rolled 92 = 92

Screw this. Anarhim, you're good with kids, enjoy. I'm off to plunder some golden age tech!

By the way, how is our Terminaught going?

So now you stand in a prison cell with Kharn and a jokaero. In front of you is your sonaughter Noddaba, a tentacle-covered abomination that looks like Cthulhu and is roughly the size of a carnifex.

As you look upon your horrible heir you fail your SAN check. You then fall to the ground, your body starts to spasm and your mind feels like it’s ripping itself in half.

After a while you wake up. Your child appears to have left, leaving a large hole in the cell wall. The jokaero lies dead on the ground, Kharn is nowhere to be seen, and your Eldar bride-to-be is still unconscious.

What now, warmaster?

(rolls are 1d100 with higher being better, and any rolls of 66, 77, 88, or 99 will result in that action being chosen above all and "enhanced", as it has clearly been blessed by the Dark Gods)

rolled 40 = 40

You know what?

The Dark Age of Technology hasn't happened yet. The Iron Men haven't revolted.

rolled 11 = 11

>>15626086
Try and find chaos space jesus cthulhu
He's prolly eating some crewmen.

rolled 13 = 13

>>15626086
Go kidnap more Eldar. We need them so as to foster a new race of Warp Children.

rolled 28 = 28

>>15626086
Wake up eldar. Tell her the good news.

rolled 76 = 76

Find Ahriman and slap his shit.

Just because.

rolled 60 = 60

>>15626122
This.

"Hey, while you were knocked out I knocked you up. Twice."

rolled 89 = 89

>>15626086
Drop an asteroid on earth... clearly if we kill all life on earth the emperor will never be born,

rolled 27 = 27

>>15626122

Grab the Eldar, carry it in your arms and offer it your brood as a mating partner and/or meal.

Also, fuck yeah, Abbadons still partys hard.

rolled 84 = 84

Find Ahriman and ask him what to do now.

Fuck you OP, I have to go to bed in 30 minutes. So while I'm here I'll roll some 99 telling you that you will look for your child.

rolled 35 = 35

>>15626086
Fix the hole, send for some slaves!
They're then to tote on the lady hand and foot, not given keys to her cell though

rolled 40 = 40

Tell Ahriman what you did.
Then tell waifu the good news.
Then inform the crew that you, Abaddon, have made it with an eldar chick. Twice.

rolled 72 = 72

>>15626166
Also captcha ate my dice. My hate rant looks kinda silly without the roll.

rolled 94 = 94

>>15626134
>>15626122
This, because it'll be hilarious.

When she freaks out, slap her shit.

rolled 50 = 50

LOOK FOR THAT FUCKING KID

>>15626172
You decide it's time to wake up your woman and tell her what went down. You walk over to the unconscious Eldar and shake he and stuff.

You look at her face and slowly, her eyes open to you.

She greets you by screaming and following up with a kick to the codpiece. The Eldar warrior back away from you and get's into a fighting stance.

"GET BACK YOU BASTARD!" she shouts, her teeth barring "What the fuck is going and...wht the FUCK am I naked?! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!"

rolled 54 = 54

>>15626229
Get her to calm down. With nonlethal force. Then explain her what she just gave birth to and will give birth to again. Then convince her to join us looking for her child.
>99 get

rolled 85 = 85

>>15626229
Greet her back with a pimp smack via Sindri.

Then tell her to be nice.

rolled 98 = 98

>>15626241
Reroll.

rolled 94 = 94

>>15626229
congradulations your a mom. twice

rolled 28 = 28

SING PRAISE TO THE CHAOS GODS AND TELL THAT BITCH THAT SHE'S A MOTHER, AND WILL HAVE ANOTHER CHILD TOO. THEN SHE LOOKS UPON YOUR HANDSOME RUGGED FEATURES AND DROPS TO THE FLOOR IN LOVE AND ADMIRATION. BITCH.

Inb4 higher priority rolls.

rolled 99 = 99

>>15626260
So close, yet so fail.

My plan to get Kharn to explain to her, he has a way with words. Great guy.

rolled 62 = 62

>>15626229
"Fall to your knees in splender! For you, Xenos Witch, have been host to the greatest gift of your most powerful god Ever! And now, you will do so again!"

Arms raised for EMPHASIS!

>>15626279
>>15626278
>>15626260
Rerolling for the 98 guy.

rolled 56 = 56

>>15626276
RE ROLLING MOTHERFUCKER.

rolled 89 = 89

>>15626229

"Well, to make it short, I raped you, impregnated you, made you gave birth within a hour of minutes thanks to the help of some ol' pal of mine....


...now, we're currently experiencing some minor problem because ''our" child appears to be a frenzied, hermaphroditic mass of winding tentacles whose sole sight has struck me unconciouss and which also may or may not have killed that monkey over there before crashing through that wall.

Which, in retroperpect, is a pretty considerable deed for a newborn...I think there's still a bit of umblical cord peering out between your legs."

Then start grinning manically.

rolled 14 = 14

>>15626292
Bah, I need sleep.

rolled 59 = 59

>>15626293
ANNND AGAIN. BUT THIS TIME SING PRAISE TO TZEENTCH.

rolled 41 = 41

>>15626276

This, what could go wrong?

rolled 68 = 68

>>15626304
Oh, fuck it. PRAISE BE TO ALLAH!

rolled 85 = 85

>>15626321
Praise be to..... Jehova?

rolled 90 = 90

>>15626339
Praise to the God-Emperor of Mankind for blessing me with this high roll.

rolled 99 = 99

>>15626276
bumpingforeldarinexplicablyfallinginlove

>>15626352
Well, I guess Tzeentch finally came around to the idea.

We have 2 99s.

BOTH HAPPEN. TZEENCH WILLS IT.

>>15626366
So kharn tells her? and she looks upon us and falls in love? Sounds good to me.

>>15626279
>>15626352
THE DARK GODS HAVE SPOKEN

Nay, you must make more rerolls, just to make sure that your idea and your idea ALONE might be applied.

>>15626279
You feel your tongue twist in your mouth as try to speak. You cannot find the proper words to explain the current situation to your wife-to-be.

Suddenly, you hear sound of heavy footsteps and see Kharn run into the cell.

"HEY ABADDON HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR MONSTER CHILD WHICH THAT ELDAR BITCH GAVE BIRTH TO IMMEDIATELY AFTER YOU LAYED WITH HER?"

He the notices the Eldar and turns to her. "OH HEY YOU'RE AWAKE. CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING A MOTHER! I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO CONGRATULATE YOU AGAIN IN NINE MONTHS TOO, HUH? I THINK IT'S FREAKY THAT SUCH A HORRID TENTACLE MONSTER COULD BE PRODUCE BY ABADDON, THIS GUY HERE, SCREWING AN ELDAR. BUT THAT'S THE WONDERS OF CHILDBIRTH FOR YOU!" he says "WELL BYE NOW LADY! NEED TO FIND YOUR KID BEFORE HE KILLS SOME CREWMEN!"

Kharn leaves, and you watch as the Eldar stands, mouth gaping and eyes wide, paralyzed with an odd mix of shock and anger.

>>15626383
Do the other one, too, where she falls in love with us.
Please?

>>15626383

I knew he'd come through for me.

>>15626383
And now she falls in love

>>15626383

[ ]told
[ ]un told
[X]Knights of the Told Republic

WILL WRITE FOR THIS ONE >>15626352

rolled 45 = 45

>>15626383

Give that bitch a hug, and a kiss.

Bitches love hugs and kisses.

rolled 48 = 48

>>15626383

Grab the Eldar and drag her along the floor while searching for your spawn.

rolled 74 = 74

>>15626383
maybe should do some apologizing, y'know women like that kinda thing right?

Like, sorry i raped you and made an unholy demon spawn child with you, will you be my bff?

rolled 100 = 100

>>15626409
rerolling for this guy

rolled 50 = 50

>>15626383
bro fist her

>>15626409
With what arms?

rolled 2 = 2

>>15626383
Cue some credits and play the Seinfeld exit music.

then go right to another episode of it.

>>15626437

Hey rollfags, OP is still posting from the last 99.


I agree CAPTCHA, they need to conserve their teriti.

>>15626352
As your bride-to-be now stares at you with enough rage to make Angron back the fuck down, the wisdom of Tzeentch fills your mind.

You the explain to her that what Kharn says is true, that she gave birth to an abomination and that she's pregnant with another.

However, you also tell her why you did it. You explain to her that you are the chosen champion of the Chaos Gods, enemies of the C'tan and supreme masters of the warp who have ultimate power and give psykers their abilities.

You then tell her a bunch of propaganda about the Ruinous Powers, like how they perform great "miracles", reward those who do deeds in their name, and hate the necrons.

After telling her all about the greatness of Chaos, her anger is replaced by love. She falls for your dark 'n' edgy attitude and jumps onto you.

You screw right there.

It is hot.

(NEW RULE! WILL ONLY BE ACCEPTING 1 BLESSED DIE AT A TIME, WHICH WILL BE THE FIRST ONE TO COME UP)

rolled 4 = 4

>>15626536
go look at what the jokaeros have done with the terminator and dread

>>15626536
IF I GET A BLESSED DIE, YOUR RULE IS NOW VOID.
Also, turn your vox to all and announce to the crew that "I, Abaddon, just did it with an eldar woman."

rolled 43 = 43

>>15626562

Since I'm the one who SUGGESTED that happen, I think it only right I try for a reroll on this.

rolled 52 = 52

>>15626536
Punch SINDRII into the warp, Right Now, and fistbump Tzeentch

rolled 73 = 73

>>15626565
Fuck you captcha.

rolled 65 = 65

>>15626536
Does this mean she'll have twins? (DON'T QUESTION MY LOGIC)

rolled 68 = 68

>>15626536
Find Alpha dread. Interrogate.

rolled 35 = 35

>>15626565
>Also, turn your vox to all and announce to the crew that "I, Abaddon, just did it with an eldar woman."

You mean "I, Abaddon, just did it with an eldar woman. THREE TIMES."

rolled 29 = 29

Go find our kid.

rolled 100 = 100

>>15626536

Realize we have MUCH more important things to worry about, and go ask the demon spawn/TZEENTCH HIMSELF to find the Eldar waygates on Terra.

rolled 36 = 36

Go looking for your child, and walk hand in hand with your sexy nude eldar waifu, whilst the crew shed tears of jealousy. Also, get that fucking wedding planned!

rolled 2 = 2

>>15626536

Proceed making sweet love to her, afterwards hold her in your arms and tell her that you need to seek her, your child, for the dark Gods.

Jolly her all the time while walking down the dark walkways.

Also ask Tzeentch for a totally fucked up second child, so that you may or may not get a completly normal one that you can fuck up yourself.

rolled 51 = 51

>>15626602
not re-rolling, but rolling for the wedding plans. And for these posts:
>>15626583
>>15626584
>>15626592

rolled 41 = 41

>>15626536
>>15626573

Also, we should ask our now devout farseer of chaos about the Eldar situation. what're they doing, how many of them are in their 'game preserve' and around it, get some intel

>>15626592
After making sweet love with your Eldar woman, you realize that you out to go find your demon child.

You leave the cell and begin walking through the ship halls. As you do, you see Ahriman approach you. His armour is coated and drenched with various coloured liquids.

"Hello Abaddon. How'd the talks with the Eldar captive go?" he asks, surprisingly warmly

And thus, like many good quests before it, it starts to die from because of the audience.

rolled 21 = 21

>>15626630
PELVIC THRUST AND BROFIST. HE WILL UNDERSTAND YOUR GESTURES.

rolled 76 = 76

>>15626630

Rough him up a bit.

"DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT MAI WAIFU."

rolled 74 = 74

>>15626630

Exceedingly well, now you had better have good news or you'll ruin my good mood. You remember the last time you did that?

rolled 76 = 76

"Fuck off. I need to find my kid before it rapes someone."

Then go find our kid, dammit.

rolled 23 = 23

>>15626630
"Talks? What talks? By the way, did you see my sonaughter Noddaba? I'm searching for it."

rolled 88 = 88

>>15626630
pretty bitchen. hey have you seen some multi tenticuled monstucity walk by. his dear old dad needs to have a quick talk with him

rolled 11 = 11

>>15626630
"I had thrirty four orgasms. My wife looks akin to you right now, Now, What did you do to my son?"

rolled 97 = 97

VERY well.

She is now chaos follower.


Also: have you seen my kid? hermaphrodidic mass of tentacles, about this high? blessed by slaanesh and Tzeentch?

rolled 47 = 47

>>15626630

"Good enough, the ice has melted.

Say, you did not possible happen to see a mass of multi-colored twisting tentacles punching through walls and raping the crew, did you?

>>15626650
I'm disappointed a blessed roll came up afterwards, but damn it, I'm going to be rooting for this whenever possible from now on.

>>15626661
Ahriman chuckles. "Oh, a tentacled monstucity huh? Is that the reason for why, five minutes ago, my mind FELT IT WAS BEING RAPED BY KHORNE'S DICKFIST?!"

The sorcerer grabs you and starts shaking you while screaming. "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?! I JUST VOMITED, SHIT MY SELF, PISSED MYSELF, BLEED FROM MY ORIFICES AND EJACULATED ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!"

>>15626699
>KHORNE'S DICKFIST
Ouch.

rolled 27 = 27

>>15626699

Dude, chill. we were just having sex.


mumble:and I kinda got the baby a bit early" at a pitch he can't hear

rolled 98 = 98

>>15626699
Calm your self bitch that's my sonaughter you're talking about.

rolled 20 = 20

>>15626699
"Kawaii ~uguu"

rolled 52 = 52

>>15626699

Tzeench, Khorne and Slaanesh decided they liked my kid. Then Nurgle felt left out and decided he wanted another. Erm..... oh, and I converted an Eldar to Chaos. I think that's about all?

rolled 19 = 19

>>15626699
"My son was born."

rolled 92 = 92

>>15626699
grab him and tell him "chaos. chaos has just happened"

rolled 42 = 42

>>15626729

Want bless.

>>15626699
"The fucking miracle of life, now where the hell is my kid!"

>>15626713
"Your...what?!" Ahriman shouts "Abaddon, just what the HELL did you do with that Eldar woman?"

rolled 69 = 69

>>15626699
Push him back and chuckle at the thought of bodily fluids emanating from every orifice of Ahriman.

"Well, see, it appears that my mighty cock pleased the Eldar so much that she gave birth to some kind of proto-Slaanesh-tentacle thing her.

What you have experienced was probably the psychic birth scream of our newborn and given the fact that it had such..severe effects upon you, I wonder whats happening right now in the realm of the Eldar..

rolled 54 = 54

>>15626699

I'M GETTING SHIT DONE YOU SPINELESS COWARD, NOW GO AND GET YOURSELF CLEANED UP WHILE I GO FIND MY SPAWN!

rolled 20 = 20

>>15626753
do a pelvic thrusting motion

rolled 83 = 83

>>15626753
"I nailed her so hard she got pregnant and gave birth all in the same hour. Also, Khorne was the midwife, and Tzeentch is the godfather."

>>15626753
"Sex, you didn't answer my question."

rolled 35 = 35

>>15626753

Essentially, I fucked her so hard that she gave birth to Slaanesh or some Proto-Form of him. Stop whining and man the fuck up.

>>15626773
Goddamnit I keep fucking up my rolls

>>15626753
"I FUCKED HER IN THE VAGINA."

>>15626780

rolled 66 = 66

>>15626753
"I HAVE MADE IT WITH A WOMAN, INFORM THE MEN."
Order him, get right in his face

come on Khorne Dubs!

rolled 48 = 48

>>15626753
I raped her, she gave birth. The baby grew up and tore open a hole to the warp, i raped the eldar again. woke her up, told her what happened, and she fell in love with me and we made glorious honour to slaanesh.

>>15626788

Goddammit, are we going to inform the men every time we make it with a woman?

rolled 25 = 25

>>15626782
Dammit, I go on another board and the dice stays there, but when I come back it vanishes.

rolled 64 = 64

Call him a virgin.

rolled 83 = 83

>>15626780
rolling dices, you are doing it wrong ....

rolled 48 = 48

Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position for the Purposes of Procreation.

>>15626800

Pervert.

>>15626800

This would make even Nurgle vomit in streams. It is bad and you should feel utterly ashamed.

>>15626788
You look right at Ahriman and tell him that you layed with the Eldar and that you want him to inform the others.

Ahriman just stares at you for a few seconds. "You...what....Eldar...how....why...what....fuck....GAH!"

The sorcerer turns his back and walks off to the ship's barracks. You then hear something scream nearby.

rolled 96 = 96

>>15626800
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

<====
/d/ is that way pal.

rolled 84 = 84

>>15626827

Follow the screams, I smell adventure!

rolled 88 = 88

>>15626827
junior!

rolled 54 = 54

>>15626827
Ignore it. Go play with the monkeys.
This is a Chaos warship after all, the screams of the damned are as common as birds chirping.

rolled 68 = 68

>>15626824
At least it wasn't Consensual or Married.

rolled 70 = 70

GET THE FUCK DOWN THERE AND SHUT UP WHOEVER DARES TO DISTURB YOUR EARDRUMS. Also, grab a coffee.

rolled 42 = 42

>>15626843
I don't think even Slaanesh would do such a thing.

>>15626843
Now your crossing the goddamn line!

rolled 98 = 98

>>15626827
Seriously, ignore it. You have better things to do. Like turning a T-Rex into a servitorsaurus.

>>15626827

Search for the source of the screams, pray that your spawn is just eating and not raping the crew.

rolled 57 = 57

>>15626827
Simon! That you Boyish gil thing!? Come play some Khorneball with your old man! (pretty much baseball without the balls and the batter just tries to beat slaves with a bat.

rolled 10 = 10

Grab your waifu and get married. With Kharn as best man, and a demonette as the bridesmaid. AND THEY SHALL BE GLORIOUS.

rolled 93 = 93

>>15626859
The Fall of The Eldar wasn't the result of the entire species becoming debauched. It was caused by a single instance of loving consensual married heterosexual intercourse for the purposes of procreation.

>>15626840
The sounds of horrified screaming please your ears. Convinced that it may have been caused by your child attacking some of the crew, an idea you swell up with pride idea, you rush over to where the noise came from.

You find Nobbada in the slave mess hall. He seems to be holding a terrified heretic in his hands, who he swiftly rips the head off of. Other slaves run in terror from the abomination.

rolled 23 = 23

>>15626907
Praise him/er for killing heretics in the emperor's name!

>>15626891
This makes way too much sense.

rolled 72 = 72

>>15626907
COME GIVE PAPPA A HUG YA LITTLE RASCAL!

rolled 91 = 91

Go see Junior.

Then capture Dinosaurs and turn them into mounts.

rolled 53 = 53

>>15626907
Kill with him as father and sonaughter.

rolled 97 = 97

>>15626907
Aww son you started without me!

Cue blood for the blood god skulls for the skull throne
But be less genocidal about it, we're not made of slaves and arms you know.

And take the time to have a good father son chat

rolled 24 = 24

>>15626907

Gently pat him on the head. The bo..the thing's just like his old pa and he has the...rest from his mother.

Then, try to pick it up and carry it back to the Eldar Waifu.

rolled 66 = 66

>>15626938

I heard there was a chance of pointless violence.

rolled 38 = 38

>>15626907
Bring Noddaba back to his mother.

rolled 27 = 27

>>15626907
son. i am proud. give your old man a hug we are going drinking at a tau strip club

rolled 54 = 54

>>15626955
I think the tau are at their most basic level of evolution right now.

Anyway, gather Nobbada and Eldar Waifu for family photo.

>>15626945
You further swell up with pride at the sight of the carnage, pleased by your child's bloodlust, but a bit disappointed he made his first kills without you around.

Noddaba looks at you. It kills another heretic with it's tentacle arm before wriggling towards you. Once it is close enough, you feel your mind tremble as it speaks into it.

*PAPA?*

rolled 54 = 54

>>15626907
Tell the thing it will never live up to its unborn sibling potential. Make it wish to prove us wrong.

rolled 22 = 22

>>15627011
>>15627008
I was slow, do the same but for that post

rolled 43 = 43

>>15627008
put that thing down you don't know where it's been and come give your old man a hug!

>>15627008
Yes. Now, my son, let us hunt the most dangerous prey!

The Tyrannosaurus Rex.

rolled 72 = 72

>>15627008

"Here, let me teach you.

Brofist."

>>15627008

Give the shifting mass a happy hug (try not to be eaten while doing so), then take it in your arms and carry it back to it's mother for a happy family reunion.

rolled 14 = 14

>>15627008
remain stoic and shed a single indian tear

rolled 53 = 53

>>15627048
DAMN YOU CAPTCHA

rolled 98 = 98

>>15626938
>>15627008

but the 66 was in response to this one...

FATHER. SON. TALK.

>>15627067
You decide that out to have a little chat with this abomination of nature, tell it a few things about life and give it some sage advice.

Your sonaughter leans forward, eager to hear what you have to say to it.

>>15627008
Yes son, I am your father. Let me show you how to properly squeeze a man's head off. (then demonstrates)

rolled 48 = 48

>>15627125
"Never treat a woman poorly mah boi, chivalry is the greatest thing anyone can aspire to."

rolled 30 = 30

>>15627128
>>15627125
Rolling for this.

Need to have dinner right now. Will be back in twenty minutes-ish.

rolled 77 = 77

>>15627125
"-AND THATS WHEN I SAID, YOU CAN TAKE YOU DEAMONHOOD AND SHOVE IT, I'M DOING THIS ON MY OWN! You see my child, i did that because i wanted to show the gods of chaos, that humanity had its uses. And here i am, warmaster of the black legion, leader of the 14th black crusade, and a ten thousand year veteran. Never let people tell you what you 'can' be, just know who You are."

rolled 32 = 32

>>15627175
lol

rolled 6 = 6

>>15627125

Y'know son, in life, there are three basic elements:
Dicks,Pussys and assholes.

Now, we, both of us being dicks, can fuck around both with Pussys, such as your mother but also in a not-quite-so-literal way with assholes, such as Ahriman who just came as you entered the world.

You must know, we dicks are importan, for, without us, the assholes would literally give a shit on all the pussys, which makes us some kind of protectors.

You however, are special, and not only because you are my firstborn (dramatic tear here) but also, because you're going to be the biggest dick of all times, bigger than Tzeentch, I assume.

rolled 21 = 21

>>15627175

Thank you for rolling a 77 on this. OP, when you get back, do not miss this post's existance!

rolled 11 = 11

>>15627175
How Khorny.

Wait, or is 77 Nurgle?

rolled 75 = 75

>>15627195

But of course. Para Nurgle wants you to be who you are. Just who you are, don't change...

rolled 97 = 97

>>15627195
Khorne's number is 8.

>>15627175

rolled 84 = 84

>>15627195
77 is Nurgle

rolled 70 = 70

>>15627175
>mfw i roll that with 'Life Lessons from Paaaddon' post

rolled 94 = 94

>>15627125
"Son, You are my first child. And even though some may call you a monster that should not be, you are my son and I love you. Now, while killing minions is fun, you can't do it all the time, or there won't be any more to send to their death so that you may live. You should only kill those that annoy you, attack you or you don't like the look of. Follow this advice, and one day you may grow up to be Warmaster like me! You also have a younger brother on the way, which I want you to protect even with your life!

Promise me, son. You will look after your mother and brother. If you do this for me, when i pass on, you will become Warmaster after me, and get some bitchin' armour!"

rolled 86 = 86

>>15627280
that's a point. get this lad some bitchin' armour!

Bump

rolled 69 = 69

>>15627289
bumping for this. make sure it's a darth vader reference.

I'm back.

>>15627175
As you speak your words of wisdom Noddaba sit attentively, taking in the words.

It seems to understand what you are saying.

The creature then turns around and lashes it's tentacles at the still fleeing serfs and slaves. You hear it's telepathic voice.

*I KILL! I BURN! I DESTROY ALL!* The being sends out a bolt of eldritch lightning which kills several heretics.

What now, proud father?

rolled 23 = 23

>>15627375

Hey, woah. Make sure you leave enough alive to get us off this dump, there's a whole universe out there to kill!

... Still, a few more can't hurt.
Lets go get Ahri while he has fun, we need to introduce them.

rolled 89 = 89

>>15627375
Find the jokaero. Get weaponized t-rex.

rolled 33 = 33

>>15627375
give him a high-five. tell him to keep up the good work, then head off to the monkey cage

rolled 96 = 96

>>15627375

Tell him that this is allready the job of uncle Khorne and drag him back to his mother. We need a familiy reunion.

Also comission armor from the jokaeros so he can fill it and get a more humanoid form.

rolled 95 = 95

>>15627375
Swift backhand.

"Now son, Khorne may not care from which the blood flows, but your Father Does. While it is fun to smite the crew at times, we're not made of serfs here. You destroy the enemies of choas and those that wrong you, Is that clear Noddaba?"

>>15627396

rolled 79 = 79

Talk to monkeys about dino steed. Junior will be fine on his own.

rolled 61 = 61

>>15627375

Kids will be kids.

Let's go pick up our T-Rex and then get Ahriman to fling us a bit further into the future so we can kill baby Emps.

rolled 59 = 59

>>15627375
Monkeys. Dino. Now.

>>15627409
Displeased that he continues to murder your servants, you tell Noddaba to cease and desist. You grab one of the creature's tentacles with Sindri and attempt to drag it.

Your sonaughter yelps and whips it's tentacle around, smashing you onto he floor.

rolled 58 = 58

>>15627505
BEND HIM OVER YOUR KNEE AND GIVE HIM A GOOD SPANKING!

rolled 47 = 47

>>15627505
cary him on you back

rolled 57 = 57

>>15627505

"Who do you think you are?
Isn't your tentacle the one that will grasp the Warp, Terra, and the future that is tomorrow?
What are you doing messing around here?
The big guy on the throne is yours now.
Whether it's impossible or laughable, Great men open up paths of battle!
If there's a Cadian Gate we break it down.
If there is no path to Terra we make one with these hands.
Your flesh burns with the gods' gifts.
Who the Warp do you think we are?
Listen son,
Believe in the gods.
Not you, who believes in me.
Not me, who believes in the gods.
Believe in the gods, who believe in you."

I say as I spank his punk ass.

rolled 41 = 41

>>15627505
Forget about him. Get t-rex.

rolled 24 = 24

>>15627505
You need to learn to focus somewhat sonaughter, there is a whole galaxy of not-chaos things to kill.

rolled 33 = 33

>>15627505
KNOCK THAT SON OF A BITCH OUT AND DRAG HIM TO HIS MOTHER!

>>15627505
Punch out the little shit, and say
"I am you father, kid, as well as Warmaster and you will treat me with the respect I deserve. If it weren't for me, then you wouldn't even BE. I you are to be the one who inherits my title, you will learn your place, or I'll make you learn. Now come with me, or I'll beat you until you can't see straight!"

Turn and stalk back to his mother.

rolled 15 = 15

>>15627577
Roll

rolled 56 = 56

>>15627523

I second this. Teach this brat some proper respect.

Also,use the claw of Horus if necessary.

Hell, being the HUMAN warmaster of Chaos that OPPOSED a status as a glorious daemon prince for nothing more than a chance to prove himself and his fellow humans, being the one responsible for organising 13, nay 14 crusades with little more than 4 or 5 different sorts of retards that are either assholes,smelly,bloodthirsty or trying to fuck you in the arse, being the damn inheritor of HORUS,

once could expect a little more RESPECT from his very son/daugther. Seriously.

rolled 71 = 71

>>15627505
Go "meh" and find the jokaero.

rolled 64 = 64

Explain that you can't kill ALL of the people, since we need them for stuff

rolled 32 = 32

>>15627594
Supporting this >>15627505

rolled 94 = 94

>>15627619
support roll

rolled 31 = 31

>>15627505
Punch the kid out and teach him some respect.

>>15627641
You get off the ground. Noddaba turns to you and you tell it that it can't just kill whoever it wants, especially not servants of yours since you need them to do things.

The monster starts roaring and flails it's tentacles, smashing the floor, in response.

rolled 62 = 62

>>15627699
Spank his ass with Sindri.

rolled 96 = 96

>>15627699
IF YOU THROW A FIT YOU WILL NOT BE GETTING DESSERT TONIGHT YOUNG ONE! DON'T MAKE ME GET UNCLE TYPHUS TO COME IN HERE!

rolled 12 = 12

Beat our sonaughter's sorry ass and drag him to his mommy.

Also I just realized we don't even know our future waifu's name.

rolled 1 = 1

>>15627742
We still need to marry her, don't we?

rolled 7 = 7

>>15627699
great, brat is trowing a hissy fit

rolled 16 = 16

>>15627742
She has red hair my bet is that it's Macha.

rolled 49 = 49

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/15626041/
Archived.

rolled 27 = 27

>>15627730

Support roll!
>>15627699
How dare you call out own sonaghter a monster.

rolled 84 = 84

>>15627505

Listens son, when life gives you heretics, don't make blood mash. Make life TAKE the heretics BACK.
Get mad!
You don't want these crappy heretics, what the fuck are you supposed to do with these?
Demand to RESPONSIBLE WARP GOD, MAKE HIM REGRET THE DAY HE GAVE YOU THOSE CRAPPY HERETICS.
Does he know WHO YOU are?!
YOU ARE THE......THING that's gonna burn the Eldar down...WITH COMBUSTIBLE HERETICS!

WE'LL HAVE THE JOKAERO INVENT COMBUSTIBLE HERETICS THAT BURN THE ELDAR DOWN!

rolled 11 = 11

>>15627699
Show this kid some respect. Punch him out, and pull it up by the face area.

"Who the hell do you think your talking to, kid? How the FUCK do you think I am? I'll tell you who I am, you little shit.

I'm Abaddon, Warmaster of the Black Legion, leader of 14 black crusades and your FATHER. And I'll tell you something, you gonna do what I say, or I'm going to shove you out the air lock, and let you see how you like planet fall. You will respect me, or god help me I will MAKE you respect me. Got it?"

rolled 35 = 35

>>15627771
Reroll.

>>15627730
As the creature continues it wailing, you make threats to starve the monster and bring Typhus in to deal with him.

Noddaba stares at you viciously. *I KILL HIM AND KILL YOU.* it bellows

rolled 93 = 93

>>15627810
Do this:>>15627771
This kid need to learn. And violence is the only way.

rolled 5 = 5

>>15627810
OH THAT IS IT MISTER SOMEONE IS TAKING A LITTLE TRIP OUT THE AIRLOCK!

rolled 70 = 70

>>15627810
Alright. That's it.

Nobody threatens Typhus. He may be a fat fuck but dammit he is a bro.

Smack this kid. The beat him and spank his ass.

Teach him how to fucking respect the one who created him.

rolled 79 = 79

>>15627810
YOU LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKER AND HE KNOWS HIS FUCKING PLACE.
ALSO MARRY THE BITCH AND LEARN HER NAME.

rolled 95 = 95

>>15627810
"YOU THERE! NAMELESS SAVE, GO OUTSIDE AND FETCH ME A SWITCH!"
"i-in space my l-lord?"
"DAMN RIGHT! IMA TEACH MY BOY SOME MANNERS."

rolled 98 = 98

>>15627810
tell him that kind of attitude will get his shit fuck up by the gods of chaos and if he doesn't straighten the fuck up he will be sent to the front lines of the next battle as a typical guardsmen

rolled 32 = 32

>>15627810
Tear open a hole in the warp, and hold this kid out in it. Thats gotta teach him not to mess with you.

rolled 55 = 55

>>15627848
>>15627836
rollan for these

>>15627836
supporting this

>>15627848
You inform your child that if he continues behavior such as this, he will face harsh punishment by both you and the Ruinous Powers.

Noddaba listens to your words. It snarls roughly and reluctantly ceases it's actions, obeying you.

rolled 60 = 60

Kill it. Hell, your current unborn child CAN only become better than this thing.

rolled 34 = 34

>>15627893
Drag it back to see its mother.

rolled 62 = 62

send him to the jokaero and make them combine Noddaba with that t-rex you found earlier

rolled 27 = 27

>>15627893
"Now, lets go see your mother kid. It's about time you two met formally. She is not to be killed. If you do, I'll tear open a hole in the warp, and throw you in."

rolled 69 = 69

>>15627893
take to him to his mother but not before you both share a kill of a slave to show not that you dont have a stick up your ass

rolled 74 = 74

>>15627893
good now lets go check on our waifu and the monkeys.

rolled 98 = 98

Gather some Jokaero and tell them to build an power armor which could be filled out by your spawn and gives him a humanoid form.
Threaten to unleash your spawn on them if the thing's not done when you come back.

While the monkeys are working, proceed to the familiy reunion.

rolled 25 = 25

>>15627937
This, but also make sure he can use his tentacles to kill people while in the armor.

rolled 11 = 11

>>15627893
Now grab a random slave and throw him through a wall. Show him you're the stronger one

>>15627937
As your sonaughter settles down, you realize that they will need a suit of armour for protection. You decide to head down to the simian barracks and get the Jokaero to build one.

As you stride over to the barracks, you see something come out. The thing bears strong resemblance to a pre-Heresy dreadnought, a cross between terminator armour and dreadnought armour. This one appears to have two heads on it, one shaking violently in place and the other relaxed. The metal is coated with the colours of Alpha Legion

"Greetings first captain!" the relaxed head says "How goes the crusading?"

rolled 62 = 62

>>15627770
I had to save that. Here's your 15 minutes of fame.

rolled 20 = 20

>>15627996
Who the fuck are you?!

>>15628000

I feel honored.

rolled 28 = 28

>>15627996
Oh look it's the dreadnought from earlier.

"Crusade is going well. Praise the emprah."

rolled 61 = 61

>>15627996
"Looking good, my friend. I'm just getting Junior here some snazzy armour."

rolled 96 = 96

>>15627996

What the..Alpharius, how the fuck did you even get in here? I'm not even mad.

(Check wether his suit would be "suitable" for your spawn)

rolled 3 = 3

>>15627996

"Well enough, all things considered. Now how are you feeling?"

rolled 25 = 25

Make sure you aren't Alpharius. Then greet him and say the great crusade is going just fine.

rolled 68 = 68

>>15628024
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/15612380/#15613110

rolled 43 = 43

Inform the terminought that he is to serve under you now as Alpharius and Horus are vacationing on Terra and gave you command of the fleets.

rolled 64 = 64

>>15627996
ask him what year he thinks it is

rolled 55 = 55

>>15627996
our brother had on the planet have died do to a random metior. we shall ot let their lofes go to waste so let us return to terra and report what we have. also how do you feel?

ITT: Abbaddon is a horrible father

>>15628050
"Eh? I'm not Alpharius! I am Venerable Brother Archaíos." the terminought says "And this astartes on my left is Brother Agathon."

The other head begins violently screaming. "BLOOD FOR THE CRIMSON KING!"

"Oh quiet brother, we all know the Emperor wears gold." the Archaíos head turns to you. "And who exactly are you supposed to be?"

rolled 21 = 21

>>15628087
Thanks, I forgot what kind of armor he was wearing. And to not waste whatever I roll:

"I need to introduce you to my spawn, Nobbada. Why don't the two of you go kill some carnosaurs?"

rolled 31 = 31

>>15628191
i am abaddon the des- first captin of the luna wolfs. do you not remeber we had this exact conversation planetside

rolled 20 = 20

>>15628191
Chop off the reasonable head, it is not one of us.

rolled 2 = 2

>>15628191
So how's life with two heads?

rolled 36 = 36

>>15628191
I think this guy is a bit forgetful.
"I am Abaddon, Warmaster of the Black Legion. This is my child, Nobbada, who I'm picking up some armour for. Say hello, Nobbada."

rolled 53 = 53

>>15628191
Ask him how the hell he got on the planet.

rolled 91 = 91

>>15628252
reroll for this guy

rolled 22 = 22

>>15628191
Don't you remember, I'm First Captain Abaddon. This is my son, Nobbada. Mind telling me how you got here?

>>15628252
Archaíos shakes."Oh don't be delusional Abaddon. Horus is warmaster, not you!" The head then turns to Noddaba. "Well he's certainly...unique. Why does he look like a xenos creature? Is he a mutant?"

The Agathon head begins cackling. "Haha! Abaspawn! The bloodcrusher who shall mount the galaxy!" Drool drips from it's helm.

rolled 18 = 18

>>15628342
Oh shut up dothraki.

rolled 7 = 7

>>15628342
"Did you hear that Nobbada? We're been complemented."

rolled 87 = 87

>>15628342
"Well its nice talking to you but we must get our armour and dinosaur now."

rolled 84 = 84

>>15628342
he was caught in a warp storm but fully faithful to the true god of humanity. now excuse us we have some space chimps to examine

>>15628389
You inform the terminought that you must get going. Archaíos nods. "Very well. Until next time, warmaster."

The terminought walks off as you march to the simian barracks. As you reach the entrance of the barracks you hear a shout.

"LOOK OUT FIRST CAPTAIN! There's a tentacle xeno about to eat you!" Archaíos screams

rolled 73 = 73

>>15628432
What the fuck is wrong with this guy?! Shoot him, SHOOT HIM BEFORE HE KILLS OUR SON!

rolled 30 = 30

>>15628432
>>15628453
Nah just leave him for ten seconds and he'll forget we were even there.

rolled 52 = 52

>>15628432
pull out two bolt pistols and point them to everyone and shout "EVERYBODY BACK THE FUCK UP. now this shit is hot so what need to like ice. tell me Archaíos what is ice?"

rolled 88 = 88

>>15628483
this

>>15628453
You raise your Talon up to the terminought and fire off a few rounds from it's storm bolter. Archaíos screams.

"WE'RE BEING FIRED UPON! Quick Brother Agathon, get to cover!" he shouts

The terminought runs off in the opposite direction.You turn back and enter the simian barracks. Several jokaero greet you as you enter and you see Eliphas cleaning up one of their messes.

"My lord Abaddon..." he says "What exactly did I do to earn this degree of punishment?"

rolled 69 = 69

Remember when you failed to kill Kyras?

rolled 11 = 11

>>15628533
>Khorne's blessing
>running from a good fight'
WHAT HERESY IS THIS

rolled 99 = 99

>>15628542
for being a bitch ass nigga. now monkeys of the mechanicus fix this fine lad some power armor, also i wish to inspect our reptilian companion

rolled 12 = 12

>>15628542
Because i thought you and our new engineers would get along just So Well.
And you do, soon, they'll clean up your mess as well. Ah, yes, and introductions are in order. Meet my son.

rolled 92 = 92

>>15628542
ask him about the T-rex.

also I just realised, the dreadnought wasn't a loyalist, it was just so senile that it couldn't remember it was had turned to chaos

rolled 84 = 84

>>15628583
It is fitting that our son would get some Just As Panned power armor...

rolled 77 = 77

>>15628583
TZEENTCH WILLS IT

rolled 42 = 42

>>15628583
>>15628619
what ... WHAT?

rolled 18 = 18

>>15628619
NURGLE WILLS IT

rolled 1 = 1

>>15628619
>>15628583
TZEENTCH AND NURGLE WILL IT

>>15628677
Don't they hate each other?

rolled 67 = 67

>>15628684
Let's get all of them shall we?

>>15628583
Eliphas sighs. "Fine I'll have the monkeys make that...freak power armour. In fact, I'll have them make him artificer armour. And I'll even draw runes on it and bless the fucking thing with my old crozius." he says "Maybe then you'll appreciate what I do for once."

As Eliphas orders around the jokaero, one approaches you and takes you over to a viewing window.

Below you can you see your carnosaur. The thunderous lizard has ceramite plates running along it's spine, and it's lost eye has been replaced with a lascannon.

rolled 2 = 2

>>15628695
bueno I give the monkey a banana

rolled 62 = 62

rape your elder bitch again

rolled 46 = 46

>>15628707

Yes, the monkeys have deserved it for their work.
RELEASE THE BANANAS!

rolled 8 = 8

>>15628695
Now, We Ride!

rolled 1 = 1

>>15628695
Give all the monkeys bananas

rolled 80 = 80

give the dinosaur a hand job with sindri

rolled 62 = 62

monkeys get bannas, and Eliphas is off monkey poo duty, the termminaoght would be far better at it

>>15628695
Yes.

YES.

YES!!!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

YES!!!!!!

Ride it around our ship and melt shit. Then do >>15628727 to celebrate.

Then go and kidnap more Eldar, so we can have Wraithbone armor.

rolled 21 = 21

>>15628730
RELEASE THE BANANAS!
(support)

rolled 73 = 73

>>15628695
A good start but it needs more, still reward the jokaero for their good work.

rolled 36 = 36

>>15628695
do as>>15628707 said and promote Eliphas so that he has two slaves clean after the monkeys so that he can sit back and drink beer

rolled 72 = 72

A lascannon? Is that it?
WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE GUNS YOU CHUCKLEFUCK

rolled 14 = 14

>>15628756
Fucking captcha. Ruining my moment.

rolled 89 = 89

Tell the monkeys it needs moar dakka

rolled 38 = 38

>>15628744
rollan support

>>15628777
You tell the jokaero that you want your steed to be outfitted with more weaponry.

The monkey nods and hands you a blue sheet. On it are illustrations of various weapon systems the carnosaur can be given.

(will cont this post)

rolled 58 = 58

suck off one of the monkeys as a reward

rolled 54 = 54

>>15628821
No

rolled 54 = 54

>>15628807
melta cannons

>>15628807
The first is RIP AND TEAR which includes:
>rending chainsword teeth
>x2 side-mounted assault cannons
>x2 hunter-killer missiles

The second is KILL IT WITH FIRE which has:
>throat-attached flarestorm cannon
>x2 side-mounted multi-meltas
>x2 hunter-killer missiles

The final one is DEATH FROM AFAR which has listed:
>back-mounted Earthshaker cannon
>x2 whirlwind missile launchers
>x2 hunter-killer missiles

Which do you choose?

rolled 92 = 92

>>15628807
hand the paper back. "Al of them."

rolled 64 = 64

>>15628887
this and then suck the monkey off

rolled 77 = 77

>>15628887
I agree.

rolled 36 = 36

>>15628882
I pick all three.

rolled 64 = 64

>>15628882
KILL IT WITH FIRE !

rolled 33 = 33

>>15628807
plasma cannons, psycannons, railguns, shokkattack guns, demolisher cannons, more railguns

rolled 8 = 8

>>15628900
I dont accept your support or roll. No monkey blowjob. The slaves we promote will be sultry female slaves to take care of that.

>>15628906
Well, Nurgle wills it.

This thread is about to autosage. I'm going sign off now. Will be back eventually.

rolled 66 = 66

>>15628917
so we will give female slaves blowjobs

rolled 51 = 51

>>15628882
RIP AND TEAR!!
IT IS HUGE, THAT MEANS IT HAS HUGE GUTS!!
RIP AND TEAR!!!!

>>15628946
>66
>Slaanesh

I vote we go back to being a loyal member of the Imperium.

rolled 2 = 2

>>15628946
the irony is delicious

rolled 58 = 58

>>15628956
never

rolled 66 = 66

>>15628956
SLAANESH WILLS IT

rolled 54 = 54

Archive for ya'll.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/15626041/

rolled 51 = 51

>>15628946
>>15628995
What the hell.

rolled 22 = 22

>>15628995
SLAANESH WILLS IT TWICE

>>15628946
>>15628995

Time to show our son and the jokaro how to please a woman.

rolled 67 = 67

>>15628882
Killitwithfire

If possible, also instruct them to mount a music player and large speakers on it so we can RAWK THE FUCK OUT!

rolled 87 = 87

>>15628946
>>15628995
by the way thoose two posts were mine

rolled 45 = 45

>>15629045
Then Slaneesh must favor YOU. You may need to seek medical attention in the future, keep an eye out for extra dicks, tentacles, vaginas, and other miscellaneous additions to your psyche and anatomy.