CURRENT STATS:
Large Vicious Salamander
_______________________________________________
POWERS:
Calming Aura, Level 2
> Pacifies creatures; resisted by strong emotion.
> 30 ft radius, weakens as it goes (Strongest at <10 ft)
Shapeshifting/Body Sculpting, Level 1
> Transform into the last creature PARASITED, duration 5 min.
> May also alter the SIZE of one Body Part.
Necromancy, Level 2
> Can raise and animate TWO bodies, combined mass less than TWO BEARS.
> If no commands are given, minions will return to you and await orders.

Shadow Travel, Level 0 (Dormant; Bear's Power)
> Instantaneous travel between shadows. All other details unknown.
> ???

CRYSTALS:
Yellow Crystal:
> You can understand simple languages; other effects unknown.
Red Crystal:
> Gave you an evolutionary boost; other effects unknown.
________________________________________________________
BODY PARTS:
Parasitic Mouth Hooks +1
>Drains blood quickly, medium telepathy, grants control
>High strength
Titanium Web Spinners
>Shoots sticky web from ass, distance of 10 ft.
>High strength. Nigh unbreakable; still flammable.
>Slower than Rope Tongue.
Rope Tongue
>Sticky. 7 ft, retractable.
>Faster than webs.

EYES: Base; small; Lowlight
NOSE: Base; weak
JAWS:
> Jaw Strength Lvl. 1
> Mouth-Hooks+
> Rope Tongue
> Vocal Chords- Blorp, Gleep, Hurp.
NECK: Base; None
BRAIN: +2 (Improved Info Gathering)

BODY:
> Titanium Web Spinners
> SKIN: Bone Hide
> Rotund. Dragging Gait. Blue.
SIZE: Two feet long
LIMBS:
> Rending Claws
TAIL: Dragging
________________________________________________________
(CONTINUED)

Adrenaline pumping through your little salamander heart, you quickly take stock of your current situation.

First: this is bad. You THINK that the large fucking space rock is going to slam straight into the woodfolk settlement in about thirty seconds (3 turns), and you are virtually swimming in gore, blood, and brain matter.

You just killed a tyrannosaurus rex with your own appendages; with a frustrated GLEEP, you realize that you won't be able to finish eating it all before the meteoroid hits. If you try, you might be able to eat enough to get a MYSTERIOUS TIME STREAM evolution- and thus, evolve a way to not get mashed- but you don't think it's likely.

You could TRY eating as much as you can in twenty seconds before running; though you'll take some damage, it won't be a total waste.

You do NOT think you can raise the whole tyrant king as a minion using your necromantic powers; you can try, but even trying will take 10 seconds (1 turn), and success is not guaranteed. Seriously, you don't know what the fuck will happen.

Finally... you can just BOOK it without eating, getting out of there before you're crushed- but your well-earned meal will likely not survive.

Or you can take another option. REGARDLESS...

>COMMAND?
(ROLL 1d40 - dice+1d40 in the email field)

rolled 3 = 3

>>16768482
Eat as much as possible

rolled 3, 28 = 31

>>16768482
Eat through the fallen tyrant, both enjoying our meal and taking refuge within the confines of his gargantuan hide! Also, hoping for time stretch or teleportation powers at the same time, so I'm rolling two.

>>16768506
>>16768524
You snarl defiantly up at the plummeting meteoroid. Fine! Let it come! If this is to be your last meal, there is no shame in having it be a huge fucking dinosaur twenty times your own size!!

You throw yourself at the tyrant king's fleshy insides, tearing at the meat and swallowing it in huge chunks without bothering to chew. As usual, you manage to put away huge volumes of food without even breaking a sweat, and you manage to strip most of the skull to the bone.

You WILL finish as much as you can!!

Fifteen seconds in, you realize two things: first, your bearbones is still standing next to you, waiting dutifully with no inclination to move away from the impending meteorite-

- and second, the sunfang leafdancer and your chosen chieftain-to-be for the tribe, Razz, has dashed up to the carcass, screaming at you to get away.

>COMMAND?

rolled 6 = 6

>>16768560
The fools! They've doomed themselves!

Pray for the light of evolution to grace us and save these pitiful fools.

rolled 40 = 40

>>16768560
Eat, try to gain time control powers

>>16768622
Horray!

>>16768622
After a few moments of being ignored, Razz glances up to the sky, back to you, up to the sky, and back to you again- before running off as fast as he can, which is pretty darn fast.

The skull is completely empty by the time you work down to the gullet; the night gradually grows brighter as it's bathed in the meteoroid's hellish glow-

- and finally- finally, with three seconds to spare!- you feel the familiar energy welling up within you:

>MYSTERIOUS TIME STREAM EVOLVES YOU.
_____________
CHOOSE:
- 1 new Unnatural Power
- 1 UPGRADE to an existing Unnatural Power
- 3 new Body Part Improvements
+ROLL 1d40+

rolled 4 = 4

>>16768668
Unnatural Power - Time Stretch
Upgrade - Calming Presence
Body Part - Thumbs.

>>16768689
That's the third time that I rolled below 5...fuck.

rolled 38 = 38

>>16768668

Biomancy lv 1.

Necromancy lv 3.

Brain improvement, hide durability increase, muscle mass increase.

rolled 25 = 25

>>16768668
unnatural power - Enragement aura
Upgrade - shadow bear
Body - Eyes (see other spectrums)

>>16768668
>>16768668
Increase shadow travel
Improve brain
Improve nose
Let's get some opposable thumbs

OH MIGHTY TIME STREAM GRANT THY HUMBLE SERF THE POWER OF TIME CONTROL


Wish I could my other nat 40

rolled 29 = 29

>>16768668
Power: Time Stop
Upgrade: Shadow teleport Lvl. 1
Body Upgrades: Denser Muscle, tougher plate hide, ability to poison our bite/claws.

rolled 9 = 9

>>16768668
Unnatural power: Time stop.
Body traits: Wings, Feathers, and Tentacles.

rolled 13 = 13

>>16768717
Captcha ate my dice

rolled 38 = 38

Time Stop/Slow/Warp etc

Necromancy L3

Agility
Thumbs
Reaction Speed

>>16768698
... this quest attracts some stupidly low rolls, it's all good

Besides, it's a quiet night, so you might be abl-

>refresh page

NEVER MIND

>>16768708
>Biomancy lv 1
oh shi

rolled 28 = 28

>Upgrade.
Can we upgrade the Red Cristal? I want to see what it does.
>Powers
Time Stop.
>Body Parts.
Muscle mass increase, brain increase, poison.

>>16768622
>>16768748

Fuck yeah, looks like Time Stop got it.

>>16768754
Look again OP. We got a tie now.

rolled 39 = 39

Rolling for the biomancy dude.

>>16768757
Sorry, should've put a divider between CRYSTALS and POWERS- Crystals do not count as powers, more like things that you collect.

ALSO, VOTING STOPS HERE!
Combining
>>16768748
>>16768708
and general consensus seems to be time... something.

>>16768776

Fuck yeah biomancy wins.

>>16768776
............

Biomancy isn't going to save us. Unless Biomancy can make "Bat- meteorite repellent spray".

That would be pretty cool.

>>16768784
We're still going with time control, right? Tell me we're still going with time control.

>>16768776

...nice going.

"Hey, rather than a power that will obviously save us - lets make trees grow faster!"

Any Time stuff still has higher rolls - 40 and 38 to 39 and 38.

>>16768800
It technically does, but I feel like I should draw the line at people queuing up rolls for evolution BEFORE it may or may not happen.

Going with Biomancy, which... is actually viable under the current situation. Brb, typing.

>>16768823
So, we're gonna use it to harden our skin and just hope we survive, then?

Awww yeah! We are gunna entangle that fucking rock with vines, which we will then reinforce with TITANIUM WEBBING and THEN we are going to have our own little citadel to build into / harvest after we bring the Sunfangs over here to start building a REAL City...kinda like Vivec, except the moon isn't held up by magic, instead its held up by fucking TITANIUM WEBBING AND NATURE ITSELF.

>>16768851

>>16768708
>Biomancy lv 1.
>Necromancy lv 3.
>Brain+3
>Bone Armor +1
>Muscle Mass Increase

You feel magma flowing thr- NO WAIT YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO FEEL THAT SHIT HAPPENING TO YOUR BODY

You've MUCH improved necromancy, which allows you to do strange things with dead creatures' component parts. You have some new power bumping around in your brain- Biomancy- that lets you mold bio-organic substances (including flesh, bone, and muscle).

... and you are surrounded by heaps of dead dinosaur flesh, bone, and muscle.

You have five seconds before space rocks fall!

>COMMAND?

rolled 7 = 7

>>16768862

What this guy said

>>16768860

>"Guardian of the Earth"
>bloodsucking spider-lizard necromancer

Wat.

rolled 19 = 19

>>16768860

This.

>>16768871
(The lizardmen are not particularly smart.)

rolled 23 = 23

>>16768862

Use necromancy and biomancy to make the T-Rex body a durable cocoon to shield us from the comet.

>>16768862
Actually, better idea. Use the surrounding dead dino and other assorted organic matter to make a goddamn bunker.

rolled 36 = 36

>>16768871

It's nature, we ain't gotta explain shit what with immortal jellyfish who rebirth themselves.

Also rolling for my post here

>>16768860

rolled 35 = 35

>>16768889
Herp derp forgot to roll.

rolled 4 = 4

>>16768862
A dinoskin trampoline bounces the spacerock back into orbit. TAKE THAT, PHYSICS.

>>16768891

If I fucked up I am sorry guys, I just REALLY want our Own Lizard version of Vivec...the city, not the faggot.

>>16768889
>>16768851
>>16768891
>>16768874
>>16768860
Okay, going with this, but this is one of the goddamn ballsy things I've seen thus far, so--

FIRST THREE d40 ROLLS, 35 OR GREATER.
GO.

rolled 29 = 29

>>16768918

Rolling for city dude.

>>16768860
Er, roll for THIS idea.

rolled 28 = 28

>>16768918
BRING IT ON, SPACE!

rolled 36 = 36

>>16768918
Bounce!

>>16768933

LizardMoonVivec dude here, I love you man. I love you so much. I was afraid I may have fucked up bad and gotten us flattened.

rolled 30 = 30

>>16768918
COMET ME BRO

>>16768926
Wait, really? Whilst a meteor is currently plummeting toward us? And the guy who suggested it immediately expressed regret for doing so?

>>16768933
>35 or more.
>2 dice rolls lower than 35.
>We're fucked.
>Last dice roll: 36
>HOLE SHIT
The dice gods love Blorp.

rolled 11 = 11

>>16768862
turn Dino into protective bunker,

>>16768949

I don't regret the idea buddy boy, I said that I may have regretted it if my ballsy choice would get us KILLED. I really want our own Meteor citadel hovering over our Eventual Sunfang city, who knows we may have to rename the Tribe Moonfang or something.

>>16768933
And the CROWD GOES WILD

>>16768933
>mfw players always roll badly when it doesn't matter
>and pull it off like MOTHERFUCKING GODS when everything rests on the last dice
>not sure whether to die laughing, die crying, or die dying

rolled 11 = 11

If any bones survive, use them to reinforce and enlarge bearbones.

>mfw I was the one who rolled it

About damn time; been rolling like shit this entire thread. Now then, let's send the meteor back to SPAAAACE~.

>>16768966
Yeah, I posted that while it was still very possible that it would have gotten us killed. I suppose it worked though.

>>16768977

The Meteor ain't bouncing into Space buddy, it's hanging over the Forest Canopy by vines and titanium webbing, and maybe even a tree supporting it, we'll eventually holly that bitch out and live in it while the Sunfangs create a city below it. Think Vivec from Morrowind, our Meteor is Vivec's moon.

>>16768977
>>16768933
>those dubs
>dat roll

PROBLEM, SPACE?

I for one, am enthusiastic about our HORRIBLE ABOMINATION AGAINST NATURE living like a king in a FUCKING METEOR SUSPENDED BY NATURE ITSELF.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKvH4pwTLHU&feature=BFa&list=PL63894C78EA9C5850&lf=result
s_main

>CURRENT STATS:
>King Swinging Dick of the Universe

>POWERS:
>Fucking Unbelievable Luck, Level 9

Problem, World?

>>16769001
I don't think anything we do from here on out can top this.

I fucking love this quest, and you are awesome OP.

I just wish we could've gotten time to take the green crystal from the woodfolk-T Rex corpse. That might have come in handy.

>>16768860
>>16768891

You can almost hear the tyrant king laughing at you from whatever shadowy underworld he's gone to. In your mind, he's laughing that you defeated him by pure luck; he's laughing because he will prove this by taking you down with him.

You can almost FEEL the sheer hatred radiating from this manifestation of the tyrant king's power... but you lift your head and look the meteoroid straight-on, narrowing your eyes.

>BLORP.

Challenge accepted, fucker.

You brace yourself, grab your newfound power with both metaphysical hands, and PULL; your vision actually goes completely green as energy wracks your form. The surrounding forest dances to your tune, trees writhing, vines snapping, and leaves flying all over the place as they wait for your signal-

- and you give it.

Instantly, a multitude of vines lash out in concert, spiraling up impossibly high to smash their tips against the meteoroid. The first ones burn almost instantly, as do the next, and the next, but a web of vines quickly establishes itself across the surface of the meteor, the burnt remnants of their fellows shielding them from the heat. The meteor was still plummeting at a rate of miles per second, so the vines actually BUCKLE-

- but they bought enough time for the trees. Bark rips and tears and regrows as trees, branches and leaf canopies and all, add their bulk to the defense.

You can barely see anymore, but you continue feeding everything you've got into this one surge of biomancy, hearing and feeling the wind rushing by as you drain the forest into stopping the meteorite. You THINK you see the meteorite three feet away, still spinning but held away from you by a mass of greenery...

... and then you black out.
(CONTINUED)

>>16769060

Sure we can, that thing that will top ALL OF THIS? Banging Eve till she can't walk or support life on this planet anymore.

>>16769068
It's still there, we just couldn't get to it since there was a meteor coming down at us.

>>16769060
Our accomplishments have only been getting steadily more awesome so far. I see no reason to cut short our string of ballsy badassitude. We're Blorp the motherfucking Earth Guardian, and we fuck up everything that stands in our way. Even space.

rolled 8 = 8

>>16769076

FFFFFFUCK YEAH

WE AIN'T GOT TIME TO STAY UNCONSCIOUS, WAKE THE FUCK BACK UP SO WE CAN START KICKING MORE ASS.

Well, here's the theme for our new village: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmJVzkeRnkU&feature=BFa&list=PL63894C78EA9C5850&lf=result
s_main

>>16769076

>THE GLORP'S FACE WHEN WE HARNESSED OUR POWER TO DEFY THE TYRANT KING!

>>16769076
You eventually come to, cradled in the arms of Razz; he looks like he's not sure whether to be terrified or reverent or filled with awe, but he manages to balance all three expressions pretty well.

>BLORP?

"M-My lord... are you alright?"

... what the hell? He's never called you that before. You squirm in the sunfang's scaled arms, making your confusion evident through interpretive dance. Razz... Razz actually -laughs-, though nervously.

"You, um. You motherfucking did, um... that."

He puts you on his shoulders, and you look up to see a still-steaming hunk of space rock, easily a hundred feet across, suspended above the ground by what LOOKS like the forest itself, assuming that "forest" stands for "green and brown vegetation that someone molded into strange intertwined pillars of silly putty and propped up a fucking meteor."

Underneath it, completely untouched, is the tyrant king's body. And your bear skeleton, which is still standing where you left it. Hell, the MUD HUTS are untouched, if a little worse for wear due to your fight.

You crawl on top of Razz's head- he 'oofs' at the weight- and you open your mouth.

>BLORP.

That's what you THOUGHT.

You look back down and realize that ALL of the surviving sunfang are arrayed behind you. ALL of them are kneeling down on one knee (except for Razz, who's afraid that he'll dump you on the ground of he does that).

>COMMAND?

>>16769137
COMBINE AND/OR EAT ALL DEAD INTO A UNDEAD MINION

rolled 1 = 1

>>16769137
Victory speech!

rolled 25 = 25

>>16769137

Use Razz to declare that once it cools down, this meteor, this trophy from the defeated Tyrant King, shall be the New Home to the Sunfangs and all of their descendants.

>roving through /tg/
>pretty shite pornography thread about sisters
>uninteresting threads abound
>combination shitstorm and discussion about the necrons, as per usual
>skyrim thread dies before any discussion happens thanks to pessimists
>sigh, fuck it, I'm out for tonight /tg/-
>EVO QUEST
>come just in time to see everyone's favorite cave salamander stop the Tunguska event- except with an even larger meteorite, thrown by a GODDAMN PSYKER TYRANNOSAUR- LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL
>blorp.

I love you, E.V.O Quest.

rolled 15 = 15

>>16769137
First, get dat fuckin' crystal!
Second, we move the village to here, learning to make new huts and repair existing ones if necessary.
Third, check the meteor for holes that we may venture in to (assuming they are not burning hot still).

rolled 28 = 28

Crawl down the kings gullet. That Green crystal has to be in there somewhere.

rolled 9 = 9

>>16769137
Truimphant Motherfucking Blorp! And let's combine Bearbones and dino boy into some kinda big gribbly killing machine.

rolled 3 = 3

>>16769148

THIS! SO THIS!

rolled 7 = 7

>>16769137

Finish eating the rest of the Tyrannosaurus corpse! Also, see if we can't dig out the crystal that he ate from his body too, that might come in handy later

rolled 12 = 12

>>16769137
Decree that the Sunfang clan is now to move into the now vacant huts.

Then finish our glorious and well deserved meal.

rolled 37 = 37

>>16769148

LizardMoonVivec dude here, I want this so muc you have no idea.

rolled 26 = 26

>>16769148
Did we just create a pottymouthed lizardman forest Mordheim?

rolled 13 = 13

>>16769171

Holy shit. I won....I am actually suprised by this.

rolled 4 = 4

>>16769137

EAT THAT CORPSE
GET THAT CRYSTAL
BLORP FOR THE BLORP GOD

rolled 21 = 21

>>16769171

so i guess that wins?

>>16769148
>>16769157
>>16769171
>>16769175
>>16769179
Holy fuck, I guess so.

>>16769137
You know one day, we are going to try something much easier than this, fail, and look so stupid.

rolled 16 = 16

>>16769185

Yeah, some really shitty rolls for this part.

rolled 19 = 19

>>16769137
Dino necromancy rise once we pick it clean of meat :D

rolled 14 = 14

>>16769192

Necromancy / Devouring can happen later, right now its time for inspiring speeches and declarations that will shake the very core of our followers!

>>16769199
"Blorpherpglurp, blorpblorp, GLUUUUUURP!"

rolled 19 = 19

>>16769203

We are using Razz to communicate with the rest of the Tribe.

Hey wait, since we are using Razz so much, doesn't this make him NOT ONLY our chosen chieftan, our own Leafdancer, BUT our GODSPEAKER too?

>>16769218
He's also probably a little low on blood.

rolled 24 = 24

>>16769211
No, it's funnier if we just blorp and dance at them

rolled 10 = 10

>>16769220

funny can happen later, we need inspiration

>>16769171
>>16769148
>>16769157
You are feeling VERY generous, buoyed by your ridiculous victory. You jam your mouth-hooks into Razz; they slide in pretty easily, and he only winces this time. Looks like that upgrade made them a little less like jamming rusty spoons into someone's spine.

>BLORP, GLEEP. BLORP!

It takes Razz a few seconds to stop gaping at you, and a few more seconds to stop himself from bursting into tears, but he eventually roars out:

"Alright, you fuckers! You see this big fucking space rock? You see it? It's the Guardian's trophy! His triumph over the fucking treehugging pansy-ass woodfolk and their hardass tyrant king! The tyrant king that our very own Guardian beat the living hell out of!"

He waits for the cheering to die down before continuing.

"And you guys... you guys won't fucking believe this. Our lord- our own fucking Guardian, right here- he's giving it to us. He's giving all of this to us!" Razz has to raise his voice over the murmurs of his fellows. "This testament to his greatness will be the brand-spanking new home of the motherfucking Sunfang Tribe, and all who'll come after us!!"

You hop off Razz as he runs after the sunfangs (screaming "After it cools! AFTER it cools!!"), and you immediately start inspecting the tyrant king's body.

... the green crystal's gone. Shit.

It seems like the tyrant king's body absorbed it when he activated his power. On hindsight, you don't THINK the crystals are sitting in your gut anymore... you FEEL them somewhere, and their power, but-

Your thoughts are interrupted by Razz coming over, out of breath.

"O-Oh. Oh, yeah, um, my lord, um, my boss wants to speak to you. Er, my leafdancer boss, not- you know."

He pauses, brightening up.

"Oh, and we got a fucking prisoner, if you wanted to look at it!"

>COMMAND?

>>16769222
>>16769222
we'll eat anyone not sufficiently inspired by our ancestor groove interpretive dancing and blorping.

But seriously, vivic city is go.

rolled 35 = 35

>>16769222

I think witnessing us TWIST AND MOLD THE VERY SUBSTANCE OF NATURE TO OUR WHIMS TO STOP A FIERY CATACLYSM FROM THE SKIES THROUGH OUR SHEER FORCE OF WILL should be inspiring enough.

rolled 24 = 24

>>16769233
We need to now start building an empire. Lets go talk with the boss and see what he wants, then, if what we learned wasn't that important, we'll talk to the prisoners.

Also, OP, are the woodfolk elves? Have we been fucking the shit out of elves this whole time?

rolled 1 = 1

>Command?

BRING BOTH BEFORE ME. I SHALL HAVE DINNER WITH MY ENTERTAINMENT.

rolled 32 = 32

>>16769233

Deal with the prisoner first. Interrogate him (via mouth fangs to his face) to find out where more of the woodfolk are so we can hunt them down as well.

When we get the answers we want, rip his face off and consume him.

>>16769233

LizardMoonVivec dude here, I love you so much OP, I just love everything right now. Especially my fellow fa/tg/uys. My dreams weren't squashed and I can now happily include a LizardMan version of Vivec and the wonderous tales of the BLORP in my next game of WHFBRPG.

rolled 13 = 13

>>16769250
What this anon said but not what he rolled.

rolled 10 = 10

>>16769233
The prisoner first, he might be able to tell us (with some calming vibes and a raping of his brain) where the other tribes that live in the forest are. I'm sure there's more than one woodfolk settlement even if this is the main one, and that's not something we can allow.

rolled 16 = 16

>>16769233
Have the sundancers chop up and eat the kings body. If there's any power left in it, they might get a collective MYSTERIOUS TIME-STREAM upgrade.

rolled 19 = 19

>>16769250
>natural one
>the prisoner escapes
>the leafdancer boss launches a bloody coup.

rolled 1 = 1

>>16769252
No, wait. We'll use him as our envoy. When we go to tell the Woodfolk to fuck off or submit and join our GLORIOUS EMPIRE, we'll piggyback on this fucker and use him in a manner just like we've used Razz.

rolled 22 = 22

>>16769233
we can eat the corpses and raise or skeletal minions later. Let's see what his boss wants.

>>16769260

Implying any Sunfang Lizardmen would fucking DARE challenge us after we not only saved a good chunk of this world from fiery damnation but GAVE them a giant fucking chunk of space rock to hollow out and mold into their own fucking city.

rolled 7 = 7

>>16769258
>>16769252
I want to know what those original woodfolk were doing in our cave with that stone on her neck. Was it a punishment, or did she run away, or what?

rolled 30 = 30

>>16769261

I guess not

rolled 18 = 18

>>16769271
That bothers me to. She didn't like the stone, I remember that.

Sorry, just got off the phone! Voting stops here

rolled 38 = 38

>>16769281
Its obvious they were a sacrifice to us, made on orders of the old chief, who knew the yellow stone would give us the power to communicate, and their meat would give us the strength to evolve.

>>16769296
I don't think the old chief was in any position to make demands of the woodfolk. And why would his son kill the sacrifice?

>>16769310
A sacrifice doesn't have to be willing, but no idea for the woodsfolk mauling.

>>16769310
Sacrifice does not mean willing. Both woodelves were beaten and bloody already, obviously forced into it, captured and delivered to us. The yellow stone was placed around one of their necks, to entice us to eat it.

Chiefs son beat it to death, because it tried to leave the cave. Chiefs son later pocketed the stone in order to try it all over again later.

YFW you ruined everything, you horrible bloodthirsty people.

WAIT! OP! Would it be possible to BRING BACK the Chief and his Son as Wraiths? Possibly to start up our very own Undead Army Possibly make them our Ghostly BODYGUARDS?

rolled 27 = 27

>>16769442

This, eventually anyway.

>>16769442
We DO have a part of them with us, somewhere in our infinite stomach.

>>16769252
>Deal with the prisoner first. Interrogate him (via mouth fangs to his face) to find out where more of the woodfolk are so we can hunt them down as well. When we get the answers we want, rip his face off and consume him.

You decide to deal with the prisoner first; you get Razz to carry you over because you've become a little slower on your feet thanks to increased muscle mass and heavy bone armor weighing you down.

You should probably get legs that aren't tiny adorable stubs.

The spindly, pointy-eared woodfolk is being held between two grinning sunfangs. The woodfolk's covered in mud- you have a feeling that the reason you didn't see it when everyone was kneeling was because its guards were kneeling on the back of the woodfolk's head.

It's- he's?- glaring at you, but there's no fire in his eyes. "You've... you've killed our prophet. Our tyrant. I will answer any-"

You cut him off by jamming mouth-hooks into either side of his face. He struggles and shrieks, but a quick, almost-instinctive pulse of your calming aura puts a stop to that.

You see... well, you see that there are two smaller settlements further to the west and the northwest. The one to the WEST is smaller, more of an outpost than anything else- the virtual clone of this village.

The NORTHWEST one is the stranger one. Standing out like a scar in the middle of the forest, you see a few memories- the Northwest 'village' resembles nothing more than a pit in the ground, lined by more mud-huts. You see woodfolk hustling in and out of the pit, going in with strange tools and coming out with gray rocks and hard metal.

Overseeing the activity is a large hut, two stories tall. Hmm.
(continued)

(continued)
>>16769271
You BLORP over a picture of the iron band with the inset yellow crystal- the one that the strange woodfolk was wearing.

The current woodfolk has to take a second to recover from your LIFTING PICTURES FROM HIS BRAIN. "A... an exile's neck-shackle?" he hisses in disgust. "Those who wear it deserve it. Not only does the iron burn our skins, but the crystal- it drains the undeserving of knowledge. We shackle it to them, release them into the wilds, and in time, they are reduced to mindless beasts."

>... BLORP?

"How could you not know- only the truly deserving gain anything from the crystals! ALL of them are poison to the rest of us!" The woodfolk gives you a grudging shrug. "... I guess you're deserving. But... we are gathering them for a just cause-"

"YOU FUCKER!"

You jerk a little bit as Razz SLUGS the woodfolk in the stomach. You scrabble to keep your grip on the prisoner's face- you've never seen the leafdancer this mad before.

"THAT'S why you kill us? THAT'S why you kicked us out of our own motherfucking forests!? You were after our goddamn crystals, you asshole!"

Razz punches the woodfolk again. The impact causes you to fly off- there's a wet ripping sound as you take most of the woodfolk's head and face with him.

You take a moment to glare at an embarrassed, mortified-looking Razz before you gobble the face down. And the rest of the woodfolk. No evolution this time, though.

You still have an elder to go talk to, should you so desire, or you can do something else.

>COMMAND?

rolled 24 = 24

>>16769494
Visit the Elder.

>>16769442
You pause.

The idea has merit, but you're honestly not sure if you CAN. You've only tried raising PHYSICAL parts before, not SPIRITUAL.

And... something tells you that you need some kind of physical focus to even TRY.

You turn to stare at your bear skeleton, who's wearing the Chieftain's brilliant red plumes-and-scalp.

rolled 25 = 25

>>16769494

Attempt to raise Wraithguards using the previous Chieftan's soul and his sons as well, for our own personal WRAITH BODYGUARDS! YEAH! ALL WHO ARE PROVEN SHALL LIVE IN DEATH AND GUARD THE MIGHTY BLORP! BEING BLESSED TO WATCH IT GROW STRONGER AND CHANGE THE VERY FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE TO ITS WILL!

rolled 8 = 8

>>16769494
Yeah, let's go talk to the elder.

rolled 35 = 35

>>16769522

THIS!

rolled 15 = 15

>>16769494
Well, lets talk to that elder now. Also, ask Razz what he knows about the crystals.

rolled 39 = 39

>>16769533

Whelp, after we make our Wraithguard can we take them to visit the Shaman-person?

rolled 32 = 32

>>16769515
Ghost Chieftain? Ghost Chieftain.

>>16769543

I'm not sure, but a 39 is a critical just like a nat 40 right?

rolled 28 = 28

>>16769494

Let's go see what the elder wants.

rolled 9 = 9

>>16769515
Do it. Combined Tyrant corpse+Chief spirit+Bearbones.

The dice gods apparently want us to have an honour guard of our Chosen Ones.

>>16769515
I'm so glad I suggested taking that plume now, regardless of if it works or not.

Cutting off votes here! Raising the dead and then talking to the elder.

>mfw this thread

rolled 13 = 13

>>16769633
>37 hours of ms paint

Looks like shit.

>>16769633

FUKKEN SAVED

>>16769522
>>16769533
>>16769543
>>16769545
>Wraiths --> Elder

You immediately call your bear over- it's limping badly- and set to work, focusing your power on the red plumes. They flow all the way down the bear's back, so at least there's a LOT to work with.

After a few seconds of sickly-green light, you hear booming laughter. Soon enough, a glowing blue specter, lizardman-shaped, rises out of the ground, towering head and shoulders over the rest of the sunfang- christ, he's larger than he was IN LIFE. And even in death, his fabulous ghostly plumes glow a brilliant blood red.


You feel your Necromancy powers stretched to their limits keeping both the bear and the wraith up; you can't handle anymore undead right now! You MIGHT be able to add more bones to the bear, but...

Anyway, the Chieftain seems pretty chill for someone who was just torn from their eternal rest. "Fuck, man, you can't leave well enough alone, huh?"

He winks, baring a toothy grin. "I saw what you did to the woodfolk. Fucking good show, my lord. You even put my shit to good use, too, eh? Damn straight!" The Chieftain pounds a fist against his see-through chest. "Razz the Chieftain is yours to command!!"

You suffer a moment of utter confusion and existential crisis.
(continued)

(continued)
>BLORP?

"Huh? Yeah, that's really my name."

You point to Razz the leafdancer and blorp.

"He's Razz too, yeah."

You point to a random sunfang.

"Razz."

You point to another random sunfang.

"Razz Jr."

You point to a THIRD random sunfang.

"Razz." The Chieftain pauses. "... we thought it was a REAL fuckin' good name," he says, a mite defensively.

You spend the next half hour gathering all the sunfang and making DAMN SURE that they all have different names now. No, you don't fucking care if they really liked the name 'Razz'- yes, you CAN do that.

You resort to pointing at the dead tyrant king and the meteor. That solves it pretty quickly. Razz the leafdancer remains Razz, and the Chieftain is now Aazz.
(continued)

>>16769716
Fucking glorious.

When the dust settles, you finally approach the elder leafdancer, bear and wraith following closely behind you.

The old sunfang looks very similar to all the others, but for his duller scales and his lackluster plumes. He looks up with a somber expression on his scarred face.

"... my lord. I expect you have a lot of questions for me."

You pause. You... you DEFINITELY do, but you just don't know where to start.

>COMMAND?
(CHOOSE TWO TOPICS TO ASK ABOUT.)

rolled 32 = 32

>>16769743
Rivalry with Woodfolk
Crystals

rolled 31 = 31

>>16769743

DESTINY

TRUTH

rolled 34 = 34

>>16769743
What is the history of our people, wise one?

The FUCK is up with these stones?

rolled 21 = 21

>>16769743
Hey, we can use the dead chieftain as a mouthpiece now. Cool. Anyways, I think we should ask how the lizard-folk do the leaf stuff, and what he knows about the gems.

>>16769633
>those mouth-hooks
>those teeth

rolled 18 = 18

>>16769743

How many crystals are their, and who holds them.

Who the fuck do I have to murder and devour to get these crystals.

rolled 14 = 14

Crystals
The Woodfolk's "strange village"

rolled 35 = 35

>>16769817

Seconding this.

>>16769633

>>16769769
>>16769759
>>16769834
>Our history + Woodfolk
Razz bustles off to babysit the rest of the sunfangs; you blorp a few times, with Aazz the ghostly (former-)chieftain playing translator.

The elder, Zazz, remains seated. "My lord. Our legends tell us that the Sunfang Tribe exists for three purposes: first, to pay homage to you. Second, to safeguard the crystals." He pauses. "... we have since forgotten the third purpose, thanks to the woodfolk."

Zazz draws in on himself a bit. "We don't know much about the woodfolk. In the beginning, we were rivals fighting over the same territory. Sometime during the past, they began showing powers like... like that one you fought. Then they forced us out of our home, taking all the crystals we have safeguarded."

Zazz narrows his eyes. "They killed most of us. Those they let live, they put the Exile Bands on." The yellow crystal-set shackles that drained knowledge, then. "We're a shadow of our former selves: fucking idiots who can barely cast magic. That's... that's all I know."
(continued)

>>16769633
every day i come home to my evo thread my fucking blorp just sits there with this fucking face. fucking faggot blorp man.

>Crystals
You blorp for a few more seconds. Even Aazz is subdued as he translates.

"The crystals..." Zazz makes a face. "Almost everything we know about their properties, you already know," he mutters. "They grant strength to some, but maim or twist anyone 'undeserving.' If there was a truth to them, we have since lost that knowledge."

>BLORP?

"I don't know how many there are. We never held them all, you see; we just tried to gather as much as we can and keep them out of the wrong hands. Yours are the right hands, of course," Zazz adds hastily.

"As to their locaton..." He lashes his tail against the ground- once, twice. Zazz glowers at nothing in particular. "... you'll have to ask those goddamn motherfucking shiteating woodfolk where OUR crystals are, the sons of bitches."

And suddenly, something is... off.

Your hackles raise and you start looking around, ignoring your companions' questions.

>SENSE!
FIRST THREE d40 ROLLS, 25+ SUCCEEDS

rolled 21 = 21

>>16769969
My blorp sense is tingling...

rolled 30 = 30

>>16769969
Bitches can't sneak up on a GOD!

rolled 26 = 26

>>16769942

Well it's obvious what our long-term goal should be:

Fucking murder or dive out every single woodfolk, take our goddamn crystals back, and use their power to further evolve ourselves and rule the sunfangs AS THEIR RIGHTFUL GOD.

rolled 24 = 24

>>16769969
HA HA OH GOD.

>>16769988

rolled 30 = 30

>>16769969
roll

>>16769988
the blorp smiles upon your dubs.

ITT: Blorp fucking sucks at perception rolls

>>16770001
Aremt dub dubs = Quads?

rolled 4 = 4

>>16769988

Awwwww yeah bitches.

>>16769999
the blorp is generous with his quads

rolled 9 = 9

>>16769988
>>16769999

>dubs quads and 30's everywhere

Clearly this is a sign.

rolled 24 = 24

>>16769969

Lets use our biomancy powers to heighten our senses, so we can determine what's up.

rolled 17 = 17

>>16770055
>77
>00
>55

Triple dubs. The blorp gods are with us tonight.

>>16769988
>9988

SHIT SHIT SHIT

You snarl and slam into Zazz, knocking him out of the way right before something lances into the ground where he was sitting- what feels like PURE LIQUID BURNING sears the top of your tail, burning a furrow right across it.

You leapfrog off the flailing elder and land ON TOP of your airborne attacker; in a flurry of feathers and harsh, ugly shrieking, both of you fall to the ground, with you on top. Whatever it is tries to bite you, but you clock it in the chin with a paw, and it's stunned for a few seconds. You actually take a look-

- and you're sitting on a bird. More precisely, it's some ungodly combination of lizard and bird, roughly the size of the huge ghostly Aazz. Snaggled crocodile teeth protrude from its beak, mottled red-and-black feathers sprout erratically from between scales, and there are even spikes sticking out across its spine.

... and you just pinned the fucker before you even saw what it WAS.

"SHIT SHIT SHIT!"

Aazz rushes in and grabs its beak closed with two ghostly hands, stopping it from biting you anymore; you sit on the monster's chest and glare at it.

... now what.

>COMMAND?

rolled 33 = 33

>>16770083

Calming aura lv 2, then use our mind probe to see what it knows.

Depending on the information we can either devour it if we will be able to evolve, or try to enslave it.

rolled 1 = 1

>>16770083
You came to the wrong forest mother fucker

Spin webs across his wing joints to keep him from flying away and get Bear bones over here to pin him down while we eat its godamn face off.

rolled 38 = 38

>>16770083

MOUTH PINCER MIND MELD GO GO GO

THEN EAT IT WHEN WE'VE EXTRACTED ALL NECESSARY INFORMATION

rolled 11 = 11

>>16770083
Bite and communicate if applicable, consume if not.
WHO SENT YE TO FACE A GOD?!

rolled 12 = 12

>>16770083
Calm and communicate.

rolled 1 = 1

>>16770083

another gifted, take its knowledge and power

rolled 13 = 13

>>16770097
I say we hack off its gnarled crocodile-man limbs and use them to replace our stubby adorable ones, either way!

>>16770109
>1

Fuck

rolled 3 = 3

>>16770083
We're interrogating this flame buzzard. Then, we're gonna eat it. It's clearly one of the evolved ones like us and Bearbones.

>>16770119
>replace leg nubs

FUCK


YOU

>>16770131
We're gonna need to grow ours. Their shortness is killing our mobility. Or, we could get that teleportation we've been sitting on since thread 2.

>>16770161
We can control the dead and the forest itself. We have an entire race of warrior lizards who consider us their God and will fight in our name to the death. We can numb fuck anyone in sight with a mix of 3 bubbling orgasms mixed with the feeling of your first Christmas all rolled into one.

The FUCK do we *need* mobility for?

rolled 23 = 23

>>16770161

No, I agree. Better legs should definitely be our next body upgrade.

rolled 14 = 14

>>16770161

how about levitation next upgrade?

rolled 40 = 40

>>16770119
>>16770131
>>16770161
WAIT.

WAIT.

GUYS.

WHAT IF.

JUST WHAT IF.

GUYS.

WHAT IF...

WE STOLE/GREW BETTER LEGS...

WHICH WERE -RETRACTABLE- INTO ADORABLE LEG NUBS THANKS TO OUR BIOMANCY POWERS?!

BEST OF BOTH WORLDS PLUS THE ADDITION OF SURPRISE CLAWED-FIST-TO-YOUR-FACE!

rolled 15 = 15

>>16770083
RIP AND TEAR

rolled 10 = 10

>>16770179

Because in case you haven't noticed in the last fight, sometimes we have to beat the shut out of people ourselves. And stumpy little newt legs is hampering that ability.

>>16770179
We have absurd strength and durability for our size, as well as razor sharp claws and parasitic mouth hooks. It'd be a shame to let that all go to waste.

rolled 31 = 31

>>16770190
Well fine.

One last roll for viper body, fuck legs.

rolled 18 = 18

>>16770190
>nat fucking 40

THE GODS WILL IT!

rolled 36 = 36

>>16770190

got my vote

rolled 36 = 36

>>16770190
>I rolled a 40 on that action
>MY HEAD IS FULL OF FUCK

CRITICAL MORPHING LEGS TIME. RIP AND TEAR! RIP AND TEAR YOUR LIMBS!

rolled 18 = 18

My god the dice shenanigans in this thread are almost as hilarious as Abaddon Quest.

To everybody rolling for upgrades. OP said EARLIER THIS THREAD that he wouldn't take votes before he asked for them.

rolled 30 = 30

>>16770190
>>16770226
>>16770224

>double 36s voting for a 40

THE GOD'S WILL BE DONE

>>16770110
>>16770097
You waste no time in slamming your mouth-hooks into its neck; the lizard-bird shrieks again, but your calming influence stops it from thrashing about. Wonderful, wonderful blood gushes down your throat- aww yeah, this is the REAL good stuff.

Now, let's see about those thou-

>UNNATURAL! UNNATURAL SCUM! STILL EVOLVING! REVENGE!! DIE, SCUM, DIE DIE DIE-

Briefly, somewhere in the middle of your pounding headache, you catch a flash of the weirdest damn mountain ever; it's like someone whittled a rock into a round flat disc, embedded half of it into the ground, and then shoved it over to make a slanted garden.

... you get no other context, no matter how much you probe.

That done, you tear the bird's face off and start eating it; after CATCHING A METEOR WITH YOUR BRAIN, you're pretty ravenous, and one woodfolk prisoner just wasn't eno-

>MYSTERIOUS TIME STREAM EVOLVES YOU

_________________
CHOOSE:
- 1 New Unnatural Power (UP)
+OPTIONAL: Replace 1 existing UP with 1 New UP of the same level!
- 3 Body Part Improvements

Example of how the option works:
- Fire Breath + replace Calm Lvl 2 for Ice Breath Lvl 2
You don't NEED to replace a power if you don't want to.
- Ex: Just gain Fire Breath.

rolled 34 = 34

>>16770246

We weren't specifically rolling for those upgrades, just discussing it ahead of time. The dice roll that accompanied that post was incidental.

rolled 21 = 21

>>16770260
New Power: Time stop
Body Upgrades: Bigger legs, Poison spit, Stronger claws.

rolled 15 = 15

>>16770190
Longer legs that are retractable into adorable nubs.
A prehensile tail for manipulation.
Better eyes.

>>16770190
>40
>jesus
.......

I... I'll make an exception JUST THIS ONCE

_________________
CHOOSE:
- 1 New Unnatural Power (UP)
+OPTIONAL: Replace 1 existing UP with 1 New UP of the same level!
- 2 Body Part Improvements
>RETRACTABLE LEGS

Example of how the option works:
- Fire Breath + replace Calm Lvl 2 for Ice Breath Lvl 2
You don't NEED to replace a power if you don't want to.
- Ex: Just gain Fire Breath.

rolled 9 = 9

>>16770260

retractable legs-upgrade biomancy
MOAR BETTER FANGS
up jaw strength

rolled 3 = 3

>>16770260
New Ability: Skry
Vocal cords
Prehensile tail
Better eyes!

>>16770295
Should I roll >>16770284 again or just leave it?

rolled 29 = 29

>>16770295
Oh, then Vocal cords is a MUST!

rolled 16 = 16

>>16770295

we're gonna need vocal cords some time or another

rolled 2 = 2

>>16770295
Prehensile tail.
Retractable tail spike.

And lets get that shadow walk power.

>>16770295
Vocal cords niggro

rolled 11 = 11

Shapeshifting/body sculpting lvl 2

Longer/ muscular legs
Improved eyes
Tail spikes

rolled 6 = 6

>>16770340
Forgot roll

rolled 17 = 17

>>16770260
Levitation

Increase body size
Increase tail size
Develop groved scales for rapid slithering

Let's free up some Necro juice and lower the strain on our concentration. Bind the Chieftain's soul to Bear-bones using the plumes as a container.

Also upgrade our Bear-tank with Biomancy. Dense as fuck bark for armor to protect the bones from blunt damage and mount a thorn seed cannon turret upon his back. We must prepare for WAR!

Are we not the Deity of the godamn Forest? We need to start looking the part. Also do the Sunfang bare a resemblance to these creatures? Just curious about what our people look like.

rolled 28 = 28

>>16770295
Power UP the Biomancy.

Increase mouth-hooks.
Increase jaw strength.

rolled 16 = 16

>>16770260
For the power a mix of our shapeshifting powers, biomancy and necromancy, so we're able to fuse with other (dead) organisms, I want to use our bear as actual armor and not just a glorified a carrier.
For bodyparts go with the retractable into nubs, leg idea.
Also a weapon for our tail.
and multiple spectrum eyesight.

>>16770315
Eh, roll it again.

rolled 16 = 16

>>16770317
Oh, I see. Now that we have an interpreter, you want to take away the Blorp. No sale!

rolled 10 = 10

>>16770358
You got it.

rolled 9 = 9

>>16770260
TIME STOP
RIPPING CLAWS
METALLIC ARMOR

rolled 5 = 5

>>16770353
Supporting this

>>16770317
>Any rolls suggestions or posts that aim to deprive EVO Thread of Blorping or diminish it's use in any way shape or form is to be ignored

rolled 26 = 26

>>16770295
power up shape shifting
bipedal form, and improve claws.

rolled 6 = 6

>>16770348
voting for this!

rolled 37 = 37

>>16770260
New Power: Biomancy 2

Body Upgrades: Bigger bloodsucker mouthpieces.

Spines for our armored skin.

And, maybe, if possible, upgrading our existing webspinning organs wiiith... Maybe with our biomancy? Going from general webshitting to SHITTING LIFE. In some sort of perverse salamander abomination death-God circle of life. We eat things in a cavalcade of blood and gore, and then bring life from our dung, but in a literal manner! We're like an adorable little Aztec god.

rolled 29 = 29

>>16770295

FUCK WE ARE NOT GETTING VOCAL CORDS

Necromancy LEVEL UP
More jaw strength
Better eyes

rolled 33 = 33

>>16770374
Rollin to support this.

>>16770374
Bitch, Its not like we ARENT going to end all our sentences with BLORP

rolled 4 = 4

>>16770348
I like this, voting fr this.

rolled 2 = 2

>>16770295
Power: Scrying
Replace: Shape-shifting for transferring/dividing our consciousness into whatever we bite so we can have hosts without the middleman-consciousness

Limbs:
Vocal cords(bonus points for deep soul voice)
Eagle like eyes

rolled 35 = 35

>>16770403
Rolling for this, Also, Blorp at end of all sentences

rolled 22 = 22

>>16770383
>rolled a 37 after natural 40 crit for horrifying melding together of crocoarms to adorastubs
>the fuck is this
>the fuck am I
>the fuck are you

>>16770348
>two others anon vote for it
>all three of our rolls are shit

Dammit dice gods why?

rolled 12 = 12

>>16770295
New power: Gravity control lv 1

Body improvements:

- Enhanced senses(General enhancement of the 5 senses.)

- A new limb that functions as a cannon that allows us to fire acid.

rolled 24 = 24

>>16770348

Voting for this.

rolled 27 = 27

>>16770403
Switch out those eyes with Tiny horns and you have a deal!

Stopping voting!

>>16770383
>high roller
... what am i looking at

rolled 31 = 31

>>16770418

Gravity control? Sounds interesting.

rolled 26 = 26

>>16770409
You know, if we ever get better vocal cords, they should just allow us things like Zort and Glub.

rolled 2 = 2

>>16770348
Wait a second....

rolled 2 = 2

Rolling for awakening shadow travel powers.

Want the ability to roll into a ball of boney hide and muscle, like an armadillo.

Further, cilia (sp?) that can propel us around in that form.

>>16770383
I am so, so confused about what the fuck we're going to look like.

>>16770348
at least do the upgrades tot he bear!

>>16770496
I have no idea, but we're gonna shit soldiers.

rolled 29 = 29

>>16770439
Welp, you heard just fine, OP. We're rounding out our abilities to bring death with the ability to bring life.

In the Age of Ancients, the world was unformed.

Shrouded by fog.

A land of weird sideways crags,

Great archtrees,

And everlasting asshole woodfolk.

But then, there was Salamander.

And with Salamander, came DISPARITY.

Heat and cold.

Life and death.

And of course, BLORP and GLEEP.

Then, from the GLEEP, they came...

And found the SOULS of BLORP within the Salamander.

2011: Dark Blorps.

>We're like an adorable little Aztec god.

This quest is awesome and I fucking love you guys.

>>16770383
>Biomancy Lvl. 2 (BONUS: Webs of Life)
>Parasitic Mouth-Hooks Upgrade
>Bone Armor WITH SPIKES
>Longer Stronger Legs WITH RETRACTION

You don't feel so much pain when you evolve like this anymore; more like an adrenaline rush with a few pins and needles dragging through your veins every now and then.

You open your mouth and yawn- and flex your mouth-hooks. They're pretty horrifying; long, thin, and sharp, with tips like a nightmare mix of scalpels and syringes. One bite will slice through most forms of natural armor, and you will have MUCH better control over how much blood you take in at once.

Armored plates line all across your spine, wrap around your sides, and go down your limbs; short spikes pop out at regular intervals. You are also about three inches off the ground, thanks to your longer, heavyset legs; you have about as much mobility as you used to, now that you can support your own weight adequately.

You also spend a few minutes playing around and retracting and un-retracting your legs, making bouncing noises all the while (blorp, blorp, blorp, blorp).

Finally, with your Biomancy... you can sense life in a small radius. And you KNOW that you have better fine-tuned control over plants and flesh- living flesh.

You are no longer a mere overgrown cave salamander, but some sort of horrifying nightmare salamander.

Now... what to do next?

======
1) WOODFOLK:
You kind of DO want to go help the sunfang take down the woodfolk's settlements, especially for the crystals. There's the tiny village in the west, and the big pit in the northwest.

2) DEAD THINGS
You can also see to your bear- it's not in good shape. At all. And you still have a dinosaur body to dick around with, don't you?

3) SUNFANG
Finally, you could take stock of the Sunfang Tribe and see if there's anything that can be done for them as a whole...

4) BLORP
... or, of course, you can take your own option.

>COMMAND?

>>16770537
I'm kind of apprehensive abut evolving further. As we become more deadly and badass, we also lose what made us Blorpy and adorable.

Perhaps if all the badass changes where retractable...

rolled 13 = 13

>>16770547
>DEAD THINGS
We should see to reinforcing Bearbones before we assault the elves.

rolled 38 = 38

>>16770561
I feel we should delve deeper into Psionic powers and defensive and small body changes as we power creep along. At the end of this I was to be sitting on a throne of bones so extensive that clouds float in the background.

Derpy eyes and cute leg nubs in a sleeping form, a bead of droll lazily rolling off a single mouth hook

rolled 11 = 11

>>16770547

DINO BEAR SKELETON FUSION A-GO-GO

After we finish with those modifications, lets see about getting our sunfang tribe equipped and ready to move against the woodfolk. I can just taste those delicious crystals already.

rolled 32 = 32

>>16770561
being blorpy means being a legless, fleshy snack.

I'd rather live.

rolled 38 = 38

>>16770547
We need to establish ourselves better before we go and fuck about with the Woodfolk and bring them into our expanding domain. Transfer Bear's loyal spirit into the T-Rex if we can manage such a feat. Oh, and have a talk with Chieftain Aazz's wraith so we can feel like smug motherfuckers about our great success.

>>16770561
EXACTLY what I was thinking!

rolled 8 = 8

>>16770561

I know how this could be remedied, just turn all the armor and shit into super-dense tissue that looked like it did when we started out next evolution

>>16770547
We should flex our necromantic muscles a little. Bind Zazz inside bearbones, then combined bearbones and the tyrant king into some kind of super t-Rex, bear, bro chieftain, warrior abomination.

rolled 6 = 6

>>16770603
rolling

>>16770598
>roll my third crit or near-crit roll in a row.

Is this real life?

rolled 18 = 18

>>16770603

you mean Aazz

>>16770596
We've done pretty fucking well for ourselves without SUPA LEGS so far

>look for EVO thread
>can't find it
>give up
>several hours later
>250 replies, front page

GOD DAMMIT! Oh well, plenty of reading!

>>16770561
We could probably use our biomancy to morph ourselves temporarily back into our original derpy little salamander self. Then, when we get threatened, OH MY GOD IT'S HUGE AND PLATES AND SPIKES AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS IN ITS MOUTH JESUS CHRIST WHY?!

rolled 32 = 32

>>16770547

Dead things. We need to see what we can do about the bear. Maybe we can combine the bear corpse and the spirit chief so he can infuse it with ghost-energy and pilot it like a tank to further our goals.

rolled 32 = 32

>>16770596
Have you not considered that the reason the dice favor us is because of our endearing, blorpy form?

rolled 6 = 6

>>16770547

This might be a bit outdated at this point, but I had a choice between drawfaggin' or reading the actual thread. Thank goodness for the archive. Anyway, here's Blorp V2.

Stopping voting here!

>>16770628
http://catalog.neet.tv/tg/
This is a faster way to search for threads!

>>16769633 here

I'm trying to get a bearing on what the fuck we're supposed to look like. Somebody get a drawfag in here before I unleash more MS Paint upon you all.

>>16770659
Welp, gonna be seeing that in my nightmares.

rolled 12 = 12

>>16770659

And a clean one free of my horrible chicken scratch of a writing.

rolled 37 = 37

>>16770547
>DEAD THINGS

I want our land battle carrier 'Bear-
REX' formed. Add bone and web and plant gun hubs for the Sunfang archers and a large catapult launcher on the back for accelerating Bone/web Sunfang piloted gliders.

Command chair in the Rex skull. Adorned by the Chieftain's plumes.

Once our Flag ship is constructed let us go see about reclaiming our stolen lands from the Woodfucks.

rolled 18 = 18

HEY GUYS! Perhaps we can Upgrade Razz as a sign of his being Chosen as our Godspeaker, something akin to pic related but more FABULOUS!

>>16770675
And that's my new wallpaper.

>>16770659
>always wrote the mouth-hooks as being simple things
>now feel the urge to write out a bloodbath every time we use that horrifying thing jesus

You... you are my hero.

rolled 12 = 12

>>16770675

WHELP! We are WAY along our way to ending up something like this. Biomancy, Necromancy. A Lizard.

rolled 6 = 6

>>16770702

I will have to get creative if we upgrade it again. I am sure I can find someway of making it more nightmare inducing.

And now to read the thread!

OP, should we archive yet? We're cutting it rather close methinks.

>>16770598
>38

You're honestly not sure if the bear even HAS a soul anymore, but you never know until you try.

You dash on over to the tyrant king body because HOLY SHIT, WE CAN DASH! and stop in front of it. There's still some meat left on those bones, but you can definitely work with it. Bearbones trundles on over at your command, and you peer into the depths of its eye sockets.

After a moment, you're startled when you realize that you actually DO feel something in there. It's not the bear that you fought, for sure, but there's a glimmer of personality forming somewhere in that skull.

And why wouldn't there be? Bearbones cradled you in its ribcage when you were still weak and fleshy. Bearbones crushed many of your enemies before you gained your claws, before you could even get close enough to stand a chance against your enemies. Bearbones stood by your side even when it could no longer aid you, even when you no longer needed bony protection that badly- it barely helped against the tyrant king.

But even then, you never released your hold on it, never replaced it with the shinier new toy. Bearbones was the instrument of your wrath- YOUR instrument of YOUR wrath- and you never released your necromantic hold on it, not once.

And now you wish to transfer its spirit and reward it for its loyalty, even though you didn't even know if it was there or not.

For the first time, Bearbones opens its mouth of its own accord and unleashes a hollow roar that echoes out from the depths of its bones.

You get to work immediately.
(continued)

>>16770749

WE ARCHIVED NOW

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16768424/

GO VOTE THIS SHIT UP! FOR THE GLORY OF BLORP

>>16770788
You have determined that Bearbones has a soul. Successful transfer is guaranteed.

Now... how much of the tyrant king can you put your bear in?

FIRST FIVE d40 ROLLS; CRIT ON 39-40.

rolled 6 = 6

>>16770809

rollan for hope

rolled 32 = 32

>>16770809
MOTHERFUCKING BLORP!

rolled 33 = 33

>>16770809
99.999999%

I want that dead fuck to be forever imprisoned in a bone machinations of his own body forever to do our bidding whether he likes it or not.

>>16770788

rolled 29 = 29

>>16770809
let's get that crit

rolled 31 = 31

>>16770809

BLORP!

rolled 11 = 11

>>16770809
Rollan for MEGABEAR

rolled 29 = 29

>>16770809

For the love of god all of it.

>>16770788
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrNiDAHFDRQ&feature=related

Awww man. No crits, but 3 of the 5 rolls are over 30. That's pretty damn good at least.

rolled 21 = 21

>>16770823
Second.

>>16770668
Never knew about that, thanks a lot!

>>16770659
>everyone's face when they see us

rolled 13 = 13

>>16770809

WE CAN DO EVERYTHING!

rolled 21 = 21

>>16770913

Agreed.

>>16770815
You have a pretty horrific start- the second you start pumping power into the tyrant king body, Chieftain Aazz actually COLLAPSES, and his incorporeal form becomes so see-through that it's nigh-invisible.

But...

>>16770822
>>16770823
>>16770828
>>16770829
It evens out, despite the slight stumble. The problem is just that... even YOUR powers have an upper limit-

You pause and quietly file that thought under "heresy."

- the problem is that the tyrant king's skeleton is just TOO BIG because the elder woodfolk is a GODDAMN ASSHOLE. Yeah. That's it.

No matter how much you strain (while keeping your current minions in existence), you can't get your lightning to course through the entire t-rex skeleton. Your entire vision goes sickly green, but it just doesn't take. After half an hour of this, you decide to just go with what you CAN do, and gently guide Bearbones along into his new home.

... five minutes later, Aazz manages to bring you back into consciousness, and you both turn to look up at the results of your work.

It is the skull of a tyrannosaurus. Two t-rex legs are directly connected to the bottom of the skull. Two tiny t-rex arms are directly connected to the SIDES of the skull.

It's... it's beautiful.

Rexbones tosses its head back and roars, and Aazz lifts you up for a high-five. "Damn straight!" he manages, before he continues cracking up like a loon.

>THREAD END: TO BE CONTINUED.

Congratulations. We have created Gurren.

Anyway, I am NOT going to have the energy to start up a new thread- I have a feeling that it would go until SIX AM and I want to get work done before tomorrow's session...

Which will, again, start at about 8 pm EST tomorrow.

Thanks for following this quest, guys!

>>16770952

Well it's not the same as having a whole gigantic T-Rex skeleton minion, but still went pretty well all things considered.

High five Aazz and Rexbones with our tongue and let out a celebratory BLORP

>>16770952
YES!

HELL YES!

HELL FUCKING YES!

Those limp dicked, pointy eared bastards aren't going to know what hit them.

>>16770977

No, OP. Thank YOU for consistently delivering a fucking awesome quest for four nights in a row.

>>16770977
It's amazing how you can just roll with even the zaniest shit we come up with.

rolled 40 = 40

>>16770977

Man, EVO quest should have like non-stop dedicated GM's. It's the only thing that's interesting on /tg/ lately.

rolled 10 = 10

>>16770977
>>16770952
I love you so much right now OP.

You've taken E.V.O, combined it with Dominions, thrown in some BLORP for good measure, and come out with this quest.

It could not have turned out better.

rolled 4 = 4

>>16771005

>40

Our GurrenLagaanasour just erupted in green flames. It is glorious.

rolled 40 = 40

>>16771005
>nat 40

I guess EVO quest should get some more GMs.

rolled 9 = 9

>>16770809
Trying for a throw of the gods crit...

rolled 11 = 11

>>16771005
>>16771059
>two nat 40's

Our T-Rex should sprout a whole new body made out of ecotoplasm.

>>16771059

FORTIES

NATURAL FORTIES FUCKING EVERYWHERE

rolled 5 = 5

>>16771084

THIS, OP PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST ONE MORE UPDATE DETAILING HOW OUR NEW MINION HAS EVOLVED INTO A FUCKING BONE / GHOST DRAGON.

rolled 6 = 6

>>16771059

Original suggester here, by the power of 40's EVOquest should get some more GM's to continue this addictive quest.

>>16770990
I'm glad you liked it! I'm still just- so surprised that you guys have taken a liking to it; this is the second quest I've ever done (the first one died ten posts in), and... the first time I DM'd anything, actually.

I was expecting this to be a one-night stand, and now I'm seriously trying to figure out a long-term schedule that I balance everything out on.

>>16770996
I'm fairly certain that this quest would not have worked out so well if there WASN'T zany shit being suggested on a constant basis.

>>16771005
>>16771059
JESUS FUCK YOU GUYS

THREE THREADS LATER, WE WILL BE PUNCHING OUT GALAXIES WITH A DEATHSTAR MADE OUT OF BONES IF YOU KEEP THIS KIND OF ROLLING UP

>>16771026
Thanks- now what's Dominions?

rolled 32 = 32

>>16771104
Perhaps... Perhaps from bearbones believing in the salamander who believes in him?

No. We ask too much of Blorpquest. It's... They're post-end-thread rolls...

>>16771108
>JESUS FUCK YOU GUYS
>THREE THREADS LATER, WE WILL BE PUNCHING OUT GALAXIES WITH A DEATHSTAR MADE OUT OF BONES IF YOU KEEP THIS KIND OF ROLLING UP

You say that like it's a BAD thing.

rolled 12 = 12

>>16771005
>>16771059

SWEET BLORP. I have never seen so many crits and mini-crits in one damn thread.

rolled 13 = 13

>>16771116

Twin fourties have been rolled, the gods demand that EVOquest continue!

>>16771108

OP, your task is not yet over. Twin Forties have been rolled.

Guys quit demanding stuff of OP like this.

Yeah, double crits is awesome, but we've already ended the thread and I'd rather just have the next one start off with something awesome than force him to do it all at once here. Chill out for 24 hours.

rolled 14 = 14

>>16771005
>>16771059
>dem forties

rolled 36 = 36

>>16771108
A game about pretender-Gods battling to be the overgod, while marshaling or stringing along empires to take out the other Gods.

Those demiods also really liked absorbing magical crystals to increase their power.

It's actually, frankly, a perfect fit.

rolled 38 = 38

>>16771153

Agreed. Only triple forties can revive a thread.

rolled 6 = 6

>>16771165

Or two crits and a mini-crit.

>>16771059
>>16771005
>40
>40
>EPILOGUE/BONUS:
You look at Rexbones for a few minutes, ignoring the laughing Chieftain in the background.

After a few moments of pondering, you command the Rexbones to kneel before you; ponderously, it does so.

You go over to the remnants of the bear skeleton; upon releasing your hold, most of it crumbled to dust.The much-abused, much-loved bones are finally getting their rest. The bear skull, however, is still intact. After some maneuvering, you pop it on TOP of the Rexbone's t-rex skull. You're not sure why. It just felt right.

It is now a bear skull on top of an armed T-rex skull on top of two thick legs... and your Rexbones, your Bearbones, your Bearex, unleashes a terrifying roar, sickly green fire burning in both sets of eye sockets and diffusing its body for a long, long moment.

Who the hell do the woodfolk think you are?

You have no idea, but you vow to give them nightmares for CENTURIES.

rolled 9 = 9

>>16771172

OP, you just earned yourself some drawfaggin'. Expect delivery next thread. Now go to sleep. You earned it.

rolled 6 = 6

>>16771172

Awesome, I hope it's not too much to presume that another 40 will give us another epilogue bonus?

rolled 26 = 26

>>16771208

No need to be greedy. We got a thread tomorrow.

rolled 32 = 32

>>16771208

You'd have to get a nat 40 first.

rolled 33 = 33

>>16771208
... OP is never going to get to sleep at this rate, anon. LET HIM REST.

rolled 37 = 37

>>16771225

No! For the good of the navy we must continue the Quest For Evolution!

rolled 34 = 34

>>16771233
>mini-crit and dubs.

Does that count?

rolled 38 = 38

>>16771247

No, only nat 40's.

rolled 40 = 40

>>16771247

Naw. That already happened like 5 times in this thread.

rolled 17 = 17

>>16771233
>>16771255

mini-crits fucking everywhere!

rolled 14 = 14

>>16771262

>OP's face when

Equip that bitch with a set of wings.

rolled 8 = 8

>>16771281

Or use biomancy to wrap super-hardened tree-bark around him to make him look like a walking tree in the shape of a T-Rex.

rolled 30 = 30

>>16771262
GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. OP, YOU BEST ALREADY BE ASLEEP OR YOU'RE DOOMED.

>And what have we learned from this story, class?
>... Um...
>Yes, Sally?
>That neckbeards are ravenous bloodsucking beasts, never satisfied by even the most awesome of threads, and are always demanding more? Sorta like Mr. Blorp?
>That's correct, Sally. And that's why you should never eat meatbread or browse /tg/, class!

rolled 26 = 26

>>16771288

>Biomancy

OR, we could just, y'know, COVER him in a thick layer of TITANIUM WEBBING and THEN Use Biomancy to meld it into a suit of armor.

rolled 25 = 25

>>16771292
>mfw sally gets murdered by mr.blorp after class because I got a nat 40.

rolled 35 = 35

>>16771262

Here.

In my defense, I was arguing to let the poor OP get some sleep. The dice gods are spiteful and fickle as always I see.

rolled 7 = 7

>>16771311

Regardless, the die have been cast and a 40 has been rolled.

rolled 7 = 7

rawling.

rolled 28 = 28

I call upon the natural 40's.

rolled 24 = 24

>>16771379

Okay, that was a little closer to 40. I should be getting 40's from now on.

>>16771262
>40
... I finish getting ready for bed and I see this.

WELP, ONE LAST TIME YOU GLORIOUS BASTARDS

rolled 10 = 10

>>16771393

YES. YES. YES.

rolled 27 = 27

>>16771393

Hell yeah. If we keep the forties coming the OP will keep this thread rolling.

>>16771262
>40
>BONUS SIDESTORY... THING
You are very sure of what you are. You are one of the proud woodfolk, and a leader of your small warband; tonight, you are tasked with patrolling between a certain two villages. Just another normal night.

... but then you found HIM, and 'normal' stopped having any sort of meaning whatsoever.

The woodfolk survivor that you picked up sits in front of you, curled up with his arms around his knees, rocking back and forth and staring into nothing. You requested that the other warrior-scouts sit some distance away, to make him feel a little more comfortable, and you start questioning him gently.

>... what happened.

For a given value of 'gently.'

For a moment, the survivor doesn't respond. And then he looks up, and you.. you give a start. These are the eyes of someone who's been through hell and back. "It's... it's gone. Our elder. Our village. G-Gone... the sunfang..."

You frown, anger and disbelief overriding your attempts to be kind and understanding.

>And you call yourself a member of the Woodfolk Tribe!? A bunch of slow cold-blooded savages took out your village, your village deserved death! ESPECIALLY for-

"No! No, please!" The survivor pleads, shaking his head frantically. The sight disgusts you, but- "These... these were different! They had a... they had a god with them! A god... a tiny, adorable god, with... with a terrible, bony champion..."

His eyes glaze over, and he starts shaking, his voice dropping to a mumble. "Right through his eye.. his eye! And the brain! From the air- h-he was barely- barely bigger than the elder's TOE, and- and-"
(continued)

rolled 21 = 21

>>16771393
NO OP, YOU CAN'T GIVE IN! THEY WILL BLEED YOU DRY!

Jesus Christ, I was preparing to watch them to see how long they'd go... AND IT TURNS OUT SO WERE YOU. FFFFFFFFFF-

>>16771425
You slap the survivor across the face, sending him sprawling. You've had enough of his mewling.

>Speak sense, dammit! There ARE no other gods!! That 'false god' that...

Oh god. The survivor's eyes- those horrible eyes- are staring into yours again. An unstable, wavering grin crosses his face, and he starts laughing, tears running down his face.

Chills run down your spine as you watch the survivor break in front of your very eyes, his sanity shattering irrevocably. A small, shameful part of you begin thinking. Whatever it was this damned soul faced, whatever horrible, unnatural eldritch being he came up against, you find yourself praying that you never have to face it, too.

By far, though- and this is what will haunt your nightmares for the rest of your life- the worst part is when the survivor stats repeating one nonsensical word over and over and over and over...

"Blorp! Blorp...! Blorp! B-BLORP!!"