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  • File: 1329554707.jpg-(54 KB, 327x432, Hilga.jpg)
    54 KB Hilga's Shope of Curiosities Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)03:45 No.17997042  
    Come a little closer, deary. That's alright, don't be shy. You too, young one. Old Hilga has something for you, ha! Yes!

    Adventurers, yes? Hilga can smell the open roads and scent of battle upon you, she can. Her old nose isn't withered dry quite yet! I have some curiosities you may enjoy. So why don't you search my wares?

    I must warn you, I do not deal in gold. If you wish to buy these baubles, the price will be much more dear than that.

    How about these slippers? They'll let you dance as gracefully as the wind itself! For these, It will cost you the color of your hair.

    Or perhaps this bell? Ring it, and you can hear your future when you hold it to your ear. For this, you pay your ability to whistle. Ha! Yes!

    So, what do you seek, young adventurer?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)03:48 No.17997072

    I found a knife that will cut through stone as easily as butter, but won't hurt anything living.

    I'll give you the sight in my left eye.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)03:53 No.17997101
    Gimme a length of rope that can shimmy upwards like one of those snake charmer things.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)03:55 No.17997116
    Adventurer? No, we're all sitting at the computer on Friday night, nothing adventurous about any of this.

    I'd kill for a flask of coke that never ran out.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)03:55 No.17997118
    I want one pouch of your smoothest tobacco and a fine pipe to smoke it with. What do you want in return?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)03:56 No.17997121
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)03:56 No.17997123
    Haha, jokes on you loser! It's saturday night he
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)03:57 No.17997126
    I really just came for the lotto tickets.
    He makes good point though. Five lotto tickets and a pack of smokes.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)03:58 No.17997133

    For that, I ask for 5 minutes of your time.


    I don't share my tobacco. Try the general store down the way.

    The flask of "coke" never runs out, but it pours merely a trickle. For this, I ask for the sensation of eating your favorite food as a child.

    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)03:59 No.17997136
    You can do that already, though. You just need a Decanter of Endless Water and a Decanter of Endless Cola Syrup. You have to mix them whenever you make a batch, but DAMN does it taste fresh.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:01 No.17997150
    Sure, fine, I don't even remember what it was. And I have no intention of eating baby food again anyways.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:03 No.17997156

    How much is a pen you can use with your mind, hands free? Of course it needs to be one with a refillable ink cartridge, not getting stiffed here.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)04:03 No.17997160

    The deal is done.

    Is there anything else I can offer you?

    For a brave warrior, I have these Boots of Intolerable Speed. You will have struck and gone by the time your foes realize it. For this, I ask for a month's worth of your dreams.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:05 No.17997169
    a gorillion dollars
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)04:05 No.17997173

    A Ghostwriter's Quill? A fine choice. I'm all out at the moment, but I can make one very quickly. However, I'll need the strength of writing from your dominant hand. If you can write as well with both, then take your pick.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:05 No.17997175
    I suppose that would make turning to a life of crime easier, deal.

    Jokes on you, though, I have like two dreams a year and they're all crap.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)04:06 No.17997179

    I never specified your SLEEPING dreams, deary.

    Enjoy your boots.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:06 No.17997187
    i seek something that can transform me from a burly man into a comely woman! All my life i have been mocked for seeking such a thing, but still i wander, in the hopes that one day, i might be as beautiful and as lovely as the creatures i admire most.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:08 No.17997200
    The General store didn't stock my favourite brand. But the strange looking hermit said to come and see you and ask for a bag of 'the grass that grows between the cracks'. He said you could help me out. You also forgot I still need a fine pipe.
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 02/18/12(Sat)04:08 No.17997201
    I desire a book that have the history of everything from the past to the future.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:08 No.17997203
    Oh no, now I'll never remember wanting to be a fireman. Woe is me!
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:08 No.17997210
    I have hit many things over the head with a stick, but this has brought me no closer to my goal. i have tried speaking to the female adventurers that i meet, but they all seem to see me as boorish and crude. deep down, i know there is a graceful, elegant woman dying to come out!
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)04:09 No.17997211

    Try this headband. So long as you wear it, you will appear as a comely young lass. But for this, I will require your whisper and your scream. Your voice will be trapped of even volume for your days remaining? A fair trade, yes?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:09 No.17997214

    I request safe passage.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:12 No.17997239
    That would really rustle my jimmies if she granted you that much money.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)04:13 No.17997255

    You can tell my husband that I'm too old to bother shaving, and he can learn to abide with it.

    If it's a pipe you're after, I have a fine one. Every puff of smoke will go down like smooth butter, and you can blow out fine glamers, of smoke creatures taking flight.

    For this, I require half the breath of one lung.


    The Almanack of Many Things, for you, sir. But this will cost you dearly. Your memories of your days gone by, and memories of days to come. For the knowledge of all, you must give up the knowledge of self. Do you accept?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:13 No.17997256
    what's the best thing you got
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:15 No.17997272

    I'll trade you that, but you gotta give me all your jimmies.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:17 No.17997286

    Jokes on you, my writing is barely legible and at kindergarden level already.

    Trade accepted.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:18 No.17997290
    I'm sorry old woman but that I cannot do. I shall venture forth into the world in search of a fine pipe, so that when I settle down I shall be able to grow my own tobacco and smoke it through my fine pipe.

    You wouldn't happen to have an instruction manual on how to grow the smoothest tobacco would you.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:19 No.17997298
    won't you please help me, oh graceful and wizened oracle?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:20 No.17997305
    Well, ma'am, long have I traversed this world without purpose. I ask you for something to help me find a direction, a purpose.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:20 No.17997308

    Get out of here, STALKER.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:22 No.17997325
    I wish to have a peek under your blouse Hilga...

    What will you ask of me for such a prize?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:24 No.17997332
    my whisper and my scream? but how will i make myself heard? who will i share my intamacies with? Who will hear me when i cry, or when i shout?

    What good would it be to be a woman, if i could only be tender when i am silent? My shout i will trade you, my whisper, you can not have.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)04:26 No.17997346

    For you, this music box. Simply wind it up, and the music will inspire you and guide you to whatever it is your soul seeks out. For this, I ask for your memories of home.

    I already offered you the headband!

    I can offer you a pot, which can grow any plant placed inside of it, within a day. For this, I require the memories of your first kiss.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:26 No.17997347
    Have you got Monster Girl Quest Part 2?
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 02/18/12(Sat)04:27 No.17997354
         File: 1329557268.png-(25 KB, 258x253, Okay.png)
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    Well this is fine too. Can this item be transfer to other people?
    see pic.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:28 No.17997355
    Do you have anything which cures infinitely-growing purple mustaches?

    ...Eh... don't ask.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:29 No.17997365
    Memory of my first kiss you say?
    Very well, it was the second one that was worth remembering anyways.

    We have a deal.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:30 No.17997371
    Perhaps I should rephrase my request. I wish to roam where I would, without the danger of attack from any being, man beast or spirit. I want safe passage to wander, free.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)04:30 No.17997374

    Your shout and your song, then. I will take no less.


    You saucy lad! I'll have none of that, thank you very much. Old Hilga's still got plenty of kick in her drawers, but I've learned better than to spend it on green boys, oh-ho. You'll have to go find some salt woman to spend your seed, boy.

    Try this potion of baldness. It should do the trick nicely. For this, I ask for half your common sense.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)04:33 No.17997387

    I give you a Mark of Saint Brudah. You shall be granted safe passage to wherever you so choose to roam. For this wondrous artifact, I require your will and capacity to do harm.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:34 No.17997401
    I desire the ability to drop the sweetest beats. What can you offer me, crone?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:36 No.17997416
    Without a will, a man is but a beast. But if there is a will, there is a way. Mayhaps I could trade my way, and keep my will?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:37 No.17997421
    I'm not buying, I'm selling. What could I get for my ability to understand puns?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:38 No.17997435
    Okay, let's turn this thing around:
    What can you offer me for my eyesight?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:39 No.17997447
    I accept your offer. My first kiss was an awkward and drunken experience that left me feeling both horny and confused. Not entirely terrible, but not something I really want to hold onto forever.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:40 No.17997453
    I want something that grants me the ability to win any lawsuit I want, can you offer me something like that?
    >> Hinga 02/18/12(Sat)04:41 No.17997461
    Sssister! Please do not take any more song from those pesky adventurers, I can 'arldy hear myself think in the basement as 'tis
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:42 No.17997468
    I want to be able to repair any personal electronic device, but I also want to feel challenged while doing so... Is there anything that could help with that?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:43 No.17997471
    my song, eh? done. i am tonedeaf anyway.

    btw, this is the coolest thread i have ever seen.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:49 No.17997511
    I also would like to sell. What can I get for my first words?
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)04:49 No.17997515

    For you, a ring which shall grant you the wisdom of bards of ages long gone. For this, I ask your musical potential. Never will you learn to operate an instrument save your voice.

    An interesting trade, but a foolish one. I accept, although I think you know not what you have given.

    I will take this ability from you, and give you a Snow Bank. It carves gold from ice, but only if the ice is pure, and handled only by a virgin.

    For your eyesight, I have a number of gifts, of which you can take your pick.

    I have the joy of a content life, free of great sorrow and great happiness.
    I have a dagger which will slay those who would do you harm.

    I have a small wooden figurine whose limbs move when you pull a string.

    For you, I can offer you a silver tongue. You can convince those of the truth of your words, no matter how ludicrous, so long as you can convince yourself as well. For this, I require half your tongue, and half your honesty as well.

    For you, the Hammer of Almighty Repair. It can fix any problem in theory, but the difficulty of the problem is shown in the strength you must swing to overcome it. Difficult fixes will require multiple mighty swings. For this, I require your ability to teach others.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:52 No.17997529
    >For you, a ring which shall grant you the wisdom of bards of ages long gone. For this, I ask your musical potential. Never will you learn to operate an instrument save your voice.
    A deal, old one. My voice is all the instrument I shall need.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)04:53 No.17997537
    I'll buy as many songs as I want, and you'll well and like it! I'm not the one who sold her ability to enjoy song for a silly accent!

    For your first words, I can give you a pair of wings, that will let you fly for as many hours as words you give up. They recharge an hour for each minute of melancholy you sit in silence.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:54 No.17997540
    I take the silver tongue for half my honesty and tongue.
    Then I want my payment back, because I liked half of my honesty and tongue.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:55 No.17997552
    Flight is not an ability I desire. Can you not offer something better?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:56 No.17997554
    ...Okay, I've thought it out. You get half of my common sense and I get the potion. So lets start now. Or.. after you give me that potion.

    >Gets handed a bag of potion
    >Insults your mother
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:57 No.17997567
    I am curious. If you were to make a deal for one of your own stock, what would it be?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:57 No.17997568
    Wooden figurine or a content life…the dagger is somewhat useless as it does just protect me and none of whom I love…not yet sure…
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)04:59 No.17997586
    I wish the knowledge of many masters.

    What do you want?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:00 No.17997591
    Hmm interesting, snow bank eh?
    What requirements make the ice pure? Just that it is made from 100% water, or something else?
    What happens if the snow bank is used on ice which is not pure?
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)05:04 No.17997612

    The deal is done. You get no refunds. If you think your tongue will work on me, you're sadly mistaken. Hilga was not born yesterday, oh no! Now off with you.


    Very well. How about a bedroll that can move you through your dreams, to the place you wish to go.

    If not that, how about a goblet made from melted horseshoes. If you leave it out overnight, it slowly fills with luck, which you can bottle and give to anybody else, but never accept payment for, or use yourself.

    It is done. Here is your potion, in a bottle even.

    The water must be clean, and free from the taint of evil influences. If it's not pure, and not handled by a virgin, the bank spits out shaved ice. So there's that as a function as well, I suppose.

    Hoo, I'm much too smart to be making any deals with an old crone, dearie.

    It's knowledge you seek, and experience you wish for. These things take time. If you would have it quick and easy, then you shall pay the blood cost if not the sand cost. 3 years of your time, for every skill you wish to master.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:06 No.17997626
    Then you cheated me as I wanted something to win ANY lawsuit.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:07 No.17997632
    That goblet sounds useful. I suspect it is an unfair trade, like all you make, but a trade it is nonetheless.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:07 No.17997636

    How would I die once the years run out? Do I just have a heart attack and keel over, or is there some sort of accident, or what?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:08 No.17997639
    I want the ability to lucid dream at my own command, without any bad shit happening.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)05:08 No.17997644

    You're not the first smart-arse who has tried to swindle old Hilga. Best run along now, unless you'd like me to take half off something else. I'd like to see your silver tongue explain that one to any girl you'd woo, ha!
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:09 No.17997648
    I wish to trade my curiosity. What will you offer me for this price?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:10 No.17997651
         File: 1329559807.jpg-(26 KB, 319x333, 234254253245.jpg)
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    Do you have any potions or food?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:11 No.17997659
         File: 1329559883.jpg-(26 KB, 409x366, 1326026630598.jpg)
    26 KB

    Oh no, not today you old spammer bastard
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)05:11 No.17997660

    Nothing that grand. It merely takes sand from your glass, as it were. How the tall man takes you is no business of mine.

    My trades are as fair as the summer sky. The deal is done.


    For this, I can give you a small wooden wheel, in the style as one found to steer a ship. If you wear it around your neck, you will be the master of all your dreams. For this, I ask for your ability to skip.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:12 No.17997670
    Oh Hilga, how long have I been seeking you...

    You cannot hide your beauty from me, for I know that these rags and greying hair are but an illusion. Let me kiss your lips and feel your heart beat against my chest. Fall into my embrace and be mine...
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:13 No.17997671
    Okay, deal for the Snow Bank. If I can't find ice pure enough, I'll just go into business selling shaved ice.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)05:13 No.17997675

    For your curiosity, I will offer a plain wooden box. Who knows what it contains.


    General store. Down the lane a bit.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:15 No.17997687
    I desire what I suspect all men desire. I wish to correct my mistakes, to return to a simpler time, to relive my halcyon days of youth with the wisdom of my current years. What will be the price for this great gift?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:16 No.17997690
    I would like the body of a venus and a 10" surprise. (Saxophone)
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:16 No.17997692
    Well at firstly you swindled me as the tongue doesn't work and secondly why do you assume I'm gay?
    >> anon 02/18/12(Sat)05:16 No.17997693
    What would you ask for in exchange for the ability to read minds? I don't need really in-depth insights into people, more just an ability to gauge their impressions of me. Something like a stone that glows colors in accordance to the quality of the relationship I am thinking about and then says the strongest impression held by the other person in a whisper.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)05:17 No.17997697

    If I accepted honeyed words and shallow promises for THAT prize, I'd be in a whole different market, dearie. Ha! That's not to say I've never traded a trinket or bauble for the warmth of a strong man's embrace, but those days are many, many springs back. Your wooing is wasted on this old bird.

    The deal is done. If the water has minor impurities, as will the gold. It is a simple fix.

    Such a thing, no mortal man can have. I am sorry, but I cannot help you. The price is far too grave.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:17 No.17997702
    >at firstly
    scratch the "at"
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:18 No.17997706
    I wish to have my body marked with ancient and powerful symbols that grant me courage and vigor. For you see, I am a lazy coward. Know that when you ask your price.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:19 No.17997713
    The price may be grave to you, but perhaps not so much to me. Name it, please. I must know.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:20 No.17997716
    I require doubles, oh great Hilga.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:21 No.17997722
    I want to know all the languages in the world.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:23 No.17997732
    how much for eternal happiness?
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)05:24 No.17997738
    I'm beginning to tire of you. The deal is done. If you are unsatisfied with the tongue, I will take it back, you will have your honesty or tongue, but not both. I'll even reattach the tongue free of charge, if that's what you choose.

    For you, I can offer a mirror which reflects the truth hidden in the heart and soul of the one reflected into it. For this, I would ask the joy of experiencing true beauty.

    You two can trade.

    I can grant you an amulet which will grant you power and bravery, but in exchange, I will need your sense of well-being. Though you will be brave, you will see threats in every shadow.

    It is not something old Hilga deals in. You'll have to ask someone far darker and stronger than me, dearie. Hilga does not collect souls.
    >> anon 02/18/12(Sat)05:26 No.17997744
    >For you, I can offer a mirror which reflects the truth hidden in the heart and soul of the one reflected into it. For this, I would ask the joy of experiencing true beauty.

    I fear I have no such good to offer ma'am, beauty is by no means something within my possession.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:28 No.17997747
    I wish for the power to fight for justice. What can you offer?
    >> Travelling Spellcaster 02/18/12(Sat)05:29 No.17997752
    What would I need to trade to become your understudy? An apprentice of sorts? I am trying to learn multiple magical arts throughout the kingdom, and enchantments are something I still need to gather.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:30 No.17997755
    Oh I don't care I just wish to ask a question:
    By the initial request I made, why would you take half my honesty…I mean…taking honesty from somebody who just wants to cheat?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:32 No.17997762
    As you wish. You can have my well being. I doubt I shall survive the deeds that require my courage any how. I bid you farewell Hilga.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)05:34 No.17997768

    Ha! Not YOUR beauty. The beauty found in watching the sunrise, or the dancing of light on water, or the end of the world where sky and sand meet. The voice of your child, the touch of a lover. The comfort of home. This is what I ask of you.

    Eternal? I cannot do eternal. I can grant you a White Peony. For as long as you keep it watered and living, you shall know great happiness. For this, I ask the memory of your mother's voice.

    For you, a sword of frozen flames, which burn only those with evil deeds on their hands or in their hearts. For this powerful artifact, I would ask your ability to love. I'll give you time to think it over.

    I'm afraid I already have an apprentice, dearie. Perhaps my sister could take you on, if she isn't too busy whining about my song collection.
    >> Treckie 02/18/12(Sat)05:36 No.17997772
    You need to see Star Wars The Next Generation - Season 6 - Episode Tapestry
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)05:36 No.17997774

    In all things there is a reason. As far as that goes, well, you're not using your honesty anyways, are you? That's a good enough reason for you know.
    >> Travelling Spellcaster 02/18/12(Sat)05:38 No.17997780
    >I'm afraid I already have an apprentice, dearie. Perhaps my sister could take you on, if she isn't too busy whining about my song collection.

    Then can I offer you a collection of songs to add to your own in exchange for a good word with your sister? It is rather important I complete my mastery of the enchantment school, lest I fail my wizardry exam come the fall!
    >> Hinga 02/18/12(Sat)05:42 No.17997797
    >> anon 02/18/12(Sat)05:44 No.17997805
    >Ha! Not YOUR beauty. The beauty found in watching the sunrise, or the dancing of light on water, or the end of the world where sky and sand meet. The voice of your child, the touch of a lover. The comfort of home. This is what I ask of you.

    I don't have that either though, I have anhedonia. An inability to feel pleasure of any kind. ._____.
    >> Travelling Spellcaster 02/18/12(Sat)05:46 No.17997813
    B-But madam! I assure you they are the best compilation of songs that are known to scholar and commoner alike! The complete collections of Raumstein are included in this tome!
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:47 No.17997821
    I want to be the very best, like no one ever was.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:48 No.17997828
    What can you offer me witch, for I can trade the hardest metal known to man.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)05:57 No.17997860

    Okay, I'll take the bell.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)06:01 No.17997883
    Friend, I see you're new in these parts so don't be upset that you didn't know this, but her sister traded her ability to enjoy songs long ago.
    I suggest you try and make a deal to buy some of the songs Hilga has acquired, so there are less to annoy the sister.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)06:03 No.17997899
    I wish to be the little girl. What can you do?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)06:17 No.17997962
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    Wise one, I travel this land each night without sleep. Of this I seem to be making a habit. With each restless night that passes I fall deeper into depression and an inconsolable contempt for everything around me.

    I want the opportunity to regain control of my life.
    >> Madhat Clemens 02/18/12(Sat)06:19 No.17997972
    Hilga, I offer you the regard of my limits. Forever I will be cursed to follow what I do to the very end, and will continue until my body fails me. What do you offer in return?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)06:26 No.17997991
    I want a fat bride, what all with the true love and soul mates and such. SO fat, and humanoid, preferably.
    >> NotHelga 02/18/12(Sat)06:26 No.17997995
         File: 1329564399.jpg-(9 KB, 220x220, Melatonin.jpg)
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    Take these tablets once every evening when you want to start going to bed. In about thirty minutes you should feel relaxed and ready to sleep. Beyond that their is precious little I can do for you.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)06:32 No.17998017
    >Hilga does not collect souls


    You Magnificent Bastard.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)06:35 No.17998033
    Hail, Crone! I see you have many excellent items in your possession... I need to be off soon, but as a soldier, I have campaigned for many years and I tire of war. What can you offer me for my bloodlust?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)06:37 No.17998038

    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)08:19 No.17998561
    Eh... I'd like a charm, something that will protect my son. He is overseas, traveling with strange men and women, and I worry that he has forgotten me, or that I will never see him again.

    I have not much to give, but...
    >> Indonesian Gentleman 02/18/12(Sat)09:17 No.17998837
    I have these launch codes for a nuke in every nuke-posessing country that I want to sell so world peace could be had. What would you trade for this?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)09:38 No.17998905
    Found this thread last night, pleased to see it is still here.

    One of the best threads I have ever seen. There is a lot of potential here... a concept in a PnP campaign, a story, hell even an epic poem or ballad written in dactylic hexameter. Something.

    That said, Old Hilga, if you are still accepting trades this morn, I have a request of you.

    What will you take in exchange for the use of the ideas in this thread in creative fashion?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)09:56 No.17998977
    To increase my thaumaturgic might I would ask you for perfect control of memory, ability to recall without error and to forget at will.
    Speak your price.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)10:06 No.17999028
    I only want a high-five.

    Don't leave me hanging, sis.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)10:26 No.17999156
    This is a brilliant thread, and everyone in it should feel good about themselves.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)12:59 No.18000281
    For you, I offer the Matron's Pudding. One pot's worth, in a crystal chalice. A single bite will give you contentedness and a feeling of security and comfort. In exchange, I ask for your success. Is the trade worth it?

    For you, I offer the Helm of Champions. So long as you wear it, you will be regarded as the greatest in whatsoever field you dedicate your life to. However, this will come with all the downsides of being known as the greatest, as well... For this, I ask for the friendship shared with your closest compatriot.

    I have plenty of Nintendium. If you're looking to SELL wares, General Store. He's right down the lane.

    For you, I can offer a fine powder, which, when sprinkled upon your head, gives you the age, appearance, voice, and in all purposes body of a 12 year old girl for 3 hours. For this, I will require 3/4 of your passion.

    For your price, I offer sands of time and renown, that you may live for thrice the age of man, and your deeds be known for thrice as long. This, for your ability to be content with yourself. A trade fit for a hero, but perhaps, not a wise man. Do you accept?

    For you, I give my sister. I don't want anything for her. Just take her.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)13:06 No.18000326
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)13:09 No.18000346
    The deal is done.

    For you, the Gauntlet of Ultimate Terror. Your foes shall know your name and scream it in their sleep, and you shall be as a demon given flesh before them. No man will withstand you. For this, you must give your sense of honor.

    For you, I give you Wasp Honey from a Black Lotus. One drop in your tea will give you fevered insight to what lies beyond the veil of sight unseen.
    For this, I ask your sanity. You shant be needing it anyways.

    For you, a bag of albatross down. Simply pull out a pinch and blow it into an easterly wind, and your son shall have safe travels for a month. For this, I ask your memories of the first time you laid eyes on your son.

    I don't have anything like that, but perhaps you'd like the Peacekeeper's Bell. Simply ring it, and soothe even the most bloodthirsty enemies into comfort and friendship. It may serve the same purposes. For this, I ask the hearing from your right ear and sight from your left eye.

    Hilga requires one gorillion dollars for her ideas. Ha! A jest! Go, tell all your friends about Old Hilga, she'll enjoy the business.

    For perfect control of your memories, I give you the Placid Tea, which will calm the raging storm of thoughts that inhabit the minds of men. For this, I require your ability to tell stories for 10 years, and your Wisdom for a fortnight.

    That will cost you a smile.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)13:14 No.18000390

    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)13:21 No.18000443

    The deal is done.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)13:28 No.18000500
    I am a performer at several drama companies. I was thinking it could be useful a wardrobe of all appearances, in which I could enter to gain the aspect of any person, but non in particular. I could ask for gender, age, weight and height, but no particular identity. What would you ask for it??
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)13:31 No.18000529

    For you, the Masque of 1000 faces. With it, you can appear to be anybody you choose. But in exchange, I require your sense of identity. You will be the perfect actor, able to portray any person, save yourself.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)13:37 No.18000597

    I decline your offer respectfully. It's a price too high for me too pay.

    But feel free to make a counter-offer for another item, if necessary, relevant for my trade.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)13:50 No.18000724
    I have nothing to offer except my hopes and dreams. What do you have in trade, milady?
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)14:08 No.18000891

    If not your sense of self, then I would take your name. That is the best I can do.

    For your hopes and dreams, I have a few things.

    A shovel which digs out 1000 pounds of dirt with every stroke.

    A tonic that turns all you touch to gold, and a bottle of tonic, that when mixed with your tears, reverses it.

    A sauce from a faraway land, which makes any food upon which it is sprinkled, taste as glorious as a fresh dawn.

    Or perhaps a Luckey Ha-pence coin. Make sure not to mix it with your other money, or it'll become just an ordinary coin.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)14:11 No.18000926
    I shall take the shovel. With no hopes and dreams, the best I can do is dig a grave for many.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)14:14 No.18000953

    The deal is done.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)14:20 No.18001006
    How much is that little doggie in the window?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)14:21 No.18001018
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    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)14:30 No.18001088
    I wish to be able save my brother from Lady Moss. He has been there far to long, is there anything that you have that will aid me in this endeavor?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)14:33 No.18001109
    What would the price be on being able to make my dreams reality?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)14:34 No.18001123
    Wooo, need to be more specific when dealing with the Wise Old Crone.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)14:42 No.18001222
    The one with a waggly tail?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)14:57 No.18001362
    >I desire what I suspect all men desire. I wish to correct my mistakes, to return to a simpler time, to relive my halcyon days of youth with the wisdom of my current years. What will be the price for this great gift?

    Dude...did you ever read Something Wicked This Way Comes?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:02 No.18001404
    Hilga, I know longer wish to care. It would be foolish to try and fix myself, nor my life. I no longer wish to worry about myself, or what the future brings. What can you offer me?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:02 No.18001406
    I wish for something that will let me wander the land for all eternity collecting all manner of knowledge.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:06 No.18001431
    Wise old mother, I have strugged with poor health and pockets empty of coin for many years, despite plentiful efforts to change both. Not surprisingly because of this, my attempts at seeking romance are met poorly at best.

    What have you amongst your goods that can cure my dilemma - for if I cannot correct these shortcomings by my own hand, then strange magics may be my last resort.
    >> Rance 02/18/12(Sat)15:09 No.18001463
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    I ask for something that will make me irresistible to women!
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:11 No.18001487
    You already HAVE one of those, Rance.
    >> Rance 02/18/12(Sat)15:12 No.18001499
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    So? I want more! I need MORE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:17 No.18001536
    Too much of a good thing becomes a curse, Rance.

    You don't need to be a wizened old crone to know that.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:18 No.18001549
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    Grasp beyond grasp! Reach beyond reach! You am play gods!
    >> Rance 02/18/12(Sat)15:20 No.18001574
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    Shit. I guess you are right....

    Hilda, do you happen to have something to melt ice instead? Like, demonic ice or something?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:20 No.18001577
    I desire the tools and the vigor to pursue wickedness whereever it dens, to carve a great, deadly chunk from the monolith of human suffering.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:24 No.18001615
    Old hilga...
    I've always wanted to be a heroic Paladin, So I may protect the people and preserve justice!
    But, My body is frail,I can barely lift a sword, let alone swing it.
    My mom and dad say I should become a wizard, since I do show a good deal of talent in the arcane arts,I can see why, But still, the call of a paladin beacons me.
    Can you help me?
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)15:31 No.18001691
    20 Gold. General Store.

    For you, a needle. Simply prick your finger with it, and your brother shall sense your need, and will return to you. For this, I ask your sense of smell.

    You'll have to be more specific than that, dearie.

    For you, I offer the Serenade Sieve. Pour water over your head and into it, and it shall strain away your stress and worries. In exchange, I require the wisdom that would be given to your second son. You can buy it back if you bring me enough of the crystals the Sieve will form.

    For you, a Horn of Plenty. Never will it run out of food or drink or coin, so long as you feed it with fresh earth. For this, I require your Oath. All of it.

    I cannot do eternal. For you, I give the glasses of Omen-Mur. You can read and understand any book, merely by flipping through the pages. For this, I require one pound of flesh, given from your choice of area.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:38 No.18001766
    Food and drink I have had enough to live contentedly, only in coin with which to buy what I desired did I lack.

    As for an Oath... forgive me, wise mother, but I do not understand what you wish of me - oaths are for heros, given to kings, and paladins, given to their gods. I am no such noble as these.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:38 No.18001770
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    Archived for posterity. Keep on keepin' on, /tg/.

    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:38 No.18001777
    For the glasses i shall shave the flesh from my back.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:44 No.18001818
    I want to be able to transform into a dragon at will.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:44 No.18001824
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    Dammit, I should have known better than to give away a spot in the archive without asking for anything in return.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:47 No.18001846
    Good day, Hilga

    I come in search of an item that will allow me to commune with dead relatives. My father passed on before I could even begin to remember. I'd love nothing more than to ask him personally for answers, and hear every story and string of wisdom he died with.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:48 No.18001859
    Very well, but I'm afraid you are cheating myself. As it stands, I will likely never have a first son.

    While I am here, what can I get for what little ambition I have?
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)15:49 No.18001870
    For you, I have a lens of true sunshine. It shall melt the darkest and most foul of barriers. No evil shall stand against its might. For this, I require your virility.

    For tools, I can give you a Map of Suffering, that you may know in all the world, where injustice is being done. For this, I require 2 fingers from your left hand.

    For vigor, I can grant you the Potion of Unlimited Might, which might grant you power and drive to accomplish your feats, for the price of a peaceful rest.

    For you, a mask of Heroism, that you may find inside yourself the power of will, and bring forth power of flesh from it, so long as you wear it. For this, I require your innocence.

    Then I shall give you this purse of Wellbeing. You will always find within it, the exact amount of money you need. No more. No less. For this, I would require your prayers.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:51 No.18001898
    M-My innocence?
    Hilga,you seem very wise and very kind...But I'm waiting until marriage..
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:53 No.18001913
    Do you have any Guises of the Thespian?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:53 No.18001914
    What I can buy if you give all of my height except for one inch?
    >> Rance 02/18/12(Sat)15:53 No.18001917
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    >For this, I require your virility.

    Yeah, about that, nah.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:54 No.18001927
    Well,If it's the only way to become a paladin...
    Guess we all have to make a few sacrifices in life
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)15:55 No.18001930
    For you, a horn of Dragon's Tongue. Keep a petal underneath your tongue, and you shall take the countenance of a dragon. Just be careful where you use it.

    For this, I require your fondest memory to come in the next year.

    For your ambition...?

    I have a wooden soldier, whose limbs move when you pull a string.

    For you, a stone. Drop it into water, and see the faces of loved ones past reflected on the surface. You may speak to them as such. For this, I require your longing.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:56 No.18001940
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    >Mask of heroism
    I'm guessing it looks something like this.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)15:57 No.18001954

    Pshaw! Stop blushing like a schoolgirl. Hilga has no wish to go a round in the way with you. She's been alive a long time, dearie, and she knows more than one way to skin a cat, Ha! She does! All it takes is a brush on your forehead, two spins round your ear, and it'll be gone before you know it.

    You are a foolish lad. What could I give you that you would be able to use? A thimble of protection, perhaps. Keep you from harm from your own fool bargains.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:58 No.18001965
    Is the thimble indestructible?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)15:58 No.18001967
    No more and no less than what I need, you say? Well, if it were less, then I would find my situation unchanged, and I am not greedy, so I do not need to hoard that which I cannot spend. Such a limit is easily accepted.

    My prayers are your payment for this boon... very well. I have asked the gods for many things and never gotten what I asked, so my prayers have no worth to me, as they seem to fall on deaf ears. Take them, though I wonder what use you can have for unheard pleas.

    Thank you, wise mother. You are not as deceptive or cruel in your gifts as I've heard others claim. Blessings be upon you for easing the troubles of one such as I.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:00 No.18001988
    Ah! I shall do the deed then!
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:03 No.18002019
    The world truly is a horrid and horrible place, Maybe being a paladin wont make that much of a difference, maybe I won't be able to save that many lives,But now I know I MUST do what I can to save my fellow Beings, may they be men, elves, or dwarfs!
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:04 No.18002025
    I've always wanted an enchanted pocketwatch and/or compass. Got anything like that?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:06 No.18002051
    A demon has contracted my services in the 9 hells, I require three things; something protective so I can walk across the sea of flames without being burned up, mason's tools capable of cutting and shaping such stone as can be found there, and drafting paper that can survive the heat and environs. Do you have any one of these things, Old Hilga? If so, what is your asking price.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:07 No.18002061
    Oh hey.

    One I'm trans and would like to be female.
    Have you got anything that doesn't rely on a piece of clothing I have to wear?

    Second. Wizard, I'd like to become one. Whats the cost for that? All around general wizard. D&D 3.5 style would be my preferred but im open to other offers
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)16:09 No.18002086


    For you, a pocket-watch which counts the time down to the next important event in your life. For this, I ask for half of your tidiness.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:12 No.18002114
    Oh Hilga, I would like some way to keep my unruly hair in check. It grows much too fast and will not stay straight under a comb.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:16 No.18002148
    Is the "countdown until next important event" fixed, or can it change depending on my actions? How critical does something have to be before it registers as an "important event"?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:20 No.18002194
    O wise Hilga,

    I can no longer bear to see the cruel suffering inflicted upon my fellow humans be this world. If I could bring the world salvation, gladly would I pay any price.

    I desire the power to save all others, but not myself. What would you ask for such a thing? If you demand it, I will sacrifice my honor, my wealth, my life, and my good name. For what significance does a single man such as I have, compared to the countless others who live in misery?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:31 No.18002285
    Wise Hilga, I am a woman trapped in an unhappy marriage. When I married him I was young and foolish, but now I desire to once again be able to roam free, unchained by a man whom I no longer love. What will it cost me to obtain what I desire?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:33 No.18002317
    Hilga, I desire a means to acquire the shemale dominatrix minotaur girlfriend I've wanted my entire life.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:34 No.18002335
    >What will it cost me to obtain what I desire?
    ...A divorce lawyer?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:36 No.18002351
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    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:43 No.18002410
    A divorce lawyer? Such a profession does not exist in the lands where I reside. Where I come from, those bound in matrimony are thus bound until death do them part.

    It would be easy to arrange for him to be killed; goodness knows that assassination is quite the thriving business in our land, and quite in demand among nobles like myself. But I desire no innocent blood on my hands, and my husband is a good, noble man, though bound by tradition. I would see him live, prosper and be happy if I could. But for myself, I wish only to be free.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)16:52 No.18002491

    Hilga, I am an young man who has ambition, but amusingly lacks drive.

    What would you want for some charm to give me vigor beyond that of men?
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)19:09 No.18003830

    For you, I have three things.

    The first, a mantle wrought of the finest phoenix feathers. Wear it, and no heat or flame can do you harm. For this, I would ask the nails from your left hand.

    The second is brush which can paint in stone as well as dyes. Simply brush it against the stone, and watch stone melt away or spring into being as you will. For this, I would require your rhythm.

    Lastly, you've no need for me. They have papers aplenty in hell. How else would they do all that paperwork?

    For you, a comb, that when run through your locks, changes the style, color, and length to your liking. For this, I ask the stories you heard as a child.


    The clock may change quickly, but once it has a time set, the time remains. It tolls both good and bad things, so there is no telling what may happen when it runs down.

    If the headband or the powder are not good enough for you, the power would be greater, as would the cost. I would give you an Elixir that would permanently change your gender, at the expense of your sorrow.

    For the powers of sorcery, I will grant you a spellbook filled with potent charms and mighty hexes. For this, I require your knowledge of greater math.
    >> Hilga 02/18/12(Sat)19:13 No.18003875

    For you, I grant the Burden of Saint Bernard. You shall forever live in melancholy, but those around you will have happiness, so long as you wear the Burden. For this, I would require your darkest secret.

    For you, a small vial of Maidensbreath. A few drops in his beer, and a kiss upon his lips, and you shall see him transform into a man worthy of your love. For this, I require half your beauty.

    For you, I have the amulet of paunch. You shall have great drive and exuberance when you wear it. For this, I would ask your memories of your tenth name day.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)19:20 No.18003959
    i use market sense and figure out how many dots these tokens are
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    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)21:00 No.18005353
    I wish for the greatest tale ever told. What is the price?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)21:02 No.18005370
    I want a friend. What now?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)21:06 No.18005434
    I seek something that will let me walk the earth eternally. I will pay any price.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)21:09 No.18005472
    Also, I feel I should mention, I only have this paper clip, elastic band, piece of flint, and the soundtrack of the lord of the rings.
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)21:15 No.18005543
    Ahh trying to trick me eh?
    No thank you. Im fine with my gender its my sex I wanted changed.

    Same with the math. If wizardy isn't just higher mathematical equations then you've probably got the wrong book
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)22:34 No.18006729
    I'm but a callow youth and don't wish to make the same mistakes others do. I wish to always know what's best for me. What's your price?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)22:41 No.18006833
    Dear madam, I have a problem for you. I have great ideas, but I have great trouble relating them to my peers. What can I trade for the boon of being perfectly understood even if my tongue fails me?
    >> Anonymous 02/18/12(Sat)22:43 No.18006865
    I would very much like to improve my poor social skills. Do you have anything that can help?
    >> Anonymous 02/19/12(Sun)05:04 No.18011273
    it seems you are not as wise or knowledgeable as you think old woman (especially around songs)

    I come bearing no "nitendium" for I know not of it. I come bringing the hardest metal known to man and that alone. Will you still not offer me something in return.

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