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  • File : 1328656366.jpg-(65 KB, 900x506, Exterminatus_Retribution.jpg)
    65 KB Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:12 No.17846817  
    What if Exterminatus is actually a Nokia 3310 dropped to orbit by Inquisitor?
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:15 No.17846848
    6/10. I lol'd. I can imagine those things being used as orbit-to-ground ammo, since the Imperium can find nothing tougher.

    I am now imagining a Rogue Trader with a protective jacket make of archeotech nokias. This mental image should not be this funny.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:20 No.17846917

    There is still a planet left after exterminatus. Dropping a nokia from that height would cause a temporary eye o' terror.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:21 No.17846925
    Wrong. Firing a Nokia at orbital bombardment speeds would crack the planet in half, let alone blast the surface to dust.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:25 No.17846988
    hm, i always thought it would just leave a Nokia shaped hole in the surface as it passed effortlessly through the planet's crust.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:27 No.17847005
    never change /tg/
    >> Narukanga !Hc6EcVkstI 02/07/12(Tue)18:28 No.17847019
    Uh... no?

    Its too big and its surface too irregular for it to survive reentry with the materials its made out of.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:28 No.17847030
         File1328657332.gif-(1.73 MB, 400x225, 1326320953062.gif)
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    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:29 No.17847042
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    Actually, at high speeds, the friction between the nokia & the warp would release amazing amounts of destructive energy.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:29 No.17847043
    What about one of those hueg Xbawkses?
    >> El_Nazgir 02/07/12(Tue)18:29 No.17847046
    screencapped. Also this: >>17847005
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:31 No.17847074
         File1328657512.jpg-(114 KB, 644x644, 1327509172063.jpg)
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    Oh gods, this thread. Sometimes /tg/ just makes my day.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:35 No.17847107
    Seriously, what the fuck guys.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:35 No.17847111
    Now I know what my RT group is finding next session...
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)18:48 No.17847321
    You're all wrong, the c'tan shards are nokias. Jeez get it together.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)21:50 No.17849994
    Sooo kind of like how Singularity Sky begins?
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)21:56 No.17850108
         File1328669768.jpg-(15 KB, 300x200, Event Horizon 2.jpg)
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    Where this thread is going, you won't need phones to call long distance with unlimited evening and weekend minutes.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:01 No.17850231
         File1328670114.png-(437 KB, 512x384, 913285712895.png)
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    >For some reason 4chan is down all day for me
    >Try to enter just one more time
    >4chan is back
    >This is the first fucking thread I see

    Oh god I love /tg/
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:02 No.17850246
         File1328670148.jpg-(26 KB, 370x370, 3310-203.jpg)
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    The real question is, which clip on casing do they sport?
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:06 No.17850313
    heavy bolter with nokia 5125 ammo?
    deadly or deadliest?
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:06 No.17850323
         File1328670385.jpg-(26 KB, 250x229, 1328559148100.jpg)
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    the cloudfire thing usually can be fixed by pressing the "retry the live version" button
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:15 No.17850461

    I fired one from my Leman Russ once.

    No survivors.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:16 No.17850475
    ...i don't get it
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:17 No.17850507
    Nokianium is like Nintendium.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:18 No.17850517
    After the generators on Mars were ravaged by forces of Chaos during the Horus Heresy, the Fabricator-General, in desperation, turned to a new and dangerous form of power: embedded in Mars' core, its radiant heat absorbed by countless powerful geothermal energy conduction systems, is an nVidia Fermi.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:18 No.17850523

    You clearly never had one, then. Sorry, how old are you?
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:18 No.17850526
    5125 is the one that when it hits the ground
    it breaks into several pieces and ,when put together, it works like nothing happened?
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:20 No.17850550

    never really used cell phones
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:21 No.17850564

    Fuck you. Nintendium shatters with the drop of a hat. Nokianum is invincible. Not even the eldest tech-priests can understand how to craft the substance into a useful form. All we can do is work with the solid objects, those rare that are left.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:23 No.17850618
    nintendium is more fireproof
    nokianiun is more resistant to brute force damage
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:29 No.17850742
    Sly Marbo was once a member of the most feared group on Catachan. They were all killed in a freak accident involving a nokia buried in a meteorite. He only survived because he was wrestling a man-eating well 10+ miles under the surface in an attempt to get drinking water.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:39 No.17850940
         File1328672359.jpg-(31 KB, 391x364, 1328637250362.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:41 No.17850990
         File1328672503.jpg-(16 KB, 230x288, this is not sparta.jpg)
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    >wrestling a man-eating well
    >> CDR Nonsense 02/07/12(Tue)22:48 No.17851106
         File1328672885.png-(59 KB, 510x546, 1315218619002.png)
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    We must consult the Codex Astartes for this
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)22:58 No.17851270
    Whaddya think the golden throne is made out of?
    >> Fireman Prime 02/07/12(Tue)23:00 No.17851332
         File1328673640.jpg-(39 KB, 217x208, OHWTF_and_others.jpg)
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    >wrestling a man eating well 10+ miles under the surface
    >> Indonesian Gentleman 02/07/12(Tue)23:09 No.17851496
    >not getting your drinking water from a jungle version of the Sarlacc
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)23:12 No.17851547
         File1328674337.jpg-(56 KB, 640x480, blood well.jpg)
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    >man eating well
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)23:15 No.17851616
    This thread, man. My sides are probably in Brazil by now.

    Never, ever change /tg/
    >> Indonesian Gentleman 02/07/12(Tue)23:16 No.17851634
    Considering they're Catachans, they probably did eat the well.
    Mortar and bricks and winch and bucket and all.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)23:33 No.17851856
    This is probably one of the best threads I've seen on teeg lately. I am proud.
    >> that one guardsmen 02/07/12(Tue)23:44 No.17852006
         File1328676259.jpg-(50 KB, 640x480, 1328590228485.jpg)
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    >wrestling a man eatinb well for drinking water

    I've laughed a lot on tg, but by the god-emperor you guys still surprise me sometimres.
    >> Anonymous 02/07/12(Tue)23:50 No.17852076
    I wonder what would happen if the Tau came into contact with nokias...
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)00:04 No.17852239
    Writefags, get on this. NOW.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)00:12 No.17852366
    Th real question, that which I find much more horrifying, is what would happen if the orks got their hands on a nokia.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)00:29 No.17852604
    Bump for another epic tale of Marbo shenanigans.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)00:31 No.17852631
    >he never speaks because of the horror he saw that day
    Nightmares of the warp don't even compare
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)00:49 No.17852889
    Go away George Lucas. Sometimes stories don't need to be told.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)00:58 No.17852998
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)01:06 No.17853105
         File1328681211.gif-(437 KB, 245x153, fuckthisshit.gif)
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    >man-eating well
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:00 No.17855586
         File1328702452.jpg-(675 KB, 1135x2467, Nokia.3330.jpg)
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    Step aside you fithy plebians

    3330 master race
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:05 No.17855610
    Guys, guys. What would happen if you split an atom of Nintendium.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:06 No.17855615
    it would release pure nokium
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:09 No.17855620
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:09 No.17855623
         File1328702959.jpg-(961 KB, 1479x1979, nintendium.jpg)
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    What if you dropped a 3310 from orbit and it hit an old school Game Boy?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:10 No.17855629

    The Materium would seize to exsist
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:11 No.17855633
    Existing would cease to exist
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:14 No.17855644

    Nurgles asshole would explode into exsistance. The brown eye of terror would appear.
    >> Ekoi !PpcsYfrVrw 02/08/12(Wed)07:14 No.17855648
    The big bang would happen again, like what happened last time this happened.

    >exercised unioni
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:15 No.17855656
    well, either the cataclysmic force would be like a shock that would wake up the God Emperor and ensure a new golden age for all the universe ooooooooor the universe would suddenly cease to exist.

    Let's just agree not to try.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:16 No.17855663
    ...except for the 3310 and the Game Boy floating through the void, you mean.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:19 No.17855681
    my glass of milk is now all over my screen

    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:21 No.17855689
    A Game Boy, a Nokia 3310 and an old Dell Latitude all collide simultaneously at 120 MPH. Does anything survive the impact?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:23 No.17855705
    The ensuing explosion would wipe out everything, yes.
    But a new universe would be created. A universe inside an xbox.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:24 No.17855710
    "Hey boss, look at dis fing."
    "Wat da zog is that?"
    "Dunno boss. But we cant krump it!"
    *smacked over the head with a power klaw*
    "Now listen up, ya git. Taint nuffin this waaagh cant krump."
    "We already tried, boss. We tried all da dakka & choppa we had. One of day boyz even when at it wif a stompa! Da mekz iz tryin ta fix it now, but dis fing krumped half our grots cuzza wot we did."
    "Why dint ya say so? Have one of da mekz make somefing krumpy wif it."
    The boss was already thinking, his orky brain sttetching at the newfound possibilities this small, inoccuous object.

    When the Waaagh rekindled its fervor, the imperium noted a much more destructive flavor to its orks. The warboss seemed capable of monstrous feats, cleaving tanks in half with mere halfhearted swings of his choppa. During interviews with some of the few surviving guardsmen (only one of which still able to stand), they reported that a small piece of what looked like archeotech was crudely bolted onto the weapon. Exterminatus has thus been put into effect for the next world the Waaagh attacks.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:26 No.17855726
    Tzeentch would wonder how somebody managed to scout a GameBoy into that precise position.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:28 No.17855735
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    Come at me, Nokia.
    >> The Asshole Fellow 02/08/12(Wed)07:28 No.17855741
    This kinda makes me think that all current Imperium tech is made out of whatever they made the first-generation Droid phones out of. Those things would splinter if you looked at them too hard.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:34 No.17855788
    Dammit /tg/, every time I try to be cynical & serious something like this happens. I salute you, elegan/tg/entlemen.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:35 No.17855794
         File1328704543.jpg-(33 KB, 400x287, nokiahammer.jpg)
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    The enemies of man fear our mighty nokiahammers!
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:36 No.17855796
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    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:37 No.17855808

    What's going on with the perspective in that image. It's hurting my eyes.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:38 No.17855819
    Some say that inside the hammer lies the Emperor's personal contact information.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:39 No.17855822
    Jesus this thread has made me nostalgic for old 90s - 00s electronics of all things. Shit as they were, they were damn robust.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:39 No.17855823
    What do you mean? It's just a Dell.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:39 No.17855829
         File1328704783.png-(527 KB, 900x858, bad_earth21.png)
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    >I ahve nostalgia bad
    I'm now remembering My 3210 and my 5110

    >3310 = Virus Bomb
    >3210 = Cyclonic torpedo
    >5110 = *See pic*
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:40 No.17855832
    Actually, I see what you mean. The laptop has these weird indentations that make it hard to look at.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:40 No.17855836
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    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:42 No.17855842
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    >mfw we used our nokia 3310's during school to see who could skip them the furthest. On asphalt. For a few months.

    >mfw nokia exterminatus is canon
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:49 No.17855888
    >implying they'd be able to move, let alone stand, in the presence of anything nokia
    Do you think nokia-pattern bolters are too much? Because I think the ethereals deserve it.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)07:52 No.17855907
    I prefer Nokia-pattern lascannon though... bolts are not Nokia enough...
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)08:03 No.17855969
    Ah, what a glorious day for the imperium. The Tau'va broken by a nokia, just perfect.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)08:17 No.17856033
    >Implying a Lascannon doesn't fire a Nokia at subsonic speeds
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)08:33 No.17856125
    "God-Emperor called, heretic, it's for you!"
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)08:54 No.17856245
    It distorts the time and space!
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)08:55 No.17856257
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    Oy! Dis git just turned down MOAR DAKKA! I think he needs some learnin, boyz!
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)09:00 No.17856280
         File1328709603.png-(108 KB, 400x321, awesome meter.png)
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    >this motherfucking thread

    Archived for eternal glory. Love you guys.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)09:12 No.17856355

    The table's angle compared to the laptop looks wrong. It's as if someone took a photo of the laptop sitting on a bench, then photoshopped the laptop onto that table flawlessly.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)09:18 No.17856392
    >this thread
    >no mention of eldar
    Eldar confirmed for being nokia'd out of existence
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)09:20 No.17856409
    never change.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)09:23 No.17856434
    Hahaha, I can see it now. It's dropped, and from space you can see a POMF of dust burst out one side. 7 hours later, a second one coming out the other side, just passing through it like it's hot butter.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)09:36 No.17856512
    Nokias, the one thing Tzeentch doesn't have a plan for.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)09:47 No.17856586
    Statistically speaking, the Squats population is directly proportional to the production of the Nokia 3310
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)09:49 No.17856598
    maybe they are the original creators of such strong element?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)09:54 No.17856648
    The squats were extinct due to a Nokia 3310 'accidentally' hit their world
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)10:06 No.17856748
    I remember my 5110i.
    Before that, I used Siemens phones mainly.

    I wish modern tech would be as awesome as in the past. But that would be less profitable...
    I'm actually surprised that my Nokia N95 has survived for four years and is still working.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)10:06 No.17856754
    I smell deathsquads...
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)10:08 No.17856770
    shh calling their name usually summons them
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)10:34 No.17856975
    I'm using one of those nokias, not even jokin' whores, i have a blackberry. but that nokia is a lethal weapon
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)10:54 No.17857133
    >inb4 tyranids encounter nokias
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)14:04 No.17858815
    they can't asimilate the nokia.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)14:20 No.17858952
    This reminds me of something:
    Why do all biomechanic forces (Tyranids, Zerg, etc.) only use flesh?
    There's always the question of how they spaceships do supporting structures, for example.
    What is stopping them from using cellulose when appropriate? It would make for an extremely rigid material, making stuff even more stable than chopped wood does for humans (due to not having to cut the fibers apart before utilizing them and instead having everything as one unit), yet I have never seen anyone in fiction ever mention that idea.
    Not to mention that it would be quite good armor against cutting weapons.

    Also, weaponized Bamboo. Grows even faster than the normal stuff, really awesome at creating makeshit barricades in minutes.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)15:27 No.17859586
    >implying the Tyranids use barricades
    >implying futuristic chitin or turtle-shell equivalents aren't as good as or better than cellulose
    Just roll with it, bro.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)15:33 No.17859652
    Spider Silk
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)15:35 No.17859663
    Imagine a lone Lictor with a few organisms created for the sole purpose of growing a small forest in just a few days.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)15:57 No.17859935
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    why don't they just cover the Imperium's ships in Nintendium?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:00 No.17859975
    that amount nintendium usually creates space-time ruptures
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:03 No.17860027
    The only known source of Nintendium was found in some ruins on Holy Tera, an area once known as "Nippon"
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:04 No.17860032
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    what if we surrounded the eye of terror in a grid of Nokias?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:05 No.17860039
    Then the forces of Chaos would just prank call the Imperium all day.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:06 No.17860056
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    with the keypads facing OUT
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:07 No.17860061
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:13 No.17860137
    I have an idea. Bear with me on this.
    Why doesn't the Imperium create starships with the superstructure made of Volvanium, armored with Nokium, and firing Nokia 3110-bolts?
    It would horrify the xenos scum.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:16 No.17860175
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    Now we know what the planetkiller fires...
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:23 No.17860251
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    "hey is your golden throne running?"
    God dammit Abaddon, we know it's you.
    "... no it's not this time, seriously. Listen, is your golden throne running?"
    ... Yes
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:43 No.17860466
    *pick up the phone*
    "Hello, this the Slaaneshi daemonette dating ser-"*click*
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:52 No.17860559
    "hello nurgle rot service wanna know about or new disease plan-" "NOPE!"
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:58 No.17860620
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)16:59 No.17860637
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)17:02 No.17860664
    "*Mad cackling*Just as planned.*Mad cackling*"

    A Kommando used the chance to sneak into the building to be flicked against a wall, which caused a brick to get loose, which doomed the Squats.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)17:08 No.17860763
    >Dial 01-800-440-SQUATS
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)17:11 No.17860795
    Deathsquads within 5 minutes or your money back.

    *pick up phone*
    "Alright, who gave the angry marines the secret weapon?"
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)17:29 No.17861021
    "...Zog me, its workin...um, ello, humies? Can you lot hear me? Dis is...uh, dis is..."
    "Oi, tell 'em its dat emprah thing!"
    "Shut it grot-head, I's da boss. So yeah, dis da emprah. We want all yer dakka. So, bring it here or hairsy or summat...jus be-" *click*
    Goddamn orks...
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)17:48 No.17861211
    *ring ring*
    "Hello there, if you'd be kind enough to listen for a moment, I'll tell you about the wonders of the greater g-" *click*
    Friggin Tau pushing their beliefs
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)18:03 No.17861331
    This thread is glorious & all those that have participated should feel glorious. God-Emperor smile upon you all!
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)18:13 No.17861436
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    >mfw this entire thread

    /tg/ is best board today, methinks
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)18:22 No.17861524
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    I am ready.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)18:30 No.17861631
    But will you be ready if one of them misfires?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)18:31 No.17861636
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)18:35 No.17861667
    Why would you need that many?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)18:35 No.17861673
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)18:45 No.17861781
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)18:46 No.17861797
    *ring ring*

    Hey Azrael, are you still looking for that guy described as "an enigmatic character", with long robes bearing a possibly broken sword on his back?

    "YES! Where are you?"

    Garden of Nurgle.

    "...Fuck you"

    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)18:51 No.17861863
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)18:56 No.17861925
    That's it, now I have to create a future garbage-apocalypse setting where the greatest warriors wield masterwork nokia weaponry. I wanted to sleep today, dammit.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)19:05 No.17862050
    "Yeah, um, I'm calling because of a problem with my door...I seem to have locked myself in."
    "Right then,where are you?"
    "Just go to mars & ask for the deepest vault. They might no-"
    "Go back to bed, void dragon."
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)19:06 No.17862070
    >>Implying you'll actually do this

    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)19:16 No.17862219
    Now we know why the Emperor sits on the Golden Throne all day long.

    So he doesn't have to deal with everyone trying to prank call him. Think about it.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)19:48 No.17862644
    >it's on motherfucker

    Year: 2220

    Terra has long since been submerged underneath the byproducts of its own greed. The governing powers had tried to postpone it. They sent mass quantities into orbit. At the time, it was considered the most economically feasible options, but now, the periodic rain of trash is just a reminder of their folly. Humanity has managed to sirvive, scraping a meager existence faced with starvation and terrible disease. Some live on the windswept litter-plains others deep inside trash cavers. The oceans have become toxic cesspools that very few venture across besides by artificial floating islands of refuse carried by the currents.

    In the intervening years since the collapse of society, people have gradually adapted to a new lifestyle. Fungi farms have replaced traditional agriculture, giving them a somewhat stable source of nutrition. This also had many other uses, such as medicinal varieteis & important filtration devices...(cont'd later, stuff to do)
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)20:12 No.17862960
    Monitoring with magpie-level interest
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)21:19 No.17863806
    Go on.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)21:30 No.17863952
    ...Someeven using it in buildings & armor. Besides the farmers, there were other aspects of society that provided useful services. Some of the more foolhardy brave souls become miner-explorers, venturing deep into the trash. Some say that the most intrepid have touched actual earth, even. The exploits of these miners bring valuable history to the surface, as well as relics of considerable worth, from the time before. The rarest of these relics are anything weapon related(needless to say, not all of humanity went with the trash peacefully. More on mutated plants/animals later). Actual wepons were almost nonexistent due to degradation, but there are at least a few serviceable articles in existence. More important were plans for weaponry and sturdy materials(low-tier being fungus bark, high-tier being nokia & the like). Ventures such as these are usually funded & become the basis for small settlements. Such settlements have need of protection, so able-bodied persons took to living as mercenaries(the best of which were given nokia weapons).

    The environment was not kind to man, but it was much less so toward the beasts & plantlife. Hazardous chemicals that were so often used in old industry have been strewn across the globe. They reaped horrible mutagenic effects on the living things, twisting away all but the hardiest & most ravenous plants, and altering the animals into horrible nightmare beasts.

    (That's what I have so far, critique welcome, ideas as well)
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)21:43 No.17864143
    It seems like your flora & fauna descriptions are a bit...short.
    >> Guyrubbinghispenisintooblivion 02/08/12(Wed)21:45 No.17864172
    If you're still here, I have to say that I really like this idea. What sort of mood do ant to go with? Do you want to go dark and gritty? if so, do you ant to keep it straight-faced or do you plan on turning the grit up to 11 and going into full blown parody mode? Or do you perhaps ant to take a slightly more nonchalant approach to the dystopian horrors? If so, do you want to keep the dystopia in the background, or do you want to for a Borderlands-esque feel (by which I mean that the cast of the Dukes of Hazard and Mad Max colonized a giant municipal garbage dump with a fleet of garbage trucks)?

    Personally, I recommend the latter suggestion, with some Fist of the North Star thrown in to emphasize how FUCKING MANLY everyone is
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)21:48 No.17864202
    Wait, did this turn into trashpunk?
    >> CDR Nonsense 02/08/12(Wed)21:48 No.17864210
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    Monitoring with magpie-level interest, you say brother?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)22:00 No.17864371
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    I'm from Finland and this thread makes me proud.

    Used to have 3310 myself, my first cell phone. God I loved that thing.

    Captcha: diesidum chin-nung,

    Propably the name of someone who build my phone lol.
    >> tgdude 02/08/12(Wed)22:04 No.17864418
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    Raising my beer to you gents.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)22:08 No.17864479
    I just didn't want to bore with a carnivorous plants & crazy mutated animal expose. Suffice to say beware beautiful greenerey, trust the fungus. As for beasts, I was thinking armored to combat chemical scarring & such. Maybe trash worms, damn my dune interest.

    I wasn't planning on over-the-top, but I can definitely see the appeal. I definitely don't want it to stay in the background, just enough so that you're always aware. As to everyone being MANLY, I could see that happening with trash-crawling nomads. Although the nokia thing does lend a bit of parody.

    I'm watching you, partridge.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)22:23 No.17864666
    *raven I guess, concepts vs. relics+late night has me a bit loose
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)22:38 No.17864884
    Quick recap of thread:
    >nokia weapon discussion
    >man-eating wells
    >nokia doomsday discussion
    >xeno/heretic prank calls & telemarketing
    >trashpocalypse outta fucking nowhere
    >small spattering of deathsquad action

    /tg/, words just cannot describe.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)22:59 No.17865181
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    One of the funniest threads I've read in quite a while. I salute you, gentlemen!
    >> Anonymous 02/08/12(Wed)23:58 No.17865955
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    /a/: *sigh*
    /b/: not even once
    /v/: meh
    /tg/: feels like home. Stay classy fa/tg/uys.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)04:52 No.17868379
    An unknown archeotech has been discovered by the Imperial Guard. The Inquisition was contacted to reveal its secrets, and to banish it for eternity. After a long time of investigation, we've finally located its true origin and our worst expectations has come true. Furthermore, the transport that was carrying the archeotech was discovered by chaos and destroyed, at least thats the official report said. But we knew one thing, this is a lie.
    -Trailer of Lord Inquisitor : Battle for Nokia-
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)04:59 No.17868395
    Man that guy needs some competent writing. Although... he's not actually making a whole movie is he? That shit could take decades.
    >> DWR !!ANp+PMTpy+J 02/09/12(Thu)05:10 No.17868428
    This thread is still going? All of my love, /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)05:20 No.17868465
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    this is, without a doubt, the best thing ive seen all day
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)05:39 No.17868568
    This makes my week, /tg/. And here I was upset about barely passing my classes.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)05:45 No.17868601
    Maybe this is a priority thing, then?

    Months ago, we had a thread where we were writing descriptions for artifacts we wanted to see in 40K, and someone wrote a detailed account of some Marines discovering a CocaCola machine, that when properly supplicated, produces cans of ice cold Coca Cola. Does anyone remember, or better yet, have this gem?
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)06:39 No.17868880
    he's going for a full movie.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)06:43 No.17868904
    And now imagine what we would've done had the mod been active lately.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)07:00 No.17869032
    Librarian with a force nokia. The galaxy's collective anuses shall never be prepared.
    >> DWR !!ANp+PMTpy+J 02/09/12(Thu)07:10 No.17869102

    "What's that addition to Librarian Moarfistin's fisting stick?"
    "It looks like the hand is holding... Oh shit. GENERAL, PULL YOUR MEN BACK, NOW!"
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)07:22 No.17869189
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    >Heretics/xenos face when
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)07:33 No.17869255
    >Implying necrons don't use a mix of nintendium and nokium.
    >> DWR !!ANp+PMTpy+J 02/09/12(Thu)07:36 No.17869273

    Shit that never breaks with shit that always breaks?

    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)07:42 No.17869310
    Look at our speed.
    it's rape.
    Look at our destination.
    is final.
    we know this.
    and now you will t-roll with it.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)07:44 No.17869318
    >> DWR !!ANp+PMTpy+J 02/09/12(Thu)07:48 No.17869345

    I'm pretty sure we already did that.

    Also, Nokia lasgun.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)08:22 No.17869506
    Nokia-pattern bolters >>17855888
    For when everything dying just isn't enough.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)08:35 No.17869585

    Directed by Terrus Guilliman?
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)09:25 No.17869980
    What is this thread I don't even
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)11:41 No.17871182
    Bump for justice
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)15:25 No.17873229
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    Live, dammit! LIVE!
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)16:14 No.17873766

    tripfags never change either it seems.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)18:37 No.17875433
    Emperor plays snake on his nokia all the time.
    He isn't dead. He is just busy.
    You can't believe what his high score is.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)19:36 No.17876044
    Its over 9000 Trillions!!!!
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)19:58 No.17876329
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    I have a really old Nokia cellphone that I only use to call people with, and this thread made me look up what make it was.

    It's a Nokia 1600.

    Some day, The God-Emperor of Mankind will strike down Horus with this thing. Even the Chaos Gods acting in unison will flee before this thing.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/12(Thu)22:21 No.17878053
    By The-Emperor, this thread shall not fall!
    >> Anonymous 02/10/12(Fri)00:10 No.17879357
    >those rare that are left.
    The fuck are you talking about? They're all left. It's just that they're spread out over the entire Imperium.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/12(Fri)03:42 No.17881295
    My Nokia was of a different series, its 6275i. Been my cellphone since 5 years, dropped as many as bullets fired from a machinegun and still pimpin'
    >> Anonymous 02/10/12(Fri)08:00 No.17882816
    That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Apple Smartphone" bullshit that's going on in the 40k system right now. Nokia phones deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

    I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine Nokia 3310 in Finland for 24.00 Euro (before the Eurozone collapsed) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid Nintendium with my Nokia 3310.

    Finnish engineers spend years working on a single Nokia 3310 and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest mobile phones known to mankind.

    Nokia phones have a battery life thrice as long as other phones and are thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything an iPhone can cut through, a Nokia 3310 can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a 3310 could easily bisect a Chaos space marine wearing terminator armour with a simple vertical slash.

    Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Finland? That's right, they were too scared to fight the inebriated hillbillies and their Nokia phones of destruction. Even in World War II, Soviet soldiers targeted the men with the Nokia 3310's first because their killing power was feared and respected.

    So what am I saying? The Nokia 3310 is simply the best mobile phone that the world has ever seen, and thus, requires better stats in the 40k game. Here is the new rule I propose for the Nokia 3310:

    (Special rule, all Imperial factions)

    >What if Exterminatus is actually a Nokia 3310 dropped to orbit by Inquisitor?
    At the beginning of any turn, declare that you're using the Nokia 3310 Exterminatus.
    At the end of that turn, all units are destroyed.

    Now that seems a lot more representative of the awesome power of the Nokia 3310 in real life, don't you think?

    tl;dr = Nokia phones need to do more damage in 40k, see my new special rule.
    >> Fabricator-General Scriptarius 02/10/12(Fri)08:18 No.17882922
    I just wanted to say this thread was a great thing to wake up to. Good show guys.

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