>Str: 11, Con: 11
>Int: 12, MQu: 9
>Wis: 8, Ret: 8
>Dex: 10, Agi: 8
>Cha: 8, Mag: 1
>PStr: 6, PDef: 8 (10 with Ring)

>Race: Dwarf.

>Profession: Spy. (shhhh)

>Suggested Dual Class: Warrior.

>because my Stats are high (it is very, very easy to get high stats in this game, and equally easy to get abysmal ones, as my Magnetisim (Mag) score illustrates), I get +2 damage, +3 to each LP die, +4 languages, +25% on learning rolls, +10% diplomatic rolls, +1 to spell rolls, +25% reaction rolls, +10% pickpocket rolls, +20% to charm rolls, x2 Spell damage, and +55% to spell save rolls!

>5 Platinum Chips, 100 Gold Chips, 400 Silver Chips, 30,000 Copper Chips, 13,200 Gold Chips in Gems, 2,600 Gold Chips in Gems (none of which are magical), A Magic Ring Of Blocking, which, in spite of being more powerful than everything else this far acquired, has no cash value.

>64% left handed, 23% right handed: these rolls have *no other function* then to make me left handed.

>42% Base To-Hit (Augmented by Weapon Proficiency, soon.)

>30% Base Defense (augmented by armor: soon)

>Locate Traps: 1%, Locate Secret Doors: 1%, Extra Hearing: 10%, Climb Walls: 5% (35% with my bonus talent as a spider!), Hide in Shadows: 5%, Use Disguise: 10%

My Bonus talent as a spider has made me affectionately name my character "Pietri Unterparker". a Nice, Dorfy name if ever there was one.

>Born on the Second day, I'm sorry, "Cycle" of the "Water Season", 186 years, I'm sorry, "rebirths" ago. This *still* makes me think of my dishwasher.

>I have 11 Hit, er, Life points.

And now, I think I'm almost done rolling. It's time to visit the actual stores! I'm diving in to Realms of Atlantasia, Page 31.

>>17084844

Please continue.

I salute your bravery OP

>>17084844
Oh, right, I almost forgot to mention:

The Realms of Atlantaisia have Four denominations of "chips" (Platinum, gold, etc. etc. Just like D&D) But, unfortunately, no chart explaining how many of X there is to a Y.

Seriously, There is no point at all in the book where they explain how many copper chips go into a silver, or how many silver go in a gold. So, I have functionally 5 platinum, 15,900 gold (after converting gems and jewels into cash), 400 silver, and 30,000 copper. And i can't express that as any other value. I don't know if I have enough copper to make a single silver, or 3,000 of them, and I definitely don't know if I have enough gold to make another platinum.

Luckily, scrolling through the Equipment section (called "shops"), to the General Store inventory page, I find that 1 cycle of rations (Basic) is 800 S.C. (Silver, naturally.), and 7 cycles of rations (Basic) is only 4 G.C. At the same time: 1 cycle of rations (fine) is 5 G.C., and 7 cycles is 30 G.C.

So, either the exchange rate is off, or it looks like general stores here offer discounts for buying in bulk. Even in Atlantasia, Costco is still very much in business.

However, the exchange rate is still troubling: if you can buy 7 days worth of rations, for the cost of 6, that means that 4 Gold = 6 x 800 silvers = 4,800 silvers.

4,800 / 4 = 1,200 silvers to the gold.

Oh gods I hope I'm wrong about his exchange rate system. Because if the denominations carry... My 30,000 Copper = 25 silver, and my resulting 425 silver are nowhere near making so much as one extra gold coin... but i could cash in 15,900 gold chips for 13 extra platinum (with a few left over).

As it is, i think i'll keep my cash in it's appropriately fucked-up denominations.

>>17085052

and nobody knows how much time actually 1 ss which is a combat turn.
but 200 ss is one cycle which probably one day

maybe you cant't convert them and they are all basically different currencys?

>>17085086
That would mean that 1ss would be about 7 minutes and 12 seconds,a very odd number, but hey!

>>17085052
Finally, after complaining for three posts, I am going to return to actually making the damn character. And it is about goddamn time.

I'll start with shoping at the Armory. I have....

>looks at previous post.

"5 platinum, 15,900 gold, 400 silver, and 30,000 copper" to spend.

As a Spy, i can wear any armor, and use any weapon I am strong enough to use. and as a Dwarf, My Dwarfy Physique (seriously 11 Str is like unto an Adonis for a 1st level character, I think I can Bench Press with my beard!) allows me to equip about 99% of stuff in this section.

First thing for sale: Helms!
A Plate Helm (requires 9 Str) costs 1600 G.C. And does... er... does... It does not appear on page 32.

*deep sigh* Thankfully, Search is enabled on the Realms of Atlantasia .PDF

>Ctrl + f

on page 46, I find that a Plate Helm has Durability 40, and offers +5% Defense. Wearing this Helmet brings my defenses up to 35%!

All at an entirely reasonable cost of 1,600 G.C.

Yikes.

Well, if you want to be awesome, you've got to pay for it.

I'll follow the same philosophy throughout my shopping expedition.

Good god, RoA is so terribad it's making me have second thoughts of finishing my own homebrew.

>30,000 copper chips
God, that sounds delicious.

>use disguise
Hah! You can't even make a disguise!

>>17085122

did you found any weapon statistic besides the durability?

>>17085122
Plate Helm (1,600 G.C.) (40) (+5%)
Platemail (3,000 G.C.) (55) (+17%)
Heavy Steel Shield (1,500 G.C.) (45) (+15%)
Steel Bracers (500 G.C.) (15) (+3%)
Steel Shin Guards (600 G.C.) (20) (+5%)
Plate Gauntlets (750 G.C.) (29) (+5%)

Leaves me with 7950 Gold Chips, and bare feet. No Armored Boots?

Actually, according to the section which describes what armor actually does, which is on page 46, 14 pages away from the section where you buy the armor, there *are* steel boots. But they aren't sold in the armory. As such, i will continue pressing on through the Shopping section until i find somethign to keep my toes from hurting when I drop a Rock on them.

This whole affair has raised my Defensive value from 30%, which was pretty damn good for a level 1 character, to a whopping 80%. I don't know how that'll really work in combat, but i'm eager to find out, as I move into the next most important section: buying WEAPONS!

>>17085193
>defensive value 80%
I have no fucking idea how this game works, but it sounds like you've turned into Superdorf: The Dwarf of Steel.

>>17085136

Don't give up, just learn from the awful. It's like watching MST3K, it is good to have someone point out all the little flaws, preferably with a comedic edge.

Also: Hire an editor: and listen to them.

>>17085166
Suprisingly: Yes! It's a great distance down though... we'll get there!

SO: Weapons section: Now I'm a Spy, and a wall climber, so that says "Subtle, and small, quiet".

But I'm also a Dwarf! and Dual-Classing as a warrior (oh gods, i just realized... I have to Dual class! More Dice Rolling! Nooooooo!) so that says LOUD! and EFFECTIVE weapons! Only one thing to do!

>Get Drunk?

Yes! Er, No, I mean, Buy More than one weapon!

Starting with Knives for the Dirty work, I find that a Dagger costs 100 G. C. Please note that a Dagger is CLEARLY superior to either a Dirk or a Throwing Knife. How do I know this? Because it COSTS more, and more expensive in an RPG is always better.

Also: because if I skip ahead form page 33 to page 45 "Damage and Durability" i find that a Dirk inflicts d4 - 1 damage, and a dagger inflicts a whole d4. Totally worth an extra 25 G.C., isn't it?

>field too long.

In my next post: the real bloodshed begins...

So, now for something to smash people with: a War Hammer sounds awesome, and at only 4,600 G.C. it's the most affordable of the coveted "d12+4" damage grouping, in spite of being absolutely identical to the other two weapons in every way. Huh. Also, as a War Hammer, I mean, we can all agree what a war hammer is, right? it's a one-handed blunt object of death. It's fellow d12+4 damage dealers are a Claymore (5k) and a War Axe (5k). Both two-handed weapons (well, the claymore definitely, i don't know about the "war axe".

Finally, I need something to kill people from long distances: both as a Warrior, and as a "lone spy on the Grassy Knoll" kinda thing. I'm leaning heavily towards the "Heavy Crossbow" for 2,200 G.C. and to shoot at people, 25 Woo... Wait.

Page 34. Last two table entries.

"25 wood bolts: 75 G.C."
"25 wood bolts: 300 G.C."
...

Clearly, he's supposed to have made that second "wood" into, i dunno, Steel. But he screwed that up. so now, by the book, we don't even have consistency over the value of 25 wood bolts.

Well, I'm buying the cheaper wood bolts. No sense in putting premium wood bolts when you're just gonna give 'em all away. Point first. In soft areas. I'm digressing.

So, damage for this little shopping spree leaves me at 975 G. C.

>>17085429

And what items did i Buy with my money now?

Name - Cost - Damage - Durability (found on page 45)

Dagger: (100 G.C.), (1d4), (10)
War Hammer (4600 G.C.), (1d12+4), (45)
Heavy Crossbow (2,200 G.C.) (-) (20)
Wood Bolts (75 G.C.), (1d4+5), (4)

Furthermore, My high strength gives me +2 damage. Note that this isn't "+2 in melee" it's just a flat +2 damage. So the crossbow in my hands deals 1d4+7 damage on a hit., and the War hammer does 1d12+6.

Of course, i have a flat 42% to-hit proficiency, so while I may be the Dwarf of Steel, I am sadly, not the Dwarf that Never misses.

Next up: I move on to visit the General Store, Maybe now I can spend some Silver or Copper?

>>17085512
Damn it, Work just called. Back to the grindstone... i'll be back to finish shopping later in the evening.

>>17085543
Finally. A defective GFCI receptacle was replaced, a vehicle repaired, and a crisis averted. All I could think about the whole time was Spider, Dwarf of Steel.

The Game itself is terribad, but only because it's so disorganized... and takes so fucking much to generate a character.

Anyway, on to the general store.

I'll buy 1 "cycle" of Fine quality Rations for 5 G.C., and finally tap into my small reservoir of S.C. by a quart of basic Wine for 10 Silver. It actually disturbs me that Water is so expensive, four gallons of water cost three times as much as one quart of wine. The pricing here feels all over the scale. Cider is four times as expensive as common wine, and oil is half as expensive as cider. Being a Dwarf, I naturally expect to drink heavily, but I think I can live with just one quart of it for this cycle (all 20 minutes of it... maybe.) I'll also pick up two flasks of Oil. One is for lighting on fire, the other is for throwing on people, THEN lighting on fire.

On to basic Adventuring Gear. Here uncatalogued under a "misc. items" box. And, once again, we've got some discrepancies.

Rope is ten silver, but HEMP rope is fifty. What is rope made out of if it isn't hemp? and how is it cheaper than hemp? A tinder box (good for ten fires) is eight silver, but a flint (which you need to start a tinder) is a whole gold. A Basic 1st aid kit (first aid, itself, is a concept that seems out of place in a fantasy world of dwarves and elves, but that's just my opinion) costs twenty silver, and advanced costs thirty gold... what do they do? How do they justify that one costs (perhaps, we still haven't found a solid exchange rate) 1,500 times as much as the other? We don't know! because there is no other place in the rules that 1st aid kits are mentioned!

1 Cycle of Fine Rations (5 G.C.)
1 flask of basic wine (10 S.C.)
2 flasks of Oil (20 S.C.)

Keeping a running shopping list: since I want this character to be fully ready for anything.

Nothing helps a climber quite like Rope, so I'll buy the cheap stuff. A Tinder Box (and Flint) go next, then a basic first aid kit, a small blanket, and a small tent. A folding Cot, and a pot & pan set

1 Cycle of Fine Rations (5 G.C.)
1 flask of basic wine (10 S.C.)
2 flasks of Oil (40 S.C.)
2 rope (50': 20 s.c.)
1 Tinder Box (8 S.C.)
1 Flint (1 G.C.)
1 Small Blanket (8 S.C.)
1 Small Tent (10 G.C.)
1 Cot (folding) (5 S.C.)
1 Pot & Pan Set (5 S.C.)

Again with the arbitrary pricing. Eating good food for a day will buy you a tent. But remember, A Common ration for one "cycle" costs 800 silver coins. For the same price as a cheap meal you can buy 160 folding beds, or 160 pot & pan sets to cook your 1 Cycle worth of Food.

Head, meet desk.

How's my cash flow doing, now that i'm out of there?

>5 platinum, 959 Gold, 304 Silver, 30,000 copper.

Well, i guess it's time to trudge into the stables.

>>17086511
And time to trudge right back out again. I'm not getting so much as a Pony without spending 780 Gold on a Pony, Saddlery, and Feedlot.

Incidentally, oats, the long time horse fodder? The stuff that they they normally feed horses? Yeah, it costs 6 times as much as basic feed. 30 G.C. for 7 cycles of Oats. It costs as much to feed a Horse Oats for 7 cycles, as it costs to feed a person "fine" quality food.

Okay, on to the Tailor.

Now, according to the "Complete set of armor nd clothes that can be worn at one time" on page 47 (not too far off, the tailor is on page 37) I can buy myself a Shirt, breaches, cloak (or cape), 9 rings, and 3 medallions, in addition to the things I am already wearing.

The sad thing is: he forgot to mention that you can wear boots.

Okay. A Wool Cloak will cost me 85 C.C. and: fun stuff: according to the equipment explanation chart, on page 46, a Cloak has a Durability of 4, and offers an extra 2% defense.

Yes, I just spent 85 copper to raise my Defense by 2%. I think it's the cheapest upgrade in the game.

Okay. Leather Tunic (19 Silver) & Cotton Breeches (25 Silver) so i don't look like too much of a reject at the Ren Faire.

And finally, FINALLY: on page 37: BOOTS.

...

"Leather -> Hard Leather -> Hard with Trinkets"

...

No steel boots.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

>>17086646


Fuck it, Buying the High Boots that are "Hard leather, with Trinkets" and COUNTS AS-ing them to be steel. Fuck your game. fuck it fuck it. they're steel for 30 gold. 18 durability, +4% defense.

Yeah, my Dwarf has 86% defenses, right now. is it Good? I DON'T REALLY KNOW! Why? because I haven;t found out how combat works yet! I'm only on page 37 of this damn character creation section... Still buying equipment.

Ahh, Apothecary! now all those nifty little things that do things to keep players alive. All these roots are pretty pricey, so i'll just pass on buying anythign else here.

>5 platinum, 929 Gold, 260 Silver, 29,915 copper.

Next section is magical scrolls, which are all way out of my price range now that i'm armed and armored.

Fun fact: any career can use any scroll, and they all take 2 s.s. to cast, (14.4 minutes, we think) Including the most powerful scroll i have ever seen: From the Bards "Shame". It forces everyone in the room to pay 1,000 G.C. Each.

Thing is, it only costs 4,500 G.C. to buy. So: get five people in the room with you when you cast it, and you'll make a profit. Get nine people in the room, and you can buy two scrolls off the returns. Read this to a concert hall, and you're getting the picture, right?

Also: more improper pricing: A Heal spell for 1-10 LP, costs 75 gc to cast from a scroll, and takes 2 s.s. A Heal spell from a potion takes 1 s.s. to cast, and costs 50 gc

This is stupid. It is stupid and I hate it, but i'm going to finish, and then i'll run a mock combat. Even if it takes me all freaking night.

>>17086819

roll for sanity please

rolled 18 = 18

>>17086892
That's a d100 check, right?

Oh fuck, it's getting to me.

Okay, next section: Maps! Skip them. Map Cases: Skip. Sage Prices (for identifying magic objects) No, my father gave me this ring, i know damn well what it does. Skip.Information? I know everything i need to get this far! And so, on page 45, I am DONE equipping my character!

This calls for an updated character sheet.

Stats!

>Str: 11, Con: 11
>Int: 12, MQu: 9
>Wis: 8, Ret: 8
>Dex: 10, Agi: 8
>Cha: 8, Mag: 1
>PStr: 6, PDef: 8 (10 with Ring)

Important Character Stuff:

>Race: Dwarf.

>Profession: Spy. (shhhh)

>Suggested Dual Class: Warrior.

>I get +2 damage, +3 to each LP die, +4 languages (Start with Common and Dwarven, must learn other 4), +25% on learning rolls, +10% diplomatic rolls, +1 to spell rolls, +25% reaction rolls, +10% pickpocket rolls, +20% to charm rolls, x2 Spell damage, +55% to spell save rolls, Locate Traps: 1%, Locate Secret Doors: 1%, Extra Hearing: 10%, Climb Walls: 5% (35% with my bonus talent as a spider!), Hide in Shadows: 5%, Use Disguise: 10%

>42% Base To-Hit

>30% Base Defense (augmented by armor to 86%)

>I have 11 Hit, er, Life points.

Meaningless Character Stuff

>64% left handed, 23% right handed: these rolls have *no other function* then to make me left handed.

>Born on the Second day, I'm sorry, "Cycle" of the "Water Season", 186 years, I'm sorry, "rebirths" ago. This *still* makes me think of my dishwasher.

My Equipment!

Magic

>Ring of Blocking (+2 PDef)

Armor

>Plate Helm (40) (+5%)
>Platemail (55) (+17%)
>Heavy Steel Shield (45) (+15%)
>Steel Bracers (15) (+3%)
>Steel Shin Guards (20) (+5%)
>Plate Gauntlets (29) (+5%)
>Steel Boots Counts-as (18) (+4%)
>Woolen Cloak (4) (+2%)

Weapons
>Dagger, (1d4), (10)
>War Hammer (1d12+4), (45)
>Heavy Crossbow (-) (20)
>Wood Bolts (1d4+5), (4)

Misc

>1 Cycle of Fine Rations
>1 flask of basic wine
>2 flasks of Oil
>2 rope (50')
>1 Tinder Box
>1 Flint
>1 Small Blanket
>1 Small Tent
>1 Cot (folding)
>1 Pot & Pan Set
>Leather Tunic
>Cotton Breeches

Cash

>5 platinum, 929 Gold, 260 Silver, 29,915 copper.

>>17087384
FINALLY! Page 47: Attack & Defense calculations!


Okay, Fighting is... disappointingly simple.

Step 1: Determine attack order: whoever has the higher Dexterity goes first. What if two have the same dexterity? The rules don't say. Probably go to agility? I don't care, move on.

Okay, so, roll percentile, and modify for Hit Placement... I have a 42% to-hit, so I loose 1% from my attack placement rolls, meaning I am incapable of getting a perfect 100% (Decapitation) strike. Somehow, I think i'll live.

Next, roll % Again, to determine Precision of the strike, Rolling Under 21% is bad, Rolling over 64% is good! on a perfect 100%, you inflict 10x the damage you roll with your damage dice.

If you miss, you roll % (big surprise) for a precision roll to determine how bad the miss is and... Holy shit. 35% chance of hitting yourself for 1x-3x damage.

I have 11 hit points.

My strongest weapon can inflict 1d12+6 damage...

...

I think i'll stick with a dagger for my first offensive.

>Now, according to the "Complete set of armor nd clothes that can be worn at one time" on page 47 (not too far off, the tailor is on page 37) I can buy myself a Shirt, breaches, cloak (or cape), 9 rings,
>and 3 medallions, in addition to the things I am already wearing.

>9 rings

Sooo...three on each hand plus pierced nipples and knob? o_O

>>17087528

or one ring in each finger except the main "fuck you" finger

>>17087475
Okay, well, maybe this'll all balance out in defense? I have a rock solid 86% defense, let's read...

Okay, if my Defense % (86%) is lower than my opponent's To-hit % (unlikely, but i wouldn't put it past this game)... There's roughly a 35% chance i will MULTIPLY my opponent's damage (which, if they roll well on precision, will allready be multiplied, how does this system handle stacking multipliers? It doesn't say. So I might end up doubling or even tripling an 10x damage attack.) Oddly, there's also a 44% chance of reducing the damage inflicted.

If my Defense % is Higher than my opponent's to-hit % (much more likely, but let's not put it past them), instead of a 35% chance of taking extra damage, there's only a 20% chance. and a 54% chance of reducing damage inflicted.

It might work... but to resolve one attack, The attacker needs to roll 2d100 and then damage dice, and the target needs to roll 2d100

One weapon, the Cat o' Nine tails, only inflicts d4 damage, but it gets 9 attacks per round.

Nine.

Chew on that for a minute, having to roll 18d100 and then all assorted weapon damage and multipliers.

Okay. The rest of this chapter (whats left of it) is about magical combat. I doubt I'll need that, as a spy with 0 spells to my name, so I'm skipping it. Especially the gigantic, ugly chart about casting spells during the season of chaos.

Okay, am I ready to fight something now?

Oh hell no! I just found the "skill charts"!

>>17087528
You can actually wear 10 rings, but I have one sooo... I like your version better :P

>>17087595

Diplomacy: 30% of all Diplomatic conversations start a battle or a war.

Dickering: 50% will go blind and get hairy palms.... oh, wait, i'm sorry, 50% of people who argue about a price will find it doubled or worse.

Attraction: 25% of the time the entire city is apathetic to a clear and present danger.

And finally: Splitting up Experience: Apparently, you only get EXP if you do things that your class is supposed to do.

And now: Starting on page Fifty-six. Random Encounter Charts. This is it. This is the part i've been waiting for. The Fight. Our Hero, Spider, Dwarf of Steel, Will now fight a single Random Encounter.

And it's audience participation time. If i have an audience.

Roll a d20, that'll determine Which Random encounter chart gets used!

rolled 3 = 3

>>17087696
Rolling for horror show.

>>17087713
A 3 puts us on the Plains during the Day! d100 please!

rolled 25 = 25

>>17087713

>>17087748
A Merchant! 1 to 10 of them... d10 please? Also: Every Merchant will have 4 4th level warriors.

rolled 6 = 6

>>17087762

>>17087762
I meant to say 4 20th level warriros

rolled 10 = 10

>>17087762
What hath been unleashed upon this earth...

OP is completely fucked...

>>17087769 here, I endorse >>17087781

>>17087781
>>17087785

...

I am completely Fucked.

Not just because I'm looking at 10 merchants and forty 20th level fighters... but because...

I'll have to now roll up Forty 20th level fighters...

I wish Emoticons weren't unbecoming of this board.

>>17087785
Maybe they'll miss him and disembowel themselves?

>>17087819
Chug! Chug! Chug!

rolled 4, 7, 8, 9, 10 = 38

>>17087819
Okay, digging through the Game, i found, on page 67, Rules for quickly making Encounter-Ready fighters....

"quickly" in terms of this game that is.

For the sake of my own sanity, i will do it with one fighter, then copy-paste his stats for all 19 of his allies.

Step 1. Roll 1d10 for Str, Con, Dex, Agility, and PDef.

>>17087819
Well... fuck.
I'm assuming our intrepid Dwarf of Steel is first level?

...I dread to think of what the level advancement charts looks like.

>>17087847
Oh, that's a minor relief. Insofar as anything concerning this game can be considered relieving.

rolled 3, 5 = 8

>>17087847

>4, 7, 8, 9, 10

Our Generic Fighter-men have Str 4, Con 7, Dex 8, Agi 9, and P-Def 10.

Fucking hell, I'm better than them at everything. Especially Str. With a Strength that low, they won't be able to equip most armor or weapons!

They Get Defense = 20% + armor, Attacks, same as fighter class, damage by Str & weapon, LPs... 2d6 + 1d8/lvl (I assume CON is supposed to be in there too, but he forgot it, and i';m not going to correct him.)

Also, these fighters each have 55% chance of having magic weapons, armor, rings, etc on their persons.

Well, time to roll the HP,

rolled 7, 3, 3, 2, 1, 5, 2, 6, 1, 5, 8, 7, 4, 6, 3, 7, 6, 7, 8 = 91

>>17087903
the 2d6 are for first level, these 19d8 are for levels 2-20

>>17087919
So, our typical Fighting Man, has an even 100 hp, Fantastic. Consulting the book to find out their to-hit % now.

>>17087475
>coup de gras
>gras

it roughly translates as "fat blow"

>>17087952
Okay, fighters gain 1% weapon proficiency per 2 levels. And these Fighters, because of their abysmal stats, only have 15% Proficiency to start with... But they also gain 9% leveling up 2-10 and 20% leveling up 11-20...

So 15 + 19 + 9 + 20 = 63% Attack proficiency!

This means my armor is better, and I'll get to use the less punishing defensive roll chart!

I may not be doomed yet!

>>17087959
I imagine most of those 10 swords are lodged in the fat somewhere. And yes, I did make that motivational poster... many, may years ago. When my spelling sucked.

Okay, Defensively, these guys have an Agility of 9, which isn;t terri-bad... but the awesome thing is: because they do not have a Mental Quickness stat, they only get to add 15% to their existing 10% base.

Of course, leveling Up also increases defenses, 9% for 2-10 and 20% for 11-20.

10+15+9+20=54%, Plus armor. My Offensive abilities are only 42%, So the Baddies will also be using the Lower Damage chart.

rolled 60, 99 = 159

>>17088086
Okay, I think i have enough of my enemies for now.

Weapons: biggest they can equip is a Short Sword. (d6)
For armor: a small wooden shield (heaviest kind they can equip: +15% defense)

I guess It's up to me to start this fight...

So, Spider, Dwarf of Steel, is skulking his way through the plains, in the middle of broad daylight. When he sees a carrivan of 50 people. 40 of them are anorexics with sandals, short swords, and tavern serving trays strapped to their arms. the other 10 are carrying so much money in their pockets that each of them has two of the anorexic lads helping them hold their pants up. The anorexics look pissed off, especially about the pants holding.

Clearly, these are people you feel like you could tangle with.

And now, where shit gets fucked up. See, there's no rules for "attacking at range" or "movement" So, we'll have to all use our imaginations here folks... and right now, i'm imagining that Spider, Dwarf of steel is about a quarter mile away, using his "hide in Shadows" bonus of +5% to stay out of line of sight from the Malnourished soldiers.

Since the skill to detect someone hiding in shadows is "sense movement" (again, skills never explained), and fighters do not gain a bonus to that, the 2nd roll will be the fighter's "sense movement" roll... which, realisticly, should be penalized for distance, non proficiency, and gnawing on the edge of his own shield... but what you gonna do.

rolled 24, 70 = 94

>>17088220
>60 +5% = 65%
>99% = 99%

FFFFFUUUUCK. One of the the fighters detected me. Okay, i'm still a long way off... What is he gonna do next audience?

Ok, ok. I just did some calculations. Assuming that a round of combat is 1 second, a year is 16 2/3 minutes.

>>17088086
>>17087959
Fat blow as in "I hit you with my fat", not "I hit you in the fat".

rolled 8, 97 = 105

>>17088238
We know, Time in this universe is fucked up. I mean, get ice in your drink and a full year goes by before it melts. Chaos Dragons, breeding in everyone's dining rooms, rutting away for several minutes without a care in the multiverse. it's all horrible.

>>17088237
If i was him, I'd scream and gesticulate offensively in your direction.

>>17088257
Oh shit, totally missed you guys doing the calcs on that. Though hey, the average human would only be alive for about 1000 min or so to witness the insanity.

rolled 98 = 98

>>17088257

Alright. One level 20 Fighter, fevered with hunger as he is, Hoots like a Marmoset on laudinum, and Charges my distant position.

COMBAT TIEM!

s.s. 1: Initiative: Spider: dwarf of Steel! has the first action here.

I'm going to unsling my Heavy Crossbow, Load a Wooden Bolt, and Shoot the Howling, Charging level 20 fighter... Oh gods i'm gonna get raped. Attack +42% vs Defense +69%

Rolling for Placement.

rolled 51 = 51

>>17088307
WOO HOO! Headshot! Even with the -1 I suffer to placement for my low attack % (how dare I have 42%.) I still put it squarely in his temple. Now, rolling precision.

>>17087959

Oh, so "Meat Shot"

rolled 57 = 57

>>17088323
With 51% precision, I will inflict a d4+2 damage to my target...

as long as he doesn't have anything to say about it. Now it's his defensive turn: and he's rolling to reduce damage by blocking with his shield

rolled 1 = 1

>>17088342
His armor is hit! 1/2 damage (rolling now 1d4+2) and his armor looses 1d8 durability... for reference sake, the small wooden shields our emaciated combatant foes have are only durability of 10

rolled 5 = 5

>>17088354
Sorry, got my damage on the crossbow wrong, it's actually 1d4+7, so I inflict 8 damage to the warrior by shooting him in the head. His shield takes 1d8 points of damage now... here's hoping it breaks...

rolled 5 = 5

>>17088367
So, at the end of my initiative pass: I have 24 Crossbow Bolts,
The Warrior has 95 life poitns,
and the warrior's shield has 5 durability remaining. Fighter's turn!

rolled 7 = 7

>>17088382
*sigh* 92 life points.

Okay, /tg/ before I shot him, the fighter just hooted and gesticulated wildly at me. Now, he's been shot. What's he going to do?

rolled 97 = 97

>>17088397
I'mma gonna guess "Charge like he means it"

Since movement in this game is completely undefined, (only creatures i can find that even have move speeds listed are tree-ents, and june bugs) I'm gonna say that in the one s.s. he has the speed to move 60' in a charge. Sound good? Sound fair? The good thing is, I set myself up at a quarter mile away, 1320 feet. Which I am shooting easily with a heavy crossbow, because this game also does not have range limitations. It will take him 22 s.s, Two whole Segments (and a bit) to reach me. And since he has no ranged weapons... I might as well just pass his turn a couple of times.

Yes, it's not in the spirit of the game, but, fuck the spirit, I have a grudge against this system, and i'll see it burn by it's own rules.

So: s.s. 2: Electric boogaloo. and I find that i did round 1 incorrectly, but screw it, I'll do this one right.

First, I have to roll Under my weapons proficiency: (42%) My dice are modified by -1 because of my Low proficiency value.

Second % is either placement, or my fumble roll. Wish me luck

rolled 67 = 67

>>17088527
The Dice are not kind. Because i greatly exceeded 42%, i now get to roll on the fumble chart. I have a good chance of killing myself here, since my attacks deal 1d4+7 damage, each.

rolled 4, 1 = 5

>>17088538
"My weapon hits a hard surface, taking d6x2 off it's durability"

I think i'll just make it 2d6. Heavy Crossbows have Durability of 20.

>>17088397
Throw his sword!
>keep it coming

rolled 5 = 5

>>17088554
So, 2nd s.s. Ends; Our results?
>I am down to 23 Crossbow Bolts.
>My Weapon is down to 15 durability.

>My foe is at 92 Life points.
>My foe's shield is at 5 Durability.

And he's still running. Wow. Look at him go.

On to s.s. 3. C'mon 42 or lower!

OH THE HUMANITY.

Go attack a turtle, OP. Get some Negative XP up in this bitch.

rolled 57, 30 = 87

>>17088575

Ah-HA! with a lowly 5, I HIT! Now, I roll 2d100, one for placement, the other for precision.

rolled 4 = 4

>>17088588
57: uh-oh.
>41 - 75%: chest & upper arms (roll for which and which arm)

Aww crap. Do I have to? Okay. Once again, being told to roll something, without an additional chart. I'll throw a d6. 1 = left arm, 2 = right arm, 3+ = torso. Sound fair?

>30: Even damage

So he's taking 1d4+7 any way, as long as his defenses don't buck mine.

rolled 4 = 4

>>17088611
So, he was shot in the torso. Now, I'll roll my damage. 1d4, Plus 7.

rolled 67 = 67

>>17088621
4+7 = 11! max damage for a Heavy Crossbow bolt! As long as his defense doesn't kill me...

rolled 3 = 3

>>17088632
67: Armor is hit, 1/2 damage, armor takes 1d8 off durability.

Well, that's the shield again: so the runner takes 5, (dropping him to 87) and his armor takes this much.

Oh god my sides

rolled 30 = 30

>>17088644
And now, Because someone suggested it, The Fighter will throw his short sword.

Because there are no rules differentiating between ranged weapons and melee weapons, this is totally fair.

So, the fighter has a 63% attack proficiency, so he needs under 63 here.

rolled 64, 90 = 154

>>17088665
Success! The Fighter HURLS his short sword the remaining 1,200 feet across Atlantasia's wide amber waves of plains, He now rolls for placement and penetration.

Wow. That's terrible.
How can someone spend 18 years working on a system, and leave it with gaping holes like that ?

I really want the author's explanation.

rolled 4 = 4

...Fuck you RNG.

With a 64, the Fighter puts his hurled shortsword squarely in my Chest / upper arms (roll to determine). 1d6 again for where, but it's really not going to matter much, because, that 90 will make his penetrating damage x4. effectively 4d6 damage. I still only have 11 life points... I better get a miracle on my defense roll... But first, this d6 is for where on my anatomy he's hitting.

rolled 96 = 96

>>17088704
Square in the chest. this d100 is my defensive roll.

rolled 1 = 1

>>17088712
>86 - 97%: attack glances off armor (0 damage; armor takes 1d4 off durability)

...

FUCK YEAH! i'm still in this fight!

Oh, my Platemail armor needs to take 1d4 damage Here that is.

I just took a look at the first thread and the links...

>The Game Master's Bible is available online, both in print (for $44.95) and ebook (for $3.99). Holland is selling it on the website www.realmsofatlantasia.com, the iUniverse website, www.iuniverse.com, where it can be found by searching for The Realms of Atlantasia, and the websites of large bookstore chains including Chapters, Indigo, and Barnes and Noble. The soft cover book is $44.95, and the ebook sells for $3.99.

>The next steps are to get the book into game stores in southern Alberta, and then onto the shelves in the large bookstores, he said.

H>olland plans to auction a signed first edition, complete with documentation and a case, on eBay sometime in December.

>He also wants to set up a game night at his Vulcan residence.

That last sentence got me.

>>17088726
>Platemail
I thought that was a joke between fa/tg/uys, that it was not actually used in games...

rolled 74 = 74

>>17088726

So: at the end of s.s. 3:
>I am down to 22 Wooden Crossbow Bolts
>My Platemail Torso armor has 54 durability
>My Heavy Crossbow has 15 durability
>I have acquired a shiny new shortsword!
>I am at 11 Life Points

>The Fighter is 1,200 feet away.
>He is down to 87 Life Points
>His Shield is down to Durability 2

And now, My turn to cull the herd again. I need under a 42.

>>17088559
0.5 down, 49 to go.

Godspeed, you crazy Anon.

rolled 45 = 45

>>17088774
Once again, I miss. I'm shooting with a crossbow from 1,200 feet, and I miss. Who'da thunk?

Anhow, this roll is on the Miss table.

rolled 5, 2, 1, 5, 6 = 19

>>17088789
>36 - 55%: weapon hits a hard surface taking x5 points off durability

...

With a result like that, i'm gonna have to take another liberty with the rules as written.

For one thing: I'm not actually using the Crossbow as the weapon, i'm using the crossbow bolts, okay? They also have Durability, and they are what really inflicts the damage. So this 5d6 in damage? it's being done to a crossbow bolt.

>>17088804
There, That's one unretrievable crossbow bolt. it shattered on a rock. Pity. Any suggestions for the Fighter's turn, before he resumes his grim jog towards me with only the ratty remains of his shield?

>>17088810
can he throw his armor at you?

>>17088810
Guess not. The fighter resumes his jogging...

And, whats this?

Why, it's a Rock!

Out here! in the plains... all by itself.

Does the fighter pick up the rock?

>>17088822
The remains of his Small Wooden shield (heaviest armor a character with Str 4 can use) could conceivably be thrown at me, but it would cause his defenses to drop by 15%.

rolled 7 = 7

>>17088843
Okay... The fighter decides to throw his Small wooden shield at the Dwarf. So, After charging forward another 60', closing the gap between the two to a mere 1,140 feet the Fighter Hurls his Wooden shield like a discuss. THis needs to be under 62.

rolled 19, 47 = 66

>>17088884
Am I surprised? No. The RNG despises me tonight. Okay, Rolling for Placement and Penetration.

>>17088884
I think the other 39 fighters should trow their swords now.

rolled 2 = 2

>19 Lower Legs (roll left or right) (sigh) 1d2. 1 = left, 2 = right.

>47 even damage.

... Damage.

There's no proper damage for improvised weapons.

The "Par" damage is suggested to be 1d6. So, If I take this, i'll take id6 damage.

>>17088895

Seconding this. You will fight in the shade.

>>17088895
It's the only reasonable thing to do when confronted by a dwarf firing a crossbow from a quarter mile away.

rolled 8 = 8

>>17088925
>>17088902
Okay, Deal. But first. My One defense roll against this:

rolled 1, 6, 2 = 9

>>17088931
>01 - 15%: steps into attack (damage is x3; armor takes 2d20 off durability)

.....

FFUCK. Damage dice: 3d6

rolled 13, 9 = 22

>>17088942
Okay, i lost 9, I'm down to 2 Life Points, after being hit in the shin by a shield thrown from over 1,100 feet away. My Boots will now take 2d20 damage

rolled 51, 47, 11, 2, 49, 66, 8, 2, 16, 40, 96, 70, 18, 91, 21, 15, 29, 4, 17, 55 = 708

>>17088956
And steel shin guards only have a durability of 20. My Left Shin Guard is destroyed, reducing my Armor by 5%.

And now, 20 of the remaining 39 Fighters will throw their short swords. They all need a 62% or lower.

rolled 90, 27, 37, 55, 92, 3, 31, 15, 97, 26, 100, 81, 90, 75, 4, 80 = 903

>>17088970
16 of those 20 guards hit. From a quarter mile away, with thrown swords.

..i don't have the heart to roll placement and penetrating...

(Oh who am I kidding, of course i do! 16d100 for placement!)

So there's actually worse games around than FATAL ?

Duly noted.

Loving the fact that a shield thrown from ~1200feet away dealt over 80% of your health in damage.

>>17088970

16 hits op. I think... I think now is the time for an emotiquon.

ε=ε=ε=┌(;*´Д`)ﾉ

Would like to see another random encounter that doesn't involve 40 starving ethiopian champions with unlimited health raping us to death with swords from 400 yards.

Guess I am playing the wrong game though.

>I'm down to 2 Life Points, after being hit in the shin by a shield thrown from over 1,100 feet away.

so, this is the best game
that is what I am seeing here
all in favor

rolled 87, 52, 1, 32, 76, 6, 28, 30, 25, 1, 27, 54, 61, 99, 27, 61 = 667

>>17088984
"they call this maneuver... steel rain."
>Lower Legs
3, 15, 4

>Upper Legs
27, 31, 26, 37

>Chest & Upper Arms
55, 75

>Lower Abdomen & Forearms
90, 92, 81, 90, 80

>Head Shot
97,

>Decapitation
100,

...

Well, that pretty much says it all.

So, Spider, Dwarf of steel was decapitated. Time to roll penetration.

I don't want to download the pdf and check, but I refuse to believe that there's no rule for how distance affects projectiles.

Oh god, I'm laughing so hard right now.

>>17088238
I bet that he intended for a round to take the same time as in D&D. Assuming that "ss" is never defined in the book, this would mean it could easily stand for "six-second".

It would also mean that a year is an hour and a half.

Can any of you guys get onto his site? It just gets stuck in a java loading bar for me.

Oh god my sides and throat.

I can barely see my monitor because I am literally crying tears of laughter here.

>>17089052
I can.

>>17089052
Yes, and it's awful. It looks like something designed in 1994 by a 12-year-old.

>Ripple effects, ripple effects everywhere

>>17089077
How can you get past it? I must see the shit.

rolled 6, 5, 4, 1, 5, 1, 2, 2, 4, 2, 6, 3, 5, 4, 5, 3, 4, 6, 5, 1, 4, 5, 4 = 87

>>17089027
Actually there are.

If you play an assassin, you gain a BONUS to hit when using ranged weapons.

... and that concludes the rules for distance affecting projectile weapons.

And now: The penetration.

>1/4 damage:
1, 6, 1

>even damage
52, 32, 28, 30, 25, 27, 27, 54, 61, 61

>x3 damage
76

>x4 damage
87

>x6 damage
99

.... Fuck.

So how many microFATALs are we rating this at?

I'd guess at least 50k.

rolled 19, 41, 71, 7, 52, 42, 16, 50, 75, 19, 50, 100, 47, 72, 13, 25 = 699

>>17089095
Wait! hold that damage roll! I forgot, I get 16 *defensive* rolls here!

>>17089095

>99

WELP.

>>17089103
Well, if we're using a scale where FATAL = 100,000 microFATALs, this is probably up at 85k or so.

The fluff itself is nowhere near the level of FATAL, though it does come close in a couple parts(Elf rape suicide thing), but it's so awful in every other respect that the title of the book might as well be "Abandon hope all ye who enter here"

By the way, the infinite range thing happened in 3.5. There was a cleric domain in Fiendish Codex II (Entropy, I think) that gave you a spell-like ray with no printed range or range increment.

I can't get past:
>64% left handed, 23% right handed
So you're 87% "handed"... and 13% /un/handed?

I don't even understand what that could have possibly been intended to mean.

rolled 46, 90, 75, 7, 36, 31, 26, 89, 61, 92, 13, 88, 100, 43, 77, 27 = 901

>>17089107
Aaand. I'm at the point where I say Screw it. Tomorrow, fair anons, I will return, with Spider, Dwarf of Steel, and have him engage in a random encounter that does NOT involve being pincushoned by flying swords.

Maybe I'll fight a crab, or a small vole or something.

>>17089126
Standard SI prefix dictates that one FATAL equal one million microFATALs.

I've not yet seen the fluff of this game, as this is the first thread for it I've seen. I was only rating it based on mechanics. Care to give me the highlight reel?

This is the best thread I have seen in months anywhere.

>>17089151
Well, a year is somewhere between a 16 2/3 minutes to 100 minutes depending on if you assume 1 to 6 seconds in a combat round. Alternatively if you assume a year is our year, a combat round is like.... 17 minutes.

>>17089142

>crab

NO YOU FOOL, YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO HIT IT

Oh god, I downloaded it. Why did I download it!?

>>17089173
So wait, what? Someone explain this to me, the fuck is with this setting?

>>17089173
Don't forget that 1/3 of th population die every year because of planeshifting interdimensional dragon fucking.

>>17089215
Where do you want us to start? The fact that 30% of the population is flung to a completely different world by interdimensional dragons fucking every year (Which is about 100 minutes in this setting), the fact that the gods kill anybody who harms lizards, the fact that crabs are practically invincible, or the many, many DMPCs/Mary Sues/Self Inserts which preside over the world, such as the original creator in mortal form, who refuses to kill anybody but is totally happy scattering your atoms to the cosmos and then rebuilding you, which has a 99% fatality rate (He still considers this nonlethal).

Alternatively, we can explain why there are 550 pages of tables which lead to other tables which lead to nothing, you have to roll on which hand you use most often, and the fact that there are zero ranged combat rules, so you can attack somebody 20 miles away with a short sword by throwing it, and you will not lose any combat effectiveness.

I laughed so hard, my right testicle has started hurting.
Thanks a lot op.
Next time put a disclaimer on your thread, or something.

>>17089251

every "rebirth". we have no idea how well that corresponds to an earth year. although I did figure out that a "rebirth" is 360 "cycles". (4 elemental seasons of 80 cycles each, and the CHAOS SEASON which for some reason is consistent in length at 40 cycles)

with a cycle being 20 segments, and a segment being 10 semi-segments (ss)... I think a ss is also a turn. so this planet has a really short year or really long turns. (i.e. it takes 20 minutes for a dragon to attack again. or for the deity you offended by killing a lizard to show up and force a quest upon you.)

>>17089251
Oh right, which might only last as short as 3 1/3 minutes, and occur every 16 2/3 minutes. Again, that's with the 1 second per combat cycle assumption. Assuming 6 secs per combat round means it lasts 20 min, and happens ever 100 min.

>>17089271
>Alternatively, we can explain why there are 550 pages of tables which lead to other tables which lead to nothing, you have to roll on which hand you use most often, and the fact that there are zero ranged combat rules, so you can attack somebody 20 miles away with a short sword by throwing it, and you will not lose any combat effectiveness.
Bitch please, I've read the FATAL rules. Hilarious none the less, though. Especially the ranged combat thing. GATE OF BABYLON initiate?

>Where do you want us to start? The fact that 30% of the population is flung to a completely different world by interdimensional dragons fucking every year (Which is about 100 minutes in this setting), the fact that the gods kill anybody who harms lizards, the fact that crabs are practically invincible, or the many, many DMPCs/Mary Sues/Self Inserts which preside over the world, such as the original creator in mortal form, who refuses to kill anybody but is totally happy scattering your atoms to the cosmos and then rebuilding you, which has a 99% fatality rate (He still considers this nonlethal).
Now that's just amazing. Like, I don't even know where to begin. This makes Synibarr look coherent and shit.

>>17089271
Don't forget to roll for anal circumference!

>>17089151
Oh, and also the fact you can be as low as 2% handed if you get a shit roll. Don't ask me what that means.

>>17089287

all of the DMPCs have secrets unknown to their friends and family which amount to "why they can never be killed".

every last one.

>Shame (causes everyone in 1 room to pay 1000 G.C. each)
>Cost 4500 G.C.

Wait, is this the ladder/2 10 ft pole thing all over again?

>>17089297
Oh yeah, the one with a super seekrit shadow dragon turned zombie dragon which he bound his soul to and now he is unkillable.

Or the lich-but-not-really who hid his phylactery, and the rules specifically state that nobody can find it, ever.

>>17089314
IT IS

>>17089328
Fucking wow.

Also reading the archive thread... gnomes are basically magical kenders? Really? Fucking REALLY?

>2 pages of potions, effects, and prices
>*note: None of these work. They are all frauds.
WUT

>>17089151
>>17089215

here's the first thread: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17056372/

some highlights are found in there.

>>17089338
Yup! Want me to paste the chart for you? It's also a complex bullshit one you gotta roll every-time you're around someone, also, modify by class.

Oh man, between the archived thread linked up there and this one, I am laughing my ass off. OP, I salute you for undertaking the noble sacrifice of bringing us this gem of entertainment.

I like how no matter where you are, there is a 1% chance that a random encounter will be with a dragon.

You cannot kill the dragon. If you try, it will kill you and so will the gods. And you will lose xp. I mean EPs. So, if a dragon shows up, I hope you have a shitty record collection.

>10 rings (1 for each finger & thumb)
>10 amulets and/or broaches
>3 medallions
>Can all be worn at once
Yo dawg, check out my bling yo!

OP I must say that I thoroughly enjoy this thread and topic and wish to thank you from the deepest part of my heart for enduring this.

Also my neighbors are pissed off because I'm laughing to hard.

Oh god his fucking website

This swimming text

What the FUCK

>>17089281
>>17089279
>Every 100 minutes 1/3 of all the people teleport to other universes randomly because dragons are fucking.

Where does the author live? I want to send him a couple dozen of those dragon dildos that you guys have been talking about.

>>17089341

That is the greatest thing ever.

>>17089396
DUDE TELL ME HOW YOU GOT PAST THE JAVA LOADING BAR

>>17089406
It was just a blank screen

And then I reloaded

And then oh god why are there bubbles

THE TEXT IS SWIMMING

>>17089406

you can only get in during Chaos Season. so try again in about 100 minutes

>>17089215
The Author, John Holland, spent 18 years making this game. He did it all by himself.

It looks like it. That is not a compliment.

Some endeavors are very well suited to individualisim. But Writing needs editors. Writing games needs playtesters. And I like to think of myself, right now, as one of those playtesters.

Time is a mess, the rules are all over the place, and my character creation required 87 separate die rolls. There are only four races (one of which are Kender in disguise) and most of all, it has Mary-Sues weeping out the elbows.

The prices *feel* wrong, and the system is clunky to the extreme.

That said: only $3.99 for the .pdf? Well now I feel really bad about downloading it off mediafire. I got three full days of frustration out of this thing. that's more than I got out of my last video game purchase.

>>17089425

I just got in and... magic marker errywhere.

>>17089443
Oh god that's terrible I didn't even see that

I just saw his about me page and ran:
http://www.realmsofatlantasia.com/about-us

Good god why. This is as if Synibarr and Eliminster had a rape baby.

>>17089443

guaranteed eye cancer

>>17089381
http://www.realmsofatlantasia.com/about-us#!__virtual-tour

Best bit right here. Apparently random pictures of trees and clay garden gnomes add to your visualization of the setting, somehow.

>Random Encounters
>City (day): 80%
>City (night): 60%
Does this... this... I dunno what to even call him, even know how cities work?

>>17089452
>>17089456

the comments page has me losing my shit hard.

http://www.realmsofatlantasia.com/comments because the links only work for 30 rels every SS.

>>17089456
haha oh god what the fuck

this is just amazing

>>17089456

OH GOD

A GNOME JUST LAUNCHED ITSELF AT ME AND I ALMOST PISSED MYSELF

>>17089463
I don't think this man knows much of anything.

$1000 DOLLAR PRIZES

>>17089488

he sure knows he doesn't want you killing any Leyline Lizards or Crabs (normal).

>>17089488

He somehow managed self sustaining for 18 years. Or managed to convince his parents to not kill him for the good of the world

>>17089497

and squirells. And that paxx whatever npc

>32. y u no let me kill anything?
>by gully

>Why can't I kill a creature without gaining negative experience or having a god ride my ass?

>>17089497
How the fuck are you even supposed to kill one of these crabs

>>17089513

>>17089523

You can't. On the 1% chance you do, a dragon-god appears and rapes you to death while you lose xp.

Good god, these NPC writeups aren't just about characters seemingly pulled from some 13 year old's OC Gary Stu files, but they're written like it too.

>>17089533

Yes, in Atlantasia you too can face such challenges as:
>inventory management
>finding maps
>recruiting party members
>deciding whether or not to sell some shiny rocks you found

And much more!

>>17089579

speaking of which, it seems like the only way to kill anything without losing XP and/or pissing off a deity is to rape an elf, who will commit suicide in shame.

>DRAGONFIN stshgl

Oh god... eyes... hurting... Horrible hot blue background.
Horrible, hot neon, marker map...
Just ow... it's an assault on my eyes.

>>17089608
You can kill other people I guess?

Then you only have to worry about being beaten down with flying swords from 20 miles out.

>>17089603

or caracter creation. or reading that fucking book. or just not loosing sanity

>>17089608

but that way only the elf gains XP

Okay guys, I think I found a potential leveling strategy. You kill unicorns! The gods will only kill your loved ones instead of you so just make sure you're self-loathing!

>>17089452

Oh gods, what's really horrible?

187,838 "likes" on his site.

>>17089659
or be masochistic. you only love the pain

>>17089463
>does he know how cities work?

Well, he's from Alberta, Canida so... no.

>>17089675
3 of those are the authors, so it's more like 187835 'Likes'

>>17089713
I'm guessing about 187837 of them are the author's.

The remaining one clicked it by accident.

Oh man, did you see the obvious as hell socks of them in the early comments?

This has to be a parody. The phone number he listed belongs to no-one under that name, he claims he's been into RPGs for 20 years and yet apparently hasn't seen anything other than DnD (which is something he manages to get wrong as well), etcetera. That bit about the Crab (normal) has to be intentional. And the Par-Traxx thing, that elf-self-insert of his... doesn't that just read exactly like pic related? It's a grandiose, fully overblown true Mary Sue (in the later sense of the word) that could only be come up with by a 12 year old or someone who is doing this with full and total awareness.

>>17089811

>by a 12 year old

Remember, he claims to have been working on this thing for 18 years, so he would have gone through his "super special can never die ever character" phase at SOME point in the development of this shlock.

>>17089747
The likes are for the website provider, not the site itself.

>>17089820
>>17089811

then someone write an email to the news site which made an interview with him.

>>17089829
Oh. Well that's more sane I guess.

So has anyone found a better way to break this than Lizard Armor yet?

>>17089811
ITΣ-A ME!

>>17089811

The thing is: it's too incomplete to be a true parody.

True parodies, especially ones on this scale, 500+ pages, they go into DEEP detail. If anything, this guy is guilty of poor design by compounded omission.

Clearly, it works for him, and his friends, because they know what all this stuff is supposed to mean. But he's not the person reading it. We are.

>>17089833

then main problem is for breaking a game you have to know the rules and understand them, better than the creator.
In this game even reading the rules is a difficult task...

>>17089833

http://www.facebook.com/groups/111987698911062/
This however, is their facebook group.

>>17089857
>19 members

seems accurate. However I think suddenly 10-20 people will sign up because of this thread and for the lulz

however this John Holland's profile is too new and empty to be convincing. the profile is obviously a fake one but I don't know that he wanted to make a separate one so people won't know who he is or someone is trolling us big time

>>17089881
You know, once upon a time, people thought FATAL was a troll.

Spells: ice chards: 1-6 chards: 1d8 + 2/chard (lv. 01 - 20)
1-8 chards: 1d10 + 2/chard (lv. 21 - 50)
1-10 chards: 1d12 + 2/chard (lv. 51 - 90)
1-12 chards: 1d20 + 2/chard (lv. 91 - 100)


What the fuck is a chard?

Okay, I can't find a crab (normal). Rock Crab, Trigger Crab, but no "normal" crab.

I feel like I'm missing out.

>>17090082
Maybe that's the "I'm too retarded to hire an editor" way to spell shard?

>>17090099

beware the Dire Crab (roll for Crab Lore to find out about them)

>>17090152
But on all of them? I feel like this is some sorta autistic moonspeak for something specific.

>>17090152
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chard
Duh! It's a vegetable! The wizard casts frozen vegetables at people!

>>17090082
>>17090152

>Realms of Atlantasia is not like those other shitty RPGs like D&D.

Par-traxx 0 E.P.s
Par-traxx is an enigma on Atlantasia. Here is what is known about him:
 he is a Moon Elf who became the first Dragon Mage (combined with the Demi-god Chaos
Dragon)
 he has been known to show up in many different looks and personas
he lives in the Crystal Tower which is located in the Nor-Scand Mountains
 he is the idol of almost every Elven Mage
 he is 5' 1" tall and weighs 79 lbs.
 he is always seen with his familiar Terronis (a large black bird with red splotches in its wings)
 he is always seen with a black/gold staff that is 6' high
That is what is known around Atlantasia by any who are able to read or have been to a bard's
performance. Here are the things no one knows about Par-traxx:
 his familiar is actually a 75' phoenix
 the staff he has with him is actually the relic The Staff of the Cosmos (which he keeps with
him so no one can wield its tremendous powers <he knows what would happen if this staff
were to end up in the wrong hands>)
 he was the one to teach the War Magi how to create their shield which absorbs energy and
uses that energy to strengthen itself
 he knows and can use ALL forms of magic
 the biggest thing not known about Par-traxx (none of the Deities even know this) is that he
is actually the avatar of the original creator of all the known universes and dimensions
Because of this last point, Par-traxx cannot be touched physically, mentally or magically. If
confronted, Par-traxx will use the following tactics in order:
 he will first try to talk the antagonist out of the confrontation using a logical approach
 if that does not work, Par-traxx will unleash his familiar in its true form (he will cast a fireball
in Terronis' direction)

>>17090262
 if they continue to press, he will alter his own form into that of his ancient Chaos Dragon
 if this fails (and the antagonist is angering Par-traxx), he will scatter their atoms across every
known plane of existence and dimension, allow those atoms to retain all the knowledge of
the plane of existence/dimension they were in. Then he pulls the atoms back together using
the line "knowledge is power and all you seek is power so that is what I have given you;
ultimate power". While Par-traxx cannot destroy anything or anybody (after all, he is THE
creator), this has been known to kill any this happens to (there is 1 person who survived and
now wanders Atlantasia babbling to himself as he attempts to organize all the information
his mind holds now <you have a 1% chance of surviving this attack>)
170
Par-traxx can be used to insert quests into a group (he is famous for this). He will either show up in
your camp out of the blue (10% of the time) or be situated somewhere in any form you wish (he has
probably used the form before so be creative; he is!) where the group will pass by him.

Totally not a sue guys

>>17089881
The pdf is 550 pages, no artwork.

If it's a troll, the only one being trolled is himself, because it seems to me that quite some (misguided, mind) effort was put into this.

>>17090413

AT LEAST THERE WAS EFFORT.

Hey, guess what. Gypsies are both an ethnicity and series of classes. They all have pick pocket as a class scale. And here I thought it didn't have FATAL's blatant racism.

>>17090624
Welp, guess we better add a few more mircoFATALs to the heap for good old racism.

>>17090624

so you can play gnome gypsies?

>Look at website again
>Comment by Crabman Lizardcloak
Mah nigga.

>>17087696
>30% of all Diplomatic conversations start a battle or a war.
That's hilarious.

>>17092336
Yes, yes you can.

>>17092649

what about nigger gypsies?

Still can't find a normal crab - just "rock" or "trigger".

>>17089443
Just notices the names of some of the actual "realms" of atlantasia. They sound like He-man foes.

Harr-Lett, the seductress.
Shambule, the mound.
Tez-Lah, the electric!
And, of course, the Rhodical ryders!

OH GOD MY SIDES