Posting mode: Reply
Password(Password used for file deletion)
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG
  • Maximum file size allowed is 3072 KB.
  • Images greater than 250x250 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • Read the rules and FAQ before posting.
  • ????????? - ??

  • File : 1327294710.jpg-(36 KB, 517x730, 5.jpg)
    36 KB Anonymous 01/22/12(Sun)23:58 No.17639463  
    > An ancient evil does not awaken
    > The unfathomable tentacle monsters from beyond imagination finish the Mistborn series and discuss it in their book club
    > A powerful wizard who seeks to raise the dead succeeds, but catches cholera from the corpses walking around him and dies. The local town guard cleans up the few remaining zombies without incident
    > The Chosen One learns that the ancient Blade of Justice is made of bronze, which is actually inferior to modern iron, and continuse to use his ordinary broadsword
    > A beautiful tomboy princess runs away from her domineering father and you see her briefly from your family's candle shop. Your mother yells at you to keep at work and not look out the window so much
    > An exotic merchantess arrives from the faraway East, toting silk and spices. She falls in love with you, but unfortunately dies of a minor local disease that her immune system had no defense against, so you end up marrying the slightly overweight but moderately attractive redheaded daughter of a baker
    >> Anonymous 01/22/12(Sun)23:59 No.17639475
    That was a good thread we had on this last time.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:00 No.17639478
    I don't want to live in this bland, boring world.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:02 No.17639505
    >The party never forms because they all have their own lives to live and rarely go to the tavern.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:05 No.17639549
    > The city guard doesn't hire adventurers to deal with the bandit problem because they require one year of training as a fighter. Every one of them is level 10.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:07 No.17639563
    >It has been two thousand years since the last great sorcerer has rose against the world. He has risen from the dead to wreak his vengeance, and the was promptly gunned down by modern technology
    >Because nobody but the Egyptians makes no goddamn progress in two millennia.

    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:10 No.17639598
    >be poor stonemason's son
    >get drafted into the king's new army
    >we are going to fight some terrible war
    >while we are in a lineup in front of the king, viziers and retinue in royal courtyard
    >king giving long rousing speech about why we must war etc etc
    >princess is looking at me the entire time
    >i catch her gaze
    >she knows I know she knows I know were looking at each other
    >king turns back after speech is over and leaves with queen
    >princess lingers and then points at me and does a little come-hither chin tilt
    >i step forward
    >she makes a face and waves her hand dismissively
    >turns out she was pointing to the guy next to me
    >he trots off to follow her into the royal gardens for some sort of private chat
    >i get stuck on front lines
    >lose my arm first day of action
    >can't fight, sent back to the city
    >can't even fucking stonemason properly
    >i am now the beggar on that t-crutch on the corner

    god damn it tell me why
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:11 No.17639611
    Because you dared to dream.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:15 No.17639652
    >>All soulwretching evil awakens.
    >>Actually it's a nice individual, wants to be a surgeon and studies medicine.
    >>Marries many times, cuz immortal.
    >>The chosen one ends up a hobo.
    >>Is hurt in a hit'n run.
    >>Evil heals him succesfully.
    >>Hero get it's shit together.
    >>Both become bros6ever, trolling gods and prophecies.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:16 No.17639667
    >raid the lair of a legendary dragon
    >get to treasure room
    >dragon packed up and left years ago
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:18 No.17639693
    >Be a normal nameless guardsmen
    >Order from authority to kill a bunch of misfit adventurers
    >Manage to kill the chosen one through luck

    Uh, so... what now?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:21 No.17639728
    Congrats, you're the chosen one now. Put on the armor and get to work.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:21 No.17639737
    >you end up marrying the slightly overweight but moderately attractive redheaded daughter of a baker

    My fantasy right there.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:22 No.17639746
    >you end up marrying the slightly overweight but moderately attractive redheaded daughter of a baker

    >Implying this isn't the most beautiful of endings
    >> Inquisitorial Librarian 01/23/12(Mon)00:27 No.17639799
    >The Evil Empire is marching it's armies on your home kingdom after conquering all of the others.
    >After a pitched battle at the border, your home is conquered.
    >As it turns out, the Evil Empire isn't so evil. They're just very good at propaganda.
    >The kingdom enters a time of prosperity, with new and wealthy markets for goods now opened up.

    >You get hired on as a shopkeeper's assistant, an improvement from your position as an orphan.
    >There is no revolution, or quests to rescue lost royals, as they all married into branches of the Empire's royal family to bind the new treaties.
    >You eventually take over the shop, get married and die in your sleep of old age.
    >> Richard Motion 01/23/12(Mon)00:29 No.17639826
    >The kind wizard who was raising you dies of an aortic aneurysm before he can inform you of your destiny.
    >You marry a local shopkeep's daughter and live happily ever after.
    >> Thatassholewritefag !!BWiOoj5xMLt 01/23/12(Mon)00:35 No.17639901
    >spend numerous levels, resources, and time to kill ancient evil
    >ancient evil already killed by collapsed due to shoddy ancient construction

    >be apprentice
    >after years of manual, meaningless labor, wizard offers to teach me magic
    >invites me to private study
    >wizard doesnt know magic, is just pedophile
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:35 No.17639910
    >the honourable and fair lord of your lands is held prisoner
    >his sons raises and army to free him
    >you're a common-born, simple man who has never been more than a mile from the house where you were born
    >Poorly shod and poorly clad, you march away beneath your lord's banners
    >Brothers march with brothers, sons with fathers, friends with friends
    >You've heard the songs and stories, so you go off with an eager heart, dreaming of the wonders you will see, of the wealth and glory you will win
    >War seems a fine adventure
    >Then you get a taste of battle.
    >For some, that one taste is enough to break them. >you go on for years, until you lose count of all the battles you have fought in
    >you see brothers die, fathers lose their sons, friends trying to hold their entrails in after they’ve been gutted by an axe
    >you see the lord who led you there cut down, and some other lord shouts that you are his now.
    >you take a wound, and when that’s still half-healed you take another
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:36 No.17639921

    >There is never enough to eat, your shoes fall to pieces from the marching, your clothes are torn and rotting, and half your comrades are shitting in their breeches from drinking bad water.
    >If you want new boots or a warmer cloak or maybe a rusted iron halfhelm, you need to take them from a corpse, and before long you're are stealing from the living too, from the smallfolk whose lands you’re fighting in, men very like the men you used to be
    >you slaughter their sheep and steal their chickens, and from there it’s just a short step to carrying off their daughters too
    >and one day you look around and realize all your friends and kin are gone, that you are fighting beside strangers beneath a banner you hardly recognize
    >you don’t know where you are or how to get back home and the lord you’re fighting for does not know your names, yet here he comes, shouting for you to form up, to make a line with their spears and scythes and sharpened hoes, to stand your ground.
    >And the knights come down on you, faceless men clad all in steel, and the iron thunder of their charge seems to fill the world …

    >And then you break.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:40 No.17639970
         File1327297230.jpg-(721 KB, 1920x1200, 1323893646632.jpg)
    721 KB
    >You wake up to discover your village is being ransacked by bandits, raping/looting/killing everything in sight.
    >Your family is killed and you're dragged out into the street, suddenly bandit leader appears.
    >He apologies for his men, apparently there was a mix up in directions, adopts you, shows you the ways of the Bandits.
    >Bandit leader is a total bro, treats you like his own, become wealthy and gain connections.
    >Bandit Leader wishes to make you the new leader, you decline.
    >Move to quiet village, use stolen fortune to turn it around into a metropolis.
    >Marry some local girl, have kids. Die of illness when you're older, normal burial.
    >Years down the line, no one remembers who built the city, or where he came from.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:43 No.17640005
    >Your brother is the Chosen One
    >Before his heroic journey can begin, it is prophesized that a great calamity will befall his family
    >Your mother and father are dead already
    >Literally everyone in the kingdom is waiting for you to be massacred so your brother can save the world
    >Fate is actively trying to kill you:
    >Trip on a rock? More like you just got stabbed in the chest
    >Try to sneak into the castle? Guards mistake you for an assassin and try to kill you
    >You find out that the Big Bad perpetuated the "prophecy" ages ago, and that you don't actually need to die
    >As you travel trying to figure out how to save the world, villagers start getting pissed and hunting you down
    >You manage to find the secret in some tome, but the Big Bad confronts you and places a curse on you
    >Literally every demon/orc/lethal wild animal/angry villager is chasing you across the countryside
    >You end up at the entrance to your hometown, ready to share the information with your brother so he may finally save the world
    >He went to visit a friend in a neighboring town
    >You and your entire village are slaughtered
    >Who is hero?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)00:43 No.17640017
         File1327297421.jpg-(13 KB, 320x240, 1324140349047.jpg)
    13 KB
    >And then you break.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)01:11 No.17640296
         File1327299084.jpg-(8 KB, 184x184, Awyeah.jpg)
    8 KB
    > so you end up marrying the slightly overweight but moderately attractive redheaded daughter of a baker
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:09 No.17640904
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:19 No.17641035

    I believe your mistaking artistic stasis for technological stagnation. Even then Egyptian art reflected the times, with the Pharoahs of the Old Kingdom being firmly ostentatious while those of the chaotic Middle Kingdom fraught with worry. Finally, we get the New Kingdom where the Pharaohs try to win a war for power against the priesthood but lose magnificently and become basically figureheads. Throughout all of this, the Egyptians made significant advances in engineering, medicine, and warfare. So much, in fact, that the early Greeks viewed them with awe and sought to imitate them.

    Sorry for the lecture. :P
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:23 No.17641065
    >you end up marrying the slightly overweight but moderately attractive redheaded daughter of a baker

    As if this is not the best end possible.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:24 No.17641080
    Maybe not the best possible one, but there are far worse fates.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:29 No.17641114
    No, seriously, marrying the plump redhead baker's daughter is seriously god-tier.

    Every adventurer's sopping-milk-maid/bar-maid fantasy ever.

    No doey eyed, mascara plastered eastern desert-hussy can compare.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:30 No.17641128
         File1327303832.jpg-(42 KB, 499x621, 128858394829369875.jpg)
    42 KB
    > In a world of violence and brutality, one man keeps his head down and tries to avoid any trouble.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:30 No.17641130
    Such is life in Fantasy Russia.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:30 No.17641131
    By better I meant something like you marry her and somehow her vaginal secretions give you and only you superpowers or something like that.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:33 No.17641147
    agree. and round redhead won't whine when you want twelve kids and to fuck her in the ass, yet the desert hussy's vag would snap in half after one kid and probably give you sand-aids.

    this is because the redhead knows she's lucky. You're not beating the shit out of her like everyone else does.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:34 No.17641159
    >>17641147 you want twelve kids and to fuck her in the ass


    That's not how reproduction works...
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:34 No.17641161
    >In an appliance factory
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:35 No.17641168
    Obviously these are different occassions.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:36 No.17641169
    it does when you've had 12 kids and desire no more.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:37 No.17641177
         File1327304231.jpg-(159 KB, 426x590, 1315283264458.jpg)
    159 KB
    Man, when did you all get so depressing?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:38 No.17641187
    When the weight of the world crushed our spirit.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:39 No.17641191
    Is that Matrim Cauthon?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:39 No.17641194
    I don't know about you, but there is absolutely nothing depressing about plump redheads.

    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:39 No.17641195
    >private in the Army
    >drafted into Arcana Corps
    >spend early career behind a desk
    >sent on suicide mission
    >save the continent
    >...by murdering a guy with your bare hands
    >pick up wizard skills again
    >another suicide mission
    >survive that too
    >marry a drow
    >level a city
    >raze an entire nation
    >save the world
    >by murdering an eldritch proto-deity
    >have a son, never tell him
    >he never goes out adventuring
    >marries some homely local girl
    >makes the best kolaches for miles
    >asks me if I'm proud of him

    "How could I not be?"
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:42 No.17641220
    Aww, I'd be so happy for him.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:43 No.17641228
    yes, it appears to be thus. although that hat is on the ridiculous side, the ashanderi looks just about right, and the troll grin looks perfect.
    Lion in the grasses, and all that.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:44 No.17641235
         File1327304657.jpg-(340 KB, 832x800, 1304369006312.jpg)
    340 KB
    Well, I was going to inspire some courage in you chaps and maybe take you adventuring. But in the end I'd rather not adventure with a bunch of defeatists.
    Cheer the fuck up none the less chaps!
    >> Cerebrate Anon 01/23/12(Mon)02:45 No.17641247
    >You are drafted into the army of a King, though honestly you couldn't name your nation's King if there were a dozen turnips in it for you
    >You are given a pair of leather shoulder pads and a helmet, but no real weapon
    >An older soldier you've never met helps you fashion a spear out of a sturdy stick you find on the road
    >Everybody tells you stories of glory in battle. You get very excited
    >You line up on the field of battle, in more or less of a formation, because most of you were never trained in any way
    >You steel yourself to spill blood in the name of the King (even though, as previously noted, you don't know the name of the King)
    >The generals march out to the center of the field to parley
    >Your army is judged larger, the enemy general and some of his troops are taken prisoner without a fight, and they settle on a reasonable ransom to send to the enemy King
    >You go home, confused at how war and politics work, but determined to tell everybody about how you served in the King's army at the Battle of Marysbrook
    >It gets you under the skirts of a blonde milkmaid once
    >You marry a modestly wealthy old woman from the next town over, and display your makeshift spear over the mantlepiece
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:45 No.17641250
    Man, I'd be less cool about it.

    "Baking sausages?! When I was your age, I was warping reality at a whim!"
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:46 No.17641256
    >Live under oppressive king
    >Join rebellion of charismatic outlaw
    >Fight with distinction until the bitter end, succeeding against great odds while losing many allies
    >Outlaw was actually the son of an embarrassed noble
    >Is also kind of a dick
    >Takes over
    >No difference

    >Except now I'm an arrogant noble too
    >Fuck you, I earned it
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:53 No.17641317
         File1327305201.jpg-(65 KB, 420x400, threebrothers.jpg)
    65 KB
    This is the sweetest thing I've read in months.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:54 No.17641327
    >Live with aunt and uncle.
    >Sudenly: owl infestation
    >Pest control clears it out
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:54 No.17641331
    >Join BBEGs army
    >Become a warrior of the people
    >correct many an injustice
    >Save many a people
    >Be lawful good despite your employer
    >Find a nice girl
    >Cannot marry her due to duty for the people
    >Learn the chosen one is coming to town
    >Fortress on full alert
    >Fight for your lord
    >Be killed by the party easily
    >Despite all the people you saved
    >All the injustices you corrected
    >All the battles fought for everyone
    >Nobody is able to identify your body
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:55 No.17641337
    >Drafted into Army
    >Survive dozens of battles
    >Lose many friends
    >Awarded for bravery and heroism
    >Return home, war was not popular
    >Labeled "baby-killer"
    >Can't find work
    >Arrested for vagrancy
    >Cellmate arrested for desertion at same time I was drafted

    >Well I took the harder road to get here
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)02:57 No.17641351

    If you were fighting for justice, why were you also in the evil overlord's army fighting the hero?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)03:02 No.17641397
    As a civillian, you have no power to right the wrongs of the country.
    As a soldier, you at least have fear and respect
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)03:03 No.17641401
    >River running through village turns red
    >Two girls have gone missing
    >Gather friends and travel up river to find cause
    >Turns out to be algae
    >Girls just ran away from home because they're surly teens
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)03:03 No.17641404
    >modern day human in the body of frost giantess
    >attacked on sight wherever I go
    >bone-thin and ratty because I lack the basic survival knowledge of this fantasy land
    >try to surrender to village elders in exchange for food
    >told to come back in three days
    >local garrison is there, surrender peacefully, captured
    >sold into slavery, must turn a millstone like a mule
    >try to talk owner about the wonders I've seen in my world
    >tongue and eyes removed, "mules don't talk"
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)03:10 No.17641458
         File1327306256.png-(197 KB, 1024x768, oh god what the fuck.png)
    197 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)03:11 No.17641463
    >Strange happenings around ancient ruins near home village
    >Local youth spotted lurking around there at night, seem drawn there
    >They appear to remember nothing when asked
    >Ruins turn out to be local make-out spot
    >You never knew because you never had a girl...
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)03:12 No.17641475
    >ragtag bunch of misfits arrives in evil overlord's castle
    >evil overlord has already finished ritual and resurrected an ancient god
    >because of little grammar mistake said ancient god is 10cm tall and has no powers
    >arrest thoroughly embarassed evil overlord
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)03:29 No.17641631
    >be a single farmer
    >blackguard and his band of cutthroats come to my farm
    >start wrecking up the place
    >stab him in the neck with pitchfork
    >band of cutthroats run off, never to be seen again
    >marry girl from town, have seven kids, never speak of incident, die of old age
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)03:43 No.17641762
         File1327308194.jpg-(100 KB, 500x522, 1211592278140.jpg)
    100 KB
    Obviously the only way to affect change is to work within the system, never disobeying orders and only helping people when it doesn't conflict with obeying the bad guy.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)03:51 No.17641817
         File1327308713.jpg-(49 KB, 413x565, 1292507323450.jpg)
    49 KB

    >> 1 01/23/12(Mon)04:11 No.17641917
    >you are the chosen one
    >Evil cultists to the west!
    >Embark on your journey
    >A pack of bears/petty criminals kill you
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:13 No.17641925
    >Be an orc
    >We all live in holes because there's no fucking room in mordor
    >We all stink like shit, no water
    >Have to eat our fallen enemies. They don't taste that bad
    >Everyone is horribly racist to us and keep us down, our culture can't progress, most of us end up backwards assholes because of it
    >Dark lord sauron appears, promises to usher in a new age in which the orcs are treated with respect and dignity
    >Also promises that we won't smell like shit
    >I'm in
    >Random ass hobbit throws ring in volcano, there goes our last hope
    >Flee in terror with fellow orcs and this Troll who seems to have trouble understanding the concept of wanting to hurt people
    >Clubbed to death by sentient tree
    >Fucking elves
    >> 1 01/23/12(Mon)04:13 No.17641928
    As well as,

    >an ancient evil awakens
    >you are the chosen one
    >embark on journey
    >some ragtag bunch of misfits stops the evil before you even see it
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:14 No.17641931
    >So you end up marrying the slightly overweight but moderately attractive redheaded daughter of a baker
    I choose this holy shit this is the best fucking ending ever.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:17 No.17641952
    >The evil character does not kill the paladin, because he bailed on civilization ages ago. Nor would the noble consort with the peasants.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:19 No.17641972
    >The big bad successfully takes over
    >All the architecture is very dark and spiky now
    >Nothing else changes, I continue farming
    >Son runs off to be a rebel
    >They throw buckets of sheep blood at a goverment building
    >Arrested, executed
    >Die of dysentery at the ripe old age of 42
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:24 No.17642010
    >bronze worse than iron
    Iron is shit tier bro
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:25 No.17642025
    >Dream of joining Starfleet and boldly going where no man has gone before
    > Enter Academy, pass all exams
    > Become regular security crew worker first on the USS Enterprise
    > Captain is a womanizing, smarmy fucker with a penchant for green chicks (Dem Orions, man)
    > Nothing too special, just keeping the ship in check as the captain and his half-Vulcan friend plus other officers go on crazy adventures
    > One day, get called up to join captain on an away team mission
    > Finally, some action!
    > Head gets filled with wonder and adventures in SPACE
    > Ten minutes into the mission, get devoured by space monster, completely forgotten about
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:27 No.17642037
    >>You are the most brilliant mind and most successful warrior in your city.
    >>Become great adventurer
    >>Do many great things
    >>One day, take an arrow to the knee
    >>Stuck as crappy town guard
    >>Everyone forgets you once next great adventurer comes
    >>Keep telling people you were a great adventurer
    >>Other guards don't believe you, start making fun of you by claiming they were too
    >>Mocking you becomes a meme that goes viral across the land
    >>Hate festers in your heart
    >>You say fuck it, and start accepting bribes from the thieves guild to release their members.
    >>Retire richer than you ever would have been from adventuring.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:27 No.17642038
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:38 No.17642138
    actually, uncarbonized iron (i.e. not steel) is fairly brittle and not very useful as a weapon unless alloyed to something else whereas bronze is somewhat soft, but it'll mince flesh as easily as any other blade and since it's softer, is fairly easy to maintain and repair
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:43 No.17642161
    > You are a noble, your father is the lord of these lands and his word is law.
    > Like every time you're bored, you pick up your crossbow and ride out into the forest with a trusted companion to hunt deers and wild boars.
    > Time goes by, and before you know it it's already dark. There is full moon tonight.
    > Out of nowhere, a big wolf jumps over you, dismounts you from your horse and proceeds to slaughter your friend before your very eyes.
    > You aim your crossbow, whisper a prayer and shoot true. Right into one of the creatures eyes. It's dead... but you've been bitten.
    > For weeks the nightmares haunt you, your family worries about your erratic behavior and peasents in the village gossip about your Curse.
    > Some months later you die of rabies.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:44 No.17642167
    I laughed pretty hard at that, gotta be honest.
    >> 1 01/23/12(Mon)04:45 No.17642175
         File1327311922.jpg-(11 KB, 227x315, 1325080465994.jpg)
    11 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:48 No.17642191
    I like how you turned that one around.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:52 No.17642208
    >Set out with a band of friends to put the boring village life behind you and have adventures!
    >Run into wolves in the forest.
    >Lose various body parts.
    >Go back to being farmers.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:56 No.17642239
    Years ago I stood, under banners bright and true. From our homes and loves we marched; once then as now do you.

    My father beamed proud, my mother wept; I bid them both farewell. My sharpened fork, my rugged clothes, an' coin from what I could sell. "One day," I said, "I will return, to tell a won'drus tale!" Then off to serve my king and realm I knew I would not fail.

    My lord was proud and my brothers true with a jesting bawdy rhyme; my first sweet love came to see me off, oh once upon a time.

    The road was long, the days grew cold, and I soon saw battle join. I took a wound, I slayed a man, and after took his coin. I hoped for home that evening come and asked for when it be, yet the grizzled man I asked did naught but shrug and say, "Off with ye!"

    The wound did heal and so did many after, but my brothers said not the same and soon they did fade faster. I learned of ale and then of dice, which I tried myself to master; from my mind my first love faded, lost in camp whores laughter.

    From the dead my ars'nel grew, changing first my fork for spear. Then axe and chain and helmet made of iron settled 'bove my ear. My first lord fell and another came, his son or brother then; then he did fall and the next as well, banners changed again.

    With the seasons and the constant toll of war, it did come to pass that in the end I commanded a four-score. I kept them well, I ordered camp, I commanded them in war, and when the battle was said and done I never asked what for.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)04:59 No.17642256
         File1327312786.jpg-(197 KB, 742x614, Owl_Bear_by_BenWootten.jpg)
    197 KB
    >Owlbear terrorizes farming community during harvest time
    >Get a good mob going and kill it with pitchforks
    >Harvest comes in just fine
    >Celebrate with big harvest festival
    >Hire taxidermist to stuff Owlbear
    >Put it on display in town hall
    >Become local tourist attraction

    >A pack of bears/petty criminals kill you

    I'm going to need drawfaggotry of a pack of bears dressed like Generic Fantasy Bandits now.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:01 No.17642273
         File1327312916.jpg-(54 KB, 285x402, Orcswampsman.jpg)
    54 KB
    >On first grand adventure
    >Fresh faced and ready to fight some monsters and loot some treasure
    >Finally encounter an Orc village.
    >Everyone of them is very polite, courteous, and above all modest and very honest.
    >End up being charmed by their people and culture.
    >completely forget about adventuring.
    >spend 15 years working as a farmhand in orc village.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:04 No.17642284
    >Walking down dark alley at night
    >See beautiful girl coming down alley towards me
    >She stops in front of me
    >"I want to show you something"
    >Opens mouth, she has vampire fangs
    >Bites my neck
    >Black out
    >Wake up in a crack house without a kidney and fake vampire teeth stuck in my neck
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:05 No.17642296

    And you have just described what the Left/Liberals/Hippies did to returning Vietnam Vets....and the Occupy Retards and College-Age "Intellectuals" are trying to do to returning Iraq and Afghanistan Vets.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:05 No.17642297
    >Fall victim to orc mind control.
    >Be used as cheap labour force.
    >...So basically, same as back at your village, but you're much more happy and content about it.
    >...Damn orcs.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:09 No.17642323
    Let's see where it stands on the Forverafter-O-Meter:

    [] God end (go to the afterlife of your choice with your childhood sweetheart, live forever there)
    [] Very Good end (win the heart of a kind-hearted noble princess, live as royalty until you die of an old age)
    [X] Good end (you live a modest, yet good, healthy and long life, with a faithfull spouse and children you can be proud of)
    [] Okay end (you life is shit, but at least you have people who care for you)
    [] Not very okay end (your life is shit and so are the people in it, you have either a bad marriage or no marriage at all (also known as the foreveralone ending)
    [] Bad end (you die a nasty death, and are forgotten within the decade)
    [] Very bad end (born, lived and died a slave/absolute lowest of possible standards)
    [] Urethra beetles
    [] Worst end (killed by demons, used as a condom for the rest of eternity)

    So yeah, could be worse.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:09 No.17642324
    >be young child of wealthy noble
    >Get lost in woods, wind up at river complex
    >Fall into river, saved by a massive bronze dragon
    >Chest wound that took out his breath organ.
    >Wings are torn tatters, incapable of flight, marred scales,
    >Looks like arthritis will end him soon if not anything else
    >Gives me dragon egg that her sister had before she was slain
    >Tells me to take care of it well and give it the love she nor he could give.
    >Take home, raise dragon: Read: its a bitch for 10 years, leaves/dissapears when I'm 25,
    >Inspired to go adventuring- even raising a dragon is a chore that earns you experience.
    >Many years later, I'm 38, decide it might be about time I put away my sword and start a family
    >On way back across world to home, be stranded in great river system far away from home, think I will die there.
    >Dragon comes out, and I'm sure its the end of me
    >Proceeds to nuzzle me and profess its regrets for being away
    >realizing how much you've done for him, offers to do what he can for you till the end of your days
    >Decide, you have your son with you right there
    >it's time to keep adventuring

    Man. I might be doing this thread wrong, but I have my next character Concept.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:13 No.17642344
    >Man. I might be doing this thread wrong, but I have my next character Concept.

    Man, as far as I care stuff lie this IS doing this thread right.


    Frankly living as royalty is for kings.

    You're going to end up being dragged into the next generation's plotlines and needing to put up with stupid adventurers. I'll take the simple life thankyouverymuch.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:17 No.17642373

    Ooh, where's my dragon one on the Foreverafter-O-Meter?

    Old man thinks to go home for he is too old, despite adventuring being what he loves- believes he must get himself a 'real' son to take his realm and to love.

    Gets the bronze dragon he once had back in his life, realizes he had his son all along.

    Proceed to dragon riding badassery and world saving as a age-penalty'd old man and his endlessly eager bronze dragon of a son.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:17 No.17642374
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:33 No.17642460
    >Chosen one
    >Kill BBEG and many of his minions
    >hung for mass murder
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:35 No.17642466
    I can't tell if this is a dissapoint/reality story thread or a happily ever after thread.

    I want the latter....
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:37 No.17642479
    It's both now.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:49 No.17642550
    >that feel when reading this thread
    >remember girlfriend is in fact a "slightly overweight but moderately attractive redhead"
    >smile proudly
    >think fondly of her
    >5:30am text message to tell her how you feel
    >keep smiling, feel good about everything
    thanks, /tg/!
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)05:55 No.17642576
    This is going to end in heartbreak, I know it. You're just asking for it, man.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)06:07 No.17642637


    what if the BBEG kills the slightly overweight but moderately attractive redheaded daughter of a baker?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)06:12 No.17642673
    Then you run for your life. When the carnage is over and the fires in your village have gone out, you pick her dead body gingerly from the wreckage, bury her, and go on with your life.

    You'll always miss her, and you'll dream about her until the day you die, but that doesn't mean the crops are going to harvest themselves or that a man doesn't need to make a living.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)06:13 No.17642675
         File1327317189.jpg-(18 KB, 213x334, Ahknight.jpg)
    18 KB
    Then he can count on a whole new problem to... rise.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)06:13 No.17642680
    Then considering you're a poor farmer he probably kills you as well.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)06:30 No.17642772
    >Be busty redhead
    >husband is allright, pays the bills
    >BBEG kidnaps you
    >turns you into sex slave
    >raped endlessly
    >husband never shows up
    >ruined and discarded because BBEG scarred your face
    >die before getting back to civilization
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)06:32 No.17642785
    I don't think you quite get this thread.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)06:38 No.17642816
         File1327318687.jpg-(35 KB, 500x447, what_you_did_there_I_see_it.jpg)
    35 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)06:53 No.17642920
         File1327319601.jpg-(2.55 MB, 5000x5000, mymeat5k2.jpg)
    2.55 MB
    fuck you i hope you're wrong
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)07:37 No.17643170
    [spoiler]I do too[/spoiler]
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)07:44 No.17643199
    Nope. Uncarbonized Iron is soft as shit, not that usefull
    what you meant was overcarbonized iron, also known as cast iron, which is just too fucking hard and brakes much to easy
    thats the greatest problem. first you have to get all the carbon out of it, THEN you have to carefully add just enough so that it is hard enough for tools, but doesn't break at the first chance
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)07:46 No.17643211
    >Get drafted to fight for a king you've never heard of.
    >Spend most of your military service in a quiet garrison in some out of the way town.
    >Make friends within your unit and among the townsfolk, slowly move up in ranks but not very high up.
    >Eventually retire, marry and settle down in the town with a generous allowance from that king whom you have learned to love for his generosity to soldiers.
    >Military service in early modern Europe was a good way to escape the drudgery of wherever you are from and the risk of actually dying or being wounded wasn't really all that high for most people most of the time.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)07:48 No.17643221
    >Be kidnapped by bloodthirsty Aztecs who want to sacrifice you to their evil gods!
    >Get all the food, drugs and whores you could dream of in your whole miserable lifetime before being sent as a messenger to Heaven in a rapturous ritual.
    >Not so bad, really.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)07:56 No.17643264
    >The great evil has kind of awoken, although it was really just awake the whole time and it just kind of fell into this time to conquer and do evil stuff thing because let's be honest, the home economy isn't that great and people needed a good war to take their minds of things.
    >You are drafted into the home defense
    >Lead by this handsome guy with blond hair who's chosen and got a burning sword, your people rally to a last ditch defense
    >Chosen one gets hit by stray arrow
    >You try to pick up his sword but you just burn your hand.
    >Everyone just surrenders and go home.
    >Meanwhile the Ancient Evil has to go home because the peasants are rioting
    >Most anti-climatic battle of good vs. evil ever.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)08:02 No.17643296
    >The child of a blacksmith and a seamstress
    Want to be an adventurer
    >Learn both trades, because its boring as fuck in a small village.
    Want to be adventurer
    >Working with a sword gets you noticed by one of the guards.
    Want to be adventurer
    >Recommends you should join the army.
    Want to be adventurer
    >Doing so for adventure, you make the best armor and outfit you can and join the army.
    Want to be adventurer
    >Your talent for the sword is recognized and your sewing skills help to stitch up the wounded.
    Want to be adventurer
    >Rise through the ranks, eventually serving your time. The king is impressed and appoints you in his elite guard.
    Want to be adventurer
    >Learn how to handle self. Your numerous talents eventually allow you to rise the ranks eventually becoming Captain of the Elite Guard.
    Want to be adventurer
    >Save the king from assassin attack. Knighted for your honor and your family is elevated nobility.
    Want to be adventurer
    >The king has no heirs, and adopts you as his son. He soon passes and you become king.
    Want to be adventurer
    >Your reign is a reign of enlightenment and peace. Your people do not go hungry and even the poorest of people are in grand condition. Eventually you gain a wife and have children. Your daughters marry princes and their linage will spread among the land. Your eldest son, shall take the crown on your passing.
    Want to be adventurer
    >On your death bed you smile as you reflect on your life and how far you have come. And then you realize.
    I did have an adventure.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)08:29 No.17643428
         File1327325364.jpg-(29 KB, 220x293, ElCid.jpg)
    29 KB
    >Implying Death does anything to stop a true hero
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)08:32 No.17643448

    Okay, this got to me. *wipes off stray tear of happiness*
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)08:39 No.17643500
    What did he do there? I dont get it.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)08:45 No.17643546

    Who said he died?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)08:57 No.17643632
    Oh game of thrones... when will you stop being so awesomely horrifying to everyone I love?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)09:46 No.17643957
         File1327329968.jpg-(78 KB, 461x523, dontcry.jpg)
    78 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)09:50 No.17643976
         File1327330208.jpg-(6 KB, 229x220, Crying Gurren Lagann.jpg)
    6 KB
    >Time to break out the old list:

    -The PCs find an abandoned tower crumbling from age. Upon entering the top room they find it warmly lit by a cozy fire and a family relaxing together. The children, two little boys, are playing with toys and the youngest girl is sitting on her mother's lap by the fire. And sitting in an armchair next to them is a skeleton that the little girl repeatedly asks, "Daddy, can you tell me another story?". The entire room is a permanent persistent image of a family and inspection of the adjacent plot shows four graves, carefully tended to.
    -A nymph believes herself to be the ugliest creature in existence, because her beauty blinds whoever sees her. She spends her time making masks that she considers more beautiful than her face.
    -A child lives in the sewers of town, her parents killed by a church inquisition when they were trying to find her. She comes out only during the night time and runs around alone to find something to eat, usually rats or other small animals eaten raw. During the day she watches her old friends play from the shadows. She wishes so dearly that she could play with them, but the sunlight hurts so much... And she always feels so cold.
    -A Medusa that tends to the statue of her lover and talks to it endlessly and promises he'll get better and that they'll travel the world together some day.
    -A forest is growing and choking the life out of everything around it. After braving the perils of the dark wood and its creatures the PCs find a little dryad crying upon a decaying and rotting tree. If the PCs ask her what she's doing, she says that mister sycamore wont wake up. She's doing the best she can, using all of her druidic magic, but he won't wake up.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)09:50 No.17643981
    -A sphinx toils away endlessly in every arcane library she can find. Her mother, who passed away when she was still young, never told her the answer to the family riddle. Unfortunately, no one else knows the answer either and all history of it seems lost as she is the last of her line.
    -A man begins research to bring back his family from the dead when such things are forbidden by the gods. They died during a raid while he was out of town and unable to save them. The quest for a ritual becomes long and he fears he will die of old age, so he becomes a Lich (with his wedding ring as his phylactery). After his body has long since withered and he is nothing but the shell of the man he once was he finally creates a ritual to successfully bring back the dead with their mind, soul, and body intact. He has tested the ritual and found it works successfully. But then he locks this secret away and himself with it so that he may mourn until the end of time. Because the most essential ingredient is blood shed willing by a loved one. And his veins have long since gone dry.
    -You find a brain in a jar sitting on a shelf. He says his name is Bryan. He has lived here as long as he can remember, gently using his psionics to learn about the world around him by reading facts from the brains of passerby's. He says the world seems like such a beautiful place from what people tell him. What's love like? What does it feel like to see the color orange? He would like to know what it is to dance some day...
    -A warforged is digging into a mountain endlessly to save his friends who have been trapped in a cave-in. People point out to him that it has been months now and they have undoubtedly starved or died of thirst by now if the initial cave-in didn't kill them all. The warforged ignores these comments and continues to dig with streams of oil dripping down his face. He WILL save them. He has to.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)09:57 No.17644016
    -A hill giant stealing sheep because he likes petting soft things and they keep breaking in his embrace.
    -A group of adventurers come upon the ruins of an ancient city deep in an unexplored forest. The city gate is one of the few structures that still stands. On it is an inscription in a long-forgotten tongue. The wizard, an avid student of languages, writes it down. The group enters the city and discover an enormous crypt beneath it, much newer than the ruins themselves. The walls of the catacombs are lined with skeletons, each one flanked by a moldering bronze plate bearing an inscription in the same tongue. The wizard makes note of some of these, thinking briefly that they look much older than the inscription on the gate. Deep in the caves, the group finds a lich. It does not resist their advance; it merely asks them to leave once. When they refuse and attack, it merely nods and allows itself to be destroyed. Among its effects, the group finds a book, written in the same tongue they have seen over and over again since entering the city. At home, the wizard pores over the script. His suspicions about the inscriptions' ages are proven correct; the one on the gate is the newest, and the only one clear enough to translate. It reads simply, "The dead are never gone so long as one person remains to remember them."
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)10:02 No.17644038
         File1327330947.gif-(333 KB, 420x315, clap.gif)
    333 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)10:04 No.17644052
    >>The Chosen One learns that the ancient Blade of Justice is made of bronze, which is actually inferior to modern iron, and continuse to use his ordinary broadsword

    Just an interesting tidbit, although your point can stay truthful - there's debate among historians regarding the accepted dogma that iron was supr awsum over bronze. Rather, that it took about a millenia or so from its inception (Until about 300 BC or so) to truly become superior in most regards. Instead iron was utilized primarily because it was far cheaper and incredibly abundant (Tin and copper being always found in a separate, far flung locales) although bronze was much more rustproof + metalurgy skills made it harder and a better choice beyond the issue of price.

    Think I read it wasn't until they learned how to produce steel that iron was actually the superior choice (Beyond being cheap).





    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)10:20 No.17644142
    Hey George, didn't know you posted on /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)10:20 No.17644147

    Fuck... The one about the Warforged got me... Bryan softened me up though.

    I had some feels, good work man.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)10:25 No.17644189
    When I heard the end it sounded kinda like this.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)11:04 No.17644416
    In-game, there was a prophesy of a noble crew of heroes who were going to save the world.

    We were noble and altruistic.

    We weren't the heroes, just a secondary group of adventurers. We occationally heard the stories of success the other party had. We just kept fighting.

    We weren't meant to be the heroes. Ever.

    It was the most awesome game we had.

    The campaign was interrupted due to group desintegration: one left the country, other had a wealthy but nasty family and realized that he was doing RPGs for escapism. There was just two of us left, including the GM.

    I still remember that game fondly.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)11:15 No.17644483
         File1327335339.jpg-(133 KB, 485x700, A dream I had....jpg)
    133 KB
    >you end up marrying the slightly overweight but moderately attractive redheaded daughter of a baker

    How do you know my life?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)11:17 No.17644489
    thats a little more than "slightly overweight"
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)11:17 No.17644492
    >michelin woman
    Slightly is kind of an understatement.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)11:18 No.17644493
         File1327335502.jpg-(148 KB, 600x896, 12791181938.jpg)
    148 KB
    >slightly over-weight

    As much as I love the girl, she's bloody massive.

    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)11:32 No.17644582
         File1327336378.png-(29 KB, 1246x457, Want to be adventurer.png)
    29 KB
    Doesn't look like anyone else made one, so here's a screencap.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)11:36 No.17644611
    > Reach lichdom at the Imperial University
    > I go with my colleagues for a drink to celebrate
    > Can't taste shit
    > Almost end up having a bad time, can't stand the living for some reason
    > Politely inform my colleagues of wanting to retire to my chambers
    > They don't mind, I was probably being a bit too taciturn the whole time
    > Leave the bar
    > My head falls off
    > It was cut off with a blade
    > There's a bright flash, think I am about to die to undead-hating clergymen
    > Oh wait my phylactery, ha
    > No wait my wedding ring's still on and I didn't have the time to ta
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)11:52 No.17644698
    > Consciousness regained. Phew
    > Head is alright, if a bit disembodied
    > Colleagues heard the commotion and sic the guards on what seems to be a rag-tag group of barbarians
    > They're too fast for the city guard, they guarantee to catch them at the gates, if it comes to that
    > Get a carriage to the University
    > Go into my study, about to apply the protective enchantments my co-workers suggested for the phylactery
    > I don't have any rings on
    > They took my money, too
    > Fuck
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)11:55 No.17644726

    Does anyone have the writefaggotry from this thread saved? Cause I recall that it was amazing.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)11:55 No.17644727
    He supposedly died to his wounds the night before the last day of the siege on Valencia.
    Nevertheless he was strapped onto his horse with his armor on, to keep the men from knowing of his demise.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)11:57 No.17644739
    That's more than slightly overweight. Hate to break it to you.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)12:06 No.17644803
    >you end up marrying the slightly overweight but moderately attractive redheaded daughter of a baker

    The end goal of any Villager RPG session.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)12:12 No.17644849
         File1327338762.jpg-(136 KB, 700x563, battletriplets.jpg)
    136 KB
    >Be Sigurd the Mighty
    >Go to battle with a Saxon warlord
    >Kill him in battle
    >Cut off his head afterwards and tie it to my saddle
    >Riding back home
    >Decapitated head has sharp teeth
    >Cuts my leg
    >Get home
    >Wound is septic
    >Die of gangrene
    >That feel when you are bitten to death by a headless man
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)12:15 No.17644866

    I'd post the art I have that's black and white, but due to being of a certain character I played with considering it red headed and 'slightly overweight'. But last time I did someone said the character's face looked like a chinese ricefarmers.

    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)12:15 No.17644868
    The fact that the plump redhead bit is the most popular and repeated vignette from this thread makes me very warm and happy inside.

    And I didn't even post that line the first time.

    god redheads are fantastically hot
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)12:22 No.17644901
    Iraq/Afghanistan weren't enforced by the draft, you little shit.

    The current forces consist of people who are just in it to milk the government teat for a college education. Fuck em.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)12:23 No.17644907
    It wasnt saxon. It was pict.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)12:24 No.17644921

    > Arcane student.
    > Not well like.
    > Will showthemall.jpg
    > Perform stomach-churning ritual in dead of night, to graft demon arm.
    > Next day, get tenure.
    > Write thesis.
    > End up a Professor.
    > everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)12:24 No.17644922
    Isn't that from The Song of Ice and Fire?
    >> Braith117 01/23/12(Mon)12:25 No.17644927
    You're thinking of the ones that were initially in the fighting(back in 2001). Those of us that joined since then know full well we may have to fight.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)12:36 No.17644980
    >In your youthful past you were just a lad
    >Memories are faded, though happy not sad
    >Then one day to town, knights in iron clad

    >Their drums were noisy, just like a roar
    >The banners and colours through the sky soar
    >And you heeded their call of soldiers to war

    >Uncles, fathers, brothers, nephews and sons
    >A dozen of men from your home, marching on
    >Seeking the glory of war in a land just beyond

    >Through battle you saw how all was a lie
    >Seeing people no different than you die
    >But towards for the glory you keep on the strife

    >By the time you have grown to the battle
    >No longer the sound of war make some rattle
    >Though for no glory yet, you can not settle

    >Past the years you have grown to a cripple
    >No youthful strength as your age was triple
    >But forward you go, a warrior's disciple

    >As a monument of the end, it is your last stand
    >No memories left of your ancient homeland
    >For kings you fought but now you're a man

    >Your dreams and desires of the fighting glory
    >A heart of regret you are sure you are sorry
    >The fable will soon reach the end of the story

    >In a forgetful moment you meet your death
    >The last moments spend grasping for breath
    >The foe who slain you, returns sword to sheath

    >Forgotten with his face down in the mud
    >There is in this saga no room for more plot
    >Though a soldier of heart this was no complot

    >An unnamed soldier who carried his load
    >Under the banner of a king of his oath
    >No mourning for him, and thus is the qouth.

    I was tempted to post with a tripcode but decided not to.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)12:42 No.17645008
    > Walking along when a raven carrying a golden necklace drops it in your hands and flies off
    > This is the Amulet of Destiny, given only to the Chosen One
    > Spiky-headed swordsman runs up to you and takes the amulet back, thanking you for rescuing it and leaves
    > You wish you'd married a redheaded daughter of a baker like your brother
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)13:44 No.17645385
         File1327344242.gif-(301 KB, 850x659, Dwarf.gif)
    301 KB
    Ah, I have found myself inspired.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)15:08 No.17646310
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)15:21 No.17646434
    I remember the thread about that warforged. The writefaggotry was quite interesting, though it turned kind of ludicrious when they started invading hell to get back his friends.
    >> LeonTrollski !B916AXFNB2 01/23/12(Mon)15:42 No.17646588
    >you end up marrying the slightly overweight but moderately attractive redheaded daughter of a baker

    if this is losing, i dont wanna win.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)15:46 No.17646642
    Found it myself:
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)16:28 No.17647104

    No exotic merchantess?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)17:24 No.17647641
    Is this thread autosaging?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)17:29 No.17647692
    At 149 posts? Are you smoking?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)17:52 No.17647951
    >live in quiet town near the fortress of a dark lord
    >suddenly a group of adventurers arrive
    >adventurers decide to stay at the town inn
    >in the evening a sorcerer of the dark lord arrives in town
    >promises that his liege will reward the town if we kill the adventurers
    >agree, slit their throats in their sleep with ease
    >the next day the dark lord sends us wagons filled with treasures
    >out of gratitude for his amazing payment the town council asks if he would like to be our mayor
    >he accepts
    >live peacefully for the next few decades as the dark lord protects our/his town
    >we honour him and offer our services regularly, he sends down undead or demonic thralls to assist with our farming and construction
    >dark lord starts offering to take apprentices from the town, teaching them leadership, sorcery and the ways of combat
    >manage to expand town to a city using undead to assist with building, almost everyone in the village knows demonic and arcane languages after spending time with the demons
    >a few decades later we find ourselves suddenly become the capital of a whole continent after the dark lord's long-term scheme finally pays off and he becomes an emperor
    >live happily ever after
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)17:55 No.17648003

    I actually had an idea of running a fantasy campaign like this, where the adventurers reach the castle and the Dark Lord necromancer invites them in and has a rational discussion with them regarding the quality of life of the people who live under him, asks them how many of the people they've met actually WANT him dead and then ask them if they still really want to kill him.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)18:04 No.17648120
    I don't like mondays.

    I don't like mondays.

    I don't like mondays.

    I wanna shoot the whole day down.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)18:17 No.17648283
    >be a farmboy who lives in a small village to the north
    >everyone is happy and I have a loving family
    >village is having a festival celebrating on an old legend and the beginning of the new year
    >learn how to swordfight from father
    >go around looking for loose chickens
    >search for a special flower that my sister wants me to find for her
    >suddenly bandits attack the village
    >our small yet capable and skilled garrison manage to stop the bandits and send them running away
    >grow up in village for the next decade, nothing much happens
    >hear about some evil sorcerer who was planning to resurrect some ancient demon, only to be found out and executed by our kingdom's highly effective guards during a visit to the capital city
    >continue life in the village, get married to the blacksmith's daughter
    >have a son who decides to take up an honorable life as a general store worker in the city
    >after thirty years my father dies, start clearing out his things
    >find some fancy chest in his room with an ancient sword inside
    >give ancient sword to general store owner son, he sells it off to some wizard and gets enough gold for us to retire
    >die at the age of 67
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)18:31 No.17648424
    >Live in a city ruled and oppressed by mages
    >Conditions are shitty, people die daily and the mages are brutal towards us "mere mortals"
    >Suddenly a strapping young man kills two mages who tried to rape his sister
    >Starts rallying the people around him, claims he intends to overthrow the mages and restore freedom
    >Dies the next day from a fever
    >A year later a wise sorcerer who's sympathetic towards us people manages to climb into the mage ranks
    >He asks that the mage council give us people more civil rights and act less brutal
    >Is very charismatic and puts forward strong arguments, all the mages like him and are convinced to go forward with his plan
    >Resistance from some of the mages, but most start treating us better in accordance with the city's new laws
    >Forty years later the mages have started using their magic to improve our quality of life and the class gap between us and the mages is almost non-existent
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)18:45 No.17648580
    > Be a silversmith who grew up running around the forest as a child
    > Adventurer asks what the best route to the creepy abandoned mines is
    > I tell him it's not the main path, but show him an alternate one
    > He later saves the world
    > Had a minor but necessary role in it
    > Aw yeah
    >> The Changeling !mX0wRWF/A2 01/23/12(Mon)18:47 No.17648602
    >Farmer's Son
    >Be out playing in woods
    >Suddenly see girl crying by the river
    >Has nice dress on, finer than those owned by [cockneyaccent] us peasant folk [/cockneyaccent]
    >I try to comfort her
    >Says she is Duke's daughter, hates being cooped up in stuffy old castle, with a father who never listens and a pompous old king
    >Wants to go adventuring
    >I've always wanted to go on adventures
    >She's planning to run off and have one
    >Think about this for a little while
    >It's getting dark, and her father will be looking for her
    >Convince her to stay, enjoy all the things in her life, I will adventure for her
    >She agrees, is reported back at castle
    >Decide to go wander in woods some more
    >Holy shit fox
    >Get bitten on the leg, manage to run home
    >Fuck adventuring, seriously.

    >8 years later
    >Walking with a cane
    >Still reminisce about adventuring
    >Out in city market, selling crops
    >Big procession comes through
    >Some bigwig at the castle going for diplomatic meeting
    >Head down in respect
    >Hear a voice shouting to me
    >Head up, it's the fucking Duke's daughter
    >Tell me what happened
    >She was being followed by infamous child snatchers/paedophiles
    >Father's guard killed/executed them all
    >If it wasn't for me, she would have been captured/raped
    >Now is political demon, getting all sorts of shit for the kingdom
    >Glad I didn't go off, or we would have never met again

    >Marry Duke's daughter
    >Have bunch of kids
    >Die laughing at my own joke on deathbed

    Better than being killed to some random monster in a deep cave, am I right?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)18:48 No.17648609

    And thus, the Nation of Cheliax was born.
    Fucking Pathfinder
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)18:50 No.17648631
    Everyone. Forgive me for this.

    > Zombie apocalypse in the modern era. FUCK YEAH!
    > Army shows up in minutes, tells everyone to remain in their homes as they have orders to kill anything that moves. Kills all the zombies within an hour and burns the bodies.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)18:55 No.17648668
    You mean
    >Said evil makes him immortal, as well.
    >They spend the rest of existence playing the "legendary hero" and the "feared super-evil" in the greatest and longest heist ever, getting entire kingdom's fortunes at a time.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)18:59 No.17648701
    I'm actually fine with this, because I'm not one of those people who needs to fantasize about the world falling apart so they can that they would be less of a waste of oxygen in that world than this one.

    Also, if you're too lazy to study science in a world governed by laws of physics, you'd be too lazy to study sorcery in a world governed by laws of magic.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:01 No.17648722
    >so they can pretend that they would be less of a waste of oxygen
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:03 No.17648737
    >> 1 01/23/12(Mon)19:05 No.17648753
    Fuck that. If science could show me how to teleport at will, and conjure muffins at will, I'd be all over that shit.

    But I'd still be terrible at it, and probably die in a freak teleportation/conjuring-a-muffin-in-my-bloodstream accident.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:09 No.17648794

    Sorcery often seems to have rather more in the way of immediate returns.

    Though... maybe not. Depends on the magic rules, really.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:10 No.17648804

    So? Now that it's out in the market, the Invisible Hand will inevitably bring it to the champion.

    It's how economics work in this strange fantasy world. Just accept it.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:20 No.17648919
         File1327364424.jpg-(155 KB, 757x430, -tg-WIZARD.jpg)
    155 KB

    >implying magic=science

    Magic is much more powerful and studying it offers MUCH greater rewards. Studying science gets you a OK paying job attaching electrodes to the genitals of rodents, studying magic gives you so much more.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:25 No.17648956
         File1327364707.png-(191 KB, 750x1139, double_k___095_by_captainosaka(...).png)
    191 KB
    >Come from humble background
    >Be told I have great potential by famed swordsman
    >Famed swordsman dies in epic confrontation with his failed pupil
    >Be given his most trusted sword and set out on my own
    >Come across colourful and likeable cast of characters on my journey
    >Meet tomboy princess on run from her domineering father
    >Start out hating each other
    >Grow close as our adventures force us to work together and understand each other
    >Fall in love
    >Find out there's an evil Kingdom ruled by a powerful wizard who's summoning an army of undead
    >Discover that our cunning and sometimes morally ambivalent rogue has a beef with him.
    >The princess is kidnapped by the wizard
    >Is given a Tiara that controls her thoughts so he may take command of her dominion
    >Doesn't do anything to her outside of frilly dress, cause he doesn't care about carnal pleasures and he mostly commands emotionless undead
    >Go to her kingdom and try to save her
    >Find out my old rival is working for said Wizard
    >Rival frees Princess and tells her to flee before he destroys the kingdom.
    >Rescue her right as her father is killed by one of the Wizard's spells
    >He lives long enough to give her closure on his death and to tell her that at the end of the day he's still proud of her and whatever she does
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:25 No.17648968

    >Confront Rival, he defeats me in combat yet still spares my life.
    >Princess explains that he rescued her.
    >Finally get to Wizard's castle to fight him.
    >Rogue and other party members fight old allies/enemies in suitable dramatic confrontations.
    >Confront Rival once more.
    >Explains his disillusionment with the world and that he doesn't understand what mentor saw in me.
    >Fights me one more time.
    >Has an epiphany mid-fight and realizes that there is still good worth fighting for.
    >Manage to disarm him
    >Wizard, having been wounded by the Rogue whom we assume is dead after a dramatic explosion comes in and takes Princess Hostage
    >Rival stabs Wizard in the back
    >Both go up in flames as we escape the crumbling fortress
    >Rogue turns out to still be alive, although wounded and makes a last-minute rescue
    >Princess understands the meaning of her father's words and decides to re-build kingdom.
    >We get married and live to a ripe old age

    Geeze what's wrong with you guys?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:29 No.17648999
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:36 No.17649087
    bump again
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:39 No.17649124
    >Come from humble background
    >Be told I have great potential by famed swordsman
    >Famed swordsman dies in epic confrontation with his failed pupil
    >Stay the fuck away from sword-fighting forever
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:42 No.17649145
    >the party meets in a tavern
    >they all get shitfaced
    >get in a tavern brawl
    >next morning
    >all go on with their lives

    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:49 No.17649221
    >Be the son of a butcher
    >Father is travelling with the King's party, has me join along
    >Meet a tomboyish young girl, later reveals herself to be the daughter of a grand lord
    >She asks me if I want to practice swordfighting with her, I say yes
    >Suddenly the girl's older sister and her fiance arrive
    >Jerk fiance, who's the Prince, cuts my cheek and the girl attacks him
    >I run away to avoid the inevitable drama/violence
    >A few hours later some horse-riding warrior with a hound-shaped helmet charges towards me and cuts me down

    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:54 No.17649275
         File1327366441.jpg-(25 KB, 293x400, the hound.jpg)
    25 KB
    You ran.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)19:56 No.17649297

    Because G.R.R.M. hates everyone ever.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)20:03 No.17649364
    >Normal guy
    >Norma job
    >Live pretty well
    >Die happy
    >Forgotten within a generation

    Did I win?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)20:10 No.17649445
    This is the best story.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)20:11 No.17649452
    YOU WON!
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)20:13 No.17649475
    Most of these are pretty much just: Chronicles of the Black Company, the green text.

    Great books, if anyone's read them.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)21:28 No.17650387
    > Ordinary middle hive civilian
    > One day on way back home from Administratum Approved Duties spot a man in a long black coat shooting at vague shapes
    > Shout out a warning, save his life
    > Executed for witnessing Inquisitorial action
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)21:47 No.17650647

    > Be PDF trooper during Chaos invasion, be one of the handle of PDFs to survive long enough to be drafted into the Guard as the dual Guard/Space Marine forces push the Chaos invaders off
    > Five day festival celebrating victory
    > Entire Guard is executed for exposure to Chaos after an Inquisitor apologizes for the necessity of it
    > Space Marines do nothing but shrug
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)21:47 No.17650652
    >> Anonymous 01/23/12(Mon)23:17 No.17651765
         File1327378657.jpg-(52 KB, 517x600, 517px-Custer_Portrait_Restored.jpg)
    52 KB
    >Born to a farmer/Blacksmith
    >fuck this I’ll join the army
    >rise through ranks quickly and become a lieutenant in the Cavalry
    >massive civil war starts.
    >serve loyally and despite being known for your reckless and foolhardy tactics you quickly rise in rank.
    >war ends and you’re a general with your own command.
    >spend next several years fighting primitive natives on the edge of civilization.
    >one day scouts tell you of a small hold out of natives just around the bend.
    >your words inspire your men “Hurrah boys, we've got them! We'll finish them up and then go home to our station”
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)00:14 No.17652274
    >Tenth birthday, finally old enough to set off on your very own Pokémon adventure!
    >Mom says no
    >Next-door neighbor becomes the Champion
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)01:18 No.17652875
         File1327385916.jpg-(126 KB, 800x1100, Dante-and-Vergil-devil-may-cry(...).jpg)
    126 KB

    Pal I don't give up so easily.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)01:23 No.17652939
    >be PDF troopers fighting off an ork invasion of our homeworld
    >call for help to the Space Wolves
    >get no answer
    >Finally on the cusp of victory the Wolves drop in and kill of the last remaining orks
    >5 day party at the capitol
    >Space wolves fuck all the whores and eat all the muffins
    >forced to masturbate by your lonesome because all the whore have broken hips.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)01:30 No.17652996
    nice song of ice and fire reference
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)01:59 No.17653233
         File1327388397.jpg-(2 KB, 126x111, 1327102053852s.jpg)
    2 KB
    Oh, you
    >> Cerebrate Anon 01/24/12(Tue)02:07 No.17653280
    I feel like we're running on a similar wavelength, here.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)02:13 No.17653325
    >bronze inferior to iron
    Bronze has a Vickers hardness of 60-258
    Wrought iron has a hardness of 30-80.

    You must be thinking of steel.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)02:20 No.17653385
    >> An exotic merchantess arrives from the faraway East, toting silk and spices. She falls in love with you, but unfortunately dies of a minor local disease that her immune system had no defense against, so you end up marrying the slightly overweight but moderately attractive redheaded daughter of a baker
    >Immune System

    FYI, Asians tend to have the same level of immunity with Europeans. Sometimes, even better, just look up on how China and the Middle East fared better in the Black Plague than Europe did.

    If she's Native American, then its a different story.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)02:38 No.17653538

    I'm pretty sure that's Final Fantasy IV.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)02:48 No.17653601
    >Every day
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)02:58 No.17653684
    >>Be an unstoppable engine of destruction, fuck yeah!
    >>War is won, enemies defeated (at great cost, yadda yadda yadda).
    >>Shut down and sealed away until needed again.
    >>A thousand years later, a ragtag band of heroes destroy you in order to prevent you from falling into the wrong hands.
    >>Never wake up.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)03:00 No.17653702
         File1327392041.jpg-(169 KB, 2000x2757, 2000x2757_4041_Dwarf_slayer_fo(...).jpg)
    169 KB
    >Be Dwarf
    >Father picked to safeguard Thane's son on his way to other Clan
    >They get killed by goblin raid
    >Blood Shame falls onto only son
    >Get head shaved, exiled from clan, become Slayer
    >Stop in a mountain village where an ogre has been terrorizing peasants
    >Little boy asks why I'm so short and smell funny - grumble at him and continue to drink
    >Middle of the night, ogre shows up to village
    >Peasants run, pull out axe, letsdothis.jpg
    >Ogre is tough as shit
    >Ogre about to land killing blow, lets out howl of pain and jumps up onto one foot
    >Little boy has stabbed it in the foot with a hunk of wood
    >Push boy out of the way
    >My arm gets crushed
    >Proceed to wield two-handed axe with one-hand, hack off ogre's hand, ogre bleeds out
    >Pass out
    >Humans patch me up, wake-up in inn
    >Left arm gone, but boy is asleep on a chair next to my bed, hasn't left once
    >Shave beard, shave head, lock axe in trunk
    >Adopt boy as my own son, open smithy
    >Everyone thinks I'm just a short Human now, villagers keep my secret
    >My son is getting pretty good at smithing
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)03:06 No.17653752
    >>Be greatest king of England ever.
    >>You are sorely wounded and taken away to a magical island.
    >>You get to return at the time of England's greatest need.
    >>Norman invasion? Not greatest need.
    >>Spanish armada? Not greatest need.
    >>World War II? Not greatest need.
    >>Greatest need is going to be pretty bad and all you've got is a magic sword and leet medieval-king-skills.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)03:17 No.17653820
    >master race bronze
    >inferior to iron

    What the fuck are you smoking

    If you'd said steel, I'd agree
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)04:27 No.17654131

    I most likely won't be able to top my previous post but here we go.

    >Princess in a magical land
    >Father and mother are advent believers in science.
    >Their technological progress helps the people go from living in a dark age into an age of enlightenment.
    >Brother and parents often argue but you pay it no mind.
    >Fall in love with the half elven captain of the guard.
    >Brother leaves the kingdom after heated dispute.
    >Princess is named the new heir, while a woman your kingdom adores you.
    >Time passes on.
    >Brother returns with an army of different races at his back.
    >Turns out while progressive, your parents where xenophobic.
    >Disbanding magic and leading a brutal campagin against all non-humans.
    >The Captain of the Guard is considered a race traitor.
    >Brother leads his army, their magic overcoming science.
    >Lead to a secret tunnel. Beg the captain come with.
    >He declines, holding the line long enough for you to escape.
    >Parents are hung for their crimes. Age of Humanity and Science is over. Let the age of magic and races begin.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)04:32 No.17654155

    ...The twist is it turns out the princess is the grand-daughter of the adventure wanting king.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)04:37 No.17654178
         File1327397855.jpg-(27 KB, 392x406, bender.jpg)
    27 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)04:54 No.17654266
    >Own fine tobacco and pipe shop left by long-lived father
    >Boring job, but makes money. Doing well in life.
    >Customer enters.
    >Says he is King of Death.
    >Says my father made him a custom pipe, and it broke. I have to make another one. Offers the same deal to me as he did to dad-- long life.
    >I say "no thanks."
    >Old customers start dropping off like flies.
    >King of Death shows up again, asks, and I refuse him a second time.
    >Finally down to one customer.
    >Young lady buying for her father and uncle.
    >I grow attached.
    >Look out window
    >See King of Death smiling.
    >He gives me a map to a tree the pipe is supposed to be carved from, and a list of names of people who are going to help me get there.
    >Stop through local towns
    >Gather an old female archer, a professional swordsman, a batshit insane alchemist, his kindly son and apprentice, and a large drunkard bruiser.
    >We travel together
    >One by one, I find out they each made a deal with the King of Death to do this last thing.
    >Each one staving off death for this task.
    >Archer died in bed from poisoning day before regional contest.
    >Father alchemist and son apprentice killed when mixture exploded.
    >Swordsman killed in duel.
    >Drunkard trampled by horse.
    >We battle with the undead on the way through a forest and up a mountain to reach the top where the tree grows.
    >Chop off a branch, head home.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)04:55 No.17654271

    >Each party member dies off, Final Destination style. Archer's water was somehow poisoned. Swordsman is thrown from horse and impaled on fallen branch. Father and son are burned alive after an attack around the campfire where they are pushed in. Drunkard predictably trampled by horse, again.
    >Get home.
    >Realize I now know how to craft a tobacco pipe fit for the King of Death from all I have seen.
    >He receives it and grants me longer life.
    >Marry local girl.
    >Have son some years later.
    >As I spend my 120th year sitting on porch, wonder if it wouldn't have been better to die back then, think about the true measure of life, not in years, but in deeds instead.
    >King of Death arrives, has a seat next to me.
    >We both smoke our pipes and watch the sunset, not saying a word between us.
    >Sun goes down.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)05:38 No.17654542
    ...And then you told him the joke's on him, both pipes were set to explode?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)06:47 No.17654950
    >Face to face with BBEG
    >Can only stop him via heroic sacrifice
    >BBEG offers to let you leave and spend the rest of your life in peace, destroying the world after you're dead.
    >Pussy out and take his offer
    >Die at age of 78 after gilt ridden life
    >Have deathbed vision of the BBEG in which he tells you that he changed his mind about destroying the world in the meantime and is leaving this dimension for ever.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)07:12 No.17655054
    >grow up in the modern times, having a huge fascination with high fantasy, reading classics like Lord of the Rings
    >Eventually meet people of like interest in high school, start a D&D group
    >play with them for years, but eventually they drop out one by one as work and women draw them away
    >On your deathbed at the age of 95, dream one last dream of a fantasy adventure, but fail and die by the hands of the BBEG, as you die in your sleep
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)14:36 No.17658367
    >> Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)16:08 No.17659380
    > Be elf
    > Be better than humans
    > Everything goes as well as expected

    Delete Post [File Only]
    Style [Yotsuba | Yotsuba B | Futaba | Burichan]