Ask not what the Imperium can do for you, but what you can do for the Imperium

"Do not talk about the Inquisition. Do NOT talk about the inquisition."

Believe ya can and yer already half wayz der - Theogore Blowsagit

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson, famed Slaaneshi prophet

>For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill

Sun Tzu, acclaimed Eldar tactcian

Why didn't the fellowship just ride battlebarges into the Eye of Terror?

NO ONE EXPECTS THE IMPERIAL INQUISITION!

I AM SICK OF THESE MOTHERFUCKIN' SQUIGS, ON THIS MOTHERFUCKIIN' BATTLEBARGE

I love the smell of Promethium in the morning.

Nobody puts the God Emperor in the corner.

I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire ten shots or only nine?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a Pre-Heresy Bolt Pistol, the most powerful handgun in the Imperium, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, Xeno?

"Brother-Captain, I don't think we're in The Emperor's Realm anymore."

"The Emperor's plan is in everything, kid...and I love it when His plan comes together!"

Chaos, it has a dark side, and a crazy side, and it's going to tear apart the universe.

/after an exterminatus on a Tau World
Mister Aun'Va, We missed you. Like what I've done with the place?

"false religions and psyker powers are no match for a good bolter at your side, heretic"

"You're going to need a bigger battlebarge."
- Brother-Captain Schneider, last words.

And then the Necrons sent a Pariah back in time to kill the God Emperor's mother.

Of all the hives, in all the hiveworlds in all the Imperium...she walks into mine.

IF THIS BATTLE BARGE GOES UNDER 150,000MPH,
IT
WILL
EXPLODE

<Broadcast from a planet on all frequencies and in all languages after a Dark Eldar raid.>

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for tribute, I can tell you that I am but a humble Inquisitor with little material wealth. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for xenos scum like you. Whether or not you willingly release the Governor's daughter into my care, know this: I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

>>16501667
Good luck.

I wanted to see exotic Catachan... the crown jewel of the Imperium. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill!

"You were not brought into this world to "get it", Inquisitor Burton!" -Lo Pan,High Magister of Tzeentch.

"Be like water." -Buruceli, Autarch.

"I am a leaf upon the wind, watch me soar!" -W'ashe, Air Caste (deceased).

Listen, and understand. That necron is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

-Guardsman Kyle Reese

>>16501650
>>16501667
>>16501636
YES

>>16501674

"I don't want no trabble!" Inquisitor Jakky Chaan

>>16501671
>>16501667

Writefags! ASSEMBLE!

>>16501674
>>16501674
>"You were not brought into this world to "get it", Inquisitor Burton!" -Lo Pan,High Magister of Tzeentch.

ELDRAD YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD! I READ YOUR BOOK!

Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see
-Astropath Weir-

>>16501667

>>16501650
I see a roleplaying campaign somewhere in there.

Random imperial citizen witnesses a horrific chain of events on the streets of his hiveworld that ends with total devastation of 4 city blocks and a land raider. "Dude, you just wrecked your land raider," he says as a lone tech priest emerges from the wreckage.
"It's not mine."

"All right, you heretical screw-heads, listen up! See this? This... is my BOLTER." - Arch-Militant "Ash" Williams.

>>16501690
YES! Listen to this man, he is very wise.

Seriously though, if there was a 40k writefag remake of Taken, I would, I would, I don't even know my mind can't comprehend it.

I love the smell of promethium in the morning. It smells like victory.

"The Emperor always said life was like a box of bolter shells. You never know what you're gonna get."

"Ever dance with the dark gods in the pale moon light?"

I just want to tell you good luck. The Imperium's counting on you.

Good news, everyone! You've -all- been found -guilty- of heresy! You're set to be purged in seventeen hours! Just enough time for me to catch my soaps afterward! Remember, resisting execution for heresy is heretical, so no trying to escape!

Be excellent to each other, and PARTY ON, IMPERIAL CITIZENS!

Inquisitors Baal S. Prysten and Tyd Logaan.

That's no moon... that's a space hulk...

Heresy...heresy never changes...

>>16501667
Fuck, yes. FUCK yes. Fuck, YES.
I haven't even SEEN Taken yet, just the trailer and I want this so hard it hurts!

THIS IS CAADDIIIIAAAAAA!!

-Leonidas, commander 300th Cadian regiment.

>>16501674
I think Burton would be a rogue trader instead of an inquisitor. Fits his trucker lifestyle much more.

>>16501746
>>16501708

I can't promise a full story, but I'll see if I can cook up some highlights of some of the major scenes. Gimme ten minutes.

"YOU VIOLATED THE LAW" - Arbiter Dredd

>>16501757
Imperial Command salutes you sir. Good luck.

"How do you shoot innocent xeno children?"
"It's easy, you just lead them a little less!"

>>16501764
>>16501709
I don't think these quotes needed to be changed at all.
the characters fit so well in the universe already

>Soldiers, Space Marines and Sailors of the Imperial Expeditionary Force!
You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months.

High General Dwight D. Eisenhower of the Imperial Army

I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
-Sister Elyn Ripley

>>16501757

You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar of the highest order.

Total Recall: the story of an Eversor made to forget his mission after discovering the Void Dragon.

Them ol' Slaanesh guys just, dang ol' snort cocaine and yell and ya know how they, like, million vaginas, know what I mean, and they just dang ol' fucking errything all the time, ya know, and just gotta, just gotta purge em, ya know? Dang ol' heretics

"We all go a little mad sometimes." -Normaen Baits, Cultist

[Hartman gives a speech to the graduating recruits] Today, you people are no longer maggots. Today, you are Space Marines. You're part of a brotherhood. From now on until the day you die, wherever you are, every Space Marine is your brother. Most of you will go to whatever shithole we assign you to. Some of you will not come back. But always remember this: Space Marines die. That's what we're here for. But the Chapter lives forever. And that means YOU live forever.

What heretic lurks in the hearts of men?

The Shadow knows.

If you had been the inventor of the Land Raider Crusader, you would have invented the Land Raider Crusader.
-- Inquisitor Mark Zuckerberg to Artificier Simagus, shortly after the Jerulas Crusade

>There are Heretics surrounding us and you took time to change?

>I'm always DREZZED for the occasion!

You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' lascannons attached to their heads! Now evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here. What do we have?" - Inquisitor "Evil" Powers

>>16501818
>"What heresy lurks in the hearts of men?"

FTFY

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me... Aren't you?"
-Last known words of unknown schola juvie, victim of Slaneshi cultists.

>>16501757
Arch-Militant Williams approves!

>>16501757
10 minutes have past.

Hurry please.

Darkness swam in the mind of the lowly shopkeeper. And then pain. Like bits of glass stabbed deep into his brain, the pain pulled him from that comforting darkness and out into the gloriously bright real world.

The scum blinked his watery, bovine eyes into the darkness of that underhive cesspit, a small room that may have once been used but now had been left to rot. A single lumaglobe hung from the ceiling, sputtering and clicking as it struggled to remain lit.

The Inquisitor- the man had given no name to anyone on planet, as was his habit- slapped that bovine face quick and sharp, sending the man reeling off to the side, almost taking him and the chair he had been tied to down onto the floor that had been used extensively by the local vermin fauna as a toilet.

Long ago on a distant world, I, Tzeentch, shapeshifting master of darkness, unleashed an UNSPEEEAAAKAAABLE EEEEVIL! But...a FOOOOOOLISSH Grey Knight wielding a nemesis sword strode forth to oppose me. BEFORE THE FINAL BLOW WAS STRUCK, I tore open A PORTAL IN REALITY, and flung him into the warp, where MY EVIL IS LAW! Now the fool seeks to return to real space, and undo the evil that is Tzeentch...
(And that, my friends, is how Draigo's story got started)

>>16501844
FUCKING LOL

Archive this shit nao

"Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more." - Commisar Woolf

"Kid, the next time I say, 'Let's go someplace like Cadia,' let's go someplace like Cadia." -Sgt. Cassidy

>>16501841

"Wake up!" Another slap to the traitors face, a few small specks of blood glittering in the twilight before disappearing into the darkness. The Inquisitor waited for the scum to gain near-full cognizance before showing him a pair of wicked-looking electrodes, smiling grimly.

"I need you to be focused..." Without further ado, the Inquisitor raised the electrodes above his head and drove them into the exposed thighs of the captured traitor. The screams of the man were lost among the industry and general human vermin surrounding that underhive hideaway, but the Inquisitor cared not. If any could hear it, he hoped the man's squalling would put the righteous fear of the Emperor in them.

>>16501841

YES YES YES YES YES

Today... is Emperors day! There will be a sermon at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the Imperium will conquer Chaos with the aid of the God Emperor and a few good Imperial Guard! The Emperor has a hard-on for guardsmen because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! The Emperor was here before the Imperial Guard! So you can give your heart to Him, but your ass belongs to the guard! Do you ladies understand?

>>16501844

You talking to me, heretic?

What's your name my lord?

...Murphy.

>Gertes, has the Imperium ever used cloning technology?
>Are your victuals insufficient, Samuel?

My name is Commissar Aldo Raine and I'm putting together a special team, and I need me eight soldiers. Eight Cadian-Imperial soldiers. Now, y'all might've heard rumors about the armada happening soon. Well, we'll be leaving a little earlier. We're gonna be dropped into the Eye of Terror, dressed as cultists. And once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwhackin' guerrilla army, we're gonna be doin' one thing and one thing only... killin' Heretics. Now, I don't know about y'all, but I sure as hell didn't come down from the goddamn Segmentum Solar, cross five thousand light years of space, fight my way through half of the Segmentum Obscurus and jump out of a fuckin' Valkyrie to teach the Heretics lessons in humanity. Heretics ain't got no humanity. They're the foot soldiers of a Emprah-hatin', mass murderin' maniac and they need to be dee-stroyed. That's why any and every every son of a bitch we find wearin' a Star o' Chaos, they're gonna die. Now, I'm the direct descendant of the jungle man Sly Marbo. That means I got a little Catachan in me. And our battle plan will be that of a Jungle Fighter resistance. We will be cruel to the Heretics, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the Heretics won't not be able to help themselves but to imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And the Heretics will be sickened by us, and the Heretics will talk about us, and the Heretics will fear us. And when the Heretics closes their eyes at night and they're tortured by their subconscious for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good?

Nine million traitors on this hive and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.
-Sgt mcclane hero of the Imperium

>Sir they've escaped the range of a our cannons.

Well, what do we got on this thing, a cuisinart?

AFTER THEM!

>>16501853

"Are you focused yet?" The Inquisitor asked as the traitor continued to sputter and whimper. Looking up, that filthy shopkeeper saw a man of no particular note- tall, with a plain face, middling to later years, wearing one of the many full-body worksuits that everyone else in the hive was required to wear.

Revealing a pict-slate from his pocket, the Inquisitor leaned in and held it up. On the small, glowing screen was a picture of a young, beautiful dark-haired girl of obviously aristocratic upbringing, smiling coyly at the camera. "The eldar reavers took the Governor's daughter a week ago. I have it on good authority that you recently came into quite a bit of money, also a week ago...I'm sure even a simpleton like you knows where I'm going with this..."

The shopkeeper screwed up his face and spit in the Inquisitor's eye, putting on a show of courage. The Inquisitor leaned back and wiped that saliva from his face with a small rag, sighing and moving around that shackled man. Reaching out, he stuffed that rag down the shopkeeper's throat, making his way, leisurely, to the lumaglobe switch.

"It’s not my fault if I was cut out to be a Inquisitor. I asked for it. I asked for it, really believed in it. When you’re 13, you believe in your dream. Well, it came true for me. But I still ask myself today what I’ve done on this universe. Nothing! I’ve done nothing! And I might just die in this BattleShip, hoping to start all over here in Elysia, in my country, where my roots are. Start all over with my parents and get my health back, pick up again. So I really hope nobody’s gonna pull a trigger in this battleship. It’s so stupid to kill people. They’re so beautiful. So, today, I pray to the emperor. I truly believe it’s not a movie. It’s real life. Real life. I’ve seen so many things. I was born in Elysia, but I’m citizen of the world. I’ve travelled a lot. It’s hard for me to judge people and it’s hard for them not to judge me. Easier to blame me. Yeah, something like that."
>Lord Inquisitor Van Damme

My momma always told me I'd be good at something someday. Who'da thought that thing would be killing heretics?
-Inquisitorial Acolyte "Tallahassee"

"LIBERATE TUTAME EX INFERIS"

-fragment of vox recording from the space hulk Event Horizon

please, would a cleverer man than I do this for the opening line of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? Much thanks

2 slaaneshi cultists travel to the heart of the Imperium, in search of the Empeors Dream...

>>16501913
That movie doesn't even need to be 40k'd up. It's practically canon. Early days of exploring the Warp.

>Looks at daemon price.

'I'll be your huckleberry'.

He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing... the fury of the God Emperor... and then we discovered why. Why this Man, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden. He was being kind... He wrapped my father in unbreakable chains forged in the heart of a dwarf star. He tricked my mother into the event horizon of a collapsing galaxy, to be imprisoned there... forever. He still visits my sister, once a year, every year. I wonder if one day he might forgive her... but there she is. Can you see? He trapped her inside a mirror. Every mirror. If ever you look at your reflection and see something move behind you just for a second, that's her. That's *always* her. As for me, I was suspended in time and the Emperor put me to work standing over the fields of England as their protector. We wanted to live forever. So the Emperor made sure we did.

>>16501902

With a flick of a switch, it was as if the Emperor himself had ripped the traitor open and poured molten metal into his veins. Every muscle inside his body tensed to the point of injury, the entire flabby, unimpressive form of the traitor bucking up and down on top of that chair. The lumaglobe above flickered, sputtered, died, and then lighted itself again.

After what seemed like aeons the Inquisitor flipped the switch off. The man flopped down into the chair, whimpering around that rag, his entire body covered in sweat. Reaching up to loosen the top button on that worksuit, the Inquisitor began to speak, as if lecturing to a hall filled with initiates.

"You know...we used to outsource this sort of thing to the feral and death worlds of the Imperium...places like Catachan, Cretasis, Davin...but what we found that such places, while having the necessary sort of...moral compass for such workings, lacked the high-tech tools to make the exercise more than just...well, an entry in a medicae slate. Pulling fingernails, lopping off limbs, that sort of thing. All very counter-productive, you see..."

The Inquisitor motioned to that sputtering lumaglobe, cracking a sardonic smile. "But here...we have a constant and stable flow of electricity. Here, you can flip a switch and it stays on so long as the nuclear plants at the base of the hive are maintained..."

>>16501947

This is absolutely amazing and I want to see Liam Neeson in a 40k movie now.

>>16501931

>>16501947

"Now, you little shit, you are going to give me what I want or I will turn that switch on again and leave." The Inquisitor leaned over and brought his face level with the shopkeeper. "What did you tell the dark eldar? How did you help them to infiltrate the city and make off with the Governor's daughter..."

The shopkeeper babbled out. "I didn't t-tell them a-anything b-because I wanted to! They threatened m-my life! Th-they wanted the a-access codes t-to the u-underhive tramways! T-They go all the way up to the top of the hive! P-past the planetary d-defenses...I u-used to maintain it, and it hasn't b-been used in decades..." The Inquisitor leaned back, considering.

"Do you remember the access codes now? Give them to me." He spoke quickly, feeling so close...

"Th-they used some kind of sorcery on me! I c-can't remember them! Th-they did it so nobody w-would find them!" The shopkeeper babbled, gasping as he saw the Inquisitor march toward the lumaglobe switch.

The exitus rifke is the first weapon you learn how to use, because it lets you keep your distance from the heretic. The closer you get to being a vindicare, the closer you can get to the heretic. The knife, for example, is the last thing you learn.

-Léon "the cleaner" Officio Assassinorum instructor

>>16501859
Scout Joker, do you believe in the God-Emperor?

>>16501993
Jesus chirst this is awesome

I used to be like you. A long time ago. All brand new and perfect. No mistakes, no regrets. People look at you and think of how wonderful your future will be. They want you to be something special, like a Sergeant, or a Adept. I hate to tell you this, but if you grow up here, you're more likely to wind up dying on alien worlds in pointless wars, or taking sermons from filthy heretics at a dark altar. And if you're successful, you'll make money selling Phetamote to hive scum. And don't think twice about taking skulls for the skull throne, because you won't even know it's wrong in the first place. Maybe... you'll end up like me. A dross hound with a shotgun!

Perfect? Terra? Well, perfect to look at, maybe. And it was, it was beautiful. They used to call it the Shining World of the Seven Systems. And on the continent of Asia, between the mountains of the Himalayas and the Alps, there stood the sprawling City of Man. The most brilliant and most mighty race in the universe. Looking down on the galaxy below, sworn to learn all there was to know about the galaxy itself, -reality- itself. Children of Terra were taken from their families at the age of eight to enter the Academy. Some say that's where it all began, when he was a child. That's when the Emperor saw eternity. As a novice, he was taken for initiation. He stood in front of the Untempered Schism. It's a gap in the fabric of reality through which could be seen the whole of the vortex. We stand there, eight years old, staring at the raw power of time and space, just a child. Some would be inspired. Some would run away. And some would go mad.
-Inquisitor "Master" Saxon, now declared Excommuicatae Hereticus

Emperor: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Chapter Master Arthur of the Round Tables: I am averting my eyes Lord!

Emperor: WELL DON'T.

>>16502023
The Doctor said that actually.

>>16501993

"PLEASE! I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH! I KNOW NOTHING! PLEEEEASE!..Please...pleeease.." The shopkeeper began to cry, big tears of expectant pain and suffering rolling down his unshaven, dirty face.

The Inquisitor paused, considering the man's statement for a few moments. He pulled his hand away from the switch and moved to gather what meager things he had- a long coat and a wide-brimmed hat.

"I believe you." He stated simply, and the shopkeeper wet his pants as relief washed over him. He whimpered and continued crying for a few moments before looking back. His noises stopped, his tears dried, and his bovine eyes bulged in their sockets.

The brand of the Inquisition was a small but quite noticeable embroidery on the inside of the Inquisitor's long coat, which he had open to the cowed man to give him an idea of just who he was dealing with. His hand once again at the switch, The Inquisitor was blank-faced and emotionless as he made his final statement.

"But only the Emperor can save you now."

He flipped the switch and left, leaving the man to soil himself and scream. Only a few feet away, his screams were lost in the industry of the hive, as if he had never existed at all.

Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and nobles will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll look down and whisper "No." They had a choice, all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like my father or General Drusus. Decent men who believed in a day's work for a day's pay. Instead they followed the droppings of cultists and rebels and didn't realize that the trail led over a precipice until it was too late. Don't tell me they didn't have a choice. Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into bloody Hell, all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth-talkers... and all of a sudden nobody can think of anything to say.
-Inquisitor Rorschach-

"Boys, you got to learn not to talk to Sisters of Battle that way."

Dizzy: My mother always told me that violence doesn't solve anything.
Jean Rasczak: Really? I wonder what the colonists of Typhon would have to say about that.
[to Carmen]
Jean Rasczak: You.
Carmen: They wouldn't say anything. Typhon was destroyed.
Jean Rasczak: Correct. Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else. The contrary opinion that violence doesn't solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst.

>>16502036
I know, of the Master. I couldn't find a good name for the Doc, so I switched the perspective around.

>>16501786
>Boomhauer
>comprehensible

Try again.

"For the Emperor, James?"

"No. For me."

>>16502042
The lone wanderer.
The lost one.
John Smith
The oncoming storm

Anonymity is your name,
Silence your native tongue.
You're no longer part of the System.
You're above the System.
Over it.
Beyond it.
We are "Them."
We are "They."
We are His Holy Inquisition.

All these moments... gone... like tears... in the rain... time... to die.

>>16502037
Thank you. You have the gratitude of the majority of the entire board.

>Lord Hauk: [reading Plissken's file] S.D. Plissken... Caidan, ex-Lieutenant: Special Forces Unit "Black Light". Two Cadian Hearts, the Cross of Honors. Youngest man to be decorated and personally by Lord Creed. Then you robbed the Cadian Reserve Depository... life sentence, penal colony Ajax Six maximum security... Until it was destroyed by an Ork invasion force, yet you were the only survivor... I'm about to kick your ass out of Imperial Space, war hero...
>Inquisitor Plissken: [calmly strikes a match against Hauk's desk to light his cigarette and in a bored tone of voice] Who're you?
>Lord Hauk: Hauk, Inquisitor Lord Hauk
>Inquisitor Plissken: Bob Hauk...
>Lord Hauk: Special Forces Terra Unit "Emperor's Thunder"... we heard of you too, Plissken.
>Inquisitor Plissken: Call me Snake.

Zardoz: the story of a lost primarch, Zed, who found himself on a backwater planet inhabited by a small group of Eldar that control the human population with a god of their own devising: Zardoz.

>>16502073
>>Snake
>>Cadian
>>Not Catachan
Wat

"You want answers?"
"I think I'm entitled."
"You want answers?"
"I want the truth!"
"You can't handle the truth!" - Inquisitor Jessep

Inquisitor is as Inquisitor does

>>16502089
Too short.

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a hive gangster.

"Amasec, shaken not stirred." - Inquisitor Bond, James Bond.

>>16502069

Just doing my duty for the Emperor, citizen.

Lord Militant Aragon: Hold your ground, hold your ground! Sons of Cadia, of Catachan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered Armour, when the age of The Imperium comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear by Sacred Terra, I bid you *stand, Men of the Emperor!

My name is Captain Aldo Raine and I'm putting together a special team, and I need me eight Marines. Eight Adeptus Astrates Marines. Now, y'all might've heard rumors about the armada happening soon. Well, we'll be leaving a little earlier. We're gonna be dropped into the Eye of Terror, dressed as Traitor Legionaries. And once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwhackin' guerrilla army, we're gonna be doin' one thing and one thing only... killin' Traitors. Now, I don't know about y'all, but I sure as hell didn't come down from the goddamn jungles of Catachan, cross five thousand leagues of the void, fight my way through half of Armaggedon and jump out of a fething Thundehawk to teach the Traitors lessons in humanity. Traitors ain't got no humanity. They're the foot soldiers of a Empire-hatin', mass murderin' maniac Gods and they need to be dee-stroyed. That's why any and every every son of a bitch we find wearin' a Chaos sigil, they're gonna die. Now, I'm a descendant of the Glorious Primarch Ultramar. That means I got a little Ultramarine in me. And our battle plan will be that of an Macragge resistance. We will be cruel to the Traitors, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the Traitor won't not be able to help themselves but to imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And the Traitor will be sickened by us, and the Mutant will talk about us, and the Traitor will fear us. And when the Traitor closes their eyes at night and they're tortured by their subconscious for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good?

>>16502120

"I got a crew that ain't been paid, bits and pieces fallin' off my ship and a powerful need to eat, sometime this month. we needed the cargo more than that hive dreg, Zoey."

Malcom Reynolds, rogue trader

>>16502037

Fuck it, I'm archiving this shit now.

For the past seventy years I have done nothing but travel around the empire getting shot up, hunted, blown up... and all I have to show for it are a broken servo-skull, a couple of empty rolls of duct tape and this paperclip.

>>16502125
Slowpoke
>>16501886

>>16501886
This one is better than this one
>>16502125

Also catachan marines, what?

>>16502038
Go to bed, Ryan.

archive this shit

>>16502136

Aaaaaand here we go.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16501528/

>>16501886

“I find your lack of faith disturbing.”
-Inquisitor Lord Vader

We're in this war, Bastonne, and we're going to win it -- but let's make sure we're still the 'Good Guys' when we do!
Captain Staev "Cadia" Rodger, on the 13th Black Crusade

"Use the Warp Luke" Benjamin Kenobi, Grey Knight

"The greatest trick Tzeentch ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone."

God-Emperor, are you punishing me because my hair is better than yours?

and

We produce more failed pilots than the Ork Air Force.

Jack Donoghue CEO of Gothic sector & gammawave programing

>High Lord Richelieu: He is becoming as troublesome as his father.
>Inquisitor Rochefort: He is a foolish boy and barely that.
>High Lord Richelieu: That foolish boy is about to become a man which is all the more reason for us to act quickly. Have our loose ends been tied up?
>Inquisitor Rochefort: Two patrols have been sent.
>High Lord Richelieu: I trust, Inquisitor Rochefort, that you are doing everything in your power to rid us of these heretics. Don't let having only one eye impair your vision. The loss of the other could be most... inconvenient.

"Get off my planet" Inquisitor Walt Kowalski

Princess Leia: No! Alderaan is peaceful! We have no weapons, you can't possibly...
Governor Tarkin: [impatiently] You would prefer another target? Then name the system! I grow tired of asking this so it will be the last time: *Where* is the Heretic base?
Princess Leia: ...Typhon. They're on Typhon.
Governor Tarkin: There. You see, Inquisitor Lord Vader, she can be reasonable. Continue with the operation; you may fire when ready.
Princess Leia: WHAT?

>>16502183
Whoa.

I'm Andrei Ri'anne, and I'd like to ask you a question. Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? No, says the man on Terra, it belongs to the nobles. No, says the Eccliesiarch, it belomgs to the Emperor. No, says the man on T'au, it belongs to everyone. I rejected those answers; instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose...Comorragh, a city where the artist would not fear the censor, where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality, Where the great would not be constrained by the small! And with the sweat of your brow, Comorragh can become your city as well.
-Andrei Ri'anne, Archon of the Shattered Hand Kabal

"Well, you see here...you see-what we've got here is a-a cult, right? And they're organized. and they're efficient. And they're not painting symbols and glyphs everywhere.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think-I think what we have here...is a bunch of genestealers, right? And if we're at this stage, then it's gone way beyond brothels and politicos. There's a-a Splinter Fleet on the way, if...If we're lucky."

>I want, what they want, and every other guy who came over here and spilt his guts and gave everything he had wants. For our Imperium to love us as much as we love it...that's what I want
>I've always believed that the mind is the best weapon
Inquisitor Johnathan Rambo

>>16502243
(sorry but he already exists in 40k)

WOOF WOOF WOOF, that's my Fersian Wolf impression.
A Cadian tank commander nick named Oddball.

"and now young heretic... You will die." Inquisitor Lord Palpatine

'I don't think so.'

Que popping noises from every daemon and heretic within a city sector.

>>16502264
You are a beautiful human being for referancing that movie

I AM NOT A CROOK - Heretic Nixon before his execution for heresy

He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Sabbat.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Sabbat's day.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harrison the Warmaster, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Sabbat shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the Galaxy,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in Terra now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Sabbat's day.

>>16502257
>Catachan Sergeant Johnathan Rambo
Better?

>>16501841
>>16501853
>>16501902
>>16501947
>>16501993
>>16502037

I...I think I love you. Thank you, good sir.

Good... Bad... I'm the guy with the Rosette.

Take your stinking paws off of me you damn dirty xenos!

>>16502304
>Sly Marbo
fix'd

Joygirl: Hey, baby. You got girlfriend catachan?

Guardsman Joker: Not just this minute.

Joygirl: Well, baby, me so horny. Me so HORNY. Me love you long time. You party?

Guardsman Joker: Yeah, we might party. How much?

Joygirl: Fifteen thrones.

Guardsman Joker: Fifteen thrones for both of us?

Joygirl: No. Each you fifteen thrones. Me love you long time. Me so HORNY.

Guardsman Joker: Fifteen thrones too beaucoup. Five thrones each.

Joygirl: Me sucky-sucky. Me love you too much.

Guardsman Joker: Five thrones is all my mom allows me to spend.

Joygirl: Okay. Ten thrones each.

Guardsman Joker: What do we get for ten thrones?

Joygirl: Every t'ing you want.

Guardsman Joker: Everything?

Joygirl: Every t'ing.

Guardsman Joker: Well, old buddy, feel like spending some of your hard-earned money?

Hey you, pop quiz! How long's it take to beat to beat a heretic to death? Bam! Time's up, you're dead! Hey, someone keepin track of my heads batted in? Bonk! Ah, I make dis look easy. You knuckleheads? Aint even worth the effort. You suck, you hear me, you all suck. Oh, what, you gonna cry? You gonna cry now? You're all losers...
-Inquisitorial Acolyte IILVC, known only by his occupation of "Scout", midway through purging a nest of cultists.

>>16502308

D'awww, thanks.

My Benadryl is kicking in, so my sleep cycle shall resume soon.

Tune in next time for the A-Team...IN 40K! ::dramatic music::

Thanks to >>16501667 for inspiring the story in this thread, and >>16501619 for inspiring the next story I'll be working on.

Cheers, elegan/tg/entlemen.

>>16502264
Wasn't there an Imperial Tank commander who played music while going into battle to scare the enemy, I remember him being in either the 3rd Ed IG codex or the first IA book.

>I've heard about burning the witch at both ends but this is ridiculous.

>>16502073
Inquisitor Plissken!
I thought you were dead!

Meanwhile, in the Ghost Dog combined DH/Black Crusade game...

[after Heretic Vinii shoots a Sister of Battle]
Hive Scum: Khorne's throne, Vinii. You just iced a woman, you know that?
Vinii: You know what you are? You're a fuckin' male chauvinist pig.
Scum: What do you mean, I'm a male chauvinist pig? You just shot a broad.
Vinii: A Battle Sister. I just shot a Battle Sister. They wanna be equal? I made her equal.

There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation on Cadia. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet, including Heretics. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11?

I don't believe this one even needs re-captioning to make it fit DH.

>>16502367

you are a gentleman and a scholar.
thank you for that!

>>16502429
>550 million firearms on cadia
seems a bit low. you must mean per square mile

Would you say... WOOSH, ten million heretics?

Capped for posterity.

>>16502384
>Yeah, you and everybody else!

I know you have been inconvenienced. And I am prepared to take the extraordinary step of paying for your silence in lieu of having you all mind-scrubbed.

Shall we say, 100 Throne Geld?

Very well then. 200.

>>16502519
"But where shall we find your wife?"

"On Terra!"

Goretex my lord, GORE-TEX

Mag Uruk Thraka, has Iron Skull
=
Margaret Thatcher, is Iron Lady

When you need it and don't have it, don't come crying to me.

Capt. Harris: Snakebite leader, Ripper Bravo Six, we're gonna need you soonest be advised I've got greenskins in the wire down here, over!
Marauder Pilot: Roger your last Bravo Six, Snakebite lead we can't run it any closer. We're hot to trot and packing snake and nape but we're bingo fuel. It's your call, Six actual, Over.
Capt. Harris: Snakebite leader, Bravo Six, for the record, it's my call. Dump everything you got left ON MY POS. I say again, I want all you're holding INSIDE the perimeter. It's a lovely fucking war. Bravo Six Actual and Out.
Marauder Pilot: Roger your last Bravo Six. We copy it's your call. Get em in their holes down there. Hang tough, Bravo Six we are coming cocked for treetops. Whiskey to Echo... Snakebite Two, this is lead. Last pass on zero niner. Watch my smoke to target, expend all remaining. Follow my trace...

"We can't stop here, this is Ork country."

>I'm surrounded by a lot of women on this planet. And that includes the men

Dante: I'm gonna tell you this one time, Marneus fethin' Calgar, an' I ain't foolin'. What I don't know - all them things that I don't know - could get you killed if I come to know them. I ain't jokin'.
Marneus Calgar: Yeah well try this one, and I'll say it just once!
Dante: Go ahead!
Marneus Calgar: Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! Fethin' real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn't want it, Dante! So what we got now is Brokeback Hive! Everything's built on that! That's all we got, boy, fethin' all. So I hope you know that, even if you don't never know the rest! You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly two centuries and you measure the short fething eletro leash you keep me on - and then you ask me about Cadia and tell me you'll kill me for needing somethin' I don't hardly never get. You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you... I can't make it on a coupla high-altitude fucks once or twice a year! You are too much for me Dante, you sonofawhoreson bitch! I wish I knew how to quit you.
Dante: [crying] Well, why don't you? Why don't you just let me be? It's because of you Marneus, that I'm like this! I'm nothin'... I'm nowhere... Get the feth off me! I can't stand being like this no more, Marneus.

"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No, heretic, I expect you to die!"

- Inquisitor Auric

>>16502709
someone read my fanfic

"Git me a dakka big enuff and choppy killy enuf, and I shall move this planit here."

You're gonna need a bigger battle-barge, Inquisitor Brody

"In some hive scum wana hump hump bar or is this getaway day, and your last huff at his lho-stick. Sell heresy someplace else, we're all stocked up here "

Planetary Governor Jack Nicholson to Force Commander of Emperor's Children.

"Even the runty yoof is a good boy inside, deyz all has da virtooz of being stompy, choppy, shooty, kunnin', ded killy', fasta' and flashy. Just smack dem' to understand dese.

Choose War. Choose a job. Choose a conscription. Choose a Regiment. Choose a fething big holodisplay, choose washing servitors, speeders, cogitators and a fething big baneblade. Choose good health, flak armour, and medicae insurance. Choose high throne mortgage repayments. Choose a starter hab. Choose your friends. Choose administratum approved leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose an all in one tabard on hire purchase in a range of fething fabrics. Choose Dhonoring te omnissiah and wondering who the feth you are on Sanguinala morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing holo sermons, stuffing fething reprocessed food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable hive, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fethed up god-emperor you praised to protect yourselves. Choose your future. Choose War... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose War. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got Slaanesh?

Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway? The Emperor? Is that it? The Emperor? Well, I'll tell ya, lemme give you a little inside information about The Emperor. He likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. Man has instincts! He has this extraordinary gift and then--what does the emperor do? I swear--for his own amusement--his own private cosmic gag reel--he sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time! Look. But don't touch! Touch. But don't taste! Taste. Don't swallow! [laughs] And while you're jumping from one foot to the next, he's laughing his sick fucking ass off!! He's a tight ass, he's a sadist, he's an absentee landlord!! Worship that never! - Warmaster Pacino before the Great Pacino Heresy

"If the Imperial Commander's illness is slight, they will surely return to the hive. They must be delayed by his serious sickness. He stays on so that his soldiers may not lose heart. Now I will write him such a letter that he will die."

~Khan Ming, Chosen of Tzeentch

>>16501771
>40k rips off judge dredd so much already

We were somewhere around Armageddon on the edge of the warp when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded, maybe you should take the helm..." And suddenly there was this terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bat-winged demons, all swooping and screeching and diving around the ship, which was going about twelve thousand miles an hour with the gellar fields down to to Ultramarr. And a voice was screaming "Sweet Slannesh, what are these warpcursed demons?"

-Archheritic Thompson, favored of Slannesh

>>16503178
>>16503250
>>16502223
>>16502119
>>16502038
*honorable mentions*

I wasn't even supposed to purge these heretics today!

>>16503834

well played

"Ya zee, in diz world Derez two kin' of gitz, boy: Doze wiz loaded shootas an' doze who dig. Ya dig."

Mon'keigh! I'm a shuriken farmer!

Do you see the sign outside my hovel that says dead eldar storage?

Jessep: You want answers?

Kaffee: I think I'm entitled to them.

Jessep: You want answers?

Kaffee: I want the Imperial Truth!

Jessep: You can't handle the Truth! Son, we live in a galaxy that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by guardsmen with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Mira? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the heretics and you curse the Inquisition. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that this planet's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.
We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Kaffee: Did you order the Exterminatus?

Jessep: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.

Kaffee: Did you order the Exterminatus?

Jessep: You're goddamn right I did!!

"Upon this battle depends the survival of Imperial civilisation. Upon it depends our own way of life and the long continuity of our institutions and our Imperium. The whole fury and might of the enemy must very soon be turned on us now. Doombreed knows that he will have to break us on the ground of this tiny world or lose the war. If we can stand up to him, all of the sector may be free and the life of the segmentum may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fail, then the whole imperium, including Sol and blessed earth, including all that we know and care for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age, made more sinister, and more protracted, by the lights of perverted heretek science. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if Gran Bretagne and its Commonwealth last for ten-thousand years more, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour.' "

- Governor Martial Winston Leonardo Spencer Randolph Jerome John Blenheim Churchill the Third, leader of the colony Gran Bretagne, hours before coming under planetary assault by Doombreed and his Black Legion crusade force.

>An Sound Marine attempts to teach a group of cultists about the Emperor

Dewey Finn (Chaos Space Marine): You want me to teach you something? What? You want to learn something? Alright, here's a useful lesson: Give up! Just quit! Because in this life you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end your just gonna loose, BIG TIME! Because the galaxy is run by the Emperor!

Frankie: Who?

Dewey: The Emperor. Oh, you don't know the Emperor? The Emperor's everywhere: on Terra, down the hall, Abbadon; he's the Emperor! And the Emperor's ruined humanity, and he's burning down science and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! Okay! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Emperor, it was called rock 'n roll. But guess what? Oh no! The man had to ruin that too with a little thing called THE INQUISITON! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Emperor's just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourself a favor and just give up!

(The lights turn on in the interrogation room, revealing the Inquisitor(Christian Bale) standing behind the Heretic. The Inquisitor smashes the Heretic's head onto the table.)

Heretic: Ah! Never start with the head, the victim gets all...fuzzy. He can't feel the next...

(Inquisitor interrupts by smashing the Heretic's hand.)

Heretic: ...See?

Inquisitor: You wanted me. Here I am.

Heretic: I wanted to see what you'd do. And you didn't disappoint. You let five thousand people die. Then you let that Arbitrator take your place. Even to a guy like me, that's cold.

Inquisitor: Where's Dent?

Heretic: Those ganger fools want you gone so they can get back to the way things were. But I know the truth. There's no going back. You've changed things… forever.

Inquisitor: Then why'd you want to kill me?

Heretic: (laughs hysterically) I don't wanna kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off Gangers in the Underhive? No, no...no! No, you...you... complete...me.

Inquisitor: You're garbage who kills for chaos.

Heretic: Don't talk like an Arbite, you're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak – like me! The Arbitraitors need you right now, but when they don't... they'll cast you out. Like a leper. See, their morals, their code: it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these, uh… these Imperial citizens, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a Heretic; I'm just ahead of the curve.

T'Sky People have sent us a message... that they can take whateva' ey want. Tat no'ne can stop them. Well, we'll send'em a message. You ride out as fast as the deffkopta can carry you. You tell the other clans to come. Tell 'em Toruk Macto calls to t'em! You fly now, with me! My brothers! Another brothers! And we'll show the Sky Peopl'... that ey cannot take whateva ey want! And that this... this is our land! WAAAAAAGH!

Colonel Joshua Chamberlain: This is a different kind of army. If you look at history you'll see xenos fighting for the Greater Good, or their Waaagh, or even for Chaos. They fight for planets, or because a Warlock makes them, or just because they like killing. But we're here for something new. This hasn't happened much in the history of the galaxy. We are an army out to set other men free. The Galaxy should be free , from here to the Halo stars. No man has to bow but to the Emperor, no man born to chaos. Here we judge you by what you do, not by who your father was. Here you can be something. Here you can build a home. But it's not the land. There's always more land. It's the idea that we all have value, you and me. What we're fighting for, in the end, is each other. Sorry. Didn't mean to preach.

>How to train your War Wolf

This is Fenris.

It's twelve days north of the Eye of Terror and a few degrees south of the Halo Stars. It's located solidly on the Meridian of Misery. My village. In a word? Sturdy. And it's been here for seven generations, but every single building is new.

We have fishing, hunting, and a charming view of the sunsets. The only problems are the pests. You see, most places have mice or mosquitoes, we have wolves.

Most people would leave. But not us. We're Space Wolves. We have stubbornness issues. My name's Hiccup. Great name, I know. But, it's not the worst. Parents believe a hideous name will frighten off Xenos and Chaos.

Like our charming Viking demeanor wouldn't do that.

>>16504047

Now I want to see that movie.

Now it is 40084
Knock-knock at your front door
It's the Arbites Secret Police
They have come for your Heretical niece

Come quietly to the camp
You'd look nice as a drawstring lamp
Don't you worry, it's only a shower
For your clothes here's a purity seal.

(Sadly, I couldn't find an appropriate word that rhymed... Ah well, make do as you can in this case.)

>>16501786
ALL OF MY TEEF.

>>16504071
>>16504071

I love you

If I'd been though what he has, I'd be holding a gun too, but I wouldn't be serving the Emperor.

I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for the Emperor. He won it by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for the Emperor.

Men, all this stuff you've heard about Merka not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Merkans, traditionally, love to fight. All real Merkans love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooters, the fastest runners, big league ball players, the toughest boxers. Merkans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Merkans play to win all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in the Warp for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Merkans have never lost and will never lose a war, because the very thought of losing is hateful to Merkans.

Now, an army is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Saturday Evening Voxcast don't know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating.

Now, we have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit, and the best men in the Imperium. You know, by the Emperor, I- I actually pity those poor bastards we're going up against, by the Emperor, I do. We're not just going to shoot the Xenos; we're going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Ork bastards by the bushel.

>>16504155 (cont'd)

Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken out under fire. Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty.

The Greenskins are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do.

Now there's another thing I want you to remember: I don't want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We're not holding anything. Let the Ork do that. We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the tusks and we're going to kick him in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're going to go through him like crap through a goose.

Now, there's one thing that you men will be able to say when you get back home. And you may thank the Emperor for it. Thirty years from now when you’re sitting around your hab unit with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you: "What did you do in the great Third War for Armageddon?" You won't have to say, "Well, I shoveled shit in Luzina III."

Alright, now, you sons-of-bitches, you know how I feel. Oh... I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle anytime, anywhere.

That's all.

- General George C. S. Patton, commander of the Merka 1st Armored Division

>>16504155
Ghazghull... you magnificent bastard, *I read your book*!

>>16504037

...I really want to run that session...

Come, try me, Heretics, so all of you can learn.

Hang a great golden cable down from the void

lay hold of it, all you Scum, all Filth too:

you can never drag me down from sky to earth,

not the Emperor, the highest, mightiest king of kings,

not even if you worked yourselves to death.

But whenever I'd set my mind to drag you up,

in deadly earnest, I'd hoist you all with ease,

you and the earth, you and the sea, all together,

then loop that golden cable round a horn of Terra,

bind it fast and leave the whole world dangling in mid-air—

that is how far I tower over the Heretic, I tower over men.

I have HAD IT with these motherfucking heretics on this motherfucking spaceship.

You wanna get Abaddon? Here's how you get him. He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the Medical Tent, you send one of his to the Emperor! That's the Cadian way, and that's how you get Abaddon!

"Now... what shall we talk about?"

We're not so very different, you and I. We're always looking for the weaknesses in one another's systems.

- Inquisitor George Smiley, OBE

"Of all the orginzations in the vastness of the Imperium, there is none like us. We were present at the birth of the Imperium, and we shall be there at its end. Though we ravage worlds to live, we bear no malice to any other loyal citizen. We simply do what we must to survive. And why must the Inquisiton survive? For, no matter how many worlds we devour... how many civilizations we destroy... it is our destiny to one day give back to the Imperium— infinitely more than we have ever taken from it. So speaks the Inquisition."

"Wanna buy some Lho-Sticks?"

"You just.. You just killed a Valkyrie with a Rhino."

The man who is really serious, with the urge to find out what truth is, has no order at all. He lives only in what the emperor wills.

>>16505613
Did you mispost or are you just an asshole?

>>16505615
miss-post. A thousand apologies!

the Emperor tells me he can get me out of this mess. but he's pretty sure, you're fucked

>>16505622
It's cool. I just thought "If that's a deliberate threadjack..."

this whole thread gets pic related

"Guardsman, you just went full Heretic.
You NEVER go full heretic!"


Emperor: You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the Chaos Gods, not join them. You were to bring balance to the universe, not leave it in darkness.
Horus: [shouts] I hate you!
Emperor: You were my son, Horus. I loved you.

Ciaphas, I want a firm commitment.

I think, um, Amberley, that, uh, we've lost touch.

Why? What's wrong?

My need to engage in avoidance behavior...on a massive scale cannot be corrected, but I have no other way to fulfill my needs. We need to talk.

Talk about what, Ciaphas?

It's over, Amberley. It's all over.

Touchy, touchy. I'm sorry I brought up the deployment. Let's just avoid the issue, all right? Now, are we having amasec?

I'm serious. It's over, us. This is no joke. Uh, I don't think we should see each other anymore.

But your friends are my friend and my friends are your friends. I really don't think it would work. You have some purity seals stuck on...

I know what your friends are my friends, and, uh...and I've thought about that. You can have them.

You're really serious, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

What about the past? Our past?

We never really shared one.

You're inhuman!

No. I'm in...I'm in touch with humanity. Amberley, I'm, uh, sorry...I just, uh...you're not terribly important to me.

Oh no! No! No, Ciaphas...

I know my behavior can be...erratic sometimes.

What do you want me to do? What is it that you want?

If you really want to do something for me, then stop making this scene right now.

Oh, Emperor, I can't believe this!

I'm leaving. I've assessed the situation, and I'm going.

Where are you going?

I'm just leaving.

But where?

I have to return some dataslates.

>>16505751

"It's over, Horus! I have the high ground!"

The Warp.. an immaterial frontier. I tried to picture daemons as they moved through the miasma.. What did they look like? Bloodthirsters? Plaguebearers? Were the dimensions like skyways? I kept dreaming of a place I thought I'd never see.. But then.. one day.. I got in.

WAAAAAAAGH Huh? Yeah! Wot iz it good fah'?
Gettin' all da loot!
Yeeeeeeeah!

-Warboss 'Eadvin Starrsmasha

>>16505833

AW SHIT.

>>16505894

I´ll be adding this to my "songs I´m gonna make when I stop procrastinating" list.

Along with a mekboy singing an orky version of greased lightning.

“I find your lack of faith... disturbing.” -Inquisitor Vader

"We've got full tank of promethium, half a pack of lho sticks, 6 hours to make it to Terra, it's dark, and we're wearing glare-shields."
--Inquisitor Le'wood Bluz
"Hit it."
--Inquisitor Jacque Bluz

"My god! It's full of stars!"
--Last Transmission of Arch-Savant David Bowman

GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH! - Inquisitor Gojira.

>>16506307

>Inquisitor Gojira
>My-kingdom-for-a-drawfag.jpg

>>16506317

And the Empresque. Oh god, the mayhem those two would cause...

>>16506317
Wait. Early Showa Gojira, late Showa Gojira, Heisei Gojira, or Millenium Gojira? MOTHAFUCKA NEEDS TO BE SPECIFIC, unless pic related is the answer.

"Give this man one bolt pistol and he's Sanguinus. Give this man two, and he's the God-Emperor!"

Winters: We're drop troops, Lieutenant. We're supposed to be surrounded: Major Winters. 101st Elysian

"Be seeing you."

--Magos No. 2, of Research Station CODENAME: VILLAGE

Commissar: Soldier, how did you get so close to me?
Catachan Chavez: Sniper approached the instructor by being a sneaky bastard, Commissar!

>>16505833
DU DUEEE...

Inquisitor Alan Grant: [about the lictors] What kind of metabolism do they have?What's their growth rate?
guardsman Muldoon: They're lethal at eight months, and I do mean lethal. I've hunted most things that can hunt you, but the way these things move...
Grant: Fast for a biped?
Muldoon: vehicle speeds. Fifty, sixty miles an hour if they ever got out into the open, and they're astonishing jumpers...
Biologis Hammond: Yes, yes, yes. That's why we're taking extreme precautions.
[to Ellie]
Hammond: The viewing area is over there, and...
Dr. Alan Grant: Do they show intelligence? With their brain cavity...
Muldoon: They show extraordinary intelligence, even problem-solving intelligent. Especially the big one. We bred eight originally, but when she came in she took over the pride and killed all but two of the others. That one... when she looks at you, you can see she's working things out.

"I'll be back."
-Nameless necron-

Orkzs ain't men. Or they forgot how to be. Come to just nothin'. They got out to the edge of the galaxy, to that place of nothin', and that's what they became

>Grey-haired Vindicare Assassin in civilian clothes, in a civilian transport plane.
>Pilot:
You just met him once and you killed him like that?

>Assassin:
What, should I get to know the enemies of the Emperor before I kill them?