That's preposterous. The helpless, out-of-his-depth main character who relies completely on the working class dependability of his servant replacing... replacing...

...huh.

Wooster would have probably dropped the Ring in a goddamn toilet.

>Blast it all, Jeeves, but I think we're going to have to rely on this "Golem" fellow.

>Mmm, quite right sir. May I suggest the practicality of attaching a lead to him? I have this rope with me here that those elven gentlemen provided.

>What, tie him up? Like a dog? Have you no heart Jeeves? He's only tried to kill us once.

>>18003036

OH DAMN
DAMN AND BLAST
JEEVES!
JEEVES! I APPEAR TO HAVE DROPPED THE ONE RING OF SAURON INTO THE COMMODE *AGAIN*!

Again sir? You really must learn to be more careful with artifact of unholy world ending power sir. I shall fetch the plunger forthwith.

Well for starters, Boromir would still be alive. Jeeves is a miracle worker the only man who can sort out a catastrophe faster than him is The Doctor.

...is that House?

>>18003108
Yes. Yes it is.

I'm looking forward to the part where Jeeves pretends to be an Orc from Scotland yard to bluff Wooster out of Minas Morgul

Jeeves would have quietly and politely murdered Gollum much earlier on, led Wooster to Mt. Doom, and then when Wooster started navel-gazing on the precipice of the Crack of Doom Jeeves would have "accidentally" bumped into him, causing him to drop the Ring into the fire.

>Confound it Jeeves, Aunt Agatha Sackville-Baggins has it in her head that I'm engaged to Honoria Proudfoot again. What the bally is to be done about it?

I ... oh ... er...

I think this is the part where I go "FUCKING FUND IT!", isn't it?

>You know, Jeeves, I think the rest of these chaps were just holding us back. Now, here were are, paddling across the river to strike out on our own! Well, by which I mean you are doing the paddling, do keep that up, there's a good man. I do hope the others will do alright without us showing them the way though.

>Oh, I am quite certain they shall handle themselves in a exemplary fashion, sir.

>>18003175
Yes. Yes, it is.

>>18003108
No, it's Hugh Laurie.

>>18003194
nearly no difference for most people now.

>>18003203
most people are faggots, your point doesn't stand

"Jeeves! JEEVES! I say, our good friend Gandalf seems to be in a spot of bother back there. Go and extricate him, would you?"

>Jeeves takes off his jacket, hangs it on a stalagmite, rolls up his sleeves

"As you wish, sir."

>"Man and boy, Jeeves," I said, breaking a thoughtful silence which had lasted for about eighty-seven miles, "I have been in some tough spots in my time, but this one wins the mottled oyster."
>We were bumbling along on our way to Mordor, myself at the map, Jeeves at my luggage, the personal effects on his pack. We had got off round about eleven-thirty and the genial afternoon was now at its juiciest. It was one of those crisp, sunny, bracing days with a pleasant tang in the air and had circumstances been different from what they were, I would no doubt have been feeling at the peak of my form, chatting gaily, waving to passing rustics, possibly even singing some light snatch.
>Unfortunately, however, if there was one thing circumstances weren't, it was different from what they were and there was no suspicion of a song on the lips. The more I thought of what lay before me at these bally Towers, the bowed-downer did I become.
>"The mottled oyster," I repeated.

> I must warn you Saruman, I know all about "Eulily"

>>18003203
Laurie is also a decent writer, and played funnier roles than House.

>>18003223
>"Sir?"
>I frowned. The man was being discreet and this was no time for discretion.
>"Don't pretend you don't know all about it, Jeeves," I said coldly. "You were in the next room throughout my interview with Gandalf and his remarks must have been audible in Crickholloe."
>He dropped the mask.
>"Well, yes, sir, I must confess that I did gather the substance of the conversation."
>"Very well, then. You agree with me that the situation is a lulu?"
>"Certainly a somewhat sharp crisis in your affairs would appear to have been precipitated, sir."
>I walked on, brooding.
>"If i had my life to live again, Jeeves, I would start it as an orphan without a wizard in sight. Don't they put wizards in Gondor in sacks and drop them in the Anduin?"
>"Odalisques, sir, I understand. Not wizards."
>"Well why not wizards? Look at the trouble the cause in the world. I tell you, Jeeves, and you may quote me as saying this - behind every poor, innocent, harmless blighter who is going down for the first time in the soup, you will find, if you look carefully enough, the wizard who shoved him into it."

>>18003211
You're misunderstanding my words.
i did say that for most there is little difference between the fictional persona of house and the actor Hugh Laurie in the mind of most people.
but you and i aren't like most people, otherwise we would avoid 4chan.

>>18003228

Love me some George.

This thing is the best thing. THE BEST THING.

jeeves is enough of a mary sue to do all that...
and still be /tg/ approved.

>>18003211
So is OP most of the time, but he obviously wasn't this time. BUT, Steven Fry is gayer than rainbow-glitter covered picture of Liberache. So in a sense, OP WAS a faggot, and he wasn't. He's Schrodinger's Faggot.

And by all that I mean we should just let the thread roll on.

Jeeves= Deus ex machina device

>>18003061

That is pretty good.

Well done.

"Are you sure we couldn't hip back to that town, Jeeves, maybe grab a drink, play a little darts?"

"I am afraid it would be most unwise sir, what with these 'nazgul' hooligans confounding us. For now, I advise we accompany this Strider gentleman. After all, he'd be quite unsafe in the wilderness without you to guide him."

"By George, you're RIGHT, Jeeves! Come on then, let's pick up the pace. Got to show these poor fellows what leadership is all about!"

>>18003261
Jeeves IS the Lady of Pain?
that explains a lot.

>I say Jeeves, a fellowship of nine chums. Brothers in arms. Dash-valiant adventure and all that.

>I think you'll find eight to the preferable number for expeditions of this nature, sir. I couldn't help but notice that the gentleman from Gondor was of a... shall I say "Byronic" temperament sir.

> Borormir's an absolute peach Jeeves, I won't here you say a word against him. It'll be nine in a fellowship, and all the better for it.

>Very good sir.

>>18003254
The thing is butler sues are very much approved, provided they still act as a proper butler at all times.

This, /tg/, is why I fucking love you, and why I never want you to change.

>>18003231
>"There is much in what you say, sir."
>"It is no use telling me that there are bad wizards and good wizards. At the core, tehy are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof. Consider this Gandalf, Jeeves. As sound an egg as ever cursed a farmer for chasing a took, I have always considered him. And he goes and hands me an assignment like this. Wooster, descended from the pincher of rings, we know. We are familiar with Wooster, the supposed dragon-loot-snatcher. But it was left for this wizard to present to the world a Wooster who goes to the mountains of retired dark lords and while eating their bread and salt, swipes their rings into their pits of fire. Faugh!" I said, for I was a good deal overwrought.
>"Most disturbing, sir."
>"I wonder how old pop-Sauron will receive me, Jeeves."
>"I will be interesting to observe his reactions, sir."
>"He can't very well throw me out, I suppose."
>"No sir."
>"On the other hand, he can - and I think he will - look at me over the top of his dark-tower and make rummy sniffing noises. The prospect is not an agreeable one."
>"No sir."

>>18003261
>Jeeves = God's machine device

You on something?

>>18003330
God from the machine, not God's machine. Brush up your literary phrases and you'll get it.

>>18003228
"Don't worry My Lord, I'll drop this ring into the lava before you can say antidisestablishmentarianism."

>>18003330
Deus ex machina is as >>18003337 mentioned a (plot)device able to solve any kind of plot related issue with god like ease.

>>18003330
>>18003337

Shut up both of you.

>I am afraid, sir, that Mister Aragorn may be unaccustomed to 'second breakfast,' as it were.

>>18003337
It still makes no sense to add device to the end of it, especially with it's literary use which defines it as "a device used by writers to cause an action as by an act of god"

>>18003361
Different meaning of device.

>>18003361

Actually, the terminology refers to Classical plays, where a Greek/Roman God would emerge from a trapdoor, or be lowered down on a winch. The word "device" in this case refers to the mechanism that brings the character suddenly onto the stage.

Thus, the "god from the machine."

>>18003361
lrn2latin

deus=god
ex=from/out of
machina= ablative of machine, meaning that it's god that is in question, and that the machine is merely a precision about his provenance.

>>18003315
>"I mean to say, even if this ring-thing had not come up, conditions would be stricky."
>Yes, sir. Might I venture to enquire if it is your intention to carry out Gandalf's wishes?"
>You can't fling the hands up in a passionate gesture when you are carrying your pack through marshes. Otherwise I would have done so.
>"That is the problem which is torturing me, Jeeves. I can't make up my mind. You remember that fellow you've mentioned to me onece or twice, who let something wait upon something? You know who I mean - the bat chap?"
>"Beren, sir?"
>"Well that's how it is with me. I wobble and I vacillate - if that's the word?"
>"Perfectly correct, sir."
>"I think of how I'm now all but barred from my own kitchen, and I say to myself that I will take a pop. Then I reflect my name in Mordor is already mud and that old Sauron is firmly that I am a combination of raffles and a pea-and-thimble man and steal everything I come upon that isn't nailed down and destroy what's left -"
>"Sir?"
>"Didn't I tell you about that? I had another encounter with one of his ring wraiths yesterday, the worst to date. He now looks upon me as the cream of the crop, if not his Public Enemy Number One, then certainly Number Two or Three."

>>18003385
That makes it better to add device to the end of the term, but still not OK, and /still/ leaves the issue where it's inappropriate to equate it to Jeeves.

>>18003408
Would you prefer to compare Jeeves to Doreamon?

>>18003408
He's saying Jeaves is a device that produces Deus Ex Machinas, ie quick resolutions to the plot.
A bit unwieldy, but still intelligible.

>>18003395
That wasn't a translation retard, it's a common use literary term at this point which has its own definition due to its classical roots.

>>18003355

Oh god, If Sam were replaced with Blackadder you know Exactly how it would end.

Blackadder would have pushed gandalf off of Khazad Dum before the Balrog even showed up, Aragorn's boat would have suspiciously sprung a leak and went over Rauros, and at the final temptation at mount doom he'd have pocketed the ring and called it a day.

The dark lord Blackadder would reign for four ages, attended by an unbelievably smelly, turnip obsessed Nazgul

>>18003415
we're in the LotR, compare him to Tom Bombadil if you really must.

>Jeeves! Jeeves, this is the worst. Tramping about, day and night, harangued by those ghastly orc fellows. It'd be too much if I were a man of lesser fortitude.

>Well, sir, perhaps it is not all that bad.

>Good Lord, Jeeves, what is there that's good about it?

>Look at it this way sir. Once we've accomplished the task, I suspect your name will go up in esteem a fair bit. One might even be so bold as to suggest your endeavors could be the source of a great array of songs, stories, tales, anecdotes, and other well-regarded works. Why, they may even be passing around accounts of your impressive exploits from Gondor to The Green Dragon Inn.

>The Green Dragon, you say! By Jove, do you really think so?

>It is quite the possibility, sir.

>>18003498
Stephen Fry as Jeeves VS Rowan Atkinson as Blackadder face off over the fate of the ring, FIGHT!

>>18003524

>>18003498

>but why not deliver the ring to murder, my lord

>Mordor, Baldrwise, and because I have serious issues with the idea of putting my neck on the line to play delivery boy for some frumpy old git.
>There hasn't been a more suicidal plan propositioned since those dwarves said "just five armies then?"

>>18003514
Or the Giant Eagles or...

Fuck, you know, LotR already has enough. Do we really another?

>You know, Jeeves, it strikes me. Why not simply hop upon what of these great big birds? Why, we'd be at this mountain place and back before luncheon!

>Quite an excellent idea, sir.

>I thought so myself! Right, let's saddle up these eagle blighters.

>Although, sir, as forward thinking as your plans may be, there may be one or two minor complications that could arise.

>Eh? What are you talking about Jeeves?

>Well sir, it occurs to me that these black equestrians could still pose something of quandary, given their new predilection towards the aerial.

>Hmm, you might be on to something there, but I'm sure we could avoid them. Is that all that's bothering you!

>Since you ask, sir, may I point out that this Sauron personage seems to be a very large and disembodied eye? He may espy us from afar, given his nature, and in so doing decide to compliment his defenses with a number of bowmen. Or, bow-orcs, if you prefer, sir.

>Egad! You may be on to something, Jeeves. Hmmm. I've got it! Why don't we attempt to sneak our way in, right under his nose? I'm sure he won't be suspecting that!

>Very good sir.

>Jeeves! I have to make one thing crystal clear.

>Yes sir?

>I am not one of those fellows who become absolute SLAVES to their gardners!

>Oh, certainly not sir.

>Very well. Just so long as we understand each other.

>Perfectly, Sir.

Bump. How would Bertie and Jeeves compose themselves in Moria?

>>18003867

>Jeeves! Oh Jeeves, this overgrown seafood buffet seems to have gotten a hold of me!

>Steady on sir, we'll have you back up and ready for the golf course momentarily.

> Jeeves, even as these goblins come through the door, I can't help but notice how much this mithril undercoat is making me perspire.

> Perspire, sir?

> Yes, Jeeves. I feel as if I have been dunked in the devil's cauldron, and no mistake. Didn't these dwarves install ventilation in any of these blasted chambers?

> I couldn't rightfully say, sir.

> Hold my sword, Jeeves. A man of my character and charm shouldn't have to suffer such peril as having his best shirt ruined by damp. I'm taking the damn vest off.

> Yes, sir. Might I suggest, sir, that you should keep the coat on? One of these goblinoids who seem to be in numbers at this moment might snatch the coat from your hands, even as you remove it. I hear they are devilish rouges who will attempt to take anything that is not actually nailed down.

> Good god, do you really think so? I have a much better idea, then. I shall suffer the trials of perspiration, and emerge from this pit of bodies unmolested and very definitely in possession of all my... possessions!

> Very good, sir. Watch out for that troll's spear, sir.

>>18004015

And then Jeeves wangs a goblin in the face with a frying pan.

>>18004046
That would all have to happen off-screen.

>>18004055

What about when Jeeves would have to fight Shelob?

>>18004082
He would walk into the darkness with a rolled up newspaper.

>>18004088
He would walk out with the worlds largest papertowel bundle carefully carried in one hand and proceed to look for a waste basket.

>>18004088

>I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to step away from Mister Wooster. He has a Prior Engagement.

The whole thing would just be a plot to avoid a marriage proposal and/or rise in esteem in the eyes of a potential girlfriend.

>>18004114

SKRREHSHRRSH!

>Oh, I'm afraid that simply won't do.

Dear God, imagine Gandalf trying to explain anything to Wooster. It'd be a miracle if he didn't strangle him.

>>18004328
He wouldn't. He'd explain everything to Jeeves instead.

>It's bally well unbelievable, Jeeves! It turns out that Strider chap was heir to the throne of blasted Gondor all along! Quite the coincidence, eh?

>Quite, sir.

>>18004401

Well, certainly after the first time, at least.

ARCHIVE THIS SHIT

>finally a reason to use my jeeves reaction folder!

Well sir, it is not something i would recommend; but if you insist on a hypothesis i would surmise that middle earth would hail only Jeeves; as Wooster would have certainly met his end in such a perilous adventure.

>>18004509
I already did that, just before Moria.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18002985/
How do you update the archived thread? Does it do it automatically, or does it just not update at all?

>>18004519

Come now, Jeeves whole shtick is getting Wooster through perils. It would be his greatest challenge.

Maybe later we can have this same thread, but with Jake and Elwood Blues.

"I'm getting the fellowship back together..."

>>18004659
>We're on a mission from Eru.

>>18004631
While it fills me with regret to tell you thus sir; i am afraid the environment of middle earth is much less accommodating then New York or London sir. I dare say the fact that you would be forced to wake at dawn everyday alone would be ample proof enough.

I like how there's no question that Jeeves is competent enough to complete the challenges that faced the fellowship.

>>18004627

It does it automatically and manually if you attempt to archive again.

>>18004771
Ah ha - yes, it just ticked over and updated. Looks like it does it every 20-30min or therabouts.

>>18004725

Why would there be? Jeeves is competence personified.

>>18004810
> Jeeves, one of those Nazgul blighters just stabbed me!
> I see, sir. I shall bind and bandage sir's wound right away. Would sir prefer to relax with a snifter of brandy or a whiskey while I work?

You just know Jeeves would pack a drinks cabinet as well as everything else while roaming Middle Earth.
I imagine it'd look like the baggage-carriers from Monty Python And The Holy Grail.

The real question is, how would they deal with the other characters?

I imagine Wooster would treat Merry and Pippin much as he would his usual bunch of cronies.

>>18005060

And of course, all the smart characters would quickly learn to go through Jeeves whenever they wanted to get Wooster to do something.

Though how would Jeeves convince them that Wooster was the right man for the job?

>>18005060

Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrine Took could basically be characters right out of a P.G. Woodhouse book. Incompetent manchildren with silly nicknames who cause every quagmire to escalate without trying.

There wouldn't be any disagreement about who ate the last elf-bread, because Jeeves would always keep his person immaculate at all times.
Sprinkling crumbs on another man's best double-breast while he sleeps is a crime on the level of genocide, torture or incest.

>>18005482

If Gollum thought Sam was dangerous, attempting to outsmart Jeeves would put him through the ringer.

>>18005536
>put him through the ringer.
>ringer

You cheeky son of a bitch.

>>18005536
You're right; Jeeves would have him wound round his finger.

>>18005603

Do you suppose Jeeves would even let Gollum round them, much less band with them?

>>18007121
> I'm sorry, sir. Our travelling group does not allow ones attired such as yourself to join. Perhaps if you'd let me measure your inseam, I could work something out with one of the young master's evening suits...

bumping epic thread

> Do you like that song, Sam?

> Well, Sir...

> It's called Tom Bombadil's Song, Sam. It's all the rage with Tom Bombadil at the moment.

> I can't say I'm surprised, Sir.

> Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo! Ring a dong! Hop along! fal lal the willow! Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo! Would you like to hear the rest, Sam?

>>18003330
>>18003361
>>18003408
I read these in Hugh Laurie's voice and laugh at all the people being trolled.

>>18011299
It took so long for me to be called out as a troll that I ain't even mad.

Polite sage because this thread really ought to be dead now despite its awesome nature.

>>18011281

> You know, Sam, I couldn't help feeling I could do better justice to this song if I knew what these words meant.

> Oh, I doubt that, Mr. Frodo.

> Hey! Come derry dol! Hop along, my hearties! Hobbits! Ponies all! We are fond of parties. Now let the fun begin! Let us sing together! I say, Sam, could you lend a hand here? It's a kind of call and response thing.

> I think so, Mr. Frodo.

> Hey! Come derry dol! Hop along, my hearties!

> Hey! Come derry dol! Hop along, Mr. Frodo.

>>18003302
>>18003254

I see two possibilities here: one, that perhaps being entirely and constantly competent is merely a character trait, like any other, which can be written well or poorly; or two, that /tg/ is willing to tolerate such characters at a level directly proportional to how dignified and gentlemanly (or ladylike) such a character is.

If a half-dragon, half-angel vampire sorcerer gunblade master were to be exactly the sort of chap England requires to persevere in its darkest hour, would that compensate for the rest?

>>18011571
Alucard?

>>18011571
No, however stick them in a suit, and have them use their powers only at the request of their lord and the butler-sue instantly becomes just fine.

>>18011589
>>18011595
These two answers are essentially the same.

>butler sue

SURE SOUNDS LIKE TVTROPES IN HERE

>>18011709
what's tvtropes?

>>18011725
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=tvtropes

>>18011811
wait, so you're telling me that people need a wiki to explain them how various tv-shows are structured? really?

>>18011811
You monster, you posted that there.
I intended for things to be done, this day.
Damn you.

>>18011882
Yes, and then they devote half of it to anime and the other half to sucking themselves off.

Tvtropes used to be pretty interesting and insightful, but it's in a major downward spiral now thanks to a toxic userbase (think the other end of the spectrum from Wikipedians) and an incompetent to outright abusive administrator who is hostile to all criticism.

>>18011912
That's horrible, there must be some way to stop that kind of stuff

>>18011942
Yeah, don't go to the site.

>>18011954
i'm more thinking about how to stop people creating sites like that, ever.

>>18011966
Don't let a lazy, abrasive asshole run a website. FastEddie is a textbook case of being lazy and incompetent with the bare minimum of skill to keep the site existing, with a massive ego and total asshole personality that makes him ban anyone who tries to tell him things aren't always perfect all the time. The site is basically turning into a hugbox, with forums where you can make racist tirades but calling them out for anything gets you banned.

>>18011966
Nuke America.

>>18011997
like 4chan in a way?

>>18011882
No? No-one watches a tv show and goes "I don't know what the fuck is going on, I'll go to tvtropes to find out."

/tg/, this is why you are the best board. Shine on you crazy diamond.