>do not become a half elf

my god OP's right

>Do not pick up dragon eggs.

Well, considering the amount of DM's that would reward me by sending a pack of fucking dragons after me for that...

I haven't read it. Can someone please give me some of the more interesting "don't do" bits.

>Don't fall in love with elves
>Don't live with elves
>Don't listen to elves
Seems about right.

>be belligerent sociopathic asshole to everyone you meet
>get hailed as a hero

Uh, actually, I think this is EVERY DND campaign.

>>16170169
Do not make Elves infallible.
Do not have an BBEG who sits on his ass and does nothing.
Do not rush an enemy stronghold with only about 3 men to rescue a princess.
Do not pursue romance with said Princess.
Do not allow Magic to be the deciding factor in fighting skill.
Do not allow for Elf Catboys with maximum charisma.
Do not have theism debates using races to strawman your views.

God damnit Eragon pissed me the fuck off in the second book when he went full bitch after living with the Elves. Poetry and constantly crying and whining about his fucking lovequest.

Roran on the other hand was a fucking bro.

>>16170195
Yup, elves are decidedly the worst race in all fantasy.
Nothing but mary-sues and special snowflake faggotry can come of them.

>>16170223
Roran was a major bro.
Is he still a bro? I want to read it just for him.

>>16170237

If memory serves, in the third book he is. I haven't read the latest one though.

>>16170215
>Do not have theism debates using races to strawman your views.

And then reveal that there are, in fact gods in the setting.

>>16170237
Oh, I've got one.
>Do not make your protagonist the whiny orphan. Make the protagonist his superior hardworking brother
>Do not put said hardworking brother into the spotlight only to show how much stronger the whiny orphan is.

Oh god, Sloan. Even your daughter didn't feel really bad when she heard you died.

I mean, how ungrateful was she? She cried a single tear for you. Hell, she cried more adjusting to sunlight after being in the dark for a month.

>Do not make a race totally brutal, only to show that their brutality is because they're being forced by evil human oppressors

>Do not make Magic taxing on the user, then hand out Magic Batteries like candy

>Do not have a villain that doesn't actually do anything more evil than hire morally questionable help.
>Do not create a religion of eeeeeeeeeeeeevil that does nothing but be sinister.

>Do not have your mary sue elves begin a genocide campaign on the behalf of trees.

>>16170280
Hey, Galbatorix had a town suspected of harboring rebels wiped out. And he killed the Dragon Riders, who kept peace across the lands.

>Do not read fantasy written by a 15 year old

>>16170265
Oh, I totally read it differently. I felt that she was more resigned that her father had died up to that point, because I wouldn't have put it past the tortures to have tortured and maimed Sloan around her.

I don't think she's ungrateful, I think she had feared this outcome and stealed herself beforehand.

The ungratefulness will only be evident if she learns that her father is alive, and that she was deceived and does not enter a righteous fury over it.

Seriously, the best thing that could happen would her learning of the death and being angry. Because if Eragon tries the shit he tried on Sloan, Roran will be all over his hypocritical ass.

>do not roleplay your pc as a battle hardened veteran killer one session and then lament the death of three squirrels or a colony of ants the next

>>16170276
to be fair on the last one, it seems like a logical idea.

>>16170295
You mean the Dragon Riders that we've only heard about from Ex-Dragon Riders and their elf buddies?

Who claim that none of them ever went bad?

Except for the 14 who went bad?

Also on the subject of that. I thought that the Shade had that done. He told the Shade to clean up rebels. And then the Shade burned down villages.

Hence "Morally questionable help"

>Do not introduce Dwarfs for the sake of maintaining the race trifecta and basically have them do shit for wieners

>>16170235
>implying that if /tg/ wrote a fantasy book it would be anything more than 700+ pages of SUPERIOR DORF MASTER RACE bullshit

>>16170343
>Implying it wouldn't be an awesome book that only faggy, special snowflake, elflovers wouldn't like.

>>16170343
>Implying that if /tg/ wrote a fantasy book it wouldn't be just humans

>>16170343

I endorse this idea. /tg/, let's write a book shall we?

>>16170304
Yeah, but she never gets hung-up on it or displays any sign that she's slowly moving on from it. It's just one single tear and suddenly it's back to business as usual.

>>16170287
Sounds just like my Dorf Fortress!

>>16170343
>>16170369
>>16170370
>implying /tg/ would finish something

>>16170343
I will admit that I find the idea of a bunch of short angry drunken beardfolk in a cave up the mountains to be hilarious.
But I also think most other fantasy races are pretty awesome too.
Elves are still mostly pretty bad though. It's not that they lack potential, it's just that they've been the same arrogant tree-hugging sparkly people with pointy ears in pretty much every work of fiction where they appear.

>>16170295
>>16170330
But a great number of Dragon Riders were nobles and monarchs. And while they were above the law, surely they never actually abused said laws as Riders or as rulers.

>>16170379
Hey! We'd think about finishing it.

>>16170379
I remember when /tg/ got shit done, not anymore though.
Feels bad man.

>>16170387
>nobles and monarch
>Not abusing the fuck out of peasants
>Especially when Elves are allowed to murder loggers with no consequences

>>16170237
I've read all but the last book, and I agree that Roran was easily my favorite character in them. However, I hear he becomes a shallow, less cool Kamina in the latest book; hogging the spotlight and bagging bitches all day err day. Which kinda sucks, really.

>>16170382
Make them better, then.

/tg/s going to write a book?

>>16170394
I tried to remember, but it was hard so I hit F5 instead.

>>16170343
If /tg/ were to write a book it would most likely come out like The Black Company, only replacing the alternate realities at the end with some looming Lovecraftian apocalypse hoard. Also getting rid of Tobo.

>>16170397
His coolness is being nerfed by his proximity to Eragon.
Just being near Eragon for an extended period of time leads to dangerous levels of marysuism behaviors

>Do not dedicate a chapter to a vaguely homoerotic incestuous scene

>>16170382
If you don't like those kinds of Elves, use Norse legends or Tolkien as inspiration.

>>16170387
You expect me to believe you take a group of people, put them above the law, give them magic and big fire breathing lizards that will back them up.

And NONE of them are going abuse their powers even a little?

Do you... Not understand people? Like at all?

>>16170396
Hey, the human Riders would have kept the elf ones in line.

>>16170430
No, the human riders would be too busy off abusing their own powers.

>>16170430
Just like how Eragon kept the Elves in line

>>16170423
They had a code. The Dragon Riders wouldn't turn their backs on their code.

>>16170438
Why not?

>>16170438
Galbatorix did!

>>16170438
A Code.
Do you have an exact copy of that code?
I want to to see how "Iron" clad it is

>>16170438
Congressmen break their oaths all the time.

>>16170433
The elves would keep watch over them as well. The Forsaken were evil and cunning, so they could hide from the good majority.

>>16170436
Hey, they didn't kill as willy-nilly around him.

>>16170438
Medieval knights and samurai had a code of honor as well.
More often than not, they didn't adhere to it.

>>16170438
Except for the ones that did.

>>16170454
>>16170456
>>16170458
Because the people they protect would know if they did, and they wouldn't trust them any longer.

>>16170455
He was just out of training and insane. He can't be considered a true Rider.

>>16170461
He didn't even TRY to talk them out of burning a lumberjack village to the ground and killing every man woman and child in it. He was too busy checking in if he could send his new mind-raped prisoner off to live with them forever.

>>16170480
We got a live one, boys.

>>16170480
Oh no, the peasants won't trust me what will I ever do?

I guess exactly what I've been doing because I have magical powers and a dragon and they're a bunch of shits with sticks.

>>16170477
They were evil and cunning. They succeeded in hiding themselves.

>>16170473
But the Riders did. Everybody who remembers them recalls it like that. They all remember the Riders as noble guardians.

>>16170480
....

Why the fuck do the people need to trust them. They have DRAGONS AND MAGIC.

What the fuck is the average peasant army going to do about that

>>16170493
HOT DAMN! I'll go get my C96!

>>16170500
Except the only people that were alive back then are :

Ex-Riders.
Elves.
Dwarves (Not Fond of Riders).

The ones people got the stories from:

Ex-Riders.
Elves.

Not exactly an unbiased information source.

Also they can rewrite people's brains.

>>16170522
>Trusting elves

Not even once.

>>16170343
That'd be a hell of a lot better than the HERESY HERESY HERESY 40k fapfic it'd actually turn into.

>>16170487
Well, Eragon isn't a full Rider. He can't be considered an example of how they're bad.

>>16170498
If the people you protect don't trust you, how can you still keep them safe?

>>16170503
Because they're defenders of the land. They have a responsibility to protect the people. If they aren't trusted, they can't do that.

>>16170522
It's not like people who've encountered the Riders can't tell others about their exploits. Besides, the Riders would never rewrite memories like that. They're the defenders of the land.

>>16170560
Son I'm starting to think you're trolling. Your only argument is "But Defenders of the Land"

>>16170560
Okay, we get it. Trololol, yeah yeah.

guys, i think Paolini himself visits /tg/ and is in this thread right now

>>16170223
>Roran
>Bro

What the fuck was the point of his character at all. He grew a beard and killed a few guys with a hammer.
He is one of the more realistic characters in the story, but he's boring as fuck.

>>16170577
No, I'm not trolling. You have it all wrong, the Dragon Riders defend the land and the peace. They aren't a bunch of crazy people that abuse their magic. They're like the Jedi of the setting.

>>16170595
and the jedi were retarded fucks too

>>16170595
Jedi were retarded fucks.

>Vast majority of the Riders being incorruptible paragons of morality
Of course they are. It's a story written in a single year by a homeschooled adolescent Californian with an exceedingly naive worldview and no previous experience in literature.

>>16170595
And there totally weren't Jedi who abused their powers and orchestrated things for their own benefit.

Like, seriously guy, "exploiting the land" and "keeping the peace" can be one of the same. There is a long history of rulers exploiting there peoples. The Romans were "defenders of the land" and preserved culture for hundreds of years, but they still had a slave economy.

>>16170330

You are now imagining Galbatorix as a sad little old man who has the worst luck with vague orders to subordinates he doesn't realize are as evil as they are.

>>16170595
>sith

You know what book copied a lot of shit but did it with class? This one right here.

>>16170634
Oi, he wasn't Californian, don't lump all of us californicators in with that shit. He's montana's problem not ours.

>>16170647
"Oh, I should reward him with a knighthood. You there! Minion! Go christen this man with a blade to his shoulder!"

>local hero found hacked to pieces by Shades this morning

Oh lord, thatd be adorable.

>>16170663
He moved there, yeah. He spent his formative years in SoCal.

tg/ this my be the alcohol talking, but i think we need to writ a book.
Dorff's ,
Fuck yea Humans,
Blood thirsty soulless savage elfs.the type that stalk the woods, like the predators they could be, eating children of all that enter in a vain attempt to gain there powers.
yes the more I think a bout it lovecraften elf's could work

>>16170673
Then specifically say Socal. Us from the bay don't want to be associated with that trash. But seriously, the bigger problem is his homeschooling. Or just his writing. I dunno.

>>16170673
God damn it, fucking So Cal. Fucking wikipedia too, says he was raised in the Paradise valley in Montana.

>>16170652
Count Dooku and Anakin were both Jedi before they became "Sith." Every Sith we've seen has, for the most part, had the same skills, abilities, and resources as the Jedi. The only difference between the two is philosophy.

Are you really, really trying to say that it is physically impossible for even, say, 10% of Dragonriders being corrupt simply because they are a "good" organization.

>>16170689
Hey now, NorCal ends where Jefferson would've.

>>16170702
The Bay area and the area around the capitol are hardly southern california though. Maybe central california, but not SoCal. Hell, north and south aren't how I would divide the State anyways, better to divide it to coastal and central, Pacific and Sierran California. Keeps it divided along political lines if nothing else.

>>16170647
"Durza!" Galbatorix groaned through toothless gums. He looked around for his loyal henchman. "Durza, get over here!" He leaned heavily on his cane, breathing hard as he trundled over in his overly thick shirt and trousers.

"Yess, my lord?" The Shade came into view, trailing sulphur and the screaming souls of the damned behind him. "What isss it you want?" He knelt slightly, causing the two children he strapped to his feet to scream in pain.

Galbatorix fumbled for his glasses, squinted at his undead servant, and licked his dry lips. "Have you found them, Durza? I want you to find the rebels. Scour the nearby towns for any trace of the rebels. Durza? You hear me? Deal with those towns, if you must." The Shade nodded in agreement.

Fire and blood running down the streets as usual, it seemed. He looked warily at the doddering old man. The king's bloodthirsty nature frightened even him sometimes. He cautiously backed off, elicting further shrieks of pain from the children.

Galbatorix waddled back to his throne. He had no doubt in Durza's ability to get the job done. No doubt he would quickly find any rebels with a minimum of fuss. Life to those towns would not be disrupted by their arrival. Not in the slightest.

>>16170685
You want decent Elves.
You want Discworld Elves.

>>16170611
>>16170630
retardedfuckmind

>>16170729
Daw, that Galbatorix is adorable.
How about instead of brain washing a dragon, he was just such a nice guy, another dragon willingly hatched for him.

>>16170768
Instead of reaching into Murtagh's brain to mind control him, he was trying to keep Murtagh's new bloodthirsty nature under control. (He does have other mages who could've mindjiggered him for Galbatorix)

>>16170792
How about this: The riders wiped each other out, so Galbatorix picked up the Eldunari put them in a vault to keep them safe from people who would try to abuse them. But he felt bad about keeping them locked up and alone, so he established a mental link with them to keep company with them even when he had to rule the empire.

>>16170595
new age Jedi are retarded zealots, the true jedi died ages ago presumably killing the true evil

>>16170729
>just wants the rebellion dealt with swiftly and with the most minimum of bloodshed as possible

Shit, that'd be an awesome twist if he was being kept in the dark about what his servants were really up to...

I stopped reading as soon as Eragon ditched everyone and went out with his dragon.

Fuck that.

>>16170235
Dark Eldar?

>>16170823
It would also be an awesome twist if the Riders were corrupt assholes, the Elves were assholes who wanted everyone dead, the Varden were terrorists and Eragon was a sociopath.

Eragon is however, according to the author "A Traditional Hero"

So that won't happen.

He certainly has some of the worst elves

Eragon and Saphira should just get it on already. You can almost feel Paolini trying to restrain his pen when reading those things.

>>16170813
Wow. It's like he's adopted the multitudes of dragons that died in the war.

>>16170871
Skimmed this - I'm pretty sure it's lifted from an old blog years ago

http://www.oak-tree.us/blog/index.php/2009/01/21/brisingr-sociopath

>/tg/ writes a book

In the ancient days, the wise and benevolent race of dwarfs stood watch over the lesser races of the gnomes and humans, guarding them against the dark forces of the orc, the troll, the undead, and most vile of all, the elf. Masters of anvil and hammer, they gifted their charges with knowledge, so that they might better themselves. On that day, all shaving razors were shattered, melted down, and forged into hammers.

Paragon amongst these selfless, gloriously bearded creatures were the Dragon-mole Riders. Forging an unbreakable bond with their near-mystical mounts (usually through harsh discipline, strict breeding, and a complete unwillingness to acknowledge their beasts as equals), they would tunnel into battle, erupting beneath their waifish, tree-hugging foes in a flurry of dirt, steel, and beard. They were legend to their allies, and a terrible curse upon their enemies.

Then, Fagbaitor McNobeardix, the youngest, vainest, and scruffiest of the Dragon-mole Riders, decided he really fucking loved shit like trees, flowers, and little animals. Upon discovery of his traitorous nature, he was exiled from the Dragon-mole Riders. However, he escaped with his mount, and vowed bloody revenge on those who he believed had wronged him.

>>16170959
FUND IT.
FUND THE EVERLOVING PISS OUT OF IT!

>>16170942

I actually sort of found that interesting

>>16170418
>Implying Tolkien elves weren't pointy-eared tree huggers.

>>16171190
>implying they didnt go around killing other elves for boats to get precious jewels back

>>16171190
I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of the Noldor massacring their kin.

>>16170959

Do not build up a race as caring for the pain of all creatures so much that they do not even eat things that can feel pain and in one scene, have them wipe out a logging camp just because they were too near to their forest.

So what new evils shall Eragon perpetrate in the name of justice?
It'd be really swell if he piled the bodies of a village into the certain of the town with a baby on the tip of the spear.

It'd be a real kinda "full circle" deal

>>16170375
We shall call 'Those Who Delved Too Not Deep Enough'

It shall be about a band of Dwarfs who see their hold slowly falling into economic ruin, and decide to break taboo and dig down into the area the Elders have termed the forbidden depths.

It shall be a trilogy. In the first book they shall make their decision to delve more deeperly and set out angering the Elders and leaving them no way to return with honor, save with jewels and gold. As they dig they set up a modest sized hold to use as a base and come into conflict with a race of lizard/rat/insect/something people who have colonized the underdeeps. At the climax of the book our brave Dwarfs manage to beat back a large army of the enemy, breaking their power and scattering them. Though sadly the gruff no nonsense leader of the Dwarfs dies.

>>16170768
Or maybe Galbatorix is trying to learn the True Name of magic because he can pronounce the language of magic easier than English without his teeth.

>>16171425

In part two the Dwarfs plunder their defeated foes civilization and skirmish with remaining enemies, eventually reaching partially built tunnels that seem hastily abandoned. Dwarfs begin vanishing, no clue being left of their demise save blood and the smell of brimstone. a deputation of the lizard/rat/insect/things warn the Dwarfs not to anger the beasts of dark and flame, but will say no more. Turns out it's a dragon. So the dwarfs kill it, bring its body and hoard back to the main hold and are treated as heroes. The main characters badass possibly berserker best friend dies of his wounds, and the lizard/rat/insect/peoplestuff leave the underdeep by supersecret tunnels.

The Dwarfs delve too deep. as the Dwarfs dig deeper into veins of minerals they find that the veins appear to be converging. At the same time they are increasingly tormented by nightmares and shadowy figures in the corners of their vision. finally they reach a point near the convergence that appears hollow beyond. As they try to dig out around the entirety of this hollow area a team of dwarfs accidentally breaches it. For their troubles they are torn apart by a monster formed from darkness and fire and blood that kills a number of dwarfs before being slain. As the panicked dwarfs try to close the breach, damage from the monster's emergence causes it to collapse and expand letting out more of the monsters. This second group is beaten back but many dwarfs including the expeditions leaders are dead. Our main character rallies the remaining dwarfs and sends out teams of runners to collapse the mines and warn the main hold, while he and the remaining members of the expedition descend into hell to hold off the demons for as long as the runners need, and however much longer they feel like besides.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2hF6hZFLdo
This is an example of how a DnD campaign should be, if Eragon is an example of how not too.

>>16171309

Wait, I slogged my way through all the books including Brisingr, but I don't remember the elves killing a logging town. Like, I don't doubt it at all, but can someone provide context?

Also, remember that dream Eragon had in the beginning of the 1st book where like, some people go onto a boat and a guy on the shore is crying as they leave, and 2 dragons are flying?
Did Paolini forget about that? Or is that just a foreshadowing of a mysterious future event thats totally not just Eragon and his Waifu-princess(who will have the last dragon egg hatch for her), and the crying guy totally isn't Roran(who, btw, I honestly don't see anything broish about. Just because he's badass normal doesn't mean he's not a shitty character who somehow gained the obedience of his entire village including the elders, and killed like 200 guys in a row like a fucking assembly line) being sad that his cousin is leaving forever. Eragon and Bitchwhatsername are leaving on a boat forever back to the elves home-continent. which is totally not the undying lands.

Oh, also, archive this perhaps?

>>16171479
It was in Brisingir. Eragon called up the Elf Queen on the Scryphone after Mindslaving Sloan.

Her hands were dripping with the blood of a logging town that had been taking wood from their forests to build siege engines to fight the Varden

>GMs, don't go into incredible detail regarding elves and their lack of pubes.

>>16170265
Oh, but it gets worse.

1) Eragon wasn't at the battle. He HEARD Sloan had betrayed them, but he never actually took steps to investigate the claims.

2) The town had betrayed the empire. Technically, Sloan was doing the legal thing by letting the forces of the empire into the town.

>>16171564
And that was the day Paolini discovered you can shave your balls.

Shaving one's balls doesn't make up for not being able to shave one's face.

>>16171636
Remember the chapter where Eragon takes his pants off to show off his bruised groin to Roran?

>>16171709
0_0

No. No I do not.
I must have purged it from my brain.
Is there even any context?
Just like, "hey cuz, check out how swollen my dick is from being kicked. OH WAIT NOW ITS GETTING EVEN MORE SWOLLEN *suggestive face*"

>>16171479

Logging Camp thing was just the elves going in to kill some humans for trying to cut down a large tree so that the empire could build seige engines. And stuff.

So the elves got pissed, killed them all, and took over their city.

>>16171564
Oh god, does he actually do this?

>>16171743
It's pretty much the entirety of the second and third books.

>>16171738
http://eragon-sporkings.wikispaces.com/Brisingr_Four

>>16171739
Yeah, I mean, guys want to chop down ONE tree totally justifies murdering all of them without a care and taking over the city they came from.

>>16171739
>>16171776
Perhaps they want revenge for the time the empire kicked their shit in.

>>16171761
That WHY.jpg image has never been more appropriate.

>>16171791
They jelly as fuck cuz humans b stylin' on 'em

>>16171776
But the loggers were evil. Because they obviously knew their empire was evil and they were totally not just workers trying to earn money for their families. They willingly wanted to make evil siege engines of evil

>>16171791
That'd be okay, except they always prat on about how "all life is sacred", and are fucking vegetarians.
Then they slaughter a bunch of villagers

>>16171770


Ah thanks, I used to like reading things on that Anti-Shurtugal site until it got turned into a linkfarm, and then reorganized as a livejournal that proceeded to mainly talk about Twilight and other bad books in general. Like, nothing wrong with picking apart shit books, I have no desire to read about Twilight since even if it wasn't shit, I wouldn't read anything in that genre anyway.

>>16171826
Don't forget the families of the workers are evil too, and deserved death.
Since the Elves killed everyone.
Women and Children too.

You are now imagining that Paolini get's Matt Ward as his spiritual liege and starts writing more books.

THE MOST FEARSOME AND POWERFUL OF THE FABLED DRAGONRIDERS WERE A GLORIOUS FACTION KNOWN AS THE ELFMARINES

Haven't we had this thread like 4 times now? Like this exact rage thread?

>>16171791

The best part is that they say that they're normally cool with the humans cutting down some trees from their forest when they need the wood.

Its just that this was a really BIG tree.

>>16171846
...You're fucking joking. Surely you are all trying to pull one over on me, as there is no way anyone would try to pass that off as the work of supposed "good guys".

>>16171895
Not even a little.

>>16171895
Your average THAT GUY would, especially if he was the GM.

>>16171895

But they're ELLLLLLLLLLVES! :3 And the Villagers worked for the empier so theyr EVIL

>>16171911
>>16171919
>>16171923
That's so terrible I think it gave me cancer.

>>16171862
>ELFMARINES
You mean Ultrelfs.
Who probably paint themselves blue before battle.
Which will then translate into knock-off Celt battle nudity.


And then I'll pretend that the Eragon-verse has Riddle of Steel verse rules and all of them are repeatedly Halberded and Rapiered in the groin.

>>16171867
Yes, but I think /tg/ is building hype for the 4th Book.
Everyone's slowly remembering how much they dislike this shit, and we're probably going to have threads about what ever is in that book for weeks.

Eragon is the posterboy of bad fantasy and people enjoy mocking it.

We don't do it in /lit/, because you get tons of people actually defending it.

Because book are what video games are to /v/ to /lit/

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16170120/

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html
Thread archived, vote up please.

Also, names of places/people/things. How bout dem umlauts and circumflexes
>Recamew river
No captcha, that name is waaaaaay to pronouncable to be the name of a river in Eragon.

Wait, has the fourth book come out? I'll have to get it.

>>16171986
It comes out in a month or two. ad

Hey guys. I have a question. There's that tribe of black people right? The ones who play Emo Chicken to find out who the leader is?

Where do they live?

>>16171986

Yeah, same here. It might be shit, mind numbing fantasy, but I'm obsessive enough to want to see it through to the end

>>16171997

Oh, alright then.

>>16172003
Before: In the dwarven capital.
Now: In a small human nation south of the big one.

>>16172003
The ninth circle of hell, where I would imagine this book takes place.

>>16171986
No november.

>I recall Eragon calling out Elf-Obi Wan/Yoda for being so smugly atheist when the dorf's god explicitly showed up in the flesh for the Dorf King's coronation. How did he respond? I assume it wasn't by saying "Oh yeah sorry we're all fucking retard hippies who are atheists even though in this universe there is at least one god who is fucking real.

>>16172035
I believe that the author was trying to make his Elves "Weatherwax" atheist and failed miserably

God, I'd just love for Granny Weatherwax to show up and smack these Elves around

>>16172012

I read all three so far. When I was growing up it was my favorite series. Loved it. Joined shurtugal.com, wrote my first shitty marysue fanfiction about it. Hell, I have a signed copy of the first book.

Now my favorite is Dresden Files. Oh how things change.

>>16172065
I read the first two. Then someone got me Grave Peril I think. And then I knew what actual fantasy looked like.

>>16172060
That would be fucking awesome
>They try to fuck with her mind
>Nothing happens, but they suddenly get a strong craving for tea

Am I the only one who thinks the way magical battles in that series work are fucking stupid?

I mean an okay mage who was a decent shot with a crossbow could win all of them.

Or one who didn't waste all his time trying to break into people's heads.

>>16172065

Ha, I read the 1st one, and by myself realized how the 1st book is a play-by-play carbon copy of Star Wars A New Hope. When I tried to explain it to teachers and friends and my parents etc., they all said how I'm overreacting and that they just are both following the steps of The Heroe's Journey. But yeah no, the similarities in Eragon get pretty fucking specific. I knew other people had to have also noticed this, and that's how I found Anti-Shurtugal. I think my summary of both stories at once was only lacking a few things theres was.


Also, Discworld: I've heard good things about this series. Should I read it?
Also, please correct me about the following: Isn't Discworld the one where the earth is flat and on top of turtles riding an elephant? And also the one where its a meme to claim that the Author is japanese or something?

>>16172121
Yes.
It seems as if Magic in this series exists solely to ensure that humans can't beat Elves.

>>16172151

I actually hear a lot of those arguments about it's so similar. Could you enlighten me, I can't see it being very specific.

And yes, Discworld is awesome.

>>16172151
Discworld is a mixture of Comedy and Drama.
The early books are pretty basic, but about Guards Guards and Small Gods the author hits his stride.

He has produced probably the the ideal Lawful Good Character (Samuel Vimes), the ideal Lawful Evil Character (Ventari), and a whole slew of characters who are fantastic

>>16172189

Opening: A princess is running from the Emperor's right-hand-man, meaning to deliver an item to the Rebellion so they can fight the Empire. Right-hand-man catches up, kills her guards, and captures her, but not before the princess can make the item vanish.

The item is found by a young farm boy who lives in a backwater area. He takes the item back to his home and discovers that it's something special. The young boy figures out a connection to a local recluse.

The local recluse turns out to be the last surviving member of an ancient warrior-monk order, who were powerful users of a mystic force and were in possession of powerful, rare items.

The empire catches wind of the item's location and kills the farm boy's family and burns down his house while he's away with the mentor. He joins with the mentor and a runaway no-body and run off to join the rebellion.

On the way the mentor trains the farmboy in the ways of the mystic warrior-monks. They decide to go rescue the princess from the empire's nearby stronghold. While there they rescue her, but the right-hand-man kills the wise mentor.

They reach the rebellion and use the item and mystic powers to help them in a battle against the empire (who has discovered the rebels and come to wipe them out). The battle is won, and later on we realize that the farmboy is actually the son of the bad guy.


Now am I describing Eragon or Star Wars?

>>16172189

http://complaintlab.blogspot.com/2007/07/eragon-star-wars.html

http://impishidea.com/criticism/26/eragon-eldest-a-star-wars-plot-recap#fn128656425449a78eb466122

http://everything2.com/title/Comparisons+between+the+plot+of+Eragon+and+Star+Wars


Okay, I've only skimmed these before linking , but they seem to be specific enough. Plus I've probably read these at some point or another.
The 1st link is color coded for your convenience. So if you only have to read 1, read it.

>>16172280

...I'm an idiot, aren't I?

>>16172280
No idea, as I've neither read Eragon, nor seen the movie.

>>16172213
You know, I was going to take issue with you over Vetinari being Lawful Evil, but then I remembered he had people thrown into the scorpion pit for being mimes.

>>16172327
Honestly, I feel he was provoked. Fucking mimes.

>>16172302
DAT MOVIE.
Oh lawd, I keep forgetting to mention it in the thread. Lol that was bad. But like, bad in a way that the book could have been fucking amazing and that movie would still be shit. How the fuck did that even get into theaters and not just direct-to-dvd?

Also, I'm the guy who asked about Discworld earlier. And I'd just like to say:
>>16172327
>had people thrown into the scorpion pit for being mimes.

SOUNDS LIKE MY KIND OF BOOK.

>>16172327

What book is that in, I don't remember it.

>>16172327
You're right, he should be lawful good.

>>16172327

One man, one vote.

Vetinari's the man, and he has the vote.

Yeah this is the perfect guide for players about what not to do.

Don't trust elves to much because they will turn you into a fucking vegan pussy.
Don't fall in love with elves because they don't put out.
Don't be become so elf hybrid because of some rebel pack.
Don't make deals with spirits because they will posses your ass.
Dorfs will kill you for political power just like real life.
Think before you do any fucking thing. LIKE RIDING A DRAGON BAREBACK.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html
VOTE UP THE FUCKING THREAD YOU PONCES.
*Ahem*
Excuse me for that outburst. I'm not even british.

I love how Paolini somehow managed to ruin ZOMBIES. Seriously. HOW DO YOU FUCK UP WITH ZOMBIES. JUST BECAUSE THEY DON'T FEEL PAIN DOESN'T MEAN THEY CAN JUST TAKE DAMAGE AND NOT PASS OUT FROM BLOOD LOSS.

>>16172474

Where were zombies? I remember no zombies in the books.

>>16172474
Yeah what zombies? I think your thinking of something else.

>>16172483
>>16172512
At one point the rebels get attacked by some "Elite Soldiers" who can't feel pain.

So you have to kill them in the head.

>>16172483
>>16172512


Like, those "Can't feel pain and incessently cackle" guys.

>>16172520

>>16172517

Ahh, those guys.

>>16172527
>>16172474

That was, bizarrely enough, a surprisingly humane idea. Not only do the soldiers not feel pain; They're *volunteers*, because their families are compensated.

The King actually seems to be fairly decent with regard to human rights. Unless you're his enemy, and then FUCK YOU. Why are they fighting him, agian?

>>16172517
Okay I don't really view those as a zombie per-say but maybe some kind of undead solider.

>>16172541
Killed the supposedly benevolent Dragon Riders, and drove the Elves away.

Elves who slaughtered people for trying to chop down a tree, and are the only group who seem to say that the Dragon Riders were benevolent.

>>16172555

Weren't the Dragon Riders kind of dicks? I mean, if they were anything like Eragon...

-Also, I don't recall the King slaughtering people at random. He just killed the Riders, after some of them flipped to his side. How many are left, anyway? Are they all dead?

>>16172555
And killed the entire dragon population to about 2 dragons and 3 eggs. Also he take candy form children and is a general dick.

>>16172592
So its basically hes just a racist against other races

>>16172592
Dragons were dicks too if you care to pay attention.
Killing the Crazy Bird Demons was fine for Eragon, so why shouldn't be fine to kill the Dragons who are basically the same.

>>16172610
Yep he is basically Emperor Palpatine fantasy style.

>>16172520
>>16172541
Anyone else think soldiers becoming 'painless' is like the worst idea of using fucking magic?

I mean pain should tell them to stop doing something. So these giggling retards might step in daggers and not realize it until their legs no longer word from sliced tendons.

>>16172622
Then again they were eating people, and they killed his uncle, and later his father.

Isnt there a scene in the second book where the Dwarfs dig themselves into some fortifications......... and then charge OUT of their fortifications at the enemy battlines? Running hundreds of metres to engage them?

what kind of retard tactics is that?

>>16172654

Well, since the point was to have them keep doing something in spite of the pain, I'd say it was rather smart.

>>16172660
But wild dragons would eat people too

>>16172677

It *is* rather smart. Like, if someone gets stabbed, that's usually the end for him. If he feels no pain, he might last long enough to take his enemy down with him. They literally won't stop until you kill them outright.

Sure, there'd be plenty of side-effects, but this is basically medevial combat we're talking about. Lots of hacking and slashing and pounding. Immunity to pain gives your troops a lot more staying power.

>>16172384
One of the early ones, possibly Guards Guards, possibly a footnote.
To be more specific, he has mimes suspended upside down in the scorpion pit opposite an upside down sign which reads "Learn The Words".

Man, I really am ashamed. This was my first fantasy book, so I was like "Well it's big and it's got dragons. This is awesome fantasy!"

When I tried to re-read this shit later, something about it was off. Like it wasn't as good as it used to be. So I read some online reviews, to get a second opinion, and then I felt stupid for not noticing the obvious New Hope story line that was there the whole time.

And then I read The Hobbit. And THEN I new what good fantasy was.

>>16172711
IIRC, Paolini thought "don't feel pain" to mean, "They can get shot with a million arrows and hacked up and be bleeding profusely, but as long as they don't get hit in the head they're really fine."

>>16172679
And normal dragons want to.

>>16170343
they are not special snowflakes

>>16172766

Well, that's even better. They're effectively thinking, intelligent, near-invincible zombies. Because really, how do you get a clean decapitation EVERY TIME on the battlefield? Sure, infection and nastiness would kill them, but they would be terrifyingly effective.

>>16170215

BBEG? I'm guessing it is. . .

Big Bad Enemy Guy?

Little known fact : It's obvious that Eragon takes a chunk of it's Dragonlore from the Pern novels.
The chunk being 1. The Impression, 2. The Telepathic Bonding and 3. The death of the rider = death of the dragon, but the death of the dragon =/= death of the rider, but in the novel released the year before Eragon was released, there was actually a character named Erragon.

>>16172805
Oh god Pern.
Fucking Pern.

I am waiting for that Elf chick to get her Dragon. I AM FUCKING READY FOR IT, BECAUSE I KNOW HE'S GOING TO TAKE THE FINAL PLUNGE. HE'S GONNA GO FOR THE FULL FUCKING MATING FLIGHT SHIT AND THAT'S HOW ELF BITCH FINALLY CAVES TO ERAGON.

I have a question for you all.

Am I the only one who's pissed because KING Galbatorix rules an EMPIRE.

Named THE EMPIRE.

>>16172842
Or the fact that it's not even an Empire because it's a singular Kingdom without any colonies.

>>16172859

Or the fact that the 'kingdom' only had a handful of towns under its flag because Failoni has no sense of scale?

>>16172711
Or you could go the Dread Empire route and train them from birth to just not care about pain. They get the benefits of actually feeling it with none of the tactical drawbacks. Also gave a bunch of advantages, the characters often commented on how unnerving it was that the Dread Empire troops never screamed in pain, even as they died.

>>16172921
So use the one good thing about the third Riddick movie?

Also, Pitch Black. It may have flunked the box office, but it was the perfect horror movie. No cheese, just terror, darkness, and safety in the light.

I've just been mulling it over.
What's the most cliche thing that can happen in this series now?

>>16173002
Consensual Sex in the missionary position after the dragon morphs into a dragon-human anthro hybrid.

>>16173002
Power of Love defeats the BBEG's magic.

>>16172997
You forgot the most important part. The scariest thing in the area, is arguably right next to you.

>Do not base your fantasy setting off of Star Wars.

Think about it. THE WHOLE FUCKING SERIES IS STAR WARS WITH DRAGONS.