "Well played, my boy, but perhaps not the right wand for you, hmm..." Once more, he dissolves into mutterings, and over the course of the next half-hour you and the old man try at least fifty different wands, and have broken most of the shop.

    "Oh for goodness' sake!" the man cries, dodging fragments of the counter. "Here, let's try this, a nice ivory and gold number, phoenix tail, about twelve and a quarter inch." He gives it to you, inching slowly away.

    There is no need.

    This is your wand. You can feel it. The grace of Allah flows throughout the curving ivory and gold latticework. You gesture towards the ceiling and a gout of silvery flame erupts from the end of the wand, leaving a charred script in the ceiling.

    "And, that, my boy, is that." The old man grins. "Now, the matter of payment, of course..."

    Oh golly, O Ace One, however shall you pay for your magic stick?

    (This is a cue to make more backstory.)
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:31 No.18292092
    rolled 17 = 17

    I throw my wand in the air somtimes singing "AYOOOOU ALLAHLAYOOUU!"
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:31 No.18292094
    rolled 9 = 9

    Rape dollars. Payable immediately, in full.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:32 No.18292108
    rolled 87 = 87

    Offer him use of our delicious brown anus, as he is old, and is of course a pedophile. Then close your eyes and pretend its Man-Love Thursday like at home.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:33 No.18292114
    What is Hufflepuff even there for?
    Is that house there for the other ones to feel better about themselves?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:33 No.18292121
    rolled 82 = 82


    I flail my wand at him, wishing him dead.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:33 No.18292127
    It's where you put normalfags.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)20:34 No.18292135

    You flip the stick upside down, and scream


    and that's how Diagon Alley got bombed by Al-Qaeda.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:34 No.18292136
    As a Muslim, I find this hilarious.
    Keep on the good work, guys
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:34 No.18292146

    Why don't they kill everyone the hat puts in Slytherin? They're all evil so it's a good deed!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:35 No.18292150
    Hufflepuff is the "I don't have low enough self esteem for Gyrffindor, and I'm not evil enough for Slytherin"
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:35 No.18292151
    rolled 17 = 17

    >Oh golly, O Ace One, however shall you pay for your magic stick?

    Family (tragically killed by suicide bombers) were wealthy oil Arabs. Our princely bearing allows no other explanation.

    So we offer him US dollars, of course.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:35 No.18292154
    >Man-Love Thursday
    >google it
    why does this exist
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:35 No.18292158
    Tell him his payment will come from the saving hand of Allah upon his death, where his spirit will be whisked away to paradise.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:36 No.18292176

    Is this the end of the quest?

    This wouldn't have happened if Drunk was here.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:37 No.18292190
    rolled 88 = 88

    Quickly, show him the song of our people. And hope he's too weirded out by the singing Arab kid to keep asking for money.
    If he asks you to stop, threaten an Arab boycott of his shop on religious grounds.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:38 No.18292197
    "Where is that devil woman? She had said that she will pay for everything that I require, from book to stick."
    We totally have money, but we gonna make that scot bitch pay for everything.
    "You seem to know of her, I am quite sure that you will be able to find her and retrieve the payment. Perhaps you will recieve my custom more. If you do not so take so long to find my stick." And exit stage left, motherfucker.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:39 No.18292208
    rolled 53 = 53



    Now let's hope Headmaster wasn't serious about his last post...
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:41 No.18292233
    ‘Turn not your cheek away from people in scorn and pride, and walk not on earth haughtily; for God does not love anyone who acts proudly and boastfully. Be modest in your bearing and lower your voice; for the ugliest sound is the donkey’s braying.’
    (Luqman 31: 18-19)"

    Muslim guy again, you'd do well to ignore everything that is actually written in the Quran, because it is not half as hilarious as a megalomanical Arab kid.

    Just pointing out, you should forget everything you know about Islam.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:42 No.18292241
    Oh hey, a Quranic quote:
    ‘Do you know the one who denies the (Day of) Judgement? It is he who pushes the orphan away, and urges not to feed the needy. Woe, then unto those praying ones, who are heedless of their prayers, who want to be seen and praised, and refuse (to give) even little things in charity.’
    That'll make the asshole pony up for a wand
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)20:45 No.18292272
    "Of course, my friend, do tell how much." You fish out your wallet and begin counting notes. The Hussein family has always been one of merchants, all the way back to the first Hassan Hussein, inventor of the used camel. And though your parents may now rest in peace(es), the family fortune is still intact.


    "A Muggle, then. Oh no, that won't do at all." The old man shakes his head. You pause, and feel the strains of misdirection coming to you.

    "Where is that devil woman? She had said that she will pay for everything that I require, from book to stick. You seem to know of her, I am quite sure that you will be able to find her and retrieve the payment. Perhaps you will receive my custom more. If you do not so take so long to find my stick."

    And exit.

    The old man merely chuckles, and Floos Headmistress McGonagall. Her sharp Scottish accent rings through the battered shop.

    "What has he done now, Ollivander?"

    "Walked out without paying, for starters."

    "Oh, bollocks. Get out of the way."

    Meanwhile, you find yourself on the street. And then you hear the familiar strains of the she-beast.

    "Mr Hussein!"

    How shall you deign to great the djinni whore, O Grandest and Most Terrible Hussein?
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)20:46 No.18292282

    Greet, goddamnit, greet.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:46 No.18292283
    >Muslim guy again, you'd do well to ignore everything that is actually written in the Quran, because it is not half as hilarious as a megalomanical Arab kid.

    Look, Jesus said a lot of stuff about humility and non-violence and giving all your possessions to the poor. Turn on the TV, and you'll see rich Christians talking about how we should invade Iran.

    Hypocrites are the majority in every human culture, and the rich tend to be worse hypocrites than everyone else.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:46 No.18292287
    >not overpowering and raping the old man in payment for his wares

    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:47 No.18292293
    I've been raised as a Muslim, since I was born in Indonesia.
    Whilst the western devil culture has turned me atheist (ALL HAIL ATHEA), I understand the simple devotion and the rather mad fundementalism.

    HOWEVER, this is fiction. and we have deemed that this fiction should be hillarious. So this guy is gonna act like he's the real last prophet. Fuck Isa and Muhammed. The world will see the POWER of Thale Hussein.
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)20:47 No.18292297
         File: 1331513248.jpg-(31 KB, 444x366, 1245958368549.jpg)
    31 KB
    >MFW We're the decendendent of Crazy Hassan
    "Woman! I require your Infidel money!"
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:47 No.18292300

    Yeah, I pissed in the beginning of the previous thread because quest threads are gay as fuck.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:48 No.18292305
    >How shall you deign to great the djinni whore, O Grandest and Most Terrible Hussein?

    We made a good-faith attempt to pay the merchant, and he refused to accept our money, doubtless intending to force us into some kind of servitude. We are familiar with schemes like this, and will have no part in them!

    The fact that we forgot to leave the wand is admittedly not in our favor, but it feels *right* in our hand somehow, as if it already belonged to us.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:48 No.18292306
         File: 1331513302.png-(151 KB, 370x370, 5387564574.png)
    151 KB

    >all the way back to the first Hassan Hussein, inventor of the used camel.


    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:48 No.18292314
    "Astounding! The devil has remarkable anamnesis, to remember our name five minutes after having first heard of it! Are you done attempting to impress the great meteor of the East with your pitiful attempts at cognizance?"

    I'm saying this quest is hilarious, and should continue being this hilarious. Basically, I'm trying to encourage prejudice on the basis of rule of funny.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:49 No.18292315
    rolled 59 = 59


    Moon her. Also do high rolls or low get priority?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:49 No.18292325
    >descendent from the the noble Crazy Hassan
    >not being generous and kind and paying in better-than-new refurbished used camels
    Crazy Hassan spins in his Arabic-equivalent of a grave.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:50 No.18292334
    >The old man merely chuckles, and Floos Headmistress McGonagall.

    What moon speak is this?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:50 No.18292339
    Look at her. "You bore me." and cast some fucking magic to either make yourself disappear or blast her back. We gonna go shopping with the McGonnigal IOU.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:50 No.18292341
    Devil speak. It is spoken by devils.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:51 No.18292347

    ...True that.


    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:57 No.18292400
    1. Find a latin dictionary: invent new spells
    2. Enchant every thread of my clothes with protection spells
    3. Steal everybody's wand, and stick them together to make super wand.
    4. Sell infinite food to muggles for infinate money.
    5. Steal time turner and give it to myself so i wouldn't have to steal it
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:58 No.18292411
    >implying the great meteor of the East, the camel that will mount the world won't use Arab words for his spells
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)20:59 No.18292420
    >What is Hufflepuff even there for?
    >Is that house there for the other ones to feel better about themselves?

    Let's say you wanted to hire a wizard. Would you want to hire a brilliant narcissist, a backstabbing bootlicker, a tortured hero, or a guy who's boring but dependable?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:00 No.18292432
    Why would I hire a wizard when I am the greatest wizard the world has ever seen myself?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:00 No.18292433
    >Not continuing in the tradition of Persian magicians

    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:01 No.18292446
    >implying Farsi isn't indecipherable gibberish
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)21:02 No.18292458
    McGonagall attempts her 'scruff of the neck' treatment again, and you deign to cooperate out of boredrom.

    She sets you back in front of the wandmaker, who looks at you with a fair bit of mirth in his eyes. McGonagall stoops and hisses in your ear.

    "You try my patience, Thale. Now pay the man, before I lose my temper."

    "I was more than willing to pay the merchant, she-beast, were he so kind as to accept my currency. Pound, dollar, camel, he would have none of it. As such, I have resolved to let you pay for my wand, and anything else I may require. Do you see a flaw in this logic, whore?"

    Her eyes narrow to slits. You shoot her your best shit-eating grin.

    "Fifteen pounds, young man." You hand over the bills, and she thumps down a few large golden coins. Your grin turns sleazier. "Now, about those textbooks."

    In the next few hours, you find yourself armed with enough magical knowledge to begin your jihad on the white devils, and McGonagall leaves you back at the orphanage, after an afternoon of subtle threats and less subtle insults.

    "Welcome back, Thale. How was the witch?"

    Do tell, O Master of Shifting Sands and Biting Winds.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:02 No.18292462
    When the time comes, Hussein MUST into Hufflepuff.

    Because the idea of a Dread Arabic Lord enslaving the wizarding world from a hufflepuff background is irresistable.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:06 No.18292501
    "Just as the wife of the cobbler is barefoot, and the wife of the tailor is naked, was the wife of this supposed institute of education without tact or discernment.
    No surprise, though, given that she is a Western imperialist image-carving, donkey-enjoying witch"
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:07 No.18292512
    How about Gryffindor, just to spite that Scottish slut?
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:08 No.18292538
    DO EET!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:09 No.18292544
    Because we'll huff, and we'll puff, and we'll blow your house up?
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:12 No.18292568
    YES! Plus a Gryffindor Dark Lord is plain funny.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:13 No.18292576
    Are we a dark lord, or the only shining light of Allah?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:13 No.18292582
    >Ravenclaw: intelligence
    >Slytherin: ambition
    >Gryffindor: bravery
    >Hufflepuff: hard workers

    Slytherin and Griffindor are the only real choices here. And given Slytherin the founder's preoccupation with purity of lineage, it's unlikely that our Husseil would meet the criteria programmed into the hat.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:14 No.18292598
    >Are we a dark lord, or the only shining light of Allah?

    The latter of course, regardless of what the infidels may say.

    Of course right now we're neither. We are getting a little ahead of ourselves. Like the Arabs say, don't count your sand-chickens before they sand-hatch.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:15 No.18292601

    Voldemort was either a halfblood or a mudblood. I can't remember.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)21:15 No.18292606
    "Just as the wife of the cobbler is barefoot, and the wife of the tailor is naked, was the wife of this supposed institute of education without tact or discernment. No surprise, though, given that she is a Western imperialist image-carving, donkey-enjoying witch."

    "Oh, well then." You and Sister Agnes, despite worship of different prophets, both worship the same God. As such, the two of you have a kinship, of sorts.

    But of more importance, September the First.

    The following weeks pass in a blur, a flurry of textbooks and magical theory and explosions out of your wand, until, finally, the day has arrived.

    September the First.

    You and Sister Agnes are at King's Cross, looking for a 'Platform Nine-and-three-quarters', whose location your Western devil guide forgot to mention. Specifically, you and the good Sister are standing in front of the column between Platforms Nine and Ten, wondering where the hell it is.

    "I've got nothing, Thale. Perhaps we should ask an attendant?"

    You do not answer. You shall find a way around this puzzle, by the grace of God.

    (Which, of course, means that you need to think of ideas.)
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:16 No.18292614
    >Voldemort was either a halfblood or a mudblood. I can't remember.

    Shut your lying mouth!
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:16 No.18292616
    Wait and see if anyone else is doing anything nearby. Allah will provide.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:16 No.18292617
    I believe the phrase is

    لا تعول الخاص الرمال الدجاج قبل فقس الرمال هم، سبحان الله!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:18 No.18292633
    All of the heretic religions use idols for worship.

    Surely this Hogwarts places idols of the Wizarding sort for the heretics to spot?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:18 No.18292635
    "As they say, if the mountain will not come to Muhammad (PBUH), then he will come to the train platform. I mean mountain."
    Then walk straight into the pillar
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:18 No.18292640
    He was also a direct decendent of Slytherin.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:19 No.18292649
    They are the same thing. Mudblood is just an insult for half-bloods. He had one Muggle parent, one Magical parent.

    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:19 No.18292652

    Give up and lean against the wall between platforms 9 and 10.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:19 No.18292654

    >>Hufflepuff loyalty

    Don't post if you don't know, dumbfuck.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:19 No.18292662
    >You and Sister Agnes are at King's Cross, looking for a 'Platform Nine-and-three-quarters', whose location your Western devil guide forgot to mention. Specifically, you and the good Sister are standing in front of the column between Platforms Nine and Ten, wondering where the hell it is.

    Obviously the woman has sent you to a false address. She will pay dearly for making a fool of Thale Hussein!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:19 No.18292665

    Well, the most reasonable thing to do is to look for kids of our age with similar baggages.

    I also like the idea of Hufflepuff as our house this will eventually lead us into being closer to our noble ancestor Hassan.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:19 No.18292666
    Start looking around for clues.
    Inspect random walls.
    See for other magical infidels and copy what they are doing.
    If it works, it was divine inspiration.
    If it fails, it was the devil's work.
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:20 No.18292671
    No, mudblood is an insult for Muggleborn's
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:20 No.18292672
    Oooh, Loyalty you say? Well CLEARLY we are loyal to Allah!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:20 No.18292675

    Actually mudblood is where both your parents where pathetic muggles and you're an abomination that doesn't deserve magic or life.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:21 No.18292685
    Come now Thale, was your illustrious ancestor not a master of mathematics, as befitting of a son of the Arab sands? 9.75 lies between 9 and 10, thus the same must be true of this devil-spawned platform.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:21 No.18292688
    Nah, you're a faggot.

    >Mentions of loyalty: 1 song
    >Mentions of working hard: 3 songs
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:21 No.18292690
    >mfw every single house is perfect for Thale
    >He is loyal to a fault, braver than any of the bunch, certainly has great ambitions and is the most intelligent man to walk the sands
    >implying he won't be in all the houses at once
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:23 No.18292710
         File: 1331515384.jpg-(276 KB, 800x1057, ms1.jpg)
    276 KB

    >Perfect for all
    >Better than the rest


    We're going to end up in Sparklypoo.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:24 No.18292730
    rolled 33 = 33

    Summon one of our family's mystical used camels as practiced by noble ancestor Hassan since the elder days.

    Surely it shall guide us to where we must go, that the Western whore did not instruct!
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)21:27 No.18292763
    "As they say, if the mountain will not come to Muhammad (PBUH), then he will come to the train platform. I mean mountain."

    You make as if to lean against the platform pillar, but something goes horribly wrong, and you end up inside of it.

    How the hell does that work, you wonder. You attempt to rotate around, and behold a great train, scarlet and steaming and saying 'Hogwarts'.

    You have a sneaking suspicion that might be what you're looking for. You emerge from the wall and grab your trunk, pausing to hug Agnes tightly and bid her goodbye. She has been a loyal friend, you feel.

    You brace yourself, and walk back through the pillar, emerging onto the platform and into the throng around the steam engine. You board, and are faced with a choice.

    You may either sit in

    >the empty compartment

    >the compartment holding a young man, and what appears to be a trunk full of books

    >a compartment chock-full of stereotypical students, laughing uproariously and enjoying themselves

    >the compartment holding another young boy and girl, who appear to be talking to one another about many important things
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:28 No.18292782
    >Empty Compartment
    We need to pray, after all.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:29 No.18292792
    sit in the compartment with the intellectuals. We must make them witness to the glory of Islam.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:29 No.18292794

    Either the empty one if we want peace and tranquility or the one with the lone guy if not.
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:29 No.18292795
    The one with the bookworm. He shall be the first to see the glory of the Meteor of the East!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:30 No.18292800
    Infidel! It is not time for prayer yet, it is after fajr and before dhohr!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:30 No.18292801
    >Possibly Muslim Harry Potter
    >Cool friend of the bookish nerd
    >No one is going to pick this
    >Also possibly Muslim Harry Potter
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:30 No.18292805

    Shove the young lad out of the way with a "Beat it nerd!" and woo the girl with your religious knowledge.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)21:31 No.18292809

    I ain't telling you.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:31 No.18292813
    rolled 34 = 34


    Sit with the loner, then proceed to sell him a used camel as a familiar.

    Speaking of which, do we have a familiar?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:31 No.18292818
    The one full of the students.
    I'll tell you why.
    We walk into that compartment, towering over the foolish, vulgar and completely reprehensible rats of the West, silencing them with our mere presence.
    They shall learn to fear the wrath of Khan. I mean god.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:32 No.18292828
    The boy and girl. We shall watch them; if they hold hands, we'll have to return her to Allah in order for her to keep her honor.

    If they don't touch hands, maybe we can try to convert them. It will be easier to convert two people than a rowdy group.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)21:32 No.18292834

    No, the Western djinn-slut did not feel the need to purchase one.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:32 No.18292835

    I propose we go with the compartment holding the boy and the girl, should offer some stimulating discussion if nothing else.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:32 No.18292839
    rolled 85 = 85

    Let's go with the book guy, so we don't get bored in the way to Hogwarts, we could try to be more humble for once, we want a quiet travel.


    A camel
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:32 No.18292840
    Of course. Ancestor Hassan would approve!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:32 No.18292841
    >>the compartment holding another young boy and girl, who appear to be talking to one another about many important things
    >a man and a woman speaking together, alone

    The slut. We all know what this means. Even if the authorities in this decadent land will not do their duty under Shariah, it is our responsibility to sit there to make sure nothing even more improper happens.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:33 No.18292849
    I think we're gonna need a roll for this one.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)21:33 No.18292856
    As do I. First three rolls, highest gets it.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:34 No.18292859

    Does my roll count? >>18292839
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:34 No.18292860
    Stand in the hall and attempt to vend slightly used camels. Put the aquacamel on display.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)21:34 No.18292869
    Oh god, you all remember how to do that, right?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:34 No.18292873
    rolled 77 = 77


    Then I propose the use of our limited knowledge of magic and the ancient practices of the Hussein family to conjure a faithful used camel as our familiar.

    We will then use similar methods to conjure several of our family's used camel stock and sell them to other students upon this train.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:34 No.18292875
    rolled 48 = 48

    Go with the man and the whore.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:35 No.18292879
    rolled 56 = 56


    Here's my roll.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:36 No.18292890
    rolled 52 = 52


    So that's "stereotypical students", then?
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:36 No.18292891
    Yep, and it looks like were going for the loner
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:37 No.18292911
    rolled 3 = 3

    I still think we should teach those loud mouthed imperialists some manners, but c'est la vie.
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:39 No.18292922
    rolled 86 = 86

    And here's my roll for the loner
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:39 No.18292931

    He purchases a camel!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:40 No.18292938
         File: 1331516436.jpg-(55 KB, 427x640, Sand cat.jpg)
    55 KB
    probably something like a sand cat to go with the whole Arab theme.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:41 No.18292943
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:42 No.18292957
    Also dangerous as all fuck if I remember correctly
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:42 No.18292962
    rolled 99 = 99

    No it is a Camel. We are the blood of Crazy Hassan. We have a camel as a familiar.
    >> Drunk 03/11/12(Sun)21:43 No.18292966
    What's this? The Glorious Meteor of the East dares to conspire with heathen trash?

    We must contemplate and pray in the empty train care, and submit to the will of Allah. Then we shall confront the studious ones in the compartment of the steal beast, and learn more of this Djinn heresy.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:43 No.18292969

    Well I think that's it.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:43 No.18292971
    So the 56 wins, for going with the male and female. Although I don't think hitting on the girl is our nature.
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)21:44 No.18292981

    Everyone, I'm face with a conundrum.

    Shall Drunk lead the way, or shall democracy?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:45 No.18292991
    Jeez, praying now is blasphemy. It is not prayer time yet, it's what, 9 or 10 AM? Wait until dhohr

    Fuck namefaggin'
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:45 No.18292994
    Anyone can claim to be him, although in this case I think his idea is better than anything else suggested.
    >> Drunk 03/11/12(Sun)21:45 No.18292998

    Refrain from the studious ones. We must bend the will of the one with the trunk of Books toward the light of Allah, Praise be Unto him. From him, our influence will grow. From the faithful will the heathens be purged.
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:45 No.18293003
    rolled 33 = 33

    The Drunk, he's never steered us wrong before! Truly he is blessed by Allah himself!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:46 No.18293014
    You've got to be shitting my nipples here
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:46 No.18293016
    BREAKING NEWS: Hogwarts institutes SHARIAH LAW, all witches banned from the grounds of Hogwarts.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:46 No.18293018
    ...and the next Prophet of Allah returns!
    >> Drunk 03/11/12(Sun)21:46 No.18293020

    >ITT: everyone is Drunk

    I just don't know anymore!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:47 No.18293029

    We are the blood of Crazy Hassan!

    If we do not even try to sell ONE fine used camel to one of our un-enlightened western students, then can we call ourselves a Hussein?!?

    NAY I SAY.

    Thus we start with the loner, for undoubtedly he can use the fine companionship of one, two, or even THREE fine used camels!

    Which shall be accompanied by bags of quills and paper to sweeten the deal!
    >> Drunk 03/11/12(Sun)21:47 No.18293031
    What ho, friends? Who are these apostates pretending to be me?
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)21:47 No.18293032
    You make your selection, and head for the man and the books.

    "Excuse me, sir, do you mind if I sit here?"

    "What? Oh. Yes, yes, be my guest." His voice has the air of an academic, and he seems to be much older than most students. Perhaps in his twenties. A teacher?

    "You don't look like a student."

    "Good, I'm not." He sticks out a hand. "Isaac Ashcroft. Professor Ashcroft, I suppose. Transfiguration."

    You take his hand and shake, and pause to ruminate over the possibilities of having a professor in your pocket.

    Indeed, ruminate over how you're going to steer the subsequent conversation, Thale.
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:48 No.18293037
    I rolled an 85 for the guy with the books, and a 99 after that for a camel familiar. I'd say the dice point towards the loner.
    >> Drunk 03/11/12(Sun)21:49 No.18293054

    That's me. I read quickly through the thread and thought about it for a second before having a white servant be most appropriate toward our ends.

    Although I will trip anonymously after this post. I don't want my inputs to ruin the fun for everyone.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:49 No.18293058
    rolled 10 = 10


    "You look to be a man in need of a fine slightly-used camel..."

    End up selling him five camels with bags of assorted school supplies, with copies of the Koran/Quran/Islamic holy book to convert him to Allah's holy grace.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:50 No.18293062
         File: 1331517008.jpg-(29 KB, 338x500, traditional-jew.jpg)
    29 KB
    >Isaac Ashcroft

    It's a trap!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:50 No.18293064

    Transfiguration is changing one object into another correct? Do you have any tips?
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:50 No.18293065
    rolled 21 = 21

    "Who are you replacing, and would you like a used camel?"
    >> Drunk 03/11/12(Sun)21:50 No.18293069
    Transfigure his shoes into fluffy camelfur-lined slippers
    >> Drunk 03/11/12(Sun)21:51 No.18293073
    rolled 20 = 20

    >All these drunks

    This must be the jews' doing

    Anyway be polite with the professor, offer him a slightly used camel.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:51 No.18293077
    Ishaac is a traditional Arab name, you philistine
    >> Drunk 03/11/12(Sun)21:52 No.18293083
    >implying we're not all, deep inside, drunk off our arses
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)21:54 No.18293104
    rolled 96 = 96

    Rollan' Again for Camels
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:54 No.18293107

    You dare create life out of the void? YOU DARE!
    Such astonishing arrogance I never believed possible of the beasts of the West. Does thou think that Treading on the powers of creation and God himself will not come out of consequence?

    And what of the life forms that you create? Do you murder them once they serve their purpose? Do you toss them toward the infinite void of death once those slaves to your cause have no use?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:56 No.18293123
    Thale Hussein

    Tasisuh Enleh

    I worked out our Dark Lord name guys!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:57 No.18293129

    Do you create golems out of sand and rock, same as the Hebrews of Solomon's time? God punished them for their arrogance. How will you defend yourself when you stand before the creator, and dare trifle with his works?
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:58 No.18293152
    >Indeed, ruminate over how you're going to steer the subsequent conversation, Thale.

    Now would be a good time to find out more about Hogwarts from a source more reliable than that devil-spawned harlot. He seems like a learned and reasonable fellow.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)21:59 No.18293161
    Heathens Lieu?
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)22:00 No.18293165
    You lean back.

    Now you are in your element.

    "Say, what do you know about transfiguring camels, my friend?"

    The rest of the train ride yields a sale of two better-than-new camels, and plenty of advice on Transfiguration. You learn that Professor Ashcroft is replacing the late Professor Rockheel, and this is his first time teaching. You learn that he's not actually a Hogwarts alumni, unusually, but rather was schooled at someplace called Durmstrang. You decide not to broach the topic of religion for the time being, but time being is faded as you approach the castle. And my, what a castle it is.

    "Well, that's rather nice, I suppose." Ashcroft says, adjusting his glasses.

    You are interrupted in your retort by a great voice calling for all the first years to come with him.

    "That's me, I'm afraid," you say, and exit with a smile.

    (d2 for weather.)
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:00 No.18293168
    Thales Dark Lord Name shall be Muad'Dib.

    He will lead the global Jihad, and none shall stand in his path.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:01 No.18293170

    "Excuse me Professor Ashcroft, but you appear to be a man who would most benefit from the companionship of a camel, of which I am selling."

    "But not just any camel! No, I will not cheat you with some flea-ridden smelly camel! I will give you a clean, well-mannered, used camel! And not just one! No, two! Two fine used camels! Who will not mind being transfigured into something else! In fact, they will be more than happy to be transfigured! Because they are fine, used camels of the Hussein family!"

    "But to make you pay for two such camels is no good! No, to commemorate this day, I will throw in a third camel! All for the price of half a used camel! With three saddle bags filled with parchment, because Thale Hussein treats his friends and teachers well!"
    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)22:02 No.18293175
    Yes, that's excellent, actually.

    Oh damn. Such potential.
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)22:02 No.18293176
    rolled 2 = 2

    Allah shall have the weather be clearc
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:02 No.18293177
    rolled 2 = 2

    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:02 No.18293178
    rolled 1 = 1


    We shall be accompanied by a pack of camels suited for the current weather.

    We shall also be selling camels to the rest of the student body populace.

    The camels shall induce dreams of converting to Islam, for the glory of Allah.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:03 No.18293182

    Can we pretend we said that during the trip?
    >> Arch-Magos Winter !!GgQN8rJg+y8 03/11/12(Sun)22:08 No.18293238
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:09 No.18293239
    rolled 1 = 1

    >> Headmaster !!+6xiggzYGlm 03/11/12(Sun)22:10 No.18293256
    You exit the train, and enter a storm of epic proportions. Lightning arcs and winds buffet, and a giant of a man holds a lantern.

    "First years to me, come along now!" He has a good-natured air to him. You shall sell him camels, you think.

    You approach the man, and say "Excuse me sir, but their appears to be a lake in the way to the castle. How are we to get there?"

    "Well, it's not the best idea in weather like this, but we've got boats, don't we?"

    "Oh good. I can't help but think that camels may be more appropriate, however."

    You and the rest of the first years do indeed sail to the castle, a few of the old rowboats capsizing, but that's no matter.

    You enter the castle through a huge pair of doors, and are instructed to line up in alphabetical order. You hear one boy behind you whispering something about sorting, and a hat, but then the doors open, and you find yourself staring the djinn-slut in the face.

    Oh good.

    (And that's a wrap, folks. I'll be back sometime next week, probably something like Wednesday. If anyone would like to archive this, that'd be excellent.)
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:12 No.18293272

    Thank you for the quest. here's hoping it lasts at least some more threads.
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:13 No.18293282

    Wednesday, eh?

    I'll check back in a week when we are just starting our personal harem of western whores
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:16 No.18293304

    Very well then, good friend! We shall await your return, and with more better-than-new-used camels!

    Rejoice, fellow brothers, for this thread has yielded the sale of TWO better-than-new-used camels! Surely great ancestor Hassan would be proud!

    But we shall make him prouder yet! For the next thread, I say we shall DOUBLE our sales! Four for the giant, as he seems like a man who would surely appreciate the well-tempered attitude of slightly-used-but-superior-than-new-used camels!

    And we shall, begrudgingly, gift two slightly-used-and-refurbished camels to the Western djinn-slut, so that we may lower her guard and convert her to the glory of Islam and Allah!

    Conquest through camels!
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:18 No.18293330

    >dis gon b gud
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:22 No.18293364
    Thread archived!

    Vote here:
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:24 No.18293385

    >Hogwarts Quest
    >Not Hogwarts Quest 2

    Let's be more careful next time. Anyway, voting...
    >> Anonymous 03/11/12(Sun)22:30 No.18293442
    I didn't think it was important. The titles aren't incremented in the other quest thread I read on the archive. The archive sorts by date automatically when you search.

    If I'm around next Wednesday, I'll make it #3.

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