Badger shit cunts, this is bad. If she wakes up, she’ll hit you with that spear. Power of a bolter, accuracy of an Exitus rifle. One hit from that and it’s all over.

Unfortunately, you can’t ignore the fact that her barely-covered ass has apparently parked itself right on your dick, which itself is… Well… Fully enjoying the morning, as it were.

You swallow hard, mind racing in some desperate bid to come up with an exit strategy. Your other mind is telling you to have at it and patting you on the back in celebration.

Further damning the situation, your arm is wrapped around her chest tightly, and you can make out some soft underboob.

While it is true you aren’t sure how she will react to this situation, the thought crosses your mind that perhaps it would be best to not find out…

Roll for stealth.

>I apologize for the delay, got stuck at work

But anyways, thread on

rolled 1 = 1

>>17095895
Well this'll end well.

>>17095929

IT BEGINS!

>>17095929
Bahahahahaha

I would be gone when you start.

rolled 3 = 3

>>17095917
First roll a natural one?

wuts an esh?

>>17096000

Read the other goddamned threads, fool. They're linked in the OP.

Just as you start to try to disengage yourself from this situation, your own body betrays you.

The sound of you ripping ass, a long-winded release of concentrated warp energy, fills the small shelter…

“JUST AS PLANNED!!” Tzeentch crows happily from inside the warp.

Esh stirs slightly, and for a brief moment it appears that perhaps she will remain asleep.

“Enjoy the moment while it lasts, mon-keigh. For it shall be your last.”

Well, it was nice knowing yourself.

Eshwe sits up, her neck cracking as it turns around to face you. Her normally turquoise eyes are now glowing with arcane energy as they lock onto you.

“Wait! Wait, Esh, this is a misunderstanding!” You stammer, backing up and searching desperately for your pants.

Esh smiles, but it isn’t a pleasant like “Oh ok, good morning though.” Kind of smile. More like a “I will enjoy tearing you apart with my mind.” Grin of madness.

>>17096035

Oh, shit got real.

>>17096035

Oh, great...

“Damn it Esh, this is your fault! I made you your own place to sleep, what in the Emprah’s name are you doing in my bed!?”

You don’t think this last desperate bid will matter, the air has begun to crackle ominously with energies you cannot even begin to fathom. A small little rat-like thing scurries away, as though even it can sense shit is about to go south.

Esh’s eyes grow even more intense, you can no longer make out her pupils. They are smoldering so bright you can’t even look at them without it hurting your head.

But then, just as suddenly as they had ignited, her eyes returned to normal. Esh looks around slightly before turning back to you.

“I’m not putting it past you to have swifted me away for your… Carnal desires… But I can’t prove it.” She sighs as she crosses her arms.

“I’m going to change.” She adds.

You relax as relief floods though your body. Until Esh clocks you overhead.

“Oi, you, mon-keigh! When a girl says she’s going to change, that means you get out of the room! Go find something for breakfast.”

Esh grabs one of her fishing rods and starts swinging away at you until she herds you out of the shelter. Once you are finally outside she tosses the rod after you.

Well at least you survived the morning. Hell, a part of you even enjoyed it.

You are a bit hungry, you admit. Though one thought seems to be shoving the others aside. Inside that small shelter, which is in no way wind-proof, is a naked Farseer.

[ ] No, boner. Go find something for Eshwe to make for breakfast.

[ ] Wait, she didn’t let you grab your pants. You might need those, better go grab em.

[ ] Attempt to peek through one of the many small holes.

rolled 15 = 15

>[x] Wait, she didn’t let you grab your pants. You might need those, better go grab em.

A PERFECT EXCUSE

>>17096184
[X] Wait, she didn’t let you grab your pants. You might need those, better go grab em.

She can't fault us for wanting those pants, right?
Well, she could, but going around pantsless is no way to be fishing.

>>17096035
[x] Wait, she didn’t let you grab your pants. You might need those, better go grab em.

Thank god I came back for this before it became shit.

A guardsman without his pants is like a boy wifout ‘iz choppah, sumfin bout it aint right.

“Hold up, Esh, I need my pants!”

You lean back down to the entrance of the shelter. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the dimness.

Esh is frozen, her face a look of shock. Back to you, arms outstretched above her. Wearing nothing but a gaze that says you had better go chance a swim with Ra’alman because he might be more merciful.

A sudden blast of psyonic energy throws you backward, and as you careen through the air, you can’t help but still picture that bare heretical xeno ass. Worth it? Maybe.

You land face down in the sand. As you start to get up, a rough foot on your head shoves you back down.

“If I didn’t have somewhere I needed to be, I would enjoy taking my time murdering you, you… DOUBLE MON-KEIGH!!!”

Esh doesn’t let you up, instead choosing to grind your face in the sand.

“You might be of some use to me later though, so I’ll give you a way to contact me in case I need to summon you, whelp.”

A flash of searing pain explodes in your head, your jaw contorting in agony. You suddenly know what frequency to contact Esh on.

The Farseer is nowhere to be found by the time you pick yourself off of the beach.

You wash the sand off in the alien sea, making sure to stay close to shore and keeping an eye out for the fish-fag from yesterday, as you ponder what to do next…

[ ] Check out the Tau presence at the hot springs, supposed to be a nice place for a bath.

[ ] Scout the Warp disturbance nearby. The Daemonettes are both sexy and terrifying.

[ ] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.

[ ] The Necrons are surely up to something sinister…

[ ] Find the Mechanicus and see if anyone is still alive there.

[ ] You don’t know much about Dark Eldar, but you aren’t
exactly sure you want to know more.

rolled 4 = 4

>[x] Check out the Tau presence at the hot springs, supposed to be a nice place for a bath.

There has been a distinct lack of delicious blue-skinned females in this story so far, that needs to be rectified.

>>17096347
>[ ] Find the Mechanicus and see if anyone is still alive there.

Though I'd like to be able to try to explain myself to Esh.

>>17096347
>[ ] Scout the Warp disturbance nearby.
Maybe we'll meet up with Doom Rider again for some partying. And you know the daemonettes will be "friendlier" than the Farseer...

>>17096347
Tau presence!

>>17096400
Fuck yes.

Dem daemonettes, man...

Of coarse, we could always activate the trap card and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

>hue hue hue

Jumping from mechanicus to tau. Better get them out of the way.

rolled 20 = 20

>>17096425

Whilst I like the idea of Daemonettes, the idea of dat Tau ass intrigues me more. Voting for Tau.

>>17096347
Cannot tell if failing or succeeding in our quest to profit.

Ahh well, time will tell.

Let's go see da orks.

>>17096432

Let's not get into /d/ territory TOO early, shall we?

Warp! Warp! Warp!

I want to bro-fist Doomrider.

rolled 15 = 15

Guys, we've thus far failed to get any.

Get your shit together.

>>17096458
I guess the dice gods have spoken.

Lets find out what a little blueberry pie tastes like. For the greater good!

>>17096484
Hence my daemonette suggestion. We'd be getting some, whether we wanted it or not.

>>17096484

I figured that was kind of the running joke

>>17096484
So it's much closer to real life than most quest threads, amirite?

>>17096484

Well we did just try it on with a Sororitas, then a Farseer, two of the possibly single hardest groups of females to bed in the known universe.

You decide that checking out the Tau first is probably your best bet. The hot springs are close by and surrounded by thick woods which should offer you good cover to observe from.

You could also use a bath, salt water leaves a sticky residue.

A nearby Sentinel makes for quick travel, or would, if you had any idea how to drive one.

“Empruh titty fucking Terra!” You yell as you faceplant the walking vehicle into the sand. Oh well, you are better off on foot from here anyways. What did the driving instructor call you at basic training again? A “being of unfathomable destruction whilst driving, do not allow within three meters of any controls.” Or something like that.

“Alright, let’s do this shit.” You mutter as you start sneaking through the woods. You may not be a Stormtrooper (not that you were too short to try out), but you can be pret-ty damn sneaky.

The damp ground and thick foliage make it slow going, and you really hope you don’t just stumble into a fucking Kroot or something.

Finally you see more light streaming through the canopy and you can smell a tinge of sulfur. You are close.

Belly crawling now, you avoid a two foot long caterpillar, keeping a close eye on it, when suddenly your head bumps into something hard.

Looking up you stare into the face… Thing… Of a crisis battle suit. A plethora of guns staring your right in the face.

>>17096560

You took on the great fish-lord of Vagis V legend, this should be small fry

You fully accept your swift demise before noticing the hatch is open, and the cockpit unoccupied. What appears to be a thin yellow skin-tight outfit of some kind hanging off of it.

You sneak away from the suit, finding a bit of high ground next to a particularly large tree.

Poking your head out from the bushes ever so slightly, you are completely startled at what you see.

Down below you, fully visible in the middle of the spring, is a lone Tau

…And she is gloriously naked.

You watch, utterly infatuated, as she pours water down her front. Soap bubbles run down between her perfectly formed size F, perky and yet round, greater goods.

“Oh this is such heresy…” You groan quietly as you feel a swelling in your pants.

You have never been this close to a Tau, but this one is way different from what you’ve seen before. For starters, clearly a woman.

Her skin is a lighter hue of blue, maybe from lack of sunlight crammed in that suit all day? Bright violet hair falls just past her shoulders. She also looks young, not that you really know what a young Tau girl looks like, but certainly nothing like the grizzled fire warriors you are used to. Just… Young. Like someone your age would look, if they had blue skin.

You know this is textbook heresy, the bolter bitches would be roasting you alive if they knew. “Thou shall not extend thy wood over Xenos.” Or some such. You can’t look away though, eyes glued to the soft curvy body innocently washing itself before you.

>>17096560
We have made contact, now to be polite we must sing their native greeting song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68ugkg9RePc&ob=av2e

The Tau girl reaches down with a cloth and soaps up her plump ass. You find yourself subconsciously fiddling for the mark IIV K.West-pattern sun shield goggles you left with your old gear, as you bite your bottom lip.

She drops the cloth accidentally and starts to bend down to retrieve it.

“Oh Terra…” You lean forward for a better view.

*SNAP*

A twig cracks under your knee and you stop moving, stop breathing.

The Tau girl whirls around and freezes, she clearly sees you.

“Kyaaaaa!” She yells in a high, surprisingly girly voice, before dropping into the water leaving just her head exposed.

Before you can react, she produces a pistol and points it at you with a shaking hand.

“Wait!” You plead, “Wait, I’m not here to fight!” You hold out your hands to show you are unarmed, weapons in the dirt behind you.

The Tau girl looks at you wide-eyed, terrified. Her cheeks have turned a brilliant pink. “D-did y-you see?” She stammers, still pointing the pistol.

“Only a little! None of your bits!” You lie quickly and hopefully convincingly.

Roll for speechcraft

rolled 16 = 16

>>17096621
Come on dice gods, don't fail me now.

rolled 4 = 4

>>17096621
Um... have you considered accepting the Emperor as your personal lord and savior today?

>>17096642
>2011
>praising the emperor, and not the random number god
>taugirlkillingyou.jpeg

rolled 14 = 14

>>17096621

So heretical, but so worth it.

C'MON DICE GODS, FAVOUR THIS

>>17096636
Thank god.

She doesn’t look like she buys it entirely, but she lowers the gun slightly. “A-are you the… The only one here?” She asks quietly.

If you didn’t know any better you would have to think she is actually… Embarrassed?

“Yep, just me.” You tell her in your best soothing voice,
“Pretty sure I’m the last guardsman on the planet too.”

“What d-do you want?” She asks, still hiding her body, though the pistol is no longer trained on your head.

You think hard. You aren’t really sure why you are here, sure the skull data and whatnot. But really, why ARE you here?

[ ] “Nothing, I’m just following a lead on Tau presence here.”

[ ] “Just a soak, care if I join you?”

[ ] “I just need to ask, those are real right?”

>>17096712
[x ] “Just a soak, care if I join you?”

[X] “Just a soak, care if I join you?”

We do need a bath, after all.

rolled 6 = 6

DAMNIT

CAN'T DECIDE BETWEEN

>[ ] “Just a soak, care if I join you?”

or

>[ ] “I just need to ask, those are real right?”

Imma go with A.

>[x] “Just a soak, care if I join you?”

THIS COULD BE IT!

DICE FOR THE DICE GODS!

[x] “Just a soak, care if I join you?”

>>17096729
Don't roll unless it's needed. It usually leads to poor results

>>17096606
>long-haired

we'll have to fix this

take a combat knife, and make her a cute short cut.

Just a soak, care if I join you?”

>>17096738

That makes it so much more entertaining.

>>17096769

I doubt forcibly cutting all her hair off will make it any easier to get some delicious Tau poon.

>>17096785
Then we'll use diplomacy or some shit. But a tau girl needs to have short hair.

>>17096785
>all her hair

nah, not all of it.

>>17096790
what tau girl needs is a dick in her vagoo

>>17096795

>dem hooves

Not even furry, just love me dem alien chicks

>>17096795
does anyone have a none 4chan gallery were i can fap?

>>17096806
It's like built-in high heels.

>>17096814
uh, rule 34.paheal? tg booru? tgchan?

>>17096824
thanks /tg/ youre the BEST

>>17096814

Booru's probably your best bet. Pahael is always slow as fuck.

I hope her pilot suit consists in this.

“Just a soak, care if I join you?” You ask nonchalantly, as though this had really been your plan all along.

The Tau girls face blushes even harder.

“W-w-w-well it is wrong not to share…” She stammers, clearly torn between an indoctrinated belief and the fact that she is quite without clothes.

Wasting no time you strip down to your heresy-blockers and cannonball into the warm water.

The dried salt is stripped away from your skin, you instantly feel refreshed and for the first time since clambering out of a pile of dead Orks, clean.

“Wow, I can see why you were in here.” You remark as you wipe the water off of your face.

The Tau girl is in front of you, everything under her eyes is now below the water as she watches you.

“Hey, relax, I’m really not going to hurt you, I swear by the Emprah.” You smile and try to look as friendly as a peeping tom can be.

The rest of her head pops up and she smiles at you weakly, her face still flush.

“Well, I’ll admit it is nice having company, I don’t really like being alone.” She mutters as she pushes her two index fingers together, eyes darting between you and the water.

Without warning the Tau girl shrieks and jumps, eyes wide with fright. She runs right at you and you both crash backwards into the water. Blue xeno funbags now pressing hard against your face.

“Hey now, let’s at least see a movie first or something…” You laugh as you try to stand back up, face still entrapped by soft skin.

“Wha-what?” She stammers, looking at you, much of which is buried in her cleavage.

“Well I mean, call me old fashioned but…”

She cuts you off by jumping on you, wrapping her legs around your torso.

“NOOOOHHHH, THE WATER, LOOK!” She screams in fright.

Barely managing to escape from the titty-trap, you look down into the water below, and gulp hard at what you see.

>>17096882

>>17096882

DEAL WITH THIS THING WITH ALL YOUR FURY, THEN HIT DAT TAU IN THE NAME OF THE EMPRAH

>>17096921
Why not rather in the pooper?

>>17096927
Do we even know what sort of orifices a Tau has down there?

>>17096938

WE SHALL FIND OUT, BROTHER!

>>17096938
if we go by fanart, a pooper, and something else. Well, if she's a futa we can at least stick it in her urethra.

>>17096955
>and something else
That sounds like our objective.

>>17096967
not necessarily. But, say, I wouldn't mind even a boob-shaped bladder.

>>17096973

A wet vagina-like orifice. Only it has tongues. At least two of them.

>>17096986
Oh my...

I vote for surviving whatever peril is lurking in the water.

>>17096986
Or an orifice with three thick sensitive labias.

>>17096994
hit it until it's dead

she had a pistol, let's grab it

>>17096938
>>17096948
>>17096955
>>17096967
>>17096973
>>17096986

Answered.

http://games.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600085208

>>17097025
>fanfiction
>cannon
pick one.

>>17097039
I'm pretty sure there can be cannon's in fanfiction.

>>17097051
10/10 you win life

>>17097039
>entire thread is fanfiction.
>complaining about a tongue-in-cheek response to a question that uses a fanfic as a source.

>>17097051

Thanks. I was especially proud of the 's.

Tyranids. Little ones.

“What is this, I don’t even…” But you are cut off as she grips you even harder, crushing you with her massive boobage.

“I hate tyranids! Help me!” She cries, still gripping you hard.

Unable to see, but not wanting to be submerged in a pool full of ‘nids, you do your best to start wading to shore.

“Mphf mmphh smeeee” You mumble, mouth blocked.

She stops panicking for a brief moment. “Huh?” She asks.
It takes a bit of effort to wedge yourself further between her tits so you can clear your face and look up at her.

“I can’t see.”

She must have realized now that she is naked, wet, and gripping you hard enough to give you a vivid feeling of her space communist parts. Either Tau girls don’t grow any hair down there, or this one shaves.

Her face turns almost entirely purple, still, she doesn’t let go.

“Just get me out of here…” She pleads.

Well, it isn’t like you to deny a naked female clinging to you.
Walking out is difficult, the bottom of the spring is full of rocks and sudden drop-offs.

It doesn’t help that the little ‘nids have also started biting at you.

“ow Ow OW!” You are running as fast as you can, head bouncing into breasts, as you try to escape the clutches of those annoying little fucks.

Your feet finally meet dry land and you dash up the slope as fast as you can, not sure whether or not the bugs are still giving chase.

A root catches you and before you can react, you are falling. You twist mid-air, as it would be more than a little rude to break your fall with someone you just met.

Your head hits hard and there is a ringing in your ears, but you are alive.

“Ugghh.” Is all you manage to groan, rubbing at your temples.

That is, until you realize there is something warm and wet grinding into your groin.

The Tau girl is still on top of you, her pelvis right against yours. Your boxers are soaked right through and were thin to begin with, and you have some kind of fear-erection. Oh the heresy…

She is trembling, hands gripping you at the shoulders tightly, breasts dangling inches above your face.

Only you realize, she isn’t looking at you, but at something behind you.

You crane your neck hard, which is painful after the fall, and see the soulless grin of a Hive Tyrant smiling at you from but yards away.

…Acid dripping from what looks like some kind of pelvis-mounted bile cannon.

[ ] You managed to land next to your laspistol and sword, stand and fight.

[ ] No fuck that, grab her and run.

[ ] Mountain of cocaine.

>>17097076
RIPPER-KUN!

they want a bit of dat ass too, heh?

>>17097085
>>17097085
mountain of cocaine

[X] Mountain of cocaine.

>>17097085
Slice that motherfucker down.

>>17097085
[x]No Fuck her and run. Fix'd

>[x] Mountain of cocaine

TIME TO CALL IN A FAVOUR!

>>17097085
[ ] You managed to land next to your laspistol and sword, stand and fight.

Save the cocaine as last resort or for when we meet the demonettes

>>17097085
[x ] You managed to land next to your laspistol and sword, stand and fight.

Fight anything and everything that is not either bro, or delicious xenos ass!

FIGHT

>>17097085
NORMAL HUMAN VS RIPPER KUN

ONLY ONE WILL WIN DAT ASS!!!


CHOOSE CORRECTLY PEOPLE!

rolled 11 = 11

>>17097085
>[X] You managed to land next to your laspistol and sword, stand and fight.

>>17097076
>[X] You managed to land next to your laspistol and sword, stand and fight.

rolled 1 = 1

>>17097085
A chance to watch a hive tyrant and doomrider engage in fisticuffs, I say!

>[x] Mountain of cocaine.

KICK HIM IN THE JIMMY!

>>17097146
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shitstix

>>17097112

"Your own your own skank!"

You snatch up your gear and jump to your feet, breaking into a sprint.

"Wait, please don't go!" She pleads as the Hive Tyrant rushes in at her.

You run as fast as your legs can carry you, looking back over your shoulder.

The Hive Tyrant has busied itself introducing her xeno bits to it's epic gun wang, while at the same time chewing off her left arm.

"Its not your fight Max, its not your fight." You try to reassure yourself as you feel your soul leave you in disgust.

>Mountain of cocaine

KEKEKEYEEAAAAHH

>>17097160

YOU MONSTER

NOOOO

>>17097160
NO, YOU FUCKER

STOP THAT

FAGGOT

>>17097112
>>17097160
Thats not what i meant (face palm), your supposed to put your wee wee in her vagoo, before ripper kun attacks

>>17097160
you best be trollin Papa-N

>>17097039
>cannon
Why do we have to choose between fanfiction and artillery?

>>17097179
>>17097178
>>17097174
Since the first thread he's had troll post in there from time to time.

>>17097160

>>17097160

>:(

>>17097160
a skank owning a skank. Skankception!

>>17097191

Yes, but figuring out which can be sometimes tricky

>>17097181
cause nothin is quite as sexy as a 88 flak cannon

>>17097201
Not really, at least not yet.

>>17097207

Just look at the fucking barrel on dat thing

Look at it

Stand and fight!
We've beaten Abaddon and Doomrider so far, a hive tyrant is small time!

From last thread:

>“IN YOUR HOUR OF PLIGHT YOU MAY DO WELL TO CALL ON ME, HUMAN, FOR I EAGARLY AWAIT OUR NEXT MEETING! UNTIL THEN, MAY YOUR LIFE BE FULL OF PLEASURE!” With this, he is entirely gone.

DOOMRIDER OWES US ONE

>MOUNTAIN OF COCAINE

and then this happened

You slow down to catch your breath, the screams of the Tau girl gone now, having grown ever more quiet as the life faded from her.

You collapse of exhaustion, tears streaking down your face as you realize what it is you really just did.

With a shaking hand you raise your laspistol to your own head.

"See you later, space cowboy..."

*BLAM*

>>17097160
We can't abandon her to 'nid rape and nomming.

Shine a flashlight at that Hive Tyrant while it's distracted!

rolled 20 = 20

>>17097085
These nids were in the water. Were still wet. Something is dripping. Were fishermen.
[X] You managed to land next to your laspistol and sword, stand and fight.

>>17097245
♥ that's just cute.

>>17097085
>[x] Mountain of cocaine.

>>17097160

>>17097245
Wait a minute, our soul will go to the Warp and be trolled for all eternity by Doom Rider!

Fuuuu-

>>17097256

Fuck
Yes

>>17097256
Fucking dice-gods and fishermen, how does it work?

>>17097273
>Implying we wouldn't get our own side-cart on his bike for besting him in a joust
>Implying we wouldn't be bros with the best daemon prince ever.

>>17097245
I see the HUEHUEHUEHUE card getting throwed around these threads.
Papa-N.
Are you brazillian?

>>17097298
>no but my girlfriend is

You snatch up your belt and tear open one of your pouches. Dumping the contents out quickly into a pile of snow five inches high.

Without a word you flop your face down into it, snorting madly.

“What are you doing!? Now isn’t the time to use that!” She screams at you, shaking you madly.

You look up from the pile, your face blanketed with snow, much clinging to your day-old stubble.

The Hive Tyrant closes in, and you think it’s actually laughing at you as it does so.

It’s too late, your desperate bid failed you.

“Sorry babe, I really thought that would work.” You apologize to her, smiling sadly.

Suddenly, the roar of a motorcycle.

“IIII’MMMMM ONNNNNNNNN DRUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Doomrider, in all his flaming-headed glory, bursts from a hole in the warp, headed straight at the Hive Tyrant.

Half a dozen daemonettes cling to him, with ahego faces as Doomrider’s twelve dicks please them all simultaneously.

>>17097318
>that whole mental image
Mah boi.

>>17097318
>no but my girlfriend is
Well that explains a lot of things
Also.
>Dat DoomRider

>>17097318

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mR3jnW2kcUs

TIME FOR SOME THEME MUSIC

>>17097318
DOOMRIDER COMES TO SAVE THE DAY!!!!!!!

>>17097318
Yay! Doom Rider!

>>17097318
Well it's better than nothing.
>inb4 doomrider takes the tau.

>>17097318
>mfw

His bike flies at the Hive Tyrant, and Doomrider slams a bottle labeled “Secret stash” as he swings a massive chain axe at the same time.

The tyranid doesn’t have time to react as its head is lopped clean off.

Just as quickly as he appeared, another warp hole opens and Doomrider sails into it in a flurry of white powder, needles, and semen.

“STAY EXCELLENT!” He cackles madly before disappearing.

The Tau girl’s face is frozen in a “what the fuck did I just see” stare.

You almost lay back down until you hear a fury of scurrying claws from the tree line as three jeanstealers burst forth, charging at you.

Grabbing the Tau’s hand as her eyes spin from the terror, you pull her into a run, barely managing to snatch up your sword and pistol as you do.

Looking back you see the ‘nids eagerly devouring your clothes. They are getting closer to your hat.

The Tau girl is barely conscious as she runs behind you.

[ ] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.”

[ ] “Can you get that Crisis battle suit moving right the hell now?”

[ ] “Keep running, they are distracted.”

>>17097386
Gonna say we use this

>>17097256

>>17097386
Crisis suit cramed in with her naked body

>>17097386
>[x] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.”

Get. That. Hat.

>>17097386
>[ ] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.”
We must stand and fight. A guardsman has a sacred duty to protect his hat with his very life.

>>17097386
[ ] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.”

LET US IMPRESS THE TAU GIRL WITH BLOOD AND THUNDER.

It sorta worked for Esh...

>>17097386
Defend our hat until she gets the suit online.

[ x] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.”

>>17097386
We need to retrieve our Hat. It is very important. Defend our hat until she can get the battlesuit up and running.

rolled 10 = 10

>[x] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.”

YOU GO THE FUCK BACK AND GET YOUR HAT

>>17097386
[X] “Can you get that Crisis battle suit moving right the hell now?”

I kinda feel both relieved and a little sad that we missed another fishermen fight.

>>17097408
this

>>17097386
[ x] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.”

>[x] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.”

Really, there is no other choice.

[X] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.”

rolled 20 = 20

[X] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.” Get that hat

>>17097420
Also, what the fuck am I posting.

Clearly we have business to attend to.

[x] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.”

>>17097434

Dice gods have spoken

>>17097434
BY THE DICE GODS IT IS SO.

>>17097434
Oh shit son.
We Got some hat

rolled 20 = 20

>[ x] “Wait here, I’ve got some business to attend to.”
The emprah's work is never done, after all.

>>17097436
Glorious

>>17097444
>>17097434
Welp, my vote is void by now.

>>17097444

AND AGAIN, SURELY 'TIS THE WILL OF THE EMPRAH HIMSELF

>>17097444
>>17097434
It's a Double 20 PapaN.

>>17097434
>>17097256

Were still wet and as a plus, on cocaine.
> Doom fisher.

>>17097454
Triple if we consider >>17097256

>>17097452
he wants you to get that poon

>>17097454
Surely we must combat the pants-stealing Tyranid menace with the glorious manhood the Emperor bestowed upon us.

Your hat waves sadly back at you as a ‘nid moves in to eat it.

“I’ll never forget you, Commissar-kun.”

You run with all the fury of Angron and the Angry Marines all rolled into one toward your beloved cap.

A tyranid picks up the hat and smiles at the aspect of devouring such a glorious thing.

“No, Hat-chan, nooooooo!!!!”

It’s impossible, there is no way you can make the shot from here. The distance is too great for even your mad laspistol skills. Also your madly jittering hands don’t help, but you feel ALIVE.

Still, you take the shot, and it manages to hit. But the tyranid shrugs off the blow, it’s carapace saving it.

You can only watch in horror as your beloved cap is devoured whole.

“NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” You yell, crashing to your knees, your life suddenly empty.

A bolt of plasma cuts the ‘nid in half.

With misted eyes you see the carcass spinning in the air, xeno guts and blood spraying every which way.

But wait… No… It can’t be.

“HAT-CHANNNNNN!!!!”

The Commissar hat leaves the jeanstealer body through the ex-back way, and sails to you. Covered in terrible things, yes, but intact.

The Crisis battle suit crashes through the forest behind you, knocking trees aside. With a robot-like efficiency it obliterates the other two ‘nids. Unfortunately with less precision, vaporizing your clothes along with them.

>>17097477
All a commissar needs is his hat.

>>17097477
Shake and wipe the worst of the bits off of Hat, place it on our head and ask if she's got room in that battle suit for one more.

>>17097477

You put that hat back on and you STAND TALL.

Show her what THAT HAT IS ALL ABOUT

rolled 13 = 13

>>17097477
It was clearly some kind of Tau tactical genius.

>>17097477
Priorities fright now are:
-Clean the hat
-Tell the Tau she is responsible for the lack of clothing
-Stealth suit ridan'

[X] You managed to land next to your laspistol and sword, stand and fight.

Lerory Jenkeeens

>>17097503
*for right now

>>17097477
With a hat upon his head, a true servant of the Emperor needs no other clothing!

>>17097477
That's fine, the clothes weren't important, the hat on the other hand was.

Dust the hat off and stride forward in your glorious nudity soldier! prove to these Xenos exactly why Mankind is superior and profit in the only coin that matters!

>>17097507
...Bit late to the party aren't you?

rolled 14 = 14

And now that our dignity is whole, let's stealthy infiltrate her greater goods - shall we ?

“Nice shot blueberry!” You yell with a fist pump.

The Crisis battle suit kicks the dirt, embarrassed.

“Really, it was nothing….” The booming microphone says.

You wash your beloved hat off in the hot spring, punting any little ‘nid that gets too close.

Heavy stomping shakes the ground slightly as the suit walks up beside you and quickly dispatches the little swimming tyranids.

“Hey, you going to climb out of that thing so I can dance in joy with you or what?” You ask, poking the leg of the suit.

For a moment there is no response, but then the suit turns away from you.

“The… The tyranids found my battle suit before I did…”

You shrug, “So?”

“Well… My clothes were gone.” She finally admits.

An awkward moment is just about to pass when you hear the furious howls of yet more tyranids, having just found their kin shredded by plasma.

“Time to go!” You shout, hopping up, before pausing.

“I’m going to need a ride, there is no way we are outrunning them on foot.”

[ ] “Hey blue girl, crouch down so I can hop on your shoulder.”

[ ] “We might have to fight our way through them, let me inside.”

[ ] “We might be able to set a trap.”

>>17097560
>inb4 something goes awry and poor Max still gets zero action

Alternatively

>inb4HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE

>>17097560


Stealthily? Nay! WE CHARGE IN THE NAME OF THE EMPRAH

rolled 6 = 6

>[x] “We might have to fight our way through them, let me inside.”

It's the only way this has to go

[X] “We might have to fight our way through them, let me inside.”

As if there was any need to ask.

rolled 11 = 11

[x] “We might have to fight our way through them, let me inside.”
Only true choice of a commissar.

>>17097569
"let me inside"

>>17097518
yes

>>17097569
[X] “We might have to fight our way through them, let me inside.”

Not to mention if we ride on her shoulder we can easily fall off.

[ ] “We might have to fight our way through them, let me inside.”

>>17097569
>[ ] “We might have to fight our way through them, let me inside.”
When two people try to fit into a space designed for one, it will inevitably end well.

[X] “Hey blue girl, crouch down so I can hop on your shoulder.”

rolled 4 = 4

>>17097616
>>17097606
>>17097595
>>17097592
>>17097589
>>17097584
>>17097582

rolled 12 = 12

[ ] “We might have to fight our way through them, let me inside.”

rolled 2 = 2

>>17097569
AND EMPRAH WILL TAKE THE WHEEL

rolled 20 = 20

>>17097569
>Let me inside

rolled 15 = 15

>>17097569
[ ] “We might have to fight our way through them, let me inside.”
clearly it's the only logical solution

>>17097668
The dice gods have found a winner!

>>17097668
This.
The dice gods agree. tg agrees. the emporer agrees.

>let me inside

>>17097668

let me come inside

rolled 6 = 6

“Let me in, let me in, LET ME INNNN!!!” The tyranids screams are getting closer, and fast.

The suit reels back.

“B-b-but I’m… NAKED!” She protests, the suit shaking its head back and forth.

“Now isn’t the time to be shy, you were smothering me with your love balloons earlier!” You yell as you search for some kind of exterior hatch-release.

With a hiss the cockpit falls open, and the Tau girl sits there, covering her nether region with one hand and unsuccessfully attempting to cover her breasts with her other arm.

Quickly you hop inside, the cockpit is cramped and alive with light. You don’t read Tau so you don’t know what any of it means though.

The cockpit closes and re-starts it’s forward view screen.
The Tau girl struggles to look around you, moving her head back and forth. She looks like she is torn between grabbing the controls and continuing to hide herself.

“I can’t pilot like this.” She finally admits.

You aren’t left with much of a choice.

“Get up, hurry.”

Without question she rises from her seat, her body pressing into yours.

You swing around her as you assume the command seat.

“All right, now sit down and get this yellow brick of death moving.”

For a moment, nothing happens.

“But I’m naked, and you are ALMOST naked!” She finally pleads.

A tyranid leaps up onto the back of the suit and starts slashing at it furiously.

“No time girl, let’s go!” You spin her around and yank her down onto your lap.

Her ass engulfs your pelvis, and despite your best efforts, your little Inquisitor stands at attention, poking her in the cheek.

>>17097755

>your little Inquisitor stands at attention

Ok, I just read the first archived thread
This >>17095929
plus the natural 1 seduction roll on the SoB had me laughing. Hard.
This is comedy cold!

Not that she has time to think about that, as her hands fly over the controls and the suit lurches to life. You are smooshed by dat heretical ass even more as the suit flies upwards, tossing off the ‘nid.

“There are too many, we are going to have to fight them off!” She yells.

“Can you handle this many?” You ask, unsure really how many ‘nids are really out there, you cant see the screen, as it is blocked by epic side boob.

“I can try.” She finally says as the suit crashes back down.
The Tau girl swiftly moves the controls to avoid another warrior that leaps at the suit.

The sudden motion causes both of you to shift hard in the seat, and you find suddenly that it has also disengaged the purity seal keeping you in, as it were.

The Inquisitor ventures out, ready for exterminatus, as it slips into the crack.

The feel of her still wet ass cleavage encompassing you is beyond words, Slaanesh himself jealous of your pleasure.

There is an massive fight raging outside, but you are in your own little world now.

Every dodge, every strike, causes her to shift around. You can only sit and praise the Emprah for your luck as her wet ass slides back and forth along your heavy bolter.

“We’re going to have to hit the jump jets again!” She yells.

Her ass is thrust down on you, making the most epic hot dog in the universe and awakening the great void dragon.

>>17097755
>“B-b-but I’m… NAKED!”
The only solution is to take off what little we're wearing, so she won't be so self-conscious about her own nudity.

>>17097755
>>17097781

I suggest we 'investigate' the xeno.
No-one expects the 'inquisition'.

>>17097799
...are we Spanish though?

>>17097808

I'm not sure if you understand this setting...

>>17097788
>and awakening the great void dragon
My sides.

>>17097816
I'm not sure you get the joke

>>17097788

>and awakening the great void dragon

I like where this thread is going

>>17097788

>The Inquisitor ventures out, ready for exterminatus, as it slips into the crack.


I SALUTE YOU SIR.

>>17097788
mfw

“In the Emprah’s name…” You whisper, convulsing with pleasure.

You can’t hold it in. Bolter fire explodes on her ass.

Your body shudders as her hips move on their own, grinding on your champion as he fires hot bursts of plasma into the canyon.

“Hah, I finally got them all!” She yells in triumph, until her voice trails off.

“What was that hard thing, and why is my butt wet Commissar?”

She reaches a hand back and rubs her crack, then looks inquisitively at the white heresy on her hand.

The Tau girl tilts her head slightly, before giving her fingers a curious lick.

“Oh man, I can’t actually believe that happened!” Nurlge belches and laughs madly from his throne.

“Hey Tzeentch, hey? Was that “Just as planned?” I thought you hated this guy!”

Tzeentch glowers in the corner, sulking.

>>17097788

Of all the times to be on the computer without any appropriate image files.

Ah well, this one will do. Still reading the Farseer thread as is. Fucking Doomrider!

>>17097859
Since we still haven't received options as to where this is going to go, assuming there is still more to come!

>>17097860

Wayyyy ahead of ya. It's been on /suptg/ since about 50 posts

rolled 16 = 16

>>17097788
>>17097859

>>17097859
>The Chaos Gods are roommates.

I demand a television series.

KEEP THIS UP OP.

>>17097891
>>17097891

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GStjNkSd8AA

[ ] “Nothing, good xeno, nothing. Now let us find something to dry off with.”

[ ] “Errr… Hey is that Lenin over there?”

[ ] “Foodstuffs, you had better not waste it, starving Kroot children and all that."

>>17097906
nothing good zeno, almost went with foodstuffs

rolled 8 = 8

>>17097906
>[x] “Foodstuffs, you had better not waste it, starving Kroot children and all that."

As if it were a fucking choice.

[ ] “Foodstuffs, you had better not waste it, starving Kroot children and all that."

It is very nutritious after all

>>17097906

Foodstuffs.

[X] “Foodstuffs, you had better not waste it, starving Kroot children and all that."

[X] “Foodstuffs, you had better not waste it, starving Kroot children and all that."
Again with these weird questions.

[XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ] “Foodstuffs, you had better not waste it, starving Kroot children and all that."

[X] “Errr… Hey is that Lenin over there?”

>[x] “Foodstuffs, you had better not waste it, starving Kroot children and all that."

WE'VE GOTTEN THIS FAR, MIGHT AS WELL GO FULL HERESY

>>17097859
For all that is in the glory of the emperors glowing 10ft shaft! We need melta references like "his melta melts her as it penetrates her rear armor again and again with it's 12" range"

I don't think guardsmen normal carry food in there Boxers so i might be hard to convince her.

I love you Papa-N.

. . .Don't die on me!

Could someone draw this? Like, this whole scene?

>>17097924
>>17097925
>>17097930
>>17097933
>>17097935
>>17097940

YOU FEWLS! YOU DON'T REALISE WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO!

She's Tau. Tau are all about sharing. She wouldn't eat the lot without -making sure you had some too-.

>>17097996

>>17097945
Don't worry either we can play it off as we are the stupid xeno with weird customs or we be honest and say it can be used as food stuffs

rolled 10 = 10

>>17097996
Implying it would be a problem

>>17097996
But she might insist on having some of her Tau comrades join in...

>>17097996
"You saved us, it's the very least we can do is give you this food."

>>17098003

Welp, fair enough. Carry on!

>>17097906
Foodstuffs

And insist that she eats it herself and that we aren't hungry in the least.

>girlfriend randomly shows up unannounced

>hue hue hue what are we goona do on the bed?

>can't let her see the heresy, she just wouldn't understand.

>u gib monies I report u.

>she doesn't get it.


I can try continuing from my Droid or wait for a chance to keep going.

>>17098029
or you could draw his dick in her ass

>forgot trip

>>17098030

> Choosing a dice roll fap fiction on 4chan over real pussy

You make me sad.

>>17098039
is
>>17098030
I'm guessing? If so best of luck with you OP.

>>17098039
>>17098030


NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Do what you need to do. Just post in here if you are going to postpone it for the night.

rolled 18 = 18

>>17098030
GET DAH GIRL, DAMMIT HOUMAN !

>>17098030
no on the android for teh emporoer

Emprah's work is never done.
DROID

>>17098030
Slaanesh is calling, OP.

There's always time to continue the thread later.

As long as there's moar at a later date. We'll just have to call it here.

It's all archived anyway.

>>17098030
It's the Emperor rewarding you for your fine work in this thread.

>>17098030
[x] show heresy, acquire more heretical sexing.

>she's making me dinner

FOR THE EMPRAH!

"Its... Ah...Food. Guardsman custom for being saved, all yours blue."

She gives you a quizzical look before shrugging.

"It would be rude of me to deny custom, but do I have to eat it off of you though?" She asks, a bit hesitant at the thought.

"Uh... Yeah... Traditions and all, you understand."

The Tau girl pauses for a moment before turning around in the cramped cockpit and lowering her face to your groin.

The High Inquisitor has taken a hit, lost a wound, but he stands back up in defiance, ready to blast the xeno.

She begins to lick you, her soft tongue sliding across your thighs and shaft slowly, lapping up the heretical juices.

You moan in ecstasy, and she looks up at you unsure.

"All part of the ritual..." You assure her.

She buys it, and lowers herself back down, brushing the hair out of her face.

She pauses at your defiant champion as he madly waves his chainsword, before taking him in her mouth.

"Praise the Emprah..." You mumble at the sensation. Her mouth is ridiculously warm, and her tongue swirls around you, hungrily cleaning you off.

The Inquisitor feels the urge to exterminatus rising as the Tau takes more and more of him, eagerly now.

The second black crusade is rapidly approaching.

[ ] Inside

[ ] Face

[ ] Tits

Last choice of the night most likely, are we on autosage yet?

all over those bouncy xeno funbags

>>17098226
INSIDE

rolled 2 = 2

>>17098226

INSIDE!

I HAVE WILLED IT, SO SHALL IT BE!

We passed 275 post, so I think so.
>[x] Inside

Anywhere else and we might have to clean it up as well.

rolled 20 = 20

>>17098226
>Inside
>Inside
>Inside

DEEP STRIKE

rolled 8 = 8

>>17098251
YOU ARE A FALSE EMPEROR! REAL MEN GO FOR THE FUNBAGS

FEED HER!

rolled 19 = 19

>>17098251

DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPRAH!

>>17098271
>>17098251

>>17098271
Thread confirmed for pure heresy.

>>17098271
Whoah.
>>17098310
Yeah, you've got it right.

>>17098271
>>17098251

>>17098226
Come on, she must be more than aware of what she is doing. she is just playing stupid and enjoying the ordeal, filthy xeno....
That said, inside!

>This entire thread

>>17097906
Nothing, good xeno.


Actually, I personally would vote for just admitting the truth, but that's not an option given

"FOR THE EMPRAH!!!" You shout as you bury your sword.

The High Inquisitor gives the command, exterminatus.

White hot fury erupts from the flagship, soaring into the foul xeno void.

The Tau girl panics, eyes wide, and tries to pull away. You hold here there though, until the Inquisitor, mission accomplished, succumbs to his wounds and shrivels.

When you finally let her go she coughs and then, unexpectedly, smiles.

"Don't think I didn't know what you were up to, guardsman, but you did save me from those awful bugs."

She manages, mouth full.

You can hardly hear her from your position on the golden throne as you and the Emprah celebrate the day.

"Thanks?"

She swallows.

"I'm Ailia!" She finally adds cheerily.

"Max."

>>17098450

Awesome ending to an awesome thread.

Thanks for the bedtime story Papa, can't wait until tomorrow night!

WHY DIDN'T WE FUCK HER FACE SLIT?

>>17098396
Glad to see you're still around.

>>17098460
Yeah I've got an early xmas party with my side of the family, so tomorrow is unlikely.

I have several more exams this week so I'm not entirely sure when the next thread will happen, but I assure you that it will.

>>17098450
>She knew and was playing along.

INSTABONER.

>>17098450
Brilliant.
Can't wait until the next thread, Pops.

>>17098480
I'll be on watch for you Papa-N.

>>17098450
>Sister of Battle
Smack down the Despoiler
Carry her out of danger
Fly a Valkyrie to safety
Get a kiss and a glipse of ass

>Farseer
Best Doomrider in single combat
Fight Lovecraftian devilfish to a standstill
Get light spooning

>Tau
Run like a bitch from nids
Do cocaine
Get blowjob

Fuck yea greater good

Papa-N
...
...
...
You
Are
AWESOME! AND YOU SHOULD FEEL AWSEOM! I dont have an image with a madly smiling boner, oh god, why dont have I have one of those when I need one!?

>>17098497
don't forget buttsex

but it pains me that we didn't get to fuck her forehead

>>17098487
If those where broadside Ion Cannons I would be more scared, champs.

>>17098480

I know that feel bro

3 exams, 3 days, all at the same time and all are math intensive.

>>17098521
Be scared.
Be scared for the Greater Good.

if i had the skill and the knowledge i would turn these stories into visual novels

>>17098505
Nah, it never went in. Papa-N's writing had it all as a rather cheeky affair.

>>17098528
Yeah.
I don't see that working too well for you, man.

>>17098555
>cheeky affair

dohohoho

>>17098572
No, it's worked pretty well in the past if the Imperial Guard are anybody to go by.

>>17098612
Imperial Guard are never somebody to go by.
Outside of Eatatau I want you point me to an Astartes that fell for that Greater Good goofyness.
Or, you know... someone that matters.

>>17098662
Eldar are sometimes compliant, the occasional Grey Knight joins once in a great while, hell, we've even got a pair of Necron Adventurers that joined up with us. Best damn body-guard a Shas'o could ask.

>>17098662
>astartes fighting for the greater good
>mfw I can't post pictures

>>17098690
Well, my name must be indication that I fall no short of knowledge about Eldar and I can seriously call that claim bullshit.
TRUE Craftworld Eldar live in the Path, there is no space for Greater Goofy in their lives. The Path of Dammnation or the Path of Outcast?
Maybe. Shorter than that, it's blasphemy of a higher ground.

Now, Grey Knights and Necron?
Yeah, I ain't buying that without lot's of alcohol and physical proof.

>>17098715
The Knights usually just keep doing what they normally do (as we try to avoid conflict with anything that fights Chaos), and the Necrons are off investigating a possible auxiliary agreement with their Tombworld. Certainly, Eldar who join us are no less prevalent than those who join the Rogue Traders of Man, and we've seen more than a few of those from our Scouts who have done the same...

>>17098737
Yeah, Path of Damnation and Path of Exile/Path of Outcast. They come back to the Craftworld eventually... Or Slaanesh snacks at the night of their lives.
In the Greater Good there is no life for the Eldar.

What strikes me as offensive is really Necron and Grey Knights. What else now? Tyrannids?
Who do you think you are, Da Orkz?

"We'z da Bloo Boyz, we convertz yurz Eenfantry!"

>>17098704
HA HA!

>>17098777
The Orks are a race without minds, a force as primal as the Tyrnanids but made dangerous by their native nature. They know this galaxy, they know how to take our weapons and use them against every other good and living thing we have seen. We are simply doing what we can in order to muster the forces of our galaxy into a singular force, to fight for the Greater Good and the very survival of all those we meet.

We do not convert, we convince.
We do not indoctrinate, we educate.
We are the Tau.
We fight for the Greater Good.

>>17098802
Spoken like a true child with no more than mere millenia of history behind their backs.
Lear something with the former masters of this galaxy, and even the current ones. Purity is the only answer to escape damnation.
Even your Kroot, when devouring the flesh of the Great Enemy, turn into your enemies. You won't be always out of their reach, and if you are, there are other nightmarish things that spawn from the void between stars.

>>17098842
What you call purity, I call a surrender. We strive to bring peace, unity, harmony, even just a sigh of rest to the hellscape that is the galaxy we live in. We will carve our own place in the history of all, even if it is one which we write with the last drop of blood and last round if fire we deliver in the cause of the Greater Good. The Kroot follow the Tau'va devoutly, and we are prepared to fight those 'nightmarish things' to the last breath, and triumph!

We know we cannot convince a being both so arrogant and so far beyond our total understanding, so we shall simply let the facts that are our victories and triumphs answer for us!

>>17098883
Nobody caaaares

>>17098883
Yes, of course. Victories and triumph.
No, that won't do in this galaxy. The best you can do is absorb as much rounds as you can, before your brother and son behind you have to do the same. Witness the example of the Imperial Guard, the Astartes and even that of the Eldar.
They fight, now, for survival. You should start to do the same, last you bite something bigger than your head.

>>17098922
>can't argue with that logic
>final retort before crying myself to sleep in my quarters

>>17098941
>made me laugh with last comment

Ok, you win this one. Next time, try to hold some real proof to that grey knight and necron shenanigan, I so fucking need to see that.

>Captcha
Goddamn Lannisters...

>>17098992
No, I pulled that out my ass for sure. Need to get a better example for that, probably the Demiurgs or something. I know the Grey Knights wouldn't be -totally- opposed to it if Ward was convinced to go along with it, and the more harmless Necrons can be quite reasonable, to the point of being 'good'.
HOWEVER, I should now fluff up a pair of battles just for those examples, simply for shits and giggles.

And that's when she stands back up.

Revealing her 24" twisted xeno plasma cannon

>>17099046
Oooooh. Kinky. I didn't know we had entered in the realm of /d/.

>>17099018
I thought so, but the idea has credit with all the bullshit GW is doing nowadays with Grey Knights and Necrons...
Actually, I think the best alliance the Tau have is with the Kroot, which are (surprisingly) a very independent and advanced race with starships and all.

>>17099046
I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I WAS STICKING AROUND.

>>17099046
how did we miss this?

"Hey, that's a pretty cool gun! Mind if I hold it?"

"Sure!" She replies happily, flopping it down on your hand.

"Whoa, its warm."

>>17099073
Kroot is definitely their most sound alliance, and the Vespid aren't too bad either. Yeah, my homework for tomorrow is to fluff up GK/Tau and Newcron/Tau Teamups-
>>17099046
>>17099096
Oh yeah. Time for Bizarro Mode!

>>17099096
Flopping?!
What kind of chaos spawned weaponry FLOPPS when you place it down in someones hands?!
WHAT KIND?!

"Wait! Don't play with it so much or it might go off!!!"

You don't hear her as you stroke and fondle the alien cannon.

>>17099096
o boy here we go

>>17099117
The cannons firing mechanisim is nullified by human salivia.

Get to work sucking,

>>17099046
>>17099096
>>17099117

Oh come now, 2' is just a tad silly. Even if Tau had a massively advanced cardiovascular system, the sheer amount of blood flow that would be required to let that cannon operate at full capacity would be phenomenal. I could understand it if it were warp dickery, but as just some blueberry physiology she'd need more hearts than a squad of Space Marines.

>>17099115
The Greatest ones, provided they are any Good.
>>17099117
>not sure if want

>>17099125
Don't worry, with Tau plasma we don't have to worry about it getting hot and exploding in our face.

>>17099136
Quiet, you!

She is possessed of the magic of /d/!

>>17099136
I might not be a Tech Priest, but even I know that you don't power plasma cannons with blood, what are you smoking?

>>17099136
>He hasn't played Corruption of Champions!

"No! Stop! ...Ah!?"

The cannon explodes in your hands, covering you in sticky blue plasma.

"Cool. I wonder how it tastes?" You remark as you lick the tip of the barrel.

>>17099166
LICKING. PLASMA.
>mfw

>>17099157
>Another realm filled with demons with erogenous zones larger than physically possible.
>Implying CoC does not take place in a Slaneesh dominated part of the Warp.

Really I was just trying to use as many puns as I could. On a side-note, Fenoxo's at least been getting less grammatical errors since he started outsourcing a lot of his writings to his forums.

>>17099166
How does it make you feel OP if I said that I would love to swallow your plasma cannon as deep as I could until you shot it off, pouring your energies deep down my throat and all over my face?

>>17099212
Not OP,

But I would like to bury my lascannon deep into some secret areas on the lower parts of your body, thrusting it furiously until I shot off a pretty stream of light deep inside you.

"Oh, this plasma tastes really good!"

She's squirming as you continue to fondle the cannon.

"W-well if you want some more, reload it."

"How do I do that?" You ask with another lick of the barrel.

"First you have to cock it."

>>17099212
To be fair, OP does have a girlfriend apparently. So I'd guess either a result of
>:shrug: No thanks.
or
>:shrug: Threeways are fine too.

>>17099245
>cock it

Op, your witticisms never cease to bring smiles to my face. Just as your descriptions never cease to bring smiles to other parts of me.

"Later, maybe..." You shrug, setting down the still toasty plasma gun behind you.

"For now, let me give you another taste of MY plasma."

Ailia opens her mouth, sticking out her tongue.

"Guess again, xeno slut."

yeah uhm, you better keep postin now mkay?

You spin her around, revealing both her heresies to your throbbing power sword.

Which one will you purge?

rolled 7 = 7

>>17099336
Purge anterior heresy.

"You shall feel the hot wrath of my blade."

You lower the titan's cannon toward her eye of terror.

"No! That hole isn't for the greater good!"

She struggles in vain as your ship steadies itself, preparing to enter the breach of the warp.

>>17099413
Oh my God, these cheesy puns.
Guys, if you've ever wanted to know what a contraband Imperium porn-slate's puns would consist of, Papa-N has made them.

http://chan.sankakucomplex.com/post/show/952489
71,18,28,1;breasts:149;skin:light;lipstick:0,105,157,255,0.4705882352941
1764;eyeshadow:24,12,90,1;eyebrow:105,121,137,1,83,61,46,1;h
airhsl:138,4,1.94,0.28;skinhsl:0,0,1.13,0.13;hisskinhsl:0,1,1,1;
bg:1;him:0;collar:1

Closest I could get to a tau blowjob simulator
go modding > paste into text box > load

for the emperor, etc

But before you can press forward into her dark heresy, a baneblade pops up from underneath one of the instrument panels.

The barrel turns to you and obliterates the Crisis battle suit from the inside out.

"CCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

>>17099439
The fact that somebody, like you, went out of there way to make a Tau blowjob simulator, at all, is proof that /tg/ is the... well, most interesting of all the boards.

>>17099439
should have used a better image i guess

No!

Even TACTICAL GENIUS hurrr isn't going to stop you.

"I must purge the heretics!" You cry.

"No, Max, you are the heretics."

And then Max was a chaos primarch.

>>17099526
Max is secretly Omegon.
It all makes sense now.

>>17099526
a cautionary tale of heresy

"For SLAANESH!!!" You howl as you press forward with your seventeen penises.

"There is no way those will fit! Stop! NOOOO!"

Its too late, you thrust forward and drive them home, feeling the warp overtaking you.

Your monster dicks shoot out and invade every greater good this xeno fuck toy has to offer.

bump?

You focus the warp and pull Lychria and Esh to you through it.

"By the Emperor, what heresy is this!"

"Oi! Mon-keigh, whats the big... By Uthwe NO!"

You remove enough of your squirming daemon princes to be able to violate both of them.

"So many holes, I WANT THEM ALL!"

>>17099621
Max is evolving!
...
Max evolved into KEEPER OF SECRETS!
Max learned SPATIAL RAPE!

You fill every available hole in your prayer of obscene pleasure to your new god.

The three girls struggle, but there is no escape.

And there are no brakes on the rape train.

Your purple, bumpy, throbbing dicks violate them in their tight pink purity seals, their wet pleasure caves, and their protesting mouths.

You start to climax.

Unfortunately for them, when a Slaanesh daemon of your magnitude cums, they can keep it up for several decades if they so desire.

Purple daemon-batter floods out of every hole and the three struggling girls suddenly go slack against their penis-bonds, unable to escape.

>well, i hope it keeps them well fed

"And so that's why, idiot mon-keigh, nothing will ever happen between us!" Esh yells before hanging up.

What in the actual fuck did you just hear that tsunseer describe?

>>17099766
OP wins again.
My god, I'm excited for the next thread.

>>17099766
dam Papa-N you're good with the trollin

>>17099766
and how does she know about the other 2?

bitch be creeping

>>17099850
>Super space elf psychic
>yfw you realize she knows everything that went on in that cockpit earlier

well so much for eldar poon.

>>17099874
This is either terrible news for our love-life or fantastic news for our love-life, depending on her tastes.

>>17099927
>implying she wasn't shlicking herself the whole time she was watching, while thinking about you eating out her ass

or maybe she wasn't. Who knows really?

how did the farseer end up in our shelter if we built one for her...

>>17099961
>Fire up the Gellar Fields, prepare the Warpsbane Incants...
>...we've got a few questions for Tzeentch alright...

>>17099986

...As your ship exits the field you fire up your comunicatus devices.

"Tzeentch, heed my call."

For a moment, silence.

But than...

"I'm busy right now, GO AWAY!"

You notice, just before the feed cuts out, that she is busily fingerbanging herself...

...To a picture of none other than the Emprah himself.

>>17100024
Papa-N, you never cease amazing me with just how many 40k rabbit holes you go down hilariously fast, and in the space of 3 threads...
You are truly a God among tripfags.

>>17096847
the fuck?

>>17099961
thought tau have miniscule presence in the warp, the farseer probably thought you were 'baiting

rolled 5 = 5

i want to have your babies Papa-N

>>17100106
In a crisis battle suit she knows you have no idea how to pilot without using either of your hands? Nah man, she knows.

>she knows everything

>>17100138
battle suit has even less warp presence. Unless she's over the hill directly looking, she might feel some of the euphoric sensations max is experiencing, only if their minds are entangled though...