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  • File : 1317070491.jpg-(62 KB, 323x400, winin.jpg)
    62 KB WOODSQUEST/WINEQUEST/GREEKQUEST II Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)16:54 No.16434154  
    Well, I think everyone had fun last time, and it ended up being a lot more popular than I would have imagined, so here it is: the second installation of our romp through woodland Greece.
    >retarded hunter
    >nekkid goddesses and nymphs
    >some pretty trippy shit with Dionysus and wine magic
    >wine rivers
    >Also some other stuff that was pretty cool but would be less likely to make you notice this thread

    I'll be starting the quest proper in a bit, between then and now I have some quest-related stuff to post, and I'll answer questions, give new people time to catch up, etc
    Also, just a heads-up, I may be a little slower than last time since I'm definitely playing GhostQuest and I'm hoping it will be a busy thread like on Saturday. That said, I was pretty quick to post last time if I daresay, maybe too quick in some instances, so shouldn't be a problem.

    And yes, I know it's not six yet, but I was bored.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)16:56 No.16434162
    Old thread here: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16421732
    WoodsQuest started out as something fairly typical and turned into something completely different and very /tg/.
    It almost didn't get there, however, due to some bitching about starting stats.
    I got in a hurry and forgot to thank that one anon from last thread for re-explaining the stats rolling to people, so: thanks, anon.
    >Be a peasant hunter in Greece, 3.5e crunch, unofficial name is "Ogg" I guess.
    >Be really, really stupid
    >Find a silver ring, it's definitely not normal, take a trip to Athens
    >Back in woods, become that hunter who walked in on Artemis bathing. You startled the witch!
    >Survive through a combination of pure luck, pure luck, and pure luck
    >Also, now you're bros with Dionysus and you ride a wine-guzzling vine beast
    >Encounter Demeter, dat fertility
    >Survive group counseling with three gods, also become a Wine Cleric. Return home to wife.
    >That nymph belonged to Artemis. Nice job breaking her, hero.
    >nymph in your bed, INAPPROPRIATE!
    >nymph with "leafkini" in vineyard (wat the feck /tg/), somehow better
    >still somehow in your wife's good graces, the infinite wineskin helped I'm sure
    >> CURRENT SITUATION Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)16:59 No.16434193
    >Artemis(Last time you saw her, she was Unfriendly. May be downright Hostile now.)
    >Dionysus(Helpful. You two are bros for life, he saved your ass. He's also god of insanity just fyi, so him and your low WIS should get along just fine.)
    >Demeter(Friendly. She didn't stand out next to a completely naked Artemis, but now that you think about it, she's certainly not bad either.)
    >Athens Guards(Neutral. Yes, they are on the lookout for a really ugly trapper trying to get into the upper city. You're now a fairly handsome rural cleric- visiting Athens.)
    >Wife(Married. Worships and is slightly favored by Demeter. Grateful to you for providing for her and sharing your good fortune now that you have some to share. Still thinks you intend to sleep with that nymph, though. Way to roll a 1 there guys.)
    >The Youngest Nymph(Friendly. Grateful to you for taking her out of your trap after she fell into it so clumsy. Kind of over the hating men thing now, but still wants to be one of Artemis' nymphs. Has broken DA RULES. Currently lives in your vineyard.)
    >Huey, Duey, and Louie(Dogs are people too. Huey is the best tracker and pointer and the oldest, Duey is the fastest runner and is god-tier, Louie is the maimiest, killiest, savagest, and is also Sauron.)
    >Tiberius(Neutral. For now, he doesn't know you exist, and that's how you want to keep it. See below or previous thread for details.)
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:01 No.16434216
    >A small cottage
    >A vineyard in front of your small cottage (It produces 2d8 ripe bunches of grapes per day, 1d4 per day during winter)
    >The little bit of land around your house (You're actually poaching on the land of the retired centurion, Tiberius)
    >A pretty decent bow and plenty of arrows
    >A hunting knife
    >Zero coney pelts (you sold them all)
    >Five bunches of grapes (nymph fodder mainly is what you were thinking, also they have slight medicinal qualities, so far you've tried a grape poultice to heartening effect.)
    >A VERY nice lawn ornament (wink wink)
    >Food enough for your wife, your dogs, and you to last about a week, mostly bread and stuff
    >Magically refilling wineskin. (Up to twenty skinfuls per day) [+2 CHA for 30 minutes if you drink a full wineskin]
    >An awesome wine-colored outfit.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:02 No.16434224
         File1317070948.jpg-(413 KB, 600x862, Monk.jpg)
    413 KB
    (Not going strictly by the rules, also I changed some of this stuff from last thread just for sanity...so sorry about inconsistencies.)
    CLERIC 1, CG, HUMAN, MALE, 30 (Your wife is late twenties btw, "old woman" was just an expression. Picture is you if you were a little older and wearing same basic outfit but a little more robey and deep purple.)
    STR: 14 (+2)
    DEX: 10 (+0)
    CON: 11 (+0)
    INT: 9 (-1)
    WIS: 6 (-2) [A lot of you conscientiously abided by these stats last thread, and it was a blast. Let's do that again!]
    CHA: 6+6 (+1) [It was instantly raised to 12 when you became the cleric of Dionysus. Can't have an ugly/tongue-tied cleric, can he?]
    >Alertness (From hunter NPC class) - +2 to Spot and Listen, will be handy.
    >Toughness (Human bonus feat, it's why you're a good hunter) - Brings total HP to 11, although chances are we won't be doing the math most of the time
    >Weapon Proficiency(Bows and Daggers)
    >Weapon Proficiency(Empty Cask/Wine Jar) (Utterly bullshit extra proficiency to make things go smoothly) - Barfights anyone?
    >Weapon Focus(Empty Cask/Wine Jar) (Cleric bonus feat) - +1 to all strikes made with empty bottles and the like.
    >Ambidextrous with Empty Cask/Wine Jar, no penalties whatsoever for dual-wielding.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:03 No.16434239
    (Enough greentext already)
    Balance 2 +0
    Bluff 1 +1
    Climb 2 +0
    Craft(Brewing) 12 (-1)
    Craft(Trapping/Trapmaking) 2 (-1)
    Handle Animal 4 (+1)
    Heal 2 (-2)
    Hide 2 (+0)
    Intimidate 2 (+1)
    Jump 2 (+2)
    Knowledge(local) 4 (-1)
    Knowledge(religion) 4 (-1)
    Listen 4 (-2)
    Move Silently 4 (+0)
    Profession(Hunter) 4 (-2)
    Profession(Vigneron/Vintner) 6 (-2) [A vigneron is someone who specializes in placement and construction of vineyards. This may be helpful, you only got one freebie vineyard from Dionysus. Vintner is the harvesting/brewing aspect of making wine.]
    Profession(Vintner) 6 (-2)
    Search 4 (-1)
    Speak Language(Common)
    Spot 4 (-2)
    Survival 4 (-2)
    Swim 2 (+2)
    Tumble 2 (+0)
    Use Rope 2 (+0)
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:05 No.16434259
    DOMAIN SPELLS(You get THREE! Chaos, Luck, and...WINE! You still have to pick just one per day, though.)
    Protection from Law (1 min/level. +2 AC/saves vs lawfuls, also immune to mind control and lawful summoned creatures, unless you attack said creatures)
    Entropic Shield (1 min/level. Range attacks against you have a 20% miss chance. This INCLUDES Artemis' own arrows.)
    Create Wine(Up to two gallons of fine wine)
    Luck Out Of Shit, Like Without Even Trying (Unpredictable, cast subconsciously)
    Cure/Inflict Minor Wounds 3/day
    Three orisons/day, anything from 3.5e handbook that doesn't clash with alignment. This includes all wine orisons known.
    One 1st level spell/day, same idea.
    Create Wine (Orison)
    Changewater (Orison, three guesses what it changes water into)
    Create Vine (Orison, creates 10 ft/level of vine, can be used as if hempen rope)
    Create Grapes (1st level. One bunch of grapes per casting.)
    Tripvine (1st level. Vine grows under/around someone's foot, tripping them. DC 12 Reflex save (+1 per caster level) to avoid.)
    Vine Wall (3rd level. Large, thick wall of vines. Break DC 40, hardness 2, HP 30)
    Vine Tie (4th level. Entangles one creature in vines. Uses two full turns to cast unless vines are already present, which makes it a standard action. Break DC 25, DC 18 Reflex save to avoid.)
    River of Wine (5th level. Changes a river or stream to fine wine for 1 hr/caster level)
    Flight of the Wine God (10th level. Vines grow around your arms and sprout out into wings made of grape leaves. Allows flying 40 ft/second, average. Lasts 1 minute/level.)
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:08 No.16434301
    [OOC NOTE: So I'm thinking of kind of making this a double life kind of quest. Back here you still hunt, look for oddities in the woods, and keep your wife, nymph, and dogs happy...but when you roam with Dionysus you meet and negotiate with gods, mostly watch and perhaps later take part in epic power sturggles, and generally have fun with the Greek pantheon. I've just started planning and I don't want to give everything away right off the bat, but the overarching metaquest I'm thinking of involves Demeter, Dionysus trying to prove he's significant, and some continued tensions with Artemis and Apollo. Also there's this one other cosmic figure I want to bring in as an important NPC...a TOTAL badass in my opinion. Interested, or would you guys rather I stick strictly to a foresty/hunting thing with just a sidedish of RUNNIN AND WININ?]
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)17:09 No.16434316
    Ghost quest is up? Thank you kind sir, see you there.

    Also, props for hosting and playing a quest at the same time.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:11 No.16434343
    rolled 11 = 11

    Do whatever is most fun for you, OP.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:14 No.16434375
    Not sure if it is but it will be, he promised me that yesterday.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:15 No.16434382
    Guess I may as well get started then. I'll wait five more minutes to let people catch up on stuff.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:15 No.16434384
    I like the gods thing. We're much too powerful right now for just hunting, I think.
    Also fuck yeah WoodsQuest!
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:20 No.16434414
    Alright, let's get to it! You have brought your lovely nymph some flowers, and also that mythical creature in your vineyard some berries.
    Suddenly it strikes you that this nymph is the one who was sent to wash off the ring before, and she had a leaf package in her hand.

    Hey, I don't blame you for forgetting the first time around, she was injured, scared, and also naked.

    But really, this could be either very good or very bad, depending on how you look at it. That ring contains some of Athena's power, and has proven to also be able to shield its wearer from some of her devices. When your wife wore it, however, it caused her to take on some of Athena's personality as well. You frankly have no idea whether Athena would slay you on sight now that she's sober; maybe Dionysus would have some idea, although there may just be no saying anyways. She'll certainly be angrier when she finds out you trapped, cared for, and corrupted her companion, who isn't even living in a forest right now. Of course, if you DO take the ring to be safer, she may end up more determined to kill you than ever if she finds out. It's also possible that she'll just forget about this nymph, who was the least of her servants before, and the ring itself with her.

    So...keep it? Try and sell it off? Try to give it back or have it sent to her? Have a chat with Dionysus first?
    Also you may want to go about convincing your wife that you are not in fact just waiting for an opportunity to sleep with the nymph.
    But MORE IMPORTANTLY, your poor dogs! Give them a bone or something, why don't you?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:24 No.16434452
    Dont you mean Artemis?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:26 No.16434467
    We just killed a deer, didn't we? I guess we have plenty of bones for our dogs. They shall have a feast!
    About the ring... probably better to keep it for now, and keep it hidden from Artemis. We'll ask Dionysus about it when we get the chance.
    About the wife... not really sure how to approach the subject, I think the best way to deal with this kind of situation is to just slowly build up trust again? Unless she seems very bothered by it, then we should probably bring it up.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:26 No.16434469

    Yes. Of COURSE I mean Artemis. That's what I get for writing up my opening quest thing at 2 AM.

    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:28 No.16434486
    Wise choices. So, you give your dogs some bones and ask the nymph for the ring, which she willingly gives to you. What next?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:29 No.16434489
    He also means lovely wife in the second sentence! :D

    Hey, it's okay, it's just some minor errors, I'm glad you're doing this despite it being a bit late.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:30 No.16434499
    Nah, I mean it was 2 AM this morning, lol. Now it's 5:30, pm, i wrote this all beforehand. Also I actually meant nymph, it was a play on words indicating how much you wub your wife.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:31 No.16434517
    Hmm... is it the next day already? I guess we could make our vineyard bigger, we really should do something in our function as a cleric of Dionysus?
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:33 No.16434532
    You go out to the vineyard. Roll 1d20+4 to use Profession(Vigneron) to expand your vineyard.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:35 No.16434549
    rolled 6 + 4 = 10

    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:36 No.16434559
    rolled 4 + 4 = 8

    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:37 No.16434566
    You manage to expand it a little bit, but it's still slow going! This fancy new knowledge doesn't seem to sit very well in your simple hunter's mind.

    Just as you're heading back into the house, you hear the same laughter as on the first day, only it sounds like it's coming from the forest's edge...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:40 No.16434594
    rolled 17 + 4 = 21

    Lets investigate.
    hide roll
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:40 No.16434595
    Now that's... strange...
    Maybe ask the nymph if it's her folks again? Maybe we should tell her to go hiding for now, it might be Artemis? Maybe she's coming to see us?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:41 No.16434602
    rolled 7 + 2 = 9

    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:42 No.16434616
    You sink into the vineyard, close beside the nymph, and whisper to her, asking if it's her kind.

    "I..I think so..."

    Soon enough, being well-hidden, you see five nymphs stumble drunkenly out into the now moonlit field beyond the forest's edge, laughing and singing.

    It seems Artemis was too disdainful to pick up any of her nymphs which fell to Dionysus' wiles.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:43 No.16434622
    Maybe I shouldn't say maybe so much? Maybe it's because I'm a bit tired? Maybe that's because I didn't sleep much last night?
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)17:44 No.16434625
    rolled 11 = 11

    Ring strikes me as dangrous, and its not healthy to be an enemy of a greek god, we should write up an apology note and leave it with the ring in one of her shrines. Might keep us healthy and win back some points.

    As for the nymph, whos saying we arent? ;) Diplomacy is nice though, lets work something out after feeding dogs, Greeks/Romans weren't well known for keeping to one fuckbuddy. We could easily assure her we mean to stay though.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:46 No.16434637
    Well... our wife isn't gonna like this. On the other hand, they probably wouldn't want to live in our vineyard too. So it should be okay, let's greet them. But let's also be cautious, they might hold a grudge over having been kicked out because of us.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:47 No.16434647
    Whether we are or not, we should probably be reassuring the old women that we aren't. Also, definitely give the old thread a look,l we already sort of had a...run-in...with Artemis.

    Anyways, more nymphs heading in general direction of vineyard, wat do?
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)17:49 No.16434669
    Greet them and ask what they around these parts.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)17:55 No.16434709
    They stand tall and disdainful as you address them. Well, four of them do. One falls over, and then gets back up and stands proud and disdainful.

    "Speak not to us, mortal male."

    "Oh, drop it!"
    You are surprised to hear the voice of your vineyard nymph.

    "Artemis isn't going to take any of us back, not after this, you know. We can do better anyhow."

    They all stare her down.

    "Sister..." the tallest one begins, in a threatening tone, "What are those ridiculous mats on your body?"

    The youngest nymph blushes deeply, trying in vain to hide the leafkini.

    The others look extremely disdainful and a little shocked and appalled.

    What now? (also, if anyone sees GhostQuest and I'm not already in it, link me, okay?)
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:59 No.16434741
    "Look at yourself, so proud, yet you're so drunk you're barely able to stand! [nymph] here is right, Artemis is never going to take the likes of you back. So, have you already thought about what you are going to do now? I trust you didn't plan on just continuing to get drunk for the rest of your days and disgrace your former mistress as well as yourselves even more, did you?"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:02 No.16434768
    >I trust you didn't plan on just continuing to get drunk for the rest of your days
    Can a cleric of Dionysus really condemn such a plan?
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:03 No.16434770
    ...uhhh...I guess...roll an...Intimidate check?
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)18:05 No.16434782
    Did you want something other than to make fun of us? If not, there are many things that would be better uses of our limited time.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:05 No.16434785
    We can, as long as we're just trying to insult them. They're too drunk to notice the contradiction.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:06 No.16434791
    rolled 8 = 8

    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:08 No.16434804
    Yes, this is 3.5e mechanics.

    8+3 = 11

    Thetwo youngest nymphs slink over to join their sister, but the three eldest glare at you in pure hatred and stalk unsteadily off towards the forest.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:10 No.16434828
    "And dont come back you leafy tarts!"
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:12 No.16434838
    The very eldest turns around in a rage, pulls a sword out of NOWHERE, and tosses it at you. It lands in front of you and immediately sticks fast inside of a rock. It appears to be magical in nature.

    Apparently you have accidentally founded a poor basis for an economic system.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)18:13 No.16434846
    More wenches for our harem! I mean, hands for our expanding vinyard! Now, to work on the ale half of the equasion of happiness
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:13 No.16434847
    rolled 20 = 20

    I hope they don't "find" our traps...
    Well, let's... talk to the new nymphs about what exactly they have been planning to do now. And talk to all of them about what they think those older nymphs may do now, both with themselves and to us. This could easily get us in trouble.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:15 No.16434861
    They reassure you that the older nymphs will be too terrified to speak to Artemis or even indirectly communicate with you. Also, apparently they will do whatever you want them to, what with a natural 20 and all...you cheeky bastard. Also, seems Dionysus is on the phone...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:17 No.16434877
    Well, let's pick up the phone then, our favourite bro is calling!
    Happy small talk first, then tell him about the ring and the nymphs, if he doesn't have more important matters to speak about.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:18 No.16434879
    Awesome lets ask him if he knows anything about this magical sword that was thrown at us
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:18 No.16434882
    It is, in fact, not Dionysus at all, but rather a strange, wheezy voice.

    "Hey...is this the cleric of Dionysus?"
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)18:24 No.16434921
    Yeah, what can I do you for?
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:25 No.16434931
    "He's here with me. I'll be at your temple at five...have some linen ready."

    Five minutes later a strange goat-man appears moving incredibly fast, and bearing Dionysus on his shoulders. Dionysus is unconscious and...missing his right arm.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:28 No.16434942
    What the fucking fuck?
    He clearly needs some wine. Get some wine ready!
    Also... ask the weird guy (Hades?) what happened to him, and what we can do to help!
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:31 No.16434964
    "Um...Hades...? What happened here?"

    The goatman gives you a look like WTF RLY NOW? and just says "Give him some wine, and get him inside, somewhere so he can lie down."

    After a moment he sighs, and reconsiders.

    "My name is Pan. Maybe you've heard of me? Dionysus isn't exactly on drinking terms with Hades, not many of us are. What happened? Well, Artemis was pretty unhappy about being forced by her own word to work with her...she...she warned him, if he so much as touched her, she'd rip his arm off. He WOULD take it as a joke. I think he's deluded himself into thinking she's capable of regular emotion. Anyways...he'll regrow that, no problem, with some wine and some time, but right now we need to lie low, and...well, this certainly is a RURAL temple, so it'll do well."
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:31 No.16434968
    Welcome Pan (I'm guessing) into our home and offer him some wine.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:33 No.16434984
    Get some wine for both Pan and Dio(cause real bros shorten long names) while commenting that Rural just means easier to repair if some "worshiping" happens to go awry
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:36 No.16435007
    Your wife comes storming out of the room Pan laid Dionysus down in (your bedroom lol). She blanches at the sight of Pan, whom she recognizes from stories, but shrews at you nonetheless.

    "WHAT is the vagrant doing in there? He told me he wanted to speak to YOU."
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:36 No.16435011

    Well, I guess we'll just do what we were told...
    Call our wife over, explain everything to her, also the thing about the two new nymphs (we'll take care of that later), get her to help.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:41 No.16435053
    Explain to her that Dionysus, whose cleric we are after all, is badly hurt, and this nice gentleman-god brought him here to be taken care of. Maybe remind her what Dio has done for us in the past(saving our life, giving us awesome powers as well as unlimited wine, making us HAWT!).
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:41 No.16435055
    My love, some people find it hard to discuss matters with others when dismembered and well, consider Pan a two for the price of one deal really.(long pause)Want some wine?
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:43 No.16435069
    You rush past your still-flustered wife.
    Pan shrugs at her, and says something like:
    "Well, he IS a vagrant."

    Within you find Dionysus, looking horribly pale.
    "Come closer...my cleric." he gasps out.
    You approach his bedside.
    "I have something...I must tell you..."
    He draws a long, shuddering breath, wincing from the awful pain, closes his eyes, and mutters, nearly inaudibly:
    "I think..she's...warming up to me."
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)18:45 No.16435084
    rolled 1 = 1

    First up, serve up our bro.
    Next, diplomacy to get the wife to stop being so hostile.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:46 No.16435088
    Well one arm is progress, you're not dead right? well as dead as a god could be, so obviously she wants to like you, she just finds it difficult? (pour some wine into his mouth)
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:47 No.16435092
    rolled 8 = 8

    >"I think..she's...warming up to me."
    And now we discover that our holy gesture is the FACEPALM.

    Ask our godbro what he requires. We really should emphasize to our lovely, wise and UNDERSTANDING wife that we really are a chosen cleric of a god now, 4srs, and well, this kind of thing is gonna happen.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:48 No.16435101
    Dionysus is like: "Yur muh bro, bro"
    Your wife hates you like forever. That's TWO 1s when dealing with her now. Damn, son.

    Just when things couldn't get any worse, you hear the unmistakable sound of a stag running at full speed.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:49 No.16435110
    divorce incoming...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:50 No.16435118
    rolled 19 = 19


    A stag...Ohshi-

    Is there a way to make a full body cringe a defensive posture?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:50 No.16435119
    I think you mean BROFIST! Clearly, this is just a sign of her affection!
    Still, warn him about maybe being a bit more careful about... getting her to show her affection in the future. Also ask him about further plans, and do tell him about dem nymphs and dat ring.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:51 No.16435123
    Well first thing to do, SWIG!, then quickly ask Dio if the rapidly appraoching stag is A.good or B. bad and second, get that bitch a gift, bitches love gifts(this of course we monologue internally because saying that out loud is asking for a domestic)
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:52 No.16435142
    rolled 12 = 12

    Cast tripvine if it's running at us.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:54 No.16435158
    Dionysus has fainted. Ooooh boy. Pan is looking about ready to bolt. You remember that the nymphs are outside in the vineyard...she'll see them...
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)18:54 No.16435166
    rolled 14 = 14

    Dice love me bro, wife, not so much. Perhaps get around to that nymph harem.

    Also, greet our next guest, m+y is our hovel busy today.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:57 No.16435190
    rolled 3 = 3


    Yep. looks like our only real course here is to step out front and be welcoming...and hope Artemis don't beat us to death with the dismembered arm of our lord. I guess we could try greeting her far enough away that the nymphs have time to duck.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)18:57 No.16435191
    You cast tripvine. Artemis vaults off of her stag and catches it lightly in her arms so it will not suffer harm.

    She then stalks grimly towards the vineyard.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:58 No.16435204
    rolled 7 = 7

    Intercept her before she heads outside and drop to one knee (swig wine) and say "My dearest love my heart longs for you, though there are nymphs out there tis true, and though your heart hath turned a shade of blue, the light in my life be you" (interpret skill as appropriate)
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:59 No.16435223
    rolled 19 = 19

    Run outside, definitely take that ring with us, tell the nymphs to hide if we have the time.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:00 No.16435235
    rolled 13 = 13

    My good morrow Artemis, your beauty doth grace and shame my humble abode how can this humble cleric be of service, also sorry bout the stag, you never know when vicious hoofed animals are afoot!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:01 No.16435240
    rolled 2 = 2


    Oh, BALLS. She's gonna-


    Well, we're either going to be skinless or WININ' depending on how this goes. Fuck it, fuel for the fire; We're already kneeling; present the STILL BUNDLED RING back to here, with a "You seem to misplace this a lot."
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:02 No.16435247
    Yeah it's probably too late to act like the humble cleric after last thread...she stalks haughtily up to you, not sparing a glance at her nymphs as they cower amidst the vines.

    "Mortal. I see you have perverted my creatures as well as evaded my wrath. It is of no concern. My business here is only to collect that bauble, and then with Dionysus."

    She is rather tall, as deities are, and is staring just over your head rather than at you.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:05 No.16435268
    rolled 7 = 7

    Well, you're welcome to the ring, it is yours after all, but I have to ask, being a cleric of Dio and all, you don't plan to do more bodily renovations do you?(swig wine)

    unrelated note captcha (1851 offendn) damn straight
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)19:05 No.16435272
    Hand her the ring and beg her to spare the vinyard her fury.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:06 No.16435274
    "Yeah... I don't think so, Arty. Dionysus is in my house, yes, and that means he'll be safe from anyone wishing him harm. Now what is your business with him?"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:07 No.16435282
    rolled 8 = 8


    Of course she gets her ring back...Unfortunately, Our master is...unavailable to see her. We would, of course, be happy to deliver a message to our magnificent bro when possible. Intimidate rollan. This is our humble domicile.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:08 No.16435294
    She grabs the ring, puts it on, and apparently casts a silenced Blink spell, because she appears behind you and marches inside.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:08 No.16435295
    Why are we apparently giving her the one thing protecting us from her wrath again?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:09 No.16435308
    Follow her obviously, hushing the wife is she starts something up again, cause now is not the time!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:10 No.16435314
    rolled 13 = 13


    I guess we're following. Be ready with the greco-nippon vinework bondage magicks in case she gets belligerent.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:10 No.16435317
    Cause as great and as shiny as it is, saying "No! You cannot have the ring that belongs to you" to her face is not productive to our health...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:11 No.16435319
    Ugh. Follow her. Get ready for some serious spell casting if she tries anything. Like, ultra vine bondage, douse her in wine, fly away with Pan and Dio.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:12 No.16435325
    It contains part of her power and protects us from her. Protected.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:12 No.16435330
    You've used your 1st level spell for the day and are left with three orisons. Good luck fighting a goddess. Regardless, you get there and find that the door has grown into the walls. You'll have to attack it or make a Break check or something to get inside.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)19:13 No.16435336
    Its a greek god, it wouldnt do well to hold onto her property, we'd end up dead. Plus she probably wont and almost defintly cant kill another god.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:13 No.16435341
    rolled 7 = 7

    Engaging kool-aid man door breaching protocol.
    Rollan for OH YEAH!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:15 No.16435358
    rolled 3 = 3

    Get all psycho on that wall/door hybrid with the knife, yelling something about "not in my house" and "if it bleeds we can kill it"
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:16 No.16435374
    You smash up your shoulder pretty good.
    Btw Pan is running away.
    Your wife has run out into the vineyard and is crying helplessly with the nymphs.

    You can't hear anything from inside the room.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:17 No.16435384
    rolled 13 = 13

    :| Waitaminute...Didn't you say something about Arty Riding a HIND? A hind that we trussed up with vines when she got here?
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:18 No.16435392
    (A deer yeah. You tripped it, not trussed it up. She caught it to preserve it from injury. Are you going to try and break down a door with a fragile mammal?)
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:19 No.16435407
    rolled 5 = 5

    Well we ponder why we thought that was a good idea in the first place while cradling our bruised and battered shoulder. The only logical action is to drink the pain away and then offer wine to those around us....ESPECIALLY the deer.If Arty is gonna muck up our house I'm gonna get her a DUI(Deering under the influence)
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)19:20 No.16435410
    Cast mending to make door openable.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:21 No.16435418
    rolled 20 = 20


    I second this. Drinking has done us plenty good so far. Since it seems we ain't getting in our hovel any time soon.

    >atarien language
    I don't know it at all.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:21 No.16435420
    Congratulations, you can now open the door. Good thinking.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:21 No.16435422
    Kinda passive-aggressive... but possibly the best we can do!
    If she had anything to drink with her, like some water, replace it with wine too!
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:21 No.16435426
    Also you take a drink and throw the nymphs/wife/deer some wine.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:22 No.16435429
    Oh yeah. ULTRA-drinking!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:24 No.16435453
    Alright, the door is open, apparently... kick it open and stand in the doorway heroically.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:24 No.16435454
    rolled 3 = 3


    Awww, shit! We inside, AND we're liquored up! This could be the beginning of a Lifetime movie. Let's go save our brogod!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:26 No.16435469
    rolled 18 = 18

    Open then door and yell "ARTEMIS, I'm HOME", (well not that I ever left, but you know) and walk to the room where poor old Dio is(cautiously mind you).
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:26 No.16435470
    March inside our house, when we get in tell Artemis that this is Dionysus's temple and not hers. That if she doesn't clear the fuck out we are going to have to show her the less jolly and goofy side of wine and call in the Motherfucking Maenads.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:26 No.16435476
    She's leaning over ominously close to him..
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)19:27 No.16435480
    Moral support directive activate.

    Assist bro during epic femrage with our presence.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:28 No.16435495
    rolled 10 = 10

    Swagger into the room and call out to Dio "Is this chick bothering you bro?" while trying to sound completely calm and sober about what is occurring. Also try to see/hear whatever it is she doing while being ominously close.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:29 No.16435498
    rolled 11 = 11


    IT'S INEBRIATING TIME! (no, Ogg, no!)

    Wait, rollan to determine this situation first... Is she smothering him with a pillow, or are we running the risk of cockblocking our bro?

    >unemploy orhapan
    I know, i'm afraid of that too.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:29 No.16435502
    rolled 10 = 10

    If we want her to leave our Bro God alone we need to remind her that Dionysus is one dangerous god and as I suggest here
    threaten to call in the less nice side of Drinking.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:29 No.16435504
    Ask innocently: "Oh, am I interrupting something here?"
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)19:30 No.16435512
    Wait he was right? Act innoculous and claim we are looking for a flagon, offer more drinks.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:32 No.16435529
    rolled 7 = 7


    I figure it's a possibility! I mean, This is Dionysus we're talking about.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:32 No.16435533
    You cannot make out what expression she was wearing, all you know is that you see her face hardening into an emotionless mask once more as you appear.

    There is a blast of wind which leaves you stunned, and she is gone. Dionysus is conscious, and his arm has been restored.

    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:33 No.16435540
    See If this was the case I honestly couldn't resist making a horrible joke here "Certain parts of her were warming up Dio"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:35 No.16435558
    rolled 5 = 5


    Got his arm back.

    Haaaaa! Our brogod is a straight up playa. Reference OP's pic. His face when, etc etc.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:35 No.16435559
    Walk over to Dio and offer wine. "She obviously likes you, cause you still have both arms, well done I'd tap my hat to you if I was wearing one". "Also if you're not to busy, I have a nymph problem"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:36 No.16435565
    Shiiiiiiiiiit, we totally cockblocked him!
    Oh well, bring out the wine, get everyone inside who's still out crying, and have a party anyway!

    >sypestat Cockburn,
    wait, what?
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:36 No.16435568
    "Nymph problem? I assure you, my cleric, I am MORE than equipped to deal with any and all nymph problems. Lead on."
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:38 No.16435582
    Waaat? We have a vineyard full of nymphs. This is not a problem; it's an upgrade!

    We seriously need to expand our hovel. Our yard now outshines our residence. This could also make our wife happy.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:38 No.16435584
    Indeed, a nymph problem. They seem horny, now we're obviously married. Now WHO could help us out with that?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:39 No.16435603
    rolled 17 = 17

    Lead Dio to the nymphs and the crying wife.(whisper while on route)"Dio my wife hates me right now, can you magic the memories out mayhaps OR change it into an open marriage? Also, share the details bro, what's on Arty's mind aside from your majesty of course"(looking down at his crotch and winking), then mention something about putting a sign on the door or something.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:40 No.16435604
    "So, um, you want me to take these nymphs off of your hands then? I'm sure Pan has somewhere they can stay."
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:40 No.16435606

    We are now creating the Grecian playboy mansion. Well done, anon. Well bloody done!

    >domestic ressamb
    In progress, captcha.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:40 No.16435615
    Well... get the wine, get outside, see if we can find Pan (that little coward!), and celebrate!
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)19:44 No.16435650
    Inb4 equipment is his dick, because it should be ours.

    quick question, how are we handleing Ogg when he gets hammered?

    Dont really see what the problem with the nymphs is, they'll do what we say and can help with the orchard, plus they like us better than our wife.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:45 No.16435669
    Okay so you say it would be best to keep the nymphs here, Pan comes back, you have a MASSIVE party and everyone gets drunk. Fall asleep drunkenly and wake to next plot point?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:45 No.16435672
    "Oh no, no, that's quite alright. I just meant, since I kind of chased Artemis away just as you were getting kinda close and all... no matter, let us just drink and be merry for now."
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:46 No.16435678

    ...not to mention "Nymph Vineyard" sounds like an '80s goth band. This is a good thing, al the way around . I vote for keeping the vineyard open to pretty nekkid ladies.

    >iparty 493,
    We are also gonna party like its 943.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:47 No.16435685

    YES. Hit it!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:47 No.16435686
    Sure. We do at least try to keep our hands off the nymphs for now though, and on our wife.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:48 No.16435694
    Let the org..I mean party commence
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:49 No.16435715
    You wake up with a pounding headache in your vineyard. Sitting up, you wait for your eyes to adjust to the light, and see the nymphs and your wife all sort of dozing nearby.

    There's a short message scrawled out on a note nailed to your front door.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:50 No.16435724

    Reading the note on our way to prepare breakfast for all attending.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:51 No.16435733
    Well... try to get up, sloooooooowly, it has been a long night. Then read the note.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:53 No.16435761

    You yadda yadda'd over the best part!
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)19:55 No.16435795
    Yes I did.

    "Gone to take care of something very important. May not be back for a few days. I will come for you when I need you. Also, not so sure Artemis is warming up to me after all. Details later. Dio. P.S. Good luck with the wife."
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:59 No.16435837
    Well, as that other anon suggested, let's make breakfast for everyone. Naturally, we will sit closest to the wife. Also, how are the dogs, do they need to be fed?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:59 No.16435838
    Well lets get some breakfast together for ourselves, our wife and the half a dozen naked ladies on our lawn. After we get some grub together we should probably get some hunting in because clericing doesn't pay the bills.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)19:59 No.16435840
    rolled 4, 2 = 6

    Read note, collect grapes, make food for everyone. Judge wifes mood in relation to us.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:00 No.16435850

    Good luck with the...

    Hm. So, we're gonna hit that breakfast thing HARD. Looks like it's wife appreciation day.

    We'll leave the yummies where they sleep and be about our other business in the meantime. I still think we should consider expanding our hovel. We server a higher purpose now, after all!
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:01 No.16435857
    You now have 11 bunches of grapes totaly You use two, some bread, and some venison to make breakfast. Also I really hate to break this to you but your current nymph herd is only 4. Also your wife is SURE you made her drink until she fell asleep so you could orgy with the nymphs.

    You can hardly blame her.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:03 No.16435881
    Actually, we had the youngest one and the two youngest ones of that group joined us, so it should be three? Am I missing something, besides my mind for bringing this up?
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:04 No.16435895
    Three, right.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:04 No.16435897
    Need to think of some romantic bullshit to fix this, I got it. Honey, the drinking was part of my ceremonial duties as a Cleric of Dionysus, who along with Pan hogged all the nymphs last night anyway, and I won't say the Nymphs aren't beautiful, but you are the one I want to grow old together with.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:05 No.16435915
    Roll 1d1 to see how it goes.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:06 No.16435926
    She looks unimpressed by your less than romantic declaration.

    [OOC: Who would you like to see next?
    Apollo, Zeus, Hera, or Aphrodite? Afraid i can't bring any other in just yet, plot reasons.]
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:07 No.16435929

    LoL. Ogg created hallmark in another timeline.

    I still think the best course is to simply get busy. If we're providan and hustlan, she can't be tearing our head off.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:09 No.16435953
    Aphrodite, so she can help us with the wife, or Apollo, so we can do something for Artemis and get her to like Dio better. Although the first one may horribly backfire.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:09 No.16435955

    My loins scream Aphrodite, but my brain says we're one love goddess away from a Tenchi Muyo! ripoff.

    >Zeus and Hera
    HELL. NO.

    Intredasting. I wonder how he feels about his sister's antics?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:10 No.16435968
    Apollo seems interesting what with being Artemis's brother. Zeus would just sleep with our wife, Hera would kill us quickly when we got on her bad side and Aphrodite would just sow too much chaos.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:12 No.16435992
    So we're going with Apollo rather than Aphrodite. I'm so proud of you all.

    In that case...any objections to a TIME PASSES summary?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:13 No.16435998
         File1317082390.jpg-(12 KB, 180x180, 161660_100002018027836_5129716(...).jpg)
    12 KB
    What's a good place to read greek mythos porn and nymph porn? I got a hot nut on loan from hell!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:13 No.16435999
    None here.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:14 No.16436013
    No objections, you've lead us well up to here, OP, I trust you to do this the right way.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:14 No.16436020
    Greek myth itself is like 30% porn.
    So I'd start with a Greek myth compendium, lol.

    Captcha: fagacity ollgrang

    Alright who brought the fagacity?
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)20:15 No.16436023
    rolled 1, 7 = 8

    Aphrodite, either she helps our marriage probllems or we become proper poly-amoures greeks.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:15 No.16436026
    I can't be fucked to read the other threads: did we fuck Artemis?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:15 No.16436027
    rolled 6 = 6

    A time passes summary with us, Huntin, winein, marriage reparian, and nymph teaching, cause those graps and vines won't tend themselves.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:16 No.16436030

    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:17 No.16436041
    rolled 15 = 15

    A time passes summary with us, Huntin, winein, marriage reparian, and nymph teaching, cause those graps and vines won't tend themselves.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:17 No.16436047

    I mean like a dedicated site of pornfiction for greek mythology. Mmmmm.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:17 No.16436048
    No, and it's only one to read. It was the hunter-walks-in-on-her-bathing myth, only you survived via dumb luck.

    TIME PASSES and you become a small wine merchant. Your vineyard is tripled in size. You're pretty swell. The nymphs continue living in the vineyard.

    You wake on a seemingly auspicious morning to find your wife standing over you, bristling with righteous outrage...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:18 No.16436060

    Most men get a nymph, and get drunk on fey pussy. Not our boy Ogg, though! He makes those motherfuckers productive citizens! Shit, they may even become loyal servants of the bro!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:19 No.16436067
    rolled 6 = 6

    Morning my dear?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:20 No.16436079
    Hi honey, what can I do for you? Is anything amiss?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:20 No.16436086
    Be confused. Ask her what happened.
    Silently pray to the gods that nymphs can't get pregnant from humans, and that we didn't do anything stupid on that one drunk night.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:21 No.16436098
    rolled 19 = 19

    Emergency d20 for "calm emotions"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:22 No.16436108
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:24 No.16436129
    "I. Am sick. And tired. Of those nymphs pissing on our vines! And if that's not enough...they had the cheek to tell me that they're STIMULATING PLANT GROWTH! I never!"

    (The funniest part is I didn't even make this up, there have always been people, and in fact still are people, who think this is true. Source: /b/ facts thread, where else? Apparently you can actually help your tomatoes out if you piss on them at exactly the right growth period, some chemistry thing which went over my head.)

    "There's something else, too, but that can WAIT for now."
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:25 No.16436138

    >brofist of the gods
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:27 No.16436164
    rolled 11 = 11

    Well my dear, they are creatures of nature, just turn a blind eye? Those vines are bringing in a fair amount of money and that something we should deal with now. No time like the present and all

    (rpresin Syn) yes captcha, yes we are
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:27 No.16436170
    Okay so she calms down considerably. Good, those 1s were killing you.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:27 No.16436171
    First off grape production is up 20% since they started that and I'm pretty sure that nymphs, creatures of nature know what they're doing when it comes to growing stuff.
    Secondly what is the other problem that could supposedly wait?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:28 No.16436181

    I am confused, darling. Is it because they are doing it in front of you? I already have them wearing clothes...of a sort, when that is against their nature. They also come not into our home. Don't worry about the vineyards. I am working with them to make tending the vines their task.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:29 No.16436185

    Good rolls, so...

    She sighs.
    "Fine. You got a letter from that damned fool god of yours."
    She hands you the paper.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:30 No.16436198
    "Oh dear, I am sure we will find a way to make them understand that if they live in a house, they will have to agree to human norms. I'm sure they will understand that while it is perfectly fine for them to help the growth of the forest in this way, but that humans just do not tolerate this kind of thing on anything that belongs to the house. I will talk to them, yes?"
    If she seems calm enough for it, give her a kiss.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:30 No.16436201
    read letter
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:31 No.16436213

    Ooo! A note from Big D! Let's read.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)20:31 No.16436217
    They ARE supernatural creatures, for all we know they are right. Also, I had an idea scary close to this for fertilization.

    Ask ball and chain what the big issue is.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:32 No.16436231
    Give her a kiss, and thank her for being the most patient and understanding wife in all of Greece.
    Then read.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:32 No.16436233
    It's a formal invitation to a big event in Athens, hosted by Apollo, featuring the handiwork of Athena and Dionysus. The gods themselves are attending, it seems. And you and your wife have a place of honor.

    Now...how are you going to convince her that it's okay to leave the nymphs in charge here?

    (I love making trouble for you guys with each and every opportunity)
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:36 No.16436269

    This is suitable mushy sounding. Do it.


    Hooo, boy. Let's tell it to her straight. We dine with the gods! We should bring our best stock to this shindig, we will make gifts of it. Our lives are more interesting now, but we flourish under the gods' attention. We should give due thanks.

    >freud's areret
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:36 No.16436273
    rolled 10 = 10

    My dear we have been invited to an event hosted by the gods, we shall attend and make even Aphrodite jealous of your beauty, we need to leave the nymphs in charge though, not that being in charge is difficult I mean feed themselves and tend some fines hardly difficult.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:36 No.16436274
    "There's a party of the gods in Athens, and we are invited... oh dear, you will need CLOTHES, and JEWELRY, and OTHER FANCY WOMAN STUFF THAT YOU LOVE!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:36 No.16436275
    Holy shit I am sick and tired of the wifey, I feel like fucken Ray Romano up in this bitch.

    Let's kill her or at least get her pregnant enough she can't move.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)20:38 No.16436301
    I vote take first nymph instead of wife. Can we get their names btw, they do work for us after all.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:38 No.16436302
    Shopping. Well played. She agrees without much fuss and goes immediately to pack!
    You'll be able to make it in plenty of time if you set off bright and early tomorrow...what are you going to today? Go hunting, wander around, just admire your property?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:39 No.16436314
    Hunt, we may need some money... >.<
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:41 No.16436333
    That sounds like a truly terrible diplomatic choice. Also...

    Youngest - Eir
    Second - Mist
    Third - RĂ³ta
    *whistles inconspicuously*

    You go hunting. Huey, Duey, and Louie are getting a little fat lately anyways.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)20:43 No.16436348
    We have money? That we dont use to aquire more booze? Lolwut?

    Check our traps, try to get more goods for when we go to town.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:44 No.16436362

    Hah! love the names. We will contemplate good thoughts as we roam with our fat doggies. Life is good, if a bit interesting.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:45 No.16436368
    (So you haven't seen any GhostQuest at all tonight either?)
    First two traps are empty. Roll a d20 to see what's up with the last trap.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:45 No.16436373
    Can the wife have a name?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:46 No.16436390

    OP has told us in a cutscene that our vineyard has tripled in size and has brought us a modicum of prosperity. I doubt we hunt for profit and sustenance any more. More likely we hunt for leisure, and to exercise our most loyal companions.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:47 No.16436403
    rolled 6 = 6

    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:48 No.16436409
    Cmonnnn wifey needs a new dress!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:49 No.16436414
    Haven't seen it. Didn't look too much either, but a little bit. RL probably got in the way, it happens.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:49 No.16436420
    Her name isss...Eudora!

    Also, your trap has caught. OH...oh damnit. Another nymph. The eldest one. You haven't checked your traps in a few days, so it looks like she's been here a while. Still...still conscious though, not in a great mood.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:49 No.16436421
    rolled 14 = 14

    not another nymph I can't sell that
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:51 No.16436436
    Good point. We should be alright then.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:53 No.16436451
    I'm pretty sure slavery is not forbidden in Greece...

    Let's approach her slowly, and tell her that, whatever happened in the past, we just want to help her right now. She need not thank us, we'll just get her out of the trap.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:53 No.16436452
    rolled 13 = 13


    Oh, godsdammit. I guess we help her. get her free, at least, ask her if she's alright. We have our spell for the day if we need to burn it, yeah? Rolling for diplomacy
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:54 No.16436467
    rolled 14 = 14

    i lol'd
    Alright, lets give her a drink to numb the pain and get her out. Bring her back to our house to treat the wounds
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)20:54 No.16436470
    She turns to you with eyes red from crying and makes no move as you free and bandage her.
    "I don't care anymore. Just take me where I can rest."

    It seems your Diplomacy has worked.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)20:55 No.16436483
    Apologize profusely, release her from the trap, and offer her a job with her sisters. Offer more wine.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:57 No.16436505
    Apologize for what we said to her last time we met. Yes, we may have been right to do so, but... well, this must be hurting her pride enough anyway. Then take her home, I'm sure the other nymphs will be happy to see her. Explain it to the wife in a quiet minute.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:58 No.16436510
    rolled 13 = 13


    >Greek-Bawks achievement unlocked: Tenchi Muyo!

    Alright, magic the wounds(rollan), take her t othe vineyard...quietly!

    We'll mention this to Eudora later.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:59 No.16436518
    rolled 19 = 19


    Ogg is on the fucking ball tonight, chaps!
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:00 No.16436533
    You don't really roll for wound treatment, let's say you cast a few orisons, Cure Minor Wounds, to help her, though.

    You arrive in the vineyard. The other nymphs beg you not to tell your wife...they'll hide her in the vines for now, and you can tell her later, after the festival. They seem...a little scared of your wife.

    The eldest is too tired to object to anything, even the application of a leafkini.

    Suddenly, Huey runs off towards the woods at a furious pace, barking. The other two dogs follow.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:01 No.16436542
    Sure, we can still take her home and have the nymphs take care of her?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:03 No.16436569
    "Damn it, boys. Get back here!"

    Follow suit.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:03 No.16436575
         File1317085423.jpg-(59 KB, 527x681, its_on_chaps.jpg)
    59 KB
    rolled 19 = 19


    Get after the dogs. If possible, snatch up our bow on the way!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:04 No.16436578
    Chase Ze hounds
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:04 No.16436587
    Let the nymphs take care of it, and we'll mention it to the wife later. Also, follow dogs, what the hell are they up to now?
    Maybe it's Dio...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:05 No.16436595
    >OH...oh damnit. Another nymph.

    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:05 No.16436596
    You manage to snatch up your bow...AND an empty wine jug.

    You follow them into the woods, and see them all barking and bristling at a company of three horsemen in hunting gear. Tiberius and his sons!
    What do?
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)21:06 No.16436604
         File1317085562.jpg-(11 KB, 168x251, protoss bear.jpg)
    11 KB
    Ok at computer now, and I haven't seen ghost quest, I think by now he would have linked himself here.

    (no dog Pics, so here's a bear)
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:06 No.16436612

    Requesting infodump on Tiberus before we open our yap.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)21:08 No.16436625
    Greet them kindly, this might be that Tiberius guy we didn't want to find, best to not, you know, get our heads lobbed off. Also why is there a centurion in Greece?
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:08 No.16436635
    Tiberius: That retired centurion whose land we're poaching on. No further information archived.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:09 No.16436644
    Oh HELL no...
    Greet him. Very respectfully. Make it clear that we are Ogg, cleric of Dionysus. But not in a threatening way or anything, just introducing myself.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:10 No.16436650



    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:11 No.16436664
    rolled 14 = 14


    Be really goddamn polite. Along the order of "My lord! Forgive my bearing of weapons; I was working in my vineyards when the dogs ran off. I feared their enthusiasm might have carried them int harms way..." Rollan for diplom
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:14 No.16436708
    "Ah, I feared that I had encountered a poacher at first. My mistake...it is always good to meet a holy man. These are very well-trained dogs you have, but I suppose defense is of the essence even in times of peace...that, my friend, is a lesson our young men would do well to learn...my sons...they know naught of defense...why, I remember in the Battle of...but I digress. Then I take it, my jovial priest, that those were not your traps we confiscated? It seems men are poaching these lands under both of our noses. I would be grateful if you would keep an eye out for them in the future...
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)21:16 No.16436736
    I'm not so worried about him being pissed at poaching, the concept of owning land still hasn't cropped up if this is ancient greece. Or rome for that matter.

    Offer our traditional gift, wine. If he doesn't like us poaching, offer tithe of wine for the privelege.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:18 No.16436767
    rolled 3 = 3

    I have not seen any man about as I rarely venture into the woods, but at your request I shall take a keen vigil whenever I am wandering for both traps and those who don't belong. I wish you and your family well but I must return to my wife, she will be worried. Good day sir
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:18 No.16436779
    better to just continue the lying about poaching in my opinion
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)21:18 No.16436780
    rolled 19 = 19

    ROLLAN BLUFF CHECK, if I fail, like I said, offer tithe of wine for the privelege.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:18 No.16436782

    Of course, my lord. But those lads of yours look strong, and good blood runs in their veins. I'm sure time in the field with you will season them.

    ...poachers, you say? I shall keep an eye out for any trespassers, my lord, I promise you! (no moar trapping...we haz enough nymphs!)

    Blessings of Our holy bro upon you, my lord, etc etc...
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:19 No.16436790
    >no concept of owning land
    Dude what I don't even know what you're saying...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:22 No.16436826

    Or, even more simply: There is more of him than there is of Ogg. Also, mounted.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:23 No.16436834
    You talk to him for a while and give him a skin of wine. He seems pleased, but you're forced to listen to long tales of his exploits in battles, which his sons actually seem avidly interested in.

    By the time you finish, you've learned more than your peasant brain ever could have hoped to find out on its own, and your WIS increases to 7 permanently. Head home?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:24 No.16436848
    follow him stealthily.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)21:25 No.16436857
         File1317086720.jpg-(34 KB, 432x324, 3791.jpg)
    34 KB
    It's probably because I'm getting a mideval lord vibe from him, and I'm just as confused over a centurion in Greece.

    Pic related, it's what I think we look like right now.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:25 No.16436860
    rolled 2 = 2

    I'd say home, but then I'd say can we hear more WIS improving stories if nay then bid gracious farewells and head home if yay then MORE WIS!!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:26 No.16436873
    Yes lets go home hopefully our beloved hasn't poisoned the nymphs in our absence
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:27 No.16436876
    >WIS increased to 7 permanently

    Fuck. Yeah.

    Home we go. Check in on the nymphs. Tonight, We will sex Eudora. we will sex her thoroughly. Tomorrow, we will gather our best wine and grapes and head to the party!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:27 No.16436884
    pretend he's a hoplite?
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:28 No.16436887
    It's fantasy, I ain't gotta explain shit.
    Last thread Dionysus was talking like he was straight from BroVille.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:30 No.16436914
    In your defense, Dio could honestly have talked like that, had he existed, the guy was fucking wasted like 99% of the time and loved to party. Whose to say he didn't even "broism"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:30 No.16436918

    Close, but less round. Ogg actually goes out and uses that bow of his. Instead of fondling it in pictures.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:30 No.16436920
    We seriously need to talk to the nymphs about her, explain to them that she's mainly just jealous and scared we might replace her with them, and that they also have to understand that humans live very differently than nymphs so she has a hard time adapting to their presence, and they should try to make it easy on her.
    The nymphs are probably all confused by now because they just don't even understand what's even wrong...
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)21:31 No.16436926
    Head home, stop hunting foreva cause I think our vinyard can support itself now, and take ball and chain shoppin, and/or do that when we get to Athens. Perhaps meet a scholar/philosopher there to increase both WIS AND INT? Soccrates was a pretty great bro too, and the father of trolling, so we should get along great.

    Why do I have no alcohol related pics?
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:31 No.16436928
    You go home and apply your newfound knowledge of battle tactics to the bedroom.



    The next morning you head for Athens...at the gate you see THE SAME GUARD AS BEFORE!
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:35 No.16436966
    4chan ate my post, rewriting.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:36 No.16436977
    Oh nevermind, just took it a while.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)21:37 No.16436997
    dammit papaya, why do we always post at the same time?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:38 No.16437009
    Wave hello to said guard, tell him in the interim we've become a cleric of Dionysis and we HAVE AN INVITATION!!!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:38 No.16437014

    Well, I doubt we look anything like the dude he remembers. We bathe in wine, have a woman, and a pimpcoat...and a fresh goatee!

    Great him warmly, benedictions of the great drunken father upon him and all that. Isn't it a glorious day!
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)21:40 No.16437024
    Greet him, ask directions to the temple hosting the god orgy... errr party. If we haven't gone wife shopping yet, get that bitch a dress. Cause bitches love dresses.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:41 No.16437045
    He doesn't recognize you at all. He might not have even if you HADN'T changed. He looks at your letter and sends you on through. The streets are bustling with activity. Go straight to the main attractions, or look and shop around? Also, roll 2d100+60 for the amount of silver you brought...you are now wealthy and wanted to treat your wife well.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:44 No.16437071
    (I'm probably going to be going in about 15 minutes.)
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:45 No.16437083
    rolled 59, 76 + 60 = 195

    Shop around first, we promised.
    God I hope I roll high...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:46 No.16437094
    rolled 86, 14 + 60 = 160

    I take my girl shopping she "deserves" a treat for putting up with my bullshit, though every vendor we reach I ask if they offer a holy discount (mention my clerical status)
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:47 No.16437109
    rolled 60, 54 + 60 = 174

    rollin for silvers
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:47 No.16437110
    Alright, now you should decide how much of that to spend on her right off.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)21:48 No.16437114
    rolled 78, 57 = 135


    Buy the ball buster something nice with >1/2 but <all moniez we have, then take a romantic roundabout path to the temple. Which I can't help but imagine being the pantheon itself.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:49 No.16437131
    first roll sufficient.

    Eudora's gonna get her weave did, maybe a pedicure. Some new clothes and maybe a scented bath or whatever passes for it. Meanwhile, we will be about our master's business.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:50 No.16437147
    Huh. Sorry, I have no idea how much that even is?
    We're gonna be generous, impress her without spending so much it looks like we did something wrong.
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:53 No.16437173
    Okay so more than 50%. Any more specific than that or should I just decide?
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)21:54 No.16437183
    But we did. Ergo we should spend a lot of it and try not to take discounts or anything, she'd interpret it is devalueing the gift to her.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:55 No.16437195


    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:56 No.16437209
    Oh yeah, if someone wants to archive this that'd be cool, I'll save a copy anyways though. Not sure when my net is going to cut out it always gets choppy this time of night...I really need a different ISP.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:57 No.16437216
    Second archive up.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)21:57 No.16437217
         File1317088627.jpg-(31 KB, 600x296, xkcdwhatnowbitches_1_original.jpg)
    31 KB
    70% of it, so 140 roughly
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:57 No.16437221
    I think you should just decide... or let us roll. We get her all the nice stuff, but we can roll how much luck we have with the shops?
    Also, someone archived this... before I had the chance to!

    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)21:58 No.16437228
    I meant exactly how much of your moneys are you dumping on this?

    The exact gifts aren't likely to be plot-relevant.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:00 No.16437251



    Use this then. :D To celebrate our fortunes, we treat her to indulgence. We ARE in Athens, you know!
    >> Papayawhip Spandexthrasher !87RlhPRNuY 09/26/11(Mon)22:02 No.16437268
    You're still carrying 55 silver and your wife now LOVES you. On to the festivities! But that's for thread 3 I'm afraid. While I'm still here, any questions, comments, suggestions?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:04 No.16437278
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:04 No.16437282

    Keep being awesome, OP.

    Are you planning this to be weekly, or every two days, or what?
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)22:06 No.16437300
    What day and when will we continue?

    >mindodi finks
    Boss Mindodi finkz 'uz otta stay 'ere, if yer know wotz best
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:07 No.16437313
    Now that I think of it, guys... wasn't there a sword sticking out of some rock right in front of our house? Is it still there?
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)22:10 No.16437335
    Also, I'mma totally derail this into getting a nymph playboy mansion, and banning those unsightly leafkinis for... nothing. Whether you want it to happen or not :3
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:11 No.16437356

    lol. you mean like the bundled ring the nymph was holding? Yeah, we tend to overlook things like that in this quest. We're too busy brushing that dust off our shoulders.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:13 No.16437386

    Eudora'll come around. I want frolicking nymphy goodness, all over the vineyards. How much do you think our stocks would mushroom, if we let it slip that our wines were fortified with nymph piss and blessed by Dionysus himself?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:15 No.16437405
    Yeah, exactly like that. I can just imagine us every day, waking up, walking out of the house, and walking around that sword while not even giving a fuck, not even examining it once.
    >> That McGuyver 09/26/11(Mon)22:16 No.16437421
    I wasn't thinking nymph piss, was thinking something a bit thicker...

    Also we'd be the richest vinter ever, telling people the wine was only ever touched by nymphs at any point in productions. Modern day wine snobs would murder their own families for a single bottle.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:16 No.16437430
    rolled 25, 27 + 60 = 112

    I believe that was just a monty python reference not anything factual in the game
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:20 No.16437467
    Ah, okay. I really need to watch all of those geeky movies, it is getting embarrassing...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:32 No.16437598
    You're on /tg/ and have never seen Monty Python and the quest for the holy grail???

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